


Bites P6

by Silkywings



Category: Original Work
Language: Lingua latina
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 325,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24814264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silkywings/pseuds/Silkywings





	1. Chapter 1

### Chapter 67: Chapter 59 - Road to Sabaody Pt 1

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 59**

**Cross-Brain AN: If you haven't been keeping up with the One Piece manga, stop reading this story until you have caught up, because Oda's brilliance must take precedence over ours; we are the fans, he is the master. And Chapter 908 has demonstrated that with particular effectiveness.**

**And if you have…well, then, you must have noticed that the last several arcs and chapters have been a roller coaster of whams that completely redefined the story over and over again. While we may only dream of being anywhere close to Oda's level of brilliance, we have confidence enough to say this now that we've reached the final saga before our hiatus:**

**Buckle up, because from now until we hit the time-skip, it's going to be a wild and crazy ride.**

I honestly don't know why I expected that sign to make any difference in the amount of time I had to plan. I was a Straw Hat sailing the Grand Line for crying out loud. Did I really think that this crew would be able to let me have that kind of peace and quiet for more than a day or two? Indeed, it was halfway through the second day that things came to a head, and I couldn't deny that it was my own fault…

**~o~**

My sleep-deprived neurons suddenly flared to life, and I stiffened and cast aside the page I was working on as a realization _most_ horrific blared through my mind.

"Son of a _BITCH!"_ I roared, slamming open every pipe I had available. "GUYS!"

" _GAH!"/"Holy mother—!"/"What the hell is it, Cross?!"_ several angry voices demanded.

"I can't believe we've gone this long without thinking about it!" I lamented, admittedly pumping more drama into my voice than was strictly necessary. "We got back one of our crewmates when she had been stolen, we defeated a tyrant who threatened us and almost destroyed our home sea, and we all came out of it in one piece, right?"

" _Yeeaaaah?"_ Goldenweek drew out, the raised eyebrow plainly audible.

"And we all have a clean bill of health, right, Chopper?"

" _Aside from Bartolomeo's broken arms and that examination I need to perform on Conis's wings at some point, yeah, but—"_

"So, then, let me ask you something: Why haven't we thrown a victory party yet!?"

The following silence was deafening.

I nodded solemnly. "Thought so. Allow me to tender my ultimatum: Our ships had better be festooned with lights and pumping with cheer and music in exactly three seconds, or else we all officially _fail at life. GOGOGO!"_

My already present grin grew to banana-esque proportions as the ships below us erupted into a crazed flurry of activity. "Dontcha just love the madness of this crew?" I asked Soundbite.

" **THERE IS A SORT OF** _ **TIMELESS**_ **quality to it, yes,"** the snail agreed.

"But there's always room for improvement," I grinned, punching another pipe. "Franky, is Gif's rig ready?"

" _Eh… about 90%,"_ Franky said distractedly. " _Still working on how to balance mobility and cola storage. It's functional, but a full tank will only get you an hour."_

"Push it up to two and that'll be enough! Let her rip!" I ordered, grinning.

" _You_ crazy _son—ah,_ _make that 'bastard',"_ Franky amended with an audible chuckle. " _Fine, she'll be out in time for the fun."_

"Glad to hear it!" I nodded proudly, closing the pipe before smirking at Soundbite. "Sooo, ready to go down and watch the rest of the crew get totally wasted?"

"I'M OFFENDED YOU EVEN ASK!" the achromatic gastropod cackled. " _Oooh, do you think someone'll fall overboard? I HOPE WE SEE SOMEONE FALL OVERBOARD!"_

**-o-**

"ALRIGHT! TIME FOR THE USOPP ANTHEM NUMBER ONE-TWO-SEVEN! OOO— _WAGH!"_

_SPLASH!_

" **YAY!"** Soundbite cheered ecstatically as the party-goers scrambled to avoid the collapse of Usopp's table-tower. " _ **I did, I DID SEE SOMEONE**_ **fall overboard!"**

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND HELP ME BACK UP, YOU IDIOTS!" Usopp howled.

"WE'LL GET RIGHT ON IT AS SOON AS WE FIND SOMEONE SOBER TO HELP US!" I assured him before snickering into my cola. "Like _that's_ going to happen anytime soon…"

Yeah, the thing about victory parties? The closer the brush with death, the crazier the rager. And seeing as we'd just walked off the edge of the reaper's scythe, none but the most hardcore non-alcoholics, like myself, could be defined as even 'not sloshed'.

"WOOHOOHOOHOO!" Vivi cackled as she passed me by atop a throne of hands, a cyclone of confetti spinning above her. "YES! BOW TO THE QUEEN OF THE SKIES! HAHAHAAA!"

…and even then there were, shall we say, one or two new converts to the bottle. Who I imagined would be _sorely_ regretting their new life choice in the morning, admittedly, but for now, a fun time was a fun time.

"HEY! WILL SOMEONE HELP ALREADY!? _I THINK MOHMOO'S STARTING TO RECOGNIZE ME!"_

Huh, that could be an interesting sight… bah, he'd been treading water long enough.

I snapped my fingers at Mikey, pointedly not looking as he did who-knows-what to a punch bowl. "Oi, you. Get the longnose out before we need to find some scrub to replace him."

"I'm busy," he deadpanned in response, his flipper's 'middle finger' flashing over his shoulder. His demeanor changed _real fast_ when my fingers clamped down over his skull plate, though.

"That wasn't," I grit out, my shoulder tensing in preparation. "A freaking _REQUEST!"_ The last word was belted out as I hauled off and fastballed the amphibian martial artist.

"YOU DI-HI-HIIIIIIC—!" _SLAM!_ "GAH!"

Mikey's panicked howl cut out into a pained yelp as he bounced off the mainmast and plummeted into the drink.

"WIMP!" Boss proclaimed, mockingly toasting his fallen apprentice.

"You're one to talk," came a cool young voice. Boss turned around to see Merry with a smile of pure concentrated malice on her face, sitting on one side of a nearby table with a mug in her hand and a second cup opposite hers.

"Our crew has gone through all kinds of hell, and yet they all seem to wimp out when I challenge anyone to _my_ kind of drinking contest," the shipgirl sighed mournfully, punctuating the statement with a deep slurp of her… 'brew', to be polite.

"Yeeeaaah…" Boss drew out nervously, a heavy sweatdrop hanging from his shell. "That's because what we chug only kills livers. Yours kills, period."

"Wi~imp," Merry sang right back, shaking her mug.

I _was_ going to snicker at that, but the fire that ignited in Boss's eyes dropped a stone in the pit of my stomach. "Well, when you put it like _that—!"_ he leered, reaching for the free mug's handle.

_THUNK!_ "GWAH!"/"HOLY MOTHER—!"

Only _started,_ mind you, on account of a bonesaw spontaneously burying its blade in said mug's lip.

"In the spirit of the party and what we're celebrating, all I can deliver is a fair warning," Chopper said, strolling up and wrenching the saw free with _far_ too practiced ease. "But what I can _promise_ is the willingness, authority, and capability to sedate the _both_ of you so that you miss the rest of it _if you force me to do so."_

Boss, eyes wide, slowly backed away from the table while Merry sighed in disappointment. "All work and no play, doc," she whined.

"Your 'play' guarantees more work for me. Deal with it," Chopper retorted before trotting off. Merry and Boss stared after him, making absolutely sure he was gone before chugging their cups.

I sighed and leaned against the nearest mast, though there was a smirk playing across my face. "Ah, moments like these need to be memorialized. Pity that I left my Vision Dial upstairs."

"Don't worry about it, Cross, we've got you covered."

"Eh? What're you—WAH!" I jerked in shock away from Franky. The natural response to something like an RC chopper buzzing in my fa— _Waaait,_ this world's tech base isn't anywhere near that high, how the hell—?

My train of thought skipped a track when I noticed a second fact about the so-called chopper: while the thing did have a fully-functional rotor assembly, it was _not_ helicopter-shaped. Instead, it was bulbous… and had _eyes!?_

" **GIF!?"** Soundbite voiced for me.

"╰(✧∇✧)"

The vis-snail waved her eye-stalk eagerly, her expression gleeful. Quite logical, of course, seeing as her shell was suspended by an attached _rotor_ that allowed her to _hover_.

"You two wanted a rig that would let her switch to any angle _SUPER_ fast, right?" a grinning and flexing Franky stated. Gif flitted around him, eyeballing him appreciatively and, if the flashes coming from the corner of her rig were anything to go by, snapping a few shots.

"If Shiki got one thing right, it's that the best way to do that is defying gravity! YEAH-YAH!" The cyborg snapped into his trademark pose, prompting a flurry of orbiting shots from Gif. "AM I THE MOST SUPER SHIPWRIGHT IN THE WORLD OR WHAT!?"

" _Meeeeh,"_ Soundbite said with an ostentatious and dismissive roll of his eyes, though he never stopped tracking his cousin's rig. " **I'M GONNA HAVE TO** _ **go with**_ _OR WHAT!_ _ **WHERE'S THE CHARIOT OF THE DIVINE, HUH!?"**_

_That_ snapped Franky back to serious, and he held up a finger and proudly jutted out his chin. "Two reasons! First off… I don't particularly like you. As a crewmate, I trust you with my life, but you're also a raging jackass."

" **That's fair,"** Soundbite conceded.

"(︶ - ︶）" Gif nodded in agreement.

"No argument from me!" I added.

" _Though you assholes don't need to agree THAT fast…"_ Soundbite groused.

"And second!" Franky popped his second finger, along with a smirk. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you want to give Cross an easy way to ditch you."

For a few moments, Soundbite just blinked at Franky. And then…

" **YOUR LOGIC IS IRREFUTABLE AND I AM NOT ABOVE ADMITTING MY OWN MISTAKES."**

"Right…"

And as for me…

"Hey, wait, don't I get a say in this or—?"

"HEY, EVERYONE!" came a voice from above, neatly directing everyone's attention away from my protest.

"This isn't over…" I grumbled under my breath. "In fact, I think I'll look into getting my own way of flying!"

" **With blackjack and hookers?"** Soundbite needled.

I could either ignore that, throw it back in his face, ooor just build on it. "Aaaand dragons, don't forget the dragons," I nodded sagely.

"THANK YOU!" Lindy barked from the Cannibal.

"If you want to beat _that,_ you've got your work cut out for you," Merry laughed, pointing up at… Conis standing on the edge of the mainsail's boom!? Oh lordy…

Before anyone could say or do anything, the visibly tipsy angel leaped off the mast and snapped her wings out to full length. Conis closed her eyes and let the wind guide her, and for a time, she just soared peacefully, curving around back toward the ship when she went over the water. It was actually all quite impressive. At least, up until she narrowly missed the main mast's main mass (try saying that three times fast) and wound up flying face-first into the sail like a bird into a window.

" _Oooooh."_

I joined the general chorus of sympathetic groans as she slowly peeled off the cloth. Seriously, I'd been whipped by that monster in more than one storm, that thing was _not_ as soft as it looked. I tensed to wince again when Conis peeled off enough to start falling to the deck, but that actually turned out to _not_ be necessary.

"Woop! Watch it now!" Ever chided as she swooped in, catching Conis a few scant feet from the deck despite wincing under our gunner's weight. She then gave the other angel a catty grin. "Eesh, careful there, sis! Don't you know better than to drink and fly?"

"Firsht off, allow me to call _bullshit_ on that aque—ach—on _zat,"_ Conis slurred through a drunken giggle. "You haven't been flying any longer zan _me._ And _shecond…"_ She raised her nose with a proud sniff. " _Excuuuuuse_ me for not knowing how to use a body part I hafn't had for more than a week."

"And haven't tested yet," Chopper frowned, walking up to her and taking hold of one of her wings. "Though it looks like you got the hang of it pretty quickly…"

"Yep!" Conis chirped, head bobbing in a disturbingly bird-like manner. "It wash a loooot of fun! I shink I'm really gonna like flying! Weeee!"

The human-Zoan rolled his eyes with a disgruntled huff. "Yeah well, from what I just saw? That's not happening anytime soon." In support of that point, he tugged on her wing. "See, the difference between your wings and Ever's? Ever's are on her arms, with muscles she's been developing her entire life, meaning that they're strong enough to lift and support her weight. _Your wings,_ however, are attached to freshly grown, undeveloped muscles. Nowhere near strong enough to let you fly. Sorry."

Conis blinked blearily as her alcohol-addled mind processed the information. Then she turned a tearful gaze on our doctor. "R- _Really?"_

Panic flashed over Chopper's face at that expression. "Ah, well! I-In a couple of years, with training and exercise, they'll probably be strong enough. But, uh, for now, like you already saw, you can glide, at least."

" _Exschelshior!"_ she cheered, throwing her arms up.

I exchanged looks with Soundbite, but before anything else could be said, Ever hauled Conis to her feet. "Alright, softie, I'd say you've had about enough. Hey, you two!" The Merveillean snapped her fingers at a pair of her Barto Club men and handed the Skypiean off to them. "Take her to her room, tuck her in. Got it?"

"Eh?" one of the two grunted in a decidedly disgruntled tone. "And why should we do that, ya rook?"

Ever's perfectly cordial smile twitched ever so slightly, but shouted voices drowned out whatever she had been going to say.

"AND I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S GIF! _GUH!"_

"THAT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE, YA SCRUM! TOTALLY GOES AGAINST ALL GRAMMATICAL WHOSITS! IT'S! PRONOUNCED _JIF! JUH!"_

"BARNACLE-BRAINED BUFFOON!"

"SEAWEED-SUCKING SHITEBIRD!"

More specifically, a rapidly-devolving argument between a nearby pair of mooks, snarling in one another's faces over—

"Are… they arguing about how to pronounce Gif's _name?"_ Franky asked incredulously.

"∑(O_O；)" the heli-snail in question boggled, just as incredulously.

"WE AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT A CAN OF PEANUT BUTTER HERE!" the first mook shouted.

My eyes narrowed as I connected the dots, looking to the increasingly bemused people surrounding me and the snail on my shoulder, who was visibly fighting the urge to burst out laughing. "You little shit."

And _that_ was the limit. "HOOHOOHOO _HEEHEEHEE!"_ Soundbite roared, not even trying to deny his culpability. " **THROUGH ME, THE ARGUMENT** _ **IS IMMO-O-ORTAL! HAHAHAAA!"**_

"Ooooh, not as immortal as all that," Ever countered.

_SLAM!_

Right as she slammed the mooks' skulls together, sending them on an express vacation to dreamland. "See? It just died." She then turned to the first pair, having yet to lose her sunny disposition. "Sorry, got distracted. What were you saying, boys?"

"Right away, Miss Ever!" they yelped, grabbing Conis and making tracks for the female Straw Hats' room.

Ever nodded in satisfaction, and after a glance towards Sanji to find him staring a hole through the two—and more importantly, that they noticed the attention—she relaxed and turned back to… scanning the party?

"Keeping an eye on things?" I inquired.

"Mm, what can I say, old habits die hard," she mused, her eyes continuing their search. "Shiki was an ass and I sure as hell didn't like being eye-candy in his bar, but damn if it wasn't the best place to learn how to handle a rowdy crowd. I'm just making sure that nothing… oh _damn it,"_ she cursed out of the blue, stalking away.

I followed the direction she'd been looking and promptly winced in understanding. After all, I doubted there were many things more concerning than the sight of a buzzed dragon making his way toward the casks from which the lifeblood of the party—read: the booze—was flowing. "Ooooh boy," I groaned.

" _She 'gon get EAAATEEEN,"_ Soundbite sang before glancing up at Gif. "GET A GOOD SHOT **of the gore, wouldya?"**

"( ﹏⁰)" she whimpered, visibly nowhere near as eager as her cousin.

"He's joking, Gif," Franky snorted. "Just watch." That said, I didn't miss the slight click that came from his wrist.

Reluctantly, she watched, as did the rest of us, as Ever swooped to interpose herself between the dragon and the cask, both her stance and demeanor making her intentions very clear. Lindy regarded her with a chuff as he drew nearer. "Move it, chicken wings. I've already had my fill of fresh meat, let daddy drink his medicine in peace."

"Yeeeaaah," Ever drawled, giving the dragon's wobbly stance a dry once-over. "Thing is? I'm pretty sure you've had enough 'medicine' for a week straight, and the last thing any of us needs is to find out what happens when you go nuts pouring more fuel on your sparking fire. I'm cutting you off. Now go back to your quarters and sleep it off. _Now_."

Lindwyrm blinked, once, twice, before busting out into a deck-shaking chortle. "Oh, _oh_ this is rich! The cute little birdy's standing up to the big bad dragon? Such a classic storyline, almost cliché even!" Then, just as swiftly, the dragon's good cheer died and he gave the Merveillean a flat glare. "Get out of my way before I make you an appetizer."

"Hmm…" Ever made a show of tilting her head in thought, finger on her chin. "Let me think about that. _No_." And before the dragon could appropriately react, Ever flapped her wings to vertically spin in place and crack an ax-kick down on Lindy's snout.

For a second, both of them stood there, frozen, and then they both recoiled, howling in pain.

"You rotted oversized lizard!" Ever bit off, hopping on one foot and clutching the other.

Lindy's howl was more of a wordless snarl, talons clawing at the bruised scales of his snout. Still, he recovered first, spinning in a horizontal manner so that he could try and swat Ever with his tail. Thankfully for her, the rookie pirate had already recovered enough to flap—and thus flip—over the limb.

The victory was short-lived though, a massive reptilian claw batting her to the deck. Before she could recover, the beast rolled her aside with a thrust of his claws, turning eagerly back toward the casks—and then recoiling at the newcomer standing in his way.

"Well, haven't _you_ made quite the scene," Apis bit out, her fingers drumming on her crossed forearms.

"Uhhh," Lindy dragged out, sobering up _very_ fast. "IIII can explain?"

"Roost," the whisper-girl all but snarled. "Before I scale your sorry hide. _NOW."_

"… _doing-this-because-I-want-to-not-because-you-told-me-to!"_ And with _that_ brave blurt, Lindy leaped back onto the Cannibal and all but clawed his way through the largest hatch.

"Aaagh…" Ever ground out, trying to knead the throb from her forehead as she got back to her feet. "Remind me again, exactly _what_ it is that makes him listen to you so easily? I thought your power was _talking_ to animals, _not_ controlling them."

"My power is reading their minds and letting them read mine when I allow it," Apis corrected, pinching the bridge of her nose. "From there… just use your imagination."

"Egh, whatever," Ever nodded, casting a glance at the barrels. "At least I managed to save the booze."

"You've managed a hell of a lot more than _that."_

Ever blinked in shock as she suddenly found an arm slung around her shoulder. "Wha—huh?" she very intelligently said, she and Apis both turn to their smirking captain.

"Care to explain what you were doing butting heads with half the crew?" the infamous Black Bart snidely inquired.

Ever swallowed and self-consciously shrank into herself. "Ah… just making sure the party stays on the up and up, captain? Not letting jerks ruin everyone else's fun and… all that?"

"Hmm… and you think that you have a better grip on 'fun' than the rest of us? A little brawl here and there is pretty common for us—" Bartolomeo continued.

"And for other crews like yours, but I know the difference," Ever insisted.

Bartolomeo kept staring at her with that trolling smirk for what seemed an eternity. Then his smile widened and became more genuine.

"That settles it, then! From now on, you're our MC!"

"I… uh… what?" was Ever's very intelligent response.

"You know how to keep the party at the right level and you're a decent match for almost everyone on this crew," Barty elaborated. "Coolheaded and wild parties don't often mix, but you've got it down. So you'll be our Mistress of Ceremonies, in charge of knocking heads when there are heads to be knocked. Got a problem with that?"

I could see the gears churning in Ever's head, and it wasn't long before she gave a small, sly smile and a nod. "Nothing I'm not used to already, Captain."

"Then let's hear it for our new MC!" Barty cheered, shaking Apis and Ever's shoulders as the crew responded in kind. When the cheering died down, the captain turned back to the newly promoted officer, his grin suddenly far more rictus-like in nature. "Now, how about getting me the strongest stuff that we've got?"

Ever's expression flattened. "I saw you chugging your vodka earlier and I can smell your breath, I'm not going to make you an exception just because you're—"

"I just used my real arms instead of my barriers to grab you and Apis," Bartolomeo ground out, his held expression not twitching an inch.

"…one bottle, and then you're seeing the Straw Hats' doctor again."

" _ **I will not be GENTLE!"**_ Chopper called out, emphasizing the declaration by snapping a length of gauze taut.

Ever rolled her eyes fondly as her captain cowered, reveling in her newfound power. And then her newfound _responsibility_ suddenly reared its head—

"HEY, THOSE ARE MY CHIPS!" _SMASH!_

"HANDS OFF MY HAT, ASSWIPE!" _CRUNCH!_

"HOW DARE YOU RIP OFF MY HAIRCUT!?" _KEE-RASH!_

—in the form of _three_ fights started almost on top of one another.

The Merveillean's eye twitched viciously at the sight. "Right, no way in hell am I dealing with this alone. HEY, PERVERTED SKELETON!" she belted out.

"You called?" Brook answered without hesitation, looking up from his piano.

"You know any slow, relaxing songs that can cool these idiots' raging adrenaline?" Ever asked.

Brook tilted his skull in thought and promptly nodded with a gri—er, with his mandible tilting into a grin _besides_ the natural one his skull always had. "I have _just_ the piece!"

Predictably, his ivory fingers tickled the ivory keys to ring out the familiar opening chords of Binks' Brew. Equally predictably, the thugs stopped fighting before Ever could even consider berating Brook for his taste in music.

"Hey, guys! Let's put Shiki's gift to better use!"

All attention turned to Luffy, who was holding up the yellow Tone Dial that still contained Nami's farewell. Or at least, it _once_ did, before Luffy erased it with a double-click of the Dial's button and tossed it over to the musician. "Take it away, Brook!"

"YOHOHO!" Brook cackled victoriously, reaching up to catch the Dial. "A NEW SONG, BORN OF A NEW GENERATION! ALL TOGETHER NOW!"

And it was slow and clunky in coming about, and most _definitely_ beyond off-key for the first few verses of its performance… but in the end?

" _~YO-HOHOHO, YO-HO-HO-HOOOO!~"_

It was a song that shook the very waters around us.

**~o~**

…Yeah, it was a fantastic party, stretching on into the night. But as obligatory as the celebration was, it delayed my planning for a while yet after it ended.

See, at some point in the party, the crew had asked me if I really needed all hours of the day to plan with our destination still a few weeks away. When I grudgingly responded in the negative, I no longer had sufficient reason to excuse myself from meals, training, or fighting off the Grand Line's storms. Nor, more blatantly, did I have any reason to put off the debut of the new SBS and let the world share in a whole new level of insanity.

After all, the Straw Hat Pirates and the Barto Club were still sailing amicably with each other.

…Well, as amicably as the most insane crew of their generation and their most fanatic fan and his crew could sail. The antics between the two crews were nutty enough on their own, but with the two of them sailing near enough that anyone with sufficiently superhuman strength—read, almost all of them—could leap from deck to deck on a whim, it had taken things to a new level. The new developments from Merveille still sinking in were the cherry on top.

I think the worst of the antics may have been when we discovered what happens when you multiply a moron by an even bigger moron…

**-o-**

" **WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING STEALING MY FOOD, YOU DAMN BRAT?!"**

" _AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

"FUCKING HELL! DUCK!"

_**KRA-BOOM!** _

Despite it being the middle of the night, I couldn't just turn over and pretend that that much noise was just a dream. In short order, I was shuffling down to the kitchen. I wondered for a moment why I was able to walk inside so easily, without even opening the door myself. Then I realized that a wall had been blown out.

I gave no regard to this as I filled a mug of cola for myself and walked out. I didn't get very far before the sight of Luffy and Barty being chased by Merry, Franky, and Usopp stopped me in my tracks.

"What."

"Luffy found the camera obscura of Garp in the fake fridge. Bartolomeo, meanwhile, blew out the wall."

I glanced at my dark-haired sister beside me, who had an empty mug in her hand. I looked back at the chase, down to her mug, and then to my mug. Then I set my mug down on the nearest counter.

"I am too tired to properly enjoy this, cola boost or no cola boost. I'm going back to bed."

"I don't blame you in the least, Cross."

**-o-**

But of course, even _that_ paled in comparison to what we shared with the rest of the world. With the new visual component to the SBS courtesy of our one-snail camera crew, we were getting more calls and coverage than ever before.

Vivi and Robin's ongoing feud—the origin of which Soundbite _naturally_ blasted to the world—was no small source of comic relief, even more than the typical antics. But more blatantly, we had the capability now for visual programs like cooking shows with Sanji and Valentine, medical discussions with Chopper, and workouts with Zoro, which were nice, sane ways of sharing good information with the rest of the world that would help improve our PR even more.

…If you thought that I wasn't being sarcastic when I said 'sane' there, shame on you. Between a female co-host that always wanted to do desserts and Sanji keeping his face masked by esoteric cooking gear—giving the excuse that he wasn't going to take the risk of Gif having found a way to superimpose his wanted poster's face (not an unfair accusation, the vis-snail was definitely looking into it)—the cooking shows had a healthy bit of insanity in them. Chopper's medical discussions _would_ have been sane if he didn't have the tendency to slip into Spark mode every now and then, which was a funny sort of scary, and always necessitated someone on hand to 'bring him to his senses', as it were, before he did anything 'untowards' on camera.

Out of everything we were showing, however? The most 'popular' program we were putting on was the absolute _last_ one I wanted to be showing.

**-o-**

I let out a tired groan as I craned my neck back, staring up at the crow's nest I unfortunately _knew_ Gif to be in. "Remind me again why the high holy hee-haw I'm introducing what I'm pretty sure qualifies as _frickin' softcore video pornography_ to the world? Let alone focusing it on the bloodthirsty beast who's got all the sex drive of his frickin' _swords?!"_

I did not know, nor did I have any desire to know, exactly what Gif was broadcasting to the world. But I could imagine. And believe you me, that was bad enough.

"Two reasons," Vivi primly informed me as she settled in on the couch that had been set up in front of the Barto Club's own broadcast-snail, taking in the display on the screen I was _refusing_ to look at.

I slapped a hand to my face. "Why do I feel like both of them will make me regret asking?" I groaned between my fingers.

"First," Vivi explained, her gaze never leaving the screen. "Zoro's one of the stronger members of the crew, so broadcasting his exercise routine will be sure to benefit others seeking such strength, and intimidate our enemies by showing just how out of their league he is."

I parted my fingers ever so slightly to actually _look_ at Vivi. "Acceptable… meaning that number two's the problem. What is it?"

"Oh, that's easy!" Conis grinned brightly from her own place on the couch. "The second is that Zoro is… ah, what's the word…" She tilted her head thoughtfully before snapping her fingers. "Ah yes, he's 'ripped' and women the world over will tune in religiously to catch even a glimpse of his sweat-soaked abdominals." She glanced at the feed. "As will other swordsmen around the world who will decide to step up their training to stand any chance against him."

I shut my fingers and clawed my hands down my face. "Yeeeaaah, _there's_ both the regret that I was expecting _and_ the reason why that moron accepted this in the first place…" I glanced skyward miserably. "Remind me, how could this get any worse?"

"DOT DOT DOT DOT!" Soundbite suddenly blared, shooting the bastard child of a grimace and a smirk at me. " _Ask and ye shall_ _ **receive."**_

I _knew_ I was going to regret this, but…

I gingerly picked up the transceiver mic as though it were diseased. "Yes?" I queried.

" _Uh, so, ah, do you think you could tell your first mate about how olive oil, like, helps develop—!"_

CL- _SLAM!_ I don't know what rattled my transceiver first, the mic slamming back into its cradle or the finger I almost broke against the blacklist button.

"Oh, yeah, now I remember!" I grit out through my twitching smile. "It can get _worse_ by how I've had to _blacklist half of my female viewership at this point!_ _That's_ how it can get worse!"

"I still say you're overreacting," Robin mused, idly glancing up from the book she was reading from a lawn chair that was a little _too_ close to the 'show' for comfort. "It's not as though they were the two who accidentally dialed their snail while they were, shall we say—"

" _I KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING!"_ I snarled. "And for the record. First, I maintain that it's Soundbite's fault for inspiring their snail to act on its own and connect them—!"

" **CAVEAT EMPTOR, BITCH!"**

"That means 'buyer's remorse'."

" _WHATEVER!"_

"And _second,"_ I ground out. "I maintain that I _don't_ want to inspire _that_ kind of passion in my viewers, and the, to reiterate—" I shook my finger as I pointed at the crow's nest. " _Softcore video pornography_ that I am _inventing_ against my will is not helping!"

"Whatever, dweeb," Nami scoffed as she passed by me and plopped herself down on the couch. She then cocked an eyebrow in a thoughtful way I did _not_ like. "And, uh, just a thought… you think he'd actually go for that olive oil thing or…?"

"That's it. I never thought I'd find a line, but apparently watching porn on the deck in broad daylight is it. People of the world, I wash my hands of this affair; do _not_ blame me for it. I'm out," I declared without remorse, turning around and marching off in defeat. The only thing I took comfort in was the fact that I wasn't alone in my suffering, as a certain smoke Logia was most definitely going to have his hands full keeping a certain someone else from calling in about this.

**-o-**

The new captain of the Big Top watched with a carefully neutral expression as Luffy's first mate strained against his weights. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the chief of staff making his way toward the snail, a scowl on his face. Making a decision, she slid out of her chair and over to him, her frictionless skin allowing her to close the distance faster than anyone on board.

Without missing a beat, she wrapped her arms around him, threw him against the nearest wall and slid back into her previous position. All in one fluid, seconds-long motion.

"I want to watch," she said plainly to the incredulous glares shot her way.

Cabaji groaned. Though whether due to exasperation or his budding concussion, none could say.

**-o-**

' _Well, now, it's no wonder that he beat Mr. 1',_ Bentham mused, watching the sweating swordsman with respect. While the specific goals and exercises were different, he knew well the torturous tedium that one had to endure in order to forge the body into a true fighting machine. He was no slouch in physical strength, but his focus had been on dexterity, flexibility, and speed. It hurt just _watching_ Zoro lift those weights.

"Goodness," Inazuma breathed, half-consciously running her (for the moment) hands along her arms. "The last time I saw someone lifting that much, they were under an overdose of adrenaline hormones."

"Yes, and neither that nor our efforts to remove the resulting stains from the palace drapes ended well, as I'm sure you recall," Ivankov simpered as he (at the moment) tapped his fingers on the arm of his makeshift throne. "It's quite rare to see anyone willing and able to go to such lengths in the present day. Or rather, it's rare to see their process."

Bentham glanced back at the okama queen, the latter's expression thoughtful. "Hmm… Inazuma, do you think you could fashion us some decent weights out of the stone?"

"Easily, my queen, I'll get to it as soon as the SBS is over," Inazuma nodded, her attention never straying from the broadcast. The reason _why_ became particularly evident when she licked her lips. "My my, just look at them. So well-polished…"

The former Mr. 2 sprouted his own salacious grin. "Indeed, aren't they just—!"

"I wonder what kind of whetstone he uses?"

Aaand just like that the mimic's million expressions all fell flat at once. "…you're talking about his swords. Because of course you are."

"Hmph!" the Scissor… _person_ raised their nose in a prim sniff, taking a sip from their ever-present wine glass. "Philistine! I hardly imagine that I'm the only one doing it."

**-o-**

Cross had certain expectations about how Lieutenant Junior Grade Tashigi would react to the broadcast. Several scenarios played out in his mind, and while the one that was actually happening was one he had considered, it was not one that he honestly expected to happen in this lifetime. Rather, the expectations he put most weight in involved screams of unholy rage, fire, and brimstone.

Allies though they may have been in purpose, Tashigi had never gotten over the way Zoro beat her in Loguetown and learning the reason behind it had only stirred her to push her skills ever-harder. And no matter how much she wanted to deny it, she knew that his methods yielded the results she wanted, so now the blue-haired Marine was rather mindlessly mirroring the Pirate Hunter's workout to the best of her ability with the resources available on Smoker's ship.

And this included being naked from the waist up.

…Well, not _completely._ There was just a bit of a difference between men and women in this regard. However, she _was_ down to her tight, midriff-baring sports bra, which was about 80% more skin than she'd ever shown on board. Skin that was, also in imitation of her Straw Hat counterpart, now glistening with sweat.

Needless to say, the otherwise-male crew of the Marine ship was _very_ appreciative of this fact, and many had resolved to buy Roronoa Zoro and Jeremiah Cross all the drinks they could ever want, first chance they got.

Those poor, foolish Marines. And not just regarding the negative relationship between the Pirate Hunter's iron liver and their drinking funds.

" _Ahem."_

The sailors all stiffened as a deep, growly voice announced its presence.

Those poor, foolish Marines had, in their folly, just so happened to forget that their captain preferred his XO above all of the jarheads he had under his command. Combined.

"We can explain?" a hopeful petty officer tried.

Smoker murdered said hope with an excess of sadistic authority and without a hint of remorse. "You can _run_. Which, frankly, is more than you deserve. _Now move."_

For all that the Marines were marginally suicidally stupid, they weren't _completely_ suicidal, nor stupid.

Within a minute only one being on the ship aside from Smoker was still watching Tashigi, and Smoker paid no heed to it in favor of musing on the best punishments to offer his men; this watcher, he knew, had no perverse interests.

The creature in question, situated beside her, had taken one look at the sight on the monitors and any doubts about the prudence of joining Smoker died. His purpose further settled in his mind, he had secured a few weights to his hammer and was mirroring the two swordsmen.

Smoker nodded in satisfaction and turned to make good on his promise when a detail of the scene suddenly leaped to mind. He gave it another look and nearly bit clean through his cigar.

"Is she using my jutte as a _bar?!"_ the commodore snarled to himself, trying his damnedest to deny what his eyes were telling him.

But he couldn't… and indeed she was….

For a few seconds more, he just stared, the sight so dumbfounding that he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Tashigi finally noticed his presence during those seconds, sparing him a glance before returning to her workout.

Then she got _another_ look at him and recoiled in mortal terror. "A-Ah! C-C-Com-Commodore, I can e-e-explain!"

Smoker pinched the bridge of his nose, finally coming to a decision. "It can wait until the end of your set. But not a _rep_ more, understood?"

Tashigi swallowed, fighting the urge to smile in relief. "Y-Yes, sir!"

The wolf-rabbit at the officer's side gave her a flat look and flashed an unflattering sign with his paw.

"You're right, Popora!" Tashigi nodded confidently. "We're lucky for now, but we should still finish! Let's get right back to it!"

Popora blinked, then glared at the spectacles Tashigi had abandoned nearby, one paw dragging down his muzzle in exasperation.

**-o-**

But even through all of the positive and negative insanity, I took every opportunity I could to plan. Before long, I had everything that I needed for what was to occur on Sabaody, as far as I could recall the details. Which… wasn't as good as I might have liked, but it was enough.

…Meaning that I couldn't put off telling my confidants anymore.

And so it was that two weeks after the fall of Merveille, I lay awake until the moment that Soundbite confirmed that everyone else was asleep. I descended from the crow's nest with all the silence Soundbite could give me and made my way through the depths of the ship. As I reached my destination, I turned to my partner.

"Cottonmouth, Copperhead, Sidewinder, Callie…" I paused, biting my lip before nodding firmly. "Black Mamba." Soundbite boggled at me but nodded. "Come to the aquarium lounge. Do not let anyone else see you leaving."

I settled down on a seemingly random cushion, though I didn't _really_ need to wait that long. Merry emerged from one of her secret passageways about a minute later, and the other four entered shortly afterward, though Robin's presence was surprising to all of them. Herself included.

"May I ask why you're suddenly including me, Cross?" she queried. And while it _appeared_ that she was her usual debonair self, I could see that hint of nerves in her posture.

And unfortunately, my dead serious expression prompted her to let that 'hint' be broadcast to everyone else. "Because you've got the brains and discretion for it, and because you've been eavesdropping on us anyway since day one."

"…I don't know what you mean," she responded. Everyone turned to face her, and I found myself unnerved by just how sincere she appeared. But that wasn't possible, she had to have been listening in, who else could have—

My eyes narrowed and my hand clamped onto my face. "Oh, that complete and everloving jackass. Are you seriously telling me that you _weren't_ eavesdropping on any of our calls?"

And then her sincere confusion vanished, a smile appearing in its place. "No, I was just lying. Of course I was listening in," she said pleasantly.

_WHAM!_

Robin chuckled as we picked ourselves up from the group face fault, and she gave me a warm smile. "I just thought you might appreciate someone lightening the mood."

I blinked in befuddlement. Then, finally, I managed to crack a smile, albeit a shaky one. "Yeah… and I appreciate it, Robin. I needed that." My smile then faded as it had appeared. "But unfortunately, it can't be too light for something like this. Merry, open the…" I grimaced slightly before forcing myself to say the dreaded words that I _would_ see dead some day, so help me Roger! "'Secret planning room of secret secrecy.'"

The ship-girl snickered at my admission of defeat, and smacked a specific part of the wall, then walked to the shelves in the center and struck each of them once. She finished by stomping on the floor in front of the sofa directly beside me.

The effect was immediate: the section of sofa sank into the floor. At the same time, the aquarium wall behind it slowly split apart, the water relocating to the vacant space at the top of the tank. And in the opening left behind was a staircase, hidden beneath the opaque glass that made up the tank's floor.

Robin cocked a brow at the display. "Well, that's certainly cloak and dagger. And seeing as my last employer had an underwater lair hidden below his casino, I should know. How did you arrange this little hideaway?"

"Slipped Merry the request back on Water 7, she arranged the empty space and mechanisms when Franky wasn't watching," I explained, shrugging. "Franky's probably already figured out something's down here, but he hasn't brought it up yet, so meh. Anyway…" I indicated the stairs, prompting everyone to start walking down them.

At the bottom, we found ourselves in a wide room with mirrors on all sides, as well as four tables; they and their chairs had a futuristic metallic sheen and, at the same time, a plush look to the cushions. Two of the tables had twelve chairs, each one marked with a sign of the Eastern or Western Zodiac. The third table was plain with several unmarked chairs around it.

My confidants and I headed for the last one, placed at the head of the room. Each had a plaque imbued with a jolly roger specific to the crew member as well as a picture of a serpent. The five of them took the seats appropriate to them, and I sat in the chair at the head of the table.

The way back up had already sealed itself behind us, and now skylights opened around the room, allowing moonlight shining into the aquarium and silver-shrouded Lamp Dials to provide light. The entire room was heavily reinforced and soundproofed to hell and back; not even Soundbite could hear anything from the outside in, and vice-versa.

Nami glanced around at the Zodiac-emblazoned tables. "Expecting company? Fair warning, I doubt Ox will be able to fit in their seats."

"Plans have been in the works for a while, and now that Gif is aboard, we can implement them," Merry piped up, her legs swinging off the edge of her seat. "She, Soundbite, and I have been looking over the Transceiver in our spare time. We're hoping we can get two-way video and fill the seats with images of our partners in rebellion. It'll probably still take awhile, but worth it, neh?"

"…Alright, even _I_ have to admit that that's impressive," Robin said, running a hand over the glass.

Zoro nodded, then grunted, casting a disgruntled look around the room. "Same here, but only if this place has a—"

Merry offhandedly knocked her knuckles on the table, and a compartment popped open in front of the swordsman. A _bottle-filled_ compartment.

The green-haired monster grinned eagerly as he fished out a sake jug and took a hit. "Like I said, same here."

A sigh wafted up from Nami, who also shook her head. "Honestly, do you _really_ think this is the best—?"

"Actually."

Everyone looked over at me, and I can't imagine that I was the most reassuring of figures, what with my fingers being folded before my mouth and everything.

"You're _all_ going to want some to process what I'm about to tell you," I solemnly informed them. "There's only one reason that I haven't argued harder against Merry's name for this place, and that's that any conversation that justifies us using this room is going to be too serious to even consider laughing about it."

My co-conspirators all stiffened at that little tidbit, and everyone else joined Zoro in acquiring their own bottles of liquid courage. Well, Nami and Robin did, anyway. An autonomous hand slapped down Merry's attempt at the liquor, but though she groused and scowled, she contented herself with a mug of pitch she pulled from her hold.

Once everyone was settled with their poison of choice, I heaved a tired sigh.

"As you all know, we are coming to the end of the first half of the Grand Line. And I will be perfectly frank with all of you." I glanced between them, staring each person dead in the eye, one after another. "The difficulty spike from Paradise to the New World is as steep as the 20,000-meter journey to and from Fishman Island." I closed my eyes mournfully. "You want the cold, hard truth, here it is: _we are_ _not ready."_

I preemptively raised my hand to silence the protests that I _knew_ were coming, but thankfully, for once, that wasn't necessary.

Not because they didn't try to say something, mind you, but because before they could open their mouths, said mouths were clamped shut by the hands that sprouted from their shoulders.

"If any of you bite me, I will tie your tongues in _knots,"_ Robin warned them all before giving me a solemn nod. "Continue."

I nodded in gratitude before looking around at all of them again, my expression sorrowful. "I don't like this any more than you do, but you know that I know what I'm talking about."

My eyes drifted to our navigator. "Nami, do you know how to navigate in the New World?" I asked.

Nami glanced at Robin, and once her mouth was free, her brow furrowed in thought. "I… my gut instinct is to just go at it like we usually do, but since you're asking, I assume you have something different in mind?"

I leaned forward, my gaze unblinking. "Were you aware," I droned tonelessly. "That in the New World, the magnetic poles of islands can spontaneously shift, thus necessitating that all ships carry special, tri-needle log poses?"

The blood draining from her face was answer enough. "B-But, but that would mean…" she choked, staring wide-eyed at the table.

I left her to stew in her thoughts as I looked to our resident Logia.

"Vivi, you may have gotten a reality check from Robin. But people in the New World who can hurt a Logia without sea prism stone are everywhere. I wasn't _kidding_ when I said that Eneru would have been chickenshit down here; even an Emperor's _flunkie_ could swat him like a fly. How many seconds do you think _you_ could last?"

Vivi flinched, biting her thumb, and I moved on.

"Merry, if your life depended on it, would you be able to fight off one of the leviathans that tried to crush us at Enies?"

A restrained snarl and the table suddenly creaking were answer enough to _that._

"And you, Zoro…" I made my eyes as pitying as possible, explicitly because I _knew_ it would piss him off. "Do you honestly think that as you are now, you stand even the slightest chance of _walking away_ from another clash with Mihawk?"

That last one was the most unpleasant since I _swear_ he was trying to cut me with his glare alone. But as unpleasant as it was, it was enough, and everyone sat back to reflect in either anger or worry.

"To repeat, we are _not_ ready for the New World," I stated. "We all have different talents that we need to refine and awaken before we stand a chance of lasting five minutes in that place. And doing so will not be fast or easy, nor will it be possible for us to accomplish this like we've conquered all other challenges before: together, as a crew."

At those words, the air of the room froze over despite the intensity of the gazes directed my way. And it said a _lot_ that Robin was staring in just as much cold shock as the rest of them. Silence reigned for a good minute, and ultimately, I broke it myself.

"I'm overdue in saying this, but here are the cold facts: Bartholomew Kuma is an executive of the Revolutionary Army. I don't know exactly what Dragon's plan is with him, that was yet to be revealed, but I do know that his Pacifista upgrades are nearly complete." I closed my eyes in tired regret. "And before they are completed, he'll ask Vegapunk to grant him one last act of free will. The act he will perform before the final surgery strips away his humanity will be to meet our crew on Sabaody Archipelago…" I spread my hands helplessly. "And use his powers to scatter us all over the world."

I paused for a second, letting everyone chew on _that_ before continuing. "Each of us will end up in the single best place for us to refine our respective skill sets, but the process will not be fast. The Straw Hat Pirates _will_ need to disband for two years' time before we begin the final half of our journey."

There was a minute or so of shocked silence, and then…

"What the _hell,_ Cross!?" Nami demanded, shooting to her feet and slamming her palms on the table. "Why are you only just telling us this _now!?_ And if you give us that 'spoilers' bullshit, I swear to high heaven—!"

"For this exact reason," I coldly shot back, stopping her tirade in its tracks. "Because I knew that bringing up something like this would incense you, or _anyone else_ on this crew who heard it, and you wouldn't even _consider_ thinking straight about these things. You've just forgotten everything that I _just_ told you: We. _Need._ This training. Without it, we will _die."_

"C-Cross… come on, you screwed fate when you saved me, can't you do it again now—?" Merry asked pleadingly.

"In the story," I said. "The first threat the Straw Hats had to face after their hiatus was another Shiki-grade maniac, complete with armies, monsters, and _xenocidal_ ambitions. And for all that…" Red eyes swam through my head, and my expression darkened. "That _monster_ is as dumb as a rock compared to Shiki, he _trumps_ him by packing an army bigger than any we've faced before. And despite the fact that the ten Straw Hats in the story completely and utterly curb-stomped that army, they _still_ came within seconds of being creamed by something that would have wiped out the _island."_ I stood up and leaned forward, matching Nami's glare with one of my own. "Do you _really_ want to mess around with something like that, Nami? Want to risk the fate of an entire _species_ on _pride? Arrogance,_ even?!"

Nami's expression twitched, ever so slightly, and I pounced on the weakness.

"Let me make this _real_ simple for you all: When we arrive in the Ryugu Kingdom, a metric ton of whoopass is going to be unleashed. Make no mistake, that island is destined to host a major curb-stomp." I dropped into my seat with a heavy sigh. "The only question is whether we'll be the ones delivering it… or receiving it. Because trust me, that's what our preparations will decide. And for the record? While matters might, _might_ be ambiguous on Fishman Island, that's _just_ the front porch of the New World. _One_ island in and we'd run face first into an unbeatable foe. A Logia, with _no_ weaknesses and _no_ openings. If we don't fall to the fangs waiting on Ryugu…" I shook my head in despair. "Then we _will_ disappear into the miasma of Punk Hazard. Of _this_ , I am _positive."_

Nami sank back into her seat, emotions swirling on her face like storm clouds. The rest of the crew was in similar condition, but also eyeing me expectantly.

"Here's another fact for you: My knowledge isn't going to last much longer." _That_ got everyone's attention but good. "Once everyone gets blasted across the world, until we regroup I am _blind._ Whatever everyone found, however they found it, they found it _themselves_. I don't _know_ what happened over those two years any more than I know what happened in the blind periods between islands. Meaning that I _can't_ help you all become stronger anymore. Or at least, I can't help you become anywhere near as strong as you would be on your own."

At that point, faced with everyone's worried expressions, all the energy drained out of my body, leaving me slumped in my chair, one hand sweeping up my forehead. "Make no mistake, I _hate_ that this is what we need to do, but the only way we're going to maximize our potential is with Kuma's help, and we only get one chance to take it. And between my knowledge running out and the effects of the SBS continuing over the next two years even if I don't run a single broadcast, we can't afford anything less than the maximum potential. And not just for our sakes…" I bit my lip. "And… I think you all know that. Have to know it, at this point. Don't you?"

Every last one of them looked down or away. I don't know how long we sat there in complete silence, reflecting on my words. And then the silence finally broke in the worst way possible: with a whimper that I hadn't heard since the aftermath of Enies.

" _C-Cross…"_

All eyes turned to Merry, who was staring at me with watery eyes. And it was plain to see that it was no act this time; she was horrified to the point of tears.

"I… I don't think I can handle it," she gasped, seeming on the verge of a panic attack. In seconds, the rest of us were holding her in our arms.

"Merry—!" I started weakly, but she cut me off with a frantic, tearful shake of her head.

"Two years… a-alone… without any of _you…"_ she sobbed, hiccuping miserably. "I-It'll be… l-like I sank… w-without anyone else, I-I might as well be… _m-might as well—!"_

I grimaced, wracking my brain for something to say, but _thankfully,_ someone else beat me to it.

"You're wrong."

Merry blinked, staring at Vivi in bleary despair. "B-But—!"

"Yes. You. Are," the princess emphasized, kneeling down in front of the shipgirl. "Merry. Everything about _you_ is a composite of _us,_ right? Small bits, small pieces, but still _us?"_

"I-I…" Merry hiccuped again before rubbing her eyes and nodding. "Y-Yeah? Pretty much…"

Vivi nodded and looked up at me. "And in the story," she forged on. "We came out of this… _ordeal_ perfectly fine, right?"

I _was_ going to answer in the affirmative, but I flinched as a small detail popped up. "Sanji… had a bit of a _complication_ that I'm going to help him with, but it was gone within… I think a day, two at most."

The glare Vivi was forming faded, and she nodded before giving our helmsgirl a kind smile. "Merry, you have what you need to make it through this because you have all of us inside you. Because _we_ are always with you. And not just the original crewmates, but the rest of us who wouldn't have been here otherwise… and you have your own strength on top of all of that."

The princess leaned forward and gently folded her arms around Merry, drawing her into a close, gentle hug that the rest of us quickly joined. "In the words of a surprisingly wise man… shut up and stop worrying already."

"…Shi…shishishi…" Merry chuckled weakly, a warmer smile spreading over her face as she leaned into Vivi, burying her face in the crook of her neck.

The silence lasted, warm, comforting, until Zoro gave me a hard look.

"Whatever you do, Cross, we'll have your back," he stated, and the ladies all nodded in agreement, Merry even turning from her sobbing, ever so slightly, to flash me a tearful smile.

I returned the sentiment with a smile of my own, but I couldn't hide my sadness as I stood up and headed for the stairs. "Yeah, well, we'll see how you all feel in the moment. For now? Rest up. Because soon…"

I paused as I used the obvious switch on the wall to open the door back to the lounge, leaning against the wall. "Soon, we'll be arriving at the last stop in Paradise. And as much as we have to fear from what comes _afterward?"_ My grip on the stair railing tightened. "We're still waltzing into a whole new circle of _hell."_

**-o-**

A week had passed since that particularly _uplifting_ meeting, and despite their stated acceptance of what had to be done, more than once I had to answer questions that I already answered. Is there no other way? Can't it wait? Why aren't you telling anyone else? And as much as I wanted to give them an answer that would satisfy them—and _me,_ for that matter—the facts remained stubbornly unchanged.

I had explored every resource that I had, from the Masons to the fledgling newspaper plans, and I had actually managed to map out the locations of all nine of the islands where the crew would be sent… that I knew of. I had ideas for where the rest of our crew would go, myself included, but nothing solid. And the only methods of transportation I knew of that were even remotely close to as subtle or fast as Paw-Paw Airlines were the Glint-Glint Fruit, which was impossible, and whatever Dragon used, which was pointless when Kuma was a Revolutionary anyway.

With the fact that I had prevented the war, there should have been a lot less stress about timing the upcoming situation right. But the fact was that unless things had changed beyond what I could anticipate, Kuma was close to being converted completely into a robot, which meant that we didn't have any room for error; if we missed this window, there wouldn't be another, and we simply didn't have enough time left to put off the next level of our training.

This held _especially_ given that, most likely in spite of whatever interference I tried to run, we'd be ticking off the Celestial Dragons _right_ next to their attack dogs' kennel. If we got cornered there, then there would be no words in existence for how screwed we'd be. It was either slip out or _bust._

And as for not telling anyone, well, how was I supposed to bring something like this up!? Luffy had already learned the hard way that he needed to get stronger. Several times, even. But considering what this would entail? No… no, I trusted the crew, but I just couldn't think of a way to even _start_ until the last moment. And though Zoro in particular hated keeping it from Luffy, the fact that neither he nor the other four had any better ideas spoke volumes about the entire situation.

And, unfortunately, a big reason I was keeping it to myself for now was due to the whispers of doubt that had been stirring in my mind since Thriller Bark. I tried to keep them silent, Luffy himself could tell with how often I snuck looks at Ace's _perfectly healthy and sea-level Vivre Card,_ but they just wouldn't leave me alone. And if by some unholy miracle they turned out to be justified…

I shook my head, dismissing the _utterly impossible nightmare_ in favor of the matter at hand; per Sanji's advice, I had tried thinking of fail-safes I could use, but the best I could manage was a little project that Merry had taken to working on in every spare moment she'd had since that meeting.

And if nothing else about it was distracting, the magnitude of BS that came from turning a ship into a human was…

**-o-**

Sanji sighed as he put the finishing touches on the most dangerous meal suitable for human consumption that he had ever prepared, sealing it shut before turning back to the helmsgirl in the kitchen.

"OK…could you run this by me again, because I still don't get it," Sanji said, eye twitching at the orange and gray duffle bag Merry was fiddling with.

"I'm getting supplies from everyone for emergency care packages, which I'm putting together just in case we run into someone like Shiki and wind up separated for an unknown amount of time again," the ex-caravel explained.

"Yeah, I got that part." Sanji sighed out a cloud of smoke so that he could start on another drag, hoping that _this_ would be the lungful that killed his migraine. "A little overblown, I think, but better not to take any chances."

"And it's just a chance, of course, so all we're doing is planning for the worst possible situation. And I'm focusing all of my attention on Luffy first since he's the strongest."

"And while it's the biggest challenge I've had since _your diet_ , I've got it done; it'll stay good for at least three months, and it'll do what it needs to if it comes to that," Sanji responded. "I got that part, too."

"Then what are you confused about?" Merry asked in slightly annoyed confusion.

"That," the chef snorted as he jabbed his cigarette at the bag. "Explain to me again exactly what that is?"

"Ohh," Merry nodded. "OK, it's like this: my raincoat and leggings were… _mostly_ analogous to my hull in my ship form, so it was easiest for me to use it to focus my access to my storage. So, since I've got this _new_ outfit now—" She flicked the brim of her cap proudly. "—I decided to turn my old one into a duffel bag that still has all of the hammerspace access I need, _and_ I can share it with everyone else." She then grimaced in annoyance. "The only problem is that I only had enough fabric to make one bag this size; everyone else could only get these."

She held up one of several coin purses that matched the duffel's coloration; a handful were bigger than the others, but none were particularly large.

"Yeah, I get the theory behind it," Sanji ground out. "But how exactly do they still link to your storage if they're not connected to you anymore? And how did that _new_ coat connect if your _old_ coat is _still connected?"_

Merry perked up and put up a finger. "Oh, well, that's easy, see—!" And just as swiftly her expression froze. Sanji blandly watched as she dramatically paled and was about to make a snarky comment when her white face contorted into a glower.

"Sanji, I'm warning you right now," she rumbled, her voice resonating like a battleship's timbers. "If this stops working because of you questioning it? I will _end_ you."

So saying, she snatched the box that Sanji had prepared, stashed it in her bag, and slunk out. The chef stared after her before shaking his head and getting back to work.

Honestly, someone needed to talk to that girl. Someone _other_ than him, because he had no idea where to even _begin_ helping her through what was clearly a bad bout of separation anxiety brought about from that whole Strong World mess. Chopper had only just started researching mental health… the dugongs were meatheads… Vivi and Robin were still two focused on their little feud…

In the end, it boiled down to one of two people. Cross was probably the girl's closest friend, while Luffy… well, was Luffy. And with Cross blatantly stressing out over _something_ , that left Luffy as his best option.

Lovely. Well, at least he knew Luffy would prioritize talking to Merry above anything else, including his meat obsession…

Sort of like how Cross had put whatever he was planning above eating for those first couple of days…

Thinking on it, Merry hadn't been having any troubles for the first couple of days… or even the first couple of weeks. It had started a week ago… right around the time that Cross stopped shutting himself up in the crow's nest every free minute he got.

_And Merry was one of Cross's confidants._

"Damn it," the chef swore. With a growing sense of dread, he turned back to the fridge and pantry, recipes for bento boxes not unlike what he had just prepared forming in his mind.

**-o-**

Now we come to the present, two days after that. The first noteworthy occurrence of this day found me hoping all the more that I would somehow run into Tashigi soon, especially since we'd come across the last real threat between us and Sabaody. If the way Nami's clouds were collaborating with Sunny's rigging in an attempt to strangle me was any indication, neither she nor our ship was particularly happy about me forgetting about the Sea Snake Currents. Nor, for that matter, was anyone else.

"JEREMIAH CROSS, THE SECOND THE WIND ISN'T LIABLE TO BLOW ME BACK TO THE WEST BLUE, I'M GOING TO PUT YOU THROUGH THE DECK OF YOUR SHIP!" Valentine shrieked from the deck of the Cannibal, her threat slightly diminished by how she was being used to anchor a good dozen ropes at once.

"GET IN LINE, VALENTINE!" Vivi roared back, her arms swinging in an almost demented dance to shanghai the gales in our ships' vicinity into _not_ sinking us to the sea floor. "AND TRUST ME, IT IS A _DAMN_ LONG ONE!"

"OH, _SUE ME,_ YOU BLUE-HAIRED BIMBO!" I roared right back, absolutely _refusing_ to take this kind of shit. " _ONE_ WEATHER-EVENT THAT SLIPS MY MIND, ONE! IT WAS BARELY EVEN A DAMN PAGE! IF ANYONE SHOULD BE COMPLAINING, IT'S US ABOUT HOW OUR NEW LOGIA IS MORE USELESS THAN—!"

"The _schmuck_ who should be pulling levers instead of _running his mouth?"_ Merry inquired tersely as she steadfastly wrestled with the helm.

"Ugh, right," I grunted, getting back to tugging on whatever Merry identified, a job I'd been assigned after the third time the rigging yanked me off my feet.

It really said a lot about the Straw Hat Pirates, not to mention Paradise in general, that a cluster of apparently autonomous ocean currents that wove and moved like snakes huger than Nola was a freaking _footnote_ in the story. I probably would have spared more time to marvel at the whole thing, sights and experience alike, if it weren't for just how crazy it was being smack-dab in the middle of it.

And the worst part, of course, was that we couldn't just coast our way up one of the tallest serpents and fly away with a Coup de Burst. Doing so would have meant leaving the Barto Club behind, and it wasn't like we could attach them to us and fly away; no matter how much we tried to bind the ships with our Devil Fruit users, Coup de Burst was by design a maneuver that would inflict heavy damage on any ship that tried it unless it was made of Adam wood, and I seriously doubted either Merry or Sunny would have been okay with cracking another ship's keel.

Well, unless it was flying white and blue, but you get the general idea.

Anyway, that was only scratching the surface of the problems sailing alongside a friend had gained us. Too close, we swapped paint, and too far, we'd lose contact up until Sabaody; as it was, it was a struggle even with Soundbite's help. This was definitely one of the greatest tests of our sailing expertise yet!

"Meaning that if Barto says even one word about his granny, I'm going to bash his head in with a—!" I cut my grumbling short with a confused blink. "Waaaait, how do I—?"

" _ **Duck!"**_

_WHAM!_

"GAH, MOTHER!" I roared, shooting a particularly vicious glare at Merry while clutching my new pully-made lump. "Watch it, half-pint, I can either help you or throttle you, and there is a _thin_ line between the two!"

"NOT— _GUH—_ ME!" Merry bit out, bodily wrestling with the particularly uncooperative wheel. Her eyes shot wide in terrified realization. "SOMETHING'S WRONG! I CAN'T CONTROL WHERE SUNNY'S GOING! IT'S LIKE HE'S CAUGHT IN A—wuh-oh."

I slammed my forehead into the helm's spokes with a groan, _refusing_ to look behind me as I recognized _that_ tone of voice. "Don't tell me: we're being sucked into a gigantic whirlpool," I sighed.

"Yep," Nami calmly confirmed from her position right behind Sunny's mane.

"Sharp rocks at the bottom?"

"You already did this bit in Drum!" Usopp hollered down from atop the masts.

"If you don't have a solution, cram it and let us have our jokes!" I hollered back.

"I HAVE ONE!"

All eyes fell on Donny, who was gesturing to the Monster Trio and his master. "If two of them can punch a tunnel through a tsunami, what can all four of them do?"

For a long moment, the only sound on board was the creaking of the Sunny and the roar of the whirlpool. And then, as one, everyone turned towards the whirlpool, matching grins on their faces.

"Well, recquiescat in pace and all that rot," Robin remarked, leaning against the railing with _infuriating_ ease. "Cross, make sure you get a Vision Dial shot of this."

"Bitch, _please,"_ I scoffed, waving around my already-readied Dial en lieu of my middle finger.

"Come on, boys!" Boss pounded his flippers eagerly, grin stretching from ear to ear. "Whaddaya say we teach the ocean who's in charge?!"

"Right! Let's filet these currents!" Sanji nodded proudly, scraping his heel across the deck and building up a moderate glow in his leg.

"Let's get this over with, you morons are keeping me up with this nonsense." Zoro was far more restrained as he unsheathed his blades and held them at the ready. "Seriously, couldn't you have—?"

" **Don't even think about it,"** Nami and Vivi snarled in synch, the navigator's threat emphasized by a rumble of her own personal thunderhead and the princess's by her sheer force of will.

Zoro flinched at _that_ particularly well-enforced command for all of one second before rolling his eyes and brushing it off. "Like either of you would be able to stop me," he responded.

The veiled message drew dark looks from the crew, but fortunately our captain broke the tension, as he was so very wont to do.

"Hey, guys, hang on a second!" Luffy protested. "We can't do it yet! We have to come up with a name first!"

" _ **SKIP IT!"**_ shot back several of the crew, myself and several of the Barto Club included.

"Just wing it, boys, we've done it before," Boss scoffed, pounding his wrists together as he prepared for his ultimate technique.

Luffy considered it for a moment longer before shrugging indifferently. "Eh, fine." He started swinging his fists. "Gum-Gum…"

"Full-Shell Style…"

"600 Caliber…"

"Flaming…"

And then, as one, the Monster Trio and—oh screw it, the _Monster Quartet_ blasted out their combined attacks at the water. " **CANNON!"**

The burst of air dwarfed even Franky's Coup de Vent, and no matter how awkward the name may have been, the results were too epic to care: the aquatic serpent's nest fell still around us.

…For all of _ten seconds_ before the waters started to churn again.

"Let's get out of here!" Su demanded in panic.

"Uh…" Nami hesitated as she watched the currents rouse themselves again, and then that hesitation evolved into straight-up terror. "I-I can't see a way out! All the currents lead back here, and we can't sail out fast enough before they drag us right back in! We're trapped!"

"Are you telling me…" I said, my voice low and dangerous. "That we got so caught up in the awesomeness of step one that we forgot to plan out step _two?_ Aren't we smarter than this?"

"Apparently not," Donny sighed regretfully.

"Well, I wouldn't say _that,"_ Robin simpered.

"A lifetime of natural training shows through again," Goldenweek added through a rice cracker from under the cover of our pavilion. "Still, it does feel nice to hold our own for once."

"Come again, half-pint?" Vivi tersely queried.

The painter summarily ignored her ex-subordinate in favor of addressing the crewmate sitting next to her. "How's our way out, Apis?"

"Any second now," Apis muttered, biting her thumb as she looked over the roiling waters.

I looked over the edge of the foredeck down at her. "Something you're not telling us?"

"Just need a little more _time,"_ the dragon priestess-in-taming muttered.

"Seriously, what are you—?!"

" _Moooo!"_

_SPLASH!_

"Whoa!" I jerked away from the edge where the erstwhile attack steer of the Arlong Pirates and a sizable group of assorted aqua-animal titans surfaced among the stirring sea snakes, gazing curiously at us.

"Don't need to tell _you_ what we need to do, do we?!" Barto shouted at them, hauling a hefty towline to the prow of the Cannibal.

"I could use a clue!" Mikey shamelessly stated.

_THWACK!_

"OW! WHY DOES CROSS GET TO JOKE ABOUT THIS AND I DON'T?!"

"SHUT UP AND GET THE DAMN ROPE, DINGUS!" Boss and Raphey furiously ordered.

"BELAY THAT!" Merry hollered.

The Dugongs froze, while ropes flew from the Cannibal around the sea beasts' necks and Barrier harnesses formed for them to bite on.

"She's right! You guys may be strong, but my friends are bigger and more experienced with the Grand Line's currents!" Apis called.

"Not what I meant!" Merry replied, ignoring the Dugongs' reactions. "Now that you guys have got your way out, we don't have to hold back ours! Furl the sails! Time to activate Channel 0!"

"Oh, yeah, the paddle engines! Alright, secure the sails and stand by to attack the snakes!" Nami ordered, turning her attention fully to the currents.

Everyone on the crew aside from Brook and Billy, thinking back to our first usage of the paddles in the lead-up to the Accino fiasco, either took our places on the sides of the ship or accelerated Merry's efforts to furl the sails.

"Er, pardon my confusion, but, the paddle what-nows?" Brook inquired, even as he too went to work manipulating Sunny's rigging.

"Heheheh," Franky chuckled proudly, thumbing his sunglasses up his nose. "Watch and learn, grandpa. You think you already know why Sunny's the King of the Seas, but the truth is? You've only seen the _start_ of what our ship's got to offer in his arsenal! The Burst was one thing, and this? This is another!"

And with that, our shipwright slammed his forearms together. "HIT IT, LIL' SIS!" he proclaimed.

"HITTING IT, BUT REMEMBER THAT YOU DON'T GIVE ME ORDERS, IRON-SIDES!" Merry cackled, giving one of her helm's levers a sharp yank. "HERE WE GO! THOUSAND SUNNY'S SOLDIER-DOCK SYSTEM, CHANNEL ZERO!"

And with a sound of grinding wood and shifting steel, the gates on the sides of the Sunny opened and allowed the cola-powered paddles that would be the envy of any ship back on earth to deploy, tearing through the currents and keeping even pace with the Cannibal's towing party.

"BEHOLD!" the White Menace pumped her fist victoriously. "THE BANE OF ALL CURRENTS! _PADDLE-SUNNY!"_

"Oh, my! Oh, my!" Brook gasped, staring over the side at our lion's paws. "This is incredible! Extraordinary! Beyond all words! I—!"

"Can't believe your eyes, but you don't have any, right?" Funkfreed blandly interjected.

Immediately, Brook was on his knees, a cloud of depression over his head. "Funkfreed, you can't just steal my line like that…"

"Either come up with some new material or get a new shtick," the Zoan-weapon dismissively replied.

That show of comedy aside, the Sunny's paddles allowed us to continue onward, a few extra bursts of force here and there giving us the agility we needed to dodge the serpent currents that surfaced around us. The Cannibal was having a slightly less easy time with it; I guess Nami was even better than Sea Kings at current-reading. Or it was just their young age, one or the other.

Then one serpent current came up right in front of us.

And just as fast, a few bursts of flame shot from Conis, Sanji, and I while Zoro and Leo (for the most part) threw in some wind blasts. And given that we were already soaked from the storm, nothing really happened.

"HEY, LUFFY!" Barto called over from the prow of the Cannibal, his shark-toothed grin on full display. "YOUR CREW JUST NEVER RUNS OUT OF CRAZY NEW SHIT IT CAN PULL, DOES IT?"

"NOPE!" Luffy called back, his grin just as wide. "ISN'T IT AWESOME!?"

And with that fantastically rhetorical proclamation, our crews continued through the final stretch of Paradise.

**-o-**

Have any of you ever visited a place like the Grand Canyon, the Great Barrier Reef, or the Rock of Gibraltar? A grand and majestic natural edifice, celebrated the world over? And if so, have you visited it more than once? The wonder of what nature can do never really gets old, does it? Never any less incredible, never any less jaw-dropping, never any less magnificent.

So, you can imagine that coming face-to-face with the Red Line for the second time didn't make it any less incredible.

"Hello, old friend," I breathed solemnly, thumbing up the brim of my cap as I stared up and up, trying once more to see what I could not see before, what I still could not see now. And as I stared, the sea breeze licked at me, the salt wormed its way past every bandage, every barrier, into every scar, and made me feel the sting of each and every last one of them, as fresh as the days I got them.

And I _reveled_ in every second of it.

I bared my teeth at the wall. "I've come to visit once again. And _oh,_ the stories I have got for you."

" _ **HEH. 'There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.'**_ **Mandela was right…"** Soundbite angled his eyestalks back as he preened before the earthen horizon. "NOTHING BEATS A HOMECOMING."

"Tch. You little idiot," Nami huffed, her cloud offhandedly giving one of Soundbite's eyes a minor flick. Her eyes never left the Line, her free hand lightly running over her tattoo. "This isn't even close to a homecoming. This? This is the halfway mark."

For a moment, we were silent. And then…

"To come face to face with such a monstrous monument, that so perfectly exemplifies the might of the eternal adversary we call 'nature', while surrounded by comrades and gearing up to face it…"

"Aaaandd there goes the moment," Nami sighed in defeat, shoulders slumping.

"There's no other words!" Boss continued through the interruption, leaping up and pumping his fist in the air. "IT'S A MAN'S ROMANCE!"

"GO, BOSS, GO!"

"The more things change, the more they stay the same," Vivi hummed in a wistful tone, spinning the mist about her finger.

"At weast thish ish one of thosh times thatsh a good thing!" Carue pointed out.

"No kidding," Merry breathed, staring unblinkingly at the stone. "Between the storm and the fact that I wasn't really lucid last time, I couldn't be happier about the changes."

So, all in all, the moment wasn't so much over as warped around a little.

…still nice, though.

**-o-**

"A new perspective… new train of thoughts… new set of _emotions…"_ Goldenweek wheezed through clenched teeth, fingers scrabbling at her side and pupils blown wide. "Need paint. Brown. Lots of it, in so _so_ many different shades… need it _now!"_

"Aaand we've lost our navigator," 5 grunted in clear dismay.

Goldenweek picked that moment to shuffle away, still in a daze. "I'll go and make sure she doesn't walk off the ship in a stupor," Valentine sighed, striding after the young painter. " _Again."_

"Wooow… and to think I was living barely even a day's sail away from _this…"_ Apis breathed before looking up at her twice-oldest friend. "Lindy… you've probably seen this more times than you can count, right?"

"A few centuries can wear away some of the shock, milady…" the dragon grumbled, shaking his hide dismissively. "But, at the same time, we Millennial Dragons all agree that there remains a…" He nodded his head, a wry grin splitting his muzzle. "Comfort, I suppose, to see this mass of stone remain constant as the world changes around it. To know there's something else in the world that's eternal, aside from us. Something that, when we're long gone, will still stand proud and unbowed."

Apis smiled fondly and idly ran her fingers across his scales, though without taking her eyes off the colossal stone mass.

"At the same time, though… it's just a really big rock that goes close to space," Lindy added.

"Well, take it in, everyone: as long as Goldenweek is still painting, we're not going anywhere," Bartolomeo said, his grin making it clear that he had no problem with that. He then waved his hand at the neighboring ship. "We've done our share of nutso adventuring up and down the Grand Line. For now, it's the Straw Hats' turn."

"Aye-aye to that, Captain." Gin toasted his flask at the Barrier-Man with a grateful grin. "Aye-aye to _that."_

**-o-**

While marveling was all well and good, eventually I left the rest of the crew to sequester myself away in the dining room with a mug of cola; one of the comments made had shaken me and made me remember something that I had wanted to put off until the last minute.

But now, that last minute was here and I couldn't wait any longer. And so here I was, waiting for my opportunity to talk to Luffy.

This was between the captain and myself, after— _well,_ I flinched slightly as I reminded myself of the facts, between the captain and myself and one other, but given the circumstances… Anyway, back on topic. Those who knew about Kuma were smart enough to put the pieces together themselves if they were inclined to, but if they didn't, so much the better. I did not want any bias or pressure in this situation. I made this mess, and I had to fix it.

The minutes ticked by, Soundbite relaying me the crew musing outside over the needle pointing to the seafloor…

"… _same problem we had with Skypiea. We know where we need to go, but not how to get there."_

" _And by 'we,' you mean—wait a second, where did Cross go?"_ Merry asked, a slight hint of panic in her voice.

I patiently rapped my knuckles on the table.

" _Oh, kitchen, got it. Well, if you're listening, could you—?"_

This time I tapped my finger.

" _Uh… Guess…_ nooot. _Luffy, Cross wants to talk."_

I double-tapped my finger.

" _Now, Cross wants to talk_ now."

I heard the rubber man grunt, followed by a pair of giant rubber bands stretching. In no time at all, Luffy stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

"Hey, Cross, what's—" Luffy's expression changed mid-sentence, his face hardening at the sight of my own. "What is it, Cross?"

I didn't answer for a moment, staring at him before taking a deep pull from my mug. And then, my nerves as steeled as they were going to get, I looked him in the eye. "Luffy… your crewmates' happiness is the most important thing to you, right?"

Luffy's brow furrowed in incredulity, but he nodded.

I clenched my jaw slightly. "And does that include allowing them to leave the crew if they wanted to? If they never really wanted to join in the first place?"

"What?!" Luffy shouted. "What are you talking about, Cross, everyone here joined because—oh." He cut himself off, grimacing again. I could almost see the connections sparking in his mind. "What are you trying to say, Cross?"

I let out a hissing sigh and closed my eyes. "Pardon the _wholly necessary_ vagueness, Captain Luffy, but… in the very near future, an opportunity is going to present itself. An opportunity that will give Vivi the choice that the World Government stripped away from her: stay with our crew…" My expression tightened. "Or return home."

I opened my eyes and locked them with Luffy's. "Captain, I know that none of us would be happy to see her go, but she _deserves_ the chance to choose, free of expectations. I want to tell her that whatever she decides, we'll accept. But a pirate isn't allowed to leave their crew without the captain's consent. So… I'm asking you if I can tell Vivi, when the time comes, that she and Carue have your full permission to leave the crew and return to Alabasta if that's what she wants."

Luffy's straw hat shadowed his eyes, but I could still see his frown. It was a full minute before he looked up again. "When you tell her, tell her that no matter what she chooses, both of them will always have a place on our crew."

I smiled, bittersweet as all else. "Never would have thought different, Captain. Now then!" I clapped my hands together as I shoved off from the table and made for the door. "Let's see about getting ourselves onto the next leg, shall we?"

With that done, I slammed the door open, ducked under the trio of projectiles that were flung at me with cries of " _WATCH IT, BASTARD!"_ and pounded my knuckles together. "BOSS! Front and center!"

The dugong was before me in an instant. "Aye, sir?" the elder amphibian asked expectantly.

I smirked. "Gather your boys and dive, ASAP. You're all going fishing."

Boss perked up, quirking his eyeridge… well, quizzically. "Ohoh? What's the request, light brunch or is the captain in on this feast?"

"Ooooh, big game, my friend, _big game."_

"Ohoh?" Interest gleamed in Boss's eye, and I prepared to elaborate—

"Hold it."

—when _of course_ Vivi interrupted my fun with a tap on my shoulder.

"Just how necessary, _exactly,_ is this expedition?" she asked primly.

"Let me answer your question with a question," I replied with just as much decorum. "How much do you want to get to Fishman Island _without_ swimming all the way there? _And_ how much do you want to go down in the Shark Submersible and act as bait yourself?"

"Carry on," Vivi replied with an offhand wave.

I chuckled as I turned back to Boss. "Alright, where was I?"

"The point where I was liking this request more and more!" Boss chuffed out a ring of smoke as he eagerly wrung his flippers. "Anything special we should be looking for?"

I spread my hands demonstratively. "Five klicks down and sporting some big—!"

" **MEATY CLAWS!"**

I felt my jaw twitch and clench at _that_ particular reminder of what was to come. "… _fangs._ Big _fangs._ And I mean by Sea King standards, got it?"

"Yep! Bo- _oys!"_ The guard promptly assembled behind him, ready and raring to go. "We'll have it up for you in no time, just you see! Heck, want us to slice it up a little for you while we're down there?"

"Gah, nonono!" I waved my hands frantically on account of suddenly having _that_ stuck in my head. "Thanks for bringing that up because _no!_ We don't need it alive, but we _do_ need it _intact_ , got it? _Intact."_

Boss paused, cigar bobbing slightly. "That… _does_ make things a tad more complicated, doesn't it? But!" He clapped his flippers proudly. "Challenges are what keep life interesting, right, boys?"

"With all due respect, sir?" Raphey replied a strained tone. "Go suck on a gooseneck."

_THWACK!_

"GAH!"

_SPLASH!_

"So noted," Boss growled as half his cigar fell to the deck, his knuckles still smoking from punching his disciple clean off the ship. He then cast a glare over his shoulder at the other three. "Anyone _else_ have something they want to say, with _all due respect?"_

_SP-SP-SPLASH!_

I smirked, eyeing the trench the dugongs had dug in the lawn. "You've trained them well, Boss."

"Ohohoh, nononooo," Boss said as he casually hopped up onto the balustrade. "I didn't train even a twitch of that into them." He cast a final smirk at me. "They just know better is all."

And with that, he dove off the edge and was gone.

Once the ripples from the Dugongs' descent vanished, I hung my head and brought my hand up to press the knuckles against my forehead. "Of course, all of this is assuming that I haven't changed the world enough so that our future friends _aren't_ trapped in said Sea King's stomach, and with how minor a detail it is and how double-sided our luck can be, that is _entirely_ possible," I muttered to myself. I mulled on that for a second more before slowly starting to massage my face, groaning even more. "Then again, Hanlon's Razor."

"Hm? Hanlon's Razor?" Conis queried innocently from where she was performing her daily maintenance of our armaments. "What's that?"

" **YE OLDE APHORISM** _ **FROM CROSS'S WORLD,"**_ Soundbite explained. " _BASICALLY,_ **never attribute to malice** WHAT CAN BE ADEQUATELY EXPLAINED THROUGH—!"

_KER-SPLASH!_ " _ **GRO-**_ **ROOOAAAR!"**

The snail's explanation was suddenly cut off by—what else—the very subject of our discussion breaking the surface of the waves in all its floppy-eared, buck-toothed 'glory', for lack of a better word, roaring and snarling and thrashing and _very noticeably not dead/K.O.!_

"Oh, for the love of… HEY, BOSS! WHAT'S THE HOLDUP!?" I shouted out over the water, pointedly _ignoring_ the overgrown and undercooked barbeque meal. "IF YOU'VE ALREADY FOUND THE DAMN THING, THEN JUST PUNT ITS SKULL IN AND GET IT OVER WITH!"

"GIVE US A SECOND, WOULD YA?!" Donny shouted as he surfaced right next to the Sunny, nursing a veritable puzzle of bruises. "JUST BECAUSE WE _MAKE_ THIS LOOK EASY DOESN'T MEAN IT'S DAMN _EFFORTLESS!_ Though admittedly we _are_ close. OI!" He directed his focus down into the water. "PULL!"

We all looked down in confusion, the rabbit Sea King actually joining us in the motion—

_THWACK! "GRGHK!?"_

—and receiving a hefty chunk of reef between his jaws for the trouble.

"Speaking from experience here: that is _not_ a good feeling to have in your teeth," Luffy winced.

"I'm not even going to ask," Franky sighed, prompting several nods of agreement.

"Now for the big finish!" Mikey said eagerly as the TDWS jumped back onboard. Boss, meanwhile, flew out of the water toward the poor, doomed rabbit. Then he began spinning like he was Sanji winding up for a Concassé.

"Half-Shell Style… REEF STOMP!"

And with that final roar, the dugong slammed his aquatic lower half on the rabbit's skull, hard. And with the coral between its jaws?

_CRACK!_

"Owww," Billy winced, rubbing his beak sympathetically as the rabbit's eyes went white. Its form slumped over in the water as shards of coral and… I'll just be discreet and say _calcium_ crumbled out of its slackened mouth. "That has _gotta_ hurt."

"That was the plan!" Boss barked as he flipped onto the deck, chest proudly puffed out. "Now, Mikey!" He snapped his 'fingers' and pointed at the groaning aqua-rabbit. "Make 'er blow."

"AYE-AYE, SIR!" the orange-bandana'd dugong proclaimed, leaping at the Sea King with his weapon brandished. "Now, eat my chucks!"

_SLAM!_

I winced as Mikey rammed said chucks into the Sea King's gut, causing it to double over in agony. "Eesh, don't know what hurt worse, seeing the poor thing getting ready to ralph, or that god-awful quip."

"Oh, piss off, _you_ try coming up with this stuff on the fly," Mikey sniffed as he landed beside me, brushing off his non-existent sleeves.

"Came up with 'Gastro-Blast' within ten seconds of first using it."

"I reiterate: Piss. _Off."_

I rolled my eyes, but instead of responding I scowled and leaned over the edge of the ship. "HEY! BIG, TOOTHLESS, AND UGLY! WE DON'T WANT _YOU,_ WE WANT YOUR LUNCH! COUGH IT UP AND YOU'LL LIVE TO GUM ANOTHER GALLEON!"

The rabbit froze, its watery eyes turning toward me and narrowing. Then its expression contorted into sweat-dripping nervousness as it presumably eyed the ones behind me. More specifically, the eager lip-licking I could hear from Luffy's position. Grimacing, it stopped holding back and started actively lurching forward in its dry-heaves.

"Uh, Cross?" Sanji said, warily eyeing the Sea King. "Not to doubt you…"

"But you have some serious questions about this whole thing," I finished for him.

"You had the dugongs hunt down a Sea King, apparently for the sole purpose of making it blow chunks." Sanji grimaced, waving his hand at the still-retching beast. "How could whatever this thing possibly ate help us get to Fishman Island?!"

"Simple enough, really," I said with a pleasant smile. "It's not a 'whatever' that ugly over there ate, but a ' _whoever'."_

Nami snapped her head my direction, confusion written on her features. "Wait, a _fishman_ got eaten by a Sea King?! They'd never go down their gullet alive, it's considered the most embarrassing way to die!"

"Riiiight species~" I sang. "Wroooong end of the spectrum. Flip. _Everything."_

It took only a moment's thought for Nami and Sanji to both stiffen up in realization.

"You mean…" Nami started slowly.

"It ate—!?" Sanji breathed.

At that instant, the Sea King hocked up its lunch—and all of Sanji's objections _died,_ right there. As did most of his higher brain functions… and _my_ sinuses, _god,_ what did that thing eat, island whale ambergris!?

Anyway, along with the mess was a pair of living creatures. One was star-shaped with a hat and a face. The other was green-haired with a yellow and dark pink (almost red) shirt. And a lower body covered in pink scales. And given the force with which the Sea King spat them out, they were flying directly towards us.

It was one _hell_ of a leap, to be honest. Beautiful, admirable, awe-inspiring—!

Aaaand then they both slammed face-first into _both_ of our masts.

"Owww," Billy said again, draping one wing over his eyes and glancing away as they peeled off. "Shooould someone catch them?"

"YES!" Sanji declared, darting below Keimi and spreading his arms wide.

I took one look at the arrangement and pinched my nose in despair. " _Right._ Chopper? I'd recommend grabbing whatever treatments for anemia you have on hand."

"WHAT? They need blood?! Why didn't you say so before—?!" Chopper yelped hysterically, scrambling left and right in a panic.

" _Not_ for them," I interrupted, jerking a thumb at Sanji. "For him."

"Eh? What are you—?" Chopper froze, his pupils glowing in realization. " _ **Oooh. Got it."**_

A second later, our cook's nearest, dearest and most _sacred_ of all wishes, a wish shared by most all of mankind, even, came true: a mermaid, an actual, honest-to-God _mermaid_ literally dropped into his arms.

"GWAH!" _SPLAT!_

And a starfish splatted onto our pavilion's roof, but who cares about that.

Keimi blinked blearily for a moment, obviously having a harder time shaking off her concussion than our crew. Soon enough, though, her eyes focused enough to lock onto Sanji's face and— _her gaze became dreamy!?_ "You _saved_ me," she crooned, reaching out to caress his face. "How can I _ever—?"_

Aaaand that's as far as things got before the inevitable occurred.

_SPLURT!_

" _GYAGH!"_

"Oh, _lordy,"_ I winced sympathetically. Seriously, on this crew, you got used to seeing inordinate amounts of blood, but so rarely is it in a situation that is so… ugh. And it didn't help that the three people onboard who shared Sanji's blood type were his rival, a tyke whose blood was probably toxic with her diet, and someone who may or may not weaken Sanji by sharing blood with him.

…No, I don't keep track of everyone's blood types, but the ones who share mine stick out in my mind, especially seeing as I had a one-in-three chance of getting alcoholism, perversion, or _who-the-hell-knows_ from them.

"Moooo?"/"Groargh?"

I snapped a glare at the sea beasts that were sniffing around inquisitively. "Beat it before our chef gets a transfusion and bakes you into surf-based gumbo."

" _GRAO!"_

_That_ sent them running but good.

"And someone get her a towel already!" I ordered. "We're going to be here awhile."

"Hey, guys, how much longer— _HOLY CRAP IS THAT A MERMAID?!"_

"A _long_ while," I repeated, resigned.

**-o-**

Cutting ahead for the sake of sanity, it thankfully didn't take long for Keimi to towel off (and repress _that_ little incident), for Papugg to get his cartilaginous head back on straight, and for everyone on both ships to assemble around our new guests.

It _did_ take us a fair bit to punt off the more ogle-y of the Barto-bastards, even with Gin and Ever's help.

Not that I could really _blame_ them for that, mind you. 'Cause, well… remember how way back on Jaya I deduced that a lot of fishman racism was due to uncanny valley? Well, I can now confirm that, after getting a look at a mermaid that Father Time _hadn't_ gotten his hands on, it worked in _reverse_ for mermaids.

See, I'm not someone who would go all "HEL-LO, NURSE!" at a pretty girl. To be completely frank, I hadn't really understood what it was about the idea of mermaids that made them so much of a man's romance. And I wasn't about to fall head over heels for Keimi, either.

But as before, it made a lot more sense when you weren't seeing it through ink and paper. Keimi was, to be generous, above average in attractiveness and clearly not overly concerned about her looks. _But_ , where in fishmen the tiny details made them just inhuman enough to trigger all the wrong signals, apparently in mermaids those differences triggered all the _right_ ones. Cheekbones, jawline, skin tone, even the glimmer of her scales beautiful beyond any fish I'd seen thus far, making for an overall vision of beauty that, while not _remotely_ justifying Sabaody, _did_ explain a hell of a lot.

Made me wonder what the island itself would be like. Of course, that was still a long way and a heck of a lot of effort away, but hey, a guy could dream.

"Sorry about earlier…" the mermaid said, rubbing her head sheepishly… and also toweling off some the last of the blood on her. "It just felt like I had fallen right into a scene from _The Little Mermaid,_ and I couldn't help myself _."_

"SO, _would that_ _ **make you ARIEL?"**_ Soundbite snarked.

"Of course! All mermaids dream of being just like Ariel," Keimi sighed wistfully.

" _Of course they—!_ _ **Uh, wait…"**_ the snail narrowed his eyes in confusion. "CONSIDERING THE HUMAN-MER RELATIONS, _WHY THE HELL—?_ **Say, what's the story about, exactly?"**

"Oh, it's a _wonderful_ tale of romance and adventure, and love triumphing over the barrier of land and sea!" Keimi crooned.

" _ **But that still doesn't make—"**_

"I think my favorite bit was when the Sea Kings ripped the evil slave merchants to shreds!"

"… _ **MIIIIIGHT be thinking of**_ _a different story."_

"Mmph. Well, the romance issue is all on him, not you," Franky snorted, jabbing his thumb at a recovering Sanji, which prompted a round of nods from most of us and a flurry of curses from him. "Anyway, nice to meet you, but who the hell are you?" The conk Robin's autonomous arm delivered to the back of his head was ignored.

"And if you don't mind me asking, what kind of mermaid are you?" Conis inquired with innocent curiosity.

"And, just asking for a friend, how long do we need to cook you for maximum savoriness?" Su inquired _not_ so innocently.

_THWACK!_ "YIPE!"

An inquiry that Conis thankfully repaid with a quick swat.

"OH! I'm sorry, I completely forgot!" the mermaid exclaimed, straightening up into the closest semblance of standing she could manage. "My name is Keimi. And no, I don't mind; I'm a kissing gourami mermaid." she bowed politely, an honest grin on her face. "It's very nice to make your acquaintances!"

"Ohoho no, trust me, it's _our_ plea—!" _THWACK! "YEARGH!_ WATCH IT!" Barto snapped at Ever, who simply grinned and made a show of rubbing her knuckles.

"Hi, Keimi! It's nice to meet you!" our captain proclaimed enthusiastically, walking up to her and sticking out his hand. "I'm Luffy!"

The mermaid gasped in surprise. "Oh, wow, is that really your name?"

"Recognition in three, two—" Funkfreed counted down.

"Don't hold your breath," I warned.

"You've got the same name as Straw Hat Luffy!" Keimi 'deduced', eyes sparkling.

The elephant's jaw tipped open, one eye twitching and both staring unblinkingly at the mermaid.

"Actually, I _am_ Straw Hat Luffy!" Luffy clarified, through either unwavering patience or total obliviousness.

"Really? That's so—WHAAA!?"

Remember what I said about understanding the beauty of mermaids? That does not by any means extend to when they make shocked faces that have no right to rival Eneru's yet do.

"…Soundbite," Franky grunted. "That last word in that Razor thing wouldn't happen to be 'stupidity', would it?"

" _ **How**_ **ever** _**did you guess?"**_ the snail crooned.

By way of answering, the cyborg directed another question to our guest. "Hey, just wonderin', but how'd you, of all people, get eaten by a Sea King? I thought mermaids were supposed to be the fastest swimmers in the world."

"Hm?" Keimi looked over at him, her shock completely forgotten. "Oh, I was chasing after an octopus and accidentally swam into the beast's mouth! It's really more common than you'd think, this makes about 20 times that I've been eaten."

"Call it a hunch," Franky remarked in my general direction.

"But, wait…" Keimi said, also turning toward me with wide, sparkling eyes. "A talking snail… that would mean _you're_ Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite?!"

"A _pleasure_ to meet you, I assure you," I said, bowing with as much pomp as I could muster. "Always an honor to meet a loyal fan! Autographs are a thousand beris each." Suddenly, clouds delivered me some shade. Dark, _angry_ clouds. "Ten thousand beris?"

_THWACK!_

Now I actually _did_ twitch as Robin chopped the back of my head from a few feet away. "Five hundred."

_THOCK!_

"OOF! FINE, FREE!" I snarled at Vivi, rubbing my side where she'd elbowed me. "JUST STOP HITTING ME!"

_TH-WAP!_

I growled as I clutched Raphey's sai in my grip. "You have _one_ chance to tell me _why."_

"Everyone else was doing it?" she tried. The complete unrepentance in her answer lasted long enough for me to haul her off the deck and wound up for a punt. Maybe, if I was pissed enough, I could actually hit the Red Line. Shoot for the horizon and all that! "A-A-And I wanted to remind you that seeing as we're at the Line, our hitchhiker—!?"

I paused and blinked as I considered _that_ factoid. "Huh, good point. Go get him, would you?"

"Oh, yeah, sure—!"

_THWACK!_

"JACKAAAASS!" she howled as she arced to the other end of the Sunny.

I dusted off my hands and lowered my foot with a contented smirk. "Well, that was fun. Now, where were we?"

" _Oh, fair maiden of the seas~!"_

"Of course, how could I forget." I smoothly stepped aside, allowing the Love Hurricane to bluster by unimpeded. I _was_ tempted to try and trip him up, but I abstained on account of not exactly being eager to get my leg ripped off by his momentum.

" _To finally meet a mermaid, the fairest jewel of all the oceans, the dream of all mankind! Oh joyous day, oh joyous day!"_ Sanji cheered, more lovesick than I'd seen him be in weeks. He veritably _blurred_ with excitement, and radiated hearts like an enamored rod of uranium.

Keimi leaned back slightly, eyes wide. "Uh…"

"You get used to him," Merry smoothly offered.

"She's lying," Ever countered.

Any further commentary from the peanut gallery was interrupted by Sanji melting down harder than when he'd gotten into a fight with Zoro not thirty minutes ago, directed at the heavens above. "WHO'RE THE BASTARDS THAT DARE TO COMPARE SUCH FLAWLESS APHRODITES TO THE WRETCHED COWS OF THE SEA!?"

"Those who've seen Granny Kokoro," Su snarked.

"HWEEHWEEHWEE! Man, that's just mean!" Lassoo snickered to himself. "True, but _mean."_

I wasn't honestly sure if he meant the insult to Franky's surrogate mother (not that he wasn't nodding in agreement, mind you) or the PTSD attack that the comment sent Sanji into.

"Oh, oh, are we asking her questions now! My turn, my turn!" I surreptitiously stepped _well_ away from Luffy as he raised his hand, casting pointedly _un-_ subtle glances at my more… _sensible_ crewmates. "I'm just wondering, cause you're part fish and everything… how do—?"

" _GET HIM!"_

"GWAGH!" Luffy was promptly and literally choked off by Nami, Sanji, Conis, _and_ half of the TDWS tackling him and doing their best to tie him into a pretzel.

"Uhh…" Keimi, bless her _dangerously_ naïve heart, tilted her head in innocent confusion. "Are they playing a game?"

"Tsk tsk _tsk_." Brook shook his head in chastisement, _somehow_ clicking his nonexistent tongue. "Youngsters, so very unrefined. Not a _hint_ of manners in them! Now then!" He spun and addressed Keimi, doffing his top hat with the most proper of decorum. "If you don't mind, milady, might I…" The skeleton trailed off, giving Keimi a slow, deliberate onceover before coughing into his fist. "My apologies, I realize that what I was about to ask was out of line. Let me try again: May I borrow some mone— _GRK!?"_ Brook suddenly choked, clawing at his neck(bones) in panic. "Can't! _Breathe!"_

I caught sight of Robin leaning in close to Vivi, who was scowling and strangling the air. "How _are_ you accomplishing that when he doesn't have any lungs?"

"Don't know, don't question it and make it stop working," the princess growled back.

Keimi, meanwhile, still showed a considerable nonchalance towards our crew's madness. She blinked at Brook before smiling and reaching over her shoulder to rifle through her bag. "Oh, you need money? Sure, that's the least I can do for you!" She brought her arm back out and _flashed a wad of beris!?_ "How much do you need?"

"What the—?!" I squawked, but before I could properly react, Barto's forcefield-arm reached past us and swiped the roll of cash from the mermaid's hands.

The captain loosed a low whistle as he thumbed through the bundle. "Holy cow, this is _real!_ Impressive!" Barto then… stuffed the bundle in his back pocket without even missing a beat, because _of course._

A roll of her eyes, and Nami promptly tossed the very same bundle back to Keimi. "I think _this_ belongs to you," she drawled.

"Hey, this looks like my money!" Keimi exclaimed in surprise. And then she promptly flipped out. "WAIT, THIS _IS_ MY MONEY!"

"Wha— _how the hell!?"_ Barto yowled, patting his pockets down in panicked confusion. "My wallet's gone, too!"

"Idiot tax." Nami waved him off before turning a cocked brow on Keimi. "But still, I am curious: what's a nice girl like you doing with that much money? You're not doing anything… _unsavory_ are you?" She leaned in with a sharp grin. "And if you are, can I get in on— _AGH!"_

"Down, girl," I tsked, yanking her back by her ear.

"Oh nonono, it's nothing like _that,_ I assure you!" Keimi cut in, waving her hands in denial. "I work at a seafaring restaurant, gathering the ingredients we need. Business has been booming lately, and I've got a lot of extra cash on hand because. We've been expanding into a few different kinds of seafood, but our focus and our biggest hit is still takoyaki."

"A seafaring restaurant?" Sanji perked up, his attention thankfully much less perverse this time, though one of his eyes was _still_ a heart. But still, small progress is progress. "Any chance I could get a look at the recipes sometime?

"Someone talking about food?" Raphey piped in, _of course_ choosing that exact moment to rejoin us. In her flippers, she was carrying a large, upside down samurai helmet, within which was a sizeable, wriggling mass of tentacles.

Keimi perked up at the sight, reaching down to rifle through her bag again. "Oh, is that an octopus? That's great, I can show you some of our recipes right now! Just give me somewhere to cook it up and—!"

"Whoa, what!?" Raphey yelped, jerking the helmet away from the mermaid. "Cook him!? Are you out of your mind!?"

"Uhh…" Keimi paused, clearly out of her depth. "Am I… missing something?"

"I SHOULD SAY SO!" Soundbite sniffed in the snootiest tone he could muster. "' _Cook him', the absolute nerve!_ **MADAME, I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THIS FINE gentle-cephalopod is our** _ **guest! Who we fished up in our catch a few days ago, but still."**_

And with that little clarification, the octopus' tentacles took hold of his helmet and flipped it out of Raphey's flippers, centering it on his bulbous brow before gurgling in a particularly chastising tone at Keimi.

"O-Oh! _Oh!"_ the mermaid recoiled, her cheeks coloring in embarrassment. "M-My mistake sir, so sorry sir, won't happen again sir! A-Ah, here!" She withdrew a slip of paper from her bag and handed it to the cephalopod. "A coupon for the esteemed marine eatery of Takoyaki—!"

" _COUGH_ – _cannibalism_ – _COUGH!"_ Pappug 'subtly' coughed into one of his arms.

" _Eight…_ " Keimi lamely concluded, face paling dramatically. "Uh… we… also serve… duck eggs?"

The octopod gave the mermaid a flat glare before snatching the coupon from her hands, stuffing it away in his helmet and waddling his way to the ship's railing.

I shook my head with a weary sigh, giving the octopus an apologetic smile. "Sorry about that. Regardless of the rough ending, we hope you enjoyed your time with us and that you enjoy your time on Fishman Island, Ambassador Octarius. Give our regards to King Neptune and Shogun Octavio both!"

The glare briefly vanished, and the octopus snapped us all a salute before flipping overboard.

After a moment of silence, Pappug asked the obvious question. "…So, you wound up on good terms with the Shogun of the Surf?"

"Admiring someone who beats you instead of hating them isn't that out of the ordinary," Zoro said knowingly. "Though I still wish I'd gotten the chance to fight them. By the way…" The swordsman cocked his brow at _my_ invertebrate. "When did you learn to speak fish, Soundbite?"

" **Meh,** _ **getting there,**_ _not quite,"_ Soundbite shrugged, though he was grinning. "BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HE'S TALKING ON HIS OWN!"

"Oh, right, I forgot to introduce you!" Keimi picked up the rasta-star and presented him, smiling brightly. "Everyone, this is my pet, Pappug. He's also my master, and a starfish!"

"Nice to meet you!" Pappug waved his arm in greeting.

"…Is anyone else just now realizing that we're _really_ not questioning the fact that we're talking with a naturally speaking starfish right now?" Billy asked slowly.

"Not even top ten on our charts. This _week,"_ Apis noted.

"Honestly, I'm more concerned with the _master_ aspect of their relationship," Ever drawled, giving the starfish a onceover.

"As in 'master and apprentice'," Pappug drawled, puffing himself up. "You guys _are_ looking at the head designer of the Criminal fashion line, after all. This fine dear should be and _is_ honored to be under my tutelage!"

Nami blinked in surprise at that. Then her eyes snapped wide in shock and she lurched—"GAH!"/"WATCH IT!"—er, make that _shoved_ her way to the front of the crowd, her Eisen Tempo sending the unfortunates in front of her tumbling. "Wait, I know that name! Criminal is one of the major brands in the fashion world! It's sold up and down the Grand Line! Even a single piece goes for—uh…" She suddenly trailed off, glancing to and fro as her Eisen Tempo huddled around her _oh that little bitch_. "A-A perfectly _normal and reasonable—GYEEP!"_

"Noooo, please, don't stop there," Zoro grit out, his teeth set in a twitching grin as he loomed behind her, hand planted on her shoulder.

"Yesss," I hissed out in agreement, patiently tapping my finger on her other shoulder. " _Do_ tell us just how much of our treasure, which we _shed blood, sweat, and tears for,_ you've spent on your _wardrobe."_

"Ahehehe…eh…" our navigator chuckled nervously, pointedly refusing to meet our gazes. Then her mood reversed and she snapped an accusing finger at Pappug. "Hey, if you want to blame anyone, blame _him!_ It doesn't matter how good he is, his prices are extravagant! That little boneless fleshbag's the one with all our hard-earned gold!"

Pappug had the gall to flip his sunglasses down and raise his nonexistent chin in pride. "The beautiful young witch is right! I am indeed a very sublime starfish! Wealthy, popular, influential… why, I'll even have you know that I am personally acquainted with the beautiful Mermaid Princess Shirahoshi herself!"

A few of my crewmates shot me questioning looks, and I shook my head with the blankest expression possible. None of them were surprised.

"As such!" Pappug forged on, cupping his 'chin'. "You're all probably wondering what someone as important as I is doing here on the surface, working at a lowly Takoyaki stand. Well, you see, the answer is… uh… is…" The starfish trailed off, his expression disturbed as he… looked at my shoulder? "I'm sorry, but is he supposed to be doing that?"

It was at that point that I became aware of what I can only now describe as a sparkling sound coming from my shoulder. Turning to look, I saw Soundbite grinning with demonic ecstasy. Aaand he was staring straight at Pappug with positively manic glee.

Riiiiight…

"Ugh…" I groaned, reaching up to rub my forehead. "For the sake of my sanity, I have to at least try; please don't sing the _entire_ song?"

" **NEVER!"** the snail dashed my hopes with a single cackling bark. " _ **I'VE WAITED TOO LONG FOR THIS! Oooooooh—!"**_

"Hold it!" Nami interrupted with a sharp snap of her fingers right in his face. "I'm going to need a little help for this."

And with that, she wrenched herself out of mine and Zoro's hands, marched over to the pavilion, and used her Tempo to wrench out a large wooden trunk marked "Zoro's Secret Stash; You touch this, I touch you!", whose lid she threw open in spite of Zoro's indignant snarl. After several moments of rummaging and clinking glass bottles, she took out a small bottle out and slammed the lid shut.

Nami held the bottle to her eye and scrutinized its faded label. "I don't know _what_ this is, but it has three and a half out of five stars on the label so that's either really good or really bad." She cautiously took a sip. "GAH! It tastes like pistachio ice cream, cough drops, and those 'Skittles' things Soundbite had Sanji try to whip up! And not in a good way."

And it was with _that_ particularly appetizing statement that Nami knocked the bottle back and drained it completely.

" _You raging witch-bitch!"_ Zoro snarled, veins pulsing in his neck.

Nami's _oh-so-polite_ response was to flash him her middle finger. Once she finished off the bottle, she tossed it overboard with a heaving sigh. " _Pah!_ Okay! Now that I'm sufficiently fortified—and can feel sounds—please continue, Soundbite."

Merry tilted her head inquisitively. "I thought your tolerance was best defined as 'ungodly'?"

The infamous Weather Witch donned a catty smile, just _filled_ with innocence. "Yeah, it was. And then I joined this crew and became one of the most feared pirates on the six seas."

"Most feared rookies."

Nami's grin _twitched._ "Rookies that _burned down the World Government's front porch."_

"… _POINT. ANYWAY,_ _ **Ooooooooh~!**_ "

**-o-**

One last flute riff, and the spectacle was over. I gave Soundbite an annoyed, somewhat mad glare. "You've been planning this for a while, haven't you."

" _OH,_ **you have** NO IDEA. _Thought I was gonna_ **BURST, SOMETIMES."**

"Mmph. Well, even so, did you _have_ to sing the _entire_ damn song?"

"If he's been waiting since the St. Briss, you should just count yourself lucky that there isn't a second verse," Robin stated.

I sighed and turned back to our guests. "Alright… moving _right_ on from this insanity… Keimi, is there anywhere you'd like us to take you, so that you can avoid the Sea Kings? You mentioned a restaurant, right?" I clamped my teeth down on the inside of my cheek. "Takoyaki 8, I think you called it?"

"Huh?" Keimi glanced at me, Luffy, Nami, Sanji, and Brook perking up at the same time. "Oh, yes! That'd be fantastic, thank you! Ah, and I could even give you a discount on our takoyaki! Ah, well, I just work there, but I'm sure my boss would be glad to give you guys a discount!"

"Or for free," Pappug cut in. "That would make more sense."

"GAH! That would make more sense!" Keimi shouted.

" _Takoyaki?"_ Luffy parroted, his eyes turning to fried octopus delicacies.

" _Free?"_ Nami echoed, her eyes turning to beri symbols.

Zoro, meanwhile, wasn't _quite_ so enthusiastic. "Is your store's octopus _really—"_ He casually caught Sanji's heel on his forearm. "— _that_ good?"

While Keimi nodded and was about to explain, I decided that there was _no way in heck_ I was going to be able to get through this without a damn drink. So, I casually knocked the back of my fist on Franky's gut and fished out a bottle of cola.

"Wha— _hey!"_ the cyborg yelped, slamming his stomach shut. "I'm not your damn fridge!"

I snapped a caustic glare up at him. "No, you're our cooler, so _shut it."_ And with that, I tilted the bottle back before he could object further. After all, I had to do _something_ to distract myself while Keimi was speaking. So, I tuned back in…

"—and while all the extra business was really nice, it was kind of hectic for a while with just me, Pappug and Hachin," the mermaid sighed despondently. "It was just too much! For every beri we made, we were losing two more! It almost wasn't any fun anymore…"

And then Keimi's mood flipped and she beamed with pure glee.

"But that all changed when Hacchin hired Kurochin and Chewchin!"

_**WHAT.** _

I heaved, my drink suddenly shooting down the exact wrong tube as I tried to speak or shout or _I don't know what damn it all!_

"Cross, I have had it up to here with you wasting my cola for spit takes; if you don't swallow that, I'm force-feeding you a biscuit," Franky threatened.

"F- _Fuck—grk,"_ I gurgled, hastily forcing the cola back down the right track and shoving the bottle back in his hands. Once my airways were clear, though, I snapped a panicked look at a concerned Keimi. "Wh-What were those names again?" I demanded.

"Huh?" Keimi tilted her head innocently. "You mean Hacchin, Kurochin, and Chewchin?"

Yup. No mistake. _Definitely_ no mistake. And seeing as Zoro, Usopp, Sanji, and Merry had all tensed up at once, snapping wide-eyed _looks_ at me, they'd managed to put the pieces together, too.

They didn't concern me, however. What really, _truly_ terrified me was the combination of the raging _typhoon_ churning behind Nami, and the perfectly, _terrifyingly_ blank expression with which she was staring at _absolutely nothing._

Audibly gulping, I tentatively croaked, "Y-You wouldn't happen to be talking about a ray fishman named Kuroobi and a… um… garfish, I think, named Chew?"

The whole time, I was silently pleading for her to say no. To please, please-please- _please_ refute me, even if she was _lying—!_

"Garfish? No, Chew is a smelt-whiting fishman," Pappug corrected.

**FUCK.**

"So, you know them?" Keimi perked up.

Okay, okay, this was bad, this was bad, but maybe, just _maybe_ I could still salvage it, with careful planning, the right combination of words—!

A hand crushed my shoulder. "And you're not asking about the octopus?" Zoro said dangerously.

I froze, and then slowly looked at Zoro with a bemused frown. "My mind's a blank," I admitted.

My terror wasn't forgotten for long, however, thanks to my other shoulder getting grabbed and the _rest_ of me getting hauled off almost faster than my feet could follow.

"We need a minute," Nami informed Keimi, her voice nice and even.

"Um… o… kay?" Keimi trailed off. Apparently, even a goldfish-brain like _her_ could read the subtext.

I shivered at _that_ little unspoken ultimatum, but nevertheless followed Nami with minimal complaint as she led me, Billy, and the rest of the East Blue crew around the side of the pavilion. Once there, Merry rapped on one of the pavilion's pillars and brought up the side wall, blocking Keimi and Pappug from view, which Soundbite backed with his own impenetrable wall of blurred noise.

Once we were nice and private, Nami _slowly_ looked at me. "Talk," she calmly ordered.

Well, I wasn't one to pass up _that_ invitation… for better or for worse. "Okay, okay," I jabbered frantically. "I know you're pissed, and you have every right to be, but I can explain—!"

Any further explanation was aborted on account of the fist that was suddenly _two inches from my face!_

"Thanks…" I breathed at Zoro, who was holding Nami back by the wrist. Behind her, I could also see Luffy holding her Clima-Tact, thank God.

"Thank me by _explaining_ instead of saying you will," the swordsman shot back, before turning his eyes to Nami. "You done?"

She nodded mutely.

"Good."

"In all fairness, I think—er, _know_ I deserved that," I shamelessly admitted. "And _only_ that, so I swear to you upfront, I _only_ knew that Hach— _tchan_ was free and I had _nothing_ to do with it."

Nami's already icy frown tightened, now on the verge of an outright scowl. "Talk fast, I'm already figuring out how to slip this."

So I did just that. "Alright, to start, I realize that your sentiments on Hach- _tchan_ and all fishmen are justifiably tainted, but you need to acknowledge that he's a _good guy._ He probably didn't even _want_ to go through with the Arlong Empire plan, he only did it because the other three were his closest friends, his _brothers!_ His equivalent of me, of Zoro, of _Luffy!_ Hell, his childhood dream was to open a takoyaki stand with—!" I froze in realization, and going by the _rainbow_ of emotions that flashed across Nami's face, she'd made the same leap I did.

Acting fast to forestall the building (metaphorical) hurricane, I ducked my head around the pavilion and waved down Keimi's attention. And I assure you, I did _not_ miss the fact that Nami was glaring holes in the back of my skull the entire time. "Ah, say, you two wouldn't happen to know where a fishman by the name of Arlong is, would you?"

Surprisingly enough, the gourami's expression grew ashen and sprouted an ugly grimace. "Hopefully still rotting in the jail Hachi said he was sent to, if there's any real justice in the world. I actually met him once, you know? When I was younger. Went to the Fishman District on a dare, heard him speaking. The things he said…" She shivered in revulsion. "He… He was a very bad person, and I'm happy he's locked away."

I nodded my thanks and turned back. Nami was visibly more relaxed, but her glare's intensity had barely diminished.

"OK, from the top," I repeated, unwilling to try to fit my other foot down my throat. "I knew about Hatchan; in the story, he was the only one who escaped from the gaol-ship that was carrying Arlong and his men. He went through some convoluted undersea adventure that ended with him quitting piracy and living out his old dream of opening a floating Takoyaki stand."

"And you didn't warn us about that, why?" Nami asked quietly.

I grimaced, and chose my next words very carefully. "Because there was nothing _to_ warn about, because that is _all_ he has been doing. In the story, we only met him because he was captured trying to save Keimi and Pappug from being kidnapped. He was locked up and begging to be set free to help, and… you were surprisingly okay with it. I think the way you put it was that he was…" I oh so carefully cracked open an eye. "Harmless?"

Nami's expression was unreadable for several seconds. Finally, she slipped her arm free of our swordsman and sighed in defeat. "…He's probably the only one who never tried to hurt me without Arlong's orders, and his antics cheered me up sometimes," she muttered absently before looking at me again. "If things happened like that, I can imagine… tolerating him. But if you're going to tell me that I let bygones be bygones just like that—"

"No-hoho- _hooo_ , it pretty much _was_ just tolerating him," I quickly clarified. "You only really forgave him and started considering him a friend after he took a bullet for us. _Literally."_

Nami's head snapped up, her eyes wide, and the rest of the East Bluers seemed surprised as well. But that lasted for all of a few seconds before the icy grimace returned. "I _guess_ I can imagine that…" Aaaand there was her hand snapping into a fist and the snarl asking for blood. "But Kuroobi and Chew? They weren't as bad as Arlong, no one ever could have been, but I wouldn't consider saving _them_."

"Hey, neither would I, Kuroobi was a bastard and Chew a sadist! I'm as shocked, _shocked_ as you are!" I protested. "The way I saw it, Hachi was the only one who got away. And there's no way that I could have changed that, I was either back in my world or stranded on that island until _after_ that went down."

"We've been over this, Cross," Sanji grit out, a factory's worth of smoke chuffing from his mouth. "If something goes differently than what you saw, it's automatically your fault."

I frowned and, for lack of any other options, ducked around the pavilion again. "How did those two start working with you?" I called out to Keimi.

"Kurochin and Chewchin?" she asked, bless her kindly heart. "Oh, that was a couple of months ago. After you started the SBS, business boomed for us; the Davy Back Fight alone had us struggling to keep up with all the orders, but after Enies Lobby, Hacchin decided that we needed more employees, and since Kurochin and Chewchin shared his dream of running a Takoyaki stand, he called Boss Jinbe and asked him to release them to his custody."

"Boss Jinbe dropped them off himself," Pappug continued. "I still remember how furious he looked; he told them that he was letting them all off with a warning, and if he heard a whisper of trouble, he'd have them back in prison before they could say Neptune. I'll admit that in the early days, Hachi had to hold their paroles over their heads, but they love the job enough that there aren't any more problems. Sure, they _do_ tend to provoke fights with humans, but from the grins those humans had when the fists started flying, they were looking for fights just for the hell of it, sooo…"

I _sloooowly_ came back around, expression pointedly blank as I worked out _that_ chain of events. "Okay. So maybe, _maybe_ it was my fault. Slightly. Tangentially." I was silent for a second before knocking my forehead on the wall. "Blame me if you will, but I _will not_ go silently into that good night."

With that, we lapsed into a tense silence blanketed by the Gastro-Scramble. All eyes were on Nami, who was slowly caressing her heavily tattooed left arm. Billy stood beside her, a wing resting over her shoulders. And slowly, the tension bled out of her body.

"…the scared little thief girl that was helpless against those fishmen is dead and gone," Nami said at last, her tone quiet but proud. "I'm strong enough now to face my past. And if they try _anything,_ they're mine."

"Works for me," I nodded thankfully, both for her confidence _and_ the sanctity of my body. "So, if that's everything—?"

"Not so fast, Cross."

I groaned and dragged a hand down my face. "Because _of course_ not." I glanced out the corner of my eye at our chef. " _What, Sanji?"_

"One other thing I need you to clear up for us first,," Sanji replied, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. "Keimi just mentioned that Jinbe let those two loose. And as I'm sure _you_ of all people remember, Yosaku told us about him way back when; about how a fishman became a Warlord in exchange for releasing—"

"Jinbe 'released' jack squat," I snapped. "He sprung Arlong from Impel Down when he became a Warlord, yes, but _entirely_ because they were crewmates on the Sun Pirates and because they were _once_ brothers in arms, that's _it._ Hell, when Arlong started hinting at what he was going to do, Jinbe thrashed his ass but good. You wanna know why Arlong tolerated Nezumi? It wasn't because he was worried about the Marines, it was because if Jinbe heard one word about Cocoyashi, the Arlong Empire would have crumbled like a sandcastle in the face of Jinbe's wrath."

"You're sure?" Nami asked.

"I guarantee that when we meet Jinbe, be it today or… _later,_ the _first_ thing he will do upon recognizing you is fall on his knees and beg your forgiveness, not just for himself but for fishmen as a whole. For not killing Arlong when the saw-toothed bastard gave him the chance. _That_ is the kind of fishman he is. _And no that's not an opening for you to offer to filet him,"_ I added, also directing a scathing glare at Sanji, who'd been looking just a _tad_ too thoughtful for my liking.

The cook snorted and rolled his eyes, but I could tell he'd done as I asked and dropped his ill-conceived notion.

"Alright, so does anyone _else_ have any chinks they want to poke? With full knowledge that I have every intention to—" I held my hand out and _strangled_ Funkfreed's grip when he dropped into my palm. "— _poke back?"_

Nobody had anything to say. Imagine that.

" _Good."_ I marched back around the pavilion, signalling that the conversation was over and allowing everyone to disperse, and then promptly conglomerate back around Keimi.

All wasn't as we'd left it, however, as Keimi was facing away from us, apparently speaking into her hand. She turned back around at the sound and I saw she was holding a Baby Transponder Snail with a star-spangled shell. A snail that she'd just put back to sleep and slipped back under Pappug's rasta hat.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, clutching her hands in concern.

"Don't worry about it," Vivi said before anyone else could open their mouths and let out trouble. She then glanced at the starfish. "Did you need to call someone?"

"Hm? Oh! No no," Keimi waved her off, though she looked concerned and was trying to hide it. Poorly. "I just called Chewchin to say that I'm on my way back and bringing some guests. He usually handles to-go orders…" She nervously bit her thumb. "Though, for whatever reason, he _did_ sound a little woozy."

"Puwe cuwiosity, but did you mention who yoah gueshts _wewe?"_ Carue asked dryly, casting a look at the rest of our crew.

"Naaah, I suggested we don't," Pappug answered. "I thought it would make a cool surprise!"

Now _that_ left me and a few others more than a little confused.

Ultimately, Sanji just waved his hand dismissively. "Eh, probably just a long day and a few shitty customers. Happened all the time at the Baratie."

Most everyone else murmured agreement, but… mmph, I don't know, something about that explanation didn't quite sit right with me.

"Anyway…" With that, he went back into a Cat 3 Hurricane and dropped into a bow. "If you would be so kind as to lead the way, Keimi dearest~! It will be our honor to follow you every step of the way! Tail-turn of the way!"

"Heheheh, yeah, _honor._ Hehahaha—!" _THWACK!_ "GAH!" Barto yelped before snarling at his snickering MC. "YA GET TWO A DAY, EVER! _TWO!"_

"I shall use them wisely and like clockwork, sir!"

"Gah—!"

"Is everything alright?" Keimi wondered.

"C'mon, Keimi, let's get out of here," Pappug sighed as he plodded towards the railing before any of us could respond.

"Hey, hold it a second, how about some directions to this place before you beat it? We're stuck here until she's done," Valentine cut in, jabbing her thumb at the _very_ deeply engrossed Goldenweek.

"And don't worry about any problems with the Log Pose, just give me some seamarks visible from the sky and I can relay them," Apis added, a notepad ready.

"Actually, I'd also like a word," Ever added. "Do you have any catalogs on hand? And do you deliver?"

"Mmm… fine, but then we're gone," Pappug sighed in defeat. "Whatever their problems are, I'd bet my top-arm that if we stay here even one second longer, we'll be infected by their crazy."

" **Don't those things** _ **grow back anyway, PATTY?"**_ Soundbite snidely queried.

Pappug's response was to shoot back a cocky smirk. "Yeah, actually, they do! Bet your guy could have used _that_ a while back, huh?"

" _ **WHAT!? YOU LITTLE—!"**_ Soundbite roared, before a snort ruined the image. " _Alright, I'll admit, that was actually a pretty good burn,_ **RIGHT CRO—** _WHU-OH."_ That was probably due to the thoughtful look I had on my face. "THAT LOOK NEVER MEANS ANYTHING GOOD. **WHAT'S CAUGHT IN YOUR** _ **BRAINPAN?"**_

I pursed my lips as I mulled events over. "Something doesn't make sense…"

Nami let out an incredulous tsk. "You mean besides the fact that two of my mother's unrepentant killers are free, along with a third who's on the fence?"

I ignored the crack so as to not lose my train of thought. "Remember how I said we originally ran into Hachi again after he was captured?"

Soundbite cocked an eyestalk. " **Yeah, why?** _ **We gonna arrive to an empty TAKOYAKI STAND OR SOMETHING?"**_

I shook my head. "No, you don't get it: that call she made, _that_ was supposed to be the ransom call. And Chew would have said something if anything had happened to Hachi, so…"

" _Mmm…"_ Soundbite crossed his eyestalks in thought. "MMMAYBE WE GOT HERE _EARLY?_ _ **AND NOW WE'RE gonna ARRIVE TO AN EMPTY STAND?"**_

"Mmrph." That made sense… "Except… the Macros aren't exactly what you'd call powerhouses." My frown evolved into a scowl as that trio of brainless faces flashed through my head. "In fact, they're cowardly weaklings. They had to hire a _gang_ to kidnap Hachi for them because they couldn't do it themselves. And that was Hachi alone. Even with superior numbers, I just can't see all three of Arlong's lieutenants getting taken all at once. Especially not with Chew's firepower and Kuroobi being a… what, black belt in fishman karate?"

"Yodan, specifically," Nami clarified, jaw clenched. "And with the way he trains, he's probably even higher by now."

" _My point being,"_ I continued before she could get started. "He and Chew are almost as strong as Hachi, each. And unlike Hachi, they don't have any qualms about bashing heads _in_ instead of just bashing heads. They wouldn't get taken easily."

"And they wouldn't be taken alone either," Sanji chipped in. "If Takoyaki 8's as famous as those two say it is, then in waters as rough as these, any customers present would be more likely to _help_ their favorite cooks, rather than lose their food."

"Geez, the more we talk about this, the stupider and stupider it sounds like attacking Takoyaki 8 is!" Usopp muttered incredulously. "Why would they even do it?!"

"Oh, that's an easy one: Keimi." I jabbed my thumb over my shoulder at our guest. "See, the thing about the Macro Pirates is that besides being unrepentantly stupid, they're unrepentantly evil. And by _that,_ I mean slave traders. _Fishman_ slave traders."

It took Nami a second, but when it hit, she was the first of the crew to pick her dropped jaw off the floor. "…I may be remembering wrong, Cross, but I have _vivid_ memories of Arlong and his crew going on drunken ragers about how every fishman alive _hates_ slavery with a bloody passion."

"Yeah, well, that makes the Macros race traitors," I growled in disgust. "And believe me, with what I know about their pasts, their actions are even more despicable than you can imagine. Insulting, too." I frowned in thought. "Now that I think about it, I _really_ should get a branding iron ready for when we run into them, there's something on their skins they should _not_ be wearing anymore—"

" _Let's_ put a pin in that," Merry hastily interrupted. "You were making a point?"

"Uh, right, motive, and as I said, it's Keimi." I shook my head sadly. "As you'll recall, the slave trade _does_ exist, and it's actually centered in these waters. It's in the flesh-market that human fantasies take a turn for the worst. And tragically, there's no more valuable fantasy out there than that of the mermaid. It's disgusting, but the fact is that Keimi's worth a _literal_ king's ransom. And when that much money's on the table?"

"People do disgustingly stupid things a stupid number of times, right, right," Nami sighed.

I nodded in solemn agreement. "Eeyup. Stupid like attacking Takoyaki 8 over and over again, no matter how many times Hachi beats them up and throws them back to the Sea Kings…" I paused as a thought occurred to me. "Although… with Kuroobi and Chew present, they wouldn't get off so easy anymore, and they'd know that, so they'd stop…"

I cupped my chin as my train of thought accelerated. "Or at least, they'd stop attacking the _stand,_ but they wouldn't give up on Keimi. Instead they'd keep an eye on her at a distance, follow her, waiting for the perfect moment when she was most vulnerable. And for a mermaid, that means when she's out of the—"

Close to the entire crew stiffened as realization washed over us.

"Oh, _sunnova KEIMI WAIT!"_ I howled in panic, spinning around and reaching for the mermaid.

"Huh?" Keimi blinked and looked our way—

SPLASH!

" _KYAH!"_

—just as a _blur_ shot out of the waters and snatched Keimi clean off the deck before anyone could react.

It was just so _fast;_ she was there one second, and the next we were left gaping dumbly at where she'd been just a second earlier.

Vivi was the first of us to find her words… or at least some of them. "W-What just—!?"

_That_ got everyone else's brains working.

" _KEIMI!"_ Pappug wailed in mortal terror.

"GUARDS! AFTER THEM!" Nami snapped.

" _RIGHT! MOVE IT!"_ Boss barked, leading the dugongs straight over the edge.

I reached after the dugongs, _trying_ to stop them… "No, wait—!"

_SPLASH!_

Aaand failing. "Don't," I groaned, letting my arm drop in defeat.

Pappug whirled around, face contorted into a tear-streaked snarl. " _Why would you tell them to stop, you heartless—?!"_

"Because there's no _point,"_ I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose in an attempt to ward off the battering ram trying to punch a hole in my skull. "That was a _Flying Fish,_ they're the second-fastest things under the sea. Boss and the TDWS are strong, no doubts about that, but…"

The dugongs chose that point to crawl back onto the deck, and I couldn't help but wince as I took in their state. Their disheveled, urchin-covered state.

"You didn't stand a chance in hell, did you?" I summarized sympathetically.

Mikey stuck his tongue out at me. Or he just stuck his tongue out so he could try and yank off the hermit crab that had latched onto it, either or.

Donny, meanwhile, sagged in place with a tortured groan. "So _fast._ They left us in their bubbles…"

"I _almost_ had them," Boss snarled as he yanked a particularly clingy urchin from the tip of his cigar. "But then they took a right turn through a reef and left me fighting off a bastard of a barracuda!"

"Well, we're not just letting them take her!" Luffy swore, grinding his fist into his palm. "Cross, where are they taking her?"

"Mmrph," I grunted, wracking my brain for all the details on this mess I would need. "Well, the bastards who use those things, the Flying Fish Riders, have a floating base near here, _but!"_ I cut the crew off before they could leap into action. "Assuming they're working for the Macros, they've got no reason to keep her there. We can double back and kick their teeth in later, but _right now,_ we need to head for the belly of the beast. Pappug, which way to—?"

" _Puru puru puru puru!_ _Puru puru puru puru!"_

The sudden ringing of Pappug's rasta cap did a good job keeping him from answering, which he responded to by whipping out his baby snail and answering with an irate snarl. "Hachi, this is _really not the time—!"_

" _And this isn't Hachi, so shut the hell up!"_

Pappug's face contorted in shock and rage as the snail's face turned to look at us, one eye wide with hate.

"' _Bout time. I've been waiting for you chumps for a while now, even set up base here 'cuz I knew that you'd show up eventually… and whaddaya know, my boys go out for a nice and easy dash-and-snatch, and they tell me that the mark's on_ your _tub of all places. Ain't life just_ funny _like that…"_ The eye flashed with the vilest of malevolence. "Straw Hats."

Never one to drop the ball on matters like this, Luffy grabbed the snail. "Give us Keimi back right now and we'll kick your ass!"

"Uh, Luffy—?" Usopp raised a finger uncertainly.

"If you _don't,"_ our captain continued in a low growl. "I'll feed you to the bananagators Boss knows."

_That_ shut us all up right quick. Heck, I think even Duval was a bit taken aback!

Leo actually summarized it best in two words: "Well, _shit."_

Sadly, apparently not even super serious Luffy could cow stupidity for long, as a second later Duval was right back to scowling and spitting. " _Yeah, well, tough nuts. I'm not afraid of you and I'm not letting your piece of tail go without a fight, so you're just gonna have to come and get her."_

" **You do realize that** _deliberately_ _ **PROVOKING US IS**_ _both more dangerous than_ AND MESSIER THAN _poking a sleeping dragon in the mouth,_ **RIGHT?"** Soundbite summarized incredulously.

" _Psh, what do I sound like to you, an idiot?"_ Duval scoffed. "' _Course I know that, ain't no one in the world who don't by this point, and I don't doubt that this whole base o' mine is gonna be ruins in a couple of hours."_

Several of the crew blinked in confusion.

" _But see, thing is?"_ the gang-leader continued. " _One o' you already ruined my life an' forced me into this business to start with, so I'm going all-in to get my revenge. I never wanted to do this, but considerin' what happened the last times someone went after one o' yours, what choice have I got?! Either way, I don't give a damn if you punt me straight to hell, so long as I take the bastard with me!"_

Su slowly cocked an eyebrow and leaned in close to Soundbite. "Call me crazy, but am I the only one who's finding this guy's moxie pretty damn respectable?" she muttered.

"I'm sorry to say, but I see where you're coming from," Conis hesitantly agreed.

"But that still leaves a big fat question!" Usopp blurted out. "If you had a problem with one of us that you wanted to fight out, why kidnap Keimi to piss us all off!?"

I glanced aside, wisely stowing away my opinion that Duval most likely hadn't thought of it until just now.

" _Who the hell says that wasn't the plan the entire time?"_

_Especially_ wise considering Duval's response!

A resounding " _WHAT?!"_ echoed across the Sunny's deck _and_ from out of Pappug's snail, courtesy of three incredulous voices.

" _Yeah, you heard me,"_ Duval stated. " _The mermaid is just makin' sure that you guys don't leave me high and dry here. You show up and give me the fight I want, you'll get her back."_

"HEY, HANG ON A SECOND!" the snail yelped in panic, its teeth suddenly turning into a miniature, panicked beartrap. " _The hell are you talking about, this wasn't part of our deal, you—!"_

The cathartic schadenfreude the meaty _THWACK_ that blasted over the connection produced probably would have powered everything on the Sunny that needed powering. For a week.

" _I WASN'T PLANNING ON HANDING HER OVER TO YOU SCHLEPS EVEN IF THE STRAW HATS_ WEREN'T _INVOLVED!"_ Duval roared, pure fury coating his voice. " _The Flying Fish Riders are a kidnapping gang_ only! _We do not fucking sell slaves! I was just gonna use her to get a neat sum out of Takoyaki 8 once I kicked you jerks to the curb… but now there's an even_ better _prize on the line! THE HEAD OF THE MAN WHO RUINED MY LIFE! SO! You Straw Hats want her?"_ The snail's eye bulged to almost cartoonish, vein-popping proportions. " _Come and get her!"_

And with that, the line disconnected.

For a few seconds, nobody spoke. Then Luffy turned to me, his silent question clear in his gaze. After a moment of thought, I responded thusly:

"This… is a bit _different_ from what I expected, but…" I shrugged. "I'd call it a good change if it gets Keimi out of danger. As for the threat level…" I waved my hand side-to-side. "Duval's a jerk, at the moment, but he's still better than the average hoodlum. Which is to say he's more polite than Barto—"

"OI!"

"—but right now he's royally pissed at us, so he's not _being_ nice. Honestly, I'd say that once this duel goes down, he'll honor his deal and let Keimi go."

"So, they're going to be our friends?" Luffy asked. He pouted in response to the incredulous looks he got. "Hey, it's not that hard to figure out! We've never fought someone who wasn't a total bastard who _didn't_ become our friend, right?"

"That's not—!" Nami started to protest.

"Wiper, Jonathan, Perona," Conis rattled off.

"Smoker, Tashigi, Hina, T-Bone, CP9," Merry added.

" _Cough-Hachi-cough,"_ I coughed into my fist.

"Aokiji."

Aaand Robin's comment stopped that momentum dead.

" _Never,"_ I outright snarled, hands clenching at my side.

"Guess it only counts if we actually win," Luffy grumbled.

"EXCUSE ME!" Pappug shouted. "Can we save whatever you're talking about for after we've rescued Keimi?! We need to get to their base!"

_Puru puru puru—KA-LICK!_

"WHAT!?" Pappug yowled, slamming his snail's connection open.

" _Yeah, sorry to ruin whatever dramatic mood you all mighta had goin', but I'm guessing you guys don't know how to get to my base?"_

"Whaaat, in the middle of the Grand Line where compasses don't work and we don't have a compass-beak bird on hand?" I deadpanned. "Nooo, what ever could have given you _that_ idea?"

The other line inhaled and then exhaled in a clear attempt to keep his temper.

" _You're lucky you're funny, you little—alright, I just had one of my guys drop off a custom Eternal Pose in the reef where we lost ya. Find it and then get your asses over here, fast. KA-LICK!"_

Boss glanced at his students. "Alright, who's got the _least_ crossed vision."

Donny stuck his flipper up. "I'm only seeing one-and-a-half instead of double."

"Good enough. Find the compass."

"Aye sir!" the purple bandana wearer saluted before leaping off the edge.

Well, there was really only one thing to do now.

"Sanji," I said.

"Yeah?" the chef asked.

"Start kindling; 'Iron Mask' Duval is all yours."

Sanji stiffened, smoke already wafting from his form.

**-o-**

"I can see it! Another five or ten minutes and we'll be there!" Usopp called from atop the crow's nest.

"Got it!" Luffy raised his thumb at the sniper. Then he looked over at Sanji, who'd been throwing practice kicks for the past hour. "You feeling ready, Sanji?"

"GRAH!"

_CRACK!_

Luffy casually ducked under the ballistic training dummy head Sanji had inadvertently launched at him. Our captain blinked at the destruction our cook was unleashing before grinning and raising another thumbs up. "Yeah, Sanji's doing just fine!"

"Mm, nah, no he's not," Zoro grunted dismissively, casually unsheathing Kitetsu. "Here, I'll help him get up to snuff."

And _that_ was my cue to GTFO before the sparks _really_ started to fly. So, I turned my back on the raging blitz that erupted between the terrible twosome and made my way around to the quarterdeck. Honestly, right now I wasn't in my happiest of states so I just wanted to find somewhere nice and secluded so I could be alone for a—

My eye twitched as a contemplative sigh wafted from around the corner, _exactly_ where I was headed. Yeah, now that I think about it, my plan to try and get some alone-time at the Sunny's patented 'Alone Time Spot' might have a flaw or two in its conception.

Well, it wasn't too late, I could always turn around, find some place below decks, fester in my—

"HEY, ARE YOU GUYS FIGHTING? GANGWAY! FULL-SHELL STYLE—!"

Then again, misery (or other such melancholy emotions) does so love company.

As such, I walked around the corner, and winced at who it was leaning on the railing and gazing out at the horizon. Well, I already saw them, sooo…

I leaned next to them with a hearty sigh all my own, not even getting a glance. "So," I started, "You're down in the dumps too?"

"Mm-hm," Nami nodded, her Eisen halo flickering to and fro. "Care to share?"

"Meh, you first."

"Nah, you go right ahead."

"No no—"

" _ **For the love of the Great Mother Snail in the sky that I just made up,**_ **EITHER GAG ME,** _ **KISS,**_ _or one of you start already!"_ Soundbite demanded.

"Well, in all fairness," I began. "My concerns are a bit selfish: if we're not raining unholy destruction down on the Flying Fish Riders, then I'm not going to be able to say Number Three on my bucket list of lines I absolutely want to say before I die."

"…Wow, you were right, that _is_ selfish," Nami declared, her expression as flat as her tone.

"Heh," I snickered before nodding sympathetically. "Anyway, I'm guessing you're thinking about Hachi?"

"Oh, no, not at all," Nami immediately denied. "I'm repressing that can of worms until the last possible moment."

"Unhealthy, but I have no room to complain," I shrugged. "Go on, what are you thinking about?"

The witch's expression twisted into robotic neutrality. "The fact we're going up against a bunch of slavers that vastly outnumber us and rule the sky _and_ seas."

I waited, and upon a lack of elaboration, I acted on the assumption that she never expected to say that sentence in her life.

"So, you've come to terms with the fact we're all mad?" I needled, a devilish grin on my face.

"No, I did that a long time ago," she waved me off indifferently. "This time… I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm… actually pretty badass?"

"Huh?"

Nami looked at me with a dead serious expression. "Cross, the first thing that ran through my head when I heard we were going up against a gang was 'I hope I can actually get my hands on some before the others take them all down'. And even before that…" She started to count down on her fingers. "First I stood against Fleet Admiral Sengoku on my own terms, then I withstood the attack of a Warlord, and _then_ I went up against a pirate on the same caliber as _Gol D. Roger,_ all without missing a _beat."_

She turned and stared out at the horizon with a wide-eyed gaze that I now recognized as one of numb surprise. "I… I honestly think I'm finally starting to accept that I'm not normal anymore. I'm the second mate of the Straw Hat Pirates, one of the Thirteen Supernovas, and I'm… actually pretty powerful. And, in the end… I actually think I'm alright with that."

I stood up straighter, surprise written all over my face. "Really now? What, no freaking out about not being a 'normal, sane person' anymore?"

Nami scoffed. "If I were normal, we'd have sunk at Reverse Mountain, and if I was ever sane, this ocean's wrung it out of me." With a rueful chuckle, she shook her head. "But still… I think the real deciding factor of it all… was back on Thriller Bark with Kuma. Because if I was still the person I was when we entered the Line…"

She smiled endearingly at me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Then I wouldn't have been able to stand up. At the least, Zoro would be dead and at the worst…" Nami shook her head. "So no. No, I'm not normal anymore."

Nami stood up and stamped the butt of her Clima-Tact in the deck, her Eisen Tempo billowing out. "I'm a badass, a mon—…no." She shook her head and donned a proud smirk. "I'm a _demon,_ just like you. And I'm alright with that, because demons…" She turned to gaze out over the horizon, dreamy wistfulness in her eyes. "They're strong enough to protect their friends."

"…Damn straight, Weather Witch," I smiled, turning to gaze alongside her. "Damn straight."

A comfortable silence fell between us, lasting a few minutes until we made our way back to the main deck, where the rest of the crew waited, battle-ready. As we came within firing range of the Flying Fish Riders' base, the riders themselves were plainly obvious, their mounts visible around the edges of the island and ready to duck down or soar up at a moment's notice. And as we drew nearer, Duval himself emerged on his loyal buffalo, iron mask and all.

"Go, Sanji," Luffy calmly ordered.

"Gladly," Sanji declared, taking a running start and then leaping off the edge of the Sunny, spinning through the air before landing on the edge of the base.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the TDWS holding up scorecards.

"Where's Keimi?"

"Right over there," Duval grunted, jerking his helmet at the hanging cage in which a bundled form was propped up against the bars.

" _ **Actually, she's in the THIRD HUT TO**_ **the right,"** Soundbite murmured in my ear. " _BUT I THINK THEY'RE ON THE UP-AND-UP,_ THE MACROS ARE ALL HOGTIED TOO; _it's just insurance._ **Kudos to them for the effort, though,** _METRONOME IN A DUMMY_ **AND DECENT SOUNDPROOFING AND EVERYTHING."**

"Mrr, yeah…" I cocked my head in acknowledgement. "Makes sense. Duval's an _idiot,_ believe me, but one thing he's not is stupid…" I slowly hung my head in despair. "Which, actually, describes a _disturbing_ number of people in my life, oy vey…"

Down on the pier, Sanji lit his cigarette and graced Duval with a glower that was noticeably less heated than before. "So, you _do_ have some honor, then," he said. "Alright, one last question before we get to the fighting: why the _hell_ do you want my head so badly?! Look, if I kicked your ass back on Baratie, I'm sorry, but you probably had it—"

"You… don't remember?"

Sanji blinked. "Er, no? Should I?"

A deep, mildly hysterical chuckle, much akin to powdered glass, wafted out of the mask. "Oh, I'm going to enjoy this, Black Leg. You'll scream so hard your mouth splits before you die."

Snorting, Sanji crossed one arm behind his back and used the other to beckon Duval forward. "Yeah yeah, nothing I haven't heard before. Let's get this over with."

"Yes, let's," Duval growled, holding up what looked to be a remote trigger of some kind.

Sanji, recognizing it for what it was, dashed forward. Of course, there was no way possible that he was fast enough to stop a button press, and when several hole-studded cylinders popped up on the sides of the pier he was already changing direction. With a whirr and a click, metal darts shot out of their launchers, Sanji ducking, weaving, and leaping around them. And a good thing, too, because hissing smoke rose wherever they struck.

"Poison," Sanji grunted as he landed, before leaping forward under a barrage of harpoons that Duval had just launched.

"Right you are, Black Leg!" Duval roared. "And you won't—"

"Hey, I remember that smell. He's using that Scorpion poison stuff Crocodile used," Luffy noted from the Sunny.

"Oh, good, I should have some antidote left…" Chopper sighed in relief.

"Tarnation!"

"Concasse!"

Anything else Duval might have said was lost when Sanji's heel nearly consummated a date with his face, instead slamming into his harpoon launcher. Impressively, the thing did not break, though it did acquire a prominent dent.

Landing on Duval's mount's head, Sanji launched a barrage of kicks. Impressively, Duval blocked or ducked under a majority of them.

"Hurk!"

Less impressively, that still left several to hit him, and they all landed in his gut.

At this pained grunt from its master, the buffalo brayed and shook its head. Footing lost, Sanji flipped off the animal and right onto a trap door that opened the moment he touched it.

"Sky Walk!" Sanji barked, pushing off onto solid ground.

"Good job, Motobaro. Now, run him down!"

Snorting, the big black buffalo Duval was riding pawed at the ground and then charged Sanji. Charged him at speed of ten miles an hour, or thereabouts. Sanji rolled his eyes.

"Really? Oh, well. Poitrine—!"

"Not so fast!"

Eyes widening, Sanji jumped back from another spread of harpoons—just as two more launchers popped up, aiming right at him.

"Hahaha!" Duval cackled. "Midair, no way to run!"

"You think so?" Sanji wryly replied. "Aperitif!"

Razor air lashed out, neatly decapitating one of the launchers. The other survived long enough to fire its darts, but without its brother Sanji twisted in midair, feet rising up in the perfect position to kick the first harpoon of the latest salvo into the rest of them.

Appreciative ohs and ahs rose from the Sunny. Duval was less appreciative, judging from the audible grinding of his teeth.

"So, what else can you do?" Sanji asked.

One remote trigger was discarded, and another took its place.

_KABOOM!_

An explosion engulfed the part of the pier Sanji was standing on, spraying shattered wood every which way. The cook, though, was well above the blast, soaring into the air. With a cry of "Sky Walk!", he shot down, reaching Duval before he could react, and landing a heavy kick on the man's helmet.

The sound of a ringing bell filled the base. Most notably, though, his helmet went flying.

"Fine!" Duval barked. "Take… Take a good look at my scarred face!"

The helmet hitting the planking echoed over the entire base, audible mostly due to the complete and utter _silence_ that had descended.

"I've waited for this day… In order to send you to hell, I set out to sea! But finding you has been a problem, because the face on the wanted poster is different from the face of the person himself!"

Clearly, Duval was winding up for a pretty impressive rant. I almost wish I could have heard it.

"PFFFHAHAHAHAHA _HAAAAA!"/_ " _HOOHOOHOO_ **HEEHEEHEE** _ **HAHAHA!"**_

Unfortunately for him, I couldn't be made to give half a fuck on account of how I was absolutely, positively _busting my gut at the sight of DUVAL'S FRICKIN' BRILLIANT FACE, PFHAHAHAHA!_

I'M SORRY, BUT EVEN TO THIS DAY I CAN'T THINK OF THAT WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL MOMENT WITHOUT CRACKING UP! PFFHAHAHA! IT WAS ALL JUST SO _BRILLIANT!_

S-Seriously, seriously, you know how up until now I've been giving Oda-sensei a hard time about how his art can't match up to reality? Well, in this case, he got it _exactly_ right! Down to the last detail, Duval's face looked like… like— _PFFHAHAHA! OH MY GOD HE JUST LOOKED SO! FREAKIN' STUPID! PFFHAHAHAAAA!_

But ah, ah, before you judge me too harshly for laughing at another man's… _unfortunate_ lot in life… let me claim thusly in my defence:

"MWAHAHAHAAA!"

I was _so_ not the only one howling like a maniac.

Seriously, at least _I_ was standing up. Merry had _collapsed,_ she was laughing her ass off so hard. And it wasn't just her!

"YOHOHO! YOHOHO!"

Brook was busy rolling on the deck, pounding his bony knuckles on the grass. "M-My gut—! No, my sides—! Can't breathe—! _Oh for the love I'm laughing too hard to think of a good skull joke! YOHOHO!"_

"HAHAHA!" Boss was wheezing like a chimney, leaning against the railing for support. "A-A duel to the death for honor is a Man's Romance… " He threw his head back, cackling like a Romanian vampire. "BUT THIS IS DEFINITELY A MAN'S _NIGHTMARE RIGHT HERE! HAHAHA!"_

"GO, BO—AHAHA!" the cackling pile of blubber and shells that was once our ship's guard howled.

"Wow…" Conis covered her mouth in awe. "They look just like each other!"

"Like two peas in a pod," Zoro calmly agreed.

"Ohh, _hon—_ ey?" Su cut herself off mid-word, glancing off to the side with narrow(er) eyes before hopping off our gunner's shoulder. "Chopper, can I see you for a second?"

" **Huh?"** The reindeer looked up from… _whatever_ madness he'd been scribbling in his notebook before shrugging and following the fox to who-knows-where.

"Must not laugh, must not laugh, laughing will make daddy oh so cross and _start a war!"_ Vivi repeated to herself, teeth clamped on her thumb's knuckle with almost religious fervor.

"Exshept thish time you _won't_ shtawt a waw, wemembah?"

"…oh, right. HAHAHA! I'M SO SORRY, SANJI, BUT- _BUT-BAHAHAHA!_ "

"-(๑ ‿ #)ᕗ" Gif's eyes flashed gleefully, searing the scene into her memory.

From Sanji's expression, he _so_ wanted to cuss us all out. But given that a handful of the ladies on the crew were laughing just as hard…

"I am conflicted…" he muttered. Then his eyes locked on me and his blank expression became one of undiluted rage. "Conflicted because I don't know whether to murder you _now_ or _after_ I deal with _this._ Either way, Jeremiah 'Voice of Anarchy' Cross? **You are a dead man walking."**

"Drag me down to the ninth circle and out through Satan's ass, I couldn't care less, _I'm dying happy today! PFHAHAHA!"_

"RRRR _RAAAGH! YOU DARE!?"_

Apparently Sanji wasn't the only one intent on making me suffer today.

"You little _pricks!_ You dare to laugh at my misery!? The hell you bastards brought down on me!?" Duval bellowed, waving his harpoon gun in our general direction. "I was _gonna_ let you go, but now once I'm done with this life-ruining bastard, I—!"

_CRUNCH!_

" — _GWUH!?"_

"Shut—!" _THWACK!_ "Up—!" _SMACK!_ "You—!" _CRUNCH!_ "Idiot!" " _ **CONCUSS!"**_ "AND YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, ESCARGOT!"

Panting, Sanji removed his foot from Duval's skull, letting the former mafia boss collapse in an unconscious heap.

"You ever think of changing your hairstyle?!" he snapped. "Growing a beard? _Anything?!"_

"W'ld… ruin… m' h'ndsome l'ks…" the swollen-faced bandit boss slurred out.

As one, the Flying Fish Rider audience slapped their fists in their palms and gaped in dawning realization.

"Really?! How stupid are—Ugh, forget this," Sanji grumbled, glaring at the downed Duval. "Stay unconscious for a bit. I'll deal with you in a minute." With that, he blurred from the dock, reappearing on the railing to loom over me with a blazing glare. "Any last words, Monsieur _dead man?"_

I paused in my laughing, thought long and hard, and then I looked Sanji, Black Leg Sanji, third strongest on our crew, dead in the eye and smiled. "I," I announced without shame. "Have been _waiting_ for this since Water 7, and I was _not_ disappointed."

_CRACK!_

"Pfhahaha!" I giggle-cackled as I rolled on the deck from the punt Sanji had delivered unto me. "Pfhaha— _ow!—_ haha! Argh, damn— _pff!_ —damn it Sanji, did you have to kick me in the ribs?! It hurts when I laugh!"

"Yeah, and I did it because you _wouldn't stop laughing!"_

"I-I can't help it! This is just so! Fucking! _Hilari—!"_

_**THWACK!** _

That one actually made me black out. When I finally came back around, it was to the sound of much rejoicing. It only took a moment for me to connect the dots, though it took a bit longer for me to get back up and see the proof with my own eyes: the Bishōnen Duval flexing before his cheering men while the rest of the crew looked on with varying degrees of interest. Sanji, for his part, was giving the made-over mob boss an odd mixture of boredom and satisfaction.

"Sooo…" I drew his attention with a tentative cough, tugging at my collar when he glared down at me. "Yooou gave him the facelift?"

Sanji's cheek twitched viciously. "I _was_ going to ask you if it would work or if it would kill him, but then I decided that both were acceptable outcomes," he responded darkly.

"Er…" I swallowed heavily. "Right. Acceptable. Let's go with that."

"More importantly… HEY, MORON!" Sanji barked at Duval.

"What? You called me handsome?" he responded, winking at _oh that is not considered winking in any part of the multiverse!_

If the full-body shudder that ran through our cook was anything to go by, he agreed. "If you don't give us back Keimi right now, I'm _still_ going to kick your ass inside out!" Sanji paused for a second, and then redoubled his scowl. "And your face, too!"

Duval's expression flashed panic, and then snapped right back into a warm smile. "Of course, of course, she's free to go! Honestly, now that I'm so _dashing,_ the whole thing seems foolish!"

"' _Now'?!"_ Donny hissed incredulously.

"Ryota, go get her."

"Right away, Head," one Rider saluted, running for the building in which they were keeping Keimi.

" **He's in** _ **for a**_ _nasty SURPRI-ISE~"_ Soundbite snickered with a wicked grin.

"Huh?" I glanced at the gastro-ass. "What are you—?"

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" the Rider suddenly wailed in horror, running back out of the hut. "HEAD, SHE'S GONE!"

"WHAT?!" Duval roared, his handsome features turning fearful. Then they turned ferocious. "Wait, that's also where we were keeping—! Damn it, the Macros!"

He raised his head, and fear promptly replaced his outrage again at the sight of Luffy _and_ Sanji glaring at him. "Y-Y-Young Masters, please don't be angry. Fishmen can't outpace our Flying Fish, we'll track them to Sabaody and get her back. A-And of course, you're free to come with us!"

Soundbite cocked his eyestalk as he smirked at the gangboss. "CONGRATULATIONS, **you pass** _ **the sincerity test."**_

All eyes turned back to Soundbite, who rolled his eyestalks before jabbing them at a spot near the building where Keimi had been. " _YOU WERE RIGHT, the Macros_ TRIED TO TAKE HER. **That doesn't mean they** _ **succeeded."**_

"Aye! And we made damn sure of it too!"

All attention turned to one of the base's alleyways where a Heavy Point Chopper was holding Keimi in his arms and had three bound and gagged fishmen beneath his foot, with Su resting contently on his hat!?

…eh, I wasn't even that surprised at this point. Still…

"Dare I even ask _how_ this came about?"

"Weeeell," Chopper trailed off as he scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

**~Ten Minutes Earlier~**

Macro warily eyed the blitz still ongoing in the base's bay from the dubious safety of behind a corner. Still, the fight didn't look to be winding down anytime soon. "Come on, come on!" he hissed at his crewmates. "We gotta beat it while they're still busy beating each other's brains out!"

"I told ya we never shoulda messed with these dumbasses!" Gyaro whispered harshly, narrowing his eyes; even narrower than usual, to be clear. "That Duval was always known as a moron even _before_ the whole 'false bounty' thing! This is your fault!"

"And we woulda done _so_ much better going up against Hachi, Kuroobi, _and_ Chew?!" Macro snarled back, shoving his fanged face in Gyaro's pinched one. "You can stow that 'Goldfish Fencing' malarkey, because we both know that his six would dice your one in seconds!"

"Why you—!"

_TH-THWACK!_

"OW!" the two yelped in tandem, falling back clutching their aching skulls.

"Cram it, the both of ya," Tansui grumbled through his lantern jaw. "We're out, we're gone. Now c'mon, let's get the merchandise-" He emphasized the word by shrugging the struggling sack in his hands onto his shoulder. "To Sabaody. Once we split the money, we won't have ta deal with each other ever again."

Macro ground his teeth indignantly. "Ergh, the day I get told off by a moron like _you…_ fine, _fine!"_ He threw his hands up in defeat, stomping towards the ocean. "Let's just get back to our ship before anyone—!"

"He- _llo_ , boys."

The fishmen all froze at the voice that suddenly sounded out in front of them, in spite of the open, clear ocean surrounding them. It took a minute for them to consider looking down, at which point they _finally_ saw the small, white, ever-snarky form of the Straw Hats' pet fox.

"Please, _please_ tell me that you're either the special kind of stupid who underestimates harmless-looking critters like me," Su pleaded with brazen glee and grin. "Or that you're desperate enough to try your luck anyway. I really want it to be one of the two."

Before either of the stupid underlings could respond, the desperate captain stomped his foot to loom over the fox.

"You _really_ think you can take all three of us?" Macro scoffed.

The fox tilted her muzzle ever-so-innocently. " _All_ of you?" Su inquired sweetly. "Tempting, truly it is, but naaaah. I'll just be playing second fiddle in this hoedown."

The Macro Pirates all blinked in confusion, but before they could wonder what she was talking about, a shadow fell over the three of them. Acting on their Grand Line-honed instincts, the trio spun around, expecting the worst… and were befuddled to find a mere three-foot silhouette that bore cyan eyes and a biiiig smile instead of the massive behemoth they were expecting.

" _He'll_ be the one beating your skulls like bongo drums," the fox concluded.

" **Good** _ **eve-**_ **ning!"** the midget drawled casually.

The two Macros to recognize the silhouette and connect it to the _very_ well-known name and bounty, stared at the silhouette in silence. Stunned, slack-jawed, _terrified_ silence.

The one who _wasn't_ that intelligent, however, chose to remove all doubts in regards to his _own_ intelligence. "And how's he gonna do—?" Tansui began.

The hulking arowana-fishman's composure crumbled when 'Spark of Genius' Tony Tony Chopper snapped into his Heavy Point, maintaining his grin as he towered over the fishmen and cracked his knuckles with a few idle flexes of his fingers. **"You have my thanks, Su,"** the third of the Demon Trio grinned malevolently. " **I've been looking for a chance to brush off my pugilistic capabilities and pair them with my intellect, and you've provided me with the most acceptable targets I could imagine!"**

"No-ho-ho, thank you!" Su purred, dropping into a ready stance, her tail waving eagerly. "Now… allow me to start things off by showing these _raging bastards my PEARLY WHITES! EAT IT, CHUMPS!"_

"AGH—!"

We draw a veil over the scenes of indescribable carnage, due to intense ultraviolence, general vulgarity, and the fact that half of the techniques performed by Tony Tony Chopper were illegal in the great state of Texas.

We humbly apologize for the inconvenience.

**~Some time later~**

SPLASH!

Soaked in freezing cold water, Macro jerked awake with a panicked yelp. "GWAGH! Tansui, you damn—!" At that point, he went quiet, because in addition to the yelp and the awakening, he'd tried to clock his dumbass of a crewmate. Key word being _tried,_ given they were chained to his sides and all that. "What the hell's going on here!?"

It was at this point that the macropharynx fishman noticed two important things. First, when he tried to look around his head knocked back against two other individuals he was back to back with, who he had a sneaking suspicion were his crewmates, which put him in even deeper shit than he'd initially suspected.

And second… second was the ominous weight of a metal collar around his neck. Specifically, the _watertight_ metal collar that he and his boys had whipped up. Made so that when it was locked around another fishman's gills, they wouldn't get any bright ideas about escaping.

Considering what the Macros had used those collars for in the past, the fact that they were wearing them now could only mean they were in the deepest, direst of shit possible.

Keeping his head still, Macro glanced around in growing panic. Then, abruptly, he stopped, finally grasping where he was. It was some sort of brig, unsurprisingly. And there were a few human figures standing just out of the light. His eyes picked up some sort of deformation on one's shoulder, a hat on another one, and an unorthodox-looking staff and an aura hanging around the third—

Oh… oh Oceanus' barnacle-crusted balls, they weren't in deep shit. They'd dug clean through to shit _bedrock._

"So," the voice that was the bane of their business drawled _ever_ so casually, the word undercut by the _tink-tink-tink_ of his fingers drumming on his elbows. "Do you intend to take what's coming to you with what little dignity you have left, or are you gonna squander that away too?"

"You won't get away with—!" _THWACK! "ACK!"_

Macro ground his teeth as he ignored the throbbing pain from slamming his head against Gyaro's. "Just get it over with," he demanded.

"Psh," the witch scoffed, the noise accompanied by a wave of ozone. "You only _wish_ you were getting off that easy. No, we have something much worse in mind."

The one who had to be the Captain ignored his crewmates' comments in favor of glancing over his shoulder. "So. What do you want us to do with these three?"

For a moment the Macros wondered who the rubbery human was talking to. Then the person came into view, staring at them with an uncharacteristically blank expression, and the three fishmen realized with complete and utter certainty that this time… this time there would be _no_ mercy waiting for them.

"You were going to sell me," Keimi stated blandly.

Macro glanced nervously back at his boys. "Uh…"

The mermaid's gaze narrowed into a glare. "Like you've sold dozens of fishmen and women over the _past five years."_

Aaaand just like that Macro felt his already clammy skin drain of blood.

" _ **In case it wasn't clear, WE FOUND YOUR BOOKS,"**_ Soundbite said _ever_ so tauntingly.

"Yeeesss, and now that I consider the extent of your crimes…" the big-mouthed pirate stated contemplatively before leaning towards the mermaid. "Oh, Keimi, a thought occurs. You said that Chew and Kuroobi are working at Takoyaki 8 on parole courtesy of Jinbe, correct?"

Keimi glanced at him. "Yes?"

"Which makes Jinbe their parole officer, right?"

"Yes."

The pirate _slowly_ turned his razor-sharp expression on the captives. "Which means, as their employer, in case of emergencies or them _breaking_ parole… you have Jinbe's _snail number, right?"_

The Macros all saw the moment that the connection clicked in Keimi's eyes, and they never forgot it. Because right after, a fire lit in the mermaid's eyes. A fire that straight-up murdered the last of their hopes in cold blood.

"… _right._ Can I borrow Soundbite for a moment?" she asked, her tone as dead as the rock her expression seemed to be hewn from. She didn't even look at Soundbite as she accepted the snail. She was far too busy glaring at the sun symbols burned into the Macros' sorry hides.

"Ohohoh, please, take _all_ the time in the world, I insist," Cross assured her. "Really, I want them to _stew_ in the thought of just _what_ the Knight of the Sea is going to do to them."

By this point, the three fishmen had gone deathly grey, much to the satisfaction of their captors. The witch was looking especially pleased at the sight, but when Cross casually strolled by her she glanced towards him.

"For all that their reactions are proving what you said right, Jinbe seems to have a lot of connections to evil, slaving fishmen," she remarked neutrally.

"Normally I might explain," Cross replied, shrugging. "But since it looks like we'll be meeting him two years sooner than I expected, that story is for him to tell. Now… time for the _coup de grâce."_

Cross strolled right up to the cage's bars and shoved his grin in their faces. "In any other circumstance I'd call you dead fish walking… but the fact is, nobody you're gonna see any time soon is going to be so merciful as to grant you the release of sweet, sweet death." He took on a few more shiny, malevolent molars. "No… no, you boys are going to live for a very, _very_ long time. Ain't that just _spectacular?"_

And _that_ was when the screaming started in earnest.

**-o-**

As we emerged onto the deck, we were met with a crowd of faces absolutely marred with disgust.

"Eesh…" I winced, recoiling slightly from the veritable maelstrom of fury before me. "Dare I ask what got stuck in all of _your_ collective craws?"

"That would be my doing, Cross."

I turned to see Robin, whose visage was the calmest of them all. Which is to say she was spinning her knife like a baton and looked fit to shiv someone. "Upon noticing the sun tattoos that they bore, I got a little… ah…"

" _Stabby?"_ Soundbite provided.

"Blunt but accurate. Naturally, my behavior drew attention, and just as naturally, it led to a bit of…" The spinning stopped, and the knife's structure creaked ominously. " _Storytelling._ I'm sure you know more than I do on the subject, but as it is, the public record on the Sun Pirates provides some _excellent_ context."

"Forget 'race' traitor, those three are the most disgusting traitors to every kind of decency in existence!" Vivi raged, a minor dust devil blustering up around her.

"Any chance I could talk to Keimi for a few minutes?" Boss grunted, idly bouncing his hook in his palm. "I have a few _questions_ I'd like to ask her, regarding fishman anatomy. Professional curiosity, you understand."

" _ **Likewise,"**_ Chopper and Donny added.

"There'll be no need for that, I assure you," I said, dismissing the threats with wave of my hand. "If Robin already told you about the Sun Pirates, then you'll understand the significance of what we chose as their punishment: we're handing them off to Jinbe himself."

And just like that the mood… well, it didn't _lighten,_ per se, but at least it sharpened, so that was an improvement.

Well, almost everyone sharpened, anyway.

"Ah, you mean we're going to be meeting Jinbe ourselves? As in, the Warlord, Knight of the Sea, _and_ crewmate of Arlong? _Today?"_ Billy clarified. He waddled up to Nami and gave her an uncertain look. "Are… are you sure you want to do that?"

"I… no, not entirely," she admitted after a moment's hesitation, kneading her brow with the butt of her hand. "No matter what Cross says, he still let Arlong loose, I can't just forget that…" She then cracked her eyes open in a forceful glare. "But at the same time, I _need_ to do this. He knew Arlong; in fact, he probably knew him better than anyone alive. Which means that I can look him in the eye and get something I've wanted for eight years."

"And… that would be?" Leo asked.

"The same thing that every survivor wants to know," Conis quietly answered. "An answer for 'why' that isn't just 'hate'."

Nami made a gesture of agreement before turning her attention back to the starfish. "So… how long have we got left?"

"About… an hour or so, I would say," Pappug responded nervously.

"Anyone have a good distraction in the meantime, then?" Nami asked.

"I have one, actually," Sanji said, turning to me with a murderous fire in his eye. "So, Cross, would you mind explaining exactly _how_ keeping that abominable picture intact was, and I quote, 'vital for our future'?!"

A memory of a spherical tank in a hellish auditorium sprang up in my mind, and I matched Sanji's gaze blaze for blaze.

"You really think I would pull something like _this_ just for my own amusement?" I demanded. And even I held my serious expression for a few seconds before busting out snickering! "Alright alright, fine, that was part of it, but the rest of the reason I did it is that the chain of events that came from that poster resulted in Duval and the Flying Fish Riders becoming our allies."

"Mmph," Sanji grunted. "And we needed a group like them on our side because—?"

"Eh…" I spared an uneasy glance towards Keimi and Pappug, one that I knew that Sanji saw, before answering. "Well, we're headed to Sabaody, remember? The place is a nightmare and a half to navigate, and I'd rather have someone who's familiar with us just in case, you know?"

For whatever reason, that answer just seemed to put Sanji even more on edge than he already was, though if he understood the real reason that was no surprise. "Alright, Cross. I can live with that," he admitted, his anger almost completely gone. Almost, however, in that he was still staring at me. "But at the same time, not telling me about what was actually underneath that guy's mask—"

"—falls under the category of 'harmless', thank you very much," I cheerfully replied, grinning shamelessly. "But in all seriousness, that was the only reason I didn't ping my contacts; I can have them fix your poster any time now!" I smiled winningly (and more than a little fearfully) as I whipped out my Vision Dial and held it up. "Just strike a pose and we'll get started!"

"…Cross, wait."

I rolled my eyes. " _No,_ I won't help you get a white horse and roses blowing in the breeze. That's someone else's schtick and, no offense, no matter how much it _kills_ me to say it, they pull it off better than—!"

"Not that," he interrupted, his expression grim and hesitant, something clearly weighing on his mind.

Zoro, the very picture of boredom, scoffed and dug his pinky in his ear. "Cook, if you're not going to get Cross back for the picture, just—"

"Zoro." Against all odds, the swordsman froze under Sanji's gaze. "Just this once? Shut it."

Slowly, Zoro turned around and regarded Sanji with wide eyes. Then, rather than reach for his swords, he instead sat himself against the nearest mast and stared straight at Sanji, giving his rival his full, undivided attention.

Sanji nodded, turning back to the rest of the crew, scanning over everyone before settling on our guests. "Keimi, dear, could you and Pappug give us a few minutes?" he requested in the most polite tone he could manage. Which, considering that he was talking to a _freakin' mermaid,_ was wildly out of character for him.

"Say no more, lots of secret talks going on, we got it," the starfish remarked before Keimi could say anything, patiently leading her back inside. "Besides, I've got some new designs to work on anyway. Have fun with your skullduggery."

"Ooh, you mean the—?" Keimi started to ask, the closing door cutting her off.

Sanji looked my way and chopped his hand across his throat, prompting _me_ to nod at Soundbite.

Once the buzz of static went up, Sanji sighed and bowed his head. With obvious trepidation, he walked over to a barrel and sat down on it with a tortured groan, teeth grinding as he massaged his brow.

"I never planned to bring any of this up again," he lamented, speaking as much to himself as he was to us. "And the _only_ reason that I'm doing it now is that the past keeps taunting me no matter how much I try to stomp it down, over and over again. So, if my choices are keeping my mouth shut or being blindsided…"

He looked up at us and _holy hell what the hell was squatting in_ his _soul!?_ "You all need to understand something," he croaked. "You've all been reading my name wrong this whole time. My name… it's not Sanji. It's _San-_ ji."

A case of the confused mutters broke out on deck, one that included me while I tried to figure out just what _wait a—!?_ "San—? _GRK!"_ I choked in horror, prompting looks of surprise from several others. "Number _three… Mister PRINCE YOU'RE THIRD IN THE LINE FOR LEGITIMATE NORTH BLUE ROYALTY!?"_

A round of incredulous inhalations echoed throughout the crew as we all boggled at our crewmate.

Our crewmate who, for his part, took a sharp hit off his cigarette. "Bullseye, Cross… and a million miles off mark, at the exact same time." He exhaled a cloud of smoke before giving us all (even the women) a blistering glare. "Let me clarify first that Sanji is the only name I have; the man who I used to call my father disowned me and made me promise to never use his name again. Not like I'd ever want to; my mother is dead, and I don't have any good memories left of the rest of them that would make me want to say that we were related… except maybe my sister. But the point is…"

His fists clenched, smoke hissing from _everywhere_ on his body.

"I was born to a family of Underworld mercenaries whose power once allowed them to conquer the North Blue," he explained, dragging the words out like they were barbed wire. "A family that has been trying to reclaim that power ever since they lost it and still rules over their own kingdom, complete with the Reverie invitation. I was born under the name…" And here he was wracked by a full-body shudder. "Of _Vinsmoke."_

Before anyone could say anything, a _vacuum_ of a gasp snapped everyone's attention over to Vivi, who was staring at Sanji in complete stupefaction. "That explains how you moved from the North Blue to the East Blue, even though crossing the Red Line is a costly, difficult, almost impossible move for most civilians!" she babbled. Her eyes then widened as she looked Sanji over. "And now that I think about it… swirly eyebrows, one eye always hidden, suave but a complete mess around women—! You're exactly like your brothers!"

Sanji proceeded to simultaneously yelp in shock and choke on his cigarette. " _WARK!?"_ Before anyone could do anything to help, though, the crazy bastard actually _swallowed_ the damn thing, the better to quickly clear the passageway. "Y-You've _met_ them!?"

Vivi's shock transitioned into a disgusted grimace as she shuddered at the memory. "Somewhat, yes. It was two years ago, at the last Reverie I attended before I went undercover. The _entire time,_ Niji just _would not_ stop hitting on me, and he was just _terrible_ at it! I mean, you might be overblown, but at least _you're_ a romantic! Him?! _Eugh,"_ she spat, sticking out her tongue in revulsion. "I swear, it was so _painfully_ obvious that Judge had put him up to the whole thing, he even told me to my _face_ that it was his mission to try and secure a political marriage with me when I asked! If it hadn't been for the risk of war, I would have broken my hand on his jaw…"

Sanji, for his part, looked like he was torn between dying by aneurysm or heart attack. "Why," he choked out. "Out of _everyone_ at the Reverie. Would Judge choose _you_ for a political marriage!? And why would he send Niji to do it!?"

Vivi, gestured at her _hair_ for whatever reason, expression as dry as her homeland _._ "Your sperm-donor is a real romantic, Sanji, truly he is."

As curious as I was about why her _hair_ made her an attractive marriage prospect to this 'Judge', I had something more important on the brain. There was one thing that really stood out to me from all of these revelations (besides the entire paradigm shift in regards to our cook, of course), and I took the liberty of clapping my armor-covered hand on Vivi's shoulder, who had the good grace to stiffen fearfully.

"So, Sanji," I tersely stated. "Let me guess: you're warning us about them now because they have a lot of destructive force at their beck and call?"

A nod and a grimace. "Judge put all of us through training that Zoro would be proud of from the day we were old enough to understand, and he disowned _me_ because I was the _runt_ of the litter. I don't doubt they've all only gotten stronger since then. And then we have the… armies." Sanji winced on that last one, which got a cocked eyebrow from me.

"Something you're not saying?"

Sanji flinched again, refusing to meet my gaze. "The… name of the Vinsmoke army is… Germa 66."

I practically swallowed my tongue I choked so hard. "Well… alright, better now than whenever I would have tried to approach them for an alliance. But getting back to my _point."_ I emphasized my words with a pointed squeeze of Vivi's shoulder, eliciting a _very_ nervous gulp from her. "To reiterate… Sanji looks exactly like his brothers, and his family is particularly infamous in the upper echelons of this world's nobility… which _you_ were and still are intimately familiar with. So, _Your Highness,_ tell me…"

My face contorted into a rictus of fury, and I sure wasn't the only one giving her the evil eye either.

"Why, in the name of every one of your mange-ridden deities, from Anubis to _Wadjet,_ _didn't you think to make the connection and mention this earlier?!"_

"I… uh…" The princess shrank back from our collective glares. "It… slipped… my mind?"

I let loose a garbled slew of pejoratives, forcefully suppressing the urge to do something more physical. "Woman, if this weren't the single most critical piece of information I've learned since coming to this god-forsaken puddle and an extremely emotional moment besides, _I would be choking a bitch right now!"_ I swore.

" _So noted!"_ Vivi squeaked, literally breezing out of my grip and cowering behind Sanji. Who, by the way, looked thoroughly _volca—_ uh… wait, no he didn't. He just looked befuddled.

"You… guys _do_ remember what we were talking about, right?" the chef asked incredulously. "I… I _lied_ to you all! My family are all _monsters!_ Shouldn't you all be angry, o-or—!"

"Oh, oh! I recognize this bit!" I cut in, gleefully clapping my hands. "Can I do it, captain? Can I, can I?"

Luffy snickered and shot me a thumbs-up. "Go for it!"

"Joy!"

"Huh? What are you—!?" _THWACK!_ "YEOW!" Sanji winced as I slammed my fist down over his skull.

"Stop being an idiot," I cheerfully informed him. "The past doesn't matter to us, and you came clean on your own. No matter what, you are and always will be our friend and crewmate, so don't you forget it! Got it?"

"Seriously, Sanji, I thought you were supposed to be one of the smarter ones here," Usopp tsked.

"You came from a dark place and found your light with the Straw Hat Pirates. It's hardly the first time," Robin agreed.

"In addition, you must think twice when you contemplate using the word 'monster' to describe people!" Brook chimed with a chastising (not to mention _impossible)_ cluck of his (nonexistent) tongue. "I, for one, find the idea of being compared to the individuals you describe to be quite tasteless! And I don't even have a tongue! YOHOHO!"

"The skeleton's got a point," Franky nodded, jabbing his thumb at our musician. "We really should see about unionizing."

"Sorry, but I agree," Conis offered.

"And, getting back on subject, it's not like any of us were asking you to tell us that you were disowned and abandoned before you found Zeff," Merry added.

"Plus, in the end, at least you told us about this _before_ things became pertinent, rather than when they were _knocking down our door."_ Two guesses who _that_ last bit was directed to, and the first two don't count.

Vivi opened her mouth, but closed it under the weight of everyone's stares.

Meanwhile, Sanji more focused on the _first_ half. "You… really think we'll run into them down the line?" he asked nervously.

"Well…" I winced and wobbled my hand back and forth. "It seems likely? I never saw them myself, but then the story was still ongoing when I left. And what you're describing? A _secondary_ tragic backstory, hidden behind the first? Well, that's just the kind of literary genius Oda would pull, which makes the likelihood of us running into them… _not_ insignificant. Sorry."

Sanji grimaced and massaged his face in tortured resignation before nodding. "On some level, I always knew I'd see them again," he admitted, as much to himself as us. "A man like Judge… he's not the kind to let someone go, no matter what he says about it. Yeah, he'll definitely come…"

And with that, Sanji's hands snapped into tight fists, and the lawn blazed at his feet.

Just like that, _our_ Sanji was back, familiar hellfire blazing in his eye.

"And when he does," he declared. "I swear, it'll be one of the last things him, his sons and his rotten nation do before I grind his world to dust beneath my heel and _burn it all to ash."_

_THWACK!_

" **DAMN IT, LUFFY, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"** he roared, actually bursting into flames.

"You said 'I' again!" Luffy chastised, giving him the patented 'you're an idiot' look. "It's 'we', you idiot! _We're_ gonna kick his ass!"

Sanji took that in, the flames dying down. Then, bowing his head, he let out a chuckle. "Yeah… stupid. After Arlong and CP9, you'd think I'd know better." He looked back up, looked at me. "I can fill you in on the details of Germa later, Cross. But for now—?"

"Rush of bad memories, don't want to talk, no worries," I said in understanding. "Now, anyone else have any distractions for us?"

"Well, now that you mention it—!"

_CLONK!_

"We're good!" Raphey and Donny chorused, surreptitiously placing themselves in front of a twitching orange body.

"Then let's hurry up and burn foam for Takoyaki!" I declared, glancing down at my partner. "Soundbite?"

" **Yeh yeh."**

The everpresent buzzing stopped, and Keimi and Pappug came out of the lounge, the mermaid giving us inquisitive looks and the starfish wandering off as he shuffled through a sheaf of papers.

"All done with your top-secret conversations of secrecy?" Keimi queried.

"Yup!" Luffy confirmed. "And now we're all really hungry! Come ooon!" He started pumping his fists. "I've had to sail with an untouchable octopus for days now! Daaays! Ta-ko-ya-ki! Ta-ko-ya-ki!"

Nami, for her part, gave our captain a long-suffering look before loosing a defeated sigh. "You heard the man: one thing on his mind and and one thing only: takoyaki. If you'd be so kind as to lead the way?"

"Mm-hm!" Keimi nodded confidently. "Just stay on my tail, and we'll be there before you know it!"

And with that, the mermaid made her way to the edge of the Sunny, jumped back into the sea, and we were on our way!

_CHOMP!_

…right after we fished our guide out of _another_ Sea King's gullet.

**-o-**

"Hm, and let's see here, this one's Urouge, the Mad Monk, who— _oh, dear Cetus!_ That-That is just _obscene!"_

"Interesting reading, Pappug?"

"Gweh!?" Pappug jumped in shock, flinging the papers he was flipping through to the winds. Or at least, they _would_ have gone to the wind, had a metal-laden trunk not snatched them up before they could be whisked away.

"Well, what do we have here?" Funkfreed cocked an eyebrow as he looked the papers over. "Thinking of practicing the more literal brand of head-hunting?"

"Hmph!" Pappug snorted, pulling off a surprisingly nimble leap and snatching the papers back. "Hardly, I'm designer, not a fighter. But the fact is, knowing the big names is beneficial in any business, and not just for security."

The starfish tapped the poster's image. "You see, clothing is one of the few things that you can count on every sentient being having some interest in. And when the big names with gold by the literal ton come around, I want to be sure that I've got something that they'll want to buy!"

Funkfreed gave the poster Pappug was holding a flat look. "Yes… because he looks _so_ interested in wearing shirts."

Pappug winced as he realized he'd placed Urouge's poster back on top and hastily shuffled the posters again. "Alright, bad example, bad example… ah, but this one works much better!" He held up a new poster for the elephant to see.

"'Surgeon of Death', huh?" Funkfreed scratched his chin contemplatively. "Well, he's one of the more valuable Supernovas, so he probably has the money for it, but do you really think you can interest _him,_ of all people, in fashion?"

"Oh, indubitably!" the designer nodded with confidence. "It will be no mean feat, mind you, but as it is I already have all the tools I require!" He tapped the top of the poster. "This article alone tells me all I need to know in regards to this young man's sense of apparel!" Humming thoughtfully, he began to amble off. "Though, it _will_ take quite a few dives into quite a few libraries. Honestly, I don't know _when_ I last saw a hat from the White City, but— _GWAGH!"_

The starfish yelped in panic when he was suddenly snatched off his legs and suspended upside down before a furiously intense gaze.

"He's wearing a _what_ from _where?!"_ Funkfreed demanded.

**-o-**

"…Hey, Cross? You're going to want to see this."

Sighing as I heard Merry's deliberately calm voice that promised _nothing_ but good times beckon, I made my way up onto the bow.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Takoyaki 8 ahead of us. Keimi hadn't been exaggerating, the place was doing _incredibly_ well for itself: it was as big as I assumed the Baratie to be!

I also wasn't surprised to see the Cannibal approaching on the horizon, seeing how complicated even navigating a short distance in Paradise could be, not mentioning how long Goldenweek must have taken.

However, I was _completely_ surprised to see the small craft that was already docked at the floating restaurant. It looked more like a palanquin than a ship, flying a jolly roger with nine serpent heads surrounding a skull, and with a large serpent towering alongside it.

"Oookay, so the Boa sisters took up my recommendation, though I'm guessing only one of them is here," I nodded numbly. "That's… actually convenient, I was hoping to talk to them in person."

"Uh, Cross?" Merry eyed me warily. "What about the other boat?"

I blinked at her in confusion; there was one other craft there, sure, but it was a pretty plain boat. The only remotely noteworthy feature was a small, triangular, all-crimson flag flying from the top. "What about it?"

Soundbite boggled at me, then sighed and slumped in defeat. " _ **Guess that's a SPOT CHECK**_ **YOU** _**MISSED…**_ **THAT** _ **LITTLE RED FLAG THERE?**_ _It_ _belongs to_ **THE REVOLUTIONARY ARMY; the fire-and-jaw cracker** _is inside_ AND GABBING WITH THE SNAKE!"

My eyes widened briefly, then narrowed. "Of course they're here at the same time, why wouldn't they be…" I cracked my neck to the side. " _Well._ As if this wasn't going to be an experience enough already. This… is going to be _fun."_

"Oh, dear," Lassoo whined, clamping his paws down on his head.

Soon enough, we pulled ourselves in to dock next to the adolescent Yuda and stood ready to enter the establishment's door.

Nami was at the front, reaching for the knob… and reaching… and reaching… until finally she looked back at me. "Could you…?"

I nodded, gently pushing her hand away and stepping inside.

And… there they were. Chew and Kuroobi, lieutenants of Saw-Tooth Arlong, tormentors of Cocoyashi Village and the whole Conomi Islands, vicious bastards and bigots both… and currently, _very_ beaten-down looking busboys for their far more successful friend.

And when I say beaten-down, I mean they hadn't even _seen_ me yet. Eesh, how tired _were_ they? …oh, right, there were Koala and Sandersonia chatting like gal pals in the back, with Hachi hanging around them. Yeah, that'd do it.

I raised my fist to cough—

"First an old friend and ex-slave that became a Revolutionary, then a high ranking officer of a Warlord's crew… now all we need is a Marine walking in and this day will be _perfect!"_ I heard the ray mumble sarcastically.

—aaand I promptly paused because no way in hell could I pass up a straight line like _that._ Glancing around, I spied a Transponder Snail near the despondent ray, and pointed it out to Soundbite, who nodded with a snigger as I walked up to him, the karate-capable fishman so out of it he totally ignored me.

"Hey, Kuroobi," Chew started to respond as he finished bussing. "I've been thinking—"

Whatever he was thinking, it was lost to history when the ray's Snail rang, and he groaned as picked it up. "This is Takoyaki 8, how can I help you," he said, his dull tone emphasizing his tiredness even more.

"You can look up, for starters," I said dryly.

The ex-pirate's head snapped up like he'd been struck by lightning, eyes bulging from their sockets.

"Jeremiah Cross," Kuroobi breathed. Beside him, Chew had already gone rigid with shock and was staring at me just as incredulously.

I noticed everyone else in the room looking towards me, but I kept my focus on the two who were _keeping my friend from coming in_.

"In the flesh," I responded with a glare, making my displeasure with their very existences _very_ clear. "And while I'm certainly no Marine, I'd like to think that given the situation, I'm a close second. Gotta say, I never expected to see _you_ here."

I was vaguely aware of the sound of someone coming in behind me… Keimi and Pappug based on the sounds of their movements. They didn't get far inside before stopping.

"Uh…" Keimi raised a finger as she took in the room's mood. "I… _did_ tell you all that I was bringing guests, right?"

Chew let out a strangled wheeze, his already clammy countenance becoming… well, _clammier._

"…hello? Will someone explain to me what's going on here?" Pappug asked uncomfortably. "Anyone?"

"You're gonna want to take that up with these two," I dryly informed them. "Specifically, the exact details of _why_ they were in prison and have a Warlord as a parole officer _in the first place?"_

The two _started_ to stammer out an answer—

"Hello, Hachi. Chew. Kuroobi."

That they never got that far was most likely due to Nami finally walking behind me, staring down the fishmen with a stormy expression and aura. Billy and the rest of the native East Bluers surrounded her with weapons at the ready. Naturally, Zoro and Sanji were in front.

"N-Nami…" Hachi choked out, his eyes glued on our navigator.

"Hey, half-rate hors-d'oeuvres, remember us?" was Sanji's _ever_ so polite greeting.

" _YOU—!"_ the pair snarled in synch, surging out of their seats—

_SLAM!_

Or at least, they _tried_ to surge, but only got about a foot each before Hachi shot across the room and rammed their foreheads into the floorboards.

"I am _so_ sorry for my employees' rudeness, and I _assure you,_ these two will apologize for their unapprovable behavior," Hachi stated, shooting scathing glares down at his friends. "Or at least, they will if they have any intention on remaining _employed and unincarcerated, do I make myself clear!?"_

I winced and glanced away from the display. "Well, this is awkward."

"I agree, I expected our first meeting to be under better circumstances than these."

I turned to meet the tall, green-haired form of Boa Sandersonia. I inclined my head.

"A pleasure nonetheless, Boa Sandersonia," I said formally.

"So, there is some respect for authority there?" Koala mused, coming up beside her.

"I remind you that I'm crewmates with a princess," I responded evenly. "I give royalty as much respect as they deserve." I paused and glanced back up at the amazoness. "Any chance your big sister has stopped kicking small animals yet?"

"She is actually making progress," the Zoan confided with a triumphant grin… one that swiftly crumbled in despair. "She only steps on them now…" She then blinked, glancing back at Koala, who'd mirrored the motion.

"She knows as much as you do," I confirmed.

"Oh, that's a relief," they sighed together.

"But in other news…" Sandersonia said. "Care to explain why, despite your recommendation, there seems to be some bad blood between the fishmen and your crew?"

"Ehh…" I grumbled sotto voce, rubbing the back of my neck. "We ran into them early on as enemies, and I was only expecting the octopus to be here. He's forgivable, the manta and… smelt-whatever much less so. Point is, this-" I waved my hand at the ongoing display at the front desk. "Is not a good situation."

" _ **And it is about TO GET**_ **SO MUCH WORSE!"** Soundbite gleefully announced.

I snapped an incredulous look at him. "The hell are you—?"

_DING-LING!_ "Hello there! I'm here to make a mass order, I think we called earlier to confirm— _Cross?!" SHING!_ " _ **RORONOA!"**_

As Koala and Sandersonia's expressions flattened, I turned towards the door with a sharply rising sense of dread, and bore witness to none other than Lieutenant Junior Grade Tashigi standing _right there_ , blade drawn and murder in her eyes, and a wolf-rabbit thing with a hammer in one paw standing behind her and slapping its other paw to its face.

What. No, seriously, _what!?_

"…So," I began weakly. "A Revolutionary, a Warlord's sister, and a Marine all walk into a bar with the Straw Hat Pirates."

"…and then what happens?" Keimi asked.

"WELL, WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT, AREN'T WE?!"

**Cross-Brain AN: We are evil geniuses and we love it. Though rest assured, that evilness by no means extends to butterflying away the Gaon Cannon. We may have stopped its canon usage, but you have our word on this: we will be using it before Sabaody, and it will be at least as epic as it was in canon.**

**Patient AN: Oh, and by the way, remember the omake that Storysmith put out alluding to this outcome, and that we said we couldn't change our plans to include? Well… that's because our plans already included them. Remember when we said that Evan's omakes weren't the last ones we'd ask our fans to write for us? We were involved the whole time.**

**BrokeNZone AN: Hey, I'm gonna let you three finish up this chapter, but first I got a announcement to make… Hello, readers! My name is BrokeNZone, the new Vocal piece of the Cross-Brain, and I've come to join in on the fun. Though I am but an apprentice and understudy to the trio as a writer, that is not the main reason I'm here. So a drum roll, if you please…**

**Coming soon… from the 'BrokeNZone Audio' Youtube channel is… 'Audio Bites! The Official 'This Bites!' Audiobook.' Now this will be a lengthy endeavour, I'm sure. But the best part is that we will be wanting you, the fans, to help volunteer your voices in making this project a reality. Voice actors, amateur or experienced, are welcome to come audition.**

**Spoken AN: Auditions for the audiobook will be taking place on** _ **Thiscord**_ **, the official** _ **This Bites!**_ **Discord, reachable at invite link tqeby9j. Personally, I'm looking forward to the Lindy audition I'm gonna put forward, "Vaguely New Englandish Sexy Bass" is something I can do passably well, and there's not something I ever saw myself saying.**

**Cross-Brain AN: A welcome addition he is, and we're looking forward as much as the rest of you to what comes from his generous efforts.**

… **And one last note. Just to avoid any complaints, credit to Saphroneth for the first part of the 'indescribable carnage' line used earlier in this chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

### Chapter 68: Chapter 60 - Road to Sabaody Pt 2

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 60**

So, let me set the stage. The canon Straw Hat Pirates (including Merry), Billy, my partners, and myself. Two of our most dangerous allies, that nobody else on the crew had met before, both of whom had connections to the old Sun Pirates, looking on with interest tempered by resigned bemusement. Three ex-Sun and Arlong Pirates, the strongest and only repentant one of which was pinning the other two to the ground. One somewhat ditzy mermaid and a genius designer starfish who looked mostly confused by the whole scene.

And one blue-haired Marine swordswoman glaring at our first mate with her sword drawn, plus her strange maul-toting animal companion. Said first mate looked rather flat-footed, which did not prevent him from drawing Wado halfway out of its sheath. Let’s also not forget that we had three more ex-Sun Pirates on the Sunny, due to whom we would soon meet the past royal knight, present Warlord, and future Straw Hat.

Bottom line? The punchline was neither concise nor particularly funny. Though there were a few laughs to be had before the drama took over.

“Oi!” Hachi shouted, still keeping a firm hand each on Kuroobi and Chew, which left four free to gesticulate and cross in denial. “No swordfighting in the restaurant except during the squinja migration! And I don’t see any black-clad squid around here!”

…wait, what.

“I’m sorry, the _what?”_ Koala asked the unspoken but generally shared question.

“The squinja migration,” Hachi repeated, as if that explained everything. “Every spring and fall, the squinja clans migrate through here on the way in between their hidden villages.”

“…OK, you can't tell me now that I'm _not_ dreaming,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose in an unsuccessful attempt to wake up.

Through my fingers, I saw Tashigi visibly pondering something. Whatever it was, though, she soon discarded it in favor of an even tighter combat stance. “I’ll pay whatever damage we cause out of my own pocket, just let me fight—!”

_“Kyuun,”_ the rabbit-wolf thing behind her growled before leaping up, slapping his paw upside the back of her head and—

**~o~**

_“Lieutenant, are you sure about this? You’re not going to have more than pocket change for the rest of the year if you buy all of this,” a uniformed Marine asked around the package of weights in his arms._

_“I need to improve myself to have any chance to achieve my goals,” Tashigi firmly replied, carefully balancing her own packages as her other hand emptied her pockets of cash. “I don’t care what it costs me, I_ will _become strong enough to face him!”_

_In short order, she led a small group of Marines out of the store, all laden with arms full of exercise gear. In equally short order, they were helping Tashigi pick her own burden up after she tripped on a stray pebble._

**~o~**

—in the space of a couple of seconds, downloading a burst of memories into… pretty much _everyone’s_ mind’s eye, if the way everyone was reeling back was anything to go by.

“What in the actual—?” I started to ask.

“— _skin you alive,_ you walking handbag! How many times have I told you to _stop doing that!?”_

My attention was snagged by Tashigi, who had just finished snarling at her companion. Which, need I remind you, was something she generally reserved for _Zoro._ Said companion’s reaction was to blatantly yawn at her, one paw covering its mouth.

“Devil Fruit?” was the obvious question.

Fuming, Tashigi spun around and actually saw just how many people were actually present. Her eyes darted across the crowd before landing on me. “You… don’t recognize him?” she asked carefully.

I took a moment to think about it, then shrugged casually. “I… think you mentioned him to me once before? The wolf-rabbit thing that was being difficult, ri—?”

_CLANG!_

“GAH!” I yowled, hopping on the leg that _didn’t_ feel like it’d just taken a sledgehammer to the shin. Which wasn’t that far off, judging from the size of the maul the wolf-rabbit thing was holding in his paws, but still! “How the hell did that hurt, you little shit?! I’m wearing at least an inch of armor here!” I demanded.

“Quarter-inch.”

“BITE ME, LONGNOSE!”

The wolf-rabbit’s response was to chuff in a clearly satisfied manner. The smug smirk on his face was a big clue.

“To answer your question,” Tashigi spoke up, drawing a sidelong glare from me. “He didn’t _actually_ hit you. What he did was revive the _memory_ of past pains in your leg, making it _feel_ like you were reliving that pain all over again. Reviving memories is his ability. Though, I should mention that this guy isn’t an Ability- _user.”_

She swept her hand over the fluffball. “Allow me to introduce Popora, chief of, as he calls it, The Sealed Island. He’s essentially a consultant for the Marines who’s been helping us with his mnemonic abilities…” She scowled at the hybrid creature, who returned the look with a flat stare. “As often as he _hinders_ us with them.”

“Well, it looks to me like this time he decided to help you, seeing as he just showed us all that _you’re flat broke,”_ Hachi cut in, giving her a decidedly unimpressed look.

Tashigi twitched before turning her glare back on Zoro. “Then I’ll _clean dishes_ if that’s what it takes, but no matter what, I am going to _split this bastard in—!”_

**_“Language, Tashigi.”_ **

_That_ got Tashigi to freeze right up, before glaring venomously at my snail. “That was a cheap trick, you little shit.”

“It saved your ass last time we met, and this time around as well,” I shot back. “And right now, I’m doing my best to help you out too. _Zoro.”_

My crewmates parted under the annoyed glare I shot between them, revealing the swordsman mid-crane stance, clearly trying to sneak out through the crowd. I facepalmed.

“Oh, for the love of—!” I snapped my hand up and pointed at Tashigi. “Just hurry up and fight her seriously, man.”

“Cross—!”/ **_“CROSS—!”_ **Zoro and Sanji snapped at me.

“You, _shut it,”_ I ordered Sanji, shrugging off his volcanic expression. “You’re not a swordsman, this doesn’t concern you.”

The cook—and to my brief dismay, his foot—twitched, but that was all, his cigarette visibly shrinking.

“And as for _you,”_ I said, going back to Zoro. “Yes, I _know_ , you’ll crush her like an ant.”

“Hey!”

I ignored that, levelling my hand at the first mate. “Zoro, listen to me: This is all pretty much a protracted ‘dagger’ for her, you understand? This is all a ‘dagger’ for her, and that’s just not fair, not to her and not to…” I hesitated briefly before jerking my head to the side. “Well, to _her.”_

Zoro scowled, but though it looked like he was about to take a swing at me, by fist or by blade, he didn’t look like he was going to argue either. That would do.

“Look,” I continued, jabbing my thumb over my shoulder at the Marine. “You want this to end? You want her off your back? Give her what she wants. Give her ‘Yoru’. She is _begging_ you for it, she chased you into the damn _Grand Line_ for it, so there’s no problem with it. Once she has that… well, it won’t be closure until she takes your head, but it’ll be better than nothing.”

“… _damn it,_ why did I make the one mistake everyone makes and let you _open your mouth?”_ Zoro growled to himself, kneading the bridge of his nose. He then snapped a scathing glare at Tashigi, which she met and matched. “Alright, _fine._ You wanted a fight, you have one. You, me, on the Sunny. _Now._ Chopper, sorry for the mess.”

“Nooo, it’s perfectly fine!” Chopper responded with a smile and visage that was far too pleasant, prompting the rest of the crew to take two steps away from him. “You see, I’m wrapping up my research on the transmogrative properties of Zoan-flesh, and I just found a new project to start on once I’m done!”

Everyone’s caution proved particularly prudent when Chopper snapped into his Human Point, his eyes blazing. **_“HOW SWORDS APPARENTLY CUT TWENTY POINTS CLEAN OFF THE TOP OF A PERSON’S IQ AND_** **SLAUGHTER** **_SAID PERSON’S SENSE OF SELF-PRESERVATION!”_** he roared at the top of his lungs, before shooting Zoro a particularly sickly grin. **_“Oh, but don’t worry, I won’t research_** **you** **_or anything! After all, I can’t rightly use_** **you** **_as a constant, seeing as I suspect that this penalty is accrued for_** **each** **_sword a person wields, THEREBY MAKING YOU AN EXTREME OUTLIER!”_**

“Ah… you… _do_ realize that I _am_ a sword, right?” Funkfreed spoke up, vibrating nervously in his scabbard.

Chopper waved his hand with a dismissive snort. **“Yes, but both your previous and current wielders were suicidal idiots** ** _before_ ****they got their hands on you, so I consider you to be the** ** _exception.”_**

“Withdrawn,” the elephant sighed.

“Protested!” I interjected.

“Ignored,” Zoro said as he walked by me, Tashigi following. Well, for two seconds before a sharp rap on the floor drew Tashigi’s attention back to Popora, who waved his maul at the fishmen. Tashigi blinked. And then, wincing, remembered why she was here in the first place.

“Right… that does come first,” Tashigi admitted, moving over to the counter. “Er, as I was saying before… _all of this,_ I called to confirm that you had the resources to prepare food for a crew of two hundred twenty-five?”

“Yes, we can handle that… assuming that Hachi here is actually going to let us go _sometime today?”_ Chew snapped, shooting a venomous glare over his shoulder at his boss.

“Hard to say, really.” Hachi glared right back, crossing his free pairs of arms. “Can I actually trust you not to start anything, or am I going to have to tie you to the anchor chain? _Again?”_

I glanced at Soundbite, the both of us mouthing ‘again!?’.

“We’ll be good,” the fishmen groused, prompting Hachi to let them up.

“Alright, that’s perfect,” Tashigi sighed in relief, though she didn’t stop tapping her hilt, and glanced back at Popora. “Uh, do you think you could—?”

The wolf-rabbit chuffed and waved his maul with an impatient roll of his eyes.

“Thank you!” she cried in relief, shooting out the door with _far_ too much gleeful anticipation for the asskicking she was about to receive, and Zoro and Chopper marched out after her, each wearing their own brand of weariness.

Chew and Kuroobi warily watched the trio leave before giving Popora a doubtful onceover. “So… I guess the snail will be translating for you?” Kuroobi inquired.

**“NOOOT REALLY, Seeing as A. he’s yet to say shit,** _and B, even if he DOES SAY SOMETHING,_ I DON’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT HE IS! **_I WOULDN’T BE PACKING THE KEY TO_** **WHATEVER HIS MOUTH WOULD BE SLINGING!”**

Popora rolled his eyes and started moving his wrist in a familiar motion.

_“Though I don’t need to_ **_understand him to_ ** **get that he can WRITE.”**

“That works, _chew,_ ” Chew nodded, pulling out a notepad and holding out. “Here, do you—?” The smelt-whatever was cut off by a piece of paper waving in front of his face. He plucked it away and gave it a quick once-over before heading into the back. Kuroobi made to follow him, but was stopped by one of Hachi’s hands grabbing his fin.

_“Chew_ can get things ready. _You_ are going to go out and get the orders of everyone who stayed on the pirate ship waiting outside,” the octo-chef ordered.

“Actually,” Franky said, raising a hand. “Another fully loaded ship should be here any second now. Friends of ours.”

There was the briefest flash of absolute despair, and then Kuroobi nodded. Double-checking his notepad stock, he bundled them up in his arms and headed out the door, Chew already safely ensconced in the back of the restaurant.

Hachi nodded in satisfaction. Then Nami stepped up to the front of the line and looked him dead in the eyes. “Nyuu… m-may I help you?”

Nami deliberately exhaled, her clouds gray and… _clenching,_ for lack of a better word. “How about you start by telling me everything that you’ve been up to since the last time we saw you?” she calmly requested.

The octopus swallowed, glancing nervously towards his other employees, who’d been standing around on her tail and him on her shoulders, getting more and more confused the entire time. “Ah, K-Keimi, Pappug, could you go in the back and help Chew? J-Just for a bit?”

“You know, crossing paths with the Straw Hats, I was expecting a lot of ridiculous excitement and wacky hijinks. Not secret conversations and deep, emotional drama,” Pappug dryly remarked.

“Buddy, the amount of things the public doesn’t know about us is _almost_ equal to what the World Government doesn’t know in _general,”_ I deadpanned.

“Of course, if you _want_ to listen to an entirely different and much less enjoyable kind of insanity, be our guest,” Robin carelessly offered. Well, it would have been careless if she weren’t cleaning her fingernails with her knife.

Pappug stared at her for a long moment, eye twitching. Then he wheeled around and darted for the kitchen with more than a little fear in his step. Keimi waddled right behind him, shooting a final doubtful glance over her shoulder before the door shut behind them.

The look on Hachi’s face as the door closed was almost _begging,_ but with it closed he had no choice but to face Nami. Four of his hands poked their indexes together while a fifth scratched the back of his head. “W-Well… I g-got away from the M-Marines,” he began weakly. “B-B-But I haven’t been hurting anyone, I-I swear—!”

“Because Arlong isn’t around to tell you to?” Nami finished for him.

“Nyu!?”

“Assume she knows most everything about you,” I glibly informed him. “Y’know, because _I_ know most everything about you?”

Hachi wrung two of his hands, then pointed at a nearby booth with the other four. “Can we… take a seat, maybe? It’s a bit of a long story.”

Nami nodded curtly, walking towards the table. I made to follow, but short wall of cloud stopped me, and she gave me a dismissive wave. “I can handle this on my own. I’m sure that you have other things you want to discuss…” She glanced at Sandersonia and Koala. “With _other people,_ as it were?”

“…good point,” I conceded, turning my attention to the aforementioned two, who looked thoroughly amused with the whole situation.

The rest of the crew, fortunately, had decided to make themselves comfortable while waiting for the food, though they all had their eyes on Nami. Aaand by ‘comfortable’, I mean I really hope Hachi was feeling charitable towards us, because if we had to pay for the ‘fun’ the Kiddie Trio was having with the condiments out of Nami’s horde, she was going to kill us before the New World could!

“So, how have the raids and revolutions been going?” I asked, leading them to a booth of our own. I shot a particularly cheeky smirk at the wide-mouthed Amazon. “And the chief bitch herself for that matter.”

“Hey!”

“How many baby animals has she kicked, again?”

“Oh, no, not what I was going to say,” Sandersonia waved me off before donning a massive (on her, anyway) smirk, “I was just going to correct you in that that’s _queen_ bitch to you, _peasant.”_

I snickered. “Point. How’s the _queen_ bitch doing, then?”

“…honestly?” Sandersonia relaxed into her seat with a smile. _“Happier._ Fact of the matter is, before you started the SBS, she was…” She grimaced and shook her head. “ _We all_ were frigid. Detached. We… honestly didn’t even truly treat our crewmates as… well, crewmates. Soldiers, yes, but not comrades. They didn’t even know about…” She gestured to her back, which had Koala laying a sympathetic hand on the Kuja’s shoulder.

That drew a small smile back out of Sandersonia, which she then graced me with as well. “But… ever since the SBS started, our world has expanded! Beyond the hate and darkness we lived with for so long, that we suffered under…” She looked out the window and beamed at the Cannibal’s figurehead. “And we found friends and light beyond it all. And our crewmates, well…”

She let out a happy sigh, leaning her chin on her fist. “They don’t know the… _details,_ but they know the ‘Gorgon’s curse’ is really just Devil Fruits and some… scars that we don’t want anyone to see. It might not seem like much, but compared to what we almost did to the _last_ person that found out…”

Koala, Soundbite and I all exchanged wary glances at _that_ little tidbit, and I _slowly_ raised a tentative finger. “Yooou wanna tell us _what_ you did to that person?”

**“NO REASON,** ** _we just wanna know whether to spring for the GET WELL SOON CARD_** _or the gravestone wreath,”_ my snail leered.

“H-Hey, hey, no need to get so testy!” Sandersonia waved her hands defensively. “I-I’ll have you know that Marguerite’s spine was perfectly fine! Eh…” She suddenly refused to meet our eyes. _“Eventually…”_

Now _that_ almost got me out of my seat. “Did you just say _Marguerite!?”_

“Uh…” Sandersonia blinked at me in surprise. “Yes, I did. She was a member of the watch on Amazon Lily, but after—” A coughing fit suddenly overtook her. “A _completely excusable series of unfortunate events_ , my sisters and I took her onto the crew-proper. Initially she was only an apprentice, but after she showed some admirable initiative, we gave her her own raiding party, and she’s been doing quite well, so—!”

Sandersonia’s smile froze for a second before she gave me an incredulous stare. “Waaait, you knew her name!? But how— _wait!”_ The amazon leaned forward with an eager grin. “You could only know her name if you knew her from the story! You didn’t just learn about us, you actually come to Ama— _MRGH!?”_ Sandersonia’s scary accurate ramblings devolved into a panicked squawk when I hastily grabbed her _distressingly accurate_ tongue.

_“Not where the moron can hear us,”_ I hissed, glancing back at Luffy. Thankfully, he was more concerned with trying to shove wasabi up Usopp’s nose than anything else at the moment, so—wait, wasn’t I holding something just—?

_THWAP!_

_“Grk…”_ I winced as I got tongue-whipped. “IIII deserved that.”

“No clap, you liddle bathtard!” Sandersonia hissed, frantically wiping her tongue. “Do you _ever_ wash those damn things!? And what in the name of Nidhogg's rotting tail did you think you were doing to begin with!?”

“I was _thinking_ that you were going to blow something I definitely _don’t want blown yet!”_ I snapped back. “I can’t let Luffy know he’s going to— _grah!”_ I clamped my jaws shut, but judging from the poleaxed expressions on Sandersonia’s and Koala’s faces, I was a _bit_ late on that front.

“I’m sorry, I think I had some seafoam in my ears. Did you say _Luffy_ was going to Amazon Lily?” Sandersona demanded incredulously. “As in, alone!?”

“As in, _where are the rest of you going to be!?”_ Koala asked.

Running a hand over my face, I snapped the fingers of my other one. Static promptly filled the air. “Neither of you are going to say a _word_ to Luffy or anyone else… or else I’m going to tell _your_ sisters and _your_ comrades…” I narrowed my eyes menacingly. “About _that…_ and _that.”_

The pair immediately paled, the utmost of horror flashing over their faces.

“Mum’s the word, just don’t let them know! Hancock would strip my scales from my hide!” Sandersonia squeaked, clamping her hands over her mouth.

“The gunpowder… _so much gunpowder…”_ Koala whimpered, sinking into her seat.

…holy hell, I was just taking a shot in the dark. Noodle incidents and seer status for the win! “Anyway,” I said, relaxing back into my seat as I signaled for Soundbite to drop the blurring. “If you’re done with your traumatic flashbacks, where were we?”

The pair composed themselves with admirable speed, and Koala raised her hand. “It was my turn to answer your question,” the Revolutionary said, smirking. “And for your information, I’ve been dealing with a lot less stress the past few months since I finally got around to decking you for calling me cuddly.”

I gave her a flat look while Sonia raised an eyebrow. Then I smirked, closed my eyes, and pressed my fingers to my brow. “I’m seeing, I’m seeing… your very first reaction to seeing Hachi again was—!”

“Alright, alright!” Koala’s cheeks flushed and she looked away before continuing. “Aaanyway, we’ve been milking the CP9 operational intel for all that it’s worth, and the way you’ve kept publicizing it with Funkfreed—”

**“Or as he likes to be called,** **_DEEP NOSE.”_ **

“I have told you time and time again, _stop calling me that!”_

“—has only helped. Your piece on the Caligostan Theocracy was particularly…” Koala hummed thoughtfully. “ _Poignant.”_

I donned a cocky grin. “I take it it was effective?”

**_“Super effective?”_ **

“Given that our last reports have the ex-congregation sacking the citadel and putting a torch to the ‘holy’ texts?” Koala summarized, her expression falling flat. “ _Very.”_ She then perked up, sporting a cocky grin. “Still, destructive tendencies aside? You’ve boosted the Revolutionaries’ membership to the highest it’s had since its _conception!_ We’re still a long ways off from our main goal, but that’s fine. You might have accelerated things, but we were ready to wait however long we needed to see things through, and we’re still ready now.”

Sandersonia stiffened up a bit and suddenly snapped a wary look back at me. “Wait, I thought you two were just—! Jeremiah Cross… how close of an ally are you with the Revolutionary Army?”

The pieces clicked into place in a second, and I felt a smirk grow on my face. “Close enough that I could get a meeting with Dragon in person if I needed to. We’re not involved with each other’s plans… but we _are_ allies.”

“‘Hand-in-hand but not conjoined’, I believe were your exact words?” Koala added, almost impishly.

Sandersonia’s eyes widened, then narrowed, and then went back to normal. I could almost see the gears turning. “Well, in this case, seeing as I’ve been presented with the opportunity… Koala.” She leaned forward, steepling her hands under her chin. “Could you tell me what, precisely, the Revolutionary Army’s end goal is?”’

…wait, what? I looked between the two in confusion. “The Revolutionaries’ —? What? I thought it was to overthrow the World—?”

“Not… quite?” Koala blinked at me in honest surprise. “I mean, that’s the public image we present, but it’s just that. I’d have thought you of all people would know the details?”

“A little more than halfway through, remember?” I pointed out. “The most detail I’ve seen of the Revolutionary Army was Robin introducing you guys as the ‘opposition’ to the World Government, the invasion and liberation of Tequila Wolf—didn’t see any details, no clue what the bridge was for,” I pre-empted her question, which drew an annoyed tsk. “—as well as you, Hack, and Sabo helping us bust up Doflamingo’s weapon-smuggling ring, but that’s pretty much it.”

“Wait, Doflamingo has a weapon-smug— _Doflamingo is Joker!?”_ Koala hissed incredulously.

“… well, at least you know _now,”_ I said, wincing. “Though, for the record? Take any extra precautions you can for agents infiltrating Dressrossa, and have their missions physically documented in _triplicate_. Doffy’s packing a memory censor, you’ve… honestly probably lost dozens of agents by now and not even realized it.”

Koala’s face flashed through a rainbow of expressions before finally settling on tortured resignation. Sinking into her seat, she massaged the bridge of her nose. _“Anyway…”_ she bit out. “Getting back on track… I really thought you knew based on what you said when we met you, Cross. We’re not anti-World Government, we’re anti- _World Noble.”_

She suddenly sat up and stared at me with no small amount of panic. “That-That’s not a _problem_ or anything, is it?” she asked with honest concern.

I only had to think about things for a second before shrugging. “Honestly? At this point, I think it’s all semantics. You’re going top down, we’re climbing bottom up, but in the end it’s the same opponent. For now, I vote we quibble over where we start cutting _after_ everyone’s trussed up for the chopping block. Aye?”

_“Aye,”_ Koala sighed in relief.

“Aaaye…” Sandersonia mused, chin cupped in thought. _“I’m going to need to talk with Hancock about this…”_ she hissed under her breath, something I only heard thanks to Soundbite feeding it to me.

It briefly occurred to me to comment on that and start what I’m pretty sure was a necessary discussion, but the sound of a chair screeching on the floor almost covered up by rumbling thunder demanded my full attention. As it did everyone else, judging from the sudden silence in the room.

I looked over and winced at the sight of Nami looming over a cowed and defensively reeling Hachi.

“Put a pin in catching up until after we’re sure our navigator isn’t going to deep-fry our host?” I requested.

“Oh, you go right ahead, we’ll just keep talking behind your back, most likely about you,” Koala replied with a _perfectly innocent_ grin.

I opened my mouth, and clamped it shut with a hissing sigh. “Well, at least you admit it.” It was on that note that I got up to go face the tempest.

“I must have misheard you,” Nami bit out, enough venom to put down a Sea King in her voice. “Did you just say that they _tricked_ you into handing over a mermaid to sell into slavery? Are you _serious!?”_

I didn’t even need to look back at the booth to tell that Koala and Sandersonia were looking our way. The screaming of abused wood combined with the kind of ear-scratching hiss you only hear from a snake on the verge of biting your face off were kinda big clues.

_“Nyuuuu…”_ Hachi whimpered, obviously longing for a pot he could disappear into. “I-I _did_ say that they tricked me and I had _no_ idea about the slavery thing, right? _R-Right?!”_

“Hatchan… you know my penny-pinching tendencies as well as anyone. Better than most, actually, seeing as you helped _cause_ them,” Nami said in a deceptively calm tone. “I know what’s a good buy and what isn’t. So what makes you think that I’d even _sniff_ the crap you’re trying to sell me!?”

“Well… maybe because it’s not that hard to believe?”

All eyes turned toward Usopp, who barely flinched. I mean, he still flinched, of course, but not _much._ “I-I mean, I still remember back at Arlong Park, I was trying to distract Arlong with my Rubber Band of Doom bluff, but it worked on him instead… for about thirty seconds straight, even. It was almost awkward. If he could fall for something like _that…_ ”

Nami kept up her glare for about half a minute, at which point she hung her head in defeat. _“Damn it,_ I wish I didn’t agree with you.”

Hmm… to help Hachi or not to help Hachi… Oh! I could split the difference with one little incident.

“Usopp’s right,” I announced, fighting to suppress a broad grin. “Ask Hachi about the first time he met Zoro.”

Hachi stiffened, and then slumped down with a groan of embarrassment and I think a blush, though it was kind of hard to tell with both his natural pigment and the hands covering his face. “Can we… _really not?”_ he pleaded. “A-Anyway… I _really_ didn’t know about the slavery! I thought they were just a kidnapping gang and—!”

“And _that’s_ somehow supposed to be better,” Nami flatly stated.

“…in my defense, ex-pirate and I only knew her for about half an hour at the time?” he pleaded weakly.

Nami fell into a brooding silence again, and I privately hoped that Nami was reflecting on her years as a thief and the people that she’d had to use to get what she wanted, rather than any of Sanji’s takoyaki recipes. Thankfully, that ‘hope’ was borne out when Nami sank back into her seat with a defeated groan. “…Only because she’s chosen to work for _you_ all this time, for whatever reason,” she conceded.

Looking stricken, Hachi began to raise his hands, only to stop and start wringing them. “I… I know my words mean less to you than dirt, Nami…” he said softly. “But… but I want you to know that I _am_ sorry. For all of it. Every time I go over those days in Cocoyashi, I just want to reach back in time and punch myself until I _stop! Being! Stupid!_ ”

Nami’s eyes widened as several of Hachi’s hands clenched into fists, but a second later they unclenched.

“But. I know that I can’t. All I can do now is try and live my life the best I know how, and try and make up for the past. Try and beg for your forgiveness, and the forgiveness of everyone I’ve wronged.”

By this point, Nami’s head was bowed, her Tempo and hairline both shadowing her eyes. “…I’m not just going to give you that,” she said quietly.

“Never expected it!” Hachi hastily replied. “I-I just, I just…”

“You know, I can’t speak for what kind of hell you must have gone through,” a new voice mused thoughtfully. To Nami’s visible surprise, Koala plopped down on the seat next to her, a serene expression on her face. “But Hachi genuinely _is_ trying to turn things around. Has turned things around, really. It’s the only reason that _I’m_ giving him a chance.”

Nami stared at her in complete confusion, and Koala blinked before looking at me.

  
"Contrary to popular belief, I do have privacy standards,” I drawled before she could open her mouth. “And something like what you went through? _That_ blows right past those standards like there’s a Marine ship on its tail.”

She nodded, turning back to Nami with a somewhat sheepish expression. “Sorry, that probably didn’t make sense. Let me explain.” She twisted in her seat and raised her shirt, flashing the red sun that Fisher Tiger had burned into her flesh. “I assume you know what this mark means?” she asked.

Nami blinked, visibly confused. “I-I missed the explanation on the Sun Pirates that Robin gave the crew earlier, but I know that they were a crew made only of fishmen, that most of the Arlong Pirates were originally on their crew… you were one of them?”

“…The significance of this sun goes beyond the Sun Pirates,” Koala explained softly, a wistful look on her face. “This symbol came to be recognized for hope and light because it was specifically designed to cover up the Hoof of the Flying Dragon…” Koala’s fingers clenched, digging furrows in the counter. “The slavery brand of the World Nobles.”

Nami and everyone else in the crew stiffened, Hachi’s eyes closed as one of his hands drifted up to his forehead, and out the corner of my eye I saw Sandersonia shivering in her seat, hugging herself.

“Fourteen years ago, a well-respected sea bream fishman named Fisher Tiger climbed the Red Line to Mariejois where so many of his fellow fishmen were suffering, and burned the entire city to free the slaves that were imprisoned there,” Koala continued. “All of the fishmen he freed and all of the fishmen loyal to him on Fishman Island came together and formed the Sun Pirates; he used the mark of the sun to cover all of the slave brands, and branded everyone else to sail on the crew to make it clear that they were all equals.”

Koala closed her eyes and took a deep, deliberate breath. “I was one of the slaves that he freed. And three years later, when the Sun Pirates came to an island where I was staying, they agreed to transport me back to my home. It took a lot of work for me to break out of the… conditioning, but Fisher Tiger…”

A wistful smile came over the Revolutionary’s face, her fingers tapping on the counter. “Tiger… he made it clear that I had been freed. And even though I was a human, the rest of the Sun Pirates were nice to me. They reminded me that I was alive, that I no longer needed to be afraid.” She turned a kind smile on Hachi, laying a hand on his shoulder that drew a smile from him in turn. “Hachi was particularly nice. He always made lots of delicious takoyaki, and his antics were hilarious, and they kept everyone smiling and happy.”

Hachi twitched and glanced away, chuckling weakly. “‘Antics’, right…”

Koala chuckled fondly. “They were my friends, my crewmates…” And then, Koala’s good mood was bushwhacked by a dark frown. “Except for Arlong.” Hachi flinched again, this time looking down in shame. “Even back then, he was… dark. Scary. He made it clear that as far as he was concerned, I wasn’t and would never be welcome. I remember him saying that if ‘Big Bro Ti’ hadn’t been around, he wouldn’t be holding himself back as much.”

The mood darkened between them for a few moments. Koala finally looked back at her.

“The point is, the Sun Pirates were the antithesis of slavery, but among them, Arlong was the outlier. And once Fisher Tiger died, Arlong fell away from them and their ideals, and everyone loyal to him went along with it, because without Fisher Tiger, they were lost, and he was one of the last pillars of strength they had. It would take a lot to make me willingly give any of them a chance… but Hatchan has been making the effort.”

Nami sighed. “Okay, so, I already admitted once today that I don’t have as much of a grudge against him as the rest of them… but you can actually understand what it’s like, to have that much pain inside for so long.”

Koala nodded solemnly, her hand tentatively moving to rest on Nami’s shoulder. “I understand, and I don’t expect you to forgive him right away, or anytime soon. Just… keep in mind, Hachi… he’s a good man. Arlong you can hate with all your heart, but leave Hachi on the periphery.”

Nami bit her lip, and her Tempo writhed in time with her inner discord, but when she finally let out a tired sigh, it settled as well. “I… I’ll try. For Hachi.” And then, just like that, her aura was bristling again as her gaze re-sharpened. “But as for _those two.”_

Much to my surprise, and Hachi’s too for that matter, Koala’s expression became an icy mirror of Nami’s. “Yes, _they_ are a separate matter entirely.”

“HACHI!”

Our eyes turned to the doorway, where Kuroobi was standing with an expression of utter fatigue on his face, and Pappug standing on his shoulder. “We’ve got another few dozen orders, and the _dragon_ that they have onboard wants enough for five fishmen! And on top of that, _Mohmoo_ is with them, along with half a dozen junior sea kings!”

“Nyuu?! They recruited Mohmoo!? I gotta—! Er…” Hachi wilted sheepishly, shooting Nami a tired but sincere smile. “Can we pick this up later?”

“Go on, go on,” Koala waved him off, Nami inclining her head in agreement. Gratefully, Hachi made his way back to the grill, Kuroobi on his heels. The expression probably wouldn’t have been grateful had he heard what Nami muttered under her breath the minute his back was turned:

“Maybe we should just cover one of the fishmen in batter and serve him up. Be easier.”

I mean, I didn’t exactly _disagree_ with the sentiment, but _wow,_ that was a bit much.

With that, the mood turned from somber to awkward, nobody really sure what to say while we waited.

“Hey, uh… Koala?”

Until said Revolutionary turned to our uncharacteristically hesitant captain. And I mean _seriously_ hesitant, like ‘hat literally in hand’ hesitant. Seriously, if he didn’t learn that from Makino or one of his brothers, then I’d eat _my_ hat.

“You said you were pretty high up in the Revolutionaries.” The Rubber Man inquired sheepishly. “So… Does that mean you know Sabo?”

Koala cringed… and then sighed before giving him a defeated smile. “Yes, I do. I’m partnered up with him often, and—!”

“REALLY!?” Luffy cut her off gleefully, suddenly so close to her Koala had to lean perpendicular in her seat to avoid a collision, with no small amount of panic on her face. “TELL ME ABOUT HIM, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE’S LIKE NOW!”

“I see the family resemblance…” Koala noted weakly.

“No concern about spoilers, captain?” I asked in surprise.

“The last spoiler about him was that he was _alive_ after I thought he was _dead_ for ten years!” Luffy whispered excitedly. “I was supposed to be there for seven more years before he went his own way, so I need to catch up! Besides, this isn’t about the future, it’s the past, so what does it matter!?”

I blinked several times. Honestly, that was saner than most ‘Luffy logic’ I was used to.

“Actually, I’d like to hear more about him, too,” Sanji added… as he casually kicked our captain off the Revolutionary. “We met Ace in Alabasta, but Luffy having _another_ brother is news to us. Anything to learn how our captain went from a cute, cuddly kid we’re almost certain he once was—”

**_“Fat chance!”_** Soundbite ‘subtly’ coughed.

_“Bullshit!”_ I ‘surreptitiously’ agreed.

“—into… well, this,” our cook gestured at our captain’s… everything.

Sighing in fond exasperation as she righted herself, Koala smiled. “Well, the first thing to know is that ever since he got his memory back, he flies off into a gloating session about Luffy every time his name comes up…”

“Shishishi!” Luffy laughed as he pumped his fists happily.

“But anyways, I suppose that for Sabo’s little brother… I can return the favor. Now, let’s see… ah!” Koala snapped her fingers and smiled as she leaned back in her seat and started to reminisce. “I’ll start at the start, with the very first mission we went on together. It all began in the Headquarters of the Revolutionary Army, nestled in the cliffs of Baltigo…”

And so it went, Koala’s smile never faltering as she proceeded to pass the time with tales of her and Sabo’s varying—and quite frankly, _insane_ even by our standards—adventures. Honestly, how the hell Sabo had managed to get so much mileage out of a corkscrew and a clam shell… well, I suppose I know better than most that some things aren’t meant for the human mind.

This all went on for about ten minutes or so, until storytime was finally brought to a crashing halt… _Literally_ on account of the minor shockwave that suddenly slammed into us, swaying the boat but good.

“Looks like Zoro’s done,” Franky observed, getting to his feet and stomping toward the exit. “Sunny had better have been left _pristine,_ or I swear—!”

“Keep your man-panties on, Iron-Ass, I didn’t touch the Sunny,” Zoro grunted as he stalked in past our shipwright, rolling his shoulder with an expression of immense satisfaction. _“Tashigi,_ however, I touched _very_ thoroughly. And Swirly, if you want to make an issue of that?” The first mate spread his arms invitingly. “Bring it on, I _welcome_ it!”

Sanji… actually paused mid-kick and blinked at the swordsman in confusion. “You’re… surprisingly tolerable for once, Mossy.”

“Finally beating Kuina in some capacity felt cathartic as hell, didn’t it?” I half-stated.

“Mmm,” Zoro shrugged as he sunk into a seat. “It wasn’t bad. Put up more of a fight than I expected, but still nothing close to what _she_ could have done at that age if she were still alive. Better than nothing, I guess.”

“And to confirm, Tashigi is…?” Koala began.

“Now listen here, you green-haired, metal-swinging _troglodyte!”_

“Surprisingly intact,” I commented with a cocked brow as the Marine barged in.

And indeed, Tashigi was in seemingly pristine condition. You know, apart from the fact that she had half her body covered in bandages, with a particularly bloody swathe tied around her waist.

And a bunch _more_ being wrapped around her forehead by Chopper, who was in hybrid form standing on her shoulders.

“First off, I did _perfectly fine_ , thank you very much!” Tashigi hissed as she jabbed her finger at our first mate.

“Hold still, before I fasten this eyepatch on with surgical staples,” Chopper tersely ordered as he tugged a strip of gauze taut over the lieutenant’s left eye. “And be glad that this is only _temporary,_ got it?”

“Second,” Tashigi went on, seemingly ignoring Chopper. “I still want to know where the hell you got the legendary _dragon-slaying_ O Wazomono-Grade sword Shusui—!”

“I re-killed Ryuma’s corpse, which Moria was using as an undead soldier.”

“…oh, how I _wish_ I could actually not believe that,” Tashigi groaned, rubbing her unwrapped temple. “And _third!_ If you’re wielding Shusui, _then where the hell’s Yubashiri!?”_

Zoro’s normally stoic expression twisted like he was sucking on a lemon and half a grapefruit at once. Otherwise, he didn’t respond.

After a moment, Funkfreed asked, “If you don’t want to tell her, can I do it?” Zoro turned towards me… and slowly nodded. At that, the elephant-sword shifted into his hybrid form to slide from his sheath and curl up on the ground sort of like a snake. A massive snake whose frame could take up half the room, but still.

“It got wrecked on the Bridge of Hesitation,” the hybrid weapon explained, waving his trunk remorsefully. “Not beyond repair, but enough that he had to leave it at a blacksmith on Water 7. I mean, at this point, if you want it that badly, then…” He shrugged helplessly. “I _guess_ it’s all yours?”

Zoro snapped a glare at my sword and opened his mouth, presumably to cuss him out. Instead, after a moment he shut it and glanced down at his waist. He gripped Shusui’s hilt before hissing out a defeated sigh. “…fine, damn it, _fine!_ I’ll give you the ticket the smith gave me. I don’t _like_ it, but damn it, I owe Yubashiri its right to fight again. And…” The swordsman glanced aside with a scowl… _and a blush!?_ “And… better you than someone else, I _guess.”_

**_“God help us I THINK THAT’S THE CLOSEST_ ** **she’ll ever get to a pr—!”**

_SHING!_

_“I SAY NOTHING!”_ Soundbite yowled, eyestalks twisting to keep an eye on the snow-white blade hovering between him and Zoro.

Grimacing, Tashigi turned away from the byplay, rubbing the back of her head.

“I am conflicted…“ I just _barely_ heard her mutter. She raised her voice a few moments later. “Ah… before anything else though, _how_ did a sword of that quality, in…” She grimaced slightly, as though the next words burned her throat. “In hands as _skilled as yours,_ _ugh,_ get—?”

“Some Navy bastard with the Rust-Rust Fruit,” I said.

Aaand just like that both Tashigi and the air in the room stopped, and the Marine _slowly_ turned to look at me, Blair Witch-style.

“Someone in the Navy has the power of the Rust-Rust Fruit…” she intoned, her voice devoid of life. “And he came that close to destroying the legendary _Ryo Wazamono-grade_ Yubashiri with them. Without even a _hint_ of remorse.”

“Um…” I briefly thanked my lucky stars that she wasn’t actually pissed at Zoro or me this time. And because this wasn’t directed at _us…_ “Yes?”

It _could_ have all ended there if Funkfreed didn’t choose to raise his big fat trunk.

“Just so you know? That wasn’t the first Grade-sword Captain Shu’s gotten his hands on, and none of the others had Cross’s forewarning to save them.”

_That_ was apparently a step too far.

I _swear_ that an unholy inferno lit up around the lieutenant, her face becoming a shadowy mask of rage as she strangled Shigure’s hilt.

**_“I am going to—!”_ **

THWACK!

_“—hug a cuddly bunny…”_ Tashigi slurred mid-sentence, a goofy grin spreading across her face as she bonelessly sank into the nearest seat. This revealed Chopper standing behind her with a dripping needle in his hoof.

“I have gotten _far_ too good at eyeballing a person’s weight so that I can properly sedate them,” he grumbled to himself as he sank into a seat of his own and started massaging his eyes. “I’ve also stitched up far too much small intestine while my own is empty. Where’s the food?”

“Ugh…” Chew groaned, rubbing at his eyes as he came back inside and started reciting something in a long-suffering tome. “We’ll have your orders taken care of as fast as we can, _chew_. If you would just be patient—”

Chew opened his eyes and stopped speaking as he processed exactly how many glares he was receiving, the sheer amount of _‘not damn welcome’_ they conveyed sending him powerwalking backwards back to the kitchen.

“Bunny… bunny-wolf—GAH!”

Tashigi broke the tense mood with an exclamation followed by a grumbled mutter of thanks to her companion, who was tucking a wasabi stem back into his coat. He(?) then pointed at me, and Tashigi did a double-take before smiling. “Oh, right. Cross. We really didn’t expect to run into you again, but it’s fortunate that we did; remember how Popora has mnemonic abilities?”

“Yeeeaaah?” I drew out, dreading any brand of interaction with the hammer-happy hybrid.

“Well,” she gestured at his hammer. “If ever you wanted a chance to—and believe me, I am _loath_ to say this—be as nigh-omniscient as you once were, we can give you that refresher you were hoping for.”

The way Tashigi said that was just a little too eager for my liking, but quite frankly, I didn’t care. I would let myself get zapped by Eneru again if it meant remembering the rest of the series. I nodded, kneeling in front of the rabbit-wolf… _right_ as Tashigi got the last word in.

“Oh, and Popora? Feel free to hit him as hard as you possibly can.”

“Kyuuuun.”

“Wait, _wha—!?”_ I snapped my head up _right_ as the hammer swung.

**~o~**

_“You and I will never meet again.”—_

_—“We three sisters were once…”—_

_—“DRAGON IS YOUR DAD!?”—_

_—“STRAW HAT ISN’T A PIECE OF TRASH LIKE YOU!”—_

_—“Weaklings don’t get to choose how they die.”—_

_—“Would you do us the honor of exchanging sake cups?”—_

_—“Thank you, all of you, for loving me!”_

_Ace mortally wounded, a gaping hole in his torso._

_A complete and total silence, encompassing all factions, friend and foe alike._

_A Vivre Card burning away into nonexistence._

_And then…_ and then—!

**~o~**

_“MOTHER ALMIGHTY!”_ I gasped as I lurched back to reality and landed clean on my ass, the _surge_ of images and emotions and-and-and _everything_ that had just hit me taking me completely by surprise. Seriously, I’d been expecting a hell of a lot, but not _that_ much!

With my senses properly rebooted (and believe me, that was an ordeal and a million), I realized that I’d all but curled up, my armored hands clamped around my skull and moisture on my face and chin. Opening my eyes, I saw everyone watching me with undisguised concern.

I really, _really_ shouldn’t have been focusing so much on _that_ part of the manga…

I shook my head and started to get to my feet, but a tapping on my shoulder stopped. Looking up, I realized that it was Popora, who was… _crying?_ Seriously, while the hybrid’s expression maintained the stony impassiveness it had held the entire time I’d known him, he definitely had twin tear tracks coursing down his cheeks.

The wolf-rabbit wiped the tears off and pinched them between his fingers, eyeing them contemplatively before giving me a respectful look.

**_“Translation, he respects_** **THE TRAUMA YOU JUST** _relived,”_ Soundbite informed me.

“Uh… thanks?” I shook my head and pushed my way back to my feet. “It’s— _gugh—_ it’s alright, guys, just a… _really_ bad memory…” I wiped the last of my tears from my eyes and shot a sidelong glare at Tashigi. “It’s not like what you just hit me with is _relevant_ anymore, anyway.”

The Marine had the grace to look away at that. Regrettably, nobody relaxed. Not that I could blame them, I didn’t believe half the shit I was spewing myself. I couldn’t help it, really, not after watching _that._

Wordlessly, Luffy held out the Vivre Card that he had already withdrawn from his hat. Still perfectly intact. I saw it move… _parallel_ to the Red Line? Did that mean he was on Sabaody? Huh, that would be cool, we might actually meet him in person… and that was most definitely _not_ complete and utter desperation coloring my inner monologue.

I nodded in gratitude to Luffy, but his frown only deepened; he could tell as well as I that the difference between what was and what is didn’t help that much…

“Ah… Cross?” Tashigi suddenly spoke up, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “I don’t want to add more bad news to this, but I just remembered some news Aquarius heard that I think you should know.”

The lieutenant’s hesitation contorted, mixing with disgust. “Apparently, someone high up in the Government decided that the best way to punish you for the SBS was to break your spirit. They’ve sent out a powerful task force with Cipher Pol-level intel-gathering skills with one goal: find the homeland of Jeremiah Cross, and unleash the Buster Call upon its shores unless your crew turns itself over.”

The moment that the last syllable left her lips, she ducked her head, shaking with what looked like sobs but did not sound like it. The rest of the crew was making a similarly valiant but futile attempt to hide their own expressions, and Koala and Sandersonia in particular had their faces hidden in their arms, their shoulders shaking heavily. And as for me?

_“Pff…”_

I honestly couldn’t hold it back for more than a couple of seconds.

“PFFHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” I cackled, falling back onto the ground and pounding it.

“HEEHEEHEE **_HOOHOOHOO_ ****HAHAHAAAAA!”** Soundbite howled in agreement.

That opened the floodgates. As expected, Zoro managed to keep his composure with just some snickering, but pretty much everyone else was laughing his or her head off, most of them unable to stay on their feet. As it was, Koala and Sandersonia looked to be in danger of reducing their tables to splinters from pounding on them so hard, and almost everyone in the room was a bad breath away from asphyxiating with glee.

And really, who could possibly even begin to blame them!? The mere _idea_ that what could have been such a tragic, ruthless, absolute bottom-barrel tactic _was instead a complete and total wild goose chase?!_ It was hilarious beyond all conceivable description!

“Dereshishishishi!” Robin guffawed into her fist, tears streaming from her eyes. “I never t-thought that the words ‘ _Buster Call’_ could send me into a _positive_ form of hysterics, but once more, this crew— _Dereshishishishi!”_

“M-Maybe next they’ll try and arrest my _ex-father! HAHAHA!”_ Sanji roared through his laughter, casually catching anything that bounced off the table he was pounding with a fist.

“No, no! They’ll come after _mine!”_ Chopper waved his arms over his head eagerly, a manic grin on his muzzle. “I’ll even lead them right to him, make the introductions myself!”

“No! Conis’s _mothHAHAHAAA!”_ Nami was cut off mid-sentence when she tipped too far back in her seat and toppled over, though that didn’t stop her laughter at all.

_“PFHAHAHA_ HAAA!” I wheezed in a frantic, lung-burning gasp as I threw my arms wide. “Th-Those bastards want to burn my home to the ground!? Well, they’re certainly welcome to _try! PFHAHAHAAA!”_

“Uh, please tell me we’re missing something!?”

It was at this point that we all looked up and saw that the full staff of Takoyaki 8 had re-entered the room and were warily eyeing us, Hachi himself looking pretty damn stricken.

**“I-I-I** ** _echoed the NEWS TO_** THEM—”

And then a sudden shrieking, _cackling_ gale rocked the building.

**_“AND_** _the Sunny!”_ Soundbite concluded gleefully. _“I THINK VIVI'S GONNA START A TYPHOON,_ ** _SHE'S HOWLING SO HARD!”_**

“I-I can hear Big Bro’s laughing, too!” Merry wheezed out.

“Um…” Keimi nervously tugged at her collar. “I-I _really_ hope there’s a joke I’m missing here? Because if not, your laughing is… i-is…”

“I-I-IT’S THE MOTHER OF ALL WILD GOOSE CHA-A-A-SES, HEHAHAHAHAHAAA!”

My mirth was a little too much for me to spare a double-take at Bartolomeo’s sudden presence, and instead I staggered over to him so that I could sling my arm around his shoulders and laugh in tandem with him. “GOOSE CHASE, GOOSE CHASE, _LOOKING IN THE WRONG PLACE, HAHAHA!”_ I laughed in agreement with him.

“I-I’ll explain,” Koala chuckled, wiping away as she slowly came down from her own mirth. “See, Cross’s home? It’s not anywhere _in_ the East Blue. Or on the planet. Or the _moon,_ for that matter.”

I slowly came down from my laughter high at that, sending her an annoyed look.

“And as for why I told you that?” she forged on, smiling far-too-innocently at the fishmen. “It’s because no matter who you tell for the rest of your life, _no one_ will believe you. And before you ask, yes, I _did_ get pretty nasty in the Revolutionaries. It shows, don’t it?”

“Actually, what I was going to ask is how that’s supposed to be more unbelievable than anything else the Straw Hats have done,” Kuroobi deadpanned.

“Nyuu, same problem,” Hachi groaned, massaging his head with two hands. “The truth is just one more wild guess out of a million.”

“Yeeeaaah, we’re _eeevil_ like that!” Nami giggled drunkenly, still coming off her laugh-high.

“Uh, excuse me. _Who_ are you, that you know Cross’s secret?” Tashigi interjected, cautiously eyeing Koala.

“Koala. Assistant Fishman Karate instructor of the Revolutionary Army and one of their top executives. I was there when he told Dragon the details,” Koala explained, smirking. “In fact, I was the one who knocked his ass out and helped _drag_ him to Dragon. No small feat, mind you.”

“PFT!” Tashigi snorted into her hand, not trying very hard to hide _that_ burst of laughter. I settled for merely rolling my eyes at the exchange. After all, I was mature, I could take it on the chin… Koala’d proven _that_ for damn sure.

“And you’re Tashigi, I believe…” the other half-Mason continued. “Or would ‘Pisces’ be more appropriate?”

Tashigi snapped into a far more guarded stance as Sandersonia practically slithered up to her and smiled lightly… or as lightly as someone like her could manage. “You’re familiar with my sister, Cobra. You can call me Anaconda.”

**_“MY ANACONDA D—!_ ** **GYARK!”**

“I suffered through the Spongebob song, I’m not suffering through that!” I snarled, doing my damndest to stuff the little pest back in his shell.

Sandersonia cocked an eyebrow at us. “Aaaaanyway…” she dragged out, looking around. “Seeing as no one’s quite done it yet, I feel I should point out that this is quite the unprecedented event. Me, a member of a Warlord’s crew. You-” She nodded at Koala, who smiled and crossed her arms behind her head. “An executive of the Revolutionary Army, and you-” Tashigi stood up a little straighter at the attention. “An officer in the Marines. By all rights, we all should be at one another’s throats, but instead here we stand as the closest of allies.” She bowed her head solemnly. “Truly, on this most momentous of occasions, there is only one viable course of action.”

We all nodded along, at least until we all realized we were missing something. “Uh…” I raised a finger. “And that course of action would be?”

“Getting wasted, obviously!” Sandersonia whooped, pumping her fist.

_SLAM!_

The deck shook from our collective faceplant. Unfortunately, Sandersonia didn’t wait for our reply, and as I stood I saw only the literal tailend of her as she shot out the door and transformed so she could leap onto the Sunny. “I’ll go and get some booze to get us started!”

“No, wait!” I shouted after her. “My crew doesn’t know there’s—!”

Too late. Sandersonia had already slithered up the side of the Sunny. Cue, of course, a cacophonous mix of shouting, crashing, combat, and… party poppers?

“…a friendly Zoan here…” I completed with a groan, glancing at Soundbite. “Dare I ask?”

**_“Everyone else didn’t know WHETHER TO PREPARE FOR WAR_** **OR A PARTY** _so they prepped for both. NOT LIKE THEY’RE ACTUALLY_ DOING MUCH TO HER THOUGH, **she’s…”** Soundbite’s eyes widened in awe. _“WOW, SHE’S AN UNDERLING?_ ** _Sooo glad_ ****you stopped me from POTENTIALLY TICKING HER OFF!”**

“Like forewarning would have made any difference? You’re _Cross’s_ partner,” Usopp noted dryly as he headed out towards the Sunny, most likely to stop any further waste of ammunition.

I sighed, exhaling the last of the lingering grief I had. “Well, that was… something. Anyway…” I shot a grateful look at my remaining accomplices. “Thanks, Tashigi, Koala. I needed that.”

While Koala settled for snickering and flashing me a V-sign, Tashigi visibly hesitated, seeming to war with herself for a few seconds. Then she slumped in defeat and smiled back.

“What are friends for, Cross?”

**-o-**

Credit to Hachi, it was only a couple more minutes before our food was ready, and once we cleaned up the mess from Sandersonia’s little… _dive_ into the liquor cabinet, we kicked out the snake-Zoan and decamped to the Sunny’s pavilion to eat.

What? We all wanted to eat together, and if we tried to pack all of our crews into Takoyaki 8, we’d probably blow the roof off the place _sooner_ rather than later. Probably not even on purpose. We’d take a lot more care onboard our own boat, which was more sturdy anyway. Hachi had been grateful… right up until Nami insisted that the Takoyaki 8 staff join us.

Verbally, Nami said that she just thought it was fair that Takoyaki 8’s crew all take a load off and share in the feast they’d prepared. And honestly? She _did_ mean that statement. In regards to Keimi and Pappug, anyway. The glare that our navigator directed at the fishmen, however, said in no uncertain terms, _‘You made me stay in hell at your side when I was an inch from death, now suck it up and do the same.’_

And so it was that what would have been a return to our casual everyday insanity instead became a delicious feast with two of the relevant parties silently resenting each other’s presence and giving the whole thing a tense (though thankfully hidden, so the affair wasn’t quite as awkward as it could have been) undertone. And with Brook preoccupied with his favorite food and unable to provide the soothing undertones to help ease the tension, I think Nami was fully aware that something was going to give, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. And I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what she wanted: a round two, with at minimum two of the fishmen, and a chance to _personally_ hand them their leathery asses on a silver platter.

Still, for now, most everyone else was blissfully oblivious of the weight hanging heavy in the atmosphere and Nami and the non-standard Takoyaki employees glaring at one another, and Tashigi and I were doing our damnedest to pretend it wasn’t there. It wasn’t really working.

“…So, uh…” I hid a quick grimace in my cup before addressing the Marine sitting across from me. “Tashigi, how’s work going?”

“Er…” Tashigi took one glance at the line of soon-to-be-real lightning that was coursing between Nami and Kuroobi before turning back to me. “W-Well enough. Right now, the fleet’s been working with a taskforce from Headquarters. We’ve been working on sorting out the remnants of the Golden Lion Pirates.”

“Huh?” Luffy looked over and tilted his head in innocent, ignorant confusion. “You’re still taking care of those guys? But wasn’t that weeks ago?”

The lieutenant snapped a flat glare at our captain. “Well, the delays in prosecution might have _something_ to do with our Judicial Island—no matter how bloody and unscrupulous it was revealed to be—being _burned to the ground in a raging storm of hellfire.”_

“Eh?” Luffy’s head tilted further, his expression becoming doubly confused. “But you guys did that yourselves.”

Tashigi snarled to herself, the takoyaki stick in her hand snapping into splinters. “Must not punch, _must not—!”_

“Oh, no, go right ahead, it’s very therapeutic,” I interrupted.

“Wait, wha—?” _THWACK!_ “MMPH!” Luffy mumbled through his heavily-puckered face.

“…wow, that _was_ therapeutic!” Tashigi whistled appreciatively as she opened and closed her fist. “Anyway, yeah, processing has been a little slow lately, and there are a _lot_ of them, so we’ve been pitching in to offer some space as everyone’s shuffled around. Not exactly the safest or easiest job, as you can imagine, but we’re putting a steady stream of them through the Court Ships, so we should be done in about, oh, a week or two? Thereabouts. Honestly, I could care less what we do about those degenerates…” The lieutenant sank into her seat with a blissful, _euphoric_ sigh. “Because there are other parts of this process that I am _enamored_ with…”

Well, it didn’t take a genius to put those toddler-aged puzzle pieces together. “Found some Grade Swords, I take it?” I politely inquired.

“Seven Skillfuls and two Greats _so far!”_ Tashigi outright _squeed,_ clasping her hands and wiggling in her seat like she was talking about her crush… which, admittedly, wasn’t that far off.

“Oh? That so?” I leaned forward, an eager grin on my face. That was actually pretty impressive! “Any particularly interesting ones in the—?”

Then the glorious moment came crashing down with a single noise.

“Tch.”

With that single scoff, the whole deck went still, and the heavy air I’d been _so close_ to successfully ignoring cranked up to new heights.

I _slowly_ rotated in my seat to grace Chew with a perfectly flat look. “Something you want to say, _chum?”_

The smelt-whiting scoffed and turned up his nose (and lips). “Nothing for you if you don’t see it already, idiot.”

My eyes narrowed slightly. “You lost the right to call _anybody_ an idiot the day Arlong Park fell.”

He blinked, and then glared. “Why, because we made the mistake of challenging your crew?”

“No, because _you_ fell for Usopp’s ‘Rubber-Band-of-Doom-flinch-and-run’ trick.”

Chew went crimson, and several others graced him with looks as painfully flat as mine. Including Kuroobi.

“I thought you said he used another smoke bomb,” the ray growled, condescension and rage dripping from every syllable.

“And you’re taking his word over mine!?” Chew snapped.

**_“USOPP RUBBER BAND OF DOOOOM!”_ **

_“GAH!”_ The fishman snapped his arms over his head with a panicked flinch. After about a second, he lowered them, expression thunderous and pointed _anywhere_ but at Kuroobi and Soundbite. “I hate you, snail.”

_“HEEHEEHEE_ **hoohoohoo!”**

“Honestly, Chew, I expected that from Hatchan, but you?” Nami asked, a sadistic teasing hint in her voice. It helped that Hachi was once again covering his face with all six of his hands to hide a blush. Or maybe that was a sextuple facepalm. Hard to tell.

Everyone else was still busy trying to stifle their snickers, and for a minute, I thought that that might be the end of the trouble.

_SMASH!_

And then Kuroobi put his fist through the barrel he and Chew had been using as a table and we were right back to square one.

“The reason he scoffed was because of the blatant, unashamed _hypocrisy_ you’re showing right now, Jeremiah Cross,” Kuroobi stated in a tone of utter hatred, glaring me dead in the eye.

…he went there. _They_ actually went there. They were actually going to try and—?

Well. Alright, then. _On their heads be it._

Moving slowly and calmly, I got out of my seat, slipped Soundbite off my shoulder, and firmly planted him on the table, my eyes never moving from the fishmen. “Would you care to say that to my _face,_ sir?”

_“With pleasure,”_ Kuroobi snarled as he and Chew stood up. Slowly, we each took a step towards each other, then another.

_“This isn’t your fight, Cross!”_ Nami hissed in my ear, even though she was glaring at me from across the deck.

_“It_ wasn’t _my_ _fight when this was about_ your _past with them!”_ I snarled back through grit teeth, and a quick sweep of my eyes to the side passed that message to the rest of the crew. _“This? This is an entirely different beast, and_ it _and_ them _are_ MINE.”

_That_ prompted the crewmates who’d been gearing up for a fight to let go of their weapons and marginally relax, aside from the ones who silently (though not without force) prevented Hachi from stopping his friends. Billy, for his part, had draped his wings over Nami and was holding them there, I assumed at her request to keep her from lashing out. Meaning it was now just me… and _them._

The three of us met up in the middle of the lawn, standing barely two feet apart from one another. The fishmen each towered two heads above me and used that to glare down at me like I was a particularly repugnant insect. Of course, I matched them ire for ire, so the effect was diminished just a tad.

“If you would be so kind as to repeat and elaborate on your statement, _please,”_ I ‘requested’.

“I called you a hypocrite, Jeremiah Cross, because of your blatant fraternizing with a Marine when you’ve made it your life’s mission to tear them down,” Kuroobi sneered. “How do you think your _adoring public_ would feel to find your words are as worthless as you are?”

I withheld my urge to roll my eyes at the ludicrously weak blow, and simply settled for crossing my arms and giving him a patiently unimpressed stare. “I hear what you’re saying. You know nothing of my work, and clearly wouldn’t know nuance if it slapped you in your face.

My stance has always been that the _majority_ of the Navy’s ranks are rotten and corrupt, _and_ that there’s a sizeable minority of _just_ Marines who actually follow the ideals the organization was founded on. I’ve met the bastards you describe, but I also know Lieutenant Tashigi, who is a true and honest soldier of Justice. Simply put…” I tightened my grip on my forearms and laid down the gauntlet. “There are all kinds of Marines, good and bad. To dismiss the prior because of the existence of the latter is either stupidity or malice.”

_“Chew,”_ Chew derisively spat to the side. “You’re delusional. Bad is bad and good is good. That’s all there is. All there’ll _ever_ be.”

I allowed myself a slight scowl. “That so? Well then…” I pivoted to the side and pointed my thumb at Koala, who was staring the two with naked hostility. “What’s your take on _her,_ then, hm?”

Now _that_ caught them off guard, effectively putting them on the backfoot. “Th-That’s—!” Kuroobi started to protest.

“An exception?” I queried oh-so-innocently, nodding in agreement. “Aye, true enough, but here’s the thing: You make an exception for her, you open up the floodgates so that not only can the whole of humanity be regarded with the rule…” I stepped up and jabbed the ray fishman in his chest, forcing him to take a step back. “But you allow for this rule to be reflected back on yourself. _J’accuse,_ asshat.”

“She’s an exception because she knows the pain of the fishmen firsthand,” Kuroobi retorted with depressing speed. I guess that his bigotry was as good a mental insulator as my indignant temerity. “She’s not the only one who does, I admit that…” He raised his chin pompously. “But _you_ are most certainly not in that group.”

I waved him off impatiently. “I’m not, and I admitted as much before the world. But that sure as hell doesn’t mean it’s impossible for me to sympathize with the cause.”

“Or, you know,” Koala interjected coldly. “The rest of the very much human soldiers of the Revolutionary Army who respect my karate instructor Hack, who’s a brocade perch fishman, and who are always pushing for us to set up a field office on Fishman Island. Just, you know, _as an example.”_

I was grateful for Koala’s comment, because the shocked and stricken looks the fishmen shot her way were the perfect opening for me. “As has been _oh-so-nicely_ demonstrated, good and bad, however you define it, exist in _all_ places and people, _regardless_ of species. Folks like Hachi and Hack are perfect examples of the goodness in the fishman species…” I scowled as my grip on my temper started to fray. “Whereas there are still more bastards who serve as examples of everything _wrong_ with your people. Bastards like _you two.”_

“Bastards like _Arlong,”_ Nami snarled from the sidelines, the clouds around her crackling on the edge between cloud and raw electricity. And I’d bet a thousand beri that it was only Billy absorbing some of the voltage that kept it from tipping over that edge.

Chew and Kuroobi _tried_ to glare at her, but the display of meteorological superiority made them decide to refocus their ire on me. And with the current subject at a standstill, I decided to backtrack a bit.

“Since I had to make that clear to you in the first place, I’m guessing that you didn’t catch much of the SBS while you were in the slammer?”

Both of them glowered more.

“Everything we and Arlong did, it was _justified_ by you damned humans, chew!” Chew snapped, slamming a threatening stomp down in my direction. “The abuse, the slavery—!”

“Ahem?”

The long-lipped fishman was cut off as all attention turned towards Keimi, who was staring down her co-workers (a classification I suspect she was having serious doubts about by this point). “Considering what _your old friends_ the _Macros_ were planning to do to me and have done in the past and how Mister Cross reacted to that, you have less of a leg to stand on than I do.”

“Or,” I butted in as Kuroobi started to open his mouth. “When you take into account the shit you bastards were involved in back on _Conomi!”_

As you can expect, by this point the both of them were red in the face from indignant fury, but it wasn’t like I was much better either. I was used to fighting ignorance and bigotry via one-sided conversations and tirades. Facing bigotry head-on, face-to-face? This was an entirely different ballpark, and if it hadn’t been for my friends backing me up, I don’t think I would have been able to handle it. As it was, though, I was already getting dangerously—!

“You’ve shown the evidence of how humans can be yourself, Jeremiah Cross!” Oh, hey, there was Kuroobi stomping on the accelerator! “We may not have heard everything that happened in Enies Lobby, but we’ve heard _enough!_ All of those operations, all of those assassins—!”

“Primarily committed _against_ humans!” I cut in, but the ray-man summarily ignored me and plowed on.

“And I think the biggest proof you gave was the one in charge of it all. What was it, Spandam?”

“Oh, _piss off!”_ I swung my hand out, my exasperation rapidly mounting. “Not even _you_ can be stupid enough to think all humans are as bad as that walking waste of dust!”

“There are enough who are, _chew,_ ” Chew responded, visibly trembling with outrage. “Enough that both of the most respected heroes of our race died at their hands! Big Bro Tiger, and Queen Otohime!”

…It might have just been the fact that my newly refreshed memories allowed me to see the late queen of Ryugu in all of her benevolence. Or maybe it was the memory of the hatred that tore her away from the world, or _maybe_ it was the pain of the only person in the world who knew that secret. Frankly, it didn’t matter which.

“You bastards are the ones who burned the petition for the Reverie!” Chew all but spat in my face, slamming his finger in my chest hard enough that I was almost definitely going to bruise. “ _You’re_ the ones who assassinated Queen Otohime!”

I _swear_ I felt a few wires short-circuit in my brain at the mere _thought_ of being associated with that _fucking tragedy,_ and I showed as much when I split my lips with a snarl. “That’s a _lie!”_

I was vaguely aware of a clatter coming from where Koala was sitting, and I noted her hastily shoving herself to her feet. “Ah, Cross—!” she tried to intervene.

“Don’t even try and deny it, scum!” Kuroobi shoved his roaring face in mine, Chew matching the motion as the pair cocked their shoulders back, undoubtedly in preparation to rush me. “Hody captured the—!” 

_ALRIGHT, THAT FUCKING TEARS IT, YOU WANT TO PLAY—!_ “THAT LYING BASTARD HODY JONES WAS THE ONE WHO SHOT OTOHIME _IN COLD BLOOD!”_ I roared at the top of my—!

I knew I’d fucked up the _second_ the words left my mouth, but by that point, considering how the _entire damn deck_ froze, it was a little ‘too little too late’ on that front. I vaguely heard the crashes of anyone carrying anything dropping it, and I barely noticed Keimi, Hachi, and Koala all gaping at me from out the corner of my eye, but the two giants towering over me, paralyzed from pure shock, held my attention. For however long that shock lasted.

I slowly clenched my eyes shut with a tortured groan. “Ooo _oh_ , _checkmate.”_

I braced for the inevitable and… I’ll be frank, probably _deserved_ by this point beatdown that was coming my way—

_SLAM!_

Only for a not-insignificant impact to shake the lawn (though not the boat) beneath me.

“I trust, _Jeremiah Cross,_ that you have strong evidence to support such an accusation?”

My eyes snapped open at the unfamiliar but very stern and very powerful voice that had just _rumbled_ above me. And considering that Kuroobi and Chew looked, if anything, even _more_ stunned…

“…That was Jinbe landing _right_ behind me, wasn’t it?” I inquired tersely.

The pair of them slowly inclined their heads.

“…he’s been here the entire time, hasn’t he?”

**“Most of it,** ** _but I thought you were on a DECENT ROLL…”_** Soundbite informed me regretfully before gulping audibly. _“DIDN’T SEE THE CRIT_ COMING…”

I slammed my hand to my face and raked my iron-coated fingers down in despair. “Soundbite, my dear partner in crime… someday—possibly today—you withholding knowledge from me is going to get me _killed_. And I promise you that if it does…” I cast a sidelong snarl his way. “It will only be _after I kill you first.”_

_“Soooo_ **noted,”** the snail whimpered.

“I am _waiting, ‘Voice of Anarchy’ Jeremiah Cross._ Waiting and recalling the not insignificant size of your _bounty.”_

I very slowly and very deliberately took a deep breath and let it hiss out. Then I repeated the process, taking full advantage of the fact that Jinbe was a _reasonable_ fishman to get my thoughts back in order. Then, when I’d managed to banish the majority of my panic from my mind and get half an idea of what I was going to say, I turned my back on the two bigots and eyed the _infinitely more dangerous_ individual who was currently pissed with me.

The first thing that met my eyes was a kimono in orange and red with flame patterns dotted all over it, secured by an emerald green obi. The arms were crossed, pale blue fists on the ends of the sleeves, and my eyes darted down to see matching feet in a pair of geta. Then, with as much boldness as I could manage, I raised my eyes to look him in the eyes.

…Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I may have been reckless to the point of seeming suicidal, willing to taunt friends and enemies alike to my possible peril. But don’t think for a second that I’m not still rightfully intimidated when I’m staring up at someone that I knew had at least a chance of taking on our entire crew and winning, most likely without even a scratch. _Especially_ when said someone was four feet taller than me, outweighed me by what I’m pretty sure was a literal metric ton of pure muscle, was one of the strongest people on the face of the damn _planet,_ and was currently occupied with _glaring at me._

And worst of all, more pressing than any threats to my life possibly could have been… was that a bad first impression, specifically one as bad as this one was shaping up to be, could kill any chance of one of our (probably) future crewmates joining our ranks! And _that_ just wasn’t an acceptable outcome.

And so, with a not-insignificant amount of difficulty, I regathered the strength of will I’d previously mustered and set my jaws. I was still scared out of my wits, but I’d been scared when I’d faced down Eneru, and just like back then, I knew exactly what to say. I opened my mouth—

And then another thought struck me, and I snapped my head away from Jinbe to look at my captain instead. “Luffy…” I groaned desperately. Because while I wouldn’t if he didn’t want me to, I really, really, _really_ wanted to! And practically needed to, at this—

“Say whatever you think you need to, Cross.”

Luffy’s response was so fast and sure that it brought me up short. Looking at him, I saw that he had his serious face on. Then, after a moment, he gave me a reassuring smile. Sighing in relief, I smiled back and then returned my gaze to the Warlord, staring straight into his eyes.

“With all due respect, sir…” I started in a cool tone. “What’s more likely? That Otohime _just so happened_ to get shot by a human the same day someone set fire to the petition box, and Hody was _so_ overcome with rage he forgot his orders to not show the shooter…” I glanced aside to run the scene over in my head one more time. _“Or_ that he put the box to the torch like he and the rest of his cronies had been torching other petitioners’ houses and _set the whole thing up?”_

I could see the hesitation come into Jinbe’s eyes, eclipsing the rage. I made to say something, and then another thought came to mind. Glancing at my partner, I whispered a few words. It would be a long time before he could look back and laugh at the reference:

**_“Search your feelings. You_** **know** **_it to be true,”_** Soundbite rumbled in James Earl Jones’ voice.

I nodded in innocent agreement. “The snail has a point. Bluntly worded, but a point.”

**“Bastard!”** Soundbite hissed incredulously in my ear.

_“Bite me!”_ I sniped back, but I hastily refocused on the Warlord at hand, taking a defiant step forward. “Again, a point: Jinbe, this _isn’t_ a surprise to you. You’ve known Hody for years, and for years you’ve known there’s something _wrong_ with him. And not like Arlong, either. Arlong started off good, relatively anyways, but circumstances pushed him over the edge and that’s tragic.” I shook my head. “But not Hody. From the start, he’s always given you a bad feeling, and something always felt off about that day, about how everything went down. Think back, Jinbe! Remember the truth… or better yet—!” I snapped my fingers and pointed at the whale shark-fishman.

Thankfully, my message was well received, and before anyone could react, Popora had dashed over from halfway across the deck, leapfrogged off my head, and cracked his mallet down on Jinbei’s head, and—!

**~o~**

_“A human came into our kingdom! AND KILLED OUR QUEEN!”_

**~o~**

—And left us all reeling from the surge of images and emotions that had just slammed us, Jinbe in particular clutching his skull with a groan.

“What the hell—?” he started, but I pressed the advantage before he could get any further.

“Look at him, Jinbe!” I demanded, cementing the image of the ‘shooter’ Hody was holding in my mind. “Come on, you’ve been a Warlord for near a decade now, you’ve seen plenty of humans! Does he look anywhere near right to you!?”

“Actually… he looks pretty damn familiar to _me!”_ Sanji spoke up, his eyes blazing furiously. “Atrophied muscles, gaunt skin tone, sunken eyes? Yeah, that’s something I recognize all too well. That man was the textbook definition of starved! If he ate anything over the week before that day, it was _gruel!_ Thin gruel! He was a day from keeling over _dead_ , easy!”

“Hrm, let’s see…” Chopper hummed. “Extreme undernourishment. A slew of symptoms, including extreme weight loss, a bulging belly from edema, skin rashes from vitamin deficiencies, inability to concentrate—!”

“Wait, can’t concentrate?!” Usopp squawked incredulously. “But you all must have been nearly a half-mile away from her, maybe even more! A shot like that, you don’t make it by chance! It needs precision, timing, concentration! A crack shot! That guy? He’d have been lucky to hit the broadside of a decrepit sea king!”

“And that’s discounting the biggest issue of all: _motive,”_ Vivi saidl. “What did a total stranger like him gain from killing the queen?”

“He didn’t _need_ a reason.”

All eyes turned back to Kuroobi and Chew, the former of whom was shivering with rage. “He was a _human,_ he—!”

“Are you going to try to turn this back on racism?” Vivi cut in. “Because there’s a big problem with that if what Cross is saying about Hody is true. Recall, we’ve already proven that all individuals, regardless of species or organization, can have their morality run the gamut from positive to negative. But because the ‘shooter’ was killed upon capture, we’ll never know where on the spectrum he fell. This Hody Jones character, however? From what I’ve gathered from this conversation, his stance has been clear for years.”

She raised her palms up and level, weighing the options in each hand. “All that’s left at this point is to apply Occam’s Razor: who killed the queen, the human with neither the ability nor a clear motive, or the infamous criminal with more than enough capacity and _every_ possible motive? The answer is clear if you ask me.”

I took a moment to bask in just how _gloriously_ on the ball all my crewmates were before picking up the torch to drive things home. Though with how tortured Jinbe was looking, I honestly didn’t want to. But fuck it, if it meant I could make Hody suffer even one second sooner than when we’d plant our boots up his ass, then I’d take it!

“Jinbe,” I spoke up, drawing his attention back down to me. “I know this hurts you like nothing else, and I’m sorry I blurted it out without warning… but you can’t deny the truth. You can’t deny what was missed all those years ago, and you can’t deny what you’ve always known about _him_. The truth is plain for all here to see: _Hody Jones was the one who killed Queen Otohime.”_

Painful silence descended on the deck. Then, all at once, every denizen of the deep (and one denizen adjacent) onboard opened their mouths, the same question echoed six times in their expressions, but before they could voice it-

_SPLOOSH!_

“WAAAGH!”

They were all interrupted as _something_ breached the surface next to the Sunny, the resulting waves knocking about half of us on our asses. Before anyone could ask what the heck had just happened, a different, and far more _pressing_ question was asked. And in a deep, attention-grabbing, and most importantly _familiar_ Australian accent at that:

“H-How in the name of Oceanus do y’know who killed Queen Otohime!?”

In the time it took us to turn and identify the speaker, he asked another question:

“Wha—and how am I talking!? Wait... _oh, no, I’m talking!”_

I identified the original owner of the voice just as I identified who’d spoken, and both facts threw me for a loop, leaving me dazed on my feet and gaping like an idiot. “…OK, couple of things,” I choked out, raising my hand to knead my forehead. “First, Soundbite, how the fuck? Second, however the fuck, you’ve grossly misjudged the person you’re giving Bruce’s voice to. And third and most importantly of all, this is getting ridiculous; things _cannot possibly_ line up this well for me! I blurt out one of the biggest secrets of the century, and who else is here to hear me but not only the individual best suited for taking Hody Jones out of the picture, but also _the only one who saw it happen!?”_

And indeed, it was before my very shocked eyes that none other than… well, the _royal_ _megalodon,_ Megalo, was floating alongside the Thousand Sunny and staring at us in horror, his fins clamped over his titanic maw.

“ALRIGHT, WHO’S THE JACKASS BOTHERING OUR SEA KINGS!?”

The moment was a _bit_ ruined by Barto’s hollering from the deck of the _Cannibal,_ but it was a short ruining.

“A VIP from Fishman Island popping up for a visit for some reason,” I informed him. I _hoped_ Barto would realize he had absolutely no reason to yell…

“WELL, DOES HE _HAVE_ TO BE HERE!?”

But hey, dreams were made to be dashed.

“Seeing as he’s a key piece to an impromptu plan I’ve only just stumbled into, _yes!”_

“...DAMN. ALRIGHT, JUST KEEP HIM AWAY FROM OUR GUYS, WILL YA!?”

“Will do.” I shot Barto a parting thumbs-up before getting my head back in the game and voicing the first question that came to mind. “And getting back on topic, I’d very much like to reiterate my first point: Soundbite, _how!?”_ I gestured from the snail to Megalo. “He’s a _fish!_ I thought—!?”

_“I’ve been practicing FOR MONTHS,_ **and I’ve been on the same ship** ** _as a vocal aquidae for THE LAST FEW HOURS,”_ **Soundbite answered, a little snappishly. “AND BESIDES, _it’s like LABOON;_ ** _heck of a lot EASIER_** **when they grow up** _surrounded by people_ **WHO SPEAK HUMAN.** _DON’T QUITE HAVE THE LINGO_ FOR ANYFISH, **_but domestics are fine for now.”_**

“?(°Д°≡°Д°)?” Gif queried, snapping her eyestalks back and forth between myself and the gigashark.

“I’m with the heli-snail, who is this and why should we care?” Su asked with a raised brow… as much as she ever raised them, anyways.

“That’s Megalo,” Pappug announced, hopping on the railing. “He’s Princess Shirahoshi’s pet, a retainer for the royal family, and one of my high-end customers. What brings you up here, Megalo? Need a new shirt?”

“Ah-I-ah…” the shark stammered. He shook his head, which seemed to break through whatever block he’d had. “I… I came here to see Hachi, but—!”

“NYUUUU!/GYAAAA! WE FORGOT!”

Everyone jumped as a pair of panicked howls rang out across the deck, and we all turned to see Hachi and Keimi in the process of _completely flipping out._

_“THE ROYAL FAMILY’S MONTHLY BANQUET!”_ the pair wailed.

That comment broke through the gravity of the situation for me; I whistled in awe, leaning towards Pappug. “Wow, you guys have been catering to the Ryugu royal family?”

“Mm-hm!” the starfish nodded proudly. “And we’ve even got you lot to thank for it! One of the royal guards stopped by to eat and listen to the SBS while he was on break, he took some leftovers back with him for later, aaand… well, one thing lead to another. It’s been quite beneficial for us, let me tell you. Although…” He grimaced as he watched his co-workers panic. “There are still a few… _barnacles_ to work out, so to speak?”

_“IN ALL THE CONFUSION, WE FORGOT TO PREPARE IT!”_ Hachi hollered in dismay.

_“AND BECAUSE OF THE MARINES’ ORDER, WE’RE OUT OF FRESH INGREDIENTS_ AND _THE FAMILY’S FAVORITE TOPPINGS!”_ Keimi wailed.

“What are those ingredients?”

Both fishman and mermaid paused in their panic long enough to stare at Sanji and the dugongs.

“What are those ingredients?” Boss repeated. “We may not be as fast as a mermaid, but we can cover a lot more ground with six of us regardless.”

“And I’ll help you on the griddle,” Sanji declared, rolling up his sleeves. “You’ll probably have to make the sauce yourself, though, I probably won’t be able to resist stealing it.”

“Y-You’re guests!” Hachi protested. “I-I couldn’t—!”

“Octopus,” Sanji interrupted. “I’m a chef. I know about rushes. I couldn’t call myself a chef if I let you face that alone.”

“And it’ll endear him to Keimi,” Zoro added.

“And it’ll endear me to—DAMMIT, MOSSHEAD!”

“As for us, the Flying Fish Riders clearly showed us that we need to work on our underwater speed,” Boss picked up as Zoro and Sanji butted heads again, irritably grinding his cigar between his teeth. “This’ll be a good first step.”

“And it’ll get us away from Cross’s latest zany scheme!” Leo added, accompanied by a trio of nods. Hey, I… wasn’t _that_ bad!

“Ah… r-right, right…” Hachi muttered, counting on his fingers. “Right… okay, this can work! Dugongs! Follow Keimi’s orders to a _T!_ We don’t want any poisoned customers!” Hachi ordered with half of his no-longer-flailing hands, while his other half gestured back at Takoyaki 8. “I’ll fire up the grill and give Sanji a crash-course with what ingredients we have! GOGOGO!”

And with that, everyone involved leapt overboard, frantic to cook a feast _literally_ fit for a king and his family. The rest of us watched in bemusement as they all but _flew_ either back into Takoyaki 8 or overboard, slamming the doors and into the surf at breakneck speeds, and that bemusement lingered for a good few seconds.

Then I returned everyone’s attention to the matter at hand with a conspicuous cough. Megalo froze under the sidelong glance I gave him, caught halfway to slipping into the surf. _“You_ are not going anywhere, blubber-ass,” I informed him. “You’re the one who honked that foghorn, and believe you me, that’s something you _cannot_ take back. Now say it for the audience.”

“H-H-How—!?” he stammered, in far more hesitant a tone than I think the original owner of his voice ever took.

_“Not relevant_ and not something I want leaking beyond what’s necessary, and stop trying to change the damn subject,” I ordered. 

And then I grimaced and glanced aside uncomfortably as I remembered _why_ this was only coming up now. And as much as it killed me, I also knew _how_ to break his vow of silence… maybe… hopefully? C’mon, bullshit, don’t fail me now.

Acting based on my gut, I jabbed my el—er, right, he wouldn’t notice that… I jabbed my fist in Jinbe’s side and pointed out the megalodon. “Help me with this logjam, would you?”

The whale-shark-man glanced incredulously down at me, but he went along with it and cleared his throat, eyeing the real shark warily. “Megalo… all these years, you knew?”

“I… I…” Megalo curled in on himself with a tearful whimper, shaking his head miserably. “I saw everything… the whole thing…”

_“And you didn’t say anything!?”_ the Knight of the Sea suddenly roared. _“Do you have any idea—!?”_

“Ahem?” I coughed, eyeing him intently. “He _did_ tell someone. Which is the exact _problem.”_

I flinched under Jinbe’s gaze, but it was a short-lived gaze. I could all but see the gears grinding in his head as he made the relevant connections: Megalo to Shirahoshi, and from there the crybaby princess to—!

The titanic Warlord loosed a massively tired groan, apparently overcome with an onset of overwhelming exhaustion. He sank into a sitting position on the lawn, miserably gripping the bridge of his nose. “Oh, _damn it,_ Princess…” he lamented.

“A little exposition for those of us who _aren’t_ Cross would be nice,” Merry cut in.

_“I’ll_ tell you all later,” Koala replied. I shot her a look of gratitude, and the look I got in response made it clear that she was expecting me to fill in the blanks that she couldn’t, which had _me_ waving her off now. After all, at the moment I had bigger fish to—er, you get the idea.

“Megalo,” I said, drawing the shark’s tearful gaze. “I understand _why_ Shirahoshi told you to do what you did, and I even respect it; it’s taken more strength and responsibility than anyone her age should bear to stay silent…” I heaved a sigh of defeat. “But it also doesn’t change the fact that she was _wrong.”_

“HEY!” Megalo barked at full volume, snarling and displaying more aggression then I think I’d ever seen him show, be it in this life or my prior one. “PRINCESS SHIRAHOSHI WAS FOLLOWING HER MOTHER’S FINAL WISHES!”

“To the _detriment_ of the Ryugu Kingdom!” I countered just as heatedly, emphasizing the point with a slap of my palm on the railing. “Look, I’m _not_ insulting Shirahoshi, Megalo, nor the late queen! Otohime’s last wishes were noble, and it’s incredible that Shirahoshi’s followed them all this time, but _both_ actions were undertaken under the wrong _context!”_

Fury gave way to confusion, which I took as a sign to continue.

Or at least, I would have if Jinbe’s rumbling growl didn’t cut me off. “If Otohime’s assassination had been a mere one-off. A lone, crazed gunman acting out of his own personal hatred, then letting him fade into anonymity, while ultimately undesirable, would be… Acceptable. _Barely,_ but acceptable… Except…” He looked at me with a sad expression. “Except that this isn’t that, is it?”

I shook my head in confirmation of the denial. “Not with Hody. Hody’s hatred neither started nor ended with Otohime. Rather, she was an _obstacle._ He…” I hissed out a sigh, dragging my fingers through my hair. “In his own words, as Arlong proclaimed himself to be the rage of the fishmen, Hody Jones has literally become the incarnation of their hatred, the hatred they all hold towards humankind. His only reason for… for literally _anything_ in life is to inflict pain on humanity. And he will stop at _nothing_ to achieve that goal, all costs are acceptable. Even other fishmen, sympathizer or detractor alike. Queen Otohime wasn’t a milestone for him, but a _stepping stone._ And he’ll step on a hundred more, a thousand more, a _million…_ as many as it takes, so long as it ultimately gets him what he wants. Mark my words: Hody Jones will not stop until he sees the human world set aflame… even if he needs to reduce Fishman Island to ashes to do it.”

I leaned forwards and stared Megalo dead in the eye. “Trying to stop new hatred from being born won’t work, Megalo. Not when we’re still trying to fight the original strain from all those years ago! So please, _please…!”_

The titanic shark grimaced, visibly tortured by the decision I was forcing on it, and I was honestly a bit regretful for _having_ to force it on him. But, well, to reiterate, I _had_ to force it on him, for everyone’s good.

And finally, Megalo curled in on himself with a tortured groan that I was most thankful for (and _damn_ did it hurt that I was _thankful_ for another sapient’s pain, but desperate times and all that…).

“I-I… a-all these years, and it still d-doesn’t feel real…” he said. “I-I was going for a swim when I heard about the fire, s-so of course I hurried to the Plaza as fast as I could. When I got there, though…” He shook his head. “I-I didn’t know! He was a guard, he was in uniform, I thought he was putting up a perimeter, I thought…”

Megalo went silence for a moment before croaking on. “It was all so _fast._ I heard the bang, I heard the screams, I looked for the shooter…” His eyes snapped shut, massive tears dribbling down his cheeks. “And… there it was. A gun, in his hands, barrel smoking.” The shark raised his nose and gazed into the heavens. “Then a hole opened up in the ground behind him, and that human was spat out. The guard, he shot him, picked him up and…” He concluded the tale with a massively tired sigh. “And then he showed him to the crowd and everything went straight to Charybdis. That’s when I ran.”

If Jinbe hadn’t already been sitting down, I’m fairly certain his legs would have given out from that confirmation. Silence fell across the deck as the truth sunk in, the masquerade made to engender hate torn away and revealing the truth beneath. The anguish in the whale shark fishman’s expression was plain to see; faced with Megalo’s testimony, he could no longer deny the truth.

…If only his former crewmates were of a similar mind. But _nooo_ , much to my chagrin, Kuroobi and Chew’s hatred was ingrained too deep in them for them to accept such a blow to their worldview without exhausting every possibility first. And so began the chain of events that would eventually lead to what, in the future, my crewmates would _affectionately_ refer to as ‘The Verbal Blitz.’

“Th-The snail must be changing the words up, _chew!_ He’s lying! He must be!”

I could _hear_ the desperation in Chew’s voice, and the fact that he himself doubted his own words helped _soften_ my rage, but only from ‘apocalyptic’ to ‘infernal’. And I wasn’t the only directing their anger towards the two remnants of the Arlong Empire, like, say, _everyone on deck_. One individual’s ire was particularly pertinent.

“No.”

“Who—?” Kuroobi started.

“I said _no,”_ Pappug repeated, waddling right up to the fishmen, his coworkers, and glaring them dead in the eye. “You may not be able to understand Megalo without Soundbite’s translation, but _I_ can. And I can tell you that all the snail was doing was echoing what Megalo was saying. No matter what you say, I’ll take the word of a retainer to the royal family any day.”

“…You… you sympathize with them, you could just be saying that to—”

Chew fell silent as Pappug, much like Megalo a couple of minutes ago, adopted a look fiercer than I ever imagined possible on his face.

“Don’t you DARE. To insult my loyalty to _my_ kingdom!” he snapped, jabbing his own chest with one of his arms. “I respect the Straw Hats to hell and back, yes, but I would _never_ disgrace the memory of Queen Otohime by helping them lie about her demise!”

Chew’s voice died. Kuroobi picked up the bargaining with a slightly less anger-inducing argument: “But he—! But this—! Jinbe, you can’t believe them! They’re talking about _Hody!_ They don’t know him like we do, they don’t know what they’re talking about!”

“No…”

The pair were stunned into silence by the solemn reply, and they could only gape as the whale-shark fishman slowly rose to his feet, turning to Kuroobi and Chew with a look that was more tired than angry.

“No,” he repeated. “The only ones who don’t know what they’re talking about are you.”

“Huh!?” they chorused.

Jinbe snarled, flashing his fangs. “Let me be clear to the both of you: You weren’t there. You haven’t been back to the kingdom in over a decade, so you have _no idea_ what it’s become like down there.” The Warlord let out a sad huff. “ _You_ don’t know Hody, not like me. You haven’t seen what he’s done, the monster he’s turned into. You weren’t at Gyoncorde Plaza, you didn’t see his eyes that day. You didn’t see the _hate.”_

“Jinbe…” they pleaded desperately. Jinbe turned his back to them… and his face to me.

“Jeremiah Cross. In recent years, pirate ships have been disappearing en route to the island. Initially, I thought it was just the Flying Dutchman and its crew getting up to its old tricks, but now…”

“…if Hody hasn’t reached some kind of agreement with Vander Decken yet?” I responded, my tone dark and quiet; I was still struggling to keep my anger under control. “Then yeah, I’d say it’s most likely him. New ‘recruits’ for the _New Fishman Pirates._ After all, you can’t fight a revolution without an army.”

“You have a better word than ‘recruits’, don’t you?” Sandersonia murmured, glowering at me over the lip of her mug.

“Yeah. ‘Slaves’,” I grinned madly as I spread my arms wide. “But hey, it’s alright! Let’s forget all about the generations of blood and tears that weigh down those chains and pick ‘em right on up! After all…” my mad grin rotted into a scowl. “They’re _just humans.”_

That was the extent of how far their bigoted pride could blind them. The ray and smelt-whiting swayed, nearly falling over as horror and disgust wracked their frames. Words fell from their lips that I don’t think they were fully conscious of…

“Why… why would he—!?”

That was the last thing I heard before everything got… _blurry_.

**-o-**

Luffy observed the goings-on between his crew, his old enemies, and the Warlord who seemed to be in the middle of it all with some reluctance. This was _Cross’s_ sort of thing, not his, but he knew that he couldn’t say that. Not anymore. Even as he attempted to focus on current situation, his mind wandered to how things had changed.

Cross had been almost a spur-of-the-moment choice for Luffy way back in the East Blue; he and Soundbite were awesome, sure, and they had become even more awesome since then, but Luffy hadn’t planned on inviting anyone else to join his crew before they left for the Grand Line. But when he saw the state that Cross was in, it was easy for him to put the pieces together thanks to his life on Mt. Corvo: whether he was shipwrecked or a runaway, he was lost. And Luffy had seen hope in his eyes when he met him, a hope that felt familiar thanks to his brothers. So he had extended the invitation, despite his crew’s objections, and the conversation that followed confirmed to Luffy that he had made the right choice.

It was only a few weeks later that he learned exactly what was behind the hope in Cross’s eyes. Luffy had known Cross was smart, but the whole ‘other world’ thing put everything in a new perspective. Learning the adventure ahead of time still repulsed him, so he was quick to keep Cross from telling them anything that wasn’t really important. Maybe there would be something, but he didn’t need to think about it too hard, right?

And then he found out that Sabo was alive and Ace would have died. Even after all of this time, the revelations about the two most important people to him before he found his crew shook Luffy to the core. And then he lost to Crocodile and almost died. Twice. He won the third time, but it stuck in his mind how far Crocodile pushed him. And then Vivi had been given a bounty for trying to save her country, and by the same bastards that killed—no… _almost_ killed Sabo. He knew his journey to become the Pirate King wouldn’t be easy, but he had trusted that everything would work out all right.

But Alabasta shook him. He was strong enough to protect his friends from anyone who tried hurting them with weapons or fists, but only barely; he had almost died three times. He needed to get stronger. And even then, he couldn’t hurt the ones who hurt Vivi. But Cross could. The mystery bastard gave Cross the key to using his mystery knowledge to shake the entire world in retaliation. Luffy had let him. He had kept letting him, ignoring whatever spoilers he shared with Zoro, Nami, and Vivi so that he could do what Luffy couldn’t. And at that time, Luffy truly understood just how much power Cross’s knowledge gave him.

And then Cross started bringing others into the crew. Luffy had always planned on having a small crew, only about ten people, but that had changed along with everything else; his crew doubled in size when they left Alabasta and had grown more with every island that they visited, either in crewmates or in allies. Luffy was never mad about it; every single person or animal who joined was awesome, but in the aftermath of Alabasta, he’d had to re-evaluate his plans. He had assigned Cross to make the plans because he was smarter, and while Luffy’s stance on that hadn’t changed since Whiskey Peak, his outlook had. The journey was going to be harder and more out of control than he thought, and he needed to be stronger… and not just in body.

He took Cross’s advice and started practicing with his Devil Fruit before they left for the Sky Island. It was thanks to that that he was able to save Conis and Su from Eneru, which eventually led to her joining his crew. That was proof enough that getting smarter was good despite the headaches thinking too much produced, but he got it hammered home after Navarone, when Cross matched wits with a Vice Admiral and won. Luffy had vowed to himself that day that he would actively try to be smarter… just so that he could potentially pay his grandpa back for all of the hell he put them through. He was a Vice Admiral too, so that would work, right?

The next island only added to his growing proof. Luffy’s anger had been kindled from the moment that he met Foxy, and he chose to beat him at his own game. Wits and traps had allowed a weakling to push Luffy almost as far as Crocodile did in their last match. And then came Admiral Aokiji. Cross’s knowledge was the only thing that actually hurt the admiral, and the admiral’s parting words hurt his crew more than the beatdown he had given them ever could. That had been the final straw; seeing what a few choice words from an enemy did to his crew, seeing the despair in Robin’s eyes, he did the only thing he could to prepare them against that in the future, and put his trust in Cross to forearm them.

Even with all of that, he almost died in his next big fight. He couldn’t lose… but he did. The words of his friends and crewmates, the reminder that Lucci would hurt the ones he had vowed to protect, spurred him on and allowed him to win, but it had exhausted him to an extent that he hadn’t known since Porchemy’s interrogation. Then there was Merry. Cross had bargained for a miracle to save her, and he got it, but it shouldn’t have come to that in the first place. Cross had done everything he could to forearm them and protect her and it hadn’t been enough. Even knowing the future wasn’t a guarantee that he could change it. Thriller Bark was more proof of that; Cross’s plan went perfectly, and then everything went wrong. Luffy exhausted himself against Moria, leaving him out cold and unable to protect his crew when _another_ Warlord showed up.

Luffy couldn’t hold anything against Zoro, or Nami for that matter; it had sunk in that all of them would give their lives for each other, even though they wouldn’t have to, because they would keep getting stronger and stronger. This time, like the previous times, Luffy’s anger at what had happened and what his crew had to do was swallowed up in the relief that they still won, and they were all still alive. Even after all of this time, he still had that trust that everything would work out all right. Even when he came up against Shiki, someone who fought Roger himself, that was still the case.

But it was only now, seeing Cross’s memory refreshed as he saw what Luffy knew, somehow, to be Ace dying, seeing Cross brought to tears just from the memory, that he made the connection in his mind: Cross felt even more of a burden than he did. Luffy’s job as captain was to protect his crew, and to do that, he was the strongest of them all. He knew that he could protect them from whoever tried to hurt them. Cross didn’t, and yet because of how much he knew about them and their future, he still felt like he had to… and his burden wasn’t limited to just the Straw Hat Pirates, either.

And that was what broke through Luffy’s mind once and for all. He knew that there were still things Cross could do that he couldn’t, and he knew that he only told a select few of the crew his plans because they were good at keeping secrets. But if Luffy being ignorant was forcing an even heavier burden than his on Cross and those crewmates, then he was done with it. He knew well by now that Cross couldn’t spoil the fun of the adventure by telling them about it ahead of time, and if that was the case, then he had no excuse to keep closing his eyes and plugging his ears.

So he watched and he listened as Cross fought and everyone reacted. He saw as a _Warlord_ came onboard and heard him threaten his crewmate. He gave his consent for Cross to say whatever he had to without a second thought. He saw Cross slowly wear down their old enemies. He heard the ones who weren’t on his crew help Cross until their old enemies couldn’t deny the horrible truth anymore. He saw them sink to their knees, broken, and heard them speak words that were hardly coherent.

“Why… why would he—!?”

**“Why…”**

And then he saw and heard as, for the second time in all the time that he’d known him, Cross well and truly _snapped._

**“Why…** **_why!? WHYYY!?”_ **

Acting on his instincts and _way_ too much experience with Ace (though this was the first time it actually _worked),_ Luffy snapped his arm out and snagged his tactician by his collar. And not a second too soon either, as literally a _second_ later, Cross roared in primal fury and lunged at the bastard fishmen on the deck, honest-to-goodness _murder_ in every inch of his frame and his gauntlets still reaching for their throats. At the same time, he saw Zoro and Conis silently putting themselves in front of Lassoo and Funkfreed before they could go to their partner’s aid.

Not that they really _needed_ to, seeing as the weapon-Zoans (and how _cool_ was that? Living weapons! His crew was just the _best!)_ weren’t doing anything more serious than just growling and pawing at the deck; they’d probably be a lot harder to stop if Cross actually _called_ them…

**“WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK, YOU BASTARDS!?”**

Except there wasn’t any chance of _that_ happening because Cross was still out of his mind. Like, _seriously_ out of it, white eyes and… was that—? Yeah, foam, just a bit, out of the corner of his mouth. Eesh, Luffy didn’t think he’d ever seen Ace…? Oh, no no, now he remembered, it was that time one of the nobles just literally walked over him while they were sneaking through Goa. It didn’t _hurt_ or anything but that didn’t stop Ace from almost ripping the guy’s—

“Woops!” Luffy cursed under his breath and hastily resecured his grip on Cross’s shirt instead of his jacket, on account of Cross almost slipping free of his outer layer. Deciding to avoid any more near misses, Luffy pulled his head out of his memories of the good old days and refocused on the good old present.

**_“YOU’RE THE ONES WHO FUCKING TOLD HIM TO!”_** Cross was raging, spittle flying without care or control. **_“YOU TOLD ALL OF THEM! HODY, DOSUN, ZEO, DARUMA, IKAROS! YOU PREACHED SCRIPTURE AT THEM_** **AND THEY FUCKING FOLLOWED IT TO A T!”**

“W-We never told them to—!” the ray-guy tried to protest, reeling back from the human half his size in terror.

**_“YOU DIDN’T NEED TO!”_** Cross cut him off, swinging his arms wildly as he did his best to get at their necks. **_“YOU SPENT THEIR MOST MALLEABLE YEARS TELLING AN ENTIRE FUCKING GENERATION THAT HUMANS WERE THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, THAT THEY WERE TO BE HATED AND DESPISED, NO MATTER THE COST!_** **WHAT THE HELL ELSE DID YOU EXPECT?!** ** _THAT THEY WOULD JUST OH-SO-NICELY APPLY FUCKING_** **NUANCE?!** ** _CONSIDER ANYTHING OTHER THAN_** **HATE,** ** _EVEN IF IT HURTS_** **THEM** ** _OR ANY OTHER FISH-OR-MERFOLK_** **_IN THE PROCESS?! MERCY, COMPASSION,_** **COMMON-FUCKING-DECENCY!** ** _BECAUSE OF YOU, THOSE WORDS MEAN_** **NOTHING** ** _TO THEM! THEY’RE NOT EVEN_** **PEOPLE** ** _ANYMORE, JUST WALKING CORPSES FILLED WITH HATE!_** **YOUR** ** _HATE!”_**

Wow, talk about a rant. Briefly, Luffy debated whether to stop this or not. On the one hand, it was going on kinda long. But on the other hand, Cross probably needed to get this off his chest, and all that talk about ‘malleable years’ was actually kinda interesting. Something to ask Cross about later?

**_“BECAUSE OF YOU WORTHLESS SKIDMARKS, HODY AND THE REST HAVE HURT THOUSANDS,_ ** **WILL** **_HURT THOUSANDS MORE, BUT NOT BEFORE I TEAR OUT YOUR FUCKING TONGUES AND SHOVE THEM—!”_ **

Oops, okay, maybe it was time to stop things—oh, wait, no, that was Koala’s hand grabbing Cross’ neck. To Luffy’s relief, his third mate immediately choked off into a gurgle and slumped over, unconscious. As a quick shake from Luffy confirmed.

“Phew, thanks, Koala!” the rubber-man grinned at the new friend.

The blonde shrugged casually as she hefted her unconscious ally onto her shoulder. “Not a problem, that was starting to get inappropriate even for _this_ situation. If it’s alright with you, I’m going to take him somewhere quiet, help him cool down before he hurts someone… or himself.”

“Oh, yeah, that’d be great!” Luffy’s grin extended into outright beaming, and he jabbed his thumb towards the Sunny’s rear—er, aft. “Go ahead and use the Aquarium Lounge, I don’t think there’s anyone in there right now.”

“Got it, thanks.” And with that, Koala _would_ have set off… if the repeat offenders on deck didn’t choose to open their mouths _one last time._

_“Chew…”_ Chew audibly sighed in relief, wiping a layer of sweat from his forehead and smiling gratefully at Koala. He then walked forwards and made to pat his hand on the Revolutionary’s shoulder. “Thanks for that, Koala. For a second there, _chew,_ I was actually _worried_ about the little—!”

**_SMACK!_ **

And just like that, the tension ratcheted right back up to maximum as Koala batted the smelt-whiting fishman’s hand away and fixed him with a _chilling_ look. Not even angry, just cold and emotionless.

“Don’t touch me,” she ordered, and nearly everyone who heard the words shivered from the sheer level of utter _contempt_ packed into the sentence. Luffy, though, just watched impassively.

“Buh-I-wha—?!” Chew sputtered incredulously, trying and failing to find the words for what had just happened.

Kuroobi, however, had no such (or at least less) problems. “What the hell, Koala?!” he demanded, stomping towards the Revolutionary. “It’s been over a decade since we last saw each other, but now you’re snubbing us! Treating us like—like we’re—!”

“Like you’re what?” Koala inquired in her still-placid tone, meeting his panicked gaze with her calm one. “Like you’re enemies? _The_ enemy? Scum of the earth, even? All inaccurate, I assure you. My opinion regarding you two is _far_ below such lofty stations.”

“Why are you saying this, _chew!?”_ Chew demanded. “Koala, we’re your _friends!”_

Luffy frowned. Why on earth did they think _that?_ It was pretty obvious that she really didn’t like them. The only conclusion he could come to was that they were idiots, so that was at least correctible. As the ambient temperature plummeted even further, he made his move.

“Uh, no, she isn’t,” he said in disdainful confusion.

“What he said. I have _never_ been friends with you.” The words were delivered calmly, clearly, and both weathered the stricken looks the fishmen shot her and aborted any attempt to protest Luffy’s declaration. “You appear confused, so allow me to clarify: you see, I _was_ friends with a ray fishman and a smelt-whiting fishman who were _also_ called Kuroobi and Chew, back when I was younger. But they were Sun Pirates. Good pirates. Good _people.”_

She shook her head in slow, _disappointed_ denial. “But they’re dead now. They died when Tiger died. And you? You might have their names and their faces, but you’re nothing like them. You’re _Arlong_ Pirates. I wouldn’t be caught _dead_ being friendly with you. And I can’t imagine there’s a single self-respecting person above or below the seas who would be.”

Koala punctuated the lecture’s conclusion by repositioning Cross on shoulder and giving the fishmen a curt nod.

_“Have a nice day.”_

In the silence that resounded following Koala’s final statement, the closing of the lounge’s door blasted out like a cannonball detonation. Still, awkward as the deck-wide hesitation was, Luffy was actually a little grateful for it. After all, it gave him a chance to catch up with things and actually (ugh) _think_ about everything that had just happened.

“Mm… _ngh!”_ Luffy grimaced as he hastily abandoned _that_ ill-conceived course of action. Seriously, he had no idea _why_ anyone else would do something so dumb like thinking; he’d save using his brain for life and death situations, thank you very much!

Tashigi broke the silence after a minute. “Popora, would reviving that many memories at once have amplified the feelings that he felt from them?”

The strange creature (rabbit-wolf! With a hammer! So cool!) folded his arms in contemplation. Then he shrugged and gestured to the door that had just closed.

“‘Based on that, apparently’,” Tashigi translated, sighing and rubbing her forehead. “I shouldn’t have used up that mood-lifter so soon.”

Luffy’s grimace deepened briefly, but he shook it off; he would need to talk to Cross later, but his third mate was in good hands for now. With that problem done, his eyes scanned over the deck, and immediately fell on the only fishman onboard whom he hadn’t met, _and_ who seemed to be a good guy.

“Anyway, nice to meet you! I'm Monkey D. Luffy, Captain of the Straw Hat Pirates!" he said, extending a hand to said fishman.

Jinbe blinked, not doing anything, which was fine, because Luffy got that reaction a lot. Then he too broke into a smile and returned Luffy's handshake.

“Jinbe, Captain of the Sun Pirates and Warlord of the Seas. It's... honestly a pleasure to meet you, Luffy.”

“Shishishi!” Luffy snickered as his grin extended to its normal, comfortable width. Honestly, all the complicated stuff and big emotions that were flying around could go soak their heads. If the rubber-man only knew one thing, it was that today was turning out to be a very good day.

**-o-**

With everyone’s attention diverted to what could easily be defined as the World Government’s worst nightmare coming to life, nobody paid much mind to the morally defeated fishmen as they stumbled aside, all but dead on their feet.

“How…” Kuroobi choked, images of someone he had last seen as a future member of their crew clashing with the form of their beloved queen; the smiling slave girl with the cold Revolutionary that scorned them; their sobbing captain as he lay dying with their laughing captain as he gloated over bringing another human into chains.

“…How could things have gone so wrong?”

Chew was in complete agreement, still unable to see how preaching their message about the past with humans and the way to treat them had carried over to murdering Otohime. Arlong himself would have led a lynching against anyone on their crew who would have dared to kill a fellow fishman, human sympathizer or no. And a threat to their queen? Arlong would have torn their throat out himself.

So… So for it to be someone who’d _worshipped_ Arlong so thoroughly, who’d held onto his every word, who they remembered so _clearly…_

“I don’t know,” Chew sighed miserably.

**_“No?”_ **

Both stiffened at the voice in their ears, and they snapped their heads around to stare at the other, previously neglected half of the Voices of Anarchy.

**“You still don’t get it?** _Well, then…”_ Soundbite swayed his neck side to side, piping in the neck cracks his body lacked the bones to produce naturally. “ _WELL THEN, LET_ ME _HELP._ ** _Because if I need to listen TO CROSS GO THROUGH EMOTIONAL HELL,_** **SO DO YOU. NOW SHUT UP, NUT UP, AND LISTEN TO** ** _how badly you fucked up.”_**

Both briefly considered going overboard. That was immediately countered with the fact that Jinbe would catch them if they tried. That almost didn’t stop them. Almost. In the end, the two of them decided not to try and were left with no choice but to await whatever the louder of the Voices of Anarchy had in store.

**-o-**

My first thoughts upon waking up were hastily shoved together, and the general gist was quick to slip out of my mouth: “I’M GONNA KILL THOSE—!”

_THWACK!_

Waking up for the second time, I was calm enough that I could _fake_ being calm so I could try and get my gauntlets around a certain pair of scaled necks. “Okay, alright, I’ve calmed down, I’m ready to apologize—!”

_THWACK!_

Waking up for the third time, I reflected on the fact that, OK, so my tone there gave away that I was lying. But I wasn’t lying anymore now, for real. In retrospect, I might have overreacted a bit. “Alright, _now_ I’m calm, you can stop—!”

_THWACK!_

Fourth time, my ire at the fishmen was… eclipsed. “AND NOW I’M PISSED AGAIN!” I roared.

_“That’s_ what I was looking for. Now we can start to talk,” Koala stated.

I opened my mouth to ask her what she was talking about. Then I noticed I wasn’t on deck anymore. I was in the aquarium lounge, highlighted by the light dancing around the shadows and fish all around me. It really felt like we were underwater. Alone. With nobody else listening…

I slowly pulled myself to my feet and walked up to the aquarium’s glass, staring into the pseudo-depths. Stared at a sight that so many others were familiar with… a sight that was the _only_ sight so many had seen their entire lives. That would be the _only_ sight many would see.

“…they were just children, damn it.”

As she moved to stand next to me, Koala gave me a questioning look.

“Hodi and his bunch,” I clarified, my eyes following the fish as they idly swam about, blissful in their ignorance. “They were... for God’s sakes, they were just _children._ They… They weren’t always like this. They weren’t always monsters, they weren’t always evil. They… once upon a time, they were _children.”_

In spite of myself, a wistful smile crossed my face. “Innocent, hopeful, with the whole world spread out before them, _nothing_ impossible to them. They could have done _anything._ They could have gone on to become builders, to become artists or heroes or... or anything at all. They could have been _incredible_ …” And then, just as swiftly, my smile died and was replaced by a blistering scowl. “But that didn’t happen. That didn’t happen because they were _corrupted_. That didn’t happen because their futures were stolen away, and their lives were _ruined._ And because of that… so many others were, too.”

I lapsed into a heavy silence, and Koala was kind enough to simply wait for me to start speaking again.

“She was... she was close, ya know?” I smiled wistfully. “Otohime, I mean. She was so _close._ People were starting to give her the signatures she needed, she had the document, the Reverie was fast-approaching… if she hadn’t… if she’d gone…” I chuckled as I tried, _tried_ to rub the weariness from my eyes. “Hell, if she’d managed it sooner, if she weren’t being dragged two steps back for every step forward… If just _one thing had gone_ _right…”_

“You think we’d be equal today,” Koala tiredly summarized, having probably long since thought the same thing.

I felt the sides of my mouth turn upward. Reaching up, I rested one hand on the glass. As expected the fish nearby immediately scattered.

“…no,” I admitted. “I wish, but no. It wouldn’t be that fast; there’d still be racism, still be oppression and inequality. There would still be so much work to do. But... But I think that they’d be _here.”_ I helplessly waved my free hand back at the rest of the world. “Fishmen on islands, walking on the same streets as humans _._ They’d be separate, yes _..._ but damn it all, it would be a _start._ It would be the foot in the door for change. A foot in the door for peace and equality and _tolerance,_ a chance for humans and fishmen to _talk_ and know each other. I think that if one thing had been different, then we’d have the chance to start teaching a new generation. I think…”

From out of the depths of the tank, a lone fish swam up to my hand and started glubbing about it curiously. It was so small, so obviously young and… and I couldn’t help but smile at it.

“I think that the children would play together,” I whispered to myself. “Regardless of what poison or ignorance their parents might tell them, the children would play together because they would just be _children_. They wouldn’t know anything of hate or prejudice, and they’d grow up knowing their parents’ words to be _dead wrong._ And I think they’d go on to create a future more glorious than any of us could imagine...”

And for a few seconds, a few wonderful, _glorious_ moments, I basked in the image of that wonderful, un-ironic Brave New World…

_SLAM!_

And then I scowled and rammed my fist against the tank, scaring the fish off.

“…but that didn’t happen. That didn’t happen because one fool, one reckless, hateful _fool_ decided to spew his bile and his poison without a thought for the consequences, and he _destroyed_ a generation because of it. And I…” I grimaced in shame, and it took me a second to muster up the words… but hell, what good was there in denying it. “I hate him for it. I hate him, I hate his senseless corruption… and most of all, I hate what he did. Arlong _stole_ a most beautiful future from us, from the world… and I can _never_ forgive him for that.”

“… heh,” Koala chuckled grimly, clenching and unclenching her hands. “Yeah, I’ll admit, all of this is…it’s…” Her smile became distinctly rictus-like as her fingers snapped into a trembling fist. “I _really_ wish we knew where he was, so that I could have a talk with him. Ah…” She blinked, and looked at me curiously after a second of curious stillness. “But… You weren’t even part of the crew for Arlong Park. In fact, you’ve never met him in person. But you still hate him that much?”

The rush of my rage drained out of me, leaving me empty and exhausted. I turned around and sank onto the lounge sofa, dropping my face into my hands. I was vaguely aware of Koala sitting down next to me as I spoke again. “How could I not? His actions speak for themselves, echoing out and affecting the world, even now that he’s been defeated. I mean…” I waved a hand off into the distance. “Just look at the East Blue.”

Koala grimaced. “Cocoyashi.”

“It’s not even about the _adults,”_ I lamented. “Once again, it comes back to the children. Right now, there’s an entire generation out there that grew up fearing fishmen. And while that was with good reason, the problem is that now that the threat is gone, fear will become hate. And they will apply that hate to _all_ fishmen, because fishmen like Arlong are all they have _ever_ known. And once they grow up and have kids of their own?” I shook my head. “They’ll tell them of the bad old days, of the monsters from the sea that once made mommy and daddy suffer…”

“And then those new kids will fear and hate an entire species, because that was what they were told growing up. Just like Hody,” the Revolutionary sighed.

I yanked the brim of my cap down. No way was I locking eyes with anyone. Not now. “And hell, who knows. Maybe one will decide to become the hero humanity needs, and dedicate himself to exterminating the ‘subhuman monsters’, in the name of _peace and justice_.” I spun a finger in the air. “Another spoke in the wheel. Hate rolls on unimpeded and we’re back where we started, caked in more blood than before.”

There was another break in the conversation, which Koala ended by giving me a quizzical look. “If you don’t mind me saying so, even with all that, you’re still taking this pretty personally, Cross. Too personally for someone who grew up in a world without fishmen.”

_“HA!”_

Koala actually recoiled, but I couldn’t blame her, seeing as I’d just barked like a mad seal.

“Yeah, you’re completely right,” I sneered venomously, disgust coating my every word. “There weren’t any fishmen back on Earth. No fishmen, no mermaids, no minks, no nothing. Just us humans. But what does that change? Hate, racism? They’re universal. So we didn’t have any other species to hate, so what? We still had _each other._ A whole world of nothing but humans, what else would you expect us to do but turn on each other? Skin color, religion, politics, nationality, even sex and sexuality. Throughout history, we’ve found a million and one reasons to divide ourselves into an infinite number of factions, all at each other's throats at the same time. It’s like no matter where you go… anyone who’s ‘different’ is the ‘enemy’.”

I barely acknowledged Koala’s hand on my shoulder.

I _did,_ however, acknowledge her words: “Who was it?”

I’m… more than a little ashamed and embarrassed to acknowledge that my mind blanked a bit at that statement, and as such I acted on instinct and snarled as I smacked her hand off, shooting up to loom over her, a statue of indignance.

“‘Who was it?’” I repeated, my voice surprisingly steady for the shakes that I had suddenly developed. “I can’t just be a decent person with some fucking _empathy?_ I need to have personally _known_ someone who suffered? Bull! Shit! You don’t need to fucking have bigotry happen to you, or someone you personally know, to know that it’s a stupid, hateful thing that ruins lives! And the fact that that’s lost on so damn many of my fellow humans pisses me off!”

Gritting my teeth, I reigned myself in, despite the effort of will it took. On the other side, Koala exhaled slowly and shook her head.

“Alright, I owe you an apology for that,” she said. “I’ve thought the same for years, I shouldn’t have assumed you weren’t thinking the same way.”

I really, _honestly_ wanted to stay ticked at her, but at the same time, I knew I couldn’t, and so I heaved a heavy sigh and dropped back onto the seat.

“…still,” Koala eventually tried again, drumming her fingers on the cushion. “Even if something like that isn’t your motivation, _something_ is… ah. Let me try again: you tried what you’ve been doing here with the SBS back in your home, but failed?”

I slumped forward and all but cradled my head between my knees in shame. “Actually… the opposite. One thing you need to understand about my home? We were all connected. Everyone could speak at once and say anything they wanted… so as a result, little of worth was ever truly said. If I’d ever spoken up, I’d have been one voice lost among millions, a statistic. I couldn’t ‘fail’ because I never even _started._ I couldn’t speak up and make people realize just how inherently _stupid_ they were all being, how-how _asinine_ it is to discriminate on the physical, where such differences are ephemeral, when true evil is and always will be a _mental_ construct, and—!” I cut myself off mid-sentence; I’d been building into a lecture… or, more realistically, a rant.

Once I’d calmed down and felt that urge leave, I changed tracks. “But here… I’m _the_ voice. Here, I _know_ that people are actually listening to me, that I’m reaching people…” My head sunk lower as I considered the reality of things. “Even if it’s only because they _have_ to listen to me…”

“And what are you forcing them to listen to?”

I didn’t answer. Didn’t look up. What was there to say?

“Cross, listen to me.” I looked up, just as Koala put her hand on my shoulder again. “Back on Skypiea, when you first proved to the world that you had the kind of guts it takes to do anything close to what you’re doing, you said something that baffled a lot of us. You called yourself ordinary because you stuck up for what you believed in and would try helping someone who needed it. I’m guessing you saw it happen pretty often in your story, but just to be clear. How many times did it happen when the Straw Hats _weren’t_ involved?”

“I, uh… well…” I hesitated slightly at _that_ specification, and I wracked my mind, thanking Popora for the memory refresh. “There was Otohime… King Riku… the Nefertaris… Gan Fall… Dalton—”

“So royalty,” Koala interrupted.

An interruption I barely even noticed. “Oh, yeah, there were the Drum citizens who went to help him out…”

“Oh, yeah, heard about that,” Koala muttered, which brought me out of my thoughts. “But that’s a country that had to learn to stand on its own when its entire government and army bailed on them. They’re not normal, at all. Besides, if you and they were the norm, the Revolutionary Army would have achieved their goals years ago. Hell!” She threw her hands up with a despairing laugh. “One of our executives has the Pump-Pump Fruit, meaning that she can turn an oppressed town full of cowards into a rebel mob just by waving a flag and saying a few words, and _she_ struggles to create a lasting impact. _Maybe_ the norm is for people to be good, but it’s not for them to be brave.”

I had a rebuttal ready, myself, but that wasn’t the point here. Instead, I sat back and waited for her to continue, even as she gazed longingly into the aquarium behind us.

“A year ago,” she reminisced, her tone wistful. “When Hack and I liberated an island, we stayed behind for a week to help oversee the return to stability.” Her face then scrunched up in a mask of disgust. “Over that course of time, the children would throw stones at Hack, call him names, dare each other to touch the creepy fish thing, and then chase each other yelling about infecting them with the fishy diseases. People whispered behind his back, others said it to his face, and at one point the town’s mayor politely asked him to leave because his presence was, and I quote, _disturbing the peace.”_

She looked forward again and stared at her trembling fists. “The entire time, I wanted nothing more than to bash their brains out, to force them to get on their knees and apologize, for every slight, every _glance_. I wanted to take out eleven straight years of abuse and misery on the entire island, all at once. But I reined in my temper, because I knew that they weren't like me. They didn’t know, _couldn’t_ know. No matter how much I hated them for what they did, it wasn’t their fault.”

I was momentarily tempted to give her a comforting hand like she’d tried for me, but before I could, she suddenly perked up, beaming with unchecked glee.

“And then you happened. You, and everything you’ve done.” Stars bloomed in her eyes, and I was forced to actually reel back on account of just how _blinding_ they were. _“Three months ago,_ we liberated an island, we stayed to keep the peace. The children stared… but this time it was in _awe._ They whispered about how cool Hack was, they asked if they could feel his muscles, he even signed _autographs._ The people, they were always asking him if he could help out around the town and striking up conversations with him; twice he got asked if he was seeing anyone, once someone actually asked him on a _date.”_

I _really_ tried to compose myself—yeah, no. I snorted in amusement at the thought of _Hack_ getting propositioned, by a _human_ no less. “Did he go through with it?” I inquired between snickers.

Koala giggled. “You mean after Sabo and I dragged him back when he tried to make a break for it? Four dates and then they broke it off rather than go for long distance, but they still keep in touch. I honestly think that after everything—GWAH!” Palms met cheeks, leaving behind red marks. “A-Anyway, getting back on track…”

“Really, I think the clincher was when the local schoolteacher came up to him. Came right up to Hack and asked him if he could stand in front of his _entire class_ and tell them about fishmen and Fishman Island… because they were asking _so many_ questions the teacher didn’t have answers to, and because the teacher wanted to know those answers, too.” Koala craned her head back, tears of bliss shining in her eyes. “And then the parents asked if they could attend the next day, and the parents’ friends, until pretty soon Hack was giving lessons in the local _park_ because that was the only place with enough room for everyone. I’m pretty sure that _everyone_ in that town attended at least once.”

I stared at her, shellshocked, trying to process just the sheer… _everything_ she’d hammered me with. Teaching. In a park. _Because the entire town wanted to know. WHAT._

While I tried to process that, Koala stayed lost in the memories before wiping her tears away and turning to lock eyes with me.

“You told us that both sides needed to reach for each other, Cross. Well, guess what? For the first time in living history, humanity is reaching out. The ordinary side of humanity that never experiences half of the madness that we have. And that’s all because of you and _your. Big. Mouth.”_ Each word was emphasized with a shove of her finger into my chest.

Any time else, I’d have been a bit freaked out by how she was almost looming over me with manic glee in her eyes, but at the moment? I was too busy making sure I heard every word.

“You’re not a normal person, Jeremiah Cross. You’re a Straw Hat. You have an earthshaking dream and the guts, power, and friends that you need to get there. You may not be able to fix the generations of hate between humans and fishmen in a day, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything. Just think about what you can do, and who you can ask for help. And then… _do it._ And I assure you, whatever it is you do… will be _glorious.”_

I smiled as she finished. Honestly, I had been thinking a little too hard about the crew’s upcoming separation to consider much about the slave houses beyond ‘don’t let Keimi get captured’ and ‘Luffy is still going to punch out Charloss either way.’ But having that pointed out to me, I really did have the resources to do something… more…

“More?” I muttered to myself as the pieces clicked together at Mach 10 in my mind. “Try _‘freaking spectacular’._ ”

“Huh? Cross, did you—OOF!”

I cut off Koala’s words by grabbing her in a hug. With the ideas she had just sparked in my mind, I had a moral obligation to do no less! “You brilliant, wonderful dropbear, I could just about kiss you right now!” I cheered gleefully.

Before she could react, I let go of her, sprinting for the door to the deck. Halfway there, I heard Koala finally get her wits back about her.

“That’s not much better than ‘cuddly,’ Cross! And what the hell are you talking about!? _Hey, get back here!”_

I didn’t pay much attention, however, as I was far more focused on enacting the first step in my newest master plan that would well and truly hit the World Government _right_ where it hurt. But, in order to actually go _through_ with this _brilliant_ (if I do say so myself) plan, I needed to take advantage of a window of opportunity that would be closing any second now.

_SLAM!_

“MEGALO! You beautiful blubbery bastard!” I proclaimed, bringing all conversation on deck to a screeching halt. I noted the bigot-some twosome in particular jumping in surprise and summarily ignored them. I _also_ noticed that Luffy and Jinbe had apparently been chatting; _that_ got filed away for later. For now, there were _schemes_ to be had!

“Quit your moping and get your head in the game!” I declared as I walked to and picked up my slimy partner-in-crime. “I’ve got a malevolent masterplan manifesting, and for it to come to fruition, I need your opinion and expertise regarding _politics!”_

**_“He’s BA-ACK!”_** Soundbite crooned eagerly.

“And don’t you forget it!” I cheered as I slapped him back onto my shoulder.

“Yeah, apparently he bounces back after he gets an idea,” Koala added as she walked out behind me, giving me a wary eye I _politely_ chose to ignore.

Several eager grins and several pale faces met that declaration.

“WELP!” Sandersonia suddenly shot up off her barrel with an overly wide and twitchy grin. “I, ah, I think I’ve overstayed my welcome! Places to be, evil pirates to sink, puppies to get out from under my sister’s foot, things like that!”

“Likewise!” Tashigi yelped, adjusting her bandages to maximize her mobility as she powerwalked ( _not_ fled, as she’d later insist) for the railing. “Come on, Popora, we’ve got to pick up the the food so that we can deliver it to the pirates and get back to arresting our men!”

Popora flatly cocked an eyebrow at her.

“YES I KNOW WHAT I JUST SAID JUST HURRY UP AND RUN BEFORE—!”

“Oh captain my captain?” I inquired, snapping of my fingers.

“Shishishi!” said captain snickered as he started wheeling his arms. “You got it!”

“BOOK IT!” Sandersonia wailed, leading Tashigi in an attempted leap over the edge of the Sunny. And seeing as _she_ of all people tried to leap into the sea, I suppose she really was quite terrified of whatever I was cooking up; I was honestly a little flattered she thought so highly of me.

Key word in that action being _attempted,_ mind, on account of Luffy’s arms shooting out and dragging them back onto the deck, no matter how furiously they tried to squirm their way out.

“Now now, quit your squirming, you two,” I chided as I stood over them, tapping my foot impatiently. “For my plan to achieve maximum effectiveness, I’m going to need you both to chip in. Sandersonia, your Warlord-grade strength is a definite must-have for this kind of shindig. Pluuus, I think you’re going to forever hate yourself if you’re _not_ part of this, you’ll love it so much.”

Sandersonia’s struggling ended alongside a positively inquisitive hum. “Mmm?”

“And you, Tashigi, I need your help legalizing this endeavor so that I can better embarrass the military service you’ve pledged your life to. And you _can’t_ refuse because if you do, you’d be leaving a lot of innocent people high and dry to suffer.”

Tashigi hung her head with a defeated groan. _“Oooh…”_

“Er… Cross?” Koala inquired, slowly edging towards the railing, most likely in an attempt to avoid my scrutiny. “Just wondering, but is there any _truly_ pressing reason you need _me_ around?”

I decided to throw the poor Revolutionary a bone and waved my hand dismissively. “None that I can think of at the moment, no.”

“Great! Later, losers!” Koala cheered, shooting her less fortunate cohorts a parting salute before attempting to bolt.  
  
‘Attempting’ because, on a whim, I changed my mind. “Oh, Nami?”

“Eisen Tempo,” said witch deadpanned, and her cloudy halo shot out—

“GWAH!?”

—and snagged Koala by her ankles, swinging her around to hang in front of me.

“Hiya!” I sang, waving cheerily at her.

“YOU BASTARD! YOU JUST SAID YOU DIDN’T NEED ME!” Koala yowled, trying—and failing by a good foot—to wring my neck.

“I _know_ , but would you believe I simply enjoy your company?” I inquired with innocent curiosity.  
  
“FUCK YOU!”

“Fine, then I’m just greedy.” I waved her off dismissively as I turned my back on her. “Nami, drop her with the rest.”

“OOF! Son of a—! Uh…” The Revolutionary shrunk in on herself as she looked at her two new and newly leering friends who were very much projecting a desire to wring her neck. “Hi there, losers?”

Megalo, meanwhile, had watched the whole thing with a gaping mouth and twitching eye. That continued for a few seconds more before he tentatively raised his flipper, expression not changing on whit. “So, uh, you said you wanted to talk?”

I attempted to contain myself, truly I did, but when I thought about what was to come, of the truly unprecedented undertaking we were about to undergo—!

“Ah, _screw it!_ I can’t takes it no more!” I cackled, pumping my fist before wheeling on Luffy and dropping to a knee before him, clasping my hands in supplication. “Captain! I’ve got a plan that’ll plant one right up this world’s tailpipe, and I’m _itching_ to let it loose! I can talk with Megalo on the way, but for now, can we get going? Can we can we can we?”

“Well…” Luffy tilted his head. “That depends: What’s there to see at the Sasparilly Archaeos?”

“Uh…” I wracked my brain as I thought up all the defining features of the Archipelago. The most prominent being an unchecked slave market, rampant xenophobia, and… “There’s an amusement park?” I tried. “With a ferris wheel?”

“FERRIS WHEEL!” Luffy threw his arms—“AGH!”/“YEEK!” Along with Sandersonia and Tashigi—up in the air. “Alright, let’s go!” He eagerly grinned at me. “You wanna give the order?”

“HELL YES!” I raised my foot to prop it on the nearest barrel, and as I felt the wood beneath my sole, I called out our heading. “CREW, WEIGH ANCHOR! SET SAIL FOR THE SABAODY ARCHIPELAGO!”

“BELAY THAT!”

Aaand chalk up one more friend showing up, as a familiar bird interrupted us by fluttering down onto the railing and saluting me. “Good to see you as always, Cross.”

“I’d like to say the same, Coo, but you’re kind of ruining my moment here,” I replied, the bulging vein on my forehead visible out of the corner of my eye. “And on a related note, I’m guessing that this is one of the more unfortunate early editions?”

I deliberately ignored the wooden surface under my foot that had shoved the barrel aside as she shuffled away with a blush on her face, muttering about ‘old times’ and ‘force of habit.’

“Mmm, not so much ‘unfortunate’ as ‘inconvenient’,” Coo stated, thoroughly unruffled by my protests. That meant the annoyed frown on his face was due to something else. Great. “At least, as far as you guys go. Now, let’s see… yo, white-hat.” He angled his beak at Tashigi. “I’m assuming you’ve already told these guys about the privateer armada your people have been hiring?”

“Er… yes?” Tashigi carefully confirmed, obviously dreading where this was going as much as we suddenly were. “HQ’s spent a small fortune on those lowlifes, but that just stopped.”

Coo snorted derisively as he tipped his newsie’s cap down. “The reason they ‘stopped’ was that they’ve hired all they needed, and the reason _I’m_ here is that they’ve deployed them all. You all can’t go to Sabaody for the exact reason that _nobody_ on the wrong side of the law is going to Sabaody anytime soon: the Marines have deployed their cutthroats all around the Archipelago, and have effectively _blockaded_ the entire thing. Or, at the least, enough of it that anyone who wants to get around it will wind up sailing straight into the Marine garrison. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not getting _anywhere_ near that island without a fight.”

Complete shock rippled across the deck, and what was left of my earlier euphoria fled for South America.

“Not… part of the plan…” I gurgled weakly. “I know they hate us, me especially, but _this bad!?”_

“Weeell, kinda,” Coo hedged. “They’re trying to stop you, yeah, but not ‘you’ specifically. More like ‘you’ in general, if you catch my drift.”

“Pirates,” Robin calmly interrupted, thoughtfully adjusting the brim of her hat. “The rest of the Supernovas. They’re reaching the Red Line at the same time as us.”

“And the last thing anyone sane would want is the most infamous pirates of your generation all in the same place at the same time,” Jinbe nodded sagely. “The Government is already prodding us Warlords to handle you swiftly and decisively, and, no offense, I can’t rightly blame them. The New World is a delicate balancing act of power as-is. The idea of even one of you crossing the Red Line and potentially provoking an Emperor into going to war is quite frightening indeed.”

_“Guh…”_ I moaned nervously under my breath, tugging nervously at my collar. Did it suddenly get hot out here?

“I have a bad feeling in my gut…” Brook whispered to Franky. “Which, considering how I don’t have one, is impressive! YOHO—!”

“Not to ruin your joke, old man, but really not the time,” the cyborg said.

The literal bonehead shrugged casually. “Fair enough, it was a low-hanging one anyways.”

“Well, if that’s how it is, then I suppose there’s nothing we can do about it,” Nami sighed. “We’re in no rush, so we can just find an island where we can hole up, let everyone else bash themselves to pieces against the blockade, and then once the Marines have lost interest—”

“My master plan involves us doubling our net worth, at minimum, and without the Supernovas we can’t pull it off,” I deadpanned.

**“I’LL TURN THOSE TURNCOATS TO ASH!”** Nami howled furiously. Lightning crashed down in concert with her ire, causing everyone’s hair to stand on end and causing the fishy twosome to leap back in _supremely_ satisfying terror. Still…

“As incredible as that idea sounds, I don’t think it’s a viable one,” I carefully pointed out.

“Cross is right,” Vivi interjected, gnawing on her thumb as she gazed out to sea. “The primary issue here isn’t the blockade, it’s how close we are to Marine Headquarters, Marineford. If we get tied up in one place too long, making too much noise, then they’re liable to send reinforcements. And even _ignoring_ how any set of reinforcements from Marineford would match a Buster Call in strength, Vice Admirals and everything, there’d almost certainly be one addition to the lineup that would mean certain death.”

“…An Admiral.”

I blinked in surprise, because that was the exact reason we needed to be careful. I looked around for who said it, and nearly fell to the deck when I realized that everyone else was looking at _Luffy_ in surprise

Luffy’s gaze suddenly stared at me from the shadows of his hat, and I instinctively stood to attention. “We can’t just run into this without thinking,” my captain stated gravely. “Cross, can you think of a plan?”

“Um…” I hesitated for a moment, taken aback by the sudden attention, but only for a moment before putting my mind to the problem. Because really, the question was, could I? After all, we needed to not only get ourselves past the blockade, but the rest of the Supernova as well. That meant outright _breaking_ the blockade, and that… that was an entirely different beast.

Luckily, I was saved from having to answer by the clearing of a throat. An _avian_ throat, to be specific.

“Uh, Captain Luffy?” Coo, well, _cooed._ “This probably isn’t the best place or time to hash out a plan. Which, actually, is why I’m here. So that I _can_ tell you the best time and place.”

“Huh?” Luffy curiously regarded the seagull. “Whaddaya mean?”

“Well see, fact is,” Coo explained. “You’ve done really well, you and your crew, but you’re not the fastest pirate crew in Paradise. That accomplishment goes to the Kid Pirates and their beast of a ship, the _Iron Tramp_. They ran face first into the blockade, and they tried to break through. Tried and failed, I might add. They raised a hell of a fight, but when the horizon started lighting up, they had to flee.”

Coo donned a cocky smirk. “Which was most fortuitous, because while they were licking their wounds, the _Stay Tuned_ caught up with them, and the Kid Pirates told us of the impending trap… er—” Coo glanced aside with a cough into his wing. “After they stopped attacking us, of course…”

“Of course,” I sighed, dragging my hand down my face. Because if there was any pirate who was going to work out his frustrations on the first schmuck to come within eyesight, it was Kid.

“And so on for every Supernova that came near?” Chopper guessed.

“Not quite,” Coo said. “When my captain (that’s still weird to say, wow) found out about the blockade, the first thing he did was make a call.” And just like that, Coo’s smirk was back in full force. “A call to the only person this side of the Red Line that would be able to provide a place for over a dozen infamous pirates sailing for Sabaody this close _to_ Sabaody while we come up with a plan to get through that blockade.”

He regarded me with a grin, slyly tipping his cap. “I trust you know what the right order is _now,_ Jeremiah Cross?”

It took me a few seconds to put the pieces together, but once I did, I couldn’t keep my jaw properly shut. “You—You can’t really mean—!” I cut that sentence off midway through as I realized that, holy shit, _he did!_ “WOO!” Wheeling around, I jabbed my finger out to sea. “EVERYONE, WEIGH ANCHOR! WE SAIL! _FOR SKELTER BITE!”_

_“BELAY THAT!”_

“Oh, what now!?” I snapped, throwing up my hands.

“ME NOW!” Tashigi snarled, shooting to her feet and jabbing me in the chest. “Now you listen to me, you insufferably irresponsible degenerate, and you listen good! I admit that I’m just as much of an outlaw as you, I’m at peace with that, but no matter what, the world still sees a Marine when they look at me! Meaning that if I set foot on a _pirate haven,_ I’m liable to be lynched! Or as you swashbuckling types like to put it, _walk the plank!”_

“That punishment’s actually fallen out of favor in recent pirate culture due to it being regarded as archaic and ineffective on anyone but Devil Fruit users,” Robin idly noted with a serene smile. “Nowadays, we just shoot people in the street.”

“I realize that you’re his sister, but _must_ you demonstrate it at every occasion?” Conis lamented, her palm alighting on her forehead.

“She’s been at that shtick longer than I’ve been in this world, don’t blame me,” I waved her off.

“SHUT IT!” Tashigi belted out, before crossing her arms and regarding me with the utmost disdain. “You and your crew can go and have fun in your pirate hellhole, but so long as I'm a Marine, I'm not going within a nautical mile of Skelter Bite alive!"

I stared blankly at her, and then I _grinned_ widely, my expression punctuated by the smack of several hands hitting faces.

“Hm, now there’s a thought…” I mused _oh so innocently_ as I strolled over to the other side of the deck.

“OW!”

I then jumped in what was _most definitely and totally genuine_ shock as Tashigi yelped, grabbing her foot with a grimace after I brought my steel-clad heel down on her foot… _completely by accident_ of course. The injury was honestly pretty negligible… buuut it was enough for my purposes.

“YOU RAGING PIECE OF—! WHAT THE HELL, YOU ASS!?” the Marine raged as she cradled her compacted toes.

“Oooh, that looks _nasty,”_ I crooned in a nice and exaggerated voice as I leaned forward and eyeballed her foot. “You’d better keep off it for awhile. Say, Usopp, think you could fashion a pegleg for her? Custom job~”

“Uh… sure?” Usopp drew out, side-eyeing the irate Marine. “Any specifications?”

“Yeah.” At this point, I allowed my underlying malevolence to seep into my grin. “Just make sure it matches her new _eyepatch.”_

_That_ statement froze the deck cold, and Tashigi was especially paralyzed, her fury forgotten in favor of horror. “Cross,” she whispered weakly, slowly shaking her head in denial. “Don’t. You. _Dare—!”_

“CONGRATULATIONS!” I proclaimed at the top of my lungs, grinning like a loon as I clapped my hand on her shoulder. “You may now consider yourself shanghaied! Welcome to the Straw Hat Pirates, Cabin Girl T. A. Shigi!”

_“Chuff…”_

“Ah, right. And your furry parrot, too,” I deadpanned.

“KYUUUN!?”

“That’s the best you’re getting, take it or row back to Smokey on your own.”

_“Kyu…”_

_“YOU DESPICABLE SON OF A—!”_ Tashigi screeched, lunging at me. Seeing as she was limping, I dodged with ease. That didn’t deter her; she just switched targets to hop for the railing. “I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS ONE DAY, CROSS! MY WRATH WILL BE SWIFT, TERRIBLE AND—!”

“Merry?” I requested.

Said shipgirl grinned maniacally and rammed her fist into the nearest mast.

_KERWHACK!_ “GYAGH!”

And in short order, the ‘ex’-Marine was strung up by a few strands of rope wrapped around her uninjured ankle, and in equally short order, Vivi and Conis had positioned themselves beneath said ‘ex’.

“Ladies, if you’d be so kind?” I requested.

“But of course,” Conis serenely stated. 

“We’ll see what we can do,” Vivi agreed, before leering at me. “And I hope you know that the _only_ reason we’re helping you with this is that ‘a lot of innocent people suffering’ line you said earlier.”

“I’ll take my licks as they come, the end result’s worth it!” I swore. “Now drop her and get this woman kitted out in some more… _appropriate_ attire.”

“YOU’LL SUFFER FOR THIS, YOU— _WAGH!”_

And quick as the wind beneath their wings, the duo grabbed our latest ‘recruit’ and spirited her away to the girl’s cabin.

“Well, that’s that, and all without any repercussions whatsoever,” I sang, dusting off my hands. Yeah, I was tempting fate like nothing else, what of it? Who was gonna stop me?

**-o-**

Elsewhere on the Grand Line, Smoker was struck with a sudden urge to punch someone in the face.

Fortunately for him, he had just come across a grunt who was assembling a collage of revealing pictures of Tashigi.

**-o-**

“Now…” I eyed the rest of the people on the deck. “Anyone else have a problem with our new destination?”

Sandersonia and Koala had to know that they were high above above our weight classes, so I couldn’t forcibly coerce them like Tashigi. Fortunately, neither of them were Marines, either.

“I’d be _very_ interested in getting a look at Skelter Bite,” Koala said, throwing up her hand. “More than a few potential recruits go pirate before they go Revolutionary!”

“Likewise,” Sandersonia agreed, nodding eagerly. “All those pirates, all that booze! It’s going to be the biggest blowout I’ve ever been to!”

Sadly, however, not _all_ of the reactions were quite so positive, as demonstrated by Jinbe hanging his head with a defeated sigh. “I think it sounds interesting as well, but unfortunately, even if we ignore the stir that a Warlord’s presence would bring, I have a little more that I need to take care of in light of today’s revelations. I still haven’t even gotten to the main reason I came here.” The Warlord’s expression darkened. “Now, if one of you would be so kind as to escort me to the brig?”

“Right, I’ll lead you to them,” Nami offered, getting to her feet and waving a hand for him to follow her. “We’ve got them in one of our spare channels, you can head straight into the ocean once you’ve got them secured.”

Jinbe nodded, and turned his eyes to me. And _damn_ if that didn’t scare no small amount of shit out of me. “Jeremiah Cross… I didn’t expect us to meet like this, but you have my gratitude for what you’ve told me… and for what you’ve done.” I pretty much _felt_ the relief flood off of him as his fangs turned upward in a smile. “Your words have reached the new generation of fishmen and merfolk, and I will endeavor to make sure it _keeps_ reaching them in the future. Thank you for what you’ve done, and for everything that you will undoubtedly do in the future.”

With only the mildest trepidation, I removed my right gauntlet and held out my unarmored hand. “The pleasure is mine, Jinbe.”

He shook my hand with a gentle grip that in no way impeded the impression that he could pulverize me in one second, and then turned to my captain and dropped his hand on the rubber man’s shoulder. “Monkey D. Luffy, you’re every bit as incredible as your brother told me you were. And I swear, I’ll tell you even more stories of your brother’s escapades soon enough…” He donned a massive grin as he crossed his arms proudly. “When I greet you in person on the shores of Fishman Island.”

I _instantly_ froze every muscle in my face at that statement. It was the only thing that kept me from grimacing in dismay at the thought of how we wouldn’t exactly be seeing him again as ‘soon’ as he thought.

Ignorant of my thoughts, Luffy beamed and crossed his arms behind his head. “Shishishi! See you later, Jinbe!”

Jinbe smiled back, the smile remaining even as he followed Nami into the depths of the ship, though it _definitely_ faded not long after.

“Alright, anyone else…” I mused, flexing my fingers as I resecured my gauntlet.

“Yeah, right here!”

“Oi, these guys…” I snapped my hand into a fist as I turned to face the cowed but apparently still willful fishmen with us.

“Cram it, Cross!” Kuroobi snarled, puffing his chest out as proudly as his battered ego would actually allow. “We don’t want to be here any more than you _want_ us to be here, so thank you for shopping at Takoyaki 8 and have a nice—”

“HEY, HACHI!” I yelled, letting my voice carry to the other ships. “WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO BE INTERESTED IN HOCKING TAKOYAKI TO THE MOST PROMINENT PIRATES OF THE GENERATION!?”

“WOULD I!?” came the joyful response, causing Kuroobi and Chew to slump over in depression.

**“AND BARTY,** ** _YOU’RE COMING TOO,_** _RIGHT?”_ Soundbite called.

_“Like hell I would be missing a chance to check out the new pirate haven! Count me in!”_ Bartolomeo called back. _“YO! SHITBIRDS! GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND HOP TO IT YOU—!”_

“Then it’s unanimous,” I grinned. I made to move dramatically again—

“By the way, that jumbo shark there _is_ a friend of yours, right?”

—only for Coo’s slightly nervous tone to bring me up short again.

“Oh, thank you, Coo, I almost forgot. Megalo…” I grinned impishly at the shark, to his wariness. “We need to talk as we sail, but before anything else, important question for you, one in which dozens of lives hang in the balance. …how good are you at puking on cue?”

**-o-**

While the ships all scrambled to prepare for departure, a few pertinent details went overlooked in the process, as such things are wont to happen.

One of these pertinent details was the fact that while they were waiting to depart, one of the larger and older (but still juvenile) Sea Kings that had been helping to tow the _Cannibal_ had slipped away from his impromptu pack and disappeared into the waves, swimming for the briny deep as fast as his tail could propel him.

Another detail was… _weeeell…_

**-Less than Fifteen Minutes Later-**

Five ships had long sailed off. Six heads broke the surface and took in that fact.

[DID THOSE RAGING BASTARDS FORGET US!?]

“NOT AGAIN! THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS MO-O-OOONTH!”

[Don’t suppose there’s a Man’s Romance about _this,_ is there, Boss?]

[OH, THERE’S GONNA BE A ROMANCE ALRIGHT! _MY FLIPPER DOWN THEIR THROATS!]_

_[GO, BOSS, GO!]_

**-More than Fifteen Minutes Later-**

Ten thousand meters below the surface, the royal megalodon returned to his mistress with two uncomfortable missions to accomplish. As per usual, the doors of the Hard Shell Tower cracked open to allow Megalo to slip inside, and he hastily swam up to Princess Shirahoshi’s side as the doors closed behind him, keeping a keen eye out for any ill-timed ‘gifts of the heart’ as he went.

“Megalo, welcome back! How was your trip?” Shirahoshi greeted, hugging him with a smile. That melancholy smile had been the most he ever saw on her face since her mother’s passing and her imprisonment in the tower…until the reprieves brought on by the SBS began. Knowing that he would be alleviating her suffering even more, he resigned himself to the discomfort of the first of his tasks.

[Eventful, and… more than a little maddening,] the titan-shark informed her with a wary (and toothy) smile. [I, uh, also have something for you, Shirahoshi.]

The massive mermaid sat up with a grin, clapping her hands. “I know! The Octavio-endorsed 88 Skewer Special, right? With extra dipping sauce?”

Megalo hesitated for a second, actually feeling a sweatdrop flow off him into the water. [Ah… right, I went out to get the takeout… feels like a lifetime ago, so I kinda—ah, I think I left it back with the rest of the food, with Fukaboshi and your dad. Sorry.]

“Aww, really…?” Shirahoshi slumped onto her hands, her face a mask of disappointment.

[Ah, but-but-but!] Megalo hastily added. [I-I’ll go get it for you, I promise! But before that, I have something you’ll like even better! Just, ah… just gimme a second…] He trailed off into a whimper, and before Shirahoshi could ask what he meant, he wheeled about and swam into the corner where he triggered his gag reflex. With expert control, he emptied the contents of his mostly empty stomach, among which was nestled a large brown bottle.

“Wh-What the…” Shirahoshi blinked in shock as she swam around her wheezing friend, eyeing the bottle in confusion. “What is this, Megalo? Did you eat some flotsam or—?”

[Open it,] the shark wheezed. [Break it if you need to! _Hurry!_ ]

With much trepidation, but also absolute faith in her age-old friend, Shirahoshi clutched the bottle between her fingers and began shaking it out. It didn’t take long before a rolled piece of paper came out. It was small, but this wasn’t the first time Shirahoshi had dealt with items meant for people a few scales smaller than herself. As such, it was without too much trouble that Shirahoshi grasped the slip and unfolded it, holding it up to her eye so that she could read the words upon it…

Words that, the moment they registered in the Princess’s brain, sent her scrambling to her Tower’s doors as fast as she could swim. “GUARDS!” she hollered, pounding on the doors desperately. “SEND WORD TO BROTHER FUKABOSHI, I NEED HIM IN HERE IMMEDIATELY! _HURRY!”_

As Shirahoshi hollered and the Minister of the Right desperately pleaded for her to calm down before anything… _untoward_ could happen, Megalo took the opportunity to reread the message he’d carried in his stomach. A message he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, would serve to write the pages of history itself.

_“To the Beautiful Princess Shirahoshi:_

_I humbly request that you pass this note to your eldest brother and have him call me at the following number posthaste. The fate of many lives, fishman and human alike, rest in your hands and his alike. Together, I believe we can change the course of this world forever._

_708-632-473_

_Jeremiah Cross, Tactician of the Straw Hat Pirates_

_P.S. Feel free to call us whenever you yourself feel like it as well. We’re always happy to lend an ear.”_

**Spoken AN: I honestly never expected to say this, but we discovered several missing hands during proofreading. Keeping track of Hachi’s choreography was a pain.**

**Patient AN: What was decidedly** **_not_ ** **a pain was telling our fans that Cross was going to watch Ace die in this chapter and then watching their reactions. Not a pain for us, anyway.**


	3. Chapter 3

### Chapter 69: Chapter 61 - Road to Sabaody Pt. 3

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 61**

**Cross-Brain AN: We've kept you all waiting for this, we know; real life tends to impede free time and inspiration, and there's only so much we can do on our own. On a related subject, please see the author's note at the end of this chapter.**

"Hmm? Why am I under her care, you ask? I don't mind if I share. Keimi's clams, you see, always go right to me!"

"So it's for the food."

"W-Well, that's not entirely—!"

"Oh, oh! And what about how you can speak? We've never seen an animal do that without Soundbite's help before!"

"Ah! Well, that's actually quite the tale indeed! Ohhh~—!"

" **Reasoning:** _ **hitode = 'starfish', hito desu = 'I am human'. CONCLUSION: HE LEARNED TO TALK PURELY BECAUSE OF A PUN.**_ **PUBLISHER'S NOTE: HOW PATHETIC CAN YOU GET?"**

"BITE ME, LAND-SLUG, AT LEAST I CAN SWIM!"

" _ **YOU WANNA GO!?"**_

"What is it with the slimy ones having the biggest mouths…?" I groaned despondently, letting my head thunk back on the barrel I was leaning against, the literally spineless blobs continuing to argue on the counter of the pavilion. Because seriously, I just did _not_ have the energy to deal with him standing upright.

"I know, right?" Hachi chuckled empathetically; his hands continued their work, prepping his cooking tools. "He's gotten us in quite a bit of trouble with it."

" _QUIET, LIMB-SLAVES!"_ said invertebrates barked in a rare show of cooperation.

"And furthermore, _NEVER UNDERESTIMATE WILLPOWER!"_ Pappug pridefully added. " _THE WORLD RUNS ON IT!"_

"The starfish _does_ have a point there…" I admitted before slamming my head back against the barrel and clutching the sides of my head. "' _The starfish has a point'_... This is not how I envisioned adulthood."

" _No, really?"_ over half the crew demanded from all across the ship.

Aaanyway… as you can see, the atmosphere on the Thousand Sunny had very quickly returned to its usual casualness once we set off for the Florian Triangle. And while the newly mobile slice of Lovecraft-on-Grand-Blue had apparently relocated itself over the past few weeks so that it was far closer to the Red Line than before, we still were unlikely to arrive before nightfall. Which, of course, gave Soundbite and me plenty of time to plan out things we could do upon meeting the other Supernovas. I'd probably only be able to pull off truly wowing a handful of the ones I didn't already know, but it was still going to be a hell of a good time.

There… really wasn't much to say beyond that. I mean, there's only so many times that I can describe what we get up to on the Grand Line before it gets tedious. Even the fact that we had five other ships (sort of, given two of them were small enough that we could shove them into a storage area in the Takoyaki 8) beside us didn't change a lot; the Barto Club had been with us for a month already, and everyone else was shut away in their own ships. Especially so for Takoyaki 8, seeing as _those two_ were doing the smart thing and not shown fin or scale of their sorry hides.

So, a boring, casual (but not normal) day sailing on the Sunny. And… I glanced at the sun; we'd just passed the one hour mark, so that could only mean one thing.

"Are we there yet?"

Luffy asking whether or not we were there yet. And any other time, that'd be the end of it. But since this was the _fifth_ time he'd asked that question in as many hours?

" _RAGH!"_ **KER-CHOW!**

That made this the time when Nami's temper went nuclear and she attempted to deep-fry our dumbass of a captain in the clutches of her Eisen Tempo.

See, I don't get why people call our crew insane, we're really quite regimented.

"No, we are _not_ there yet, you brainless twerp!" Nami snarled, wringing Luffy's neck with her meteorological halo. Though, unlike usual, her ire didn't stay long on our captain since our navigational tool could actually talk back this time and made for a more sporting target. "And you! You've been saying we were almost there for hours! Either retract the statement or produce an island. Or else _I swear—!"_

"Even _normal_ Grand Line geography can't be considered an 'exact science'. And Skelter Bite _moves,_ so forgive me for being a bit off in my estimate this time," Coo said dismissively, utterly ignoring the meteorological ire being aimed at him. "And I'm not _that_ far off, anyway. It should be… just around…" Coo's head shot up, a beak-stretching smile on it. "There! I see it!"

Coo's cry whatever attention on deck hadn't already been drawn by Nami and Luffy's little 'tiff'. Nami was quick to strain her eyes and senses in the direction Coo indicated, with Usopp and Conis only a breath behind her.

"Let's see… oh, yes!" Conis said happily. "Dark purple mist on the horizon! We should be there within the hour!"

"Wait, dark purple?" I said. "I thought that the mists were gold now."

"For the most part, sure," Coo answered. "But if the Obelisks kept the outside looking that inviting, it wouldn't make a great sanctuary, would it? Outside's as scary as usual, so only anyone brave or stupid enough to go in singing _that_ song get through to the gold. You can't get any deeper inside otherwise, and any attempts to do so…" The bird winced and tipped his cap down. "Well, you sailed in the place first."

Nami hissed out a sharp breath before glancing back at Coo. "And _how_ deep into those mists is Skelter Bite going to be?"

"Not too far as long as you know where you're going. Once the vanguard sees us through, it'll only be a few minutes."

Nami nodded, her shoulders lowering in a release of tension. Sanji practically materialized beside her, offering her a drink that she took and practically chugged down. "Alright. In that case, it's time to double-time it. Franky, Merry, Vivi?"

" _Right!"_ Franky and Merry cheered, while Vivi began stretching her arms.

"I'll see what I can do," she said. "Franky, what is the optimal wind force for the rigging systems of the Cannibal and the Sunny, and where on the sails do I need to focus on it to avoid undue stress and any chance of us running into each other?"

"That's… uh…" Franky paused his enthusiastic preparations, then began to trundle to one of the ladders leading belowdecks, scratching his temple. "Lemme get back to you on that… Yo, Nami, d'you mind if I borrow some of your weather charts?"

"You damage them and you're paying in parts, shellhead!" was the distracted reply.

One batch of calculations and compliments directed towards the Sunny later, our negotiator was parked on the quarterdeck, our shipwright and helmsgirl manned the helm, and our friends sailing beside the Sunny had assumed brace positions, complete with Ever, Apis, and Valentine calling out "Brace! Brace! Brace!" in eerie synchronicity. I'm not kidding, it was extremely creepy how in-synch they were.

Anyway, I turned away from that oddity as Franky called out: "Soldier Dock System, Channel 0: Cola Paddle System!"

"Breath of Isis!" added Vivi, much of her upper torso fading into the wind as she shoved her arms forwards into double twisters.

"Double propulsion, Turbo Sunny!" Merry finished with a massive grin, yanking the helm's lever and putting the entire combination into action.

To use an apt simile, the result of the Coup de Burst is a lot like what happens to a soda bottle cap when you shake the bottle too much. And while a couple of powerful paddlewheels along with a sudden gale in our sails wasn't quite as fast, we were definitely burning foam for the horizon, and the bank of clouds that laid upon it.

Beside us, Sandersonia urged her mount "Faster, Orchid!", the poor reptile straining to keep up with the sudden increase in our speed. The strain was evident in her grit teeth, though I got the feeling that it was as much the smug smirk Lindy giving her as it swooped above all of us. Seriously, if those two got it into their heads to hate-breed, I _swear…_

Thankfully, it was only a few minutes later that the fog of the Florian consumed the horizon. And as we slowed to enter the foreboding mists, which were already curling out towards us in a decidedly _unfriendly_ manner, Brook himself drew his violin and began to play.

" _Yohohoho, yohoho-ho~! Yohohoho, yohoho-ho~!"_

The skeleton's tones echoed eerily back to us, and slowly the purple mists lost their malice, swirling around us in a circular and far kinder manner. The swirling cloud coalesced into a tunnel deep into the fog, large enough for us to pass through unimpeded and revealing the warm and inviting yellow mist hidden behind the menacing purple. Wiping the half-condensed sweat from her brow, Vivi urged our ships forward again, though much more slowly.

And then our acceleration abruptly halted with an almost _cartoonish_ screech as a very familiar silhouette loomed before us in the mists. And as is stereotypical of such things… it was not a _good_ silhouette.

"Soundbite?" I grit out. He needed no further direction, and an air horn blasted out from the other side of the Sunny.

" _GAH! What is it, Cross?"_ Tashigi's voice rang out, very snappishly.

"Stow the attitude, I need to know if there are any of the Divine currently stationed in the Triangle."

" _Any of…? No, no there aren't. Because A. it really ruins the reputation of a pirate sanctuary if there are Marines hanging around being friendly, and B. if there_ were, _I wouldn't have been so unwilling to come with you."_

"Then why the hell is there a Marine battleship here?!" Zoro demanded, his hand landing heavily on Wado Ichimonji's hilt as he stared down said _Marine battleship_ silhouetted in the mists. I mean, sure, it was a damn _rundown_ battleship, with ragged sails and hanging lines and gouges dotting the hull, but still! _Battleship!_

However, he was saved from having to actually _exert_ himself—

" _Sheathe your blades, Pirate Hunter, I'm not your enemy!"_

By, for _some_ reason, Soundbite boosting the officer's voice, a grin suddenly on his face. Granted, the voice sounded slightly familiar, but considering the influx in callers over the last couple of weeks and the fact that all I couldn't see more than a silhouette on the other ship, that didn't help me identify the guy. Then that was all rendered a moot point.

" _Former Warrant Officer Ernest Gheilt,"_ the Marine identified himself, his smile audible. " _Current Vanguard of the Skelter Bite Phantom Armada. We're some of the Marines you saved from our hellish twilight, and as we promised you back then, I and mine are at your service, Straw Hats."_

"Oh, yeah, I remember him," Luffy perked up, pounding his fist into his hand. "He was the first guy that called in during the victory party!"

_That_ finally jogged my memory, and my grin matched Soundbite's when I waved at the ship. "Well, I'll be damned! Good to meet you, Gheilt! Decided to stick it to your old bosses by giving them a bloody nose to match their black eye, I take it?"

" _You know it,"_ the man replied, chuckling fondly. " _Took some fast talking to get Lola's trust, but you can't fake the pain of not having your shadow. Plus, my ships already looked like they were halfway to sinking, so we just fixed them up a bit while keeping the aesthetic aaand—!"_

"The fabled pirate heaven of Skelter Bite gets a _ghost fleet_ to act as a border patrol for the mists, and make sure that the more persistent assholes who actually get it in their skulls to keep trying their luck against the Triangle and potentially ruining other pirates' days get thrown out on their asses!" I completed with an ecstatic giggle. "Brilliant!"

" _Yeah, Captain Lola thought so too, both from a strategic standpoint_ and _a thematic one,"_ Gheilt agreed, trailing off into a wistful sigh. " _Aaaah, but anyway, you all didn't come here to listen to this old sea dog gush about how good his life is; keep moving forward, you and yours are always free to return to Skelter Bite. The Florian will guide you the rest of the way."_

And no sooner did the ex-Marine give that order than did a few notes whistle out from the silhouette; it was a different melody from Binks' Brew, something… _deeper,_ it sounded like. More… emotional, I suppose? Hard to say, I'd have to ask Brook about it later.

Either way, the effects were immediate and highly visible: The golden mist parted like the red sea behind the battleship, the sea _actually_ colored red by the twilight shining through the thinned mists on the other side. The mists behind the Sunny reached down and plumped the sails, allowing Vivi to flop to the deck. It was shortly after that we got our first good look at what the New World Masons had accomplished over the past couple of months.

It was… incredible, I'll be honest. Before the island's renovation, Thriller Bark's looming profile had been a stark monument of terror and oppression, not helped by the fact that the twilit darkness of the Triangle had obscured the true size of the island and the structures that dominated its landscape, making it seem bigger and more threatening.

Skelter Bite, though? While the light _did_ outline how insanely massive Skelter Bite was, the light coming from the island completely upended the connotations that size conveyed. It was massive, yes, but it was the kind of 'massive' that could only be called ' _majestic'._

The first thing we noticed was actually the most threatening aspect of the island, the gate: the tooth Absalom had crashed into had been either repainted or replaced with a gold tooth, and the rest of the gate had been remodeled into a massive white skull. Menacing as hell, even with straight white teeth, especially since the eye sockets were angled just right to seem to stare into your soul, though I imagine smaller ships wouldn't fully appreciate the effect. But we were _pirates;_ what was a symbol of terror and destruction for most people was… well, okay, as I said it was still pretty threatening, but it was also a symbol of camaraderie and sanctuary!

Also a good chance to get your teeth knocked out, but hey, some people enjoyed that. Or needed it, considering some of the dental work I'd seen back in Mock Town. Anyway, the symbol was also emblazoned on the sky-shadowing mainsail, which had been altered so that it now featured the usual straight-facing skull. But rather than crossbones behind it, a ring of bones circled around the skull. Actually, looking closer, it wasn't just bones, but a hundred smaller jolly rogers! Nice touch.

And that was all just the front gate and sail. Beyond it? Beyond it laid what I could only describe as a veritable city of lights. No, seriously! An _actual city_ outlined in the blurred light of the setting sun, the dark silhouette of dozens of buildings of as many shapes outlined by the bright lights within dancing across them, and that loud, low buzz that characterized a thriving metropolis just bursting with life. In every conceivable interpretation of the phrase, the contrast was glorious.

And while my first instinct was to give credit to Oda—where it was still ultimately due, of course—I remembered that this setting only existed because of what I had brought about. And _damn_ if that just didn't fill me straight to the brim with pride.

Faced with such a monument to piracy and freedom, I tried to come up with _something_ to say, something to mark just how momentous the occasion was—

"WELL, FUCK ME RUNNING, THAT'S ONE BIG-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!"

…aaaaand then Bartolomeo beat me to it and utterly _ruined_ the moment. Because _of course._

"Crude though that was, this… is _amazing._ The Masons were able to do _this_ in just three months!?" Sandersonia demanded, her serpent angling its head to put her near me.

"And you think I'm less amazed than you?" I demanded.

"…Maybe not, but I think we're _both_ less amazed than them," she remarked, gesturing over my shoulder.

I sighed, not even bothering to look. "Wild guess: Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Merry, Franky, and Brook all looking at Skelter Bite with starry eyes."

"And every animal on the ship that isn't our 'beloved' ball of slime," Robin confirmed, chuckling. Her tone grew more sincere as she continued. "And who can blame them? Lola's lofty ambition is going to be seen through if it hasn't already."

"It's already night and day compared to Mock Town," Vivi breathed in awe.

"Yesss, this _is_ impressive; it _almost_ makes me happy that you forced me into this," came an aggrieved voice from behind me.

I _could_ have given Tashigi a bone and not poked her… but _naaah._ "Oh?" I inquired innocently, turning to grace her with my full, perfectly impish smile. "And what's keeping you from being happy, hm?"

"Well, I don't know, maybe it's got something to do with how you _FORCED ME INTO THIS! AND BY THIS, I MEAN BOTH THIS OUTFIT AND YOUR CREW!"_ Tashigi finished in a shriek, gesturing indignantly at her new outfit. Said outfit consisted of the age-old pirate classics: a blue-and-white striped shirt, canvas trousers, and a red bandanna tied around her head. Ah, but what _really_ tied the whole ensemble together were the eyepatch tied around her left eye and the cast made of wood strapped over her leg.

" _That is not the appropriate attitude_ **to take if you want a promotion** _**within this organization,**_ CABIN GIRL SHIGI!" Soundbite chided in between blatant sniggers.

I snorted and jabbed a finger at the snail. "Listen to your superior officer, Cabin Girl."

Tashigi's entire _head_ jerked at that comment, and she glared at me with an intensity usually reserved between Sanji and Zoro. "You're going to pay _dearly_ for this indignity, _sir,"_ she hissed, her every word dripping with Yuda venom. "I don't know how, I don't know when, but before I leave this mortal plane, I _will_ make you regret this."

…well, there was only one way to reply to _that,_ wasn't there?

"Neat!" I beamed brightly.

" _FUCK YOU!"_ And with _that_ final roar, Tashigi wheeled around and started to stomp off.

"You know he's just doing this because he loves watching you react, right?" Koala casually called after the "ex"-Marine.

"DON'T CARE, STILL GONNA KILL HIM!"

"I tried, you're on your own," the Revolutionary shrugged in defeat.

"I've come to terms with my imminent beatdown. At this point, I interpret half of them as affection. Which, to be frank, is not inaccurate." I hummed happily. "More importantly, no doubt about it now: Skelter Bite is alive and well!"

"And not just in the way you meant!"

I turned to the bow, where Merry and Franky were standing, the former sporting a soft smile on her face as she inspected the upcoming haven with a spyglass.

"Lola's treated her right," the ship-girl clarified. "The damage will still take a long time to heal completely, but the worst is gone. She's going to grow so strong! And the rest of the old timers are enjoying their retirements pretty damn well, too!"

"Eh?" I raised a questioning eyebrow. "Whaddaya mean?"

"Here, check it!" Merry handed her spyglass off to me, and I peered through it at the approaching haven.

A closer look only made me even more admiring of the architecture. Now I could take in the helter-skelter, clearly improvised profusion of architectural styles that didn't seem to follow any… set… hold the phone _and_ the mayo! "Are those… ships?" I asked incredulously.

Not that I needed an answer, because now that I looked it was blatantly obvious that _yes,_ those were old ships that had been repurposed into buildings. Some were still sitting on their keels, others had been stood up on their sterns with their prows pointing into the air, and others still had been straight-up flipped upside down so that they were keels-up. And as if the buildings themselves weren't crazy enough, the layout itself was positively insane: the ship-buildings were… well, simply put, they were anywhere and everywhere, stacked on top of one another and strewn about like a titanic child's set of building blocks.

"They fished up the old-timers that sank in the jaws of Thriller Bark, and repurposed them so they can keep supporting us even after they're no longer seaworthy!" Merry sighed blissfully as she all but melted into the Sunny's wheel.

"It's so _SUPER!"_ Franky capped off, slamming his arms into his signature pose. "Now, _this_ is what I expected to see from the biggest ship in Paradise! Of course, if Ice-For-Brains actually manages to make that plan of his work—"

"You haven't been keeping up with our news, have you?" Robin chuckled.

"Giant amateur shipwrights are still amateur shipwrights," Franky clarified, less exuberantly, adjusting his sunglasses far too primly for someone of his stature. "And Ice-For-Brains would have about as much luck teaching them as you're having with your students."

"Hey, Vivi resents that," Conis sniffed with a dismissive flap of her wing.

Vivi retaliated with a snort and a hair-mussing gale. "Bite me, miss 'can't tell squall from squid'."

" _They are very similar characters!"_

Their banter continued in much the same vein, but I tuned them out to think over _that_ little revelation. The implications of Vivi being proficient in the Void language _and_ a Logia coupled with the fact that she would soon have the opportunity to return to Alabasta made me a little dizzy; I still didn't have any solid idea of what Pluton was, but depending on how things went, I might find out sooner than I expected…

But for now, we had a whole different ship to concern ourselves with.

It seemed like the Rolling Pirates had spared no expense in maintaining the fear factor of the defenses. Just as an example? The moment we came within range of the skull that had replaced the front gate, its eyes lit up into blood red spotlights that swept over us, scanning over our ships and our crews.

"WHO DARES TO APPROACH THE IMPREGNABLE BUCCANEER BASTION OF SKELTER BITE?" came a double-layered voice. It was actually pretty impressive; whatever rig they were broadcasting from actually managed to ripple the water beneath us.

Unfortunately for them, however…

" _ **YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, FOOLS,"**_ a Zuul-possessed Vader rumbled in reply.

" _AAGH!"_

Well, frankly, we were just better than them.

It was with no small amusement that we watched a pair of _very_ familiar figures leap out of the gate's eye-sockets and plunge into the water below.

"Huh…" Barto looked over the edge of his ship's prow, rubbing his chin. "I take it those are the Risky Brothers who interrupted the SBS awhile back?"

" _I ASSURE YOU,_ _ **this instance of divine justice**_ **HAS NOTHING TO DO with that lack of respect for their auditory deity,"** Soundbite lied shamelessly.

"Okay, _seriously!?_ You two were trying to intimidate _us?"_ Usopp called down, giving the water-treading brothers a disgruntled look. " _Us?!_ We faced way scarier than that last time we were here! Heck, _I'm_ scarier than the two of you!"

"Personally, on behalf of rodents everywhere, I am _deeply_ ashamed in how unskilled your sorry excuse for trickery was," Su sniffed, flicking her tail primly.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, JUST BECAUSE OUR SHADOWS WERE IN SQUIRRELS DOESN'T MEAN THAT _WE'RE_ SQUIRRELS!" the black-masked one hollered furiously as he paddled for the island-ship.

"And come on, we were just having a little fun!" the afro-toter added as he followed his brother's lead, the both of them climbing back up the side of the ring. From the lack of visible footholds, they must have practiced to know how to do it… which really did not help the first one's case. "And it's not like we just did it to you! We put everyone through it! It's tradition!"

"Besides," the first one added. "We still need to keep records of who comes in and out. Black Bart's flag, we recognize, but who are the other two?"

"Takoyaki 8 is mine," Hachi said, stepping forward. "Hachi, ex-pirate and current chef. I'm here to serve Takoyaki to the biggest names of this generation!"

"Ooh, we'll have to stop by when our shift ends!" the other said. "And what about—"

"Boa Sandersonia of the Kuja Pirates, sister of Boa Hancock," the Zoan declared imperiously from her craft. "I am interested in exploring the luxuries that Skelter Bite offers those of my kind."

The Riskies froze in their climb, completely silent. One of them damn near slipped off in his shock and I wasn't exactly eager to let them start panicking when they got their wits back about them, so I took the opportunity to jump into the conversation.

"She has my approval, her sister isn't here, the Government doesn't know she's here, and translation: she wants to get blackout drunk and party with the noobs," I deadpanned, which Sandersonia helpfully backed up by adopting an ear-to-ear grin and flashing a peace sign at the bros.

The brothers glanced nervously at each other, but to my relief, they pulled themselves together rather than panic.

"Very well. You may enter," they said together in impressive synchronicity. "Turn to starboard as you enter to reach the main docks."

The crew dispersed as the gates cranked open, furling the rigging as we pulled into the floating island's makeshift harbor.

"Oh, and one more thing!" one of the brothers called down as we passed under them. "We're still missing about a half-dozen more Supernovae… Supernovas? Whichever. Point is, you're early!"

"The Coos have found the rest and are bringing them in now," the other brother nodded. "But still, earliest estimate we've got is that we'll have the meeting tomorrow. 'Til then, enjoy the city, drinks are on the house! Nothin' but the best for the Straw Hat Pirates!"

"Oh-hoh? Is that so?" Lindy licked his toothy maw eagerly as he regarded the city with a new light in his eyes. "Well, don't mind if I—!"

"I said Straw Hats, scale-ass! You cheapskates still gotta pay!"

Instead of throwing out a derisive comment, Lindy's eyes simply narrowed. He sucked in a deep breath and then exhaled explosively. _Literally_ explosively, given the building-sized fireball that shot from his maw. I turned away as it hit the Risky's skull-booth, but the expected explosion didn't come. Instead, when I turned around, metal shutters had slid down over the openings, the bone around it only mildly scorched.

"Metal shutters!" one of the pirates crowed, rolling it up a little to smack it. "Suck on _that_ , you overgrown lizard!"

"You two have quite the balls to oppose a dragon. I respect that. _And if I ever get my claws on you, I'll rip 'em off!"_

"And it's comments like _that_ that convinced Captain Lola to let us turn this place into a sea prism stone-enforced bunker!" one of the Riskies cackled. "Do your worst!"

"Oh, he did not just say that…" Usopp groaned, slapping a hand to his face.

Lindy snarled and spread his wings, obviously prepared to do just that—

" _Apis Rubber Band of Doom!"_

_SNAP!_

"GYAGH!"

—before he suddenly collapsed onto his muzzle, whimpering in agony as he clutched at his… well, let's just say he got a lot of sympathy from most of the pirates present.

Apis wasn't one of that number, instead spinning her impromptu weapon around her finger with an impressed grin. "Hey, Usopp, you were right, this _is_ an effective weapon. I'll take ten."

"Twenty for me!" Tashigi tacked on with a _far_ too eager grin.

"Lemme think about it…" Usopp whimpered miserably.

In a _not at all_ panicked attempt to take my mind off the rapidly developing situation, I zeroed in on the approaching island. I have to say, now that I could get a closer look at the details it was even more impressive.

More interesting than the architecture, in my opinion, was how drastically they'd altered the island's geography. The last time we'd approached the landmass known as Thriller Bark, the fact that the only building was a mile inland meant that all that was visible from the cove was the topmost towers of Moria's manor. Now, however? It was almost impossible to see the base of Skelter Bite's sail-tower from the harbor, because of the towering skyline of ships blocking our line of sight. Heck, it almost reminded me of sailing into New York!

And the docks only emphasized that; they had been impressively large before, but it clearly hadn't been enough for Lola; she had expanded them out into the harbor itself via a series of floating docks, forming a makeshift port with dozens of ships of all sizes within. It looked like a fully functioning port, even including a host of… surprisingly stable-looking cargo cranes, half of which were unloading crates from the larger docked ships. Crates whose origins I really didn't want to dwell too hard on, but still.

"Mmrgrgh…" Tashigi grumbled to herself, critically eyeing the black-peaked forest of masts, her fingers clenching and unclenching around Shigure's hilt. "On the one hand, this was all built without any actual legitimate government involvement. Impressive. On the other hand, _pirates._ So… damn… _conflicted…"_

"Oi." _Thwack._

"Ow!" Tashigi yelped, rubbing the spot on her temple where she'd just been flicked. "The hell—?"

"Tashigi," Zoro cut in, frowning sternly. "If you need to look at anything in this rare and fleeting moment you're actually wearing your glasses—"

" **HA!"** " _All of my hate, slimeball!"_

"— _You're_ the most familiar with pirate flags out of all of us," our first mate continued, stuffing a spyglass into her hand. "Give us a who's who, so we _don't_ reenact Jaya if we don't have to."

Tashigi blinked in surprise, and after visibly wrestling with herself for a moment, she raised the spyglass and pointed it toward the collection of ships we were sailing toward.

"Let's see, we already know about Kid and Apoo… hmm, and it looks like there are three other Supernovas too, I can see Law, Bege, and Drake's ships. But it looks like the others haven't—wait a second, is that _Foxy!?"_

I snapped my eyes over and my jaw dropped. Unmistakable in size and decor, the still cringe-inducingly named Sexy Foxy was anchored ahead of us with what looked to be a smaller cadet ship anchored next to it. Guess our ersatz 'recruitment officer' had decided to expand a bit.

"This shouldn't be as much of a surprise as it is," Usopp muttered. "I mean, it's a pirate haven and he's one of our closer allies. OH!" He perked up eagerly, pounding his fist in his palm. "Maybe Dorry or Broggy will be here, too!"

"Here, lemme…" Merry hummed thoughtfully, tilting her head to the side and cupping her ear for a few seconds before shaking her head with a sad sigh. "Sorry Usopp, nothin' doing. The ladies say there are about a dozen Giants here, yes, but Ogres, no. Still! They're all crewmates of the big guys, so I recommend some padding for all the backslapping you're going to get."

"That means almost all of the Damned are on the same island," Tashigi muttered, ignoring the byplay. "Any bright ideas for how to keep the alliance discreet?"

I shrugged and started to tick off my fingers. "It's a pirate island, so shit happens, I've got Soundbite to muddle any possible eavesdroppers, thanks to the ad-hoc, unregulated construction there's probably upwards of a hundred hidden and unrecorded rooms and passages per building—"

A sound part-way between a grunt and a cough sounded out beside us.

"—And we have Popora, too. Want me to go on?"

She continued staring at me for a moment. Then she sighed and turned back. " _Really_ hate when you're right."

Disembarkment followed soon after, with both cooks staying behind on the Sunny, Hachi to prepare some samplers where Luffy couldn't inhale them and Sanji half to help Hachi prep the food, and half to put the fear of… basically anyone and everyone into _those_ _two_.

Coo, for his part, gave us all a sardonic doff of his newsie cap. "Well, folks, I'd say it's been fun, but more than a few of you tried to _eat me_ while I was onboard. If you don't mind, I'll be going back to the saner of the big mouths in Paradise, thank you very _much!"_ And with that, he flapped off to rejoin Apoo and his flock.

Over on the Cannibal, most of the Barto Club's mooks and officers were staying put themselves… to run damage control when Goldenweek inevitably got another bout of inspiration. There were a few wary assurances that they'd catch up later, but considering Ever was directing an effort to de-paint the sails as we left, none of us were holding our breath. Gin and Barto especially; Soundbite had gotten some new curses to add to his repertoire when they jumped ship right before the paint started flying.

Anyway, one _completely unfairly shot down_ attempt to ride in on Funkfreed (proooobably shouldn't have tried to take off solo), we set off into the city.

And before anyone asks, yes, we knew that we'd left Keimi and the Dugongs behind. But c'mon, they were professional martial artists with our crew's knack for the insane and impossible. They'd be back, probably in some impossibly awesome manner, so there were maybe five minutes of worrying before the more level-headed of us got that through everyone's skulls. We wouldn't let it happen again, of course, but this time it wouldn't be a problem.

Anyway, back to the point: reviewing Skelter Bite's _fantastic_ transformation!

Though... frankly, 'gruesome' fit the walk to the front gate better. Or, as some would put it…

"Well, this is inviting!" Robin remarked in an outright _chipper_ tone.

"Rooobiiin…" Usopp moaned, dragging his hands down his face.

"Only you, Robin," Vivi lamented, her tired sigh echoing around us. " _Only_ you."

Yup. Only someone like Robin would find _a baker's dozen gallows_ with skeletons swinging from the arms to be 'inviting'.

" _Meh._ **6/10, NEEDS real skeletons."**

"What?" Robin said, head whipping over to Soundbite.

"Yohohoho! Soundbite is quite correct!" Brook, standing next to one of the gallows and staring at the apparently not-corpse hanging from it, declared. Reaching out, he gave it a hard shove, and we all heard the rattle of wood on wood, not bone on bone (do _not_ ask how we all knew that).

Ignoring Robin's disappointed groan at that, I gave a closer look at how the bones were arranged and what was on them. The effigies' arms were spread-eagled, which didn't fit a hanging, but it seemed to be to allow them to hold up what appeared to be tattered and torn pirate flags of several designs. Any confusion about _that_ imagery was cleared up by wooden signs hanging around the skeletons' necks, and what was written on said signs.

"Ash Tooth Pirate Crew. Crime: Arson. Unjustified and Unprovoked—"

"Oh, come on, they're _qualifying_ crimes now?" Tashigi groaned.

"According to what I've heard so far," Merry said, scrunching her face in concentration. "They don't care so much about the fire as they do the intention and location. That's the gist for all crime around here: when it comes to 'pirate justice', Motivation and Consequence are king. Burn down an uninhabited building, fine; you'll probably get press-ganged into helping with the repairs, but not kicked out. Burn something down in a fight, same thing. Heck, even if you're doing it to try to kill someone, there's no big deal unless someone ends up dead or they're not actually a legitimate asshole that someone else hasn't gotten to first."

" _What_ are they punishing, then?" demanded Tashigi, a sentiment that was shared by myself and several others, I am not ashamed to admit.

"Apparently, it depends on how popular the buildings are; the more people wouldn't want them gone, the more dangerous it is. Wrong idea to try proving your stones like these jackasses apparently did; tried to light the alcohol stores on fire." Merry's expression fell flat as she grabbed our first mate's arm without even looking. "Put 'em away, Zoro, they're not even on the island anymore so you can't cut them."

" _You don't know that."_

"Wait, hang on," Vivi butted in, shoving Zoro aside—

" _GAH!" SPLASH!_

—and clean into the drink with a particularly forceful gust so that she could get a closer look at the skeleton. "You said they're not here anymore? Then where are they?"

"Uhh…" Merry cocked her head at the skeleton. "I'm getting 'fate worse than death… and then death'."

Barto perked up at that. "Neat!"

Gin, however, was a bit more… _conservative_ in his response. Specifically, he yanked Merry up by her hood, glowering. "I'm going to need _way_ more detail before I set one foot in that city, brat!" he demanded.

Merry gave the _other_ first mate a flat look. "Put me down, dead eyes, before I break your weak little fingers like breadsticks."

Dead eyes' weak little fingers snapped open, letting the shipgirl drop to the dock and brush herself off.

" _Thank_ you," she said, nodding primly. "Now, to answer your question, nobody on this here walk of shame was executed. They just got their asses kicked based on the severity of their crimes, and then they got tossed out on their asses with a _not_ subtle warning to get out and stay out, while their flags got pinned up here to warn everyone else who comes after them."

"No matter the world you're in, there'll always be terms and conditions… though at least I can make sense of these," I snorted.

"So, what exactly _is_ Lola doing? I mean, blacklisting them wouldn't get them dead, and it hardly strikes me as a fate worse than death, either," Sandersonia wondered, sounding _far_ too interested.

"Actually, I think I can answer that," Tashigi said thoughtfully, a genuine smile on her face for the first time since we set foot here. "Since the outer guards are former Marines, and since I recognize some of these flags from recent arrest records, it's not hard to put things together."

"Kick their asses, take and string up their flags, turn them in," Koala summarized, nodding. "Makes sense; it's effective, final, and guilt free because anyone who commits these crimes is then a common criminal instead of a pirate." She let her expression fall flat. "Though I seriously doubt anyone appreciates the beauty of it beyond 'piss us off and we kick your ass and string your flag up'. Besides Robin, of course."

"Oh, now, that's not true. I'm sure Don Accino feels the same way," Robin said sweetly.

It took an effort of will, but clamping Soundbite's lips shut let me avoid mouthing off. "Don't respond," Lassoo advised, cutting off any other reactions.

"Well, anyway…" Franky hummed, rubbing his chin as he examined another effigy. "If we're going in, we might as well read a few of these, see what we can and can't do in this place. I mean, we're going to piss _somebody_ off, might as well not include the local authorities in that list…"

He paused so that he and about a half-dozen other of the assholes I called my friends turned to give my snail and I _looks._

I stayed silent and contented myself with flipping them a pair of birds, while Soundbite rolled his eyestalks. " **In the words of every sitcom character in the early '90s and everyone in the Midwest through the rest of the '90s, 'don't go there'."**

"I don't even know what a sitcom is or where the Midwest is, but I can already tell that was offensive and clichéd beyond all reason," Vivi deadpanned.

" _Anyway,"_ Franky cut in, a little loud. "Let's just read the rules so that we can at least _try_ to avoid ticking our friends off on purpose, alright?"

" _Awww!"_ Luffy groaned, throwing his head back. "Do we really need to read? That's, like, the worst thing anyone can do ever!"

I snapped my gauntlet into a fist. "Hold him down, Robin."

"Gladly, Cross," the assassin-archaeologist sniffed primly as she ran her fingers over her knife's edge.

"A-Ah, Luffy?" Usopp spoke up hastily, eyes darting between his captain and the two of us. "Give it a chance, would you? Maybe some of these stories will be funny!"

"Mmm, yeah, that's true," Luffy conceded, before swiftly perking up. "Yeah, yeah, alright! Go ahead!"

"Aye-aye captain!" Usopp saluted, zipping over to an effigy holding up a flag that had a bloody bear-trap on it. "Let's see, Lockjaw Pirates, Crime…" Usopp's eagerness died a swift and violent death, his expression dropping into a horrified gape. "Guh… A-Attempted Murder - Unjustified/Unprovoked."

While the rest of us gagged in shock, Luffy's expression merely went blank and he tilted his head to the side. "…well, that's not funny."

"Aaaand this turned on us _right_ quick," I groused, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Alright, Merry? Elaborate. _Now."_

"Um…" Merry tapped her temple and quickly winced. "Seems like they got in thanks to a bard who faked it well enough for the lot of them to slip past the Triangle. And because Gheilt and his hadn't gotten here yet and the sea gate was still under construction, it looks like they were able to come in guns blazing…"

"Oh, I can explain _that,_ at least," Koala scowled. "Within days of the SBS broadcast, Big Mom promised a king's ransom to whoever could destroy Skelter Bite and bring back the captain's head."

Everyone matched her scowl, as well as the malicious eagerness that followed when Usopp spoke again.

"Well, here's some good news: looks like they only managed to get a little way into the island before they were sent packing. The last charge here is 'Failed to make Lola break a sweat.'"

…I am not ashamed to admit that it took me a minute to grasp that Lola had singlehandedly curb-stomped that crew. I may have made her one of the Damned's leaders but in the face of… let's be brutally honest here, _everything_ about her, it was incredibly easy to forget that she was a skilled swordsman and pirate captain whose shadow had powered one of the General Zombies, not to mention my newer knowledge that she grew up in the New World. Put all those pieces together and…

"Holy shit, I think the only reason she didn't send them back to her mother in pieces is she didn't want to give Linlin a snack," I mused aloud.

_That_ earned me a good number of shocked looks.

"I can't tell what part of that sentence is most disturbing of all…" Lassoo whined, dropping to the ground and covering his eyes with his paws.

"And that… _person_ is one of the strongest pirates in all of the New World? As in, the ocean we're going to next?!" Conis squawked, her wings twitching.

"Oh, I'm sure it won't be _that_ bad," Brook said airily.

"Of course it won't. It'll be so much worse," I agreed just as airily.

"Right, so much wor—oh, dear."

"HEY, LOOK AT THIS ONE, THIS ONE LOOKS FUNNY!" Chopper barked from further up the flag line, a hint of hysteria in his voice that was backed by his twitching smile and distinct _lack_ of cyan madness. We obligingly trooped over to the flag and let Carue take a look at it.

"Wet's see hewe… Kojiwo Piwates… foah _some_ weason…" A sweatdrop beaded on the back of his head, and on mine and others'; why the _hell_ was the Jolly Roger chomping down on a big red 'R'? "And the cwime was…" Carue's sweatdrop doubled in size. "Theft."

"Wait, what?" Tashigi demanded. "You mean they're _actually_ punishing that one?"

"Hang on, there's a footnote," Vivi interjected, leaning past her mount's shoulder to squint at the corner of the sign. "It says ' _Dumb enough to get caught'_."

The 'ex'-Marine slumped over. "Ah. Now _that_ makes more sense. I honestly don't know what I expected at this point."

I _wanted_ to repeat that question to Tashigi's face, but that decision was taken away from me by Nami _accidentally_ jabbing a section of her Eisen Cloud into my side. Instead, I looked at Merry in askance.

By this point, Merry was already tilting her head…

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

Aaaand then she fell on her back laughing her little head off, which got Luffy snickering along in turn, even though he had no idea _why_. No more needed to be said on that front.

That was the last one we read as a group, though everyone read the remainder in passing, alternating between exasperation, satisfaction, and amusement. That ended the minute we saw the entrance, which had been… _thoroughly_ remodeled.

See, back when the island was Thriller Bark, the only access to the harbor had been through a break in the seawall that ringed the island. Now, though, the builders of Skelter Bite had used a _Marine Battleship_ to fill that gap _._ A years-out-of-date, defaced to hell and back battleship, but it still made for a heavily armed, extremely sturdy barbican… and _Roger help me_ there's another word I never thought I'd use in perfect context.

Once we finished picking our jaws up off the ground, our eyes naturally slid to the entrance, which was less imposing but no less eye-catching. A gold-painted arch glinted in the golden mist wafting through the entire island—yeah, that was a thing, forgot to mention that—and framed a tunnel carved through the bow of the battleship. Oh, yeah, and there was also a _miniature graveyard_ parked directly in front. Though when I say 'miniature', I mean there was exactly one unmarked tombstone set behind a grave that had probably been dug last week, illuminated by a lantern hanging on a post next to it, and framed by a pea-soup wall of regular gray fog. Not the golden fog in the rest of the island, regular old cloud.

It was a complete visual non-sequitur that left us blinking in confusion for a solid minute before the freshly dug grave began to slowly shift as if something was climbing out. And, to our incredulous shock, something _was_ climbing out, an ancient, decrepit-looking—

I blinked in surprise. "Wait, haven't I seen this bit before?" I muttered to myself.

Before I could say more or anyone else could actually react, Luffy walked ahead of us, right up to the 'zombie' that was halfway out of the grave and groaning unintelligibly. Luffy stared down at the 'living dead'… and then I burst out laughing as he put his hands on the man's shoulders and head and tried—no, he _actually_ pushed his torso back into the grave, leaving the 'zombie's arms flailing and twitching frantically in the air.

The re-earthing only lasted for a few seconds before the 'zombie' popped back out of the earth, visibly pissed off rather than the standard slack-jawed zombie expression.

"GAH! DON'T PUT ME BACK IN THE GROUND!" the old man howled. "ARE YOU AN IDIOT?"

"Yes," everyone deadpanned.

The old man's expression fell, and he grimaced in embarrassment. "Right, forgot about that. My bad."

"…It's an old man with serious injuries," Luffy finally observed.

"CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S A ZOMBIE!?" yelled most of the males with us.

" **No,** _ **I can confirm that it really is**_ _an old man WITH SERIOUS INJURIES._ HE STILL HAS A PULSE… I… _thiiiiink? It's a bit hard to_ **OH THERE IT IS!"** Soundbite nodded triumphantly. " _SO YEAH, LIVING OLD GUY_ _ **pretending to be himself next year.**_ MORE OF THE OMINOUS **decor?"**

The old man shook off his grimace and grinned politely. "Exactly! It's fun on _our_ terms, after all. Now, if I may continue my bit…?"

"Shishishi! Sure thing, old guy!" our captain snickered, hauling the old man the rest of the way out of the grave by his shoulders.

"Ah, thank you," the old man nodded gratefully, taking up his lamp-bearing staff and coughing into his fist. "Now then, back on task… BEWARE!" He threw his arms out, the fog _somehow_ swirling around him ominously. "Whosoever would cross this cemet'ry must answer me these questions three, ere the city lights you see."

I turned a leer on Soundbite, who was inches from busting his shell laughing. " _ **Pff… I didn't think**_ _sharing some_ PYTHON BITS **during the party WOULD LEAD TO** _ **THIS!**_ _**SURE DON'T REGRET IT, THOUGH!"**_

I sighed, half-fondly, half-wishing I could justify punting him off the dock. A glance around showed much muttering and shifting about, and that just wouldn't do, now would it. "Alright, guys, settle down, settle down, I've got this." And so saying, I walked up beside the old man and leaned on his tombstone. "Say! Real quick, just before we start on those questions of yours, what!… is your name?"

The old man blinked once, then twice before shaking his head and puffing his chest out. "Spoil, leader of the now-disbanded Thriller Bark Victim's Association! Nice to meet you in person, Jeremiah Cross!"

"Mm-hm, I see, I see…" I mused, examining my metal-clad fingertips oh-so-casually. "Second, what!… is your purpose here?"

Spoil flung his free arm out, visibly preening. "To judge whether or not those who come here are worthy of passage into the grand pirate haven of Skelter Bite!"

"I see, I see," I nodded in agreement, glancing down at the senior citi-zombie. "And finally, what!… is the number that comes after two but before four?"

Spoil scoffed, raising his chin even higher. "Why, three, of course!"

"Correct!" I proclaimed, spreading my arms grandly. "Congratulations, you have answered the questions three! You may pass!" I declared, gesturing at the docks.

"Huzzah!" Spoil cheered, running past our crewmates with some impressive speed for a wrinkly old shrimp like him. I turned back to my bemused crew and companions, smirking all the way.

"We have anywhere from ten minutes to never, and I'm leaning towards the latter. Let's go."

It took a moment for everyone to get over the fact that that had _worked,_ and the walk through the tunnel nearly sent Tashigi sprawling from her improvised peg leg five times, but the view of the city when we emerged from the tunnel…

It was incredible. I could still see the rushed, improvised, totally unplanned nature of the city, landed ships poking above the buildings lining the street in front of us, festooned with gangplanks, rope bridges, and suspended walkways stretching between them. But stretching out in front of us was a long street of properly constructed _buildings—_ mixed in with some of the landed ships, naturally—stretching into the distance, reminiscent of the Vegas Strip or some of the longer streets in Manhattan. Shops lined the ground floors, and above that damn near every window was thrown open, a head or laundry line or improvised balcony sticking out, and bright murals and equally colorful signs covered almost every other square inch. Wooden sidewalks bordered the central street, which in turn was _paved._ With _cobblestones._ Somehow, I had the feeling we wouldn't be seeing that anywhere else.

At the end of the street, towering in the distance, was the mainmast, no trace of Moria's mansion left. Instead, about a quarter up the towering wooden pillar, was Oars' skull, pinned to the mast like the world's biggest hunting trophy with the city's Jolly Roger hanging from its tusks. Now _that's_ how you make a statement!

And the _people._ Architecture is nice, but a city is _made_ by its people, and this wasn't Mock Town, composed of average Joes who just didn't want to put in an honest day's work. Oh, don't get me wrong, there were plenty of _those_ types, spilling out of the bars and sprawled on the street and most noticeable in the stench of piss and stale rum that underlaid everything. But they were a minority; most of the people I saw walking through the streets were the adventurers, the explorers, the _truest_ of pirates found on the seas, or else the kind of honest and not-so-honest folk that always spring up to service them. The colors were garish, the fashions outlandish, giants lacking Giant Warrior colors leaned on the buildings, happily conversing with each other, and fishmen walked openly in the streets with nary a glance nor a hint of tension.

Speaking of those the people servicing these true pirates, they'd clearly been _busy_. An eel Sea King was strung vertically on one side of the street, hanging from the bowsprit of a frigate dumped on its stern. There was what I could only describe as a _ship dealership_ , selling and displaying everything from longboats to galleons. And… hold up, was that a _cage_ being lugged over the rooftops? One big enough for Boss Kabuto, no less. Wonder what that was for.

Oh, yeah, and cheering crowds and lots of shifting money surrounded no less than three street brawls. Pirates. Gotta love 'em.

So, yeah. It was a chaotic mess, teeming with innovation and improvisation but also constantly on the verge of exploding into complete anarchy, anarchy that would probably _level_ the place if it wasn't sent to Davy Jones' locker first. It was a true pirates' paradise, in other words. And I was loving _every_ minute of it.

And it wasn't just me, either.

"Well, my compliments to the architects!" Sandersonia all but squeed, stars glittering in her eyes.

"Yeah, it's pretty awesome," agreed Zor—wait, _what!?_ There was only one path, and he didn't pass us, so how was he standing in front of us!?

"Where the hell did you come from?!" demanded Tashigi, waving her crutch at him.

"Blame my parents," the first mate deadpanned.

Immediately, every person present gave me an expecting look. Even Luffy!

"No, the story never got to that part of Zoro's backstory, and after the last revelation we got, no way in hell am I digging after it," I deadpanned.

Many sighs of disappointment were had, and I swear I thought I saw Brook discreetly palm a few bills to a grinning Merry.

"Aaand getting back on the subject of impossible geography, I'd just like to announce that I am… conflicted about this situation," Nami muttered, the corner of her mouth twitching erratically between a smile and a scowl. "On the one hand, I can't wait to map this place because it's a brand new and brilliantly intricate locale… but on the other, it's _evolving,_ meaning that mapping it is going to be nearly, if not utterly, _impossible…"_

"Might help to have someone more familiar with the area helping you out?" announced a somewhat familiar voice.

It took me a minute to locate the speaker: a woman who'd just stepped out of the flow of pirates, bearing a pointed nose, sunglasses, and dark blue hair in dreadlocks dressed in an outfit that I could have sworn I saw Conis wearing the other day. And not two seconds after _that_ , I realized there was only _one_ place I'd seen an icepick like _that_ on someone's face.

"Porche?" I half-asked, half-demanded.

"It's Marcedes while I'm undercover like this," the Foxy executive corrected, lowering her shades ever so slightly to shoot me a wink. "Gotta keep up the masquerade that we're still enemies. But good to see you finally made it. You all took your time getting here, didn't you?"

"Shishishi! Sorry!" Luffy snickered, rubbing his finger under his nose. "We were busy getting takoyaki. We brought enough for everyone, though!"

"Then in that case, everything's forgiven, captain!" Porche saluted before jabbing her thumb over her shoulder at Oars' looming skull. "Anyway, the boss and Lola have been expecting you guys; I've been familiarizing myself with the city for the last few days so I can give you some direction on where to go."

"Ohoh? In that case, where's the best bar?"

Porche stiffened slightly at the sight of Sandersonia, but showed her stones as a Straw Hat, albeit an unofficial branch Straw Hat, by simply pointing the baton she was suddenly holding down main street. "The closer to the front gates you are, the tackier and seedier the booze vendors. I recommend the Esun bar, about three-quarters to the mast and then it's on your right. Look for the crescent moon."

"Thank you~!" Sonia sang, speeding off without so much as a 'catch you later' but with a very large grin on her face. To this day, I still count it a minor miracle that she didn't immediately leap into her demi-form and start a riot then and there.

"…So, just to confirm, but that _was_ one of the Kuja Pirates' Gorgon Sisters, yes?" Porche asked weakly, her more casual nature displaying itself as she suddenly looked like… well, no offense to him, but like an earlier Usopp.

"Remember the mystery caller who said that their 'superior' was being considered for the Snake seat?" I responded with a grin worthy of the now-departed Zoan.

A full-body shiver wracked Porche.

A sigh, and a lack of any further reaction from Porche, drew my attention back to the rest of the crew, who seemed to be watching Sandersonia go, and Koala, who had her face in her hands. "I'd better go after her before half the people in this place almost bite it throwing themselves at her," she said between her fingers. "If anything will calm people about a Warlord's top subordinate being here, it's a Revolutionary vouching for them. Try not to level the place until I'm a mile offshore!" And with that parting compli-sult (patent pending) she set off after the serpent.

"Hmmm… you know, splitting up does sound like a good idea," Nami offered. "After all, until the meeting starts, this is pretty much shore leave, right, Captain?"

"Sure!" Luffy grinned. "We can worry about getting to Sab… Sab… uh, Cross?"

"Sabaody," I said. "For once, your tongue-tying is understandable. And yeah, we can save the plan for when we _get_ to planning."

"For now," Bartolomeo cut in, wringing his hands with a toothy grin. "We're in a city where the primary forms of currency are booze, broken bones and bitchin' levels of badass!" He pumped his fists in the air, cackling. " _Let's party!"_

" **Just a second,"** Vivi interrupted, freezing everyone else in place. "Before we scatter, I think we need to decide on a place to meet up when we decide to turn in for the night that's more convenient than the Sunny."

"Mmph— _gah!_ Damn, that's freaky… a-anyway, I can help with that," Porche offered once her muscles unlocked. "The best inns that Skelter Bite has right now are The Queen's Blessing, Oden's Cottage, and The Lucky Rabbit. Most of our crew has spread out in the first one, but the top brass is at The Lucky Rabbit, and Lola has several suites reserved for you guys."

"And how do we find said inns?" Tashigi inquired, her expression falling flat as she thumbed Zoro. "Besides this one, who's just going to walk into the sea and then out of the closet."

"At least _I'll_ be able to see where I'm going, four— _oh, wait."_

" _I will see you all frogmarched to the gallows."_

Porche blinked slowly at the Marine, and only barely covered snort of laughter with her hand. "Oh, sweet Coyote, Pisces, is that _you?!_ The captain is going to _love—!"_

_SHING!_

"So getting to the inns, nothing simpler, just follow the signs!" the Foxy squawked. She pointed at the walls, and indeed, there hung three signs featuring a crown, a pagoda and a rabbit, and arrows pointing into the city. "They're the best establishments on the island, so they have the most signs put up, you can't miss them!"

"Because they can afford to publicize the most?" Conis inquired.

"Er…" Porche rubbed the back of her head. "More like because they can afford the best materials to nail their signs in place. Trust me, once someone uses Wootz Steel nails to secure something, it's never coming off. I've been seeing competitors try all week."

"Yeah, well, that's the world of business for you, so cutthroat, a real window into the human— _BOOK IT!"_ Barto suddenly barked, breaking into a mad dash for the nearest passageway, accompanied by the more adventurous pirates among us.

"WOOHOO! I WANNA FIND WHERE THEY KEEP THE MEAT!"

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, PFHAHAHA!"

Which is to say, Luffy and myself.

And we almost made it, too, so close to just disappearing into the crowd and making a clean getaway and exploring the island unimpeded…

"Yeah, _no."_

"GWAH!"/ "ERGH!"/ " _Nooooo!"_

But tragically, it was not to be, due to Nami's Eisen Tempo snagging me by my ankle and laying me out flat, Gin _somehow_ getting in front of Barto and clotheslining him, and Zoro thwacking Luffy in the stomach with one of his sheathed swords and kneeling on our captain's back, his sea prism stone hilt-cap pressed firmly against Luffy's head.

"Seeing as you three have somehow managed to forget, allow us to remind you of where you stand in this crew," Nami politely stated as she ' _gently'_ hauled me off the ground by my heel. "For whatever reason, you numbskulls are the highest ranking officers in both our crews. That means that when we officers go to check in at The Lucky Rabbit, _you_ are coming with us. Whether you like it or not."

"And what if we tell you we're not going anywhere with you jagoffs?" Bartolomeo queried as he slowly picked himself off the ground.

"Are you an idiot?" Luffy and I asked together.

Barto took one look at Gin cracking his knuckles and nodded slowly. "Yyyes. _Yes,_ yes I am. Alright!" He clapped his hands and shoved himself to his feet with a Barrier-crutch. "Let's get going and avoid getting our knees broken, aye, boys?"

"Aye!" we two other idiots concurred.

"Nay," two other voices droned, and I bit out a sharp curse when a pair of weights disappeared from my body as Lassoo and Funkfreed jumped ship—which is to say, _me._

"No offense, Cross, but we've been in close quarters to you for _way_ too long," Lassoo snorted.

"And if there's any island in the world where two…" Funkfreed rolled his trunk thoughtfully. "Let's be generous and say _individuals,_ like us can just wander around and see the sights without any questions, well…" The elephant-sword's trunk spun in the air, indicating our surroundings. And considering how the Chinese New Year procession touting a stuffed Sea King eel as a pseudo-dragon float passing by, I couldn't deny the point.

I let out an irritated hiss and waved my hand dismissively. "Fine, whatever, fuck off wherever you want." I glanced to Porche. "I'm guessing they can bill any purchases they make by the flag?"

"Aye, though considering your crew's reputation, you're going to get a ton of freebies before your first bill," she confirmed.

"Then go ahead and get going, you two. Though I swear, if I get even one bill about gold-flaked doggy kibble—!" I descended into a choked gurgle when I saw that they had disappeared without a trace. " _Bastards."_

"Eh, deal with it. Meanwhile, just so we're clear, as soon as this is done, I'm going looking for the best bar on this island," Zoro chuckled with a smirk as he hauled Luffy back to his feet, though he kept an iron grip on the collar of our captain's vest.

"I'll sniff you out and join you later, then," Chopper piped up. "I've been practicing Doctorine's negotiating techniques, and I could try twisting it a little for bets if anyone wants to try out-drinking you…" His expression flattened. "And, of course, I can practice my concussion treatments on said saps when their crewmates inevitably get it into their heads to try and take their money back by force."

"Sounds like a party!" Nami chirped, beri symbols in place of her eyes. She also let go of me; only the fact that I saw it coming let me avoid a neck-wrecking drop on the head.

"Well, if that's arranged, I believe I'd like to find some of the giants here," Robin waved offhandedly. "Usopp, would you care to join me?"

"R-Robin!? I, uh… s-sure!" Usopp agreed. I gave her a somewhat melancholy smile that she returned before the pair walked off.

And with that, everyone else trickled away from the group, intent on exploring the _vast and amazing city of wonders_ that those of us being frogmarched could only fleetingly appreciate. Despite the tone, I refused to begrudge them a chance to look; no, my ire was reserved for the _slave drivers_ doing the aforementioned frogmarching.

In short order, Vivi had mounted Carue and set off, the last non-officers aside from my partners (Nami had let a quivering and gun-shy Billy go off with Conis and Su) to depart from our group. But when she passed the nearest street corner...

"Oh, and Cross? _Don't start any fires!"_ she called out over her shoulder.

Oh, I couldn't let _that_ go unaddressed, and so I turned and spread my arms wide, walking backwards. "Oh, poor princess, your ignorance is showing! In case you've forgotten, this is a _true_ pirate's city! And so, unlike Mock Town…"

"IF A QUARTER OF THIS PLACE _DON'T GO AFLAME_ _EVERY COUPLE O' DAYS,_ **THEN WE'RE ALL DOIN' IT WRONG!** _**AIN'T THAT RIGHT, BOYS?**_ " Soundbite shouted to the surrounding onlookers.

It was a true credit to Vivi's heightened sense of tolerance that even as the not-so-innocent bystanders cheered and laughed in agreement, all she did was smack the back of my head with a harsh breeze.

Still, I _was_ going to make an effort to avoid starting a fire this time, if only because I didn't want to find out the hard way that the Unluckies had somehow found a way inside.

**-o-**

Not far behind the Straw Hats and their companions was a pirate that could be considered Luffy's equal. Not in the way that the bearer of the Leopard Zoan could, nor in the way that the bearer of the Mochi Paramecia would have one day been and more than likely one day still would. No…

"WHO DARES TO APPROACH THE IMPREGNABLE—!"

"A TICKED OFF BITCH WHO'S GOING TO UNLOAD THREE MORTARS-FULL OF WHOOPASS UP YOUR ASSES UNLESS YOU _OPEN UP, AND I MEAN RIGHT NOW!"_ Jewelry 'Big Eater' Bonney shrieked at the top of her lungs, making a credible attempt to set the tacky skull glaring down at her ship on fire with her eyes.

Equal, in that ordinary pirates would rather jump into a pool full of sharks covered in bloody shreds of meat than risk _ticking her off._ So immediately following her outburst, the skull's armored eye cover slammed shut to guard their inhabitants.

"Eesh, we thought you were one of the _funner_ Supernovas. What gives?" someone called out from the skull.

"We ran into that blockade a week before your dumb birds found us and the bastards managed to hit our pantry!" Bonney spat, even as she gestured for her crew to sail them in. "You try keeping a positive attitude after seven days and nights of hardtack and salt-dried Sea King!"

"Eesh…" the wince was audible in the other voice. "Well, we'll warn the nearest restaurants you're coming in. Just make sure you bring enough to pay and there'll be no problems."

"I'm taking a big chance coming here instead of to the closest actual island," Bonney growled, more to herself than anyone else. She paced like a caged Sea King, each crack of her knuckles a gunshot ringing through the air. "There damn well better not be, or so help me I'm going to tear a strip _clean out of—!"_

"The main docks are to starboard and the meeting between the Supernovas is tomorrow," the gatekeepers interrupted, the gate opening while they spoke. Bonney promptly waved her crew forward. They responded with impatient gusto, almost as eager to get quality food as their captain. For a few moments, Bonney allowed herself to relax; it was only as long as it would take to reach the city, then they'd be free to gorge.

Then she noticed some of the ships ahead. One in particular: the Thousand Sunny. Her mood lifted a bit, one corner of her mouth curving upward into a smirk. Well, she wouldn't get a better chance than this to prove that she was superior to Straw Hat in at least _one_ way.

And _then_ she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye and turned toward the wall. She blinked several times in surprise… then turned back toward the gatehouse and called a warning:

"Uh… just so you guys know, there are dragons flying over the walls."

And indeed, there _was_ a full-blown… flock? Storm? Pack? _Whatever_ of large, green and furry dragons flapping over the island's protective wall and gathering in a circle over the parked ships.

Now, Bonney had sailed Paradise from start to finish, so she'd come to expect a lot from the madhouse of an ocean…

"Huh? The scouting party's back already?" One of the voices in the gatehouse called out. "Thanks for letting us know!"

But that response was most _definitely_ not one of them. And neither was the telltale click of a Tone Dial being activated, followed by the strum of violins and a chorus of horns.

"Scouting…" Bonney repeated incredulously, turning back toward the feathered creatures. Then she fished out her spyglass to take a closer look, and her expression sank back into a scowl.

"Dragon-riding dugongs. _Are you kidding me?"_

"Any chance that this could just be starvation-induced delirium, Captain?" called one of her crewmates.

"Nil," she responded. "And Oriol?"

"I know, I know, I'll scribe everything that I can," the young scholar responded, already heading for his cabin to retrieve his writing materials.

"Lucca, scan the island. If the Straw Hats are here, then their chef is here; with any luck, we can get him to make us a meal."

"Ah, Captain?" said lookout called down from the crow's nest. "The good news is I can see him… and the bad news is that those dragon-riding Dugongs seem to be heading straight for—oh, that explains it. That's Boss and his apprentices… I _think_ the Straw Hats might have lost track of them recently."

Bonney cocked an eyebrow at her crewmate. "The hell makes you say—?"

"LEAVE US BEHIND LIKE A PILE OF CUT OFF BLUBBER, WILL YOU!?" screamed Hera after finding another one of Zeus' infidelities, punctuated by blasts of flame and shockwaves of razor-sharp air rolling out from the Thousand Sunny. "CHOKE ON MY BLADES YOU PRETENTIOUS SWIRLY BROWED BASTARD!"

" _GO, LEO, GO!"_ a trio of equally enraged voices shouted in support.

"...educated guess," Lucca finally said.

The Big Eater curled and uncurled her fingers, idly wondering if maybe she wouldn't have been better off not coming to what was obviously some sort of madhouse…

_SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!_

And then three impacts strong enough to rock the entire ship struck in rapid succession. Bonney spun to the source, somewhere off the stern quarter—and stiffened at the frog Sea King leering at her. Once it saw that it had her attention, however, it flicked its webbed hands in an impatient manner.

"Is… Is that thing _communicating_ with us?" asked another Bonney pirate.

"Yes… and _he_ is saying 'you're holding up the line'," Bonney blandly replied. For a couple of seconds, nobody moved. Then Bonney's smirk returned in full force for the first time in days.

"Oh, yeah. I am _definitely_ going to like it here."

**-o-**

"Well, it certainly seems like you and your boys are doing nicely," Captain Dugong stated casually, taking a pull from his flask before passing it off to Boss Dugong.

Boss took a swig of his own around an appreciative hum. "Ahhh, Brewer's Seaweed Mix, I'd forgotten how hooked I was on the stuff." He then nodded in agreement with his old friend. "And yes, yes we have. What was your first clue?"

"The fact that we've all made it this far?" Donny offered as he wound a roll of gauze around a newly forming bruise.

"Followed by the fact that you haven't lost anyone yet?" Raphey added as she cracked her neck and popped her joints.

"Followed by the fact that _we all_ have bounties while you lot don't?" Mikey needled as he loaded fresh shots into his pistols.

Before Captain could reply to the snide remark with one of his own, the conversation was interrupted by Leo slamming onto the decking in front of them, massaging his freshly kicked muzzle.

"Ugghh… aaand then we've got the dragons," he groaned. "What's the story behind them? Also, tag out."

"I'm on it," Raphey casually stated, drawing her shuriken and spinning it up. "PREPARE TO EAT YOUR OWN SHOE LEATHER, YOU BASTAAAARD!" And with that warcry she shot into the air at the amphibians' current foe.

Captain stared up at the renewed aerial duel with a slightly cocked brow. "Call it a feeling…" he mused.

"The dragons… heh, that's quite the story," First Mate chuckled, offhandedly flinging a Blue-Fin Elephant Trout at the pair of dragons roosting on their ship's yardarms. "At the start of that whole Strong World fiasco, we figured out pretty fast that they were after the East Blue. We cut through the Calm Belt to get there in a hurry…" The amphibian unconsciously rubbed a fresh bandage on one flipper. "And we had a couple of close run-ins on the way… but we made it with time to spare. We stole a Visual Snail to keep an eye on the show, but the second we saw you guys come flying in, we knew that we had made that trip for nothing."

"So we decided to make the most of it," Captain picked up, flashing a smile and a thumbs-up at another dragon flapping by. "Looked around for a bit, and came by an island that had rock formations that looked like battleship sails where a whole ton of dragons like the one that other captain… what was it, Black Bart? The one he was riding. Anyway, we actually have you guys to thank for all this: apparently, every millennium the Dragons spend their first new decade of reincarnation having fun and stretching their wings, and your SBS broadcast convinced the entire flock to give the pirate scene a try."

"And since we were Grand Line natives who were _insane_ enough to go through the Calm Belt to try to help defend their nesting grounds, they decided we were crazy enough to satisfy their needs," First Mate finished. "And as insane as they can be sometimes? It's been pretty nice having the Millennials around. I imagine sailing with the Straw Hats is a similar experience."

"BWAHAHAHA _ **HEEHEEHEE**_ **HOOHOOHOO!"**

All present spared Soundbite's bout of cackling a bare few seconds of attention before shrugging and returning to their business. Said business being briefly interrupted by Raphey careening head-first into Donny's skull, laying them both out flat into a groaning heap on the deck.

Mikey sighed, stood, and began spinning up his nunchucks. "Alllllright, seeing as you've twisted my flipper, I'll go ahead and handle him for you, okay?"

" _Pray he kills you, or else I will…"_ Raphey snarled weakly, shaking a flipper at her teammate.

"Gyeep! Uh, uh… HEY, SANJI!" Mikey hollered up at the cook in a blind panic. "I INTENTIONALLY MADE THE LAST BATCH OF TIRAMISU RUNNY TO FUCK WITH RAPHEY!"

"You _what!?"_ both the chef and the female dugong snapped.

"Oh, I immediately regret this decision…" the orange-bandanna'd dugong whimpered.

"Too late," Boss deadpanned, grabbing the back of his apprentice's shell and throwing him to the crew's third strongest before he could run.

"AAAGH!"

Boss casually dusted his flippers off as he returned to his old friend's side. "As you can see, the boys' attitudes haven't changed much."

"Never doubted it. But what about you, Boss?" First Mate inquired. "You and your boys don't even need dragons to fly, you've taken your strength to a completely different level."

"Ah, it's easy to achieve," Boss said dismissively, rubbing off his 'knuckles' on his chest-shell. "All it takes is twelve hours of exercise a day, a steady diet of Sea King livers, dodging the crossfire of your crew's cook and mosshead…" He smirked and pulled a scroll from his shell. "And a government assassin stupid enough to leave an annotated guide to their superhuman abilities laying around!"

That got a laugh from the other two dugongs that Boss joined in on almost immediately. By the end of it Captain Dugong was leaning on the wall and slapping the thick muscles at the base of his tail, and after a bit, he wiped a tear from his eye and heaved a contented sigh. "Ahhh, man have I missed you…" His expression suddenly turned serious, the last of the mirth fleeing. "Missed you enough that I honestly have to ask: this far into the Line, after becoming so strong… any chance you and yours could come back and go the rest of the way with us? You did technically join the Straw Hat crew as a tribute, so there'd be no shame in it."

Boss hummed, and for a short time he seemed to be actually considering it…

"OH GOD THE PAIN!"

_CRASH!_

And then Mikey slammed through the wall above him. Or, at least, his head did.

"Oooh, don't everyone get up at once for _my_ sake…" the chuck-wielder's muffled voice groaned through the water-soaked wood.

Donny shook his head with a defeated sigh. "Alright, you dolts, seeing as I'm next up to bat, I'm going to do what none of you _chumps_ have been smart enough to do until now."

"Oh, yeah?" Leo intently side-eyed his brother-in-shell. "And just what would that be?"

"Simple: say the three words that will actually give us a _chance_ of victory." Donny jabbed his staff at Sanji, a furious scowl knotting his brows. "RUSH HIS ASS!"

" _YEAH!"_ Leo and Raphey roared, stabbing their weapons in the air.

" _YEAH!"_ a spontaneously revitalized Mikey roared as he shoved his way out of the wall and joined his squadmates. " _WE MAY GO DOWN,_ BUT WE WILL TAKE HIM DOWN WITH US! _CHAAAARGE!"_

And with that, the martial-artist dugongs leaped at the ship's cook…

_THWACK! CRACK!_ **CRUNCH!**

And _immediately_ came to regret it.

"THE PAIN! OH SWEET SOBEK THE PAIN!"

" _MY SHEEEELL!"_

"WE'RE NOT TAKING HIM WITH US!"

Boss watched the beatdown in silence before slowly donning a fond smile. "Sorry, Chief. Call me a sentimental old barnacle, but… I think we're gonna stay with these landlubbers for a while longer."

"NOT THE FACE! _NOT THE FAAAACE!"_ There was a crackling sound. "BACK TO THE FACE! _BACK TO THE FAAAACE!"_

A sly grin slowly spread across Boss's muzzle. "Oh yeah," he chuckled. "A _long_ while longer."

"Heheheh!" Captain Dugong chuckled, shaking his head. "Ahh, I expected nothing less, but as I said, had to ask."

"Though, if you're not coming back…" First Mate said. "Any chance you could teach us that newfangled Full-Shell Style of yours?"

Boss scoffed and pounded his fist into his palm. "How's this for a compromise: I wail on you with said style until you figure it out for yourself."

"Haaaaa…" Captain Dugong sighed wistfully as he slung his flipper around Boss's shoulders. "I've missed you, you old ass."

"Same here, you second-rate schmuck. Same here."

**-o-**

"Oooh, kebabs! Hey, can we—?"

" _No,"_ we all chorused.

Luffy sagged miserably. "Awww…"

"There, there, Luffy," I said, comfortingly patting his shoulder. "You'll just get the skewers stuck in your throat again anyway."

"But I'm _so close_ to figuring it out!" he whined, giving me the most watery puppy-dog eyes he could manage… which would have been infinitely more effective if I didn't know exactly what he was capable of.

"Er… _what,_ exactly, is he 'so close' to?" Porche asked hesitantly, peeking over her sunglasses and shoulder simultaneously.

"How to only eat the meat but none of the vegetables," Nami deadpanned.

Porche stared at the navigator wide-eyed for a moment before hastily looking ahead again. "And to think, I was _just_ starting to wonder what it would be like to be on the main crew. And just like that, now I'm not."

"Huh, wonder why that is?" Luffy questioned innocently.

"Uh, _hey now!"_ I hastily cut in, latching onto the intriguing sight that greeted us around the latest corner. "P-Marcedes, isn't this one of the other inns you mentioned?" It had to be. In a city of shipwrecks, few things stand out quite like a seven-tiered _pagoda tower._ Admittedly a pagoda made out of flotsam, but _still!_

"Oh, yeah, Oden's Cottage," Porche answered, tilting her head back to admire it properly. "Don't know too much about it; the Boss has had me focusing on the big picture overview of the city and setting things up for you guys. But it looks about as high-class as you can get in a place like this, and the class of clientele that's come through supports it."

"Mmm… almost certainly themed after Wano," I muttered, though I hastily shook my head at the interested look Zoro sent my way _. "But_ I doubt that the ones I know of from there would be on this side of the Red Line. Though…" I frowned in confusion. "That does beg the question of who _did_ make this place; if it were just some wannabe, they couldn't afford something like this, and the only people with funds who could actually have been to Wano would also have to be from—"

Once again, the Grand Line displayed its impeccable timing by throwing the doors to the inn open and violently expelling two men. A second later, the person who was presumably responsible for said impromptu flight stepped out right behind them.

I took in his visage. If I hadn't had my memory refreshed, odds are good that I would have just nodded politely at the transvestite and moved on. But I had, and so I knew exactly who I was looking at.

"Whoa, hold up!" I hissed, grabbing Luffy and Barto's collars before they could go any further.

Nobody objected, and judging by the tension in those of us more… informed, they recognized him, too.

"Alright, I'll give you two a chance to explain now. What was the fight about?" the onnagata demanded, impatiently tapping his geta on the decking.

"He attacked me without any provocation!" the more dignified-looking of the two said, indignantly indicating his more disheveled companion, who was still picking himself up. "All I did was bring up my profession! I'm a lawyer, you see—"

_WHAM!_

"I am _so_ sorry for jumping to conclusions, sir," the innkeeper apologized humbly to the other patron as he helped the 'innocent' man to his feet, completely ignoring the now-concussed lawyer. "If you want to come back inside, the next round is on the house."

"Heheh, thanks. Knew there was something I liked about you! Sides' the dress, I mean," the other pirate slurred, limping back into the bar.

"It's a _kimono!"_ the innkeeper called after the customer, though he was smiling all the while. The innkeeper's smile stayed in place as he turned his attention to us. Not noticed us, mind you, because I would bet hard cash that he knew we were here before he opened the door. Even odds that he knew where we were the second we set foot on the _street._

"Ahhh, the Straw Hat Pirates and the Barto Club Pirates." He smiled and bowed with the utmost Japa—er, Wano politeness. "I've been expecting you."

Luffy blinked in surprise at the greeting, but then he brightened up and _oh that idiot he'd better not—!_ "Hey, I recognize you! You're like Mister Two! What did he say he was… oh right! An o—!"

"Shut-him-up-shut-him-up- _shut-him-up!"_ I babbled in a blind panic, blurring my hand across my throat.

" _ **He's shut up,"**_ Soundbite confirmed, snickering as he watched Luffy _and_ Barto mime and flail in silence. "THEY BOTH ARE, EVEN. **GEEZE, WHAT GOT STUCK** _ **in your craw?**_ _Do you just not want_ **your name associated WITH SOMEONE'S LIFESTYLE?"**

"We've been over that, and we've been over this: I don't tick off anyone who can gut me like a pig unless they actively piss me off first!" I snapped, keeping a wary eye on the innkeeper. Thankfully he still looked amused by the ongoing shenanigans rather than upset, and damn if I didn't want to keep it that way!

"Oh? Is that so?" Nami questioned _oh so innocently_ , her demeanor perfectly laid back, while her Eisen Tempo started to sag towards the decking and—

"My oh my, lightning from below? You _are_ quite clever, aren't you?" the innkeeper chuckled casually. To her credit, Nami barely flinched, but that was enough that Luffy stopped his flailing and gave Soundbite a _look_ that got the snail to flinch and nod in respect.

"Who are you?" Straw Hat Luffy asked, not a hint of his usual irreverence.

"Oh, my manners escape me… though it's a bit disheartening that Ace hasn't told you about me," he replied. None of the annoyance implied by his words showed in his polite expression, and nor when he bowed at around 45 degrees. "I am Izo, manager of Oden's Cottage. It is an honor to meet you, Captain 'Straw Hat' Luffy, and you, Captain 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo."

"He also left out the part where he's the Sixteenth Division Commander _of the Whitebeard Pirates_ ," I stated as blandly as I could manage. Everyone present stiffened and stared at the painted man. "And while I'm more inclined to trust you than not, at this point I've pissed off so many people that it's a bit hard to keep track of who does and doesn't want my head. If you could just guarantee I'm _not_ talking to a New World pirate who's got some reason or other to pop my skull…?"

Izo chuckled goodnaturedly. "Believe me, Jeremiah Cross, I know how you feel. But worry not, the Whitebeard Pirates have nothing against either you or the Straw Hats."

I didn't bother to muffle my sigh of relief, and neither did Nami or Porche. Hell, I could even see some of the tension leave Zoro and Gin. Only some mind you, but hey, gotta be realistic.

"Still," Zoro grunted, crossing his arms and giving the kimono-wearing pirate a once-over. "Whether you want to give Cross what's coming to him or not—"

" _GO CHOKE ON ICHIMONJI!"_

"—what brings a Division Commander out here? I thought that New World pirates didn't bother with Paradise?"

"That is indeed the case with most New World pirates. Which, in fact, is the entire reason I am here," Izo sagely answered. "We established this inn to act as an embassy for the Whitebeard Pirates here in Paradise. Marco founded it a few weeks ago, and I've been… establishing matters, as it were. I have a couple of weeks left before I trade off with Kingdew." He then stepped up to the inn's entrance and slid the door open, gesturing into the building. "But while I _am_ here, the Captain left specific orders on how to treat your crews if we were to cross paths. Please, come in and we can continue the conversation."

While Luffy and Barto merely shared a momentary glance before shrugging and entering with grins on their faces, the rest of us were far more uneasy, because we could tell that that 'request' wasn't _really_ a request at all. So it was a tense group that entered behind our beloved dumbasses.

The inside was about as clean and polished as a construct of repurposed seacraft with a customer base of pirates could be. It was a spacious area with staircases on the ends, rice paper screens for the doors and windows, and numerous lap tables around the area. A raised bar was off to one side, the better to mix and prepare drinks, and the patron that Izo had invited back in was seated at it.

The center of the room was slightly elevated with another lap table, and a small fountain with a tall bamboo stalk growing out of it was situated in the middle of the table. On top of it all, the clunk of a, what was it… right, the clunk of a shishi-odoshi echoed from the higher levels of the tower, perfectly tying the inn's atmosphere together.

As we walked through the foyer and the patrons respectfully parted before us, it became clear that Izo was leading us to a more isolated room than the foyer. Specifically, he led us over to the back wall, which was lined with… hm, what were they called agai—?

" _ **Shōji."**_

Right, the shōji-covered wall, and slid it aside to reveal a staircase.

"The meeting room is on the fifth floor; six and seven are reserved for the management of the inn, while two through four all hold twelve bedrooms each. If you do not have arrangements elsewhere, I could arrange a generous discount for your stay here," Izo explained, moving his sleeve in front of his mouth to hide his _oh so_ innocent smile.

"Sorry, but The Lucky Rabbit has you beat at 'free'," Nami replied with an equally innocent-looking smile.

Izo paused between steps, but briefly before chuckling again. "Of course, you would naturally have favor with the owner for making this possible in the first place. Well, you can't blame me for trying."

"Just watch me~" Nami sang.

"Heeey, wait a minute," Porche cut in as we started climbing the stairs. "Three floors with twelve rooms each, that's only thirty-six rooms. Isn't that kind of small for a high-class inn?"

"It's a work in progress," Izo replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "We've prioritized quality over quantity, so the construction takes longer. Once we've added another few floors, we'll move to expanding outward. Probably buy out a few extra lots and build some new locations. We'll see how it goes. For now, you can enjoy the luxuries of our fine establishment for only—"

"We've already bought out a full wing of The Queen's Blessing, sorry," Porche chuckled apologetically.

"…as I was saying, the meeting room is just ahead."

Thankfully, the aura of pure murder that Izo was emitting by that point was enough to ensure that no one but the biggest idiots (read: Luffy and Barto) even showed any mirth at his second strikeout. About a minute of climbing later found us standing on the fifth floor, a pair of actual, ornate wooden doors greeting us.

Izo stepped up to the doors and grasped the golden rings that served as doorknobs, but didn't open them. Instead, he just stood there, a slight grimace on his face.

"I would like to take this moment to reiterate that I hold no ill will towards any of you. The ones waiting inside merely wish to discuss something with you all, and are aware that if they attempt anything…" Izo waved his hand uncomfortably. " _Untoward,_ then I will deal with them personally. Even so, I would advise against provoking them unnecessarily…" He hung his head with both a tired sigh and a wistful smile. "Beyond the inevitable, at any rate."

I eyed Izo warily, a nasty suspicion sinking into my gut. "And you're reassuring us this much _because…?"_

The grimace on Izo's face deepened. Great. "Because I have no doubt that someone as well-informed as you is going to recognize who these people are and, more specifically, who they represent."

"What are you—?!" Before I could complete my question, Izo gave the doors a firm push, displaying the extensive meeting room within and, more importantly, the occupants, the sight of which _forced me to choke a blue streak_ _dead in my throat._ "Oh, you painted _bitch."_

"Yeah, not inaccurate, I'll accept that." Wincing, Izo cleared his throat to get the attention of the occupants. I took the opportunity to shove down my first reaction— _panic—_ and actually _look_ at the inhabitants.

Because while I might not have _known_ all of the people in the room, I sure as hell recognized where I had seen all of them. There were four people waiting in the room, and my eyes immediately fell on the two sitting at the central table, currently engaged in arm wrestling. One was a tall man with white hair and a long fur cape, a sword sheathed on his back, horns on his head that I had a _sneaking_ suspicion weren't just decorative, and muscles bulging out from his shirtless frame. The other…

" _Is that_ **Elton John?"**

I opened my mouth to rebut the snail, but on a second look... mane of golden hair, sunglasses, and a plump body wearing a hot pink suit? I might have been willing to concede Soundbite's point, except for one small detail: _he was a freaking lion,_ claws digging into his opponent's hand to try to get some sort of advantage.

I recognized Pekoms instantly, of course, and though I'd only gotten a few panels of him, it was hard to mistake who Sheepshead was either, as well as the looming implication of _who_ he represented. Of course, the giant belt buckle bearing the horned skull of the Beast Pirates' Jolly Roger also helped.

"GRAH! You fuzzy little cheating _shit,_ you're using fucking Electro! Fight like a fucking man you unshaved pussy!"

"CHE! Except that I'm not a man, I'm a lion, and proud of it! Go get shorn, you wannabe ungulate! If a Headliner like you is complaining about a little bit of static like that, from an _unranked_ pirate like me, then maybe your horned _freak_ of a boss should beg Mama for mercy right now!"

" _You are fucking dead you little piece of—!"_

The blatant shitslinging on display was just the exclamation point.

Meanwhile, the two other figures in the room were a similar case: the long-legged tea-sipper Baron Tamago, and a woman with an hourglass figure, magenta hair with similar horns to the man, and… not much clothing. Just a cape that went halfway down her back, a pair of gloves, and bare minimum coverings for her chest and waist. But given the brutalist tribal design of what she _was_ wearing, it was pretty obvious who she was affiliated with. And that just added _another_ exclamation point to the situation.

_Somehow_ noticing the way I stiffened up like someone had poured liquid nitrogen down my spine, Porche surreptitiously leaned my way and hissed out the corner of her mouth, "Spill, Cross, who are they?"

"At this moment, _death incarnate_ ," I groaned, glancing skyward. So, _this_ was how I died? Crossfire between four New World Pirates against one? _Really?!_ …Ignominious as all hell, but meh, I suppose that my negative karma had to come calling eventually.

If you're wondering how we had enough time for this brief exchange, it was because even after Izo cleared his throat, the New Worlders ignored them in favor of the 'casual'—or as casual as wood splintering beneath their elbows could be—contest.

Frowning in irritation, Izo cleared his throat again, this time more insistently.

"Gnrgh, and your fucking claws too!? I'm going to turn your rancid pelt into my _crotch-warmer!"_

"Get bent, you halfbreed shit, I'll snap your horns off and use them as toothpicks!"

Again, none of them reacted. Scowling, Izo crossed to the other side of the room and pulled a cord. Now, I may not have had Haki, but that didn't mean I couldn't take a hint that something bad was going to happen. Also, after near to a year with Soundbite on my shoulder, I'd developed more than a few… _specific_ instincts. So when all of my instincts suddenly blared a five-alarm warning all at once, you can bet I slammed my headphones over my ears _damn_ tight.

As it turned out…

_**BWOOOOOOOOONG!** _

My instincts were damn right.

Seriously, Big Ben this pagoda was not, but that gong was definitely trying its best to the get the whole city vibrating. Since my ears were thankfully protected, I can't say how well it succeeded, though did it feel like my teeth were trying to shake themselves loose from my mouth.

My crewmates, though… well, actually, everyone apparently had enough experience with me to follow my example, even Luffy. Though that wasn't quite as funny as it could have been seeing as he _did_ have his serious face on… geez, I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not that he recognized the threat those guys represented.

I slipped off my headphones to hear Izo chuckling. "I love this thing."

A cry of " _WE KNOW!"_ echoed throughout the tower.

Soundbite shot Izo a sidelong glare, though the 'threat' was undercut by his smirk. " **WHAT EXACTLY IS** _ **stopping us from suing you for**_ **plagiarism?"**

"Why, the fact that any authorities either of us tried to approach would shoot us on sight on sheer principle, of course," Izo smiled back ever so innocently.

" _TUSHEE."_

"That's 'touché'," Porche corrected.

" _ **Whatever."**_

A sharp clap sounded out, drawing everyone's attention to Izo. "Now then!" he said, the smile he wore while indicating our party to the gathered pirates decidedly brittle. "Men, lady. Allow me to introduce to you the captains of the Straw Hat and Barto Club Pirates, Monkey D. 'Straw Hat' Luffy and 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo, along with their crew's officers. Straw Hats and Bartos… well, I'll let Cross do the honors."

That put me in the center of attention, attention that I could best describe as 'simmering on the verge of boiling'. In that moment, I silently vowed that before we were done on this island, come hell or high water _I would see a Commander of the Whitebeard Pirates brought to his knees!_

But for now, I settled for gritting my teeth and pointing out names and faces one by one, starting with the pair I was most familiar with, and from there starting with the… apparently _more_ threatening of the two, if the lion's earlier ranting was anything to go by. "The Long-Legs Man is Baron Tamago—"

" _Bonjour."_ The awkwardly half-crouched half-seated man tipped his… 'hat' politely, staring at us over the lip of his eggshell-pants.

" _C'est un peu tard pour ça, mon ami,"_ I blandly replied, and as the Frenchman's eyebrows shot up I pointed at the lion. "And the lion is Pekoms."

"Hey, you _brat!_ You think just because you're hot stuff you can address us so casually!? Show us some _respect!"_ the lion snarled, taking a step towards us. Despite my bravado, I would have taken a step back if he wasn't… well…

I could _feel_ the word ' _cute'_ echo throughout the room, though thankfully a sharp glance at Soundbite kept that feeling from becoming real.

"The two of them are members of the Big Mom Pirates…" I said once the feeling passed. "Which _seriously_ begs the question of 'how in the _hell—'?"_

" _Aprè_ s—Repeated assurances that we would act within the _frontières_ of this island's laws, that this would be our crew's one and only visit to _cette île,_ and an acceptance of _le fait_ that while we were here we would not set _un pied_ beyond the threshold of this building and that once our task was completed we would depart from the island within the hour, all to be enforced with the threat of either _exécution_ or a fate worse than— _midi,"_ Tamago summarized.

"Alright then…" I pointed at the horned goliath. "And as for the other two, the quarter-giant is known as Sheepshead—"

"Hurry it along, you little shit," the white-haired man sneered.

"And the woman… yeah, I've got jack."

To her credit, her only outward reaction was a slight twitch in her cheek. "Ginrummy," she said, and that was that.

"And in case pretty much _everything_ about them didn't make it clear enough for you, they're members of the Beast Pirates. _Kaido's_ crew."

"…So, what you're saying is that we're in the same room as representatives of three of the Four Emperors of the New World," Gin summarized, sounding calm but his body language matching the general mood of we Paradise rookies: quivering in preparation to _bolt_.

"You oughtta be honored," Sheepshead snorted. "Don't think there's ever been a crew that impressed the Captain enough that he sent someone all the way to Paradise to meet them."

" _Bien—_ Such is the case with _maman_ as well— _sûr_ _,"_ Tamago nodded, though if the way his head was angled towards the white-haired brute, said 'agreement' was... begrudging, to say the least. " _Pas de—_ Though, let it be noted that this is just a meeting, and _rien de plus_. Whatever you give us, we shall give to our superiors and they shall decide what comes next— _problème…"_ He leaned forward. " _Dans le Nouveau Monde."_

"So, if you wouldn't mind stepping in so we can talk properly…?" Ginrummy prompted.

"I'm… _sorry_ that I have to agree with these _individuals,"_ Izo grumbled mutinously, ignoring the glares the less restrained 'diplomats' shot at him. "But it would be for the best. As matters stand, I have something I need to discuss as well. Shall we?"

Izo led the way inside, moving to a side of the table away from the ill-tempered envoys. The rest of our group followed. Porche hesitated a bit before stepping in—

"Hey, hang on, you're one heavy!" Pekoms snarled, trying (and failing) to look menacing by shoving up his sunglasses. "Who's the broad in the hoodie?"

Porche flinched and tugged nervously at her collar. "Uhh—"

"Porche, co-First Mate of the Foxy Pirates. No bounty," Ginrummy listed dismissively, not even giving the Davy Back Fight expert a second glance.

"W-What!?" Porche yelped. "How did you—?!"

"Nobody important, then, got it," Sheepshead interrupted with a bored grunt, and before anyone could react he raised his hand—

_SKRANG!_

And everyone and everything came to a screeching halt. The most affected was Porche, whose eyes were crossed to stare at the distended center of Luffy's hand, parked a few… let's be honest, _nanometers_ in front of her forehead. As fast as the bulge was there, it immediately snapped back into Luffy's hand, and he let a roughly spherical lump of metal that had moments before been a simple coin drop to the ground, the clink of copper on wood almost deafening in the silence.

"Porche. Go back to your boss," Luffy ordered quietly.

The very pale diva nodded and left so fast I could've sworn she'd learned how to Shave.

"What was _that_ for?" Luffy growled as soon as she was gone, his tone and expression only _slightly_ less hateful than after he'd seen what Eneru had done to me.

Meanwhile, Sheepshead, possessing all of Bellamy's arrogance _and_ the strength to get away with it, all while _lacking_ any of his future redeeming qualities, just leaned back in his seat and scoffed. "Parlor trick from the New World: a paid ticket to the afterlife. What do you care? She's a nobody, her life isn't worth—"

Sheepshead—and everyone else for that matter—shut up and sat up when Luffy's glare crystallized into raw _**hatred**_ and a hazy, yet somehow world-shaking snarl battered itself against our skulls.

Unfortunately, while we Paradise pirates were left shivering and on the verge of consciousness, the New Worlders were distinctly _un-_ shaken. Externally, anyway. One and all they were staring at Luffy with renewed intensity, and in Izo's case, genuine respect.

Sheepshead was _especially_ tense, his jaw and fists clenching and unclenching. Finally, he mastered himself enough to jerk his chin toward the seats. "Just… sit down already," he grit out.

The mood at this point was distinctly electric, but everyone complied, leaving us arrayed across from the New Worlders. For several seconds, there was merely a barrage of tense glares… and the obvious trepidation of our incognito crewmate. Ultimately, the Beasts' other representative broke the silence.

"To get straight to the point: Straw Hat, Black Bart, our captain, Kaido of the Four Emperors, has been thoroughly impressed with the tenacity of your crews. You've challenged the entire world, taken on insurmountable odds, and most impressively of all, you've never failed to get away with it. And trust me, if you know nothing about Kaido, then know that earning his respect in anything at all is…" Ginrummy noticeably stiffened, clearly choosing her words _very_ carefully. " _A feat._ As such, we have been sent here for a… literally _unprecedented_ purpose."

"Captain Kaido, King of the Beasts and Strongest Creature in the World, has decided to give you _worms_ the honor of a place among the ranks of the Beast Pirates," Sheepshead stated flatly, his tone somehow both dead and hostile simultaneously. "You'll be foot soldiers at first, but given your rate of growth, a few of the other Headliners think you could become one of us in a matter of months with the right training." The horned pirate raised his chin, the better to look imperiously down at us. "This is the biggest honor any Paradiser has ever been given. The fact that you shits aren't already kissing my feet and thanking me for giving you the time of day is insulting enough, but just this once, I'll let it pass."

The room fell silent for a bit as the Beast Pirate's… well, I hate to say anything positive about the raging bastard, but fine, as his admittedly _awe-inspiring_ words sank in. The silence was only broken when Pekoms coughed into his palm.

"It's basically the same with us: In impressing Kaidou, you've impressed Mama, too," Pekoms nodded, looking at least somewhat calmer than before. "Your knack for succeeding against all odds was a big part of it, obviously. But the first thing to know about Mama is that she created Totland in hopes of founding a place where everyone could belong, regardless of species. As such, your seamless unity of all kinds of different people and animals on your crew has warmed her heart."

I subtly shot a questioning look at Izo, who was standing behind the Mom Pirates, and was _not_ surprised when he grimaced and crossed his arms in _firm_ denial.

Ignorant of the exchange, Tamago uncurled from his crouched position to tower above us, and swept his cane out and bowed toward us in a very polite gesture. " _Grand—_ It is our immense honor to inform you that Captain Charlotte 'Big _Maman'_ Linlin, hereby invites _les_ Straw Hat Pirates _et les_ Barto Club Pirates to become Combatants for the Big Mom Pirates— _honneur,"_ he announced. " _Brilliant—_ Indeed, you are all _un tout petit peu_ below the weight class of _le Nouveau Monde_ at the moment, but soon enough, with the care and compassion of the great family that is our crew—"

This got Izo grimacing and shaking his head with almost fervent disbelief.

"—you would be counted among the elite of the entire ocean— _avenir."_

Again, silence fell, the gravity of two of the Emperors' offers weighing on us, and Izo took the moment to step forward and present his two beris.

"Needless to say, you've impressed Pops, too. That much you should know already. But none of us believe that you've changed your mind, or that you will, about sailing under our flag. Even so, many crews have sworn their loyalty to us without taking our flag. We would not ask the same of you, of course… without returning the favor." Izo inclined his head politely. "Captain Edward 'Whitebeard' Newgate, The Strongest Man in the World, has instructed me to offer the both of you an alliance between the Straw Hat Pirates, the Barto Club Pirates, and the Whitebeard Pirates. None greater than the other, simply a pledge of… you might call it 'brotherhood'," he finished with a wry smile.

Almost before Izo finished, all eyes turned expectantly towards our captain. Three envoys of three of the four most powerful pirates in the New World had come to offer us a place amongst them.

Really, as if it could go any other way. Luffy sat with his head bowed almost pensively for a minute or so. Then he raised one hand… and began picking his nose. "No thanks, we're good," he stated in a perfectly bored tone.

"What he said, fuck off," Barty echoed, also digging for gold and sounding just as careless about it.

Nami and Gin both dropped their faces into their hands with tired—but definitely _not_ surprised—sighs, Zoro threw his head and barked out a laugh that was almost arrogant in its victory, and me? I smiled like an idiot and popped a pair of V-signs. "Better luck next time~!" I sang.

" _Or ne~ve~r!"_ Soundbite auto-chorused.

As you might expect, _that_ was when things broke into a horrible mess. At least Barty had the foresight to put up a barrier.

_CRACK!_

Correction: _Thank Chaos_ Barty had the foresight to put up a barrier because otherwise, Sheepshead would have probably taken all of our heads clean off with the _gleaming-black_ punch he'd just thrown at us, his face twisted in a rictus of rage.

"You slavering braindead _fuckwits!"_ he snarled, clawing his Haki-clad fingers into the cracks starting to form in the translucent barrier. "Even if these bastards' offers were ultimately worthless, you just got handed a _front-row seat_ to the Beast Pirates' rise! You were _home-fucking-free!_ But now? _**Now you're leaving this fucking island in a—!"**_

_**CRACK!** _

That was as far as Sheepshead got before Izo's hand lashed out like a whip and slammed into the side of the towering Beast Pirate's neck, sending him down with nary a gurgle. Though, his head _did_ strike the table at a bit of an angle which resulted in a… _regretful_ occurrence.

"Tch, hotheaded brute's half as impulsive as his captain," Izo tsked to himself, before turning to address Ginrummy with a cocked eyebrow as he held up what had resulted from Sheepshead's fall. "By the way, these grow back, right?"

The other Beast Pirate eyed the fractured horn the Whitebeard was holding and grimaced. "No. No, they do _not."_

"Tch, serves the bastard right," Pekoms snorted, backing up the statement with a swift boot to the one-horned asshole's side. "Seriously, what did he mean, 'worthless'!? It's Mama who's going to be Pirate King, not the rabid _thing_ he follows!"

Izo snapped a frigid glare over his shoulder. "Am I going to have to put down _two_ dumb animals in a row?"

Pekoms most likely _would_ have responded with something scathing, were it not for an overly long leg shooting out and slamming the lion-person's face into the floor. " _Excusez—_ let's avoid restarting the age-old argument that's _detruit_ so many islands in the past— _nous,"_ Tamago sighed wistfully. " _Dieu—_ let us merely be _heureux_ that he was _le seul_ among us who was so _idiot_ as to believe that this mission was ever intended to succeed, _oui—merci?"_

"Huh?" Luffy blinked, his deadpan breaking for surprise. "Wait, you guys knew we'd say no?"

"You sank Shiki's flying islands when he tried to get you all to bow, you told Whitebeard that you would never follow another captain, and in general you don't tend to take any nonsense from anyone," Izo summed up in a matter-of-fact tone of voice and with a carefree shrug. "It was rather implied that success would be a miracle, but failure was acceptable." He shot a scathing look at the yet-insensate Beast man. "Though clearly, not _everyone_ managed to read between the lines."

"IIIn our case, Mama _did_ think you'd bend the knee…" Pekoms raised his finger from beneath Tamago's foot. "But we'll just pin it on you guys, we'll be fine. You all, not so much."

"We wouldn't expect anything less," Gin hissed out irritably, seemingly split between glaring at Pekoms, for obvious reasons, and Barto, for getting him in this situation to begin with.

"But hey, wait," Luffy whined, tilting his head in confusion. "If you all knew we'd say no, then how come you all asked us anyways?"

"Eh, politics," Barto, of all people, answered. "Basically, it's a harmless way of telling the new kid on the block who the big fishes are. They say yes, some new muscle comes into the fold and everyone's happy. They say no, then they'll just bust their kneecaps down the line. Or, well..." He smirked as he buffed his nails on his coat. " _Try_ and bust our caps, anyway. It, ah, never really _worked_ that well against me, if ya catch my drift."

"Oooh…" Luffy nodded sagely… before tilting his head again. "That's really dumb."

Izo shook his head with a chuckle. "Maybe for these two bands of idiots—"

" _HEY!"_ the other Emperors' goons—the ones still conscious, at least—indignantly belted out.

"—but that wasn't Pops' intention in the least. Obviously, we would have loved for you to accept, but we all expected a rejection. After all, if you would go against Shiki, it only makes sense you'd want to go the rest of the way on your own. Still…" Izo smiled politely and gave our captains a deep bow. "In spite of your decision, it is the hope of both myself and the Whitebeard Pirates as a whole that we can remain friends, both now and in the future." He looked up with a vicious grin. "Even _after_ we Whitebeards soundly trounce the both of you so that we can make _him_ the King of the Pirates."

"Shishishi!" Luffy snickered and swiped his finger under his nose. "Sorry, that's not happening! I mean, from everything I've heard about him, Old Man Whitebeard _sounds_ great and everything, and I'm really grateful to him for everything he's done for Ace, but I'm the one who's going to be King of the Pirates, not him."

"Hell yeah!" Barto agreed. "I might not be nearly so dedicated, but I'm still the same stubborn son of a bitch I've always been. I ain't steppin' down for nobody nowhen no how. Not that golden asshole, not Luffy, and not that washed up geezer. We're fighting to the bitter end!"

"We shall see," Izo said, his smirk growing larger. "After all, you would need to go through us to get to him, and last time I checked, you never managed to defeat Ace. What was it again…"

"Hundred matches a day a person," I piped up, grinning malevolently as I swung back and forth on my heels. "And Luffy lost _every_ one!"

"HEY, SHUT UP, I WAS TEN!" Luffy's head suddenly shoved itself in my face, his eyes white with outrage. "I'M SEVENTEEN NOW, I COULD TOTALLY KICK BOTH THEIR ASSES!"

"Except that now, _they_ are both _twenty,"_ Nami sighed, the look she was giving him equal parts fond and annoyed. "Did you think about _that?"_

Luffy froze for a solid half-minute in that same expression. "…shut up!" he finally snapped, glaring anywhere but at our navigator.

For her part, Nami shook her head, chuckling fondly, before nodding to Izo. "Well, whatever the future brings, we thank you for your hospitality, Izo, but we should get going now; Lola will be expecting us."

She then walked to the door and slid it aside so that we could exit. immediately, she let out a panicked gurgle and stumbled back several paces. From what I could see, it was likely because someone was standing in the doorway already. And that someone wasn't alone, either.

Even the New World veterans were visibly unnerved by the twin masses of dark purple fog flanking the newcomer, pillar-shaped but otherwise unformed, a pair of glowing red eyes staring out from each. It had much the same intimidation effect as Nami's typical aura of clouds whenever she was upset… only Eisen Tempo sure as hell didn't come with a heaping dose of _existential dread!_

Also? That newcomer was _Lola,_ visibly pissed off, and it was an open question whether she or the Pillars were the scarier ones. Porche had filled in a few blanks on the way over: the Lockjaw Pirates were not the last to set foot on Skelter Bite, underestimate Lola, and discover the hard way that her shiny new ฿200,000,000 bounty was _not_ something you got collecting bottle caps. The only things that could trigger a starting bounty of more than eight figures were an utterly unprecedented show of chaos, a close relative or ally that was already infamous, or a history in the New World and all the power that that implied. And the newly rechristened 'Mist Maiden' _No-Family-Name_ Lola had ticked all three boxes.

Lola's outfit had also evolved since last we'd seen her: she'd traded in her red jacket for a larger, more ornate captain's overcoat in navy blue, including a pair of golden epaulettes, and her bowler hat had been upgraded to an authoritative but nonetheless badass tricorne. The yellow jumpsuit had also been ditched for a pair of loose navy pants matching the jacket and…

I squinted, almost not believing my eyes. Yeah, that was a bright orange Hawaiian shirt, liberally decorated with pineapples. Okaaaay. At least it wasn't Garp's Water 7 outfit.

My inspection of Lola was hastily aborted when she glared at Baron Tamago, who hastily shot to as tall as the low ceiling would allow and crouched into a somewhat awkward bow. Honestly, all the position really did was emphasize the cold sweat coursing down his nose. " _Sacre—_ a-ah, Lady Lola, so nice of you to _grâce nous_ with your most _belle, radieuse—!"_

"You've said your piece," Lola cut him off, her voice positively _glacial_. "They told you to fuck off, now I'm telling you to do the same. _Get off my island."_

"— _tout de suite—bleu,"_ Tamago squeaked fearfully.

"Yes'm," Pekoms squeaked in agreement, his head halfway sunk into his shivering torso.

Ginrummy was equally swift to shoot to her feet, adjusting her cloak's collar with an uncomfortable cough. "Our, ah, our business is concluded as well. We'll just, uh." Reaching down, she effortlessly hefted Sheepshead's hulking, insensate frame onto her shoulders. "Be going, then. And, we'll, uh… give the Boss your best regards?"

"Yes," Lola intoned frigidly, turning her unblinking stare on the other woman. "You _do_ that."

She stepped aside, allowing the Long Leg Man, the Beast and the unaffiliated, bastard-toting Beauty to… let's not sugarcoat it, they _fled_ , the two Obelisks turning to watch them as they left. It spoke volumes that not one of them slowed or turned back.

Satisfied, Lola turned to Izo. Instantly, her expression and the Obelisks both brightened, Lola bearing a bright smile and the Obelisks looking outright sunny as their bodies shifted to bright yellow and their eyes to a calm blue.

"Izo, I really can't thank you enough for putting up with those… _individuals_ for me. I honestly don't think there's any other establishment on Skelter Bite that could have been capable of supporting the likes of them. You did Skelter Bite a _massive_ favor, and it's one the Skull Mist Pirates won't soon regret."

"Not a problem, Lola, I assure you," Izo smiled in agreement, shaking the captain's hand. "Just keep providing a safe location where decent pirates can call home and we'll be even… although if there were any chance of accelerating our growth?"

"I'll raise the Embassy's priority and cover 20%. That's the most I can offer," Lola said, and from the slight grimace in her expression, she meant it.

"Fifteen is more than enough," Izo said with a grateful smile, earning one in return.

Lola then turned her attention to us, her demeanor still perfectly sunny. "It's nice to see you all again, Straw Hats. I'm sorry about the circumstances under which we've met again, but at least that's a problem that's fleeing straight for a ship _out_. Anyway, I've already gone ahead and reserved the best rooms at the Lucky Rabbit for you guys to stay in."

"Yeah, we heard. We were just heading there to check in, but _these_ spoilsports here wouldn't let us run off," Bartolomeo groaned. And from the way he was pointedly staring at a ceiling beam, it was a bit hard to tell if he was talking about the spoilsports on our crews or the Emperors'.

Lola smiled and waved him off. "We can talk later, Black Bart, but now that I've verified your presence, I'll call in ahead and let them know you're here while you go out and enjoy the town. Just don't go _too_ wild unless you've got a fortune and are willing to spend it."

That warning didn't do much to slow us down. Or at least, not Barty and Luffy, who charged out of the room without more than a rushed 'thanks' for her and a 'freedom!' towards our more responsible crewmates—or at least, Gin.

The dead-eyed first mate in question rolled his eyes at the eager departure. "Screw it, he doesn't pay me enough for this…" he groused, heading out the door himself. "Mostly because he doesn't pay me at all." He paused in the doorframe and glanced over his shoulder at Lola. "You know someplace a sane guy can get a stiff drink in this place?"

"Head back to the entrance of the island, take a right, then it's the second floor of the fourth galleon on your right. Shave and a haircut on the door with the skull nailed to it, and then bitch about your captain like you've never bitched before," Lola answered, a knowing smirk on her face.

Gin cocked an eyebrow at her before shrugging and heading out.

Lola maintained her positive demeanor as he left. And then the minute he turned the corner Lola's demeanor shifted dramatically. The room's atmosphere suddenly pressed in, the Obelisks reverting to darkened pillars.

"Izo," the Mist Maiden intoned, her voice kept pointedly even. "I would like to request the room, _please."_

The New World Pirate didn't even flinch as he gave Lola a deep bow. "As you wish, Governor-Captain Lola. Enjoy the facilities, try not to ruin them."

"Hold up for a second, pale-face. You have any sake here?" Zoro cut in.

"Realms of sake of which you cannot conceive," the onnagata smoothly answered, gesturing out the door. "Right this way, my good sir, and I'll see about getting you nice and sauced."

Zoro's smirk stretched from ear to ear as he followed the New Worlder. "Finally, someone who speaks my language! Try not to die, you two."

Before I could even think of cussing the bastard out, the sliding door slammed shut, and the air in the room became almost treacle-like as the Obelisks started gradually growing to loom over us.

"Ophiuchus. Callie," Lola stated frigidly, her onyx fingertips tapping out a steady beat on her arms. "It's been awhile. Sit down, why don't you? We have…" Her teeth practically clicked from how hard she set her jaw. " _Matters_ to discuss."

Oh, _fuck no._

"Now Rabbit," I said in a calm and even voice as I _slowly_ started to inch my way towards the window. A path which, incidentally, took me right behind Nami, who was thankfully focused entirely on Lola. "I understand that you have some grievances about recent events, and you are indeed justified in every last one of them. But before we do anything rash, I just want to say…" I stabbed a finger at Nami. " _IT WAS ALL HER IDEA, I ADVOCATED WE TIE THE PALE BITCH TO THE PROW AND LET HER DROWN!"_

" **WHAT!?"** Nami screeched indignantly, whipping around to stare at me in a mix of betrayal and pants-wetting terror.

" _ **CHEESE IT!"**_ Soundbite belted.

"So long, sucker!" I declared, shooting her a hasty salute before diving headfirst out of the nearest window… which was five stories above the ground. Thank goodness Izo had hung a few lines of paper lanterns around his tower, or else I might have been in trouble.

One improvised zipline later and I had a running start away from Oden's Cottage over, across, and through the nearby rooftops. Not that I needed it; between Nami, Lola, and the Pillars, I wouldn't have made it half as far if they'd had any real inclination to stop me.

"… _since when_ _ **does that ACTUALLY**_ **work for us?"** Soundbite wondered aloud.

"Since we actually had no reason at all to actually leave that way, seeing as Nami already accepted the blame," I grunted out, puffing with exertion as I vaulted over an inverted keel.

" _OH YEAH, GOOD POINT…_ **then why did we exfiltrate like that?"**

"Better question: why _wouldn't_ we?"

" _ **Damn, two good points in a row, you're on a roll."**_

"Thank you, thank you…" My acknowledgment was a bit offhand, on account of my thoughts drifting elsewhere, and it didn't take long for Soundbite to notice my pensive expression.

"' _Scuse the indignity, BUT you're not thinking_ **that we should have ACCEPTED THOSE** _ **TWO BASTARD**_ **AND ONE relatively DECENT OFFERS,** _ARE YOU?"_

"Linlin and Kaido, hell no, they would quite literally eat us alive given the chance," I replied. "Whitebeard… I'm a _little_ surprised that Luffy turned that down, but not a lot. I might have to think about working out something with Izo later, once I get permission from Luffy, anyway…" I mulled that notion over before shaking my head. "But no, what I'm thinking about right now is that of the Four Emperors, the only one whose representative _wasn't_ there is the one that would want to meet Luffy the most."

Soundbite blinked in realization. " _You're right,_ _ **that**_ **is** _ **strange."**_

"I mean, sure, Shanks promised that he wouldn't meet Luffy again until he was ready to return his hat. But I refuse to believe that none of his men are here. Shanks could order them not to meet Luffy, but the Red-Haired Pirates _love_ to party…" Out of ideas, I just shrugged. "And besides, if all three of the others were sending envoys, I wouldn't expect him to hold back, even if his crew is the smallest of the four. It's just weird."

What followed were a few seconds of solemn thoughts. And no more than that.

"WHO CARES!? _WE GOT A WHOOOOLE ISLAND OF ADVENTURE WAITING FOR US,_ _ **BABY!**_ **LET'S GET FREAKY!"**

I tipped my hat in agreement and picked up speed as a massive smile split my face. "Freaky it is! Let's start with a little familiar territory! Oh, _Tashigi~!"_

**-o-**

It may or may not come as a surprise to you, dear reader, to learn that about a minute or so after most of the Straw Hats had vacated the area, a round man with a green and white striped shirt and a hunk of ham in one hand flopped out of a bar directly across from Oden's Cottage, staring blearily at the sky.

"Woof… for wet-nosed Paradisers, these brats can _drink…"_ the tubba-blubba groaned, punctuating the statement with a board-rattling belch. He then frowned, scratching at his gut. "'Cept that now I damn well forgot what I came here for in the first place. What was it, what was it… ergh, come on!"

He scowled as he sat up and rapped his hunk of meat over his own head. "I should know this, I almost knocked little-bo-bastard's brains out over it on the docks, so what—OH YEAH!" He suddenly smacked his shank of meat in his palm with a massive grin. "Now I remember! I was supposed to—!"

The man's train of thought was suddenly and harshly derailed when his nose twitched. Then it twitched again, and again, until finally the fatso's head snapped a clean 90 degrees to the side. "Is that Megaton Lobster I smell boiling?" He answered his own question by allowing a river of drool to pour past his massive smile. "Thank Bacchus, I'm starving over here! COME TO PAPA!"

And so, with that exclamation (and a fresh mouthful of his shank of hog), he set off in search of gluttonous satisfaction.

**-o-**

"The more I see of this place, the more I _know_ Lola couldn't have built anything half as good as this if Galley-La wasn't helping out," Franky tsked, taking in a particularly precarious-looking arrangement of lifeboats that were acting as gondolas… or moving platforms, depending on how impatient the 'pedestrians' were.

"You're telling me," Merry groaned, yanking her cap down over one of her eyes and bracing herself against Franky's head. "I'm getting dizzy just imagining how the pulled this all off. Almost makes me miss being 'just' a ship again, at least then I didn't get migraines."

"Then…" Franky cocked an eyebrow at the tyke riding on his shoulder. "Maybe _don't_ look at the migraine-inducing architecture any more than you have to?"

"Mrgrgh, not a chance," the ship-girl responded with a firm shake of her head. "If they can do this, I want to learn how. I just need to find one that's getting built and I'll figure it out…" She grimaced again as they passed under a pair of pair of propped up, prow-to-prow cutters that were acting as a makeshift arch. "Assuming my orifices don't start leaking gray matter, anyway…"

Franky frowned slightly, then snagged a nearby pedestrian. Said pedestrian turned around, clearly on his guard, but went still at the sight of Franky.

"Yo. Any big buildings around here that are under construction?" he asked.

The pirate blinked again before looking around and pointing. "I think the biggest project that's going on right now is the comedy club. Five, six buildings that way, you'll know it when you see it."

"Thanks," Franky nodded.

"UH! W-Wait, wait, before you go!"

Franky jerked to a stop, the other pirate now holding his wrist and grinning sheepishly up at him. "You're, uh, you're Cyborg Franky, right? My girl's a huge fan of yours, and I mean, like, _huge._ Is there any chance you could, ya know…?"

Merry hopped off Franky's shoulder and slammed her forearms together above her head. "SUPER!" she crowed.

"SUPER!" the cyborg swiftly repeated, his wrists ringing proudly as he formed his trademark star.

The surrounding audience for several meters applauded, jeered, mimicked them, or some combination of the three. It was a bit of a surprise that they weren't swarmed a bit more by fans; only a couple minutes' delay later, they were strolling up to a baker's dozen of half-dismantled ships surrounding…

"…Is that one of Oars's bones?" Franky asked, mouth slightly agape.

Merry, meanwhile, couldn't help but giggle. "I guess they wanted to go for structure _and_ humor; that's one of his funny bones."

Franky raised a brow at Merry. "You can tell that just at a glance? I know you soaked up a lot of Chopper's knowledge, but come on."

"Don't forget, Big Bro: I'm a child. And that means that my brain is stuck in the stage where getting and storing new knowledge is _easiest."_

The shipwright paused at that tidbit.

After a minute, she shrugged. "…plus, again, I _am_ a kid. It stuck in my head 'cause it was funny."

Letting out a wry chuckle, Franky grabbed the back of Merry's coat and placed her back on his shoulders. "Come on, funny-girl. Let's get a closer look at this mess."

Painted on a beached sailboat's skull, a masterful mural depicted a grand amphitheater of bone and wood. The half-circle stands were made out of semi-capsized ships, giant heads looming over the sterns. The mighty bone stood as a massive support column, sails painted with the usual masked duo, Comedy and Tragedy. And at the top was painted a very important announcement:

"'Coming Soon: The Skelter Bite Comedy Club'," Franky read.

"SHOULDN'T BE MORE THAN ANOTHER MONTH OR TWO BEFORE IT'S UP AND RUNNING!"

The two snapped their eyes toward the familiar voice and were rewarded with a grinning bodybuilder with nails in hand coming out from one of the shipwrecks.

"STRAW HATS! GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" the titanic man bellowed. He slammed a hand down on Franky's shoulder, crunching the decking beneath Franky but not fazing the cyborg in the least.

"Same here, Tilestone, you old fart!" Franky laughed, jabbing a harmless punch into the caulker's iron-tough gut. "I thought you'd only leave Water 7 again in a flaming longboat! How's Ice-For-Brains holding up?"

"DOING WELL! STILL TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE TO REPLACE KALIFA, IT'S TAKING AWHILE!" Tilestone chortled, rubbing the back of his head. "AND HOW COULD I NOT COME OUT HERE? SKELTER BITE IS LIKE A SISTER CITY TO WATER 7, OUR ENDGOAL MADE MANIFEST! PRETTY MUCH EVERY CARPENTER BACK HOME'S DECIDED TO MAKE A PILGRIMAGE TO THIS PLACE AT LEAST ONCE IN THEIR LIVES, SO THEY CAN TAKE NOTES AND BRING BACK THE EXPERIENCE!" He shook his head with a wistful sigh. "IT'S ONLY TOO BAD YOU GUYS SHOWED UP WHEN YOU DID. KIWI AND MOZU WERE DUE TO TAKE ME AND MY BOYS' PLACE AND HELP WITH STRIPPING SHIPS FOR PARTS A WEEK FROM NOW. THEY'RE GONNA BE CRUSHED THAT THEY JUST MISSED YOU."

"Damn!" Franky tsked, snapping his fingers.

"Aw, don't jump to conclusions, Big Bro," Merry 'consoled' him, though the fact that she was playing with his pompadour kinda ruined the sentiment. "We don't know how long we'll be waiting here before we can break through that blockade, we might still see them."

While Franky pondered that, Merry turned back to Tilestone. "Anyway, we're here looking for a tour, hoping to get a better idea of your process. Could we watch as you build it?"

"SURE! HECK, IF YOU WANT TO HELP OUT, THAT'D BE EVEN BETTER. WE NEED TO GET THE CENTRAL PILLAR BONE UPRIGHT BEFORE WE BUILD THE REST AROUND IT, AND EVERY HAND HELPS," Tilestone boomed, waving the pair into the construction site.

"Well, alright, then! Let's get to it!" Franky crowed, carrying Merry with him into the field.

As they walked, Merry glanced at Tilestone. "By the way, gray-hair, I was just wondering: what's with the lame name for this place? I mean, it's a comedy club, right? Shouldn't it be something, ya know, _punny?"_

"MEHHH, IT'S A PLACEHOLDER AT THE MOMENT," Tilestone sighed in despair. "I HAD A FUNNIER NAME IN MIND, BUT LOLA VETOED IT! WHAT'S WRONG WITH 'FUNNY BONE CLUB'?"

"Too generic for one," Franky said dismissively. "That's about as bland as 'comedy club.'"

"Worse, even, because it's so lame and obvious," Merry sniffed primly.

"WELL, THEN WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT, IF YOU'RE SO FUNNY?"

Merry shrugged indifferently. "The Humorous Humerus, duh."

Franky and Tilestone both froze mid-step. "Poseidon take you, that's actually funny **HEY, LISTEN UP!"** the latter suddenly boomed out… louder than usual, anyways, thus grabbing the attention of all the workers. " **FROM NOW ON, WE'RE CALLING THIS PLACE THE HUMOROUS HUMERUS! ANYONE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!"**

The peals of laughter that erupted from all the listening workers were more than answer enough.

"TRAITORS…" Tilestone scoffed.

"Nice one, little sis," Franky snickered.

"Heheheh!" Merry giggled proudly. "Well, what can I say? We Straw Hats, we—!" She froze midword, blinking thoughtfully before adopting a grin that sent many a worker running _._ "Ohhh Soundbite~. I know you're listening, so if you please? Tell Cross that I'd like to speak on the SBS, _ever_ so quickly."

" _Why?"_ Cross queried, dread obvious in his disembodied voice.

"Just wanna make an observation is all~," Merry sang in a loose swashbuckler drawl. "Ya don't even have ta' introduce me or nothin', just let me say my piece and I'll let ye be."

A pause, and then… " _I hope I don't regret this… You're live, Merry. Say your piece."_

"Real quick, I'd just like to point out the fact that we've been funnier in the course of a year than Buggy the Clown has ever been over the course of his whole life."

**-o-**

" _A year? Merry, we've been funnier on the last_ two islands _than that big-nosed freak has ever managed."_

" _ **HARSH."**_

" _Tell me I'm wrong."_

" _The kid—"_

" **HA!"**

"— _has a point."_

"POSEIDON'S HAIRY _BALLS_ SHE DOES!" Buggy the Clown roared, drawing his chains just a little tighter around the neck of the blugori he was riding on the back of, causing its attempts to loosen the chains to intensify. Its painted face looked back at Buggy—sorta—which only meant—

"OH, SO YOU WANNA STARE AT MY NOSE TOO!? _I'LL SHOW YOU!"_

_THUNK!_ "GWOOOOORGH!"

Buggy stabbed a stolen knife into each of the blugori's hands, forcing it to let go of the chains. The blugori did not take it well.

Buggy's anger clouded his judgment in most cases, but prison had a tendency to change a person's perspective. He had come into the Government's gaol with his Muggy cannon shoes and with nobody aware of his Devil Fruit powers, and he was waiting for his opportunity to break out. He had enough clarity of mind to know that with the ruckus he'd already raised, his odds were nonexistent at this point, so he kept both of those advantages safely tucked away.

That was the extent of his rationality, however, since he had still broken out of his cell and was taking out his anger on the nearest victim, and said victim was one of the berserk guards of the prison. Not to mention the fact that whether or not he was trying to escape, he was out of line, meaning that reinforcements were heading his way.

Not that it seemed to matter for this particular blugori. Its thrashing was slowing, bleeding hands scrabbling uselessly at the chain around its neck and breathing slowing into a rattling wheeze. A fierce grin slowly spread across the clown's face, in spite of his burning rage, and he pulled tighter, channeling every drop of his ire into the strength in his arms.

Finally, with one last gurgling wheeze, the Blugori slumped forward, pitching Buggy forward. He rolled, hopped to his feet, and gave the sea gorilla a hard kick in the side.

"And serves you right, you damn monkey!" he spat. "I may not be able to get at _that_ monkey, but you'll do for now. Now—"

Buggy blinked, suddenly aware of the whispers washing over him. All around him, the prisoners of Level 1 stared in awe, each desperately telling their neighbor what they'd just witnessed.

"—beat a Blugori—"

"—beating he'll get! Doesn't he ca—"

"—bleedin' Straw Hats, mate—"

"Ahhhhh…" Buggy breathed, each careless whisper a soothing balm to his much abused-ego. "Thank you, thank you!" he called out, bowing to each cell. "You're too ki—!"

" _And you know, it makes me wonder if he can do_ anything _right. The guy never managed to land a single clean hit on Luffy when they fought. This despite being skilled with one of the more effective weapons against rubber. Eh, I guess_ that's _funny, at least: his weakness is a living joke,"_ Cross shrugged.

" _Well, what do you expect? He wasn't even top three in the East Blue since Kuro was alive all along,"_ Merry scoffed. She then paused for a second before her grin was broadcast around the world. " _Oooops, did we forget to mention that? Yeeeaaah, total scam, he faked his death and hypnotized ol' Ax-Hand Morgan into taking in an equally hypnotized patsy! Good thing Luffy was able to cover for their incompetence, eh?"_

" _Actually, Usopp said that on the second SBS. Didn't you hear him say it in person?"_ Franky asked dryly.

"… _WELP! I think that's good enough for us to end on. Ciao!_ KA-LICK!"

It must be said that the former ruler of Skelter Bite had something in common with Buggy the Clown: he once sailed the New World with a formidable crew, he left the New World, and then he grew weaker, a threat only due to his powers.

Another thing they had in common: if someone were to call them weak, they would get angry. Very angry indeed.

The similarity ceased in that everyone knew that Moria had once been a true threat. Buggy may have been a mere cabin boy, but under a taskmaster like the Dark King, he wouldn't have sailed as far as he did on the Oro Jackson without being able to hold his own _without_ relying on his powers.

It would be a while yet before anyone outside of those who already knew his secret acknowledged this. But the berserk maniac that the Straw Hats' words left standing there, twitching in a _very_ visible warning to ' _get the hell away'_ as eight more blugoris made the very unwise decision to circle him, was about to give Impel Down a taste.

" **STRAAAAAW HAAAAAT!"**

In the end, Buggy the Clown was recaptured. But the fact that he managed to incapacitate two more blugoris and it took the remaining half-dozen to successfully dogpile him made sure that in less than a day, everyone in the Crimson Hell knew his name.

**-o-**

"Poke… poke-poke… poke-po—"

Zoro made a grab at the object poking his face with a growl and blinked in confusion when his hand whiffed through thin air. _Then_ he clenched his eyes shut, letting out a miserable groan at the fact that he was conscious again, and as a result, he could now feel the return of the brain-mining dwarf years after he thought he'd banished the little bastard. "What the _hell—?"_

"Oh good, you're alive. That means you can still hear me calling you an idiot."

Zoro flinched again as the voice from before rammed another chunk of rebar through his head, "Whooo the…!?" He blinked heavily, forcing the haze clear of his vision. It only halfway worked, but it was enough for him to _see_ the blur of brown standing above him. Not to mention give him an excuse to clench his eyes shut again. "Hello, Chopper…" he growled out.

"Hello~, Zoro~," the furry doctor sang far louder than necessary, taking visible delight in the swordsman's renewed grimace. "I take it you've been having _fun?"_

"I _should_ have been…" he grimaced, and then he held his tongue. The words 'Cross wasn't kidding about the New World' had nearly slipped out, and he took several seconds to massage his temples, get rid of his migraine, and maybe _avoid_ another slip of the tongue. "Guh… damn it, that guy wasn't kidding… I'm going to need to up my game if that's what they drink in the New World. I only managed to get through three bottles, that's _shameful."_

" _Clearly…"_ Chopper drawled, visibly unimpressed with his superior's situation. For a single, _glorious_ minute, the infamous Spark of Genius contemplated leaving the swordsman to ride out his hangover. Zoro surely had experience with this sort of situation and it would be a _completely_ unnecessary load off his furry back…

Instead, he heaved a weary sigh and shifted to his Heavy Point, grabbing Zoro by his shoulders and heaving him up to his feet. "Alright, come on, you, come on," he huffed, actively working to hold the mosshead upright. "I can smell a marketplace pretty close by, we'll head over there and I'll see if I can't find something to help you detox."

Zoro grunted and Chopper took that as his sign to go ahead. That or it was an improperly slurred curse, but he could work with either. Shaking his head, the hybrid led the both of them by his nose.

It was not lost on the human-reindeer as he went that his furry, yeti-like form was nothing out of the ordinary. He couldn't help but reflect on how thoroughly it contrasted from what he grew up with. How easily everyone accepted abnormal for normal. And likewise… how _he_ could accept abnormal along with normal.

"You've come a long way from that timid, human-hating reindeer we met in Drum."

It seemed that Zoro was both feeling marginally more coherent and similarly reflective.

Deciding to humor the swordsman, Chopper nodded. "And I'm glad that I have. It… It didn't take long, back in Alabasta, for me to realize that being as strong as the strongest fighters on my island didn't mean a lot once I left. I tried really hard just to keep up. What could I do for Luffy? I helped against Baroque Works, sure… but Luffy's fight against Crocodile?"

The doctor shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose with a tired sigh. "There was a reason I plunged straight into research on Cross's advice when I woke up and almost gutted him. I didn't care what anybody said about me anymore. In order to help you guys… I've become a real monster."

Chopper's muzzle then split in a maddened grin, his eyes flashing cyan. "And I don't regret it. Haven't regretted it even once. I don't need to rely on you guys to save me, so I can focus on saving you when everything's done."

The silence returned for a few moments before the reindeer glanced down at his companion. "What about you? You were with Luffy before I was, so I don't have any room for comparison. How far have you come since you started off?"

Zoro let out a scoffing chuckle. "Put it this way: If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be able to do half of the things I can do now, I wouldn't have listened. Mostly because I didn't think the things I can do now were possible, and because I thought I was more than strong enough. I couldn't cut steel. I couldn't let loose flying slashes. I couldn't harden my muscles to guard against attacks. And I couldn't cut battleships in half. When I met Mihawk in the East Blue, he cut a battleship in half without even trying; I bet he didn't even need both hands to do it."

The swordsman raised his head with a smirk. "But I'm not the man I was then. I'm still nowhere close to Mihawk's level… but at least I'm strong enough to _know_ how strong I am." He paused and then looked Chopper in the eye. "But I'm guessing I've only made it this far thanks to you helping me out every time since Alabasta."

Chopper stopped, resisting the instinct to do his little dance. His resistance crumbled fast, and he _almost_ started dancing. He managed to restrain himself to a quick pump of his fist, but still—

"Although—" Zoro continued, but his continuation was discontinued by a contentious commotion coming from closeby in the form of a pained squawk

The pair fell silent and turned to see a pair of pirates who'd accumulated a small crowd around themselves. The duo was seated around a pair of cups, one rubbing a hand that had a couple of bleeding wounds on it and the other leering at the flinching bleeder.

"Ya think ya can back out now?" the dagger-wielder scoffed, smirking at his 'opponent's' terror. "Pfheh, no chance. Ya took the bet, now let it ride."

"C-Come on, man," the bleeder whimpered miserably, glancing around in search of an escape. An escape that didn't seem likely. "I-I can pay you, I swear, j-just—"

"I'll get everything you have on hand if you die anyway," the man's grin widened malevolently. "Now _play."_

That was as far as the Straw Hats would let things progress; at Zoro's gesture, Chopper let him down so that they could walk over together.

"What's going on?" Zoro asked, hiding his lingering hangover well.

The threatener cracked a grin at them, either not recognizing them or not caring. "Oh, nothing for you lot to concern yourselves with, just a gentleman's wager. I bet him 1,000,000 that he couldn't figure out which one of these cups was poisoned; he drinks it, he gets the prize. Then he just _had_ to go and get cold feet."

The two Straw Hats turned to the other man, who was looking a little pale. Zoro scoffed. "Got in over your head and now you can't back out?"

"The jackass asked me if I wanted to play a game, _he said jack shit about life or death!"_ the would-be drinker wheezed miserably.

Zoro took one look at the chuckling dagger-holder and rolled his eyes dismissively. The sword-wielder _started_ to walk off…

"Ahem."

And was brought to a halt by someone smaller than him grabbing his shirt and stopping him in place. Glancing back and down, Zoro took one look at Chopper staring up at him with a deadpan expression and turned his attention back to the shmuck and the shark.

"Fine," he sighed, moving over to the cups. As quick as drawing a sword, he took up both cups and drained them. Ignoring (for what little time he could) Chopper's sigh of frustration behind him, as well as the jeers and groans of the onlookers he leered at the dumbstruck men.

"There, both drunk, you're both even. Happy?" he demanded impatiently.

Seeing as the would-be drinker immediately took that as a sign to bolt, yes, yes he was. The other man, however… well, a red face and a brandished dagger didn't leave a lot of room for imagination. "You son of a _bitch!_ You really think you can get away with crossing Torino Red?!"

Zoro frowned, both at the way the newly named 'Torino Red' was holding his dagger (poorly) and at the name itself, pondering it for a second. Then he cocked his eyebrow questioningly. "Torino… I think I've heard of that place before. Isn't it—?"

"A kingdom in the South Blue that I've never been to, yes, now shut up and pay up," Red growled, turning the pointy end his knife towards Zoro… and then behind him. "Or I'll just use your pet's skin instead."

"How did someone like you ever get onto this island?" Zoro asked rhetorically. Rhetorically, because before he'd even finished speaking, Red was flat on his back courtesy of a Heavy Point-ed Chopper laying him down with a single strike, seemingly paralyzed from the pressure point struck.

" _I. Am not. A_ _ **pet,**_ " Chopper snarled with a hint of madness. It was gone when he turned back to his smaller form, though annoyance remained. "And as for you, quit making more work for me on your poor liver. Luffy and Cross are enough of a bother as it is."

"Tch, _please,"_ Zoro waved his hand dismissively. "As if there's anything this halfrate halfwit could sling that could even faze you."

Chopper rolled his eyes impatiently. "Well, obviously not, but it's still the _principle_ of the matter."

Unfortunately for everyone's sensibilities, however, while the vast majority of Torino Red's body was paralyzed, his mouth was not. "Y-You little—! Once I get my arms working again—" The tirade was suddenly interrupted by a pirates bearing the crest of Skelter Bite grabbing him. "H-hey, HEY! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Skelter Bite does not accept _lives_ being used as collateral under any circumstances," one of them explained, already dragging him away. "We'll determine your punishment shortly, and until then, you'll be staying in our brig."

"YOU—!" Red snapped, and then turned back toward the way he came; his would-be victim had run off, and the two pirates that had stopped him were walking away. Feeling one arm suddenly regain feeling, he reached into his pocket and, without withdrawing the pistol, aimed and pulled the trigger.

The bullet pinged off of a shiny black sword, and he gulped as he saw Zoro looking back at him, not a trace of alcohol-induced fatigue in his glare.

"You're _not_ helping your case," the other Skull Mist Pirate dryly said, confiscating the pistol and using it to clock the man out cold.

Zoro, for his part, sheathed his blade before looking back at Chopper. "I saw a lot of scumbags like that back in my bounty hunting days, so I expected something like that… But how come _you_ didn't see that coming?"

Chopper turned an expression on Zoro that his smallest form's face made unreadable. "Just because I don't _need_ your help doesn't mean I don't like it," he admitted softly.

Zoro paused briefly, looking back down at Chopper. And when Chopper donned a light smile, he smirked right back. "Anytime."

"Thanks," Chopper nodded. "Now come on, I heard they're selling cotton candy this way! I want to buy some and see if anyone's passed out anywhere for—uh." The reindeer's glowing eyes darted back and forth. " _Reasons._ "

Zoro let out a quiet scoff, closer to a laugh, and followed his eager companion.

"Well, while we're on the subject… for _reasons,_ how hard is it to burn a body?" he asked casually.

**-o-**

"WOOOOHOO! BARKEEP! ANOTHER CASK! I'M DOWN TO THREE! HISS-SS-SS-SS!"

Such was the rallying cry that provoked another round of cheers in the Esun bar, where Boa Sandersonia was having the time of her life. Long since shifted into her hybrid form, she was taking up much of the establishment's ground floor. Not that anyone was complaining, seeing as she had raised no objection to the patrons reclining on her lengthy form in place of the seats, nor were any of the patrons or proprietors protesting to her truly hefty—read: titanic—appetite and general good cheer.

The only detriment had been when the more savvy pirates present had realized that she was not only a lieutenant but an immediate relative to a Warlord, but their concerns had been swiftly and soundly dismissed as soon as an executive of the Revolutionary Army spoke up in her favor. After all, the Revolutionaries were outlaws worse than pirates, so her word was good enough for most of them.

And the ones for whom it was not swiftly found themselves unconscious. Or, in the case of one particularly headstrong and, above all else, _overconfident_ rookie…

"WAA-aaa-AAA-aaa-AAAAAGH! LEEE-mmm-EEE GOOO!"

Making history by attaining the… _quite_ ignoble title of being the first pirate in history to be wrapped in an anaconda-woman's tail and offhandedly spun up and down like a yo-yo.

As it was, however, said Revolutionary was not indulging in the party atmosphere; rather, she was sipping the bar's signature drink, a pleasantly bitter brew with a refreshing finish, silently lamenting something or another. And as the saying goes, misery loves company, hence the presence of another revolutionary alongside her… albeit of a much different sort.

"The Divine have done everything in their power to keep out of the way of the Straw Hats, and keeping our cover is practically a _bonus_ for it. But _noo~oo!"_ Tashigi waved her mug about with a despairing groan. "I spend _fifteen minutes_ in that bigmouth's orbit, and now I've been shanghaied and dropped straight into the middle of whatever madness Cross has in mind!"

"My thoughts exactly," Koala nodded sagely, leaning back on the bar on her elbows. "Honestly, if I thought I could get away with it, I'd call Sabo here instead; _he_ would be _overjoyed_ to be in my position."

Popora gave no verbal response, simply watching the goings-on with a quizzical look.

"I mean, it just never ends with that bastard!" Tashigi lamented, hanging her head in sorrow. "The last time I got close to him, I lost all the men under my command, almost drowned in a flood of wax, _and_ I got stabbed in the stomach! And that's not even _mentioning_ what that frigid bitch Nico Robin did to me in Alubarna!"

"Mmph…" Koala hummed as she picked up a nearby mug, gave it a spin, and contemplated the swirling drink. Making a decision, she glanced back at Tashigi with an impish grin. "And _yet,_ for all that you want to wring his scrawny neck… you don't _actually_ hate him, you're just pissed because it's the principle of the matter. In _truth,_ you want to be here just as much as me and Sandersonia, _right?"_ Koala's grin doubled in size and she let out a bark of laughter as Tashigi's face burned red and she switched from drinking to _chugging_.

"PAH!" Naturally, said drink didn't last long, and Tashigi heaved a half-hearty, half-weary sigh as she slammed the mug own on the countertop and wiped away the froth. "W-Well, anyway! At least this plan has to have _some_ order in it; he wouldn't be involving Marine expertise and the Ryugu Royal Family if this was _just_ meant to cause widespread chaos, right?…right?"

Her heart sank as Koala and Popora both _stared_ at her with flat expressions, but she shook it off and rallied.

"Well, ex- _cuse_ me for trying to find _some_ kind of sanity in this madness!" she snapped, then turned her attention back to their companion. "And speaking of madness HEY, SONIA! HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP PLAYING WITH THE ROOKIES!?"

"LIKE I'M PUTTING A TIMER ON IT!" Sandersonia hooted in reply. "I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO CUT LOOSE LIKE THIS FOR SEVENTEEN YEARS, AND I'M MILKING IT FOR ALL IT'S WORTH!"

Tashigi dropped her head into her arms, but a quick poke by Koala and a look at the wistful expression on her face had her looking more concerned. "Honestly… between what she's gone through in the past and being by Hancock's side for the past decade… I think she really needs this." Koala's smile then became teasing as she shook a fresh mug at the incognito officer. "Just like I think _you_ really need _this!"_

Tashigi stared blankly at the alcohol before snatching it away and holding it high. "I shall drink today!" she proclaimed, eyes swirling madly. "In preparation for Cross killing my sanity evermore tomorrow!"

"Hear-hear!"/" _Kyu-kyu,"_ Koala and Popora mirrored her with a snicker and a deadpan respectively before the trio all knocked their drinks back as one.

And immediately spat it all back out again.

"Ugh, what is this, _moose urine?!"_ Koala demanded.

"Sorry, ladies," the bartender said apologetically. "I meant to give you the Alabasta Preserve, but I grabbed the Roshwan pale lager stock by mistake."

"THAT'S _WORSE_ THAN MOOSE URINE!" Tashigi snapped before eyeing her old mug. "Give us another round, because I've got to be imagining how bad that was."

"Kyun." CLONK!

" _ARGH! THAT WASN'T A REQUEST, YOU FURRY BASTARD!"_

**-o-**

"I mean, it's not like I'm even mad he ran and left me! Lola _was_ incredibly pissed off—with good reason, I'll admit— and I'd already said I was willing to take the blame for—! Er…"

"Whatever it is that Lola was angry at you for that you can't talk about?"

" _Yes,_ thank you, Conis," Nami nodded in relief. "Anyway, I was willing to take the fall, no question, so I can't be mad about that… but _honestly,_ did he _really_ need to be so, so _dramatic_ about it?! I mean, he leapt out the window of a _tower_ for goodness' sake!"

"Are we or are we not talking about the biggest show-off in the world?" Su questioned right back, _ever_ so innocently.

Those on Skelter Bite who knew of the Straw Hat Pirates—which was pretty much everyone, naturally—knew to expect a duck-riding damsel if the crew were in the area. However, they were expecting the one riding it to be blue-haired with hand scythes and riding on a duck capable of running like the wind. They knew of the most recent addition to the Straw Hats from the SBS, of course, but it was still a surprise to see that walking alongside the Straw Hats' angelic gunner and her fox was a duck with a rooster's comb, peacock tail feathers, and a weather witch on his back.

"Can't argue with that…" the weather witch muttered, shaking her head. "Still, he could have shown a _little_ more… I don't know, _class?"_

"You _did_ say that that Lola lady was really scary, right?" Billy asked timidly. "Maybe he was genuinely scared."

"Mmph…" Nami grunted noncommittally. "Still going to give him grief about it, though."

"And that is entirely within your rights," Conis said soothingly, patting a comforting hand on Nami's shoulder. She then adopted a concerned frown. "Though, just to be certain, you and Lola—?"

"Well, I'm definitely never going to be on her Christmas card list, but I'm not banned from the island either," Nami sighed, hanging her head. "And under the circumstances, that's probably the best I can hope for, so I'm counting it as a win."

"And you're _really_ not on the hunt for Cross so you can wreak your lightning-heavy vengeance on him?" Su asked with far more disappointment than necessary.

_That_ got the fox an irritated, sidelong glare. "For the last time, _no._ I freely admit that I had that coming and I probably would have done the same thing in his shoes. Can we change the subject now?"

"Sure," Conis replied serenely, also clamping her hand over Su's muzzle. "We don't seem to be heading anywhere in particular or looking for any kind of store. Are you just trying to get a better look at the city for your mapmaking?"

"Mmm," Nami responded. "Half that, yeah. The other half is spending more time with Billy and getting used to riding him with the new saddle."

"It does take some getting used to," Billy contributed, looking back at the saddle and the one riding it. "It doesn't bother me, but I'm glad I got some advice from Carue. Still worried about the Jet boost, though."

"One thing at a time, don't worry," Nami patiently said.

"And here I thought recruiting animals was Cross' job," Su snickered. "I mean, Chopper told me that he as about as responsible as Luffy for bringing him onto the crew."

"Yeah… and that's part of why I kept him from going back in the first place."

Fox, duck, and angel all gave the witch questioning looks.

"I mean, for a while, I honestly wondered how much the 'animal companion' thing was just for show or status," Nami elaborated. "Carue was with Vivi all of her life and trained as a bodyguard, and Su was just a pet before you joined us—no offense."

"None taken; before Strong World, my primary 'tactic' in a fight was to run and find one of you guys to cover my tail, after all," the fox replied, waving said tail dismissively. "But how does that mean this is Cross's fault?"

"Because, fundamentally, we fight the same way," Nami said, running one hand along Billy's feathers. "Way back in Alabasta, when I asked Usopp to build my first Clima-Tact, it was because I knew that we were the weaker members on the crew. We couldn't rely on brute force or Devil Fruit powers, so we had to rely on our brains. Cross was the same way, but his partners have brought his abilities to a whole new dimension."

She smiled ruefully as she rippled her climatological halo. "And even though my weapon has brought me this far, I've realized that it… just isn't enough. Without my Waver and my Clima-Tact, all I've got going for me are agility and a few solid punches. And with my Waver gone… well, I took the same page out of Cross's book he wrote when his baton got wrecked. Not just some _thing_ I can trust to help me, but some _one."_ The ginger gave her mount's neck a proud pat. "Someone who's already proven himself a bonafide badass on the frontlines, at that."

Billy blushed and preened at the comments. "Awww, thanks, Nami! I promise I'll do you pro—WACK!"

With a panicked squawk, Billy suddenly jerked to a dead stop, his wings thrown out to stop Conis, too.

"WAH!" Nami yelped, flailing and hastily catching herself. "Hey, what the—!? Billy?! What the hell do you think you're—!?"

_**SMASH!** _

Confusion gave way to shock when the wall of one of the buildings ahead of her suddenly all-but- _detonated,_ a large mass crashing through clean through one side of the street and into the other, leaving a trail of destruction and debris in its wake. A trail Nami and Conis were only a few steps away from being caught in the middle of.

The very reason _why_ the ladies hadn't been pasted was quaking on his webbed feet, beak chattering in paralyzed terror. "Scary, scary, scary…" he repeated over and over.

Conis blinked several times in an attempt to get her brain to reboot; eventually, she just settled for boggling at Billy. "Was that… I'm sorry, but the last time I saw something like that, Cross said—was that Haki?"

Su immediately shook her head. "Nuh-uh, couldn't be. Cross said that it had to be a _directed_ attack to read it, and _that_ was definitely random! So how the heck—?"

"Scary, scary, sca—" _Clonk!_ "Wack!"

"Owww, thick skull…" Nami winced, waving her hand. "Billy, how'd you do that?"

"I-I, ah…" Billy blinked, shaking the last of the cobwebs free. "I… don't really know. I've just always been able to tell when something dangerous was coming at me. It's the only reason my head's stayed connected to my neck for so long."

Su slapped her paw to her forehead. "Of course! Instincts! You grew up in the _Strong World,_ a hellhole of kill-or-be-killed! Your survival instincts must be honed to a razor-sharp point! Tseeheehee, oh man!" She flicked her tail at the peaduck. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you, zappy?"

Nami smiled and gave Billy's comb a comforting pat. "Why yes, yes he is."

"Ah, sorry for interrupting the moment?" Conis piped up, hesitantly pointing at the settling dust cloud. "But could we maybe try and find out what just—?"

"Oh, come now! Is that really all you have to offer? Surely you have more in you, get up!"

"—GYEEP!" Conis cut herself off, slapping her hands over her mouth. And she wasn't alone in her reaction either: all of the Straw Hats flinched back and gaped as the cause of the hole stepped through onto the street.

Their reactions were well-justified: not only was the perpetrator a behemoth of a man who outweighed them all of them combined, but he was a behemoth who they all recognized _very_ well. A smiling, winged, _infamous_ behemoth.

"Good thing Vivi isn't here," Su muttered weakly.

"Come on, that couldn't really—hm?" the behemoth paused midway across the street, blinking curiously. After a moment, he let out a laugh of recognition and turned to face the women, his smile widening even further. "Well, I'll be! You two! I recognize you! You're members of the Straw Hat pirates, aren't you? HAHAHA! Greetings! Allow me to introduce myself! I am—!"

"'Mad Monk' Urouge, of the Fallen Monk Pirates," Nami tersely finished, clenching and unclenching her grip on her reassembled Clima-Tact. "You're very… _memorable."_

_That_ finally served as the hard reset Conis' brain needed. Of course, that still meant she defaulted to age-old instincts by snapping her hand up behind her head, fingers poking up in a familiar gesture. "Heso, mister Urouge!"

Urouge blinked in surprise at the greeting. Slowly, he mirrored the salute, and then burst into laughter again. "Heso to you as well, young one! Hahahaaa, oh _my,_ it's been years since I've shared such a greeting with anyone but my crew! So you truly _are_ from Skypiea! I had honestly wondered!"

Conis smiled, somewhat more at ease, while Su raised her head curiously. "So, uh, what are you up to? Not, uh… anything like what you were doing back while we were in Enies Lobby, right?" And at that reminder, the girls all paled and began to inch away.

"Nothing like that, just enjoying the hospitality of this delightful locale," Urouge chuckled, waving his hand. "It's honestly making me reconsider heading to Sabaody right away, this place has just about everything. What about you? Anyone stupid enough to provoke you yet?"

"You might say that," Nami muttered, shaking her head. "But really, we're just looking around, seeing the sights, discussing the merits of having animals make up nearly a quarter of our crew. Y'know, the usual."

"Ha! Well then, we have ourselves a happy coincidence!" the sky-native monk chortled, turning away and rifling through the pile of rubble he'd created. "I've been looking to emulate your crew in that regard for quite some time now, but I've been unable to find anything suitable. Thought I'd get lucky in this most wonderful of locales, but thus far, no such luck! Nothing's been capable of keeping up with me, but I'm pretty sure that _this_ time—awww, no!"

The massive boar Urouge had just hauled out of the rubble pile was probably the cause of the dismayed groan and lack of smile on the monk. Not surprising, given that its eyes had rolled up in its head, not to mention the foam leaking out of its mouth.

"Damnation, I could have sworn that he would be the one!" Urouge spat, casually tossing the insensate swine over his shoulder and knocking the facade off a nearby building in the process. He cupped his chin thoughtfully. "This is turning out to be so troublesome… Maybe I should go for a bear, I earnestly think I might do better with a bear… ah!" He pounded a fist into his hand, grin springing back to life. "I know! I heard rumors that someone was showing off a Shaolin Panda somewhere in the north market! Those things are famous for levelling towns when they go on rampages, it should be more than capable of withstanding my might!"

Summarily ignoring the horrified expressions on the Straw Hats present, the most _definitely_ Mad Monk bowed politely to the girls. "It has been a pleasure to meet you fine women, but I have matters I must attend to! Please, enjoy your stay!"

And with that, he strolled off in one direction… while everyone else who saw him took one look at his grin and sprinted in the other.

After she managed to reboot her brain for a _third_ time, Conis stared up at Nami. "Uhhh… w-what are we going to do now, Nami?" she asked.

"What we do every day, Conis," Nami deadpanned.

"…prevent overpowered nimrods from completely annihilating us via the fallout of their insane actions?"

"That's the one. _UROUGE, WAIT UP!"_

**-o-**

Pirate city though it was, Skelter Bite was still, at its heart, an island. An island of fertile soil that had previously supported an entire forest. Much of it, along with the manor ruins, had gone into forming the city, but the remainder had been kept to preserve a native timber supply. A handful had even been left within the city itself, large ones with benches built around them in an endeavor to create a few areas of peaceful greenery.

Much to the relief and pleasure of level-headed first mates who were looking for a break from their captains. Such as Gin, currently contemplating the swirling contents of a liquor bottle: gin, natch. Shrugging, he tilted the bottle to his lips and took a deep gulp.

The burn of good liquor had just reached his stomach when all conversation—sorry, _griping—_ in the grove came to a dead stop. Gin looked up from his bottle to behold a silhouette of long, angry hair and arm blades and smooth mask, basking in the light filtered through the golden mist. Killer of the Kid Pirates strode into the grove as if he owned it; mates parted like stalks of wheat in the wind, none willing to test what would make the pirate act on his own name.

Gin, though, had eyes only for the bottle held in Killer's left hand. Even when it became clear that Killer was coming for _his_ spot, and then sat down next to him. For a long moment, the two stared at each other, first mate to first mate, and then Killer's eyes flickered to Gin's gin.

"Emerald City," he said. "Nice."

"You too," Gin replied, nodding towards the bottle of QBB Bourbon Killer held.

By unspoken agreement, the two mates held up their bottles, the clink of glass on glass ringing out in the grove, to be smothered by a collective sigh of relief and the conversation starting up again. The two paid it no mind, instead upending their bottles and chugging until there was only half of each left.

And with that, they just sat in friendly silence, escaping from the madness of their captains for a few minutes (and bottles) more.

**-o-**

Even in a place as colorful as Skelter Bite, his hair stood out. That was all she needed to spot him, and from there it was effortless to identify him.

She had torn through Paradise to find him, to avenge herself on him for what he had done. The promise he had broken, the way he had betrayed her, all that he had stolen from her. She would make him pay. And in a lawless haven for lawless people, the opportunity was before her.

She stalked after him as he neared the end of the crowd, rod in hand and ready to knock him senseless before he could realize he was being—

He twisted his head ever so slightly and shot her a shark-toothed smirk over his shoulder. "Long time no see, ginger."

_WHAM!_

Prudently, she waited until _after_ she knocked him senseless and had begun dragging him away before indulging in a breathless stream of curses about the fact that he knew she was there the whole time. Well, that, and his sexual habits, his ancestors ten generations back, and his hair.

**-o-**

"…and so he had to sit there for three weeks with a giant-sized pair of knitting needles and put together two whole battleships' worth of sail canvas so that he could pay for a new coat, plus interest!" Ronse finished, pantomiming the aforementioned needles.

"Dereshishishishishi!" Robin laughed, a stiff breeze away from simply collapsing to the ground. "Oh, that's _dreadful!"_

"Heh…" Lacroix chuckled. "I really can't get over how you laugh just like him. You were really close to him, weren't you?"

Robin didn't respond at first, still riding out the gales of laughter. The two giants sitting across from her in another one of Skelter Bite's groves, and Usopp next to her, gave her the time, for when she recovered she gave the giants a smile equal parts warm nostalgia and sadness. "He was the only one I ever called a friend before I met the Straw Hats."

"Though that title's a little less exclusive than it used to be," Usopp snickered, brushing his finger beneath his nose.

"Hush, you," Robin chided, shoving his shoulder without any heat. The two ex-Vice Admirals looked on with satisfied smirks. Well, Lacroix did, Ronse's mask made it hard to tell.

"But anyway, hearing all those stories about Saul, I'm honestly surprised that he wasn't from Elbaf," Usopp said carefully. "I mean, that kind of tenacity, strength, and honor? It seems like just the kind of thing Dorry and Broggy would like."

"What he did was not typical of Elbaf giants, Usopp," Robin responded with her typical 'I know far more than you do' smile. "What he did, I have come to realize, is typical of Ds."

The two Vice Admirals nodded sagely, and Usopp looked up at them.

"Mmm… Moving on, I heard all Vice Admirals have to be powerhouses. Does that come a little easier to you guys?"

"Heh, we only wish," Ronse scoffed. "The only easy way to get Haki is to be born with it already awake, and even then, there's training so that you don't get overwhelmed by it. Giant, fishman, mink, human, doesn't matter what you are, it's never that easy."

"And it's not always the way you want it to be, either," Lacroix added. "I still remember when Saul unlocked his Observation Haki, and it turned out to be the empathetic parts that came first."

One pair of disembodied hands scribbling notes into a journal and all of her mind focusing on thanking Saul for helping her even now, Robin asked, "Would you mind telling us a little more about that? How deeply could Saul understand you, and how did it grow?"

"Well, I'll tell you this," Ronse grumbled to himself. "The lion-headed bastard robbed us blind for the first couple of weeks until he finally got banned from poker night."

Their laughter renewed itself, followed by Usopp demanding more details on _that_ story.

**-o-**

Now as isolated as one could be on an island of pirates, at an uninhabited building several… blocks, for lack of a better term, away from the burgeoning downtown, the redhead watched with a scowl—and a pipe at the ready—as her captive made a show of stirring. He had let her attack him, after all, feigning unconsciousness was the logical next step.

She had, of course, taken the precaution of tying him to a chair, constricting him with rope until little more than his eyes and mouth were still visible. In retrospect, she should have bound the latter, too.

Blearily, Bartolomeo looked up, and regained his usual expression—read, an ear-to-ear beartrap of a grin—in infuriatingly short order. "Eesh, Ginger, so this is still how you pick up all your guys? No wonder you're still—" _WHACK._ "Ow. What the hell?!"

"That's what I should be saying to you, traitor!"

"'Traitor'!?" Barto boggled, staring at his captor in abject confusion. "Bitch, what the hell are you on about?"

"We made a promise to aim for the top together!" Barto's captor roared in his face, grabbing him by his collar and hauling him and his seat off the ground. "We said we'd kick all breeds of ass, side by side, and fucking _rule_ Loguetown! But then all of a sudden, you said you wanted to help Straw Hat become King of the Pirates! And then you fucking _left_ without even saying shit beforehand!? FUCK YOU!"

His captor half-dropped, half-tossed Barto to the ground, and began to pace back and forth. Like a tiger, except this woman was far more dangerous than a tiger. "That was the whole reason I came out here on these sucking seas in the first place, you know? To do the _right_ thing, to beat the stupid out of your empty skull, and haul your ass home where it belongs!

"Hey hey _HEY!_ Watch your mouth, skank!" Barto snarled, jerking in his bonds. "Lemme clear one thing up for you! I mighta started sailing with my head up my ass, but I've cleaned the shit out of my ears since then! I still respect the hell out of Luffy, but I'm willing to go beyond him too! I ain't gonna disrespect him by being no scuzzy sycophant! I'm shooting for the throne and the crown, just like he is! I'm gonna give it my all… and in the process, I'll give him the challenge he deserves!"

Barto leaned back in his seat and let out a cocky chuckle. "Aaaaand if I should _just so happen_ to get my mitts on an assload of gold in the process, weeeell… them's the breaks, y'know?"

Barto's captor stared at him, before slapping her hand to her face. "And _that's_ the reason I said 'was'," she sighed.

Black Bart cocked an eyebrow. "Come again?"

The supernova's kidnapper leaned against a nearby crate. "I _was_ going to kick your ass and haul you back home… _until_ I watched you help kick Shiki's teeth in. Like it or not, and I definitely don't… this sea's done you some damn good. At the least, it's given you a spine worth a damn. So… no. No, I'm not hauling you back to Loguetown, not yet anyways. Maybe once you're all good and ready, but until then?" The captor walked up to Barto and jabbed her finger in his chest. "Until then, I'm sticking to your dumb dumbass ass like glue and making sure you don't get your brain bashed out while you're gloating like the dipshit you are! So until we hit the end of this hellhole, we'll be watching each other's backs again like the good old days. Whether you like it or not!"

Barto stared blankly at her, one eyebrow cocked. "In case you went deaf earlier and I didn't notice it, let me repeat: I've already got a first mate."

"Psh, don't try and sell me that shit. Co-captains."

And that sent Barto's expression paper-flat. "Yeeeaaah… fuck that noise." And before his captor could react, he grunted and tore through the ropes, his fingers already crossed to summon a barrier to block the pipe that swung at his skull. Said pipe did not give up, and continued to beat on the barrier, and only gave up when Barto shoved his barrier forward, knocking his kidnapper flat on her ass.

"Ugh…" she groaned, voice slurring. "Best… two out of three… asshole?"

Barto sighed, squatting down to look his childhood friend in the eye. "Ehhh... talk to me again when I _can't_ beat your ass like a drum. But for now…" He looked away, rubbing at the back of his head. "But I _guess_ I do feel _kinda_ bad about leaving you behind in Loguetown, and I wouldn't mind having you watch my ass, so…?"

His old friend weighed briefly her options before letting out a sharp tsk. "You said something about first mate?" she spat, as though the words physically burned

Barto shrugged indifferently, apparently more interested in finding whatever had prompted him to dig his pinky up his nostril. "Meh, fine, whatever. You can fight Dead-Eyes for it; whoever has the most teeth left by the end wins. Take it or leave it.

The old friend ground their teeth murderously. Briefly, before switching to a fond, and above all else, familiar smile. "Well, at least you're just as much of a jackass as ever," she groused, holding out her hand. "Now help me up. And by the way, you owe me a candy bar."

"Meh," Barto scoffed, grinning as he grabbed said hand. "Take it up with Tina. And by the way?"

His old friend screeched at the touch of snot on her hand, and Barto grinned.

"Glad to have you back, Desire."

**-o-**

"Based on the horror stories I've heard, this is definitely a welcome change from Mock Town," Brook said slowly. "But with such a pirate-heavy population, you can't tell me that you don't have trouble keeping law and order around here."

"Did you awweady fowget the wiving fog? One wook at an Obewisk and nobody would…" Carue trailed off as what he was saying registered. "OK, so mowons wike that awen't unheawd of, but they can't be _that_ common, wight?"

"Both more and less than you'd think, actually," answered their companion, a member of the Skull Mist Pirates that had eagerly volunteered to play tour guide.

"Typically, we get one incident a day or so, generally the _really_ nasty characters who manage to slip their way in. They'll cause some trouble or damages, sure, but just as often they're taken care of pretty quickly. When it's not someone substantially stronger than them getting annoyed at their fun being interrupted, then it's everyone else dog-piling them to squeeze some fun out of the situation."

"Well, no matter the method through which you maintain order, this place still takes my breath away! Which is quite the feat, seeing as I don't have any lungs! YOHOHOHO! Skull— _Hey, wait for me!"_

But neither Carue nor Vivi deigned to wait for Brook to complete his gag, instead continuing down the island's attraction-packed mainstreet, as they'd been doing since the crew had split up. Their attention remained split between their tour guide and the many sights the main drag offered.

"So basically, honor among thieves _isn't_ out of style, then?" Vivi said in wonder. "Huh, well, I guess that's nice… but you can't tell me that people who set out to define their own law and order are so ready and willing to live under someone else's, even with the leniency only pirates will give."

"You— _hoo!—_ would be surprised, actually!" Brook huffed as he jogged back up to the group, groaning and creaking as he got back into pace. "Oh, my poor old bones… ah, but to answer your question, Vivi, the honor system is more effective than you might think. Take it from an excessively old hand like myself: we pirates might seek freedom from _most_ laws and restrictions, but even we enjoy our peace and quiet when we can get it. And as such, not many will object to a spot of peacekeeping now and then. So long as no one stops them from having honest fun or touches their treasure, everyone's happy!"

"What about booze?" Carue asked.

"…I said 'treasure,' didn't I?" Brook said, tilting his skull in confusion. "Though, now that I think about it, I do suppose that things aren't quite so idyllic as we paint it. After all, with the blockade and the looming threat of the Marines, I can't imagine that everyone's taking things quite so well, hm?"

The trio's guide rolled his eyes and waved his hands placatingly. "Okay, yeah, things _are_ a little on edge, but it's not _that_ bad. Y'see—"

Whatever the justification was, it was lost to the sands of time when a gunshot rang out. Traffic on the wooden sidewalk they were on didn't stop, but all the pedestrians, Straw Hats included, did look over to the other side to see what had just happened. Unfortunately, all they got was a man in a white suit and an impressive beard stepping out from between an alleyway, a smoking gun in hand. He then proceeded to shoot said gun twice into the sidewalk. For some reason.

"Hello?" the man declared in a very British voice. "I just shot somebody, I did it on purpose!"

Nobody stopped. Though it was a close-run thing.

Vivi gaped at the scene in clear confusion. "Er, shouldn't we do something?" she asked weakly.

"Eh, as I said, tensions aren't _that_ high, and Benedict over there is a big reason why," the guide explained with a dismissive wave. "He does that every so often as a sort of litmus test for how close to a blowup we are. I'm 65% certain the guy he shot deserved it, anyway."

"Oh, well, if he deserved it then that's alright!" Brook nodded sagely.

"…we're _really_ not going to do anything!?" Vivi incredulously repeated.

"Aye don't see _you_ puwwing on my weins that hawd," Carue pointed out, giving her a flat look over his shoulder.

"I—but—that's—! _Mrgh…"_ Vivi slumped over in her saddle. "I never _will_ find a spark of sanity in these seas, will I?"

"Come now, your highness, surely you're overreacting," the guide protested, though not with much heat. "Not _everything_ here is going tax your grip on reality."

"Indeed!" Brook proclaimed, waving his arm out with a theatrical air. "If you merely open your mind to the wonderful anarcho-culture of we free buccaneers, you will find that we are truly a most wondrous of _oh dear heavens there's a bear in people clothes sitting at a table across the street."_

The group stopped at once to stare in the direction the skeleton was boggling, and while Carue and the guide both joined him in boggling, all Vivi could muster was a flat deadpan.

"Brook, I'm afraid you're quite mistaken," Vivi sighed _ever_ so tiredly. "That's not a bear in people clothes sitting at a table…" She dropped her face into her hand and pinched the bridge of her nose with a weary sigh. "That's a bear in _captain's clothes_ sitting at a table. And from how the people around him keep acting?"

The princess raised her head, staring pointedly at the pirates surrounding the ursine entity, all raising a toast in the animal's direction. The massive, tricorn-and-eyepatch-wearing lug of fur and muscle responded with an oblivious snarl as it tore into the array of raw salmon laid out before it.

"I don't think it's a gag."

"…okay, full disclosure, I'm drawing a blank," the guide shamelessly admitted.

"…cooould he jahst be a Zoan oah something?" Carue offered.

" _ **Seeing as he keeps growling for**_ _'more honey'_ IN FLAWLESS **TEDDY-ESE** _,_ SIGNS POINT TO…" a disembodied voice casually commented.

"Then… why aren't you translating for him?" Brook queried, more curious than anything else.

" **Tried. He told me not to bother,** _says he's gotten by fine so far."_

"…Alright, my skull's pounding has come as close to 'splitting' as I can bear." Vivi paused, registering her choice of words, and then exacerbated her migraine by slamming her palm into her face. "Soundbite, is Chopper anywhere close by?"

"'FRAID NOT, _and he's_ _ **occupied with other things BESIDES."**_

The princess sucked in a sharp breath—

"Uh… I know a pharmacist nearby who only tests new drugs on his patients one time out of five?" the tour guide hesitantly offered.

—and released it just as swiftly, which all present took as a sign to start walking again.

As they set off again, Brook 'blinked' as a thought occurred to him, and he looked to their guide. "By the by, good sir, it occurs to me that we've yet to ask you your name. Would you care to provide it?"

"I would! Er, or, no, wait, is that wouldn't…?" the guide puzzled over his statement before shaking his head. "Well, whatever the right answer is, the name's Jagger, of the ex-Rolling Pirates! Happy to help!"

" _ **HAHAHA**_ **HEEHEEHEE** _ **hoohoohoooo oh my GOOOOD!"**_

The air suddenly erupted into cackles, prompting both male pirates to look skyward in made to question the reason behind Soundbite's amusement—

" **Not. One.** _ **Word."**_

—and then their jaws both slammed shut, and that was that.

"…You suwe you awen't ovewweacting a wittle?" Carue asked.

"…Maybe," Vivi conceded. "But better I get it out of the way now than when the _real_ chaos starts…" Her eye twitched as her hair started waving in a newborn breeze. "Because you know that we haven't even begun yet."

_Everyone_ winced at that, unable to argue… literally.

**-o-**

If you asked the visitors and inhabitants of Skelter Bite to describe the place, 'noisy' was a good candidate for the most common descriptor. It was only natural: the entire city was positively thrumming with life and good cheer. _Pirate_ cheer, at that. It was no surprise the default volume for the island was set at 'loud' with the knob ripped off.

Only two locations on all of Skelter Bite even _approached_ 'quiet'. The first was the sections of the seawall that were between the wall's cardinal points, where the island's security checkpoints were located…

"WOOHOOOO!"

And the second _used_ to be the very top of Skelter Bite's sky-scraping pillar of a mast, located almost a hundred meters above the observation post that was halfway up the mast. _Used_ to be, on account of that silence being violently shattered by Luffy rocketing up, cheering and hollering the entire way.

"HAHA—ah, whoops!"

At least, until he realized that he'd overshot the top of the mast and grappled himself onto it, grabbing hold of the island's flagpole and holding tight to it.

"Woo! Wow, I almost shot clean off the island! That was close!" Luffy laughed to himself, re-adjusting his hat as he hauled himself up and onto the flagpole. Then, once his position was properly stabilized (or at least his version of stable: kneeling on the balls of his feet), he gazed down at the shimmering tableau that was Skelter Bite stretched out below him, a breathtaking array of lights and movement, and his smile stretched all the wider.

"Wooow! This place is even cooler than the last time I was here! And I didn't think that was possible!" the rubber-man breathed in awe.

"■■■■■… **?"**

"Huh?" Luffy looked around for the source of the voice he'd just heard. "What am I doing up here? I just wanted to get a good look at the island. And it's so cool!"

"■■■■■…"

"What?! It's really—?!" Luffy started to exclaim eagerly before shaking his head. "Gah, no, wait! Pictionaries!" The rubber-man spun his head around, literally twisting his neck to get a better look around himself. "Who said that? And where are you?"

"■■■ **."**

"Whuh?" The rubber-man released the tension in his neck, letting his head whiz back into place. "Whaddaya mean look— _wooooaaah…"_

The reason why Monkey D. 'Straw Hat' Luffy, of _all_ pirates in the world, trailed off into stunned silence was the looming presence of the largest, most titanic entities he'd ever seen in the history of… of _ever!_ Sure they were only shadowy silhouettes in the foggy wall that ringed Skelter Bite, but still, they were immense! Massive! They were—! They were—!

"Wooow…" Luffy breathed. "You're so big I don't think even Grandpa could knock you down…" He then screwed his face up in intense thought. "Or… I don't _think_ he could? He's really strong and stuff, so I don't—"

"■■■■■ **?"** one of the sky-encompassing silhouettes 'asked', insomuch as an entity like it could articulate at all.

"Oh, right! We were talking!" Luffy chuckled and blushed, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry, I can be really dumb some… er, most of the time. What _were_ we talking about?"

"■■■ **."**

"WHAT!?" Luffy's head shot up and then back down, his mouth stretched wide in a massive grin. "This is only _how much_ of the island done?! But it's already so cool! Oh man oh man, that's so awesome!" The world-infamous pirate started dancing from foot-to-foot on top of the flagpole, laughing all the way. "I wanna see it, I wanna see it!"

"■■■…"

And just as fast as he got happy, Luffy slumped over, a sad expression on his face. "Awww, really? _That_ long? Mmph, that _sucks…"_ he sighed, giving his precariously swaying perch a hearty kick. "And I really wanted to see—ah!" Luffy perked up instantly almost instantly, pounding his fist in his palm in realization. "I know! I'll just come back once it's done! Then, you guys can all show me the best places to eat at!"

" **! ■■■■■?"**

Luffy folded his arms behind his head and nodded with a proud grin. "Of _course_ I'll come back! This place is so amazing already, I can't wait to see it when it's finished! I'll come back and see this island at its best no matter what! That's a promise!"

The Obelisks had no mouths with which to smile, but the way the golden fog swirled around Luffy made it clear that they were as happy as they could be.

**-o-**

"Well, we didn't find Tashigi, but that's no reason to lose my stride!" I muttered eagerly to myself, wringing my hands as I strolled down a raised walkway made of suspended rowboats, my eyes darting to and fro. "Now, let's see here: I'm young, witty, and I've got an opinion I'm willing to fight to the death for! How can I cause the most trouble in the shortest amount of time?"

A thought occurred to me, a thought that caused a cackle to spill from my lips. "Oh, of course! Should have realized it sooner!" I jabbed my finger forward. "To the nearest public forum! I have _flames_ to fan!"

" _WOAH, BELAY THAT!_ **TAKE A RIGHT HERE AND GO DOWN THAT LADDER."**

"Huh?" I blinked, glancing at Soundbite in confusion. "What, you have a _better_ idea on how we can start a riot without getting in… _too_ much trouble for it?"

" _Business before pleasure, Guy Fawkes,"_ Soundbite snorted with a distinct lack of sympathy for my desire for mayhem. " _ **Somebody wants to talk to you real bad, SO UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR A LITTLE DITTY**_ ABOUT INFINITE BOTTLES OF BEER—!"

"Yeah yeah, I'm goin', I'm goin'," I sighed, turning to head for the aforementioned ladder. "This better be worth it though, got it?"

"NO PROMISES, **both in regards to how important and/or amusing THIS DETOUR IS,** _ **and in regards to whatever state your body will be in afterwards."**_

" _Wonderful."_

And with that, I followed Soundbite's directions through the convoluted and improvised passages of Skelter Bite (and let's be honest, they were _very_ improvised. Seriously, I had to balance my way over a toppled _mast!)_ to an isolated, lounge-like area on top of a raised mizzen deck that was acting as a makeshift tower. To my surprise, Lassoo and Funkfreed were already there, lounging about and neatly answering the question of where they had gotten off to. With a curious glance that they did not return, I took a seat beside them.

I didn't need to wait long to learn why I was there, however, as a second later, someone climbed up the other entrance array of rigging.

Someone that I recognized immediately. After all, it was hard to forget an expression that lazy, a sword that long and _**EVIL-**_ feeling… or a hat that distinctive.

"So, you're finally here. What do you want, Jeremi-ya?" Trafalgar Law warily asked me.

...wait. _He_ asked—?!

"M-Me? But I thought—!?" I sputtered, shooting Soundbite an incredulous look.

"IT'S NOT HIM _THAT WANTS TO TALK TO YOU,_ _ **and it's not me either,"**_ Soundbite answered before swivelling his attention to- wait, what. " **BLAME THE BIG GUY."**

"Come again?"/"Excuse me!?" Law and I chorused in near synch.

"Sorry about the skulduggery, but I wanted to say this in as private a setting as possible," Funkfreed stated, eyeing Law with a look in his eyes that I couldn't place. The surgeon stared for a moment before shrugging indifferently, taking a seat on the couch opposite me.

"All ears, Elephant-ya," he yawned, affecting an air of relaxation.

Funkfreed closed his eyes. "First… I know about what I'm going to tell you because of my _previous_ wielder. More specifically, because of his father."

I immediately sat up straighter. Law's expression sharpened, but his posture remained nonchalant.

"And I'm only telling you this because I heard something on the way over here from Pappug. He mentioned something offhand when he saw your wanted poster, and when I asked him about it, he was completely certain. So, my first question for you, Trafalgar Law…" Funkfreed opened his eyes, and pointed his trunk at Law's head. "Where did you get that hat?"

Law's grip on Kikoku tightened, causing me to tense up in response. But his tone remained even when he answered. "From my parents. It's a reminder of my hometown."

"Flevance," Funkfreed exhaled.

_That_ got a reaction from the both of us, though where I stared at the Zoan in mere surprise, Law sat up straight, his eyes alight with shock and cold, _cold_ anger. He turned his glare on me, and before I could move, he had the butt of his hell-sword's sheath hovering a few inches from my face. "Jeremi-ya. What is the meaning of this?" he demanded.

"Hey, hey, don't draw that thing on me!" I yelped, throwing my hands up and trying to inch as far back out of dissection range as I could get. "I know as little about where Funkfreed is going with this as you do! Though…" My own eyes narrowed as I connected the dots, and a scowl came over my face that I directed at my largest partner. "On second thought, we've probably reached the same conclusion."

In seconds, Law was on his feet, his Room deployed, and his sword out of its sheath and reared back to strike. After a moment, however, the blue glow faded, I was still in one piece, and he lowered his blade before turning back to Funkfreed. "Talk," he ordered.

Funkfreed shook his head miserably, though not fearfully. "I heard Spandine gloating about it one day when he visited his son. He…" The elephant snorted and rolled his eyes. " _Approved_ of his son keeping a blackbook so long as he kept it under lock and key, somewhere that nobody but him would ever have a reason to be. And in the process, he mentioned one mission that his own squad had run in the past…"

"Spreading the rumor that Amber Lead Syndrome was contagious, along with ensuring that nobody ever researched otherwise, which would inevitably lead to the quarantine of Flevance. And from there, the perfect excuse to massacre the entire country when they tried to fight back against it."

Law's expression had turned steadily more thunderous as the explanation continued. The instant it was over, his eyes darted between Funkfreed, me, and Soundbite in an attempt to detect any deception. After a full minute of silence, one hoarse word worked out of his throat:

"…Why?"

Up until now, I had _thought_ that Funkfreed had called me here just to try to make Law a Mason way sooner than expected because of the World Government conspiracy behind Flevance. But I was wrong. The next sentence out of his mouth was pretty conclusive evidence.

"Because… the Elder Stars knew that hiding somewhere in the country was a family from the line of D."

Everyone else in the tower froze. Law, of course, was frozen in complete fury, his eyes trembling in rage, and his grip on Kikoku a vice. My partners and I, however, were frozen in total terror at the aura of _sheer death_ he was emanating. Finally, our eyes all darted to the edge of the tower, and without a second of thought, we leapt over it.

_BOOM!_

A prudent move, as I'm pretty sure Law dissected the tower not two seconds later. I don't know what medical practice uses a technique that could do _that,_ nor do I wish to. Knowing my luck, Chopper would be all too eager to… _demonstrate._

Brushing myself off from the fall, I stared awkwardly up at the smoking remains. Then a blue haze filled my vision—"GRK!"—and I snapped my hands to my neck, flailing at _something_ I couldn't actually feel that was clamped down on my windpipe and holding me clean off my feet.

"Jeremi-ya…" the Voice of Death growled, and I made sure to keep _very_ still as I was swiveled around in mid-air to face a _very_ angry Trafalgar Law.

It took me a second to put the pieces together, and when I realized that Law was _Vader-lifting_ me with his Tact, I was split between nerding out because _how freaking cool was this_ and flipping out because _holy shit he was going to either crush my trachea or gut me like a fish._ And while all of this was happening, Funkfreed and Lassoo were… inching away fearfully, not that I could really blame them considering whatever the hell Law had done to the tower, and Soundbite…

" _H-Hey, Law!"_ the snail chuckled weakly, poking his eyestalks out of his shell. " _ **If it's not too much trouble, could you, just real quick, SAY 'CROSS, I AM YOUR—**_ GRK!" Soundbite's eyestalks abruptly bulged, which was probably a sign that Law had even less patience for his antics than I did.

"I trust," Law continued as though he hadn't been interrupted. "That with your rather impressive knowledge, you're aware that the Op-Op Fruit affords me the ability to murder you without leaving a single trace, as well as frame whoever I fancy for it. So with that in mind, be aware that if any of what I just heard was a lie, this is your chance to apologize. Do so, and your death will be _painless."_

"For crying out loud, _blame the elephant!"_ I gargled, still clawing at the non-hand holding me up.

The grip on my throat did not let up, but I _did_ see Funkfreed getting some of his steel back. "I meant what I said and I said what I meant," the elephant intoned.

" **CAN I AURALLY** _ **bitchslap him?"**_ Soundbite requested.

"Only if he makes another reference like that, unknowing or otherwise," I managed to get out.

Still, despite the wording, it did the trick. After a few moments' thought, Law brought me back and dropped me onto deck-firma.

"…You've known a hell of a lot about everything you shouldn't so far. How much more do you know about _me?"_ he tersely demanded.

I had to take a second to massage my throat, but once I got my breath back, I looked around to ensure nobody else was within range yet, and then I locked my eyes with Law's and spoke firmly.

"Everything… Trafalgar D. Water Law."

Law's already tense demeanor turned even more guarded. "And you learned that name, how?"

I searched my mind for a way to answer that, and one sprung to mind. I wished it was a better answer that was less likely to get my still-functioning organs displayed in twenty different jars, but in for a beri…

"The same way I know that the night _he_ died at the bastard's hands, you were in the chest silenced by the Calm-Calm Fruit."

The Supernova's eyes widened, and it took a few seconds for the shock to wear off. Then he let out a sigh and looked at me again, this time with a hint of curiosity instead of a heap of animosity.

"You're definitely an odd one, Jeremi-ya. You know something that's literally impossible for anyone else to know but you didn't know what your sword just said? You didn't know that the Government did what they did because of… because of my family?" he forced out.

I grimaced, scratching the back of my neck, before heaving a defeated sigh. "…I know about Flevance because I know about _you_ ," I admitted. "But I didn't know that the Government's responsibility in that mess ran that deep. I genuinely thought it was simply a tragedy born of paranoia and blind ignorance…" My eyes narrowed. "Though honestly, I really should've seen _this_ particular plot twist coming."

"As should I," Law bit out bitterly. He turned back to Funkfreed, who had resumed his full elephant form as things de-escalated from 'total murder'. "So, was that just something you thought I needed to know as the last survivor of Flevance?"

"More or less," Funkfreed nodded. "I didn't _know_ you were a D… but I guessed it based on what I've learned of them thanks to the Straw Hats, as well as how our luck generally turns."

Law snorted and looked away. "Well, whatever your reason, thanks. So…" He eyed me curiously. "What now?"

Funkfreed's trunk reached over to nudge me forward, and Law turned back to me, expression unreadable. As the full opportunity before me sunk in, I straightened and met his eyes.

"It's no secret that I hate the World Government," I stated. "And it's no surprise that I'm trying to tear them down. What's _both—_ or at least the prior, probably not the latter—is that I've been accumulating forces on our way down the Line to work on it from other angles. Law, I'll be blunt: I've wanted you onboard for months, but I didn't think you'd be open to it until we reached the New World. But…" I tilted my head with a smirk. "If you want a better, more effective means to take down Vergo, Doflamingo, all of his wretched Famiglia, and the whole damned Government with them, then I can and want to give it to you."

I removed my right gauntlet and held out my bandage-wrapped hand. "Our work requires complete secrecy; only the ones we trust in the leadership roster are allowed to know everything, and that's what I'm inviting you into. Now, it won't be fast… but it _will_ be glorious, I can promise you that. And if Doflamingo doesn't die when the time comes… then it will only be because he's worse off."

Law stared at my hand for a few seconds before staring wryly at me. "And should I refuse?"

I smirked lightly. "Then this part of the conversation gets excised from your memory, and you'll have _less_ help from us to reach your goals. Though, considering all the pies that bastard has his fingers in, I seriously doubt that you'll be facing Doflamingo alone either way. In case you haven't noticed?" I spread my arms wide, indicating the whole of Skelter Bite. "My captain, and our crew in general, do _not_ have a track record of 'leaving well enough alone', as some might put it."

Law's eyes closed, and an expression of pain flitted across his visage; it didn't take a genius to figure out who he was thinking about. After a moment, he raised his head.

"…I must be out of my mind to agree to an alliance with you…" Then his somber expression split into a mad, outright _demonic_ grin. "But then again, I _am_ a pirate of the same league as you and your captain, so what the heck? The rest of the world can burn for all I care, but if it means avenging Cora in the process? I couldn't care _less."_

And with that, he grasped my hand.

"Let's raise some hell, _partner."_

I matched his grin tooth for tooth before glancing back at my shoulder. "Knucker? Contact the relevant parties on the island and get them to convene at the Lucky Rabbit ASAP. We just caught us a Tiger by the tail."

**Patient AN: Ever since I came up with that conspiracy theory behind Flevance, this moment has been the new 'saving Merry' for me, one that I've been looking forward to for months on end.**

**Cross-Brain AN: With that said, now we move to the part that we wanted to draw your attention to. We don't make a habit of promoting our P-a-t-r-e-o-n page beyond our initial mention because, after all, it's just a bonus for us that comes from writing a story that people love. However, in this instance, we are going to promote it once more due to our circumstances.**

**Next spring, Xomniac completes his final semester of college. At that time, the three of us will meet in person for the first time… for a much more permanent arrangement. We have already begun saving up money to buy a house together and are relying heavily on that income to help support the effort. So, if you're interested—and able, of course—to help our cause, look up the Cross-Brain on the aforementioned site. In addition to helping us out, you'll also find a host of interesting rewards depending on how much you pledge. For example, at the ten dollar monthly reward, you'd have known about Law joining way back in August.**

… **Saying that really puts it in perspective. We apologize for how long this took, and we'll strive to get the next one out sooner. We can't promise that we'll succeed… but we** _ **can**_ **promise that if we don't, it will be worth the wait. We have been saving** _ **soooo**_ **many things for this arc…**


	4. Chapter 4

### Chapter 70: Chapter 62 - Road to Sabaody Pt. 4

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 62**

**Cross-Brain AN: We must say this before we begin: thank you, all of you, who have donated since our last chapter. And thank you to those who have been donating since before our last chapter. It means so much to us, and we hope that this new chapter is everything you hoped for.** **Thank you for your patience.**

_**SLAM!** _

"Aaagh, son-of-a…" Apoo groaned, rubbing the new bruise on his double-wide jaw. Though considering he was just punched clean through a table, a single bruise was both a pretty good outcome and the least of his worries.

"HA! _You're_ worth 250,000,000!?" slurred his half-drunk adversary. Really, the opposing pirate captain wasn't _that_ bad of a guy, but a few drinks had brought out a nastier side of him.

"'Soon as I finish wiping the ground with you… I'm gonna—"

Nastier than we're able to adequately describe if we want to keep this story T-rated, hence this extremely well-timed change of subject.

" _ **Yo, Monkey.**_ GOT A SEC?"

Apoo paused in his 'efforts' to right himself, tilting his head at the familiar montage of voices reached his ears.

"Depends," he muttered back under his breath, hiding his mouth in the crook of one of his elbows. "This important?"

" _HOW IMPORTANT DO YOU THINK IT IS_ **that we just recruited Tiger?** _Ophiuchus is calling a general assembly, priority one._ _ **QUIT PLAYING WITH THE BUGS AND MOVE YOUR CABOOSE."**_

Apoo let out a sigh, a grin of resignation on his face. "Damn it, and we were so close to cleaning up on bets too…" he lamented. "Oh, well. OI!" Leaping to his feet, every prior sign of weakness and injury gone like it'd never existed, he gestured at the room. "Change of plans, just rob 'em blind."

And before the bar's patrons could do more than blink stupidly, all the On-Air Pirates in the bar, both obvious and _not,_ fell on them like a pack of starving baby Sea Kings.

"Well, that's what I get for trying to be subtle, I guess," Apoo sighed, as despondent as a guy could be when he was grinning like a loon and offhandedly swatting a guy with a chair from halfway across the room. "Anyway, where are we meeting, Knucker?"

" _Head for The—_ **eh? Ah, got it. CORRECTION:** _head_ _ **THROUGH**_ _The Lucky Rabbit to REACH THE ISLAND'S—_ HEH!— _HEADQUARTERS._ _ **Just show up to the front door and The Skull Mists**_ WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY IN."

Apoo grinned, glancing at the reformed building a stone's throw away from his current location. "I'll be right there."

**-o-**

The Lucky Rabbit was more than the nicest inn on the island; it was also the home and homebase of the Skull Mist Pirates. Though they had recycled the location and much of the stone from Moria's manor, it bore no resemblance to what it was before, save only for a few scant pieces of the original architecture.

The rest was a pell mell mess of wood and stone, a jagged and somewhat rounded base the foundation for a veritable garden of towers. Each was uniquely majestic, and the greatest of them sat to the rear, hidden in plain sight.

When the Galley-La shipwrights and giants had first set foot on Skelter Bite, one of their first projects had been to painstakingly hollow out a section of Skelter Bite's main mast and then reinforce it with Adam wood and Wootz steel. The result of this was that hidden in the file storage of The Lucky Rabbit (and by extension, all of Skelter Bite's minarchist government) was a door to a hidden staircase, ascending which would lead one to a large room with the interior of the mast on one side, and Oars's skull on the other, the eye sockets granting aerial access and the ability to watch the entire island sight unseen.

This was the true Headquarters of Skelter Bite, and needless to say, its existence wasn't common knowledge.

Adorning the interior was all that the executives of an island such as this could ever need: a handful of lookout perches with mounted binoculars, a couple of file desks for more confidential paperwork, and a round central table the likes of which you would find in a war room. The most recent addition was a small farm of Transponder Snails, at least three each of black and white and a dozen or so normal ones.

Normally, at any given time there would be around four Skull Mist Pirates taking shifts on lookout duty, paperwork duty, or wiretapping duty as it was so required. Presently, however, many more individuals were coming into the room as the gathered outlaws answered Ophiuchus's call.

Some arrived faster than others—

"Apapa! Big Nose, long time no see!" Apoo saluted.

"Fehfehfeh! Back at you, Little Big Mouth!" Foxy waved back.

—due to already being inside or in close proximity to the inn below. The next ones to arrive, however, took a more… _direct_ route of ascension, their arrivals heralded by a flutter of feathers and a howl of wind, itself accompanied by a panicked yelp.

"Whoa. Nice entrance, Callie," complimented Apoo, who was leaning his chair onto its rear legs, as a spark-shrouded Billy and his cloud-toting mistress came fluttered to a soft landing through one of the eyeholes.

"Copperhead, not so much," Foxy snickered. Vivi, still pulling herself out of the heap her failed attempt to transition back from her aerial form to her physical one had left her in, gave him a rude gesture.

"You try keeping your powers straight when you're nursing a migraine at the same time, Goat," Vivi grumbled, massaging her skull. "Only took the medicine a second before Cross called us all up here." She then cracked an eye open to give him a half-serious glare. "And by the way, in case you forgot? I outrank you, so I can order you to take a long walk off a short pier _without_ using my Will and you'll still have to do it, so _maybe_ treat me a bit nicer, m'kay?"

Foxy snickered and rubbed his finger under his nose in a manner most cocky. "As if you outranking anyone on the main crew matters that much?"

The room flashed with light, and everyone present instinctively flinched and looked to the source. "Were you just insulting my dear friend, unranked officer Foxy?" Nami deadpanned.

"N-Not a word, Second Mate Nami!" the Silver Fox yelped, nearly tumbling to the floor in his scramble to get into proper saluting form.

"That's what I thought. And Vivi, I've got some of Chopper's medicine on hand if you—need it," Nami hadn't even finished speaking before the container flew out of her hand and over to Vivi. Shaking her head, Nami dismounted Billy and approached the still-seated Apoo.

"Miss Weather Witch," the Long-Arm nodded respectfully, gracing the navigator with his usual ear-to-ear, piano-toothed grin. "Nice handling of your subordinate, it takes some real intimidation to put the fear of you in someone with minimal prompting!"

"Thanks for all the praise, 'Roar of the Seas.' Good to finally meet you in person," Nami nodded back respectfully, extending a hand.

"Oh, the pleasure is mine." His grin gleamed _just_ so as he accepted the handshake.

For five seconds, both of them remained where they were, staring each other in the eyes with smiles on their faces and locked in a handshake. Then they held out their free hands, each one holding a wallet that was not theirs and had not been in their possession five seconds ago.

"I think you and I are going to get along _just_ fine," Nami simpered.

"Oh, yes," Apoo grinned.

"Wait a minute…" Vivi muttered, patting her pockets. Her eyes widened to comical proportions. "Hey! That's _my_ wallet!"

"And mine!" Foxy yelped. "Why the—! I thought you were going to pickpocket _each other!?_ "

"Oh, we did," Nami purred, blatantly fishing another wallet out of Vivi's back pocket. "We just swapped our wallets with yours beforehand. Oldest thief-trick in the book, you see."

Apoo snickered, and Foxy's head met the table while Vivi massaged her brow feverishly. "How the hell even—?" the trickster captain started to groan.

"Only ask if you really want to know."

The subordinate captain's jaw snapped shut with a sharp click, and a haunted expression crept onto his face. " _Never. Again."_

"My, you can actually learn. That already puts you head and shoulders above Luffy."

"Uh… Nami, do you still want me here?" Billy asked tentatively. "I heard from Carue and Lassoo—"

"If you could go find Zoro and bring him here, then you can go," Nami replied. "Otherwise, we'll never get started."

Billy smiled and nodded before flapping off.

The room fell into a comfortable silence…

_BANG!_

For all of ten seconds.

"Stingy fuckmothering reptile wouldn't let me get in the cool way, swear I'm gonna—" Bartolomeo's grousing cut off as he took in the scene, and his usual toothy grin took hold. "Oh, hey, losers! Ladies!"

"Rooster, a pleasure to meet you at last," Foxy grinned, waving one hand in greeting. "And since you're here in person, I've been wanting to ask something for a while: those barriers of yours, are they capable of reflecting a—SLOW-SLOW BEAM!"

Bartolomeo reacted immediately, throwing up a barrier to block the slowmo photons. Which it did, deflecting them right back at Foxy. Who held up a mirror to deflect them back into the barrier.

"That would be a yes, excellent," Foxy drawled. "Don't suppose you could try trapping that light?"

Barty's annoyance faded into surprise. Then he folded his barrier around the photons and shrunk it down to the size of a baseball. A glowing baseball, just waiting to peg someone with the supernatural rays now held within. One eyebrow rose, and he regarded Foxy with a curious look.

"It pays to know what combination attacks are available between allies, you and Straw Hat showed that well against Shiki," Foxy answered the unspoken question, grinning. After a moment, Bartolomeo matched it.

"You're not wrong," the sharktooth noted, clapping the other pirate on his shoulder (and nearly pitching him into the table in the process) before eyeing the other male Supernova in the room. "Sorry to say that they can't block sound, though."

"Eh, you can't have a perfect combo with _every_ two fruits," Apoo dismissively replied. "As it is, we'll just have to see about coordinating our mischief and mayhem. Anyway, go ahead and pull up a seat, we'll probably be waiting here for a while."

Bartolomeo duly did so, offhandedly tossing the barrier-ball out one of the eyeholes.

"…And what if that beam hits someone?" Nami asked, eyes narrowed.

"Then I will heartily regret not being able to point and laugh," was the shameless answer as Bartolomeo high-fived his neighbor.

There wasn't much great ceremony for most the other arrivals; Billy arrived with Zoro a few minutes later, and for a few seconds it actually looked like he was going to consider staying—

"I was three drinks away from cleaning out the entire bar. _You run away now."_

—before he took Zoro's snarled advice, minus a few tail feathers.

Lola arrived next, ceding the head seat of the table for the first time since it was built and regarding everyone with a polite nod, and Merry wandered in a few minutes later. 'Wandered' being the operative word, seeing as she was nose-deep in a notebook and muttering furiously to herself even as she planted herself in a chair, completely oblivious to the world. Completely, that is, until the next arrival made themselves known. Said arrival being somewhat… unexpected.

"Whoooa, this place is cool!"

"LUFFY!?" demanded most of the room. Said rubber man, hanging suspended in front of one of the eye holes, waved.

"Oh, hi, guys! What are you…" The Straw Hat Captain's waving slowly trailed off, his eyes widening in realization. "Ooooh, wait, is this one of those secret meeting things that Cross is in charge of and stuff?"

"I'm afraid so, Luffy. Though we're holding this one because Cross has apparently made another ally. You're welcome to stick around to meet them, if you want," Vivi offered.

Luffy frowned in thought, surprising the Straw Hats, and their surprise grew into concern when his face screwed up and head tilted in a clear sign of him _really_ thinking about it. And then a familiar rumbling sound derailed the train of thought.

"Huuungryyy…" the Rubber-Man groaned, hanging his head. "Uuugh, nah, I can find out later. I'm gonna check to see if Hachi's got the takoyaki ready—"

"Actually, Luffy, the dining hall downstairs should satisfy you," Lola cut in smoothly, doing her best to not twitch as a rumble of thunder rolled from Nami's direction. "We've been stocking up on meat ever since we found out about the blockade."

She shrugged at the incredulous look the rest of the pirates shot her. "There was an even fifty-fifty chance of the Straw Hats blasting through the blockade, so we thought it best to prepare for the worst."

Luffy's eyes literally lit up, drool seeping from his mouth. "THANKS, LOLA! SEE YOU GUYS LA—"

"WAIT!"

Foxy's shout stopped everyone, and in that brief moment he shot to his feet and scrambled over to the eye Luffy was still hanging from - at which pointed he bowed deep enough to touch his forehead to the floor.

"You saved Porche's life earlier," Foxy choked out. "Thank you for keeping her safe… Captain."

Luffy blinked at the long-nosed sub-Captain in blank confusion. "Eh? You don't need to thank me for that, it was nothing. I was just protecting my crew. I'm sure you'd do the same for all of your guys too."

"Ah…" Foxy's apologetic demeanor broke out in cold sweat, his eyes darting about. "Ahem… _all_ of them, _riiight…"_

Thankfully, Luffy wasn't around long enough to catch Foxy's slip, as he'd already let go of his grip and dropped towards the ground like a rubber meteor.

The island's new proprietress frowned as a thought hit her. "Okay, I realize he's hungry and a bit of an idiot, but he had better not—!"

Regretfully for Lola, the universe chose that moment to prove that some things were simply inevitable by completing her sentence with a telltale crashing sound.

"Ugghhh," she groaned again, massaging her temples before cracking an eye open at Nami.

"Put it on our tab," the redhead sighed out.

"Good, because I just _know_ he slammed through the piece of ceiling we just finished repairing after Kid was through with it."

"Feh, just ask their shipwright to do it; if what I've heard is right, he could have it fixed in the time it takes to blink," Foxy scoffed, taking his seat again.

"Not an exaggeration, I've seen him work _miracles_ in the time I've been sailing with them," Bartolomeo sighed wistfully, stars twinkling in his eyes at the memory.

" _Anyway,"_ Zoro cut in. "Who are we waiting for besides Cross?"

"Well, I _would_ say Robin, but she's already here in whatever capacity she's _always_ here," deadpanned Merry, still not looking up from her notes. Not even the arm that materialized on top of her head to give everyone a jaunty wave before disintegrating drew a reaction.

" _Besides_ her, the only other Mason on the island I can think of is Pisces, unless Anaconda decides to come too," Vivi noted. "Though, we _should_ start calling the others to see if they're free."

"If they aren't, they had better have damn good excuses, because the loudmouth dragged us out of a good party for this," came a new voice. All present turned to the entrance to see Boa Sandersonia in her hybrid form slither her way in through one of the skull's eye holes, with Tashigi, Koala, and Popora on her back. She shifted back into human form immediately before staring down at the two of them.

"And for the record, that is the first and last time I act like a Yuda Palanquin Bearer without charging for it," she deadpanned in the same tone of voice that had just interrupted.

"Thank you for the ride regardless," Tashigi bit out before drawing Shigure. "But seeing as I feel better and I don't think _too_ many people have seen me, I've had just about enough of this nonsense."

One solid swipe broke the wooden cast around her leg clean in two, and another cut the eyepatch clean from her face. She sighed in relief before limping over to the table and sitting down, an action which Sandersonia mirrored.

"…I'm sorry, but going by _who_ that is, does that mean that the person being considered for the Snake seat is _Boa freaking Hancock of the Seven Warlords?!"_ Foxy demanded.

"And if all goes well, she'll be taking that seat sooner rather than later," Sandersonia confirmed, crossing her arms. "I'll explain to everyone later, but for now, let's just say that there is no love lost between us and the World Government, and my sister's 'leash' is more of a choke chain. Any issues with that?" The round of no's that circled the table could not have come faster. "Didn't think so."

"So, this is the motley crew that Cross has put together so far?" Koala mused, looking over the assembled pirates from her position leaning on the back of Sandersonia's chair. "I am both impressed at what he's managed, and in despair of the idea that _you_ mugs are one of the best hopes the world has for getting out from under the World Government. Well done."

"Yep, we're rude, crude, and completely ragtag." Barto leaned back in his seat, his arms folded behind his head, and his grin widened a few molars. "In other words, we're a shoo-in to win!"

"And as for whoever the heck you are… I'm guessing that you're Tiger?" Apoo asked.

"Ha!" the cap-wearing young woman barked, slapping the table. "No, nono, _no._ No, my name— _not_ my codename—is Koala." She flashed a sharp grin as she jabbed her thumb at herself. " _I'm_ the Revolutionary Army's contact with the New World Masons, IE you, and Cross was insistent that I join in on this meeting, so this is probably big."

Everyone stiffened at that news, and the tension ratcheted up another notch.

Said tension dissipated a bit when Lola pointedly coughed into her fist. "Aaaalright, and I take it that that's Popora?"

Said hybrid nodded before taking his seat against in a corner of the room, looking around the gathered individuals with a guarded expression and his back to the wall. None were particularly eager to provoke the easily provokable memory manipulator.

"Then that's everyone on the island apart from Cross," she nodded sagely, standing up and heading over to pick up one of the room's Transponder Snails. "So let's see who's available off it."

A few rings later, and Lola quickly informed the remaining Masons of the importance of the meeting—significant, but not world-shatteringly so. The responses were, in general, somewhat mixed.

Dorry was available from Ox, while Broggy focused on coordinating the remaining Giant Warriors on Water 7.

" _Sure thing, I'm in! GEGYAGYAGYA!"_

Perona expressed her _sincerest_ of apologies, undoubtedly fueled by the paint-stripping glare Lola was giving her the entire time, but swiftly vacated the line.

" _That sounds_ really _interesting, Bun—_ ah! _R-Rabbit, I said Rabbit! But, I, uh… Oh, what's that Mister Fluffy? You and Mister Snippy are having a fight? I'll be right there!_ So _sorry, but this is too important, gotta run, send me the minutes!"_

Calling Smoker came with an unexpected benefit: " _Yeah, I'm here, and so is Capricorn. We've been saddled with holding these jagoffs in formation. We'll try and stay out of your way, but seeing as we actually need to keep our jobs, don't expect any miracle gateways. And as for you,_ Pisces? _I expect a_ thorough _report upon your return."_

"With all due respect, sir, you have no idea what the hell I've been through, so bite me," Tashigi snapped.

"… _Cross really got you this time, didn't he?"_

"Hrumph," Popora grunted in agreement.

" _Thought so. Just leave him alive, Tashigi."_

"He'll live," she assured him with a frigid smile. "He just won't live _well."_

And finally…

" _I am available to attend,"_ T-Bone wheezed. " _However, I regret to inform you that neither Sagittarius nor Aquarius will be joining us; I am currently stationed in Marineford, and it seems that Sengoku has been running inventory on Marine assets, coordinating with the two of them quite intensely. Through that, they are providing cover for my attendance in this meeting, and rest assured, I will relay any important information that is shared."_

And with that, the Masons all fell into patient and polite conversation (as much as possible for those involved, anyways), until finally, several additional minutes later, the door finally opened again and with minimal fanfare—only the lesser half of a brass band blasting the air—in walked Jeremiah Cross, Soundbite on his shoulder. He surveyed the gathered individuals—giving a particularly wide grin to Apoo, which the Long Arm mirrored with a grin and a salute of his own—and nodded in satisfaction.

"Alright. Everyone else here already?"

" _Everyone else has been here for the last fifteen minutes, Cross,"_ Smoker grunted impatiently. " _And since this is too much fanfare even for you, I'm guessing that this is more than just recruiting a new Mason."_

"Much more. But first things first." Turning to the last person anyone expected, Cross swept his cap off his head and held it over his heart. "Tashigi, you have my sincerest apologies."

The pirate-suited Marine leaned away from the Voice of Anarchy, eyes narrowed. "…why do the words I've been wanting to hear from you the entire time I've known you fill me with nothing but dread?"

"Because I was wrong."

Tashigi's grimace deepened. "Aaand more dread in place of joy. _Wrong about what!?"_

Cross resecured his cap and dragged the brim down to shadow his eyes. "Remember what I told you about Flevance? For once the old adage was way off; Funkfreed just told me that the actions _can't_ be attributed to stupidity because they were, in fact, straight-up malice."

That slowly sunk in, and the tension grew to a breaking point. Vivi in particular looked ready to stab a bitch, but naturally, it was Tashigi who exploded first.

"They _burned the island on purpose?!"_ she snarled, shooting out of her seat with a hand actively strangling Shigure's hilt. " _WHY!?"_

"Same reason as last time."

Tashigi's eye twitched furiously. "Oh, for the love of—who did they want to kill _this_ time?!"

Right on cue, the door opened again behind Cross, and the last member to join the meeting stepped inside.

"Me," Trafalgar Law intoned. "Any objections to me grabbing a chair?"

And lo and behold, there were none to be had, and so Law and Cross took their seats, Law settling for a normal one and Cross, at Lola's prompting, circling around to sit at the head of the table.

Once seated, the Surgeon of Death took a cursory glance around the table. "So. These are the people who've assembled to fight the World Government, huh?" With his customary smirk, Law leaned back and rested his feet on the table. "Now I see why you wanted me to join."

While several at the table sputtered, Bartolomeo just cocked a brow and took the mid-par insult in stride. "So, how much of that is for the reaction and how much of your own shit do you really believe?"

"Eh..." Law wobbled his hand. "About even, to be honest."

Barto grinned savagely. "Oh, we are gonna be _real_ good friends."

" _For those of us who aren't there to put a face to the voice, who is that and why should we care?"_ Smoker grunted.

"Like I said, I'll keep your secrets as long as you want me to," Cross breathed without moving his lips.

Law glanced at him in acknowledgment before answering. "'Surgeon of Death' Trafalgar Law, Captain of the Heart Pirates."

" _Ahh. We have much to discuss, it seems,"_ T-Bone spoke up.

"Less than you'd think," Law waved his hand dismissively. "Cross told me about his story on the way over here, and he mentioned that he wanted me onboard for months. So I assume you already know about me."

" _After a fashion."_ The grim-faced Captain adopted a vicious scowl. " _I was only informed of you because apparently, you have a stronger grudge than I against one Vice Admiral Vergo."_

Law slowly moved his feet off of the table, sitting up straight and staring at the snail with narrowed eyes. "…what did he do to you?" Law asked quietly.

T-Bone's scowl deepened into an expression promising outright murder. " _He orchestrated the slaughter of my brothers in arms, my entire_ fleet, _for protesting a crusade of senseless violence. Not out of any sense of malice, but exclusively so he could further his own position in the Marines. I survived by sheer luck, and the incident left me scarred in more ways than one; only over the past few months have I begun to heal the disfiguration inflicted upon my mind."_

Law's eyes narrowed, almost closing as he took in T-Bone's words.

"…If you get the chance to take his head before I do, it's yours," the pirate conceded. Then, from one second to the next, the shadows over Law's hat deepened, and his eyes became lanterns of death. "But make no mistake: his boss is _mine…"_ Law clicked an inch of his blade from his sheath. "And if anyone touches him before I do—"

" _Ahem,"_ Cross, Nami, Merry, _and_ Zoro all coughed heavily into their fists, giving the Heart Pirate Captain a flat stare.

Law considered them for a moment before sighing in defeat. "— _aside_ from Straw Hat-ya…" And just like that his deadly demeanor was back. "Then I will leave you in a state where you will consider death to be the ultimate mercy."

" _Quite understood,"_ T-Bone replied.

"I feel the need to re-emphasize, Tiger: the process won't be fast," Cross spoke up, balancing his head on his fist and tapping his fingers on the table.

"Then I'll ask you to elaborate, 'Ophiuchus'," Law coolly responded, turning his pitiless eyes on the Masons' Warden. "You know as well as I do that the only reason I've kept living for the last eleven years is to make Donquixote Doflamingo pay for what he did."

There was a stirring around the table at that little tidbit. Cross cut through it by waving his hands placatingly and heaving a patient sigh.

"Alright, might as well head off the demands for full disclosure before they start. Not like we're not seriously flush for time anyway." The Voice of Anarchy frowned and folded his hands before his face. "Settle in and steel your stomachs, for the biography of the Heavenly Yaksha is _not_ for the faint of heart. This all starts… uhhh…"

Cross had to take a second to grimace and count on his fingers uncertainly; supernatural memory revival aside, he'd never paid particular attention to the time frames, meaning those memories were slightly slower to jump to the fore than the rest.

"Thirty… thr—nono, thirty- _one_ years ago." He frowned grimly once again. "Thirty-one years ago, when the World Noble Donquixote Homing made a most _momentous_ decision, out of the legitimate goodness of his heart… a decision that would inadvertently lead to the misery and suffering of entire nations."

**-o-**

Law's expression was mutinous as I ran through the perils of the life and times of the Donquixote Famiglia, including but not limited to the origin of the demon in pink feathers, his rise to his position of 'Prince of Darkness', his liberal and sadistic application of the Hobby-Hobby Fruit, the fruits of the rest of his executives, and the true nature of the Tragedy of Dressrosa.

Several times over the history lecture, especially when I recapped Corazon's death, I was worried he'd lash out, and after I was done that worry lasted for a straight minute as he sat in too-tense silence. But after that minute, he sagged and sighed. "Alright, Cross… fine. You were right, I was going into this… _less_ than fully cocked. How many more years do you expect that it'll take before we're ready?"

"Two," I immediately answered. "Assuming, of course, that everyone here intends to grow stronger over the entire course of that time."

"Of course," Law replied without hesitation, relaxing a bit more. "Two years… I can wait that much longer. Two years is _nothing._ "

" _And that should be ample time for us to plan the assault,"_ Hina nodded in agreement. " _However, if that is all we have to discuss in regards to our newest member…"_ She paused long enough to ensure that it _was_ everything, which I indicated with a nod, before continuing. " _What else did you call us together for, Cross?"_

"That's something that's better saved for last; it's going to take a lot of discussion to hammer out the details, and the end result?"

If the way everyone watching me shivered at my grin was anything to go by, then I was certainly doing _something_ right.

"Almost certainly more earthshaking than the entire Enies Lobby debacle. So, if anyone else has any business, let's get _that_ out of the way first."

Looks of apprehension and eagerness were exchanged by everyone in the room—including Law, I was privately pleased to admit—and after a few more seconds, T-Bone coughed and spoke.

" _Jormungandr reported yesterday that their present assignment is nearly complete; of the eight public Cipher Pols, only CP1 remains. Though really, they needn't have bothered reporting that because Sengoku has made his displeasure with the situation increasingly clear. And on a personal note, my apprentice is improving rather rapidly; she was promoted to Seagirl Apprentice, and Boss Kabuto has alleviated our concerns regarding his dietary needs by starting to fish for Sea Kings on his own, with an increasing degree of success."_

" _Things are going well on our end as well!"_ Dorry laughed eagerly. " _The progress of converting Water 7 has accelerated over the last three months, since we have a proof of concept and an extensive guide in what_ not _to do in Skelter Bite. According to Iceburg, what Moria pulled was rough as hell, sure, and the islands are way different, especially since we'll already have a city on ours. But he says it's a big help either way, and he's been telling us where to dig and stuff, so progress is apparently good. I'd say a year, maybe two, and the city should be shipshape! Heh, might even manage to back you up with Dressrosa!"_

"Mmm… no offense, but I'm honestly skeptical about that," I lamented. "There are only two ways to cross the Red Line, and I can't see an island-sized ship pulling off either of them."

"I wouldn't be so sure, Cross," Lola said, grinning. "I know a thing or two about coating ships, and one of our active projects is working on a way to submerge all of Skelter Bite. We _do_ want to be able to see Luffy become King in person, after all."

I stared at Lola, blinking dumbly, before hanging my head with a fond sigh. "My apologies, my lingering sanity balked at the idea of an island-ship passing through the Red Line. I've since recalled how much weight the word 'impossible' has now, though."

"Heheh, rookie…" Apoo chuckled, though he quickly sobered up when I shot a _look_ at him, backed up by Soundbite growling from my shoulder. "And, ah, well, b-besides that… we've been having some good luck with setting up the Free Feather Report. Got a printing press and roosts set up on my own ship, and I've gotten in touch with friends of mine up and down the Blues to set up bases for the Report, island and ship-bound alike."

The Roar of the Seas nodded and sat back in his chair, arms double-folded. "The Coos are ready to ditch the WEJ at a moment's' notice, but we can't start production _quite_ yet because we need to set up distribution routes and safehouses and stuff. Can't use their old ones without risking the World Government tracking them down and shooting them, after all. But!" He clapped his hands together and started rubbing them—and his extra forearms—together eagerly. "We _are_ making excellent progress. I think we'll be spreading the truth via the written word within the month, two max."

I shot Apoo a thumbs-up. "Should be all kinds of fun," I said. Then I turned to the most senior of the Damned. "Now, judging by your second ship, I take it that you've increased your total crew substantially."

"FEHFEHFEHFEHFEH! Second ship? We're collecting so many crews I'm planning to head over to Water Seven after this to add the Lead Foxy to accompany the Brass! Though…" Foxy hedged, wobbling his hand. "I'll admit, that total's been inflated by the crews that all but threw themselves at our feet to avoid getting recruited by Shiki. They all just _knew_ you guys were going to fight him and wanted no part of that. I'm letting them cool their heels for now, but once a few start making noises about wanting to cut ties or they obviously don't work out, I'll let those ones go. As it is, though, our numbers are quite good, we're approaching an even thousand at a healthy pace."

"Excellent. Your next priority will be increasing quality instead. You've been recruiting the best, so work on making them even better," I said.

Foxy didn't hesitate to nod and smirk.

"Alright. And Cancer, what's the latest statistic for corrupt Marines and fake pirates?"

" _Well, to start with the 'fake pirates'—"_ And man, you could really hear the air quotes there. " _Their activity has been decreasing ever since Shiki's defeat. At this point, in the first half of the Grand Line… I can't believe I'm saying this, but they've practically disappeared. Still a few idiots here and there, obviously, but the decrease is ridiculous…"_

"'Fake pirates.' Tch." I rolled my eyes as Law made no mystery of his disbelief. "I actually told Bepo there was no way you meant _everything_ that comes out of your mouth, but are you telling me that you _really_ buy that particular brand of shit you spout?"

I snapped a finger up to keep anyone from barking in anger, and instead gave our newest member a flat look. "Tiger, a quick question: who exactly taught you the definition of 'pirate' that you're using?"

Law barely opened his mouth before his jaw snapped shut and his face slowly turned red. What emotion caused it, I couldn't tell you save that it was steadily ticking Doffy's account ever higher.

"Meanwhile," I continued, leaning back in my seat with a chuckle. " _Our_ definition of who a pirate should be comes from _Luffy's_ mentor. You know, the _Emperor?"_

" **KINDA OUTRANKS YER SOURCE~!"** Soundbite sang before cocking an eyestalk. " **Though, now that I think about it…** _Seriously, who'd you EXPECT TO FIND ON_ AN ISLAND LIKE THIS?"

"Weaklings and idealistic morons, with a few people actually worth a damn scattered throughout," he answered without hesitation.

"Harsh!" Lola piped up with an unflinching grin. "And also not entirely untrue, so whatever." She then glanced at the snail. "But still, speaking of how clean we like to keep our streets…?"

" _Capricorn informs you that the highers-up do_ not _like that they're having this newfound success thanks in no small part to turncoat Marines and other pirates… but Skelter Bite's tip line has led to so many more arrests that they don't have a choice but bite their tongues. So for now, Capricorn advises you to keep up the good work."_

"Though of course," Tashigi added with a frown. "That doesn't mean that anyone else has to know _why_ we're having so much more success, does it?"

" _Trust me,"_ Smoker scoffed. " _No chance of that ever happening without Long-Arm getting creative with his writing, or us finding the right patsy. Sengoku made it clear to both the troops and that overgrown birdbrain Morgan that if one word of this ever slips out to the world, he'll have him and his source shot where they stand… honestly, it's actually allowed us to patch several leaks."_ A grimace. " _Some of which we_ really _should have caught sooner."_

" _And for the record, we Marines have fully acknowledged that our shit is not in order, so Capricorn would_ appreciate it _if nobody asked us to elaborate,"_ Hina added, her 'appreciate' coming across loud and clear as 'will make you regret'. " _But that aside, Capricorn believes that is everything?"_

For a moment, I honestly thought that it was. But then…

"Not quite," Boa Sandersonia suddenly cut, running a hand back over her head. "Not. Not quite. I…" She hissed out a heavy breath, tongue flicking out to taste at the air. "There's something I need to say. Really _should_ say, I guess."

The verdette shook her head slightly and straightened in her seat, her expression flinty and determined. "The reason that we've been unwilling to commit fully to you all before now is that we thought it was too much of a risk. There were so many lives on the line if it all went wrong, ours and others'. But… the entire time I've been on this island, I've been… pretty much partying. Drinking, unwinding. And that might sound like pure irresponsibility to you, but to me? It is literally the most relaxed I've been in years. The first time in… as long as I can _remember_ that I've ever been able to actually let myself breathe free while I'm on my own.

"And thinking about it, I realize that a big part of why I was able to do that was thanks to you. It's taken this long to sink in, but I get it now: we're allies, we don't _have_ to stand alone. And… I think that, now, even if we _are_ eventually wiped out… it'll have been to _stand_ for something important instead of just being put down like another pirate dog."

Sandersonia ran her hand through her hair again before nodding firmly, baring her fangs. "My sisters are probably going to kick my tail for this later, but you all deserve to know, so here's the truth: My name is Boa Sandersonia, and my sister, Cobra, is Boa Marigold. And our third sister, whose seat of 'Snake' we've been tentatively filling until now… is Boa Hancock, the Pirate Empress, Captain of the Kuja Pirates, and Queen of Amazon Lily."

Silence. And then…

"Called it," Foxy smugly stated.

"You and your damn information network…" Apoo growled, reaching into his pocket and tossing out a sizeable roll. "Here. Take it, you damn bloodsucker."

Grinning, Foxy took the money. He immediately tossed it out the window, a disgusted look on his face. "With _actual_ bills, dammit, not counterfeit!"

"Fucking _smartass_ bloodsucker…"

" _Hina misses the days when the world made sense…"_

" _And people_ wonder _why I blow through a crate of smokes a month."_

" _You really do need a better hobby, Commodore."_

" _I don't want to hear it, Captain_ 'Logistics is seriously considering discontinuing capes entirely' _."_

" _Grk…"_

"Best part is that I actually brought 'em in myself," Barto leered, crossing his arms behind his head as he kicked up his feet on the table. "So if we get a Warlord on our side, it's _all_ on me!"

Merry glanced up from her notebook with an _oh so innocently_ cocked eyebrow. "Weren't you destined to be gravel if Cross hadn't changed her mind?"

"… shut up!"

"The height of wit and sophistication as ever, Rooster," Nami chuckled to herself.

Sandersonia blinked numbly. "And… we are just accepting that and moving right along, apparently."

"In case you've forgotten, this operation recruits islands on a regular basis, and technically, they _already_ have a Warlord in their midst," Koala hummed, happily swaying side to side behind the snake-Zoan. "So, either present an Emperor or move along."

"…"

"Thought so."

"Right, then," I said, letting my mirth show on my face once more. "If that's all that we have, let's get started. And I assure you, what I'm about to say? You are _not_ going to be able to shrug off."

I leaned forwards, and my skull-splitting grin prompted everyone else to lean back.

"Let me tell you all about it… my plan to _flip the world."_ A pause. "Again."

Everyone's full attention was on me, waiting with bated breath for me to speak.

" _Puru puru puru puru!"_

And then a snail rang, drawing scowls and breaking the tension… riiiight up until they realized that it was _Soundbite_ ringing. Tashigi's ire was the first to fade in favor of guarded curiosity.

"You don't give out Soundbite's number lightly, who is that?" she asked.

"Hopefully, a key contact in my plan," I answered smoothly. "Sorry that I'll have to save explaining for a little while longer, but if this is who I hope it is, I'll need to have a nice, long talk about extraterritorial jurisdiction. Excuse me for a minute, I'd hate to ruin the surprise."

As Soundbite shielded us with noise, I picked up the receiver, but even as I began conversing with the person on the other end, Soundbite made sure I heard Tashigi's muttered remark of fear and incredulity.

"…how is it that he can even make _political jargon_ sound terrifying?"

**-o-**

Several stories below, outside of The Lucky Rabbit, much less earthshaking events were occurring.

"Nyuuu…"

" _Yeah, I get ya,"_ Pappug sighed, the snail he was using eyeing the unspeakable carnage in front of him. " _I mean, we're selling a lot, which is great… but it's all going down one gullet. Short-term gain, long-term loss."_

"And on top of that, we're probably going to run out before anyone else drops by…"

" _Don't worry about that, Kuroobi and Chew are prepping another batch as we speak."_

"Mmm…" Hachi hummed, not particularly reassured.

" _And I sent Keimi off to buy ingredients in town."_

"Nyu—" Hachi began to groan.

"With _one of the Skull Mist Pirates as an escort."_

"Oh. That's all right, then," Hachi said, relaxing a bit more. For all of two seconds. "Ah! Luffy, wait, that's a _plate,_ not food!"

Seamlessly, Luffy slid the plate out of his mouth… cleaned of every scrap of food, of course. Several more bills, grumbles, and punches traded between the watching crowd that had assembled outside of The Lucky Rabbit; the vast majority of said bills were headed into the register bound to the chest of a comb-touting duck-hybrid.

At the moment, the Straw Hats had all assembled from their various escapades across the newfounded pirate utopia to await the return of Cross and their officers, along with any news of the meeting and when it would occur. They'd even been joined by some (or at least, one) of the Barto Club officers while they waited. All of the Straw Hats were in good cheer… though not necessarily all in good health.

"Mmph-mph-mmmph- _mph?"_ Raphey asked… or attempted to ask, anyways. The swath of bandages being tied around her everything had rendered her a little muffled.

"'You're actually fine with Nami making you do that?' That's what she asked," Apis translated offhandedly, far more enraptured with the spectacle/horror show/event that was Luffy continuing his demolition of Hachi's stock.

"Huh?" Billy looked up from his bet-taking in confusion before grinning shyly. "Oh, no no, Nami's not making me do this, I'm just doing it for her is all. I might not have known her long, but I know that this would make her happy!…it… it _will_ make her happy, right?"

"Mmph-MMPH- _mmmph-_ mmph," Donny mumbled out through his own bandages.

"'Only if you've gotten the odds right and turn a profit,' he said."

"He has, he's making money wing over talon," Chopper nodded sagely as he continued binding up his crewmate. The reindeer then cocked his eyebrow at his patients. "Now, what have we all learned today?"

"Mmph-mmph-mmmmph-mmph…" was the general droning of the mummified TDWS.

"Yes, exactly: 'do not attack people you know to be leagues above your weight class like morons'," Chopper nodded sagely in agreement.

"Actually, what they said was—" Apis began, before hastily coughing into her fist when Chopper shot her a _look._ "Ah, no, on second thought, you got that exactly right."

"For their sakes, it had better be…" Sanji huffed without looking up from the stand's griddle. At least, until he gave Luffy a curious look. "By the way, Luffy, when you passed by the Headquarters, did Lola tell you when the meeting was going to happen?"

"Mmph-mmph—!" the Rubber-man tried, his mouth clogged by another plate of fried octo-flesh.

"For the record, because he's only monkey-like and not actually a monkey, I can't tell you what he's saying," Apis deadpanned.

Sanji huffed and rolled his eyes and snapped his leg up and rammed his foot into Luffy's distended mouth, collapsing the mass within with a resounding _crack._

For a moment, everything froze as everyone stared at Luffy, awaiting his response… and then he swallowed everything that was in his mouth and spat his (uninjured) tongue out. "Grooooss! Sanjiii! You know I hate china! It doesn't taste as good as porcelain!"

_WHAM!_

Even on a place such as Skelter Bite, there _was_ a limit to how much nonsense the denizens could tolerate without face-faulting. Aside from the other Straw Hats, of course.

" _Luffy."_

"Mm?" Luffy blinked at his cook before chuckling and rubbing the back of his head. "Oh, right! Yeah, I totally forgot to ask, so I have no idea. Sorry!"

"Typical…" the cook groaned in dismay.

Meanwhile, the other, multi-limbed chef was staring at his customer with a vicious twitch in his eye.

"He… He just _ate_ a plate. And he's not even hurt. How in the—!?"

" _Well, waste not, as they say,"_ Pappug dryly remarked, sounding visibly distracted.

"Mmph, my one pet peeve might be making sure nobody wastes food but even I find this ridiculous…" Sanji groused, before glancing at the snail the starfish's voice was coming from. "And by the way, Pappug, where are you? We could use an extra set of hands here!"

" _Sorry, I'm at my workbench back on Takoyaki 8, working on the finishing touches for this express order. And not the food kind. I'll be there as soon as I'm done."_

"Nyu…" Hachi sighed, hanging his head. "Well, if you're doing actual work, then it can't be helped. Just hurry up, and make sure our workers don't slack, alright?"

" _You got it. Be there in fifteen, boss."_

"Well, at least it won't just be us, then," Sanji pointed out.

"Nyuuu… maybe, but that _still_ doesn't change the fact that it's _only_ Luffy who's eating!" Hachi moaned. "I'd give two arms for just _one_ more customer!"

"Tell you what: Put 'em in your next batch and you have a deal!"

Sanji's eyes widened fractionally, and his cigarette fell out of slack lips to impact in the dirt below, on account of a female voice hitting his eardrums. Meanwhile, Luffy drew a lot of attention by doing the one thing he _never_ did: he _stopped eating,_ glancing up from his plate of takoyaki at the cart's newcomer.

Then, as they were wont to do, the hearts in Sanji's eyes sprang to life and, brandishing his knife, he spun into a boneless pirouette, which prompted Luffy to shrug and go back to his devouring.

"Right away, beautiful la—!"

"Get your head in the game!" Hachi snapped, smacking the love cook upside the head with his ladle.

Rubbing the back of his head, Sanji muttered, "Right, sorry," and went back to work, though he kept stealing glances at the new customer. "So, what can I get you my dear, wonderful, _beautiful—?"_ Sanji's expression faltered ever so slightly as he realized that said new customer was hunched over the cart's counter and sporting a sizeable amount of wrinkles. But nevertheless, he managed to finish ever so smoothly with a respectful " _Madam?"_

"Well—!"

"Oh, I would say that anything halfway edible would be a safe bet, Sanji," came Robin's cool drawl as she leaned on the bar near the chef and rested her chin on her palm. "I would suggest that you prepare for her as though you were preparing for Luffy: exceptional appetite, unexceptional taste. Isn't that right… 'Glutton' Jewelry Bonney?"

The crone blinked once, twice, and then threw her head back and _laughed,_ her age melting away to reveal the form of the second female Supernova, as well as the only female captain in their number, the bubblegum-haired, well-pierced 'Glutton' Jewelry Bonney _._

"ZAZAZAZAZA! Oh, man, the SBS wasn't exaggerating you guys at all! I mean, c'mon, do you _know_ how many asshats can recognize me when I ain't wearing my face?! Nice one! _Real_ nice!" Abruptly, the laughter ended and Bonney favored Sanji and Hachi with a look as serious as a nuclear winter. "But yeah, for reals, I've survived the last week on water, hardtack, and salt pork. I want all the takoyaki you can make as fast as you can make it. Need a little snack to tide me over before _really_ digging into whatever slop is served on this island. So no offense to ya?"

There was a blur of motion, and Hachi flinched back as Bonney slammed her boot-clad heel on the cart's countertop.

"But if I don't like what I get, I'll save you both the trouble of havin' to worry about the blockade by kicking you over the Red Line."

Sanji took that for the challenge that it was, rolling up his sleeves and giving Hachi a wry look. "I'll tell you this, octopus: if you can walk away from this island and say that your stand managed to satisfy or at least tide over the two biggest stomachs of this generation, that'll be all the long-term gain that you need."

Hachi's eyes lit up and his lips split into a grin, even as Luffy and Bonney exchanged their own glances. The crowd shivered in anticipation as fire and lightning flew between the two big eaters' eyes. Sanji chuckled.

"Pappug? Whatever order those two are doing? Tell them to double it."

" _Oh, seabiscuits,"_ Pappug groaned; he didn't need to be there, didn't need to see as Hachi and Sanji began stockpiling more takoyaki than they put out, didn't need to observe the audience's eagerness to know how much trouble was coming.

The ship's guards _were_ present to observe the start of the Supernovas' clash, and though Boss stuck around to observe, his four disciples took the opportunity to abscond elsewhere; no small reason for that being that Mikey had 'subtly' voiced (read: fearfully mumbled) his worry that if the cooks ran out of octopoid flesh, they'd be next. And while all of them _wanted_ to shrug the jokester's words off, Sanji's joking remarks about dipping into their 'emergency food supplies' had pushed their survival instincts a little too far, prompting them to quietly head for a less populated setting.

As it turned out, the other side of The Lucky Rabbit's plaza was mercifully deserted, save for a pair of familiar faces.

Or rather…

"THERE YOU ARE! WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVEEEER!"/"Indeed, even my most luxurious feathers were starting to ruffle from laying dormant for so long."

_Beaks,_ as it were.

The Dugongs _tried_ to question their presence, but abandoned the effort after a moment due to their bandages.

"Hello, boys," Isaiah greeted smoothly, sweeping his wing out in a polite wave. "I hope we're not catching you at a bad time, but we have a special delivery."

None of the dugongs said anything, too busy staring at his companion, and the Swagger-tribe South Bird's collected demeanor cracked into a disgruntled scowl.

"Don't ask him. It's not worth it. Please, for the love of sanity and my immaculately chiseled complexion, _do not ask him why—"_

"I'M GLAD YOU ASKED!" Terry roared in his usual fashion. As opposed to the _un_ usual fashion he was wearing _,_ consisting of two belts of shotgun shells around his chest and a bandanna around his head. "BECAUSE WE'RE HERE INCOGNITO, I'M DOING MY BEST TO BE POWERFULLY SUBTLE! WHILE WE SPEAK, CALL ME HALE CAESAR!"

Attention turned _ever_ so slowly to the other South Bird, whose beak was buried in his wing.

Overcome with curiosity, Mikey yanked down the bandages covering his mouth, because he just _had_ to ask. "And _you_ are?"

"Embarrassed to be seen with him. _Obviously."_

"Obviously, obviously," the Teenage Dugong Warrior Squad parroted, nodding sagely as though such a statement were the most obvious thing in the world. Which, frankly, was not inaccurate.

"OH, SHUT UP, YOU WEAK-BEAKED BLOWHARDS!" 'Caesar' squawked indignantly.

"We don't have beaks," the collectively de-muffled Dugongs deadpanned.

"And I am _not_ weak," Isaiah stated just as flatly, leaning in close to glare at his partner-in-wing. "Would you like me to remind you of that fact?"

"…SO LIKE HE SAID, WE HAVE A DELIVERY FOR YOU! AND BY YOU—" Here Terry jabbed his wing at the Dugongs. Or rather, _one of_ the Dugongs. "I MEAN _YOU!"_

Leo blinked in surprise, looking around for a second before pointing at his own muzzle. "You… You mean _me?"_

"Precisely," Isaiah nodded sagely, cocking his brow _ever_ so handsomely. "To confirm, you _are_ the only blade-wielder on your crew without a high-quality blade that matches your skill level, yes?"

"Uhh…" Leo hedged. "I mean, I don't know about Brook's, but—"

"It's lasted for fifty years, I think he's good. Anyway?" Donny cut in, rolling his flipper.

The birds exchanged looks, then began flapping their wings. Their perch, an overturned rowboat converted into a bench, tilted back ever so slightly to reveal a black bundle beneath. Taking the obvious hint, Leo grabbed it and looked it over as the birds re-settled, then unwrapped the package's cover. _Then_ he nearly fumbled what he was holding, a strangled gurgle matching the rest of his siblings' gasps.

"Holy mother of pearl!" Donny hissed.

"No freaking way!" Raphey yelped.

"Th-Those are—! Uh…?" Mikey's shock faded into confusion, head tilted. "Wait, remind me, what were these things called again?"

"Oto… and Kogarashi…" Leo inadvertently answered with a reverential whisper, gently ghosting his flipper over the mirrored triangular blades of the _literally legendary_ swords he was holding. Then, with great reluctance, the sword-dugong tore his gaze away from the weapons he was worshipping to stare at the South Birds in total confusion. "But-But, _how!?_ Luffy and Bartolomeo knocked them out of Shiki's hands! These should still be at the bottom of the sea!"

"Simply a matter of a particularly skilled fisherman looking in the right place," Isaiah said, before grimacing and shuddering. "You'll have to forgive the tardiness of the delivery, but the hilts were nothing short of revolting, new sheaths had to be fashioned—"

"HERE YOU GO!" Terry offered, tossing another bundle at Leo's… well, tail.

"And of course, we had to treat them properly so that they could handle extended bouts of underwater combat without adverse effects," Isaiah concluded with a proud flip of his plumage. "You're _welcome."_

"A-A-And… what, Jonathan's just _giving_ these to us? To _me?!"_ Leo squawked incredulously, his jaw hanging slack. "I-I mean, if Tashigi finds out that I have these things, she'll—!"

"She was informed of the decision several weeks ago," Isaiah assured him. "She was livid, of course, but a hefty dose of rank-pulling served to cool her temper." The bird then cocked his feather-brow. "Of course, you could always just give them to her—"

"I've had these swords in my flippers for less than five minutes but if you even try and touch them I will kill everyone on this island and then myself," Leo droned emotionlessly, prompting his fellow dugongs to give him a _wide_ berth.

"WELL, I _WAS_ GOING TO ASK IF YOU LIKED THEM, BUT NOW I'M JUST GOING TO FLEE!" Terry squawked, flapping into the air. "I MIGHT BE POWERFUL, BUT I'M SURE NOT STUPID!"

Isaiah nodded his head side to side before joining his fellow avian in the air. "I'm not sure I agree with the last part of that. But for now, farewell and good slicing, Straw Hats! My final gift to you is that you get to watch my glorious tailfeathers ripple in the wind as I depart."

"NEVER FORGET TO EXHIBIT YOUR OVERWHELMING _POWEEEEER!"_

And with their beaks pointing firmly to the south, the two birds vanished north into the golden mists.

The dugongs silently stared after them, until Mikey blew out a snort. "Well, _they're_ still out of their minds."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Raphey shot back. "Did you expect anything else?"

Mikey scoffed and folded his flippers. "The Spanish Inquisition, of course."

"NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"

"GAAAH!" Mikey screamed, leaping half the height of the inn. Terry, now somehow clad in scarlet robes and perched right above the dugong, nodded in satisfaction before flying off again.

Leo briefly gave his panicking brother in blubber a decidedly unimpressed stare, then turned his reverential gaze back down to the swords, the _legends_ he was holding. He hefted the weapons in his flippers, testing their weight and examining their shapes.

"Well, I certainly won't deny that those beasts are an upgrade over these geezers," Raphey whistled, pulling Leo's now-defunct blades off of his back and replacing them with Oto and Kogarashi's new sheaths. "At least now you'll be able to give us an actual _challenge_ during sparring time."

" _After_ an adjustment period, anyways…" Donny mused, curiously scanning the swords' shape. "You're used to katanas, and those sabers had the same general shape, but… These things are a lot heavier and a lot less flexible. You've got the muscle for it, but do you have the know-how?"

"Mm… at the _moment,_ no… but I think I can figure it out," Leo nodded to himself, tilting the blades side to side and spinning them around in his flippers, getting a feel for the balance. "After all, Boss is all about us learning as much as we can, every second of every day, and it's not like we won't be here for awhile. Really, it shouldn't be too tough. All it takes is a little elbow grease _and—!"_ Leo swiped the right sword, Kogarashi, through the air—

_SMASH!_

And then he and his siblings all _froze_ at the blast of razor sharp wind that flew out from the blade's path, carving a _smooth_ trench in the wall of a nearby ship-building. The dugongs blinked once, twice, and then a newly returned Mikey _slowly_ leaned back in to give the swords a wary once-over.

"Did… you _mean_ to do that?" he asked nervously.

"Noooo… no, I did _not,"_ Leo confirmed in just as weak a voice, staring at his new blades with newfound awe. Said awe _doubled_ when he gave the swords a few _testing_ slashes with only a fraction of his strength, and every time a visible ripple of air accompanied the blur of metal. "What in _Charybdis…?"_

For about a minute more, they stood staring at the blades.

"Maybe it has to do with Shiki?" Donny hypothesized. "I mean, they were part of his body for twenty years, maybe they're still used to flying and stuff?"

"Well, whatever it is, it's _awesome!"_ Mikey crowed.

"Heck yeah!" Raphey concurred, pumping her fists with no small amount of enthusiasm. "You've got a ranged attack now! You're as good as the rest of us!"

"…yeah…" Leo confirmed, nodding slowly as he turned to face them. "So… remind me again. What was it exactly that you said when I first told you I managed to use a razor wind attack?"

The other dugongs' expressions all slowly fell slack, abject terror blooming on their faces.

"I, uh, c-can't rightly recall…" Donny chuckled sheepishly, leading his siblings in _ever_ so subtly inching away from their twitching brother.

"I do believe… your exact words were…" The ground at Leo's tail was shredded by a terse twitch of his blades. "A… _fluke_ was it? That I would be lucky to ever even _tread_ air, much less _slice it?"_

"I, ah, t-that sounds… _maybe_ a bit familiar…" Raphey hedged, her eyes glancing every which way in search of the best route of escape.

"B-But, uh, h-hey, you know us, right? T-That was just trash talk, yeah?" Mikey pleaded, smiling in that way that shows he clearly wasn't buying what he was selling. "J-Just pokin' fun, no big whoop! Nothing personal, just-just business, right!… _right?!"_

"Oh, yeah, don't worry. This? This isn't business at all…" Leo's face _slowly_ split in a nice and nasty grin, Oto and Kogarashi positively humming malice. "This is pure, 100% _pleasure."_

The dugong pupils' pupils all dilated dramatically. "Oh _shi—!"_

" _GULF STREAM!"_

_**KRA-KOW!** _

" _AAAAGH!"_

Back at the takoyaki stand, Bonney's head jerked up, her eyes drawn in a frown at the screams of animal-on-animal carnage she'd just heard. That didn't mean she stopped eating, of course, she just looked up in interest, but the fact that anything had diverted her attention at all was a noteworthy feat.

Luffy, however, shared no such interest. "Eh, it's fine," the rubber-man said around his own takoyaki. "Our crew does this all the time."

"So does everyone else here," Hachi added with a raised finger while the rest remained focused on his grill. "If it gets bad enough, the Skull Mists will handle it."

"Mmm, fair enough…" Bonney nodded her head, absently flexing a skewer between her fingers. Glancing at it as though only just realizing what she was doing, she ran it across her lips to get the last traces of sauce off and then threw it behind her. An action that had… _unforeseen_ consequences.

"YEARGH! MY _AAAASS! DEAR NEPTUNE, WHO JUST STABBED ME IN THE ASS!?_ "

The world-infamous glutton blinked in dumb surprise as an orange-bandana'd blur shot past her, howling bloody murder the whole time. "Uh… sorry?"

"Psh, not a problem," Boss waved his flipper dismissively. "If he can't handle keeping up his Iron Shell long enough to block a few inches of wood, then he's got it coming."

"…Oh, fine, whatever, I admit it: you guys are the nuttiest crew this side of the Grand Line. Probably one of the strongest too." Bonney's chewing slowed slightly, her expression becoming thoughtful. "And I haven't even met that loudmouth Cross yet, so that's saying something. He really as crazy as he sounds?"

Luffy gave her an odd look before grinning brightly. "Oh, no way! Cross is _way_ crazier, he just acts nice for everyone else! And he knows a lot of weird stuff too! Ask him anything you want, I bet he can tell you what you want to know! Unless he doesn't know it or something, that's happened too, but eh." And with a lackadaisical shrug, he went back to his chowdown.

Bonney blinked at the rubber-man before nodding slowly and staring up upward, idly chewing on a fresh skewer. "Anything, huh…"

The stick snapped between her viciously grinning teeth.

"Ya know what, Straw Hat? I think I might just take you up on that offer."

**-o-**

"Well? What do you think?"

I spread my arms invitingly, politely ignoring the looks that everyone was giving me, which were a healthy blend of stunned, gobsmacked, and flat-out unconscious. Granted, that last one was on account of Nami zapping Foxy when he started getting too loud, but still. As it was, it was pretty cheering to see that even my own _crewmates_ were utterly gobsmacked, with even Zoro's jaw hanging loose. Heck, Vivi was already halfway to comatose as it was, her eyes glossy as they stared at nothing, and her fingers twitching and gesturing in a futile attempt to work out _some_ flaw in my plan based on her own experiences with Crocodile's scheming. Needless to say, the overall silence gratified me to no end.

"I… think that if you're actually _serious_ about this plan… then you should know that charging Enies Lobby to rescue Robin was downright _normal_ by comparison," our three-sword-wielding swordsman finally managed to drag out.

" _At the risk of spending the next several weeks being glared at by my lieutenant… I agree with Sidewinder,"_ Smoker said.

"And for once, so do I!" Tashigi snapped, slamming her palms on the table. "Jeremiah Cross, _you are insane!_ This entire scheme is madness! I-It's demented! Deranged! _Barmy!"_

" _Oooh,_ _ **fancy word."**_

"SHUT UP, SNAIL!" the Marine snapped at an unrepentant Soundbite without turning her glare from me. "Cross, out of all the plans you've ever devised, this has to easily be the most ludicrous, outrageous, _completely unhinged one yet!"_

I left that sentence hanging for a bit before leaning back in my seat and folding my arms behind my head. "…and?"

Tashigi's eye twitched viciously, before she collapsed back in her seat with a look of utter defeat. "… _and Themis save me but it could actually_ work."

"She's right. Actually, incredibly _right,"_ Nami breathed in awe, her eyes scrunched in intense thought. "I mean, it's risky as all hell and relies on a lot of moving parts, but the basic _concept_ behind this whole thing is…"

" _Capricorn questions exactly how much you realize that this will shake the world,"_ Hina demanded, no small amount of panicked awe transmitted through her Transponder Snail's eyes. " _As in, literally the entire world. The… The mere implications—!"_

"The 'mere implications'," Sandersonia breathed heavily, and I leaned _way_ back. Not only was she panting like an overheated retriever, but her cheeks were flushed and her pupils were blown way wide and _oh dear lord I'm fucked._ "Have me three seconds away… from _leaping clean across this table…_ _ **and jumping Blondie's—!"**_

"Okay, naptime."

_THUNK!_

I heaved a sigh of extreme relief at the sight of Sandersonia collapsed face-first onto the table, snoozing peacefully thanks to the hand Koala had clamped on the Anaconda Zoan's shoulder. "Thanks, Koala. That almost got explicit."

"Yeeeeah," she said, coughing into her fist and _oh shit she was blushing_. "Let's just wrap this up quick and avoid giving me any more reasons to be attracted to you, alright? Because you've just laid out the step-by-step instructions for achieving one of my wildest fantasies and I honestly don't know how much longer I'll be able to hold myself back either."

" _Eep."_

"My, my, what _would_ Sanji say about two beautiful women swooning over you, dear brother?"

"Unless you have something to contribute, _out_ before I get Soundbite to play you a full marathon of documentaries on how _aliens helped shape my home world's history."_ I waited until a flurry of petals indicated Robin's departure to slump in my chair in defeat. "Gweh… alright, anyone _else_ got anything to add?"

"Apa… actually, I do." Apoo raised a finger. "Why do you need us for this, Cross? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for it, but couldn't you Straw Hats easily do it yourself?"

"Heh, you're actually right about that, Ap-ya," Law waved his hand dismissively. "The Straw Hats _could_ just run this fast and dirty on their own, true… but in case you missed it, this is more than that. Cross is aiming for something that will _last_ beyond the Straw Hat's departure. We're talking about changing _society_ here, meaning it needs to be bigger than 'it's just the Straw Hats again'. For that, we need maximum impact…"

"And for that, we need the Supernovas. _All_ of them," I picked up, slowly giving everyone at the table a hard look. "This is going to be just as earthshaking as Enies Lobby, yes _,_ but only _if_ things are right. Too little preparation, and the gig's a dud. We need every Supernova on this island, on Sabaody, at the same time. Hell, we need every pirate _possible_ on Sabaody. Our best shot at pulling this off is to positively _glut_ the archipelago with more pirates than it's seen in living history. We do that… then we can show the world something truly _spectacular._ Something that will be branded in the heart and soul of humanity for centuries." I then scowled and sank in my seat. "Which, of course, is all impeded by one. _Fucking_. Obstacle."

" _The blockade…"_ T-Bone nodded solemnly. " _Through which Sabaody is more devoid of pirates than it has ever been in living memory."_

"Which is what we'll handle at the meeting," Lola picked up, turning to one of the Skull Mists in the room. "All of the Supernovas have arrived at this point, right?"

The man glanced up in thought, counted on his fingers, and then glanced back. "Basically, yeah. According to the News Coos, Hawkins is the only one not physically on Skelter Bite, and his ship crested the horizon about half an hour ago."

"Perfect," she said, rising from her seat. "Ophiuchus, if there are no more matters to discuss for the time being, I need to make sure that our meeting grounds will be ready."

"Well, I don't have anything else," I said. A quick glance around, and—

" _I_ do _want to bring up one more thing,"_ Smoker sighed. " _Koala. Your presence here and our organizations' affiliation. Explain."_

The temperature in the room dropped a good ten degrees, all centered on Koala. "First off, I don't care how much you're working for the betterment of mankind, if you're not in my chain of command, don't tell me what to do," she flatly responded. "And second, Cross and Dragon are the ones calling the shots here. I met up with the Straw Hats by coincidence before they came here and only followed them into this because I got caught up in their momentum; everyone in the Revolutionary Army is under orders not to interfere with the New World Masons unless the Straw Hats or someone in one of the Zodiacs explicitly asks."

"And we will be addressing _that_ later!" Sandersonia hissed intently, snapping back to consciousness out of nowhere so she could look at Koala. "I, uh, actually need to call my sisters back ASAP, so if you don't mind—!" And before anyone could say otherwise, she was out the Headquarters' eyehole in a flash of green.

"…aaand I think we're done," I drawled. "Alright, folks, meeting adjourned. Let's turn in and get some sleep, because tomorrow…" I donned a mix of a grin and a grimace. "We're gonna have a _real_ fight on our hands."

**~13 Hours Later~**

A couple of times in my life, I may have wondered what it was like to try and get some sleep in a place with the moniker 'the city that never sleeps'.

Now, I probably didn't need to wonder anymore, given how my attempt to sleep had been scuttled into spotty tossing and turning by the all-pervasive hum of noise that infiltrated our rooms. Admittedly, it was a bit nostalgic to have the noises of city life back, but still, the night before a big meeting with a bunch of, most likely, _less_ than even-tempered pirates? After spending a solid _year_ adapting to the sounds of a ship at sea? Not quite so pleasant. Thank God my headphones were rated for Soundbite and worse.

But anyway, the night had come and gone and the day had begun, and everyone on the island was anxious to get to the whole reason that we had assembled here to begin with. Specifically, our own crew, who ran the gamut from primped and primed to utterly disheveled—and in one case that _wasn't_ Brook, a zombie straight from the old Thriller Bark. So… perfectly normal morning, then.

"Alright!" Vivi—one of the primped ones, obviously—barked imperiously from the head of our crowd. "Is everyone on their best behavior?"

A chorus of affirmative responses sounded out, I myself donning _perfectly_ respectable and innocent grin, without any hints of mischief whatso—

"Knock it off. All of you, _right now."_

A round of chuckles burst out from us at that particularly futile warning, and even Vivi had to let out a few giggles.

"Yeah, I know, exercise in futility, still had to try. But nevertheless!" She plastered on a slightly desperate smile. "At the very _least_ please try and avoid making a scene? At least at first?"

"We will not punch anyone not a part of this crew for the first five minutes," Boss solemnly swore with a respectful nod, which his disciples mimicked.

"What he said," Luffy nodded as well.

"…that's the best I'm going to get, isn't it?"

" **Eee-** _ **YUP,"**_ Soundbite confirmed with an utterly shameless grin.

Vivi heaved a sigh that was as put upon as it was fond. After a moment to compose herself, she gestured for us to follow. "Fiiiine, fine. Let's just get this fiasco over with; the sooner we're done, the sooner I can replace the clothes I just _know_ you're all about to ruin."

That was the signal for us to spill on out of the inn section of The Lucky Rabbit and back to the main lobby; we were among the last ones to head out, and none of us were inclined to waste any more time getting there. I took a few moments to appreciate the vaulted cathedral ceiling—and for that matter, the foresight to retrieve Gif to get pictures of all of this—before heading in the direction of a wide staircase. A gaping passageway led on from there, clearly designed to allow entire crews to pass through with a minimum of shoulder-bumping. And due to the probably intentional placement of the main lobby, it was only a minute or so of walking before the end of the tunnel came into view, letting us out into the ruins of Freezer 900 which the Skull Mist Pirates had repurposed into Skelter Bite's first and finest bar.

The frozen den of thieves, murderers and all-around scum of the earth: Helheim.

(I'd actually pointed out to Lola that in mythology, Helheim was more for _anyone_ who died through means that weren't combat, like kids or the elderly. Lola's ever-so-mature response had been to blow a raspberry at me, which Soundbite naturally found hi- _larious.)_

Truly, the place had to be one of the most unique pieces of architecture I'd seen thus far. Certainly, it was the most compact.

Starting from the outside working in, the first part of the bar's structure to be seen was the outer walkway that ringed the titanic pit that had once held Oars. Originally barren concrete, it had been refurbished with strings of lanterns illuminating the dark, and dozens of tables and countertops had been erected to form a circular dining area, which was currently populated by a vastly colorful (and quite boisterous) cast of characters. And said dining area wasn't constrained to the second dimension either, and extended upward courtesy of two concentric wooden walkways attached to the walls above. All three levels were haphazardly connected via seemingly randomly placed stairs, ladders, _rope_ ladders, ziplines… really, I think you get the gist of transportation on this island by now.

The section of the wall that had been blown out by the freezer's old inhabitant creating his own door had been mostly repaired, but the blatant patch job was mostly irrelevant, covered as it was by industrial-sized beer barrels, all managed and guarded with professional intensity. And I mean _seriously_ professional, as in I've seen Marines who were less well-armed and armored than those guys… which, honestly, considering how Zoro was staring at the barrels with a particularly savage grin, might honestly have been _under_ -kill.

And at the bottom of the shaft, we could see the giant patrons enjoying their time and knocking back entire casks at a time… and looking up at the other clientele for the first time in their lives, I'd wager, which I expect they didn't mind, if only for the sheer novelty of it. And craning my neck and rubbing my eyes to make sure I wasn't hallucinating, I could see an actual Sea King down there, and it seemed to be enjoying itself just as much as the rest of the clientele. Weird, I honestly think I remembered seeing that frog from somewhere…

Ah, but honestly, all of that was nothing but the _sideshow_ to Helheim's main spectacle.

If you thought the Skull Mist Pirates had left the yawning void of the Freezer empty, then you would be sorely mistaken. Because while their stores of booze were on the outside of the freezer… the bar _proper_ was on the inside. Specifically, it was _hanging over_ the abyss of the inside.

Suspended over the freezer's pit by chains and ropes alike was not just a wooden platform, but a veritable _spider's web_ of platforms, structures of wood with tables set upon them suspended at seemingly random intervals throughout the void, and interconnected by everything from gangplanks to tightropes. Some were larger and lower than others, others were smaller and higher, and any combination in between. But easily the largest of all was the platform which held the bar proper: a massive platform hung dead center of the chamber, and taking up almost half the area.

The bar looked… well, like your typical bar, honestly, countertop and wall of alcohol and everything. Saloon-like, even, given how there was a massive mirror, too. Hell, the bar even had a 'second floor' to it, such as it were, thanks to a halo of a wooden walkway suspended over the place and connected to the bottom level by a pair of staircases that wound their way around the bar-platform. I also noticed that on an adjacent platform, Sandersonia and Koala were sitting together.

Now, normally such a massive platform would probably have dozens of tables of varying shapes and sizes on it at a time… but right now? There were only about two dozen smaller tables arranged around the edge of the platform… and one _big_ round table located smack dead center of the entirety of Helheim.

A big table around which were seated ten people—nine captains and one first mate—whose heads I'm dead certain the Marines would burn a _dozen_ islands wholesale for a chance at capturing.

The level of danger that they conveyed varied: Bartolomeo was leaning back in his seat, laughing along with a few of his crewmates seated behind him, Law looked to be half asleep, though the way he was tapping on Kikoku's sheath indicated how alert he was, and 'Mad Monk' Urouge had his head bowed and hands clasped in a bafflingly serene state of prayer.

'The Magician' Basil Hawkins and 'Red Flag' X Drake were more intense, still and silent as the prior arranged and rearranged his cards on strands of what looked to be hay, while the latter sat stiff and tall in his chair, glaring at no one in particular while his fingers tapped impatiently on his mace's hilt. Both were very pointedly neither provoking nor inviting provocation. Capone 'Gang' Bege was very much similar, save for how he was both surrounded by and being waited on by his underlings and was smoking like a chimney. _Literally,_ I think; I swear it was coming from more places than his mouth.

Bonney was eating her way through a 'small' platter of appetizers, displaying the exact table manners (or lack thereof) that her current teenage form implied. Eustass 'Captain' Kid wore an impatient scowl, one hand propping up his chin on a fist and the other occupied by an impromptu game of power-run stabscotch. A spectacle that Apoo was pointedly eyeing as he beat out a rhythm on his too-taut gut to the time Kid was keeping. Interestingly, 'Massacre Soldier' Killer seemed to be tapping out a similar rhythm on his own thigh… with the _thresher blades_ he had strapped to his arms.

…If there was one good thing about this situation, it was that nobody was stupid enough to try and prove their stones by taking the few remaining seats at the Supernovas' table. However, that spectacularly rare show of tact and intelligence from our fellow swashbucklers was also a bit of a double-edged sword, because nearly as soon as we set foot in the titanic chamber, everyone hushed up damn fast as we, the Straw Hat Pirates, probably the most infamous pirates on the entire _island_ , stepped onto the stage.

That's a heady thing, with a lot of expectations behind it, and some of our… less confident crewmates were visibly buckling under it. Hell, _I_ was feeling it; I might be the idol of millions, but that was through a radio connection, not face-to-face, with a few hundred eyes staring at me in anticipation.

But still, as intimidating as a face-to-face audience was? We weren't _half_ as on edge as said audience. Which makes sense: our crew had made a habit of causing incidents on every island we'd been on, ranging in scale from minor riots to outright devastation, and we'd been quiet thus far. They were just _waiting_ for the powderkeg to detonate…

Which, in turn, left us all waiting, tension mounting and choking us out more and more as the atmosphere of the room actually started to turn towards _awkward..._

"Well. Well. _Well._ So, you're finally showing your face, eh? You damnable _big mouth?"_

And then clean out of nowhere, the tension ratcheted up at least five full factors in two sentences. The real surprise, though, was that _I_ wasn't the one who did it!

Rather, that outburst—which became the new center of attention for the chamber—came from one of the only people in the room who actually _had_ the clout to make such a ripple: the only Supernova in the room with a bigger mouth than me, who was gracing me with a sneer utterly impervious to the incredulous looks the rest of the infamous rookies were all shooting him.

"Gotta say, this has been a long time coming," Apoo chuckled, his arms double-crossed across his chest. "Because I have just been _waiting_ for a chance to put you in your place in person!"

There was a brief hush as the sheer _audacity_ of that statement swept over us… and theeeen, of course, _that_ was what prompted the crew to break the silence themselves. A feat that, this time, _Raphey_ decided to perform with a quick clearing of her throat.

"Ssssooo," she asked in a low tone so that her voice didn't carry _too_ far. "IIII haven't exactly been keeping track of time. Has it been five minutes yet?"

Vivi, of course, slapped a hand to her face with a despairing groan. "Crooooss…" she pleaded, an air of defeat coloring her voice.

It took me a bit more to get my wits back about myself, but once I did, I shot Vivi a _completely_ innocent and casual smile. "Worry not, my dearest princess. I shall promise to handle this with all the grace and subtlety—"

"Oh, just hurry up and cause a scene already!" she finally burst out, a ripple of wind blowing a few stray hairs in front of her snarling face.

Well, if she was _asking_ for it—!

"As you command!" I declared, popping a salute before turning my full attention on the Longarm. I plastered my most indignant scowl on my face, puffed my chest out, and crossed my own arms to mirror his confrontational stance, raising my voice for everyone to hear. "Pshaw, you utter _hack!_ I see how it is; it's not enough that you hijack my show, now you have to steal my lines, too!? _I've_ been waiting months for this! You utter no-talent tosspot of a _pisspot!"_

" _AND WHADDAYA MEAN PUT_ US _IN_ OUR _PLACE!? YOU'VE BEEN_ STEALING MY **MUSIC CORNER!** **I'LL** _ **SHATTER EVERY TOOTH**_ **in that bear trap you call** _ **a maw!"**_

And naturally, Soundbite wasn't a beat behind.

"Peh!" Apoo scoffed, shoving himself out of his chair, his arms kinked up in shrugs. "I'd like to see you pompous _blowhards_ even try. Honestly, Jeremiah Cross, the bigger issue I have with you—besides the fact that you are a _way_ overhyped asshat—is the idea that this little _slimeball_ that thinks he knows what music is!"

"Hey, now!" I barked, shaking a finger at Apoo as I marched down the wooden bridge that led to the main platform. "Only _I_ get to call the slimeball a slimeball! _You_ will address him with all the respect that he is due from someone of _your_ standing in the hierarchy of life! Why don't we start at "your majesty" and work our way up?"

"APAPAPA! _YOUR MAJESTY!?"_ The Long-Arm cackled. Swiping his arms out, he came to a stop in front of me, his head held… well, a full head higher than my own, a smirk on his looming face. "Even if making noise is the only thing he _can_ do, I'd die of shame if I lost in _anything_ to a bottom-feeder like him! _Or_ to a weak-chinned, limp-wristed blond snotrag like yourself!"

"PFHAHAHA!" I chortled back, planting my fists on my hips and raising my chin. The better to _radiate_ defiance. "Oh, buddy, you lose to him in _everything!_ Even… nay, _especially_ in terms of looks! After all…" I made a show of giving Apoo a decidedly unimpressed onceover. "What self-respecting _entity_ would even think about touching someone who I can only _assume_ is a gangly, trap-jawed, hairless _orangutan!"_

"WHAT!?" Apoo belted out, pounding out a harsh drumbeat on his chest. "Alright, _now_ you're asking for it, you puny-brained pipsqueak!"

I jerked my chin to the side with an unimpressed _tsk._ "As if you're much better, you cantankerous ass-faced claptrap!"

"Scurvy-ridden sack of vomit!"

" _Barnacle-ENCRUSTED_ _ **whalefart!"**_

"Anchor-headed ignoramus!"

"Half-baked… no-good… _NINCOMPOOP!"/_ "Stupid… dimwit… _RAGAMUFFIN!"_

Tense silence enveloped the bar after _that_ simultaneous outburst. Silence that, on our parts, was maintained the sheer _effort_ both of us had to expend to not burst out laughing at that last exchange. Well, Apoo _looked_ to be as ready to burst as I was, and I would outlast him, by gum I most definitely—

"OR _would you prefer '_ _ **ninnyhammer?'"**_

"…pffHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"/"APAPAPAPAPAPA!"

Yeeeaaah, _that_ was a push too far. We descended so far into full-belly laughter that we almost missed the shock radiating from our audience at the sudden 180. Or maybe it was the fact that we clasped hands after the laughter died down. Hard to tell.

"'Nincompoop!' _Really,_ now!" I chortled, wiping a tear from my eye. "What, did you dig that one out of your ma's attic or something?!"

"And what about you, huh!?" Apoo laughed, slinging… well, _part_ of his arm around my shoulders. "I mean, ' _ragamuffin'?!_ I'm at least a foot taller than you!"

" **Shall we just agree** _ **you're both horrible at this?"**_ Soundbite smugly offered.

"AGREED!" Apoo and I enthusiastically shouted, before I chuckled and held out my fist to the captain. "Ah, but seriously, Apoo, it is _great_ to finally meet you in person!"

"Apapa!" Apoo smiled broadly as he bumped his fist to mine. "Same here, Cross! Same here!"

And apparently _that_ was as much as our audience could take.

"Would someone like to explain to us what the fuck's going on here?!" Kid bellowed, punctuating the demand with a slam of his fist on the table. "I thought you halfwits hated each other's guts!"

"If you would be so kind, I'll take my payment in beris or validated ingots. I'll keep any change, of course."

My eyes shifted away from Kid to half of the other Supernovas, who were grumpily going through their pockets while Drake had a smugly content look on his face. Still not smiling, but considering the death-mask he was wearing before, 'smug' was a definite improvement. He noticed my gaze and gestured to my bag.

"As if Vegapunk's technology could be hacked that easily or repeatedly," the ex-Rear Admiral deadpanned.

"Apapa, yep! I got in contact with Cross and we set the _whoooole_ thing up! We've been playing the world for chumps and laughing the entire time!"

"And honestly," I spoke up, scanning over the rest of the gaping onlookers. "If you all could keep it as quiet as possible, we'd really appreciate it. Keep the joke alive and all that. And if you're hurting for motive, think of it this way: So long as people's gobs stay shut, we pirates shall have a cultural secret privy to us, and us alone! How does that sound, eh!?"

And thankfully, _that_ was the final blow in the battle against the mood. The chamber erupted in raucous cheers and laughter, and just like that the were rolling and flowing again… along with the booze, but eh, not like half of these guys were any more polite _sober._

As the mood broke, so too did the cohesion of our crew, and our members casually disseminated across the platform. Everyone pretty much went wherever they pleased, and soon enough our crew was getting acquainted with the rest of the, to appropriate the World Government's designation of us, future 'Worst Generation'.

Luffy, naturally, gravitated towards a free seat on the table so that he could get at all the food available. Though in a surprising show of external awareness, I think he _actually_ sat himself next to Bonney on purpose, if the sparking glares they were trading in-between stuffing their maws was anything to go by.

Chopper ambled over to Law and was chatting quite animatedly with him, and though the spark in his eye was—by this point—no longer alarming, the one that was ever so slightly glimmering in Law's _was._ That Zoro and Tashigi were fingering their blades as they hovered around him was also no small cause for alarm.

Interestingly enough, Usopp seemed to be talking with Hawkins about something, quite animatedly at that. Luckily, the Magician seemed more interested in his cards (or at least bored in general) than irritated at our Sniper King, so there was no chance of Usopp's soul getting locked in a voodoo doll. Actually, it looked like they were… trading knickknacks!? Well, I'll be. Either Usopp actually knew his hoodoo or he was a better swindler than I gave him credit for…

And I had to do a double-take to confirm, but it looked like a new redhead had joined the Barto Club when I wasn't looking. She was looking rather beaten up and glaring daggers at Gin… who was just as beat up and glaring right back back. Geez, was she trying to steal the first mate position?

And believe it or not, those were the _saner_ interactions. Others were a bit more… _out there._

**-o-**

"Excuse me. Are you… Capone 'Gang' Bege?"

"'Weather Witch' Nami. What do you want?" the ex-mafia boss politely asked, turning towards the Straw Hat. He took one look at the gleam in her eyes and stumbled back in naked shock; he'd seen a great many expressions thrown his way over the years, but a _lovestruck_ expression was not one of them.

" #!$)*%#~&— _grrk!"_

Before Bege could decide whether or not it was worth it to try shooting her, she froze, her cloudy aura smacking her on the skull thrice, producing a more... restrained demeanor. Visibly fighting to break free of the restraint, of course, but restrained.

"I apologize for that… ridiculousness, Mr. Bege. I've just been a huge fan of yours since I learned that you pulled off what most thieves only fantasize of doing," Nami explained sweetly. "I mean, robbing _Fort Lumose_ itself—! Tell me, the main vault's door, was it _really_ a Triple Charlieburg Custom, like Fantoma said it was in his biography, or was it the Wincheston Special that Lupin said it was?"

Bege gestured for the half-dozen men surrounding him to stand down, giving his full attention to the thief-witch in front of him. "Neither, actually. It was an Altoclef New Age with a deadlock modification. Had no choice but to blast the damn thing clean off its hinges. Which, seeing as I had three Captains on my back at the time, was no easy thing, let me tell you."

"Ahhh, the smash-and-grab universal lockpick methodology, I see, I see…" Nami nodded sagely, her clouds miming a fist pounding into a palm. "Not my school of theft, but always a solid plan B, and one I can respect. Although…" She tilted her head. "Now that I think about it, Altoclef is infamous for using Wootz steel in frankly gratuitous quantities. If I'm not asking too much, how did you get enough firepower in there to do that? I mean, you're obviously stronger than you look at first glance, everyone at this table is, but…?"

Bege actually blinked in surprise at the question, raising a brow at the Weather Witch. "Well, color me surprised. That loud-mouthed friend of yours didn't already tell you about me?"

"Meh," Nami waved her hand dismissively. "Cross may know a lot, but not only does Luffy hate being spoiled on the adventure, that loud-mouth is only loud and knowledgeable, not all-knowing. All he said was… what was it…that you're the best example of a one-man army?"

_That_ drew an amused chuckle from Bege, and he nodded in confirmation. "Knowledgeable but not all-knowing indeed; he's not wrong, but that's quite the vague description. Alright, I'll lay it out for you." The mafioso held up his fist and flexed his knuckles, popping open his gunports and letting his cannons' muzzles peek out. "Short version, I'm literally a living fortress. The Castle-Castle Fruit allowed me to get up close unperturbed and alone, blast away with more firepower than anyone could possibly carry on their own, and then send out all of my men to gather the funds and store them inside of me so that I could leave as quick as I came in." Bege puffed out his chest and pounded his heart. "All the gold I took is right here, safe from even the most skilled of thieves or determined of Marines, and here it'll stay!"

"Ahhh, I see…" Nami nodded sagely. " _Very_ impressive power. It'd explain why I didn't find a wallet on you."

And just like that, everyone in earshot froze in place, Bege's men giving Nami a _wide_ berth as the ex-don pinned her with a frigid, dead-eyed stare. "… _excuse me?"_

Nami's face and clouds both slowly stilled in dawning realization. "…aaaand that was out loud. _Crap."_

Bege _slowly_ pushed his seat back from the table and stood to his full height. And though said full height was not terribly intimidating, his grim demeanor and the shadows cast by his fedora over his eyes cut a thoroughly intimidating figure. "You. Tried to pickpocket. _Me._ Girl." He emphasized the word with a firm, _plank-shaking_ step in Nami's direction. "Do you have any _idea_ just how many people, more intimidating than you, more _powerful_ than you, I have _killed_ for lesser slights? That I have killed for _fun?"_

Nami audibly swallowed and took a step back. In the same movement, her clouds loomed forwards and darkened slightly, the stench of ozone filling the air. "In my defense, it was nothing personal, just sheer force of habit?"

The corner of Bege's mouth _twitched,_ ever so slightly.

"And also," the Straw Hat navigator babbled as the charge built up in her clouds. "I'd have only taken twenty-five percent from it out of respect for your skills. If you knew me, you'd know just how generous that—"

"…geh."

Train of thought thoroughly derailed, Nami's eyes narrowed in bewildered confusion. "—Uh?"

"Geh… gehgeh…" Confusion the gangsters surrounding Bege shared, their boss shaking in his boots, his head bowed… and then _everyone_ recoiled when he suddenly threw his head back and roared… with _laughter._ "GEHGEHGEHGEH! Well, shoot me in the street, you've got brass, kid!" He jabbed a finger at Nami. "And I'm not talking about your crew, I'm talking about _you,_ personally! Ain't seen that kind of metal in a brat like you in years! Real shame you're already taken too, otherwise I'd have hired you on the spot! After breaking your knees, obviously, but that'd just be because of formalities, nothing personal!"

"Thank… you?" Nami tried, her clouds swirling into a question mark.

"Ahh…" Bege sank back in his seat with a contented sigh, nodding amicably at Nami. "Still. Just because I can't hire you doesn't mean I can't reward you." The mafioso smirked and held out his hand to the other pirate. "Whaddaya say you 'step inside' for a spell, lemme give you a quick tour of the joint? I'll show you that gold you've dreamed about so much, along with a few other trophies of mine. They've all got some pretty decent war stories to go with 'em, and some of 'em I was even sneaky about getting."

A moment of hesitation, and then Nami donned a cocksure smile, planting her fist on her hip. "Oh? Not worried about inviting a thief into your… _everything_?"

Taking out a cigar, Bege lit it, inhaled, and blew out a smoke ring before placing it back in his mouth. "Girl, the walls literally have eyes and ears and I know every inch of everything in there like the back of my hand. The mere _idea_ of anyone stealing so much as a spare beri from me is as impossible as it gets on these seas."

Nami's smirk grew by several teeth. " _That,_ sir, sounds like a _challenge."_

Bege met her smirk tooth for tooth. "That's because it _was."_

**-o-**

I sighed as Nami took Bege's hand and vanished (the _Castle-Castle_ Fruit, should have guessed it. Well played, Oda!) and idly clapped my gauntlet on Sanji's shoulder, drawing his attention.

Honestly, I _liked_ Sanji, I really did, but in this instance I needed to stop him before he could make a move… or open his mouth for that matter, because one wrong word and I'd never hear the end of Soundbite's joking. "It's _fine,_ Sanji. She chose to go through with this, and she can hold her own. And worse comes to worse, I'm fairly certain we can beat him."

"Mmph," the cook grunted around his halfway-blazing cigarette with a half-doubtful, half-rueful glance towards the… suddenly stilled mafioso who was staring off into space? Huh, guess he couldn't split his attention two ways at once. Useful, that. "Still—"

"NYORORO! Oh, is that so, _huh?"_

Sanji and I both twitched as he was interrupted by a smug, nasally voice that made me flash to the user of the Swamp-Swamp Fruit. As it turned out, I wasn't that far off. A metallic clicking noise drew our attention, and we turned to behold… either a greaser or just a plain greasy guy approaching us. Seriously, the guy had slicked back black hair, a lizardy tongue hanging out of his grinning maw, shades, and was spinning a revolver as big as my forearm around the finger of one of his oversized hands. Overall, it was harder to tell what was greasier: him or his tacky zoot suit!

"And _you are?"_ Sanji asked acerbically, expressing just as much distaste as I felt.

The lizard-tongued mobster drew himself a little straighter as he snapped his gun into a firing position. "The name's Vito. 'Monster Gun' Vito. Capo of Don Bege. You should really educate yourself better, neh, 'Black Leg' Sanji?"

Sanji pinned the mobster with a sidelong glare, accompanied by a cloud of smoke. "You'll have to excuse me if I don't bother learning the name of every two-bit thug with a gun in the Grand Line."

"HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU FIT **a trend I've been noticing with** _ **epithets!"**_ Soundbite couldn't help but comment, snickering. " _ **PEOPLE DEFINED**_ **BY** _ **THEIR TOOLS**_ **USUALLY** ARE **TOOLS! HEEHEEHEE** _ **hoohoohoo**_ _hahaha!"_

Vito's grin twitched slightly, and switched back to spinning his gun again. "Yeah, and the smallest pests always yap the loudest. Funny, that."

"OI!" Soundbite… well, _yapped._

Still, I couldn't help but snort at the quip. "Alright, you managed to shut him up without getting pissed. For that, you earn some measure of respect. Still, you were saying about what _I_ was saying?"

With a haughty sniff, the mafioso-pirate pretentiously adjusted the lapel of his suit. "Just calling you out on your overconfidence. Our crew is in the same league as yours, so unless you're just counting on luck, how do you figure that you're more likely to win?"

Now _that_ drew a smirk onto my face, which morphed into a pre-emptive wince when I felt the tell-tale breeze of Vivi re-coalescing behind me. "Cross," she warned me, so tersely I could just _see_ her foot tapping away on the planks. " _Polite."_

Well, if she was _asking_ for it… "Fine, fine…" I huffed. I then took a moment to straighten my jacket, fix my posture so that I was standing straight with my arms folded behind my back _and,_ looking Vito dead in the eye… "You, sir, are an imbecile."

I promptly ate simultaneously slap and kick upside the head from Vivi and Sanji, though they failed to dislodge the shiteating grin I'd adopted, "Not what I meant!" coming from the princess and "Don't disrespect the princess!" from the chef.

Vito, meanwhile, still maintained an impassive—if now slightly strained—façade. "Care to explain your reasoning, 'Voice of Anarchy'?"

Still sporting a grin, I glanced down at my metal-clad fingernails, making a show of examining them. "Tell me, Vito… how familiar are you with the story of the _last_ fortress that the Straw Hats visited and had to break out of?"

Vito twitched, snapping his gun around his finger. "That… was different."

"It _really_ isn't," I retorted, shaking my head. "If it was just a straightforward, conventional slugging match, then yeah, I'd give your boss and your crew good odds. Overwhelming manpower and firepower is a good strategy for 90% of the threats you'll face on the seas." My shit-eating grin widened a few more notches. "We're _not_ in that 90%. We're _built_ to dismantle quantity-over-quality, and we _spit_ in the face of conventional tactics. And captain to captain, as long as you're thinking conventionally, unless your boss has a swordsman of Zoro's caliber or a Seastone arsenal hidden in that castle of his, he's not harming Luffy in a million years. I'm sure he has a few cheap tricks that'll let him put up a fight, but… well, a straight fight between Luffy and a building, or Luffy and an army… who would _you_ put your money on?"

Vito hissed fiercely, his gun windmilling into a blur of, well, gunmetal. Finally, he huffed in an annoyance and brought the gun to a stop. "You make a _very irritating…"_ Vito paused before letting out another breath, this one a sigh, as he holstered his gun. "Very accurate point. I…suppose it's a good thing the don considers us to be in your crew's debt then, isn't it?"

My eyes flicked in Bege's direction, but quickly returned to Vito. "You don't screw us, we won't screw you. Fair enough?"

"Fairer than a lot of other people would give us, yeah. Now, if'n you'll scuse me…" The mobster turned on his heel and started walking away, grumbling under his breath, "Gotta see a few people about some ideas for 'unconventional' warfare…"

Vivi stepped up beside me, watching the gunslinger go. "Hmm. Opening aside, that was really well-handled, Cross."

I dismissively waved and looked around, immediately spotting someone else staring at me. A much more recognizable and dangerous someone. Who just started walking this way. Because of course. Vivi's wince when she, too, noticed was audible: "Although I'll admit, _that_ is going to be a challenge."

That statement was almost immediately confirmed by the newcomer's opening statement.

"Hey, smartass," Eustass 'Captain' Kid snapped as he marched up to us, shadowed closely by Killer's stoic presence.

Sanji gave the Supernovas a warning glare as he surreptitiously positioned himself in front of Vivi, who herself had the start of a cyclone swirling around herself. "Can we help you?" he asked, though his _tone_ clearly said 'fuck off'.

Kid barely spared the Monster a glance before focusing his full attention on me, giving me a dry onceover. "I never thought I'd say this, but… Cross, do me."

…

…

…

… _error 404. J-Cross.EXE has encountered a fatal error._

_Initiating self-destruct sequence._

I am _not_ ashamed to admit that my next conscious thought found me firmly pressing one of Killer's gauntlets to my throat, a feeling of overwhelming _**DESPAIR**_ filling my being.

"Please. Just make it _quick,"_ I moaned in a tone devoid of life.

" _I MEANT TELL ME HOW YOU'D BEAT ME, YOU JACKASS!"_

Oh. Right. Slowly, I lowered Killer's gauntlet. Then I leapt a good meter away from the Kid Pirates, coughing and straightening my clothes. I pointedly ignored the blush I felt burning on my face. And Soundbite's sitcom-grade cackling. And Sanji, Vivi, and most others in earshot laughing so hard they were _crying_. Assholes.

"R-Right, right, 'beat you,' of course… ah…" I hesitated as I got my wits back about me, shooting the steaming metal-head a doubtful glance. "You're… _sure_ you want me to do that? Because I won't pull any punches, and you probably won't like what I have to say."

"Do I look like I give two fucks about screwing around the point?" Kid spat… no, he literally spat to the side. "Either whatever you say is dead wrong and I know you can't scratch me worth shit, or you give me something to think about and when I _actually_ come for your dumbass captain's head, I'll have an easier time of it. Either way? I win."

"…tch." No getting out of this, clearly. "Brains to go along with the brawn and shitty attitude. Guess you had to make number two _some-_ how…" Before Kid could go off, I snapped up a finger. "I'll tell you this clean off the bat: Like Bege, when it comes to a straight fight between you and Luffy? My bets are on you losing. Not as badly as Bege… but still a loss."

For a clean minute, Kid's face _twisted,_ rage coursing throughout his entire being. Then, in an _impressive_ display of will he shoved it all to the side. "Explain," he demanded.

And so, with a helpless shrug, I did. "In the simplest terms possible, you suffer from the same failing as Bege: You'd be going up against Luffy, someone who defies all conventional means of assault, with mostly conventional means."

"There is _nothing_ conventional about how I fight!" Kid snapped, emphasizing the point with a menacing stomp.

In lieu of challenging him, I glanced towards Killer and raised an eyebrow. "How often is his go-to an overwhelming surge of might?"

Killer just stared at me for a bit before glancing aside. "…often enough."

I nodded sagely. "And therein lies the problem. Bege relies on conventional military might, and you rely on conventional _physical_ might. But see, where your might is more flexible, it's still limited by the tools you can bring to bear. You can only _really_ hit as hard as what you're hitting them _with._ And on most people, that's fine, except Luffy isn't 'most people'."

"Mrgh…" Kid growled, audibly gnashing his teeth. "He'll still bleed if I cut him, you know!"

" _Only_ if you can touch him, and he's ridiculously agile, and _only_ so long as he doesn't break the blades. And even if it were just fragments, you'd _still_ need to be able to power through his tolerance for pain. You can ask _Gin_ how well that contest turned out for Don Krieg when he tried using stakes," I retorted, angling my head towards the Barto Club's first mate.

"You realize I was unconscious for most of that fight, right?"

"Pipe down, character witness."

"Aye aye… _loudmouth…"_

That pause in the conversation was what was needed for Kid to get his second wind, which he demonstrated with an unimpressed huff and crossed arms. "So, what, you're saying that your captain's _invincible_ or some shit like that?"

Really? _That_ rhetorical gotcha? I demonstrated what I thought of _that_ tactic by mirroring his stance and demeanor. "Hardly. In case you missed it? Luffy's lost before, plenty of times. He lost to Crocodile, he lost to Eneru, and he lost to Shiki. Hell, his opening salvo against _Moria_ was a loss. What sets him _apart_ is that every time he gets beaten down, he—pardon the pun—bounces right back. And while I'm sure you could do the same!" I hastily amended as Kid _and_ Killer both visibly bristled. "The question remains if you could do it _more than Luffy,_ and do it as well or _better."_

Kid's lemon-sucking expression said it all, and for a minute I thought he'd tear me a new one, but a single swift intervention cut that off at the knees. Surprisingly, it didn't come from _us_ but from Killer! The infamous Massacre Soldier cut off whatever his captain had to say with a swift application of his elbow to Kid's ribs—ah, no, correction, to the _nasty_ scar that looked to encircle Kid's torso. Eesh, I'd heard he'd almost gotten ripped in half, but I didn't think it was _that_ literal!

Kid pinned his first mate with a downright caustic glare, but neither Killer's mask nor demeanor so much as budged, and so the bloodthirsty captain was forced to stand down with a snarl and a glower, but not much else.

I took that opening as my cue to continue.

"I'm not saying that you don't have a will just as strong as Luffy's; Vito made that point himself, none of you would be at this table if you didn't. But when it comes to a straight matchup against Luffy's brawn, it's a high bar to cross—"

" **We're IN a high bar,** _CROSS."_

I slapped Soundbite upside his shell, not stopping my speech. "—and unfortunately one that you, with your abilities, _have_ to cross. If it's any consolation? You're not alone in this. Bege I already explained, Urouge is a straight-up bruiser, and Drake, while a high-quality Zoan, is certainly no Rob Lucci. And… Barto I give even odds, depending on just how much punishment his barriers can take, if only because they're a hard counter to brute force."

At this point everyone with the title of Supernova was watching me, even if most of them were only doing it out the corners of their eyes.

Kid's glower stayed defiant, and then I wanted the defiance back, because he suddenly turned contemplative. This was followed by my stomach dropping into my shoes at the _eagerly_ vicious grin he adopted a few seconds later.

"So what you're saying…" he leered, malice positively dripping from his every word. "Is that everyone _else_ here could kick your rubber-brained moron's ass?"

The room _froze_ , attention _firmly_ swinging back to me, and not in a way I at all liked. I grimaced, and my eyes slowly turned toward my captain… who was glaring at Kid, an expression that Kid easily matched. Luffy's eyes turned to meet mine, and as he nodded his consent, I couldn't help but suppress a wince at how much _utter hell_ Kid was going to catch for this later. But still, if Luffy said it was alright…

"First off, I'm not _guaranteeing_ anything against anyone," I warned him tersely. "But… I will admit that yes, just considering powers and abilities, it's people capable of producing more esoteric effects like Law, Apoo, Bonney, or Hawkins who have a better chance against Luffy. Not a guarantee, but certainly nothing he can easily brute-force through. Admittedly, that's not counting skill or will or anything other than abilities, but that's what I've got to work with." I paused, then grinned viciously as a thought struck me. "Honestly, you want a good chance at kicking Luffy's ass? Follow _Foxy's_ example."

I _loved_ how that wiped the smug clean off Kid's bastard face. "That weak-ass little shit—!" he started to snarl.

"—managed to beat nine shades of shit out of Luffy because his powers were something Luffy couldn't punch his way out of," I sneered right back with my most shit-eating grin possible. "Which is a hell of a lot more than I can say about _you."_

Kid had no answer to that. Instead, he tsked and turned away, plopping into the chair he'd claimed earlier.

And hell, so long as I've got the advantage… "And speaking of who _else_ can kick whose asses," I mused aloud, folding my arms behind my head. "Just considering our crew, you're honestly at a _pretty_ hefty disadvantage. Sanji and Boss are just straight-up physical monsters, Nami's capable of zapping you into a briquette, Vivi you can't even _touch,_ even without her gun Merry could twist you into a pretzel—!"

**SLAM!**

I nervously eyed the crushed section of table underneath Kid's fist, the pirate's whole body shaking. He lifted his head, and I felt my stomach drop again at the bloody smile on his face.

"And how _is_ the little tyke, by the way?" he genially asked, raw evil coloring his every word. "Everything alright with her? Her… legs? Her… " Kid's fingers tore up a good chunk of wood as he clawed it down the table. " _Neck?"_

I blinked in confusion. Her neck? What about her _oh fuck I forgot about her choker_ _ **OH THAT FUCKING BASTARD!**_

Amidst the cacophony of scraping chairs and smashing glasses and Nami hopping out of Bege doing a creditable imitation of Zeus himself, I barely noticed Killer snapping his hands up in surrender and backing _well_ away from his captain. Guess the Massacre Soldier really _was_ as sensible as he appeared.

"YOU WANNA DIE, YOU PASTY FUCKWIT!?" Barto roarred, shooting to his feet and pounding his fists on the table as he glared bloody murder at the unrepentant Supernova.

"OK, Kid, word of advice, you should _really_ rethink what you're saying," Apoo hastily jumped in. He met the other Supernova's glare with a serious expression. "Buddy, the Straw Hats are all around you, all pissed, and they have a lot of friends and good will here. You, meanwhile?"

"There are approximately 1,013,913 words in the English language, and I know several other dialects besides, but I could never string any number of words together to explain just how much I want to _hit you with a chair,"_ Nico Robin droned in a voice that was dead as a doornail.

"…yeah, that."

Kid, for his part, was _entirely_ unconcerned with what should have been enough concentrated malice to kill him dead on the spot. He even went so fast as to scoff, lean back in his seat and kick his feet up on the table before leering past me. "Oh piss off, every one of you jackasses! Seriously, did piracy become a daycare service when I wasn't looking? In case you didn't notice, it's a _daaaangerous_ world out there. Little girls shouldn't be playing around with the big boys like us."

All around the bar, Apis, Goldenweek, and Merry's eyes all narrowed. Actually, so did Vivi's.

"I would _just_ like to note," Vivi hissed, her voice little more than a death rattle. "That five minutes. Have come. And gone."

Apis said nothing; she just pointedly raised her hand and snapped her fingers. Barely a second later, the platform shuddered from Lindy ramming into one of the chains supporting it, coiling around the titanic links of metal as he snarled down at us—at Kid—with tongues of flame licking out of the corner of his maw.

"Oh, no, please, allow me," Goldenweek stated in a voice that was somehow _extra_ dead, a veritable rainbow mixing on her palette. "Hold him steady for a minute. I want to see if I can make him cluck like a chicken. Maybe even make him lay the egg stuck up his ass."

"Ohohoh, don't worry…" Merry chuckled dryly, actually causing a minor ripple in the air as she slammed her fists together. "I think I can put him in traction for a _bit_ longer than _minute."_

And all of this… aaaaactually got Kid to give them an appraising look. There was no sneer, no condescension. Hell, he looked almost… respectful? But… from him? That's just not possible, I must've been reading him wrong, ri—?

"And besides, _Captain,_ you're one to talk."

The appraising look evaporated, Kid suddenly turning an interesting shade of red. Everyone's eyes fell on a pair of figures in a booth a short distance away: a child, boyish in appearance (ruffled and soot-stained), dress (a pair of heavy overalls and a white engineering cap), and voice (rough, but cocky), but still undeniably a _girl,_ and next to her a tall man with a yellow jacket, a wide-brimmed black hat, and an expression similar to Law's typical smirk, a pile of empty plates next to him.

"And _you_ are?" Law drawled, his bored tone belied by his typical smirk and the way his eyes just seemed to _shine_ with glee.

"Adelle Bascùd," the girl answered, matching smirk on her face as she tipped her hat to the other pirate. "Engineer of the Kid Pirates." She gestured to the man sitting at her side, who mirrored the expression and motion. "And this here's my brother and our crew's primary leg-breaker—!"

"Shuraiya! I thought I recognized that last name! Is that really you, you raggedy ass?!"

I jumped slightly at Koala's exclamation, giving the newly named Shuraiya a surprised look.

If the Kill Bill lookalike noticed, he ignored it in favor of barking a laugh and waving in greeting to the Revolutionary. "Koala, you bruiser! You turn pirate too, or are you still hanging with the rest of your troublemakers!"

"Still a Revolutionary, Shuraiya, just here on business, but… ' _too'?!_ Last time I saw you, you were turning in a particularly nasty bounty to us beaten within an inch of his life! How'd a pirate-hating bounty hunter like you end up going pirate?! With 'Captain' Kid no less?"

The erstwhile bounty hunter's smile dimmed noticeably, going from brilliantly cheeky to just fond remembrance. "True, Kid's a jackass," he nodded lazily.

"Bite me," the punk in question spat.

"But he's also the jackass who sent the man who destroyed our home to Davy Jones' locker, _and_ who brought my sister back to me after eight years of thinking she was dead. So, yeah."

Nobody listening was fooled; that may have been the truth, but it wasn't the whole truth. Buuut none of us Straw Hats, at least, were in any position to protest that. Ah, well.

"Aaanyway," Shuraiya continued, crossing his arms behind his head. "We've got something of a, eh, what's the word…?"

"Mutually beneficial arrangement," Adelle chirped.

"Right, one of those, going with him. We're sticking around with him because we don't have anywhere else to go and so that I can make sure that he doesn't start going after civvies again. And meanwhile, he's _keeping_ us around because I can kick nine kinds of ass without breaking a sweat _and_ without a Devil Fruit—"

"—while Gramps and I are the only ones with the technical knowhow to keep one of the toughest old bitches this side of the Red Line, the _Iron Tramp,_ chugging and sailing," Adelle cut in. "Makes us _pretty_ invaluable, ya know!"

Oh, the way Kid was twitching in his seat with his head bowed was just a dream come true. But truly, it would take a cruel man to kick him when he was at his lowest… so of course, I didn't _hesitate_ to open my mouth. "Wow, Kid," I chided with the closest to honest disappointment I could manage. "I knew you were a lot of awful things—and proud of it—but I thought even _you_ would shy away from _hypocrisy."_

Every scrap of metal in the room vibrated something fierce, but the punk pirate managed to hold his temper together… what little was left, at any rate. "I _do,"_ he snarled through clenched teeth. "The badger is _supposed_ to stay in the engine room where she's actually good at something, and even then I only keep her around because Shuraiya's good enough at what he does that I can tolerate his _brat_ sister staying along!"

"Mm-hm," said 'brat' hummed dispassionately, making a show of examining her fingernails. "You 'tolerate' me, is that right? Well, I'll just have to make sure to remember that the next time we're booking it from a particularly large fleet of Marines and you're yelling at me to, what was it again… ' _push her until she's giving us all she's got'?"_

"WHY. ARE YOU. _HERE!?"_

The pint-sized engineer shrugged indifferently. "Well, initially I came looking for you because I needed some more money to buy this new strain of coal I found in town for the Tramp, but I decided to stick around when I heard the direction things were going so that I could watch you crash and _burn._ So far?" She 'graced' her captain with a radiant smile. " _Not_ disappointed in the least."

Kid's ever-so-mature response was to snarl and fling a bundle of beris at her. "Get. _OUT."_

The engineer smiled innocently, showing off a gap in her front teeth, and caught the bundle. "Thanks, Captain!" the engineer chirped, hopping out of her booth and saluting both him and her brother on her way out. "Try and get me some incisors when the shit hits the fan, bro! My sculpture's almost done!"

"You got it, sis!" Shuraiya waved after her, and a few seconds later she was gone.

For a few, _glorious_ moments, silence reigned.

And then, of course, we stuck our noses in.

"Can I have some money too, _Captain Kid?"_ Merry sing-sang in her cutest, most obnoxious voice.

"ALRIGHT!" Killer shouted, hastily clamping a hand on his superior's shoulders and locking him in place before he could _erupt_ out of his chair. "Before somebody ends up disemboweled, can we get back to why we're here? The sooner we're all on our way to Sabaody, the better."

"Agreed!"

"Yes! Very yes!"

_That_ statement was met with unanimous agreement. In moments, all the Supernovas were seated at the central table, exchanging looks along the table, and the rest of the crews were at surrounding tables and booths behind their captains. I myself was leaning against the railing of the bar-platform, alone, watching the proceedings with vague interest.

"Shouldn't you be in there with them?"

Or, well, almost alone. I glanced to the left where Killer stood, and the angle of his helmet suggested he was side-eyeing me while still keeping an eye on his captain.

"After all," the helmeted first mate continued. "You _are_ the 'genius tactician' aren't you? Isn't this where you'd do the most good?"

"Only if there was anything to 'do' to begin with…" I sighed despondently, shaking my head slightly.

" **Just watch. THIS IS GONNA GET SO UGLY!** _**And yet so good!"**_ Soundbite snickered.

And before Killer could ask what we meant, the spectacle began in earnest.

"So, I'll just come right out and say it!" Apoo broke the silence with his usually unusual volume, emphasizing it with a clap of his hands. "Who's got any bright ideas about how to tear those privateers a new one?"

"My crew had them running and crying when we fought them," Kid snorted, waving his hand dismissively. "More force is all we'll—"

"Not all of us are as eager to keep ramming our heads into a wall until it breaks," Hawkins dryly cut in as he patiently cut his deck.

"The head or the wall?" Urouge asked, his smile _screaming_ he knew the answer in advance.

"Yes."

A vein pulsed on Kid's head. "Oh, screw—!"

"Well, we could try it anyway. If ya like having an admiral crawling up your ass," Bonney drawled through the mouthful of pork she was chewing, spraying meat everywhere in the process. "That island's how far from Marine Headquarters again?"

"It is an _archipelago,_ not an island, and not even half a day," Bege grunted, though the look he was shooting Bonney as he replied indicated he'd rather be answering with his gun instead.

"Yeah, he should know!" Barto snorted, obnoxiously and nasally at that. "The bastard got sent running 'cause Aokiji almost left his frost-covered boot up his ass! Like how Zephyr almost left him with an actual _tail,_ HA!"

"First off, I made that old geezer _bleed_ for what he did to me, so fuck off!" Kid barked, jabbing a finger at Barto, though the effect was ruined by how his other hand was clutching his scar. "And second, it wasn't Aokiji, it was Kizaru! And I never saw him anyways!"

"So you're not weak, you're just a coward. So noted," Law chuckled dryly, thumbing the bridge of his hat.

"You fucking—!"

"As Captain Eustass has already demonstrated, rushing in recklessly promises nothing but failure," Drake interrupted, his tone and demeanor both flat and unimpressed. "What we require, in this instance, is a sound and developed stratagem—"

"Developed by who? _You?"_ Bonney sneered, showing far too many teeth for polite company. "Yeah, didn't work so well for you and witch-boy the _last_ time you swung by this place!"

"At least neither of us is destined to choke on a chicken bone in the next three seconds," Hawkins drawled, eyeing a card he'd just drawn from his deck.

"Eh?" Luffy glanced up from his gorging, which he hadn't even paused in. "Did shomeone shay chi—MRGH! BONE! HELP!"

"Ah, my mistake. I apologize, Captain Monkey."

"YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE YOU DEAD-EYED ASS!" Barto slammed his barrier-encased fist on the table with a roar.

One straw-blond eyebrow rose. "That destiny would have come to pass with or without my intention. Much like how your own unfortunate countenance was a result of your own natural misfortune."

"OKAY, I MIGHT BE A BIT OF A DUMBASS, _BUT EVEN I KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID ABOUT MY FACE!"_

_KA-KLICK!_ "Sit your ass down and shut the hell up, Black Bart," Bege intoned, a pistol planted dead between Barto's eyes. "Your bullshit is getting us nowhere."

"HEHA!" Barto scoffed, spreading his arms wide—with fingers crossed, I idly noted. "Or _what,_ halfpint?"

_CRACK!_ The answer to _that_ came from Urouge, smile yet ever-present, if a bit bigger, slamming the pillar he'd been toting the entire time down next to the table. " _Or,_ I cave both your heads in and we continue without you. Why don't we just calm down, hm?"

"And who put you in charge here?" Bege sneered scornfully. "I'm the one with the most experience looking at big pictures like this, _I_ should have point."

"Fat chance. I'm the only one who's seen what they have to fight with, _and_ my bounty is the highest here next to _his,"_ Kid snorted, gesturing at Luffy, who was still flailing and starting to turn interesting colors. "And nobody sane would put _him_ in charge!"

"You're not wrong about that," Drake said, his eyes narrowing as his hand drifted down towards his mace. "But you're certainly _dumber_ than he is if you think I'll let someone as reckless as you boss me around."

"The fuck did you just say to me?!"

"He said that you're nothing but a dumbass, dumbass!"

"Will you two stop your squabbling already?! I can barely eat you're pissing me off so much!"

"Good. Maybe you could stand to eat a little _less."_

"YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU SON OF A—!?"

"PTOOEY! Woo, that was close, shishishi!"

"Okay, why don't we all calm down and—?"

"Oh, I can calm them down _real_ fast."

"You even touch that sword and I'll drop you where you stand, dead-eyes, I swear to Triton!"

"Just try it, punk-ass! You wanna go? LET'S GO!"

I shook my head as the arguments escalated in that general manner; at this rate, it'd be nightfall before we even had a chance to make any progress. Exactly what I was afraid would happen.

"Damn it all, we're getting nowhere at lightspeed," I groused under my breath. "Everyone's too tense, too wound up, too nervous, and their 'Alpha Dog' personalities mean that nobody's letting themselves show weakness, which is just ratcheting up the tension even _higher_ , and on top of that, that's riling up everyone else in the room and means the Supernovas are even _less_ likely to back down to save face _._ Damn negative feedback loops... they wouldn't have listened to me even if I'd _tried_ to say anything. Something needs to give sooner rather than later, or else this is going to turn real ugly real fast and—"

"You do know you're talking to yourself, right?" Killer flatly pointed out.

"Easiest way to guarantee intelligent conversation on short notice," I offhandedly retorted, more focused on my own thoughts. "Now if you don't mind, I need to stop our captains from trying to _kill each other…"_ A thought occurred to me. Wait, would that actually… then I _grinned_ as that thought struck gold. "And I _think_ I know how to do it. Just gotta check first, though—!" I snapped my fingers and indicated Lola, who'd been spending the entire fight thus far leaning on her bar taking in the dumpster fire. Soundbite's characteristic whine of static got her attention in a hurry, though. "Lola, two things real quick. First, to be sure, there's a net under here, right?"

The ex-Charlotte snorted derisively. " _What are you, chicken?"_

My eye twitched furiously as I got a good grip on the railing. "It's an Oars-tall drop to the bottom and most everyone in this room is drunk off their ass."

That got another snort, but this one was just amused. " _Just messing with you. Yeah, there's a net. A dozen nets, actually, all the way to the bottom and all hugging the rim, and they're reinforced with metal. We just painted them black. Gotta keep the excitement up, see?"_

I heaved a sigh of relief, "Smart. Alright, secondly… if things start getting messy in here, how pissed would you be?"

At this, Lola's face fell flat. " _Cross, this is, perhaps, among the largest pirate bars in the world. There is nothing in here that_ can't _be replaced. Just let me lay down a few ground rules when things start going down and then have fun."_

"Aye-aye ma'am," I concluded, saluting. I then pushed off the railing towards the maelstrom that was the strongest captains in our generation… before pausing as a thought struck me, and I glanced back at Killer. "I'm going to try and stop the bloodbath that's brewing. You can either follow me or stay out of my way."

Killer's mask stared impassively at me before the man himself heaved a sigh and pushed off the railing to join me. "…this had better work."

Out loud, I scoffed. "Around me? Trust me, one way or another it will." Under my breath, meanwhile, I hissed, "Soundbite? On my cue, some appropriate music, please."

"… _HOW THE HELL_ **AM I SUPPOSED** _ **to know what to play?"**_

"Ooooh trust me. You'll know."

Before he could say much else, however, I cleared my throat as we reached the edge of the table, as well last the argument. Truly, it was a testament to my influence that all noise stopped when I intervened, but the tension remained and was still mounting, so my mere 'presence' wasn't enough; not alone, anyway. As such, I'd have to make this fast.

With that thought in mind, I gave the Supernovas an expansive grin. "Gentlemen. Bonney. Kid."

"HEY!"/"HA!"

"I know things are tense, and I know you're all on edge. The blockade has us worried. Marine retaliation has us worried. The idea of our journeys being stalled is mortifying, and the idea of defeat even more so than that. It paralyzes us, reduces us to petty squabbling." Slowly, I surreptitiously laid my hands upon the the back of a free chair and scooted it out from under the table. "But! Fret not, my friends! And Kid."

" _BITE ME!"_

" **He wishes…"**

"For you see, I have the solution to all our woes and worries within arm's reach. A means through which all our stress will be alleviated, and peace and harmony restored to our ranks. All without any cause for concern whatsoever." I tilted my head to the side, a truly beatific smile on my face. "I have only two words for you all."

And with that, I grabbed the chair and swung it up, around, and smashed it clean across Killer's face in one smooth motion, knocking him ass over teakettle.

" _BAR FIIIIIGHT!"_ I roared, brandishing the splintered remains of the chair for all to see.

For a split second the entire chamber froze—

"HOLD IT!" And then it was right and properly paralyzed by a secondary roar, this one coming from Lola.

Before anyone could think to move, the Captain of the Skelter-Bite pounded her fist on her bar's countertop, and almost immediately in response, sturdy wood paneling fell over the mirror and booze arrayed behind her.

Lola heaved a sigh of relief. "Least I saved the mirror _this_ time…" She then pinned the room with a pointed stare. "Alright, LISTEN UP! Ground rules: no intentional kill shots, no crippling, if someone says uncle then you let them go, and unless you've got something personal against them, no aiming for the staff! Aside from that, feel free to bash each other's heads in."

A final moment, fragile as glass…

Lola swung her arms out impatiently. "GET TO IT!"

And then the world _shattered._

Whether by dint of pure reflex, superior readiness, or just the fact that they expected me to pull something like this, Luffy and Barto were the first to react, the latter leaping clean across the table to tackle Kid right in the ribs and onto the floor, and the former kicking the table six feet straight into the air. And, incidentally, hitting about half the Supernovas square on the chin in the process.

"AUGH! LUFFY, YOU IDIOT!"

And lo, as Nami's Eisen Cloud grabbed Luffy and started smashing him into the floor, Trafalgar Law's Room sprang to life, swapping me with him with only just enough time for me to duck under a sturdy-looking whiskey bottle, and all the while the chords of an electric guitar screamed out.

" _I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation!_

_You're living in the past it's a new generation!_

_A pirate can do what they want to do and that's_

_What we're gonna do!_

_An' I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation!"_

"Good choice," I grunted before grabbing the arm holding the bottle and smashing my armored forehead into the guy's—gal's!—chin with a satisfying crunch. Unfortunately, that didn't bring her down. A fact that I wasted a good second blinking stupidly at, and would've paid for with a shin to the family jewels had her head not suddenly vibrated like a malfunctioning blender.

"INCOMING!"

I spun, just in time to get rugby-tackled right in my chest and driven back. Several elbows to the head and shoulders didn't dissuade the pirate, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs entirely when I got sandwiched between the bar and the pirate. Wheezing, vision swimming, I barely rolled my head away from a punch that splintered the hardwood bar. The next punch I somehow caught in left hand, my right scrabbling for some sort of weapon. My fingers closed around smooth glass, and I brought a… whiskey bottle? A whiskey bottle around right in time to catch the pirate's arm with it.

_SNAP!_ "YAAAARGH!"

"Sorry, not sorry!" I barked, shoving him back with a foot to the chest and then backhanding him with the bottle. Amazingly, it remained intact, and I gave it an appreciative look. "Huh. Nice glass."

With my back covered, and no enemies charging at me, I could take a moment to catch my breath and get a good look at the fight. On the plus side, it had started a lot easier than the big brawl during the Accino/Hiruno wedding fiasco. On the downside, it had started a lot easier than that brawl, and more importantly, I could barely keep track of anything.

The _entirety_ of Helheim had devolved into a thing of pure chaos, fights spontaneously erupting… pretty much _literally everywhere_. The central platform I was on _alone_ was a mess of fighting bodies and thrown bottles and chairs and fists. Even the stronger fighters were mostly obscured by the seething mass around them.

Though most is not all. From the localized lightning tornado off to the left, Nami and Vivi had teamed up and were taking out some old frustrations on a hapless Five and Valentine. In the center, an angel, a dinosaur, and an elephant were grappling, the rest of the brawl giving them a wide berth. And then, further down the bar were—

"OH, FOR _FUCK'S SAKE_ , YOU GUYS!" I bellowed at Zoro and Sanji, sword meeting boot again and again. "FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIVES, CAN YOU _NOT_ FIGHT EACH OTHER THE FIRST CHANCE YOU GET?!"

"NO WAY IN HELL, CROSS!" the two roared back.

Groaning, I eyed my makeshift weapon. Maybe, just this once—?

"I wouldn't recommend that, Jeremi-ya."

Wait, was that—Yup. There was Trafalgar Law sitting next to me at the bar, sipping at a drink and cool as a cucumber.

"And why not?" I demanded halfheartedly.

"Well, one, that whiskey is garbage I'd only feed to Doflamingo." Law's smirk widened slightly. "And two, it won't break as fast full."

"Huh," I said, eyeing the bottle a little more appreciatively. "Okay, new question: why aren't you out there?"

Right as I said that, one pirate peeled off from the group, brandishing a pool cue and charging straight at Law as he… _ululated?_ Jeeze, I really _was_ the Voice of Anarchy…

"Well, for one, I don't need to be," he chuckled, making his usual gesture to swap a bottle of liquor flying above us with a random pirate. Said pirate followed the bottle's flight path and smacked into the covered liquor shelves, impacting them much like a fly would a windshield, and with just as much effect. "And for another, I prefer… other methods of stress relief."

I tensed sligh—okay, pretty hard at that remark, and it obviously showed, because Law gave me a knowing smirk.

"Okay, you got me," I said, throwing up my hands in faux-defeat. "But c'mon, it's not like I _lied,_ ya know? You saw how tense things were at the table. This…" I indicated the brawl… right as Beppo went careening head-first into the shelf—

_SMASH!_

…correction, headfirst _through_ the shelf, and stuck up to his waist. The bear's legs kicked and struggled for a bit before he fell slack with an audible groan of defeat. " _Oh, bother…"_

Following his trajectory (as I _fought_ to refrain from joining Soundbite in his cackling) showed that Gin and the new ginger chick had joined in on the Zoro/Sanji brawl to make it an all-out battle royale, though it wasn't clear _who_ had landed the blow.

I snickered and shook my head before forging on. "As I was saying… _this_ will hopefully allow everyone to blow off all the steam they've been building so we can discuss things like civilized human beings. Or, well, whatever the fuck we are. Because better that they be breaking bones instead of slashing throats, see?"

Law nodded sagely, even as he offhandedly jerked Kikoku's sheath to the side and brained a mook who'd tried to charge us. "Sound plan, Jeremi-ya. Very noble. Truly, I can only find one major flaw."

A sudden pit settled into my stomach. "Er… and what flaw would that be?"

"JEREMIAH CROSS!"

"Ohhh, that flaw," I said with a lot more cheer than I felt. I glanced at the bottle in my hand; suddenly, it felt decidedly inadequate. Especially since Killer's arm blades had just _shorn a table in two_ in midair.

"I…" Killer growled. "Am going to gut you, tear out your intestines, and use them to _string up this year's Christmas lights!"_

"You're welcome to try," I replied, smirking as I held up my left hand with my fingers in a V. "But I'm afraid you GASTRO-FLASH!"

The Flash Dial went off just fine. The Gastro-half did _not._ And any hopes that the Flash half would be enough died when Killer just tilted his head.

"Was that supposed to do something?"

"Mother of _pearl!"_ I spat under my breath. The mask. The damn mask had blocked the light from the Flash Dial! And with no sound… "SOUNDBITE!"

" _I'M BACK,_ **I'm back!** SORRY, HAD TO _**help Usopp**_ _AND GOLDENWEEK_ **DUCK OUT OF THE MELEE because they promised to get me some crunchy green.** BUT NOW I'M BACK AND—!" Silence descended—like, literally in our general vicinity—and slowly, Soundbite turned his half-lidded eyestalks towards me. " _ **DARE I ASK WHY?"**_ he deadpanned.

Killer gave me no chance to answer; I only barely caught one of his whatever-the-hells-they-were on the bottle I was holding, and _somehow_ the edge _only_ bit deeply into the glass, instead of clean through it.

"Just help me already!" I yelped, nervously eyeing the other blade as he raised it to _gut me!_

As if on cue, Killer suddenly staggered in the tell-tale sign of a Gastro-Phony. Astoundingly—and yet not really to my surprise, given who he was—he _didn't_ go down, and only a hasty dodge (and loss of my trusty bottle) kept me from losing an arm and half my ribcage.

"How the hell is he—?!"

" _ **HE'S KID'S ZORO,**_ **how do you think!?** _JUST BOOK IT!"_ Soundbite snapped.

"Booking!"

Though not on his knees retching, Killer's coordination had still been badly hampered by the Gastro-Phony. It was simplicity itself to simply run around him, but where to go? I took one look at the mosh pit surrounding the still-brawling Funkfreed, Drake, and Urouge and decided that there was no way I was going that way.

"Franky Boxing! ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!"

"Zazazazaza! That's useless! Uselessuselessuselessuselessuseless~!"

Neither, for instance, did I want to be one of the mooks that got too close to Bonney and Franky's punch v. kick duel and got pulped in the process…

"COME ON, CUTIESSSS! GIMME A HUG! IT WON'T HUUURT! _FOR LONG!"_

And that was the bridges off this place right out, so long as Sandersonia remained on an atmosphere-addled prowl.

" _STAIRS!"_

Oh, yeah, there was a second floor. And a quick glance confirmed that, while there were a good number of punch-ups going on up on the balconies, it wasn't the free-for-all on the ground floor. There were even people just leaning on the railings watching.

"JASON WANNABE _**at**_ **FIVE O'CLOCK,"** Soundbite announced.

I risked a glance over my shoulder and nearly let out a very manly scream. Killer was driving hard for me, tossing aside anyone in his way. A glance back at the stairs confirmed that it was going to be a _very_ close call.

"Here goes nothing…" I muttered, throwing myself into a dive.

As I'd hoped, Killer's scythes sailed right above my head, and I grabbed at the steps and scrambled back to my feet, bounding up two at time. Killer, sadly, was not constrained to such mundane things as "stairs", and a single jump had him balancing on the banister next to me, and his legs tensed to get him in _front_ of me.

" _Yo, asshat:_ **GASTRO-BLAST: STEREO EDITION!"**

And just as his feet left their footholds, a solid _wall_ of sound slammed into Killer, knocking him off-balance at exactly the wrong moment. He plummeted down, and some part of me hoped that he would miss the central platform and fall down onto the nets hard enough to break them.

But when have I ever gotten that lucky?

Sure enough, when I reached that upper balcony, Killer's scythes cut into the wood of the floor and _heaved_ him up so that he could perch on the balustrade like a faceless gargoyle. I glanced behind him, and bit back a curse. Out of position. Still, there was a simple enough way to fix that.

"Disorient him, but don't let him notice."

" **That'll barely** _THROW HIM OFF."_

"That's _my problem_ ," I retorted, grabbing two more bottles off a nearby table and brandishing them like short swords.

And none too soon, either. Killer launched himself off the balustrade, shattering it under his feet. I frantically backpedalled, catching his blades on the bottles. And then again. And again.

It was a whirlwind of steel that I only survived through panicked flailing, Soundbite subtly disorienting Killer so that he was only two steps ahead instead of the ten he'd typically have over me, and Soundbite _also_ tossing in a few light Gastro-Blasts whenever the other pirate got too close to turning me into sashimi.

"Ow! Mother _humper!"_

Unfortunately, I was getting turned into sashimi _anyway,_ just the slow way. Slashes kept slipping through my improvised guard, nicking my face and arms and chest and shoulders. And the fact that the blades were steadily chipping away at the thick, sturdy bottles added flying glass shards to the bladestorm I was dealing with.

But I was alive and fighting, and Killer was so pissed off and distracted he didn't notice that my backpedalling had looped us around, so that I was now being pressed back in parallel to the balustrade.

Just. As. Planned.

Clumsily hopping back from another swipe, I risked a glance to my left. Yes! Finally, my ticket out of here!

Of course, my inattention meant I collected another small cut, this one on my _neck_ and entirely too close to the important bits. I only barely turned back in time to catch Killer's _other_ scythe on one of my bottles that, naturally, picked that moment to give up the ghost, spraying me with alcohol and glass shards.

"Fucking—! Soundbite!"

I'd barely gotten past the first syllable of Soundbite's name when Killer stumbled to the ground clutching his head. Good snail. Taking the opportunity, I ditched the remains of my impromptu weapons and sprinted for the balustrade, before launching myself off of it into the open air.

For a long second, I hung there, slowly drifting up and forward. Down below, I could see the brawl paradoxically cleared of most of its fighters, most of the ordinary pirates lying in groaning heaps on the floor being tended to by a mix of doctors from the various pirate crews and what looked like a team hired by the bar, and yet still _intensifying_. But if you thought about it, it wasn't that strange: with the fodder gone, it was a brawl between the absolute cream of the crop, and they all had endurance to spare.

I only had time for snapshots: Kid and Hawkins smacking straw and metal arms into each other. Koala grabbing Sandersonia by her tail as she passed by and throwing her into the floor in a classic, if _massive_ suplex. Bege trying to batter down Fortress Bartolomeo with raw cannon power.

Oh, and Drake, Funkfreed, and Urouge were _still_ butting heads in the center of the fight. Literally; I winced when Funkfreed reeled back, an Urouge-forehead-shaped dent right above his eyes.

_CLANG!_

No time to wonder what _that_ noise was. I'd passed the apex of my jump, and I needed all my concentration for this…

Throwing my arms out, I grabbed the big chandelier hanging over the center platform and held on for dear life. The chandelier swung out, and I took the moment to catch my breath and—

Did a knife just bounce off a wall?

"AH, THAT **HAWKINS GUY** _threw that your way._ **Knocked it off course** _ **AND—"**_

"YAAAAAARGH!"

Oh, that was Mikey, leaping above the scrum clutching his—!

"MY AAAAASS! _WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP STABBING MY AAAAASS!?"_

"HEEHEE **HOOHOO** _ **HAHAHA!"**_

I hastily tried to tune out Soundbite's howling. Not because it wasn't funny, because it was _hilarious_ and I was never going to let the chuck-wielder live it down so long as I lived, but because I needed to time this… just… right…

Now!

Right as the chandelier, sent a-swingin' from my desperate leap, reached its apex. I let go, soaring, arms wide.

Good news, my plan worked! I'd escaped and was alive!

Bad news? It worked too well.

Because you see, I escaped and landed, clean astride, the familiar back of an unfamiliar Tyrannosaurus Rex.

I blinked in numb surprise as my brain attempted to process Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot had just happened… and ultimately, my gut reacted before my brain could catch up, prompting me to shoot my fists in the air with a whoop. "Booyah!" I crowed. "Third time riding a T-Rex overall, _second_ time I ride one into battle! I love how those numbers don't match up!" I cackled as I rammed my heels into my mount's side. "Charge, trusty steed!"

_That_ prompted said trusty steed to display some impressive dexterity by twisting his head around to straight-on _glare_ at me with a baleful eye, backed up by rows of snarling, knife-sized teeth.

" _Or not!"_ I cheerfully squeaked, rolling backwards off his back and narrowly missing becoming Drake's snack by the skin of _his_ fangs. As it was, I was lucky to land unharmed… until I almost got _unlucky_ by way of a punk-rock reject I recognized from Kid's team almost bringing a table down on my head. Then my luck reversed once more thanks to several disembodied arms yanking me aside and dropping me off the edge of the platform. I fell for only a couple of seconds before finding myself on a lower island-table that—most surprisingly—was actually _devoid_ of conflict. Then again, given who was actually sitting here, maybe it wasn't so surprising as that.

"Robin. Goldenweek. Foxy," I nodded patiently at the other onlookers, calmly reaching for a cup of—I barely stopped myself from grabbing the cup with a grimace. "Painted the floor green, I see."

"Mm, in my defence, it's muddied," Goldenweek shrugged indifferently as she sipped her own hot leaf-juice. "That way, you _can_ ignore the effects if need be, but most anyone else who sets foot here is going to be finding themselves having an unpleasant time."

"Case in point," Foxy snickered, jabbing his thumb to the side to indicate Hamburg flinging a half-tranquilized would-be interloper off the platform… after stealing his wallet, because of course.

I gave the trickster pirate a flat look… for a bit before shrugging and picking up a crumpet. Had to keep up my energy, after all! "So, how's the brawl going?" I asked.

"Let's see…" Robin closed her eyes with a thoughtful hum. "The TDWS is totem pole-ing to fight against a couple of the Heart Pirates—Sachi and Penguin I believe their names were—Carue is educating Billy on how wings can be used to execute a surprisingly effective chokehold, Chopper is alternating between first aid in Brain Point and first blood in Heavy Point—"

" _Conis just BLASTED an entire bridge!_ _ **IT'S RAININ' CHARRED MEN, WOMEN, AND ASSHOLES,**_ **HALLELUJAH!"**

"—Lassoo is getting help from Merry to improve his pitch while she's keeping a very active pace with him using her Jingo as a bat, Brook and Lindy are getting pictures of everything, particularly anything below the waistline, aaaand—"

" **GEAR THIRD!" THWACK! "** _ **RIBBIT!"**_

"—I _do_ believe that Luffy just dropped down to the giants' section and has started a fist fight with the Sea King, and Boss is not far behind," she concluded with a nod and a deep slurp of her tea.

"Oooh, Triton's going to be cranky about that," Goldenweek actually showed some emotion as she winced sympathetically.

I blinked in surprise and gave the artist a glance. "You _know_ that oversized plate of uncooked legs? What, Mohmoo not enough for you or something?"

"Oh, no, not at all," Goldenweek waved me off with a shake of her head. "Rather he's… a friend, of sorts. It's complicated. Apis will help him explain once things die down."

" _GO FOR THE EYES, WHITE ONE! THE EYES! MUHUHAHAHAAAA!"_

" _GLADLY! C'MERE, MOOKS!"_

" **Aaand once she stops RAISING HELL WITH** _Cottontail's help!"_

"That too."

"Sounds like we're going to be here for awhile then," I nodded sagely, grabbing and scarfing down a rice cracker off the table before striding to the edge of the platform. "Well, then, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do my due diligence and knock a few heads." And with that, I swan-dived towards a table below us—

—and immediately donned a malevolent grin as my fog cleared and shifted my position in midair. "PEOPLE'S ELBOW!" I roared with eager glee.

"FUCK YOUR PEOPLE'S ELBOW!" Someone roared back—

_THWACK! "GAH!"_

—which was all the warning I got before I was swatted out of the air and sent crashing through a table to crack a different island in half beneath me.

I clawed my way out of the wreckage with a groan, shaking all the kinks out of my bones. I was sore, covered in bruises, and dripping enough wasted food and booze to give Sanji an aneurysm. All in all, all surefire indicators that this was going to be a long brawl.

I immediately launched myself back into the air, aiming for the same table as before. "PEOPLE'S ELBOW 2: THE REVENGENING!"

…And I was going to love _every second of it._

**Cross-Brain AN: And we hope that this cliffhanger is just what you hoped for, too.**

…

…

…

**OK, but seriously, we've kept you waiting long enough for this, would you have rather waited another full month at least before seeing anything? As it stands, we're all up late writing this out so we can post before the new year. We'll finish the Road to Sabaody arc with the next chapter… and then? Oh, then things get** _**crazy…**_


	5. Chapter 5

### Chapter 71: Chapter 63 - Road to Sabaody Pt. 5

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 63**

**Xomniac AN: The following 'allosaurus' joke was made on December 2, 2017, well before X Drake's Devil Fruit was actually revealed to be an allosaurus. Said joke was supposed to be in the previous chapter. I'm actually quite pleased with the serendipity of how it turned out.**

**CV12Hornet AN: Also, for our reviewers, please stop asking if we're alive or assuming the story is dead. I know we spoiled you lot early in the fic's run with fast updates, but the fact is it takes us a couple months to write one of these now. More to the point, if** _ **This Bites!**_ **dies,** _ **we will tell you.**_

**The Patient One AN: We** _**want** _**to be able to make a living purely off of our stories, but the fact is that it's likely to be another year—at the barest, most unrealistically optimistic—before our P-a-t-r-e-o-n income is close to allowing that. As such, we have to dedicate most of our time to work or college, and that doesn't leave us a lot of time or energy for writing.**

… **Our apologies for the venting; we know that we've been testing your patience, but we are doing all that we can…now, then. Shall we?**

It was late afternoon when the tired, sore, but satisfied group of pirates that was the closest we had to our 'best and brightest' (God help us) settled down in the disheveled remains of Helheim. Nary an individual was unscathed, and as much alcohol flowed _on_ bodies as _into_ them.

"Can I say something really quick?"

Several pairs of eyes fell on the orange-bandana'd dugong who'd spoken, an ice pack soothing his skull and a convenient ice block doing the same thing for his tail.

"I just want to correct something I've said in the past: if it's a stupid idea and it works… sometimes, it's still a really _stupid_ idea, Cross."

"Hear hear," deadpanned the entirety of the main bar.

"Not my smartest idea, I'll admit," I mumbled out through the bandages that covered every unarmored inch of my body. Made me dread what I'd be going through soon that had my future self looking like this 24/7. "But it was the fastest way to get everyone to listen without anyone biting anyone's head off. More specifically, _my_ head."

"Do we really look like we need the Voices of Anarchy rattling our skulls right now?" Drake snarled.

" **You have a bad track record with** TYRANNOSAURUSES," Soundbite chuckled.

"Actually, on closer inspection, I believe him to be an Allosaurus," Robin chimed in halfway across the room, surreptitiously hiding her smile behind her cup.

" _I demand the_ _**opinion of a proctologist!"**_

"You mean a paleontologist."

" _ **SOMEONE GET ME A LINGUIST!"**_

" _The reason you want to listen to me,"_ I cut in over the (mercifully) hushed conversation, very happy that my bandages made it easy to hide my smirk. "Is that if _this_ is what we've been driven to after only _one_ week of that blockade, I don't think any of us like the idea of being forced to sit around any longer. So, you want me to take charge of the discussion and actually help us all figure something out, or would you rather we keep ramming our heads against the iron curtain until something—be it them or _us_ — _breaks?"_

The Supernovas exchanged looks. Finally, Kid snapped his fingers at me, grimacing and clutching the strained digits the next second.

"You get one chance, Cross," he spat.

"That's all I've ever needed," I smirked in response. "Now, let's start by looking at what we know about the blockade. Surgeon of Death."

Law cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Since you have a submarine, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you're not here with us because of the good service, am I right?"

Law's eyes narrowed slightly, and he nodded. "Right on the money, Cross. Yeah, whoever put together this blockade? They were _smart_ about it. The blockade ships have towed torpedoes attached to their hulls, which makes it hard _enough_ to go under them." His gaze sharpened. "But their 'first line of defence' is an even bigger problem. Anyone here ever heard of Territorial Sea Slugs?"

"THOSE SHELL-LESS SLIME-RAGS!?" Soundbite roared out of nowhere, veins popping up on his eyestalks. " _ **I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED**_ **THEM** _**to be a part of something as**_ **underhanded as this!"**

"So I take it you've heard of them," I deduced, digging my finger around in my ear to try and get rid of the ringing.

" _I_ have too," Lola scowled, rubbing her chin in thought. "Aquatic cousins of Transponder Snails, they float beneath the waves and convey information on anything that comes past them. Any ship that tries to sail over them gets spotted instantly."

" _And trust me on this, they are_ ARROGANT **little shits about how they can suck saltwater** _ **without problem, ALWAYS RUBBING IT IN US TRANSPONDERS' EYESTALKS!"**_ Soundbite spat, audibly grinding his teeth. " **IF YOU'RE EXPECTING THEM TO LISTEN WHEN I TELL THEM TO CLAM IT, NO DICE."**

"Couldn't you just rattle their fluid-based pseudo-skeletons with a Gastro-Phony?" Donny suggested.

" **NEEEEERD!…and, no. Some of 'em,** _ **easily, BUT NOT ALL OF THEM, WHICH IS THE PROBLEM;**_ _the rest would just RAISE THE ALARM ON WHATEVER PART OF THE NET WENT DOWN._ _ **They're assholes, but coordinated assholes,**_ **I'll give them that."**

"The Marines must really be putting their all into this blockade if they have enough of them to encircle the archipelago… and all of this just for little old us? I'm kind of flattered, really," Nami purred.

"So, evading detection is problem one. And Kid, how organized was their formation?"

The punk snorted and looked away. "Half and half, honestly. The first bastards I ran into were run-of-the-mill tar-flags: pretty tough, sure, but nothing dangerous." And then his scowl deepened. "The _problem_ was that they managed to latch onto my ship and hold us up long enough for more ships to show up, only _those_ ones were Marine battleships. They kept up such a hail of lead that even I couldn't clear us a path. We _could_ have broken through, we even managed to sink a few of the privateers and a battleship, but they just. Kept. Coming. And right when they were really starting to piss me off…"

"Kizaru, right, right…" I waved him off, and this time it was without mockery. Seriously, if _anyone_ here knew how little shame there is in booking it from an Admiral, it was our crew.

"I have to admit that I'm curious, Kid," Drake noted. "If memory serves, the ship you hijacked and renamed was originally a limited production Marine steamship, and if you're tolerating a child on your crew I can only assume it's because she knows what she's doing. How did a bunch of privateers hold you up when you had that on your side?"

"Because we were up against tar-flags and we wanted to be thorough, and that bought their reinforcements enough time," Killer growled out. "They were outright _insane,_ shoved their ship in front of ours, kept grappling the Tramp with chains they had fixed to their own deck and around the masts, things like that. And whenever their ships started to give up the ghost, they just boarded their neighbors and kept it up. They did everything possible to slow us down and force us to a halt, no matter the costs, to their ships _or_ themselves."

_CRACK!_

There was a _brief_ lull in the conversation due to everyone trying to figure out where the sound of pure _RAGE_ and destruction had come from. Everyone outside of my crew, anyway.

"Franky, Merry, I don't think we'll have time to get your complete pounds of flesh this time," I deadpanned without looking.

" _You don't know that,"_ came the dual snarls.

"He might not, but I do."

_That_ broke through my feigned apathy, and I looked over to Drake, who was glaring intently at the center of the table through pyramided hands.

"What you don't quite grasp is that nobody likes privateers," the pseudo-saurian explained. "The Marines see them as just another brand of pirate to put down. It is only because of contracts with the World Government and the larger trading companies that privateer ships and fleets other than the Seven Warlords' are allowed to remain operational. If the Marines have been pushed into employing them directly, then it is only because they have a gun to the privateers' heads. Proverbial or literal. These privateers are going to such extreme lengths because they _have_ no other choice. They can either _chance_ death by putting their all into trying to stop us… or _guarantee_ it by failing and earning themselves one-way tickets to Impel Down."

Drake then snarled and glanced aside. "Which, satisfying as it may be, honestly makes our chances worse, because we all know what they say about cornered rats. The privateers will be as dangerous as the battleships."

His piece said, he looked to cede the floor to me, but I waved him on again. "Hey, you seem to be on a roll. If you've got an insider's perspective on this whole thing then the floor is yours."

Drake suspiciously eyed me, but not for long. Instead, he moved his gaze to my immediate superior. "Weather Witch. Your clouds have proven versatile thus far. Could you provide—?"

Almost instantly, the table was swamped with a white mass, one that swiftly shifted from fluffy and formless into a swaying pane of 'water'. Smack in the middle was a miniature collection of trees I recognized as Sabaody, while on the edge was a hazy clump that could only be us.

Drake nodded stoically, high thanks coming from him, and continued on with his explanation. "As stated, the first concern is the Sea Slugs." The cloudy map shifted to display a line of squirming lumps a good distance out from the archipelago. "They won't impede us on their own, but they'll give our enemies first warning of any incoming vessels; by the time we reach the actual blockade, they'll have reinforcements ready to greet us."

"Hm… troublesome… meaning that by the time we actually start fighting, we're already halfway to getting swamped…" Apoo mused, raising a finger. "Just a thought, but could we spoof the slugs? Ya know, send a small ship somewhere to spook 'em, then when the blockade looks one way we go the other?"

A simple idea, and to my mind a good one, but unfortunately, Drake's response was a firm shake of his head. "Wouldn't work," he stated. "Because the slugs are only meant to act as a 'something here' sort of warning. To actually mobilize the blockade fleet, someone needs to get actual eyes on the target. Something like what you're proposing would either be dismissed as a false positive or raise the alert across the line, but either way, no gaps would open as a result. Which brings us to the fleet itself…"

Drake trailed off as he stared at the freshly cloud-crafted ships, and then he looked back at Nami. "You noticed it too, did you?"

"Of course," Nami replied matter-of-factly. "I'm a navigator worth my salt, I'd have to be _blind_ to not notice."

"Eh? The hell are you talking about?" Bartolomeo demanded, giving the table an incredulous look. "And why'd you only show half the ships and slugs?"

And indeed, he seemed to be right: the lines of both vessels and mollusks seemed to be half-formed, depicting a horseshoe-shaped formation around the archipelago, leaving half the archipelago defended but the other half _conspicuously_ open.

"Because that's _exactly_ how they're arranged," Drake explained slowly, as though talking to a child, but before Barto's hackles could truly get up, he shook his head dismissively. "And before you ask, _no_ , we can't go through the opening. Do I really need to explain why?"

"You only wish everyone else in this room was as smart as you and I," Nami answered in a long-suffering tone.

Drake let out a quiet snort of agreement, which got more than a few bulging veins from the other Supernovas, but thankfully Nami continued before anyone could protest.

"What most of you seem to be missing," our navigator stated, a bit too slowly. "Is that the unprotected side of the island is the _northwest_ approach."

_That_ got reactions from more than a few of the Supernovas, though the more clueless ones remained… well, clueless.

"What's the big deal about where the hell the gap is?!" Barto impatiently demanded.

"The Red Line lies on that side of the ocean, dumbass," Bege sighed in resignation, Nami helpfully providing a visual in the form of a mountainous _wall_ of cloud. "And atop it—"

"Mariejois…" I finished with a disgusted grimace. "In all its resplendent, _unholy_ glory. And I'm guessing that the defenses are as impressive as the city itself is ostentatious?"

"Hole in one, Cross," Vivi piped up from the sidelines. "We wouldn't even need to be within sight of the Red Line itself, their mortars are so powerful. All they'd need to do is spot us… and then they'd simply _bury_ us in a rain of hot lead we wouldn't even have a chance of defending ourselves against."

"Alright, alright, so the only way _in_ is to go through," Urouge mused, his ever-present grin becoming slightly strained. "Through the pack of faithless privateers who are selling their souls for the freedom to wreak unmitigated havoc."

"Made all the worse by the fact that those very same privateers have Marines commanding their formation," Hawkins quietly interjected. "Ultimately, we can only choose how we clash with the Government. Either we put ourselves at the mercy of Mariejois' defenses and hope we don't get blown to pieces, or we endeavor to pierce the strength of the blockade they've erected," was the bland summation. "A blockade with a balanced mix of quality and quantity that guarantees that, even if they cannot truly best any of us, they can stall us out until someone who _can_ shows up. Meaning that unless we have someone who can fight an admiral here—"

"There are some, actually," Law airily interrupted, drumming his fingers on his devil-sword's sheath. "Word around the island is that the proprietor of Oden's Cottage is one of Whitebeard's Division Commanders. I doubt he would say no if—"

"No way."

All eyes turned to Luffy, hitherto silent and now glowering at the center of the table. "We didn't come this far just to ask someone for help getting into the New World," he stated in a voice that brooked no argument. "If we can't get there ourselves, we don't deserve it."

…I honestly had to move my gauntlet over my gut to make sure that I hadn't actually been stabbed, because _geeze,_ that one hurt. It was a good thing everyone's focus was more on Luffy… especially Bartolomeo, who was biting his lip with glowing, teary eyes. Thankfully, the rest of the Supernovas seemed to be nodding in agreement, so that made things easier for us.

"…so, if we're doing this on our own," Law began again. "Then what's the plan of action?"

"…Mmrgh…" Bege grumbled. "Although it almost _literally_ sickens me to say it, I must unfortunately agree with Eustass on this matter—"

"Up yours, shortstack!"

"—in that the simplest and most direct approach is most likely the correct one. All of us together have more firepower at our disposal than most people see in their lifetimes. If we concentrate it all into a single point of assault, then we _should_ be able to break through with relative ease."

"FUCK YEAH!" Kid roared. Half the bar promptly joined him, shaking the room with their will to rampage until Bege sharply cleared his throat.

" _Except,"_ he growled, angling his fedora down to shade his eyes. "For the fact that every. Single. _Time_ an operation like this goes down, _somebody_ is left holding the bag. And that's more accurate than ever in this case, seeing as if we want to get past that blockade, we'll want somebody to stay back and tie down the privateers and Marines like they'll try and tie _us_ up. I'm guessing nobody here volunteers for the position."

_That_ killed everyone's enthusiasm dead in its tracks, and Helheim lapsed into an uncomfortable silence, nobody willing to look at the others in the eye. I grimaced as I silently admitted that the mobster had a point, and I was just starting to wrack my brain for a solution…

"We're not the only ones heading to this Super Body place, right?"

Only to be preempted by the last person any of us had expected.

"Eh?" I blinked in surprise at Luffy and his curious head tilt. "I, uh, yeah? Saba— _The Archipelago_ is the first stop on the only route pirates can take to reach the New World. However many pirates are here on Skelter Bite, it's only a fraction of everyone who wants to get past that blockade."

"Okay," Luffy nodded. "Sooo, if we need to have someone stay behind, then what about all the other pirates that want to go there?"

_That_ snapped everyone's attention to Luffy. Most in shock, sure, but others with dawning realization.

"Wait-wait- _waaaaait…"_ Bonney drew out, waving her hands incredulously. "Are you—Is he saying—?!"

"He's… actually _right!"_ Valentine breathed. "Even if we, the Bartos and the Straw Hats, managed to land the 1% of Paradise's scum in Impel Down, that _still_ leaves the unwashed masses of the 99%, those below Shiki's standards, out roaming the waters! Weak as heck, no doubt… but when a _lot_ of garbage gets piled up in one place at the same time, it can raise a hell of a stink."

_That_ split the reactions in the room down the middle: half were eagerly optimistic, with a savage undertone for the schadenfreude of leaving the worst of our profession to hang… but the other half remained tense and doubtful.

The head of these doubters was, of course, the ever-gloomy Bege. "And how, exactly, do you _propose_ we assemble said 'garbage' in order to bring about said 'stink'?" he asked through a cloud of smoke.

"The little angry man is right," Urouge nodded, completely ignoring the look of murder said little man shot at him. "It's a perfect solution, true, but I doubt that we can just invite all of them to come together and fight for us, especially if they're just going to be scapegoats. We would need to motivate them somehow, give them a _reason_ to charge at a line of Marines, heedless of their own lives."

Another tense moment of disappointment as everyone acknowledged the point made…

"…well, hell, guess it's up to me to save all of our skins. _Again."_

And another moment of utter shock as everyone's incredulous eyes turned to _Kid_ of all people, who glanced at Shuraiya and then back at the rest of us.

"Any of you dumbasses ever heard of the Dead End Race?"

**-o-**

The details poured out from there, and a solid plan took form. Details regarding the rules and regulations (if they could called as much) about the event in question were divulged and elaborated upon, and issues about the prize, the ignition, and the one to be trusted with the prize money were presented and resolved. Of course, the third one required calling in a rather significant debt, as evidenced by the octopus fishman cowering before our resident Weather Witch.

"A-Anyway, if you don't mind and don't need me for anything else, I'm just going to get back to handing out takoyaki. _Does_ anyone else need anything?"

All of us gathered Supernovas turned our eyes from Hachi, instead looking over each other. Just waiting for someone to raise another objection. God knows there'd been enough of those during this discussion. And with Bonney and Luffy looking ready to gnaw at the table, we could finally, _finally_ bring this discussion to an—

"From you? Nothing. From everyone else, though, I'll take a second of your time."

"Neptune's hairy ballsack, what _now?!" Drake_ of all pirates snapped as all eyes turned to the speaker, Apis, who looked remarkably unfazed by the entire Worst Generation glaring at her for interrupting. That Lindy's head, a smug, toothy grin set in the jaws, was pointedly hovering over her probably had something to do with the lack of anything pointed flying at her head… _yet_.

"This had better be good, brat," Kid growled. Well, some things never change.

"Let me preface anything else with the fact that I ate the Whisper-Whisper Fruit," Apis announced, meeting Kid's and every other Supernova's eyes. "What that means is that I can mentally communicate with any animal alive. Including ones that even Soundbite can't translate."

Before anyone could question her, a sonorous " **CROAK!"** sounded out, and conversation in the bar died yet again. Most everyone—the Supernovas included—got up and looked over the nearest edge into the abyss. But rather than the abyss, it was a titanic yellow frog Sea King staring up at us crouched on the floor, his bulbous eyes patiently blinking out of synch.

"Including _Sea Kings,_ as we found out during a little…" She snapped a sidelong glare at her unrepentant and snot-picking captain. " _Adventure_ in the Calm Belt some time back." She then shook her head and nodded her head back towards the edge. "And that's _important_ because down there is the Elder Triton of the Abyssal Court, the closest thing the Sea Kings have to a governing body, who's here as an envoy of one of the Court's _Grand_ Elders, Eternal Okeanos." She cocked an expectant eyebrow. "You all interested in what I—and specifically _he—_ has to say now?"

There was a respectful silence from the assembled captains, up until Hawkins politely cleared his throat. "I believe I speak for all of us when I say that we are most interested in what the honorable Elder has to share," he stated patiently. It really said something that even _Kid and Luffy_ nodded along to that.

Apis looked back down to Triton, and after a brief pause the frog let out another sonorous croak and nodded respectfully. The titanic amphibian then started gesturing with its webbed fingers alongside a series of shorter but no-less rib-rattling croaks.

The Whisper-Girl nodded along to whatever it was the Sea King was saying, and once it finished she addressed the Supernovas again. "Elder Triton thanks you for agreeing to hear him out, and says that his presence here today is to act as a messenger for Eternal Okeanos. And he bears his message here, specifically, because what he has to say is for the ears of any and all who fly the Jolly Roger."

If anyone wasn't interested before, then they were now practically hanging on every word.

"Holy _shit,"_ I muttered under my breath.

"Didn't see this coming?" Merry hissed up at me.

"Well…" I shrugged. "I've always known Sea Kings were smarter than they let on and that they _had_ some kind of relation with humanity way back when, but I'm talking _Void_ 'way back'. I expected they'd come into play someday, but…"

"That's a no, then…" Merry donned an ear-to-ear grin. " _In-_ teresting!"

"And what would the Grand Elder's message be?" Drake spoke up.

Apis straightened herself as imperiously as she could… with Lindy looming behind her, of course. "The Abyssal Court is an ancient and proud body, so they, um…" Apis paused, frowning cutely in thought. "Uh, that's a lot of big words… they take a long time to make decisions. The last time they made a decision at all it took a century, give or take a decade. So you can guess what a big deal it is that they have decided, near unanimously, to rearrange their kind's priorities over the past several _months."_

The Whisper-girl raised her head and swept her gaze over the assembled pirates. "It has been decided, by the Abyssal Court, that the Abyssal Ones—or as we know them, the Sea King species— have more to gain from tolerating the existence of pirate ships upon the surface of their domain, rather than removing them for their transgressions."

There was a rather pregnant pause as that sunk in.

"…Pardon me, but I find that phrasing to be a bit vague. What does that mean, exactly, for us?" Urouge asked.

Apis looked over her shoulder, speaking slowly as though to make sure that she was delivering the correct message. "The Abyssal Ones will no longer attack pirate ships… just on a whim. They're, ah, not completely safe from attack, because some of the Abyssal Ones _will_ still attack; some because they're hungry, some because you've intruded on their territory, some… just they're mean sons of belug—ah, bitches… but they're saf _er."_

There was a murmur of conversation and a great many traded glances among the table. Then, Bonney said, around a mouthful of takoyaki, "Sure, we'll take it."

"Does this mean that we're expected to show the 'Abyssal Ones' the same courtesy?" Law asked carefully.

"Ah…" Apis looked to Triton and then back to Law. "They expect you—us, to leave the younger ones alone, but they never leave the Calm Belts until they can take care of themselves, so in general, best to keep staying out of there like usual." She then shook her head. "Ah, but adults, not really; the Abyssal Ones live by the laws of nature, 'survival of the fittest' and 'might makes right.' Lose a fight, you only have yourself to blame.

"And like I said, while most of the Abyssals will follow the new decree for pirates unless they have some personal reason to attack, there will still be some who want to prove their strength against…" She hesitated, glancing over her shoulder briefly for confirmation before continuing. "Ah… against 'the ones who defy the world.' So, yeah. Might still be some _attacks,_ but, uh, if they attack and then decide to break off and run, I think you can just leave them be, they won't come back."

"So, basically, pirates now have the choice to live and let live with Sea Kings?" Apoo incredulously clarified.

"Basically?" Apis shrugged patiently. "Yeah."

"And I'm guessing they're not interested in telling us _why_ they've decided such a thing?" Hawkins inquired.

Apis shrugging helplessly was punctuated by the flat and guttural " _ **CR-**_ **OAK"** that echoed throughout the shaft. "I get a bit of clout because I made a good impression on them and I'm the first non-Abyssal entity to speak with them in centuries, but that's still something they'll take to the deepest trenches, so no."

"Reason or not, I think that that's everything. So, if I can make one more suggestion?"

And with that, the attention came back to me. This time, I tugged the bandages off to show off my grin. "We've got an armistice with the ocean's greatest predators and we've got a plan to bust up that blockade. It'll take another few days before we can actually do it, but we've got it. Am I the only one who thinks that this calls for a celebration?"

One second of silence.

Two.

" _PARTY!"_ Luffy, Barto, Apoo, _and_ Bonney all threw their fists up and roared in synch.

Aaaand boom goes the bar, the entire place roaring into new and, as usual, pretty damn _violent_ life as everyone somehow got their second winds. Bottles flew and booze flowed like water, but thankfully, apart from the 'casual' scuffle here or there, the bar didn't reignite into another brawl. Just… a pirate's version of a good time.

But honestly, I had had enough of that for one day, crazy though it seemed for me to say that; there was only one thing between me and relaxation, and with the sudden crescendo in atmosphere, I was given the prime opportunity to take advantage of it. I moved casually to the edge of the platform, and the nearby Damned watched me in their peripheral vision, Soundbite filtering the exchange that followed to them.

"Apis, I need a quick word with Triton."

The young pirate looked away from where Bartolomeo was grabbing chopsticks and cast a subtle glance over her shoulder into the abyss, wherein the titanic frog loosed a low, easily unnoticed warble. "He's listening."

"If the Sea Kings are allowing that truce for 'the ones who defy the world,' then they should know that we have allies within 'the world' itself, acting to undermine them. We could use a way to extend the same protection they're giving us, to them."

Tashigi stepped up next to me, casting a wary glance down at the frog. "Speaking as one of those allies, I _very much agree_ to wanting a way to keep Sea Kings off our back that doesn't include firing a full salvo, thank you very much."

I was treated to the _wonderfully_ sanity-defying sight of a giga-frog heaving a sigh as it rubbed its head. "'Humans and their politics, always giving me such headaches. And that's _after_ what that squishy one did to me.' That's what he said."

I hastily hid a cough in my fist before hastily locking _that_ train of thought away to rot, where it _couldn't_ get me smushed.

"Anyway, he also says that's doable. If you give him a password, he'll pass it on to Okeanos who'll pass it on to the rest of the Court," Apis continued unbothered. "Do you have anything memorable that comes to mind?"

The second the words 'memorable' and 'Sea King' processed through my brain, something _immediately_ came to mind. "III've got something that should stick in their minds, yeah," I hedged, making doubly sure that my bandages were covering my mouth. I then hissed out two words as low as I could manage, trusting that Soundbite would maintain the secrecy.

" _Joy Boy."_

Tashigi didn't have the chance to even _begin_ questioning my choice; the instant the second syllable was out of my mouth Triton's eyes bulged and snapped up to stare at me with the same expression Nami had when she found out about _those two_ , and Apis snapped a hand to her head and damn near keeled over. "GAH! What the heck did you just say, Cross?! And whatever you have to say, say it _fast_ because he's seconds away from _swallowing you whole!"_

"I don't know the details of the promise he made her," I hastily hissed, keeping my gaze firmly locked on Triton's eyes. "All I know is that he made one, that it involves Noah in some way, and that you have remained faithful to it all these years, in spite of the new world that has risen up. Anything else still rests with you and yours. Nobody else can discover his name the way that I did, and nobody unworthy of your trust will learn it from us. To our allies, they will just be words of salvation and nothing more. You have my oath."

We stared at each other for what felt like several eternities on end, the tension ratcheting up with every passing second, neither I, the puny human, or he, the titanic, ship-eating sea monster, giving the other an inch.

And then finally… Triton snapped his head down and started crawling away, determination set in his every movement.

"'I'll have all of this back to the Court by the end of the day'," Apis translated breathlessly, staring at Triton's retreating back with no small amount of trepidation. "'Your allies will be given our favor as well, just—" Apis choked mid-sentence, and had to audibly swallow before continuing. "—j-just know that should he ever suspect you spread _his_ name frivolously… t-the Eternal Okeanos will… _reduce you to so much chum.'"_

That drew an uncertain grimace from me. "Riiiight, acknowledged… for the record, what _would_ this 'Okeanos' look like exactly?"

"Black and white stripes."

Now _that_ got me tugging fearfully at my collar. "Ah. The… biggest one I have ever seen in my entire life, who looks like he could and has eaten small islands. _Right._ We'll, ah…" I coughed into my fist. "We'll be discreet."

"Yeah, you do that," Apis sighed, not even looking up as she climbed onto Lindwyrm's back. "Meanwhile, I'm going to find the strongest thing I can drink without shutting down a kidney in an effort to erase the last few minutes from my memory. While you…" She waved her hand in dismissive surrender. "Well, frankly, until it affects me, I don't care what you do."

" _ **Enjoy~!"**_ Soundbite sang as a way of farewell.

And with that, while she moved to the bar, I began making my way out of Helheim—because _Chaos_ knows that I'd had more than enough madness for the day; case in point, Brook walking past as he pulled Gif out of his skull—along with the half-dozen others on the crew that I think were looking for relaxation over revelry.

Also, well… better to get started on this planning sooner rather than later, right?

"So, everyone had fun?" I asked conversationally, my arms folded behind my head.

"Ohh, yes. I made out like a bandit," Nami hummed with a thoroughly satisfied voice and expression as she fell into step alongside me, looking every bit like a cat who'd sunk her fangs into a juicy canary, which was underlined by the way she kept flipping and snatching a doubloon with one hand.

Soundbite, however, was notably underwhelmed, judging from the dismissive glance he gave the doubloon. "BANDIT MY ASS, _**the only new money you've got on you**_ **IS THAT BERI!"**

"Mmhm, you're ri~i~ght" the Weather Witch hummed in agreement, her grin widening visibly as she started dancing the coin through her fingers. "All I managed to get was a single beri."

She then turned her head and stared straight at Bege, catching the coin between her two fingers with a massive smile. "Just one. Measly. Spare. _Beri."_ And then her hand flickered and the coin was just flat-out gone.

Bege blinked at Nami… before throwing his head back and outright _roaring_ with laughter, going so far as to tip his hat to Nami in a gesture of what I could only interpret as a gesture of outright _deference._

"…you just got us the eternal friendship of the Firetanks, didn't you?" I summarized incredulously.

"Eh," Nami shrugged in a faux-casual manner, her arms folded behind her back as she walked with _just_ a little more swing to her hips. "At minimum, I got the eternal respect of their boss." She shot me an impish grin. "I do good?"

"Dahlin'," I drawled, slinging my arm around her shoulders as I led us out. "You did _beautiful."_

**-o-**

It was hard to say if the results of that meeting made things more or less active around Skelter Bite. On the one hand, having a possible way to get to Sabaody, and soon, helped everyone enjoy their forced shore leave a little more, because they now knew it would (with any luck) only be a matter of a few more days.

On the other, with Coo and his flock combing everywhere in a hundred-mile radius for pirate ships, invitations loaded in their saddlebags, Skelter Bite was experiencing a vast influx of clientele, much of which wasn't the kind of pirate we particularly wanted to be with. Lola had taken to spending much of the days at the docks to ensure that anyone who had ill intentions stayed on their ships, and she rarely needed help to keep the thugs in line, either. Hell, some of them didn't even get the chance to reach the docks, the Triangle turning them away outright at its borders.

Well, anyway, if there was one thing that was certain about recent events, it was this: this was going to be a race to remember. And half of the time that I had was spent making sure of that fact, putting in my expertise for all parts of the planning. The main listeners on my part were our resident passenger-capable birds—Chuchun and Billy—and the Dugongs, both those on our crew and off it; collectively, they would allow us a view of the blockade from every possible frontal angle. And the plans had already begun to take shape with a few scouting trips here and there.

And the other half? Well… quite honestly, I could fill a book or two with all of the happenings on Skelter Bite, and I wouldn't even have to remember all of them; with the outrageous and the mundane interchangeable, anyone could conceivably make up a ridiculous story of the happenings there and even people who'd been on the island would believe it in a heartbeat. But none of what happened or what I imagined happening compared to the main event, so I'll just give a few highlights for the week in-between.

Though, to be sure, it's not as if _all_ that happened during this time was entirely alien…

**-o-**

**SIX DAYS TILL START**

The day's surprisingly calm lunch break found my partners and I seated across from our shanghaied cabin girl, at her own request. Or, well, 'partner', at least; Funkfreed was the only one with me, Lassoo and Soundbite hanging out with _Pappug,_ for some reason they didn't deem share-worthy, a few blocks away. No idea why, but meh, Funkfreed's presence was all Tashigi cared about and so it was all _I_ cared about.

And really, I should have expected this meeting; Tashigi was obsessed with swords, and now she had the unique opportunity to speak to one. Funkfreed may not have been legendary—to both their chagrins—but he still possessed the instincts and experience to answer any questions she had.

And the 'spar' (read: daily deathmatch) between Zoro and Sanji in the background was nice ambiance. It helped me try and ignore Tashigi's sparkling, fangirl expression.

I'm serious. I could _see_ the sparkles around her and reflected in her eyes. Freaky as hell, it was.

"Alright, I'm ready!" the Marine declared.

"Er, just so you know…" Funkfreed awkwardly said, trunk rubbing the back of his head. "I may be part elephant, but the part of me that's a sword is also the part that handles reproductive instincts, and—"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Taking a deep breath, Tashigi recomposed herself, thankfully minus the sparkles. "I just… I think that it's such a shame that works of art are being used for petty violence. The 50 Skilled Swords, the 21 Great Swords, and the 12 Supreme Swords! They're things of beauty twisted into instruments of destruction. A sword should only be raised to keep the peace! Instead, they're used to perpetuate the cycle of violence that—!"

_THWACK!_

I flinched at the sound of flesh hitting flesh, but much to my surprise—and Funkfreed's, from the stiff, unnatural positioning of his trunk—it wasn't my pachyderm-sword that had cut off Tashigi's rant, but Tashigi _herself,_ who'd just slammed one fist onto the other, which had been slowly clenching up on the table as her rant had gained steam.

She stayed frozen in that position for about half a minute, her teeth grinding together. Slowly, she forcibly relaxed herself and heaved a weary sigh before turning a determined look on Funkfreed.

"I… apologize for that," she sighed out, bringing her hand up to press against her temples. "I… I know that I was going somewhere wrong, saying what I shouldn't have. Those words, that… _philosophy_ , was born from a black-and-white worldview, an ironclad belief that because we… because _I_ was a Marine, what _I_ believed was 'just'. That because they were pirates and I was a Marine, I had a duty, a… a _right_ to take their swords because I didn't approve of how they were using them. A belief that I now realize is… _completely_ divorced from reality, or at least any sense of honor or decency.

"I'm still going to seek out the named Swords," she continued. "That hasn't changed. But. I _will_ judge their wielders based on their actions and their intents _before_ I judge them by their flags. And when I take their blades, it won't be because I was right 'on principle', but because I was right _because I won._ And if they should win, well…" Her hand drifted down to rub her thumb on Shigure's guard. "I guess I won't have much reason to complain then, will I?"

We all lapsed into a moment of respectful silence (apart from the clash of Zoro's steel and Sanji's leather) as we processed Tashigi's words and her newfound—or perhaps, newly reforged?—determination.

Ultimately, it was Funkfreed who broke the silence, raising his trunk to his forehead with a chuckle. "Well, I'll be honest with you: I'm really impressed. I wasn't all that pleased when Cross told me about your original philosophy, especially because of my personal perspective… but this? This I can agree with. And I sincerely believe that any blade you manage to win? They'll be lucky to be in the hands of someone as dedicated as you."

The praise drew a gleeful grin from Tashigi, which _swiftly_ evolved into a look of outright elation as she beamed eagerly at Funkfreed. "You mean like how Cross claimed you from Spandam after beating him down? I-I-I realize that that wasn't a swordfight, but then neither Cross nor Spandam were or are good swordsmen—"

"True on both counts, I can attest to that," Funkfreed nodded sagely.

"Wow, nicely done, direct hit. Want me to sharpen you before the next time you stab me in the back?" I deadpanned.

"—so does that mean that you accepted the defeat and Cross's right to wield you _because_ neither of them was a sword-wielder? And how do swords in general interpret it when an _actual_ swordsman is defeated by someone who's not one? Oh, oh, and also, most blade oils aren't that far off in quality, when you get down to it, but that's on the user end. How do they feel to the _sword?_ And, and—!"

I rolled my eyes and looked away with a chuckle as Tashigi started to build herself a nice head of steam, Funkfreed himself—an entity who easily outweighed a full ten times over no less—leaning away from her with a sheepish grin. In the end, no matter how much I loved tormenting the ditzy swordswoman, she was still a valued friend and colleague, so it was nice to see her so eager and animated.

_Whoosh…_

"And speaking of ditzes…" I mused to myself, turning my attention to the seat next to me, where Vivi had just breezed(heh) in, and was watching the show of Zoro and Sanji's ongoing bra— _spar,_ it was a spar, they'd been very insistent on that—with a thoughtful frown on her face.

Well, hell, Opportunity, you don't need to knock _that_ hard on my door!

"Hoping for another sighting of beefcake, your highness?" I teased.

Vivi snapped up straight in her seat as her face went red, wind whistling out of her ears. "N-No! I mean, yes, I mean, that'd be nice, but that's not what I'm watching for!" Fanning herself, the princess managed to get herself mostly under control… though the blush still remained. "I was just noticing—and I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier—that those two are _incredibly_ Kismet for each other."

…

"Ooookay, I've got nothing," I admitted, before blanching as a thought _most_ horrific occurred to me. "Oh, for the love of all things holy, don't tell me you've joined the ranks of the _shippers!"_

"Wha—oh, _Set_ no, nonono, never!" Vivi vehemently denied, her face the picture of indignation before _turning thoughtful!?_ "Well, I mean, there was that thing with the olive oil, and logically two _is_ better than—"

" _Define the word so that I know whether to knock some sense into you or run!"_ I hissed frantically.

"R-Right, right," Vivi winced, coughing into her fist self-consciously. At least, that was what I could hear clearly. I dearly hope I simply misheard whatever it was she said under her breath, because otherwise, Kohza was in for a very… _subjective_ wedding night.

"Aheh, ah, anyway, no, i-it's not anything loving at all. The… exact opposite really. It, uh… doesn't have a direct equivalent in this language, but a good approximation is 'destined loathing'. Though, ah…" She tapped a finger to her chin thoughtfully. "I think I remember Chaka calling it something like 'two souls determined to hatefuck each other in the personality'."

I actually needed a moment to pause and process that. "Really now," I mused, quirking an inquisitive eyebrow as I looked the clashing pair over. "'Hatefucking each other in the personality'…well, I can certainly see it…" I paused as my eye passed over a lonely bowl sitting on the table, and with nary a moment's hesitation I threw up my hands with a barely restrained grin. "But really, guys? In public? Right in front of my salad?"

" _My_ salad," Tashigi snarled out of the blue, snapping right out of her conversation to grab the bowl and hug it close.

Huh, I hadn't even noticed what she'd ordered… well, if she was going to make it _this_ easy for me—Plastering a smile on my face, I started reaching across the table. "Now Tashigi, I prefer to think of it as _our_ sala—!"

THUNK!

"AGH, BITCH!" I howled as I scrabbled at the knife that had just nailed my hand to the table!

"HAHAHAHA **HEEHEEHEE** _ **HOOHOOHOO!"**_ Soundbite howled from out of nowhere.

"ROT IN HELL, YOU LITTLE SLIMESTAIN!"

"Wow, two at once," Vivi breathed, her hands covering her mouth as she stared at us with eyes glittering. "Truly this crew is blessed by fate."

"Yup," Funkfreed agreed as he nosed lettuce fronds into his mouth.

"WE'RE ALSO BLESSED WITH A WORLD-CLASS DOCTOR, SO SOMEONE CALL THE FURRY BASTARD ALREADY!"

"Oh, yeah, come to think of it, where _did_ he go?" Funkfreed wondered— _THWACK!_ "GWAH!?"—right before Tashigi uppercut him in the jaw with Shigure's hilt as he went for another mouthful of green.

"NOSE OFF THE SALAD, OR I'M GONNA TURN YOU INTO PIANO KEYS!" the undercover Marine erupted. "I HAVEN'T HAD LEAFY GREENS IN THREE WEEKS, I'M NOT LETTING THIS CHANCE GO!"

"SOMEONE PULL OUT THIS DAMN KNIFE ALREADY!"

" **HOOHOOHOO** _ **heeheehee**_ HAHAHAHAHA!"

" _AND I REPEAT, WHERE THE HELL IS CHOPPER?!"_

**-o-**

Chopper's ears flicked, and he glanced up from his notepad. "Did you hear something?" he wondered.

"Sss-sss-ss!" hissed the large anaconda draped over the examination table he'd commandeered from a local clinic in exchange for a day's work, pinning the diminutive doctor with a gimlet eye as she waved the tip of her tail at her head.

"Oh, right. Sorry, you can change back now."

With as close to a sigh of relief as was physically possible, the snake shifted and morphed back into Sandersonia, squirming in place. "Whew, that's better," she muttered, rolling her arms and other joints. "Don't go full animal very often, it always feels weird to lose and regrow limbs."

"Meanwhile, I've never had any issues with shifting between ungulate and plantigrade anatomy… maybe just because I had more practice growing up? Either way, still interesting," Chopper noted, out loud and on paper. "Alright, and that concludes the physical examination. Now for the rest of the tests." With that, the little doctor ambled over to his knapsack and began rummaging through it.

"Yeah, should've figured there'd be more tests," Sandersonia groused, digging her finger into her newly re-grown ear. "And just what _are_ those other tests, by the way?"

"Now I'm going to be using instruments. Some hard numbers to back up the observations." Straightening, Chopper turned around and revealed a blood-pressure cuff and two sizeable beakers balanced in his hooves. "For starters, I'm going to be taking your blood pressure, and then I'm need you to fill these up."

Sandersonia's eyes widened, and she pressed her legs a little tighter together. "With _what?_ And, which I _really_ should have asked sooner, _why?"_ she asked in a strangled voice.

A grin spread over Chopper's face, and the Kuja Pirate's stomach dropped even further. She'd listened to the SBS, so she recognized what it meant when Chopper's eyes _literally_ lit up with scientific glee. " _You're doing what I'm telling you to because the data I have been collecting from all across this cobbled-together floating asylum has been pushing me closer and closer to a breakthrough, strand by scale by mucus, and you and your data points are the last pieces of data I require to solidify the theory I've been working on for months._ _ **And that will allow me to finally write and publish my treatise on the Psychoreactive Polymorphic Properties of Zoan Devil Fruits and the self-imposed limitations thereof!"**_

Before the Amazon could reach for the nearest heavy object, however, the spark went out of Chopper's eyes and he switched to his usual gleeful wiggling. "Oooh, it's going to be so great! The first paper of its kind, _ever!_ I'll revolutionize the entire field! The entire _paradigm,_ eeheeheehee!"

Sandersonia blinked in surprise at the abrupt turnaround, and slowly straightened back up to give the young doctor a curious look. "Could you… explain that for me, please? I don't quite understand what you're getting at."

Chopper paused mid-intellectual ecstasy and hastily re-composed himself, putting his tools aside to give the senior pirate his full attention. "It's, ah, kind of complicated… well, let's start with the basic principles and work our way up. Zoans: what do you know about the 'rules' of our fruits?"

"Uh…" Sandersonia tilted her head curiously. "It's… pretty obvious, isn't it? Besides the usual 'avoid the sea' stuff, Zoans have three forms they can take, animal, demi-animal and hu—er, original, right?"

Chopper cocked his eyebrow. "Is that so?" Without waiting for a response, he took a Rumble Ball from his bag, crunched it up, and shifted rapidly through the four forms it gave him: Arm, Guard, Horn, and then ending with Jumping. "But I'm capable of _seven_ forms. So what does that tell you?"

"…that rules don't apply to the Straw Hats?" Sandersonia tried with a sheepish grin. Said grin melted clean off her face at the distinctly unimpressed _look_ the re-Brain'd reindeer gave her. "But, uh, seriously, you _do_ need chemicals to use those other forms, don't you?"

"And I needed them to achieve my higher mental faculties as well, yes…" Chopper nodded in admission. "But the fact that I am capable of these things _at all_ implies that, at minimum, there is more to Zoans than modern science is aware of. And this fact is _supported_ by the data and observations I've been gathering from all different sorts of Zoans recently."

"Data and observations such as…" the amazon rolled her hand inquisitively.

"Well, among others," Chopper began, flipping back through his notebook. "There's X Drake's distinctly saurian snarling, which the vocal cords and thoracic cavity of a human shouldn't be capable of. The falcon and jackal Zoans we met in Alabasta preen and clean themselves regularly, even in their human forms. Merry almost always acts like a child even though, if we go back to when her blueprints were drawn up, she's technically over twenty years old, combined with her eating habits somehow _not_ wrecking her digestive tract. And that's a trait Lassoo and Funkfreed share; they like to snack on gunpowder and polish, respectively. I haven't even mentioned _me_ yet; my Devil Fruit gave me human intelligence, and I never would have realized any of this if I hadn't realized that first."

He then flipped his book closed and pointed at Sandersonia. "And then we have _you,_ with your foot-long tongue."

Sandersonia blinked in surprise, crossing her eyes to look down at the suddenly frozen tongue in question. "Guhhh…?"

"And then there's this."

"Wha—?" Sandersonia looked back at Chopper— _Tunk!_ "HSSS!"—and promptly reeled away from him with an almost snarling hiss when the reindeer pegged her in the forehead with an _ice cube_ of all things. "WHAT THE HELL, YOU LITTLE FURBALL!? I _HATE_ THE COLD—!"

"—and you prefer it when it's _warm,_ right? And your sister Marigold shares these preferences?"

"YE—ah… y-yes, actually, that's right. How did you—?"

"I deduced as much because your Zoans are reptilian, and thus ectothermic. That is to say, you're _cold-blooded."_ As understanding bloomed across her face, he flipped to a blank page. "Now… when did you notice that your tongue remained serpentine even in human form?"

Sandersonia slowly bowed her head, her hands moving to grip her forearms as a different kind of chill settled across her. "It was… back when we were-were running. We got into the habit of using our hybrid forms to smell out enemies. Mmph…those days blur together, but at some point we realized we could still smell them without changing. We also noticed our tongues, but at that point we really couldn't bring ourselves to care."

Chopper buried a grimace at her reaction, and patted her knee. "Due to the stress you were undergoing, your mind _blurred_ the boundaries between you and the snake. And because of that blurring, you're can bring out an aspect of the fruit's power without even thinking about it. Even when you _thought_ it was impossible." His spine straightened, his gaze then flashing analytically. " _Would you happen to recall any other elements of you and your sister's abilities that you considered inconsequential up until now?"_

"Ah… well…" Sandersonia's tongue flicked nervously, and she sucked it back in. "There… is _one_ thing, but I never…"

Chopper cracked a kind grin at her. "This is science, Sandersonia. There's no such… or at least, there are _very few_ cases of inconsequential data."

The Amazon nodded her head at that, and so closed her eyes in concentration. And right before Chopper's amazed gaze, the amazon _shrank_ in size. It was similar to a Zoan transition, but rather than redonning her verdant scales, Sandersonia remained fully human, save for the fact that she was now in possession of a normal, human stature. A seven-foot tall stature, perhaps, but still within the normal range.

"We… needed to hide a lot while we were running, and being big wasn't particularly helpful," Sandersonia explained with a slight grimace, examining her shrunken hands with equal parts uncertainty and newfound interest. "Night after night, we noticed it was easier for all of us to curl up together. Marigold and I never really thought it was that useful because, well, what good is it to a warrior to become _smaller,_ but if this helps—?"

She stopped speaking then, because the spark in Chopper's eyes had returned, much brighter than before. His hooves were a blur, pen filling page after page.

" _Just to confirm,"_ the scientist muttered, almost absentmindedly. " _Your primary size, was that—?"_

"It's natural," Sandersonia clarified as she reverted to said size. "I've always been this big, we've always assumed that my father had giant's blood somewhere in his ancestry."

" _Mmrgh,"_ the reindeer scowled slightly as he flipped back and scratched a few things out. " _Which means that you're likely simply transposing your animal state's size onto your human frame. Still interesting, but not quite what I was hoping for…"_ That done, he resumed filling out new pages. " _But, nevertheless, this kind of transformation, combined with your demi-form's measurements,_ does _lend credence to my theory…"_

By now more than a little invested in the conversation, Sandersonia leaned forwards curiously. "Finally! What _is_ this illustrious, revolutionary theory, exactly?"

The gleam in Chopper's eyes became almost _dangerous._ " _ **Carnivorous Zoans, what do you know of them?"**_

"Vicious sons of bitches, both in the fur and out of it, pretty damn strong to boot," the serpent Zoan answered promptly, even proudly, though it was tinged with annoyance. "I mean, I should know, Marigold and I _are_ Carnivores."

" _ **Then you know that one other aspect of Carnivores is that you're always**_ **titanic,"** Chopper concurred, nodding fervently. " _ **Their demi-forms—**_ **your demi-forms** — _ **are always exponentially larger than either of your other two forms. A trend that is**_ **absent** _**in all other breeds of Zoans, I might add! Up until now, it's been accepted that such a size simply is because 'that's the way things are'…"**_

He met Sandersonia's gaze with unmitigated glee. " _ **But if my theory is correct, then the surge of instincts and adrenaline that Carnivores acquire from their animal selves,**_ **combined** _**with their human mentalities, results in the mass-surge! This could mean that Carnivores could actually be capable of repressing their adrenaline and compressing themselves into far more humanoid states—a feat I have**_ **already** _**heard of, no less—or that with the right mentality,**_ **non-Carnivores** _**could actually be capable of taking on such frames for themselves! The possibilities are as limitless as they are**_ **fascinating!"**

"So what's your theory? Get on with it!" Sandersonia hissed eagerly, by now quite literally on the edge of her seat.

Chopper matched her oversized grin tooth for tooth. " _ **Boa Sandersonia, the drug you saw me take a few minutes ago that unlocked my other forms is an invention that I have made great usage of from the time I met the Straw Hat Pirates. It has helped me reach heights of my abilities that I never considered before. My theory…is that from the very beginning, it has been**_ **nothing more than a placebo.** _ **That-that-that from the very**_ **moment** _**I ate my fruit**_ **,** _**I was fully capable of achieving every one of my forms and more… and that the same holds true for**_ **every Zoan alive!"**

The human-reindeer flung his arms out wide with a gleeful cackle. " _ **Think about it, Sandersonia! What if! What if**_ **nothing** _**about Zoans comes down to the fruits themselves,**_ **but the minds of their wielders!** _**What if every Zoan in existence were capable of using their abilities in ways they never dared imagine, simply because up until then they'd thought those abilities to be unimaginable! The transformation of individual limbs, the manipulation of size in unprecedented manners! Transmogrification! Hybridization! Evolution, from the most**_ **constrained** _**of the Devil Fruits to being as flexible as the mightiest and most creative of Paramecia!"**_

Sandersonia reeled back in her spot, awe written across her features. "That… if you manage to get even a _fraction_ of that out to even a _dozen_ Zoans… y-you could change the world!" The next moment found her sitting back up straight, her expression dimming. "Maybe too much… I mean, Kaidou's Beast Pirates _alone_ are almost exclusively Zoans. And the number of other pirates with them, and Marines… Cross unleashes pandemonium on a regular basis, and if you published this paper of yours… you'll be setting loose an _entirely_ new breed, all of your own making. Are-Are you _sure_ you want to do that?"

Chopper's expression sobered as well, and Sonia almost wished that it hadn't. The human-reindeer's blazed with a quiet, subtle fury. "…I know that some people will abuse this knowledge. All knowledge has been perverted in some way or another throughout the course of history, and I'm not so naïve as to believe that my discovery would be any different. But at the same time, there will always be people who use it for good, too. And if my work can help one person, even _just_ once, in even the slightest way, then _this…"_ He slapped his hoof to the paper. "Will all have been worth it. So yes, Boa Sandersonia, I'm sure and certain. I intend to follow in my crew's footsteps, in my fellow _Demons'_ footsteps, and rock the world something fierce."

Chopper's determined expression then fell flat as he jerked his head at the nearly-forgotten beakers he'd set down. "But I need more data before I can make anything solid out of this, which means that I need to run more tests. So, are you willing to keep going, or do I need to try finding someone else?"

Sandersonia's confidence faltered heavily, and she eyed the glassware warily. "This, ah… _will_ be painless, yes?"

The way the doctor's eyes lit up did _absolutely nothing_ to reassure her. " _ **Oh yes, rest assured, you won't feel a thing,"**_ Chopper intoned. " _ **Trust me. I'm a doctor."**_

"You do realize that's exactly why I _don't_ trust you, right?!"

**-o-**

**FOUR DAYS TILL START**

"Jeremi-ya, I realize that this is almost certainly a ridiculous question, but… when are you going to stop giving your allies incentive to seriously injure you?"

"Well, since we're allies and—nnh—all, maybe I could convince you to—gnn—to perform that immortality surgery on me so at least I don't—MOTHERFUCK!"

"Sorry, hand slipped," Law stated, not sounding sorry in the least. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you know about _that,_ too."

Silence, for a moment, as Law continued to work. "So, is that a yes or—?" I prompted.

The look Law gave me could have peeled paint. "There is only one person who I respect enough to do that operation for, and he died eleven years ago. _No."_

Pumping my free hand, I loosed a cry of defeat. "CURSES! Once more the secret to eternal youth has eluded me!"

Law's demeanor went from caustic to deadpan in two seconds flat. "…you only asked me that so you could have an excuse to say that, didn't you?"

"Number 6 on my List Of Things I Want To Say At Least Once In The Right Context™! Seemed like the best opportunity I'd ever get," I chuckled, shamelessly flashing him a V-sign.

That earned me yet another jab in my newly repaired nerves, though since I saw it coming this time I could get away with just gritting my teeth.

All things considered, maybe I would have been better off just keeping my mouth shut, but I had realized a while back that training over the next two years was going to be a complete nightmare with Chopper nowhere nearby and the nerves in my arms still damaged by Eneru's lightning torture… man, that was months ago, wasn't it?

Anyway, along with the _gaping hole_ in my hand (and to _think_ I had been entertaining the idea of letting up on the Marine's poor, fragile nerves. Fat chance now!), I had requested that Law fix the nerves, which was why he was currently restoring damaged connections and… _kinda_ restoring the skin. Law'd told me at the start that he _could_ have made my arms good as new—or even have given me brand-new ones—but I asked him to restrict himself to the barest minimum he could manage instead. Honestly, I didn't mind how gnarly my limbs looked, I even enjoyed the reactions I could get out of people at times; my only _real_ problem was needing to keep them numbed and covered so they didn't feel like they were on fire. And just the nerve work Law was currently performing would cover that nicely.

…right now, though, it just hurt like the dickens. Dulled or not, getting the old nerves worked on _hurt,_ and the rebuilt ones itched like mad. My legs and right arm, at least, were done and so had gotten some sort of cream that soothed it. My left? No such luck.

"So," Law dryly stated as he kept at it, fiddling around in my arm with _way_ too much casual levity for my comfort. "Any _other_ truth bombs you want to drop on me?"

I bit my lip for an entirely new reason. There were a couple… but at least one of them was liable to get Law to try and kill me. I glanced at my arm; then again, he _was_ almost done. Welp, in for a beri and all that.

"Two things," I said, pointedly ignoring the weary sigh that drew from the doctor. "First… Bonney. Keep an eye on her, and if you can, try to be in a position to help her. I don't know much about her backstory, I don't know much for anyone else except for you, really… and Drake, I guess… but she's important. Somehow. _Every_ Supernova must be, it's the only reason I'd know about them, I just know they are. But her more so, and more immediately. Particularly because there's a good chance she's going to run into Blackbeard and Akainu back-to-back… soon. Ish. And when Akainu specifically says that the World Government is in a panic over someone not being where they want them to be, then you'd better believe that's someone I _very_ much want to keep out of their hands. Capiche?"

"How delightfully vague," Law drawled. "And the other."

I… honestly considered whether or not to pull a bait, switch, and abscond on him. Would have been funny, but the idea died as swiftly as it was born. Doing something like that would be potentially lethal and, more importantly, disgraceful to Corazon's memory. I took the time to make doubly sure nobody was nearby before speaking again.

"…Even with my knowledge, I can't claim to have known Donquixote Rocinante as well as you did, Law," I said slowly and deliberately, pausing for a few seconds as I waited for the 'good' doctor to get the flinch in his wrist under control. "But. There's one person left in the world who _can._ I mentioned before that when Doflamingo killed his father, Rocinante was shattered until he was found by a group of Marines, and joined them because their commander took him under his wing. What I glossed over was that that commander became a new father to Rocinante. Which makes him… the closest thing to a grandfather you have."

I tentatively glanced at Law, finding some comfort in the fact that his expression was only neutral. "I had already planned on recruiting him into the Masons farther down the line. But you're the only one who has any right to use that relationship as leverage. I'm not asking you to, of course!" I hastily amended as the corner of Law's jaw twitched into a subtle scowl. "That's a last resort, nothing more. I'm only telling you this because you have the right to know."

The way Law rolled his eyes was _not_ subtle. "You've made your point on how scared of me you are, Jeremi-ya. Look, in case you've forgotten, I'm pretty numb; there's nothing you can say that would piss me enough to hurt you. So spill, who are you talking about?" he asked impatiently.

"…Sengoku."

Law deliberately snapped his hands away from my arm and slapped his scalpel flat against the table, eyes slightly glazed as he stared at nothing. " _Addendum,"_ he ground out slowly.

"Yeeeaaah…" I nodded slowly in agreement, scratching my jaw uncomfortably. Thankfully, however, after a few minutes' thought he took a deep, patient breath and resumed his usual, relatively dispassionate demeanor.

He then got back to work, and in a few short, silent minutes, he finished. Law pulled away, his Room falling the next moment. I began applying cream to my arm as he spoke again.

"Does anyone else know about this?"

"…How many spy thrillers have you read or do you think _I've_ read?" I muttered, but I didn't give him time to take my head off and start using it as a kickball. "Some others in Marineford may know about it, but they'd be old guard who either would have known Rocinante themselves or who were confidants of Sengoku. Apart from them, the only ones who have heard it from me are Smoker, Tashigi, Nami, and Merry… oh, and Robin. It came up after Enies, and I told them not to spread it around."

Law remained quiet for another minute before letting out a quiet sigh. "I'm honestly not sure how to feel about this," he said at last.

"Well, you've got a couple of years to work it out; I seriously doubt that Sengoku will be open enough to talking about Corazon until he's finally avenged."

Law exhaled at that, sounding honestly relieved at the idea. Then he flicked his arm and closed up my limb with… an honestly almost _insulting_ amount of ease. Seriously, I'd like to imagine it would take at least _some_ amount of effort to fix up an injury that could be defined as 'crippling at best'. Still though… I couldn't help but smile gratefully as I flexed my fingers, moving the limb more freely than I ever had in, well, a _long_ time.

"Seriously, Law, thanks for helping me," I said fervently.

"Mmm… I'd say 'don't make a habit out of it', but we both know there's not a chance of that. Just acknowledge that the next time I have to fix this much damage, it'll come with a price tag," he responded, packing away what few tools he'd needed. "Now, if we're done here, I'm going to get away from you as fast as I can so I can avoid getting dragged into your nonsense."

_CRASH!_

"Damn, too late."

"Hey, Brook," I said casually, not at all perturbed by the fact that my crewmate had just come crashing through the wall with a footprint on his back. "You do realize that one of these days, you're going to provoke someone in such a way that you'll be lucky to come out of it alive, right?"

"Too late by fifty years, Cross!" Brook chortled as he popped himself up, casually dusting himself off. "After all, I'm already dead! YOHOHOHO, SKULL JOKE!"

"What possible circumstance would allow _you_ to say that to _anyone,_ Jeremi-ya?" Law added, completely deadpan.

"The fact that _I_ don't blatantly ask women to show me their underwear."

Law's eye twitched.

"Mmhm," I nodded in agreement. "Still, speaking of which, who'd you piss off _this_ time, old man?"

"Oh, that delightful redhead who recently joined Bartolomeo's crew! His new co-first mate, I believe?" the skeleton chuckled as he re-adjusted his jaw. "Very feisty, she'll go far!"

" _Clearly,"_ Law scoffed, giving the both of us exasperated looks. "Well, at least this isn't _too_ crazy by your crew's standards."

Heh, he could say that aga—

"Oh, now I wouldn't say _that._ "

Wait, what?… why was Brook looming over me? Why did his brows look like they were frowning? _Why was I seeing a ghostly aura spring up around him?_

"You see, Cross, we have a conflict, you and I," Brook stated, starting to pace back and forth. "We are both wielders of a single sword, where Zoro wields three and Leo wields two. All well and good… except for one thing."

Aaaaand back to the looming.

" _There can be only one, true master of the One-Sword Style upon our ship."_

And just like that, he was all smiles again. So to speak.

"As such, I now officially challenge you, Jeremiah 'Voice of Anarchy' Cross, to a sword duel to determine who is truly the one-sword master on the crew! We meet at noon with swords drawn!" He maintained his proud demeanor for a few seconds before his head suddenly snapped to the side, a _very_ familiar gleam in his eye sockets. "Oooh, is that white lace I detect thattaway?" Before I could do literally anything, he was back in the hole he'd made, one leg outside. "If I'm not back in ten minutes, talk to Usopp, he's arranging the bout! Wait for me, my silky darliiiings!"

Aaaand like that he was off.

"… is it too late to get you to put me into a medically induced coma for the rest of the week?" I weakly asked Law. "Or him, for that matter?"

"Sorry, Jeremi-ya," Law sneered, leaning back in his seat with a grin of _utter_ doom. "But while I _could_ do that… I just think this will be more fun to watch."

"Greeeaaat…" I groaned, thunking my head against the table in despair.

**-o-**

Meanwhile, several blocks away by now, Jewelry Bonney stalked down the streets, eyes narrowed and lips pursed in thought at what she had overheard.

_He didn't know._ Jeremiah Cross, the man who'd earned one of the biggest bounties in the world solely due to knowing a bunch of things he shouldn't while being completely willing to blare them to the world, _didn't know_ about her, or even most of the other Supernovas for that matter!

Well. He didn't know the important things. He'd have mentioned her association with Kuma, if he'd known, or her ability to get into Mariejois at will. Hmm. Now that she thought about it, she _was_ near the Red Line, maybe she could nip up there for a week and sneak out a cask of that _excellent_ Century Soup they kept stockpiled, and maybe some of the Jewel Me—

Bonney shook her head. No, that wasn't important. What was important was that she was an enigma to Jeremiah fucking Cross—and that, apparently, she was cruising for a showdown with _Akainu._ And some dude named Blackbeard, but who cared about some nobody she'd never heard of? Regardless, an encounter with an Admiral, that Admiral in particular, was the last thing she wanted.

And there was an out just sitting there, about to be maimed by his own crewmate. Cross had knowledge, and allies; she had _leverage._ Information he didn't have. Yeah. Yeah, teaming up with the Straw Hats was looking more appealing the longer she thought about it.

But…

"Do I really wanna get hitched to another crew?" she wondered, idly swiping a half dozen meat skewers off a passing food cart and shoving a wad of bills in the face of said cart's owner before he could raise a stink. "I've got a good thing going solo. But… _Akainu._ Ugh." Scarfing down a hefty chunk of meat, she thought it over again, the familiar chewing helping her think. Sadly, it did not help her actually reach a conclusion. Which only really left one real solution.

"Daaaahhhh!" the pink-haired captain howled, scratching impatiently at her head. "Fuck it, where's the nearest restaurant!? I need to do some serious thinking!"

A flash caught her eye and a scent her nose at the same time, and she turned to notice that she'd inadvertently wandered into the unofficial-official 'Wano District' that had been slowly springing up around the Whitebeards' similarly themed inn, and she'd just come across one of the latest types of stores in the style. Expansive, homey, well-decorated, spic and span. The sign proclaimed "Goya's Noodles!", and looked to be brand new.

"What the heck," Bonney decided, before marching in.

The inside was as quaint and homey as the outside, but most of the tables were vacant… and only a momentary glance was needed to see why.

Sitting at opposite ends of one table in the center were Monkey D. Luffy and freaking _Lucky Roux_ of the Red-Haired Pirates, menus up and hiding each other. Memories of both the time at the takoyaki stand and the bar brawl flashed through her head, and Bonney eagerly sat down at a table that gave a good view of the two.

One put their menu down briefly. Then they put it back up as another put the menu down. Then the inverse. Then they put their menus down and looked toward the kitchen, still not seeing each other. Then they drank their drinks and raised their menus simultaneously.

The entire exchange left Bonney half-collapsed out of her chair, quivering with laughter suppressed only because her guffaws would disturb the _hilarious_ scene in front of her. Her vision narrowed to a tunnel within which the two pirates continued to trade off menus, drinks, and glances towards the kitchen.

Finally, after what might have been thirty seconds or thirty minutes, Bonney felt a tap on her shoulder. Cheeks puffed out, she glanced up at a dead-eyed waiter.

"Your menu, ma'am," he intoned, voice as dead as his eyes.

"Fffffffffffffffff—"

Nodding, the waiter placed down the menu and trotted off. Bonney didn't so much as glance at it. Forget the noodles, this was way better!

Ultimately, however, all games had to come to an end sooner or later, and this one came to an end with the arrival of two _massive_ bowls loaded down with noodles being placed in front of the world-famous/infamous gluttons. Luffy and Roux knocked their bowls back, gobbling down the massive amounts of noodles in a span of seconds at the same time, and when they thunked their bowls down, it was _impossible_ for them to miss one another.

Their eyes met, Bonney held her breath intently as their eyes met, eagerly awaiting whatever would come from the meeting…

And then the pair just let out a pair of rafter-shaking belches and sagged in their seats with contented sighs.

"Maaaan, that tasted great!" Luffy chortled, patting his distended stomach in satisfaction. "These Wano-style noodles are delicious! And they're even better over there? I gotta swing by and try them sometimes!" He then tilted his head down and grinned… _straight at the Red-Haired Pirate?!_ "Thanks a lot for bringing me to this place, Roux! It's been awesome hanging out with you again, you always know where to find the best grub!"

"Heheheh! Not even a morsel of a problem!" Roux laughed back, waving his hand dismissively. "What can I say, you remind me of this whiny little runt I used to hang out with, always underfoot and causing a racket and trying to steal my meat from me!…oh wait! _That was you! HEHEHEHEHEEEH!"_ The rotund pirate roared with mirth, pounding the table with his fist.

"Shishishi! Yeah, you always had the best meat back in the day!" Luffy snickered, rubbing a finger beneath his nose and beaming happily. "It's really great to see you again, Roux, and I'm happy to hear that everyone else is doing alright too! I'm really happy that Shanks and Benn and you are having fun in the New World…" Luffy's smile died down to a more honest grin. "And I'm _really_ happy about Yasopp. Thanks a lot for bringing that Tone Dial to Usopp, it meant a lot to him."

"Heheh! Moron!" Roux scoffed, picking up a bottle of soy sauce and casually bouncing it off his junior's head. "As if something like that could be a crumb of a problem! Your sniper is our sniper's kid, how could I _not_ do something like that, eh? I'd, eh, have brought an actual number for the brat to call on, but…"

"Yasopp wants to see him in person like me and Shanks, I get it!" Luffy waved him off. "Usopp knows he's getting to him through the SBS, he can wait! Besides…" the Straw Hat captain leaned forwards intently, his smile taking on a distinctly predatory sheen. "It's not like we won't be seeing them soon anyways. We're gonna be past the Red Line before you know it!"

Roux's bravado… noticeably faltered at that declaration. Only for a moment, but he did flinch, and it was almost certainly the cause of the sudden coughing fit the pirate developed as he shoved himself away from the table. "A-Anyway! It's been real fun hanging out with you again, Luffy, but I really gotta bounce. Places to see, meat to eat, jackass's skulls to smack around, you know how it is!"

"Shishi, yeah, alright!" the rubber-man nodded, animatedly waving farewell. "Tell everyone I said hi, and thanks again for hanging out with me this week!"

"And thank _you_ for picking up the tab!" the rotund buccaneer nodded back, shooting his younger friend a salute in farewell. "Seriously, out of everything I've heard of you doing over the SBS, this has to be the bravest thing by far."

Luffy blinked at his old mentor, tilting his head in honest confusion. "Eh? Why? What makes you say—?"

" **WHAT DO YOU MEAN** _ **HE COVERED THE BILL?!"**_

The rubber-man winced sheepishly as a shriek of feminine outrage cracked through the air, _without_ Soundbite's aid. "Uh-oh. I think the receipts just got back to Nami."

"Noooo, you think?" Roux scoffed, thumbing his goggles with a morbid chuckle. "Like I said, you're a brave idiot, Luffy."

"Eh… not _that_ brave," Luffy shrugged, relaxing as he got over the shock of the outburst. "I mean, it's not like lightning can hurt me, remember?"

" _ **HE OWES HOW MUCH?!"**_

"Excuse me, sir?" the establishment's dead-eyed waiter spoke up as he stepped up to the table, staring past Luffy as he addressed him. "I believe your crewmate would like a word with you, posthaste."

"Eh?" Luffy blinked at him in surprise. "How do you know that?"

"Because I can imagine no other reason for a twister reaching into the sky to have suddenly sprung into existence halfway across the city, sir."

Luffy paled dramatically, prompting a chuckle from Lucky Roux. "You forgot your navigator has more ways to kick ass than just lightning, didn't you?"

"Yup," Luffy nodded jerkily, shoving himself out of his seat. "Uhhh, remember all those times you told me stories about how you could dine and dash without a trace?"

"Need a refresher lesson, kid?"

" **FACE ME LIKE A MAN, MONKEY D. LUFFY!"**

"Yup!"

"Follow my lead, then," Roux chuckled, bounding out the door without a glance back to see if Luffy was indeed following him.

Bonney sat and stared for a while, once again weighing the pros and cons of approaching the Straw Hats. This time, however, she sighed, "I'll have what they were having, if there's any left."

The waiter nodded and turned away; Bonney shook her head to herself. Allying with them was the right way to go, but at this point, she'd wait until Trafalgar approached her. She had already allied with the Heart Pirates once before anyway, she could count on them to be saner. And perhaps more importantly, not as close to the spotlight.

"Jeeeeze…" she groaned, the heels of her palms moving up to rub her eyes. "And to think this shit used to be _so_ fucking easy…" Thankfully, the migraine passed quickly, replaced by an eager smile.

"Zazaza… guess I really can't say it ain't fun though, that's for sure!"

**-o-**

**THREE DAYS TILL START**

"Bullshit! This is bullshit!"

"Oh, quit your whining, Cross, and just face your beating like a man."

I felt my face go through some… _interesting_ spasms, and I pressed myself against the walls of the _wire-mesh octagonal cage_ I currently found myself in. It wouldn't let me strangle Franky, and neither would the cyborg's metal neck, but _dammit_ _I could try!_

"I am going to _die!"_ I snarled—borderline _wailed_ really—as I jabbed a finger at Brook. The skeletal bastard was doing the same thing he'd done since dumping me in this cage: practicing his thrusting techniques. In complete silence.

Oh, no, wait, my mistake, Brook wasn't being silent.

He was _humming._ The _bastard._

"Eh, you're exaggerating," Franky said dismissively. "I'm pretty sure he'll only _mostly_ kill you."

"Indeed!" Brook cheerily added. "I'm sure medical science has come a long way in the last fifty years. Why, I'll bet I could even cut off a limb and dear Chopper could reattach it!"

"That's not how anything works!" I howled.

"Aww, your praise totally doesn't make me happy, you bastard," Chopper said, doing his happy dance.

"WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT?!"

"Cross."

I locked eyes with Nami with all the desperation of a starving man given a sumptuous feast. And then that hope crashed and burned from 80,000 feet when I saw her counting out the wad of Berries in her hand.

"Try not to die too quickly, okay?" she said, all smiles and not even glancing at me. "The odds work out best for us if you can last five or six minutes. After that though, feel free to keel over."

"I'LL PUT 5000 ON HIM LASTING FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES!" someone from the crowd shouted.

"Sanji, go take care of that, will you?"

"Of course, Nami-Swan!"

Hands quivering in repressed rage, I turned to Vivi and Carue _who were handing out pamphlets!?_

"Just a basic bio on the combatants and why they're fighting," the princess hummed patiently, casually floating one of said pamphlets over to someone who waved her down.

We made eye contact. I was promptly greeted by the smuggest, most evil grin I had _ever_ seen on Vivi's face. No help from that quarter, though I suppose surprise should have been my last reaction, given how many bridges I'd burned with her, literally. Maybe Usopp and the dugongs?

They were on the other side of the cage, near Brook, and I had to pray that Brook would follow the rules. Needless to say, my progress was slow and halting, especially when that damn sword swished by. But eventually I got into earshot.

"I say, why do I need to play up my scariness? This is supposed to be a friendly match."

"Because have you _seen_ the looks on Cross' face? Hilarious!" I heard Raphey cackle.

"Now, come on. Swishing your sword around is good, but I think sharpening it would be even better!" Usopp added. "And don't forget to be as threatening as possible once the fight actually starts!"

… Right. They were going to pay. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure there'd be plenty of opportunities during the Dead-End Race.

"Psst!"

A hissed whisper caught my attention, and I turned to find Leo standing a ways from his fellow Dugongs, waving me over. Well, I was desperate, so I walked over and kneeled down. "What is it?"

"Well, since you looked like you were kind of freaking out—"

"Freaking out?" I chuckled. "I'm totally not freaking out right now, because this is me not freaking out! What do I have to freak out over anyway?! Nothing! Because I'm not! I'm just… about two minutes away from getting fucking _maimed_ by a crewmate while the rest of you assholes watch! And play it up! And _profit_ off of it! I'm totally not—yow!"

"Where I come from, that's called freaking out," Leo deadpanned, pulling back one of his swords.

"Can you blame me?!"

Leo tilted his head in some bewilderment. "…Cross, you do know we're all just playing this up for a good show, right? If you really want out that bad, just throw Funkfreed against the cage. I can tell you right now that this thing is _not_ rated for an elephant charge. Alternatively, there's a backup plan for Conis to bust open a hole in the cage if things go _really_ bad. All part of the show, of course."

For a long moment, I was silent. And then…

"Let me get this straight," I said, very calmly. "You guys made me think you were going to have Brook eviscerate me… for the sake of a show… that you didn't _ask_ me to participate in?"

The Dugong's bewildered expression flattened. "Two questions. First, would you or would you not try the same thing on any of us?"

I opened my mouth to say, no, of course not! … And then closed it, because that would be a bald-faced lie.

"And second, more importantly… do you really have that little faith in us? If memory serves, you haven't provoked anyone on the crew enough to justify this much payback. Lately."

…guess the TDWS hadn't slept in their hammocks recently, buuut if that's what they thought of me…

Still, in the interest of leaving them still thinking I was innocent, I heaved a sigh of defeat. "Alright, fine. I'm still pissed, but I'll go along with this little charade, and I'll _consider_ not retaliating."

"That's all we ask," Leo sighed in relief. "Good luck out there."

"… _and_ you get to tell that witch I'm taking a _clean quarter_ of the profits for my personal cut, and nothing less."

_That_ got a tortured grimace out of Leo's mug, but he still nodded. "I will go and get a stiff drink and get _right_ on that."

We separated, me back towards my half of the arena and Leo back to the rest of the dugongs. Well, if I was going to do this… might as well do it right. So as I passed Zoro, I made sure to make eye contact with him. _Pleading_ eye contact.

"It'll build character."

Yeah, that's about what I expected. I took a moment to tap my throat, and then, when I heard an electric whine (and even though I couldn't see him, I just _knew_ that slimy little bastard was wrapped up in this too…) I sucked in a deeeep breath… and let loose.

"ASSHOLES!" I roared, swinging my hands out in as dramatic a manner as I could manage. "YOU'RE ALL ASSHOLES! I HOPE EVERY ONE OF YOU STEPS ON A LEGO AND DIES! BUT HEY!" I flung my arms up in a show of exasperated defeat. "YOU WANT A SHOW BEFORE I GUT YOU ALL LIKE FISH!? FINE BY ME! AND _YOU!"_ I snapped a finger up at Brook, making him pause his posturing. "I HOPE YOU'VE RENEWED YOUR WILL, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT AGAIN!" And with that, I thrust my arm out. " _SOMEONE GET ME MY SWORD!"_

Honestly, pissed though I was, I _do_ have to admit that the roar of approval that erupted from the crowd was undeniably invigorating.

"WELL, WHADDAYA KNOW, FOLKS, LOOKS LIKE THE OTHER HALF OF OUR ENTERTAINMENT FINALLY FOUND HIS BALLS! FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING, I GUESS! APAPAPA!"

" _AT LEAST WE CAN ALL_ _ **pretend we're watching a half-decent fight,**_ **INSTEAD OF AN OUT-AND-OUT SLAUGHTER! HEEHEEHEE** _ **hohohoHAHAHA!"**_

…the sound of yet more of my 'friends' riling up said crowd, however, put a bit of a damper on the subsequent cheers. Slimy little traitor, siding with my 'nemesis', he'd get his too, I swear to—

A flash in the corner of my vision snapped me out of my morbid thoughts, and I snapped my hand out, snatching Funkfreed mid-air. I gave the elephant-blade a few testing swings before regarding him with a firmly gimlet eye. "Be straight with me, ivory farm, or else I'll be polishing you with salt water for a week: did _you_ have a trunk in this as well?"

The sword's extended silence did _not_ inspire confidence. "I did not say _no_ when they asked for my participation. Does that count?" he carefully posited.

I stared at him for a few seconds more letting out a sharp _tsk._ "Congratulations. _You_ get deemed a 'bystander'."

" _Oh thank you merciful elephant Buddha!"_

"…there's an elephant—? No, wait, let me guess: you assume?"

"How'd you know?"

"Pattern recognition."

With that, I returned to my corner and went about making myself look as angry as possible as I limbered up. Which frankly wasn't that hard. Still, thinking about it, maybe I really _wouldn't_ retaliate this time. After all, I had a nice, convenient target right there, didn't I? Brook was going to _regret_ his part in this little charade; I would make sure of it… much as I reasonably could, at any rate. Seriously, half the reason I was so incensed about this display was how _asinine_ it was! It was obvious who was going to win here, especially if we were going sword-on-sword, no matter what abilities mine might bring to the table. But hell, if I was going down, no reason I couldn't and try break a bone or two dozen on the way.

Of course, because the universe hates me, it was right when I'd made that conviction when a freaking _bear_ crashed into the cage.

And not just any old random, average bear either, I'd seen a few of those wandering around the city already (don't ask) and this was not that. _This_ was an 8-foot grizzly that weighed 900 pounds if it was an ounce, wearing a top hat, ascot with little bow tie, and a monocle. A monocle which it promptly removed along with the hat and tossed to a boy at the edge of the crowd before throwing its head back and roaring.

"Uh, he says that he agrees that this is bullshit," the boy translated, pausing as he listened to several more following growfs. "And that to make it more interesting, he declares that this shall be a three-man battle royale." Another growf. "Unless someone wants to make it a two-team tag battle?"

No response from the crowd, despite me trying to telepathically compel someone to take up the offer… which actually raised a _serious_ question in my mind.

" _Where the hell is Boss and why isn't he all over this?!"_ I hissed under my breath.

" _Drinking contest with the giant squad,"_ Mikey deadpanned right back via Soundbite. " _He's up 2-and-1, so we won't be hearing from him for a while."_

Yeah, that _would_ be my luck, wouldn't it…

A few seconds after that hurried conversation, the bear roared again.

"Uh, Sir Bearington has just declared—in light of circumstances—his intentions to tear your heads off your shoulders and shove them up your… I, uh, think I won't translate that part."

And of _course_ he was named Sir Bearington. I don't know what I expected.

"RIGHT!" I shouted to the crowd, my ire re-spiking to incandescent levels as I glared _bloody murder_ at Nami, who actually had the decency to look honestly sorry and chastised. Not that she was actually _doing_ anything to help me, damn witch. "SLIGHT CHANGE OF PLANS: WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, I AM GOING TO RAIN DOWN SUFFERING ON YOU ALL SO GREAT THAT IT'LL BECOME A STORY TO FRIGHTEN CHILDREN FOR TEN GENERATIONS!" I then jabbed my sword at the bear, a twitching scowl on my face. " _RIGHT_ AFTER I GET THROUGH SKINNING THIS WALKING RUG FOR OUR SHIP'S PARLOR!"

That got another growf from Bearington. This one didn't need translating: it sounded _respectful._ Lovely. At least I'd have this bear's respect when I was laid up after this whole mess. Yay me.

Shaking my head and forcing a calming snort out through my nostrils, I spun Funkfreed in my grip before falling into a ready stance. "Alright… alright, I'm good," I declared through clenched teeth. "Let's get this over with."

"Agreed," Brook solemnly answered, flourishing his blade in a proud salute.

Bearington growfed and nodded, and we all tensed for the bell—

"Hey, that guy's not a pirate captain, he's really just a bear!"

I turned around, saluting the poor fellow who'd shouted that as he was dogpiled and carried off kicking and screaming. Any sort of delay in this farce was welcome, after all. Alas, it wasn't long before the man was dragged away screaming obscenities. Nami, for her part, sighed and bowed politely at the offended party, "So sorry about that, Captain Bearington."

The bear grunted, shrugging. Yes, shrugging. Because somehow, to _me_ of all people, that was still unbelievable.

Suddenly, the bell rang. Bearington and I whirled around, but there was no Brook about to skewer our asses. Instead, there was Brook, standing on guard but otherwise unperturbed.

"Ah, good," he remarked. "It was tempting to attack while you were distracted, but I—YOWIE!"

"Tsk, missed," I groused as Funkfreed pulled back.

"Honorless cur!" Brook roared, charging my way.

"You mean 'normal _pira—' GRK!"_

Right, size was deceiving because _holy crap the bear was fast;_ I'd barely gotten the words out and Funkfreed up to block when Bearington swept in, raking the air with his claws. Brook frantically backpedalled, and when he was sufficiently far away I drew Funkfreed up and brought him down on my ursine opponent in an overhead chop.

The bear snorted, bringing his paws up to catch, at which point the elephant-sword transitioned into his hybrid form and brought his full mass to bear. Eyes wide, Bearington barely tumbled out of the way before several tons of elephant crashed onto the floor of the cage.

I had no time to savor that brief victory, because Brook was on me, jabbing relentlessly. Now it was my turn to backpedal, catching most of the stabs on my gauntlets and then the rest on Funkfreed once he'd snapped back. I collected a few nicks for my troubles, but it was better than getting fully skewered.

"Groar!"

"Yow!" I yelped, ducking under a paw swipe from Bearington. I felt my tailbone hit the wall of the cage, at which point I was made aware of a significant flaw in my earlier actions: namely, Bearington and Brook looked ready and willing to gang up on the 'unskilled powerhouse' of our trio. I did _not_ like the look in their eyes, and I didn't miss the glance they sent at each other, either.

I tsked at the situation, and after taking a moment to consider my position, I decided I only had one viable course of option: flipping the script in the only guaranteed way possible. "As much as saying this is a bad idea…" I faux-grumbled to myself, raising my voice just enough so that my opponents could hear me. "I'd just like to point out that at least as long as none of the other Supernovas want to try curb-stomping all three of us at once, this situation cannot _possibly_ get any worse."

"Well, I wouldn't go _that_ far."

Jackpot and bust at the same time. And it _really_ said something that my opponents also turned to look at the speaker.

"I have no interest in 'curb-stomping' you, as you put it," Basil Hawkins intoned from where he stood outside the border of the cage, the rest of the spectators giving him a _wide_ berth. "But one of my crewmates _has_ been looking for an opportunity to cast off his restraints. And as you have so kindly _offered…_ " And with that he made a beckoning gesture.

Two of his robe-wearing crewmates stepped forwards, heaved _something_ they were carrying and… tossed a man-sized Japanese straw doll into the ring? What the _heck—?_

Before I could voice my confusion, the infamous Magician brushed the edge of his coat back, and revealed that he had not one but _two_ blades strapped to his side, the second previously hidden by his coat. He withdrew the second blade from his cloth-belt, sheath and all… which just raised further questions, because unless I was seeing things I couldn't think of a reason for a two-handed jian to be locked into a seal-tag covered sheath with what had to be three different kinds of rope!

Before I could question what the hell he was doing—or better yet, demand that he _not do it period—_ the straw-man reeled his arm back and tossed the blade up and over into the cage as well—

_SCHUNK!_

—where it pierced the prone doll square through the back, sheath and all.

"I do hope that you're still eager to fight," Hawkins proclaimed. "Shichiseiken has been quite restless since I shanghaied him."

It didn't take three guesses to figure out who—or rather, what—Hawkins was talking about. After all, I'd grown somewhat used to what cursed swords by what felt like necessity after sailing with Zoro and Sandai Kitetsu for the better part of the last year. Heck, I'd even managed to pick up some kind of whisper from Kikoku whenever it came near me.

So in this instance, with a sword _that_ obviously evil? The question wasn't 'is it cursed?', but rather 'how cursed is it?'

The question had barely left the proverbial station when every seal tag on the sheath suddenly burst alight and were incinerated by emerald flames. And the second the tags were ash, cracks splintered up and down the naked sheath before the entire damn thing _burst_ off the sword like some kind of hellish verdant firecracker, displaying the sword's bare, malevolent, _glowing_ blade to the world.

The spectacle wasn't slowing down, either; the glow slowly grew brighter and brighter, manifesting from the blade… no, at this point, it was on fire. And the fire was spreading into the scarecrow beneath it. Some part of me had an idea of what was going to happen next. The logical part of me, meanwhile, expected the supernatural flames to, you know, _burn the doll?_

But no. The flames seeped into the scarecrow, the scarecrow caught fire, and then the flames outright _animated_ the straw, letting it crawl its way to a kneeling position. The head then snapped upright and the straw that made up the 'face' tore apart, a pair of squinting eyes and a jagged grin stretching from side to side of the head leering at us. And _then,_ as the entire thing pushed itself to its feet, one blazing straw arm reached over its shoulder, grabbing the hilt of the sword and tearing it out of the doll's back. Sword removed, the entire thing rolled its 'muscles' in anticipation.

"You can take consolation in that Shichiseiken has not yet learned how to talk on its own, at least. I do believe that even the Voices of Anarchy would find his tongue to be quite… _caustic,_ " Hawkins drawled, one lilt away from _chuckling_. "So then. Who would like to try their luck first, hm?"

The blade-wielding flaming doll 'cackled' in silence as it spun itself into position with a degree of skill I could only describe as the work of a true _master._

"…Well, this was fun, but I believe I have panties to raid. So long!"

The steel behind Brook neatly fell out of place, leaving a dust trail as the skeleton absconded.

"Gro- _rargh!"_

The bear wasn't far behind, literally ripping its way through its own section of wall. And the wall beyond _that_ for that matter.

…which left _me_ alone with what looked to be an actual blade from Hell.

I grimaced, tightening and re-tightening my grip on my sword's hilt. "Funkfreed… please tell me that you don't still want to fight," I said calmly. Said, and definitely did not plead.

"A minute ago, I would have somewhat minded, Cross," Funkfreed returned in the same tone. "Now, though…"

"Run like children?" I prompted, my eyes following every twitch of that glowing green blade.

"Unless you want to try your luck against him in no-sword style. Yes. As in, _now!?"_

"Go ahead and step back, then. _I'll_ take this."

I barely glanced at Zoro—who already had all three swords drawn—before leaping through the hole he'd cut and shoving as many warm bodies between me and the stage as I could manage, Funkfreed's flat offering incentive to anyone too slow to move for good measure.

Zoro ignored us in favor of the Supernova standing beyond the twitchy scarecrow. "Shichiseiken, huh? A sword with a curse so strong that given a half-decent vessel, it can move on its own?"

"That's correct," Hawkins responded. Meanwhile, on stage Shichiseiken twitched in place and repeatedly and impatiently sliced itself back and force through the air. "The treasure of Asuka Island, possessed with an endless thirst for blood and carnage. It was attempting to become strong enough to bring about a minor apocalypse when I found it, but I thought it interesting enough to take along with me. Honestly, its last wielder seemed seemed rather glad to be rid of the thing." The straw-man tilted his head ponderously. "His name escapes me, however…"

" _ **Sssss…"**_

"Hm?" he blinked in surprise. "What was-?"

" _ **Sssssaaaagaaaaa…"**_ the doll—or rather, Shichiseiken itself—hissed out, an infernal voice clawing its way from the sword's fleshless throat.

Hawkins grimaced and slapped a hand to his forehead. "Oh _wonderful,_ he's devised a way to communicate. Now he's just going to be _insuffera—_ hm?" His eyes shifted around, casting about for the source of the sudden change in atmosphere.

A sensation that everyone nearby shared. For no reason I could immediately discern, that unholy, literally _demonic_ sword didn't seem all that concerning anymore.

"…what was that name, again?" Zoro asked dangerously, slight blurs forming around his arms and head.

"Saga, I now recall. A retired Marine, I believe? He and his fiancée were in good health—minus a nasty migraine and some inevitable bruising and bone breakage—when I left Asuka if that matters to you," Hawkins nonchalantly answered.

Zoro relaxed and turned his attention back to the possessed scarecrow, with a look of _perfect_ calm and serenity.

And then, with that very same calm and serenity, Zoro started to untie his bandana from his arm.

Yeah, you'd better believe that I and every other Straw Hat watching took that as our collective cue to scram.

"Apapa, things are getting inte—! Eh? Why's everyone—?"

" _ **RUN,**_ **YOU IDIOT!"**

The shockwave that nearly knocked me off my feet two seconds later both vindicated my decision and made it clear that I needed to run much, much faster.

**-o-**

"I anticipated—purely the best case scenario, of course—that Skelter Bite would one day become popular enough that even New Worlders would flock to it. But you know, even after the Whitebeard Pirates set up Oden's Cottage, I _thought_ that I'd at least have another couple of years before I needed to worry about that magnitude of collateral damage from a single fight."

Lola's palm slammed onto the table as exclamation to the glare she was already directing our way. "Straw Hats, I thought that only your _enemies_ paid for underestimating you, not your _allies."_

I glanced around briefly before answering. We were in the lobby of the Lucky Rabbit—the rather _crowded_ lobby—but Soundbite was blurring sound and everyone was very studiously and nervously ignoring us. Ah, the perks of reputation.

"The _only_ reason you're having this much trouble is that the other Supernovas are here at the same time, and we'll all be out of here as soon as our preparations are complete," I said. "Still, in my defense?" I jabbed my fingers at the other two occupants of the room. "Blame these jagoffs, they're the ones who dragged me into their bullshit, as I so _loudly_ proclaimed!"

"Not so fast," Zoro scoffed, waving his hand dismissively. " _I_ only got involved because that bastard sword got involved in things. You want someone to blame?" He pointed at the last remaining suspect. "Blame the one who put this mess together to begin with so that the rich could get richer."

"Hey, that's not true!" Nami yelped indignantly, shooting to her feet and sweeping her finger out. "If you want to blame anyone, blame—! Ah…" She faltered as she realized that there was nobody else in the room _to_ point to. At which point she collapsed back in her seat with a groan, her halo hanging dark and heavy over her head. "Crud…" She raised her head and stared at us, her eyes shimmering with tears. "I-It was all going _so well_ until the bear got involved… why, _why_ did the bear have to get involved?"

"That is a phrase I never wanted to hear in this office again, if ever," Lola deadpanned.

" **And do you** _really_ THINK ANY OF US _**ARE BUYING THAT?"**_ Soundbite asked with honest incredulity.

" _Tch,"_ the navigator snorted, her face instantly drying up. "Worth a shot…" She cast a resigned look at Lola. "Alright, how much do I owe you?"

The governor-captain wordlessly slid a sheaf of papers across her desk to the witch. Said witch flipped to the final page, took one look at the bottom line—

" _GYARK!"_

And _froze up_ in her seat with a look of total terror, a hand clawing at her chest and her Eisen Tempo abruptly spiking like a hedgehog.

Zoro and I both glanced over her shoulder, and _actually_ winced in sympathy.

"My advice?" Zoro 'comforted', as much as he could, patting her on the back. "Lie back and think of the prize."

" _Hrrgrggk…"_ Nami… _uttered_ pitifully.

"…you know, overall?" I idly noted. "Property damage aside, I'd say this ended pretty well."

" _Gggh…"_

**-o-**

**TWO DAYS TILL START**

Nami stared out over the crowd of assembled pirates. Assembled _navigators._ This was something she'd dreamed of, ever since the first time she'd dreamed of assembling a true world map: that one day, she could stand in front of an audience and share her findings.

Now, if only it wasn't a bunch of pirates, most of whom hated her and the rest of whom had a schadenfreudic desire to see her fail. But in all fairness, of those who hated her, half felt that way because she'd fleeced their crews over the past week and the other half because they envied just how damn good she was, and those who wanted her to fail only felt that way because it was their best shot at the grand prize too…

But to hell with all of them. She wasn't going to fail. And she knew just how to attack.

"You're all here," she announced, securing their attention with a sharp crack of thunder from her looming halo. "Because this is a race, and the entire _point_ of a race is to reach the finish line in one piece. Something that _will not happen_ if you go the wrong way and end up running face-first into the blockade on your own. That, and you all decided that I was too much of an advantage to the Straw Hats to keep to themselves." And now, to unbalance them. "Good thinking. I'd want to do the same if I were in your shoes."

The rabble all reeled back, shocked. The navigators for the Supernovas and a minority of the rest… they just smirked knowingly, having seen how she was trying to play the rest. Asses.

"But!" Nami forged on, clapping her hands primly. "Seeing as I am where I am, I guess if I have to do this, I'm going to do it right. So I suggest you all sit down, shut up, and _listen._ Because if on race day you wander off or get in our way?" She tilted her head _ever_ so slightly, a perfectly serene smile on her face. "Then I'll either let the Marines hang your sorry hides from the gallows or kill you myself, m'kay?"

Now _that_ sent a collective shiver through everyone present, and they _all_ shoved their asses a little deeper into their seats, ears wide open.

Her audience properly focused, Nami flicked her wrist and sent white cloud billowing out of her Clima-Tact, forming the same map she'd shown Drake.

"Alright, so here's where we're all starting," Nami declared, tapping the map with the butt of her staff. "And _these—"_ Here she traced several routes, most direct but one winding and snakelike. "Are the potential routes we could take."

No questions came her way, and Nami smiled, tracing a rather straight line to the archipelago. " _This_ is the most direct route to Sabaody from the starting point that also takes proper advantage of the wind and currents, and it's the most lightly defended spot in the blockade." She promptly smudged the line out of existence. "We will _not_ be using it. The reason being the sheer complexity of that route. That same current that makes it so fast is also incredibly narrow and decidedly vicious. If _two_ ships try to take that route, they're liable to get smashed together. Oh, and did I mention the reefs you need to navigate?"

Several of the assembled navigators visibly winced at that. Her staff shifted, tracing the more serpentine, roundabout route.

" _This_ is the route we're going to be using because, well, it's the one _I_ intend to use." Nami paused to let a smattering of begrudging laughter and grumbles work its way through her audience. "It's not as fast as the direct route, but the current is large enough to hold _all_ of us and, like the direct route it hits a weak spot in the blockade that our scouts have pointed out." The Weather Witch let out a faux-wistful sigh as she regarded the depiction of the blockade line with pity. "Poor privateers, they just don't have the knowledge of currents I do…"

A little muttering broke out at the wistful look on Nami's face, but it died in a hurry when she turned a glare on them. "Oh, and just a reminder? Since we're all going to using this route, that means we'll all be bunched together until we hit the blockade. As such, I have two words of warning for you: if you're gonna come for the king?"

Nami sent a minute bolt of lightning up to the roof. And then the roof-covering bank of clouds everyone had missed until then _roared_ as it disgorged a true bolt of levin, obliterating her makeshift map in an instant.

" _Don't miss."_

With everyone recovering and reeling, Nami reverted to all smiles again. "And just for the record, the rest of the routes constitute the standard shipping lanes to Sabaody. These were the ones originally suggested, but because they're standard, they also have the tightest defenses, and they're not as fast as the race course, so I chucked them out. Of course, if anyone wants to try their luck off the main race course—and, of course, wants to leave the safety and comfort of the largest pirate fleet since the last time one of the Emperors got in a fleet action—they're free to. I'm sure you'll do _fine,_ just ask the Kid Pirates how well that went for them."

From the shudders through the audience and the way the Kids' navigator looked all to ready and eager to shank anyone who even looked at him, nobody wanted to try that. Re-coalescing her map, Nami waved her hand, flowing lines springing up both on the map's surface and hovering just above.

"Alright, here's the shape of the currents and wind patterns…"

**-o-**

An hour later, a happy but satisfied Nami watched as the navigators filed out, most cowed and shivering but a select few simply impressed. That… was good. It _felt_ good. Nothing could ruin her mood.

"Uh, N-Nami?"

Scratch that. _One_ thing could ruin her mood, and it'd just showed up. "Hello, Hachi," she said as politely as she could. Which is to say, frigid enough to chill a Sea King, but not caustic.

"Hi," Hachi said weakly, waving the only hand not wringing its companion. "I… I know that I'm one of the last people that you want to see right now—"

"Hachi, I'm being cordial with you _entirely_ because Cross, Keimi, and Koala vouch for you, but that is _thin_ ice to be standing on. Get to the point," she snapped.

The octo-fishman visibly winced, his face twisted in guilt. "…I know that you still haven't forgiven me, and I know why… and I know that I deserve every bit of it."

Nami, mouth open to deliver a blistering tirade at the first part, _choked_ as Hachi fell to his knees and actually prostrated himself before her, his brow pressed to the ground.

"But you also know _me,"_ he forged on, his voice sorrowful and pleading. "And you know that I wouldn't be apologizing to you, with everything that I have, everything I'm worth, unless I _meant it._ Meant it from the bottom of my heart. I am _sorry_ for… for everything that I can apologize for. For everything that the others can't or won't apologize for. And I know… that what we did, we can _never_ take back… but still. But _still!"_ He shook his head miserably. "I just… there has to be more that I can do. Anything that I can do, anything at all… "

The navigator's implacable façade twitched minutely as she processed the proclamation, and after a moment she finally addressed him in an attempt to answer the question burning in the back of her mind. "Why?" she asked quietly, forcing her voice to remain low and calm. "Why does this matter _so much_ to you?"

Hachi's squirming intensified briefly. Then, finally, he sagged. "…because I don't want to be the cause of any more hatred. Because I've always known that what… that what we did wasn't what Big Bro Tiger or Queen Otohime would have wanted, not in a million years. But after everything that had happened, after all we'd lost, I was just so _angry,_ and what Arlong and the guys—my _brothers_ —were saying sounded so _right…_ but they were wrong, _I_ was wrong."

The octo-fishman raised his head and clunked it against the floor with a miserable groan. "I can't live with this, Nami! I can't just let this _rot_ at my soul! So… so I'll give anything I have to if it means clearing my conscience. Anything… to make the pain go away… _please…_ "

And as Hachi lapsed into silence, Nami just stared at him. Stared at the sight of one of her biggest tormentors kneeling before her, miserable and begging for mercy. And for the barest moment… she considered saying no. She considered telling him to shove off, that he could rot _and suffer for all she—_

And then the image of a leering, spike-nosed monster shot through Nami's mind and she had to actively swallow down a retch.

Instead, she cleared her throat uncomfortably and addressed a different topic. "…Kuroobi and Chew. Why?" She then glanced away from him with a slight scowl. "And get up, would you?"

Hachi hastily pushed himself up, though he still remained on his knees. "I, uh, I-I only asked Jinbe to free them because they had the same dream that I did when we were kids, and I needed the extra help. I thought that if they were living their sentences out with me, catering to humans and fishmen both, they could move past their hatred and understand how far we all fell. I never thought for even a second about getting anyone else out."

Hachi then coughed heavily into his fist, wringing his other two pairs of hands. "Also, if it helps about those two, I'm pretty sure that ever since Cross blew up at them, they're at _least_ starting to realize what utter bastards we all were too, so… progress?"

"Mrgh," Nami grumbled. She brought up a hand to massage her forehead, which had been throbbing for a while now. "Alright, _look,_ Hachi. I get that you're making an effort, and I can… _acknowledge_ that, if nothing else. I'd have to be blind and deaf to deny it…"

She then scowled heavily as her Eisen Tempo darkened to the heaviest, most lightning-choked black it could manage. "But you willingly followed the man who _killed my mother_ and took a leading role in making my life, and my sister's life and dozens of others a _living hell._ _Maybe_ I will one day find it in my heart to forgive you… but that day is not today, and I doubt it's anytime soon. And I don't know that there's anything else I can ask of you that will change that. "

She closed her eyes, reflecting on what she knew and how things stood now.

"But…" Nami's halo lightened slightly and curled around her as she turned away from the fishman, hugging herself slightly. "I will say that I… I _am_ sorry that I can't forgive you. Because who you are now… is someone I would like talking with if I could."

Hachi slowly nodded, his eyes closing in a vain attempt to stop the tears gathering there. "I understand," he mumbled. "I'll… I'll just be going, then." And with that he got to his feet, started to walk away…

"…did any of you ever find him?"

And then froze as the question—so soft and hushed, he almost doubted he'd heard it—hit the back of his head like cannonfire. Hachi blinked several times, digging through his brain to put together what he was being asked, then his eyes closed with a sigh as he composed what he believed to be the correct answer. "…No. Arlong spread word of him, but… we never heard anything back."

Nami grunted slightly, in acknowledgement, if nothing else. "Good enough." She stood in silence for a moment before taking on a more businesslike tone. "Start preparing all of the food you've got; the pre-race party is tomorrow night. The prize money will be loaded onto your ship, so as soon as you've sold out, ship out for Sabaody."

"I will," Hachi nodded, resuming his exit.

"And Hachi?"

The octopus looked back, and Nami managed half of a sincere smile. "Be careful."

Hachi smiled back, and for a moment he honestly felt like maybe… things would be alright.

**-o-**

**ONE DAY TILL START**

"WE WERE PREPARED FOR _TWO_ BOTTOMLESS STOMACHS, NOT _THREE!"_

Hearing Arlong's ex-lieutenants wail, I felt pity for Hachi… and _almost_ felt it for _those two_ too. Otherwise, I was a little preoccupied by the spectacle at hand; the pre-race party had gone into full swing when the sun went down, but it hadn't taken long for the focus to shift to Luffy and Bonney's eating contest.

But as the aforementioned wail pointed out, there was the slight problem of there being one more big eater to compete. And as our misfortune would have it, it was one of Kid's men.

Thank God it wasn't Kid or Killer themselves, but I still didn't fancy the idea of our crew directly clashing against the only crew besides ours to have more than one Supernova. But alas, here we were: straw hat, pink hair, and yellow jacket inhaling platter after platter, leaning towers of plates piling up around the center of the action, bets trading hands at a breakneck pace, and every skilled chef in a two-mile radius shanghaied into helping.

"You know, I actually think I missed the rush of preparing this much food," Lola mused as she handily spun the last dollop of whipped cream onto a _deliciously_ jiggling pile of chocolate mousse.

"Speak for yourself!" Valentine groused, whipping a beater through a bowl like it owed her money. "How am I supposed to take any notes on your complete _mastery_ of all things chocolate if I'm constantly putting down new plates for these thr—GWAH!?" she suddenly squawked as a blur shot past her head. She then squawked again in indignation. "HEY, MY EARRINGS!"

"Whoops! Sorry," Luffy said, not sounding sorry in the least as he offhandedly spat the saliva-soaked lemons onto the pile of dirty dishes nearby, leaving the yellow-clad woman positively steamed.

"Why did you even wear those when you knew you'd be serving someone who would try eating food that was made of wood? And _looked like it?"_ Mikey distractedly pointed out, knife blurring to keep afloat in the constant stream of fruits and vegetables that needed chopping.

"Excuse me for only being used to crewmates with _half_ their sanity left, instead none like you guys!" the ex-agent snapped, brandishing a bright-red squeeze bottle. "So unless you want me to serve you up in the next sweet-and-sour dish, cram it and get back to work!"

"What in Sebek's name do you think I'm _doing!?"_ the chuck-wielder demanded, alternating between stirring and dicing ingredients with his flippers and tenderizing meat with his tail.

_THWACK!_

A feat that earned him a shoe upside his head from a passing Sanji.

"OW! Hey, what the hell—!?"

"Less flash, more substance, blubberbutt," the chef scoffed, casually balancing a half-dozen of the prepared dishes on his limbs. "Either work efficiently or become what we're working on."

The Dugong twitched violently, but shifted with only minor grumbling.

"HA!" Valentine cackled, shooting her fist skyward in victory.

"And as for you, Miss Valentine," Sanji continued, his tone rising fifteen degrees and acquiring a half-cup of sugar. "I'd appreciate it if you could try and remain focused as well."

"…eh?" the ex-agent, the dugong and… pretty much everyone else in hearing range uttered in confusion.

"I'm sorry, it's just that you're being a little bit distracting, is all," the Black-Legged cook politely apologized. "If you're not going to be able to keep up with our pace, I'll need you to excuse yourself from this kitchen. Or at least move yourself to a lower priority one? If you don't mind."

"…HA!" Mikey barked, breaking the stunned silence first, though he didn't slow down even an iota.

Despite similar arguments going on up and down the kitchen, the output wasn't slowing down, and the platters stacking up around the contestants was getting to the point you could build a house with them… and Merry and Apis were giving it the ol' college try in the form of three complex igloos.

And despite the arguments and the complaining, morale in the kitchen was surprisingly high. Heck, I even noticed Lola chuckling fondly to herself as she prepared a new batch of ingredients.

" **What's so funny?"** Soundbite inquired, apparently noticing the same thing.

"HEY, THAT'S MINE!"

"NUH-UH! LE' GO!"

" _Pfft! BESIDES THE OBVIOUS, I MEAN,"_ the snail snickered while Luffy and Shuraya paused briefly in their duel so that the yellow-wearing man could try and drag a massive leg of… _something_ out of Luffy's jaws.

"Haaaah…" the corsair-governor sighed wistfully in reply, a slight flourish tingeing her actions now. "I'm feeling nostalgic from this, is all… happier memories of my family, see?"

I gave her a slightly dumbfounded look. "Er… you mean the family you yourself described as, and I quote, ' _psychotic bastards'?"_

"Mm…" Lola nodded noncommittally. "They were, they are, but at the same time, a lot of them weren't… nurture over nature, see? There were bad times, yeah… but. But they were still my brothers and sisters, and there are several that I miss dearly. Heck, even some of the more monstrous ones I wouldn't mind seeing one last time…"

"Aaaand this all..." I gestured at the barely restrained chaos of the cooking stations. "reminds you of them?"

"Of the good times, without any of the bad," Lola agreed with a light smile. Then the smile vanished, and she shook her head. "Do me a favor, Cross. When you get into a fight with them—"

"Don't you mean 'if'?" I couldn't help but needle.

Lola shot me an unamused look. " _When_ you get into a fight with them," she repeated. "Put me in contact with my mother. If things keep going the way they are at this point, there's something that I want to tell her. Personally."

"…sure, why not. God knows I've always been fond of that last parting shot."

"But, ah, also, more importantly…" She set her utensils down for a moment so that she could give me her full attention, a very conflicted expression on her face. "When you fight my siblings… don't break them _too_ bad? A lot of them are monsters, and there are even a few I wouldn't care if I saw dead, but even among the monsters…"

"They're still your siblings, I get it, I get it," I nodded patiently. "You have my word—"

"—which should make _this_ a good stopping point for you."

"GRK!" I gagged as I was suddenly hauled up by the back of my collar.

"Watching is all well and good, Cross, but when you start distracting the staff, _then_ we have a problem," Sanji huffed tiredly as he tossed away, eliciting an amused chuckle and wave farewell from Lola. Meanwhile, the cook himself heaved an aggrieved sigh and took a deep drag from his cigarette. "Ergh, so hectic… now I see why the one-legged bastard was so crabby all the time. And if this is what it's like now, the All Blue is going to be a nightmare…"

"HA! **Looks like you've given someone an existential crisis yet again,** _ **CROSS!"**_ Soundbite cackled ecstatically.

"Yip—Ergh!" I winced and rubbed at my neck where Sanji had tossed me out, though luckily not on my ass. "Yippee for me, what do I get when I get ten?"

" _HOT FUDGE AND A BOOT_ _ **upside your ass.**_ **NOW LET'S GET SOME DISTANCE,** BOTH FROM HIM AND THE SPLASH ZONE, YEAH?"

"Yeah yeah," I grumbled, crossing my arms behind my head and wandering off so that I could see what there was to see.

It should be noted that not everyone was partying quite so rambunctiously. But rivals or not, most of the Supernovas' crews had into a... calmer relationship with each other, if only because of the forced proximity. Still, the only interaction that could be called "calm" was between Drake and Hawkins, who were steadfastly seated in the background, apparently determined to keep their status as the 'only sane ones' of our collective.

And while the others were louder and more active in their interactions, it was heartening to see that they were at least _positive_ interactions. Besides Bonney and Luffy's intense but friendly competition, Killer was actually positioned among the several chefs facilitating the contest—his primary usage was as a living blender, admittedly, but it was a strong show of trust from Sanji. And a little ways away from the cooking area, Zoro, Urouge, and Boss were engaged in a comparatively tame (barrels at a time, how were they not dead I don't even…) drinking contest a short distance away.

Meanwhile, on the non-culinary front, Bege was watching Goldenweek work on a new painting some distance away from us, and from the way he was rolling a coin through his fingers, I think he was seriously considering making a few purchases. At another table, Kid and Apoo were talking animatedly about… something they had written in a pair of notebooks? Well, so long as they were happy—

" _Oi, you two!"_ Soundbite whistled intently, garnering the pair's attention. " **I advocate the usage of 'arsehole' myself,** _ **IT INJECTS A SENSE OF POSH TO MATTERS!"**_

"They're comparing notes on expletives, aren't they?" I deadpanned as the two captains grinned intently and started speaking with renewed vigor.

" _It's a real learning experience_ _ **, lemme tell ya!"**_

Oi… aaanyway… Law and Nami were huddled over a table, intently poring over… coins? For some reason? Really intently too, jewelry loups and everything.

Penguin and Sachi were hashing things out with Barto and his new co-first mate (Desire, I think he'd said?), and from the way they were all gesticulating and posturing I'd say they were either arguing quite aggressively or in the middle of some kind of rap battle. Really, it could be either.

Moving on from the Supernovas, the crews were all getting along pretty well too. At one table, I could spy Bepo speaking and gesticulating quite animatedly, with an eager audience in the form of the Kiddy Trio. Heck, Chopper was even chowing down on cotton-candy while he took liberal notes.

At another table, Hamburg and Gin were putting on an arm-wrestling show. Porche and a few crewmates had formed a cheering squad, Itomimizu MC'd… and Foxy himself took the bets, of course.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Vito holding a conversation with Conis, apparently over their weapons, based on the array of metal odds and ends they had arrayed before them. Quite surprising, but I suppose he wasn't as greasy as his suit made him look… still pretty greasy, though.

And then there was Lassoo… giving Su a ride as she chased after a low-flying Coo?…not even gonna _try_ and ask.

Everyone else was sitting around, drinking, relaxing, chatting… overall, it was all very nice, very pleasant and friendly, very composed—

" _Enough of this."_

Soundbite filtered the mutter into my ear the same moment that Drake stood up and left; that's all he did, but it wasn't a subtle exit. I watched him go, then looked back at Hawkins, who gave a slight nod in his direction with a roll of his eyes that clearly said, 'deal with this, would you?'

Exhaling, I wandered after Drake, pondering what to do when I caught up with him. Really, if I was being honest, he was one of the biggest wildcards on the island: a former Rear Admiral, hanging out with pirates, who would then go out of his way to _deliberately_ join Kaido's Beast Pirates? I might not have done the best in Trig back in college, but even I could tell that a few things didn't quite add up with the guy.

But still, standoffish as the guy was, he was one of us, meaning that it was in all of our best interests, that I cool him down from whatever head of hot air he was trying to build up.

As such, I mentally ran over what I knew regarding Oda's SBS had shared of Drake's backstory: grew up idolizing his Marine father, said father turned into a cruel, abusive 'pirate' (though really, 'gang of seafaring bandits' would be more accurate, even by fake-pirate standards) for unknown reasons, though from what glimpses I got of him I'd say that 'too corrupt for even Akainu' was written in a report somewhere. Drake escaped when he was 19, only just slipping free of the Bird Cage, climbed the ranks to Rear Admiral, and then turned pirate… as if resigning himself to fate, the story had said.

All very tragic, but no real help to me. I mean, that left years of in-between details that I could only begin to guess at. And frankly, nothing from what I _did_ know explained why he would have gotten fed up with what was ultimately a pretty tame—

…party. The day the Barrels Pirates died, they were throwing a party.

"Yeah, that'd do it…" I groused, accelerating my pace, because I did _not_ want to leave him in whatever headspace he was currently stewing in.

Thankfully, the dinosaur-human hadn't gone far. I found him sitting alone on a crate a few blocks over from the party… contemplating a bottle of rum.

Okay, this ends now. "You know," I piped up in a particularly flat voice, earning a sidelong glare. "Drinking alone is seriously risky business. Lot more fun when you do it with friends."

I had to suppress a flinch as Drake's gaze sharpened—as in, slit-pupils sharpened—but it wasn't long before he turned his scowl back on the bottle. "'Friends'… tch," he scoffed quietly, offhandedly tossing said bottle over his shoulder. "Do you actually think any of those thugs consider you or each other to be 'friends'? _Besides—"_ He snapped impatiently when I opened my mouth. "The inscrutable exception that is your crew, I mean. Everyone else, once we walk away from this… _whatever_ this all is, they'll be at each other's throats. It's inevitable."

I nodded my head to the side with a dismissive grunt. "Meh, personally I have more faith in them. But, call me an optimist if you must, I can understand where you're coming from."

The Ancient Zoan scowled at me flat out as he crossed his arms… aaaand started tapping a finger on the handle of his mace, so message received there. "So, what, did you simply follow me so you could bring me back and get me to link arms with the rest of the degenerates so that we all get along as one big happy family?"

"Psh, considering how I feel like I need to wash myself every time I hear Kid speak? Hardly," I dismissively replied. "Personally, I'm just aiming for 'tolerate' at the moment. Hence, me following you to at _least_ find out the reason _why_ you decided to bounce." I cocked an eyebrow at him inquiringly. "Sooo…?"

The ex-Marine bared and ground his teeth. "You're not going to go away until I give you an answer, are you."

" **IIIIS THAT A REAL QUESTION?"**

He had nothing to say to that, instead snapping his head away with a sharp tsk. "If you're fishing for some deep emotional reason, there isn't one. I just don't see the 'fun' in watching a bunch of idiots get drunk off their asses in celebration of violence."

My cheek twitched slightly at _that_ ill-hidden venom. No reason, riiiight…

Still, externally? I settled for heaving a put-upon sigh as I slowly started to scratch the back of my head. "Ehhh… yeah, I get where you're coming from. The kind of parties you're talking about, not that great. Lot of other, less scrupulous people? They'd be doing just that, getting wasted for the sake of themselves, full stop. Hell, Shiki did the same thing, with slaves to boot."

I then put on a fond smile as I glanced back towards the party. "…but see, the difference here? Those sons of bitches only care about their own happiness, damn all else. Pure hedonism. But here—"

"REEEEE!" "YEEEEHAW!"

Drake and I slowly turned our heads to watch as Raphey galloped by on the back of a greased boar, hooting and hollering and—

"GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE TROGLODYTE!"

—aaand yes, that was definitely Robin's hat she was waving around, if the archaeologist booking it after her was anything to go by.

"…alright, still pretty hedonistic," I slowly admitted, reluctantly tearing my gaze away from the corner they'd just turned. "But! It's a _selfless_ hedonism. We don't just want ourselves to be happy, we want everyone to be happy."

Drake snorted noncommittally. "And you're confident applying that to most of the other scum assembled as well?"

"I'm confident we're all _tolerating_ one another, and that even Kid's making a positive acquaintance." I shrugged indifferently. "I mean, sure, we're planning to double-cross everyone tomorrow—"

"Tch."

" _But,_ the same goes for everyone else. And yeah, it's over money, not blood and that's a thin line. Look, put it this way: have _you_ done anything to anyone here worth getting gutted over?" I took his gruff silence… _this_ instance of gruff silence as a no. "Then at least _try_ and trust that nobody here is going to do so at the drop of a hat, alright?"

Still a gruff silence, but the way he inclined his head _seemed_ to be in thought… maybe a slight push…?

"I mean…" I waved my hands slightly as I gathered my thoughts. "The thing is? People being utter bastards like that, full-on betraying someone for no good reason? They exist, sure… but they're certainly not _everyone_ either, you know? Not all pirates, at least?"

My hand slapped to my face in a mirror to Drake's head snapping around to stare at me. "Aaaand I pushed the buck too far. _Damn it."_ I clawed my hand down and met his intense gaze with a bored one of my own. "For the record, if you plan to rip my head off, remember you fall on the 'Luffy _can_ kick your ass' side of the line. Fun fact, he thinks dino-steak is delicious."

Drake continued to stare at me intensely for what felt like a short eternity… and then, he just _sagged_. "I'm… just going to do away with the bullshit and ask you straight: How much do you know about me?"

I snapped my finger up as I started to concoct the perfect—bah, fuck it. "Enough to let you know that Doflamingo will be getting his sooner or later," I told him, blunt as a sledgehammer, before shrugging. "If you want in, door's open. Feel free to talk to Law about it."

" **Though, we'll still be involved,** SO THERE'S STILL NO ESCAPING US," Soundbite sing-sang.

Drake's face twisted up in a pained grimace and he pinched his brow in misery. "I need a _fucking_ drink," he ground out miserably.

I… honestly couldn't help but chuckle sheepishly as I rubbed the side of my neck. "I know the feeling, yeah, only _I_ don't drink so it's not so easy…"

We shared a patient moment of silence. In short order, it was broken by a chorus of shouts—victory, defeat, and incredulity alike—from back the way we came.

I glanced over my shoulder with a fond smirk. "Well, sounds like _somebody's_ stomach finally gave out." I nodded my head invitingly. "Want to come along and get plastered while watching stupid people do stupid things?"

"…beats drinking alone," he grumbled, shoving off his makeshift seat and walking along side me.

"Heheheh…" I chuckled, slowly raising my arm. "Drake, my friend, I do believe that this is the start of a—"

"Don't touch me."

"Not there yet?"

"Not even close."

"Fair 'nuff."

" _ **He's smiling!"**_

"I am _not."_

"You're right, you're smirking, and that counts."

"…tch."

And lo, the smirk did not go away.

**BR-o-B**

**DAWN OF THE STARTING DAY**

**72 Hours Remain**

**You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?**

… **oh, wrong series? My mistake~**

**DAWN OF THE STARTING DAY**

"You… puss-ridden… flea-mangled…"

"Mange-peppered… rabies-carrying…"

" _D-Duke Dogstorm! M-Master Catviper! The Transponder Snail just started ringing! The SBS will begin soon!"_

Titan-Dog and Mega-Cat alike froze at the call from the Zou's lookout, Bariete. They stood, staring daggers at one another for a moment that felt like an eternity. Then, after a moment, they sagged.

"The truce stands," they sighed, and after waving for their retainers to go and wake up the rest of the nocturnal Minks they set off for the snail.

A one-eyed jaguar mink watched them go, and then looked back at the nearby dog mink that was sagging in relief.

"Soooo," he drawled slowly, cocking his functioning eyebrow. "Any chance that you'll stop with the Cross voodoo dolls, given that he can stop their fighting on a dime?"

And just like that the dog mink's relief evaporated. "When Zunisha grows wings and flies us to the moon," Wanda snarled in response.

"Oh come now, surely the situation hasn't escalated _that_ far!" Pedro scoffed.

"You Musketeers are some _real_ lucky sons of bitches," a passing reindeer mink grumbled, her arms crossed impudently. "One more ball and we could have scored a triple off your lazy—!" _THWACK!_ "GYAH!?"

"SCORE OFF THIS, TICKS-FOR-BRAIN!" a white-furred rabbit mink snarled as she clung to the Guardian's back and gnawed at her head.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU COTTON-TAILED CLOD!"

Wanda's eye twitched viciously as she turned a baleful eye on the suddenly more reticent Pedro. "I. Am a royal aide," she bit out. "Which means that _normally_ my only duty is to put up with the Duke and Master being at one another's throats. But now, thanks to that _loud-mouthed prick,_ I have to deal with quarreling from _both_ corps _twenty-four seven._ When the Straw Hats land here, I will _rip his vile tongue out with my mouth."_

Pedro started to nod in understanding, before pausing as a thought struck him. "Wait… isn't Carrot an Aide too?"

The glare Wanda shot at him was somehow flat _and_ scathing at the same time, and the jaguar raised his hands in an admission of defeat.

A short while later, the majority of Zou's population were assembled around the communal snail. Cross seemed to be taking his time letting his audience call in, as was evidenced by the fact that he'd decided to put on a _musical number,_ of all things, to avoid dead air.

" _Some say that pirates steal and should be feared and hated~"_ the infamous loud-mouthed buccaneer sang, his voice rife with laughter.

" _I say we're victims of bad press; it's all exaggerated_

_We'd never stab you in the back, we'd never lie or cheat_

_We're just about the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet!"_

"…what the heck even?" Bariete questioned, his tail swishing in agitation.

" _Hey, ho, ho!"_ a wild chorus of voices suddenly crowed out of the blue, all full of cheer and wild glee. " _It's one for all for one_

_And we'll share-and-share-alike with you and love you like a son_

_We're gentlemen of fortune and that's what we're proud to be_

_And when you're a professional pirate!"_

"Sounds like Cross is putting on a veritable ensemble performance!" Dogstorm chuckled fondly.

" _You'll be honest, brave, and free!"_ a new, but simultaneously _familiar_ voice crowed out.

Catviper blinked in surprise. "Wait a minute… I know that voice, isn't that—?"

"The announcer for the Foxy Pirates, Itomimizu!?" Pedro finished, just as incredulously.

" _The soul of decency,"_ the infamous wide-mouth continued.

" _You'll be loyal and fair and on the square_

_And most importantly—!"_

" _When you're a professional pirate,"_ the chorus cheered once more, as wild as ever. " _You're always in the best of companyyy!"_

The Duke and Master exchanged bemused looks as the song wound down to a close. "Well, Luffy's certainly proving himself a charismatic one, isn't he?" the hound chuckled.

The feline leered back with a snicker. "Depends on how many of those people at his back want his head, don't it?"

Before either of the biarchs could start anything, however, they were interrupted by their snail regaining its typical cheeky grin.

" _Well, that was fun!"_ Cross said cheerfully. " _Hell, never thought I'd ever get the chance to sing that song of all things! But! Seeing as I have had that chance, I'd say that means we've had enough time for our viewers to all sign on in! So, for those here, allow me to—!"_

" _Yo, Cross, have you started up and welcomed people to the SBS yet?"_ a most _definitely_ unexpected voice cut in with a cackle.

" _No, but—DAMMIT, not again!"_

"Cut off even by Apoo! Oh, he's never going to live that down!" Carrot snickered into her paw-gauntlets.

" _You three-limbed, monkey-faced, piano-toothed c* # &_ _!"_ a far rougher and less familiar voice roared indignantly, getting cut off at the end of his sentence by the honk of a horn. "I _was supposed to do that! We discussed this!"_

" _This is the sound of me not giving a fuck!"_ Apoo cackled, following up the taunt with a guitar riff. " _In C Minor, I might add."_

" _And you, snotstain! Why the hell did you censor me but not him!?"_

" _ **Only I get to choose who goes blue,**_ **DIPWAD!"**

"฿%*#&!"

"Lots of guests this time," Catviper observed. "Including that hijacker Apoo, they seem to be in close proximity."

"Did the Straw Hats make even more allies?" Carrot wondered.

"Their tones don't exactly scream 'friendly', though…" Dogstorm muttered thoughtfully.

" _Ugh…"_ Cross made a long-suffering sound that was eminently familiar to all his listeners. " _Well, people of the world, as you can already tell, emotions are running high for us. And 'us' doesn't just mean the Straw Hat Pirates this time. Let's set the tone for this whole thing by starting it off hard and fast: For those of you who've been keeping up with our voyages, my crew and I have reached the end of Paradise, which is to say, the first half of the Grand Line. And as such, to reach the other side of the Red Line and voyage forth into the New World, we and all other pirates who share our goal must first pass through the final locale of Paradise for pirates, the_ world-famous—" It was honestly a miracle that the snail didn't hurt something with the sheer amount of tension Cross packed into the word "— _isles known as the Sabaody Archipelago._

" _Unfortunately for us, this is easier said than done at the moment. For those of you who aren't following the news in the Grand Line—or at least the scuttlebutt, doubt Big_ Fop _Morgan's been given permission for this piece—the Marines have set up a blockade around Sabaody to bar any pirates from reaching it or the New World on the other side. As you might imagine…_ we're not happy."

"You're not alone there," Wanda muttered.

" _And we're not alone there."_

The mink was caught between blushing and snarling in irritation as her words were mirrored.

" _As you might have gathered already, we've formed some extremely vague semblance of an alliance with some other big names. We have with us the best, the brightest, the most fearsome, most powerful… and Kid and Apoo are here too, I guess."_

" _SWEAR TO #^_ _, GONNA KILL YOU!"_

" _Apapa, yeah, because that joke is_ so _original, you've used it how many times now?"_

" _I've got a joke about that in mind involving your mother, but I'll refrain from using it because I have class. Unlike_ you."

" _Girls, girls…"_ an unfamiliar female voice cut in, speaking in a nice and condescending tone. " _You're both annoying bitches, now can we please move this the hell along? I want to get to Sabaody while_ you all _are still young."_

"… _Right. Sorry about that, dear viewers. You know how it is with pirates. Especially antsy ones. As such, in the interest of ongoing entertainment, let the show go on! Now, in five, four, three—"_

To the puzzlement of the gathered minks, Cross went silent… and then, to their surprise, the Visual Transponder Snail they'd snagged not two days prior went live, presenting an image on the chunk of sailcloth they'd rigged as a screen. There, on top of a very large sparrow with a blue-and-white hood and a mad-cap grinning snail seated on his shoulder, was Jeremiah Cross; next to him sat an unfamiliar man in a purple turtleneck, cream pants, and a striped hat. Or at least, he was unfamiliar until people noticed the widest mouth any one of them had seen in a normal-sized human.

" _Hello, everybody, this is Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite,"_ the Voice of Anarchy declared, throwing out a jaunty, two-fingered salute that his snail backed up with a snicker, then swept his arm out to indicate the man next to him. " _And, with me in this special double edition of the SBS is returning guest and announcer, Itomimizu of the Foxy Pirates!"_

" _Pleasure to be back, Cross!"_ Itomimizu declared, waving his arm eagerly at the camera. " _I'm happy to be here again, and you can be sure that me, my captain and crew in general are absolutely honored,_ honored, _to be a part of what is surely the largest Dead End Race on record!"_

Dogstorm and Catviper exchanged wary glances at _that_ declaration. They'd been in one or two of the races in the past, and one and all they'd tended to end in a particularly… _sticky_ manner.

"What's a Dead End Race?" Carrot wondered.

"An uncommon competition among pirates, an anything-goes race with a massive prize at the end," Dogstorm explained briefly.

"It tends to end about as well as you think it would," Catviper sighed wearily, massaging a migraine out of his brow. "And considering how the Straw Hats are involved, I'd say that the only _real_ question about the fallout for this would be just how many other crews are involved."

" _A pleasure to have you here as well! Though the pleasure will be much greater if it ends like the last competition we fought you guys in,"_ Cross snarked, drawing ineffective leers from his companions. " _Anyway, we can go into more details for those unaware later, but first, how's about we confirm that this is the largest Dead End Race on record?"_

The camera view swung around from Cross and Itomimizu, and the Minks and the world alike _gaped_ at the sight that was unveiled: a bird's-eye view of the sea, and the massive polyglot fleet spread out on top of it, blanketing the ocean with a cover of more floating wood and metal in one place than most people alive had ever seen. Rounding out the picture was a miniature but still massive storm cell brewing behind the fleet, the winds visibly churning the cloudy heavens on high.

"So…" Pedro dragged out slowly, scratching nervously at his scar. "With that many ships at once…?"

"I do believe the ocean is about to be lit on _fire,_ yes," Wanda answered, her anger suppressed in favor of anticipatory dread tinged with bloody excitement.

" _Now, those of you who know what a Dead End Race is, I'm sure you're wondering how we're going to give the ships the starting boost they need,"_ Cross stated with a proud nod. " _And for those of you who don't, normally Dead End Races use a convenient mountain river_ à la _Reverse Mountain; the steeper the better. But, considering this is open ocean and there are no convenient mountains nearby… well, we had to come up with a solution on our own."_

" _A completely insane solution that's liable to kill us all and that personally I_ still _think we're a bit close to…"_ the bird the humans were sitting on spoke up as it hesitantly stared down at the water below. " _But, yeah, a plan if you want to call it that."_

"So, standard fare for the Straw Hats then… still wonder what it is, though," Dogstorm mused.

"Yeah, you've really got to wond—whoa!" Carrot reeled back in shock when a stretch of ocean suddenly roiled and churned, a great and foamy cloud of bubbles smashing through the surface all at once. "What the heck was that?!"

" _Ah, excellent, that'd be the solution in question getting under motion,"_ Cross explained, his grin becoming distinctly wolfish as he watched the fleet below swiftly scramble into action. " _Pop quiz to everyone back home: Who remembers the little climatological cataclysm we ran into earlier in our voyage… known as a_ Knock-Up Stream?"

Dogstorm and Catviper stiffened and paled in an uncharacteristic show of synchronization as the implications of what was happening struck them. "Uh-oh…" they chorused.

"What's wrong, my lo—hm?" Bariete cut himself off in confusion as he noted something on the screen. "Uh… h-hey… is it just me, or does the ocean behind those ships look a… bit…"

His words and every other ongoing conversation trailed off into stunned silence as out of nowhere, an entire stretch of ocean started to simply… _collapse,_ as it were, water spiralling down towards the seafloor with alarming speed. _Accelerating_ speed, as over the course of a minute, the hole expanded from a meager pit to a massive, yawning chasm that lead straight into a pitch-black abyss, audibly _roaring_ from the sheer intensity of the suction.

The fleet pitched back from the outermost edges of the maelstrom, only their anchors holding the back from the getting sucked in. A scant few _did_ get sucked down into the screaming abyss—or rather, sucked screaming into the abyss—but it seemed to be composed of either the poor bastards whose anchor chains had snapped, or the _stupid_ bastards who hadn't put down an anchor at all.

" _WOOHOOHOOOO!"_ Cross crowed, hanging onto Chuchun's plumage for dear life. " _Aw, MAN! It's even bigger than last time! It's actually trying to suck us in from the sky! This is_ AWESOME!"

" _Speak for yourself, you're not the one who has to fight against the natural impossibility here!"_ Chuchun squawked as he flapped his wings with manic vigor.

" _Oh, but this is entirely 'natural,' my fine feathered friend, entirely natural! We just brought it about through artificial instigation!"_ Cross snapped a finger up to point at his tertiary co-host. " _Care to elaborate for those at home, Itomimizu?"_

" _Certainly, Cross!"_ the wide-mouth saluted smartly before addressing the video-snail. " _As you might recall from the Straw Hats' broadcast on the matter, the Knock-Up Stream is a massive geyser that can erupt in the middle of the ocean, sending a pillar of water high enough to reach into the sky!_ Very _convenient for our cause at the moment! But, unfortunately, like all natural disasters extremely unpredictable!_

" _You see, the Knock-Up Stream is usually initiated when water drains into a subterranean cavern on the ocean bed, and is superheated by geothermal heat! Rather than wait for this sequence of events to play out naturally, however, we instead brought them about ourselves. All it took was some of our more aquatically aligned allies—"_

" _ **Shout out to Captain Dugong**_ AND THE _**GREAT KUNG FU FLEET!"**_ Soundbite cheered.

"— _to dive down and set some explosives over a cavern they found themselves, and voila!"_ Itomimizu swept his arm out over the oceanic abyss. " _One Knock Up Stream on demand! First comes the whirlpool…"_

And then just as swiftly as it appeared, the maelstrom swirled shut with barely a gurgle, the water splashing back into a calm sea. And yet in spite of this apparent calm, the pirate fleet didn't relax an inch. Rather, they appeared to be even tenser than before, every inch of rigging drawn sharp and taut and the anchors raised out of the water like they were on fire.

" _And then, once the cavern is filled to capacity, the ocean calms down to normal…"_ Cross picked up, his eagerness ramping up even further. " _But not for long."_

Catviper let out a choked gurgle as he watched the ocean start to _bulge_ where the maelstrom had once swirled, surface tension straining under the immense amount of pressure rising from below. "And they did this on _purpose…?"_

" _As you can see, the ocean is barely hanging on as the pressure mounts to astronomical levels!"_ Itomimizu declared in as grandiose a tone as he could achieve. " _Any moment now, the pressure will be too much, and the Knock-Up Stream will erupt and reach the heavens in all its glory!"_

"But why—" Wanda only got two words out before she clamped her hand over her muzzle.

" _Now, some of you may be wondering why we'd be using a force of vertical thrust to accelerate ourselves, when what we need in this instance is_ lateral _thrust instead, right?"_ Cross queried with an impish grin.

"Teeheehee! He's got your number down pat, Wanda! Teehee— _GURK!"_ Carrot scrambled frantically at the paw her superior had offhandedly clamped around her throat.

"Did you _really_ think now was the right time to push her?" Milky questioned in honest incredulity.

"Gmmph…"

" _Well, simply put, it all comes down to a most simple and basic concept of life. What goes up…_ must come down."

" _Unless it's a bounty,"_ Ito interjected.

" _Yes, yes, that. ANYWAY!"_ Cross clapped his hands eagerly. " _As we've often repeated, the Knock-Up Stream is a titanic pillar of water, all the water we saw go down the maelstrom, a skyward current of the stuff! And when the initial force of that current ends, it'll all hang in place for a moment… before it all comes_ crashing _back down. And all that water, crashing down in one place? Well, there'll be effects from it. Specifically… A_ ripple _effect."_

Wanda tilted her head in confusion. "A ripple effect? What is he—?" A tapping on her wrist drew her attention to Carrot, who was pointing her other paw frantically. Pointing it to the north… of Zunisha…

Wanda's eyes slowly widened as realization fell over her. "They couldn't _possibly_ be that—!"

"Think _very_ carefully about who you're talking about," Pedro deadpanned.

Wanda outright paled in anticipatory terror. "Ooooh, dear…"

**-o-**

" _I'll let that sink in for a minute for those of you who can put the pieces together. For everyone else… well, we've got a bit of time before it happens, so let's go ahead and explain how a Dead End Race works."_

" _ **It's really quite simple:**_ _GATHER A BUNCH OF PIRATES, dangle a lot of money in front of their noses,_ AND THEN SEND THEM THROUGH AN OCEANIC OBSTACLE COURSE **of deathtraps and** _ **SUDDEN BUT INEVITABLE BETRAYALS!"**_

" _Ah, sounds like a pleasant Saturday morning…"_ Itomimizu sighed.

" _Of course, this is a_ little _different from your usual Dead End Race, and I don't just mean the starting boost. Veterans out there, how many of you have heard of a Dead End Race with a pot of_ ฿8 billion?"

_PFFFT!_

King Dalton raised an eyebrow at the sputtering witch on the other side of the table. "Huh. You're the last person I expected to be shocked by… pretty much anything on Cross's show, you know."

"Growf," the witch's ogre-rabbit of an assistant nodded in agreement, kindly handing her off a new bottle of booze.

"Go make a cowpie, rawhide-ass!" Kureha hacked, booze still clearing her airways. "I've heard of or seen some ridiculous amounts of money, most of them from my own mouth, but _this much_ from _pirates?_ Seriously, is that an actual king's ransom or something?" She turned her attention on the fourth person in the room. "Well? I'm talking to you, big guy! You _are_ the expert on bounties around here!"

"Bite my blazing incandescent ass, you wi…i… _WAH-CHOO!"_ Don Accino shook the room with his roaring sneeze, glowering at the half-old half-young woman from his spot huddled in front of the fireplace. "I'll help you the second you help me! You're the so-called witch around here, cure this damn co… oh… _WAH-CHOO!"_ A sneeze cut him off again, and he tried to wipe off the new mask of snot, sniffling to clear the airways.

"No chance, glow-pants," Kureha snickered as she gestured for her assistant to get the small giant another blanket. "I'm good, but not even I know how to cure a common cold. You're stuck with it until you can sneeze, sweat and—worst case scenario—puke it out. Sorry, _not_ sorry because you almost barbecued my wayward apprentice."

"Grmph…" the newly minted Alabastian Guardian grumbled.

"Per- _haps_ you shouldn't have come to a Winter Island in… less than appropriate clothing," Dalton mildly stated.

"I ate the _Hot-Hot_ Fruit! I've spent the last three decades of my life _living in an iceberg field! The cold has never bothered me… EE… WAH-CHOO!"_ Another sneeze cut off the burgeoning tirade, and a glower fixed itself on Accino's face.

"…um…" Dalton uncomfortably scratched at his chin. "Have you considered that your old home might have housed something of a 'dry' cold with just ice, whereas a snowy kingdom such as ours is a bit… _wetter_ in nature?"

Accino stewed in place for a few seconds before snapping his head away, pointedly adjusting his sunglasses. "Shut up," he sniffed.

"So anyway, the money…?" Kureha prodded.

" _Yeah, you heard me right!"_ Cross gloated as if in response. " _Eight. Billion. Berries. That's nine zeroes. Think about that number. Let it sink in. We had to take some very special precautions to make sure that pot stays safe."_

" _And sorry, whitehats, we're not telling!"_

" _Yeah, that'd just be stupid. Anyway, the other main difference?"_ Cross's grin took on a particularly vicious sheen. " _The obstacle here isn't preset traps, or other pirates. At least,_ mostly _not other pirates. Instead, we have a whole blockade of privateers and Marines who have oh-so-kindly volunteered themselves for this duty!"_

Accino's frustration slowly disappeared as a grin spread across his face. "Well, well. If this is going to be anything like a routine breakup of Alabasta's blockade, it should make quite a spectacle. Ah, speaking of which…?"

"Ah, right, right. You said you had a list…?"

Accino tossed an envelope to the witch-doctor. "It's been nothing serious so far, but Cobra is determined to take every precaution regarding his health. The Kingdom of Alabasta thanks you for service. For payment and necessary resources, the Royal coffers of Alabasta are open to you."

"Mmm… meh," Kureha scoffed dismissively, waving her hand. "Open, sure, but I won't plunder them too bad. Call it… remembrance for an old quack who never charged too much, I suppose."

"So… free?"

"Now hold your horses there, you walking space heater!"

**-o-**

The Marines' staffing issue had only somewhat improved since Enies Lobby's destruction, leaving them nowhere near the resources to pull of the blockade on their own. It was widely accepted that that was the sole reason that they had hired so many privateers to blockade Sabaody, but even outnumbered they remained the ones in charge when the situation called for it.

Naturally, however, with the average Marine being overall less capable than the average pirate even in the Grand Line, it required significant force to keep everything running smoothly and discourage any saps from mutiny or desertion. As such, three powerful Marines were in charge, each one individually capable of matching a ship full of privateers or more.

One handled the soldiers. One handled the ships. And one handled the strategies.

The former two were in a constant state of unease around the latter. Not because they were the only Devil Fruit users in the entire fleet, they had long since shown that they didn't need their powers to be strong. Nor because the man outranked them; he was amicable about everything despite his typical scorn towards ability users.

No, what unnerved them was that under their current assignment, they were required to cooperate constantly with someone who had managed to uncover the New World Masons four times already, and neither one was eager to report to the Divine's de facto leader that she'd need to wipe his mind a fifth time because one of them screwed up. _He'd_ been a good sport about it, but Tsuru was starting to get annoyed.

Of course, that worry was presently taking a backseat to a much more immediate one: in the face of Cross's latest announcement, the man who could have passed for a Chinese emperor was completely and utterly unflummoxed, and was even sporting a slight smirk of intrigue.

"Ahhh, so _that's_ your game then, mister Voice of Anarchy," Vice Admiral 'White Feather' Komei mused with an almost _fond-sounding_ chuckle.

Smoker and Hina hid their flinches by clamping their teeth down on their tobacco bundles.

" _Now, with all of that explained, back to the ripple effect. Just think for a moment, dear viewers,"_ Cross crooned, nearly rapturous with anticipation as the aquatic bulge towered higher and higher, slowly starting to loom over the masts of even the biggest ships in the assembled fleet which had by now put a decent amount of distance between themselves and the building cataclysm. " _Several hundred metric tons of water, slamming down at once into the ocean. That wouldn't really cause a ripple… so much as it would bring about a_ tsunami."

It took all the self-control Smoker had to keep from ashing his cigar any more than he had to. "He cannot be _serious."_

Cross dispelled _that_ notion when he flung his arms out with an utterly mad cackle. " _A tsunami that we're going to ride_ straight into the blockade, baby!"

"Harnessing the momentum from a natural disaster for their own causes. Come now, Commodore." Komei hid his chuckle behind his fan. "Shouldn't you, of all people, have been expecting something like this from the Straw Hat Pirates?"

While Smoker twitched at being called out on his skepticism, a ringing alarm sounded out from the broadcast. " _IIIIT'S_ **TIIIIIIIME!"** Soundbite hollered ecstatically.

" _YOU HEARD THE SNAIL, PEOPLE!"_ Itomimizu roared, pumping his fist into the air as his ride flapped its wings in terror. " _BRACE YOURSELVES AND BRACE YOUR SAILS! THE FIRST EVER SKELTER BITE-SABAODY DEAD END RACE IS ABOUT TO BEGIN! ON YOUR MARKS!"_

Komei's smirk stayed firmly in place as he snapped his fan aside, glancing towards his current subordinates as he stood from his seat and walked towards the cabin's door. "Captain Hina, if you would be so kind as to inform the… _mercenaries_ to prepare themselves for combat?

"Of course, sir," she responded, then hesitated as she and Smoker followed him out onto the quarterdeck. "Are there any _specific_ orders you'd like me to communicate?"

" _GET SET!"_

"Why, isn't it obvious, my dear?" Komei drawled as his eyes scanned the horizon.

_**KA-BLOOOOOSH!** _

Smoker and Hina both flinched in shock as a _titanic_ wave of noise smashed over them, originating both from every snail in earshot and from beyond the horizon, and both could do nothing more than gape at the blue _tower_ t rising on high, connecting heaven and ocean in a defiance of all logic.

And then, as that tower suddenly halted and started to fall, one word cut through the shock like a cannonball.

"GO!"

"Kindly inform our helping hands," Komei chuckled over the raucous round of roars that sounded out over the SBS, sounding genuinely eager for whatever was to come. "That the game is afoot."

**Cross-Brain AN: Now, two things to say here. First, we initially planned on posting a full explanation on the details of the race further up, but it was just too much exposition at once, so we cut it down. We still have the scene written out, however, and will be publishing it at a later date so you can see one of our 'deleted scenes.' Probably more, if we can bring some past ones up.**

**And second, perhaps more importantly, we know that we said that we would be finishing up the Road to Sabaody this chapter, and because we promised that, we wouldn't not do it unless we had a very good reason…**


	6. Chapter 6

### Chapter 72: Chapter 64 - Road to Sabaody Pt. 6

### Chapter Text

**Cross-Brain AN: …And here is that very good reason.**

**~Five Days After Enies Lobby's Destruction~**

_With the many adamant supporters of Absolute Justice assigned to the New World, Sengoku could finally enjoy a semblance of the stress relief that the Marines' medics had ordered despite the continued fallout from Enies Lobby's destruction. But it was soon to be shaken; while many miles away Jeremiah Cross was formally re-founding Marine Integrity into the New World Masons, another conversation of earthshaking potential was going on in the highest of Marineford's pagodas._

_With Akainu in pseudo-exile, Kizaru still recovering, and nobody else of their rank available, Aokiji alone was present as the Elder Stars spoke to Sengoku. Given that the Fleet Admiral was almost hyperventilating, the Logia was currently doing what he could to ease Sengoku's nerves. It helped only enough to ensure that he wouldn't be suffering another heart attack while he glowered at the snail._

" _Why… in the world… would you suggest we wage war with one of the Four Emperors… when we've just been_ crippled _from tangling with a group of_ rookies!?" _Sengoku incredulously demanded. "We do not have the resources to attempt a full-scale war with Whitebeard, and if we tried mustering our forces now, I bet my life that half of them would resign instead, whether of their own volition or spurred on by that loud-mouthed brat!"_

" _Fleet Admiral—" the voice began again._

" _I don't give a damn that he's Roger's son! Keeping him imprisoned or trying to execute him will cause more harm than he could produce if he was still at Whitebeard's side! **You can't make me agree to—"**_

" _Fleet Admiral Sengoku, stop insulting our intelligence. We know."_

_The Fleet Admiral fell silent, as much from surprise as the sharpening glare on the line._

" _Under no circumstances are we going to allow Roger's son free now that we have him in prison where he belongs," the Elder Star stated without a hint of give, which drew an aggravated scowl from Sengoku. "But we are_ acutely _aware of how much damage has been done, and that we cannot hope to win against Whitebeard as things stand now. We need more time to recover and build our resources."_

_Sengoku leaned back slowly, his temper cooling a scant few degrees. "Very well. What are your orders?"_

" _Keeping Whitebeard's followers in a comatose state will deceive Vivre Cards to the state of their health, and we will use a gaol ship to keep them at sea level; the depths of Impel Down would be too conspicuous. We will keep them hidden for however long it takes to build our forces back to the point where we can stand against Whitebeard. Then and only then will we announce the newest Warlord in our ranks, the imprisonment of the Spider and Witch, and the execution of Fire Fist. Until then, no Marine ranked lower than Admiral shall be informed of_ any _of this."_

_Sengoku sighed, the tension bleeding out of him. "…I apologize for jumping to conclusions," he ground out, barely managing to keep his tone even mildly respectful._

" _As you should. However, we will still require a contingency plan."_

_Sengoku's body tensed again, and he very deliberately limited his response to a simple "Yes?"_

" _We must be prepared to assemble our forces at a moment's notice. It will only be as a last resort, but should news of their capture somehow reach the ears of any of Whitebeard's allies, we run the risk of allowing Roger's son to slip through our grasp. Provided that you maintain secrecy, we should have nothing to fear."_

_Sengoku ever-so-slowly relaxed once more and closed his eyes. "…so be it. We'll focus resources on fixing the damage from the Straw Hats' assault. Scrutinize all communications surrounding the gaol ship. And I'll keep our strongest forces rotating near Marineford; in the face of Enies Lobby's destruction, it should raise no suspicion."_

" _See to it, Fleet Admiral. KA-LICK!" And with that the connection closed._

_Sengoku shook his head with a weary huff as he started mentally arranging formations. But first… "Aokiji," he ordered, barely glancing up at the Ice-Man. "Return to the containment of Fire Fist and his allies and maintain their state. Ensure that no harm comes to them and that operational security remains_ airtight _. You have unrestricted authority; do whatever needs to be done."_

_Aokiji nodded in solemn acceptance and stood to leave. "Yes, sir." He ambled to the office's door, hand poised to let himself out… and paused there, standing silent for a small eternity, before slowly turning his head over his shoulder. "Sir… I feel compelled to ask a question."_

_Sengoku glanced up from his paperwork, an irritated expression on his face. "Of all the times for you to actually show some life…_ What?"

" _Fleet Admiral, given the circumstances and potential consequences of our actions, I feel compelled to ask…" Aokiji set his jaw. "Should Fire Fist Ace… really_ die _for the crimes of his father?"_

_Sengoku's fist slammed down onto his desk, his scowl intensifying and his expression contorted viciously. After a moment, he took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, before giving Aokiji, of_ all people, _a thoroughly chilling stare. "Do not lose focus now, Admiral. It is not, nor has it ever been, a matter of whether or not he_ should _die. But rather, Portgas D. Ace_ must _die."_

_The Fleet Admiral refocused on his work, dismissing the Admiral with a wave. "That is the last I'll hear on the matter. You have your orders, now_ go."

_A chill of frost briefly crept over the office's door-handle, but just as swiftly it passed. "Understood, sir," Aokiji nodded tersely. And with that, he departed and the matter fell dormant in Marineford… though not in the Ice-Man's heart._

**-o-**

_When the Transponder Snail disconnected, the Five Elder Stars exchanged glowering looks._

" _It is sickening that we have been brought to this point. Enies Lobby's destruction on its own is nothing; a blow to our pride, a reduction in our resources, but nothing that would necessitate anything but an increase in their bounties. But this problem has become absurd," the youngest of the five sneered._

" _It is impossible enough for a transceiver to have survived the purge. Vegapunk despised our orders, but he followed them to the last," the tallest mused as he stroked his beard. "Nothing survived, and the likes of the geniuses capable of designing such a device are few across the world. It would take recklessness to the point of insanity to entrust such a device to an erstwhile unknown like Jeremiah Cross."_

" _The boy is reckless to the point of insanity himself," the katana-wielder grumbled, patiently tapping a finger to his temple. "By broadcasting the invasion, he invited us to send our best forces against him to support CP9, knowing that he couldn't match them. Yet they escaped, and he along with that insufferable Spandam have done the unthinkable: they've scarred us. A no-name rookie pirate and one of our own men have torn the veil."_

" _Our choices are limited," the mustachioed member grumbled as he rubbed his hands in thought. "The talk of freedom will become more and more widespread the longer that he speaks, and this debacle has cost us the chance to eliminate them directly; another broadcast of this magnitude would push us to the point of no return, and martyring them would turn too much of the world against us at once. As satisfying as it would be, Sengoku made the right choice in stopping Admiral Akainu from burning down Water 7."_

" _The Straw Hats claim that they beat the world." The cane-wielder tapped his oaken staff on the tile. "The only thing that they've done is guarantee that we will fight again. And when we do, no amount of luck or skill will allow them to walk away. Orders will be sent to Akainu in the New World to recruit replenishing forces from every island that he visits, and we will monitor the Straw Hats' journey for anything that we can exploit. We will bide our time, build our resources…"_

_His demeanor and that of all the Elder Stars darkened significantly. "And when the time comes to put an end to Roger's line and to Edward Newgate, Absolute Justice will become the_ only _justice. As for the whistleblower… for once, Garp's eccentric whim works in our favor. With him proudly accepting the blame, we can issue Jeremiah Cross the highest starting bounty in history. If we're lucky, some random ignoramus with more bullets than brains will make our lives all the easier for base recompense."_

" _You will forgive me if I find our recent track record in matters of chance to be…_ less _than encouraging…" the blond grumbled despondently._

**~Present~**

"Remind me, which of us were speaking about fortune so long ago?" the blond Elder Star scoffed as he grimly watched corsairs trade blows with individuals who rated only _slightly_ higher than the black-flags they were fighting.

" _Not._ Relevant at the moment," the mustachioed Star ground out impatiently.

"Indeed," the sword-bearer nodded sagely, his eyes closed and expression pinched in intense thought. "The question of the hour is how we intend to _handle_ this situation. As it stands, the Straw Hats have a non-negligible chance of passing the blockade. We always knew this maneuver would be a stop-gap measure and that they would pass _eventually,_ but we never predicted they would manage it _on the first clash._ So… the question stands: should we leave Komei's orders unchanged…"

The gi-clad man cracked an eye open, and regarded the image of the Thousand Sunny and all upon it with the intensity of a Sea King considering its prey.

"Or should we cut our losses here and now, and order Komei to give Straw Hats an opening?"

A contemplative silence stretched out between the five for interminable minutes… until ultimately, three of them shook their heads in denial.

"The time is not right," the tallest stated firmly. "Our resources have recovered and recent events have served to enhance our capabilities, but not to the extent that we need to be truly ready for the war. To attempt our stratagem now would be folly."

"And their reputation aside, this blockade was specifically designed to be capable of facing down the likes of the Supernovas," the mustache-wearer groused. "It would smack of suspicion, not to mention _incompetence,_ if the Straw Hats came through."

"And there is also the matter that they would most likely assist 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo's crew to consider," the cane-wielder mused in an almost idle fashion. "As well as how we can only surmise what alliances have been formed between them in the meantime; open a crack and they would not stop before they'd made it a chasm."

A silence fell.

"…And finally," the youngest started slowly, uncertain of the idea he was about to air. "I'm assuming it's because it's doubtful the blockade could actually stop them if we gave them express orders to?"

The still air of the chamber was _shattered_ by the sound of a single splinter cracking out of an ancient cane. "We," the cane's owner ground out, livid fury tinging his every word. "Are _not._ Determining the Straw Hats' actions. To be a _fait-accompli."_

None of the other Elder Stars commented on their comrade's breach of decorum.

Nor on the tinge of uncertainty that had entered his words.

**-o-**

"AAAAND THEY'RE OFF!" Itomimizu declared as Chuchun banked after the fleet, flapping and banking furiously to try and compensate for the Knock-Up Stream's updraft. Putting up a pair of binoculars, he scanned over the ships. "All ships that didn't sink and managed to surf off the tsunami are off to a fantastic start, but currently, early lead goes to the Barto Club's Cannibal!"

"Heheh, yeah, well, temporarily having three times the sail-to-ship ratio of anyone else will do that," I quipped, eyeing the shimmering barrier Barto had erected on the bow of the Cannibal. It was effective, true, but if the way he was laughing while the rest of his crew scrambled to hang on for dear life and maneuver them properly, he'd be dropping it soon.

"But right on their heels is the Straw Hats' Thousand Sunny!" Itomimizu continued. "And a ways back but gaining is the Kid Pirates' Iron Tramp, belching all kinds of smoke! Looks like the paddle ships are proving themselves as the design of tomorrow!"

" **Yeah, but they'll only chug AS FAR AS THEY'VE GOT FUEL** _ **AND WORKING PARTS!** Good for a burst, _NOT SO MUCH FOR LAYING DOWN PURE HURT. _CHECK IT,_ " Soundbite gestured his eyestalks downward, where the Tramp and Sunny were indeed stowing their paddles and decelerating. " _ **They've got the leads they wanted,**_ **but now they're drawing it out for the long game.** _STILL NECK-AND-NECK FOR SECOND, BUT EVERYONE ELSE IS STILL IN IT TOO."_

"As for everyone else…" Ito nudged Chuchun to swing about and start sweeping over the rest of the fleet as he squinted to get a better look at flags. "Well, looks like most of the frontrunners are made of the Supernovas, as well as a few others such as my very own Silver and Brass Foxes—"

"The former thankfully rechristened from the cringe-inducing name of 'Sexy Foxy,' though I _dearly_ hope you didn't reverse the titles," I cut in, cringing at the name.

" _I will have you know that I am now known the world over as_ Fiendish _Foxy!"_ Foxy smugly cut in. " _I may have lost to your monster of a captain, but I still pushed him to the brink! And there's not a thing you can say to me that will belittle—!"_

I gave Soundbite a flat look as I chopped my hand across my throat in a request for a moment's peace. "You only got that name by _begging_ the Divine, didn't you?"

I took _way_ too much pleasure in the way Soundbite's facade crumbled. " _It was going to be either that or Split-Head Foxy…"_ he whimpered in utter misery. Said whimpering is what met the viewers' ears as I unpaused the broadcast.

"Sorry for the cut there, everyone; what I said to bring him down was a little too caustic for a public broadcast," I gloated, smirking smugly.

"…as I was saying," Itomimizu continued, his teeth grinding together in a forced grin. "My crew's ships are part of a nice clump about a kilometer behind the Iron Tramp. Another two kilometers behind _them_ is the main mass of pirates, jockeying for position!"

"And behind those scrubs are the wrecks," I cut in, grinning as I buffed my nails on my chest. "Pro tip of the day: combat power is nice and all, but seamanship is just as important! And keep those anchor cables maintained!"

"Right you are, Cross," Ito concurred, nodding sagely. "I'd say we've got about nine pirate crews permanently out of the race and pretty busy trying not to sink on top of the poor bastards caught in the whirlpool."

My grin widened a bit more; honestly, I'd expected _more_ dismastings and collisions right at the start. I wasn't kidding when I referred to the tail-end Charlies as 'scrubs'; only a few had bounties above even thirty million. I guess Nami's briefing only got through most of the skulls present. _Pity._

Still, I'd gotten a nice thrill of schadenfreude with what we _did_ get, and as it stood, we still had more than enough warm bodies to ram into the blockade.

Meanwhile, Itomimizu was still going. "And with the race settled down for now, I'd like to invite my gracious co-host to explain our little starting booster!"

"Gladly," I replied, sweeping my arm out in a grandiose gesture. "Well, as my good viewers may have guessed, there are perks to knowing a weather witch and a wind Logia. It took a bit of practice, but they were able to combine their powers and whip up one _hell_ of a wind. How are you holding up, ladi— _ERGH!?_ " My commentary was cut off by an invisible force blindsiding Chuchun into a tailspin. "Hey, what was that for!?"

" _To get a word in edgewise here,"_ uttered Vivi. " _Until you've experienced getting your arms wrenched out_ by the entire universe, go suck on a duck egg, Cross. _I already have a migraine from this and you're not making it any better!"_

" _Got you covered, Vivi,"_ Chopper piped up. " _Thanks for this, by the way. You're really helping my research."_

" _Yeah, no pro—wait, **what do you mean reasea—?!"**_

"Vivi and Chopper everyone, doesn't my crew just say the darndest things?!" I chuckled as I hastily chopped my hand across my throat to cut the connection. Though I _don't_ think we managed to cut the pink-laced mini-twister that blasted up from the Sunny's deck in time. "Aaaanyway, while Vivi and Nami are maintaining our momentum, we've got our friends in the Great Kung-Fu Fleet to thank for the initial starting turbo-booster! Everyone, give those loveable dugongs a hearty round of applause!"

"Belay that applause, Cross!" my co-commentator waved me down, suddenly intent on the horizon. "We've just run into our first obstacle!"

I followed his gaze and frowned, as indeed we had.

**-o-**

Crocus grimaced at the sight of the lone three-masted ship utterly dwarfed by the pirate fleet facing it. Behind him, Laboon let out a pained warble. Said ship wasn't turning and running; instead, it was charging in, bowchasers booming.

Closing his eyes, Crocus clasped his hands together. "Lord of the seas, forgive them," he huffed wearily, saying it more for the sake of saying it than anything else. "For they know not what they do."

" _Yeah, that's a privateer, alright,"_ Itomimizu noted with barely-concealed venom. " _Looks like it's going for the Supernova cluster, which I really don't get. This isn't normal privateer behavior. Every true-blood buccaneer hates their guts, but half of that is because the bastards have the survival instinct of a_ shark. _They wouldn't be charging the strongest of a generation, they'd be going for the weakest parts of the pack instead."_

" _Well, from what_ I've _heard, the Marines have decided to provide some…_ incentive _for them to press the attack,"_ Cross tsked, kneading one of his temples in irritation.

" _Guns to their heads?"_

" _At the bare minimum."_

" _ **Hang on,**_ THEY'RE ALMOST **in gun range."**

Indeed, as Crocus watched, the splashes from the privateer's bow chasers were now landing among the nearest edge of the Supernova cluster. The fire was also finally provoking a response: one ship, sporting castle crenulations, a castle Jolly Roger, and some of the biggest cannons Crocus had ever seen, was tacking from near the center of the ragged formation right to the edges.

More gunfire bloomed from the privateer—and this time one shot rang true, a cannonball smacking right onto the nose of the ship.

An impact that did absolutely nothing as the cannonball literally _bounced off_ the stone-clad prow.

"… _OK, I've seen fortified ships before, but I wouldn't expect_ that _kind of no-sell unless it were thanks to Black Bart's barriers!"_ Itomimizu exclaimed.

" _Well, it only makes sense that someone like Bege would know fortifications! A fact that goes_ both _ways, as we're about to see!"_

And indeed, the pirate ship's two bow chasers did a hell of a lot more than 'nothing' in return as they blasted out a simultaneous barrage. One cannonball missed, 'merely' tearing a large hole through the privateers' sails, but the other smacked into its opponent's bow and _kept going_ in a stream of burst seams and flying plankage. The destruction ended about three-quarters down the length of the poor ship, leaving it wallowing in the sea, at which point the pirate ship turned to present its broadside and opened up. Four more cannonballs burst from their barrels, and of them two hit; one dismasting the ship and the other caving in the keel right where it ran up the bow.

The last broadside was just plain overkill; the hapless ship sagged in a great many important places, and a large chunk of the deck was suddenly blurred into obscurity.

"The heck…?" Crocus wondered.

" _Aaaand first blood goes to the Firetank Pirates' Nostra Castello!"_ the Foxy's announcer pronounced. " _I don't think those privateers are going to be trying anything anytime soon. I almost feel sorry for them. And yes, folks, that blurring is on Cross' order; trust me, I can see what's behind it and it is_ not _for sensitive stomachs!"_

" _Yeah, well, no matter the gore or… let's go with 'thoroughness' involved, it looks like that's a pyrrhic victory for the Firetanks,"_ Cross noted sagely. " _They got the kill, but now they've fallen a bit behind the pack."_

Indeed, despite some furious tacking and maneuvering, the Nostra Castello was visibly a few hundred meters behind the rest of the Supernovas when it returned to the current.

Crocus grinned and nodded with pride. "Yes, this is how a Dead End Race should be, more decisions like this. _This_ is strategy." His grin twitched irritably as a memory niggled at the back of his skull. "Unlike a certain cannonball-happy _cabin-boy's_ ideas I could name."

" _Bwoooh…"_ Laboon warbled, sinking away from the evil aura his caretaker was giving off.

" _Actually, Cross, chances are that this was a calculated move,"_ Itomimizu shrewdly noted. " _Since that was just a scout for the blockade and it had plenty of time to transmit its location, that means that the Firetank Pirates will have everyone else between them and the front line when the fighting starts. Risky long-term, but smart. We have some time, but get ready, viewers. Things are gonna pick…up…soon? What the—uh, Cross? What is_ that?"

Crocus blinked clean out of his bad mood as Gif's view swung around to display—"A _bird?"_

**-o-**

"Is that a crane or something?" Perona wondered.

"Yeah, yeah, I think that's a crane!" Xiao nodded, full of eager energy. "I remember seeing a bunch of them in a swampier bit of the Summer Zone! They were really really tall, with legs like tree trunks and their eyes were really glowy and when they saw something they'd zero in on it and then their necks and beaks were _super-fast and strong and they managed to break through the shell of a turtle-gator in one hit and-it-was-so-scary—_ EEP!" The tyke's babbling sputtered out into a panicked gasp as she suddenly swayed on her feet, on the verge of passing out.

"Sooo… new crane mutation in the swamps, got it," Perona chuckled as she patted the child's head. "Granny, could you—?"

"Already recording it," Granny assured her, jotting the observation down in a logbook. "We've also got a particularly coordinated pack of cow-sized gophers in the eastern prairies of the Spring Zone, and something's been leaving carcasses riddled with iron needles in the more ruin-covered sections of the Fall Zone."

" _Uuuuugh,"_ Perona lamented, sagging into her overstuffed throne as she swept her arm over her eyes. "So much woooork… I thought it was _Shiki_ making the local ecology go nuts! Shouldn't the evolution be calming down without his dosers around anymore?"

"Oh, it has!" Granny noted with a sunny grin. "Now we've only got _half_ a dozen species popping up a week instead of a two dozen! But if you'd rather leave them all to go on a rampage instead and have _us_ go on strike—?"

"I'll tame them, I'll tame them!" Perona yelped, waving her arms in panic. "J-Just let me spend a _few_ more minutes relaxing watching the SBS, alright?!"

"Whatever you say, dear," the old woman simpered with an ill-hidden grin.

" _ **Ooookay, someone wanna explain why two of my cousins**_ **ARE BEING TOTED AROUND BY** A CRANE OF ALL THINGS _at twelve o'clock?"_ Soundbite sourly queried.

The proof of Soundbite's words was now close enough to confirm: a snow white crane with a harness akin to the one Shiki had equipped to his eagles, two snails within, was flying directly towards them. It perched gracefully on Chuchun's head, avian and gastropod eyes alike alighting on the Voices of Anarchy.

" _Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite,"_ an aged and sophisticated voice drawled from the snail next to the gastropod. " _Your reputations precede you."_

Cross blinked in surprise, and then his expression sharpened. " _Vice Admiral Komei,"_ the pirate returned in a respectful tone. " _Yours as well. Although, I must say that I'm surprised you'd meet with us in so civil a manner. You do realize your superiors will have your head for not lambasting us before a global audience, right?"_

The Marine-channeling snail eyes shifted in such a manner as to indicate the dismissive waving of a hand. " _As it so happens, I'm at a point in my career where they, quite frankly, can't make me give a damn. I will show respect where it is due, and I refuse to let my superiors dictate what that might be."_

A stunned silence stretched out for a minute, before a pair of _dangerous_ grins spread across the Voices' faces. " _Oh, I am_ definitely _going to enjoy matching wits with you, Vice Admiral_ sir."

Perona's eyebrows shot up nervously. "This… just got dangerous, on _so_ many levels."

"Sounds fun!" Xiao chirped.

"Depends on your definition of 'fun'…"

**-o-**

" _Well, only if you're comfortable with that risk,"_ the Marine responded, his tone and expression perfectly neutral. " _After all, our orders are to prevent passage. We may be disinclined to attack if you move far enough out of cannon range. After all, your odds of success are, shall we say…_ less _than positive? We outnumber you all by quite a bit, and any attempt to run this blockade_ will _have casualties. Quite frankly, running back to whatever hole you might have come from would be preferable to being sunk or imprisoned, no?"_

That message sunk in, clearly directed towards every member of the invasion force that it carried to if the way Gif turned around to behold the fleet again was any indication. After several seconds, some of the fleet began to break off from the main group.

"Of course," I cut in frigidly. "That also comes with the caveat that if this breakthrough attempt fails because of too many deserters, whoever survives the defeat is going to hunt them down and murder them in their beds."

At that, most of the ships resumed their heading with almost indecent speed. There were still a handful that branched off, allowed by both sides to depart from the group. Unspoken was that they were the ones too foolish or too cowardly to be of any help anyway.

" _Using fear as a tool, Cross? I thought you to be a more sophisticated orator than that,"_ Komei sniffed imperiously.

"First off, glass houses and stones, you weasel," I retorted, rolling my eyes. "Second, and more importantly, it's not exactly like I'm threatening _saints_ here either. Lotta the crowd here's the scum of the seas that not even _we_ acknowledge, and they all know it." Cross paused, glaring balefully at the fleeing pirates. "Or at least, they _should_ know that by now. But hey! If they take offense to that… they can say it to our faces."

_That_ refocused the majority of the yet-hesitant pirates in the pack, and anyone who'd abandoned their posts swiftly got back to work.

Komei let out a sigh that smacked of resignation before donning a more sincere grin. " _Applying intimidation in an appropriate manner for proper benefit. Alright, Cross, I will admit: I_ am _impressed. And I hope that you'll continue to show me the skills that have earned you the place of the Straw Hats' world-famous tactician. It will be the first true challenge I've enjoyed in a_ long _while."_ A feral smirk came onto his pseudo-face. " _A challenge I foresee myself_ overcoming."

I returned his smirk with a grin of my own. "Don't count your Sea Kings just yet, Vice Admiral. Plenty of people have tried to bring us down, and thus far _none_ have succeeded."

" _Why, what a coincidence!"_ Komei exclaimed in an overly grandiose tone. " _The same could be said of my own track record when dealing with pirates. So in the end, I suppose there's really only one question left, isn't there?"_

"Indeed there is…"

I leaned in to shove my smirk right in the snail's face, and we spoke as one.

" _ **Whose prowess shall prove superior?"**_

The standoff lasted for about ten seconds before I leaned back with a cheeky grin. "Ten beri says you're gonna lose."

" _I'll raise that to life in Impel Down, but best of luck nevertheless, Cross,"_ Komei chuckled casually. " _After all, I'd hate to only trounce you_ once."

And before I could say anything more to that, the crane spread its wings and took off, swooping away and soaring high to circle above us.

"… **damn, he got the last word on you,"** Soundbite whistled in awe. "THAT NEVER HAPPENS."

"Well… may as well let him have _that_ victory, at least," I smirked. "But it'll be his last."

"N-n-not without a fight, anyways…"

"Eh?" I blinked and looked over at Itomimizu in surprise, the pencil-neck quite literally shivering in his seat. "What makes you say that?"

All my co-commentator could muster up was to raise his wobbly finger and gesture at the horizon.

I followed the direction he indicated… and sucked in a sharp breath through my teeth.

"Oh. Right," I bit out tersely. "That… could be a problem."

**-o-**

The camera panned ahead of the great pirate armada to share in the commentators' vision, and displayed a _horizon_ that had turned black and white with ships. Iceburg and Lulu's eyes widened.

Paulie and Zambai's reactions were… decidedly more operatic.

"HOLY SEA KING BARNACLES, THAT'S A LOT OF SHIPS!" the ex-bounty hunter belted out.

"But what kind?" Iceburg wondered out loud.

Thankfully, the camera view cooperated with his thoughts, zooming in on the approaching armada. From the slowness of said zoom and the continued good picture quality, this was accomplished by Cross and Itomimizu's bird-mount winging closer.

"… _How many ships is that?"_ the latter weakly asked.

" _Let's go with a metric shitton and call it a day,"_ Cross replied in an equally wary tone.

" _Wasn't this supposed to be a_ weak _spot on the blockade!?"_

" _Yeah, well… credit to Kid: he's a raging jackass, but he_ is _a Supernova for a damn good reason."_

The gathered shipwrights listened with only half an ear; most were busy taking in the various ships gathered. While overall a decidedly heterogeneous mass, some patterns could be discerned.

"Lotta Aberdeen clippers," Paulie noted, intently gnawing on his cigar. "Rest seem to be a mish-mash from every damn shipyard on the planet. Tyne, Boustead, Severnaya, Split—"

"And Water 7," Iceburg noted with an exasperated huff.

Lulu squinted at the screen. "Hmm, now that the Mayor points it out, I'd say he's right. That's the _Arniston_ there, I designed half of the metalwork on that tub myself."

"So, typical privateer ships. They've always preferred whatever merchant ships they happened to have and could stick cannons on," Paulie scoffed, waving his hand. "I don't see what the problem is. Even with how many of these guys there are, these are the _Supernovas_ we're talking about here. They'll go through single-deckers like these like a woodchipper."

" _Okay, Itomimizu, you're more familiar with privateers than me, how bad is this?"_ Cross inquired.

" _Preeeetty bad,"_ the wide-mouth grimaced nervously. " _For starters, privateers carry oversized crews, so boarders are going to be a problem. And more importantly… where the hell are the vereens?"_

"… _I'm sorry, vereens?"_

" _Uh, Vereenigde convoy ships. Those are nasty suckers, and privateers love buying them second-hand,"_ the commentator rubbed his chin thoughtfully. " _They're not Marine battleships, but they're the closest you're going to find outside of the Navy and the larger national fleets. Something like this, the Marines would shanghai them in a heartbeat."_

Paulie flinched back under the weight of the stares on him. "Okay, so I forgot about those guys! Sue me, I don't see any of them on screen!"

" _And I take it that not knowing where those things are is a bad thing?"_

" _You have to ask? But hold that thought. We're about to get a clash!"_

And indeed, the screen swung about to display the Cannibal racing into view from the bottom of the screen, Barto's barrier visible as a shimmering middle finger. In response, the line of privateers turned broadside and opened fire. Water spouted around the Cannibal, but any hits simply bounced off a barrier. And shots further afield at the Thousand Sunny and Iron Tramp were equally ineffective; any cannonballs against them were simply hurled back at their senders, where they _did_ hit home.

Still, while all that was relatively straightforward, one question remained in the viewers' minds.

"What the heck is the plan here?" Zambai demanded. "The pirates are just gonna crash right through at this point!"

**-o-**

"Okay, I gotta ask: _what_ is the guys' plan here?" Itomimizu wondered. "None of the Supernovas are firing! Not the Barto Club, not the Kid Pirates, and not even the Straw Hats. Are they going for a melee?"

I slowly turned a thoroughly flat expression on Itomimizu. "Remind me, I have put out _how many_ SBS broadcasts on my crew by now?" I pointed out.

"…Fair point."

Still, I did get where Itomimizu was coming from. The Thousand Sunny, for all his virtues, did not have a big cannon battery, only ten on either side. There was… _that,_ but we were saving that for a bigger target than these guys. The Cannibal and Iron Tramp, on the other hand, had batteries closer to the expected forty that you'd see on ships of that size, so they had fewer excuses. Still, as Capone had so helpfully demonstrated, turning broadside to get in a gunnery duel was an invitation to let everyone pass you; a head-on assault was the best idea.

But still, that didn't explain why they weren't using their bowchasers… unless…

I adopted a deadpan expression as I snapped my fingers and pointed at the Sunny. "Robin, you wouldn't have happened to overhear Luffy and a few of the other Supernovas getting into an argument over something or other before the race started, would you? Something about, oh, I don't know, _body counts and bounties?"_

" _How_ ever _did you guess, Cross?"_

I kneaded the bridge of my nose as I waved the connection away. "Aaaand of _course_ they're intentionally getting into a brawl. Because why _would_ we expect sane behavior during a life-or-death bloodsport race, huh?"

" **A** _failure to employ **pattern recognition?"**_

"You realize I could just punt you off this damn bird to your screaming doom, right?"

"UUUUH…" Soundbite's eyes shot back and forth in a momentary panic before snapping to Ito. " _SO, **latest updates, FRIENDO?"**_

"Hey, I'm not done, you little—"!

"The Cannibal is still in the lead, the Thousand Sunny and Iron Tramp right behind her!" Itomimizu declared, bodily shoving his way in front of me and into Gif's eyeline. "The privateers are still firing and laying down a hail of lead that would be deadly for anyone else, but they're not stopping! Instead, the Supernovas are going for a melee, and damn the cannons!"

I gave Ito a sidelong glare for a second before leaning forwards eagerly. "Aaaaand… Impact!"

_**CRUNCH!** _

With an almighty cacophony that we could hear from our perch without Soundbite's help, the Cannibal—Barto's barrier reshaped into a pointed ram at the last second—smashed into a privateer ship, messily splitting it into two ragged halves. Credit where it was due, the privateers tried to leap onto the Cannibal as it passed, but the higher sides meant the attempts were doomed from the start. And throughout the carnage, Barto displayed his 'respect' for the privateers' efforts by planting his foot on the Cannibal's figurehead and throwing his head back and cackling like an absolute lunatic.

The Sunny joined the scrum bare seconds later, his bow-mounted axe dials doing an even better job splitting his ramming target like so much plywood. The privateers had no more luck boarding him, either. The Iron Tramp, on the other hand, was working solely with raw momentum. It smashed up the ship it crashed into, no problem, but the wreckage immediately got tangled up with the steamer and privateers immediately began swarming the ship.

Their reward for such enthusiasm was to face Killer in open combat. Poor bastards. Idly, I waved for Gif to censor _that_ , too. Eurgh, just looking at the results was making me nauseous.

"And it looks like the Iron Tramp is stuck!" Itomimizu forged on, getting a closer look at the carnage with a spyglass. "Not that it's helping the privateers; what Killer's doing to them is illegal to show in 153 of the original 174 member nations of the World Government!"

_**SQUELCH! "MY SPLEEEEN!"** _

"Correction, make that 162!"

"Yeah, well, sucks to be them," I gagged, waving my hand uncomfortably. "Now, let's check on… the…" I stared at the hole the Sunny and Cannibal had busted open. Right in front of them was _another_ line of ships, and the privateers in the line they'd just broken through were turning to close in on them from the flanks. "Well, Sea King balls. They got here fast."

Cannon fire erupted behind us, and with a thought, Chuchun whirled around. There, we saw two _more_ fleets, smaller than the ones blocking us but with bigger ships, advancing on the Supernova cluster.

"I take it those are the vereens you mentioned?" I demanded, my mind racing. Where the hell had _they_ come from!?

"Yuuu _p_ ," Itomimizu replied, popping the P. "And can I just say that this is all bizarrely coordinated for a bunch of privateer scum?"

"Word to the wise from an adrenaline junkie, brother: Don't mess with Vice Admirals on _any_ level, physical or otherwise," I groused as I crossed my arms. "They _will_ find ways to fuck you up."

**-o-**

"Why, I do believe I might have left something of an impression on the poor boy," Jonathan mused, tapping a white queen against his knee.

"I can't _begin_ to imagine what would give you that idea, sir," Drake responded through grit teeth.

"Hem-hem?"

Said gritting intensified at the feminine cough behind him, and he held up the tray in his arms with a terse jerk. "Also, would you care for some more tea, Captain Ain?" he ground out in a voice that promised murder.

"That would be _lovely,_ Lieutenant-Commander, _thank you,"_ Ain simpered politely, profering her teacup to him.

Drake reached for the teapot, and _completely_ by accident, knocked it against the table, cracking it.

"Oh, _look._ It's _broken._ So easy and fragile to do that to some things. Like some people's _necks,"_ the grim-faced Marine growled as he marched out the door. "Pardon me while I go and get _more."_ And with that, he slammed the door shut behind him—

_CRACK!_

—with… _excessive_ force.

"You'll need to get a new door, too!"

"GRARGH!"

Vice Admiral Jonathan turned his focus away from the screen by a few degrees so that he could address the smug Captain. "Just for the record, you _do_ realize you're pushing my second-in-command ever closer to a mental breakdown with your treatment of him, yes?"

"Oh, of course I do, yes. But it's just too much fun to stop," Ain responded with a smirk. "You yourself should know that, Vice Admiral."

"Hmm… fair enough," Jonathan shrugged casually. "Just know that I'd advise you to change your fake cough a bit, please? It sounds like you have a fat toad stuck in your throat."

The captain's hand shot to her neck with an " _Eep!"_ and a blush. "S-so noted sir," she coughed, for real this time.

Jonathan chuckled before turning his full attention back to the race, as well as the strategies being employed by his fellow—if he was being generous—masterminds.

The scene on the screen was undoubtedly a fine strategy on Komei's part: Tangle up the fastest ships—which, naturally, would bear the strongest pirates—and then slam them in the flanks with the largest privateer ships around. And knowing both Komei and what he _himself_ would do, Jonathan was certain that this wasn't even close to the only gambit Komei had planned.

Just as he knew that there was no chance that Cross's own tried and true strategy of applying overwhelming amounts of force with pinpoint accuracy would be so easily overcome.

Honestly, he was torn between wanting his comrade-in-arms' war plan to succeed and wanting to see how his _other_ comrades and their fellow pirates would get out of it.

" _But_ where _did they come from?"_ Itomimizu's demand snapped attention back to the screen's spectacle, where the commentators were watching the approaching rear line with dread. " _They couldn't have approached us this fast without someone noticing! Soundbite?"_

" _ **Nobody expects attacks from above…"**_ The snail's already present scowl deepened. " _But in this case,_ THERE'S ANOTHER BLIND SIDE. _I DON'T KNOW HOW,_ **but they came up from underwater!"**

" _Tch, of course!"/"Coating, how could we have been so blind!"_

Soundbite did a double-take and divided his eyestalks, somehow managing to look very indignant with one eye apiece. " _EXCUSE ME!? **YOU TWO KNEW ABOUT THIS!?"**_

" _The Captain is not unfamiliar with Sabaody Archipelago, so yes…"_ Itomimizu groaned, rubbing one temple.

" _But for the rest of the world who_ is, _quick notes version: by coating a ship with a special soaplike residue found only in Sabaody, it is_ entirely _possible for any manner of ship to become capable of traveling underwater,"_ Cross lectured, intensely gnawing on his armored thumb. " _It's for that entire practice that we pirates have no choice but to sail for Sabaody in the first place! Rrgh, but because we focused so intensely on the blockade line_ itself, _we never considered how they'd exploit what lay behind it, damn it!"_

" _But we had submarine forces scouting out the blockade all over the past week, how could they have missed so many ships!?"_ Ito questioned incredulously.

" _Because Komei's a genius and if there's one section of sea you survey to hell and back, it's the sections immediately surrounding your organization's Global HQ. He must have hidden ships in every aquatic nook and cranny he could find!"_ Cross snapped his head to the side with a sharp _tsk_. " _I'd call it brilliant if it weren't in the process of_ biting us in the ass!"

" _Yeeeah, if you say so… ah, but more importantly!"_ Ito snapped his hand out over the ongoing fighting. " _We've got action up and down the line here! The privateers are closing in, and the Supernovas are slowing and bringing out their own cannons!"_

Onscreen, the blob of the rest of the Supernova ships, joined by the Silver and Brass Foxies pulling up the rear, let loose with a furious cannonade that quickly blanketed the battlefield in smoke. Remarkably, the privateer ships remained silent, grimly pressing on.

Well. It might have been grim, if it weren't for one teensy, tiny, insignificant little detail.

" _Aaaand… everyone but the Firetanks and Drake Pirates are sucking Sea King balls. C'mon, captain, I thought our gunnery crews were better than this! This is an embarrassment to the Foxy Pirates!"_

" _Heh, chalk one up for actually_ aiming! _You go. Conis, line 'em up and knock 'em down proper when you get the chance!"_

"If any gunners under _my_ command got results this bad, I'd bust them down to seaman recruit, then let them work their ways back up to their old ranks just to bust 'em down again," Ain groused, running a hand down her face. "This is just _painful_ to watch."

"You're a very kind person, Ain," Drake drawled as he walked back in, a renewed tea set held in his close-to-too-tight grip. "I'd just demote them and then assign them to potato peeling and shit cleaning between drills."

"Well, then I'd—"

"While I'd _love_ to hear you two get into another argument over who's the bigger hardass," Jonathan cut in with an exaggerated put-upon sigh. "Why don't you take this chance to try and impress me by looking at the vereens and tell me what you see."

The two officers squinted at the privateers, in between broadsides.

" _But, ah, still, for the record, I get where you're coming from. I mean, I live with 'Sniper King' Usopp, this pains me on a physical level. I can almost hear him cussing out all these incompetents for how badly they're doing. And no, that's not a request, Soundbite."_

"DAMN, _**AND HE'S GETTING creative too."**_

Finally, the straddles the Drakes and Firetanks were achieving became hits, two vereens flying to pieces in a matter of seconds. And that finally jarred something loose from the junior officers' brains.

"Huh, did they offload the cannons on the lower gun deck?" Ain noted. "Why would they do that?"

"More speed and more men for boarding, probably," Drake answered, before wincing as another ship disintegrated.

" _Still, three of these 'vereens' are so much matchwood, but they're still closing. I'm_ almost _impressed, except for the fact they're planning to go to melee."_

"Which doesn't make any sense!" Drake continued, louder. "Gunnery is their advantage, with how badly the pirates are shooting! Why close to melee range with this many high-bounty pirates?!"

"… Yeah, I got nothing," Ain admitted, however much it sounded like it hurt her to do so.

" _Hold that thought, Cross, let's check in on the lead—OH NEPTUNE'S HAIRY BALLSACK!"_

Further tirades were halted in favor of the camera-screen snapping away, forcibly swapping back to the fight at the head of the race. Ain and Drake's eyes widened: each of the three pirate ships now had two privateers crammed up against their sides, men swarming up the sides heedless of the havoc the pirates were wreaking on them.

Then again, the lightning bolts, sprays of metal, and ship-splitting barriers that frequently lashed out to smite ships to the rear were probably excellent incentive to vacate those general areas.

And, naturally, the two ships grappling the Iron Tramp were completely censored out. But there had been a brief glimpse as the camera view changed, and all the Marines present were thoroughly grateful for the censoring.

"Oh, so _that's_ how you match the Straw Hats through sheer brutality…" Drake groaned, covering his mouth.

"You should try experiencing them up close and personal, the smell _really_ pulls it all together," Ain deadpanned.

" _That is sick and wrong and I_ really _should not be surprised Kid did it. Please hold for withholding vomit…"_

Silence for a moment. Then…

" _Hookay, that's better… Anyway, the leaders are completely tangled up. Everyone's got a privateer ship or two grappled to them and the privateers are going deck to deck just to get at them! And_ man _are they getting creamed for it!"_

"Wait, they're just gonna leave it at that?!" Ain demanded.

"You mean you _want_ to see more of Kid's carnage?!" the Lieutenant-Commander boggled at her.

"More like I want to see more of the _Straw Hats_ fighting so that we can better model strategies focused on _capturing them._ I believe that that's a goal that we, as fellow Marines, can agree upon, yes?"

"…let me get back to you on that."

" _Which seriously begs the question of just what the hell is the gun the Marines are holding and where can I get it?"_ Cross forged on, sounding increasingly befuddled at the ongoing brawl. " _Because these guys are getting massacred!"_

"…What _is_ the leverage we have, by the way?" Drake wondered.

Jonathan just smirked for two seconds, at which point the smirk fell and he squinted at the Thousand Sunny. "Wait, what on earth—?"

" _Hey, what the heck are those two doing?!"_ they heard Cross yelp.

The picture zoomed in, Ain and Drake eagerly leaning forward.

**-o-**

"I mean, it looks like they're jumping onto one of the privateers grappling the Sunny?" Itomimizu stated questioningly, tilting his head as he watched a pair of dots leap off the, well, sunny ship.

"I can see that!" I snapped. "I'm wondering _why!"_

**-o-**

**Two minutes ago:**

"Coup de… Vent!"

Compressed air blasted out of Franky's inflated forearms, flinging an entire line of privateers clean off the Sunny's sides. Naturally, more climbed up and naturally, Franky tried to charge up again so that he could blast _them_ too, only to run into an increasingly familiar issue.

"This _SUPER!_ Never ends!" Franky groused as his hair flopped in front of his face. "Oi! I need a cola recharge! _And more cola storage, note to self, bug the little furry dude about helping me with that later… "_ he added under his breath.

Arms sprouted from the sides of the ship and started snapping bones, letting Franky step back and grab the bottles of cola that Merry tossed into his hands. As he installed them in his stomach fridge, he took the opportunity to size up the situation.

In short: it was hell. The air stank of gunpowder and piss and fear. Groaning bodies littered the Sunny's decks, and the ships grappling them were charnel houses. And despite that, these assholes just. Kept. _Coming!_ Seriously, it was almost as bad as Enies Lobby had been. The melee fighters even had to rotate in and out of rail-defense duty to keep up their stamina, while Conis, Lassoo, and Usopp kept up suppressing fire and Nami soared over the ships on Billy, raining the wrath of God on the other privateer ships jockeying for position.

_**KRAK-THOOM!** _

In fact, there was one tree-sized lightning bolt frying another ship now.

"Oi, Merry!" Franky shouted up to the wheel. "You _SUPER!_ Sure we can't just change directions and shake these guys off?"

"Answer hasn't changed since the last two times you asked it!" the ship-girl shouted back. "We lose distance and risk losing the current if we try tha— _ **there they are!"**_

Every gear and joint in Franky's body ground to a halt, and he _slowly_ flipped up his sunglasses to sideglare at her. "Are. You. Sure," he bit out.

"Unless Kid lied to us or was really badly mistaken or their ships are lying beneath them, then _aye! Those be the bastards!"_ Merry punctuated her statement both through a snarl and by ramming half a dozen levers in place with a single swing of her arm. "Somebody man the helm, _we be engaging in some boarding action against these bilge-suckers!_ "

"I'm on it!" Chopper shouted, clambering up onto the poop deck and slipping into Merry's place in front of the wheel. "Just don't give me any extra work, I'm already working on three different lists for Boss alone!"

"Say what?!" The named dugong paused in his repeated punching of a privateer he had trapped under his arm to give the human-reindeer an incredulous look. "Why the hell are you—?!"

" **YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"**

"Ah… aheh, as you say…"

"Don't worry, we're not the ones who'll need a doctor after this!" Franky shouted back, before joining Merry in jumping off the Sunny and onto the neighboring ship.

**-o-**

"They… _could_ be trying to cut down on the flow of reinforcements," Itomimizu slowly suggested. "They're certainly doing a good job of it."

"Yeeeah…" I muttered as Merry busted out her rotary cannon and hosed down a good chunk of the deck of the ship she was on. "But knowing my crew, there's no way it's something so simple or logical as that."

**-o-**

Merry quickly stowed her new and newly beloved weapon after she ran through the first ammo belt. It was amazing firing it, as expected, but two things stayed her hand. First, Nami, naturally. She had a few choice comments about _that_ she wanted to vocalize, but she withheld them for fear of a certain mollusk screwing her over.

Second, and more importantly, while she and Franky wanted the deck clear, they also wanted the reinforcements to keep coming, so that their targets would actually chance getting within hand-to-hand range rather than cower behind cover. And, thankfully, they were actually climbing up onto the ship right now.

Her eyes narrowed as she glared at the pair of dingy bastards charging them. Charybdis help her, they even _looked_ like the types to abuse their ships. One sallow and gaunt, with a hooked nose and an overall cruel demeanor, and the other big and beefy, with a ridiculous mustache and flowing blonde hair and a generous layer of fat over his admittedly impressive muscles. And both dressed in some of the most impractically fancy Navy-adjacent outfits she'd ever seen. So, frankly, either way, they'd be doing the world a significant favor.

"That them?" Franky asked, striding up next to her.

"Let's confirm," she growled, cupping her hands around her mouth. " _OI!_ Were you two the jackasses who attacked Kid?"

"Who are you calling jackasses, jackasses?!" Mustache roared, charging at them with his fists cocked. Which, in Merry's mind, was close enough to a confession for her.

"Franky, do me a favor…" She raised her free hand and snapped her fingers with a flat expression. "And _wreck these bastards."_

"WITH PLEASURE!"

Franky proceeded to do just that with extreme gusto, landing a punishing uppercut on the charging bastard and knocking his ass skyward. Then, exchanging a thoroughly malevolent grin with his smaller comrade, he took Merry in one hand and flung her towards the other Marine. The unorthodox maneuver along with Merry's absurd strength took the poor sap aback, leaving him sprawled on the ground. The next moment found Merry heaving him into the air and jumping after him, even as Franky followed suit with a Strong Hammer uppercut.

**-o-**

"Okay, now what are they doing?!" I snapped, throwing up my hands.

It was an honest question: I had put together what beef they had against these guys, but honestly, a few good shots would have been enough to put them down for the count. But no, they were determined to put on a show, it seemed; they had both sent their opponents flying into the air, and now they were… were…

"Uhh… Ito?" I dragged out uncertainly. "You want to try taking this, buddy? Because I… I just really lack the _words."_

"Uh, well, it looks like Franky is flipping his guy upside down, while Merry is wrapping her arm around her opponent's neck and, and… uh…" Itomimizu slowly tilted his head. "IIII'm right there with you, Cross. Not a damn clue."

"Incredible!" said another voice beside me.

I whipped my gaze around to Boss, who was now sitting right next to me. If it hadn't been for the logical side of my mind reminding me that he could Moonwalk, I probably would have joined Ito and Chuchun in their yelp of, " _WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?!"_

As is, I _did_ still make my opinion of his unprompted appearance known: "WHAT IS ONE OF OUR CREW'S MONSTER QUARTET DOING THIS FAR AWAY FROM THE BATTLE!?"

"Cross, that isn't important," Boss waved me off _way_ too casually, straightening and pointing down at the fight. " _That_ is what's important! For the first time in a generation… no, two generations, the legendary finishing moves are being performed!"

"Since when in the blue hell are you a wrestling fan!?" I demanded… and then shook my head. "Forget I asked, of _course_ you're a wrestling fan."

In search of a bit more sense, I looked back down to see how the fight below was going: Merry had now flipped the one guy upside-down and released his neck, grabbing his thighs instead and leaving his head resting on her shoulder while she held the rest of his body up. Franky, meanwhile, now had his legs wrapped around his opponent's torso, hands grasping the legs to drive the poor sap into the deck.

"Muscle Buster! Muscle Driver! Only the greatest of men can even _attempt_ such techniques! To see both together—!" He froze, eyes widening. "No… could it be?"

Glancing back at Merry and Franky, I noted that they were still holding their opponents, just in mid-air and streaking towards the deck. Oh, and also lined up perfectly. Nice bit of coordination, there, if it weren't for the intense migraine it was causing me.

"It is!" Boss interrupted, still wide-eyed. "It's the legendary tag-team finishing technique!"

"This is going to hurt, isn't it?" Itomimizu whispered to me.

" _It already is_ …" I growled, massaging my eyes.

" **THE MUSCLE DOCKING!"**

Down below, we watched Franky piledrive his opponent headfirst into the decking. And simultaneously, Merry landed on his shoulder, driving _her_ opponent's neck straight into _her_ shoulder with a snapping sound that we heard all the way up here. Both of us winced.

…but it really said something about how desensitized I had become that I was able to look away from the grievous injuries to the childishly grinning dugong next to me my full attention. A dugong I was starting to have a sneaking suspicion about.

"…how wasted _are_ you?!"

Boss snickered shakily and held up a sake gourd that was still dripping. "Parting gift from Izo, straight from Wano. Why do you ask?"

I stared at him flatly for a second before holding my palm up to his. "…Sobering Attack: Impact."

I didn't even twitch as I blasted him clean off Chuchun.

"FOUL!" he yelled as he plummeted towards the ocean, only to get plucked out of the air by a passing Nami and Billy.

"Old man, I kindly request that you tell your sons _not_ to share whatever booze you make in the New World with Paradise rookies anymore," I deadpanned, looking Gif straight in the eyes. Sighing and looking back at where Boss had fallen, I added, "And man am I going to catch complete hell for that later…but _damn_ if it wasn't worth it."

_CRASH!_

I snapped my eyes back down, and the sight that met my eyes was that of a plume of dust rising from an enemy ship below.

…a ship that looked like someone had taken a bat to it so hard it had split in half.

"Monster," I said dismissively.

"How can you say that so casually?!" Itomimizu demanded before freezing as my words processed. "Ah, apologies for the interruption, viewers. Why don't we, ah, switch away from the madness for a bit and check in on the mid-line action?"

**-o-**

The shot glass shattered against the wall, dangerously close to the screen the assembled executives of Dressrosa were using to watch the broadcast. Panting, Senor Pink stomped out of the room, visibly steaming.

"Make sure he pays for that," Trebol noted, not taking his eyes off the broadcast. With the Young Master and a small team of his choosing taking care of business elsewhere, that left him in charge of Dressrosa.

"Er, what was that all about?" Sugar whispered to Pica next to her. The giant man could only shrug indifferently.

On the screen, the view shifted back to the cluster of Supernova ships, locked in a sprawling melee with the privateers engaging them. The Drakes and Firetanks had positioned themselves in the center, blasting away at the privateers and using their fellow pirates to soak up the boarders.

It was a job they were doing _very_ well.

Bodies streamed off every ship and laid in heaps wherever there was space. Shattered hulks dotted the waters behind them. It was a slaughter, not a fight, and yet the privateers just pressed on.

" _Huh. So, Cross, how much do you think this setup was deliberate on anyone's parts?"_

" _Well, I'm pretty sure Drake and Capone planned their positions. The rest… probably serendipity. Hang on, zoom in on the Silver Foxy."_

The camera obliged, showing a charnel house and some very good infantry tactics. The Foxies appeared to have been organized into units, and as the Executives watched, one such unit surged onto the sides, letting another fall back to medics near the masts.

More importantly, the captain seemed to be locked in single combat with a sharp-dressed man everyone present recognized.

"Hey, that's Abel Tasman, the business-stealing rat bastard!" Jora squawked indignantly.

"Nihihihi! Maybe they'll knock him off for us!" Machvise chortled, slapping his stomach with glee.

" _Huh, who's that?"_ Cross wondering, sending everyone present scrambling for a notebook to record another thing Jeremiah Cross _didn't_ actually know.

" _Abel Tasman, a freelance merchant admiral who runs the Vereenigde merchant convoys I mentioned a while back,"_ Itomimizu elaborated, the casual tone undercut by an acidic scowl. " _And by freelance, I mean 'works privateer when business is short', which is most of the time. The Marines tolerate it because Tasman has pretty much the largest private fleet in the Blues and he's no slouch in a fight himself."_

" _Well, Foxy's doing pretty well for himself and—whoop, there's Big Pan, flinging him into the air. Does he—No."_ Cross shook his head as he watched the ill-dressed 'admiral' flail in the air. " _No Moonwalk. Glad to know that_ some _things aren't getting picked up by every prick alive."_

" _A fact that Captain Foxy takes advantage of by nailing him with a Slow-Slow Beam!"_

The executives all leaned forward, eyes wide and eager as the business-thief 'flew' through the air in slow motion.

" _Big Pan's picking up Foxy and holding him up to Tasman! Foxy's laying down the Nine-Tails Rush from hell into him! And the Slow-Slow Beam has worn off, sending him blasting towards the Jewelry Margherita! Well, I'll be damned, it actually looks like he's going to stick the landing—!"_

" _Oh, shit, Bonney's right there!"_

WHAM!

Experienced pirates all, the Executives did not wince at the fate that befell Tasman. It was a near-run thing, though; even for them, that was gruesome.

" _And he_ slams _right into Bonney's head! His back is in an inverted V… aaaaand Bonney hasn't budged! Oh, that's gotta hurt!"_

" _From the shape his spine is in, I'm not sure he's feeling much of anything!"_ Cross cackled ecstatically.

It helped that it was a disliked rival getting injured like that.

"That whippersnapper _GOT_ what was coming to him!" Lao G bellowed… probably a bit louder than he intended.

"More than what that opportunistic prick deserved," Baby 5 sniffed petulantly. "Think there's any chance he actually bit it?"

"Looks like a snap between the T6 and T7, meaning…" Diamante analyzed as he squinted at the contorted admiral before scowling irritably. "Damn it, he's still alive!"

A resounding exclamation of " _CRAP!"_ echoed around the room.

" _Oh, hey,"_ Cross' decidedly peeved voice interrupted. " _Look who finally decided to join the party!"_

**-o-**

"Ah, the rest of the rabble," Komei nodded sagely, casting an idle glance at a nearby clock. "And right on schedule, too. I do so enjoy it when my adversaries are punctual."

" _Yes, folks, the stragglers and scrubs in the fleet have finally caught up, and they're laying into the privateers with a vengeance!"_ Ito explained, out of shot as Gif swung around to display the encroaching fleet. " _I can't tell if they hate the privateers, want to one-up the Supernovas, or just really, really want that 8 billion!"_

" _Probably a combination of all three,"_ Cross reasoned. " _The unengaged vereens are using what broadsides they still have, but I don't think they're gonna stop them. At this rate, most of the pirate force is going to bust clean through the blockade. Ugh…"_

"… _okay, I'll bite, why do you sound disappointed?"_ Chuchun asked.

" _I'm not disappointed!"_ the tactician swiftly clarified. " _If anything, I'm_ anxious _about what fresh hell is about to fall onto us_. _Because if I have any decent grasp on Komei's thought process—and I really hope I'm not overestimating my own intelligence when I say I do—this is the part where he abandons the current strategy and moves to Phase 2."_

A smirk spread across Komei's face. Yes… Jeremiah Cross did know what he was talking about. Reaching over, the Vice Admiral picked up his Transponder Snail and dialed a number.

" _Sir?"_

"Execute phases two _and_ three. Simultaneously."

An exhale carried over the line. " _Oh, good, I would've suggested that myself, sir. There have been some complications, but if we're launching both phases they're not critical."_

Komei cocked a doubtful brow. "I _see._ Very well, if you think they're not critical, I won't worry."

" _We won't disappoint you, Vice Admiral. KA-LICK!"_

Komei chuckled as he raised his fan before his mouth. "Your move, Cross."

**-o-**

Beneath the surface, the Polar Tang's captain observed the battle, dividing his attention between the submarine's own periscope system and the Visual Snail channeling the SBS, eyes scanning for a weak spot with all the observational skills befitting a surgeon. His crew stood by at the ready for any commands… some closer than others.

"So, what's the deal with the captain?" Penguin whispered to his longtime buddy, Shachi. "He's been acting kinda weird ever since we left Skelter Bite."

Shachi nodded. "Yeah. Like, he's been even quieter than usual, hasn't gotten short with Bepo, and hasn't decapitated anyone in a week! Something's definitely up."

"Heck, he's even been _humming_ over the last few days! I think it was that piece that the Straw Hats' snail was blaring for awhile…" Penguin paused, grimacing. "Though, to be fair, that one could be because it's still stuck in his head. Damn little bastard, who _cares_ what color our sub is!?"

"Personally, I think he's thinking about things. And not the usual things. Secret things. Important things."

"Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. So, when're ya gonna ask him?"

Penguin's eyes widened, and he leaned in a little closer. "Are ya crazy?! I'm not asking that! You ask if you're so curious!"

"Me, curious?!" Shachi shot back. "No way! You're the one who brought it up! I'd like to avoid having my liver and a kidney swapped again, thank you!"

A brief silence fell as they glared at each other. And after a few seconds of said silence, they noticed that it _was_ indeed silent… because they could no longer hear Law humming. One tentative glance confirmed what they were afraid of: their captain was now standing directly beside them, visibly ticked off and his pet demon (read: his sword) tapping in his palm.

"Well?" he demanded in a voice that brooked no argument.

Gulping audibly, the two pirates shared a nervous glance, until Shachi mustered the courage to speak. "W-We were just wonderin' what was up with you, captain. You just… you've been off on your own lately, thinkin' about things."

"Did… you find a lead on…" Penguin glanced around, and leaned in closer. " _Him?"_

Law regarded the two for a long, impassive moment, then glanced outside the viewport of the submarine. "Damn," he sighed, slipping. "I was too late. Your yammering's already attracted the battleship."

Both pirates paled dramatically. " _What_ battleship?!" Penguin all but demanded.

"The coated battleship we were trying to slip past until you _morons_ started making noise." Despite his words, Law was sporting an eager smirk. "Ah well. This'll be fun, at least. Brace yourselves, boys, we're about to get hit."

And then the deck rose up and smacked Penguin and Sachi square in the nose.

And if anyone claimed that Law snickered at that particular moment, then they were nothing but a filthy _liar._

**-o-**

X Drake's gaze glided over the battlefield, binoculars in claw and idly ducking and swaying side to side in order to dodge the odd musket-and/or-cannon ball. The battle looked to be going well: The privateers had been breaking on the rock of their fellow Supernovas for some time, and the arrival of the scum they'd gathered up was probably going to be the breaking point. He shifted his gaze east; naturally, the three crews ahead were rapidly chewing their way out, too.

**CRA-KOOM!**

Drake winced and ripped his binoculars from his face as he tried to blink away the spots in his vision. Yes. _Very_ rapidly.

The battle was going well… and yet, he felt uneasy. And he knew why he felt this way too; the Marines hadn't shown up, despite the fact that the privateers had to be veritably _screaming_ for help. And he knew, from personal experience no less, that no Marine worth their salt would miss out on a chance to shoot at privateers _and_ pirates as massive as this. So the question was… where were they?

Putting his binoculars up again, he scanned the sea. Water, water, ship, water, ship, ship, water bulging, ship—

Wait a minute.

He moved back to that one spot: the water was rising, sloughing off of something. And he knew what that something was.

Stowing his binoculars, he buried his claws in his ship's deck, steadying himself as his battleship swayed beneath his feet. Out the corner of his eye, he saw a Marine battleship breach the water like a colossal whale, incidentally also tossing a yellow submarine out of the water like it was a bathtub toy.

Drake relaxed as his ship stopped swaying, eyeing the other five battleships breaching around them. Surrounded, because of course. Scowling, he walked over to his Transponder Snail and dialed one of the more arrogant pirates surrounding him. Which is to say…

" _Bege here."_

"Given your track record and typical modus operandi, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume the Nostra Castello isn't built to tangle with Marine battleships," Drake blandly stated.

" _You'd assume right,"_ Bege grunted, unhappy with both the slight and the accuracy of it. Both snail and Drake winced as a battleship opened fire, only for the projectiles to swap with several barrels on said battleship before exploding against the masts. " _And while Trafalgar's efforts are appreciated—if self-serving—he can't be six places at once. I'm hoping you have an idea for a valid course of action."_

Water bulged again, and before Drake's eyes, three more ships—an old galleon and two more battleships—burst out of the water around three of the battleships. These sported a thick coating of kelp and barnacles rather than the glimmering sheen of a Sabaody coating, and they immediately fell upon their Marine counterparts. And the last two… well, they were busy firing on the now-panicking scrub pirates. A savage grin spread across Drake's face.

"My answer depends on yours. If I were to ask you to provide covering fire while some of us charged that one battleship, would you be capable of it?"

The snail gave an equally savage grin back. " _Well, I do have some cast iron cannonballs I can offer at a discount rate…"_

Nodding, Drake waited for Bege to tack into position to support the south wing. Which meant he got an excellent view of the surviving vereens abruptly bursting into flames. Glancing behind him, he noted the north wing was also dealing with the sudden onslaught of fireships. He grinned and turned to his sailing master.

"I want a full spread of canvas up the current," he ordered. "This is our chance at the lead spot and I'm not giving it up."

"Aye, captain!"

" _Drake, you rotten sewer lizard! You knew that was coming!"_ Bege roared over the snail, his fury punctuated by his ship's cannons firing at full-bore and trying to sink the blazing boats before they could do the same to him.

"Oh, did I forget to hang up? And to mention the rather obvious trap?" Drake innocently queried. "Anyway, I've got just one word to say to you, Bege. A word that, for the first time in my life, I say with pride." His grin widened as he directed it _straight_ at the castle-ship. "Pi~ra~te."

" _YOU SON OF A—!"_

_KA-LICK!_

**-o-**

"And Drake takes the opportunity to zip ahead!" Itomimizu declared. "Sneaky git, ain't he?"

"Yeah, well, so long as he's not _actually_ firing on our asses, you know what they say," I replied with a rapidly spreading grin. "All's fair in—WHACK!" I was forced to cut myself off mid-sentence on account of nearly being _shoved off the side of my ride!_ And the only thing keeping me from plummeting to my doom was—

"Finish that sentence," Ito prodded, face-encompassing smile twitching as he kept a solid grip on my collar, showing _far_ more upper body strength than I expected from someone like him. "By _all_ means."

"HE SAY NOTHING, _**NOTHING AT ALL!"**_ Soundbite swore vehemently from inside his shell.

"Listen to the snail, listen to the snail!" I nodded fearfully in agreement.

"Yeah, well—"

_B-B-B-BOOM!_

Thankfully, the blast of explosives—and my suddenly renewed death glare—prompted Ito to pull me back to safety, and we turned back around to face the ongoing battle.

Our eyes, and Gif's, were all drawn to the line of explosions that had erupted around the three leading ships. Most hit water or the shattered hulks of the privateers around them—and there were still a _lot_ of the assholes trying to press in—but several bounced off of the Iron Tramp's plating, Barto's barriers, and some quick defensive work from my own crew.

It took even less time to find the source: four battleships that had surfaced _behind_ the line of privateers, and seemed to be using them as meatshields while they bombarded from afar. And note that when I say battleships, I mean blue-and-white bonafide _Marine_ battleships. I could see Nami and Billy fly in for an attempted attack run, only for them to hastily abort before someone in a Marine uniform evaded their lightning and nearly skewered them. I guess it couldn't be that easy.

Because behind them… nothing but pure blue sea. We weren't quite there yet… but I could feel the tipping point coming fast. I grinned; that was going to be _fun._ In the meantime…

"Looks like those weren't all the coated ships the Marines had! We've got four blasting away right at the head of the race! Quite ineffectively, I might add."

"Distance protects them, but it means their accuracy _sucks,"_ I agreed. Right as I said that, nearly a dozen privateer ships burst into flames and dove right at the three pirate ships to what I'm sure were apoplectic howls from Merry and Franky. "Yeah, that'll help them. Help them get their asses kicked even harder."

Proving my point, one of the fireships abruptly lurched and then began to sink into the waves, presumably the work of one of the dugongs. Speaking of which…

"Since things seem to be in a holding pattern here, shall we go back to where the real action is?"

"Gladly!" Itomimizu replied, turning the camera view back on the larger melee. And what we saw—

**-o-**

First Mate Dugong panted, blood dripping down his forehead. He could readily admit that their ongoing battle to clear the three battleships wasn't going terribly well. The fact of the matter was that there were three Marine Captains and only two members of the Great Kung Fu Fleet able to match them, with their Millennial Dragon allies currently being fended off by massed musket fire.

And in his case, "match" was the best he could do.

The dugong shifted his stance and the grip on his spear, mentally growling as the Captain in front of him matched the movement. It shouldn't have been this hard; the Captain was female, not heavily built, and armed with a _scarf_ of all things. A scarf that was somehow _deflecting_ the head of his spear without a scratch and which was smashing wood and flesh with equal devastation! He knew the Grand Line was nuts, but this was insane!

He was still wracking his brains for a solution to the stalemate when he spotted Foxy clamber onto the deck, lugging some sort of wooden contraption. Their eyes met; Foxy cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Get her into the air!"

Well. That was a hell of a lot more doable than beating her.

Planting his tail, First Mate Dugong kicked off into a very low frontal charge, speartip skimming a bare inch above the deck. In fact, he was moving so fast and so low that a hasty thrust from the scarf skimmed right over him, and once he was in range First Mate spun in mid-air, the action bringing his spear around in an upward smash.

Naturally, the scarf blocked it, but if First Mate Dugong was confident in one advantage he held over the Marine, it was his species' tendency towards pure, brute strength. Muscles bulged, cloth failed to stop the swing's movement—

"YOU WON'T BEAT ME, YOU BLUBBERY LITTLE— _GWAH!"_

—and the result was that the Marine stooge was launched clean off her feet and into the air.

First Mate wasn't done, either. Leaping off a convenient spar, he thrust his spear at her, and though _that_ was blocked, too, without any anchorage she was sent flying down. She _tried_ to wheel around to stick the landing, but she met a slight… _issue_ on the way down.

"SLOW-SLOW BEAM!"

An 'issue' in the form of a concentrated ray of Slow-Slow particles.

Sticking his _own_ landing perfectly, First Mate balefully eyed Foxy as he wheeled some sort of odd contraption into place, a wooden box shaped in an inverse V, sharply sloped and meeting at the top.

"And I did that _why…_?" First Mate trailed off curiously. Foxy chuckled in reply.

"Waaaait for it…"

The Slow-Slow Beam ended, the Marine fell the last few feet at her previous velocity, legs still spread to stick the landing… and spreading even _wider_ as her legs split the wooden horse.

**-o-**

I cringed, my hands instinctively shooting downwards.

"Oh, that's cruel!" Itomimizu barked, flinging an arm across his eyes in despair. "It's painful no matter what your gender is! That's just too harsh for most any living being alive!"

_That_ got a sidelong glance out of me. "Including her?"

My co-commentator sobered up almost instantly, sporting a cheeky grin. "Hey, I _did_ say 'most'."

**-o-**

With his opponent on the deck writhing in agony, First Mate Dugong turned a flat stare on Foxy. "And _why_ do you have something like that?"

Foxy slumped over, a cloud of depression hanging over him. "Trust me, that is a long and complicated tale that I don't want to tell and you don't want to know…"

**-o-**

"Er, what does he mean by 'no matter what your gender is'?" one of the Amazons gathered at Amazon Lily's battle arena wondered. And while that was only a single Amazon who happened to be seated in earshot of Hancock's throne, it was a sentiment that rippled throughout the arena.

"Yes, what did he mean?" Hancock speculated aloud. "He implies that not only do men feel excruciating pain in such situations, but they rarely stop to consider what women feel."

"Oh, let it go, the poor dears," Elder Nyon sighed. "I've talked to many men such afflicted over the years and I can only conclude that it is a very… _unique_ pain."

"Mmph, as you say…" Hancock skeptically replied. The reason for her truly placid response was that she was too focused on scanning the screen, an endeavor Marigold was aiding her in.

Noting the distinct _lack_ of acid being spat her way, Nyon glanced back at two of Amazon Lily's three rulers. It didn't take her long to spot their barely hidden concern, at which point she turned back to the show. "I wouldn't overly concern yourselves. Sandersonia is easily one of the most powerful individuals in those waters, and she's in the company of the Straw Hats besides. She'll be perfectly fine."

"Mmph, but if so, then where _is_ she?" Marigold inquired, gnawing on her thumb. "I can't imagine that Sonia would stay out of a fight like this _willingly,_ so…?"

"Maybe _that's_ the exact reason she's not out there in the first place. Probably keeping her out of sight for her own good," Rindo huffed, more focused on trying to reignite her cigarette than the show. "Don't forget, if Lady Sandersonia were out there and _not_ attacking pirates, that would raise a lot of uncomfortable questions, right?"

"Mmph, I suppose," Hancock sighed wearily as she massaged her brow. "Still, I wouldn't be averse to something distracting me from my concern."

" _Moving on from that…_ horrific _sight, we—"_

SKREEONK!

The entire arena flinched back, on account of what sounded like the unholy union of a howler monkey and a sword breaking screaming out of the gathered Transponder Snails.

"You were saying?" Marigold groused, digging a finger through her ear.

"Quiet, Mari," Hancock grumbled, pointedly ignoring both the griping of her sister and the snickering of the reptilian seat that was her partner.

The camera dutifully zoomed in on the northern third of the battleships, and there was just enough time before the Millennial Dragons swooped in to tear into the reeling ships to see Scratchmen Apoo flash a victory sign before he leapt off to find more opponents.

" _And Apoo clears the decks, leaving the ship wide open for the Millennial Dragons! Scratch one battleship!"_

" _Good work, Apoo! At this rate, just ten more ships and you'll almost be as good… as…"_

Cross trailed off mid-insult, and the camera swiftly snapped around to show a sight that stunned viewers worldwide into silence: the two battleships that had gone after the scrubs were now sailing back into the fight… and they'd left a field of shattered wrecks in their wake.

"I can't say the sight of so much scum of the seas floating in pieces doesn't fill me with joy," Hancock said, not sounding joyful at all.

"Sister, you're contradicting yourself again," Marigold said tonelessly.

" _Uh, whoops?"_

The southern battleship, the one Law had been playing catch and return with, promptly exploded.

" _Huh, powder magazine must've gone off,"_ Itomimizu speculated. " _And, y'know, the fire ships barely did anything. I think… I think we're actually gonna get through the blockade!"_

As one, the assembled Amazons winced. "Did he seriously just say that?" Marigold muttered under her breath.

Cross, it seemed, was no happier about the blatant fate-tempting. " _Okay, first, do you_ have _to sound so doubtful about the success of one of my plans?! Especially one where_ your _survival is on the line too! And second, Ito, did you sleep through my broadcast on tempting fate or something!?"_

" _Actually, yes. The Back Fight we had around the time you toppled Thriller Bark saw me take a baseball to the noggin, so I was sleeping it off. Doctor's orders,"_ Ito shrugged indifferently. " _But c'mon, look at the situation! The Marines here are only going to last maybe ten minutes longer. The Marines to the west are probably crumbling as we speak! What could possibly go wrong?"_

Winces were no longer sufficient. Faces met palms in a thunderous roar.

"Idiot," Hancock spat between her fingers. "I don't know why Cross is putting up with him."

"' _What could possibly go wrong'?"_ Cross repeated, a very sickly grin on his face. Overall, he looked fit to choke a Sea King with his bare hands. " _Let's find out, shall we? Head back to the frontrunners, see how they're doing."_

The camera swapped once again, and the situation had changed. Somewhat. The Kids, Straw Hats, and Barto Club had cleared out the remaining privateers; X Drake was hot on their heels; and the four battleships were closing in, firing as they went. And right on the prow of the lead ship—

" _Hey look, on the battleship! It's an officer!"_ Ito exclaimed.

" _It's a_ Vice Admiral!" Cross clarified furiously.

Salome let out a squawk of agony as Hancock's clenched fists crushed his coils. "No. That's _Strawberry,"_ she spat.

And indeed, it was outright impossible to mistake the long-bearded, long-hatted Vice Admiral as anyone else, both his swords out and brandished. And his identity was doubly reconfirmed by the cold, emotionless glare he was using to stare out over the assembled ships.

" _Yeeesssss,"_ Cross drawled, menacingly conversational. " _A Vice Admiral on the front lines, and one of the notably_ worse _ones in the ranks at that._ ' _NOTHING COULD GO WRONG' MY ASS!"_

" _Meep!"_

" _SHUT IT, MUPPET! Gugh, on the plus side, with Kid, Luffy,_ and _Barto there we've actually got a halfway decent chance of beating hi—wait, what the hell?!"_

As one, the inhabitants of Amazon Lily leaned forward in eager glee.

**-o-**

The Thousand Sunny rocked again, Koala shoving down the urge to go out on deck and fight for the umpteenth time. At least it wasn't Sandersonia trying to tear her way out of the chains they'd tied her up in down in the cargo hold. _Again._ That'd gotten old after the first five times, and even New World veterans could get seasick if you tried hard enough.

"Hard time?"

Koala directed a baleful glare at her bespectacled hold-mate. "Pardon me if this sounds _harsh,_ but you're technically on their side, you have a _reason_ not to be out there whipping tale. What do you know?"

"Enough, I think," Tashigi coolly replied as she adjusted her glasses. "How do you think I felt as Cross aired the dirty laundry of Ohara to anyone listening?"

"Kyuuun," Popora deadpanned, slowly starting to lift his hammer.

" _Cram it, handbag-to-be!"_

"Kyuuugh," the rabbit-wolf scoffed, storing his weapon away.

Koala sighed, relaxing just a tad. "Point taken. Sorry for getting snippy."

"Like I said, I do understand," Tashigi soothed, glancing up at the deck with a light snicker. "Honestly, back when that happened? I had to excuse myself halfway through the interview. If I'd stayed to listen, I'd probably have tried to chop Commodore Smoker's head off."

_That_ got an honest chuckle out of Koala. "Because he's a Logia, right?

"And a safe target, exactly," Tashigi chuckled into her fist. "As it was, I had to settle for 'merely' gutting a Sea King! Tense situation, but certainly the best dinner I'd had in a long time."

The two women broke down in chuckles at _that,_ and the good humor lasted until they were out of breath and wiping the tears from their eyes.

"Ahh… that was nice. Thanks, Tashigi," Koala said, shooting a sly smile at her compatriot. "You know, you're not bad… for a fishy government dog, anyways."

Tashigi matched her with an overly-exaggerated salute. "Same to you, you black-hat rabble-rouser!"

More chuckles passed between them, then a companionable silence. A silence that was broken by Usopp scrambling down the ladder from the main deck.

"Guys, just wanted to let you know to buckle up tight!" he warned them hastily as he cracked open a wall and started working on the mechanisms hidden within. "Things are about to get—!"

**KRA-KOOM!**

All three of the mismatched individuals flinched as a ship-sized detonation suddenly rocked the Sunny.

" _Hairy…"_ Usopp finished with a groan.

The two exchanged a glance. Hairy? After everything they had heard go on outside? Sure, it was _Usopp_ saying it, but still…

"Define 'hairy'," Tashigi requested, trepidation coloring her voice.

"' _Vice Admiral'_ hairy. The long beard and towering hat are pretty goofy, but it's still pretty hard to miss the—" Koala shot past the sniper, leaving Usopp standing frozen in place and staring dumbfounded after her. "Coat? What's gotten into her?"

Koala didn't hear the rest of the words; her brain was too full of memories and thoughts and counterstrategies and _**UNHOLY RAGE.**_ One part of the Revolutionary was insisting, _pleading_ on repeat that this was a bad idea, that she needed to stay incognito, that throwing in the Revolutionaries' collective lot with the Masons and Straw Hats on a simple whim of vengeance was stupidity of the highest order. The other half was… withholding judgment, to say the least.

She burst onto the deck, head on a swivel, passing over the ongoing battles before alighting on one of the battleships pressing forward.

There. The beard was longer, the uniform different, but **that face.** She knew that face. She'd known it for half of her life _._ It was only natural, really, that seeing that image in daily nightmares for years on end would do that to a person.

Idly, she became aware that around her, the fighting had stopped, or at least lulled. That only made it easier to stomp up to the helm, and the girl manning it.

"I need a fully grown snail," she demanded without preamble.

To her credit, the ship-girl just raised an eyebrow. "Third deck, a loaner's keeping Pinkie and Brain company. Follow the electric guitars," she said.

Nodding, Koala clambered belowdecks again, quickly finding the larger snail snoozing between the two Baby Transponder snails rocking out to a Tone Dial and dialing a number.

"Kilo Oscar Alpha Lima Alpha six two two," she said immediately. A pause.

" _Well, this is a surprise,"_ Monkey D. Dragon grunted. " _I thought you were scoping out Skelter Bite?"_

"As if you aren't following the SBS and know about the Dead End Race," Koala scoffed, only just managing to keep her tone on the right side of civil. "Or the Vice Admiral leading the charge."

A moment of silence, then a small smirk. " _Fine, Koala. As long as you understand that you'll be explaining this to Karasu."_ His expression hardened. "And _that if it comes to it, I will sign the burn notice myself."_

"So long as it brings me his head, I'd burn the world itself…" Koala winced as she registered the sheer vitriol in what she'd just said—along with the prospect of a personal meeting with the Revolutionaries' head of discipline—and calmed herself by running her fingers through her hair. "Sorry. And… whatever else happens, thank you, Dragon."

" _Just make sure it isn't half-baked, Koala. Make it a fight that he'll never be able to forget."_

The grin Koala gave in response would've sent even Luffy running for the hills. "That's the plan, sir."

_KA-LICK!_

Hanging up the snail, Koala took the ladder back up to the deck two at a time, then sprinted down the Sunny past the gathered Straw Hats, up the figurehead, and then jumped off it. Instinctively, her body shifted into the forms of Fishman Karate, and Armament Haki flooded her veins, and as she passed by Nami she kicked off a strand of Eisen cloud for that last bit of speed.

"I have waited _ten years_ for this, you bastard!" Koala screamed as she descended upon a _very_ surprised Vice Admiral Strawberry. "Flaming Axe Kick!"

The Marine barely got his swords up and coated in Haki in time before Koala's kick crashed right into his guard. Both it and the blades held; the bowsprit underneath him, however, did not, and instead splintered into a million pieces. Puffs of Moonwalk kept Strawberry in mid-air, while Koala tucked in her limbs and dove for the ocean.

Any disappointment the SBS' viewers may have felt was short-lived, for bare seconds later Koala burst out of the water as if shot from a cannon. Strawberry, in a masterful display of the Six Powers, blurred from sight in an obvious combination of Moonwalk and Shave. The two met halfway, Koala's fist and Strawberry's sword clashing like angry mountains.

Yes, singular, because Koala's other fist and the pommel of Strawberry's other sword had crashed not into each other but their wielders' cheeks.

Momentum launched the two in different directions: Koala shot back down to the water, tucking her arms in and diving, while Strawberry arced over to one of the neighboring battleships.

He touched down, scanning over the deck and the frightened Marines there. "Clear the deck!" he ordered, sending the sailors scrambling to obey.

This led to a good-sized bubble around Strawberry devoid of Marines when Koala darted up from the water, murder in her eyes and water coating her hands. Her arms blurred, and water droplets rained down on the Vice Admiral with all the impact and velocity of iron hail. But despite impeccable aim, all the projectiles only punched through the deck around him rather than his flesh. In a masterful display of swordsmanship, the Marine weaved through the droplets, each caught on the flat of his blade and smoothly deflected with the barest flick of the wrist.

And then, once the deluge came to an end, Strawberry found Koala right in his guard, one hand cocked back and doubly-wreathed in water.

"Three Thousand Tile—" she intoned.

Strawberry's eyes widened. "Iron Body!" he hastily grit out.

" _TRUE FIST!"_

The punch slammed square into his gut, blowing clean through both the Iron Body and the Haki coating on top. Flesh rippled, and inside tissues and blood vessels ruptured in the wake of the blow. End result, Strawberry hacked up a massive glob of blood; behind him, the shockwave of the punch blew several dozen—" **Hundred and thirteen at once,** _ **NEW RECORD!"—**_ clean into the drink. Suffice to say, Koala's smirk was both well-earned _and_ extremely satisfied.

And then Strawberry's head met hers with the sound of a ringing gong. Her guard crumbled instantly as her mind tried to reboot, an endeavor impeded by the force of the blow smashing her clean through the deck—and from the sound of things, through several _more._

Spitting out a mix of blood and spit, Strawberry jumped in after her.

**-o-**

"Son of a…" I groaned. Coolest thing to happen in the race yet _and_ the grudge match of the decade and we couldn't see it! "Chuchun, is there _any_ way you can get a visual on—?"

"Belay that!" Ito interrupted. "Look at the ship!"

I looked at the ship. Though I don't know why, but—hang on, was the ship shaking?

Before my stunned eyes, I watched as part of the hull burst into splinters, then another further aft, then another, and _another_ , until finally, Strawberry came careening up and out through the deck near the bow and into the foremast, toppling it in a single blow. Naturally, Koala was right on his heels, diving straight for the Vice Admiral and driving her fist towards his face.

I decided to abstain from telling Gif to zoom in; there was only so much gratuitous violence I could show at once!…well, I mean, I'd show all of it if I could, but still, moderation, right?

**-o-**

Koala was all ready to continue smashing Strawberry's face in when she landed. It didn't matter that he was lying suspiciously still. It didn't matter that her head was ringing like the Fire of Shandora, or that her ribs were rioting at the unjust treatment she'd subjected them to.

It _did_ matter when her Observation screamed bloody murder at her though, and she skidded to a halt next to the toppled mast, right at the hairy edge of Strawberry's range.

"I'd just like to go on record and note," the Vice Admiral groaned as he worked his way to his feet, damaged but still annoyingly _breathing_. "That while I don't know who you are, young lady, I can certainly guess from where your anger towards me stems."

Koala froze in place, her pulse slowing down as she tried to process what she was hearing. "Oh?" she whispered frigidly. "And how's that?"

Strawberry took a moment to crack his head to the side, wincing at the sparks of pain that raced down his neck at the motion. "At a guess, I was responsible for some manner of misfortune that befell a friend, family member, or someone else who was close to you, and now you seek to reap your own justice upon me. Am I close?"

Koala grit her teeth as her blood froze over all the more, shame running down her spine at being read so easily. "You are… not wrong."

The Marine nodded solemnly. "Then you should also know that your quest is futile."

The freezing continued, her veins solidifying all throughout her body as doubt, damnable _doubt_ of all things, touched her for the first time. Twenty years and _this_ was when she had _second thoughts!?_ Already her legs were stiff and unmoving, but it was to her immense shame that her mouth didn't freeze up either. "…I know," she ground out, hardly believing the words dragging out her mouth. "I know that hurting you won't bring him back, but—"

"You misunderstand."

The freezing intensified to newfound levels as Koala tried, _tried_ to process what she'd just heard… but she just couldn't connect the pieces properly. "Ex- _cuse me?"_ she breathed, her voice numb.

Strawberry scoffed and dusted off his jacket's epaulets. "Let me explain: you're looking to exact vengeance. Vengeance can only occur when one party has been wronged. That doesn't apply here, as I have _done_ nothing wrong." The Vice Admiral drew himself up to his full height, positively towering over Koala's scrawny five-foot-and-change frame.

"Let me make this clear to you, girl," he intoned grimly. "No injustice has been wrought by my hands because I and every other Marine alive _is_ Justice. Meaning that whatever I did to whoever it was that you want to avenge, there is no question or doubt to be had. _It was what they deserved."_

…aaand. That. Just about did it.

Koala's doubts, the ice in her veins that had kept her locked in place, that had been keeping her brain sluggish and unable to think… in an instant, it melted. Vaporized. Exploded into rage that raced to every corner of her body, burning and searing to her very core. And in that instant, something.

Just.

Snapped.

Unfortunately for Strawberry, however, this mental reversal was completely invisible, so he was unaware of how ill-advised his following action was about to be.

"Still," he grunted, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I shall do you the favor of at least _humoring_ your ill-founded vendetta. Tell me, what was the name of your 'wronged'—?"

_**CRACK!** _

That was all Strawberry managed to get out; the instant that his Haki alerted him to an oncoming kick to his torso, Koala's boot _planted_ itself in the Vice Admiral's midsection, bending him around her foot for half a second before slamming him into the battleship's deckhouse like a cannonball. His brain had only just started working again when Koala blurred up to him and slammed his torso back into the wall by his collar.

" _His name,"_ she snarled savagely, her eyes acting as windows to a soul of _purest hellfire. "Was **FISHER TIGER."**_

Those last two words _finally_ achieved that which the past few minutes hadn't: emotion slipped into Strawberry's eyes as the Vice Admiral was _finally_ shaken, stricken by fear and _recognition._

"Y-you're—GRGH!" he gargled out. Or at least, that was all he _was_ able to gargle out before Koala slammed him into the wall again, this time wedging him in tight.

"And let me correct you on something, if you don't mind, because you seem to be laboring under a misconception." Koala seethed as she marched away from him. "You seem to think that what I'm about to do to you, it's _exclusively_ for his sake. But see… that's not true."

Upon reaching the downed foremast, Koala turned around to face Strawberry again. And then, without even looking, she _buried_ her arm in the titanic pillar of wood, clean up to her _elbow._ With little apparent effort, she _dragged_ the mast across the battleship's deck until it was _perfectly_ lined up with Strawberry's embedded body. A body whose struggling abruptly redoubled; he didn't need Observation to see what was coming next.

"Just so we're _perfectly_ clear," Koala snarled, her blazing temper rapidly infiltrating her voice. " _This_ is for what you did to Big Bro!"

And with that, she _heaved_ her arms, twisted her torso, and in a display of downright _herculean_ strength—

_SMASH!_ "GAAARGH!"

—rammed the _entire_ mass of the mast into Strawberry's midsection, wedging him even deeper into the deckhouse wall. A wall which, to the Vice Admiral's misfortune, was proving its Water 7 origins in its hellish sturdiness, merely bending instead of outright buckling.

" _This,_ on the other hand," Koala continued, her tone rising as she hauled the mast back again. "Is _not_ for Big Bro! _This_ is for every sleepless night I stayed up _sobbing_ , crying because I thought he'd died because of _me!"_

_**SMASH!** _

"This is for every life ruined by _your actions!_ By your ' _Justice'!_ By the hatred _you caused!_ For every life lost that, for the longest time, I thought were on _my head_ because I! Was too! _WEAK!"_

_**SMASH!** _

"This is for making me hate my parents— _my own parents!—_ who I _dreamed_ of seeing for years, all throughout that _hell,_ because of _you_ giving them that fucking _choice! BECAUSE YOU MADE THEM COMPLICIT IN YOUR FUCKING_ BULLSHIT!"

_**SMASH!** _

Following that last impact, Koala was left panting and unmoving for a bit, her weapon lodged in place. And despite the ringing concussion he was suffering from, Strawberry held a faint hope that that was it. That his opponent had exhausted herself. That maybe, just maybe, it was over.

The mast shifted back again.

And _then_ Koala started dragging her makeshift gavel back, up and up and up along the deck of the battleship, right to the very tip of the bow, where she kept its bloodied end unerringly trained on Strawberry's twitching body.

"But most important of all…" Koala droned, her voice dead and her head bowed. "This… This is for your absolute _worst_ crime of all. What I am about to do to you, I do because of the single, darkest moment you put me through."

Koala raised her head and _stared_ at Strawberry. Stared through the cascade of tears trailing down her face, over her rictus of hurt and rage. "This…" she whispered, to herself if no one else. "Is for that single, horrible instance… where I wore _**that smile**_ again."

And just like that, all hurt fled her face in favor of volcanic fury, every muscle in her body wound up like a catapult's rope. "This is for making me think, for even an instant, that I would have been better off _staying. For making me doubt!"_ And in a single, explosive burst of movement, every muscle in Koala's body snapped into action as she flung herself and her weapon clean across the deck at breakneck speeds. " _ **MY RIGHT TO BE FREE!"**_

**-o-**

Much of the world was left frustrated; personal though the grudge clearly was, they weren't happy with the SBS censoring all of the sound that came from Koala's mouth from the moment she was about to say the name of her loved one, even going so far as to blur her lips to remove the possibility of reading them.

…But of course, they all still bore witness to Vice Admiral Strawberry's complete beatdown.

Namely, while Strawberry vanished out of sight from the impact, his path of flight was visibly obvious on account of the back half of deckhouse he was being hammered into _bursting open_ by the man getting blasted clean through the entire structure, wood and metal contorting around the hole in some sick semblance of a sunflower. And while it would have been _appropriate_ for the Vice Admiral to splash down into the waves and sink to Davy Jones' locker, he instead impacted the side of a nearby battleship.

Calling his landing 'lucky', however, would be a _grave_ overstatement on account of the broadside of the battleship caved in like the fist of god had struck it, and left the ship listing at a visibly _dangerous_ angle. As such, determining Vice Admiral Strawberry's final fate was proving to be something of a challenge.

" _Iiiiis he still alive?"_ Itomimizu asked nervously.

" **Couldn't tell you. I CAN'T TELL** _WHAT'S HEARTBEAT **and what's rubble!**_ CROSS, ANY IDE— _ **YIPE!"**_

The good mood snuffed itself out when the camera turned on Cross. Women gasped. Men tensed. Children grabbed for the nearest warm body.

Because you see… Cross' expression was eerily similar to the one he'd worn busting down Shiki's front door.

" _Alright, that's it. Sorry, Komei; it's been fun, but I'd say that we've let you have your way for long enough. There's only so much I can take, and you having_ that _particular asshat of a white hat involved in this buggery is a step too far. Captain, permission to direct the ship's path?"_

" _Do whatever you have to, Cross,"_ Luffy responded. There was a single second of hesitation as Luffy's solemn tone echoed in everyone's ears, Cross's especially, but then it was gone, and Cross spoke again.

" _Merry, Franky… it's time we stopped playing nice. Bust out the_ you-know-what."

" _HELL YES,"_ the helmsgirl and shipwright said in bloodthirsty eagerness.

" _Word to the wise? I'd tell anyone in front of the Sunny right now to jump ship,_ ASAP. _Because this… is going to get messy."_

At Cross's tone, everyone watching felt a mix of dread and excitement. This only grew as the Thousand Sunny began maneuvering its way through the throng of clashing ships until it was positioned at the forefront of the mob. The lion-headed ship was positioned dead ahead, clean through the center of the privateer fleet, who were clustered together in a clear attempt to fend off whatever attack was coming. Gif's view slowly zoomed in on the Sunny, focusing on the figurehead.

" _You guys are pulling out all the stops to try to keep us from getting our way, to bog us down until we're all headed down to Fishman Island via the express route. But really, Komei…"_ The pirate shook his head in mock-dismay. " _I'm a bit disappointed. I mean, I'd think that_ you _, of all people, would know better by now than to think it would be so easy. But hey! If you think that you've got the winning hand with this arrangement, so be it! No need to take our word on the matter… we'll just let our actions speak for themselves by showing off our trump card."_

And with that, the jaw of the smiling lion dropped… revealing a cannon muzzle within.

**-o-**

"Oooh, so they're finally using _that_ then, are they?" Iceburg chuckled, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "And for the first time too, it sounds like! Well, certainly no better stage they could have pulled it from, I suppose!"

"Any idea what he's talking about?" Zambai asked, his eyes wide and focused on the cannon.

"Not a clue," Paulie replied, shaking his head "Him, Franky, and Merry kept shooing us away from the bow while we were building that beast. Boss told us he wanted it to be a surprise… Franky told us we'd just get in the way and screw things up."

Zambai gave him a curious look, a member of the construction crew conspicuously unmentioned. "And Merry?"

Paulie's demeanor took on a haunted expression. "Same thing as Franky, just with more…" He shivered in despair. " _Creative_ vocabulary. Seriously, those words should not come out of a kid's mouth…"

"Right, of course… pure curiosity here, but what, _specifically—?_ "

"Will both of you _shut it already!"_

"Gah!"/"Hey, what the—?!"

Their protests were promptly cut short by Iceburg grabbing their heads and shoving them down so that their conversation they were forced to watch the screen.

Meaning that they were given front row seats to the more than a little unnerving sight of their beloved mayor and boss bouncing in his seat with a toothy grin reminiscent of a child on Christmas morning.

"What we are about to witness…" Iceburg whispered reverentially. "Is one of the greatest triumphs to come out of Water 7 in our generation!"

**-o-**

The cannon shifted slightly until it was presumably aimed to hit the most ships with… well, whatever it shot. Then… Then the cannon began to glow, killing what was now the forlorn but still alive _hope_ that the Straw Hats were just going to be firing anything in the same ocean as an ordinary cannonball.

" _Tremble before the Thousand Sunny's ultimate attack!"_ Cross proclaimed, eager energy revitalizing his voice as he swung his arm out. " _It's time, at long last! Number 3 on my List Of Things I Want To Say At Least Once In The Right Context™!"_

Cross swung his hand down and pointed his finger at the horizon, his face positively _mad_ with glee.

" _FIRE MAIN CANNON! And by main cannon, of course, I mean… **THE GAON CANNON!"**_

The light in Sunny's maw shrank down to a singular pinprick…

_**FWOOOOM!** _

And then, what could only be _possibly_ described as _total. Devastation._

It was like everything in front of the Sunny at a fairly _wide_ angle was outright _bitch-slapped_ by the divine all-father of all storms. The larger battleships were either de-masted—no, stripped clean down to the main deck, 650-ton turrets included—or left as totally capsized wrecks. Smaller ships were blown apart into nothing but _timbers._ And the less said about those people caught _directly_ in the path of the cannon's blast, the better.

Not even those ships on the _fringes_ on the blast were safe, the luckiest of them listing hard and fighting to stay afloat.

The end result of this devastation? A hole, blown clean through the entire line of the blockade and an easy half-dozen ships wide.

The conference room 12B of Marineford remained totally silent for a minute until Chief Petty Officer Helmeppo slowly raised his finger. "Uhhh… Admiral Kizaru, sir? No offense, but… I think you've just been outdone."

The yellow-suited Admiral shrugged indifferently, not taking his eyes off the action. "None taken, that would take more energy than I usually have to use. No shame in being outdone by that."

"Except," Sengoku growled, his drumming fingers starting to cause cracks in the conference table. "When we're being outdone _by pirates."_

"Huh… yeah, I suppose that's true."

A resounding _CRACK!_ indicated the point where the Admiral of the Fleet's fingers went from causing cracks to five neat holes.

**-o-**

I took a good half minute to bask in the aftershock of the destruction. Emphasis on _shock_ , considering the looks on… pretty much every single Supernova's face.

Barto's starry-eyed cheering was expected; Bonney's, less so, but in hindsight, not that surprising. Drake looked to be trying to catch flies with his mouth, it was so wide open; Bege, from his drooling expression, was going to be hounding us to get a Gaon Cannon of his own. Urouge and Apoo were on the deck of their ships rolling around, laughing their asses off, and Kid-

"You're muting this, right?" I muttered to Soundbite.

" **CAN'T TALK,** _TAKING NOTES…"_

Anyway, where was I… right, Killer was unmoving and not doing anything, and Hawkins was-

"Pffhahahahaha! Oh, my transceiver for a Vision Dial!"

Basically pulling an Eneru. Or, well, his version of it anyways. Honestly, his expression was quite tame, but the fact that his demeanor had shifted _at all_ was worthy of note.

…but the crowning jewel of the reactions had to be, _had_ to be the fact that for one glorious instant that I was going to absolutely immortalize, _Trafalgar Law_ was staring in dumbstruck awe at the display, _complete with stars in the eyes!_ He forced his gaze away after a minute, but no, no, no, that was going to be framed right beside the pictures of Eneru's shock. And Foxy's fear. And Robin's spit take. Oh, and that nice selfie that I took with Merry back on Water 7…

Alas, however, practicality demanded that I proceed.

"Gif, make absolutely sure that you can duplicate all of those faces for photographs later," I hissed with a venomous grin.

"(￣ε￣〃)ｂ" she affirmed.

"And Soundbite," I said in the same tone. "The following message is purely for the other Supernovas…"

"Ahem?"

I rolled my eyes at the sidelong _look_ Ito was sending at me. "Yes, yes, _and_ Foxy and the other Skelter Biters… I _guess…_ "

" **YOU'RE LIVE!"**

I refocused at Soundbite's prompt, and I jabbed my finger forward with glee. "Attention all _real_ racers! In case you missed it, the blockade's been blown _wide_ open! _BURN FOAM FOR SABAODY, GO GO GO!"_

_Almost_ as though Kid was actually listening to me, the Iron Tramp belched smoke again and started chugging for the gap. Lines darted up into the air and down into the sea from the Great Kung Fu Fleet, dragons and dugongs alike hauling the massive vessels of our compatriots the right way. Foam churned from the Polar Tang's propeller, the submarine darting forward with impressive speed. Everyone else was reduced to just piling on unsafe amounts of sail and achieving whatever passed for their ship's max speed plus one.

For the most part, though, that was enough. Though nothing the rest of the pirates had done matched the spectacular shock of the Gaon Cannon, sheer attrition had left the Marines, privateers, and scum-pirates still afloat in their area unable or unwilling to contest the sprinting true-pirates. The result was that, while no one could quite match the head start the Sunny had, the aforementioned ships were gaining and the rest of the racers were very clearly going to make it through the hole. It all came down to performance on the home stretch, and thus sheer seamanship. Truly, this could best be defined as being anyone's race!

Well. That's what they all thought, at least. I felt an evil grin try to worm itself onto my face… and you can damn well bet that I didn't stop it.

"What the—? _Uuuuuh…_ Itomimizu?" Chuchun gulped heavily, staring over his wing at me with a rapidly multiplying cold sweat. "Cross has got that insidious look again! You know, the one he gets _every time someone suffers?_ "

"Huh? What?" Ito blinked at his bird in confusion before blinking at _me,_ and gurgling in utter dismay. "Oh… oh, no. Cross, I don't know what the hell you're thinking… but knock it off _right the hell—!"_

I grinned massively and interrupted him by planting a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Itomimizu, my dear, dear friend. I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank you for helping me compose the most wonderful phrase in all the seas, right up there with 'Pi~ra~te~'. Wanna know what that phrase is?"

Not waiting for an answer, I shoved my maniacal face in his panicked one and hissed like a man possessed a _devastating_ series of words: "All's fair in love, war, _and pirate games."_

" **Catch you on the flipside!"** Soundbite crowed with a chorus of cackling.

Itomimizu was already grappling for my throat to throw me out of the air. Or at least he was until I _jumped off of Chuchun._

"Wh-Wh-WHAT THE—!?" the pair of them cried out as I free-fell towards the Sunny, a sensation that reminded me unpleasantly of our Strong World safari. But it wasn't like I was unprepared this time; as I neared the Sunny, I pulled a cord at my chest, and the parachute Usopp had made for me—and that I was going to _damn well_ wear everywhere from now on!—deployed, allowing me to glide through the air with all the grace of a feather—

_SLAM!_ "OOF!"

—uuuntil I faceplanted into the mast like a drunken bird, but hey, at least I got back to the Sunny alive.

" _Uggghhh…_ is a knack for dramatic entrances really too much to ask?" I groaned as I stumbled back to my feet, swaying about before shaking off my dizziness in favor of grinning at the Novas looming behind us, their ships looking distinctly… _unhappy._ "Oh, yeah, them. Better tell them what's up, huh?"

" _YEAH, YOU BETTER!"_ Soundbite snickered. " **You'll forgive me if I don't transmit their foul,** _ **foul words, but… ON THE PLUS SIDE MY ARSENAL IS RAPIDLY EXPANDING!"**_

"You mean your vocabulary?" Nami inquired flatly as she and Billy landed back on the Sunny, joined in short order by the TDWS, Boss, and Koala, thus bringing our ranks back to completion.

"TO-MAY-TO, **TO-PROFANITY,** _ **all the same to me**_ **,"** the snail chirped with a grin. He turned his gaze downward briefly. " **Franky,** _are we LOCKED AND LOADED?"_

" _Give me three more seconds to get this last barrel into place, and… YES! Start talking, Cross, I'm powering this thing up right away!"_

"Gladly," I sneered before addressing the Supernovas with my arms swept out in a perfectly grandiose manner. "Ladies and gentlemen, fellow pirates, buccaneers and assorted ne'er-do-wells, allow me to inform you all exactly what has just happened: A path to Sabaody has been opened, the privateers' doom has been assured, a court-martial of some sort has been made likely for all white-hats involved… and you all? _Have been bamboozled."_

Now the rear of the Thousand Sunny began glowing again.

"Because, you see, while the Gaon Cannon may have been our trump card for offense, we've got one more for defense. Or more precisely…" I jerked my thumb in the direction of Sunny's aft. " _Escaping?_ Seriously, no one _ever_ questioned the effing _hole_ on Sunny's rear?"

" _WE'VE BEEN DOUBLE-CROSSED!"_

" _CROSS, YOU SON OF A—!"_

" _WHAT THE HELL!?"_

As the enraged bellows erupted from the Novas and washed over us, I glanced curiously over at Soundbite. "I thought you _weren't_ transmitting them?"

" _ **I'M NOT,**_ **that's** _ **au natural! HEEHEEHEE**_ HOOHOOHOO!"

"Ah, the wonderful schadenfreude of other people's outrage…" I sighed wistfully before redirecting my smirk at them. "And as for you all! How many times do I have to say it? _Pi~ra~te!_ If you'll excuuuuse us, we're just going to go ahead and _take all the money for ourselves!_ And now… HIT IT, MERRY!"

"WITH PLEASURE!" our helmsgirl cackled as she rammed her foot into the appropriate lever. "BEHOLD, YE SCURVY MAGGOTS! THE TRUE AWE OF THE THOUSAND SUNNY! _COUP DE BURST!"_

One second, the Thousand Sunny was relatively close to other ships. The next, they had a simply _glorious_ view of our asses as we _hightailed it out of dodge!_ Though I imagine said view was a _wee_ bit distorted from how our escape knocked them all for a loop, but hey, what're you gonna do?

"PFFHAHAHAHAAAA!" I cackled, adrenaline racing both from the flight and from the plan that I just pulled off. Then a thought occurred to me, because there was only one way that Komei couldn't have seen that coming.

"Oh, and by the way, Sengoku?" I snickered. "This is how we got away from Garp at Water 7. If you didn't already know about this, then here's a consolation for us breaking the blockade: it's all Garp's fault, so feel free to beat the rice crackers out of him."

**-o-**

Captain, Commodore, and Vice Admiral stared blankly at the screen even as the latter offhandedly moved to dial his superior's number.

" _Puru puru puru—KA-LICK! Uh, h-hello?"_

"This is Vice Admiral Komei, I'm calling to give a status report to the Fleet Admiral."

" _Uh, well… he's a bit…"_

" _ **GAAAAAAARP!"**_

"…Busy _at the moment… I can take a message?"_

"Ah… no, that's probably for the best. I'll try again later," Komei responded, wincing and hanging up the snail without another word. He let loose a long-suffering sigh and reached up to rub his forehead. "Well, since it seems I have time to formulate a response… what's the best way to phrase what happened here?"

"You mean the way that _doesn't_ see us strung up in front of a court-martial and sent to serve as _role models_ for the grunts at G-5?" Commodore Smoker clarified in his dispassionate deadpan.

"That's the one, yes."

"…Hina would like to suggest," Hina started slowly, taking the time to pick her words. "That we remind Marine Headquarters that we were told to expect an unruly _mob_ of pirates… and that at the least, Hina heard _nothing_ of a _coordinated spear thrust."_

"Also emphasize how many pirate crews we _did_ bag and all the privateers we've cleared out of the sea lanes," Smoker added. "Between this and Shiki's little recruiting drive, Paradise is going to be practically pirate-free for _months_ now. To say nothing of the sudden loss of spare military power in the South Blue."

"Mmph, yes, that will suffice," Komei nodded sagely as he stroked his beard. He then heaved another sigh. "Though I suppose that none of that will soothe the burn that this is all, once again, on account of the Straw Hats' actions, and the fact that Sabaody isn't stocked with troops is on account of _my_ hubris…" He shook his head in surrender. "But, that is on me and I shall shoulder the blame as I must. For now, however…"

The genius Vice Admiral hid his smirk behind his fan as he regarded his erstwhile subordinates. "Why don't we take this moment to discuss _your_ recent misdeeds as well, hm? Your, shall we call them… _unsanctioned friends?"_

The two smokers immediately froze up, exchanging looks of pure shock as they processed the implications they held. And then, as one, they slumped in despair.

" _Not again…"_ they moaned.

**-o-**

I rode the adrenaline high as long as I could, and that went on for a _damn_ long while… but unfortunately, the sobering sight of Sabaody Archipelago's mangroves looming on the horizon, and I found myself falling into a more serious state. Only my confidants knew the main reason.

But quite frankly… the _other_ reasons were enough on their own.

"Soundbite, can you deaden your hearing?" I asked quietly.

" _Huh?_ **Why d'ya assssSSSSS—!"**

I winced and gave my partner a wary look when he suddenly trailed off into static. "Too late?"

Soundbite half-withdrawing into his shell and his eyestalks drooping were signs pointing towards 'yes'. "O-O-OH… _**so, THAT'S what**_ **pure despair** _sounds like… WELL, **this is going to**_ **haunt my nightmares FOREVER…"**

"Let me give you some perspective there: your nightmare, their reality. Be grateful for what little you have to suffer with," Nami said, joining me beside the railing, her eyes closed.

Yeah, that just about killed the mood. The rest of the journey to the giant mangroves was composed in grim silence. So grim, in fact, that I began casting about for a way to lighten things up a little. Have someone start speaking in farts and chicken clucks? Nah, I'd done that twice this month already. Try another comedy sketch? Eh, that needed setup; can't just pull that out of a hat. C'mon, c'mon, there had to be something that— _oooof_ course.

"Hey, Nami?"

"What?"

"Where should we be going to meet Hachi?"

"Oh, right, we need to— _PICK UP MY TREASURE! EEEE, WE'RE FILTHY RIIIIICH!"_

Everyone onboard jumped at the supersonic squee that suddenly bitch-slapped them without warning. But when they recovered, most of them got stars in their eyes as well, and exclamations filled the air about what all they could and would be buying.

"A statue, a big bronze statue of _me!"_ Luffy cheered, running around like a kid in a toy store.

" _Ammo stores,"_ Merry crooned, hunching over her cannon and petting it a _wee_ bit possessively. "Ammo stores for _days! MWAHAHAHAAAA!"_

"Hmm… saaay, I _am_ technically part of your crew right now, correct?" Tashigi asked, a light growing in her eyes. "Any chance I could take a few million with me and trawl the weapon shops? If Roronoa can have the luck of the devil, then so can I! Hell, I'll drag him along with me if that's what it takes!"

"Some new weights _would_ be nice…" Zoro scratched his chin thoughtfully, completely oblivious to the threat to his autonomy.

"And maybe enough for us to share, to boot!" Boss nodded in sage agreement. "For truly, the image of shirtless monuments of muscle and machismo pumping iron in the grueling hot sun, _is that not the essence of a—!"_

_SLAM!_ "GWAH!"

Our pet dugong's daily ranting was cut off when the door to the deck below opened right into him. Sandersonia came out, rubbing sections of her arms and legs where the chains had rubbed against her. "Hmph… I concede that there was no way I could feasibly get involved with that beatdown… but _damn_ was that situation one bad lurch away from landing me in some unpleasant flashbacks. I need some skin-on-scale contact; where's Orchid?"

" _PORT SIDE, **and trust me, she's been having about as much fun**_ **HANGING ONTO SUNNY'S KEEL,"** Soundbite informed her, pre-empting the adolescent Yuda that had surfaced next to Sunny.

Sandersonia pressed her forehead to the Yuda's with a relieved sigh. "Ahhh, that drives the blood pressure back down from panic. And helps me ignore being back _here_ again of all places…" She then paused in realization, and she looked around the deck in confusion. "Hey, I thought I heard Boss on the way up here, but I don't see him anywhere. Did he leave or something?"

"Um…" Koala hummed uncertainly, poking at the door the Zoan had slammed open. "Not… quite." She pulled the door open, revealing the older dugong to have been pancaked into the wall.

Boss let out a wheeze as he coughed up a not-inconsiderate amount of ash and tobacco. " _Medic…"_ he rasped.

"LET'S GO, BOSS, LET'S GO!" the TDWS crowed as they carried their teacher off, foisted above the four of them.

"Aheheeeh… whoops?" Sandersonia chuckled and scratched her head sheepishly. "Sorry about that?"

"He'll shake it off, don't worry," Zoro waved her off.

"I'll check anyway…" Chopper offered uncertainly, before his gaze suddenly darkened and turned on Koala. " _And as for you… **don't think I wasn't cataloging all the hits you took fighting Strawberry. You're not going anywhere until I run you through the concussion protocol—our crew's**_ **custom** _ **protocol, mind you—and patch up the rest."**_

Sweating profusely, Koala's eyes darted around for an escape, an action that might have been more convincing were her legs not visibly quivering with the effort of holding herself up.

"Fine, fine," she sighed after a couple of minutes, holding up her hands in surrender. "But you're bringing that spare Transponder Snail you've got into the sickbay!"

" _ **If that's what it'll take, then so be it. NOW MARCH."**_

"Yeah yeah, go make sure she doesn't _bite it_ or something," Nami distractedly said as she leaned over the edge of Sunny's railing and scanning the waters. "Now, where's Takoyaki 8? Where's! My! Mon—!?"

_SPLASH!_

"YOU GUYS WERE SO INCREDIBLE!"

"GWAGH!?"

Nami's impending moneygasm was promptly matched and overwhelmed by a spray of seawater and mermaid limbs colliding with her and taking her straight down to the deck in a tangled heap.

"Why are we even surprised at this point?" Lassoo yawned from where he'd curled up for a nap.

The tangle was quickly undone, but that still left Keimi flopping on top of Nami, her tail slapping the deck with unrestrained glee. "Straw Hats! I'm so happy to see you're safe!" the kissing gourami mermaid squeed, her arms tightening their grip on our weather witch. "You all were like, pow! Wha-bam! And that Muscle Docking thing! So cool! And the way Koala beat up that Vice Admiral, and then and then and then, when the ship went all _whoosh!"_ Keimi threw out her hands, smile wider than ever. "Oh, it was so awesome I thought I was gonna die!"

"She was right at the edge of the blast radius, so she almost really _did_ die," Pappug chimed in as he hauled himself up the side.

The mermaid froze for a moment before slumping over, finally releasing Nami as her adrenaline flatlined. "Spin cycle _suuuucks…"_ she groaned.

"Eaaasy there, Keimi," Vivi soothed, hefting the mermaid up and leaning her against the railing. "Chopper's got his hands full right now, but I've got a few nausea pills left."

"Ah, n-no, I'm fine, really" Keimi chuckled, still grinning as she waved the princess off. "It's just that that was all just! So! _AMAZING!"_

"It really was," Pappug chuckled before side-eyeing his master/apprentice/whatever. "But, ah, Keimi? It seems to me that you're forgetting that we're _not_ here just to fawn over the Straw Hats, remember?"

"Oh, right! Oopsy!" the verdette mermaid giggled, slapping her hand to her forehead. "I'll go get the stuff, be right back!"

Before any of us could ask what she was talking about, Keimi flipped back over the edge into the sea. And then, before any of us could properly worry about her, she was back on deck, only _this time_ hauling a… frankly rather large crate behind her like it was nothing. Man, credit to mermaids: fighters they might not be, but that sure didn't mean they weren't strong as heck!

After shaking off her fresh coat of water, Keimi gave us all a beaming smile. "We're here with a special delivery for you." She did a double-take when her eyes passed over Nami's beri-signs, but it was only a short pause. "Hachin still has the prize money, and we'll show you to where he is soon enough. But before that, Pappug has something else that he wants to give you first."

_That_ got shocked looks out of all of us, and almost as one we turned to boggle at the smug, sunglasses-wearing starfish.

" _You_ have something you want to give us?" I repeated.

The invertebrate sniffed as he adjusted his shades. "I'd say don't sound so surprised, but I _do_ understand where you're coming from. Still, doesn't change facts…" Pappug bowed his head—well, face—solemnly. "But a few days ago, I heard tell that your crew had something planned for this island… from Sonia and Koala."

I spared a moment to shoot a growling scowl at the visible, suddenly innocently whistling one of the pair of outlaws.

"And the reason that's important is that if even a fraction of what I suspect is true… well." Pappug jerked his shades in such a way to unleash a sharp gleam. "Let's just say that my suspicions were enough to justify me putting in a call to my main branch down on Fishman Island, and the delivery arrived at Skelter Bite just as we were shipping off."

His appendages opened the latches on the box, and after a not-so-subtle double-shove from me and Zoro, Nami came over and peered inside. And our unflappable navigator only needed one look to _immediately_ jerk back and stare at Pappug in awe.

"Holy cow, is this… the Sharktooth line?!" she gaped breathlessly. "The Criminal Brand's brand spanking new, 'so exclusive not even _royalty_ can reserve it' Sharktooth line?! I-I thought this wasn't due to release until two months from now!"

"Ohhh it's not," Keimi answered, both beaming _and_ brimming with pride. "Pappug was coordinating with his designers back home all week to rush out this lot, just for you!"

Nami stepped back, immediately reaching for her wallet. "H-How much—?"

"It's on the house."

The deck froze as Pappug leapt onto the chest, back turned to us and head bowed in a… cliché but nevertheless cool gesture.

"And also, you should know: it's not Sharktooth anymore, I've scrapped that name." Pappug gazed at the approaching mangroves of Sabaody, a look of wistful longing clearly written on his face. "This line… is now called 'Though A Bird Can't Fly'. Because if you're going to do what I think you are… then the publicity that will arise from you wearing my brand while doing it will be more than repayment enough! And besides…" He spun around and raised his… the chin-part of his face high. "I can say with confidence that it is an _honor,_ to me and to the Criminal brand, to have pirates… no, to have _humans_ such as yourselves wearing these clothes!"

What could we say to that? What could we do? Well, stare. Staring seemed to be a pretty good bet.

And then said starfish smirked and tapped his foot on the chest. "Well? What are you waiting for, an invitation? FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED, PIRATES!"

_That_ broke the ice like a sledgehammer, and it was a _not_ so small mob that… well, _mobbed_ the crate of loot.

"Oooh, that looks cool! Gimme gimme!" "No way, I had it fi—!" "I SAID GIMME!" _THWACK!_ " _OW! YOU LITTLE TWERP!"_

"Hey, this looks _nice!_ Say, does it come in green?" "Sorry, no substitutions!"

"Hell yeah, now _this_ is what I call metal!" "Psh, you think _that's_ metal, sniper-bro? Just you wait, gimme a few minutes to slap together some armor and then you'll all _really_ look metal!" "You're making armor? Then I'll take some too!"

"And I hope you guys realize that this isn't _just_ for the humans on the crew; I special ordered a few things for your crew's better half, too, from snails to elephants." "Really? Let me at it, then I need to update my regalia!" "Got anything in a 'husky'? I know I look like a 'beagle', but I promise you I'm a 'husky'." "Translation: 'saint bernard'." "SAY THAT TO MY MAW, FLUFFBALL!"

"Hey, this looks neat! Shishishi!" "That's… just a different colored vest, Luffy." "So?" "…I don't have a good response to that."

As the mob proceeded in earnest and knees and elbows were flung about without a care in the world, I stood a few meters back and watched the exchanges with a fond smile. Ah, to see the crew all together like this… man, I just wish it could last forever.

_THUNK._

But alas, it couldn't. The end—however short, however fleeting—was fast approaching, and it was heralded by Sunny casually drifting into the mangroves and knocking against one of the roots.

I stared up and out at the scenery before me. Man… how many more times can I say it? One more will do, I suppose: _awe-inspiring._

Surprisingly enough, it was actually the _anime_ that got it right, for once: an entire world, encompassed by the mangroves. A horizon, tinted green by flora stretching as far as the eye could see; a sky enclosed by a roof of greenery; the very air itself filled to the bursting with bubbles aplenty. Even the air itself was tinged with the chemical-natural smell of soap.

And then there were the mangroves themselves. Just… _pillars_ of pure wood _,_ in every which direction, connecting earth and sky both seamlessly and effortlessly. Even a _single_ one of the trees would qualify as a skyscraper… and there were dozens of them, easy.

It was… it was…

"A prison."

I glanced to the side, raising my eyebrow at Pappug as he gazed out at the archipelago, his shades completely masking his emotions. After a moment's silence, I gestured for him to continue.

"I've been where you stand, Cross. Every truly adventurous inhabitant of Fishman Island has," the starfish carried on in that flat tone. "Sabaody Archipelago looks so wonderful, so beautiful. It draws you in, promises you wonderment and excitement…" He bowed his face, still utterly stoic. "And then you just can't leave. The trees, the roots, the leaves… all parts of a titanic, territory-wide cage. Entry is universal, departure is infeasible."

Pappug's expression remained unreadable as he turned to face me. "You think you know what you're up against? You think you know this monster? Then tell me this: how many children a year disappear into Sabaody Archipelago, seeking to experience the delights that Sabaody Park has to offer? How many parents suffer the same fate in search of those same children? And how many others are lured in based on all other manners of false promises and delusions? Well, Jeremiah Cross?" Pappug gave me an intense, searching look over the top of his shades. "Can you answer me that?"

I stared at the starfish with just as much intensity, until, eventually, I bowed my head and lowered the brim of my hat over my eyes. "I don't know those numbers, Pappug. Not a one."

Pappug nodded in sad acceptance and started to look away…

"And really, I don't need to."

Before snapping back to me in shock.

"Because at the end of the day? The numbers don't matter. What matters here is _words._ And there's only three words I do know for this place. Only three that I _need_ to know."

And with that, I leaped over the edge of the Thousand Sunny…

_SQUISH._

And set foot on the Sabaody Archipelago.

As the resin of the soaked ground coated my greaves, I felt the reality come to mind once more. This was the last day that we had together. Our last adventure as the people who we were today.

I couldn't change that fact. Wouldn't, honestly, even if I could.

But just because I couldn't change that, didn't mean I wouldn't change _one_ little thing. And that one little thing… was oh so simple. Mark my words, world…

"The only words I need to know," I growled with utter venom, glaring dead ahead into the heart of evil. "Are not. One. _More."_

The Straw Hats would begin their years-long hiatus alright… not with a whimper, but a BANG.

**Patient AN: I wanted to wait until we could post the chapter after this at the same time. But would that be too much? Well… it clearly was, for my co-writers.**

**Hornet AN: Look, I wanted to do the Triple-Tap again, but it's been four months, come** _**on.** _

**Patient AN: No, it's been three. So, mistake ID count thus far: Patient: 3, Hornet: 0.**

**Xomniac AN: At least they're picking on** _ **each other**_ **instead of me XD**

**Patient AN: Oh, yeah. And the fact is that most of the delays were because of Xomniac. So, direct all of your blame… at the educational system.**

**Xomniac AN: I always knew not to trust that damn thing!**

**Cross-Brain AN: But a fair warning, viewers. We acknowledge that Skelter Bite dragged out a bit. But we said in the first part of Road to Sabaody that the rest of the story until the skip would be a roller coaster of emotions.**

**Rest assured… the next chapter is going to be the last one resembling a breather for a good long while…**


	7. Chapter 7

### Chapter 73: This Bites! Grand Finale Preview

### Chapter Text

" **It all started so innocently…"**

" _I think I just got a good name for you…How do you feel about being called Soundbite?"_

_"You say you're going to the Grand Line. You say you're going to be King of the Pirates. You say you're going to have the greatest adventure of our entire generation. And before all that... you asked me if I wanted to join your crew. Am I right?"_

**"Until it started to truly pick up steam, and became a behemoth."**

" _Helloooo, people of the world, from the North Blue to the South and everywhere in-between! My name is Jeremiah Cross! Chances are you haven't heard of me, buuut that's no surprise, seeing how I haven't been a pirate for long and I don't have a bounty yet!"_

_"Alright, that's enough, if anyone wants to join in they'll have to do it midway through! For now—!"_

_"_ _Long live change in any form… because whatever comes after, there is no way it could be worse than what we've got now."_

_"Heh… keep on hitting me if you want, but there are two things that are going to happen no matter what you do: you're going to fight my captain. And you're going to_ lose."

_"And five, and six, and seven, and eight… hmm-hmm-hmm… alright, that'll do it. Hello, everyone! Jeremiah Cross here, and welcome back to the SBS!"_

" _GAAAH! I'M GETTING FREAKING SICK OF PEOPLE DOING THAT TO ME!"_

" _That's it. I never thought I'd find a line, but apparently watching porn on the deck in broad daylight is it._ _People of the world, I wash my hands of this affair; do_ not _blame me for it. I'm out."_

**"But, as all tales must… it's time for this one to come to an end."**

_"Alright, you ancient astral_ bastards. _You wanna play hardball?_ Let's play fucking hardball. _Joining us here today on the Straw Hat Broadcast Station, which is starting right here, right now, we have the man renowned as the Dark King, and one of the strongest pirates alive today: Gol D. Roger's First Mate, Silvers Rayleigh. Mister Silvers, I believe you've got an_ exclusive _tale you'd like to share with the world?"_

_"Ohohohoh… Cross, you had better believe it. Because this? This has been a_ long _time coming. Finally, after all these years… time to bring things to a head."_

**"Heh. Speaking of endings, did you know that in another world, so very different from this one, an android spoke about her thoughts on life?"**

_**At the End of an Era, The World slowly begins to Shift and Turn.** _

_**Tumbling towards an Uncertain Future, Events Conspire to bring about the Next Age.** _

_**The Simplest Gestures forge Alliances…** _

"If you're that angry, then fine. Take the money you put down, plus interest, and walk away. Or. You can take the _other_ route that promises an even huger payout. And all you have to do is agree to parley, take a seat, _and let me do what I do best."_

_**While the Simplest Misunderstandings inspire Confrontation.** _

"How long, Cross?"

_**The Forgotten and Unforeseen lay claim to the spotlight…** _

"Ratchet, little buddy? If you don't mind, be a dear and activate Project Snake Eater."

"No matter what happens, no matter how much this hellish prison throws at me, I won't stop… not until I save my brother! _Or my name isn't Byojack World!"_

" **That android said these words: 'Everything that lives is designed to end. We are perpetually trapped in a never-ending spiral of life and death.' And you know what? That android was right."**

_**While the Stars of the Show step back…** _

[So… this is where we're going to be spending the next two years, Boss?]

[Yes, Donny. Yes, it is.]

[One question then, Boss.]

[I've got the same one in mind.]

[Well, then, allow me to vocalize it. Ahem… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT BUCKET OF BOLTS THINKING?!]

_**Legends Rear Their Heads in Reality…** _

[The Heart of the Eternal Firstborn… this… this is actually it! I found it!]

_**Be They Divine or Damned.** _

_"TASHI—_ _ **KRCH!**_ — _ELP ME! YOU NEED TO GET M—_ _ **KRCH!**_ — _HELL OUT OF—_ _ **KRCH!**_ — _DAMNED PLACE!"_

_"Where are you, Cross?_ Where are you?"

_"IT'S—_ _ **KRCH!**_ — _THAN WE THOUGHT! DAMN BASTARDS, SO THIS IS WHAT THEY—_ _ **KRCH!**_ — _HELL! THIS PLACE IS THE SEVENTH HE—_ _ **KRCH!**_ — _HELL OF DARKNESS!"_

" **Another machine would later go on to follow up the android's words, and say that while life is indeed a spiral of life and death, that life is all about the struggle within this cycle. That machine was also right."**

_**And Echoes of the Past Sound Out in the Present.** _

"I always knew I'd see you in chains, Fire Fist Ace. …just never thought it would be quite like this. But hey, you know what they're saying nowadays; you've got to ask yourself: 'Is this what I call justice? Can I take pride in something like this?' …and at the end of the day, Ace? I think I can."

" **But something that should also be known is that some cycles of life and death, of beginnings and ends, are longer than others."**

_**Former Enemies Forge Alliances…** _

"So, it's girls against boys… Thanatos help me, it's elementary school all over again, except I'm wearing my makeup properly and I'm not the only one wearing pink."

"We owe him… and I don't know about the rest of you fuckwits, but I'm not the kind of asshole who likes to go belly-up when I've still got debts to pay!"

"'Two days to retirement?!' ' _Two days to retirement,' are you fucking kidding me!?_ First you humiliate my Blugoris, and now this!? You're a dead man, you 'flashy' son of a bitch, you hear me!? The second we get you back in chains, I am going to chop you up, _dessicate your pieces in Level 3, broil them in 4,_ CHILL THEM IN 5, AND THEN FEED YOU TO EVERY ONE OF MY BLUGORI, _PIECE BY TWITCHING PIECE!"_

_**Alliances Unravel Into Rebellion…** _

"MARINES OF THE BLACK CAGE SQUADRON! Take up your arms… and about face. It's about time we _put down some dogs."_

"Time to give the world a makeover that's funky fresh! EVERYONE, EYES ON ME! ONE, TWO, _JANGO!"_

"I will never again lower myself to fighting beside you...no matter how many unaware of your true nature support you! Even if it should take my final breath, I… _WE SHALL HAVE JUSTICE!"_

_**All For One Man.** _

"AAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"

" **For those of us with longer cycles, we often find some solace in the shorter cycles. In watching their fleeting struggles, and how they rally against an ending they know will come all too soon. Watching them live, as we could never live, and die as we could never die."**

_**Are the Changes Good or Bad?** _

"I never planned on this getting out. I never _truly_ wanted to come back. But since I have no choice anymore… _if this is what you_ _ **really**_ _want_ … THEN SO BE IT! LET'S! _GET!_ _ **FLASHY!"**_

"It was always my plan to make the world tremble before me, and I'm still gonna do it… **One way… OR ANOTHER!"**

"So they've really developed it then… a weapon to surpass Pacifistas…!"

_**Are the Allies and Enemies Set in Stone?** _

"…He wasn't going to tell us until it was too late for us to say no, was he."

"Fuffuffuffu… I'd nearly accepted that I'd never get this chance, and now it happens at the _best possible moment?_ Jeremiah Cross, I am officially in your debt."

" _You're_ guaranteeing _that hundreds,_ thousands _of soldiers are going to die today so that you can execute this man. The world has a right to know why you're doing this. So, convince them—convince_ me— _that this execution is worth the price."_

"So we meet again, Monkey D. Luffy. And to think, it would be under circumstances like these. If _this_ is what life holds for me now... I suppose I made the right choice after all."

**"But while the struggle within the cycle can often be the most interesting part… sometimes the ending, even** _ **one**_ **ending, is what changes everything that comes after. The ending is where a single spark… can turn into a** _ **firestorm.**_ **A blaze, bright enough to illuminate entire** _ **worlds."**_

_**Will the World hear and listen to what is being said?** _

" _I started to oppose, and will_ always _oppose the World Government… because of their perpetuation of The Most Despicable Lie… and their denial of The Most Glorious Truth."_

_**Question after Question, Answer after Answer.** _

_**For Want of a Nail, A Battle might be Won or Lost.** _

_**Dozens of Nails, Lost and Found and Lost and Found, a Battle out of sight of the World.** _

_**In the End, Who will hold the Final Say?** _

_**Is Destiny Ironclad, or will Humanity Grasp the Rudder?** _

_**At Long Last, The Final Steps Are Set…** _

**SABAODY REVOLUTION**

"Everybody. It's time. Gather everyone together. It starts, and ends, _now."_

**AMAZON TREACHERY**

"Monkey D. Luffy, you are guilty of trying to assassinate our empress, the Snake Princess Boa Hancock! _Prepare to die!"_

**IMPEL DOWNFALL**

"Ah, Captain Luffy. I've been expecting you. Come, I had some food prepared. Sit and eat for a bit. Enjoy your last meal. Before your execution, I believe we need to talk."

"…yeah, Warden Magellan. We do."

**~~PARAMOUNT WAR~~ **

**MARINEFORD MISERY**

" _Will you prevail in upholding the verdict you have laid down, and prove once and for all the immutable might of the World Government's decrees? Or will your illustrious might falter in the face of we that you have deemed 'unjust'?…whatever the case, all shall bear witness to that which occurs today, and_ none _shall deny the truth."_

**DENOUEMENT**

"Normally it's Cross who wants to change the world… but for once, I want to try and change it too. I want to make sure that something like what happened can never happen again, not while I'm still alive! And now, after all this, I know there's no way I could do that alone. So… what do you say? Are you in?"

" **What new endings will this one bring about, I wonder? Heh… I'll be honest with you: I haven't the faintest idea. And for the first time in aeons… I can't wait to find out."**

**This Bites! The First Half**

**GRAND FINALE**

_"This is Jeremiah Cross,"_ **"AND SOUNDBITE,"** _"Signing off… for what might be the last time."_

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"… **one last thing, before I forget it.**

**That first android also said she often thought about possibly meeting the god who designed this spiral of life and death.**

**She wondered if she'd ever get the chance to kill him.**

**Heheheh…**

**I too wonder…**

**In light of a conclusion like this…"**

" _You didn't really think you'd get away, did you? An execution was promised today, and I can't let you ever recover. Maybe a lethal injection isn't the best way to end this… but what's done is done. Say goodbye…"_

" **H̴͕̀̑̾͘O̶͖̥̍͝W̴̛̪̱̳̯̽̉͘ ̷̪̲͆Ṃ̴͍͚͆́̅̃Ä̵̻̠̠́̇̈́Ń̵̖͕̠͈͂̀̚Y̷̟̺̩̗͂̿̒͗ ̴̙͑Ò̶̤̣̠͝F̷̲̟͍̌ ̴͚̩͈̄͝Y̷̢̭͐̃̄O̸͇͍̔͝Ű̵̢̻̬͇͆ ̴̮̍̏͜H̷̡͎̫͛̅̀͝Ŭ̷̢̫͍̲M̶͙͈͚̬̽A̷̤͗Ņ̵͈̎̎̀͑S̶̨̩̺͆́ ̶̩̏̒F̷͓̙͂Ě̶̘̼͉̼͊Ē̷̲̏͝L̶̨͇̔͌̾ ̵̗̮̱̈́̓̈̑T̶̮̾Ḩ̵͉̆͝E̸͙͑͠ ̸̮̣͈͐̂̈́̾Ŝ̸̰͔̟̃̀̀A̴̰̬̍͘M̸̹̻̽͋͐É̶͎̜͓̂ ̴̙̿͘͠͝W̵̻̟̙̠̊̈́̀A̶̟̣͙̗̔͒̋Ỵ̷̦͉̇̊?̵̻͚́͊̚"̷̈̋̓**


	8. Chapter 8

### Chapter 74: Chapter 65 - Sabaody Revolution Pt. 1

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 65: Introduction**

**Cross-Brain AN: WARNING, WARNING, and for good measure, WARNING. We get graphic in this chapter. We're getting into some dark subject matter, darker than we've been since Omatsuri. You'll know when to skip ahead when the time comes, but again, because of how many people tend to skip these ANs…WARNING!**

" _Hey, look! It's really them, it's the Straw Hat Pirates!"_

" _Sh-Should we run? I don't want to make them mad…"_

" _You think that they'd give us an autograph?"_

" _Man, they look so cool! Especially_ him!"

" _Yeah, he's obviously the most handsome of them all!"_

" _You think I'd be so lucky as to actually touch his glorious shell?"_

"Alright, knock it off," I snapped, thwapping my shoulder-pest's 'glorious' shell and bringing the murmuring of the 'crowd' to a dead halt. "You blew it at that last bit."

"Keep dreaming, slimeball~" Su snickered.

" **Green-eyed monsters,** _all of you."_

Granted, we _had_ caught a good few whispers in that vein when we first arrived, and there had been more friendly waves (which were typically returned) than fearful visages and slamming shutters. Though I wager that most of the latter belonged to the ones who were on our bad side just by existing.

But tempting as it was, we didn't dawdle; at this point, the rest of the crew had at least some idea as to my plan for Sabaody, mostly that we needed to have everything ready to go before the rest of the Supernovas caught up with us. And that time was running out fast.

Also, we couldn't put our hard-scammed spending money to work until we actually _got_ said money, so our first stop was still Grove 13. Apparently, the fishmen had finagled an underwater tunnel through the tree roots that was wide enough for Takoyaki 8 to move through, so they had already docked at the Rip-Off Bar. Koala and Sonia didn't want to come onto the archipelago before the situation demanded it, and Tashigi and Popora were waiting for a good chance to slip away and join up with a group of Smoker's Marines that were already on the island. Keimi, was accompanying us in the same simple yet effective disguise she wore in canon, though this time around her fins beneath the shoes were covered by a couple of convincing prosthetics, courtesy of Franky. She could have gotten there faster underwater, but none of us were taking any chances.

'Course, focused as we were on the destination, that didn't mean we couldn't appreciate the sights as we went.

"Wow, this is all so cooool! WOOOAH! Is that a bike in a bubble?! That looks so awesome! Can I borrow it?"

"Aaaand to the surprise of no one, the prize of 'first to cause trouble on the island' goes to—!" _THWACK!_ "YIPE!"

"Be nice, Su."

"Tell me I'm wrong!"

With that little bit of color commentary, we all watched Luffy latch onto one of the bubble cycles pedaling along above us, much to the surprise of its rider. The surprise intensified when, not waiting for an answer, Luffy grabbed the handlebars and started pedaling, effectively kicking off the original rider with nary an oblivious thought.

Vivi pinched her nose as she kicked up a gust of wind to cushion the guy's fall. Then, just as smoothly, she offered him a small (in size, at least) bundle of bills.

"My apologies for our captain, he just can't help himself sometimes. Will this be enough to cover the costs?" the princess queried with an apologetic smile.

The guy looked between the bike, the bills, and the rest of us. Thankfully for our anonymity, he seemed more focused on the money than our faces; eventually, he shrugged and accepted the wad. "Thanks for the business, then!" he laughed gratefully before brushing himself off and walking away a tad richer.

Turning away from Vivi's apt display of diplomacy, I looked back up to the bubbles to make sure that no one _else_ was getting in any trouble—and had to double-take at the sight of four other new arrivals enjoying the bubbles as well.

"This is so awesome!" Mikey laughed, backstroking on a bubble as big as he was that, come to think of it, was pretty strong to be supporting his weight. And shockingly enough, his was the _tamest_ form of play.

"But, uh, can't you guys already fly?" Billy wondered.

"THIS IS DIFFERENT!" the dugongs belted out.

" _That's_ just work!" Raphey snickered, grinning like a loon as she spun around inside another bubble.

"Yeah, with Tidal Swim we constantly need to think about it, adjust our posture, our tail-strength, our… _bleeergh,_ my head hurts just thinking about it," Donny mock-gagged as he bounced up and down on his own bubble.

"This, though?" Leo hummed peacefully, sitting seiza on his own bubble in an impressive display of stability, considering the unstable perch. "This is totally casual, simple, not a care in the—!"

" _Oh, there's a good one!_ _ **GIMME!"**_

"—wha— _WAAAGH!"_

Leo's bubble suddenly vanished out from under him, and his zen-esque spiel transitioned into a panicked squawk, courtesy of one overeager human-reindeer.

A mad grin graced Chopper's face as he examined his newly-acquired research subject via portable microscope, sitting on a bubble of his own. " _Oooh, this is truly a most intriguing compound! Elastic and sturdy, possessed of a laudable viscosity yet entirely natural? How fascinating! Oooh, and the disinfectant qualities of the sap are top-notch as well!"_ He leaned back on his perch and smiled thoughtfully, the mania leaking out. "Oooh, I should see about visiting some local medical establishments! I can only imagine what kind of applications or advancements the local populace have managed to develop based around the stuff!"

"Same for me!" Usopp laughed as he Shaved from bubble to bubble higher up, close to the altitude where the bubbles naturally popped. "I wonder if they use this stuff for anything else besides those bikes or that coating stuff Cross mentioned!"

"And lo do I make three!" Brook declared from his position _upside down_ from a bubble, a peaceful violin tune accompanying him. "Already am I struck by a most beautiful inspiration! I believe I shall compose a new piece, _Ode to a Bubble!_ Ooooh~!"

"Okay, _that's_ about enough, you three," I called up, waving to get their attention. "There'll be time for sightseeing _later,_ but right now I think Nami's about to break out in hives—"

"I AM NOT!" our navigator snapped. That she suddenly stopped scratching her arms was _totally_ unrelated, of course.

"—so let's not make the unenviable lifechoice of keeping her from her hoard any longer than absolutely necessary, m'kay?"

"Actually, I think it's more for the fact that she doesn't have her Clima-Tact assembled right now," Chopper frowned, indicating the disassembled weapon strapped to our navigator's leg. "It's kind of unhealthy, really, given how much of an extension of her mind her Eisen Tempo's become; it would be like Zoro walking around without his swords."

The clank of Zoro grasping his weapons told us just what he thought of _that_ idea.

"You've got that right…" Nami muttered, actively working to keep her twitching fingers from jerking down to her leg. "I know we need to be incognito at the moment and that a living cloud-limb is beyond conspicuous, but _sweet Aeolus_ do I feel naked right now…"

Zoro, Vivi and I actually stopped in our tracks to _boggle_ at her incredulously.

A simultaneous boggling that she met head-on with a glower. "I dress skimpy but I _always_ wear something!" she snapped, her expression and temper spiking dangerously . "Look, can we just get going? Before I bring out my Tempo for _precisely_ ten seconds you all are _not_ going to enjoy!"

"Yes, ma'am!" saluted the erstwhile bubble-riders, who were now on the ground.

As we started onward again, the bubbles in my line of sight sparked a thought, and I shot a glance Soundbite's way _. "Just realized, take a note for Scorpio: the sheepish assassin could be the queen of this island,"_ I muttered.

Soundbite blinked several times. "… _ **I'm caught between**_ LAUGHING _and SHUDDERING."_

"Just be grateful that she's on our side," Robin said softly, unconsciously rubbing her wrists.

And that was… well, that, mostly. It certainly wasn't the last time we got distracted by the bubbles on the way. But we still managed to keep up a reasonably brisk pace, so Grove 13 came into view not much longer. With it came the view of the Rip-Off Bar, and a surprisingly nice view it was: dingy, but proud and dignified. A marked step up from the rest of the buildings we'd seen on the way, which were… _less_ than well-kept.

Takoyaki 8 was moored down by the 'dock' set up at the root of Mangrove 13, with Kuroobi and Chew currently manning the boat. Well, I say manning, but honestly it just looked like sulking to me. They looked up as we approached and exchanged looks with each other. Then they turned their backs, making a point to look at anything _but_ us.

"Hachi already stowed away his 0.75% cut. The rest is yours to take," Kuroobi muttered darkly, most likely trusting Soundbite to carry his voice.

"Since we're not welcome here or there, just tell Hachi to get us when you're gone," Chew groused. If the way they were angled towards the edge of their vessel was anything to go by, they were clearly about to jump into the water… buuut…

"Oh, I don't think so," I snapped, an action that Soundbite enforced with a harsh buzzer ringing in front of them. "You two aren't going anywhere; you're getting a front row seat to the show we're putting on later. So plant your asses and hold your tongues."

"…why do you keep dragging us in when we _all_ just want to not see each other ever again?" Kuroobi demanded, however much having to ask _me_ that obviously tore at him.

"Because karma's a bitch and working with Hachi isn't paying it off by half," I deadpanned, not sparing them a glance as I walked past. "Now cram it and sit tight. Before the day is out, me and mine are going to dominate the goal _you_ forsook. And I'd _hate_ for you to miss the opening act on the show that's going to change the _whoooole_ wide world."

And with that, we marched up to the bar and paused in front of the door.

"So," Conis mused, leaning back to gaze up at the mossy sign curiously. "The person we're here to meet… Shakky, right?" I grunted in confirmation. "What's she like?"

"Eeeh…" I scratched my cheek as I tried to come up with the best way to phrase the _character_ that was Shakky. "Well, she's sort of like—"

A sudden snickering from my shoulder killed my hesitation dead, and I immediately pushed the door open.

The Rip-Off Bar was just as nice inside as out: quaint, just dingy enough to give the place some attitude, and a healthy blend of comfort and hardiness. The red sofa on one side of the room was vacant; Hachi and Shakky were both situated at the half-circle bar, having a casually polite conversation about something-or-other, while another customer was seated next to Hachi.

…well, I _say_ customer, but from the percussion beat Shakky was idly making with his head and the bartop, something told me he wasn't exactly _welcome_ anymore.

I quickly cleared my throat, getting the conscious pair's attention, and they both beamed eagerly. Or at least, Hachi beamed while Shakky smiled and nodded politely.

"Hey, guys!" Hachi greeted us, three of his arms waving eagerly while the other half gestured at his friend. "I saw your race! So awesome, loved it! I knew you'd be the ones to make it here first, you'd never put down that much treasure without a few tricks up your sleeves! Oh oh oh, but here, let me introduce you to an old friend of mine!"

"So you're finally here," the bartender purred in a voice so smooth it could have pickpocketed Nami. "Welcome, Straw Hats, to both the Sabaody Archipelago and to my one and only Rip-Off Bar. I'm Shakky, the owner of this fine establishment. Pardon the mess, I'm just dealing with a particularly..." She gave her patron an extra hard bounce off the bar before holding him up in place. " _Unpleasant_ cheapskate at the moment."

"Fifteen percent…" the tenderized mook slurred out miserably. "Is a perfectly acceptable tip…"

_THWACK!_

"In this bar, it's fifty," Shakky informed him in a desert-dry tone, adding a no-look right cross for good measure. "Now _out."_ And with the briefest flick of her wrist, she flung him straight out the open door, forcing the rest of us to lean, duck or leap out of the way lest we get brained by the poor bastard.

I stayed angled to the side for a bit before finally glancing back at Conis. "So, yeah, she's kind of like that."

"Meep."

"I could learn a few things from this woman," Nami mused with an eager grin.

" _MEEP!"_

"Conis, you're embarrassing yourself," Su sniffed.

"Oh, is that 'Cottontail' Su I hear snarking in my general vicinity?" Shakky hummed inquisitively, pinning Su in place with a lazy yet somehow intense look. "My, her poster doesn't do her justice. Say, just how attached _are_ you to that tail of yours? I have an old stole I've been _dying_ to patch up, and that looks like it'd do the trick."

" _Meep!"_ the fox yelped, ducking behind Conis's head.

"Shishishi!" Luffy snickered, grinning at the bartender. "Man, you're really funny!" Before I could chastise him for the disrespect, his devil-may-care grin took on an unmistakably sharp edge. "You actually remind me of Shanks and his crew a bit."

Oh. Great. Serious Luffy. Excuse me while we boggle a bit. Shakky, meanwhile, donned a sharp smile of her own. "Ah yes, the ginger-haired twerp. I remember him."

Vivi twitched and inadvertently let out a small gale of terror. "D-Did she just call one of the _Four Emperors_ a _twerp?"_

"Well, of course I did," the bartender remarked with a fond smile. "I got to know him when he was just a rookie, though I'll admit that he's done pretty well for himself since then." Her smile became significantly more sincere, and she waved her arm out over the bar. "I've got plenty of stories to share with you if you'd care to come in."

" _Would I!?"_ Luffy squeed, all starry-eyed as he zipped up to the bar and planted his ass in the seat. " _Tell me tell me tell me!"_

And that was the signal for the rest of us. The tension broken, we all streamed into the… surprisingly roomy bar, everyone spreading out and getting comfortable at their leisure. Some people planted their hindquarters on the sofas, others seated themselves at tables Shakky indicated for them to fold out, and Hachi, Luffy, Zoro, Nami and I ended up taking the bar.

In short order, the once orderly bar descended into the usual rowdiness, a change that Shakky thankfully accepted with a fond smile. Nami, on the other hand, could only wince at the logical result of a band of rowdy pirates (namely, ours) being crammed into a single, slightly-too-small building. Namely…

"Hey, bet my skullplate is thicker than this table!"

"Not a chance!"

_CRACK!_

"Well, I'll be damned, cracked clean through. You were right!"

"Gwergh… Yaaaaay..."

Lots of property damage.

Our bursar gave Shakky a long-suffering look that begged forgiveness. "I am _so_ sorry for their… _everything,"_ she lamented.

Shakky, however, carelessly waved her off. "Oh, no worries. I'm actually enjoying this, if I'm being honest. The Rip-Off Bar hasn't been quite this rowdy in a long time, and the energy is quite… pleasant. Reminds me of happier days. Why, I might even let you slide on paying for the damages."

"Hey, think your skullplate is harder than _this_ table too?"

"Let's find out!"

The bartender's mouth twitched slightly at one corner. " _Might."_

Sighing in exasperation, Nami extended her Eisen Cloud to wrangle the responsible dugongs (Mikey and Raphey, _big_ surprise), hanging them before her and the bartender by their tails. The second mate's expression was completely blank as she stared into the amphibians' puny little souls.

"If your antics make a significant dent in the prize money that we just won, I will take it out of your _hides_. _Got it?"_

The pair nodded frantically.

" _Good."_ And with that, her clouds flicked out and tossed the dugongs back out so that they could go back to having fun. Less _destructive_ fun.

Once the latter part was confirmed, Nami turned back to our host. "But speaking of the prize money…"

A knock of leather on wood, and a trapdoor clicked open behind Nami. A trapdoor from which a veritable flood of golden light spilled forth, accompanied by the dulcet tones of an angelic choi—no, that was just Soundbite being overdramatic.

"To the victors go the spoils," Shakky said, waving invitingly. "If you'd care to check that everything is well accounted for—?"

" _ **EEEEEHEEHEEHEEEE!"**_ And it was with _that_ particularly ear-murdering squee of unadulterated joy that Nami literally backflipped out of her seat, diving head first into the gold below with enough skill to make an Olympian green with envy. Or, more appropriately in this case, Scrooge McDuck. " **MINEMINE** _ **MINE! AAAAALL MIIIIIINE!"**_

Vivi gave the cackling trapdoor a wary once-over. "Just making sure, but humans can't _actually_ spontaneously transform into dragons from excessive greed, right? That's… just mythology, correct?"

Chopper, also staring at the trapdoor, giggled gleefully. " _We'll find out soon enough!"_

The wind-woman shuddered fearfully, flicking her finger to slam the trapdoor shut. " _Joy."_

Shakky's positive demeanor returned in full force. "Ah, now _this_ truly reminds me of the good old days."

"You mean the days when you knew Shanks, right? _Right?"_ Luffy cut in, eagerly bouncing on his stool.

"Why yes," the bartender nodded, a slightly wistful glint entering her eyes. "Or, well, not _I_ , personally, but our mutual friend 'the coater'... hmm, half fell into, half was volunteered into playing quartermaster aboard the ship he sailed on. I'm sure he'd love to tell you all about it…though unfortunately…" Shakky's gaze sharpened as her eyes flicked to the side. Towards _me._ "He's not here at the moment. Honestly, I'm not sure when he'll be back…"

Her lips quirked up into a sly smirk. "Though I _believe_ I recall that he said something along the lines of…not wanting to 'make things too easy for them?'"

Neither of my superiors could miss the fact that she was side-eyeing me as she said that, and both glanced at me…or, well, Zoro glanced, _Luffy_ stared with open and innocent curiosity. Anyway, it was easy to see that this was a test of my savviness. And given that I wasn't in the habit of _disappointing_ people…

"Translation," I sighed in a truly put-upon manner, propping my chin up on my fists with an over-exaggerated huff. "The old coot sold himself for shits and giggles, and he expects us to come _valiantly_ smashing through the doors like a rabid pack of Sea Kings." Though I said all this in a deadpan, the effect was _slightly_ ruined by the smirk I wore. "Well, while I certainly do see the appeal of smashing and crashing with wild abandon… meh, not feeling it at the moment. You don't think he'd mind if we let him stew for a _little_ while?"

Shakky muffled a snicker behind one hand. "Neither he nor I would expect anything less. Well!" She straightened and clapped her hands, neatly grabbing everyone's attention. "So long as you're here, know that the Rip-Off Bar is open to the Straw Hat Pirates for whatever it or I can provide…" She cast a half-amused, half- _ **don't-fuck-with-me**_ look at Luffy. "Aside from bottomless free food and booze, of course. I'll allow you a couple of rounds on the house, but I'd go out of business catering to the likes of you."

"Maaaah, but I wouldn't eat _that_ much," Luffy complained mildly, obliviously digging his pinky up in his nostril. "Just 'til I was full."

"And that would bankrupt even the biggest restaurant in the world," Sanji deadpanned.

Shakky chuckled and shook her head. "Anyway, as amusing as dangling food before your hungry captain is…" Her gaze narrowed in on me. "If you don't mind me asking, would it be too _terribly_ impolite for me to inquire about whatever… _machinations_ you might have in store for the archipelago? There are oh so _many_ inquiring minds who are dying to know."

As amusing as she tried to make things sound, though, her question sobered me up damn fast, and prompted me to give the order I'd been dreading giving all _fucking_ day.

"Soundbite. _Pump it in."_

My snail shuddered miserably but nodded. "ROGER-ROG- _ERGH… sorry to do this everyone…_ _ **but brace for hell."**_

And hell was exactly what we heard a moment later.

"— _Male. 9 years old. 4 feet 4 inches. 60 pounds. Human. Ginger-haired. Green-eyed. Good potential, should make a few thousand—"_

"— _escape attempt this week. Need to do something more permanent." "Why dontcha just tear up that leg of hers?" "Cripple the slave, cripple the price." "Nah, man, some people pay more for 'em that way." "Really, now… in that case!"_ _ **CRACK! "AA**_ —"

"— _CAN'T SEPARATE US, YOU HAVE TO BUY HIM TOO!" "I came here for a wench, not a wench's brat. It'd be a waste of my time and money, now and for the rest of his life. Now shut up—" "NOO—!"_

"— _MMPH! MMMMMPH!" "Try and scream all you want, it won't make any difference. But y'know, most slavers don't like it when their property makes too much noise, might wanna kick the habit now."_ " _ **MMMMMMMPH!"**_ " _Wonder how much you'll go for—"_

"— _stupid slave, now hold still!"_ _ **SSSSS! "AAAAAAAA—"**_

And then… no words. Just periodic cracks, followed by wet squelching sounds and a steady drip, drip. And if you strained your ears, you could maybe, just maybe, hear the sound of whimpering.

Most of the animals curled in on themselves. Nami had returned at some point, and her face was darker than her rumbling clouds. Conis, Robin, Merry, and even Sanji all looked to be in varying stages of a PTSD attack. Hachi's entire body was one of despairing misery, curled over the bar and all six of his hands clamping down on his head, hard. Everyone else, even Shakky, had an expression mixed between disgusted and outraged. Luffy in particular was looking absolutely _murderous,_ his head bowed and his face shadowed by his hat.

Speaking of Shakky, she stayed grimly silent for a straight minute before she finally took a deep, _heavy_ drag of her cigarette and ashed it in a single go. Then, letting the smoke curl out of her tightly grit teeth like a damn _demon_ , she gave Soundbite a glare that would have peeled the scales off a Sea King. "Turn. That. _Off,"_ she bit out.

It only took a tight nod from me for Soundbite to clamp his jaws shut, killing the _**noise**_ and leaving us with a harsh silence.

A silence I filled by slowly grinding my teeth together and rhythmically drumming my fingers on the countertop, which was the only thing keeping me halfway sane. "Let me spell it out for you guys: we have set foot into the slave trade capital of the Grand Line. For who-knows-how-long, people on all sides of the law have disappeared into the dark corners of this archipelago, never to see the sun again. Think what happened to Moria's victims, only _three hundred_ times worse. This archipelago is big. It is beautiful…"

I slammed my hands on the table. "And above all else, it is a _trap._ And more than that, it is a trap that the World Government is _fully_ aware of and allows to continue functioning with impunity so long as the slavers keep providing them with both product and _generous donations_ in return. This market will not crash _any_ time soon, so long as it is left to its own devices."

I slid off my stool and stood heavily on the floor, grimly cracking my neck to the side.

"I've had two plans in mind for this island for a while now. One of them, I'm putting off for as long as possible, but the other is going to be set in motion before the day is out."

I paused, gazing over my crewmates one by one.

"I spent most of our stay on Skelter Bite discussing plans and procedures with every contact I have and then some, and there's only a few things left to set up. I'm asking all of you for your help in this, because when the rest of the Supernovas get here, I'm setting my biggest plan yet into motion. We're going to devastate the slave trade." I let out out a sharp huff. "True, there's no way we'll be able to completely destroy it, but if the plan works, the damage we do today is something it will _never_ recover from."

I slowly turned to look at Luffy. "So. All that being said..." I spread my arms patiently. "Your orders, Captain?"

The rubber-man turned his murderous eyes my way, and my bravado faltered as I realized that some of that anger actually _was_ towards me.

"All you had to do was tell us, Cross. Did you really think we'd _need_ to hear anything like that to want to stop it?" he demanded.

I felt sweat bead on my face, and I swallowed nervously, resisting the urge to tug at my collar. No sane person would ever want Luffy to be legitimately angry at them. Still, that question demanded an answer and I mustered up enough courage to at least look him in the eyes. "I wasn't trying to… _convince_ anyone, Luffy. I merely sought to appropriately… _motivate._ And unless I missed my mark?" I paused, and allowed the sensation of pure, malicious _intent_ that permeated the room to wash over us. "I accomplished _that_ in spades."

Luffy kept me pinned for a few more seconds. Then, to my immense relief, he nodded. And it really said a lot about just how much our crew valued Luffy's word when that one, single motion absolutely galvanized the room's atmosphere into something out of this world.

A light cough drew our attention, and we all looked to Shakky, who was back to leaning over her bar… but this time, her stance was more reminiscent of a looming gargoyle _._

"For the record," she drawled tersely, obviously recovering from our little 'experience'. "The only reason 'our mutual friend' and I haven't done anything about this mess is that if we did, we'd get the full weight of the Marines crashing down on our heads, and while the rest of these islands might be scum, this bar is our home. But, so long as you think you have any _better_ ideas…"

She gave us all a grin that was as sharp as a knife and ten times as deadly.

"I own properties in every district of this Bacchus-forsaken cesspit, and I have many a person who trusts me and many more who owe me favors, whether they like it or not. Anything you could wish for, I'll happily provide…" Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Provided it goes towards lancing the rot _out_ of this place."

"…anything, you say?" I queried, turning to her with an anticipatory look.

The bartender scoffed but relaxed into an almost smug sense of amusement. "Anything that wouldn't go against the spirit of your crew, wise-ass."

I allowed myself a light chuckle before schooling my expression, while hers remained unchanged despite the gravity of the situation..

"We're going to need a base of operations," I started, speaking and pacing at the same time. "As complete and thorough a map of the archipelago as you can manage, names and locations of both your most trusted informants and the most ruthless slavers you know—"

"— **a crack hit squad ready to mobilize, a pot of hot coffee, twelve jammy dodgers and a** _ **fez**_ **!"**

I didn't so much as glance at the snail as I snatched him from my shoulder, slapped him upside-down onto the bar, and spun him like a top.

" _YEEAAARRRGH!"/_ " **Wheeeeeee!"**

I felt my eyelid twitch at the fact that he was crying out in both fear _and_ enjoyment at once, but what else was I expecting from the slimeball by this point?

Meanwhile, Shakky just nodded and started writing the requested information out… though given how _much_ she was writing and the smirk on her lips, there were going to be some extra 'gifts' added to that care package.

"Aaaanyway," I coughed, looking over my crew. "I've got tentative plans for all of you, but I'm open to other ideas if you've got them. So, to start—"

"Cross… can I help?"

All attention fell on the fishman in the room, who despite wringing his hands looked as determined as the rest of us. "I-I've been a disgrace to the mark on my forehead for too long," he said, more to himself than us. "This won't make up for everything I've done, but it'll be a start. I'm strong, I'm fast, and I can cover everywhere around and beneath the island where you can't—sorry, _most_ of you can't cover," he corrected, glancing at Boss. "B-But please, is there anything that I can do?"

I took a moment to consider matters—and most definitely made sure to spend that moment trying to ignore the hole Nami was glaring in the side of my head. But, ultimately…

"Yeah, I can think of a few ways that you and your… _associates_ can be of appropriate use," I agreed. "You think you can keep them under control long enough for them to do some good for once?"

"I've been doing that for the last four months, Cross," Hachi nodded, slamming his fists into his palms with… perhaps a _bit_ too much glee. "If they won't play nice, I'll make them."

"Glad to hear it," I nodded gratefully. "Now then, from the top… here's how it's going to go down."

**-o-**

"B-B-B-But we don't carry that much bronze at a time!"

"Awwww… you're suuuure you don't?"

"Yes! Positive!"

"Maybe if you checked in the back—?"

"We're a market stall, we don't _have_ a back!"

"…what about brass?"

"For the _fifth time,_ sir—!"

While Usopp watched the doomed salesman try to do the impossible and make Luffy see reason, he tried to smile at his captain's familiar and oft-amusing antics. The better to sell the idea he was watching his _captain_ instead of his surroundings. Usually, that was pretty easy. But after what he'd heard... what he _knew_ was happening in the shadows, just out of his sight… well, it was surprisingly difficult.

And it was in pursuit of putting an end to those shadows that Usopp and his crewmates were out and about in Sabaody's tourist district, raising the biggest ruckus they could and getting as many eyes on themselves as they could manage. It was already public knowledge that the Straw Hats were present on Sabaody, so there was no putting a lid on that. But what could be controlled was where people _thought_ they were.

Hence, the ruckus, providing the perfect distraction so that their crewmates could dig into the rotten woodworks of this archipelago undisturbed. And not just a distraction, but observation, too. Cross had told the crew that he wanted as complete a picture of the pseudo-island as he could get, and it was their job to both attract attention and learn about the archipelago's civilian inhabitants in the process.

All three of the 'immature' pirates were playing a part in things. While Luffy was abysmal at being subtle, there was one talent in the espionage family that he excelled in: getting a good read on people. Usopp's eyes were the sharpest on the crew from his sniping abilities and paranoia, and Brook… well, he was no slouch either given how skilled he was at reading his audiences. Although he wasn't being much help in the subtlety department; even with the welding mask and gloves that he had chosen to wear from Pappug's new wardrobe hiding his bare bones, he was still prone to… other tendencies.

"Oh, excuse me, young miss. May I see your panties?"

_BONG!_

"My utmost apologies," Usopp ground out, tapping his hammer in his palm in silent threat. "He's a bit of a troublemaker on our crew. Seriously, you'd think he'd learn after, what is this, the _eleventh_ time now?"

"I'm afraid I've lost track by now! Yohohoho!" Brook chortled.

"Just keep him away from _us,"_ the young woman said in disgust, she and the older man with her scowling down at Brook's still prone form as they wandered off.

Brook kept up his chuckling and offhanded demeanor for a few more moments - right up until they turned a corner, at which point his mood darkened. "The father was going for a weapon," he solemnly observed.

Usopp nodded in agreement, sweeping his gaze over the onlooking crowd. "And while others were looking, the locals were too scared and resigned to do anything and the tourists thought whatever they _thought_ was going to happen was funny."

Brook dusted himself off and stood back up, slowly scanning the throngs of people coming and going. "Everyone here is armed in some way, be they civilian or tourist. But where the civilians carry them for self-defense…"

"They're not just expecting something. They're _eager_ for someone to start a fight," Usopp finished.

"I hate this already," Luffy rumbled, now beside them and drumming his fingers on his pipe. "Everyone around here either can't or won't fight back, or they'll just jump in when a fight starts, and not for the _fun_ reasons."

" **AT LEAST THE** _ **chain smith hunting**_ _is helping you scout out_ BRONZE STORES _**FOR MY—**_ **AHEH, I MEAN…** _ **YOUR STATUE?"**_ Soundbite hastily amended. " _SPEAKING OF WHICH, there's another store two groves ahead of you."_

In spite of themselves, Brook and Usopp snorted in laughter from the 'slip of the tongue'. However, said amusement died quickly with Luffy's conspicuous absence in the mirth. Something that Soundbite noticed as well, given how fast he snapped back into seriousness.

" _ **But you're right, Cross has noticed**_ **something off too,"** he said. " **For some reason, the people native to Sabaody don't like the so-called 'local culture',** _WHILE THE TOURISTS LEAN INTO IT WITH GLEE…_ WE'RE DIRECTING THE OTHERS TO FIND OUT MORE, CROSS THINKS IT COULD BE USEFUL."

Silence fell for a moment, save for their footfalls. After a few steps, Brook spoke up:

"You know, even with the experience on my original crew, I must admit that it's odd to be part of a group of pirates that…" He rolled his phalanges slowly, trying to find the right words. " _Care_ so much."

"Mmm…" Usopp rubbed his chin, incapable of properly refuting his crewmate's words. "Would it help for me to point out that we're going to be making out like kings if everything goes right?"

"That _does_ put me on more familiar footing, yes," the skeleton nodded in agreement.

"I only need _one_ reason to do this."

The two pirates turned to see that their captain had doffed his hat and was staring down at it with a grave expression.

"I never wanted to be a hero," Luffy said quietly. "But when I think about what Shanks would do…" He trailed off, his expression contorting into a heavier frown. Then he shoved his hat back on his head and looked up. "Soundbite. Connect me to Cross," Luffy said.

" _ **Roger roger**_ **.** _Yes, Captain?"_ came the commies' voices, shifting smoothly from one to another.

"Why hasn't Shanks… or Whitebeard, or someone else done this already?" Luffy demanded. "I know how strong they are from meeting their crewmates on Skelter Bite… so why not? They could do it all by themselves if they wanted to and the Government wouldn't be able to stop them."

There was silence for a few seconds before Cross heaved a tired sigh.

" _This is an educated guess, not my knowledge, but I'd hypothesize—ah, reckon—that it's because they're on the other side of the Red Line. The Four Emperors rule the New World, and transferring enough manpower to this side to do what we're doing would be painting a target on their backs, both for the other Emperors and the Government, because they wouldn't take this lying down. Not that we're going to give them any choice. But bottom line? They have too much on their plate."_

"…and what about Sonia's crew? What about _Dad's_ crew?" Luffy pressed, a slight tinge of frustration tainting his voice.

Cross let out a negative-sounding grunt. " _The former lack the power to withstand the consequences, and the latter already have their sights set on the root of the problem. But even then, their forces are spread thin all over the world, and this is just one region. Forces here means islands that either don't throw off the World Government, or that fall back under it. Slaves out there, slaves here. It's a hard choice, but it's one that has to be made. And with any luck, our actions today will alleviate some of the pressure."_

Luffy mulled that information over for a bit, his face reddening some from the influx, before he nodded in acknowledgement. "The past doesn't matter. What matters is now," he reminded himself. "We'll get back to making noise and looking for metal, but where's everyone else, Cross? What are they doing?"

" _Right now? They're spread out across the archipelago. Half are still on their original jobs, but I've redirected others based on new information."_

**-o-**

" _Franky and Merry have made contact with the local criminal underworld, and are getting a better perspective on how things are structured around here. They're en route to meet with the leader of smugglers in the the northern groves, Bomoss, as we speak."_

Despite how reliable a business slavery was with the World Government's willful blindness, a surprisingly large number of the island's criminals were not involved in the market. There were several reasons for this, among them the competition in the market, simple disinterest in that side of crime - and the fact that being criminals did not mean that they lacked standards.

"And if anyone alive should know that better than anyone, it's me," the cyborg chuckled, grinning with a hint of malice at the dumbstruck group whose warehouse he had barged into. "After all, I _ran_ crime on Water 7. So finding you guys? Not that hard."

"So now, the only question we need answered at the moment…" Merry mused, swaying back and forth on Franky's shoulder as she idly drummed her fingers on her cannon's barrel. "Is _which_ side of wrong you're on."

_That_ apparently hit a nerve, and the band of thugs in front of the pirates visibly bristled in both body and weaponry.

"You wanna say that again, pipsqueak?" a broad-shouldered bruiser snarled, slamming his fist into his palm.

"Yeah, yeah, say it again!" a scrawnier cutthroat with a dead eye hissed as he flipped a knife in his fingers. "We ain't like those rot-headed _newts!_ And we'll cut anyone who says we are!"

_That_ comment got a confused glance between Merry and Franky. "What do you mean, 'newts'?" Franky asked.

The thugs got even tenser, and some even looked to be on the verge of attacking…

"It's slang."

Before a rough and accented voice cut through the air, and the criminals all relaxed. They parted ranks, allowing a grizzled, middle-aged man wearing a bush hat of worn leather to walk up. The man gave the Straw Hats a searching look before nodding at his men, who all returned to shifting their ill-gotten crates about like they'd never been interrupted.

The man—the smugglers' leader—returned his focus to the Straw Hats. "It's slang," he repeated. "For slavin' scum, seein' how they keep toadyin' up to the Celestial Dragons. And you best bet your bottom bubble that there ain't a _one_ of those bleedin' slaver bastards who's a truly green-blooded Sabaodian, like me and my boys. Us here, we're smugglers, forgers, traffickers. We deal in goods and contraband, we rip people off, yeah… but we _do not_ deal in flesh, and if ever I found out that any of mine _did,_ I'd tie 'em to a bubble and float 'em up until it _popped!"_ The man punctuated his mini-rant by slamming his fist in his palm.

A pause, while the man collected himself, and then he gave the two pirates a respectful nod and tipped his hat to them. "The name's Bomoss, and I'm the leader of the Double Dozen Smugglers. Whereas you two are Merry and Franky o' the Straw Hat Pirates. What can I do you for? If you're lookin' for goods we can get you a decent enough price, but in terms of coatin' we'd need ta outsource, in which case me and mine'll be takin' our own cut of things. Or, maybe…" The smuggler boss's gaze sharpened slightly. "You lookin' to do somethin' a little bit more… _local,_ perhaps?"

The pirates shared another look, and a nod from Franky prompted Merry to stow her gun and respond. "We're here for information. Criminals, smugglers especially, know their cities better than anyone else, and we need to know this archipelago like the back of our hands before the day is over. So, we came to you."

"'Know the archipelago', eh? Sounds simple 'nuff…" The grizzled man gave the pirates a wry smirk. "You Straw Hats… you lot really don't know jack 'bout our home, do ya?" He waved off their nascent protests with an indulgent chuckle. "'Nah, 's alright, 'ts not like most anyone knows or cares past our roots anyways. So, if'n you're askin'..." He waved them over to the side of the warehouse and indicated an empty crate for them to sit at. "Allow me to educate ya."

Taking the cue, the cyborg took a seat and Merry slid off to take her own, he and the ship-girl giving grateful nods to the smuggler.

"We appreciate this," the cyborg politely said. "And for starters, the entire reason we're here is to get answers on what has our tactician stumped: he doesn't get how there could even _be_ a criminal underground we could talk with in a place like this, and I gotta say, I kind of agree with him."

Franky waved his hand around, indicating the warehouse. "We thought you were all slavers here, but instead we're finding out that barely any locals are slavers at all, not even your criminals. But, how are there 'locals' to begin with? And… in terms of 'criminals', how come there are 'police' here too, or a 'government?' Don't the Marines usually run the show on places as small as this?"

"Actually, you got that little tidbit _backwards,_ ya clankin' bloke," Bomoss groused. "First off, those white-hatted arseholes being here's a _new_ thing. Up 'til Roger popped the top on his Era, they left well enough 'lone. 'Fore then, we ran things on our own, for a length o' the word…" He heaved a tired sigh as he scratched the back of his neck. "But really, them bein' here ain't changed things much either way."

He huffed and clapped his hands together. "Roight, let's start at the beginning: everything there is to know about Sabaody comes straight back to its location. Fun fact 'bout this here bundle o' trees: It's _literally_ the single closest island ta Mariejois in all the six seas. And that makes it one of the biggest crossroads in the entire dang world. And an intersea-crossroads means intersea trade.

"You're right that there wasn't ever a native people on these here trees, like a lot of other islands, but that don't mean we ain't got our roots." The smuggler paused to proudly thump his own chest. "Sabaodians are basically people whose families stuck around hundreds of years ago, makin' money off of everyone else who came through, and then just kept on stickin' 'round makin' a livin' like that 'til today. We stuck 'round long enough that we even started makin' this place ours, and makin' our own rules. It's why we've got our own government an' all that, our own culture. We've got blood from all over the world mixed in here; heck, in case my voice ain't clued you in yet, me da's blood hails from the deep South."

"Oh, yeah, I'd wondered…" Merry muttered.

"Anyway, like I was sayin': trade. Times were that Sabaody was the biggest tradin' hub in all the world, and to a level, it still is. You wanna pass somethin' from one Blue to another, easy money says it'll land here first before poppin' off to where it should go." The smuggler leader then scowled and chopped his hand to the side. "But back then, slaves weren't our bread and buttah! They were there, yeah, but that was a long time ago, and they were everywhere, so it wasn't nothin' special. 'Least, Sabaody slaves _weren't_ nothin' special…" Another huff, and he glanced away. "'Till some arse-headed bastard got it in his head to up the game, and provide a product nobody else could match or find elsewhere."

"Mermaids…" the pirates darkly concluded.

"Merfolk in general, more like," Moboss nodded. "See, thing you gotta understand, mates? Just like how you'll never find a Sabaodian who's a slaver, you'll never find one of us hatin' on the scalenecks either. And why would we? They're our _neighbors,_ we live right next to the blokes, we know they're just like everyone else! But 'ta everyone else, they're monstahs, and monstahs sell big. And when _one_ blighter started makin' hard gold for scales, a lot of other bastards started doin' the same. And this held steady for a bit… 'till the scalenecks wised up, and stopped makin' themselves easy to catch." The smuggler sighed, and his head fell. "But by that point, the chum was in the water."

"Because the slavers had funds and an appetite for more…" Franky slowly deduced. "They didn't drop the slave trade, they doubled down."

"Damn right they did!" the criminal snarled, slamming his fist on the crate. "When they couldn't make money on scales, they started sellin' flesh by the truckload, and especially to the World Nobles. And when demand for the 'quality product' of our waters started bloatin' up, others came sniffin' around for a cut of things too. Made things right nasty 'round here for a while, true 'nuff…" Bomoss's scowl deepened. "But things didn't get outright rotten 'til two hundred years ago."

"Two hundred…" Frowning, Merry counted on her fingers before stiffening in realization. "Wait, isn't that when slavery was officially outlawed by the World Government?"

"Yeh. _Officially._ 'Course, those bastards'll let anything slide for the right ditty, and gold sings nice and pretty." Several snickers echoed out from the warehouse, and Bomoss snapped his head and a paint-peeling glare that direction. "YEAH, I KNOW THAT RHYMED, SHUT IT AND GET BACK TO WORK! Ugh, anyway…" He shook his head. "When the law passed, most other slavers in the world couldn't make themselves worth enough to the Marines to be worth keepin' alive, but the ones squattin' in our groves _did._ They let their gold sing right in the ears o' the Nobles, and for that, Sabaody became a blind spot. Not just for them, but for the entire damn flesh market. A specialty became a monopoly, or damn close to it." The smuggler spat to the side in disgust. "Now it's not just all goods that come through Sabaody. It's all chains too."

"We Sabaodians, we hate what our home has become with every inch of our bein's…" he sighed, slumping in his seat. "But it ain't like there's much we can do about it. You tourists, you've always had the power. More weapons, more strength, more goods and gold." He waved his hand dismissively. "Heck, even the Marines don't give a darn; if it ain't pirate and has the gold, they don't see a thing. Our home's become a glorified playground, nothin' more. A stagin' ground, meant for everyone else's use to exploit their grimmest vices. Means we can't change _how_ it's used… no matter how much we hate it. All we can do is watch."

"…Let me guess: the local government is just as messed up," deadpanned Franky.

"Hah! Guvner Prefectus and his cronies… yeh, lemme tell you _all_ 'bout _them."_

**-o-**

" _Robin, Vivi and Koala are infiltrating the Archipelago's government. It'll help us gauge local reactions better, and besides that, it'll give us forewarning if anything interferes with a critical part of my plan's follow-through."_

"What you need to understand about Governor Prefectus is that him and his cabinet, they're-they're not _bad_ at their jobs, in fact he's rather good! It's just… at times, he, they…"

"Choose… _not_ to be," Koala completed slowly, her face screwing up in distaste as she looked over the civilized landscape of the 71st Grove through the window.

The bureaucrat the pirates and revolutionary were speaking with, a blonde bespectacled woman with her hair in a messy bun, bit her lip before nodding in defeat.

Sighing in dismay, Vivi let a stack of documents the woman had been working on thump on the desk, grabbing another, even larger stack and scanning through. "Professional incompetents. Eurgh, the worst kind of politicians to deal with because they _always_ make sure to dig in like ticks…"

"Oh, maybe so, maybe so," Robin purred as she leaned on the office's door, ever so casually keeping several unflinching gazes on the surrounding hallways. "But that doesn't mean there aren't advantages as well. After all, meddlers like them make such _delightful_ squealing noises when you take them by the balls and apply _just_ the right amount of pressure."

Vivi paused and looked up at her pseudo-mentor in confusion. "Are… you speaking _metaphorically_ or—?"

"Ladies, I do believe this line of questioning is irrelevant to our current purpose…" Koala interrupted with a hasty cough, glancing in concern at their temporary and rapidly green-ifying ally. "And also, I think you're starting to scare our source."

"But surely she must be used to such topics of conversation," Robin replied, her prior levity gone. "After all, this _is_ the office that processes all the _generous donations_ made to the government of Sabaody by… what did they call it again?"

" _Faithful constituents,"_ Vivi dryly read off one of the documents.

"Ah, yes, _constituents._ That _is_ your business, Is it not, Miss Libia?"

The green melted away to red, and the paper-pusher shoved herself to her feet with a harsh slap of her hands on her desk. " _Mrs._ Libia _,"_ she firmly corrected. "And I will have you know that I have _no_ part in this… _this!"_ she spat, swiping a stack of the papers off her desk and scattering them across the floor. "I'm just the one that the-the _bastards_ above me force the paperwork onto! And what am I supposed to do about it?"

Libia groaned and sank back into her seat, massaging her eyes. "I can have eyes sharper than swords for noticing every inconsistency that comes through. And I can count every single shell company the funds pass through before reaching me. And I could even get the genealogies of the _bastards_ all these bribes are coming from going back to their tenth generation! But what sort of whistleblowing can I do when _everyone_ above my head is corrupt, when they're the ones making me handle their dirty money!?"

She picked up one fluttering paper and regarded it with a defeated expression. "Dirty money that comes from both above _and_ below, at that. Honestly, it's one thing to receive _generous donations_ that are delivered by courier, at least that's halfway subtle, but it is _insulting_ when payment is delivered by the Marines in order to provide 'financial support' for our government…"

Tossing the paper aside, Libia slumped back in her admittedly very comfy-looking chair, one hand over her eyes. Running said hand down her face, her eyes fell onto a picture on the desk, and began to moisten.

"You know what they call my department?" she said, her voice soft and miserable. "'The Office of Cultural Affairs'. _Cultural. This_ is what the world sees our culture as. What even bastards like Prefectus think it is."

Libia held up the picture for the three outlaws to see, her face a picture of despair. "I have a husband. I have _children,_ born and raised here. And I am genuinely _terrified_ that they will not only think that this is their legacy… but that if nothing is done, they could come to accept it _. Happily."_

For a long moment, nobody said anything. Then Robin spoke up. "Pardon my curiosity, but aren't you being a tad candid, sharing all this with the three women who, might I remind you, broke into your office not ten minutes ago?"

"And are among the most infamous criminals in the world, I might note," Koala added.

"And who _else_ would you have me discuss this with, hm?" Libia snorted dismissively. "In case you haven't been hearing me, I'll remind you that all of my coworkers are literally a part of the problem."

" _All_ of them?" Vivi repeated. "You can't think of _anyone_ else you'd trust?"

The bureaucrat's expression turned flat. "I haven't exactly raised a petition on the matter, no. That's a 'severance package' I'd rather not collect, if it's all the same to you."

"Well, then, in that case," Koala said, clapping her hands and stepping away from the window to show an eager grin on her face. "I think I know what we'll be looking into next."

"And I think _I_ know where we can get a few leads on where _not_ to start…" Vivi mused, snapping her fingers to alert her crew's leading snail.

**-o-**

" _Tashigi's making contact with men sent from Smoker's fleet and infiltrating the local garrison, under the pretense of acting as reinforcements to help hunt_ us _. When the time comes, she's going to put a hurt on them like nothing they've felt before."_

"…got it. I'll move that up on the priority list…mmph, but…" The lieutenant rubbed her chin. "I can't promise it'll be _that_ fast, we don't have that kind of time…alright. Alright, I see where you're coming from, I'll do what I can. Pisces out."

The static faded, and Tashigi nodded and turned back to face the Marines before her, straightening out her outfit for more of that oddly satisfying feeling. The outfit that the Straw Hats had forced her into was securely locked away in the scuzziest closet she could find, only to be removed so that it could be _burned_ at the earliest opportunity. She honestly didn't think she'd been so happy to don her uniform in months.

As for the aforementioned Marines, Smoker had sent a dozen of his men ahead to the island a week prior without notifying anyone. If anyone were to ask, the cover story was that Tashigi had sailed with them to the island for a private mission, taking advantage of the likely once-in-a-lifetime deficit of pirate presence.

"Alright. Chief Petty Officer Nomaru, report," she ordered. "What are your squad's observations from the past week?"

"Lieutenant." The lead soldier snapped a salute, then nodded. "We've had no issue acquiring information from the local Marines about their daily operations. They've been very cooperative." He frowned. "Actually, they've been _too_ cooperative. I've witnessed inspections and audits on several Marine bases, but I can rightly say this is the first time I've seen one that's been outright _eager_ to accommodate us."

Tashigi matched the soldier's frown, casting her mind back to the mini-crusade she'd directed in the East Blue, and she had to concur with her subordinate: in every base she'd inspected _(read: raided)_ , the corrupt Marines had always done their best to rush her out, so that she couldn't find the cracks in their facade. So for a group of Marines she knew couldn't be anything _but_ corrupt to be so forthcoming was… confusing, to say the least. "And? What did you find?"

"Nothing was out of place, Lieutenant. Reassignment forms, arrest documentation, medical records, all organized in perfect compliance with headquarters' policies. Their troops are competently trained and drilled and none of them show any issue. But…" The officer cradled his chin, casting a thoughtful gaze toward the base. "The one discrepancy I _did_ notice is that they seem to be… hyper-focused on subduing pirates."

"They _do_ get every pirate trying to get to the New World coming through here," Tashigi pointed out, for the sake of Devil's Advocacy if nothing else.

"Yes, much like how we got all the ones trying to get to Paradise," Nomaru agreed with a slow nod. "But back in Loguetown, we unilaterally arrested _all_ criminals on the island, like drug-dealers and gangsters, wherever possible. But these Marines… they barely acknowledge the existence of any other kind of outlaw…" His expression darkened. " _Especially_ including the slave trade. Every time that we've asked, we've been met with the same response of—"

"Let me guess," Tashigi interrupted, snapping her hands up. "'It was outlawed 200 years ago, there _is_ no slave trade anymore.'"

"With varying levels of venom, affirmative," Nomaru bit out. "This place does one of the best damn jobs of hiding it I've ever seen, but the fact remains: it's as rotten as a week-old Sea King carcass. Your orders, ma'am?"

Tashigi exhaled sharply, measuring her original assignment against her new priority. After only a moment, she looked back up at Nomaru.

"Nomaru, take Popora and five soldiers of your choice to their central administrative building. Gauge everyone that you can access and determine who among them is trustworthy. You'll have other aid from the Masons to help you. Everyone else, with me."

She drew Shigure, giving the blade a final critical look… and securing her glasses, ignoring an amused chuff from Popora, before sheathing the blade at her hip.

"We're going to give this island the once-over of the century! _Agreed?!_ "

"MA'AM, YES MA'AM!"

**-o-**

" _As for everyone else, they're sniffing out the slavers from every nook and cranny they could possibly hide in. Chopper is leading Conis, Su and Donny through every back-alley quack and drug-slinger he can find so that he can trace any drugs they might have sold under the table to their buyers…"_

"Now, doctor," Chopper huffed patiently, slipping his goggles off and examining them for a moment before polishing off a slight stain on the lens. "We're both men of medicine—me more than you, clearly, but still—so why don't we try and achieve a mutually beneficial conclusion _without_ too much hardship, hm? Just give me your records and I won't be forced to resort to… _drastic_ measures to extract the knowledge. In fact, we might even go so far as to compensate you for your time." He replaced his goggles and tilted his mirrored gaze curiously. "Does this sound amenable to you?"

"L-Like hell it is! I-I provide surplus supplies to some v-very powerful people! If they find out I talked—n-no way, I want to live, damn it! I-I'm not telling you anything! So screw off!"

"Hm, have to admire the determination, at least," the human-reindeer remarked. And it really was impressive, what with Donny, perched on a high shelf, holding the back-alley saw-bone's ankles so that he was upside down, his head nearly touching the floor. "But, regrettably, we _are_ on a timetable. Conis? _Kindly motivate the man."_

"With pleasure," the angelic gunner cheerfully replied. But instead of making any threatening moves, she walked over to a brown paper bag sitting on top of a pile of syringes on a nearby table, opening it up. "Is this your lunch?"

The doctor blinked. Chopper blinked. So did Donny. "Er… yes?" the doctor weakly replied.

Nodding, Conis peered inside and gave it a sniff. Reaching in, she pulled out a somewhat greasy-looking fried chicken sandwich. "Smells great, where'd you get this?" she asked.

"Er, there's a stand in Grove 21. It's, uh, called the Crazy Chicken, I think?"

"Excellent!" Conis beamed. "I'll have to check it out after this." She took a bite. "Mm, that is good. Alright, Carl, can I call you Carl?"

"Er, that's not my—"

"Great! Here's the deal, Carl." Abruptly, all traces of good cheer vanished from both Conis's expression and posture, replaced by cold indifference. "I spent six years being forced to send innocent people to their deaths at the hands of sadistic psychopaths, unable to so much as weep for them because the tyrant who ruled my island would have vaporized me if I betrayed him. I never got the chance to pay that tyrant back; if I did, I would not hesitate to take his life. And you?" Her lips turned downward in a harsh frown, emphasizing the quiet fury in her eyes. "You're almost worse, aiding and abetting the practice of taking innocent people and putting them in that situation so you can line your own pockets. But I know what you're thinking, and you're right. As a rule, we Straw Hats don't like taking life."

Stepping up to the man, she leaned down, her expression eerily serene.

"So I have a friendly suggestion for you: perhaps you should be worrying less about your employers, who have already made up their minds to kill you _later_ , and worry more about me, who's still mulling over doing it _now_."

And then… she took another bite of the sandwich.

For several seconds, silence reigned over the clinic, until it was broken by a low whistle from Su. " _Damn,_ girl!"

"B-Bullshit, I watch the SBS!" the doctor spat in a sudden bout of courage. "I don't care what you say, d-do you _really_ expect me to believe that a _Straw Hat_ could murder a complete stranger point-blank? E-Especially _this_ ditz of all people! You might be n-nuts, b-but unless you're making yourself _really_ nuts, you're nothing but a cowa—!"

"Oh well, so much for Plan B," Chopper interrupted, rummaging around in his bag. "Time for Plan C." He straightened, a bottle prominently marked with hazard symbols in hoof, and sighed. "Which really should stand for 'complicated mess', because there's a fifty percent chance that that's how I'll be describing your insides if I use this."

Again, silence hung over the air, though this time the doctor was sweating buckets. Then Chopper turned around, a wide grin on his face and his eyes gleaming with madness.

"Oh, well. **For science! Conis, hold him still, and get ready for some thrashing."**

"Of course, doctor!" Conis chirped, before looking mournfully at the sandwich. "Oh well, I can get another one." Holding the sandwich in front of the doctor, she mimed him opening his mouth. "Don't worry, this is just to make sure you don't bite your tongue off. Still need you to answer, after all. Now either say what we want, or say ah."

"A… a-ah…"

Conis shrugged with a serene smile. "Well, if you say so—!"

"A-ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'LL TALK, I'LL TALK!" the 'doctor' finally howled, flailing in a state of pure panic. "T-THEY'RE UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS, BENEATH MY DESK _, BENEATH MY DESK! J-JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE DAMN IT!"_

Chopper paused mid-preparation, and both he and Conis smiled brightly at the man. "Now, see, was that _truly_ so hard?" the angel chirped pleasantly.

" _Indeed, we're much obliged by your sincerity,"_ Chopper tipped his hat politely, turning to shove said desk aside. " _And just in case… Su, if he's lying,_ _ **eat his testicles."**_

"WAIT, _WHAT?!"_

The named cloud fox leapt from her partner's shoulders and sat on her haunches in front of the saw-bone's face, baring her fangs. "That'll be _my_ pleasure."

**-o-**

" _While Sanji is getting help from Mikey and Sandersonia to accomplish the same with their food supplies."_

There were a few reasons that Sandersonia had chosen Sanji to accompany despite the latter's lecherous nature. He was still one of the strongest members of the crew, he needed the help with most of the other crew members occupied, he could be counted on to scare away anyone who looked at her the wrong way without her having to risk revealing her identity…

…no, that last one was definitely the most relevant reason at this stage. Everyone knew that not even Sanji's attraction to women could overpower the absolute respect he had for food. And considering the nature of their current assignment, the sheer amount of wasted and unsalvageable food that Sanji was being forced to observe, he was in a _very_ foul mood. Smoke rose from his footsteps and fists as he paced up and down the alley, and he was visibly eager to lash out at the first schmuck who'd be so stupid as to try and provoke him.

The hooded cloak and jeans that hid her form were almost superfluous with everyone actively avoiding the chef and the hellfire-and-brimstone aura he was putting out.

Still, scary as the cook was at the moment, the serpent Zoan couldn't deny feeling _some_ doubt in the back of her mind.

"Are you sure about this plan of yours?" Sandersonia posed.

"Mmph, sure as I can be. However inhumanely the slavers treat their _merchandise,_ they still need them alive. They can only starve them so much before feeding them, and I doubt they'd 'waste' money on buying it fresh, be it the whole meals or just the ingredients," Sanji quietly answered, his teeth audibly grinding on his cigarette. "And even if it's just garbage, that garbage comes from somewhere. All food reaches a mouth, we just need to follow it until then…"

"Hss…" Sandersonia nodded, reluctantly conceding the point. "Okay, but how do we actually follow this trail of yours?"

The cook snorted out a cloud of smoke. "That's the hard part. We need to find the start of the trail, and then we can start running it back, but until then—"

"Hey, Sanji," Mikey suddenly spoke up, intently eyeing one of the ends of the alleyway. "You mentioned garbage?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

Mikey pointed out into the street with his flipper. "See those busboys over there?"

Sanji and Sandersonia both looked over the dugong's shoulder at the men he was indicating. "The ones splitting a wad of cash?" the former queried.

"Last time I saw them," the dugong bit out. "They were walking _out_ of a restaurant carrying trash bags."

The brief moment of silence that encompassed the trio was broken by the harsh _FWOOSH!_ of Sanji's cigarette immolating. "…oh, I am going to _enjoy_ this."

Credit where it was due, said busboys clearly had good survival instincts. They _immediately_ straightened and looked right at the pirates. Unfortunately, their good sense seemed to be lacking; while one of them turned and bolted the other drew a derringer from his pocket and pointed it at them.

The next second, Sanji had Shaved in front of the runner and Mikey had shot the gun out of the other one's hand.

"Hello, _morons_ ," Sanji drawled slowly, taking the busboys by their shoulders and slowly but patiently shoving them towards the alley. "Let me make this nice and simple so that the single brain cell you share can keep up. You currently have two choices: answer all of our questions honestly…"

He then shoved them forwards so that they faceplanted in the alley… right at the foot of the _titanic_ serpent-woman that was suddenly looming over them, hissing like a geyser seconds from blowing with her knife-sized fangs bared.

"Or get fed to the _lovely_ lady before you, feet first." Sanji shrugged indifferently as he lit a new cigarette and took a patient drag from it. " _Your choice."_

"And just so we're clear," Mikey added, snapping his nunchucks taut. "You _don't_ get to choose 'pass out from sheer terror' as a third option."

The two saps' faces were utterly devoid of color. One moved as though to start crawling away, and the chef responded by stomping beside his hand. The busboy pulled back so fast it was like the ground was on fire. Except it was.

"Though if you want to be char-broiled before she eats you, I think _that_ could be arranged," the dugong added, almost as an afterthought.

_That_ pushed them over the edge, and they started screaming out every name, location, and password that they knew.

**-o-**

" _The fishmen are fleshing out the maps we already have with the help of the rest of our guard force."_

"And that's the 50s complete," Chew grumbled, pointing at the last location he'd recorded. "You got all of that?"

The purple-wearing dugong nodded before turning around and bouncing off of and into the air.

"IF SHE GETS MAD, IT'S ON YOUR HEAD, NOT MINE!" the fishman called after him before diving back under the waves.

_THWACK!_

And taking a fist to his skull as soon as he submerged.

"AND WHAT WAS THAT FOR, HACHI, _CHEW!?_ " the smelt-whiting fishman snarled.

The octopus folded his six arms, disappointment written all over him. "In case you haven't noticed, we're doing something amazing here. I haven't felt this good since Fisher Tiger was alive. _Unlike_ when we were with Arlong, I don't need to try and justify what I'm doing. But _you!_ Is it _really_ that hard for you two to bite down on your hatred!?"

The other two fishmen narrowed their eyes at him; a moment later, Kuroobi rolled his with a dismissive scoff. "This isn't about aiding humans, Hachi. Hell, it's not even about aiding the _Straw Hats."_ The way he snarled the name out made the unspoken 'barely' very clear. "I don't _like_ it, but I'm not upset about _species_."

"Pretty sure we're of the same mind, then, _chew_ ," Chew chimed in. "We're upset about putting in all this work to try and do the impossible, _chew_. Sabaody has thwarted every attempt by the Ryugu Royal Family _and_ the residents of the Fishman District to take it down, so what makes you think that this _human's_ plan will be any different?"

"And before you bring up Enies Lobby, that's another point _against_ all this. The World Government isn't going to let the Straw Hats get away with something like that twice," Kuroobi tacked on. "Seriously, Hachi, you've done some boneheaded things before, but even giving Roronoa Zoro a ride out of Arlong Park after he broke out of the prison and tore our crewmates apart wasn't as stupid as this."

Hachi's face reddened. Hard to say how much of it was anger versus shame. Unfolding his top pair of arms, he started counting off on his fingers. "Alright, first of all, you're a jackass for bringing that up. Second… I'm not privy to all the details, but from what I heard, the Straw Hats have help this time around. A _lot_ of help. Third, that blockade was the Government's second-best shot against the Straw Hats, and at this point, it's… what was that phrase… matches and razors. And fourth…"

He slammed his knuckles together, looking three seconds away from thumping his employees. Again. "Have you guys already _forgotten!?_ Climbing the Red Line. Burning Mariejois. _Freeing every last slave._ What Fisher Tiger did was impossible, too. He did it anyway. He didn't care that what he wanted to do was impossible. Neither do the Straw Hats, and neither do I! We're _pirates!_ Ignoring reality and achieving possibility, _that_ is what we aim for flying the Jolly Roger! And if you don't like it, you can both—eh?"

Hachi fell silent, and Chew glanced up in irritation, trying to find the source of the wailing strings vibrating the water. "What's that vermin bleating out now, _chew?"_

"Sounds like something about… 'fight the power'?" Kuroobi grunted. "Seriously, what does _rowing_ have to do with—?"

"Less questioning the crazy pirates, more _getting back to work,_ " Hachi interrupted.

The pair of them scowled, but swam off without complaining.

Once they were out of earshot, Hachi chuckled to himself with a slightly hysteric grin. "Of course, if what I've heard is accurate, I think that we'll all get a good answer once we rendezvous in the 70s…"

**-o-**

"And lastly, while Carue, Lassoo and Funkfreed are resting up for the real action back at Shakky's, Zoro, Nami, and I are sticking in one place and coordinating things," I finished - before wincing sheepishly at the _**GLARE**_ I felt hammer into the side of my head. "…or, well, I'm coordinating, Zoro's looking scary, and Nami is…"

"Contemplating murder, yes."

I winced. Riding on Billy's back as we walked provided a constant reassuring presence for our navigator, and the motion and sunlight all around us emphasized a feeling of freedom. Soundbite was even playing some genuinely relaxing music.

But even with that positive atmosphere on top of Kalifa's mind wipe, the fact that Nami was once again drawing a map off of the information that fishmen provided for her was…

…there really are no words to properly express how much I hated putting her through this situation.

"…I don't know how I'll ever pay you back for this, Nami, but—"

_CLUNK!_

She set the pen down _hard_ on the lapdesk Franky had whipped up for her before turning her head to face me.

"I am gambling over half of our prize money and reliving eight years of excruciating memories to help make sure your plan works, Cross. Remember how I said I 'owed' you, back on Thriller Bark?" She chopped her hand across her throat. "Yeah, back to zero."

She looked, inhaling and exhaling slowly, before turning back to me a little calmer.

"Just…" she huffed out. "As long as the plan works, it's worth it. It'll make us even richer _and far more importantly_ , it'll cripple the possibility of another eight-year-old girl going through the kind of hell that I did." She looked back down and raised her pen again. Her voice was dark—and more importantly, low enough for Soundbite to know to not broadcast it—as she put in her last word:

" _But sticking me with this on top of the two years off? I don't care how much you think you can punish yourself, you_ do not _want to imagine what I will put you through if your plan_ _ **fails."**_

I shivered in existential terror, but shoved that to the back of my mind. "Rest assured, I've planned this out more than any other plan I've made on this crew, and we have allies to tackle it from every angle. Even if there are some unexpected outcomes, we _will_ meet our primary win condition. We won't fail." My gaze sharpened into an outright glare. "We _can't_ fail."

Nami let out another deep breath, visibly reassured. Slowly, I took in our surroundings. We were on the outskirts of the Sabaody Park, and while from the outside it looked like we were just sightseeing, Soundbite was in full surveillance mode in an attempt to map out the kidnapping gangs. Big surprise, but to the damn bastards, the park was one big barrel of fish. _Literally,_ in the case of the merfolk children who came to the surface to fantasize about what they'd never had. And even worse, it seemed like parts of the park _itself_ were designed to facilitate making people disappear among the attractions. Not all of it, thank God… but way too much for comfort.

It was a hefty task, but luckily we'd have help soon enough. We'd placed a call to the newly re-christened Rosy Life Riders, and they were on their way now that the blockade was down. But with how much of a time crunch we were in, we had to rely on what scarce information they could convey in passing and nail down the finer points ourselves.

Of course, between Soundbite's powers and Zoro and Nami's experience before they joined Luffy, that was more than enough to go off of. Which meant I had to ask… "So… anything else, Captain?"

" _Mmm… no, that's it. Thanks, Cross."_

"Thank _you,_ " I nodded back. And with that, Soundbite clicked the connection shut with a clear air of relief, one that I shared. "On the one hand, Luffy's seriousness is going to be an asset today. On the other hand…" I shuddered fearfully. "It never really gets any less terrifying to be on the receiving end of it."

"I think I'll skip feeling _that_ particular feeling, thanks…" Nami responded, shuddering as well.

"Don't count on it, witch. He's not going to be happy with any of us when Kuma shows up again, and _we're_ not surprised about it…" Zoro grumbled.

_That_ got another shudder out of Nami, but it passed quickly. Putting away her writing tools, she leaned back and rolled her wrist. "Alright, I've got the outline of the master map done. Let's stop somewhere for a minute, alright? I need to put down some fine details and then it should be complete, or close to it. And on a related note, how far out are the rest of the Supernovas? Specifically, the one we need."

" **Meh,** _ **not TOO far,"**_ Soundbite frowned. "KID, LAW, _and BEGE_ _ **had real MOTOR POWER**_ **on their side,** _they're all docking right now._ _ **From what I can glean from their crews' gossip,**_ **the others GAVE UP** _ **ON THE PRIZE,**_ **so they're taking their sweet time. AAAAND PLOTTING BLOODY VENGEANCE IN THE PROCESS…** _including our allies,_ TO AN EXTENT _. SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE STILL TICKED WE SCAMMED THEM OUT OF THEIR DOUGH."_

"Sorry, not sorry," Nami and I gloated.

"SO YEAH, WE GOT TIME. _THERE'S A CAFE WITH WHAT SOUNDS LIKE A DECENT GRILL_ _ **up the block,**_ **we can plant ourselves there and grab a bite to eat while we plan our next move."**

"Meh, you two go ahead and sit if you want," Zoro said, folding his arms behind his head as he started to accelerate his pace. "I'll just keep going and go for a quick walk—" OH GOD NO.

" **ALSO, THEY HAVE GOOD BOOZE."**

"Up the block, you said?" OH THANK GOD.

"Well, that was lucky…" I sighed under my breath.

" _Not really,"_ Soundbite shrugged, staying just as quiet. " _I just noticed you were about to flip out and decided to shut him up._ _ **Lemme guess, he had a date with disaster?"**_

"Specifically, a World Noble…" I groaned. "So for now, let's just sit down, shut up, and let me try and downgrade my heartrate from 'jackrabbit' to 'normal'."

Mercifully, I got the moment's reprieve that I needed. A good, solid minute of rest. The hustle and bustle of the people and the bubbling and popping of the resin helped to calm me down. Honestly, as long as I could force myself to ignore the despicable undertone of the place, Sabaody Park was rather nice. Pleasant atmosphere, cheer in the air… the perfect place to relax and forget all about your troubles.

"Oi, you!"

Right up until I felt a hand land on my shoulder. And not a hand I was familiar with; something I oughta know given how pretty much everyone on the crew had grabbed my shoulder at one point or another. I looked at the person who grabbed me, and then I sent a flat glare at my other shoulder.

"And what's your excuse this time?" I deadpanned, ignoring the thug behind me for the moment.

" _One malignant jackass_ **splitting off** _ **from the generally**_ PISSY MASSES," my gastropodal comrade sighed in dismay. " _Didn't notice UNTIL HE WAS_ _ **RIGHT ON TOP OF US."**_

Shrugging in acceptance of the excuse, I looked back up at the uninvited interloper with all the deadpan sincerity of a no-nonsense butler. "May I help you?" I inquired, though my tone clearly and precisely said 'fuck off'.

"You're that two-bit idiot on the SBS, Jeremiah Cross, right?"

…do I need to give any more context or exposition here? I don't think I do.

I snapped my hand up to stop any intervention from my fellow officers—you can bet they were already a foot out of their seats by then—as I turned in my seat so that I was halfway turned toward the guy. "Yes, that's me," I nodded… _kinda_ politely. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, you actually can!" the heavy-set guy nodded forcefully, before cooling off slightly and looking a bit apologetic? "Okay, uh, first, sorry about my tone. Just to be clear, I love the show, listen to every broadcast. Really great!"

"Oh, yeah?" I cocked an eyebrow at him. This all sounded good… so why was I getting such a bad feeling?

Then the guy's expression twisted in a way I just _did not_ like. "But for all that your stuff's good, think could you do the world of decent people a favor and stop talkin' about those damn fish freaks on your show?"

My facial expression fell flat as paper. _There_ it was. "Oh, yeah?" I repeated, my tone bone dry.

"Yeah!" the man nodded, still calm and apparently completely oblivious to my change in demeanor. "Look man, I know people whose kids listen to that show, and you can't just go around filling their heads with nonsense about us being 'equal' with those fish freaks! It just ain't true, and it'll screw them up something bad! That's not right!"

My eye twitched slightly, but that was the only muscle I let slip out of my control. But it was a slip that got most all of the passerby around me backing away, and fast. "Care to explain your reasoning?" I posed calmly and condescendingly.

Aaaand now he was looking at _me_ like I was the idiot. The mind _boggles._ "I mean, have you ever even seen those freaks? They're all slimy and gross and weird! Total monsters, obviously. No clue how anyone could be stupid enough to actually think they're _people_ —"

Okay, yeah, _no,_ I'm heading _this_ off at the pass, and I did that by shutting him up with a raised hand. "Alright, look Idjit—do you mind if I call you Idjit? I'm going to call you Idjit."

"Hey, what are you—?" Idjit started to protest.

"Listen, Idjit," I forged on, slowly rising from my seat and putting my palms together. "I've heard your arguments, your reasoning, and your logic. Now, allow me, as a fellow gentleman, to give you my calm, measured, perfectly rational response."

Acutely aware of everyone watching me, I patiently slid my right gauntlet off…

_CRACK!_

And _cold-clocked_ the thug square across the jaw with my bandaged fist. Idjit let out a pained gurgle and collapsed like a sack of flour. I was _very_ happy when he did not get back up.

I bit out a sharp tsk as I waved out my fist and gauntlet back on. "Fuck off, _asshole,"_ I snarled frigidly. I then turned on my heel and started marching away. "Come on, I want to put some distance between me and that waste of flesh. Before he wakes up and makes me do something _drastic."_

Nami blinked several times, dumbfounded, before she and Zoro hurried to catch up with me, Billy cowering behind Nami. "That was your _calm_ and 'not drastic' response?" our navigator inquired slowly.

"Believe me," I snarled, flexing my palm and letting a ripple of air blast out of my Impact Dial as I seriously considered doubling back and putting it to use. "If I were _pissed,_ his body would neither be solid nor in one location. Last time I tried talking sense to a couple of _stupid bigots_ who wouldn't hear my words, I snapped. It's an exercise in futility and I am _distinctly_ not in the mood."

"…What happened to the Cross who couldn't stand even killing an otter and a vulture?" Zoro asked.

"Two full-blown wars and a whole lot of ass-whupping later…" I grumbled mutinously. "Plus, with those jag-offs, _I_ was the offended party, so I had the choice of turning the other cheek or not. _He_ was shooting off about people who aren't _allowed_ to say anything in their own defense. Big difference."

After a few more seconds of walking, I felt my body convulse in disgust as we cut through an alley. "Then again, better him than one of the _Nobles._ I'm not sure how much I'd be able to hold back in front of one of them if they spouted their nonsense."

"Should I even ask?" Nami sighed.

"Fuhohoho! Your unease is an understatement if I've ever heard one, darling! 'Freak' is downright _civil_ compared to _their_ sky-island high egos. Ooh, I'm seeing _red_ just thinkin' 'bout 'em!"

We all started and turned in unison towards the source of the voice. I had to actively stop myself from gaping at the sight of the person in front of us. Tall and lanky, he was wearing a purple disco outfit with the exposed torso and the stilted shoes and everything. Even had a set of opaque glasses to complement the whole getup.

…all of which I probably would have elaborated on had he not sported the _biggest fucking afro I have ever seen._ Seriously, the thing was rounder and larger than most _globes_ I saw back in Florida, and I'd been to Universal! Weird color too, one side was auburn red, the other alabast— _oh fucking hell was that a Poké Ball?!_

"Of all the people here, you Straw Hats should know that words like 'freak' and 'monstah' aren't so much an insult as a mark o' pride to folks like us. No, nonono, ta make all the way out here? Out the Grand Lahne? Freakishly strong is _exactly_ what we need ta be," the stranger said, dancing to his own beat—no, wait, Soundbite was actually pumping [a beat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuhqoZvyntA) into the air, which the stranger was grooving to. Moving his arms around, strutting around us like a prideful bird, spinning around in place every so often with the confidence of someone who'd been doing this kinda stuff for years. We could only gape at him like schoolkids watching Saturday Night Fever for the first time.

"After all," he continued, pointing off into the distance as he… moved his hips in a way that I missed because _like hell_ was I looking down. "In order to truly revel in the chaotic rhythms and aromas of the Grand Line, you gotta choose to get down to the beat of strength, to become so freaky it causes a jam all the way from the Blues, y'know?"

He then proceeded to _backflip_ and moonwalk past us. None of us even reacted beyond watching him as he shuffled to our other side.

"But really now," the 70s escapee lamented, cradling his face in his elbow as grandiosely as he had been thus far. "If anything, it's the _bile_ that those 'high and mighty' spit out that we really take offense about."

Okay, there was something wrong with that sentence, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out _what._

"Ah… what do you mean, 'we?'" Billy asked, raising a wing.

By way of response, the man grinned… and in doing so, showed that his teeth were triangular and sharp and _ooooh._

"Most o' the world 'ccepted we wah sapient bein's ovah two hundred yeahs ago," he drawled in a flamboyantly Southern accent, the sunlight glimmering off his already radiant spikey smile. "But if you heard the tune o' what those Nobles are playing, they've never swung tah the same beat as the rest of us. It's naht even a mattah of seein' the truth and refusin' tah accept it. They are completely incapable of acknowledgin' us sea folks as anythin' more than _animals._ "

…you know, I didn't know it was possible to _taste_ disgust until now. I mentally noted the acrid stench of _seething rage and hatred_ emanating from my friends for the future, while taking a moment to calm myself. Meanwhile, the stranger offered a much friendlier grin, swaggering up to me in a posture eerily similar to Luffy.

"Truth be told, dahlings, I ain't even a full-blooded fishman; half-land, half-sea but all me, baby, y'know what I'm saying? But if you listened to even half of what some of those snot-nosed brats spout off regularly, you'd be wanting to knock them sideways with your elegant steps too! So, to hear you defend us so vigorously, to see you lay that punk out with your elegant moves, it really brings a tear to my eye! Oh!" He shot his finger up in a picture-perfect point. "The courage! Oh!" He swapped his pose so that his other finger was pointing. "The humanity! Oh—!"

"Get to the point before I cut that shrub on your head," Zoro interrupted, undercutting his threat by clicking Wado Ichimonji out of its sheath.

"GWAGH!" Disco-dude staggered away from us, flailing his arms in front of his ridonculous 'do. "I-I-I just wanted a picture with the king cat of cool, man! With Cross, man! N-No need for slice and dice, I'm nice, I'm nice!"

Well, now, if he was offering… I snapped on a wide grin. "It would be my pleasure."

The flamboyant stranger's grin widened as he shot me with a pair of finger pistols. "Alright, groovy, dahlin! Strahke a pose! Oh, heyah." He tossed a shell I near instantly recognized as a Vision Dial to Nami. "Picked up this nifty doodad over in the markets, sweetest thing I ever did find! Just snap a pic and I'll split!"

"Mmm, I don't know…" Nami hemmed and hawed, giving the disco dude an uncertain look. "Something about all this feels… _off_ to me—"

"Did I mention that I _always_ tip my paparazzos _most_ generously?" the dude drawled, flashing a 10K bill between his fingers.

"Cross, if you could move a _little_ bit to your left, please, you're slightly out of the frame," Nami ordered, angling the dial with the intensity of a professional photographer.

I did as the meteorological witch ordered and sidled up to my fan, slinging my arm around his shoulders and donning a nice and massive smile to match his. And to put the finishing touches on it all, we both flashed peace signs to the camera.

"Alright, three, two—!"

" **Say** 'SOMBRERO-WEARING PINEAPPLE DUCKS!'"

I held my smile even through the twitch of confusion I felt until the flash went off. Then I fixed my partner with a flat glare and an ever flatter utterance of "…what even."

" _ **WAIT, YOU NEVER—!?**_ **YOU DON'T REC—!?** _WELL,_ _ **long story short,**_ _you're missing out,"_ the snail snickered, getting back to bobbing and bopping to the beat he was belting.

"Fuhohoho, I'm inclined to agree with your little buddy," the stranger chuckled. "If I'd've bought that shell that recorded sound, too, I'd keep this song on hand all the time. As is, though… any chance I could get one more favor, Mr. Cross?" Taking the photo from Nami, he held it out to me along with a pencil.

Didn't take a genius to understand the request, and I didn't hesitate to sign out my name.

"Oh, thank you so very kindly. Keep up the anarchy, Mr. Cross, you've got a lot of people calling your name! Bye-bye, now!"

With that, he dashed away with impressive speed, leapt onto a mangrove root, and backflipped off of it, finishing with a swan dive into the water below. Because of course he did. What _else_ had I been expecting?

"Well, that was refreshing," I grinned, folding my arms behind my head as we walked away. "Seeing as the taste of bile and idiocy's been washed out of our mouths, how's about we go about finding a better place to relax while we wait for the rest of the star players?"

No objections were forthcoming, and so we made our way out to a new grove. But en route, a thought occurred to me and I turned my head towards Soundbite with an apologetic frown.

"Only just realized I should have said this earlier, Soundbite, but…" I shook my head, grimacing. "I'm sorry about making you listen to… _all_ of this. The slave trade, the rampant racism… I mean, I expect you'd hear some manner of shit on a normal island, but this place is… _concentrated_ to say the least. Are you alright?"

Soundbite stared at me with a neutral expression for a minute before heaving a tired sigh. " _Partner,_ _ **let me remind you of something:**_ THANKS TO THAT PHONE OF YOURS, _I CAN HEAR THE_ **WHOLE** _ **INTERNET."**_

I winced. "Ah," I coughed uncomfortably. "So, hate speeches, war documentaries, the worst parts of the gaming community—"

"BEHEADINGS, _**SNUFF FILMS,**_ ' **Kill Yourself' web pages…"** he cut in with an unaffected deadpan before double-taking at my face. No surprise since I was _boggling_ at him with no small amount of horror. " _Well, I mean, I usually bury that shit_ _ **under a mountain of memes,**_ **but thanks to this place hitting me on both fronts… ANYWAY, IT'LL BE ROUGH ON ME FOR A WHILE, BUT I'M FINE…"** He glanced aside with a tired snort. " _NOTHING I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE, ANYWAYS…"_

"(.づ◡﹏◡)づ." Gif swooped out of where she'd been snoozing in Nami's hood to comfort her audio counterpart, nuzzling her cousin.

" _ **Oi oi,**_ I DID SAY I WAS FINE, DIDN'T I?" he groused, though he didn't do anything but give her a slightly exhausted glance - right up until his eyestalks sharpened into a harsh glare. "HONESTLY, THE PROBLEM ISN'T HEARING THIS STUFF… _IT'S THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, I'M HEARING IT_ _ **LIVE.**_ **BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? MUCH AS THIS ALL PISSES ME OFF… I'M ALSO HAPPY ABOUT IT.** _Because for once, for_ _**FUCKING**_ _once…"_

A determined smile spread over his face, _so_ different from his usual expression. " _ **I can actually**_ **do** _**something about it."**_

**-o-**

A good half hour later, in something of an eerie echo of Brook and Chopper in canon, we found ourselves relaxing on a bench with a decent supply of food and drinks. We were several groves over from Sabaody Park, in the heart of the tourism district, so as to avoid any undue PTSD. But even with our nerves cooled, it was still a massive relief to all of us when Nami laid down the final version of the map.

"Thank goodness that that's over," she sighed in far too much relief as she all but slammed her quill onto the table. "Alright, the map's as done as I can get it. We can put it to use as soon as I know where to put the X."

"Should be coming right up," Zoro said, then knocked his frothing mug back with a glance my way. "Of course, I did say 'should…'"

I'd rebut that if I could, but sadly, I was too busy vindicating him on my current call.

As is, I spared him a scowl and a quick flip of a certain finger before refocusing on Soundbite, who was silent as he funneled the call he was carrying through my headphones. "So you're saying the answer is still no, no matter how much you offer, really? Ugh, what about if you doubled it, or even quadrupled? We could cover the cost, long enough until—damn it, he really said that?" I pinched the bridge of my nose with a groan. "No no, it's not your fault, I should have seen this coming, I just thought…"

I shook my head and waved my hand dismissively. "No, you know what? It doesn't matter. Look, does he actually have it, he just hasn't—? Perfect, then things are still a go. We've got people on our side who can handle that end of things, so all you have to do is be prepared to mobilize on yours once things go through. And I mean the _moment_ that things go through; we're only going to get one shot at doing things the legal way, understand?"

I waited for the response, and then sighed in relief at the affirmative. "Alright, that's good. So, just to be clear, where will we be—Grove 77, then?" I snapped my fingers and pointed at Nami, prompting her to start scribbling a dozen annotations at once on her map. "No no, that's fine. _Perfect_ even, yeah. Niiiice and poetic. Alright, we'll meet you there, just be ready to bring…" I winced and tapped my headphone's cup. "Yes, yes, I know, beating a dead Sea King, but ex- _cuse_ me for being worried. After all, this is…"

I relaxed with a slight smile and nodded gratefully. "Yeah, good point. I suppose if anyone would understand, it would be you. Okay, I think that's everything then. With any luck, we'll be seeing one another before the day is out. Give her my best wishes, would you? Alright, godspeed. Cross out."

My good mood evaporated as I tsked and cut the connection, leaning back and massaging my suddenly tired-feeling face. "If I have one complaint about this plan," I groused. "It's the sheer amount of _politics_ that I have to delve into if I want to get anything done. I'm only on the fringes here, but it's just as toxic as it was back in my world."

" **Oh,** _ **you sweet summer child…"**_ Soundbite crooned in as condescending a tone as he could manage. " _It's only gotten WORSE_ SINCE YOU LEFT."

"I wish that was even remotely surprising," I grumbled, pushing myself to my feet and stretching with a relieved groan. "Alright, where are we on Supernova arrivals?"

"TIGER, ROOSTER, _and_ MONKEY **are standing by for your go-ahead…** _ **aaaand chatting with Goat for CREATIVE IDEAS ON**_ **PAYBACK, MIGHT WANNA SEE ABOUT GIVING THEM THAT CONTINGENCY OF YOURS."**

"Over my undead corpse, you're on your own, Cross," Nami scoffed as she crossed her arms _ever_ so primly.

" _ **CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, grinch,"**_ the snail cringed. " _I THINK I HEARD BARTY MUSING ON whether Law's Room_ _ **would keep someone alive if**_ **indestructible barriers were PRESSING IN ON ALL SIDES…"**

Everyone present blanched except Zoro, who I could just tell was now looking at Barty's barriers as his next challenge.

"ER… _**as for the rest, HEADCOUNT IS… six. HAWKINS is the only one not here yet,**_ _but scuttlebutt—_ **I don't say that word enough** — _says_ HE'S ON THE HORIZON."

"In that case, I could go for a few more drinks," Zoro said, getting to his feet as well and starting to walk off.

"Sounds good to me, I could use some booze after this," Nami agreed, remounting Billy and petting his neck. "And I imagine my little buddy here would like some refreshments too, wouldn't you, boy?"

"Can we get some of that good Cola stuff Franky likes so much?" the pea-duck squawked eagerly as we all headed down the street. "I hear you can put ice cream in it, and make it taste really good!"

"Soundbite, find this duck his ice cream parlor," I ordered, pointing down the street with overblown grandeur. " _Allons-y, en avant!"_

" _Ouais ouais, je le fais,"_ Soundbite snickered, crossing his eyestalks for a moment before nodding proudly. "ALRIGHT, GOT ONE! **AND GOING BY HOW THEY'RE** _PLAYING OUR BEST HITS ON REPEAT,_ _**I think we can even score us a freebie or—NO!"**_

I jumped as Soundbite suddenly howled in absolute terror, and I could only stare in confusion as he started flailing on my shoulder. "Soundbite? What the hell's gotten into—?"

Soundbite didn't hear me, too busy babbling the same conversation in two places at once. " _ **Nononono, you have to move, YOU HAVE TO RUN!**_ FUCK, NO, THE OTHER WAY, _GET OUT OF HIS LINE OF—_ **DODGE—!"**

And then, out of absolutely nowhere, everything we'd been doing stopped, and everything that was to come started…

… _blam…_

With both a bang and a whimper, at the exact same time.

A single, lone gunshot, far off in the distance. So far it was muted to the point of near nonexistence…

But with the impact it had on all of us, Pluton might as well have fired right next to us.

My breathing and pulse quickened as I pieced together what had happened at what felt like both mach speed and a slug's pace. "No…" I choked, ice flooding my veins.

Nami was in much the same state I was, her face near instantly draining of color. "W-Was that—?" she asked softly.

"You know it was," Zoro growled, teeth grinding as he strangled _Shusui_ , looking fit to bare it at a moment's notice. And yet, somehow, he was _still_ the calmest out of all of us, a fact he demonstrated by snorting out a harsh breath. "We'll make them pay, but for now we should—"

And then we heard it.

… _blam… blam…_

The five of us didn't move for a moment… and then I felt and heard my blood _scream,_ and before I knew what I was doing, I was running at top speeds.

I knew that I couldn't save them. I'd known they were dead at the first shot. I knew that, I knew! But… _but…_

_GRAH!_

**-o-**

"A _fine_ follow-up shot, sir, both of them," complimented an armored knight, he and his company bowing their heads out of both respect and worship.

"Indeed, your greatness. And with that heathen disposed of, shall we resume your schedule?" posed a suited aide, a slate in his hands. "Before you were so rudely interrupted, you were perusing the mortals in the archipelago for worthwhile servants. Then, you said you wished to enjoy your luncheon with Saints Shalria and Charloss at noon in Grove 45, followed soon after by traversing to Grove 1 to—is something the matter, my lord?"

"Silence," Saint Roswald snapped, remaining otherwise motionless and staring at… nothing, with great intensity. But nevertheless, no matter how nonsensical the order and his actions were, the knights and aides silenced themselves one and all, lest _they_ draw their master's ire next.

It would come as a surprise to nobody even remotely familiar with Haki that Saint Roswald had never awakened the ability. But the fact that he, like most of his kind, had a tendency to deliberately block most things from his senses and scorn everything he disapproved of which he could not, meant that the ability would have been lost on him anyway. Likewise, with such immense pride and belief of divinity, he would be more likely to doubt than trust even his own mind's eye when it presented an image of someone attempting to strike him.

As such, it was a mystery whether possessing the ability would be remotely helpful to the World Noble in fending off the uncommon feeling that was suddenly plaguing him: unease. Slowly and deliberately, the Noble turned to look to his left. Nothing out of the ordinary reached his eyes, yet the feeling did not subside. The order to his guards to investigate brushed the inside of his lips… then, he dismissed the notion just as swiftly, looked away and ordered his underlings onward.

His initial notion wasn't unfounded. Even those with unawakened Haki could get the feeling that they were being watched. Indeed, Roswald's familiarity with unease stemmed specifically from the fact that one specific Noble had been watching Roswald quite a bit over the better part of the last decade…and especially the past year.

It was perfectly appropriate, given that while Roswald thought that he was staring at nothing, he was in truth staring at a curtain of distorted air.

A curtain that dispersed the moment that the Noble was out of sight, revealing the livid form of Jeremiah Cross, whose hate-filled eyes Roswald had unknowingly met for those few seconds of uncertainty he'd felt.

The otherworlder's eyes followed Roswald long after the Celestial Dragon had disappeared from sight before turning away. He then approached the corpse and stared down.

Disgust stirred in his mind for the complete waste of potential, the inane waste of life for the crime, the apparently inexcusable crime of—of—!

He hadn't asked. He hadn't asked because he didn't want to know, because _it didn't matter._

But…for all that he felt in that moment, for all that his everything was blazing and freezing and _thrashing_ at the same time…

His face was completely blank as he knelt before the cadaver.

Blank, as he removed one of his gauntlets.

Blank, as he slowly and respectfully closed the victim's eyelids.

Blank, as he straightened and marched back the way he came, donning his armor with curt, sharp, and coldly efficient movements.

Blank… even as he calmly droned the hate-filled instructions that heralded the start of the world's revolution.

"Everybody. It's time. Gather everyone together. It starts, and ends, _now."_

**Cross-Brain AN: The stage is set. The curtain rises with the next chapter. Be prepared.**

**Patient AN: …And on a lighter note, for anyone who doesn't recognize the expy that got a picture with Cross, look up the ensemble dark horse of the Nintendo GameCube Pokémon games, Miror B. And while you're at it, help us convince Nintendo to bring him back in a future game.**

**And on a related note, our immense gratitude to Thiscord users Cyber Josh, Aspiring Shoulder, and hydratiger83 for his characterization; they did most of the work on that section for us, and so we give them the credit where it is most definitely due.**

**And on another note, I'm just saying this one to obey the rule of three.**


	9. Chapter 9

### Chapter 75: Chapter 66 - Sabaody Revolution Pt. 2

### Chapter Text

**Part 2: Initialization**

**Cross-Brain AN: If we have not said this clearly before, let us do so now: Soundbite can hear the entire Internet** _**EXCEPT** _**for what happens in the plot of One Piece, courtesy of B.R.O.B.'s censoring. When he Awakened, he gained access to the soundtracks, nothing more.**

**We have toyed with the idea of him gaining other supplemental information like the gender-swapped and young pictures from Oda's SBS, but we have no plans of allowing him access to any more of the manga or anime. If it does happen, it will be as Cross's last boon from B.R.O.B. when his knowledge runs out, and even that is unlikely.**

Sabaody Archipelago was, as has been demonstrated, a crossroads through which sapient beings of every origin and level of strength passed through. While the civilians on the island had the good sense to leave any big names that came through to their business, they weren't about to uproot their daily lives to do so. Infamous pirate with a multi-million beri bounty in the corner booth? They'd take their usual fish and miso soup a couple of seats down and not think any more of it.

It was an open question whether it was this attitude or the familiar and _mostly_ welcome face on the smallest bounty holder that gained the four crews sitting together the locals' uncaring nonchalance.

…of course, it could have also had something to do with the smothering killing intent the pirates were putting out over their drinks.

"Eight. Billion. _Beris."_ Foxy ground out, glaring bloody murder into the center of the table. "Gone. In a _burst."_

"Those fucks played us like a damn fiddle! 'Anyone's race' my mohawk'd ass!" Barto spat.

Law shifted out of his brooding long enough to cock an eyebrow at his recently acquired compatriot. "Even you, Barto-ya? Shouldn't you be lavishing them with praise over their _brilliant_ plan?"

"Fuck praise, _I had_ _500 Million in that pot!"_

Law blinked at him in surprise. "That's… surprisingly sane for—"

" _Now how the hell am I going to buy my fifty-foot tall bronze statue of Luffy, damn it!"_

"…so what about you, big-mouth?" Law smoothly transitioned, entirely ignoring Barto's outburst.

Apoo merely raised an eyebrow. "I'm a _long-arm,_ Surgeon. Do the math."

"And yet you're still pissed… why?"

Apoo scoffed as he knocked back his frothing mug. "I might appreciate the beauty of a con, but that doesn't mean I'm happy with them taking my money!"

"Uuuuugh, _money, money, money!_ Is that _really_ all you can bitch about?"

The fact that 'Weather Witch' Nami was able to unironically say those words to _anyone_ as she, Zoro and Billy marched up to the table begged—nay, demanded—one response:

"YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON WE WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM!" all four captains roared.

"Told you they'd take it badly," Zoro blandly stated, digging a finger into his ear.

"And I'm telling you, I don't get what they're getting so worked up about," Nami dismissively replied.

"We're ' _worked up'_ because you're the Straw Hats' rabid gold-sniffing bitch who'd put her firstborn up for collateral if it meant getting better prices," Law grumbled, his statement backed up by the gruff nods of his colleagues.

"' _Prices?'_ What are those?" Nami questioned, deliberately tapping her finger on her chin before grinning cattily. " _Ohhhhh,_ you mean those little numbers attached to things? Yeah, these days I just point at them and say 'send me the bill' and it all sorts itself out. What, that doesn't happen to _you?_ "

If looks could kill, there would've been a new canal through the Red Line and no sign the Weather Witch had even _existed_.

"Just… get to the damn point," Barto got out through grit teeth.

"Well, if you insist," Nami simpered. Reaching into Billy's saddlebags, she took a sheet of paper out and handed it over to Apoo.

"I dropped by your ship before I came here. They've started mass-producing this map for our purposes. I've still got the original, but just in case, keep this one on hand."

"Awfully presumptuous, thinking we're still going to help you after you just conned us," Apoo said dryly, though he still took the paper.

Nami met his deadpan stare with her own.

"If we gave you back your entry fee with 10% interest, it would still be chump change compared to the kind of payday that we're about to rake in," she blandly told him. "We didn't bother warning you about our trump card because _we thought you four would be smart enough to figure that out yourselves."_

Two heads slumped over with black clouds of depression hanging over them; Barto, if anything, looked even _more_ thunderous.

"I am going to _kill_ them when I get back to the Cannibal," he snarled. Nobody needed to ask who he was referring to, and several prayers were sent skyward for… basically anyone on his crew with two brain cells to rub together. A list which, frankly, did not encompass much of the Barto Club's roster.

"I can still be angry about you tricking me, you know," Law responded, though his deadpan tone and expression contradicted the words.

"So be angry. As long as you follow the plan, we don't care," Zoro replied just as flatly.

Law sat back with a dismissive shrug, just in time for Foxy and Apoo to recover.

"Y'know what?" Apoo decided, stashing the map in his clothes and grinning at Nami. "The thought of that motherlode _is_ making me feel better. So, what are we waiting for? I'm eager for my payday with a side of 'the Government will never live this down!'"

_That_ killed the Straw Hats' collective good mood; Nami visibly grimaced.

"We're… waiting for Hawkins to get here…" She glanced aside. "And for Cross to be less likely to kill someone."

All four Damned grimaced.

"Why am I even remotely surprised," Foxy sighed. "With that snail listening to everything, it was pretty much inevitable that _something_ would set him off."

"Could even be a good thing," Law muttered as he stretched out his neck. "Jeremi-ya seems to lose his scruples whenever he loses his temper. Not exactly counterproductive for burning down an island."

"It is when we're launching a three-pronged attack from every side of the law to make sure that this sticks," Nami snapped at him, drawing a slight wince and conceding nod from the superior Supernova. "Anyway… Goat, this meeting is for Supernova crews only. So, you're going to be doing something else."

The tone Nami used made Foxy more eager than resentful.

"All ears, Callie," he replied.

Nami pointed to one specific spot on the map. Namely, the one that had a large X on it.

"Gather your _entire_ crew and stake out Grove 77," Nami ordered. "We've hit a little snag trying to arrange things, so we need a first line of defense until we've got that solved. Pull out every trick you've got and make sure that _nobody_ not on our side gets in or out of this grove until the kinks are worked out. You'll have Lassoo and Funkfreed for backup, they should already be there waiting for you. If you can do it perfectly…I'll waive your tribute money for the next year."

One second Foxy was frozen stiff, then the next everyone blinked and all that was left of him was a small puff of dust that quickly collapsed. Law pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I am a levelheaded and sane person," he groused to himself. "I _enjoy_ being a levelheaded and sane person. But if insanity is the price for being able to break the laws of reality like this…I am conflicted." He cracked an eye open and looked skyward. "Where the hell are you, Cross? I need at least a little sanity back in action."

**-o-**

I stared blankly at the nearest wall, trying to get my jumbled thoughts in order. I was well aware that I couldn't save everyone. That hadn't been my goal when I came to this world. It hadn't been my goal when I joined the Straw Hats. It hadn't been my goal when I started the SBS. And it wasn't my goal now. The only ones that I had been determined to save at all costs were Merry and Ace, and I had already done both.

But the sightless eyes of that corpse, the bloody bullet wounds… it wasn't a named character, wasn't anyone of any significance. I would never know their name, and there was no grand event to play it up like the soldier who protested Onigumo's tactics in Enies Lobby. The person Roswald killed… was nobody.

That was why it had bothered me so much at the time, and it was still bothering me a bit now. But only a bit. It wasn't the main thing bothering me right this moment.

"YO, WHAT'S GOING THROUGH **YOUR HEAD** _ **NOW?"**_ Soundbite asked, looking me over.

I blinked and glanced at my shoulder in surprise. "How'd you know I wasn't still stuck on—?" I clamped my teeth down on my cheek at the sudden spike in my temper at the thought. "—on _that?"_

" **Because I'm not an idiot?"** the gastropod deadpanned before lightening up a bit. " _You went from brooding with a gooey cream filling of head-tearing rage to CONTEMPLATIVE SILENCE, SO I KNOW_ THAT YOUR TRAIN OF THOUGHT MADE A TRANSFER. _**Sooo… what's up?"**_

I let out a grunt of acknowledgement and turned away, back to nothing in particular. "Well, without any sugarcoating bullshit… I'm considering the exact message that I want to send during what we're about to do, and if I have any right _to_ send it."

" _Aaaaren't you the one who's been blaring_ THAT FIGHTING SLAVERY IS EVERY PERSON'S DUTY AS A DECENT PERSON TO THE HIGH HEAVENS?"

"Not about _that,"_ I snorted dismissively. "I mean the exact motivation, I… basically, I want to take a bit of a cue from a similar revolution that went down. You know," I jabbed my thumb over my shoulder. "Back home?"

Soundbite's eyes immediately lit up with an almost rabid eagerness. " **OOOH! I GET IT! WANNA KICK UP WHAT STARTED IN BOSTON** _ **and then moved all the way to Yorktown? I CAN DIG IT!**_ **Let's turn the world upside down! Long live the red, white and blue!** ALREADY GOT THE TUNES FOR IT TOO! AND A ONE, A TWO—!"

It was right around when that flute rendition of 'Yankee Doodle' started that I decided enough was enough—

_SMACK!_

—and chopped him over the shell to shut him up.

"Knock it off, you Dixie-whistling dingus," I chided him, equal parts amused and irritated. "That's _not_ what I was talking about… or, well, not entirely, anyway. You're definitely on the right track. I'm thinking of basing this off the red, white, and blue, yeah… just not _that_ one."

"HUH?" Soundbite blinked at me before shaking his head to stare some more. "I'M SORRY, WHAT?"

I chuckled slightly as I dug through one of my coat's pockets. "Here, maybe this will clear things up a bit." I drew out a patch of fabric and held it in front of Soundbite. "I had Pappug whip this up back on Skelter Bite, before I knew about the clothes. This answer your question?"

My partner took _one_ look at the patch and boggled in shock. The appropriate reaction, really.

Because yes, the flag patch I was holding up _was_ decorated in the red, white, and blue. Except arranged not in the stars and stripes, but rather three equal bars.

"THE… _THE FRENCH TRICOLOR!?"_ the snail queried, confused. " _I mean, yeah, there was a REVOLUTION THERE, TOO,_ **BUT NOT QUITE WHAT YOU'D TYPICALLY…Cross, how the heck did you get** _ **here**_ **?"**

"Well…" I answered after a moment. "Remember all the times I've spoken French?"

I did _not_ like the way he suddenly perked up. "OOOOH, YEAH! _**Water 7 really sticks out in my mind!**_ _Wanna do a repeat, refresh my memo—?"_

"Finish that sentence and I feed you a salt shaker," I deadpanned, prompting him to recoil into his shell. "Anyway… long unnecessary life story short, I'm a bit of a half-and-half. One American, one French, and I spent a few years growing up _in_ France. So I speak the language and know some of the history."

"NO KIDDIN', _YOU MEAN YOU'RE HALF_ _ **CHEESE-EATING SURRENDER MONKEY!?"**_ Soundbite gasped in an over-exaggerated manner. " **I've never mentioned this before, but I've always thought you smelled a bit—!"**

"I already threatened you with salt, want to see how I can escalate with 'frog?'" I retorted in an almost bored tone.

"… _ **well, I was**_ **going** _**to say the lavender fields of**_ **Marseille, BUT HEY, IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE** _ **THAT**_ **LEAP,"** Soundbite whistled in a way that could only have convinced a Tontatta. "BUT ANYWAY, THE FRENCH REVOLUTION… DIDN'T THAT GET _REALLY_ MESSY?"

I nodded in acknowledgement. "In the later days, yes. Hence part of my hesitation."

" _THEN WHY NOT 'YANKEE DOODLE' this mother instead?"_

"Well, two reasons," I shrugged, raising a finger. "First, because _that_ revolution was external, and about getting freedom from an oppressor. We try to buck the WG entirely from this place without the backing of the Revolutionaries, they'd burn it to the ground. This one, however, was _internal._ Lots of upheaval and change, yes, but so long as it's targeted it's more on point."

" _Alright, I can see that…"_ Soundbite nodded. " _ **And the second?"**_

"Well…" I rubbed the back of my neck. "The American Revolution was primarily nationalistic, and I can appreciate that, God knows I've sung the anthem plenty of times. But the French one… you have the web in your head, you know the chant just as well as I do. That? That was, and is, a _personal_ cause, not about your flag but your fellow man. And, well, I've _been_ in Paris on Bastille Day, it _matches_ the Fourth of July in intensity, I know it's no joke. The stars and stripes stand for America, but these…" I tapped the stripes in my hand. "These stand for the human spirit itself. And that, well…"

I chuckled nervously and shook my head. "Maybe I'm just feeling homesick after almost a year off Earth or something, but… but… I want to bring the stripes here. I want to use them for what they stood for, all those years ago. Make sense?"

Before Soundbite could respond, I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "As for why I'm hesitating… well, as you mentioned, this all went real sideways real fast in the original take, and we can't really afford for that to happen here. But, beyond that… I mean, I've never really considered France to be a major part of my identity, you know? I know _how_ to speak their language, I've lived there for a while, but… I've always described myself as an American first, if not exclusively. Do I… really have the right to use their flag and ideals for my war?"

For a moment, Soundbite was silent, and then he smiled. An _honest_ one, for _once_ in his slimy life. "I THINK THAT FOR A GUY WHO'S PROVEN HIMSELF TO _BLEED RED, WHITE, AND BLUE AS MUCH AS THE NEXT TEXAN…_ _ **yours can go either way just fine.**_ _You lived the life, talk the talk, and know the history._ SAY WHAT YOU WILL _,_ _ **but it really**_ **is** _your culture._ _ **So whether or not you use it is up to you.**_ _BUT PERSONALLY,_ **USING IT FOR A CAUSE LIKE THIS?** _Any sane person would be proud. I mean…_ _ **I know I am."**_

The uncharacteristic support that my partner was showing me left me kind of unnerved, but not enough that I couldn't return his smile. Though was it hoping too much that he wouldn't spoil the moment?

"… _ **if anyone asks**_ _, I told a fart joke there and NOBODY ELSE will ever know otherwise,_ **got it?"**

…maybe, maybe not. But hey, wouldn't be Soundbite any other way, would it?

"Ah, Cross?"

We both looked up to see Conis in the doorway, greasy paper bag in hand. "Sandwich?" she offered. "I got them at this stand called the Crazy Chicken, they're really good! All the Supernovas think so, too. Though, ah," she scratched the back of her neck warily. "I don't think they'll last or buy you more than a few minutes, and if I go in to restock the room they'll figure out _why_ they're all here, sooo…?"

I pegged onto the implications and hastily stood. "So they're all here, then?"

"Yep!" Su barked, clambering up onto her partner's shoulder. "Hawkins just walked in and started intimidating everyone! I'd say you've got a clean minute before Kid throws the first punch on principle… or at least until Killer stops being able to stop him."

I nodded before giving Soundbite my best smirk. "You ready to do this thing?"

" **What, you mean watch you** _ **SOMEHOW**_ _wrangle a pack of this hemisphere's TOP TEN MOST WANTED_ INTO DOING WHAT YOU SAY **WHILE THEY ALL WANT YOUR HEAD?"** the snail shot back. " _ **Hells yeah, man!"**_

"Don't worry, don't worry," I said, waving my hand. "I'll get to the point faster than their patience runs out."

I pointedly ignored the way that Conis hummed uncertainly behind me. "Su… I'm sorry if I'm being pessimistic here, but… this is going to go bad in less than a minute, isn't it?"

And I _really_ had a hard time ignoring the way Su scoffed with amusement. "Conis, _please!…_ they're gonna shoot the minute they see his face."

And the _worst_ part of all was that I couldn't _quiiiite_ find a way to turn around and deny her.

But we'd conquered impossible odds before. And with so much on the line, I was going to pull out every stop to make sure that this time was no different.

**-o-**

Gathering the Supernovas together hadn't been all that hard with the number of News Coos Apoo had on his ship; a few albatross deliveries to the seven crews outside of the know and everyone was gathering in a room set up much like a conference room without a clue as to why.

…Well. The _idea_ was that they had no clue why, but from the muttering filling the room they were all perfectly aware of who had summoned them. That they had complied anyway came down to either respect and/or interest in the Straw Hat Pirates or, and more likely, an interest in severing Jeremiah Cross's head from his shoulders and using it as a kickball.

Either or, they were all in the same place at the same time, and that was what was important. Well, that and the fact that a fight hadn't broken out yet.

"ALRIGHT!" Eustass 'Captain' Kid roared as he kicked in the door to the room he and everyone else had been led to. "LET'S HURRY UP AND GET THIS SHITFEST OVER WITH! I GOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN SUCKING YOUR—!"

"Move it, jagoff!"

_THWACK!_

"GAH!"

"You're blocking the door," Bonney groused, taking care to step hard on Kid's sprawled, prone form as the rest of the Supernovas filed in. Killer, kneeling down next to his captain, visibly fought the urge to stab a bitch with every step. At least everyone else kept their hands to themselves.

"Alright, we're all here," Drake announced impatiently, giving voice to the general tension in the room. "Can we move this along already? I have an appointment with a ship-coater and—!"

_SLAM!_

"MOTHER!" "Sonnuva—!" "Credit where it's due, these guys can do drama damn well."

These were the general reactions to the door slamming shut behind the Supernovas, plunging them into darkness. A darkness that was filled with grumbling and cursing until four spotlights illuminated four chairs with their backs turned to the pirates at the opposite end of the room's table.

"Number 2 on my List Of Things I Want To Say At Least Once In The Right Context™," _**that voice**_ announced in a flat voice. An announcement that was further punctuated by three of the four seats swinging around to reveal 'Straw Hat' Luffy, 'Pirate Hunter' Zoro, and 'Weather Witch' Nami regarding the other Supernovas with uncharacteristic solemnity.

"Oh, bugger me sideways," was the general simultaneous sentiment of the other pirates.

It was then that the fourth and final chair at the end of the table swung around to reveal Jeremiah 'Voice of Anarchy' and 'that two-timing son of a bitch' Cross—and his little snail Soundbite—for once not smirking in favor of an easygoing, almost _playful_ smile. "I suppose you're all wondering why I've gathered you here."

_BLAM!_

Cross gave Bege a flat look as an equally flat bullet slid off of the sword Zoro had put in its path before it could come close to hitting its target. "Did you _really_ think that would work?" he asked—not demanded—in a tone that was more annoyed than anything.

"No, but it made me feel a _lot_ better," the mafia pirate stated, stowing his smoking pistol. " _Them_ on the other hand..."

_C-C-CLICK!_

Credit to the Straw Hats, none of them even flinched at all the firearms pointed at them.

"Just so we're clear?" Bonney grit out, tapping her finger on the grip of the shotgun she was toting. "This isn't us declaring war on you, Straw Hats. This is mostly just stress relief."

"Speak for yourself, I want their heads!" Kid snarled, splintering the wooden grip of his own pistol in his palm. "We went along with these jagoffs _and they stabbed us in the back!"_

"Actually," Drake, one of the few who showed no overt hostility, interjected as he patiently pushed Killer's gun aside. "They didn't _quite_ do that."

"The hell are you—?"

"Kid, if we'd stabbed you in the back, you wouldn't be _breathing_ to complain about it," Cross cut in, giving the second-best Supernova a thoroughly unimpressed stare. "We didn't draw blood and we didn't take lives. At best we scammed you suckers out of your money, at worst we screwed you over, but at _no point_ did we leave you high and dry. Right now, all _any_ of you are doing is bitching about how we managed to pull one over on you, all while _conveniently_ ignoring one _eentsy_ little fact: that each and every one of you would have done _exactly the same thing if you could._ Go on." Cross spread his arms wide, his grin gaining a _bit_ of an edge. "Tell me, to my _face,_ that I'm wrong."

There was suddenly a lot of pointed looking away and silent scowling going on. Cross's trademark smirk came onto his face.

"That's what I thought. So why don't you all get over yourselves, grab a seat, and let me blow your minds, hm?"

There was another moment of uncomfortable tension as the Captains (plus one) regarded one another, daring someone to make the first move. Unfortunately, it was once again Kid, only this time he seemingly de-escalated by forcefully shoving his pistol back into his coat.

"Fuck. This," he snarled, enough venom to kill a Sea King packed into the two words. "I don't need to sit here and listen to you talk to me like I'm some sort of idiot. You wanna jerk off your ego, do it to someone who gives a damn. But before I go, I'm going to give you a piece of my mind, you _son of a—!"_

Cross cut off the nascent tirade with a weary (and Soundbite-amplified) sigh. "Oh for the love of—If you're really going to be that pissy about it, _here."_

_THUNK!_

Where Cross's interjection had paused Kid, the sight of a massive sack literally _bulging_ with both cash and gold slamming down on the table, in full view of everyone, held by _Nami_ of all pirates, was shocking enough that all anger fled from his face.

"You put down ฿500 million for the race, here's _600_ million," Cross announced with a roll of his eyes not at all becoming of the massive amount of money on display. "A net profit of twenty percent. Go on, take it. Stay or leave, it's yours either way. And this goes for all of you: if you're such sore losers, then so be it: we'll have your entry fees delivered back to your ships, plus interest. You can walk away, right here, right now, and it'll be like nothing ever happened. _Or."_

Cross slowly leaned forward, giving the Supernovas an absolutely _chilling_ stare. "You can take the _other_ route for an even _bigger_ payout. And all you have to do is agree to parley, take a seat, _and let me do what I do best."_

It did not escape anybody that Nami hadn't raised the slightest objection to Cross's promise to give away over half of the pot that they had just won as a peace offering. Still, if only for pride, most of them hesitated; only Bartolomeo and Apoo took their seats immediately.

But finally, with a snarl of exasperation more befitting some sort of rabid animal, Kid sat down, every inch of his frame screaming discontent. Nobody could get a read on Killer's face, but it seemed like he dearly wanted to issue some kind of threat, even as he followed suit. The remaining Supernovas seemed similarly conflicted, but one by one, they took their seats. The last one to sit down was Drake, who was eyeing the Straw Hats suspiciously.

"If this turns out in the end to be another plot like you wove on Skelter Bite, you'll regret it, Jeremiah Cross."

Cross leaned back in his seat and ever-so-casually folded his hands behind his head. "Two things. First, though I may want to, I can't claim responsibility for that plan. It was a group effort in planning, execution, _and_ benefit. My crew may have taken the pot, but the point was to make it to Sabaody, and all of us are here now. And second, tying into that… if you're insinuating that the reason I gathered you here was to initiate another mutually beneficial plan that will give all of us something we want, but the Straw Hats get the lion's share?"

Cross uncrossed his arms and leaned forward. "Well, of _course_ it is. After all, if you can't find the collective initiative to snake some of the haul for yourselves, then that's hardly _our_ fault." The tactician tilted his head to the side with an _innocent_ stare. "Is that a _problem?"_

Glances were exchanged, and the silence was as good of an answer as anything else. Cross took that as his cue to smirk even wider.

"Well, then, now that you're all willing to speak like _semi-_ civilized people…" Cross withdrew a Tone Dial from his jacket and clicked it on. "Let's begin."

**-o-**

"So, this is the… _fifth time_ , you said?" Komei asked, a smirk playing on his lips as a freshly played Tone Dial wafted up and down from his hand.

_THWACK!_

Lowering her cane, Tsuru groused, "Don't you get smug with _me,_ you weasel. Because trust me, you get smug _every time_ and I'm starting to get sick of it."

"Then maybe get some better security protocols so we don't have to go through this again, hm?" the younger Vice Admiral retorted, rubbing the growing goose egg he was developing.

Tsuru allowed herself a _thoroughly_ nasty smirk as she sat in front of her desk, leaning over to withdraw a form from one of the drawers. A form she slapped in front of the junior officer with a satisfying thump. "That's where _you_ come in. Every step of your investigation and every leak you exploited. In triplicate. _Before you leave this office._ And yes," she added when Komei glanced down at his wrist. "This _is_ where you've been getting your Carpal Tunnel from. Not so fun to be the smartest man around anymore, is it now?"

All Komei could properly muster up was a mutinous grumble as he took up the pen, set it to paper—

" _Don don don don!"_

"HA!" And let out a bark of elation as he caught the staff on his forearm mid-swing. "That snot-nosed rookie really _is_ a good luck charm!"

"You can _write and watch_ ," Tsuru growled.

"What, you don't want my full attention on analyzing everything he shows us?" Komei smoothly countered.

The elderly Vice Admiral paused. Then, very slowly, she lowered her staff.

"…when you're asking me why I'm making you personally clean out the latrines like a rookie, and you can't remember why, I will simply tell you that you deserve it and I will be _right."_

Komei scoffed and leaned back in his seat with a cocksure grin. "That sounds like Future Me's problem. He'll have to deal with that himself. Right now, I can't be bothered."

Tsuru's eyes narrowed. One swipe of her staff at the chair later, and she was locking eyes with Komei. "You had better hope that this is one of the brat's longer broadcasts," she uttered before moving to answer the visual snail in the corner, which shortly began to project.

The image coalesced into the familiar form of Sabaody Archipelago, the pleasant sound of popping bubbles filling the room. As for the image… it focused on a group of individuals in nondescript hoodies that hid any identifying features, moving through the island with no haste, but a sense of purpose.

Both Vice Admirals peered at the sight, silently wondering what Cross was up to. Then the view zoomed in closer on one of the figures as they held up their hand, which held… a Dial—a Tone Dial—which he immediately activated with a click.

" _Let's begin,"_ the Voice of Anarchy's… well, _voice,_ announced, his tone supremely smug. " _First things first: Tell me, what do the Thirteen Supernovas know about the slave trade?"_

In an instant, it was as if the entirety of Marineford was dunked in ice water.

Komei almost instantly had a flask out of his coat and in his hand, a haunted look in his eyes. "Please tell me you have more, because _this_ will not be enough."

Tsuru, meanwhile, reached up to massage her newly throbbing temples. "This promises to be the start of a very long, very _interesting_ day…"

As if to confirm their worst fears, a bevy of all-too-familiar voices sounded out from the shell.

**~TWO HOURS EARLIER~**

The reactions I got to my _innocent_ question were… mooore underwhelming than I'd have thought.

" _Of course,"_ Drake exhaled, sounding positively _tired_ as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"HAHAHA! I should have known it would not be something un-amusing or simple!" Urouge laughed.

"Shoulda seen _this_ coming, huh?" Bonney muttered.

"I actually _did!"_ Apoo snickered, proudly taking bills from a scowling Kid and… an impassive Hawkins?!

"Wait, you mean to say that _you_ didn't?" Bartolomeo demanded. " _You,_ Mr. Everything-Has-Gone-As-I-Have-Foreseen?!"

Hawkins merely shrugged. "Honestly, I predicted that he'd be burning this desecrated hive of scum and villainy to cinders. I woefully overshot."

"Yeah, sorry, but no," I cut in, getting everyone's attention again. "I'll admit to the temptation, but the archipelago isn't to blame, just the people involved in this. So yes, moderation. Now, if I may continue?"

Kid flipped me the bird, which I took as a yes.

"Anyway, skipping ahead a bit…" I adjusted my cap slightly. "You're all clearly aware of what the slave trade is and that it's present on this island, so let me reframe the question a bit: Why does it _exist?"_

_That_ got a lot more confused looks out of people. "What… exactly are you asking?" Killer drew out.

"Allow me to specify," I elaborated. "Slavery is one of the grand peaks of moral bankruptcy. It is one of the worst actions one human being can commit against another, depravity in the extreme. Even we, who are regarded as the 'enemies of the world', acknowledge it as nothing short of pure evil that disgusts us one and all. And yet…" I waved my hand, indicating the very island we were on. "It not only exists, but _thrives_ here in Sabaody Archipelago. Can anyone tell me _why_ that is? Why the trade of human flesh still persists?"

Still more confusion, with glances exchanged and muttered speculations passed back and forth. This persisted until Bonney rapped her heel on the table.

"Come on, it's not that complicated, is it?!" the Glutton demanded, though there was a clear hint of uncertainty in her voice. "I mean… slavers, slave owners, they're all evil fucks! It's as easy as that, isn't it?…isn't it?"

Briefly, the room fell quiet…

"Tch. Idiot girl."

Quiet broken by a derisive scoff from _Bege_ of all people.

Bonney, predictably, didn't take the slight well, snapping towards him with a snarl and gnash of her teeth. "The hell you call me, shortstack!?"

Said shortstack, however, pointedly ignored her ire in favor of taking a slow, hard draw from his cigar and breathing out a hefty plume of smoke, before turning my way. "The answer to your question," he drawled patiently. "Is not morality, though that is a factor. But rather, the reason the slave trade continues on this archipelago can best be answered…" Bege tapped off his cigar's ashes rather harshly. "By _money."_

I nodded sagely. "To be more specific, it's economics. The age-old concept of supply and demand." I held up my hands like a pair of scales. "Somebody wants something, and somebody else provides that something because they will be rewarded for doing so. The bottom line for any purchase ever. And it applies here as it does any other good."

I held up my right palm. "Slave owners are the source of the demand: they desire slaves for a variety of reasons, which, at the moment, are irrelevant. What _is_ important is that due to the illicit nature of the goods they demand—flesh—the 'value' of their demand is incredibly high, because of all the risks involved in its procurement."

I then raised my left palm. "This high value, meanwhile, is what attracts the suppliers, the slave traders. They deal in this evil practice because of what they stand to gain from the transaction, and their greed smothers all other considerations. Hence, they supply lives without losing a wink of sleep because it benefits them."

I leaned back in my seat and clasped my hands together. "I asked you why the slave trade exists, why slavers sell slaves, and now I'll give you the answer: the trade exists, like all trade exists, because it is _profitable._ Because by selling lives and liberties to the highest bidder, the traders get their hands on those highest bids."

I let that grim reality sink in for a bit before slowly donning the most _vicious_ grin I could manage. "And it is that very profit," I all but _purred_. "That will make what I am about to propose all the more appealing."

**~o~**

It had taken a considerable chunk of a suddenly sharply curtailed budget to ensure that every room in the pagodas of Marineford above a certain size had gotten a snail and screen permanently installed, but with Jeremiah Cross's influence reaching new heights with each broadcast, it was a necessary expense.

It was this new capability that had everyone in Marineford on high alert from the moment that Cross posed his first question. 'Everyone' included the poor souls just looking to relax a bit in the mess hall, which when the Voice of Anarchy announced his point included Vice Admiral Garp, his two apprentices, and his executive officer.

"Ooooh, I think I get it now…" Coby breathed, staring at the screen with a flabbergasted expression.

Garp's expression was neutral, thanks to the throbbing goose egg he'd earned when Cross sicced Sengoku on him. Not an unfamiliar feeling, granted, but it still _hurt._ "Yeah, I'll admit it's pretty smart," he grumbled out tersely. "Hell, I'm almost halfway impressed with the little shit…"

"Except that you're still pissed at him?" Bogard deadpanned.

"You're damn right I am!" Garp snarled, slamming his fist down on the table. "I don't care how brilliant that plan is, it's _my_ idiot grandson whose delusions he's enabling! Thinking he's a pirate when he should be a hardworking Petty Officer by now, I'll wring both their necks!"

Bogard's already flat, skeptical expression somehow fell even _flatter._ "You still think Luffy can be a Marine. When literally _everyone in this room_ has orders to shoot him on sight." He punctuated the statement by indicating the mess hall where they were enjoying their lunch, which was practically _seething_ with discontent aimed right at the screen.

"Don't be an idiot!" Garp snorted dismissively. "That little moron's made of rubber, bullets don't do jack against him. Believe me, I've checked."

"…and just like that, so many questions answered and so many new ones raised in a single sentence."

"Still, though… I wonder if _anyone_ thought that they'd try pulling off something this big," Garp frowned, his tone conveying grudging respect. _Extremely_ grudging.

"Yes, yes, I _see_ ," Helmeppo nodded along. "Well, at least _I_ know that this little plan of theirs, as _brilliant and intricate_ as it is, can't be any worse than breaking the blockade."

Everyone in earshot looked at him with the most dead of deadpan looks. Well, everyone except for Coby, who was too nice to do that. He just looked at him with pity instead.

"You have _no idea_ what Cross is getting at, do you," Bogard stated more than asked.

"What?! T-That is preposterous! Slanderous! _Salubrious!"_

Bogard turned his attention to Coby, who was by now resting his face in his palm. "Next time you're by the library, stick a dictionary down his throat, would you?"

"Aye, sir…"

"If what we've realized is right, Helmeppo?" Garp said, fixing his second apprentice with a leer. "The word 'worse' is as much of an understatement here as it was when they attacked Enies Lobby."

"Case in point, sir!" Coby suddenly yelped, directing everyone's attention back to the display.

On screen, the disguised figures were entering a building. The camera made damn sure the entire audience knew that, lingering on the storefront and then the group walking up to it. But by all accounts, it was nothing special, an unassuming and ordinary building—a clothing store, lacking in any particularly distinctive features aside from an eye-searing neon green t-shirt prominently displayed on a storefront mannequin.

As the group pushed open the doors, the camera followed them inside, zooming down to swoop inside the corner of the doorframe and shoot up into the crown of the room. A move which the building's owner totally missed, as he was more focused on the dozen or so 'customers' that had just entered his establishment. Said owner looked at a group that practically radiated 'distrustful crowd' with a distinct lack of unnerve, which in turn set the nerves of all other viewers on edge.

" _May I help you?"_ the shopkeeper asked, addressing them as though he dealt with shadowy figures on a daily basis.

" _We were directed here by Mister Drago,"_ the lead figure of the group answered in a measured—and unrecognizable—voice. " _Our business is currently shorthanded. We were informed that you provide the disenfranchised with… quality employment?"_

As the exchange progressed, the camera scanned over the interior of the building: a sizable space with nicely arranged mannequins and clothes racks with a selection spanning a fair age range and both genders.

The officers watching were meant to abide by the law and stop any wrongdoing that they saw. Here, however… it was very clearly just an ordinary clothing store.

"…Alright, I give up," Helmeppo said. "What dastardly deed is done in this dashery? Designer smuggling?"

Receiving no answer, the young Marine glanced at his best friend and recoiled in surprise at the expression on his face. How had that one sergeant put it? Oh, right, fit to shank a bitch.

Garp grimaced. "Oh, right, I had you helping with that overflow paperwork on the prisoner transfers…"

" _You knew!?"_ the MCPO snapped incredulously.

"Couldn't do anything about it, none of us could," Garp replied, looking like he'd bit into a lemon with a cut in his mouth. "Came from above our heads. And before you say anything, above Sengoku's too."

Coby's face remained a few shades darker than his hair as he turned back to the screen. "Luffy… could this actually happen to…?"

"Uh… for the benefit of those of us who _didn't_ help with that overflow paperwork…" Helmeppo prompted.

The confusion for Helmeppo and everyone else in the room not savvy enough to understand yet promptly evaporated when the owner slid the front counter's top back and opened one of its sides, revealing a hidden staircase to an underground level.

"Oh," said Helmeppo, then again, darkly. " _Oh."_ Turning to Garp with a thunderous expression, he asked, "So, how much money is the government getting for this?"

"Way too much, kid," Garp sighed, trying to knead away his growing migraine. "Way too much…" He then glanced aside with a slight scowl. "And way too much of it is going places I can't follow…"

Meanwhile, on the screen, the hooded figures followed the shop owner down the stairs in single file. And as the view followed them, Cross's voiceover resumed.

**~o~**

"Alright, so the slaver scum _stay_ scum because they're making money hand over fist," Law groused, shooting me a grim look that I'm pretty sure was at least halfway genuine. "What was the point of telling us all this?"

"The first half of this was meant to properly explain that the slave trade is profitable. Now I want to impress on you _just how much_ it's profitable."

"Somehow I doubt you're building up to us getting a slice of that 'demand' pie ourselves."

"Well, you're not entirely wrong, but I'll elaborate in a bit. For now… let me impress on you all just what that 'pie' _looks_ like."

I fished a pamphlet out of my back pocket and held it up for everyone to see. "Let's start with a baseline. This is a pricing list from the Human Auction House, located on Grove 1 of the Archipelago. It says that the starting bid for a single human is ฿500,000. As the Auction House is the single most successful slave store, let's assume their prices to set the standard. This means we can assume that one slave's life is worth ฿500,000."

There were a few grimaces and scowls at the idea of putting a price on a person's life— _without_ them having done something to earn it, I mean—but nobody disagreed with me.

"Now, time for some simple math. Let's assume that one slaver sells on average ten human slaves in one day. That means that that slaver earned their lives' worth ten times over. So at the end of the day, that slaver has ฿5 Million."

A few of the gathered pirates shifted, but it was the shifting of boredom rather than interest. Kid's body language in particular _screamed_ "Get on with it!"

"Next, let's broaden the scope a bit. Let's assume that there are ten slavers on the Sabaody Archipelago, and _they_ all sell ten slaves in a day. Tack on another zero, and collectively that makes ฿ _50_ Million in one place."

A few people perked up at that, but then eyed everyone around them, did the math, and settled down again. But at this point, Bege was starting to look _interested._

"And now, let's move this into the fourth dimension a bit: time. See, the thing about scum like the slavers, there are two assumptions you can make about pretty much any of them: they're greedy sons of bitches, and they're _paranoid_ sons of bitches. So!" I swung my arms out in a grandiose manner. "What's the last thing a greedy, paranoid piece of shit's gonna do with his money? I'll tell you: let it out of their sight. Rather…"

I leaned forward, grin widening. "These kinds of people, they _hoard_ their money, keeping it in arm's reach at all times, and spending the bare _minimum_ to get what they need, both personally and for their business. Because while buying things with money is fine, for these guys it's more about _having_ it. Make sense?"

While the impatience was still there, a handful of them—most of whom were Damned—nodded in understanding.

"So, as I said, time. Let's assume ten slavers sell ten slaves a day…" I knocked my finger on the table. "And let's assume they still have _all_ the money they've made." Another knock. "Over the past _month."_ A third knock. "Let's multiply our original ฿50 Million…" I grinned savagely as I finished. "By _thirty."_

One by one, everyone did the math in their heads. They ran the numbers, they added it all up, tacked on the zeroes… and one by one, their faces went slack as though they had seen the face of God.

"฿50 Million times thirty," Killer wheezed, knuckles white from how hard he was gripping the table. "That… _that's…"_

"One. Point. Five. _Billion_ Beris…" Urouge bit out, staring at nothing in sheer awe. " _On one island."_

I think Bege summed it up best of all when he let out a sharp _wheeze,_ as though somebody had kicked him clean in the gut.

But still, amusing as this was, we _were_ on a slight time crunch, _soooo…_

"People, people, please…" I waved my hands placatingly. "I _implore_ you hold your reactions until the very end. After all…" I grinned impishly. "I'm not quite _done_ yet."

The way the other Novas' attention snapped to me, you would have thought I'd just offered them the One Piece.

"For you see, my friends, that number I just laid before you? That _1.5 Billion_ bounty?" I folded my hands patiently. "That's the _lowball estimate."_

I _swear to God,_ in that instant, I think I heard some of their minds break.

"You see, ladies and gentlemen, what you have to remember is that all those variables I was giving you were _assumptions_ made to establish a baseline _._ In truth, the statistics inflate _quite_ drastically, aided by the fact that Sabaody Archipelago is the world's premiere slave-selling hub. Not the only one, but the main one. And as such… we need to tick some of our variables up a notch."

I popped up one of my fingers. "Variable one: each slave house sells a _lot_ more than a _mere_ ten slaves a day."

A second finger. "Variable two: as this is the primary slave market, there are _far_ more people here to exploit it than _just_ ten slave shops. And of course, we also need to tack on the slave shops' own providers, the kidnapping gangs, who run pretty brisk business all their own."

A third. "Variable three: Sabaody Archipelago has been open for business 24/7/365 for the past _two hundred years._ And over that timeframe, wealth has built up and up throughout these groves, and I will just _bet you_ that every person getting their hands on that money has been loathe, absolutely _loathe_ to part with it for any reason whatsoever. Money comes in, it doesn't come out, and the numbers just keep. Ticking. _Up."_

"And lastly," I clapped my hands together as I hit variable four. "The most variable variable is _price._ As I said, ฿500,000 is the baseline for a human slave. The _baseline._ Now, I won't lie, chances are that some shops will sell on the cheap, for less than that, maybe even most… but others. Others will inflate their prices, and sell for _more._ And again, that's just _humans._ The lowest, the weakest, the simplest. Literally _every other_ species that passes through here in chains goes for a price per head that is a _full factor higher_ than that of humans. Truly sickening… and truly, _truly_ profitable."

"And you're all forgetting one last variable," Nami piped up, transferring attention onto herself and her writhing and flexing Eisen Tempo. "The _clients._ Dozens of rich people, spread across this entire archipelago, bringing with them enough money to afford these exuberant prices and _plenty_ left over. And of course there's their jewelry and the exotic pieces they wouldn't be caught _dead_ travelling without on their yachts, because _of course_ the rich must present themselves as such. Nothing but dressing and appearances…" Her expression and clouds lit up malevolently at the same time. "But appearances worth _millions_ apiece."

"And it's all easy to just knock over and get," Zoro snorted with a grim smile that just _promised_ pain. "After all, all the power that slavers and slave owners hold come from the fact that _they_ hold the chains. Take those away from them, and compared to anyone in this room, they're nothing but weaklings. And for _once,_ weaklings who you can actually feel proud about kicking while they're down."

"My fellow apex outlaws," I picked up again, smirking menacingly at my stunned listeners. "I think I've built this up enough. My point of saying all of this is that while we _could_ view these slave houses as hives of scum and villainy that are far worse than any one of us, we could view them another way. Namely, as our very own _piggy banks,_ just waiting to be smashed open. And this archipelago, this horrid, _wretched_ place of nightmares and misery, is _the single richest_ location on this side of the Red Line, bar _none._ And it is all. _All._ Ours. For the taking."

**~o~**

The abhorrent image now being broadcast showed a dark complex reminiscent of a prison beneath the shop. As the shopkeeper calmly led the hooded figures into the corridor between the cell, three thugs rose from a nearby table, their smokes and cards forgotten, their posture at attention. Kinda. They _were_ still just thugs.

But it wasn't this dark scene that had Totland's Sweet Commanders staring at the screen with wide eyes.

"How… has _nobody_ considered this before?" demanded Cracker, his jaw twitching.

"Nobody who had the right balance of 'strong enough to do something about it' and 'too rich and powerful to give a damn about it', I would guess," Katakuri answered, his fingers tapping against his arms in intense thought. "As is, Mama and the Beast have always benefitted too much from slavers' services to even consider the idea."

Charlotte Smoothie snorted in equal parts disgust and sadistic anticipation. "Not the first time that Jeremiah Cross has imposed his worldview on his viewers."

Katakuri hummed and nodded in agreement. "Though the question is why he's sharing this opinion with a bunch of rookies who couldn't… be made to…" And so it was that the ineffable No. 1 of the Big Mom Pirates _stiffened_ , his eyes widening in shocked realization. "…Oh."

Snack glanced at his elder brother with dull curiosity. "Eh? What're you—?"

On screen, the merchant cleared his throat, and the Commanders all fell silent.

" _As I'm sure you've been informed, I offer a wide selection of merchandise,"_ the trader announced, gesturing at his 'stock' dismissively as he took a seat behind a desk near the back of the room. " _The pieces we have on display are good for menial labor, and if you're looking for a stress reliever we have new shipments in the back that haven't been fully broken yet. A handful of youths and a healthy supply of adult men and women. Base price is 1 million per head, but if you pay in cash or purchase more than fifteen I can arrange for a small discount."_

" _Hrm…"_ the leader of the group hummed thoughtfully, visibly tapping his fingers together. Stepping up and down the length of the prison, he examined each slave in their cage. Each slave, in turn, flinched back from the gaze.

The examination finished with the leader in front of the trader's desk. " _How about I make you an offer and we go from there?"_

" _By all means, sir,"_ the trader replied.

**~o~**

The mood in the room was positively _jubilant._ Beri signs had replaced eyes all around, and you could practically _smell_ the greed in the room. It smelled like money, naturally. Everything seemed to be going as planned… exceeept…

" _Zoro wins,_ _ **Kid's about to book it,"**_ Soundbite subtly informed us, rolling his eyestalks.

Nami scowled and Zoro smirked as our navigator tossed our mosshead a bundle under the table.

And true to Soundbite's words, Kid shoved himself out of his seat and turned for the doors. "Fuck you guys! You brought us here to set us on the slavers? Fine by me! Too bad for you it worked too well, I'm taking that money all for—!"

"Eustass Kid, you walk out that door and I _guarantee_ that you'll be cutting a zero _clean_ off your potential haul, if not _all_ of ours," I snapped, slamming my words into his back like a sledgehammer.

A sledgehammer backed up by every eye in the room suddenly piercing Kid's back and freezing him in place.

_Ever_ so slowly, the infamous captain turned his head to glare back at me, the air _rippling_ around him with electromagnetic weight. "Say that again?" he growled.

I almost flinched under the sheer force of his ire, and managed to channel it into a few twitches of my fingers. "There's one more trait to slavers that I neglected to mention and that you're forgetting, Kid," I patiently drawled. "Paranoid. Greedy. _Cowards._ They're rats, all of them. And what do rats do when _one_ of them gets caught?"

"They scatter," Killer answered for me, side-eyeing Kid from under his mask. "Face facts, Kid: we've got a lot of bruisers on our crew, maybe second only to _Bege_ even, but we don't have enough people to cover the archipelago. We can hit two, maybe three slave houses at the same time." He slammed his gauntlet down, hard. "And that's what we'll get. Three. Everyone else will hear that slavers are getting hit and go to ground. Instead of a fortune, we'll only get a fraction."

"Which is why we're all here," Law mused, cradling his chin. "If we want to hunt rats, then we need to do it right. Close every escape route, push them into a corner. If we work together… we'll get them all, or at least a hell of a lot."

"So the question becomes, Kid," I drawled, holding up my hand for him to see. "What do you _really_ want to walk away with? Will you leave with gold bullion? Or will you let it all turn to gold _sand,_ and slip through your fingers?"

Kid's face was as red as his hair when he turned back to me. Sighing explosively, the punk captain slammed back into his seat. "Hurry the hell up, Cross, because I'm this close to throttling you with _your own_ hands."

I set my jaw and planted my palms flat on the table. "So noted. I'll try and keep this short. Nami, if you would?"

At my prompting, Nami withdrew a sheaf of papers from her jacket and slid them down the table. She held up a sheet of her own, showing it to be her map of the archipelago. "What you're holding is as comprehensive a map of Sabaody Archipelago as I could manage on short notice. Each red dot is a slave house. And as you can see…" She scowled at the paper, which looked like it had _chicken pox._

"Cross was understating things when he said there were more than ten slave houses on this archipelago. Which is a good thing for our wallets, _bad_ for covering the entire place. The truth is, even working together we're probably not going to be able to hit _all_ the slavers before they bolt. But if you follow our plan and we position people and ships the right way, then we can move and clear the shops with maximum efficiency, and thus maximum profits."

"Sounds good to me," Kid said, standing up to leave again, though thankfully much less angrily. "I'll go get my jagoffs ready to go and then you can call me and… _blrgh,_ _start telling me_ where to start busting heads. Maybe cracking skulls will help mine stop pounding, _come on, Killer!"_

"And of course, while you're busting heads," I tacked in, tapping my fingertips together. "You could see about busting the 'merchandise's' chains open too. Why not, hm?" Maybe he'd take that as a given and we wouldn't have any issues. But more likely…

Kid stopped midstep, slamming his hand to his face with a savage growl. "…It is a _mistake_ to talk to you _again,_ and an even _bigger_ one to ask you this question… but _why_ , exactly, should we care about—?"

My gauntleted fist slamming down on the table was punctuated by Soundbite's Rottweiler-esque snarling. "Watch. Your. Wording."

"…the slaves," he finished tightly, though the door's hinges—no, the room's whole structure was creaking ominously.

Worse, while nobody _openly_ agreed with Kid, I could see a few of our more 'morally dubious' allies side-eyeing me, awaiting an answer. Not that surprising, really, these _were_ pirates we were dealing with, not saints. Hence why I'd come up with an answer long before this.

"I've got a few reasons that would appeal to you, actually. First, the obvious one: snubbing the Navy." Yeah, _that_ got them paying attention. "As you'll recall, we're right on Marineford's doorstep. In _any_ other circumstances they'd have all three Admirals bringing down the wrath of God on our heads… but _this_ is the one they explicitly can't touch with a ten-foot pole. Their reputation is in the toilet already thanks to yours truly, so if we free the slaves as we go, then we can commit our little 'crime' spree in broad daylight and all they'll be able to do is _watch._ This'll be front-page news to begin with; how much worse will it be if it's not just pirates freeing slaves, but _Marines_ trying to stop them?"

It clearly took a lot of effort for Kid to _not_ smirk at that, and nobody else tried to suppress the urge.

"Second, rob the dealers of their treasure and they're left broke. Rob them of the slaves too, and they're left with absolutely nothing. It'll dramatically reduce any future profits, but it also means we don't need to watch our backs for vengeance in the form of assassins, hired mercenaries, things like that. This also counts towards the 'kick them while they're down' side of things."

The promise of pain _visibly_ swayed Kid more. Which wouldn't last long with what I was about to say next, but _seriously—_

"And number three… leaving someone in chains when you have the keys in your hand is a dick move" I declared, tone as dry as Alabasta in a drought. "Are you _really_ telling us it's this hard for you to _not_ be a dick? For, like, not even the whole day, just a _few minutes at a time?_ "

"ALRIGHT, THAT FUCKING—!"

If my gauntlets hadn't had inset sea prism stone, they probably would have snapped my own neck before anyone could do anything. Since they _did_ , though, Luffy had plenty of time to zip over to Kid and grab his arm.

With the dangerous look in his eyes, it came as a surprise what happened next.

"You can also ask them to join your crew."

"…what was that?" Kid demanded, side-eyeing the rubber man.

"You could ask the people you free if they want to join your crew," Luffy repeated. "It's not just normal people who get taken, it's pirates, too. Some might be too strong, but others could have been tricked and then they couldn't get out. A lot of them will probably want to go home, but if you free a pirate and they still want to go back to the sea, after all they've gone through…"

There was a heavy moment as everyone mulled over Luffy's words. From the eager grins that spouted ten seconds later, they agreed. Hell, some of the Supernovas seemed almost more eager about _this_ prospect than the money.

"He has a point," I admitted with a smirk, snapping Kid's irate—though now somewhat restrained—glare back to me. "Whoever you free is going to look at you as a savior. I know you wouldn't care about a bunch of civvies liking you, but Luffy's right, even pirates can get bagged. Hell, it's even more likely because a bigger bounty and the kind of physical strength and stamina you get at sea both make a person more valuable. And if that muscle's will hasn't broken by the time they're set loose? Well, you won't _find_ a more loyal crewmate, now will you?"

Kid grit and ground his teeth as though the sign of admission were being _tortured_ out of him, and normally I'd _revel_ in that, but I still needed this mutt to work with me on this, so…

"But hey," I shrugged in an exaggerated manner. "If you're that opposed to it, then fine. Just stick with my group during the hunting. You grab the money, I'll break the chains. Hell!" I swept my arms out to indicate the rest of the Supernovas. "We'll all do it. Split our crews up and mix the parties. That way, nobody can pull one over on the others, keeping us all honest. Satisfied?"

Kid stared for a few moments, twitching slightly. Finally, he sighed again, somehow managing to relax while staying just as tense. "I hate you, Jeremiah Cross."

_That_ ticked my temper a bit. Standing, I marched up right in front of him, Luffy stepping aside, and stared him right in the eyes. "And I'm not your biggest fan either. In case you missed it, I don't give you shit for shits and giggles, I do it because while none of us in here are saints, _you're_ a literal monster," I spat. "If I could I'd send you to Davy Jones in a heartbeat, but much like the Marines and Akainu, you're more useful to us _breathing."_

"You want me to change my tune, give me a damn _reason_ to. But until then, we can either stick together and give the world a right hook that will leave it seeing double for the rest of its days, or you can walk out that door and be on your merry way, not having lost a _beri_ from having associated with me. And it's all entirely, _entirely_ your choice. So you tell me, Eustass ' _Captain'_ Kid…"

I stuck my hand out to the punk metal pirate, still glaring into his eyes.

"Are you in or out?"

**~o~**

"I'll make this nice and simple," the group's leader announced. "I have two offers I can put on the table: either _you_ can hand _us_ the keys to your earnings and savings, along with the keys to every slave collar in this joint… or _I_ can give _you_ a lifetime supply of chocolate. So tell me, good sir. Which will it be?"

The slaver, up to now thoroughly professional, leveled an unimpressed glare at the speaker, the thugs nearby fingering their weapons. "I don't know what you think you're playing at, but in case you haven't noticed, I'm running a delicate business operation here. I don't welcome jokes in my establishment," he tersely answered.

"Ahhh, but see, this is the _Grand Line,_ and someone like you is good at reading people. So tell me, friend…" The group leader tilted his head. "Do I _seem_ like I'm lying to you?"

The trader stared at his would-be customer for a minute, looking him all over, judging his words and person. And then, his eyes slowly widened in shocked realization.

"…you'll really give me a lifetime supply of chocolate if I ask for it?"

The potential customer gave him a thumbs-up. "Last you 'til the end of your days, guaranteed."

The trader's expression lit up and he let out a bark of shocked laughter. "Then hell, should be pretty obvious, yeah? I'll take it! Give it to me!"

"All too gladly," the hooded figure chuckled as he reached into his coat and held out… one bar of chocolate. The shopkeeper's expression collapsed entirely into even stronger blandness than before.

"…You serious? How do you consider this—?!"

_KA-CLI-CLI-CLICK!_

The trader's words died in his throat as the visitors to his _fine_ establishment produced well over a dozen firearms between them. There were at least two for every guard, and _four_ on the trader himself.

The leading figure shifted his hood just enough to reveal a cheery grin. "Would you like to enjoy your chocolate now, or would you rather take a mulligan?"

"W-W-What the fuck is this?!" the slave trader gibbered, somewhere between furious and terrified.

"Whaaaat, you've never been _robbed at gunpoint_ before? My oh my, you have my _sincerest_ congratulations!" the hooded man laughed, applauding. "Truly, your clientele must be _outstanding_ paragons of virtue."

"Y-You little…" the trader snarled. He stepped forward, but hastily reversed direction when four thumbs cocked their guns. "W-Why the hell are you doing this, huh?!"

"Weeeell, most first reason I can think of is that you're scum of the earth who deserves to have the worst things imaginable—things that _you've_ done—done unto you, but honestly?"

The trader nearly had a heart attack as the leading man tossed back his hood, revealing the familiar smirking face of Jeremiah Cross, with his damnable pet snail resting on his shoulder.

"Yeah, my identity says it best, huh?" Cross smirked tauntingly.

"Wait, you're—? H-Ha… haha!" The trader suddenly broke out laughing, a wary relief in his voice. "You're b-bluffing! _You're bluffing!_ You wouldn't kill me! None of your c-crew would!" The slave trader jerked fully upright and slammed his palms down on his desk, snarling at Cross. "You really t-think I'll ruin myself just because the worst a little twerp like _you_ could do is beat me up!?"

Cross and Soundbite exchanged mischievous stares and malicious smirks. "True, _we'd_ likely just beat you black and blue and leave it at that..." Cross admitted.

And then, without warning, another figure grabbed the trader's head and slammed his face down onto the desk, their other hand drawing a pistol and planting it against the side of his head. The hood slipped off from the motion, revealing the wickedly grinning visage of a pirate that was decidedly _not_ a Straw Hat.

"But _I_ don't have any problems putting one through your skull and leaving you for the Sea Kings," Eustass Kid leered. "Got any doubts about _that?"_

The trader turned a desperate look at Cross, who simply made a show of buffing his nails. When he noticed the trader looking his way, he shrugged casually. "Hey now, what do you want from _me?_ My captain isn't here, and I rather like _living._ Getting in the way of Kid to save _your_ worthless ass runs counter to my sense of self-preservation."

"COME ON, DOES THIS _REALLY_ SURPRISE YOU?" Soundbite taunted. " **I'd say that a lack of empathy** _is something you of all people_ _ **SHOULD**_ **REAAAALLY** _**EMPATHIZE WITH!"**_

"What do you want, _what do you want?"_ the trader begged miserably.

Cross's smile turned cold. "Let me be _nice_ and clear here: your life is over. It's your choice whether that statement is literal or metaphorical. Now… we'll be taking all the funds in your coffers and every last one of your victims. If you're still inclined to resist, I should warn you that I wouldn't be able to stop my 'associate' here from tearing you apart if I wanted to. And quite frankly?"

"He _doesn't_ want to," Kid finished, bloodlust radiating from his grin as he increased the pressure he was putting on his victim's skull. "So by all means, _give me an excuse."_

"Th-th-th-the vault is down the h-h-hallway, last door o-on the right, the keys are right h-here! A-a-and the guards have the keys for the slaves, the stock room is through the side door!" the shopkeeper babbled, the keyring in his hand jingling when he fished it from his belt. Kid snatched the ring, shoved him aside, and kicked him in the ribs while he was down for good measure.

"Haul's all yours, as agreed," Cross nodded. Kid gave the slightest of nods back before stalking to the end of the hallway. One of the thugs had enough common sense to toss Cross his keyring; the other two still hesitated. Cross rolled his eyes and gestured flatly at the rest of the hooded figures still with him. "Did I forget to mention that these guys are from other Supernova crews, i.e. _not Straw Hats?"_

_That_ loosened the hold on their keys right quick.

Cross nodded in polite thanks. "Much obliged." His expression then darkened, a jerk of his head directed at the pirates behind him. "Knock 'em out."

The guards barely had time to look scared before their lights (and more than a few teeth) were punched out.

As tempting as it was, leaving the slave merchant and his lackeys alive was the better thing to do, both morally and pragmatically. It kept the operation's image clean and would spread the tale throughout the slaving community.

All of those considerations damn near went out the window he opened the side door and got a good look at the slaves' 'living' quarters. If their current state of existence could even be called such.

Each and every person in that room was chained to the wall by a bomb collar around their necks. Skin exposed by frayed reject bin clothing oozed blood and other, more unpleasant liquids from weeping sores. But it was the faces that really got to him. Faces painted in despair and hunger in their dark bags and prominent cheekbones, traces of anger and sadness only barely visible. And there were easily dozens of them; as the trader had said, he didn't lack for diversity.

It took a solid minute for him to fight down his anger, and after that minute, he climbed onto a convenient crate, looked all of the slaves over, and _spoke_.

"As of three minutes ago, this place is _OUT! OF! BUSINESS!"_ he announced, garnering the undivided attention of the _**EX-**_ slaves in the building. Unsurprisingly, skepticism was the order of the day, but many of the ex-slaves had some life back in their eyes. "I'll say again, all of you are getting out of here. If you think you can get home safe on your own, feel free to bolt. Anyone who can't find their way home, follow the maps we give you. We'll have you out of those chains as soon as we match the keys."

Silence met his declaration, disbelief tinged with hope upon their faces. But as he split the keyrings between the other pirates with him and they began testing keys and keyholes, the realization that they were about to be free began to sink in. Tears welled in their eyes, and with them cries of relief and adulation.

Cross wasted no time once he had the cells open, recalling the organizational process that CP9 had used and finding to his relief that the slaver had a similar labeling system between keys and their chains. One by one, Cross fitted the keys, prisoner after liberated prisoner offering him their heartfelt gratitude.

And this trend _would_ have likely continued, were it not for a major, and unexpected, interruption.

"What the hell is the holdup, Cro—"

Cross couldn't quite bring himself to care that Kid had stopped mid-demand, focused as he was on going through the keys.

"Either shut your mouth and help or shut your mouth and get out, but either way, cram it."

Finally locating the right key, Cross inserted it into the lock. He was thus caught entirely flatfooted when a ripple passed through the air, the lock in his hands, and in fact _every_ lock in the joint, clicking open all at once.

It took Cross half a minute to properly reboot his brain, and by the time he turned around and looked back at Kid, the other pirate was already halfway to the store's exit.

"We're wasting time. Come on," he tossed over his shoulder dismissively.

Cross stared at Kid's back in stunned silence before nodding and snapping up a quick salute. "…Aye-aye, Captain Kid. Lead the way."

And though Kid didn't openly acknowledge either of the gestures, the fact that he actually missed a step spoke _volumes._

Once the moment had passed, Cross followed behind him, deftly positioning himself as he walked so that he impeded as few of the escaping freed slaves as possible, even helping a particularly injured man hobble up the stairs.

And as he went, smiling all the way, Cross patted the pocket where he'd stashed his Tone Dial.

**~o~**

I clicked my Tone Dial again, ending the recording process; that should be more than enough material to get the ball rolling. Now we just needed to start this thing off and it'd be over before the World Government could even _process_ what was happening to it.

As such, with parts assigned and crew combinations roughly hashed out, everyone got up to leave the room. Right in the middle of the door, however, Bonney paused and looked back at me.

"What _aren't_ you telling us here, Cross?" she asked, everyone else freezing themselves. "Look, don't get me wrong here, I'm willing to believe that you're not going to double-cross us this time, and God knows that this is totally in line with something you would pull, but at the same time I can't shake the fact that it _isn't._ No matter how big what we do today is, no matter how unprecedented… the fact is that it's still too simple. Too… _fleeting."_

Bege was the next to frown at me. "She's right. Even after we've burned down these slave houses and stolen all of their 'goods', they'll still have their skills and connections, and still have any funds they keep stashed off the archipelago. _Some_ of them have to be prudent enough to store some savings off-island. No matter how much we reduce to ash, it will all be like nothing ever happened a few months from now. So tell us, Cross. What's the _real_ scam here?"

I coughed and tugged at my collar, taking a second to arrange my thoughts…

"…We're not the only ones who'll be doing this."

Only for that to become unnecessary thanks to _Luffy,_ of all people. My captain wore an expression that even I couldn't quite decipher, and when he didn't elaborate, I bowed my head and backed up a bit, which got him to continue.

"Why do pirates bury treasure and use X to mark the spot?" Luffy asked.

Continue into a very weird place that had the Supernovas looking at each other in confusion, but continue nonetheless.

"Why do we wear eyepatches and have hook hands and peg legs? Why do we listen when people call for parley, or a Davy Back Fight?" he forged on. "Why do we fly the Jolly Roger as our flag?" Silence. "None of you know why, do you?" The doubtful looks the other captains wore spoke volumes. "I'll tell you why: It's because all that stuff is just what pirates _do._ It's who we are, what piracy _is._ We do all of that stuff because it's how things are done, how things have _always_ been done."

"You're talking about the memetic identity of piracy…" Law mused thoughtfully.

" _Chalk up another ingredient_ **for the ANACHRONISM STEW…"**

I hid a chuckle in a cough, but sobered up quickly, because Luffy looked confused again. I nodded. Yes, Law was right.

"Anyway, this identity stuff, it's how all pirates define themselves," Luffy continued. "I know there isn't really a pirate code or anything, but this is pretty close. And now…" Luffy tilted his head forward, and the shadows of his hat made his eyes _burn._ "Now we're going to add one more thing to it all."

In the space of a _second_ it was as though the room was struck by lightning. Luffy gave it no time to settle.

"We're not going to tell the other pirates," Luffy… no, _Straw Hat_ Luffy explained. "Because this can't just be 'our plan.' Instead, we're going to start on our own. When the pirates who are here all learn about this from our crewmates, and when everyone sees it on the SBS, they're going to think 'we can do this too' and do the same thing we do. And then, because it was their idea and it worked so good, they'll do it again. And again. And _again._ And when the other pirates see that we'll grow our crews, our treasure, and our reputations in a way that the Marines can't attack us for, they'll take their own cut of the meat just like we will."

"And it will _keep_ happening," Nami picked up. "Over and over again, because it's easy and it will _work._ They're going to learn that this big, _vile_ beast known as slavery bleeds gold, and they won't stop cutting into it until it runs dry."

"This plan becomes a legend," Zoro picked up, drumming his fingers on Shusui's hilt. "The legend spreads around the world, people imitate the legend. The legend fades into obscurity, and the raids become tradition. And even when tradition fades, the _habit_ remains."

"And lo and behold," I chuckled as I spread my arms wide, as though it were all _nice_ and self-evident. "A new dawn on a new world. Simple, no?"

From the awestruck expressions of the Novas, I'd say it was _more_ than simple enough for them.

Bonney slowly sank into a chair, staring off into space. "You're… going to set _piracy_ against _slavery…"_ she all but wheezed.

"And not just slavery, but other reprehensible criminals who are not pirates as well!" Urouge uttered, sounding _way_ too happy at the idea. "Drug traffickers, criminal syndicates…!"

"It'll make pirates a _whole_ lot of enemies…" Bege wondered, his expression swiftly lighting up as realization struck him. "And when other criminals band together and try to fight back against pirates, they'll hit those _uninvolved_ too, and draw vendettas on their backs! Pirates band together to survive, fight even harder against criminals… this isn't just drawing lines in the sand here, it's carving them in stone!"

The mood was quickly rising, vindictive glee filling everyone to the brim…

"But this won't change pirates, you know."

And then of course the mood was popped, though rather than Kid doing it, it was actually Killer who grounded us in reality.

"They'll still loot and pillage, still go after civilians," the masked marauder stated. "And even then, this won't be instant. Five years, ten? The next generation, or the one after? No matter what, easy money says we won't live to see this through."

I let the mood hang heavy for a bit. But only for a bit. "You're right, we won't. But that's not the _point._ Even if this _won't_ change everyone, it _will_ define us. Define our generation, define those who can adapt and grow, and those who are locked in their ways. In the end, we will be as immortal as Gol D. Roger. And I think that's a goal we can _all_ strive for, isn't it?"

The room fell silent once more, but this time it was with an awe and hope that was _truly_ positive. Maybe I could pump it up a _little_ more…?

"Oh, and have I mentioned the _other_ payment to all of you for going along with this plan?" I whistled 'innocently'. "Well, consider it a surprise for later. You're all gonna _love it._ "

Aaaand just like that everyone was glaring daggers at me. Even my own crewmates!? Oh come on!

"A _good_ surprise!" I clarified, snorting and crossing my arms in disgust. "Eesh, you people, no trust."

"Your last 'surprise' robbed us all blind!" Barto belted out, to the nods and grunts of everyone else once more, including my own crew, seriously?!

"And yet you're still standing here like I _promised_ and—Ugh, forget it," I groaned, waving my hands. "Yeah, you know what, I'm done arguing over this. Let's just move this along to the part where we boot the World Government in the balls, _please_?"

**~o~**

Once more, the population of Amazon Lily had clustered inside of the colosseum, and it took Boa Hancock and Boa Marigold every ounce of willpower that they had to keep any semblance of composure. Though their hellish memories roiled just beneath the surface, the reality of one of their wildest dreams before their eyes was stirring too much shock and bliss for them to succumb.

"Even after everything else… I never expected that they'd go this far," Marigold whispered.

"The fact that he has those other rookies _nyon_ helping him is proof enough that he's been planning this one for a long time," Nyon said shrewdly. "Even so… the question _nyon_ is whether it will be enough."

"It _must_ be," Hancock nearly snarled, staring with determination at the screen. "I never expected anyone to do this much damage to those damnable slave traders again, but now that this is before my eyes… I've only _dreamed_ of this happening, and I will not accept the possibility that he fails!"

Hancock's voice was relatively quiet, the passion within notwithstanding. The nearby amazons couldn't hear the words she said, but they could definitely interpret the fury therein. And nobody wondered why considering that they now had a view of the erstwhile slaves in sunlight rather than the dimly lit dungeon. Every scar, every teardrop, every dirt stain, every evidence of the slavers' abuse was plain as day as the dozens of humans—men, women, and children alike—embraced their newfound freedom.

Rather quickly, the screen burst into motion. Many of the more recently captured slaves were quick to bolt without a second thought, undoubtedly running off to either find quick transportation home, or rejoin whatever crews or ships they'd initially been on before getting snatched.

Others, however, who showed more significant and longer-lasting scarring, were nowhere near so eager. Those unfortunate individuals had been imprisoned for so long that either they were too weak and disoriented to get very far on their own, or the transportation they'd used to get to the archipelago had long since departed. These were the people who were stranded.

But those without recourse actually had one option remaining to them: the maps that had been handed out to them by the pirates. Despite their new freedom, several of them were hesitant, whether from general trust issues or trust issues regarding pirates specifically. Ultimately, though, they had little choice in the matter, so the released slaves used the maps to get their bearings, and started migrating to the destination marked upon them.

As the slaves made their escape, the pirates casually strolled out of the now-defunct shop, idly watching the escapees stream around them.

"So now what, they'll just go from shop to shop, beating up slavers and breaking their chains?" Marigold hissed. "The others will bail like rats, I thought Cross was _smarter_ than that! He said that _himself_ , even!"

"Hold on, Mari _nyon,"_ Nyon interrupted before the larger of the Boas could really rile herself up. "What did he say earlier? None of the pirates with him are part of his crew. And in fact, _Kid_ is with them. So, what does this say about how well the other Supernovas took his plan?"

"…good. Very, _very_ good," Marigold reasoned, settling back into her chair.

"Still…" Hancock sigh despondently. "I would greatly appreciate some sign of how well their endeavors are going."

A few seconds ticked by. All three women looked at the screen with frowns.

"Really, _nyon_ he's usually so punctual when someone—"

_KRA-BOOM!_

"—no, never mind, there it is!" Nyon yelped, reeling back.

And indeed, all eyes in the stadium were locked on the screen, thanks to the explosions roaring on it. Any actual smoke and flame, however, was conspicuous in its absence. The explosions themselves sounded… distant, even.

"Those must have been the other parties," Hancock mused.

" _Any of ours?"_ Kid unknowingly echoed.

The latter pulled out a map, his eyes roving over it quickly, before adopting a demonic grin.

" _Not a one,"_ he confirmed with a tone of immense satisfaction. " _Gotta love the speed of word of mouth."_

The Amazons all boggled in shock at _that_ little revelation. "Wait, what!?" was the Boa sisters' echoed sentiment, but Nyon got ahold of her much more quickly as her eyes widened even _further_ in realization.

"Is… Is he trying to—?" the Elder breathed to herself.

Meanwhile, the more reviled pirate regarded Cross dryly before snapping his head away with a sharp tsk, and an even sharper grin. " _Guess you're halfway useful for something after all, you arrogant jagoff."_

Cross snickered as he walked off, backhanding Kid's arm as he passed. " _Come on, shit-kicker. Let's go and_ earn _our bounties."_

That sunk in for a few moments, and a decision that Hancock had been debating for the last few days finally crystallized.

"…Elder Nyon."

"Yes, Snake Princess?"

"Do you still have _that number_ that Sandersonia sent us a few days ago?"

"Why, yes, yes I do. Why? Are you considering the idea of accepting?"

"No… but I _am_ considering the idea of considering."

**-o-**

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Jeremiah Cross had, of course, had the good sense to turn on the transceiver's dead zone before he commenced the SBS. Even with all of the Supernovas' crews in place, odds were that any competent slaver could pack up their 'stock' and vanish with only a few minutes' notice. Despite this, there was one loophole that it couldn't prevent: a snail that was on a call with another snail off of the island could listen in to the SBS by proxy.

And so it was that the owner of the Human Auction House was in the middle of a panic attack.

"Oh my god oh my god _oh my god they're coming to get me!"_ Disco wheezed, digging furrows into the top of his desk in an attempt to keep his brain from outright collapsing.

" _Nyeh nyeh, calm down, you're overreacting,"_ the voice on the other end of the line droned, noisily snorting up an errant trail of snot.

"OVERREACTING!?" Disco shrieked. "THE STRAW HATS ARE HUNTING SLAVERS AND I RUN THE BIGGEST SLAVE HOUSE ON THIS HELLHOLE! _THEY EVEN MENTIONED IT BY NAME! I'M A DEAD MAN, YOU HAVE TO TELL DOFLAMINGO TO—!"_

" _Nyeh, you'll be twice as dead in ten seconds if you don't_ _ **shut up,"**_ the voice cut in, any trace of good humor gone.

Disco instantly locked his jaw, crushing his panic for what _could_ happen to him under the _immediate_ threat for his life. "Y-Yes, Master Trebol…" the auctioneer miserably whimpered.

" _Right, that's better. Now, then…"_ Trebol huffed, tamping his temper back under control and readopting his carefree leer. " _Although you presume much_ _in thinking you can tell Donquixote Doflamingo what to do, you are right that something needs to be done."_

And then, just like that, the sticky-human's leer took on a flavor of pure evil. " _In fact, the Young Master foresaw something just like this from the moment the Straw Hats set their eyes on Sabaody. Which is why the Young Master is_ already _handling it."_

"More specifically, that's why _I'm_ here."

Disco jumped and span around to the voice behind him, inside his _locked_ office, and _staggered_ as he tried to leap away from one of the last people he ever thought he'd see.

"Y-Y-You…!" he wheezed in mortal terror, his brain misfiring as he tried to figure out _what the hell was going on._ "W-What are _you_ doing here?!"

"Oh, you know, not much…"

The malicious smile on the newcomer's face made Disco very grateful for very many things in his life.

First and foremost, that he was an ally, rather than an enemy…

_Of the Donquixote Famiglia._

"Just taking care of business."


	10. Chapter 10

### Chapter 76: Chapter 67 - Sabaody Revolution Pt. 3

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 67: Full-Steam**

"If Chopper were here, he'd be having a field day with how we're using these bubbles," Nami remarked through slightly gritted teeth.

"We'we having enough of a field day without that," Carue returned in a similar tone. "Awso, youw thwee o'quawck."

A quick bolt of lightning lashed out, frying another sap attempting to blow the whistle on the Straw Hats' coup, with perhaps a _bit_ more force than was usual for Nami. Understandable, though, when she recognized the mark on the sap's arm. Some choice comments from Soundbite about the sap's establishment were just gas on the fire.

"Thanks. You've definitely got that right," Nami huffed, swirling her clouds around as she built up a fresh charge. "Honestly, why couldn't these bastards have set up somewhere sane and typical and flat, like a _desert_ , or a _plain,_ instead of this damn labyrinth—Billy, barrel-roll!" The navigator clenched tightly onto her mount as he spun in midair, slashing out the bubble from under another runner, and discharged a blast of voltage into the runner on his way down. "That comes complete with _three-dimensional vehicles?!_ Also, one's going high."

"On it," Carue said, zipping across a half-dozen bubbles to the trunk of the nearest mangrove. In an impressive display of his training, he charged up the trunk and pushed off to body-slam the bubble biker off his ride. "And shtay down! And tah be faiyah—"

" _Fair!?"_ Nami and Billy squawked in indignant unison, the prior throwing in a concussive blast of wind that cheerfully introduced her target's skull to the nearest building.

"It's not wike 'dese guysh awe vewy conshidewate to begin with, sheesh, wet me finish my sentence," Carue scoffed as he hopped back onto the bubbles.

A few seconds of travel later, another target came into sight. Before anyone could attack, though, a flying fish zoomed in and bodychecked him, sending him tumbling out of view. The Straw Hats halted, staring, giving the rider time to direct his mount into a controlled, slow glide towards them.

"Status update, sirs and ma'am," the rider said, saluting. "Boss Duval and Motobaro have joined your guard force at Grove 77; the rest of us are spread out and awaiting your orders."

"Glad to have you guys on our side this time!" Nami replied with a quick salute of her own. "Tell most of your guys to keep finding and bushwhacking these schmucks as long as you can and keep them inside Soundbite's dead-zone so they can't raise the alarm. We want the element of surprise to last us as long as possible!"

"Aye-aye, ma'am!" the fish rider nodded, before his gaze snapped down to the roots of the mangroves. "Er, for the record, does that include those three guys trying to sneak by down—ah, no, they're running."

"MINE!" Carue quacked, shooting down at the hapless slavers.

"While Carue bounces those stooges off the pavement," Nami said, the ongoing carnage a flicker in her peripheral vision. "You have any updates on how the rest of the teams are doing? The explosions are pretty self-explanatory, and I'd normally ask Soundbite for details, but I'd rather not distract him any more than absolutely necessary."

"Of course. Let me see…" The Fish Rider withdrew a map from his jacket and gave it a quick scan. "So far, things aren't going bad. Your captain, as well as the Mad Monk and Roar of the Seas are going strong, they'll be done with the 20s Groves pretty soon. But, eh…" The Rider paused, scratching the back of his neck. "The 10s are proving to be a… _bit_ more of a challenge."

**-o-**

"LOOK OUT!"

It was this panicked cry that allowed a knot of slaver-employed mercenaries to narrowly avoid getting slammed into the wall by the ballistic body of one of their comrades.

Never mind that that would have been a far kinder fate than what the two pirates they were fighting were planning. A fate that one of them experienced almost immediately by way of Bonney ramming her heel into his chin. "Alright, anyone else want some, or are you going to do the _smart_ thing and give yourselves up for a slightly _less_ severe beatdown?!" she demanded, the unconscious sap she'd kicked bouncing off the ceiling and the landing behind her in a crumpled heap.

The mercenaries nervously shifted around before one of them, fumbling behind his back, opened the door that he'd been backed up against. Immediately, he vanished into the dark room beyond, his comrades scrambling in after him. None of the pirates moved to stop them, not even when the last mook slammed the door behind him and the sound of haphazard fortification filtered through.

Bonney sighed in mock-disappointment. "The hard way it is, then. Now… Bepo, right? If you wouldn't mind…?"

"Aye-aye, ma'am!" the polar bear barked, marching up to the door. One firm kick from a mink that had run with Trafalgar Law for eleven years, and neither the door nor the hasty fortifications behind it stood a chance. Bepo took a few steps into the darkness past the door, only to leap back a few seconds later, ducking and covering on the ground to avoid the salvo of bullets that smacked into the far wall. Bepo pulled the broken door shut again and looked at the Supernovas with him, expression apologetic.

"I'd like to report that I think we just chased them into their armory, ma'am," he said.

"…right. Roronoa, _you_ go in first," Bonney ordered.

Zoro heaved a put-upon sigh and drew one of his blades. Slicing the door open, he strolled in, casually deflecting the bullets fired at him. "And here I thought I could have some _fun._ Make yourselves useful and free the slaves, would you?"

The mink and captain scowled at the swordsman's back, and Bonney glanced at Bepo. "Next place we hit, do me a favor and _accidentally_ break his leg."

"Aye-aye! Though, uh… I don't really think that'll slow him down."

"No, but it'll make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to see him bleeding."

"You know I can still hear you idiots, right?"

"You were supposed to!"

On the other side of the room, Ever rolled her eyes as she brought her heel down on a cage's lock. "I _really_ hope that the other groups are being a _lot_ more efficient than us right now…"

**-o-**

Two stoic Supernovas, one with a bored smirk and the other with an impassive scowl, stood before a particularly stubborn slaver.

"Let's make this nice and simple, mister scumbag slaver," Trafalgar Law stated patiently, drumming his fingers on the barrel he was using as a makeshift table.

"Listen here, you worthless shit, my name is—!"

" _Irrelevant,_ because of just how _dead_ you're about to be," X. Drake cut him off.

"See, here's the thing," Law explained. "As you'll recall, we have a third bigshot with us today. And even though he doesn't look like it, he's Black Leg Sanji, of the Straw Hats. This is important because right now, he's outside comforting the mother who we just freed from your _gainful employ_. And he's comforting her because she just _begged_ us to retrieve her child, her seven-year-old _son,_ who you sold earlier today. Which means that you have all of ten minutes to cooperate with us and give us what we want before Sanji comes in here and kicks you to death. So, for the sake of keeping this brief and moving things along… tell us who your buyer was, _would you kindly?"_

Law's expression stayed stoically smug for a moment before shifting to annoyance, an expression he directed skyward. "No, I will not get a mustache and a golf club, why would I even want to?… _no,_ I don't care how appropriate or hilarious it would be to hit him with the golf club… what do you mean _I_ would be the one getting hit?!" Scowling, he stood up from the barrel with an annoyed grunt. "Finish up here, would you, Drake? I need to see a snail about an impending saltshaker enema… yes, you heard me, a saltshaker!"

Drake rolled his eyes as Law wandered off before taking his place. "Look, here's the deal: Your books state that you sold the child for 2.5 million. Borderline extortion even if you consider longevity, meaning that whoever you sold to must have been wealthy. Now, normally we'd have already beaten your head in for this, except _you_ don't record your customers' names. But someone like you, I don't doubt you have it somewhere in your head. Now." Drake leaned his head forward _just_ so, so that his now-slit pupils were appropriately shadowed. " _Talk."_

"C-C-C-Come on, it was just a slave!" the trader whined desperately, somehow managing to combine that _and_ incredulous annoyance in the same breath.

In response, Drake's expression and demeanor returned to calmly impassive. His hand grabbed the slaver's head—

_THUNK!_ "GAAAH!"

—bounced the slaver's face off the top of the barrel between them, cracking its lid clean through.

"That was wood," Drake drawled impatiently, ignoring the slaver's howls as he cradled his shattered nose. "The next one will be metal. Let's try again, before I have to get _insistent_."

**-o-**

A simple question: what do you do if your business is being attacked by pirates, and the entirety of the island you're operating on is their target? A simple answer: get off the island. An answer every criminal _not_ under attack grasped and executed. Or, at least, attempted to execute.

See, in their panic, they failed to consider that the simplicity of the solution meant that any competent attackers would have long since thought of it first, and thus set up countermeasures.

"The same story on a different day… but why am I doing this?" Bege wondered aloud. Beneath his feet, the Nostra Castello's cannons aligned with the ships trying to flee from Sabaody's main port. Thus immobilized, his men and a grab-bag assortment of pirates from other crews could and were boarding the ships to question the crews and search for any 'illicit' cargo.

"I mean, really now," Bege continued to monologue. "I have plenty of treasure, a big enough reputation, and a solid crew behind me already. So _why_ am I playing the big damn hero here!?"

"Because you were the one who turned to piracy because 'enough' was never enough, perhaps?" Hawkins mused from the prow of his ship, the Grudgedorf _,_ which was moored next to Bege's fortress-ship. His eyes never left the cards spread on the velvet-covered table before him. "For my part, it appears that Cross's little 'surprise' approaches pricelessness in its value," he added.

Bege huffed out a mouthful of smoke and shook his head.

"Or is it simply because of the debt you acknowledged when they attacked Enies Lobby?"

Again, Bege did not answer the other Supernova, under the pretense of searching for one particular ship name. And then a snail rang inside his headquarters—that is, his quarters inside his head—and suddenly the pretense was no longer a pretense.

He tapped his finger to his ear, Hawkins curiously glancing up. "What?"

" _Got a ship for you to look out for,"_ came Drake's dry voice, his expression tense. " _Keep an eye out for a royal cruise liner called the Weynsnipe. They spent a lot for just one kid, so they're likely to have plenty more cash onboard."_

"Along with the kid, yes yes, I got the implications. I'm not _Black Bart,_ you know…" Bege groused, side-eyeing his companion. "Priority target, the Weynsnipe, a luxury ship. One kid in particular."

Hawkins exhaled in disgust, then got to his feet. "Shall we, then? I believe that one is just ahead, the luxury craft 90 degrees off the port side. It would certainly explain why they've been so dead set on trying to leave before everyone else."

Bege snapped his attention around, noting the garish ship, and promptly scowled as it suddenly dropped full sail and tried to make a break for open waters.

"As I was saying…" the diviner sighed.

"Yeah, that's our target alright. _HEY!"_ A round of blanks aided his shout in getting the attention of his subordinates. And also the attention of the contingent of dugongs that was helping support said subordinates and maintain the aquatic advantage.

As for the Weynsnipe, the people onboard were sent into a panicked frenzy, alright. A frenzy that only accelerated the ship's progress away from the island. Hawkins sighed and snapped the cards in his hands back into their deck.

"If they're this inclined to resist, better to cripple their vessel. Do you have any harpoon weapons in your arsenal?" the Magician inquired.

"Shouldn't you already be able to tell that for yourself?" Bege demanded.

"I realize that I am a measure of what you plebeians would call 'bullshit,' but I am not _that_ level of bullshit _,"_ Hawkins huffed, rolling his eyes. He set down his cards and rose to his feet. "Rather, I'm the kind of 'bullshit' who has to tell you to duck so that I don't run the risk of accidentally incinerating you."

"What're you—GAH!"

Bege was given ample warning, as Hawkins had only begun to draw the blade. His panic and haste in hitting the deck were because he, like anyone else on Skelter Bite last week who was not a swordsman, had no desire to be in the crosshairs of a cursed sword that was as dangerous as any Supernova and ten times more bloodthirsty than Kid.

A prudent move, as it turned out. Hawkins' almost _dismissive_ slash with the cursed blade let loose an arc of green fire that not only ripped the Weynsnipe's sail in two but also set what remained of the sail and a good chunk of the ship's mast on fire.

Hawkins resecured the sword in its sheath, which appeared to be one gigantic metal seal tag, then retook his seat as their ships approached the Weynsnipe. "The Dugongs will likely be displeased with this amount of damage," he remarked without a hint of remorse. Then he paused and slowly turned his head to focus toward the ship. "Do you hear those cries?"

Bege looked at the wrecked ship, tilting his head and outright cupping his ear… then he heard it, and his eyes narrowed as he identified what Hawkins meant. They fell into silence until they boarded the ship.

"Alright, who owns this rotten tub?" Bege 'asked' the cowering crew and passengers who'd been cornered on deck—though for all that his tone was calm and even, ' _demanded'_ seemed more accurate for the sheer sense of foreboding his short stature exuded.

Only one person seemed unaffected, and it was that person who stepped forward, everything about him screaming 'pompous.'

"Y-You uncouth, ill-bred ruffians are being an inconvenience! Do you have any idea who I am?! Bah, doesn't matter: relinquish the funds to repair my ship and _maybe_ I will ask the Marines to be lenient with—AAAGH!"

The demonic scarecrow that had just torn at his arm stepped back, leaving behind superficial but bleeding cuts. As Hawkins resumed his normal form, he gathered the blood from his fingertips and let Bege take over scowling at the noble. A scowl only amplified by the cries he could still hear below deck.

"You're going to tell us where the kids are," Bege rumbled—literally _rumbled_ with a voice too big for his small body—as he marched forwards. "And if you do it fast enough, then _maybe_ you'll be able to _walk_ before the end of the century."

"And if you hesitate to comply, you will wish you hadn't," Hawkins picked up, shaking the newly woven straw doll he was holding. "We have our reasons to sack this archipelago _without_ killing anyone, but you would be surprised what you can live through."

So saying, Hawkins stuck a pin stuck through the doll's right arm, and the noble screamed as his corresponding limb tore open and started dripping blood. He grabbed his arm in terror, staring at the pirates with wide eyes.

"I think this is the part where you beg and concede," one of the passengers said helpfully, with no small amount of guiltless glee. A glee he backed up by directing a suddenly far more amiable expression to the pirates. "For the record, those of us who work for him _only_ work for him, nothing else. So, any chance we could just abandon ship and leave him to your 'mercies'…?"

Bege took a few seconds to gauge their faces before answering.

"Go, then. Take _half_ of what you can carry," he said. He gave Hawkins a look that the other pirate returned; it was apparent to both of them that whichever ones went for their weapons were insincere. With that, the Castle-man took the cigar from his mouth, brandishing the burning tip it at the noble.

"Want some more incentive?"

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!" he screamed, ripping off a jeweled necklace that, upon further examination, was a keyring. The pirate replaced his cigar and took up the ring.

"And?"

"They're below deck, center door then center door again!"

The former don strode off without another word, casually breaking the door off its hinges as he descended into the depths of the ship. Passing through the second door, his face turned to disgust; the door was fortified, as were the walls, while the room itself was a spacious sitting room. There were two clear holes in the fortifications: one crack from the damage above that had crippled the soundproofing, and the other sealed by steel bars. Beyond which was a group of kids.

Every last one had tearstains on their eyes, and it took only a moment to identify the one who had just been added: he was the most terrified of them all, and was chained to the _outside_ of the cage.

Suppressing a sigh, Bege approached the boy and, gently but firmly, raised his head so that his eyes locked with Bege's own.

"Come with me. I'll take you back to your mother," he said softly. The boy trembled, but after a few seconds, his hand hesitantly reached out to take Bege's own. He looked at the other kids, their expressions wary but hopeful. Shock overtook the other emotions when Bege unlocked the chains of the boy beside him and then dropped the keys to the cage and chains within easy reach.

"As for you, you're all free to go. Go to Grove 77 if you don't know your way home from here." Bege jabbed his thumb over his shoulder at the suit-wearing pirates that had entered the room behind him. "And if you need help getting there, just ask some of my guys and they'll do you a solid."

Two of the kids didn't hesitate, bolting out of the room as fast as their legs could carry them, and the rest didn't take long to follow. A few remained until the others had gone, and Bege watched them until the cell was empty. He looked over it carefully, seeing nothing of note, before sending a mental order that had a cannonball flying behind him as he walked out, obliterating the cell.

Miserable sobbing met his re-emergence as the noble watched the children escape, to the disgust of every pirate present. Bege also noticed Hawkins raising a brow at him, almost certainly because of the boy who was still holding the ex-don's hand.

"I guess I've just got a soft spot for kids," Bege shrugged with casual—and not exaggerated—indifference. "Somewhere in getting called 'father' all these years, I've thought about being a real one."

Hawkins watched him lead the boy away, his expression unchanging.

Indeed, totally unchanging. Anyone who implied that the Magician had a look of respect and/or approval at that was nothing more than a soon-to-be-suffering _liar._

_SLAM!_

" _AGH, SONNUVA—! HEY, WE GOT A RUNNER!"_

Speaking of those destined to suffer…

Hawkins huffed a tired sigh as he flicked a nail at a blind corner, waiting patiently for it to strike the ground—"AAAAGH!"—and secure the runner's foot to the floorboard while he calmly sauntered around the corner.

A second later, one of the Law Pirates—'Penguin', his hat proclaimed—ran up and grabbed ahold of the would-be escapee, using one hand to shove them against the all while the other wiped at his bloody nose. "Ugh, piece of—thanks for that, magic man! Caught this _charmer!"_ He emphasized the words by stomping on the nail, drawing a whimper of pain from his captive. "Trying to sneak out through a porthole with a freakin' slave! Ballsy, gotta give him that."

"Mmm," Hawkins noted. "I imagine our compatriots will find ripping said balls off quite… enjoyable."

"Y-You stupid pirates!" the still-struggling captive howled in both outrage _and_ panic. "Don't you get it!? We've gotten away with this for this long because _the law is on our side!_ Once they get to their ships, the port authority'll shut you down, and if you try fighting back, Marineford is right next door!"

Both pirates fell silent while they processed that statement before Penguin donned a bloodthirsty grin. "Oh, can we tell him? _Please_ tell me we can tell him! I _really_ love how the hope dies in their eyes when we tell them this bit!"

_That_ drew a slight smirk from Hawkins. "Quite." He turned a gimlet eye on the prisoner, causing him to stiffen up. "I believe that you will find," the Supernova drawled emotionlessly. "That the local government is slightly preoccupied."

**-o-**

" _We've finished securing all the corrupt elements and have them detained and awaiting arraignment, ma'am. All that's left is the man up top. Would you like us to finish this?"_

"That won't be necessary, captain," Mrs. Libia answered, not breaking her stride through the halls of the Sabaody Regional Government's headquarters. "I'll be dealing with _that man_ myself. For now, have your men maintain the perimeter and keep this quiet for as long as possible. I don't want word one of this to get out until it's too late for anyone to do anything."

" _As you say, ma'am. And on a personal note… give him hell."_

Libia's hands clenched into fists at her sides. "Seven years' worth, captain. And you can believe I'm going to make him pay for _each and every day of it."_

It was with those words that Libia reached and shoved open the doors to the building's executive wing, striding into the heart of the local government with a squad of local officers—police officers, mind, not Marines—hot on her heels. The group's march through the offices went wholly unimpeded, thanks to the wing having been swept a few hours earlier, and as such were almost dead silent due to the sheer number of vacancies that had suddenly opened up that day.

'Almost' being the key words here. There was _one_ last source of noise in the office complex: a muffled storm of bellowing, originating from the highest office of all. And it was in the direction of this very bellowing that the party was marching to.

The bellowing was almost loud enough to bother Libia and the officers when they reached the foyer before the head office. Only the governor's secretary remained outside, a professional, calm air around her contrasted mightily by the cold sweat on her neck and trembling frame. Hard to say if it was her boss's anger or Libia's entourage that was more to blame.

"Does he have a weapon?" Libia asked immediately.

The secretary swallowed and shook her head. "He's…" She looked up at the officers. "…never needed one before."

Libia nodded and looked over her shoulder. "Give me a minute, please," she said, receiving a nod from the head officer before stopping her ears, calmly opening the door—

"—HELL DO YOU MEAN 'INDISPOSED!?' WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN _THIS!?_ GET ME THE CAPTAIN _NOW,_ THESE PIRATE SCUM NEED TO BE HANDLED!"

" _Maybe so, sir, but that doesn't change the fact that Captain Higuchi isn't available —"_

"THE HELL HE ISN'T!" Prefectus roared, slamming his fist right next to the snail's head. "I PAY THAT MAN'S SALARY, HE'S AVAILABLE _WHEN I SAY HE'S AVAILABLE!"_ The governor then snapped his gaze to the side with a sharp tsk. "But if he wants to spit on my _years_ of generosity, then on his head be it, _literally._ Get me Lieutenant Kalsa at once, and tell him—!"

" _Ahem,"_ Libia coughed pointedly. "Mister Prefectus. A word."

"Now is not the time, Miss Libio!" Prefectus snapped at her, waving her off without even a glance her way. "And you will address me as _Governor!_ We will have _words_ about your lack of respect at a later date, but for now, get out of my office! And as for you, get me Lieutenant Kalsa and—"

"I believe I can save you some time by informing you that _ex-_ Lieutenant Kalsa is also unavailable," Libia dryly informed the governor.

"…what was that?" the Governor grit out, slowly looking up at her.

"Along with Lieutenants, Sergeants and Corporals Kobayakawa, Daimon, Ooi, Zaveri, Stavish, Tuckerman…" Libia shrugged with feigned indifference. "Basically, everyone in the police force who was in your pocket."

Prefectus sputtered as Libia turned her attention down to the snail. "Officer, _I_ will handle this, I apologize for the disturbance to your work. Please see that everything proceeds as discussed, if you will."

" _Aye-aye, ma'am. We'll inform you of any developments as they arise."_

"Good man," she nodded, and with that, she hung up.

By now, Prefectus was full-on glaring at Libia, looking fit to erupt. "Miss Libio," he grit out, his words undercut by the grinding of his teeth. "For your _gross_ insubordination, you can consider yourself _fired,_ effective immediately!" Prefectus slapped the side of his snail's shell with a fierce snort. "Dial Oyamada so I can tell him to draw up the paperwork, you—!"

"He won't pick up either, Mr. Prefectus."

The rising rant choked on its own bile when the bureaucrat found his glare being matched venom for venom, with Libia providing some extra toxicity of her own to spare. The fruitlessly ringing snail between them only gave her words more weight.

"You see, the reason you cannot contact Higuchi _or_ Oyamada, is that they have both been arrested on charges of corruption," she coldly explained. "Funnily enough, the same can be said about the majority of the upper echelons of the Government. We had to go _very_ far down the department hierarchies to find acting heads for them. You should really have kept a more open door, Mister Prefectus; if you had, you'd have noticed that there's hardly another soul in the building apart from _you_."

" _You…"_ Prefectus echoed, his veins visibly pulsing. "I don't know what you think you're playing at, you two-beri number cruncher, but you should have kept your head where it belongs, down in your books counting _MY MONEY!"_ He slammed his fist down on his desk. "I'll deal with this mess, and then I'll see you _ruined,_ but for the moment, _GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"_

"No, _mister_ Prefectus," Libia said, glaring hellfire at her erstwhile superior.

"What did you just—?!" Prefectus began. Then he shook himself and, with a visible effort, pulled together a cold, professional demeanor. "Miss Libio, I am warning you for the last time. Get out of my office, _or I can't guarantee you'll see tomorrow._ "

Libia's jaw set firmly, her temper fraying almost to the point of snapping, she nonetheless controlled herself enough to only glare harder. "First," she bit out. "For what I hope will be the _final_ time I ever have to do this, my name. Is. _Libia!"_

The snarled correction was punctuated by a fist slammed onto the man's desk, and followed up by a thoroughly vicious grin. "And second, I very much do _not_ regret to inform you that you no longer have the authority to do that, _mister_ Prefectus."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" the rotund bureaucrat bellowed indignantly. "That's _Governor_ to you, and I have the authority to do what I damn well—!"

" _Actually,"_ Libia cut him off, her grin turning venomous. "As of two hours ago, you aren't, and you most definitely _don't."_

Prefectus reeled back with a sputter. "W-What are you—?!"

Libia practically tore a document out of her pocket and slapped it—slammed it, really—down on the desk, shoving it forward for Prefectus to boggle at. "Remember when I said we'd confirmed new acting heads for all departments? At noon today, the Sabaody Regional Government conducted an emergency vote of no confidence, and by the final tally every single one of them have no confidence in _you."_ Libia stepped back and raised her chin as Prefectus scrambled to pick up the paper and raked his eyes over it, analyzing it in nothing short of total panic. "Mister Prefectus, you are hereby relieved of your duties as Governor of the Sabaody Archipelago, effective _immediately."_

"T-This…" Prefectus wheezed, his face rapidly paling and panic setting in at the sheer gravity of his situation. "This can't be happening! T-This _isn't_ happening! This is treachery! R-Rebellion! _Revolution!"_

"No, Mister Prefectus," Libia sniffed primly. "The word you're looking for is 'coup,' and you're on the receiving end of it. _OFFICERS!"_

To Prefectus's horror, the law enforcement officers that had shadowed Libia marched into the room and flanked the _ex-_ number cruncher.

"Your orders, Acting-Governor Libia?" the lead officer intoned, pointedly ignoring Prefectus' panicked stammering.

The thus-named Acting-Governor jabbed her finger at her inglorious predecessor. "Arrest this man for bribery, corruption, gross incompetence, every one of the myriad crimes he's committed that you can think of, and _get him out of my office."_

At that, Prefectus seemed to get some composure back and grabbed the rifle hanging on the wall. The officers promptly tackled him to the ground, bound him up with cuffs, and then dragged him out, kicking and screaming. Libia took her seat behind the Governor's desk, triumph written over her features as he was dragged out and the door pulled shut.

…and the moment that it closed, cold fury gave way to cold sweat and hyperventilation.

" _WhathaveIdonewhathaveIdonewhathaveIdoneWHATTHEHELLDIDIJUSTDO!?"_ was the gist of her panicked rambling, and it was all that she could manage to avoid outright screaming the words at the top of her lungs. Two women materializing from the shadows—specifically, one figuratively melting out of the shadows and the other _literally_ coalescing and materializing from thin air—before her was only slightly calming.

"You're doing perfectly fine, Mrs. Libia, there's nothing _to_ panic about," Vivi reassured the bureaucrat.

" _Nothing to panic about!?"_ Libia wheezed. "I just _confessed_ to a coup, I'm practically the only one still in this building, that fat bastard threatened to have me killed, and _I just usurped a position that I'm not even remotely cut out for!_ I _cannot_ keep this job!"

"And you don't _need_ to," Robin pointed out, her 'sunny' disposition intact. "Or at least, not for very long. You only need to stay the course until the World Government is no longer able to interfere; in all likelihood, you'll be back to your previous position in a week, tops."

"And what if the World Government sends CP9 after me in the meantime!? _Your crew_ was the ones who proved they're real and that the Government will send them out without a second thought!" the panicking bureaucrat bemoaned.

"They were _also_ the ones who destroyed them, and they and I can and will do it again if we must," Robin calmly replied, filing her nails on the blade of her butterfly knife. "Any assassins that make it this far will meet their match against us. You'll never notice the knife ten inches from your neck, or the bullet narrowly grazing your—"

" **Robin, stop speaking,"** Vivi groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose as she waited for Libia's latest bout of hyperventilation to die down. Once her breathing evened out—and she was certain Robin's tongue was properly glued to the roof of her mouth—Vivi waved her arms as placatingly as she could manage. "And Libia, I promise you, _without_ any incongruous morbid rambling—"

Vivi pointedly _ignored_ the disembodied dope-slap she received at that comment.

"—that we _will_ keep you as safe as we can until we're gone. By that point, all the blame for this will lie on _our_ shoulders, and _you'll_ be nice and forgotten." Vivi's gaze then sharpened intently. "But before all that, we need to do the thing that was the entire _reason_ we put you in that chair in the first place, so if you don't mind…?"

Libia took a few seconds to gulp down calm some more, then nodded, this time with only a slight shake. "I… alright, alright, fine. Let's do this, then. What do you need from me?"

The Corsair Princess unfurled a document from her pocket and laid it out on the desk, proffering a pen to the Acting-Governor as she indicated a line at the bottom.

"All you need to do is sign at the X."

Libia nodded shakily, accepted the pen and laid it to the paper. And then she froze, slowly looking up at the pirates with an expression laden with doubt.

"Can… I just note the irony, and perhaps more importantly the _hypocrisy,_ of booting out my predecessor based on how frequently he accepted backroom deals and bribery, only to turn around and get in bed with pirates the _literal second_ I take his seat?" she asked.

Robin cleared her throat and gave Vivi a look. Muttering darkly, the princess dismissed the command. "You do yourself a disservice by forgetting the context, Mrs. Libia," Robin stated. "Your predecessor accepted those deals for personal gain and actively ruined the lives of those he was obliged to protect. In comparison, what are potential outcomes for this as they pertain to you?"

Libia swallowed heavily and tugged at her collar, eyeing the paper like it was a venomous snake. "At worst? Execution or assassination. And not fast, either."

"And what potential personal gain do you stand to achieve from this transaction?"

"Well…" Libia glanced about uncertainly. "…chances are I'll get some new and less corrupt management now, and my job won't leave me wanting to bash my head in after I clock out…"

"You knew the stakes when we explained the plan," Vivi picked up, laying a comforting hand on the woman's shoulder. "You knew that there would be high personal risk, and negligible accolades in return for those risks. And yet you still went through with it. _Why?"_

Libia clenched her eyes shut, visibly trembling. But when she opened them, they blazed with the same fire that had gotten her recruited for this endeavor in the first place. "…because this will make the lives of others better. Because I personally believe in the righteousness of this cause. Because it's the _right_ thing to do."

Vivi pushed the paper forward. "Sign here, here, and here."

This time, when Libia put her pen to the paper, she didn't put it down until the document was filled out in full. Vivi didn't waste a second waiting for the ink to dry, instead swiftly blasting the document with some warm air to lock the signatures in place before ripping the paper away and _literally_ storming off through the building to get the document in front of a notary.

With the deed now done and her adrenaline spent, Libia slumped bonelessly in her seat, her mind awhirl as she processed once more _what the hell she had just done._ And in her state of semi-panic, she grasped onto one niggling doubt in particular and glanced Robin's way. "So you're _sure_ the Marines won't try and kill me?" she whimpered.

Robin's response was to chuckle in a way that was both encouraging and yet entirely _not._ "Oh, you can rest assured, Acting-Governor; the Marines will find themselves even more preoccupied than they already were _very_ soon."

**-o-**

"Those damned Straw Hats and their damned charisma have ruined my damned business!" a broken and bruised slaver raved, nearly wrenching his arm out of the sling it was in in the process. "They wrecked my store! Stole my merchandise! _Stole all my hard-earned money!_ You need to get it _back,_ damn it! What the hell do I pay you bastards for?!"

It should have been a surprise that the one acting as a sympathetic ear and shoulder to this man was blatantly clad in a Marine uniform, and _especially_ since they were standing in a storefront with bloodstained chains and busted cages strewn about.

Tragically, to the inhabitants of Sabaody, it was anything but.

Just as it wasn't a surprise that while the commander of the Marine squad took notes on the destitute slaver's testimony, the rest of his squad stood guard around the store, ignoring all the blatant evidence strewn about with professional skill.

The commander nodded wordlessly through the testimony, right up until he heard the slaver's comment regarding his financing. At that point, the pencil snapped in the Marine's fingers and he fixed the slaver with a scathing _glare._ "The better question is, how do you intend to pay us _now_ if you don't have any money _left,_ _HM?"_ the commander pointedly asked.

The slaver's ire swiftly melted into panic, the man stammering for a moment before affixing a fearful smile on his face. "W-Well, when I say they stole all my money, I-I only mean they stole what I had on _hand!_ I-I still have plenty of funds s-stashed away offshore, I swear!" The slaver's cold sweat redoubled as the Marine's glare did the same. "A-A-And the funds they stole from me are all yours too, once you recover it, on top of my monthly payments!" A scowl spread over his face. "Just make sure you get my merchandise back to me so I can make up for the loss! Money I lose is money you lose too, you know!"

Grunting dismissively, the commander stored his notebook and turned to leave. "Yeah yeah, we'll see what we can do. It's not like you're the only one who got hit, you know." And with that he walked away, deliberately avoiding any eye contact with the evidence lying under his feet.

Once more, this total and purposeful ignorance was nothing that the inhabitants had not seen before.

"Hey, what are you all doing? That man is a _slaver,_ we need to arrest— _ow!"_

"Shut up and take your cut, rookie."

A recently transferred Marine who had not yet been exposed to the corruption of his base having their illicit practices forced upon him. This was also nothing that the inhabitants had not seen before.

"…you two… you're actually going to—!? What the hell is wrong with you guys? Put your hands behind your back, you're—"

_Ka-click-click-click-click._

Without a word or even a second glance, the commander walked on, ignoring his entourage as they drew and cocked their weapons, aiming straight at the man who had spoken up. All nothing even remotely new to the inhabitants, who had seen every step of this play out before.

But what happened next?

"KAMA-ITACHI!" _SHINNG!_

Yeah, _that_ was new. One of the Marines sheathed her sword as she stepped over the firing squad she'd just cut down, and stood alongside the Marine who had been about to be shot, adjusting the surgical mask she was wearing. A small group of other Marines approached from outside the store, their apparent lack of attention discarded in favor of deadly focus.

"Nobody threatens my men but me," the masked Marine intoned venomously. "And speaking of; men, arrest these _stains_."

The Marines saluted, then got to work, grabbing and shackling their corrupt brethren before they had a chance to recover. Two of the men split off to grab and subdue the commander of the Marines, forcing him to his knees in spite of his protests, while two more shoved the slaver down alongside him.

"Rrgh, what are you even doing!? This is how things work around here!" the commander spat, struggling against the men holding him. "You think you'll be rewarded for this?! Newsflash, the Government doesn't _care_ what these scum do as long as they pay through the nose for it, not one man in the entire garrison doesn't know that! You'll have your cut just like the rest of us if you stand down!" He then deepened his scowl with a vicious snort. "And if you _don't,_ you can take it up with the Public Employment Security Office. Marines _quit_ without warning every day, and they're always taking new _applicants_."

The masked Marine slowly turned to face him, the glare of the sun reflecting off her glasses. "Oh, is that so, commander?"

Before the corrupt Marine could respond, she reached up and removed her mask, revealing a face that every last one of the Sabaody garrison had _memorized_ as a possible threat to their well-being and pocketbooks. This was someone who couldn't be swayed by any amount of money; as baffling as it was to the Sabaody Marines, she put her life on the line for _altruism._ And worst of all, she was _good_ at it, too.

"No, no, don't stop there, you were on a roll," the recently dubbed 'Inquisitor' Tashigi said. "These backstreet deals, these _applicants_ you mentioned… Tell me _more."_

The commander's jaw worked fruitlessly for a long moment before he clicked it shut. "Well, we're right fucked, aren't we?" he squeaked.

"As they like to say in Alabasta," one of the soldiers holding him chuckled grimly. "' _Right_ in the down under.'"

"An understatement, if I have anything to say about it," Tashigi added, tapping Shigure's sheath in her palm. "But before all that, there's actually one _other_ thing I want from you." She jabbed the tip of her sheath at the slaver. "The information to access your offshore bank accounts. You're going to tell me _all_ of it."

While the commander's expression contorted in confusion at the _distinctly_ off-character demand from the poster child for Marine integrity, the slaver had no such context, and as such just struggled _harder._

"Y-You bitch! I'm not telling you a damn thing! That money is all I have left in the world! You call yourselves defenders of justice?! I-I won't give into this coercion! This-This _brutality!"_

Tashigi's gaze narrowed into a vicious glare. " _Shocking_ how those accusations can come to mean not a damn thing depending on the subject." She then cocked her lips into a fiendish smirk. "And for the record, did I say 'tell?' I meant _show._ Take him out, Popora."

"KYUN!"

_THWACK!_

And neither of the criminals knew anything more.

**-o-**

Tashigi nodded proudly while her men dragged off the dazed and woozy Marines and slaver, all of whom would be having a rather difficult time remembering the _exact_ details of what had just happened to them. But for all that Tashigi was pleased, there was still _one_ thing she was fuzzy on, prompting her to direct a doubtful look at her even fuzzier subordinate.

"That was very well done, as usual, but…" She tilted her head at Popora. "Why did you hit the Marines too?"

"Kyuuuun," the rabbit-wolf sighed in a patient yet put-upon manner as he took out a notepad and scribbled something down. He then folded his ear-wings upon themselves as he showed Tashigi what he'd written—

"THEY HAD _HOW MUCH MONEY!?"_

—the better to weather Tashigi's shocked shriek.

One of Tashigi's men glanced over her shoulder at the sum and whistled. "Little fella must have dug out their own cuts of the take, too. Gotta admit, no matter what we say about it, crime really _does_ pay, huh, ma'am?"

It took Tashigi a few seconds to recover, but once she did, she gained a savage grin of her own. "Well! In that case, I say we double down on what we were already planning, and pay all that out alongside the slavers' funds into the Divine's warchest." She slammed her fist into her palm with a determined nod. "Come on, men! Time for us to implement a new _income tax."_

The marines and wolf-dog all exchanged doubtful looks for a moment before waving their hands/paws in so-so gestures. "Meeeh…"/" _Kyuuuun…"_

Tashigi's head snapped around with a snarl, an inch of Shigure's steel clicking out of its sheath. " **What was that?"**

"N-NOTHING, LIEUTENANT TASHIGI, MA'AM!"/"Hrmmph…"

"That's what I thought! Now, _move out!_ "

**-o-**

It made things a little more convenient with Gif and Soundbite jointly handling the SBS this time around, as it meant that Soundbite could focus on censoring the more secretive aspects of our conversation. Something that was especially vital when taking a breather. A Straw Hat-themed dive bar was good for security purposes, but when we had passionate enough fans to try reading lips and memorizing every whisper that came from them, the location lost a few points for being so blatantly fan-oriented.

"So, Pisces has started her end of things," I said, smirking but moving my lips as little as possible, feeling for all the world like a villainous mastermind. Which, let's be honest here, I kind of was by this point. Pity that I didn't have Lassoo with me; would have loved to complete the image by menacingly stroking my pet, but what can you do.

Well, I'd also need a better locale, because Straw Hat-themed or not, a dive bar was _certainly_ not the best of locations in which to plot and enact master schemes of world-changing proportions. But hey, I was a pirate on a budget I didn't have much choice. Plus, again, it was a _Straw Hat_ -themed dive and the owner was kind enough to let me use a table to plan while Kid moved on to hit other slave houses. I didn't exactly have room to be ungrateful. He was oddly familiar too, for a reason I couldn't quite place, but eh, it would come to me.

"And now let's see where we are…" I mused, counting down on my fingers. "Marines are about to get reamed, Vivi and Robin have stuck a stick of dynamite up this place's tailpipe and secured us the last hyper-critical piece we needed, we've hit a pretty high critical mass on the number of slaves we've freed, at least half of the pirates that have made it to the archipelago are getting in on the act… yeah, we're making good time here. Anyone need anything while I'm here?"

" _Well, so long as you're asking…"_ Soundbite piped Urouge's inquiring voice in to me. " _Is there any reason that we're not going after the Human Auction House, Cross? You said yourself that it's the biggest one, so—?"_

"Yes, I did, and that's a major reason why we're not touching that place with a mile-long pole, because it's even _bigger_ than you think," I snapped, spinning my finger to signal Soundbite to send my voice to all our allies. "We might have all thirteen Supernovas working together on this crusade of ours, but the Auction House is backed by _one_ Warlord, and we Straw Hats have already taken out the _only_ two Warlords on the roster who weren't New World-level strong. But hey!" I made sure my shrug was audible in my voice. "If you think you have a chance of fighting off _Donquixote Doflamingo_ , take your shot. Sure, it's a toss-up on whether or not he'll give a damn, but _I'm_ not planning on poking a dragon, even if he is occupied with other things."

I let the sheer gravity of that statement sink in… aaaand _then_ I smirked.

"Oooor at least, I'm leaving it until we're running out of here like our rudders are on fire, once everything _else_ is on fire behind us."

A collection of groans, both good-natured and goodly _exasperated_ , rang out.

" _One of these days, Cross, maybe I'll stop assuming that you have any good sense about who you provoke,"_ Conis mused thoughtfully.

" **You'll** _ **neeeever**_ **find out,"** Soundbite sneered.

"But for now, I'm about to give you all a _big_ hint about which way my attitudes lean in that regard," I chuckled, pushing myself up from my table. "I'm going to polish off _one_ last ploy I've got in store before we move on to the main event and blow literally _everything_ up until now clean out of the water!"

"Ohoho, is that so? _Do_ tell more, deary!"

I jumped and spun around in shock. The remark had come from one of the many characters hanging around the bar. A word that, in most cases, simply referred to the colorful individuals that were a dime a dozen in this world, and especially in this ocean.

The white-clad chemist woman—who either had tall, black, spiky hair or a hat that resembled the same and was wearing a pair of thick, tinted goggles—peering over from a nearby table where she was mixing several vials of pink liquid was not one of those cases.

"Ohohoh, _do_ pardon my little interruption, Mister Cross," she crooned in a dulcet voice that brought to mind a thousand violins… being played by _Luffy._ "But I would love to know how you plan to outdo yourself with _this!"_

She swept herself up from her seat and spun about in a grandiose manner.

"First, gathering all of the most _innn-_ famous pirates in this generation together and pointing them at the slavers—the nasty little slavers. Then you start robbing them of their resources and funds, which inspires _other_ pirates to rob them of their resources and funds _as well_ , box them in so that they can't leave the island, and manipulate the Marines and government to box them up in prison on top of that. And when it goes to court—"

She suddenly spun around and struck a pose. "AHAHAHA! They'll be smashed with the hammer of their own justice! It's brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT, I tell you! _Genius,_ I say!"

A particularly exuberant gesture knocked over some of her vials, sending them crashing onto the floor. Nothing happened beyond a mess, which was strange because I could have sworn something was supposed to explode in this situation, and I could definitely hear the sounds of a detonation _somewhere…_ oh, no, wait, that was just a spare vestige of sanity left in my head, my mistake.

"… _ **THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING EVER**_ IN THE HISTORY _OF EVER,"_ Soundbite mumbled, adding onto my suffering.

"…silly me, got carried away there," the chemist simpered in an _entirely_ too fake tone. "But anyway! Tell me what you're doing next! I _need_ to hear your words!"

I fended off the creepy vibes she was radiating and returned to smirking menacingly. "Now, now, you'll have your answer along with everyone else before the day is out. Within the next couple of hours, even. No offense, but I'm not trusting anyone else with a preview of the midshow-showstopper for multiple reasons." I blinked as I ran what I'd just said through my head. "'Midshow-showstopper,' no, that's no good, I can do better than that…"

" _HALFTIME H-BOMB?"_ Soundbite piped in.

"Ah, that works, thanks!"

The woman frowned but cast her arm over her forehead with an exaggeratedly put-upon sigh. "Oh, very well… all the best plans go awry if anything gets leaked, after all." She settled slowly back down in her seat, then looked at me again. "Incidentally, though, I'm a frequent patron of this bar. Any chance I could get a snapshot with you so I can prove that I met one of the Straw Hats in person?"

" _ **Innocent question,**_ _you ever wonder_ **WHAT TINNITUS SOUNDS LIKE!?"**

"Sorry, sorry, _two_ of the Straw Hats in person," she hastily revised before clapping her hands expectantly. "Now then, BARTENDER!"

"Uh, yeah, folks?" answered the suspiciously familiar bodybuilder-esque bartender, setting down a tray before us. "Anything I can help you with? Food? Drink? I offer a mean back rub if you've got the time!"

"Later, bartender, _later,"_ the chemist waved her hand dismissively, and before either of us could properly react, she'd tossed him a camera and draped her arm around my shoulders as she struck an extremely ostentatious pose. "For now, _immortalize_ this moment, if you would please!"

I gave her a doubtful look before shrugging and donning my own grin as I flashed the camera a peace sign.

One flash and photograph signing later and I was turning around, all ready to book it—!

"Now then, _darling_ …"

"HYERK!"

When out of the blue, the lady swung her arms around my neck and all but draped herself off of me with a _way_ too toothy smile.

"Would you care to hear how _else_ I can think of immortalizing this _beautiful_ moment?"

Yeah, you can imagine that _that_ froze me up but good.

In all fairness, the woman before me wasn't ancient like the counterpart she was giving me flashbacks of; I'd say she wasn't any older than 30 on the outside, and even quite attractive under the lab gear she was wearing. Unfortunately, I wasn't in much of a position to be slowed down by crazy stalkers (emphasis on _crazy)_ today of all days and now of all times, and the flashes of what she _could_ look like in my mind's eye weren't doing me any favors either.

So, acting on a whim that I hoped was well-founded, I plastered a shaky smile on my face as I reached behind me to a skull that was on display as part of a 3D jolly roger and grabbed one of its incisors.

"Actually," I chuckled semi-hysterically. "I'd rather immortalize this moment by pulling this lever!"

_That_ got her blinking behind her goggles. "What lever—?"

_THUNK!_

" _AAAHHH! WRONG LEveeeeer…!"_

I was _immensely_ grateful that upon yanking the tooth, the floor directly in front of me fell out from under the stalker scientist and sent her plummeting out of sight. I slumped forward and wiped my forehead with a sigh of relief. "Noooope, I'm pretty sure that was _definitely_ the right lever."

I paused as a thought occurred to me, and I looked up curiously. "…why do you even _have_ that lever?" I posed to the barkeep, immediately regretting my wording when my partner started busting another nonexistent rib.

The bartender scoffed and looked at me like I'd lost… even more of my mind. "Uh, hello? Episode 76, Usopp's lecture on—"

"The theory, implementation, and advantages of trapdoors, right right right, _now_ I remember!" I chuckled, slapping my forehead in realization. "Well, as long as it works! Anyway, it's been fun and thanks for letting me hang out, but I've got to bounce! Halftime H-Bombs don't set themselves up, you know?"

"Oh, before you go!" He knelt down and brought up a steaming tray of _oh damn it now it hits me._ "Care to try some of the house special, my spinach puffs?

I deliberately allowed all emotion to drain from my face as Soundbite's howling crescendoed to the point where he _actually_ keeled clean off my shoulder.

The man tilted his head in confusion. "IIIIs that a no?"

**-o-**

"Razza-frazzin' Cross, razza-frazzin' Sabaody, razza-frazzin'—!"

"Somethin' eatin' at you, _daaarlin'?"_ a feline-looking individual sneered over his tuna casserole. "Is yer humble pie a wee little bit _raw?"_

"No no, it's the perfect temperat— _RAGH!"_ the shirtless but jacket-wearing woman sitting across from the Mink snarled. Winding up like a fastball pitcher, she bounced her glass off his goggles, which did absolutely nothing to stop his cackling. "Kindly choke on a furball, _hubby dear."_

The cat-mink—A.K.A. Lindbergh, Commander of the Revolutionary Army's Southern Armies—chuckled and waved her off. "Ahhh, come on, Betty Boop—!"

The woman—A.K.A. Belo Betty, Commander of the East Army—twitched and shot a scathing glower at the screen the SBS was playing on. "One more thing to stuff that slimy pest down his owner's throat for…"

"Oh pish posh, come on, now!" Lindbergh scoffed, waving his hand but smiling ear to ear. "Tell ol' 'dear and darlin' Lindy—the cat one, not the badass lizardy one—your problems! Psh, come on, it's almost like you're, I 'unno, jealous of Cross or something! Zizizi!"

"…" Betty remained pointedly silent at that comment, glancing away from her cohort, her teeth digging into her lower lip.

Even behind his goggles, the widening of Lindbergh's eyes was plainly obvious. "…oh dear lordy, you _are._ The fact that it's entirely to our benefit is immaterial because he's a _normie_ who's managing to blow your ability out of the water, isn't it?"

Betty still didn't say a word, but the way she guiltily glanced down at the table spoke volumes.

The feline mink's grin took on a more sincere air as he leaned across the table to place a comforting hand on Betty's arm. "Well, then, as your beloved friend, companion, and fake fiancée for the sake of this dinner…"

The Pump-Woman glanced up at her friend …

Who suddenly slammed back into his seat, _howling_ with mirth with a fuzzy finger pointed at her. "ALLOW ME TO LAUGH EVEN HARDER! _ZIZIZIZIZIIIII!"_

"I WILL _DROWN YOU IN THE SOUP, YOU MANGY—!"_

With it being the Baratie and an arguing 'couple,' nobody was all that disturbed when Betty shot halfway across the table and did her level best to try and throttle her chortling 'friend.' Of course, it may have also had something to do with them having a VIP room to themselves.

The only witness to their fight was Zeff, who had taken it upon himself to deliver the dining cart with their orders personally. And even then he didn't actually see anything so much as he beheld his two incognito patrons sitting comfortably in their seats, slightly disheveled and a few (thankfully empty) plates rattling to a halt between them. He took one look at the _completely comfortable and innocent_ 'couple' and barely kept from rolling his eyes.

"Everything alright in here?" he asked politely. As polite as Zeff ever was, anyway.

Lindbergh coughed and polished his knuckles on his jacket, grinning all the while. "Oh yes, everything's fine, the food is _resplendent,_ my good man!" he crooned, pitching his voice into the most exaggerated, hoity-toity, and _fake_ tone he could manage.

"Yeah. It's _swell,"_ Betty grit out in agreement, her twitching face clearly the result of a nervous tic, and _not_ her heartfelt desire to stab something. Or one, as it were.

The head chef allowed himself a slight smirk as he pushed his cart forward. "Well, in that case, allow me to recommend our famous chili." Zeff's smirk deepened with a hint of an edge. "Local critics have rated it with five _red flags."_

The Revolutionaries' distracted animosity instantly vanished as they both snapped their full attention to Zeff. Lindbergh cocked his head to the side. "Maybe side it with some _red lobster legs, hm?"_ he inquired piercingly, actually sounding serious for the first time that day.

Betty ground her cigarette in her jaws as she nodded in agreement with the cat-mink. "Yeah, and could you cook them here for us? We're particularly fond of dropping them in the pot and listening to them _squeal."_

The tension in the room ratcheted up for a good minute, until Zeff smirked and gave them a nod.

"I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, enjoy your meal," he said before exiting the room.

Settling back into place, the two Revolutionaries fell into companionable silence for a minute, Lindbergh taking a bite of one of the best hamburgers he'd ever had while Betty sipped spoonful after delectable spoonful of ajoblanco.

But, as was par for the course for the more… _influential_ people on the high seas, such peace simply _could not_ be left to stand for long. Case in point…

"Not going straight for the marzipan?" the literal cat-person snickered, shooting his ally yet another cocky smirk.

"This is much harder to come across," Betty retorted, pointedly ignoring the jab in favor of the flavor of her soup, though not without eyeing the dessert platter nearby. "But you know, I figured it was only a matter of time before that happened."

"Oh, agreed on that front," Lindbergh nodded sagely. "Grand Line veterans are never pushovers, and the word on the street is _really_ foggy about where and _why_ Red Leg decided to pull out, sooo yeah, let's step lightly." He took a final bite to finish his first burger and then leaned back in his seat. "But anyway, where were we…"

Lindbergh snickered at Betty's prior emotional stormcloud snapping back into place. "Ah, right, your _complete and utter_ upstaging! But, ah, seriously…" he coughed, his voice going down to the closest thing to sympathy he could manage. "Look, he's a rabble-rouser and kind of pushing on your schtick, I get that, but it's not _that_ bad! I mean, c'mon… It's not like he's…" Lindbergh blew out a scoff as he rolled his hand dismissively. "I dunno, actually getting in front of a crowd and trying to start a riot."

" _ **Attention, people of Sabaody Archipelago!"**_

The pair froze, and _slowly_ turned their attention to the display, which now showed Jeremiah Cross… standing on a pile of crates… in front of a crowd.

Lindbergh slowly blinked and tilted his head. "… _huh,_ would you look at that."

Both individuals present were now acutely aware of the steady spike in blood pressure one of them was now experiencing. The other, for his part, simply chose to ignore any semblance of good sense.

Which is to say, Lindbergh looked back at Betty with a _perfectly innocent_ smile. "…ya know, maybe if you ask _really_ nice, he could give you some tips or—?"

"THAT DOES IT!"

A blind man could have seen this result coming, yet Lindbergh made no attempt to dodge as Betty _threw_ herself clean across the table—expertly avoiding the remaining food upon it in the process—and tackled him to the ground.

"Oh, _honey,_ here upon the carpet! You're a beast, a savage—OW, WATCH THE WHISKERS, YOU TWO-BIT SOAPBOX PREACHER!"

**-o-**

The upper brass of the Government and Navy had anticipated that the Straw Hats would cause some damage to the Sabaody slave trade, but the sheer scale of the operation was far beyond even their worst-case scenarios.

Even so, the broadcast image of Cross literally standing on a soapbox (or, well, a soapbox on top of a sizeable mountain of crates, barrels and other random debris) with a large, ever-growing, and eagerly attentive crowd around him should _not_ have come as a surprise.

The thrice-damned _snail_ munching on a spinach puff, on the other hand…

Cross took a second to clear his throat and redouble his nerves before starting again.

" **People of Sabaody Archipelago!"** he announced, speaking in a calm and measured voice that was highly amplified by the _distinctly_ unamused snail on his shoulder. " **Allow me to do away with the preamble by getting straight to the point: You all know who I am! You all know why I'm here, you know what my allies and I are doing… and you all probably know why I'm speaking to you now, and what I want to ask of you."**

The crowd shifted in distinct discomfort, Cross' words heading into an area that was at once familiar and uncomfortable

Sensing how the mood was turning, Cross held up a placating hand. " **I know why many of you are going to say no to what I ask. Why many of you have said no to endeavors like this in the past, and why none of you have ever tried this for yourselves. You'll say no, and you'll turn away… because it's not your problem."**

Much of the crowd looked like they wanted to just walk away. But whether by reputation, inertia, or even a pricked conscience, none acted on that desire.

And Cross's next words ensured they would _stay_ that way.

" **And I get it!"** the Anarchist reassured the crowd, earnest and _honest_ compassion in his voice. " **I understand! You all agree with us, agree with our cause, agree with what we're** _ **fighting**_ **for, but you have your own lives. Your own worries, your own hopes and dreams, your own** _ **lives.**_ **And if you help with this, if you stick your necks out and involve yourselves with this problem, then it will be** _ **your**_ **lives on the line, and** _ **you**_ **will be** _ **next**_ **. And I understand this, and I sympathize, truly I do…"**

The crowd tensed, everyone knowing that there was a 'but' in there. And indeed, as Cross bowed his head and tipped the brim of his cap down, he didn't disappoint.

" **But… the truth of the matter is that this** _ **is**_ **your problem, and it has been for a long time. And I'm not just talking about the soul-crushing** _ **guilt**_ **of seeing this evil eat away at your homes every damn day and not being able to do a thing about it, oh no! What I'm talking about is the fear you all live in, day after day, that this problem will eventually, inevitably come and involve** _ **you!"**_

**-o-**

" **You can lock your doors, you can bar your windows, you can be as vigilant and as well-armed as you like, but each and every one of you lives in fear of the day where for one second, one** _ **instant**_ **you'll let down your guard… and lose everything. And it doesn't just have to be you. A friend, a family member, even an** _ **acquaintance.**_ **Any time, anywhere, so long as this threat exists, everything you** _ **know**_ **is in mortal danger. Just one glance away, just one moment… and it will be gone."**

Cross's shrug was transmitted worldwide by way of his broadcast, as was his sorrowful grimace. " **And you know that it will be the moment** _ **you**_ **look away, because no one else is looking for you. Everyone else is too concerned with their own lives, and those who are** _ **supposed**_ **to be watching for you** _ **refuse**_ **to do so, either because they've been given explicit orders not to, because they're benefitting from it, or they couldn't be made to give a damn either way."**

In a bar in Loguetown, a brace of uniformed Navy officers off-duty had their mugs snatched from their hands. They looked up, two seconds from tearing whoever had interfered with their drinking a new orifice, only to choke up when they saw that it was the bartender _himself_ giving them a level glare.

"The tap. Is closed," he all but snarled, and with his hand under the countertop, it was _very_ clear that this wasn't up for debate.

The Marines reeled back at the amount of venom in the once kindly man's voice, and in the process noticed just how much unwelcome attention they were receiving the other patrons. Glares, snarls, they ran the gamut of unkindly expressions.

"H-Hey!" the least senior of the group of soldiers tried to protest, desperately looking around for _any_ form of support. "C-C'mon guys, are you _seriously—?_ Look, even if Cross isn't ly—er, I-I mean… what I'm getting at is that you _know_ us, we're not like those guys! We're not with them!"

"Oh, _really?"_ another patron sneered, not even bothering to look their way. "In case you've all forgotten, _you're wearing their colors._ So, you tell us… _how,_ exactly, are you _not_ with them?"

The rookie made to protest, but was silenced by one of his seniors dropping a hand on his shoulder. The new recruit took one look at the head shake the older Marine shook gave, and didn't protest when the squad shuffled out of the bar and down the street.

By now, the officers of the Loguetown garrison could only ignore the increasingly hostile attitude among the civilian population. They had done nothing to earn it and were well aware of that fact; Smoker and Tashigi had been particular about ensuring trustworthy officers were left in charge of Loguetown, even if they weren't Masons… yet.

Yet, it was increasingly clear that Cross was breaking the world's faith in the entire Navy. And there wasn't much they could do to address it besides hunkering down and doing their jobs _right._

A line was being drawn in the sand. And sooner rather than later, it would come time to pick a side.

**-o-**

" **So yes. No matter how much you try and turn away from it, this evil** _ **is**_ **your problem. But now, a different issue presents itself."** Cross spread his hands out, gesturing to the crowd. "' **How can I** _ **possibly**_ **help? How can** _ **I**_ **make a difference? After all, we're just civilians; no skills, no strength, while they have weapons and they can fight. No chance at all…'"**

The pirate's eyes sharpened, and his expression grew more severe.

" **Well, let me tell you, you are** _ **dead. WRONG!"**_ The last word _roared,_ even by his elevated volume's standards, and the heat behind it struck a chord in all those watching. " **These people** **might be stronger, might be better armed, but I'll tell you what, they're** _ **not**_ **better motivated. These people, they fight for** _ **greed.**_ **They fight for wealth, personal gain, and** _ **nothing else.**_ **But** _ **you…"**_

Cross's eyes flashed over the audience as he stepped forward, alighting with particular attention on every hand that bore a wedding band and every child that lingered with their parents. And he could _see_ the fire beginning to form in the eyes that looked back at him.

" **You all fight for something** _ **far**_ **more important than that!"** Cross pumped his fist heavenward, charging his voice—and their spirits—even more. " **You fight for your** _ **lives!**_ **You fight for friends and family, for those who were lost and those you could still lose. And most important of all, you fight for your HOME! For** _ **two hundred years,**_ **Sabaody Archipelago has been forced to** _ **suffer**_ **under the cancer of slavery! For** _ **two hundred years**_ **has the home** _ **you built,**_ **with blood, sweat, and tears been** _ **stolen from you,**_ **twisted into a living nightmare for all who pass through it!"**

**-o-**

" **For two hundred years, any traces of your past relations with your aquatic neighbors have been ground into the dirt and abused, and you've had to watch in** _ **silence,**_ **for fear of being ridiculed, or worse,** _ **attacked**_ **for defending them! Well I'm asking you, here and now, are you** _ **willing**_ **to live like that for even** _ **one second more? I SAY, NO!"**_

The denizens of the deep, of all ages, heard to the ongoing speech. It did not escape them that a large force of royal guards had gathered around the area, probably to prevent any outbreak of violence.

With a certain whale-shark fishman present to organize things, it was a stout impediment to any trouble from Cross's speech.

" **This is** _ **your**_ **home** _ **,**_ **these are** _ **your**_ **lives, and** _ **they. ARE NOT. WELCOME!**_ **Here and now, it is time to make a stand! Time to cast off the chains of fear, of doubt, and** _ **put these bastards in their place!**_ **Time to stand strong, stand firm, and say, once and for all,** _ **NO!**_ "

And the Warlord's presence served to deter _other_ forms of obstructions as well, something that came in handy when he suddenly stiffened and _glowered_ at a perfectly innocuous patch of ground.

Innocuous, anyway, until he planted a sandal on said patch of ground's throat and pressed hard enough to damn near crush its windpipe, prompting the patch to drop its camouflage and scramble frantically for an escape.

"I-I-I let you discover— _hork!"_ Zeo's protest was cut off by more pressure and Jinbei's bone-rattling snarl. "I-I mean… I just wanted to sneak some free concessions?"

Jinbei scoffed and took his sandal off the wobbegong fishman so that he could grab him by his throat instead, hauling him back into a stance that had Zeo scrambling all the more desperately.

"If you're _that_ desperate to watch your pathetic perversions of _my crew's_ hopes and dreams burn to the ground," Jinbei bit out. "Then you can go back to Hody and do so…"

Jinbei _flung_ his arm out, sending Zeo flying way up and far out of sight.

" _ **BACK IN THE PIT YOU CRAWLED OUT OF!"**_

"Aaaand… aww, no twinkle, _la-ti-do~!"_ groaned Ryuboshi, though he smiled the whole time.

"I've really gotta stop you from listening to Soundbite's 'Happy Fun Time Copyright Infringement Hour.' It's giving you unrealistic expectations, _akkamanbo~!_ " chortled Manboshi, grinning just as much.

**-o-**

" **Will it be dangerous? Yes. Will people be hurt? Undoubtedly. Will some of you** **give your** _ **lives**_ **for this?…I won't lie; there is every chance of it. After all…"**

Most of the world winced as Cross slid one of his gauntlets off and unwound his bandages enough to flash his bare arm, reviving some _very_ disturbing memories for the people who'd heard him acquiring it live.

" **I've felt it firsthand,"** Cross nodded solemnly as he rewound his bandages. " **I've stared death in the face more than once, and I've rarely come away from it unscathed. It hurt when I got these scars, and they can still hurt sometimes. I've been lucky, and some of you may not be."**

The rabble rouser's eyes then shone, not with the grave, solemn light of defiance from before, but rather the blaze of absolutely righteous _fury_ that had made him famous. " **But in the same breath, I guarantee,** _ **I GUARANTEE!"**_ Cross roared once more. " **That if you shy away now… if you back down** _**now…**_ **then now and forever, you will** _ **regret it.**_ **Every time you see someone in chains, someone** _**suffering**_ **under the yoke of slavery, you will come back to** _ **this moment**_ **and find yourself asking-"** Cross pointed straight at both his audiences. "' **Could I have done something? Could I have stopped that?** _ **Could I have made a difference?'**_ **And it. Will.** _ **Haunt you."**_

" **You might die if you fight… BUT I TELL YOU THIS!"** Cross bellowed, the moment emphasized as if by _divine_ intervention via a ray of sunlight bouncing off the bubbles and giving him a celestial spotlight. " **HERE AND NOW, I TELL YOU, IT IS** _ **BETTER**_ **TO DIE! If you must choose, then rather than live forevermore on your knees as a slave, then it is better to die on your feet! Die kicking and screaming, fighting to the last, for that which you believe in!"**

**-o-**

Across the world, the vid-snails flashed new images from across the Archipelago.

" **And so here I stand. Begging.** _ **Pleading.**_ **For one thing. For just. One. Thing."**

The Corsair Princess stalked through the archipelago, a concentration scowl on her face. A forceful thrust of her palm and a firing line of mercenaries flew into the drink. A crushed mini-twister in her palm and a large ship trying to draw a bead on her crumbled beneath a cyclone. And a blade clean through her back and out her chest didn't even warrant a _glance,_ merely a snap of her fingers that bounced the would-be stabber off the nearest wall with a _nasty_ crunch of bone.

" _ **Fight.**_ **Here and now, please help us. Please…** _ **fight."**_

The White Menace was in the process guaranteeing herself a future lecture on ammo conservation, cackling and taunting all the while. The only break in her blasting was when a would-be rogue tried to sneak up on her, which prompted her to stop _just_ long enough to swing around and utterly _brain_ the sneak with her gun's still-rotating barrel.

" **Fight for liberty: your own and those who've lost it!"**

The Cyborg stood with a ferocious grimace, his wide stance intercepting every bullet aimed at the newly freed people behind him, then blowing flames from his lips once the shooting ceased. He flexed, letting the few bullets that had sunk in fall to the ground before rearing back his right hand and slamming the shooters to the ground with a Strong Right.

" **Fight for equality, so that you may never be crushed again!"**

The Devil Child held a man bound by a dozen arms, two of his fingers already clearly broken and slave after slave being freed behind her thanks to other arms unlocking their restraints, one way or another.

" **Fight for brotherhood—for** _ **fraternity—**_ **because when one of us suffers in chains, we** _ **all**_ **suffer as one!"**

The Sniper King crouched on a bubble bike at the highest point he could manage, a frown of concentration plastered on his face as he fired off Star after Star, supporting his allies on all sides from the best position he could be.

**-o-**

" _ **FIGHT!"**_ I screamed, I demanded, I _begged_ the crowd, hoping against all hope—inches away from outright kneeling and _praying—_ that they would listen, that they would please, please, _please_ listen. " _ **FIGHT! SO THAT THESE RIGHTS MAY NEVER BE STRIPPED FROM YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE, EVER AGAIN!"**_

I expected the silence that followed; righteous mobs needed buildup, more than just the one speech. I waited, not letting my expression give an inch, as the seconds ticked on… and on. All I needed was _one_ person to start yelling from _within_ the crowd to get things going, someone to take the first step. And I _really_ didn't want to use Soundbite to fake it, because with my reputation there was a good chance I could get called on it… but damn it, if there was no other _choice…_

As it approached a full minute of silence, my resolve started to waver, and I was about to twitch my finger for Soundbite to spark things off…

When I heard it.

"LIBERTY! EQUALITY! FRATERNITY!"

I had _no_ other response than to sag in relief. I had him. Just one person, yelling at the top of his lungs. Hell, the guy _literally_ rose above the crowd, presumably standing on a crate or something as he echoed my (honestly off the seat of my pants, got a bit caught up in the moment there) chant.

Then, just as I knew… or at least had _hoped_ would happen…

"L…Liberty… LIBERTY! _LIBERTY! EQUALITY! FRATERNITY!"_

" _LIBERTY! EQUALITY! FRATERNITY!"_

" _ **LIBERTY! EQUALITY! FRATERNITY!"**_

The whole crowd started to join in: thousands, literally _thousands_ of people cheering and chanting, pumping their fists as the flames of revolution ignited in their souls. It was that sight, that blessed, _awe-inspiring sight,_ that finally allowed me to let a smile of bloody euphoria plaster itself on my face. Now, after _months_ of running a pirate-protest (protest-pirate? Whichever) radio show and leading the world in raging against the global-scale machine, I thought I knew what a rush was. But this?

_This_ was a feeling that I had never even come _close_ to knowing until now.

And hell, I wouldn't have even _gotten_ this far if it wasn't for… huh, who _did_ I owe this all to, anyhow? Because for all that I had faith in the human spirit, I doubt it was any normal person who'd be able to stand up like that.

So, using the cover of the crowd's ignited fervor, I worked my way through the throngs toward the spot Soundbite had identified as the start of it all. The individual responsible, as it turned out, was a familiar face. Well… not for _me,_ but the grizzled mug giving me a toothy grin and his bush hat rung some damn familiar bells.

"Jeremiah Cross, you are without a doubt the craziest son of a Sea King this half o' the Red Line," the old timer chuckled, thumbing the brim of his hat. "But _heeeell_ if you're the only one! Y'know, if it weren't for those two friends of yours talkin' to my crew and me earlier, I may not have _bothered_ to give you a split second a' my time!"

"Two friends…" I repeated, trailing off as I ran the possibilities through my head. Then I blinked in surprise. "So you _are_ Bomoss then?"

"Damn straight," he answered, his grin showing more teeth than humor now as he clapped a hand on my snail-free shoulder. "We might be scumbag criminals, but it _hurts_ to admit that it took you and yours to help remind us that this is _our_ home too. Even _we've_ got standards, and damn it, when the day comes that a _tourist_ is making sense like that… well, I figure that if overthrowin' this order needs to come from where nobody expects?" He cackled and thumped his fist against his chest. "Then that's where it'll come from!"

I chuckled at that before nodding in agreement, smacking my right hand on his shoulder. "And you can be sure we're all grateful for it, Bomoss. Welcome to the fight!"

Bomoss nodded gratefully at the gesture, then… looked at my arm in surprise? No, wait, not my arm, my shoulder, my _patch._ "A fight it looks like you've already labeled, huh?" he said more than asked, pointing out the tricolor I was wearing. "That doesn't look none too random, but it ain't no flag I've ever seen before. Wassit mean?"

I briefly hesitated to answer—both because I wasn't expecting the question and because I needed a tic to put an answer together—but once I had my response straight, I pointed at the colors. "Blue, the Liberty of the ocean, vast and unrestrained; white, the Equality of living under the same sky, free and clear; and red, the Fraternity of sharing the same blood, no matter who or what you are or where you're from."

Bomoss gave the patch an intent onceover before nodding proudly. "Oh yeah, that's a roight beaut of a symbol right theyah! And if you don't mind," he chuckled and waved his hand, the gesture bringing a few ruffians closer to him through the crowd. A few whispers to them had their expressions snapping to slasher grins, and he laughed as they all darted off. "I think we'll be taking it for ourselves! Get ready to see a _lot_ more of those colors around, mate!"

" **Hooooo, BOY!** _LOOKS LIKE I'VE gotta start putting some_ TD _s_ _**together!"**_ Soundbite crowed.

"Take whatever lyrics he throws at you with a few grains of salt ready to pelt him in the face," I deadpanned.

" _ **NYEEEEEH!"**_ Soundbite whined obnoxiously. " _Aaaanyway, I'm gonna go ahead and_ _ **start barking out the marching orders to**_ _GET THIS PARTY TRAIN A-ROLL—_ _ **gyeep!"**_ The snail suddenly cut himself off with a choked gurgle, eyes suddenly wide in a _very_ unhelpful combo of shock and terror. " _Uhhh,_ **sorry, passengers, a slight change of plans: the 10:30 express to revolution** _ **WILL BE EXPERIENCING A DELAY DUE TO**_ _**THE TRACKS BEING obstructed."**_

I gave Soundbite a side-long deadpan _look_. "What in the hell are you babbling ab—?"

" _ATTENTION CITIZENS OF SABAODY!"_

My head bounced, both from the sheer volume of the voice that blasted over the crowd, _and_ the sizeable sweatdrop I was suddenly sporting. "Yeah, no, nevermind, I see what you're saying. Give me a second to get an eye on things…" I looked around real quick, searching for _some_ sort of vantage point I could find to look over the suddenly tentative crowd. And _then_ my eyes fell on Bomoss.

"Hey, old-timer, how strong are you?"

"Eh? I'm pretty tough, but what's it matter to— _GAH! HEY, WATCH IT!"_

Well, good-news-bad-news time: Good news, I could now mark 'clambering up and over someone so that I could stand on their shoulders' off my bucket list, sooo that was a plus, though Bomoss swearing and cursing under me kind of ruined the moment a bit. Probably didn't help that I'd planted my foot on his hat to keep my balance, I'll admit…

Bad news? The crowd had been stopped in its tracks by a _fucking firing line._ And I don't mean a firing line of mercs, that would have been _easy_ to steamroll. No… I mean a line of _white and blue._ Marines, stretched across the root we were on and blocking the paths to other groves. They didn't have their guns leveled at anyone, no, but the sight of a full squadron of Marines in shoulder arms position was intimidating enough to do the job.

And the jagoff of a commander in the front with a _bullhorn_ wasn't helping things either.

" _CITIZENS OF SABAODY!"_ Jagoff bellowed, regarding the crowd with an almost bored intensity. " _You are currently violating Section 2101 of Title 18 of the W.G Public Ordinance Code! This is an unlawful and unruly gathering! Mass rioting is punishable by incarceration and 15 years in prison, and we have authorization to use_ lethal force _if you refuse to comply! By order of Fleet Admiral Sengoku, disperse immediately! I repeat, disperse immediately!"_

"Ssssonnuva—!" I cursed under my breath. "How the hell did they get here so fast!? That battleship Komei left behind to guard this place is nowhere nearby!"

" _ **Ssssstarting to think that those**_ **INSIGNIFICANT FISHING BOATS** _I HEARD DOCKING a grove away_ WEREN'T **as insignificant as I originally thought…"** Soundbite coughed uncomfortably. "ON A MARGINALLY RELATED NOTE, _**WE'RE FUCKED AREN'T WE?"**_

"As they say in Alabasta—!" Bomoss grumbled from beneath me.

"There is _no way_ they'd actually fire into a crowd…" I muttered to myself.

"Do you have _any_ bloomin' idea how many other crowds have said those _exact_ words before shite went tits up?!" the smuggler I was using as a makeshift ladder demanded. "Look, you daft gob, in case you haven't noticed, this is about to get real bloody real fast, so let's get out of here fast before—!"

"No, you don't get it!" I interrupted, my brow furrowed in intense thought _and_ disbelief. "I mean there is _literally_ no chance on this planet that Sengoku would have given those orders, _or_ that he would let anyone stupid enough to claim he did within a mile radius of this _archipelago._ The Marines' reputation is running on a _shoestring budget_ as it is, and this entire shitshow is nothing short of sociopolitical suicide! They can't even afford to touch Paradise's Public Enemies numbers one through fourteen when we're right on their front porch, so they shouldn't even be able to _sneeze_ in the direction of civvies! Why the hell are they—?"

My brain froze as everything I knew hit me at once and the pieces _clicked_ together, which prompted me to sloooowly don a vicious grin.

"…oh. _Ooooohohohoh,_ so _that's_ how it is…" I chuckled, nodding with grim respect. "Well, I'll be damned, that is either the cleverest or _stupidest_ thing they could have done, and for the life of me I can't tell which…"

"Care to share, mate?"

"DITTO, _I CAN HEAR A LOT OF THINGS_ _ **but not if you don't actually**_ **say it!"**

I looked at my companions and told them what I had realized. They matched my expression as it sunk in.

"Ya know, I think that lot's closer to stupid because you're the one who's closer to clever," Bomoss chuckled. "Aight, I'll spread the word around, keep morale up and all. Oh, and while you're handling those gobs, maybe _GET OFF ME HEAD!_ "

"GAH!" I yelped in shock on account of _that_ particular exclamation being punctuated by Bomoss shrugging me off his shoulders and onto the cold, unforgiving—well, actually the ground was soft and moist because of the moss, but still!

Bomoss was perhaps a _tad_ too smug about that, but since he was spreading the word and the march wasn't losing any intensity or people despite being ground to a halt, I could let it go.

" _Citizens!"_ the lead jagoff repeated. " _I repeat, disperse at once and return to your homes! We are authorized to use_ lethal _force if you continue with your noncompli—GUH!"_ Jagoff's tirade collapsed into a gurgle of shock, probably due to the _niiiice_ and shocking sight of _me_ walking out of the crowd and straight up to him.

I kept my face neutral as I walked right up to him, completely unfazed by the many, many soldiers who all wanted me dead, as well as the many, _many_ weapons they were ready to kill me with. They couldn't miss if they tried, and I couldn't escape if I wanted to.

Yet _still,_ they were more scared of me then I was of them.

"…well?" I asked patiently, Soundbite doing me the favor of bouncing my voice to the rest of the surrounding onlookers. "I'm showing noncompliance, I'm a wanted criminal, and _you_ have the permission to use lethal force. So… _force_ me."

The Marines collective composure started to crack, and most visibly at that; here a little trembling, there a little sweating, and everywhere a decided _lack_ of gunshots.

The commander was a particularly nervous example, taking a shaky step forwards and pressing the barrel of his flintlock pistol between my eyes. "You are outnumbered," he grit out, doing a rather impressive job of keeping the shudder in his voice hidden. "Outgunned, and _way_ out of your league. Surrender, _now."_

I narrowed my eyes at him and pressed my head against the barrel of his gun as I made a single request.

" _Make me."_

_That_ took the wind out of the commander's sails, and both his eyes and gun started to shake furiously.

I immediately plastered a pleasant grin on my face. "Here, let me help you with that." And before the Marine could react, I snatched his pistol out of his grip, pressed it to the side of my temple and pulled the trigger—

_CLICK._

—with absolutely _no_ result, as the suddenly deathly silent crowd _all_ heard.

My expression once more utterly unimpressed, I shoved the weapon back in his hands, forcing him to stumble back and scramble to avoid fumbling it. "A word of advice," I commented dryly, my every word—and likely the crowd behind me—sending the line of Marines into terrified retreat. "The next time you point a weapon at someone and try to tell them what to do? _Find the balls to load your guns."_

And with that, I ignored the panicked babbling of the worthless boob so that I could turn back to the crowd and pump my fist in the air. "PEOPLE OF SABAODY!" I bellowed, Soundbite ramping my voice up once more.

I then leaned forwards and donned the absolute _best_ slasher grin I could manage.

" _Let's go wreck some shit."_

Aaaaaaand _that_ just about did it. The crowd bellowed their furious agreement back at me, and as one, stampeded through the now-defunct firing line. As they went, not one person touched any of the Marines. After all, why would they? It wasn't like they were a threat to anyone anymore.

I chuckled and thumbed the brim of my cap as the mob raged past us, and I shot a smug look at Soundbite. "Well! I don't know about you, but I think that went well."

Soundbite's only response was to just laaaaaugh and laugh.

**-o-**

"Where in the hell did they get a _cannon?"_ muttered a sharp-dressed redhead in blue and red as bullets pinged off the overturned cart he was using for cover.

While the Supernovas _were_ doing most of the damage to the slave economy of Sabaody, there had been a great many other pirate crews present on the archipelago, either awaiting a coating job or equally blocked from _leaving_ the place by the blockade to keep pirates _out._ The Phoenix Pirates, led by this man, were of the latter persuasion. With the conclusion of the previous SBS, they had been gung-ho about returning to Fishman Island and, from there, the New World. But the minute that the SBS revealed what the Supernovas were up to, they jumped at the chance to repay the Straw Hats for helping them and strike a good payday in the process.

Like many others, however, they were finding that slavers could defend themselves surprisingly well given a little warning.

The slave house had only a single entrance, and they'd heavily barricaded that entrance as well as the front wall. Every slaver inside had a gun, and while their fire was more enthusiastic than accurate, in confined quarters, enthusiasm counted more.

And they had a cannon. A cannon that roared and _shredded_ another wagon nearby, sending his crew scurrying for new cover.

"Pretty sure it's a wooden cannon, Cap'n," muttered his crewmate Jiro, also huddled behind the wagon. "Certainly got no shortage of powder and bullets."

Puzzle bit out a curse. He was good with a chain, good enough to catch bullets on the links. But dozens? In a narrow cone? No way in hell.

"Right. Well, I'm open to ideas about how to take it out," he said.

Then he heard the chanting.

"What in the sweet…" he muttered, lifting his head up and looking down the street. His eyes widened, and he paled slightly. That was a mob. No pitchforks, but plenty of torches, and frankly the diverse array of sharp and blunt objects they were carrying weren't much better. "Oh, boy."

"Maybe they're here for the slavers?" Jiro offered.

"Maybe. Still, tell the rest of the crew to get ready to bug out if that crowd goes for us."

Jiro nodded and scampered away, crouched low, as Puzzle continued to watch the crowd.

The wait as the crowd came closer was agonizing. Minutes felt like hours. But only a couple of buildings away, the front began to jog right towards them. Puzzle tensed… and then the crowd veered hard left and went straight at the slaving house.

"Oh, no…" Puzzle breathed, eyes wide at what was about to happen.

The cannon roared, and so did every gun in the store. The entire front rank of the mob _melted._

…And then the rest were pressing up against the wall and the open door, hammers and crowbars and a few hand axes going to work. Another volley rang out, and more people fell, but the ones behind simply grabbed up the tools and went back at it.

There was also an almighty bang and screams of pain from inside.

"The cannon!" Puzzle realized, shooting to his feet. "Men! Attack!"

Not waiting for a reply, Puzzle dove towards the shop, the crowd parting in his wake, and he let out a roar of exertion as he lashed his chain into the barricade with the force of a sea train at full speed.

It was all over in a matter of minutes. Vicious, hectic, and _exceedingly_ brutal minutes, but minutes. After all, without their artillery emplacement to keep their attackers off their backs, the mercs were still nothing but slaver scum, and thus no match for real pirates.

Once matters had mostly settled down and he had a chance to catch his breath, Puzzle stepped aside and stared in bewilderment. The crowd of _civilians,_ of all things, was in the process of ransacking the store, stealing everything that wasn't nailed down, applying crowbars to the stuff that _was,_ and freeing any slaves they could find.

"Someone want to tell me what I'm looking at here?" he asked nobody in particular, not really expecting an answer.

Hence why he jumped almost a foot in the air when the thin air gave him one. "THAT, MY FRIEND, WAS THE START OF _THE SLAVE INDUSTRY'S BAD DAY_ _ **GETTING EVEN WORSE. Oh, and don't worry,**_ **those injuries look worse than they are. TURNS OUT THAT FACING DOWN A CHARGING MOB** _throws your aim off something fierce! Who knew, right?"_

Puzzle took a second to process that before shaking his head dismissively. "So the explanation is 'act of Straw Hats, just roll with it,' got it. Well, if that's everything—"

"YEAH YEAH, _RETURN TO YOUR USUAL LOOT—_ **EH? … crap. Alright, return to your usual looting if you** _ **want**_ **to,** _ **but if you can, maybe see about swinging back**_ _towards our staging grounds at_ _**Grove 77. THINGS ARE STARTING TO GET…**_ **TENSE** _**THERE."**_

**-o-**

'Fiendish' Foxy had not been this fatigued since his mano a mano with Luffy, and his crew was starting to feel the strain as well.

The combat itself wasn't the problem, not really. Under normal circumstances, his crew could handle it just fine. But fighting _and_ supervising a timid, unkempt, and not in the least fit to fight sea of individuals? _That_ put a hamper on their abilities.

As such, they had opened the book on war tactics and acted accordingly.

On one side of the Foxy Pirates' captain were the escaped slaves. It was, simultaneously, both a very inspirational and very depressing sight. The grove's landscape had been transformed into a sea of both hastily erected tents and huddled, frightened bodies. There were a few dozen appropriately trained pirates and miscellaneous volunteers milling through the crowd, providing what comfort they could to the recently emancipated souls. On its own, the situation would have been difficult enough to deal with, given just how _many_ people needed help, as well as the sheer variety and intensity of their injuries and traumas…

_**KRA-KOOM!** _

Foxy winced, scowling as he shifted his head the other way. But then, the situation was even _worse_ than that, wasn't it…

Erected on Foxy's other side was a massive wall of debris. Anything they could get their hands on. Stone, dirt, wood, metal, they'd even dismantled a few buildings. Small ports had been cut in the barricade to allow the pirates to fire out without getting winged by a bullet, and a few small mortars that Foxy had… _appropriated_ back when he'd been in the Blues were helping keep the Marines' heads down. The fact that Cross's weapon-hound was scampering back and forth across the top of the barricade and blasting out a few choice lobs of his own helped, too.

Further out beyond _that,_ on the other side of the root to the nearest grove, the Marines had pulled out their shovels and dug in, creating a full trench line with a two-foot berm in front. Rifle-armed soldiers manned the line, and they'd hauled up a few cannons to take potshots at the barricade. Not many—Sandersonia, Koala, Duval, and Funkfreed's collective efforts had them moving after every shot—but enough to keep the pirates' heads down.

The closest thing to a break that the captain had was providing a sitrep with the newly arrived commander of the whole operation… who, regrettably, hadn't brought much with him in the way of reinforcements.

"Foxy, how are things looking?" Cross started immediately, while his slimier half's attention was… basically anywhere within his mile-radius that wasn't _there_ at the moment, but given the situation, that could be excused. More importantly…

"Not good, Cross," Foxy huffed, gesturing for Cross to walk with him as they continued his patrol along the perimeter. "As you can see, we're holding things together, tending to the ex-slaves' injuries, trying to keep them calm—"

_**BOOM!** _

The Slow-Man flinched as another cannon shot landed, demolishing part of the barricade. However, Foxy noticed that while Cross _did_ react to the explosion, it was by glaring at the blast with what could only be described as _contempt_. At this point, he wasn't sure if it was from confidence, foolishness, or both.

"…probably both," Foxy muttered.

" **WHAT WAS THAT?** "

"Nothing, just thinking out loud," Foxy waved him off. "But as I was saying, _that_ isn't helping with the whole 'keeping the peace' thing. There are a _lot_ of Marines and mercenaries lined up out there. So far, they haven't made any _serious_ pushes that we haven't been able to push back; your allies and weapons have been useful on that front."

"Hi Cross, bye Cross!" Lassoo barked as he leapt past above them, the aforementioned tactician giving him a casual salute in passing.

"Anyway, all they've been doing is lobbing fire and such, a lot of saber rattling and warning shots, but they haven't _actually_ broken out their heavy artillery yet. The threat to either the civilians or the merchandise—depending on who you ask—is keeping them in place. But—!"

Foxy winced at a sudden bout of shouting from the camp. It was hastily shushed down, but the fact that it had happened at _all…_

The split-headed captain groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Cross, it took me a bit to figure out why they're focusing their efforts on only _one_ bridge to this grove, but breaking the barricade is only their _second_ priority. They're trying to get the civilians _scared,_ and it's _working._ The idea of fighting the _Marines themselves_ is getting spread about. And we _both_ know how badly that would end, this close to Marineford."

Foxy began grinding his teeth, half out of terror and half out of sheer _frustration._

"You may have dismissed the unarmed jackasses as no threat—and you're right, the slavers' mercenaries are only really a threat now that they're coordinating with the Marines—but if people start to riot, if the Marines can muster up even a _half-baked_ excuse—!"

"I know, Foxy, I know," Cross cut in, silencing him with a raised hand. "Just… just keep it peaceful."

Foxy was about to snap back with a snide remark (what the hell did he _think_ Foxy was here for?) before he noticed the look on Cross's face.

Now he, like many others across the world, had seen many different expressions from the rabble-rouser's visage, from incensed rage to mad grins to genuine sorrow…

But that look—the look of raw, determined resolve—was none of those.

Faced with that look, Foxy's retort died in his throat.

"…I hope that this 'out' of yours is as good as you think it is, Cross."

That solemn expression didn't shift an inch. "As good, if not better, Foxy. Now _go."_

Foxy nodded slowly, reassured by Cross's composure, and returned to the fray, a beam sword of slowmo photons materializing in his hand. As soon as his line of sight was beyond Cross's, the latter allowed his desperation to show, raking his steel-clad fingers through his hair.

"Vivi, _please_ tell me that things are on track, because we're running out of time."

" _Everything on our end is finished, and we've regrouped at the Government Building to escort Libia. We've caught a ride with a few Flying Fish Riders to reach you faster, so we'll be there in minutes,"_ Vivi responded, sounding like she was gnawing on her thumb. " _And I just heard from them; communications are cut off now, of course, but as soon as they're ready, you'll be the first to know. But in terms of getting here, their route is proving… troublesome."_

Cross slapped his palm to his forehead with a groaning growl. "Because getting from there to here is no cakewalk, even for them, right, _damn it…"_

" _In all fairness to them, you did kind of pull the trigger on this out of the blue—"_

"Are you _really_ starting this with me?!"

" _Just commenting. Anyway, all I can suggest is that you stall for a little longer. I'm sorry, Cross."_

"Ggrgrghh…" Cross continued rubbing his scalp even as he signaled for Soundbite to drop the feed. "OK… alright, maybe if I flank them and draw attention to myself, I can divert their attention for a _few_ minutes. If I take Lassoo and Funkfreed, might even be able to keep them occupied long enough for—"

"Oh, hey, we're going somewhere?" Funkfreed's high-pitched question was a welcome surprise as the elephant clambered/slithered over the barricade, soon joined by a panting and eager Lassoo.

"Want us to help? Chaos knows you've got a bad habit of biting off more than you can chew." The droll offer made by a returning _Koala,_ however, was less welcome, especially when backed up by Sandersonia's presence.

"What the—I thought you two were supposed to be on the front lines _keeping those bastards back!"_ Cross hissed incredulously.

The anaconda-woman blinked in surprise. "I… thought _you_ called us back?" Her gaze narrowed suspiciously. "At… the same time that all their raiding parties got called back… and the cannons on _both_ sides are stopping…"

As silence fell on the whole of Grove 77 in the lull of the battle, Cross and those near him all turned their focus on the shamelessly grinning culprit.

" **WHAAAAAT,** _ **FORGOT ABOUT ME ALREADY?"**_ Soundbite sing-sang, shamelessly swaying back and forth. " _I'm more than a pretty face, you know!_ YOU NEEDED _a plan,_ _ **I've got a plan! AND YOU NEED A DISTRACTION AND TO KEEP PEOPLE CALM**_ _,_ **well, I'm giving you both at once.** AND TRUST ME, IT WILL BE _EPI~C!"_

"Somehow I don't think a _show of force_ is going to help us much right n—!" Cross started.

" _WE'RE_ NOT THE DISTRACTION, _**dingus, I JUST NEEDED TO SHUT THIS PLACE UP LONG ENOUGH…"**_ Soundbite's grin widened enough to mirror his partner's typical countenance. " **To let everyone hear THIS."**

The moment the snail's voice died, everyone—literally everyone in the Grove—heard… a drumroll. A relatively short, common drumroll that ended in a firm strike. Then it repeated itself, and again, and again.

Following the noise showed that the drumming was coming from _Brook_ of all skeletons, his lack of flesh still masked by his welding mask but his afro plenty distinctive.

" _ **Gotta give him credit, one rendition**_ **AND BONEJANGLES IS ALREADY PLAYING IT PERFECT!** " Soundbite grinned.

Cross, though…

The Voice of Anarchy, while he had originally looked skyward in panic, now wore an expression of pure, unadulterated _joy._ A wide grin adorned his face, though for once it held no malice; only unbridled jubilance at the blaring of the anthem.

Then, in a voice that was _barely_ louder than a breath…

Cross sang the lyrics of a song unknown to any realm in the world, yet one that with a ubiquitous message.

" _Do you hear the people sing?"_

Koala looked at Cross in confusion…

" _Singing a song of angry men?"_

…before he carried on the next segment of the chorus.

Her eyes lit up like a lighthouse in a raging storm, and without a second thought, she took up the next line.

" _It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again!"_

At this point, Sandersonia had caught on. With memories of relief, hope, and joy stirring in her heart from the day she was set free, she raised her own voice to join in the song.

" _When the beating of your heart, echoes the beating of the drums…"_

The three of them crescendoed, with or without Gastro-Amplification, and echoed throughout the grove:

" _THERE IS A LIFE ABOUT TO START WHEN TOMORROW COMES!"_

And then, out of the blue, a fourth voice chimed in. A _child's_ voice.

" _W-Will you join…"_ One of the nearby refugees, a girl who couldn't be older than _ten_ stammered out the words, likely barely even understanding what she was saying. " _In our crusade?"_

" _Who will be strong and stand with me?" This,_ however, was stated with far more force and confidence by a man with heavily bandaged wrists, who was standing up and sporting the grin of a man possessed.

And on and on it went, the song bouncing from person to person and gaining more force as it went.

" _Beyond the barricade,"_ came from a shaken but recovering couple leaning against one another, while " _Is there a world you long to see?"_ was sung by a woman cradling her child.

And it was at _that_ point, when the mood swelled to an absolute _peak,_ that Cross snapped out a series of gestures. With one hand, he snapped at Koala and pointed to the top of the barricade, prompting her to clamber on up to where _everyone_ could see her. With the other, he pointed at a makeshift flag that had just been painted with the Tricolor and gestured for it to be tossed to him.

The _instant_ it was in his hands, he threw it up to Koala who caught it and started waving it to the cheers of all who could see her. " _THEN JOIN IN THE FIGHT!"_ she roared, leading the _eruption_ of sound that echoed across the grove. " _THAT WILL GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BE_ _ **FREE!"**_

It was at that point that the refugees _truly_ took heart, as nearly a dozen across the camp picked up instruments and joined in, raising their tunes and voices to the chorus.

From there… everyone drew breath as one, and the Archipelago _sang._

**-o-**

"He's at it again," Zoro muttered, failing to hide a smirk.

"Yeeep. Damn cheeky sonnuva…" Jewelry Bonney trailed off into a frown, a frown born of memories that flashed through her mind. After a moment of thought, she glanced around her. Her company was her own crew, whom she trusted; the Straw Hats, who would not judge; the Heart Pirates, who were allied with the Straw Hats and previously allied with her crew; and the crowd that they were leading on to Grove 77, who were already singing.

The Glutton breathed in deeply… and joined in the chorus:

" _ **DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?  
SINGING A SONG OF ANGRY MEN?"**_

_**IT IS THE MUSIC OF A PEOPLE** _

_**WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN!"** _

**-o-**

"Really, given everything I know about the bastard, I should've seen something like this coming," Apoo sighed, giving a defeated shrug.

"Yeeeaaah, Cross does a lot of things like this. It _is_ the first time he's done something this big, though!" Luffy replied with a slight, proud smile on his face.

"I'll say!" Urouge guffawed, clapping his massive hands together in a raucous show of appreciation. "The man may disdain the divine, but he can certainly deliver a good sermon all his own when freedom enters the picture!"

' _In more ways than one,'_ Apoo dryly thought, slyly pushing his glasses up his nose. But that bit of snark was quickly dismissed in favor of joining the following chorus:

" _ **WHEN THE BEATING OF YOUR HEART,**_

_**ECHOES THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS,** _

_**THERE IS A LIFE ABOUT TO START** _

_**WHEN TOMORROW COMES!"** _

As the singing continued, Luffy's expression slowly fell and turned solemn as he refocused on his current surroundings. Namely, he eyed the chains the freed slaves were carrying; he'd have broken them if he could, but with bombs strapped around their necks and time something of a luxury, he'd just had an easier time knocking out the walls around their shackles wholesale. Sure, they'd all be able to get their collars off with the lockpicks waiting at their destination, but then…

As the gears in the rubbery mind started to turn (for once), he slowly beamed as an idea came to him.

"Hm?" Apoo grunted at a tap on his arm. He turned to see Luffy facing him with his trademark grin, but the Long-Arm swore he saw a bit of joyous glee in there.

"Hey, long-arm guy? Big monk guy?" The other two Supernovas felt chills go down their spines as Straw Hat's grin became an almost _eerie_ parody of his tactician's trademark expression. " _IIII've got an ideeeeaaaa~~~"_

In that moment, neither Apoo nor Urouge were sure they'd ever grinned wider in their lives.

**-o-**

As the anthem continued on, the air still singing strong with the voices of _thousands_ crying out for freedom, Cross dropped his voice from the chorus and took a bit to catch his breath.

During that pause, he shot a proud smile at my _brilliant_ partner. "You know, I don't say this often enough, but _good job,_ Soundbite."

" _Yeah yeah, I'm brilliant, yadda yadda,"_ the snail grunted, his perturbed grimace a stark contrast to his earlier eagerness. " **Just one problem. Inspirational this may be—!"**

**KRA-KOOM!**

Cross and his fellow revolutionaries, all flinched as another chunk of the barricade was suddenly blown to matchsticks. And while the singing never stopped, the hiccup in harmony was palpable, as was the waver that infected the lyrics to follow.

Soundbite snorted furiously as he watched the roused Foxies scramble to patch the hole and evacuate any injured. " **BUT** _ **DETROIT: BECOME HUMAN this isn't, and Markus we ain't.**_ _Panic's stopped,_ MARINES NOT. _WE BOUGHT TIME,_ NOT _VICTORY._ _ **GOT ANYTHING ELSE UP YOUR SLEEVE?"**_

Cross ground his teeth, searching his companions for an idea. Nothing came. A little desperate, he turned to Koala. "You're the one who's got experience with warzones, any ideas?"

Koala bit out a sharp tsk as she cast her gaze towards the No Man's Land. "How much longer do you _need?"_

"UNTIL WE _**GET**_ — _Puru puru puru puru!"_ Ringing cut Soundbite off, and Cross nearly ripped the receiver off he grabbed it so fast.

"Hello?" he demanded.

There was a short pause as the answer echoed in Cross's headphones. To the immense comfort of everyone watching, he heaved out a sigh of contentment, his entire body sagging with pure relief.

"No, no, don't worry about it, everything's fine. Hell…"

Hearts all around were positively _buoyed_ when Cross's countenance returned to its familiar demonic status.

"You're _exactly_ on time. Soundbite!" Cross snapped his attention around, staring straight at—straight _through_ —the barricade. "Call the Marines. I've got only one thing to say to them."

**-o-**

"'Parley!?' Jeremiah _fucking_ Cross tells you that he wants to _parley,_ and you actually _listen_ to the shit!? Fuck's sake, if you can be _this_ dumb and still get a damn coat, then maybe I should try my hand at this whole 'Marine' shit. Bet I'd be a Vice Admiral by the end of the week!"

Marine Commander Aihara glared at the mercenary commander, Tora. "We are in a stalemate with one of the worst pirate crews in _history_ and half of this island is already burning. And there are hostages in that grove that need rescuing. I will take whatever victory I can _get_ at this point."

"'Hostages?' You actually buy that shit?"

"Frankly, I'm not paid enough to care either way."

The battleground had fallen silent as the commander emerged from the barricade, a seasoned mercenary beside him. The pair paced forward, and Jeremiah Cross came to meet them, his arms and legs bare of armor as he entered no man's land, and a snail— _the_ snail—on his shoulder. The pirate was flanked by two figures, both rendered unidentifiable by the Anonymous Cloaks™ they were wearing. Granted, one of them was literally three times taller than the other two, and the other's frame was distinctly feminine, but otherwise, they were totally obscured.

The two groups walked until they were about ten paces apart, coming to a mutual stop. Tora took an ostentatious step forward but immediately retracted it when Cross shot a _glance_ at him.

"So," Cross said, his trademark grin never wavering. "I'm curious what you're going to concede to get us to give up. Better be something good, because we can keep this up all day and you've still got an archipelago to subdue."

The Marine commander glared at Cross, clearly unimpressed. "There will be no concessions. There will be no terms accepted other than immediate and unconditional surrender. Decline, and we will move upon your…" He glanced at the improvised—and by now rather battered—barricade. "Woodworks, and slaughter you all to a man. If you bend the knee, however, then you will _possibly_ prolong your worthless lives for a few more days."

"Or, to put it another, more accurate way," the mercenary chuckled as he unslung an axe from his back and tapped its haft in his palm. "You lot can _repent_ , give us our merchandise back and bow your necks to the white-hat here…" Said white-hat grunted in irritation at the moniker. "And _maybe_ you'll suffer _less._ Least," the merc let out a grim chuckle as he danced his fingers across his axe's blade. "It'll hurt _less_ than what _my boys and I_ are planning to do to you."

Cross's 'impressed' whistling was expected, but still annoying. "Well, I'll give you lot a _little_ credit for sticking to your guns. Sadly, I'm afraid you've misjudged things… _quite_ a bit," the criminal responded, pointing at the pair. "See, _you're_ not here to tell _us_ to leave, _we're_ here to tell _you_ to leave. After all…"

The Voice of Anarchy then plastered a vicious grin onto his face.

"…you can't touch us anymore."

A silence fell over the war—er, battle-torn grounds. Aihara and Tora, struck dumb by the pirate's audacious statement, could only stand frozen.

Then Aihara did what any sane man would have done and scoffed.

"What are you talking about, you insolent thug? Though we very much wish you were, you don't seem to be a ghost."

"Har har, dickweed," Cross flippantly replied, with a flip of his hand no less. "No, I mean that the land that we now stand on is no longer under the World Government's jurisdiction. So unless you want the ones who _do_ have authority here to take exception to your continued existence, I'd very much advise you all to, step. Off."

"…excuse me? I thought you were intelligent, not blind and deaf. Our name is the _World_ Government. If I don't have the jurisdiction to arrest you, who _does_?"

Cross simply grinned the grin that razed islands. "Oh, that's simple."

_SPLOOOSH!_ _**SKRANG!**_

The Marine started as two pillars of water shot out on either side of the root, a pair of projectiles accompanying them. They slammed into the ground before Cross in an X, at which point the 'law-keepers' recognized them.

Tridents.

" _Them."_

_**SPLASH!** _

A moment later, the waters next to the roots burst open again, only this time instead of disgorging weapons, they disgorged the weapons' _bearers,_ who landed right next to their tridents and brandished them without a drop of wasted time or energy. Still drenched and no less intimidating for it, two muscular fishmen—bedecked in _very_ heavy shell-clad helmets and pauldrons—stood before Jeremiah Cross, leveling their polearms at the 'unwelcome' parties.

"You are trespassing on the property of the Ryugu Kingdom," one of the fishmen growled, his expression remarkably calm for the sheer _rage_ in his voice. "Vacate the premises immediately or we will remove you by _force._ "

Aihara gritted his teeth, and opened his mouth to _politely ask_ what in the name of the Elder Stars' sweet almighty beards the fishman thought he was talking about _._

The merc didn't give him the chance by posing the same question. "Oh yeah, fish-fuck? You and what army?" Albeit in a cruder fashion.

Neither did the suddenly grinning fishman who'd delivered the ultimatum. "Oh, I was _really_ hoping you'd ask." And then he snapped his webbed fingers.

Cross, who was by now running out of cheek to stretch, spun a bundle out of his belt and unfurled an _umbrella_ of all things, leaning it on his shoulder as he flashed them a shaka sign. "Surf's up, brah!"

"What are you—?!"

_**KRA-SPLASH!** _

"WAGH!"

A moment later, the waters next to the mangrove root erupted—literally _erupted_ , in a practically _volcanic_ manner—and then crashed down, blinding and drenching everyone who _hadn't_ prepared for the event.

It was also only these individuals who were prepared for the sight that everyone beheld when the salty sheets of rain finally stopped falling.

Where once there had been still water, now there sat two massive galleons, encrusted all over with sea life ranging from barnacles to sixty-foot kelp fronds to the _biggest_ starfish any of them had seen. In stark contrast to the limp, tattered sails that clearly weren't designed to catch the wind, the unmistakable flag of the Ryugu Kingdom—a cyan flag bearing a vertical conch shell superimposed over a crossed harpoon and trident—flapped proudly in the wind.

Oh, and the rails were lined with uniformly armored fishmen, and in place of broadside cannons, the ships were bristling with harpoon guns. Very, very large harpoon guns. Very, very large harpoon guns aimed _right at them._

And it wasn't just the ships that were teeming with fishmen soldiers. The original pair on the root had been joined by at _least_ two dozen other equally armored knights, the lot of them forming a wrought-iron wall of interlocked shields that was interspersed by their protruding lances. The only _real_ break was the one right in front of Cross, allowing the Marine and merc to maintain an unbroken line of sight with the pirate's rapturous smile.

"So, boys, tell me," Cross inquired _ever_ so politely, closing his umbrella with a deft spin of his wrist. "Is _this_ enough of an army for you?"

"One last time," the first of the fishman soldiers repeated, a smirk both visible on his face _and_ audible in his voice. "You are _trespassing_ on the property of the Ryugu Kingdom. Vacate the premises _immediately_ or we will remove you, _by force._ "

The suddenly self-conscious merc let out a nervous chuckle as he slowly slid one of his feet back, glancing towards the Marine. "…ehhh… I still get paid for this, right?"

The Marine shot the merc an irritated glance before exhaling explosively and glaring even _harder_ at the fishmen, with a decidedly _unamused_ expression. "Soldiers of Ryugu Kingdom, allow me to make it clear to you that you are in the process of making a _very_ grave mistake. I don't know what you think that that—" He pointed at Cross, who returned the gesture with a jaunty wave. "— _terrorist_ told or promised you, but the actions you are taking are _illegal._ If this is a declaration of secession, it's the most foolish thing that I've ever seen. And I can assure you, no matter _what_ his broadcast might have you think of the World Government's current state…" Aihara's expression darkened as his hand fell hard on his sword's hilt. "We most _certainly_ still have the strength required to put down _one_ nation that's committing a capital crime."

"Save that in this instance, the only so-called _capital crime_ I see being committed here, sirrah, would be the _international incident_ you and that lout with you would perpetrate, were you to take one step more!"

"And believe you me, punishing you all for committing said incident would be one of my fondest memories for years to come if you actually went through with it. So I implore you: test your luck and _give me half a reason."_

And now the attention turned to two specific fishmen—no, _mermen_ moving towards them. One of them was an elderly catfish merman, clad in a top hat and purple robe with his tail slithering behind him, a horned cane helping him along. The other was easily twice their size, held aloft with a bubble ring around his waist but also using an ornate trident as a makeshift walking staff to push himself forward. He had long and untamed blue hair and wore little, only a purple skirt-like garment and a cyan sash that seemed to defy gravity to wrap around his back and above his shoulders. The lack of clothing only served to emphasize every inch of his muscular frame.

Aihara and Tora did not recognize these two individuals, nor did they care to fit the pieces together. But there was a justifiable sense of intimidation emanating from them.

Cross, on the other hand, actually _bowed his head in respect_ , even doffing his hat at the pair. "Ah, Honorable Minister of the Left, and Your Highness, Prince Fukaboshi. A pleasure to make your acquaintance; your reputations precede you. Welcome to the Sabaody Archipelago."

While the Marine and merc _boggled_ at the newly identified nobles in abject shock, Prince Fukaboshi returned Cross's greeting with a smirk and a nod, while the Minister let out a good-natured laugh and tipped his top hat. "And a fond hello to you as well, Jeremiah Cross! A pleasure to be here, both on the Archipelago _and_ the SBS! But, if you'll pardon me for but a moment, I just need to put some affairs in order, and then we can discuss matters in earnest. Speaking of which…" The Minister turned to the sopping-wet pair, and his kindly mood evaporated in an instant. "You two. As the good soldier already informed you, you are trespassing on sovereign soil of the Ryugu Kingdom territory. Leave now or face the consequences."

Aihara grit his teeth as the dual irritations of a fish-person speaking back to him and being spoken back to _at all_ piqued his ire. "Are you _truly_ trying to say before the _world_ that Fishman Island—no, that the _Ryugu Kingdom_ is invading Sabaody Archipelago? Because _that_ would mean the invasion of an allied territory, and thus tantamount to a _declaration of war_. If that is the case, you can be assured that the World Government will involve itself. And you don't want that."

"Pft," the Minister scoffed, waving his staff dismissively. "Hardly, hardly, my good man. Really now, invading an island? Why ever would we do that? We've already plans to seek the rights to claim an uninhabited one at the next Reverie. As it stands, you've misunderstood me quite badly. We are not claiming that the Archipelago _itself_ as the territory of our nation. Rather…" The Minister tapped his cane on the root, nodding his head back towards the mangrove tree behind him. "Merely this single district, Grove 77. _This grove_ , specifically, bears the sovereign soil of the Ryugu Kingdom, and thus no longer falls under your jurisdiction."

Tora's face twisted up in confusion even as Aihara's expression darkened still further. "Wait a tic, sovereign soil, where have I—?" The appropriate neurons flared in his brain, and his face lit up in honest panic. "W-Wait a second, doesn't that usually mean a—!"

"Yes. Yes, it does."

It was with that declaration that Prince Fukaboshi planted the butt of his trident in the ground, drawing himself upright so that he could stare down at the humans. "As of one o'clock today, Grove 77 has been designated as the grounds for an embassy of the Ryugu Kingdom. The _first_ embassy that our kingdom has ever opened on the surface, as a matter of fact. You should feel _very_ honored, Commander. You're witnessing a momentous occasion."

Aihara's cheek twitched with the effort needed to suppress a curse. "Save that you _can't_ open an embassy on another country's grounds without their explicit approval, and I know for a fact that there's as much a chance of Governor Prefectus _actually_ approving this as—!"

"You will find, _Commander_ ," a positively _frigid_ voice cut in, causing Aihara to instinctively snap to attention. "That Ex-Governor Prefectus is unable to decide so much as the color of his own _clothes_ at the moment, much less matters of international policy."

With a mounting sense of dread, Aihara and Tora slowly turned to look behind them. Both froze up; they didn't recognize the woman in the center, but distressingly, she was wearing the governor's ceremonial badge, and perhaps more distressingly, she was flanked by Nefertari Vivi and Nico Robin of the Straw Hat Pirates, _along_ with a host of Sabaody law enforcement officers.

"And since he's currently under arrest for embezzlement, corruption, and a _shocking_ amount of bribery, from a source we are _very_ intently investigating…" the woman wearing the badge hummed, making a show of examining her fingernails. "You'll find that he won't be making any such decisions for the rest of his life. As such, the government of the Sabaody Archipelago—which has recently undergone a re-evaluation of its own—has elected me, Governess Amati Libia, to act in his stead. And it was _I,_ with all the rights and privileges that my office affords me, who approved the Ryugu Kingdom's acquisition of this grove." She tilted her head in such a way that her glasses _flashed_. "Will that be a _problem, Commander?"_

Aihara's jaw-twitch intensified. "Are you… _completely_ certain that that is a course of action you would like to take, _Governess?"_

"Oh, absolutely," Libia stated, her voice as blunt as a hammer as she breezed past the Marine. "I and much of my current cabinet are of the opinion that it was _long_ past time that we _renewed_ our relations with our fishmen neighbors, relations that we have neglected for far, far too long a time."

It was with that proclamation that she halted in front of the Fishmen Royalty and dropped into a polite bow. "I can only hope that this will be the first step on the long road to peace, Your Highness."

"That is a sentiment that the whole of the Ryugu Kingdom, my father and myself in particular reflect, Governor. And congratulations on your… election," Fukaboshi chuckled as he inclined his head in turn.

"No thanks required, I just hope I do a better job than my predecessor. Not that that's a high bar, but still. Speaking of which…" Straightening up, Libia turned her attention to the Minister of the Left and held out a laminated, notarized, and long-since dried document that at least _looked_ very official. "Keep this well-protected. Normally, we'd have more fanfare for this, but given the circumstances, this will have to suffice."

And with that, without changing either of their deadly serious expressions, 'Devil Child' Nico Robin drew out and popped a champagne popper, while 'Corsair Princess' Nefertari Vivi blew a party blower. A curly one. With streamers.

" _SNRK!"_ And since Cross was suddenly biting into his knuckles to keep from cackling while his snail was silently howling, _yes,_ that had actually just happened.

…Aihara was beginning to _really_ hope that he woke up soon.

"I am _not_ getting paid enough for this shit…" the merc muttered, unknowingly echoing his misery.

But still, just in case that _wasn't_ in the cards… "You should be aware, _Governess,"_ Aihara ground out, in _spite_ of how it felt like he was chewing glass to get it out. "That the World Government had several… _agreements_ in place with your predecessor. Agreements that I would very much advise you take into consideration before you make any further… _uneducated decisions._ "

"Oh, is that so?" the freshly minted Governess mused, glancing at the commander with intense disinterest. "Well, then, that sounds like something you'll want to take up with my successors."

Aihara felt the shudder that wracked his body in his _soul._

"Successors… plural?!" he yelped.

"Indeed," Libia hummed, casually taking off her glasses to polish one of the lenses. "You see, we citizens of Sabaody have taken the chance to review our government's history, and quite frankly, we've found our prior governors to be somewhat…" She let out a slight hiss as she pushed her glasses back onto her nose. " _Lacking._ In a number of areas. As such, we decided that a change was in order. Come the end of the week, we'll be dissolving the current government and calling a… what was the term? Oh, yes, constitutional convention so we can set up a proper constitutional democracy. Anything the World Government wishes to discuss, they can take it up with the council of civilians that will be elected in my stead. Is that clear, _soldier?"_

"Yes… _ma'am…"_ Aihara snarled out, his nerves ratcheting even higher as another option to get out of this with even _half_ a chance of keeping his job evaporated. But, not being one to admit defeat without a hell of a good reason, he kept trying, this time with the Minister of the Left. " _Even so._ This. Changes. _Nothing._ You still have _no right_ to refuse us passage _or_ to harbor these criminals and their hostages."

Aihara felt the nascent temperature drop twenty degrees, but he pushed through with his statement. "This grove may belong to your kingdom, but your kingdom bel—"

He snapped his teeth shut as the temperature hit _freezing_ around him and hastily reworded his sentence. "— _is a part of_ the World Government, meaning that they are still within our jurisdiction. If you still refuse to stand aside, we will be forced to file a report stating your secession, and as I stated before you know as well as I that the consequences to such a course of action would be dire, to say the least."

"And _I_ believe," the Minister of the Left intoned, frigid as the polar seas. "That _you_ could use a refresher course on the very laws you and yours supposedly _enforce."_

"What are you—?!"

"Ahem, if I may?" Nefertari Vivi coughed into her fist. "If you don't mind, kindly refer to the World Government Foreign Policy, 25th Amendment, Article 7, Section 5, Subsection 62… 12th revision. A piece of legislature more commonly known as the Drake Doctrine."

Aihara twitched in confusion. For _some_ reason, that name struck a chord in him, but for the life of him, he couldn't—

"To paraphrase for the sake of those not well-versed in legalese," the Corsair Princess sniffed primly. "' _In the event that a member nation of the World Government proves to be too remote, too inhospitable, or lacks the proper infrastructure to support a proper Marine presence, that nation will be granted the right to maintain its own standing forces and handle matters of a judicial nature as the ruling body deems fit.'_ End paraphrase. This law is followed by a list of nations that fall under the aegis of the Doctrine…"

"At the _very top of which,"_ the Minister of the Left sniffed imperiously. "Is the Ryugu Kingdom."

"B-But what does that—?!" A choked gurgle occupied Aihara's throat as the implications struck him like a Sea King. "No… no you can't be saying—! _That's not what that law means—!"_

"Oh, but _isn't it?"_ the Minister all but sneered at the Marine. "After all, the quick and dirty summary of that legislation is 'you're on your own, handle matters as best you can,' so here we are, _handling them."_ The catfish merman punctuated his ire with a sharp rap of his staff on the ground. "For the past _two hundred years_ has the World Government made their stance on _your_ jurisdiction in _our_ Kingdom explicitly clear for all to know _._ All instances of crime, from disturbing the peace to kidnapping to murder, fall to the Ryugu Kingdom's monarchy to solve and punish. All authority has been ceded to our administration and oversight, and at _last_ we are exercising that right to its fullest, _even_ if that should be verging on the definition of _abuse_."

"And as such!" the Minister all but roared, as much as his elderly voice allowed. "By the authority vested in me by his Majesty King Neptune, I declare that so long as they remain under our aegis that you and yours will not touch one hair on the heads of these pirates—nay, these _heroes!_ —or those poor unfortunate souls they have rescued from their wretched fates! And that! Is! _Final!"_

All Aihara could manage was a wheezing gurgle as his last hopes all burned to cinders before his eyes.

"Now now, Minister, there's no need to be quite so harsh on the poor fellow."

Aihara's gaze snapped up to Prince Fukaboshi. He knew he shouldn't put too much stock in the seemingly placating tone of his voice, he _knew_ that there was another shoe waiting to fall, but _damn it,_ if he had even an _inkling_ of hope left then—!

"After all, he's merely acting according to the law," the Prince said in the same calm tone. "If he wishes to reclaim his organization's authority in our nation's borders, then it's quite simple: all the Marines have to do is establish a base of authority on Fishman Island and fully man it while maintaining peace and order in our home. Simple, no?"

And _lo_ did the good Marine learn what hope sounded like when it died. "B-B-But that-that would take _years_ to establish!" he babbled weakly. "And the p-p-price of upkeep _alone—!"_

"IIIII'm _sorry?_ Am I hearing this right?!" And _of course,_ that was when _Jeremiah-fucking-Cross_ piped in, his ear ostentatiously cupped. "Sir, sir, are you implying that the World Government _puts a price_ on the safety and wellbeing of its citizens? _Did I hear that correctly?_ And if so, can I quote you on that?…oh, wait."

And in that moment… the Marine swore that it was not a man smiling at him, but the incarnation of Chaos itself.

" _We're live."_

After that, Aihara suffered a brief moment of confusion where he couldn't tell if the pounding in his ears was his jack-hammering heart or the gavel of his court-martial…

And then everything went black.

**-o-**

The Minister of the Left fumbled his monocle in surprise when the Marine Commander suddenly collapsed like a puppet with his strings cut.

"Mister Cross," he said, turning to me. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but… you _scare_ me."

"None taken, I think I just scared _myself_ a bit," I replied, just as surprised. "I mean, this is only the second time that I've done that."

I realized—too late if the _looks_ almost everyone was giving me were anything to go by—that saying it had happened before _probably_ wasn't reassuring.

"So…" The merc broke the awkward silence with an even more awkward cough. "I'm just gonna…" He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder with a shaky smile. "Go and get my boys and, uh, tell everyone else that we should all, ah… find somewhere else to work? Far, _far_ away from here and all your very pointy spears, yeah?"

I schooled my expression into a look of patient disdain as I pointed at the Marine. "Take _him_ with you and tell his men what's going on, and _maybe_ we won't hunt your asses down for the years of blood on your hands. Deal?"

"Right, right, I will _definitely_ do that!" the merc nodded, tossing the Marine over his shoulder. "Well! Happy trails to ya!" And with that, he _booked it_ but good.

I nodded in satisfaction, then gave a glance up at Gif, hiding in the folds of Sonia's hood. In full awareness that the entire world was watching, I swept my arm to my waist and gave the merman towering above me a proper bow.

"Your Highness, your presence honors us all," I declared in as formal and proper a tone I could manage. "From the bottom of my heart, _thank you_ for coming here."

To say that… pretty much _everyone_ around me was left surprised would be an understatement, and I couldn't blame any of them.

**-o-**

"Hahaha! So, this is your answer, then? My oh my, you really are something special, you brats! The both of you! No… more like the whole lot of you, even the ones you roped into this! So youthful and determined… determined to make the rest of us oldtimers look like absolute fools!" Rayleigh thunked the back of his head against his cell's wall, chuckling. "Haaa, and all I wanted was to make those kiddos sweat a bit! So this is karma? I don't think I care for it! Hahaha!"

'Dark King' Rayleigh continued laughing, even as he sat chained and shackled in the depths of the Human Auction House. Normally there'd be no reason for laughter in a place as hellish as that, but today was an exception. Once more, the retired pirate congratulated himself on having the foresight to smuggle in a baby snail with him when he decided to try and make the Straw Hats' arrival more 'interesting.'

He also resolved to thank Shanks for helping him circumvent Cross's localized transmission embargo when he'd figured out why his snail was being suspiciously quiet. After all, he'd have hated to miss even an instant of what he was seeing. Especially _this!_

"Ahhh… and to think, you actually _do_ have a concept of respect in that hellish brain of yours!" Rayleigh whistled. "I wonder, if you'd had a chance to meet the old King, would you have bowed to him too?" He fell silent as he contemplated such a meeting… before throwing his head back and laughing even _louder._ "HAHAHA! Oh, who am I kidding?! You'd have something positively _nefarious_ in mind, and he'd both know it _and_ be looking forward to it! HAHAH—!"

" _ **SHUT IT!" KLANG!**_

Rayleigh's jaw snapped shut and his mouth twisted into a scowl, glaring at the one who'd slammed his cage's bars, even as he subtly shoved his snail further into his coat. "Hey, what gives? You told everyone to stop screaming and crying, and I'm doing neither."

Disco's already ugly grimace deepened into an even uglier scowl. "Yeah, well I'm telling you to stop _laughing_ now, too! Either you stay silent…"

Rayleigh couldn't help but crack a smirk and lean forwards towards his 'captor.' "Or what, I'll get the lash?"

There was a brief pause, and then the star-spectacled man's face twisted into a smile all his own. "No," he sneered venomously. "Someone _else_ will. And you'll _watch."_

_That_ killed Rayleigh's smirk dead, and he _**scowled**_ at the slave trader, barely keeping himself from tugging his collar free of the wall. "Try that and I will do things to you that haven't been done to another human being in almost twenty years," he intoned, his voice dripping with a darkness that had left many a hardened pirate (as well as a certain red-nosed cabin boy) with nightmares 'til the end of their days.

So he was quite shocked when Disco merely threw his head back and _laughed,_ chuckling and spinning his cane with nary a care in the world as he turned and walked away. "Promises, promises, _Rexy,_ old dog. Promises… and nothing more."

The old man watched him go, all good humor drained from his face. Over the course of his stay, Rayleigh had become well acquainted with Disco's personality: a typical dirty coward, who only had power and confidence as long as whoever he was fighting couldn't fight back.

For the auction house's owner to be _that_ aggressive and confident with all that the Straw Hats were pulling off, with all he had to _know_ by now the Straw Hats had pulled off… something was wrong.

No, more than just wrong… in the deepest part of his gut, the Dark King could tell that something was very, _very_ wrong.

**-o-**

"C-Cross…" Vivi stammered out, Robin staring at me in wide-eyed shock.

"Holy… is he really—?" Koala breathed, Sandersonia nodding in numb agreement.

But perhaps the most stunned was Fukaboshi, who was staring at me in naked surprise. "This…Jeremiah Cross, this is hardly necessary," he finally managed to get out.

"I-I must agree, Mister Jeremiah!" the Minister of the Left blustered, wringing his cane in shock. "One as distinguished as yourself need hardly humble yourself in such a manner, least of all for a matter as trivial as this!"

"And yet, I insist that it is," I, well, _insisted_ , keeping my head lowered. "Your Highness, what you are doing here today… there just aren't _words_ for it. What is happening here today, what _will_ happen here today, none of it would be possible if it weren't for your bravery and integrity. Our actions here today— _your_ actions—will reshape the history of both our species. Today is a day that will live on in the memories of all sapient species on this planet for generations to come, and for that, I can't even begin to thank you enough."

And with that, I straightened up and gave Fukaboshi a watery smile as I placed my hand on his arm. "I… can't even _begin_ to describe how proud Otohime would be of you, Fukaboshi."

_That_ got twin jerks of shock from the Fishmen nobles, and even the soldiers within earshot recoiled at my comment, but just as quickly, Fukaboshi recovered and gave a tearful smile of his own. "I don't know how you can claim such familiarity, but I thank you nevertheless."

"Indeed, indeed!" the Minister's whiskers flapped a bit with how fast he nodded his head. "And dare I say, our dearly departed Queen would have been overjoyed to make your acquaintance as well!"

" _PFHAHAHAHA!"_ Alright, I _kinda_ regret making everyone reel in shock when I burst out laughing at that comment, but _come on—!_ "Oh, _heeeeell_ no!" I wheezed, still giggling madly. "Oh, nono, _nooo,_ Otohime would have utterly _despised_ me with every fiber of her being!"

"What?! But that's utterly—!"

"Dude," I scoffed, wiping a tear from my eye. "In case you missed it, I'm a reckless firebrand who starts wars around the world with my words and who advocates harsh, violent resistance, and whose hands are soaked in blood, whether through skulls I've personally cracked or by proxy. If we'd ever met, Otohime would have slapped me so hard her wrist would have shattered, and _I'd_ be in more pain than her because of it! Seriously, I respect her to hell and back and we might have had the same goals, but our means are totally opposite and you _know_ she would never let me hear the end of it."

Everyone stared as that sunk in.

Then something happened that I had never seen in the story: Prince Fukaboshi threw his head back and busted a stitch laughing.

"FUHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Y-Your Highness!" the Minister blustered helplessly.

"Oh, come off it, Minister, he has us there!" Fukaboshi chuckled, slapping a hand down on the old timer's back and nearly laying him out flat in the process. "We both know that Mother wouldn't have abided by his methods, and she'd have given us all hell for giving him the time of day too, even as she hung onto his every word! If she were still alive, we'd all be stuck listening to the SBS in the basement for fear that she might find us!"

The Minister weighed his Prince's words before glancing aside with an uneasy cough. "I, ah, believe we have other matters to attend to, my prince…?"

"Quite right, quite right," I nodded in agreement, turning around and gesturing for everyone to follow me back towards the barricade. "I'd tell your soldiers to hold their positions, in case anybody gets it in their head to pull something… _unwise._ As for the rest of us, well…"

Soundbite answered for me by shooting a smirk at Fukaboshi. " _ **Let's get this guy in front of a crowd!"**_ he hooted.

"As the snail says, let's move!" And with that, I marched back to Grove 77, the rest of the party following along.

As we went, Vivi walked up and side-eyed me. "This is the second time in two weeks that you've shown another royal of my standing more respect than you've ever shown me," she muttered in annoyance.

"I haven't had to see _them_ preening in front of a mirror in their underwear," I blithely answered.

"EXCUSE ME!?" Vivi hiss-snarled, staring at me in equal parts rage and embarrassed horror.

"You should _really_ remember to lock the room door more often, Princess, it can get _horribly_ drafty in there, you know," Robin hummed _ever_ so casually as we both strode past our suddenly frozen crewmate. "Also, I don't recommend something that sheer and lacy for everyday wear."

…man, after so much seriousness, the sound of Vivi's tortured moan of embarrassment was like sweet, sweet music to my ears.

**-o-**

Kuroobi, Hachi, and Chew saw every moment of Cross's interaction with the authorities of their kingdom—Prince Fukaboshi himself, in the flesh, forging an alliance that was built to last for a very long time. All three of them were gaping openly, but while for Hachi it was from joy and awe, the other two had the same question on repeat in their minds:

" _What is my life right now?"_

**-o-**

You know, it never ceases to amaze me how potent the power of sound can be when applied appropriately. The latest example soon to come as Fukaboshi pushed off of the ground to float atop a pile of crates remarkably similar to the one I'd used earlier.

All it took was Soundbite amplifying the sound of the Prince's trident knocking against the crates for the crowd's hushed but deafening muttering to cease.

Fukaboshi paused and took a moment to properly clear his throat before addressing the crowd properly. " **Greetings, everyone,"** he declared, keeping his voice at a nice and even tone and pace. " **I'd like to start by apologizing for bothering you all. I'm aware that you all have been through a horrendous amount of trauma and that your only desire at the moment is to rest. As such, I'll do my best to keep this brief: My name is Prince Fukaboshi, eldest son of King Neptune of the Ryugu Kingdom on Fishman Island. I stand before you now to declare that from this point forward, the seventy-seventh grove of Sabaody Archipelago is now an embassy for our kingdom…"** He thumped his fist to his heart. " **And as such, will stand as a sanctuary for those who have been afflicted by the slave trade. Slavery has long been a scourge on both our peoples, so you can rest assured that we of the Ryugu Kingdom will spare no expense to see it combatted, in whatever means we may. And in pursuit of that goal…"**

Fukaboshi turned to the side, and gestured behind him at the galleons that he'd arrived on and with. " **These ships you see before you are crewed by the finest soldiers my kingdom has to offer, and are capable of making not only the trip to Fishman Island, but also to all four of the Blue Seas with ease! Soon, we will begin taking names and destinations, and from there we will guarantee you safe passage to the oceans you call your homes!"** The prince paused and bowed his head sorrowfully. " **Regrettably, it is simply not feasible for us to return you all home at once, so many of you will have to wait for subsequent ships to make the voyage… but no matter how long it takes, I give you my word that I, mine, and ours will make** _ **certain**_ **that every last one of you is returned home!**

" **Many of my kind are** _ **personally**_ **familiar with the devastation that slavery can bring upon a person and the ones that are left behind. Rest assured, we will provide all of the resources that are needed for you to return to your lives as the best that you can be, physically and mentally. I promise this with the hope that it will be the beginning of many positive relations between humans, fishfolk, and merfolk, as was the desire of my late mother, Queen Otohime. In her memory, and on my honor as a prince, I swear to you that we will not rest, and we will not falter! We will see to it that none who set foot on our soil need ever feel the sting of the whip or the chill of chains ever again! THIS!"** He thrust his trident skyward. " **I SWEAR!"**

_That_ was when the skies over Grove 77 _erupted,_ a shower of leaves falling upon our heads as the cheers and applause of the free and the proud quite literally shook the heavens. Honestly, if it weren't for Soundbite's intervention, I and a few others might very well have ended up _deaf._ But maaan… to see so many people literally jumping with joy, clutching one another with and crying tears of relief… to see such a pure and honest expression of adulation and jubilation…

Yeah. Yeah, I think I'd gladly go deaf for that.

But Fukaboshi wasn't done quite yet, and he announced that by repeatedly thumping his trident against the crates. No real silence, but the roar went from deafening to 'present,' so that was enough. " **Finally, I would like to address the ones responsible for bringing so many people to freedom. Those who were brave enough to take the first steps today! Even if your motives were not humanitarian, your actions were still without compare, and thus we would see you rewarded for them. Minister?"**

The Minister of the Left carefully slithered his way up onto the crates next to his Prince, and withdrew a decorated briefcase from the folds of his robes. He then withdrew a small blue booklet made of metal from within, holding it up for all to see.

" **As our show of thanks, all pirates present here today will be the first to receive these royal passports, known as the Broken Chain Passports, notarized by King Neptune himself,"** the Minister announced. " **As you all know, the only way that ones such as yourselves may continue your voyage into the New World is to first pass through our island. And for the longest time, such voyages have been unregulated. The result is a perilous voyage through the depths of the Grand Line, which many do not survive, and as a result of the lack of oversight on those who would come to our island, all too often are our waters frequented by criminals who would do us harm. It is the intention of these passports to alleviate matters on both ends of the situation.**

" **This passport will allow us to keep track of those who would seek entry to our Kingdom, for the document will be a sign that you possess the favor of the Ryugu Royal Family! Holding it both guarantees and facilitates your passage to our kingdom on Fishman Island; presenting this passport at our embassy will authorize you access to an expert ship coater, as well as the services of a personal guide to escort you to our kingdom by the securest routes available, free of charge. This will also facilitate your stay on our island. Room and board and food of the highest quality will be available for you at a discount of 70%. So long as they keep within the country's laws, this passport guarantees the holder and their crew the VIP treatment for the entirety of their stay.**

" **And how might one come to possess such a wondrous boon, you might wonder? Well, regrettably, that will involve a rather lengthy and exorbitantly** _ **expensive**_ **screening process, to make sure that your backgrounds are clear enough for us to allow you entry…** _ **But…"**_ He grinned almost _maliciously_ as started to idly twirl one of his moustache's long whiskers. " **Were a crew to present…** _ **evidence**_ **of their good will towards our Kingdom… a token such as, say… a set of** _ **broken chains…**_ **then I do believe something could be done to** _ **expedite**_ **the bureaucratic process, shall we say.**

" **And so, to all those present here today, who might still wish to earn themselves a few extra copies of the Passport, as well as those watching and listening beyond the horizon…"** The Minister chuffed and tipped the brim of his hat down ever so slightly. " **Well, now,** _ **legally**_ **it would be ill-advised for me to issue a truly pro-pirate statement on behalf of the Ryugu Kingdom… but as a merman, and a man with pride besides, I will say this…"** The old man suddenly swept his cane out and pumped his fist in the air. " **GO OUT THERE AND GIVE THEM THE WHAT-FOR, LADS!"**

That proclamation initiated a whole new round of cheers, and while it was less deafening than when the whole Grove did it, our fellow buccaneers made up for it by sheer raucousness and liberal use of their firearms.

Man, it would have been awesome to just keep standing there before the crowds, next to the semi-aquatic heroes who'd helped turn my madcap plan into the madcap reality we were living in and just soaking up the praise!

"Hey, you guys, you gotta come check this out!" **YOINK!**

"GWAH!"/ "Woahwoahwoah, watch what you're pulling on!"

…but some things never truly change, and I'd never have it any other way. Of course, a certain merman prince might have a different opinion of being yanked off our high horses (high pile? Whatever) by an all-too-familiar rubbery arm, despite the Minister of the Left's protests as he attempted to slither after us.

"I don't suppose you could try and stop him!?" Fukaboshi shouted, completely failing to gain any purchase in the ground with his trident.

"Lemme check," I groused as I was dragged across the mossy ground by my boot. "Hey, Luffy, think you could let us go?"

"No way, no way, shishishi! Explaining or letting you guys walk would be too slow, this is faster!"

The best I could offer Fukaboshi was a shrug to tell him that I'd at least tried.

"Could you at least explain where you're taking us _while_ you're dragging us, please?!" the prince demanded, _really_ showing off his negotiation skills there.

"Something really really cool!" Luffy unhelpfully answered. "See, I had this idea…"

_That_ little proclamation had me and Fukaboshi exchanging _looks._

"I feel like I should be screaming in terror," Fukaboshi bit out in a deceptively calm voice. "It's the oddest thing."

I tugged the brim of my cap down over my eyes. "It's Luffy _thinking,_ I'm pretty sure that's your primal instincts warning you that this is all against the laws of the universe."

Sadly, nothing more was forthcoming from my captain. Not until he skidded to a halt right in front of one of the massive roots. Fukaboshi and I had no time to catch their breath. The gathered Supernovas demanded our attention, as did the lit torches they carried. Torches they were carrying around a pit they were pouring what looked to be _pitch_ into.

"C'mon, c'mon!" Luffy eagerly cried, hopping up to his spot around the pit and _grabbing up a torch of his own oh god why_. "They're almost done! You gotta take a look before they light it!"

"Alright, _now_ I'm terrified," I muttered, working my way to my feet and trudging after my captain, Fukaboshi a step—er, tail-length behind.

Reaching the edge, we looked in, and gasped, eyes wide. There, in the pit and soaked in pitch, was a small _mountain_ of chains and slave collars. My eyes darted from the chains to the torches, and suddenly everything made sense.

"You're _burning_ them!" Fukaboshi breathed in awe, eyes wide. "You're burning the chains!"

"Do-Do you guys realize the _symbolism_ of this?!" I wheezed, running my fingers through my hair. "Burning the literal instruments of oppression!?"

"Do you take us for fools, Jeremiah Cross?" Hawkins drawled. "Because any fool could see the symbolism."

"Point of order, a fool _did,"_ Drake huffed, casting a sidelong glance at a snickering Luffy. "After all, _he's_ the one who suggested this to begin with."

"Which is the strong point of this," Nami added, staring wistfully into the flames of her torch. "If even Luffy can see the meaning of this, then _everyone_ will. It'll be a physical symbol of everything we've done here, something that _nobody_ will be able to ignore."

"Well, until it burns out, at least, but eh, it'll be pretty till then," Bonney shrugged in a 'what can you do' manner.

_That_ snapped Fukaboshi out of his trance, and he chopped his arm down in denial. "That will _not_ happen. I'll make arrangements to keep it burning eternally, see to it myself if I have to. But this… rest assured, I'll see to it that this site becomes a historical monument. _I will not let it die_."

That got looks of honest surprise from the Supernovas, and I do believe that, in that instant, a _lot_ of respect was earned all at once. Once the moment passed, Bege reached inside himself and plucked out two more torches, holding them out to us. "Prince, if you'll do the honors," he grunted.

For a moment, the two of us reached for the flames, ready to accept them, but in the next, we exchanged a look. An understanding passed between us… and we lowered our arms.

"Naaaah," I drawled, crossing my arms behind my head. "Personally, I think we'll sit this one out if you don't mind."

"Indeed, indeed," Fukaboshi nodded in agreement. He raised his hand, the impending protest dying in the Supernovas' throats. "Cross had his moment of glory earlier when he orchestrated this masterpiece, and I had mine not five minutes ago. This… This gesture, this moment?" He swept his hand out over the pit, and the evil they were all prepared to burn. "This, I offer to you. To the Thirteen Supernovas, who brought about this earthshaking paradigm shift; for your part, and for all that you have done… _this_ is yours, and yours alone."

There was a moment of stunned silence… and of course, it was broken by Luffy snickering and rubbing a finger under his nose. "Shishishi! Told you guys he was cool!"

"You never even met him before today, Monkey brains," Killer grumbled, even as he tossed a bundle of bills towards a too-smug Nami.

"Eh, I had a good feeling about it! Anyway!" Luffy started eagerly waving his torch around. "Let's do it!

Another round of nods, and the pirates raised their arms to—

"Woah, wait, hold up!"

All eyes turned to me catching Luffy's wrist, various levels of annoyance on their faces. "What?" Kid snapped.

"This just occurred to me, but we're burning the _collars,"_ I hissed. Sweet lightning, how had they overlooked this? How had _I_ overlooked this!?... right, adrenaline rush at the sheer beauty of it. "You do remember they've all got explosive charges in them, right?! And we're _lighting them on fire."_

_That_ got everyone yanking their flames back nice and fast, except for Barto, who just scoffed and waved me off. "You seriously think that didn't occur to me, Cross?" the mohawk'd captain demanded. "They're bomb _collars,_ those things use small charges to sever the spine, not TNT! So it'll be small rolling explosions rather than one big one, no big—eh?" He blinked at the blank, accusing stares he realized he was getting. "Whaaaat? I like explosions! But whatever, if you you want to _really_ overly safe…"

A wave of his hand, and a shimmering barrier spread out over the pit, with a far smaller hole in the middle.

"There, ya pansy. Perfectly safe."

"Pansy?! That shrapnel could have shredded us into chunky salsa you—!"

"You're overreacting," Zoro replied, rolling his eyes. "That would've just torn us up a bit, Chopper could have patched us back together no problem."

" **SAY THAT AGAIN YOU BLITHERING TROGLO—!"**

"If I may," Fukaboshi interjected with a raised hand before Chopper could fight his way out of our gunner's grasp and _really_ made things interesting. "I believe that now that all protests have been addressed…?" A moment of silence, and he nodded. "Then I shall do a christening. To the Flames of Liberation: may they burn eternally as a symbol of our defiance!"

"AYE!" And with that cry, the Supernovas raised their arms and cast the torches into the pit…

**KRA-KOOM!** _**FWOOSH!**_

And the rest, as they say, was history.

**-o-**

Unseen to all, standing just a few paces behind the captains—behind one obliviously smiling captain in particular—was a woman casually taking a drag from her cigarette.

The moment the Supernovas—this new, mad, absolutely _incredible_ generation of pirates—threw in their torches, she flicked in her smoldering stub right alongside them.

"That one's for you," Shakky chuckled wistfully, watching the smoke rise to the heavens. "You damn Gold fool…"

And with that, she turned around and walked away. She lit up another cigarette, calmly blowing out smoke to join the pillar, and her voice softly joined in the new chorus that had risen from the masses around her.

" _ **Will you give all you can give,**_

_**So that our banner may advance?** _

_**Some will fall and some will live,** _

_**Will you stand up and take your chance?"** _

_**Beyond the horizon** _

_**Your freedom awaits you at last!"** _

**-o-**

" _ **DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?  
SINGING A SONG OF ANGRY MEN?"**_

_**IT IS THE MUSIC OF A PEOPLE** _

_**WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN!"** _

_**WHEN THE BEATING OF YOUR HEART,** _

_**ECHOES THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS,** _

_**THERE IS A LIFE ABOUT TO START** _

_**WHEN TOMORROW COMES!"** _

Much as I wanted to join the swelling chorus that would surely echo in this place's memory for generations to come, I had to turn away for a bit. Stepping a short distance away from the main glut of the crowd, I leered down at my partner.

" _What_ is so important that you have to drag me away from the celebration?" I 'hissed,' making my consternation _sound_ genuine, but really, it was taking all my discipline to muffle my smile. If everything up until had been the climax of my plan, then _this_ was without a doubt the _coup de grâce,_ and I intended to play it _perfectly._

" **This is IMPORTANT,** _CROSS!"_ Soundbite whined piteously, before re-donning his cocky smirk. " **YOU WILL** _ **NEVER**_ **GUESS WHO** FOLLOWED US ALL THE WAY HERE _**HOPING FOR AN up close and deadly visit!**_ "

I heaved a weary sigh, slapping a hand to my face. "Oh great, a vendetta-seeker? Soundbite, that's a long list, if you want me to guess, I need a clue."

"HEEHEEHEE **hoohoohoo** , FAIR 'NUFF!" the gastropod cackled. " _ **HERE'S A**_ **CLUE:** _**WE LAST SAW THEM in the land of sand!"**_

My facepalm slowly transitioned to pinching my nose. "…swear to God, if Croc or Daz Bonez got out—!"

" _Eesh, that would be nasty,_ BUT NOPE! **Also, wrong side of the law."**

"Then who—?!" I recoiled as I affected an expression of terror. Not that hard, with all the memories I could draw from. "Oh, crap, tell me it's not Smoker, because that could be a real—!"

" _YEEEAAAH,_ _ **TRUST ME, I'M AWARE,**_ **I've been keeping a non-existent ear out for ANY REPORTS OF KILLER SMOG…"** Soundbite grimaced and glanced aside before eagerly perking up. " **But we're in luck, 'cause not a peep on that front!** _ **For now, we're only being shadowed**_ _by his four-eyed flunky!"_

"Tashigi?" I blinked in surprise before cradling my chin thoughtfully. "Alright, not _as_ much of a threat… but still pretty skilled and definitely still bearing a grudge against us…" I paused and looked at my partner in 'confusion.' "Wait, how come we haven't heard reports of her hauling pirates in by the crew-ful? Even if you were redirecting people around her, or her around us, she'd still be on the hunt, wouldn't she?"

"OH SHE IS, SHE IS!" Soundbite nodded eagerly, looking like he was seconds away from busting into joyful hysterics. " _ **IT'S JUST THAT SHE'S… distracted by other prey.**_ **We leave behind a looooot of scraps, dontcha know!"**

"Scraps? What are you—OH!" I slammed my fist in my palm. "Ooooh, so that's… what you…" And then I trailed off once more, as my face slowly underwent a metamorphosis of realization. "Oh. _Oooooh, ohohoh!"_

" **CROOOOOSS?"** Soundbite drew out.

"Pfffhohohohoooooh…" I chuckled menacingly, not exaggerating _that_ in the least. "Oh. Yes! Oh, that! Is! _Good!_ Brilliance, even, sheer brilliance, right at its _finest!_ "

" _ **Oh lordy lordy, you've got a plan,"**_ the snail moaned.

"Don't sound so scared!"

"THE LAST TIME YOU HAD AN IDEA, _THIS_ HAPPENED!" he sniped, waving his eyes out to indicate… well, the entire archipelago. " _I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE SCARED!"_

I briefly considered that before shrugging. "…point. Anyway, you willing to help me with this idea or do I need a snail with balls? Or at least, balls bigger than yours."

" **NO SUCH SNAIL EXISTS!"** he snapped. Then he blinked and rolled his eyestalks. " _Hmph._ _ **Guess I have no choice but to handle it myself."**_

"Thank you for your sacrifice. Now!" I snapped my fingers and proudly pointed out into the groves. "Connect me to Tashigi, on the double!"

"ROGER ROGER! _One call coming up, featuring Jeremiah Cross aaaaas?"_

I sneered as I thumbed out the collar of my jacket. " _Himself,_ naturally."

" **Say wha—?!…I** _ **seriously**_ **hope you know WHAT YOU'RE DOING…"**

"That makes two of us, now _ring."_

And as Soundbite rung, I _revelled_ in the anticipation of the display I was about to put on. After all, as far as the world knew, Tashigi and were still enemies. I was the cocky manipulator, she the hapless but idealistic Marine…

And it was with that very dynamic that I intended to hammer the final nail into the World Government's coffin _._

But of course, for an effective dance…

" _KA-LICK!"_

One needs an equally able partner.

" _This is Lieutenant Tashigi, busy in the middle of_ somethin—HEY, WATCH IT!" A clang of steel obscured her voice, presumably to put down some idiot stupid enough to think this conversation was even _half_ an opening. " _Sorry about that, I'm clear now. Anyways, who is this?"_

"Why, this would be Third Mate Jeremiah Cross, currently in the middle of celebrating an _overwhelming_ victory on the part of piracy," I all but _purred,_ sweeping my arm across my chest in a _nice_ and mocking show of a bow. "Good _evening,_ Lieutenant, long-time no infuriate! How's the blood pressure?"

" _SPIKING NOW THAT I'M SPEAKING TO YOU, YOU POMPOUS BLOWHARD!"_ Tashigi roared, Soundbite's veins nearly pulsing. " _WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME, YOU BASTARD SON OF A BITCH!?"_

"Noooow now, let's all calm down, Lieutenant, no need to bring Akainu or his mother into this…" I said placatingly, making a show of examining my gauntlet's nails, which must have broadcasted _quite_ well if Tashigi's feral snarling was anything to go by. "But as for the why, well…" I shrugged ever so innocently. "I missed you is all!"

" _HA!"_

"But I _diiiiid,"_ I whined in my most petulant of tones. "I mean, I put on this most wonderful of song and dances, spun the world on its ear, and at my hour of glory… you don't even _RSVP?_ I feel _so_ betrayed my dear, why… I don't even have the words. Standing a man up like this at his peak, it's just…" I choked back a niiice and fake sob as I made doe eyes at Soundbite, who looked fit to choke on his own tongue. "Be honest with me: is there another pirate? Is he… Is he more infuriating than _me?"_

The act was dropped in favor of biting my knuckles as Tashigi made noises that shouldn't have been producible by a human throat. No, seriously, I don't doubt that somewhere nearby, Chopper was taking notes and muttering as he amended some thesis of his.

**-o-**

"…can hatefucking be verbal? Because I'm pretty sure that this counts at this point," Nami muttered, staring at Brain in a mix of horrified awe and disgusted fascination.

Apoo chortled, filling in for Vivi who was too busy leaning against a thoroughly hysterical Merry. "Clearly, you haven't been listening to Law and Kid snipe at each other over the past two weeks. It's sickening, bizarre, probably banned in most of the World… and kind of awe-inspiring to watch, if I'm being honest."

Robin promptly tossed him a Tone Dial. "Get me a recording, would you?"

"For research, I'm guessing?"

"…mostly blackmail, but Chopper greatly appreciates any contributions to _his_ research."

**-o-**

"But, ah…" I picked up once Tashigi _finally_ ran out of air. "For real, where _were_ you, Lieutenant? I wouldn't think you one to miss a nice little meet-up like this without good reason!"

" _Oh, you gave me PLENTY of reasons, you smug prick, and you know it!"_ Tashigi snorted, actually puffing out a cloud of steam. " _The entire time you and your fellow scum have been running rampant through the archipelago, you've been leaving your scraps behind! And as much as I would love, and I mean_ love _to see you chained, shackled and nailed to the wall—"_

I exchanged a _very_ wary look with Soundbite. "Not even _touching_ that one…" I stage-whispered.

"— _the fact remains that we can't leave the monsters you leave destitute free to do as they please, either! We've been stuck with dozens of arrests, countless counts of accessory to these crimes, trails miles long leading off into the Blues themselves…!"_ Tashigi's outrage slowly contorted into an expression of pride. " _You pirates might have your 'victory' right now, if you can call it that, but we Marines have our own, too! We'll see the evils of slavery rooted out of this world, once and for all! Us, and_ not _you!"_

I took a moment to let that statement sink in, and then tsked dismissively and turned my head away. "Pardon me if I don't exactly hold my breath. After all, didn't you and yours already make that promise _two hundred years ago?_ "

" _FUCK YOU!"_

"Sorry, not interested," I shot back, before moving on to the main event. "Especially since I doubt you'll be in much of a position to do _anything_ for much longer. Come now, how long do you think you can keep this up, Tashigi? How much more can you do before Marineford slaps you silly with a cease-and-desist order and tell you to get back to hunting _us_ before they boot you down to _Chore Boy?"_

" _HA! Your lies are as see-through as your so-called 'integrity,' Cross!"_ Tashigi snapped, Soundbite leaning forward and transmitting the _tiniest_ grin she was wearing under her scowl, as she ramped up for her finale. " _There is no possible way that such a thing would_ ever _happen, because the Marines and World Government are utter bastions of truth, integrity and morality! Never in a million years would they condone the villainy of slavery! As bad as you are, the priority is obvious: the slaver scum_ will _be dealt with, in totality, and that's a promise! Each and every last one that you pirates 'discover' and put out of business, we'll arrest and convict them all!"_

Just a bit more, just a _bit—!_

Soundbite's eyestalks snapped upright, as Tashigi herself snapped to attention. " _I STAKE THE VERY PRIDE OF THE NAVY ON THIS VOW!"_

And there it was. There. It. Was. At long last… _checkmate._

I shivered, literally _shivered_ as the sensation of victory washed over me, before re-donning the demon's mask so that I could bring it on home.

"Do you, now?" I crooned. "Well, then, so be it. Let's hope that your precious Navy still has enough pride left to put up at all! Especially since…" I swept my arm out at the world and grinned. "Well. Now that the entire _world_ has heard your vow, it now holds each and every one of you to account! Put your money where your mouth is, Lieutenant… _or lose it all forevermore!"_

" **In case you didn't notice,"** Soundbite sneered. "YOU'RE PRESENTING FROM THE OTHER END OF THE SPECTRUM… _ON CANDID SNAIL."_

A moment of silence, a heartbeat that stretched for an eternity… and theeeen—

" **JEREMIAH FUCKING CROSS, YOU SON OF A—!"**

I cut her off with a lackadaisical swipe of my hand across my throat… though the echoes that bounced through the archipelago weren't halted in the least.

The deed all nice and done, I shot a final smirk up at the overwatching Gif.

"Well, I think that that just about does it," I preened. "Guess there are still enough Marines who can be trusted to do the right thing in the world, so I can trust that this market is condemned to the shadows where it belongs. If it can operate at all after this. So, from all of us here at the SBS, see you next time! This is Jeremiah Cross—"

"— **and** _ **SOUNDBITE!"**_

"Signing off."

Once I thumbed the cradle and the broadcast was properly cut off, my partner's grin fell into a grimace. "… **you know the World Government is going to** _ **kill her**_ **FOR THAT, RIGHT?"**

"Oh, they will certainly _wish_ they could, that's for sure, and they might even _try…"_ I admitted. "But we've just shoved the spotlight directly onto the good Lieutenant and chained it in place. In one fell swoop, she's become the public figurehead of integrity in the Navy, and as such a hero to the public. If she gets so much as a nosebleed under suspicious circumstances…" I sneered as I slooowly dragged my thumb across my throat. "Then every whisper of corruption becomes ratified and the noose around the Marines neck twists _aaaall_ the tighter. And as such, they're left with only two options."

" _PLAY NICE…"_ Soundbite summarized with a nod of his own. "OR **FOLD."**

"Preeeecisely," I nodded, securing the mic in its cradle and turning to walk back to the party, only to pause.

For you see, behind me stood every Supernova who wasn't part of my crew or the Masons, all of them staring at me with unreadable expressions.

"…Alright, seriously, Cross," Eustass Kid said at last. "How in the _hell_ did you pull that off?!"

I stepped forward and casually swung my arm over his shoulder, pointedly ignoring the snarling glare that hammered into the side of my head.

"Ahhhh, Eustass, Eustass, Eustass… you mind if I call you Eustass?" I ignored the litany of curses that streamed out. "Let me tell you something interesting: before today, I never thought I'd be saying this, but… One day…" I chuckled—honestly chuckled—as I poked his chest. "I _just_ might trust you all enough to tell you."

And then, before he could snag and wring my neck, I darted away from him, past the rest of the captains and spun around to give them all a _smile_ as I swayed back on my heels.

"Just be waa~aa~aarned! If—and that is a _very_ big 'if,' mind you—that day should come…"

I swung my arms out wide, and let them behold the sheer _everything_ that had come to pass, that was happening, and still had yet to be.

"You will all look back on this day… as nothing but a _footnote._ "


	11. Chapter 11

### Chapter 77: Chapter 68 - Sabaody Revolution Pt. 4

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 68: Stalling**

**Cross-Brain AN: We're aware that many of you have been anxious in one way or another for matters to go south after this much has gone right for the Straw Hats. Many of you have said as much.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

… **well. We'll leave you one thing to muse over: when you show a deep and colorful tale to someone with a brain that has yet to fully develop, do they care about the depth or the colors? You will find before the end of this chapter that the answer is the key to everything going very, very good… and very,** _ **very**_ **bad…**

**Patient AN: Bad enough that, with blatant reference to the trope, The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect You. Seriously, Xom claims that he threw up in his mouth writing parts of this chapter.**

**Xomniac AN: No joke, my mind entered headspaces I wouldn't wish on my direst enemies… well, maybe one or two of my old professors…**

" _Next!"_ I called, rubbing the bridge of my nose.

Three hours.

Three hours since Grove 77 was… _anointed,_ for lack of a better word. And rather than deal something _easy,_ like Marine infiltrators or some kind of legal challenge, I'd spent the entire time handling _logistics._ Medical care for a thousand and one ailments with a shortage of doctors and supplies. Fresh water was the biggest problem, as it was something none of the Ryugu troops had _ever_ needed to consider. Thank heck the whole 'no blood-sharing' law meant they'd at least had enough stores of human blood ready to go. And then there was the _housing…_

Not all of the problems had been completely solved, but with Soundbite going Wiki-diving and some help from the pirate quartermasters passing through, the Ryugu troops and I had managed to at least _start_ addressing them. And hopefully that would hold until permanent facilities could be constructed.

Just one more fire to put out left. Just. One. More. It was the mantra that had kept me sane. And as the last man—a ragged refugee this time—stepped forward, it was all that kept an (admittedly brittle) smile on my face.

"Welcome, good sir," Prince Fukaboshi greeted, bowing slightly. "How may we assist you?"

The refugee winced, and shuffled back and forth on his feet, rubbing at the still-wet bandages on his wrists where the shackles had held him. Even Soundbite kept silent, letting him find the words.

"B-Beggin' your pardon, sirs, but it's been a few hours, and quite a few of us, especially the younger ones, need to… y'know…" The man reached behind him and mimed wiping his ass.

I groaned and transitioned to massaging my face. "Ugggh… if this sounds stupid then blame the stress-migraine, and said migraine is _not_ your fault so don't worry, but… can't they just do it in the sea?"

"Cross, we have thousands of people here," Fukaboshi chided. "With how slow the inter-grove current is in the archipelago, it's going to foul up fast." He sighed. "And unfortunately, I'm not going to be much help here. Fishman Island has a permanent system involving sand filters and adapted plankton, and that's not something you set up quickly. Or above sea-level, for that matter."

I didn't respond, on account of being a _bit_ busy trying to keep my stomach settled at the thought of the sewage of thousands accumulating in the span of a few minutes. Oh, hell, if we didn't clean this mess up fast, _literally—_! "Soundbite…?" I prompted, hopefully keeping the gurgle out of my voice.

" **Dig down to** _THE PEAT LAYER—_ _ **guh, right, tree roots, make that… ten, fiftee—? Yeah, fifteen—**_ **dig down fifteen feet AND** **THEN BURY IT,"** the snail answered. "WE'LL HAVE TO _keep digging holes,_ _ **AND WE NEED ABOUT**_ **ALL THE CHAMBER POTS WE CAN GET OUR HANDS ON, but it'll do** UNTIL WE GET SOMETHING _more permanent."_

The smile on Fukaboshi's face was _distinctly_ predatory. "Excellent. Commander Neleus will be happy to have his troops do something when they're off-duty." He schooled his features and gave a nod to the refugee. "I'll set my men to work on the first pit right now."

The refugee nodded back, before freezing and turning shifty again. "Ehhh… see, the thing is, some of the young ones might not've been able to wait and…"

Fukaboshi's brows made a beeline for the back of his head, while I stood, smile more brittle than ever. Reaching out, I clapped a hand on the merman's shoulder.

"Well, it seems you've got things under control, Prince," I declared 'confidently.' "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go check up on the crews. 'Kaythanksbye."

"YOU CAN DO THAT RIGHT HERE!" Fukaboshi yelled at my now rapidly retreating—well, kinda rapid, damn leg was asleep—back.

"Sorry— _krsch!_ Bad conne— _krsch! —all back later!"_

"YOU ARE LITERALLY THE LAST PERSON THAT APPLIES TO, GET BACK HERE—!"

**-o-**

"—aaaand he's gone…" Fukaboshi groaned, a good ten seconds away from slamming his trident over his head. "Oceans protect me, I didn't think it was possible but he really is even more annoying in person. Now, how in the hell do I deal with this before someone gets—?"

"Use it to start a garden."

Fukaboshi damn near leapt out of his bubble tube at the sudden and bizarre interjection. "WHA—!? P-Princess Nefertari?" he exclaimed, both at the fellow royal's sudden appearance _and_ her suggestion. "What are you—?"

"Suggesting a productive use for the… _waste_ situation," Vivi replied. "While it won't ever smell _nice_ , properly handled, that much excrement _could_ be used as fertilizer to kickstart a garden, a rather sizeable one. From there, you can start planting edible crops. A refugee camp this size will almost certainly run into food shortages at some point, so having an organic food supply will be an invaluable resource."

The stunned merman took a second to process that before both nodding and grimacing in agreement. "A… necessary arrangement. Thank you, Princess." One eyebrow rose up. "Though you're… surprisingly knowledgeable about this."

"In case you missed it, I'm one of the most selfless royals in this generation, and the heir to a kingdom that just got off a multi-year _civil war_ ," Vivi blithely replied. "Did you really think I wouldn't know everything, and I mean absolutely _everything,_ about setting up a refugee camp?"

_"And you haven't been helping?!"_ Fukaboshi demanded.

"Oh, I have, I have! Rest assured, I've corrected any mistakes you two have made while your orders were en route," Vivi replied, before smirking cheekily. "I just wanted to see you and Cross _squuuuirm_ for a bit is all. Cross because he's an ass, and you…" She shrugged, the cheeky smile not moving a millimeter. "Well, you're the new royal on the block, and I just _know_ everyone else would give me hell if I _didn't_ haze you a bit on your first day on the political stage. Nothing personal, _kaaaay?"_

Fukaboshi opened his mouth and raised a finger, then closed it and lowered it, before finally rubbing the back of his head.

"It's sad that I can't argue with that…"

"Yes, yes it is." Still smiling that damn smile, she patted her larger counterpart on the shoulder. "And now that you've acknowledged that fact, we can get things underway _properly,_ alright?"

"…no more hazing?" he warily asked.

"Weeeeell, Prince Geovana has a fraternity paddle he is _inordinately_ attached to, but otherwise, yes. Now then!" Princess Nefertari Vivi clapped her hands and donned a massive grin that would have been more appropriate on her captain. "Allow me to start this off with one word you're going to _hate_ yourself for missing: _delegation!"_

"… _MOTHER_ _ **FU**_ — _!"_

**-o-**

"Did you hear something?" I asked my oddly silent partner. Which, in itself was worrying. "I mean, I know you can hear _everything,_ but did you hear something just now—ugh, you know what I mean!"

"NNNNN _OPE!"_ Soundbite whistled, looking straight ahead with a biiiig shit-eating grin and an _insultingly_ Southern accent. " **NOT.** _ **A.**_ _THAAAANG."_

"…for the sake of my sanity, I choose to accept that."

"And yet, you _still_ choose to ignore any forms of common sense. Quite the double standard you have going, isn't it?"

"Eh?" I blinked in surprise as Robin suddenly glided up beside me, giving me a teasing look. "The heck are you talking about?"

"Allow me to answer your question with a question: Is it wrong of me to think that there was ever a chance of you _not_ compromising your good faith with someone to whom you showed total respect only a few hours ago, Cross?" Robin politely hid a chuckle behind her fist. "Over a rather harmless matter, of course, but still."

Now, see, _that_ comment got a flat look from me. "To this, my _dearest_ of friends, I respond with a question of my own: _how long have you known me?_ "

Robin took a moment to consider that before shrugging. "Point." She then smiled again. "Well, now that my part in this is done, I'm going to go find the local library. With such a crossroads of cultures and people, I can only imagine the diversity of the books they must have available. Care to join me?"

I honestly considered the options this time, buuut, well…

I shrugged my shoulders with a despairing sigh. "I'd love nothing more, Robin, truly I would, but I'm the main communications hub for us here. Either I do my job, or everyone dissolves into… well…"

" _ **An absolute cavalcade of fuck-ups?"**_ Soundbite 'delicately' suggested.

"In so many words, yeah. But hey, do keep me posted if you find anything interesting, alright?"

"Yes, yes, I shall put together as entertaining a blooper reel of history's best and worst moments as I can manage," Robin hummed as she walked off, waving goodbye over her shoulder. "Just promise you won't cause _too_ much damage while I'm not around to watch, will you?"

"I promise _nothing!"_ I swore, drawing a fresh round of chuckles from the both of us.

The exchange having brightened my mood, it was with a chipper smile that I had Soundbite call the Supernovas, one by one. Surprisingly (or not, given the _specific_ subjects in question), some had decided to call it a day with the game of whack-a-slaver and go ride a rollercoaster.

" _After all, a man of the cloth such as myself should limit the earthly riches one collects!"_ Urouge grandiosely declared.

" _Apapapa! That's not what you said when we were looking for that one guy's treasure stash! Hey, Luffy, remind me, what_ did _he say?"_

" _Uh… something like 'Bitch better have my money'?"_

Urouge's smile abruptly became somewhat… _strained. "Y-Yes, well, a man of the cloth still needs to_ eat _, and coasters aren't cheap… OH LOOK, LUFFY! THEY'RE SELLING LAMB SHANKS OVER THERE!"_

" _ **GIMME!"**_

" _Oh dear, looks like Straw Hat is causing a scene, have to run, bye!"_

" _Suuuubtle."_

" _LAST THING I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU, IVORY-TEETH!"_

Most of them, naturally, were still hunting slavers, flushing the last ones out of their hidey-holes and fleecing them for whatever they were worth… which, given the quality of said hidey-holes for them to have lasted them this long, was not inconsiderable.

" _We're still watching the coasts,"_ Bege reported. " _You would not_ believe _what we've been able to loot from the holds. And the ships themselves are going to fetch a pretty penny, too, once we get the bloodstains out."_

" _I never thought I'd see another bottle of ice peach wine again,"_ Hawkins sighed contentedly. Perhaps a bit _too_ contentedly.

" _Hawkins, you're drooling."_

" _Am not!"_

And some of them were just… doing other things.

"' _M hungry,"_ was all Bonney said. That's not all I _heard,_ though. I'm never going to be able to look at barbecued ribs the same way ever again. The _slurping…_ and _licking…_ I swear, it's like I can still— _oh son of a—!_

"Knock it off, that'll be haunting my nightmares as it is," I snapped, chopping Soundbite's shell for good measure.

"BUT WHAT IS LIFE WITH ME, **if not a neverending NIGHTMARE FOR YOU?"** Soundbite asked with honest-to-goodness, fracking _wide-eyed_ innocence.

"I… don't know where to start with that…" I slowly admitted.

"Heeeeeey, Cross!"

"Hello, convenient change of subject!" I blurted out, before blinking and actually noticing who had called out to me.

I looked up to find Keimi, in a bubble ring, frantically air-paddling herself forward. Most of her forward progress, though, came from Hachi, wearing his canon disguise and pushing Keimi along. Pappug sat on her shoulder, and _those two_ brought up the sullen rear. Surprisingly, besides covering up their own tattoos, they hadn't disguised themselves nearly as much as Hachi. Pretty much just high-collar shirts that covered their gills. Of course, Hachi also wasn't covering up his _mouth_ , so they could probably get away with not covering up their more fishy parts.

"Hey Hachi, Keimi, Pappug! What's up?" Curiously, that didn't provoke any reaction from the other two fishmen. Well, except to _very obviously_ not look my way. _Eeeee-_ xcellent… aaand I am _never_ thinking that again, came _way_ too close to tenting my fingers. "By the way, is there lettuce in my teeth or something?"

Blinking, the Takoyaki 8 trio slowly came to a stop, gracing me with befuddled expressions.

"No…" Keimi drew out. "Why—?"

"Don't tell me I have a smudge of dirt on my nose."

"No. Cross, what are you—?"

"Ah!" I decided, slapping a fist into my palm. "Of course! They're so blinded by my radiance that—yow!"

" **OKAY, THERE'S RIGHTFUL GLOATING** _ **AND THEN THERE'S BEING A SORE WINNER, and this is coming from me.**_ _LOSE THE_ _attitude,_ NARCISSUS," Soundbite said, letting my ear loose from his jaws.

"Okay, okay," I groused, rubbing my ear. "Spoilsport. Sorry, but seriously, where were we?"

For a moment, the Takoyaki trio were silent, and then some silent understanding to ignore that brief exchange passed between them. "I wanted to go see the amusement park! It's always been a dream of mine," Keimi said.

"A dream of pretty much every fishman and mermaid out there," Hachi added, grinning like a loon. "But we wanted to be sure it was safe, so we were going to come find you and ask if it was clear."

Part of me thought that this was a terrible idea. A good house majority, even. I mean, come on, that was where Keimi had been snatched in canon, after all, and all the hidden passageways, tunnels, blind corners and hidey-holes the Supernovas had uncovered when they'd hit the place—read, Luffy had pestered Apoo and Urouge into swinging by—commanded a sick sort of respect for how _thorough_ the kidnapping gangs had been in taking the place over without _actually_ taking it over.

…still, a resounding ' _Buuut…'_ echoed through my mind. On the _other_ hand, Apoo, Urouge, and Luffy _had_ swung by. And from what I'd heard, _some_ idiot hadn't been near a snail in a few hours, and as such, thought it would be a good idea to pull a snatch-and-grab in broad daylight. By this point, whoever had been operating out of there recently had probably long since skedaddled or had their asses kicked. Also probably even odds that half the rides were on fire, now that I think about it…

Only one way to find out! "Soundbite, connect me to Apoo again, please."

" **ROGER ROGER."**

Three rings later, Apoo picked up. " _Y'ello?"_

"Hey, Apoo, quick question. You guys finish cleaning up the amusement park yet?. And, er…" I winced and nervously scratched my cheek. "Left it standing in the process?""

" _Apapapapa! We sure did! Luffy went on_ all _the rides. He was_ great _at flushing those assholes out, seeing as people don't really recognize him without the hat."_ The long-arm's gaze suddenly sharpened. " _Really_ loved _the way realization hit them like a crowbar."_

I blinked. That was quite a bit of venom for the usually easygoing Apoo. "SSSounds like you don't like them?"

" _That's an understatement. They were_ sullying _the_ ultimate scam _with_ kidnapping! _You just don't_ do _that!"_

I arched an eyebrow. "Oh, do elaborate," I replied, bemused… and honestly a _bit_ morbidly curious.

" _Have you_ seen _the price of a cola here, Cross? The smalls alone are_ obscene! _I love it!"_

Well, I hadn't, but I _had_ been to Cedar Point. Top Thrill Dragster, best rush I'd ever had before coming here to One Piece. And, well, some aspects of life _have_ proved to be pretty universal between our two worlds, sooo…

"I understand completely," I swore with complete sincerity. "Anyway, that's all I needed to hear. Just calling because we have some VIPs…" I shot a scathing glance to the side. " _And their plus ones…"_ Aaand back to chipper. "That I'd rather stay unfucked with. The VIPs, not the plus ones—"

"WE GET IT, YOU DON'T LIKE US!"

"—And we will be addressing that _later,_ preferably after I've had some _more_ time to forget the _unyielding rage_ I feel whenever I look at you two," I snapped, meeting the pairs' incensed glares head-on. "Could be in a few hours, could be at the heat-death of the universe, _I don't care._ But anyway…" I refocused on Soundbite and Apoo. "If you could look out for Keimi and Co. while they enjoy the rides I'd really appreciate it, thanks!"

" _No problem. Apoo out!_ _KA-LICK!"_

"You're good!" I said, grinning and giving a thumbs-up. I _steadfastly_ ignored the sound of a crashing wave behind me, and the sudden urge to wink. And the electric guit—" _I will chuck you into the fucking sea, do not test me on this, snail."_

" **No worries,** _ **immediate regret when your teeth started twinkling, NEVER AGAIN!"**_ my partner swore, shivering.

"Er, but anyway," I said, pointedly ignoring the weird looks Keimi and company were giving me. "Yeah, park should be safe enough. Still try and be careful, but otherwise? Go on, have fun, and make history!"

"Oh, Cross, no need to worry about that!" Keimi laughed, suddenly lunging forward and wrapping her arms around my neck. "I'm already the first mermaid to swim around on Sabaody without fear, _and_ I witnessed the Liberation of Grove 77!"

I blinked in surprise. "Is that what they're calling it—?"

"They will when I get back down to the Mermaid Cafe and tell everyone about this!" Keimi squee'd, squeezing her arms to the point of damn near suffocating me. "The point is, I don't need to _make_ history because thanks to you, I've already _lived_ it! So in case it hasn't already been said enough, _thank you thank you thank you!"_

Aaaaand then she capped it off with a kiss to my cheek.

A cute—dare I say, _hot_ —mermaid had just kissed my cheek. So. Yeah. _That happened._

"Hm? Cross, are you—oh no!" Keimi gasped, reeling back from me. "Guys, we need to get Cross to a doctor, he must be running a fever!"

" _Guh,"_ I breathed, before waving my hands to try and stop her. "No, nono, no need for that, I'm perfectly—!"

"But Cross! Your face!" Keimi protested, with completely _genuine_ concern at that. "It's so—!"

"Okay-have-fun-at-the-Park-buy-me-a-foam-finger-BYE!" I laughed semi-hysterically, bodily shoving her floating form into Hachi's arms and then shoving _Hachi_ away at full force, capping it off with a hidden snarl at the octopus. " _Get her out of here!"_

"Ahhhheheheh, leeet's get going, Keimi!" Hachi chuckled nervously as he popped off at a hasty clip. "Places to be, rides to ride, _anarchists to not piss off—!"_

"But Haaaachi! He's _soooo_ red! Shouldn't we—Pappug, aren't you coming?"

In spite of myself, I turned back to find the starfish designer conspicuously apart from his fellow employees and shaking his head and arm in denial and farewell, respectively.

"Sorry, Keimi. I'll try to catch up with you later, but I've got some business to take care of with Captain Dugong. Why…" He struck a pose so the sunlight glinted off his glasses. "I'd say it could even rival some of _Cross's_ plans. Why, perhaps even _this_ plan!"

"…do we ask, or do we not?" I posed to my partner, conspicuously tilting my head his way.

" **Depends,"** Soundbite replied back just as 'subtly'. " _ **You got ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?"**_

I took a moment to 'think it over' before shrugging indifferently. "Yeah, now that I think about it, I suppose I do."

" _Probably for the best. WE BOTH KNOW IT'D JUST BE_ **SOMETHING INANE ANYWAY."**

"So true, so true," I concurred, turning around and wandering away in as casual a manner as I could manage.

"JERKS! YOU'RE BOTH A PAIR OF _JERKS!"_

" _And proooooud of it!"_ we sang back in concert.

I wandered aimlessly for a bit until I was out of our aquatic compatriots' lines of sight before snapping a sidelong glare at my partner in shell. "Breathe a _word_ of what happened earlier and you'll make an _intimate_ contribution to our food supplies."

Soundbite _made_ to respond, wearing an expression that just _guaranteed_ a renewal of my chronic urges to throttle him, but before he could…

" _So, that's all that it takes to stop the_ mighty _Jeremiah Cross in his tracks, is it? One kiss on the cheek? Pathetic."_

The voice that I heard tickled my mind, just on the edge of familiarity, and it was a very wary Voice of Anarchy that turned around.

The figure that met my eyes was… distinct. I mean, you don't usually meet a man wearing a gas mask over his face with glinting orange lenses, straps taut against a bald chromedome, and a strap-laden jumpsuit that seemed to be made of skintight leather that… was actually pretty conservative, for its kind of attire.

And it was precisely because of this distinct attire that, even though I'd never met this man before—!

" _You're thinking I look very familiar, don't you?"_

I started at the staticky, scratchy voice that came out of the man's mask as if from an old-school radio, both because the voice surprised me, _and_ because that line made things click in my head and _holy shit, seriously!?_ "And if I do, and if I suspect I might know your name as well?" I asked slowly.

" _Then I'd advise you to not say a word,"_ the man growled with his crackling voice, raising his finger in front of the mask's filter. " _My presence here is highly classified. So if you tell anyone, I'll be coming for you. And if you even_ think _about it—"_

"PSYCHIC, RIGHT, _we get it,"_ Soundbite audibly gulped. Guess even _he_ could be cowed now and again.

The masked man tilted his head at us before raising his hands and cracking his knuckles. It… actually wasn't that threatening, it just seemed to be a habit for him. " _Indeed. My clairvoyance is utterly unmatched… though some things yet elude me… tell me."_ He shifted his head back upright with an audible _CRACK._ " _What are these 'video games' that dwell so deep in your psyche… and what relation do they have with_ me?"

That chilled me damn well, I can tell you, and played no small part in my decision to end this conversation right fast. Though with my usual snark, of course. As such, I snapped one hand to my brow and held out my other towards the man's face. "And with my own gift, I'm seeing, I'm seeing…" I grinned and snapped my fingers. "You want a picture and an autograph!"

_That_ stiffened him up but good… with even more crackling from his bones, seriously just how stiff was this guy!? " _What, how—? Wait, so are you actually—?"_

I chuckled and waved my hand dismissively. "Nah, it's just that it's… been that kind of day. Anyway, your third eye tell you to bring a Dial or what?"

A staticky scoff was accompanied by a Vision Dial dug out from _somewhere_ behind his back. " _Less third eye, more common sense. Now let's make this fast, I'm doing this for a friend. Personally, I find you annoying."_

"Oh, how my heart bleeds," I chuckled sardonically, sidling up alongside the man and flashing a quick peace sign at the camera before taking the swiftly developed photo and signing it. "Well, there you have it. Hope your friend likes it!"

" _I'm confident,"_ he answered dryly as he turned away and shuffled off, leather and bones creaking all the way. " _That he will find it to be most…_ amusing, _yes. And who knows…_ "

He turned his head my way with a final _CRACK!_ , the light on his mask shifting in _just_ such a way that I could glimpse a _damn_ maddened eye beneath the orange lens.

" _Maybe you'll come to appreciate the humor of all this in time, too. Heheheheeeeh…"_

And with that… _lovely_ little tidbit, he wandered off and was soon swallowed up by the crowd, though his demented laugh hung around for a good bit longer, and _not_ via any help from Soundbite.

Speaking of which… "…Soundbite?"

" _ **ANY MORE**_ **METAL GEAR TRESPASSERS,** _YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW,"_ the snail shrilly assured me.

"Same with any other expies in general, please," I groused, massaging my face in an effort to relieve the tension. "With any luck, the Rule of Three means that'll be the last, but I wasn't kidding when I said it's been one of _those_ days."

" **We need thirty CCs of** _HUMOR INJECTED INTO THIS SHITSHOW,_ **stat!"** Soundbite proclaimed.

"Hey, Cross!"

" _ **I WAS FUCKING KIDDING!"**_ Soundbite yelped as Conis approached.

The angel paused, blinking. "Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting something? I can try asking someone else."

"Ah, no, no, it's perfectly fine," I hastily replied, waving off her concerns. "You just came at a strange time is all. What's up, Conis?"

"Well, it's just that something a bit strange has come up that I wanted to check with you," she explained. "Keeping track of the whole crew has been kind of tricky even with Soundbite's help, but I thought that I had everyone nailed down. Except…" The angel scratched her head sheepishly before continuing. "…a report just came in of someone on our crew who took down a Marine Captain in Grove 66. Which would be…"

I blinked in surprise as I finished her thought. "Where the Marine Base is, as in where _nobody_ on the crew should be?"

"You see why I'm confused, and before you ask I've already ruled out Zoro getting lost, thanks to Su volunteering to act as his personal compass, or the Dugongs getting into trouble because I just passed Boss training their shells off them," Conis said. "So, either I've missed someone—"

"NIX, _**I count a full house,**_ **INCLUDING ALL OF OUR ACES AND JOKERS."**

"—or we have an impostor running around that we may have to deal with."

"…huh," I muttered, cradling my chin in thought. "That's not right, the imposters don't show up until _after_ the T.S."

" _ **DON QUOI?"**_ Soundbite sputtered, an action which Conis mirrored.

"And even _then_ , a Marine Captain would be too much for them, much less a _Base,_ so _who—?"_ I froze as the facts all lined up and hit me with a clue-by-four. " _Ooooh."_ I looked back to Conis. "Can you remember any other pertinent details about that attack?"

"Uh, let me see," Conis said, taking out a notepad. One that was actually quite full, impressive.

"From what I heard, it was a surprise attack against a Captain who was part of the reinforcements that were on their way to the base. Didn't get his name, but a turban and veil are a pretty distinctive look. Our alleged crewmate used a surprise attack and almost _literally_ tore him a new one with a cutlass. But like I said, I've ruled out our swordsmen already."

I chuckled a bit at my suspicions getting confirmed. "And how exactly was this person identified as a Straw Hat?"

Conis shrugged. "Oh, she was wearing a tricolor patch that had our Jolly Roger on it…" She paused as she mulled that sentence over, and then slapped a hand to her face. "Which… none of our crewmates would ever wear because we don't advertise our allegiance frivolously and I should have realized in the first place, damn it…"

"Eh, don't beat yourself up too hard," I said, giving her a reassuring pat on the back. "Sometimes we miss the most obvious things right in front of us. And it's not like this is _really_ that serious. Don't worry, I'll take care of this, you just go back to keeping everyone safe, alright?"

_That_ earned me a look of surprise. "So… wait, you know who that was? Was it someone important, or—?"

"Mmm… naaah, not _really_ important," I snickered to myself. "Just a wayward Cabin Girl is all."

**-o-**

" _Puru puru puru puru! Puru puru—_ KA-LICK!"

" _Hey, Pisces—"_

_"Hel-lo, dear boy._ You've reached the Bad, Bad Bathhouse. This is Kanji speaking, what can I do for you tonight?"

"…" the Transponder Snail that had just been answered froze in place, its face a mask of befuddlement.

"Uh… Ophiucus?" Tashigi piped up a moment later, shoving her snickering subordinate aside. "You alright there?"

" _N-Nothing… just, nostalgia,"_ one of the infamous Voices of Anarchy coughed a second later.

" _ **If you say**_ ' **I am thou, thou art I'…** _though, I_ GUESS _I COULD GO FOR BEING_ IZANAGI…" the other Voice muttered.

"…Aaaaanyway," Tashigi drew out. "Did you call me for a reason, or—?"

" _Ah, right, right,"_ Cross nodded, before his expression sobered up, which prompted Tashigi to stand up a little straighter. " _You see, Pisces, it's the darndest thing. We here on Grove 77 just heard tell of one of our crewmates cutting down a Marine Captain when none of our crew were anywhere_ close _to where he was. Think you can fill in a blank or two?"_

The Marine Lieutenant coughed into her fist, suddenly unwilling to meet the snail's accusatory gaze. "And if I could fill in those blanks?"

The snail's expression fell dead flat. "… _Pisces, as the Warden of the Masons, it is my duty to point out that that was a_ stupid _stunt you pulled, one which ran the risk of providing the Marines with the thread needed to unravel us, all with little to no payoff to show for it."_

The nonplussed Navy officer gave no response as she resecured her uniform, the re-removed pirate outfit crammed in a rucksack that would be tossed into the chain pit before the day was out suddenly feeling like it was loaded down with cannonballs.

That weight suddenly vanished, however, when Cross re-donned his typical vindictive smirk; surprisingly, a smirk that wasn't directed at her (for once). "… _but as your_ friend? _I'm honorbound to check and make sure that you gave him one from me."_

"Hmph," Tashigi chuckled weakly, wiping away the sheen of cold sweat that had sprung up on her brow. "Honestly, this was just the cherry on top for the justice I've carried out today. Really, I know that didn't do much, with the state I left him in he'll be back on his feet in a week or two, but _damn_ did it feel good." She gave her onlooking companion a wry grin as well. "Also, it helps that Popora futzed with his head a little bit so that he'll be waking up in a cold sweat for months over this."

" _Pffhahahahaha! Alright, alright, enough! I'm supposed to be righteously mad at you, remember!? I can only approve so much!"_ Cross chortled eagerly. " _Just make sure you get_ permission _next time you wear our flag, neh? Honestly, with how much you're masquerading as one of us, maybe we should just go ahead and make it offi—?"_

" _Goodbye,_ Cross," Tashigi bit out as politely as she could manage, forcefully hanging up her snail.

**-o-**

Cross had already achieved his endgame, but though the pirates had ravaged much of the archipelago, much more still remained. For those who were still out for blood, beris, or prisoners with potential, plenty of slave houses remained to pillage.

Though that number was rapidly shrinking as mixed Supernova groups went after them one-by-one. With the sanctuary established and any chance of retaliation gone, most of the crews had lept right back into the fray.

Meanwhile, the assorted criminals made new acquaintances.

"It's not surprising that a Warlord of the Seas doesn't really respect the World Government, or that her family shares in that contempt," Drake mused, looking over the latest batch of tenderized kidnappers, before giving her a wry glance. "But disguises aside, don't you think that this is pushing your luck?"

"You wanna talk about pushing your luck?" Sandersonia hissed back, shooting the pirate captain a sidelong glare from under the hood of the cloak she was using to conceal her identity. "Try the fact that I'm sssssticking with a clossssset pervert like you."

Drake snarled at Sandersonia—both figuratively with his tone, and literally with his suddenly all-canine jaws. "I am _not_ a pervert! My Zoan side is just reacting to yours! _I_ am _innocent!"_

"Ssssso you sssssay," Sandersonia sneered, pointedly hissing her tongue out at him.

Drake's pupils elongated into slits and a deep rumble built in his chest—

_THWACK! "YIPE!"_

—before Sandersonia's tail caught him clean across his muzzle, the 'rookie' pirate cursing vehemently and rubbing the abused spot. "You did that one on purpose, you skank!"

"You mispronounced 'snake'… aaaaand maybe," the Kuja snickered to herself as she slithered down the street, Drake jogging to catch up. "In my defense, you make it a tad too easy."

"Yeah, well—!" Before his reply was halfway out of his mouth, both Drake and Sandersonia's jaws snapped shut, their demeanors sobering at a by-now scarce sound on the archipelago: the sound of rattling chains.

Drake jabbed two fingers down a nearby alley, and Sandersonia gave him a terse nod before shooting into the dark. Meanwhile, the captain accelerated his pace and rushed down the street, honing in on the tell-tale jangling scraping at his eardrums.

Finally, he rounded a corner and put on a full ton of muscle from one step to the next, loosing an ear-splitting roar that froze the gun-toting guards and their chained captives in place. That, and the fact that their route was suddenly blocked off by a snake-woman of sizeable proportions letting out a snarling hiss all her own.

Their prey halted, Drake's glare zeroed in on the hefty man at the front. "Drop the keys and run, fat boy," he rumbled out. "I'm feeling generous."

"Or don't and give me a reason, _because I'm not,"_ Sandersonia snapped, emphasizing her words with a firm, wall-shattering lash of her tail.

The fat trader stammered and snapped his gaze back and forth between the menacing reptiles.

_SLAM!_

And jumped as the serpentine one slammed one of his men into unconsciousness, hissing in a clear show of impatience.

"Th-This isn't what it looks like!" the rotund idiot stammered. "This is j-j-just for appearances' s-sake, they're bound for Grove 77! C-Come on, think about it! Not all of us civilians are a-a-as _puissant_ as you pirates are! Were they not still in chains, then we would all be at risk of being preyed upon! T-The slavers have become _desperate_ , you know!"

"Indeed, desperate enough to _dare_ something so foolish as move their stock in broad daylight," Sonia scoffed. "You'd be _intimately_ familiar with that sort of cowardice, wouldn't you?"

"I-I don't—!"

"Also, funny thing," Drake mused offhandedly to himself, shrinking down to his demi-form so that he could trail a claw over his axe. "Because the bridge from the 10s to the 70s is to the _west_ of here. But _this_ road heads south…" He loosed a rumbling growl over a cascade of sparks. "Toward the _single-digit_ groves."

The Idiot could do nothing but sputter with absolute fear until all resistance left his limbs, dropping him on his ass. The pirates took this as their signal that he was _quite_ done, and so started to advance on the group—

"YOU WERE TAKING ME TO THE _AUCTION HOUSE!?"_

Whereupon an indignant screech stopped the pirate pair in their tracks, and drew their attention to the lead slave in the procession: a blue-haired girl with a golden headpiece. She wore a rather revealing top, with nothing covering her stomach, giving her the appearance of an exotic dancer.

However, what currently impressed the Supernova and his begrudging companion was the sheer _variety_ of curse words said dancer was spitting into the round jackass's rapidly paling face.

"…I haven't heard some of these since the last time a Germa fleet passed through the North Blue," Drake muttered.

"If I wasn't sure about just how much Soundbite knew, I'd think he'd got about half his vocabulary from her," Sonia grunted in return. However, as the dancer's invective started to grow more bloodthirsty and her hands inched toward the slaver's throat, she bit out a sharp curse and slithered up the girl's side and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, hey, enough! Look, as much as we _all_ want this bastard's blood, we need his keys first so we can skip digging through the fat folds of his corpse. Just step back, and let us… _perssssssssuade him._ " The last sentence was pointedly hissed in the trader's direction.

The sound of grinding teeth drifted out from the woman's jaws, and for a moment it looked like she was going to _argue_ with the reptile-woman ten times her size before she reluctantly stepped back. "…fine, _fine_. I'll just… graaah, damn it damn it _damn it…_ "

With that handled, the Zoan turned back to the trembling slaver, sloooooooowwwly spreading a grin over her face as she drew herself up to her fullest height. " _Nowwww… let's sssssseeeee abou—"_ She was cut off by something bouncing off her torso with a clink of metal on metal.

"THERE'S THE KEYS, THERE'S THE KEYS, _FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THERE'S THE KEYS! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU DAMN MONSTERS! YOU'VE ALREADY TAKEN EVERYTHING ELSE FROM ME,_ JUST LET ME HAVE MY LIFE!" the slaver screamed as he scampered away. Or tried to, at any rate, before Drake slammed his axe down a scant inch from his nose and coughed _quite_ loudly to punctuate his point. Said point doing a very good job of freezing the quivering, pathetic lump in place.

Sandersonia blinked, and then promptly shrank (relatively speaking) back to her human form with an aggravated sigh. "Well, _that_ was simple. Hey, dancer girl!" The Kuja offhandedly tossed her the keys. "Uncuff the others, and we'll lead you to Grove 77. Juuuust give me a second."

Before the very confused dancer could respond, Sandersonia turned to the whimpering slaver.

"…please don't hurt me too badly," he whined through his tears.

Sandersonia quickly plastered on a cheerful smile. "Sure!"

The slaver's eyes widened. " _Truly!?"_

The Kuja's expression _plummeted_ back into an abyss of pure murder. " _No."_

That's when the screaming started.

When those present recounted the incident later, many _swore_ they heard a strangely joyous ode. They would then go on to recount a strange disembodied voice laughing its ass off out of the blue for seemingly no reason whatsoever.

Meanwhile, the dancer had finished unshackling the last of her fellow slaves and Drake—not particularly eager to interfere with his compatriot's 'fun'—took it upon himself to address them all. "In case it wasn't clear or you haven't heard, you're all free to go and the Sabaody slave market is officially closed for business. If you think you can get home safely, then get going. If you're in need of help, the new embassy in Grove 77 will offer help to anyone in need. Just take the bridge—" He pointed westward. "In that direction. If you have any questions—" And that was as far as he got, with the freed captives bolting for freedom as soon as they saw the chance.

By now long used to this reaction, Drake turned back to watch the ensuing beatdown—

"Excuse me?"

—only to pause when someone, for the first time that day, actually _did_ ask a question. And not just any someone, but the dancer from before, standing right where she'd been and giving Drake a cool look.

"When you said that Sabaody was 'closed for business', does that mean _all_ the slave shops?" she asked. "Even the high-class 'employment offices' in the 70s groves?"

Drake cocked his brow at the woman's atypically blasé attitude. "The… last I heard, they were one and all on _fire."_

That's when the woman _really_ threw Drake for a loop, snapping her fingers and scowling in honest _disappointment_ of all things. " _Damn it,_ this day just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it," she muttered, kneading her brow in annoyance. "Now what am I supposed to do…"

_SQUELCH!_ With a final grotesque sound, Sandersonia tore her attention away from the erstwhile slaver with an incredulous expression.

"Why is it, exactly, that you sound _disappointed_ that we just saved you from being sold into a life of chains?" she hissed in indignation. The woman rocked back, unnerved, but answered with reasonable calm.

"Don't get me wrong, I _am_ grateful that you two saved me, and the idea of being enslaved sounds about as appealing to me as it does to any other sane person!" the dancer assured them, and the pirates could tell she was sincere about _that,_ too. "It's just that from what you're telling me, the way this island is changing means that my own reasons for coming here are rapidly becoming null and void."

The pirates exchanged dubious looks, and Drake took it upon himself to ask what they were both thinking: "Could you possibly explain what you mean, miss…?"

"Pascia, my name is Pascia," the woman sighed wearily. "And what I _mean_ is that I came to Sabaody looking to make a decent amount of money in a relatively short amount of time through… _morally_ dubious means, but most certainly _not_ by compromising my freedom! Or, well…" She rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably. "Not _forever,_ anyway…"

While Sandersonia's confusion was only deepened, Drake's expression lightened with realization. "You're talking about indentured servitude, aren't you?"

"What-tured servitude?" the Kuja parroted.

"Indentured," Pascia elaborated. "I sign a contract with someone giving them a specified number of years of my labor and freedom, and then the man sells the contract to someone who needs a worker."

"Wait," Sandersonia hissed. "You mean you were planning to sell _yourself_ into slavery? And don't give me any bull about contracts and shit, it's the same damn thing!"

"Not in the North Blue it isn't," Drake cut in, looking a bit nostalgic. "It's not exactly a widespread practice, nor strictly legal, either, but it exists. The contracts are honored, money exchanges hands—"

"And usually, it's handled alongside the more traditional slave trade, yes," Pascia sighed wearily. "For the record, my heart does go out to those unlawfully in chains like that, but I have my own mountain of woes to consider, so you'll have to forgive me if my well of sympathy runs a bit dry. I thought there would be more lucrative opportunities on an archipelago as… _renowned_ as Sabaody, but…" She grimaced awkwardly. "I'll admit that I underestimated just how badly that swine was willing to compromise good business in favor of an immediate payday."

"The collar on your neck wasn't a good enough clue?" Sandersonia dryly remarked.

Pascia was admirably unfazed as she flatly gestured to her less-than-modest attire. "I wasn't exactly offering the most _sophisticated_ of services, you know! And sue me, I was desperate! I needed as much money as possible as _soon_ as possible! I _still_ do, in fact!"

_That_ struck a definite chord in Sandersonia, and as her long-faded scars throbbed and she considered what could _possibly_ drive someone to such extremes, her previously terse demeanor slowly faded in favor of sympathy. "Family?" she solemnly intoned.

Pascia's strength drained out of her in turn and she nodded morosely, crossing her arms. "A royal household. One I've served proudly for _years_ now, that's been able to hold their heads high the entire time… until recently." She snapped her head to the side with a venom-filled _tsk._ "Damn the Germa straight to hell. They demand tributes they have no rights to, absolutely _none…_ and if we can't meet them, then they take it. In _blood_ if need be."

The dancer's expression became one of determination, and she looked at the pirates with _fire_ in her eyes. "The lord of the house took me in off the streets of the South Blue when I was just a girl, and he helped raise me into the woman I am today. Hell, I helped raise half of his kids in turn! Most of them are like family to me! So if it took my freedom to help preserve their life and pride?" She firmly slapped a hand to her chest. "Then yes, I would have gladly given it all up, so long as they actually _got the damn money!_ "

Her bravado quickly died down, and she slumped in defeat. "But now… if even _that_ option is closed, then I came here for nothing… And that would mean that my household is…"

"Well, now, I wouldn't say _that…"_

Pascia looked up in confusion at the 'idle' thought that Sandersonia had uttered, the Kuja innocently tapping a finger to her chin.

"I mean," she opined. "If you're fine with being morally dubious, I think there are still plenty of options left for you." So saying, Sandersonia turned her gaze on Drake and flashed him a toothy grin, fangs and all. Drake flinched, but remained defiant.

"I would not be caught _dead_ with a concubine on my crew," he growled.

Not a _second_ after that observation was made, Drake had to snap a hand up and catch a chop from Pascia on his wrist. Said chop was barely an inch from his neck, and the woman was now affixing him with a deadpan stare.

"In case I didn't get my point across, X Drake," she coolly informed him. "I was the _only_ babysitter a gaggle of noble children had growing up. No turnover, and for a damn good reason."

For a moment, Drake impassively regarded her before casually flicking her hand away. "Rough, by Grand Line standards. Perhaps _some_ room for improvement, but if that's _all_ …"

At that, Pascia's face actually lit up. "I advertised my dancing skills because that's what sells, but my lord primarily had me double-checking his books and records. I was quite good at it, too!"

Drake didn't even hesitate before turning around and waving her to follow. "You'll have six hours to run a full inventory on the Liberal Hind once we reach it. If there's even one crate or beri out of place, go find yourself another ship."

The dancer clapped her hands with an honest-to-God _squee_ as she beamed at the reptile-man's back. "I'll have it done in three, captain! That'll leave us plenty of time to work out my wage _and_ for me to go out and acquire a less…" She looked down at herself and grimaced. "Uh… _specialized_ wardrobe."

As the newly christened quartermaster—er, quarter _mistress_ trailed behind him, the following Kuja leaned in and raised a rather important question.

"You do know that he's a closet pervert, right?"

Drake stumbled and let out an incredulous squawk before spinning around. "For the _last time,_ I am _not—!"_

"Yeah, I know, seen worse," Pascia replied, casually waving off Sandersonia.

Drake froze for a solid second or two before belting out a surprised "WHAT!?"

Sandersonia was right there with him, though her response was far more restrained by way of merely raising an eyebrow. "Huh. Pegged him that quickly?"

"Again, babysitter for noble children. I've seen my fair share of closet perverts." Pascia made a show of buffing her nails. "At least this one's just your typical hair-trigger. Certainly better than some fossils with things for palms I could name."

Sandersonia jerked in surprise. " _Pal—_ no, no, that way lies madness," the Kuja groused.

"Wise choice. Wish I had some of that Chopper fellow's Brain Bleach when I found _that_ out," Pascia shuddered, before her mood brightened with earnest curiosity. "Oh, but I imagine that one as impressive-looking as yourself has some war stories she could share, hm?"

Sandersonia's double-wide mouth split into a massive grin. "Ooooh you have _no_ idea! Let me tell you, I once met—well, I say met, he'd say robbed—a man with a whole _collection_ of—!"

As the women continued to chatter behind his back, the Supernova, who had long since continued ahead of them with his shoulders raised defensively, slowly raised a palm to his face.

"I am regretting _so_ many decisions I've made recently…" he groaned miserably

**-o-**

[You know, funny thing: I wouldn't have considered this even a pipe dream a mere few days ago,] Pappug mused as he jogged (or his version of it at least, more a fast waddle for anyone with two proper legs) through the tent town that had been erected across Grove 77. [I was a starfish with an eye for fashion, living with the retired Right Hand of the Pirate King and his wife.] He tapped an arm thoughtfully against his face. [Then along came the Straw Hat Pirates.]

The starfish chuckled as his destination came into view.

[There they are. Ahoy now!] Pappug called, waving one of his arms to the Great Kung-Fu Fleet. [Permission to come aboard please? I have a proposal I'd like to make!]

[Who's this?] a dugong called back down.

[Name's Pappug!] The starfish nodded his head in way of greeting. [I'm a local around here, got dragged with the Straw Hats… not that that makes me any different from anyone else around here, but anyway! Mind if I talk to Captain for a bit?]

[Come aboard, Pappug. We know who you are, you're welcome here,] the same dugong called back.

[Thanks!] Pappug waddled his away onto the deck of one of the barnacle-encrusted ships and took note of a few dugongs lying around with some of the most bored expressions he'd ever seen on a living creature. A few were listlessly punching the air in some sort of lazy attempt at training, while others where just straight-up asleep.

[…wow, are you guys _this_ crestfallen at being cockblocked from the fighting?] Pappug deadpanned.

[You would be too if your captain took half the crew with him to go bust some heads and you had to stay here and guard the damn ships,] another voice grumbled. Pappug turned to see that said voice belonged to a disgruntled dugong wearing a bandanna and a bandolier who was viciously whittling away at a sharp-looking stake. [Damn lousy layabout Captain, offloading the _boring_ jobs onto me… I mean, hey, I get it, _someone_ needs to stay behind and provide protection, I respect that, best for the job and all that, but would it _kill_ him to let us take shifts going out or something!?] The Dugong let out a snarl as he rammed the stake into the wood of the deck. [Well, it's sure _going_ to when he gets back!]

Pappug gulped, inching back slightly. [Errr, if this is a bad time—?]

The dugong ground his teeth for a moment more before sighing and waving his flipper. [No no, it's fine. I'm annoyed and going to give him hell later, but that doesn't concern you.] He held his flipper out to the starfish. [I'm First Mate Dugong. What can I do ya for?]

Pappug shook the flipper and pumped. [Nice to meet you, First Mate. Allow me to get straight to the point: I've got an idea that rivals the demented plans that come out of Cross's head, and I was hoping to get your crew's input on it.]

The grip on Pappug's limb suddenly stiffened like the rest of First Mate, who has now staring at him with a mixture of anticipation and dread, and the starfish could equally sense the rest of the once-lazing amphibians around him snapping out of their ennui to watch him _very_ intently. […should I be worried?] the dugong said slowly.

[I'm a starfish with an eye for fashion, not a raving madman,] Pappug assured him. [Although, I do admit that this is probably sticking a giant middle finger to the Government—]

[Oh, we're on board with _that,_ ] the dugong confirmed, immediately relaxing with a sigh of relief. [We'd just like to make it out with what remains of our sanity mostly intact.]

[A fair concern. But first…ah, First Mate—]

A round of chuckles rippled through his onlooking subordinates, and the dugong loosed a snarl and glared them all down. [THAT JOKE STOPPED BEING FUNNY A WEEK AFTER WE LEFT ALABASTA!] With the rest of the crew sufficiently cowed, First Mate turned back to Pappug. [Continue.]

[Er, right…] the starfish coughed before doing so. [So, to start: mind if I pose a question?]

The dugong raised an eyebrow. [Go ahead.]

Pappug cleared his throat (what little he had of one, anyway). [Us animals—or at least, most _advanced_ animals, such as you or I—are all on par with humans in terms of intelligence. We can think, we can feel, and we can _speak,_ much like they can, even if there is something of a language barrier most of the time,] Pappug declared. [So…why exactly are we considered lesser than them? Why do we not have our own culture? Why are we not as advanced as them, living without technology? Most pressing of all… _why_ have we not formed our own state?]

There was a pause as the sheer _audacity_ of the sea creature's words sunk in. First Mate's flipper slackened alongside his jaw, while his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

[You…You _do_ know what you're implying, yes?] First Mate asked. [You're… what, suggesting that us animals form a _sovereign state!?_ T-that's—!]

[Unnatural? We animals already have our own methods of _governance;_ hell, _you're_ a part of your own species's hierarchy! We seek groups, we seek leaders, and we seek survival! And if the humans' way of surviving works for them, why can't we adapt it to ourselves as well? But really… even more than nature... ] Pappug slammed one of his arms into the other. [We should, we _need_ to do this, if only for the _respect!_

[I had to bust my ass to learn the human language to even be _considered_ a sapient being, and not a pest or potential snack. Even then, fashion was cutthroat in its own route,] Pappug growled. [I've had to exploit humans underestimating me on multiple occasions. And even though it's served me well, _I'm fucking sick of it._ ]

The dugong started in shock at the sheer _vehemence_ Pappug had just displayed, as said starfish displayed an almost unbelievably fierce expression for the second time in recent memory.

[I realize some don't see the point of this. They just want to live away from human conflict and stay in their own homes. You don't mess with me, I don't mess with you. Typical law of nature, and up until now that's been fine.] Pappug took a deep breath and straightened up. [But that's _not_ how it works anymore.

[The day that the World Government became an entity, humans achieved worldwide domination. There is _nowhere_ we can run anymore, because now they are _everywhere._ And as such, anything humans do affects _us_ too. We can't afford to ignore that anymore; Sabaody taught me that. Taught us _all_ that. I mean, they evacuate all the _humans_ from a Buster Call, but what about the animals on them, hm!? When has, or when _will_ humans ever give a damn about things like that?! I'll tell you: when _we_ all actually give a damn and _make them!_

[And when would be the best time to do that, you ask? I'll tell you when: _now._ Now, when the Government is reeling from _another_ kick in the teeth, and when animal respect is at an all-time high! This is a once-in-a-lifetime—no, a _once-in-history_ opportunity for us, a chance for us to change the whole world! And I, for one, _refuse to let this chance slip away!]_

[Okay.]

[Now, look, I _know_ it sounds ludicrous and infeasi— _wait what.]_ Pappug's speech suffered a metaphorical needle scratch, the starfish boggling in open surprise at the dugong. [I-I-you—! _T-That_ quickly? B-But the risks, your protests— _I had an entire speech planned for this, dammit!]_

[Yeah, I could tell, and honestly you're gonna need it to convince the other races,] First Mate agreed. [But consider this…] The dugong slammed a flipper into his chestplate with an absolutely _vicious_ smirk. _[Just who the hell do you think we are?_ ]

The fashion designer, blinked owlishly, struck dumb, both by the declaration _and_ the raucous cheers of all the on-looking Dugongs. Sheepishly, he rubbed the back of his head. [Yeeeaaah, should have expected that. You Kung Fu Dugongs are always up for a good fight. Thanks anyway, First Mate. It'll be a long while before this idea even starts to get underway, much less gets an inch of traction, but as is, I'm glad to know that when I start it up for real, I'll have _one_ undeniable ally in my corner, giving my words the weight they need. Good day to you, and tell Captain to contact me as soon as he can so that we can talk more!]

With that, Pappug turned and waddled away back onto shore, First Mate snapping a salute in his wake.

At first, the starfish headed for the Cannibal, intent on talking with their dragon next. However, as he walked, Pappug's mind idled slightly on said dragon's rather _sharp_ teeth, and brought to mind some… _less_ than appealing interactions with certain species he'd had over the years, which kindled new doubts in his heart (well, it was actually a water vascular system, but 'heart' was less of a mouthful). Those doubts didn't last long, however, as he remembered that he could get an immediate answer to his questions while he walked.

[Hey, Soundbite,] Pappug spoke into the air. [I realize that this is a stupid question, but I'm _assuming_ you heard all of that, right?]

There was a long moment where Pappug had the sneaking suspicion he'd just spoken to absolutely nothing, fully expecting someone not to answer back, when finally his concerns for his mental health were appeased by a staticky crackle.

Still, there was yet another long pause until finally…

_[…you realize you're insane, right?]_ Soundbite's voice—his _actual, real_ voice—asked, numb with shock. _[Seriously, this is_ me _asking that, that should tell you just how insane this all is!]_

[But am I _wrong_ is the question,] Pappug retorted.

_[Pft, please, that was_ never _in question. I was just questioning your sanity.]_

[I've spent the last year listening to _your_ human and the last two weeks in close proximity to your crew. How sane do you _think_ I am?] Pappug retorted.

_[…well, that's me told. Anyway, seeing as I doubt you wanted to speak to me about what the weather's like around here—bubbly, by the way—!]_

[I'm speaking to you because I need your expertise as a _land-based_ animal,] Pappug huffed. [Since I've spent the majority of my life underwater, that's where my social circles tend to swim. As such, I'm asking for your opinion on the matter: are all animals as intelligent as humans? As you or I or the dugongs, that is to say? I remember talking to a few literally incoherent dumbasses, and more than a few carnivores that have tried to chow down on me haven't had enough brain-cells needed to do basic _math_ with, so…?]

Pappug trailed off, waiting for the snail's response, which came a few moments later.

_[It… honestly varies a bit,]_ Soundbite answered, sounding honestly and sincerely _contemplative_ for once in his admittedly short life. [ _Typically from species to species, really. For example, the dugongs are all sapient. They have to be, to achieve their skill. But on the other hand, we've also got species that… are as slow as humans assume they are.]_ The stupidity-induced cringe was audible.

_[Like, most R-strategists like other bugs tend to choose INT as their dump stat. Sometimes you'll get a mantis that can hold a conversation, and usually bee queens are as sharp as they're sting-y, but most of the time, the swarm is smarter than any individual. And lemme tell ya, the swarm ain't that smart. And not just bugs either. This one time, we passed by a farm on an island we were staying on, and let me tell you, while pigs are reasonably intelligent, cows really don't have much to say and_ sheep _are dumb as a box of rocks… though like hell I'm saying that where Merry can hear me.]_

A sigh echoed over the airwaves.

_[But yeah, that's the gist of it: some species are naturally smarter than others, and even among the brainless there can be 'prodigies.' That help any?]_

[Yes, yes, more than enough…] the starfish sighed in relief. [Just wanted to make sure that whatever comes to pass, it's actually _relevant_ and not reserved to a few odd flashes in the evolutionary pan, so to speak.]

_[Ohoh, not a chance, my friend. The prodigies are rare indeed, but when we animals are smart, we_ stay _smart for a loooong time. And if the smarties were to all get together in one place and start pooling that smartness… well. Humans have their cities. Go out there and start laying the foundation for ours.]_

It was thanks to those parting words that Pappug bore a good and proud grin as he accelerated his pace, _more_ than eager to reach his next destination.

**-o-**

Truthfully, I wouldn't have minded getting in on Soundbite's fun, whatever it was he was snickering at at the moment, but unfortunately that option wasn't _quite_ open to me at the moment. Specifically, as Soundbite got back to paying attention to me, he _finally_ noticed that I was busy talking through another Transponder Snail.

"—way you can just make a distraction and GTFO?" I hissed, gnawing furiously on my thumb.

" _We're still in this building and calling you for help because for_ whatever _reason,_ THIS _is the one and only hellhole on this scumhole_ without _a bolthole! Does_ that _answer your question?!"_

I sighed explosively. "Yeah, yeah, sue me for trying for the flawless streak… Hold tight and stall like hell, I'm on my way."

The other snail disconnected at once, and I spared a moment to _stare_ at Soundbite. No matter how much I wanted to distance myself—and us in general—from this shitshow, it was best to be on hand just in case. Still, _speaking_ of said shitshow we were in—!

"…Partner…" I huffed acridly, shooting a caustic glare at my suddenly sheepish snail. "I do realize that I'm asking a lot of you to keep so many reports on this island straight. But I could have sworn that I told you to make _**them**_ priority one!"

Soundbite gulped, sweat coating his already slimy body as he undoubtedly caught himself up on the situation at hand, his expression rapidly becoming more horrified by the second. " _ **My defense?**_ **A few too many** _escapees having PANIC ATTACKS_ THAT NEEDED _**IMMEDIATE REINFORCEMENT**_ **COMBO'D WITH A MATTER OF… PERSONAL IMPORT** _ **.**_ "

I grumbled under my breath, weighing the priorities. Ultimately, I just shook my head in despair and accelerated my pace. "…fine. We'll handle this mess ourselves."

The way Soundbite suddenly looked stricken would have been pretty funny in literally _any_ other circumstances. " _YOU'D THINK BY NOW_ **I'D BE USED TO your determination to** _get us both killed._ _ **WHY IN THE NAME OF DAVY JONES'S BARNACLE-SCARRED ASS**_ _DO YOU—_ **meaning we—** _HAVE TO DO THIS BY YOUR/OURSELVES?"_

"Because knowing _our_ luck," I snarled, more to myself than to him, really. "Is there anyone else—on the crew or otherwise—that's discreet to not get us all killed and is _not_ indisposed?"

" **Uhhhh…"** Soundbite hedged, sweating intensifying as he tried to find one. "VIVI'S BUSY WITH THE EMBASSY, _and Sanji's still preserving that IMMACULATE_ _ **soup kitchen**_ … _**dangit, I TOLD THOSE BLUBBERHEADS TO KEEP**_ **ONE** _ **OF THEM close to the surface…**_ _couldn't trust USOPP to keep his cool up close…"_

And so it went, each name ticked off tearing down a little more of _my_ hope, too. But by the time I reached the place of significance, the only one who wasn't too busy or too far away to help was Robin, and while having her as backup was _very_ reassuring, I still didn't fancy getting this close to the biggest risk on this island. Alas, however, it seems that starting a revolution on a massive island had led to things becoming a little… _hectic._

"They found _how many_ drug lords?!" I hissed incredulously, actually pausing my slow creeping through the shadows of an alley just a street away from my target to _boggle_ at Soundbite.

"ALL OF THEM. _THEY FOUND_ ALL OF THEM…" Soundbite moaned, rubbing between his eyestalks with one of his eyes in lieu of the nose he didn't have. " **NAMI WAS RUNNING DOWN SOME SCUZBAGS WHO WERE BOLTING WITH A HEFTY AMOUNT OF GOLD,** _found the hidden cove all the dealers were gathering in as they prepared to bolt, AND THEN CALLED FOR REINFORCEMENTS WHEN THEY OPENED FIRE._ **A fantastic windfall,** _ **coming at the worst possible time. BOTTOM LINE, WE'RE ON OUR OWN."**_

" _Or, well, as alone as you ever are when I'm around,"_ Robin assured me, though she, too, sounded concerned. " _But even then, my own involvement will have to be circumspect in nature, at best. After all…"_

"Yeah, I know, I know…" I groused, leaning out to properly eyeball the location I'd closed in on: a slaveshop that several of our allies had successfully raided and ransacked…

_And the knights wearing conical helmets standing guard_ outside _said slaveshop._

"They're _praying_ for an excuse at this point. If we touch so much as hair one on that _bastard's_ head…" I snarled out under my breath. "Then the response will make the Buster Call they brought down on Enies Lobby look like a damned fireworks show in comparison." I shook my head and gestured at the building. "OK, I'm here. Now, I think I must have missed something, so could you explain how the fucking hell this happened in the first place!?"

" _Time and priorities, Cross, I'm at the end of my rope!"_ a voice—Shuraiya's, from Kid's crew, I'm pretty sure—hissed out, sounding like he was deliberately lowering his voice.

"Yeah, fine, priority one: _what in the holy hell am I sticking my neck into, huh?!"_

" _I-I can try and explain, Shuraiya, you just keep stalling!"_

I blinked in surprise at the second voice that spoke up. "Bepo? Oh great, just what we need in this situation: someone unique and interesting. Alright, lay it on me, and make it quick."

" _Not much to say really, for better or for worse this all happened_ fast. _One second Shuraiya and I and a few mooks were doing what we've been doing all day, pounding the stuffing out of a slaver who managed to slip the dragnet…"_ The bear let out a rumbling moan of despair. " _The next, one of our lookouts has just enough time to tell us that a World Noble showed up out of nowhere before getting_ shot in the head! _And just our luck, he beelined straight for the store we were hitting,_ while _we were still inside it!"_

" **And of ALL choices,** _you went for the_ _**BAVARIAN FIRE DRILL!?"**_

" _I-I don't know what that is, we just panicked, okay?!"_

"And to be clear," I pressed. "What, exactly, is the _reason_ that your asses haven't been stuffed full of lead yet!?"

" _W-Well, see,_ _the thing is, we thought we could avoid him by hiding in the backroom, make it look like nobody was here, right?"_ Bepo quickly explained. " _But he came in at the last minute, when Shuraiya and a few other guys were still in the front. And, well, one lie led to another and—!"_

" _Don't worry, your holiness, it won't be much longer now, I assure you!"_ Shuraiya's voice suddenly cut in, Soundbite's expression contorting into a tight and twitching smile. " _The length of time it takes to bring out our stock is lengthy, true, but that's only because of the sheer number of countermeasures we have set up to ensure that our stock has no chance of escape, be it now_ or _after your purchase! After all…"_ Shuraiya's expression tightened even further, looking like he was a second away from hurling. " _Our top priority… is the satisfaction of all our patrons! Especially ones so…_ incomparable _as yourself."_

I slammed my palm against my face with a tortured groan. "Yeeeaaah, that would track, wouldn't it?" But just as fast, I shook my head and forced a tone of calm into my voice. "Alright, alright, let's all keep our heads, so that _you all_ keep your heads. I _might_ have an idea on how to get you out, but first I need to know: can you tell me _which_ stuck-up self-proclaimed god is in there with—?"

_KA-BLAM!_

I snarled out a muffled curse and ducked as one of the store's windows was suddenly blown out. _"—Charloss,_ got it! Because that's just what we needed right now! Sssonnuva—!" I took a second to downgrade my heartrate from 'jackhammer' to merely 'pounding' before I started speaking again. "Okay, so worst-case scenario. Makes things easier in some ways because his in-bred ass is as dumb as rocks, but _harder_ because as you just saw, _his trigger-finger might as well have chicken-pox._ Not even mentioning the sheer casual collateral damage he— _crap!"_ I hissed and shot a panicked look at Soundbite. " _Tell me_ you've evacuated everyone around here, because if anyone catches his eye for any reason—!"

"WAS DOING THAT ANYWAY, _**my only hang-ups have been when these pricks went OUT OF MY RANGE,"**_ my partner assured me. " _We're in a ghost town, THOUGH THERE WAS A DAMN NEAR MISS WITH THIS DOCTOR AND A NURSE WHO WOULDN'T TAKE A HINT_."

"Guh…" I tugged at my collar as I contemplated _that_ near miss. Okay, so it was just us out here. If we could just get him _out_ of that damn store, then Shuraiya and Bepo and everyone else could de-ass from the place before he could get back. Oh, if only we had someone nearby who excelled at the art of pissing people off!

I slapped myself upside my own head as I realized, oh right, _that's lucky me_. Now, what's simple enough even a child could understand it and mean enough to piss him off? Or at least, garner his undivided attention!?

…

My face fell into a miserable grimace as I realized the perfect, if not _only_ answer to this problem. I knew I was going to regret this, but it wasn't like I was spoiled for options, either. Even if I _was_ going to have to gargle _acid_ afterwards to get the bad taste out of my mouth.

As such, I rolled my fingers to signal for a Gastro-Amp, took a deep breath, and then shouted at the top of my lungs—

" **HEY, LOOK!** _ **A MERMAID!"**_

The next minute or so was a bit of a blur. I was busy retching at the mental images that drew up; I felt more than saw or heard Charloss thunder out of the store like a pissed off walrus, only with twice the stink and half the _direct_ lethality. Thankfully, I couldn't _quite_ hear whatever the hell he was saying, and I didn't intend to stick around to hear it, either!

I kept my place until Soundbite signalled Shuraiya's group to act, which was started off by Shuraiya letting loose a—muted—battlecry and, from what I was hearing, diving over the counter at whoever Charloss had left behind in the store. And while they were all getting ready to bolt—no mean feat, seeing as it sounded like more than a few of the ex-slaves were in rough condition—I was skulking my way through the alleys, intent on getting the _holy hell off this Grove_. Because while you can damn well bet Soundbite's amp hadn't gone out anywhere near me, I was doubly sure that if there was _one_ thing that would motivate Charloss to get off his ass and run around like a chicken with its head cut off, it was the prospect of getting his disgusting hands on a mermaid.

And it was all going so well, too. I was just in the middle of sliding my way around a corner, prepping to sprint across the street to the next block, I started to bolt—

"Ackpft!"

And on my first step, _my first step,_ I tripped over _something,_ though I had no time to think about _what._ But in the end, no matter the hows or whats of it, I could only deduce that B.R.O.B. was behind this, it just had to be. Because out of all the streets in all the groves in the _entire archipelago,_ I managed to fall down in the exact one that dumped me _right in front of Charloss fuck._

I'm honestly not even slightly ashamed to admit I froze up, caught between hoping Charloss recognized me and hoping he _didn't._ Between Charloss finding me interesting enough to spare, or not interesting enough to torment too badly. By the time Soundbite managed to get me out of my funk with a discreet chomp on my ear, the decision was out of my hands anyway.

I had had that amount of time to freeze up because Charloss was about as slow as he was indirectly dangerous; while his entourage of guards had their spears lowered, ready to impale me at a moment's notice, it took several seconds for the Noble himself to regard me with surprise, which slowly morphed into bratty indignation while I was regaining my bearings.

"Yooou damned brat!" he started to bluster. "I don't even have the _words!_ The mere _idea_ that a worthless _worm_ such as yourself would _dare_ to bar my path like this is…! Is… waaait… you…"

My blood froze in my veins as his eyes widened _in recognition._

"I know that face of yours from somewhere… _Ah! I remember now!"_ he exclaimed as the neurons _finally_ fired. "You're Jeremiah Cross!"

**-o-**

"…exactly how are we supposed to feel about this?" Coby asked, swirling a mug of beer (he'd tried sake, but shot as his nerves were he still had limits) with a numb look in his eyes. "On the most basic level of humanity, I should feel happy about the fact that hundreds, _thousands_ of people have been freed from a lifetime of torture and that the ones responsible will end up behind bars for the rest of their lives."

"But…" Tsuru quietly prompted, glancing up from the paperwork backlog she was currently working through. A load which, quite frankly, she was most likely going to _miss_ in the days to come.

"…but the fact is that not only were we helpless to do anything except watch, but our _own men_ actually tried their damndest to stop it," the young Marine finished with a tortured groan.

Tsuru allowed a slight scowl (though in reality, a sneer) to cross her face at that comment. "If it helps, that's one fact that I'll be quite thoroughly investigating myself." She then allowed herself an actual smile. "Provided, of course, that Lieutenant Commander Tashigi leaves me anything _to_ investigate."

Coby nodded, then jerked and turned around with a confused expression. "Wait, Lieutenant _Commander?_ I thought she was only a J.G.?"

"Hm? Oh, my bad, that's next week. Old age and all that," Tsuru hummed, chuckling to herself.

"Even so…" Helmeppo ground out. "We're still left with the fact that the mind behind this whole operation is practically within our grasp… and yet, I can't find it in myself to take any pleasure from this."

_That_ got Tsuru looking up and cocking an eyebrow. "Bold words, Helmeppo, especially when I'm standing right here. A more dogmatic Marine would likely already have your head."

"Cut the riot act, Vice Admiral," the youth shot back, his uncharacteristically acidic demeanor shining harsh. "We all know the score: either Jeremiah Cross and his compatriots escape Sabaody alive, humiliating the Marines even further…"

Helmeppo returned his iron gaze to the vis-snail.

"…or the joy of hundreds of thousands turns to ash."

He clenched his hand into a fist.

"And any decent man knows which to hope for."

While Coby was nodding in solemn agreement with his comrade, Tsuru was blinking at him in surprise. And after she jotted down yet _another_ tally in her mental 'Cross was right _again'_ log, she schooled her expression into a look of dry contempt and jabbed her pen over her shoulder. "I believe _that_ is an opinion that our good Fleet Admiral could stand to be informed of. Care to share it with him?"

There was only time for their eyes to widen in nascent panic before the office's snail, in a moment of perfect serendipity, started ringing. Helmeppo promptly screamed high enough to threaten glass, threw up his hands, and, in an impressive feat of athleticism, hurled himself in one bound clear across the room to the nearest window. He promptly bounced off of it. Hauling himself back up, the rookie Marine grabbed the window and tried to open it, but his shaking hands only succeeded in rattling the glass in its frame.

Blinking, Tsuru looked under her desk to find Coby curled up in a ball, shivering like a man in swim trunks in the snow. More rattling from the window caught her attention, and she looked up to find Helmeppo bashing his head against the window in an attempt to break it.

"Oh, cut that out," she snapped, idly checking the snail number and deciding it could wait until later. "You're of no use to anyone concussed." And when _that_ failed to return them to sanity, she heaved an aggrieved sigh and rapped her knuckles on her desk, _properly_ getting their attention. "And furthermore, while I wasn't kidding about how that is an opinion that _someone_ should tell that old statue rotting down the hall, not only does it _not_ have to be you, but his reaction wouldn't truly be that bad. It would be negative, yes, I'm sad to admit, but while Sengoku is many things, a mad dog he is not. Besides…" She relaxed in her seat with a sigh. "While he might be somewhat peeved at the circumstances regarding matters, he too views the… scouring of Sabaody as a net gain. As such, he's been in a better mood today than he has been all last month put together."

" _Jeremiah Cross is_ WHERE!?"

Tsuru's expression fell flat as both the walls and rookies alike were suddenly shaken by an incredulous bellow. "Correction," she drawled. "He _was_ in a better mood."

However, contrary to the listening Marines' expectations, the roof _wasn't_ scheduled for another repair, as Sengoku's voice suddenly shushed back down to a less irate tone. "Grph, sunnova—I apologize, Commander Kong—"

_That_ got the Marines looking up. A call from Kong usually meant either good news for the entire Navy, or that that the bovine excrement was about to impact the rotary impeller device at excessive velocity.

Under the current circumstances, none of the Marines present were willing to bet on the former. Tsuru's wrinkled hands tightened on her cane as she leaned back to stare at the ceiling. Cross being involved in a high-profile conflict was a downright mundane occurrence at this point, but getting a call from Kong like this…

"…You know what, why am I worried? Whatever he's doing now can't _possibly_ be worse than the revolution he just led," Helmeppo said dismissively.

_THWACK!_

"OW! What was that for, Vice Admiral!?"

"Because, you wet-nosed brat—" Tsuru started.

"And you're _sure_ you don't want me mobilizing my men?" Sengoku's voice drifted over to them, sounding oddly hesitant. "I mean, given Cross's… _everything,_ I think we could describe his being within a half-mile radius of a World Noble to be an active threat, much less face-to-face."

The Marines all froze again, this time in horror, and the Vice Admiral levelled a downright _acidic_ glare at Helmeppo's sweating head. "—it can _always_ get worse," she all but spat.

She didn't have a chance to properly lambast the rookie, however, as Sengoku's tone suddenly blasted up to a far more… _familiar_ volume. But for however loud and clear the bellow was, the three of them were almost convinced that they had misheard it. Because what they just heard was completely ridiculous.

"…Vice Admiral Tsuru," Helmeppo croaked, blood rapidly draining from his face. "Did he just say that Saint Charloss—meaning a _World Noble_ —is a—!?"

"Yes, Petty Officer," Tsuru ground out, her tone low and dangerous on account of the migraine that had suddenly flared up. "I will say it once more: if there's one lesson _everyone_ who sails this ocean learns, it's that things can _always_ get worse."

The implications of Sengoku's scream left everyone in earshot dreading the SBS that would inevitably be coming soon. Tsuru, for her part, dialed the doctors on base. Whatever resentment she still held for the man, she had no interest in him suffering another heart attack, and the supplies he had on hand would not be adequate for _this…_

**-o-**

Of all the emotions to experience from meeting a World Noble, nostalgia would not have been one that I expected. Least of all nostalgia that took me back to my childhood.

One of my favorite movies when I was young was _The Secret of NIMH_. Even back then, I could tell it was dark-ish, but between the talking animals and the spectacle of the story, I was too enchanted to pay it any mind. _The Land Before Time_ series was another favorite of mine, and it's only in retrospect that I realize that the plotline was sending a group of unsupervised children into life-threatening wastelands over and over again. Looking back on it now with the cognizance of an adult paints a different picture than the colors I saw back then.

Some of you are probably wondering what the point of all of this is. Well…

"Come on, this way, hurry up!"

I shuddered and accelerated my pace, doing my best to keep pace with _Saint-freaking-Charloss,_ who was beaming the stupidest smile I'd ever seen even as he tugged an absolutely corpse-like man along by a chain and collar.

"It shouldn't be much longer till my servants find us a suitable hovel!" the helmeted sack of lard chortled, sounding and looking like he'd won a lottery. Presumably by murdering the winner and taking their ticket. "Then, you can regale me with all the latest stories, before anyone else! Saint Justinian will be jealous, I'll rub it in his ugly face all day, I can't wait!"

"Heheh, y-yeah, me neither…" I wheezed out, tugging at my collar while my eyes darted to and fro in search of an escape. An escape that the _UN-holy knights and officers_ flanking us had made a point to cut off, hands clenched around their weapons and glares leveled firmly at my head, blatantly waiting for even the slightest of excuses.

To clarify for those of you who might still be wondering _what in the Sam Hill is going on,_ it all goes back to my nostalgic musing earlier. The point I was working towards is that the stooge in front of me—the homicidal, intrinsically sociopathic stooge—had about as much intelligence and attention span as an average child, meaning that the message and point of the SBS had sailed clean over his head, leaving only entertainment from the show that I put on.

Yes. Entertainment. This utter lummox Saint Charloss, one of the untouchable World Nobles and quite literally one of the worst human beings I'd ever had the displeasure of meeting, _was a fan of the SBS._ A fan of _me._

Every time I revisited that concept in my head, I was overcome with the overwhelming urge to vomit _blood,_ and I think the fact that the concept, heinous as it was, was the only thing keeping me alive in this situation was the only reason I could hold back. And even then, only just.

I was brought out of my horrified musings by the sound of a clearing throat, and I looked up to see that one of the suit-wearing agents that Charloss had sent off had returned. _Not_ the one that had gone off to try and find Roswald or Shalulia for alternate orders, mind you, that one had been grabbed, beaten within an inch of his life, and turned over to Koala the second he was a block away.

Thankfully Charloss hadn't pegged onto the fact that the reason he couldn't contact his family to inform him of his 'good fortune' was Soundbite's doing, but even so, we'd had to let his attendants call into Mariejois about his current… _company,_ as cutting off _those_ communications would be cutting it a bit close. Point is, things were tight as hell, and these suit-wearing jackasses were proving to be just as dangerous as Charloss, if not moreso. Case in point:

"My lord, I believe that the restaurant a building ahead will suffice for your needs," the drone droned, shifting his sunglasses as he turned a sidelong glare at me as though I were a particularly ugly insect. A sentiment I returned with gusto, I assure you. "However, if you'll forgive my impudence, but would it not be even _more_ appropriate for you to return with all due haste to Mariejois, with your guest in tow. After all, the luxuries there are the only ones truly sufficient for one such as yourself, and I do believe that Jeremiah Cross has been asking for the chance to visit the holy city since the day the SBS began. To bestow such an honor on a mortal of his… _standing_ would be unheard of, and he could let the whole world know of your untold generosity."

Charloss's dumb face immediately lit up with glee. "That's a good point! Just for that, I think I _won't_ have you flayed for stepping ahead of me… this once."

So there I was, stuck with a potentially omnicidal idiot who, by the grace of the devil, _didn't_ immediately want my hide, and his group of zealots who wanted me dead or worse with only their oblivious boss standing between me and whatever they could use to turn me into a chunky puddle.

I was terrified of Charloss's whims, sure; if he took the slightest issue with me, then there'd be nothing that I could do. But his guards? The fight going on between us was a war of words. I had never lost one of those yet and I didn't plan to start today.

And it was with those thoughts in mind that I grinned and nodded with _eager_ glee, and damn did it do me good to see those zealots stiffen up. "Oh, yes, indeed, most holy one, that sounds like a truly _excellent_ idea! I mean, it'd be a shame about the SBS, but—!"

"Wait, what!?" Charloss demanded, spinning around to give me a befuddled look while the agent sprouted a look of outright panic.

"Well, it's quite obvious, of course!" I elucidated patiently. "If I were to return to Mariejois with you, it goes without saying that I'd live the rest of my life in total luxury—" ' _For all of the ten seconds I'd have left_ to _live, anyway.'_ "—but it would also mean an end to my _many_ journeys and exploits. And that, of course—"

"—would mean _an end to the SBS YOU INCOMPETENT IDIOT!"_ Charloss snarled in outrage. Turning on his fat heels, he _cracked_ his pistol across the agent's face, laying him out flat with a nasty-looking gash on his cheek, which I had an astounding lack of sympathy for at the moment. "You almost cost me one of my favorite pastimes! You're lucky I realized it before you could ruin it, you fool, otherwise I'd have you cleaning my fishtank!"

Judging by how the agents, knights and slaves all shuddered at the threat, I'm guessing that duty _wouldn't_ involve the piranhas being removed first. But regrettably, both for myself and the agent, the suit-wearing man wasn't _quite_ done yet.

"M-My apologies, your Holiness! J-Just the failed musings of a feeble, worthless mortal! A-Allow me the chance to redeem myself!" And with that, the agent pointed straight at… me? No, he was off-center, aiming at my _shoulder oh that son of a—!_ "Even if removing Jeremiah Cross would halt the show, his pet is _hardly_ quite so valuable. Merely a tool, a means to an end. Surely it would cost one such as yourself but a pittance to replace it with a far more glorious model, while you become the envy of all other fans of the show—er, more than they naturally envy your radiance, at least!"

Every word that came out of the bastard's mouth was enraging enough, but it was the genuinely _thoughtful_ look that overcame Charloss's mug that chilled my blood.

" **SAVE. ME,"** Soundbite hissed in a tone of mortal terror, eyes blown wide and teeth grit so hard I swear they'd crack.

"Well, of course I'd have no problem with giving you my pet—" I began casually.

" _ **Cross I will eviscerate every eardrum here and kill us all right now so help me—!"**_

"But I don't really see why. I mean, why would you want my ventriloquist dummy?"

Everyone froze then. I smiled and shrugged nonchalantly.

"Yeaaaah, the whole Noise-Noise Fruit thing is just a gimmick I came up with to make my show more interesting, give me a wacky sidekick character and all that I could bounce back and forth with. All my crew's animals are me, really, need to keep the people entertained. I hope that doesn't stop you from enjoying my comedic stylings, though!"

" _Ever hear the one about Jack the Ripper's vacation?_ _ **IT'S A REAL KILLER!"**_ Soundbite helpfully provided, though his vocal quality was a _lot_ lower than it typically was and his words didn't sync up with his mouth.

"Muuufufufufun! Oh, that's good, that's good!" Charloss chortled, gleefully slapping his gut. And then, with startling abruptness, he snarled and whirled on the poor bastard who'd made the suggestion. " _AND YOU!" BLAM! "ANY_ OTHER _BRILLIANT IDEAS, YOU FECKLESS WORM!?"_

As nauseating as it was to agree with Charloss under almost any circumstances, Soundbite and I felt no issue pinning the agent with our own murderous glares and _daring_ him to try anything more as he squirmed on the ground, gripping the shredded brisket that had once been his left knee.

"M-My apologies, my lord! I-I was just trying to help make this experience as _b-beneficial as possible_ for everyone involved! P-Please, forgive this worthless fool!" he choked out through obvious agony.

The most mind Charloss paid to his pleading was a roll of his eyes, though I guess that was better than paying it with another bullet. Of the remaining agents, one dragged the injured one away—either to get him medical treatment or finish him off, I wouldn't put either past them at this point—while another two lead the way to the restaurant indicated.

As far as tourist traps went, it was pretty high-class, a nice and well-aged mom-and-pop looking place that, under any other circumstances, I would have loved to enjoy a meal in. But given the _current_ circumstances…

"Euuugh, _this_ is the best you worms could come up with? I wouldn't keep my _slaves_ in a sty like this!" Charloss snarled. "Remind me to have this hole burned to the ground once we're done here."

…yeah. At least there was the mercy of the restaurant's patrons and staff having long since evacuated so there was nobody else in the line of fire. A glance behind me as we finished filing in revealed the agents blatantly, and I mean _blatantly_ locking the door behind them, keeping eye contact with me the whole way.

After not-so-subtly flipping them the bird, I followed Charloss to the table he deemed least repugnant, dead center of the room, and joined him. Immediately afterward, the knights and agents all circled around us, forming a near impenetrable circle of steel and suits.

"Go get us something to eat!" Charloss snapped at one of the guards. "And not whatever slop they sling here, something actually fit for good and decent people!"

_Swear to God_ —present company not even _considered—_ I almost throttled him for that, and from the slight smirk the agent was sporting, he could tell. "Right away, my lord, I'll fetch something immediately!"

Once the jagoff was off and away, I decided that I it was time to bite the bullet and plastered as convincing a grimace as I could on my face. "Sssooooo, your holiness… pardon my _horrific_ presumptuousness for addressing you, but, ah… if it doesn't trouble you, might I ask how it is that one as high and mighty as yourself finds entertainment in my down-to-earth presentation?"

"Mufufun, oh, that's actually a funny story!" Charloss's second and third chins jiggled as he laughed, and I mentally prepped myself for something thoroughly scarring. "You see the first day I heard you, I was courting Saint Janeisha—" I mentally replaced the word 'courting' with 'bombing'. Yup, prior prepping right on the money. _Eeeeurgh!_ "—when out of the blue your broadcast interrupted me! I kept listening in order to learn who you were and where you were, but then I found out just how entertaining your show was!"

He started chortling and pounding the table with the butt of his loaded gun, prompting all of us around him to uncomfortably lean out of the way of its muzzle. "Mufufufun! You're lucky you're so funny, you know; I would have had Aegis-0 go and bring back your head if you weren't!"

"Hehehehehe, yeah, _lucky!"_ I chuckled hysterically. _Just like that,_ I mentally slashed how much time I had left to live in half as I remembered that _there was a non-zero chance that those bastards were already on their way to get me!_

"I really don't get why so many others don't like you or the SBS. Always trying to send Aegis-0; it's annoying having to stop them every few days," he went on.

My hand jerked toward the nearest knife, fully intent on stabbing myself in the neck rather than live with the fact that I _owed my life to this polished mass of primordial ooze._

"But then again, I suppose I'm lucky too!" he sighed and nodded to himself. "So far today has been such a horrible waste of time! First I can't find any slave shops open, and then when I _finally_ learn about some place decent, not only does it gloriously fail to live up to expectations, but somebody calls out that there was a mermaid, but there wasn't one anywhere in sight! Meeting you made my day!"

I violently suppressed the shudders I felt at this bloated walrus carcass thanking me for jackshit… and was then immediately struck by something he said. Along with his stench, mind you. Ugh, and I thought a perfume department smelled bad, what did this guy do, bathe in colo—?!…oh. But back to the matter at hand.

"Lord Charloss, did you just say you… _learned_ of the shop you were in?" I queried tersely, still warily eyeing that gun.

"Yes, one of my agents presented this flyer," Charloss drawled, gesturing to one of his aides, who laid a piece of paper on the table.

I didn't get much of an impression from the glimpse, but I saw enough that something seemed _off_ about it. Wouldn't be sure if it was just the sheer wrongness of the subject matter or something more unless I could get a closer look, which I guaranteed by swiping the flyer when Charloss looked away… and daring the agents to try anything with a look of murder.

"But as you saw, it was a complete waste of time; as soon as I saw the state of the place, the attendant responsible received… uh, how does Father always put it…? Oh, right! A 'lead severance check.'"

"Of course he does…" I grit out under my breath.

"Now, however, you're here to regale me with your latest tales! It's the best news that I've had all day. So, what are you doing here this not-so-fine afternoon?"

I snapped upright, what was being asked of me and the implications therein hitting like a two-by-four. "Uhhh… nnnnothing you'd find interesting?" I hedged, praying that his single-digit IQ wouldn't see through my—

"Oh come now, Jeremiah Cross, surely one so… _adventurous_ as yourself has performed at least _one_ exploit today with which to _regale_ our master," one of the armored knights sneered.

I took a second to communicate with my eyes just how _severe_ a mistake that SOB had just made, but then I refocused on the matter at hand. Because given the gleeful look Charloss was giving me— _Lord have mercy I'm gonna hurl…—_ unless I could come up with a proper line of BS to distract him with I was as good as… as…

I slowly stilled as an idea came to me. Granted, it was a fairly terrible idea that all but guaranteed a hell of a lot of suffering in some shape or form. Buuuut at this point, what, apart from my head, did I have to lose? As such…

"Now," I casually drawled, leaning back in my seat. "Why would I want to do that?"

Everyone froze again, and I immediately launched into an explanation, the better to stop Charloss's twitching trigger finger. "Saint Charloss, what could I possibly tell you that would be more interesting than meeting you in person and talking with you one on one like this? And do keep in mind that _nothing_ I've experienced up until today has ever been quite this… memorable."

Charloss's face screwed up in thought. And stayed screwed up. And then he started turning red _and his trigger finger was twitching again fuck!_

"GWA-WHAAAAT I MEANT TO SAY!" I blurted before hastily toning down my volume. "W-What I meant to say, y-your most _holiest_ of divinities… is that I have an idea that could… that could render your name immortal and unforgettable, even by the standards of the almighty World Nobles! I-If I may be so bold as to share it with you…?"

For what felt like an eternity, Charloss fell silent again, though thankfully, the fact that he was itching one of his chins with his gun put less pressure on me. No such luck for his onlookers, though, as those behind him were frantically shaking their heads, and collectively they looked like they were about to piss themselves.

And when Charloss finally smiled, I put on my first honest smile in hours.

The looks of sheer despair on his entourage when I told him my idea? _Icing on the cake._

**-o-**

When Cross alerted the Straw Hats to the situation, most of the crew had concluded their previous business and so could drop everything to encircle the grove he and Charloss were in. One of the very few who had not had remained in Grove 77, continuing to put her unique skill set to use, much to her consternation.

"Princess Vivi. A word."

Vivi couldn't suppress a surprised jerk at the question, despite the concerned frown Fukaboshi, slightly disheveled, was wearing when she turned around.

"What _happened_ in the last fifteen minutes that has you so tense? And why have I not heard about it yet?"

Vivi pressed her lips together in frustration, weighing the pros and cons of lying. Truth won out, and she sighed wearily.

"Cross is currently in the company of one of the World Nobles, one that's stupid enough to be a fan of the SBS. Most of the crew is already there and ready to rush in at a moment's notice. It just… this is _personal_ for me, and I want to join them, but I know that I'm needed more here."

She waited, not meeting Fukaboshi's eyes. The wait stretched stretched onward, interminably. After a minute, Vivi looked up, and sweatdropped at the expression Fukaboshi had adopted. What did Cross call it… a BSOD?

"Ah… Your Highness?"

With a full-body twitch, the merman snapped out of his daze and fixed Vivi with a heavily _judging_ stare. "And you didn't think to tell me this a _little_ bit earlier _why?"_

The last of Vivi's calm evaporated. A scowl slid onto her face, which, combined with the air in her tent swirling ominously around her, did an _excellent_ job of cooling the Prince's ire. "Because, _Your Highness,"_ she grit out. "My friend is in mortal peril and I am all of _one_ frayed nerve away from coming down on that smug bubble-wearing prick like the hammer of almighty Ra, consequences be damned, so I _thought_ it would be in all of our best interests for at least _one_ of the heads of this operation to keep a clear mind. _**Is that a problem?"**_

Beads of nervous sweat rolled down Fukaboshi's face, the obvious and appropriate reaction when faced with a pissed-off Logia user. Despite that, he pulled himself together and nodded in agreement. "When you put it like that, Princess Vivi, I concede to your judgement, and I apologize for snapping at you. You have my sympathies for the stress you're no doubt under, and my thoughts go out to Cross as well, though I don't doubt he'll pull through somehow."

Vivi blinked at the blatant non-reaction. "Ooookay, I've managed to get my own _crewmates_ to come to heel with that look, how the _hell—?"_

"I've been facing down Sea Kings that come sniffing around the palace for… ah, _reasons,_ with some frequency over the last eight years," the larger blue-haired royal answered. "Compared to a battleship-sized mass of muscle and teeth, that wasn't far off from 'adorable'."

Vivi deflated, slumping over with an audible whoosh of air. "Well, that's my confidence punctured…"

"And your worries forgotten?"

Vivi paused, brow scrunched in though. She immediately perked up, and reached up to tuck her hair back into place. "You know what? I think they are. Thanks a lot, Fukaboshi, I really needed—!"

" _Don don don don!"_

The nobles' attention snapped to the nearest snail, and they exchanged wary looks.

"This is either going to be very good or very bad," Vivi droned. "There is… _literally_ no in-between with him in these situations."

Fukaboshi sighed and nodded as he reached for the snail. "Signal my guards to prep the fire-fighting equipment, please…"

And it was as Vivi moved to do just that that the merman picked up the snail's mic. Tthe gastropod immediately started blaring an orchestral tune; it came through as a grand piece of music, better than they were expecting given the circumstances, but for reasons that neither royal could understand, it left an odd feeling in their guts.

Without warning, the snail's face twisted into an expression that sent a shock of disgust and dread through watchers worldwide. " _Mmmm, I like this!"_ came a nasally voice that _screamed_ 'spoiled manchild'.

Vivi's head spun around so fast her neck _literally_ had to twist into wind to allow it, her face a mask of horror. "I know that voice," she wheezed, eyes wide and pupils wildly dilated. "I don't know who that is, _but I know that voice!"_

" _Yeees, I thought you might,"_ Cross's own voice responded, his expression tight and bearing a _visibly_ fake smile. " _After all, the entity from my home that uses this song_ is _referred to exclusively with the adjectives 'great' and 'mighty'."_

"I don't know why, but for some reason I get the feeling that Cross is hiding _some_ form of insult behind those compliments…" Fukaboshi mused.

"Because the person he's talking to isn't _worthy_ of compliments," Vivi snarled, her breathing rapidly accelerating as nervous fragments of her form splintering off into wind. "Not worthy of mercy, or kindness, not worthy of the decency _they dare deny—!"_

"Princess?"

Later, Fukaboshi would swear that he saw something snap behind the Nefertari Princess's eyes; an assertion reinforced by Vivi lunging at him and shaking him by his shoulders in total panic. "We need to shut down every snail on this Grove and we need to do it now! We can't let anyone here hear this, _not a one!"_

"W-What? Why?!"

It took a matter of seconds for Vivi to explain, and half that time for Fukaboshi to call every Ryugu soldier into action.

**-o-**

"Who is this idiot and how badly is Cross going to destroy his life?" Leo wondered, smirking nastily.

"Haven't you been paying attention? You heard all of this from Soundbite earlier. Have you been borrowing Mikey's headband again? I told you how it affects your—!"

"FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, I AM _NOT_ A DUGONG!" the dwarf snapped. Sadly, for the third time that month, his needle lashed out at a cackling Bian _just_ after his window to sew her lips shut… well, shut, courtesy of her zipping out of the way on her wings.

" _But that's enough prelude, let's get to the show,"_ Cross continued, ignorant of the Tontatta hero's hijinks. " _Welcome, everyone, back to the SBS."_

"…Uh-oh," the Tontattas muttered, all prior amusement and annoyance gone.

" _Oh! That was my chance! Damn it, I was too slow… do it again!"_ the snotty voice demanded.

"Tch! Yeah, right!" Leo snorted, waving his needle dismissively. "As if Cross would ever—!"

" _Doubt that's the_ only _thing you're slow on, you pompous—!"_ Cross muttered under his breath before plastering that fake smile on his face again. "Of course, _your holiness! Whatever you say!"_

The dwarfs all gaped at their… ' _borrowed'_ Transponder Snail in naked shock.

"Cross is… _kowtowing_ to that jerk?" Wicca boggled. "But the only time he's actually shown anyone respect, it was because he said they were _worthy_ of respect, and this guy's really rude! It doesn't make sense, right Chi—Chief Gancho!?"

The dwarf's shock rippled through the rest of her tribe as they all saw Chief Gancho swaying precariously on his feet, his staff the only thing keeping him upright. "W-What… what did Cross just say?" he wheezed. " _What did he just call that man!?"_

Before anyone could answer, Cross himself interrupted, still speaking in his ludicrously fake cheer. " _Alright, take two: Hey there, I'm Jeremiah Cross, and welcome to—!"_

"— _THE BEGINNING OF THE SBS!"_ the snotty voice roared. " _BROUGHT TO YOU WORTHLESS WORMS BY ME, SAINT CHARLOSS! MUFUFUFUN! I DID IT, I ACTUALLY GOT TO DO IT! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"_

If the Tontatta hadn't been frozen before, _that_ put ice in their veins. "D-Did he just say—?!" Kabu gurgled.

_SLAM!_

The tribe jumped as one when the snail's mic was abruptly slammed home, shutting the Gastropod up but good.

"GET ALL THE CHILDREN INSIDE, _NOW!"_ Leo roared, prompting the parents present to usher their children away in spite of their ignorant innocence. Once they were safely locked away in their homes, Leo addressed his superior. "Chief… should we keep listening? I mean, that's a… he's a… this is going to be—!"

"A nightmare, I know. But nevertheless we must," the Chief grimly stated. "Jeremiah Cross made his stance on those tyrants clear from day one; that he is doing this now means that either he has no choice in the matter, in which case we must give him our support…"

Gancho's expression turned dark. "Or… and this is not mutually exclusive… _he has a plan._ And if that's the case, this is going to be _indescribably_ satisfying. If equally nauseating."

Leo weighed the implications and nodded firmly, hoping for the latter case. Reaching over, he unhooked the snail and tuned back in.

" _Now, just one thing to remember before we begin properly, everyone,"_ Cross picked back up, his old verve clear in his tone, if undercut with a taste of acid. " _While our guest speaker Saint Charloss may be a fan, he hasn't caught all of what I've been saying, and a good number of things are beneath his notice. So just to be on the safe side, I'd like to make sure everyone in the world bears this in mind: please treat Saint Charloss with_ all _the respect that we at the SBS know that he and all others like him so rightly_ deserve."

Even after almost a year of Cross's snark, the Tontatta were still hopelessly naïve at identifying a lie. But they _had_ learned to appreciate double meanings. And that was all that was needed; a World Noble, if not _all_ the World Nobles, was about to be nobly _screwed._

This thought lightened their hearts something fierce, but did nothing to lighten the grim atmosphere that hung over the village.

**-o-**

"Does anyone know how bad this will be for us?"

"He said he was interviewing Charloss, yes? Roswald's son?"

"Yes, why? You know him?"

" _Of_ him. He's well-known. Most recently, I believe he had one of his servants get in a fistfight with Saint Janusil's butler on account of Janusil refusing to give Charloss a maid he found attractive. About five minutes into it, Charloss got bored and crippled all three of the servants involved when he tried and failed to shoot them in their heads. And then he billed Janusil for the bullets, the cleaning of the blood from his suit, which he then had burned, and wasting his precious time."

"… _charming."_

"Nevertheless, he's still Roswald's son. With any luck, he's had _some_ iota of common sense crammed through his skull."

" _Now then, your lordshipness, how should we start this interview… oh, I know! Most divine one,_ so many _have heard of the_ splendors _of Mariejois, seat of—_ swear to Chaos I'm gonna hurl— _the most…_ divine _individuals on the planet, but so little is truly known! If it wouldn't be too much of a bother…?"_

" _Not at all, not at all! I'm all too eager to let the world bask in our radiance! Every aspect of the capital of the world is truly a testament to the glorious might of the World Government our ancestors so generously created! Why, even our walkways, the travelators, are_ marvels _of engineering! Imagine it, if you can: floors… that_ move!"

" _That sounds… incredible!"_ Cross admitted, sounding honestly surprised and impressed. Well, until a tinge of suspicion entered his expression. " _Shot in the dark, but would you know how they work?"_

" _Ah, unfortunately yes, I found out one grim day when I found a path to be_ unbearably _slow. Made me a whole minute late to an appointment, so I had to discipline the workers. You see—!"_

_THWACK!_

"GAH! Alright, I asked for that…" the mustachioed Elder grumbled as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"No, you _think?"_ the kimono-wearer grumbled as he polished the fresh blemish off his sheath.

**-o-**

"— _my valuable time riding past row after row after groaning row of slaves to reach the responsible turnstile, and—"_

Less than five minutes had elapsed since the broadcast began, and Saint Charloss's words were already having tremendous effects worldwide.

While the actual reactions would be days, even weeks in the making, the foundations for those reactions were being set in stone by the… 'man', let's go with 'man's' words. Cross had said from day one that the immaculate surface of the Government obscured abhorrent ugliness right below, and in the first five minutes of this interview, this 'man' proved that it was true in a literal sense. The resulting emotions for most of the world were predictable:

Disgust. Horror. Fear. And above all else, good faith dying on a global scale. While no revolutions were outright triggered by the speech, hearts and minds were set, and people began to prepare for whenever and however the next Darkest Day might come about.

But in the midst of all these grim tidings and horrified disillusionment, the most important aspect of all, that cannot be forgotten, at any cost, are the tears being shed.

And while many an individual was weeping, be it out of sympathy, horror, or even relief for the evils finally being exposed, one man's tears surpassed all others in importance.

For you see, for the first time since his infancy, the Warlord Donquixote Doflamingo, infamously renowned as the Heavenly Yaksha… was crying.

In this moment in history, he was perhaps the only sapient being alive who could be said to be in hysterics.

Or, well…

"FUFFUFFUFFUFFUFFU! _**FUUUUFFUFFUFFUFFUUU~!"**_

One _specific_ kind of hysterics, at any rate.

**-o-**

"— _and as a result, that walkway was the fastest in all of Mariejois for a straight week! Well, until they all_ died _from exhaustion."_ The snail gave the usual 'shrugging' motion. " _Mortals, what can you do."_

"… _My utmost apologies, my lord, I find now that I haven't properly prepared myself for the words you say; they're beyond anything I've ever heard before,"_ Cross dragged out, his expression thoroughly wooden. " _I beg your pardon, can I take a few moments to ready myself?"_

" _Mmmm…"_ Charloss tilted his head to the side, a half-smirk from the flattery on his face. " _Fine, just hurry up."_

The sound of Cross calmly leaving came over the connection, followed by a short walk and the opening of a door.

" _For the record,"_ Cross snarled, honest anger seeping into his tone for the first time. " _The fat bastard actually expects me to walk back in there, so don't try and be clever, got it?"_ The only response he got was an aggravated grumble, and Cross nodded and started to turn away before glancing back with a cocked brow. " _Actually, while I have you, might as well ask: How in the_ hell _do you bastards keep straight faces around him 24/7 and_ not _shoot him in his ugly mug?"_

A muted grumble came over the connection, as though debating whether or not to answer…

" _Can you see my face beneath this helmet?"_ he asked. " _Whether we're fanatics or not, guards are meant to be unseen and unheard until they're needed. Besides, you of all people should know that humans can adapt to most anything. That story isn't even in the top ten this week. If we're not dead or irrevocably insane by our third week on the job, we're usually set."_

"… _lovely,"_ Cross drawled. " _Well, if you'll excuse me…"_

Then the sound of a door closing came across and the Voices of Anarchy proceeded to empty their guts. Soundbite didn't even bother censoring the noise; it was downright _pretty_ compared to the bile that had come out of Charloss's mouth. After a full minute or so of vomiting, Cross was left panting and heaving.

" _One Q &A… just the FIRST topic brought me to this point. And I doubt that I'm the only one," _Cross groaned miserably, the raw tone of his voice likely having nothing to do with the gastric hell he'd just undergone. " _Logically, I should just walk away, right now, because I'm_ not _stupid enough to willingly walk into another torture session with a self-proclaimed god who could and most likely_ will _shoot me on a whim. Surely, I've done enough for this revolution already."_

For another several seconds, Cross's expression changed form many times as he visibly debated himself. Then he raised his eyes, glaring bloody murder through snails across the world, but aimed at one person.

" _Monkey. D. Dragon."_

Much of the world held its breath as Cross directly called out his only clear superior in revolution.

" _Just putting this out there, but you are going to be so deep in debt to me for doing this that you won't have a chance of repaying me_ before Merry has liver spots."

Baltigo's command center was motionless as Dragon eyed the screen. Then, after a moment, he glanced down at the nearest snail, who immediately began concentrating.

" _Dot do—KA-LICK!"_

"I acknowledge it, Jeremiah Cross," Dragon intoned.

There was a brief pause as Cross blinked in honest surprise at his snail before grimacing. "… _well, that's my bluff called… fuuuuck, and I really hoped I could just blow out the wall and run for it, too. Eurgh, whatever, I'm already in the shit, let's dig deeper."_ There was a resounding clap and the slam of a door being kicked open. " _Okay, bring me back to the spawn of evil. Round two!"_

**-o-**

With an almighty CLACK, the kimono-clad Elder Star snapped his katana back into its sheath.

"That," he intoned grimly. "Is the final straw. Jeremiah Cross now has, if not outright authority, at least significant enough _influence_ over the entire Revolutionary Army to force them to take action if he chooses to exercise it. We cannot afford to wait any longer; it is time that we put an end to this farce once and for all."

The others graced him with a skeptical mien, and he folded his arms and scowled in surly defiance.

"Our resources are not ideal to wage the war, true. But the number of ways that things could become _any_ worse for us at this point is inconsequential." He stabbed a bony finger at the snail in the room. "If we allow the Straw Hats any more momentum, the odds will _never_ be in our favor. Better to play a less than ideal hand than outright _guarantee_ our downfall."

"Tch, perhaps you're right," the youngest said, scratching at his goatee. "The Straw Hats have won thus far by putting their all on the line and gambling everything at once. If we have to do the same to stamp them out… then so be it."

" _Alea iacta est,"_ the tallest sighed despondently.

A sentiment to which the mustache-wearer only snorted in disgust. "As though things weren't already set in stone from the _moment_ that whelp opened his mouth…"

The hat-wearer had nothing to add, and instead settled for halting their snail's broadcast so he could dial a number they were far more familiar with. "Commander-in-Chief Kong. Muster all six Warlords, and send notice to the Typhon Laboratories that we require an update on the status of all projects."

" _I've been bracing myself for this for months… by your command, sirs. I should have a report in—wait…"_ Kong trailed off, his mind catching up with his orders. " _Wait, did you just say_ six—?" He then clamped his jaws shut just as fast. " _Ah, right away, sirs, Kong over and out."_

Once the Commander-in-Chief hung up, the Elder dialled another number, who they were all certain would be… _less_ cordial. "Fleet Admiral Sengoku, we are initiating our contingency plan. Gather your forces for war."

" _Huh?"_ the snail blinked at the Elder in shock, before bulging irately. " _ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE?!"_

"Fleet Admiral," the youngest elder cut in sternly. "You forget yourself. Know that we do not decide on this lightly, but that recent events have forced our hand. At this rate, if we wait until we can secure absolute victory, Fire Fist will perish of natural causes first, and any windows of opportunity we may have will close. You cannot deny this."

"… _No, I can't,"_ Sengoku ground out, his long-familiar grimace in place.

"Then you have your orders. Inform Admiral Kuzan; we will deal with Borsalino and Sakazuki."

" _I… yes, sirs. Acknowledged. KA-LICK!"_

Another dial, and scowls adorned all five faces as the snail adopted an aggravatingly lackadaisical countenance.

" _Yeees?"_

"Depart for Sabaody Archipelago immediately, and stand by upon arrival. In absence of any further orders, you will mobilize against the Straw Hat Pirates as soon as they attack one of the World Nobles. You know what needs to be done."

"… _Uhh… how do you guys know—?"_

"Because it's the Straw Hats, and Jeremiah Cross is giving one of them a _live interview_. Leave now."

" _Alright, alright, I'm going. KA-LICK!"_

A fourth dial, and the snail put on a scowl that, for _once,_ they welcomed properly.

" _Yes?"_ Akainu said, his tone clearly conveying that his tone would only remain civil if the callers were the Elder Stars.

"We are assigning you new orders, Admiral. Assemble your forces and report to Mariejois, _immediately._ You will receive your briefing upon arrival."

"… _Understood, sirs. We'll be there in four days, if the weather cooperates. KA-LICK!"_

A final dial, and the snail became rather smug, composed… and overall toxic to the core.

" _Yeeeees?"_

"Initiate Operation Ascalon," the mustached Elder intoned.

" _Right away, sirs,"_ the snail chuckled, before grinning cheekily. " _Though, while I have you, would you mind if I took a little something-something with me for the trip? Just a light contingency, you understand."_

"So long as it is short of a Buster Call fleet, we could care less provided you succeed in your mission," the tall one declared.

The snail briefly looked thoughtful before shrugging. " _Eh, I suppose it's just shy, from what I've been hearing. Very well, I'll be off. Shouldn't take me longer than a week. Toodles~!"_

Once the snail hung up, the Elder Stars sat in uncomfortable silence until the cane-holder glanced around. "So, shall we tune back in to Cross? We might as well see how deep a hole we've to climb out of."

Thankfully for four of their blood pressures, the snail rang first, and when they picked it up, it adopted a stern expression.

" _Sentomaru reporting, my lords,"_ the snail reported in a formal voice. " _The Typhon Laboratories report that all projects are proceeding at a decent pace and will be ready for deployment within the month. However, they also say that the subjects are quite volatile at the moment, and that they could accelerate the timetable if they could acquire data from some field-testing."_

The Elders' immediate response was a round of negative grumbling.

"Remind the inmates that under no circumstances are the subjects to enter the public eye without our approval!" the mustache-bearer declared. "And that if there is a breach in security, they will face _severe—!"_

"Actually…"

Everyone fell silent, and turned their attention to the youngest of the five.

The youngest, who was actually wearing a small, thoughtful _grin._

"I _might…_ have an avenue we can pursue."

**-o-**

Even after emptying my stomach, I still felt nauseous at the stream of miasma coming out of Charloss's mouth, but for the sake of royally screwing over the World Government, I endured. Because in the end, this was gonna hurt him a _whole_ lot more than it hurt me. In the process, however, I learned about many of the… _less_ than palatable habits of the Drifting Newts. And when I say 'less than palatable,' keep in mind that I say that with _full_ cognizance of everything the mob said when they were attacking the Donquixotes. Because trust me, that… that was just a drop in the bucket. That was _nothing._

**-o-**

"Why, just the other day, Saint Batham wouldn't give up even one copy of Negev Magazine! The best for looking at potential brides! And then Saint Jerona swiped it while we were fighting!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Wait, fighting…?"

"My servants were winning! And then this _brat_ barely into puberty steals it from right under our noses! Five servants dead for nothing!"

"Right. Servants. Obviously. What else could you have _possibly_ meant." I shook my head in an effort to keep from sinking too far into my mental morass. "But, ah, wait, Negev is a— _ergh—mortal_ fashion magazine. If you were looking for… _wives,_ why would she want it?"

"Why, to find out who to have killed, of course," Charloss declared, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

I was frozen, stunned… for all of ten seconds before I pieced things together. "Because… they're mortals who _dare_ to attempt to match the radiance of the World Nobles?"

"Naturally, of course!"

"Naturally, naturally…" I grit out through my grin, slamming my hand to my face the second he looked away. " _Aaaaand I just killed the modeling industry stone dead, faaaan-fucking-tastic."_

" **Well, that or drove it underground, IF IT HELPS."**

" _It. Doesn't."_

"Buuuut anyway—"

And then there's _this_ guy who's still not done!

"Still though! I got her back well enough, I managed to get my hands on every copy of Brickson Monthly, and I made sure to have her favorite selected as the next target. I do believe delivering his head to her porch should work nicely!"

"Gooood for you, your lordshipfulness!" I got out through my grit teeth before lowering my breath. " _Everyone who's been in that magazine for the past month, make your way to a Revolutionary island_ immediately." I then gave the wingless lizard-skin across from me a perfectly _fake_ winning smile. "So, while we're on the topic of your… _love lives—"_

**-o-**

"It's better being grown up, but I liked being a child while it lasted. But I remember one of the first times I learned what being an adult meant, when father gave me a slave to beat for the first time!"

" _I'm going to regret this, I am_ going _to—_ How old were you?"

"Hm? Oh, twelve. Why?"

I stared at him blankly for a moment before grabbing up my cup and slurping down a long, _long_ drink before something could surge back up. " _I really, really wish I had something stronger than Cola right now…"_ I scowled into my mug before lowering it and grinning. "Guuuuuheheheh, continue…"

"So to start things off, Father presented me with a goodly variety of instruments. Me being the sophisticated man I am, I naturally chose the fire poker!"

" _Naturally…"_

**-o-**

" _Honestly, it gets so boring sometimes. So you can imagine how delighted I was when Saint Ancel came up with something new!"_

" _This is either going to be totally inane and wasteful or utterly inhuman, there is no in-between with these bastards…"_ Cross grumbled to himself.

" _Oh, it's easy! You just need some slaves you don't need that you can starve almost to death, and then you present them with a table full of kitchen scraps. The poor beasts gorge themselves to death! They can't help themselves! It's endlessly amusing to watch."_

The snail's eye twitched viciously. " _Oh, this one's both, that's a pleasant change of pace…"_ Cross wheezed to himself before raising his voice. " _F-For the sake of those back home… I'm assuming the food served at the royal tables makes the cuisine of even mortal nobles seem bland?"_

" _Well, I've never actually tasted mortal food, but I have it on good authority that that is the case! Though Ancel is an odd one. He keeps changing the scraps on his tables, almost as if he's trying to find something that_ won't _kill the slaves."_ Charloss chuckled, an ugly, wheezing, phlegmy sound. " _Ah, he was always an experimenter. When we were younger, he used to stab his slaves in different places to see how long it would take them to bleed to death."_

There was the faintest sound of a distant explosion over the line, and Charloss's face perked up in curiosity. " _Huh? What was that?"_

" _Probably nothing,"_ Cross hastily answered. " _You know how it is with mortals and_ celebrations. _Just… fireworks or something like that."_ He then lowered his voice into a panicked hiss. " _Zoro, Boss, knock him the fuck out before he kills us all!"_

"Definitely Sanji, then," Patty grunted as he—and the entire Baratie kitchen staff—strained to hold back their berserk head chef and the knife he intended to use to decapitate their Transponder Snail.

"Still fighting the good fight, then," Carne added as Zeff managed to eke out another few inches. "Argh! Dammit, Cross, move on to the next subject already, before our next escargot dish tastes like crap!"

"ESCARGOT NOTHING, NOT EVEN _I_ WOULD SERVE THAT ROTTEN THING TO ONE OF THOSE BASTARDS! _I'M USING IT AS FUCKING FERTILIZER!"_ Zeff roared at the top of his lungs, bashing the handle of his knife into Patty's head and making a lunge for the snail—a maneuver that only missed by an inch thanks to Carne narrowly grabbing his pegleg.

" _Right, this shitshow's gone on long enough and I think the world's gotten the point,_ SO YOUR HOLINESS!" Cross transitioned from a whisper to a proclamation mid-sentence. " _Not that this hasn't been…_ truly _transcendental and beyond all… and I do mean_ all _possible words, I_ am _afraid that, ah… ah, I can only run my transceiver for so long! Yes, that sounds perfectly believable. So unless there's anything else, I think I'm going to—?"_

" _Oh, wait wait wait, there's one last thing!"_

"OH FOR FUCKS' SAKES, HAVEN'T WE SUFFERED ENOUGH!?" Carne howled. A statement that the pegleg that rammed into his face promptly emphasized. " _AGH, LITERALLY!"_

**-o-**

I regarded the Tone Dial in Charloss's hands like it was a live bomb, which really wasn't outside the realm of possibilities when you're sitting across from the man who habitually has slaves play hot potato with a live grenade.

"W-Well…" I hedged, before stiffening up as I heard a gun cock behind my head. "O-Of course, as you say! Though, uh… your holi…est…ness… may I know what's _on_ that device?"

"Ech..." Charloss's already-ugly mug twisted into an even uglier grimace as he waved the Dial around. "Merely some lesson or other on philosophy my uncle had me memorize. I'll admit, I don't understand one word of it, but perhaps it will impart the tiniest iota of culture to the unwashed masses!"

I could feel my eye twitch. This had 'clusterfuck' written all over it, but there really wasn't any way to get the hell out of here that didn't involve going through that Dial, and the gun pressing against my skull was getting mighty uncomfortable, so…

" _Fuck it, we're going in blind,"_ I hissed. " _Viewers, hang onto your butts and get a trash can ready."_

I was braced for anything when that Tone Dial played. It _still_ managed to exceed all my expectations, in all the worst ways.

**-o-**

" _You must understand: what we do—the expansion of the empire, the conquest of the world to form a_ true _World Government—we do for moral reasons. If humanity is shaped so that it can act with a coherent will together, then it no less forms an organism than the cells of the human body do. These cells perform particular functions, but they all do so not to serve the will of odd groups or individual cells, but for the body's purpose as a whole, and by doing so they create a conscious being. This superorganism has rights, and its rights matter far more than the rights of its cells._

_Its right to exist coherently is firstmost in our world. As it is now, by allowing plurality, and by failing to unify and shape humans what we have is a schizophrenic and weak superorganism—though you could barely call it that at all. Truly, this 'democracy' notion is like allowing a retarded baby to be born._

_If human society has a variety of different sectors desiring different individualistic things, then the superorganism has no clear conscious drive. Totalism is the moral and religious goal to give it a coherent drive by putting every unit to a purpose that adds up to a singular drive to expand and maintain the superorganism with a maximally clear consciousness._

_Well, at first you need strong leaders to collectivize society. You need to collectivize the economy, and collectivize the people. Getting rid of dissident elements, and not allowing any further weak generations to be born._

_Through development you can eventually reach the stage where society is composed of people who are perfectly subservient to the plan, and there is a collective agreement on where we must go. We can begin to upgrade people and transform ourselves into human 2.0, all the while purging any plurality._

_At that point, the technocrats are simply instruction nodes in the system, and everything will run a lot smoother because all dissent has been gotten rid of. What was first a dream of a party which had to be impressed upon the rest of the people is now the dream of the whole of the people. A unified consciousness is born._

_What determines what this consciousness will want is the conditions of survival. By unifying society towards this goal the initial party are essentially crafting the genome of this new organism. Its purpose foremost will be that of all life; to survive. That alone is good. To survive and expand. Its purpose is to grow itself._

_The superorganism will—assuming that lightning-empowered heathen had some iota of sense in his heretical brain—one day spread out into space to consume everything. With_ us _at the head of it all."_

**-o-**

I stared blankly at the Dial, my eye twitching like it was on crack. "Aaaand I just felt myself die a little on the inside. _Wonderful."_

"What was that?"

"I just said that that was wonderful, sir," I blandly reiterated, not even bothering with faking enthusiasm because at this point, a bullet to the frontal lobe would be a kindness for me. "Anyway, if that's all…?"

"Yes yes, go right ahead, I'm starting to get sick of looking at you." Charloss dismissed me with a wave of his hand. He then did the first truly impressive thing I'd seen him do all day by managing to haul his fat ass out of his seat on his own. "And I do suppose I should be meeting up with Father and my sister soon anyway." He glanced up and scrunched his face up in intense thought. "Though, now that I think about it, I do believe I'm forgetting something…"

"Ah yes," one of his aides coughed. "Your holiness, you wished us to remind you—"

"—To leave a _sizable_ tip for the owners of this fine establishment in thanks for their fine service, yes, how could we forget Saint Charloss's divine charity," I cut in, casting a sidelong glare at the agent in question.

"I did?" Charloss blinked before bursting out into jowly laughter. "Mufufufun! I mean, of course I did! Yes, how could I possibly enjoy such a delicious—if pedestrian—meal and _not_ leave a pittance?" He then waved his hand dismissively as he made for the door. "Just leave something nice on the counter, a hundred million should do."

While I pumped my fist at my victory, however petty, the agent was left sputtering incredulously. "W-Wha— _your divinity!_ You wished us to remind you to _burn_ this hovel down to the foundation!"

" _WHAT!?"_ Charloss snarled, wheeling around and jabbing his gun in the suddenly _very_ frozen agent's face. "After the fantastic service I was just provided!? You insolent _vermin!_ Consider yourself lucky that you're carrying my wallet today, lest I have you set _yourself_ on fire instead!"

"Yes, Saint Charloss, I understand, Saint Charloss, _mercy, Saint Charloss!"_ the suit-wearing fink-rat whimpered pathetically.

"Hrrrmph!" he harrumphed, turning away. Several of his guards took that opportunity to look at me, unsubtly drawing their weapons. I felt like I actually _was_ gargling acid with what I said next, but damn it, if they had any inclination to send CP-0 after me—and after what I just did, no way in hell any of them _didn't_ —I needed to buy enough time for Kuma to put us out of harm's way.

"If I could impose one more request upon you, your divinity?" I gagged out. "Just in case any of your fellows want to try attacking me out of… _jealousy_ of you?"

"Eh? Oh, yeah, that could be bad," Charloss grunted irritably, addressing me and my mic with a mucus-y clearing of his throat. "Ahem! People of the world, know that for as long as Jeremiah Cross and his crew stay on the Sabaody Archipelago, anyone who tries attacking them will get killed by an Admiral. Slowly." His eyes then lit up with sadistic (or as I'd come to know it, his usual) glee. "Oh, actually that could be fun, would you like me to call one—?"

" _Hey look at that we're all out of time, wonderful to have had you here, be sure to call again sometime, bye!"_ I yelped out before ramming the mic back into its cradle. Three times over, for good measure.

"Oh _poo…"_ Charloss sagged in defeat, before perking up. "Ah well, I'll just have to call again some other time, then. I'm fairly certain I have the number written _somewhere…unless Shalria stole it again or—"_ And with that degeneration into unintelligible grumbling, the bastard finally, _finally_ did me the inestimable favor of getting the holy hell away from me, and taking the majority of his entourage with him.

Majority, mind you, because the agent he'd threatened—ah, the agent he'd threatened to set on fire… OK, the agent he'd threatened to set on fire in the last _ten minutes_ was where he'd left him, still coming down from his panicked adrenaline surge. Which, actually, worked out pretty well for me.

"You know you're a dead man walking, right?" I asked without preamble, causing the agent to whip his head towards me with an incredulous sputter.

" **Bitch please,** _ **walking**_ **IS ENTIRELY TOO GENEROUS A TERM FOR HOW DEAD HE IS,"** Soundbite snorted. " _OR AT LEAST… FOR HOW DEAD HE AND EVERYONE HE WORKS WITH WILL BE_ ONCE THE REST OF THE WINGLESS LIZARD-SHITS GET THEIR HANDS ON THEM _**FOR WHAT THEY JUST LET HAPPEN!"**_

"W-What?!" the agent veritably shrieked, boggling at me in naked terror. "B-B-But that wasn't our fault, that was—!"

" _ **I-I'm sorry, but**_ **what interview were** _ **you**_ **LISTENING TO JUST NOW?"** Soundbite deadpanned.

"What the snail said," I nodded in bored agreement. "Because really, think about what you're arguing and who you're arguing it to: You would have _died_ if you tried to stop what I just did? Now, remind me… isn't giving your life for the 'greater good' _exactly what you signed up for?"_

The suit-wearing prat stared for a bit more before _something_ in his brain broke and he sank to his knees with a pitiful and poignant whimper of " _Fuck…"_

"Yeah, that pretty much summarizes your situation," I nodded casually, more occupied with examining my glove's fingertips. "I'd say you have… _less_ than six hours to grab the rest of your guys, steal whatever's not nailed down on that smug prick's yacht, and book a ticket on the first boat headed to the ass-end of nowhere. _If_ you're lucky. Oh!" I snapped my fingers and snapped a glare down at the worthless worm. "And don't forget to spring as many slaves on your way out as you can, too. Because if you don't, I _will_ find out. Got me?"

Regrettably, the answer to my question seemed to be on the negative side, due to the dope's expression still reflecting a broken brain.

Soundbite, however, fixed that with one sentence: " _Unless you_ _ **want**_ _to join Saint Caulia's collection?"_

The agent immediately snapped back to _very_ alert panic.

"She _has_ been looking for a good _arm,_ remember?" I idly mused.

" **AND HER DRAPES** _ **DO**_ **NEED FRESHENING UP,** _ **and lo and behold look who's got**_ **quality** _**ink on their ass."**_ Soundbite tilted his eyestalks to cast a dismissive glance at the agent's rear. " _A running tally of your killcount._ CLASSY, JUST _CLASSY."_

"…how the hell do you two even do this?" the agent gurgled, swaying heavily on his feet.

" **LIFE GAVE ME A PLATTER OF SUFFERING** _**with a serving of Devil Fruit on the side.**_ "

"And _I_ just really hate you and everything you…well…" I waved airily at his currently useless legs. "You get the gist. Aaaanyway…" I threw a carefree wave over my shoulder as I walked off. "Good luck staying alive. Or not, I don't care anymore…"

Once I was a good meter away from him, I started massaging my face as the _everything_ of what felt like the past eternity hit me at once.

"I really… _really_ do not care anymore…"

**-o-**

" _Robin,_ where _is Cross? If that was comparable to what Eneru did to him, there is no way he's OK right now!"_

"I am on my way to him as we speak, Conis. But have a little more faith, won't you?"

" _Faith nothing! If there's nothing to be worried about, then why did I have to use Pinky to call you?"_

Robin paused. Then, shaking her head, she continued. "Alright, you have a point. Trust me, though, I'll ensure that if he needs comfort and assurance, he'll have it."

It was at that point that Cross came into view, and a frown marred her face. "…and he very clearly does need it. I'll call you back."

Nico Robin was herself struggling a fair amount to bury the suffering that the World Government was responsible under the knowledge that its publicization had just secured a noose with rusted spikes around its neck. But 20 years of exposure to the evils of humanity had numbed her a great deal; she was able to cope with it far better than the young man and his snail she saw now, the two of them sitting on an overturned crate and staring ahead at absolutely nothing.

Without a word, she stowed Brain away and sat beside him, two hands sprouting from the ground and spreading their palms to provide a makeshift stool while her left hand touched Cross's unoccupied shoulder.

They sat in solemn silence for what felt like an age, with neither the human nor snail even acknowledging her presence, and it was with great reluctance that Robin decided to engage him first.

"Is there any way I can help?" she asked.

An eye twitch wasn't much of a reaction, but at least it was one. "…three soft pretzels… some ranch dressing… a stiff drink… a hug… and a _gun to shoot myself,"_ he dragged out, as though every word were a reel of barbed wire.

" **MAKE IT A DOUBLE."** Soundbite croaked in agreement.

Robin contemplated that request—and its eerie similarity to some thoughts she'd had back when she was his age—before responding. "Well, I can help with one of those."

"Scotch on the rocks, leave the bottle."

"Heh," Robin snorted in amusement. "Just shut up and relax." And with that she slung her arm around his shoulders, drawing Cross into a one-sided hug while patiently laying her… well, _a_ hand on Soundbite's shell. It wasn't much, but at least the both of them _finally_ let their bodies unclench, so that was definitely progress right there.

They spent a fair amount of time in silence, just sitting there and watching the bubbles waft through the air, the sunlight streaming and filtering through the naturally produced film.

Ultimately, it was Robin who spoke first again. "You did a good thing, Cross."

Cross gave a more substantial response this time, if a groan and rubbing his eyes with exhaustion could count as 'substantial.' "The 'good thing' just put my soul through a thresher. Which is only different from the last few times I've done a good thing in that right now I feel dead on the _inside_ instead of the outside."

The archaeologist tensed up, her encyclopedic brain fumbling for an answer. "Ah, C-Cross—?"

The Anarchist replied by grimacing—his first proper display of emotion—and waving his hand. "I-I'm not _giving up_ or anything, don't worry about that. This one just… the other instances where I got my ass kicked sucked, but that's just a matter of pain tolerance, I can deal with that. This one… it's a lot harder to cope with getting _drained_ like that. You would know, right?"

"Mmm," she responded with a nod. "But the difference is that you have companions that you can fall back on for support. A bit of rest and company, possibly some physical therapy from Popora, and you should—"

" _Puru puru puru puru!_ **Ggh,** _is this_ _ **REALLY THE—**_ **huh?"**

"I believe I can handle one call from this side of things while you recover," Robin said, gently but firmly as she secured Cross's headphones around her own head. "This is Nico Robin… he's indisposed, but I'm sure that I can…"

Robin trailed off and her expression fell into dull resignation. Removing the headphones, she held them out to Cross. "It's for you."

Groaning in exasperation, Cross resecured his headphones. "Unless somebody is dying or an entire Grove is on fire, hang up now or so help me… ech, I'm too tired to even think of a good threat. What do you—?"

Robin winced as Cross and Soundbite both snapped up straight, suddenly looking utterly wired. She'd expected that to happen, and slowly, she backed away from the coming explosion.

"Huh?" Cross blinked dumbly, tapping at his headphones. "…wait, what? No, I'm sorry, say that again, it almost sounds like you said—?" He nodded slowly. "…that's what I thought you said. In that case, question…"

**-o-**

" _ **WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU**_ **MEAN** ' _ **KEIMI'S BEEN KIDNAPPED'!?"**_

The fishmen all winced as Cross's outraged voice cracked down over them like an iron rod, but at least _two_ of their tempers remained piqued.

"Jeremiah Cross, I have wanted to say this for the last two weeks and now I can't even enjoy it: _you cannot be as angry about this as we are,"_ Kuroobi growled, voice pained.

"A group of thugs came after Keimi. We didn't hold back… and they still beat us. Left us lying on the ground within an inch of our lives and made us _watch_ as they dragged her off," Hachi explained.

"And this was about _ten minutes ago_ , because everyone was too glued to your horror show for us to get any help," Chew spat, puffing himself up. "If this is anyone's fault, it's—!"

Any composure in any of the three evaporated when a blast straight out of a _howitzer_ shattered the air and did its level best to blow out their eardrums, even going so far as to crack every piece of glass within ten feet of them.

" _ **I just spent the last HOUR sitting across from that waste of flesh, doing my best to keep myself from punching his lights out and killing us all AT MINIMUM. DO. NOT. TEST ME!"**_

While all three of the fishmen were _definitely_ cowed by Cross's explicit promise of harsh, violent action, Hachi managed to get his wits about him long enough to give the snail a pleading look. "Cross, you're angry and you have every right to be, we all are, but please, calm down! You're the only one who can save her!" Two of the octopus's hands then snapped out and slammed his 'friends' in their throats before either of them could get a word out.

The snail kept snorting and throbbing malevolently, the air rippling around it, until finally it exhaled a massive, massively aggravated breath. Though while some measure of sanity returned to its eyes, the throbbing veins didn't abate. " _From. The top. A group of thugs got Keimi:_ how in the fuck?"

"Nyuuu, that's a question we'd all like answered, Cross…" Hachi groaned. "One second we were trying to avoid your broadcast, the next we were surrounded by a bunch of no-name nobodies who were dead-set on Keimi. We tried to fight back, gave them everything we had, and we're stronger than we were back on Cocoyashi, you can be sure of that, but!…but…" Hachi deflated, quite literally, his breath trumpeting out of his mouth. "Nothing we did actually _did_ anything. They shrugged it all off, they were too fast, too strong, it was like… like we were fighting _you guys_ all over again. They beat all three of us within an inch of our lives, took Keimi, and left us broken and defeated."

Slowly, the rage on the snail that they were facing abated, though the frown didn't shrink one bit.

"… _run that last part by me again. They took Keimi and left…_ after _they had you three dead to rights?"_

"They just wanted us to su—" Hachi stopped speaking, and all three pairs of eyes widened as the precise implications sunk in.

"They took Keimi… and completely ignored three more fishmen," Chew said in disbelief. "But… why?"

" _I have a pretty good idea, and it's not one that anyone on our side is going to like."_ Cross shook his head. " _Look, I'll rally the troops and prepare to bring down hell._ You three _get after those bastards and try to cut them off before they can reach Grove 1."_

"How do you—!?" Kuroobi started.

" _The Auction House is the only hellhole on this island we haven't turned inside out_ and _that has the rep and security to sell the mermaid, it's not that hard of a guess. Now move, and if you get there too late,_ do not _go in without us. And don't worry about waiting…"_

Cross's expression darkened immensely.

" _We won't be far behind."_

**-o-**

While Soundbite hung up the call and started redialing, I scowled as I rummaged through my coat. "Sonnuva-sonnuva-sonnuva, where the hell is it—?"

"Ahem?" Robin coughed politely, a dozen or so hands sprouting from my… _everywhere,_ holding everything I had on me. "Is any of _this_ what you're looking for?"

I quickly scanned the remote arms, before snatching out what I needed. Specifically, the piece of paper that I needed. And while I scanned the paper and Robin returned my stuff, Soundbite tuned back in with several hanger-ons in tow.

" _Cross, no offense, but what the hell!?"_ Nami demanded without preamble. " _Why aren't you cutting a bloody swath to Grove 1 already? Besides the Nobles, I mean, we can worry about them when we get there!"_

"Because right now, I'm more concerned with figuring out _why_ we even need to rescue her in the first place," I retorted, scowling at the sheet in my hand as things started clicking together in my head. "And I'm holding a big clue to that picture in my hands right now, and it _reeks_."

" _What are you—?"_ Merry began.

"The flyer that Charloss gave me," I explained. "It's printed on high-quality cardstock, features raised lettering, a veneer of goldleaf that I suspect is actual, literal gold, and very elegant wording and presentation."

" _And this matters to us because…?"_ Zoro prompted.

"It matters," Robin cut in, giving the flyer a glare of her own now that she was looking at it properly. "Because the establishment this rag advertises—the one it led Charloss to and that Shuraiyah and Bepo were cornered in—reeks of human waste and toilet wine and hasn't known the business end of a mop or broom since Gold Roger _died."_

A moment of stunned silence followed, which meant everyone got what we were saying.

" _That flyer's a fake,"_ Vivi breathed, her voice numb. " _Somebody_ baited _a World Noble into falling right on top of us."_

" _Who the_ hell _has the balls to do that!?"_ our navigator demanded. " _For Aeolus's sake,_ we _don't have the balls to do that!"_

" **They didn't just** _**bait**_ **a Noble… or at least, THEY DIDN'T DO IT WITHOUT REASON…"**

"Soundbite?" I gave my snail a questioning look, but he ignored me in favor of our archaeologist.

" _ROBIN, DO YOU HAVE A MAP ON YOU?"_

Robin immediately snapped out a map and unfurled. "What are you thinking?"

" **THE THREE TENETS OF A GOOD BUSINESS,"** he muttered to himself as he eyeballed the honeycomb of groves. "LOCATION, LOCATION, _**BRIBE THE HEALTH INSPECT—**_ _SON OF A SEA-SLUG, I KNEW IT!_ LOOK!" He jabbed his eyestalk at the south-eastern portion of the map. " _ **Look at where that store was, Grove 53.**_ **NOW COMPARE IT WITH WHERE** _Keimi and co. were, in the amusement park…"_ His other eyestalk snapped to the _north-west._ "UP HERE!"

"They're damn near on opposite sides of the archipelago, they isolated that entire half of the archipelago from us!" I swore, eliciting curses and gasps from the rest of my adjutants. "And when you combine that with the most damning information of all-"

" _What information is that?"_ Zoro grit out through his already-grinding teeth.

"The fact that the people who did this didn't just hit and run, they had all _four_ of our semi-aquatic acquaintances right where they wanted them, but they _only_ took Keimi," I replied. While Zoro and Merry were confused, Nami and Vivi gasped in shock.

" _But- But that doesn't make_ sense!" the princess exclaimed.

" _Mermaids might be worth ten times their weight in gold around here, but fishmen are valuable too, especially ones as…_ above average _as those three,"_ Nami simultaneously explained and thought out loud. " _There isn't a slaver or kidnapper alive who'd pass up the chance to make even one beri more—"_

" _ **Unless this wasn't about slavery in the first place."**_

All attention shifted to Soundbite, whose eyes were shifting about in intense thought.

" _ **None of this was done for shits and giggles, this was all**_ **planned,"** he declared. " _ **The farthest possible location from the target, the biggest fire they could possibly set, and we walked into it beautifully.**_ **Somebody** _**engineered a bonafide Buster Call-level situation in order to cover up Keimi's kidnapping. A kidnapping that**_ **wasn't** _ **financially motivated."**_

" _Then why take her?"_ Merry demanded. " _Out of everyone on this once-and-probably-still-godforsaken archipelago, why_ her!? _What, apart from the tail and gills, makes her different?!"_

Robin, Soundbite and I all grimaced as the answer hit us, but it was Vivi who voiced the grim truth of things.

" _Us."_ She let the truth of things hang for a moment before elaborating. " _We're the only ones on this archipelago worth risking the ire of a_ World Noble _to trick. The only ones who_ could _warrant that. Which in itself raises a whole host of questions…"_

" _Such as how they knew_ to _strike the most vulnerable and at-risk person associated with us in the first place,"_ Nami concurred. " _Keimi hasn't been on the SBS, she hasn't been near any of us in the public eye! The only way anyone could know about her was if they were on Skelter Bite or in Grove 77, and_ neither _of those options are anywhere close to feasible!"_

" _Who could be doing this, anyway?"_ Merry added. " _An Emperor? The Marines? The World Nobles or Aegis-0 already?!"_

" _Or any other Tom, Dick or Harry with connections, we did just put a lot of very evil, very powerful people out of business all at once…"_ Vivi reluctantly admitted.

"Whoever it is, consider the fact that there shouldn't _be_ any kidnapping gangs left on this island that are strong enough to curb-stomp even _one_ fishman on dry land, much less all three of Saw-Tooth Arlong's ex-Sun Pirate lieutenants at once _, much less_ when they're a band of feckless, nameless _mooks_ ," I grimly pointed out. "These guys weren't local muscle, and I don't just mean this archipelago, I mean this _ocean._ There's only one way I can think of for _any_ human to be that casually strong…"

"… _and that's if they come from the New World,"_ Zoro deduced in just as grim a voice.

Another long, heavy pause. And then…

"Tell Grove 77 to batten down all hatches and shore up their defences, and then call in the rest of the Supernovas to _surround_ Grove 1, but under _no circumstances_ are they to enter the Auction House," I told Soundbite in a frigid tone. "This is a trap meant for us from someone who has a total disregard for intelligent life, I don't want to find out what they'll do if we don't play along. Best case scenario, we go in, we get Keimi, we get out, and then we _mulch_ whoever did this another day, when nobody's lives but ours are on the line. Agreed?"

" _ **Agreed,"**_ was the general rumble, and so the deed was done. But before everyone could disconnect, one last question was asked.

" _Cross,"_ Merry whispered, sounding almost as though she were afraid to speak. " _What… What are we walking into?"_

I considered the question, and I tried, I _tried_ to think of a better answer, but in the end, all I had was the truth.

"I don't know," I admitted quietly, both to her and to myself. "I don't know… but one way or another, we're going to find out."

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" _As you expected, Young Master. The Straw Hats are convening on the Auction House."_

The words echoed through Disco's office, heavy as a death knell and just as certain. The room had been host to many an evil before, but somehow… somehow this one final conversation trumped them all.

" _We're all set up to enjoy the main event, Young Master. But are you certain that you wouldn't like to deal with them personally?"_

" _Fuffuffuffu… I may have considered it at the start of this, but after the last hour? No, there's no chance in hell that I'm not leaving them a chance of surviving this. Whether they live or die is up to them, be it by the skin of their teeth or not at all. If they die, then the world falls to pieces and I laugh, and if they_ live, _then they'll rip the world to pieces, clawing at the dark in a pitiful attempt to get to me. I don't have a clue what'll happen, but either way, I do know this. Whoever wins or loses…"_

And for a final time, _**EVIL**_ smiled in that room.

" **IT'S GONNA BE ONE** _ **HELL**_ **OF A SHOW!"**


	12. Chapter 12

### Chapter 78: Chapter 69 - Sabaody Revolution Pt. 5

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 69: Meltdown**

Sabaody Archipelago was not actually an archipelago, nor was it even technically an island. Nobody much considered this fact, or cared when they did. Simpler that way. The fact that the weather stabilized there as it never did out on the wide open sea only confirmed that attitude.

Thus, the gray clouds forming thunderheads _way_ too quickly and flashing with lightning and rumbling with thunder were a most unpleasant surprise. Those who had lived their entire lives in the Grand Line quickly grasped that this was not the ocean’s natural insanity. It wasn’t much of a leap from there to the _actual_ cause, and the scattered reports floating around the islands were enough to get anyone with a modicum of common sense to pick up the pace getting out of the open, into shelter, and away from the metaphorical storm the literal one in the sky represented. 

“Uuuuugh. It’s going to rain. For the love of the Sacred Twenty, could this day get any worse?”

Saint Charloss was not one of those people. As he dismounted his skeletal slave mount and sauntered into the Auction House, he remained blissfully unaware of the danger that was upon him.

…and just as unaware of the inevitable fate that awaited him.

**-o-**

_“Don don don don!”_

_SMACK!_ “OW! I didn’t say anything!”

“That is precisely the point. _Don’t_ say anything,” Tsuru firmly ordered.

Helmeppo grumbled rebelliously as he moved his skewed visor back in place. “You’re not serious. Okay, yeah, I was wrong before, but what could Cross do that would be worse than _that?_ Who could he attack that would make a bigger impact?”

Tsuru’s eyes narrowed almost to slits. “You listen to me, you brat, and listen well. You’re not wrong that, in sheer magnitude, whatever Cross is doing now isn’t going to outdo that… _interview_. _”_ Her already wrinkled face scrunched a bit more as she shook her head. “That does not mean that the _impact_ he leaves from whatever he’s doing now cannot be worse.”

The blond subordinate snorted and crossed his arms. “You’ll have to pardon my disrespect, Vice Admiral, but I find that _very_ hard to believe.”

With an expression as flat as paper, Coby unhooked the Transponder Snail in the room - and was promptly surprised by both it _and_ its visual cousin woking up, the latter projecting an image onto the wall. The image that was being projected appeared to be a top-down view, displaying—

“…what’s that, an auditorium?” Helmeppo broke out into a hopeful—read, somewhat desperate—grin. “Oh, _please_ tell me that the Straw Hats have just gone to the theater now, we _all_ need a nice break!”

Coby flipped his glasses down and squinted at the screen, scrutinizing the stage at thefront of the projected room, before reeling back with a look of shock and horror. “Helmeppo, trust me, that is _not_ a performance you want to have any part of!”

“Huh? What are you—?”

_“—And_ sold _to the man in the baby Sea King leather cloak for ฿700,000, a fine purchase for a fine dresser!”_ the man on stage grandiosely proclaimed as a figure was led out to stand next to him. _“Our next lot is number 27! Peterman here was one of our fine suppliers, but earlier today he made the mistake of trying to shortchange me for a catch of the day. Well, you’ve gotta make up that difference somehow!”_

The fact that that ‘joke’ actually drew a smattering of laughter made most of the Marines’ skin crawl.

_“As you can see, we have fine musculature, decent skills with a bow—”_

_“You double-crossing snake, I didn’t do_ jack, _you piece of—!”_

_CRACK!_

_“GACKH!”_

_“Aaaand a broken jaw. The fresh ones are always so wordy, but I guess breaking them in is part of the fun. Still, we’ll be starting this one off at a discount price of ฿450,000, do I have 450?”_

Any trace of blood evacuated Helmeppo’s face as the crowd shouted out their replies. “A _slave-auction?_ What the hell is Cross playing at, I thought they’d _already_ burned down literally every slave shop on the archipelago!”

“Every slave shop…” Coby croaked out, hands visibly trembling. “But not the Auction House. There’s only _one_ Auction House on Sabaody, and Cross said they were avoiding it…” He turned his pale face towards Tsuru, who was stiff as a board. “Because the _Celestial Dragons_ frequent it.” 

Tsuru’s neck went whipcord taut—

_THWA-WHACK!_ “OW!” “OUCH!”

—before her cane lashed out and cracked both youngsters over their heads.

“Well, what are you two waiting for, a gold filigree invitation?!” she barked. “Raise the alarm and start preparing the troops, I want all quarters manned _ten minutes ago, MOVE!”_

“YES, VICE ADMIRAL!” the rookie soldiers yelped, saluting and Shaving out of the room.

Tsuru snorted, her heart rate slowing down from jackhammer to jackrabbit. Satisfied that she’d both fulfilled her ‘duty’ appropriately _and_ given all Masons on base sufficient warning to batten all hatches, she turned her attention and ire back to the screen.

_“For_ _goodness’ sake_ , Cross, I thought your plan was to _avoid_ poking the dragon and Dragons,” she bit out. “What could have changed!?”

Almost as if in response, the viewpoint suddenly swung down, hugging the wall and gliding to the floor before zipping through a small forest of legs, until finally stopping by an all-too-familiar pair of greaves. Gif then slowly raised herself up to rest at Cross’s eye-level, thus giving her and all other viewers access to the conversation Cross was currently a part of. And the topic…

Her frown deepening, Tsuru grabbed for a pencil and notepad, writing down the names falling from the Straw Hats’ mouths on one side and listing Sengoku’s medications on the other. She suspected that she’d be needing a few doses herself before the day was through.

**-o-**

_“General Ausdin from the Democratic Republic of Tasan, Duke Venomania of the Asmodean Oligarchy, Viscountess Conchita of Beelzenia…”_ Vivi suddenly cut herself off with a sharp gasp. _“Oh, that_ bitch!”

Cross gave her a sharp look. _“What?”_

_“Princess Riliane Lucifen d’Autriche!”_ the bluenette snarled, her face promising murder. _“I always knew she bought her boyfriends, but I didn’t think she_ literally _bought them! And she had the gall to call_ me _a sand rat!? To anyone from her household who’s listening, anyone who can provide proof they set off a molotov cocktail in her room will find gainful employment in Alubarna, at_ twice _your previous salary!”_ Her expression then grew contemplative. _“…actually, no matter what she said about my behind, we_ are _close to the same size, so if you could snatch some of her dresses on your way out—”_

_“Vivi,”_ Cross interrupted with a gimlet glare.

_“Tch, can’t have nice things…”_

**_“Less griping_ **_,_ MORE WHISTLE-BLOWING,” Soundbite groused.

_“Yes, yes. Now, let’s see, where was I…”_ The princess sat back up in her seat and gazed down the auditorium. “ _Ah yes, I’d recognize that tacky hairpiece anywhere._ That _fellow a few rows down is Lord Octo of Elphegort. Always_ did _think he was a little bit too chummy with Wapol. And sitting next to him—!”_

“Huuuugh…”

“Feeling conflicted, Your Majesty?” Igaram asked gently, giving his king a sympathetic look out the corner of his eye.

“Extremely…” Cobra sighed, half-watching the spectacle through his fingers. “From the first time another noble invited me to that hellhole in an effort to ‘loosen me up’—”

“Three broken ribs and a concussion, I remember,” Igaram nodded sagely.

“Quite,” Cobra nodded. “And I’ve always harbored a minor, if remote, fear of Vivi ending up in that building for one reason or another, and now I see that very fear being happening before my eyes.” The sound of grinding teeth rang out. “And yet…”

“She’s as safe as she can be in that sort of situation. I know the feeling,” Toto grunted from where he was shuffling through a sheaf of papers. “I spent four years worrying constantly about Kohza. But despite everything that went wrong, he’s still with us, a wiser man, though still hotheaded. And even in those four years, I wasn’t _really_ too worried about him.”

Cobra blinked, then frowned, a suspicion niggling in his skull. He glanced over at the once-again hefty old man. “And _why_ weren’t you worried about him, while he was leading a rebellion?”

Toto scoffed and waved his hand dismissively. “Because he was leading a rebellion in _Alabasta._ Honestly, if you’re going to do anything like that, this is the kingdom to do it in. Anywhere else in the world, he’d be a head shorter, but here? Indefinite community service! Ahhh...” He shook his head with a wry chuckle. “I really can’t tell you how much I appreciate having someone like you on the throne, Cobra. On several levels!”

Cobra regarded Toto with a small frown; Toto pointing out part of his rule that he took pride in didn’t bother him, but at the same time he did feel _something_ of a prick in his pride at the jab.

He shook his head with a gruff huff. “Well, still leaves me with the headache of Vivi being in a position I wouldn’t envy _anyone_ being in, as well as the fact that the next Reverie is just _guaranteed_ to be an utter nightmare.” _That_ comment drew several confused glances, and Cobra huffed. “If they allow the likes of Germa there, they’ll have a devil of a time banning me.”

“Sire, with all due respect… the Germa Kingdom may have a repulsive reputation, but they aren’t overtly opposing the World Government,” Igaram pointed out.

“The Germa also don't have a legitimate bloodline and the backing of everyone _else_ who's decided to give the World Government the heave-to,” Cobra countered, his scowl deepening. “Damned lizard-witted cowards, they’ve got the courage to burn a flag, but when it’s time to look the Government in the eye, _noooo_ , that’s when they get twitchy.” His ire lingered only briefly before collapsing into a relieved sigh. “Well, at least I know I’ll have _some_ allies standing at my side…”

Igaram nodded in agreement, then stiffened up at something on the screen. “Perhaps one less than you di—mah, mah, MAH!—think, your highness!”

Cobra gave the captain a questioning look— 

_“Wait… is that Margrave Lowance? What’s he doing here!?”_   
  


—before snapping his attention to his daughter with an incredulous bellow of _“WHAT!?”_ But no matter his disbelief he couldn’t help but recognize the person sitting _three rows ahead of his daughter._

Cross, undoubtedly ignorant of the emotions raging in both royals, shrugged indifferently. _“Signs point to—”_

_“Cross, I_ know _that man!”_ Vivi protested, only just keeping her voice below a harsh whisper. _“He’s a friend of my father’s, he’s one of his staunchest political allies, I’ve met him several times at the Reverie, he was always so kind, so pleasant! He even gave me these beautiful dresses that his—!”_ Vivi and Cobra simultaneously stiffened up, those moments of kindness now presented in a _far_ different context. _“That… he said_ his girls sewed, _oh Ra help me—”_

_“Focus, please?”_

_“I AM WITHIN MY RIGHTS TO BE SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED, CROSS!”_ Vivi grit out, barely below a shriek.

“As am I,” Cobra said, voice flat but quivering.

_“YO, CALLER ON LINE_ **CREWMATE.”**

_“It’s me, Vivi,”_ came the familiar voice of Conis. _“And I know this must look bad for you, but if he’s earned your father’s trust, maybe think it through a little more? We_ do _know of other reasons to be here. I mean,_ you’re _in here.”_

_“…right. You’re right, he could just be here to liberate some people in the only_ legal _way available,”_ Vivi muttered. _“I_ would _be jumping to conclusions if I didn’t consider that…”_ Her expression crumbled visibly. _“Except that he’s been divorced for the last ten years. And_ guess _which parent his daughters chose?”_

_“…Soundbite, if you wouldn’t mi—? KA-LICK!”_

_“That’s what I thought. Daddy, I need you to burn some things for me.”_

Cobra sighed, cradling his head in one of his hands while the other waved at Igaram, prompting him to take out a Baby Snail and start speaking into it.

But with that issue was handled, a new one presented itself, and it tightened his jaw again: who could the _Straw Hats_ be trying to buy to freedom, and why were they attempting to _buy_ them in the first place?

**-o-**

“Cross, as satisfying and… _tangentially scarring_ as this experience has been, remind me why—apart from the World Nobles at the front of the room—we didn’t just bust in the back door?” Vivi grumbled mutinously into the drink she was using to try and soothe her stricken nerves.

“Because whatever jackass decided to throw down the gauntlet is _guaranteed_ to have an explosive collar around her neck by now and their finger on the trigger,” I answered.

From Vivi’s expression, that killed any further objections, but did little to calm the restlessness plaguing the entire crew. Myself included, because the only thing that I could do to kill time in a meaningful way was to save Byron—the would-be slave who bit off his tongue to avoid being sold—by assuring him that he’d be free within the hour. And naturally, I had long since finished convincing him.

It was only worse for the members that were waiting outside, which was most of them, because even if this audience was the proudest of the proud on this island, there were guaranteed to be at least a few with half-decent self-preservation instincts. So if they saw all twenty-four members of the Straw Hat Pirates entering the building, visibly furious?

Subtlety was the only way to play it for now. All of us were eager for things to get loud, but until the time came, we were standing by. Vivi, Soundbite, and I were, of course, sowing more chaos. Nami, Sanji, and Robin drifted on the edges of the room and Funkfreed and Lassoo skulked near the entrance, while Conis and Su had infiltrated the audience.

As had Donny and Leo. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to shoot down their idea to pull the ‘two half-pints in a trenchcoat’ gag, _especially_ under these circumstances, but somehow I had consented to it. At least they were pulling it off.

Everyone else was waiting feverishly outside, be it on foot, flying fish, or in Luffy’s case, electrokinetic bird wings, too high to jump down and wreck everything without ample warning for us to fend it off. Even that fail-safe wouldn’t buy us a lot of time, but it would buy enough for us to _try_ this the normal way. Probably wouldn’t work, but we had little choice, so it was worth one last shot.

And of course, watching Disco actually boot one of his auction items in the solar plexus, he seemed to be in rare form today, which only reinforced both that decision and the hope that it wouldn’t hold for much longer.

“…he’s a lot more… reckless than I remember,” I muttered, watching him pull the fallen man up by his neck. “The way I recall, he’s the man whose strength comes from chains…”

“I imagine being the last man standing on this has emboldened him. I’d like to see the look on his face when he realizes that his patron isn’t going to protect him.” She eyed the smiling devils plastered on the wall before giving me a sharp look. “He _isn’t,_ right?”

“Shouldn’t have any reason to, no,” I confirmed. “This is just one source of income for the bastard, and we killed it right when he was getting bored with it. Hell, the spectacle alone is probably payment enough for him.” I sent a pleading glance skyward. “Now we just need to hope he doesn’t try to add in his own flavor of fun, because _that_ usually involves a lot of bloody collateral damage.”

“Glad to hear it. But… still…” Vivi muttered in a grim tone, a glance at Soundbite prompting him to muffle our conversation from the world. “There’s one other piece of this plan I think has a flaw, Cross: us buying Keimi would be easy enough… _if_ Charloss weren’t explicitly looking to buy her too! The idea of us _outbidding_ a Celestial Dragon… I’m sorry Cross, but that’s an impossibility. Not difficult, _impossible._ No matter how much money we might have on hand—!”

“You’d have a point, _if_ we were actually going wallet-to-wallet with the fat bastard,” I whispered back.

Vivi’s eyes widened slightly. “Explain?”

“Think about it: Charloss is a complete and utter waste of skin, fat and bones who hasn’t worked a day in his life, even by World Noble standards. He has no political weight and doesn’t even touch the actual governing of the World Government, so where, pray tell, does all his money come from?”

Three seconds to think, and Vivi’s eyes lit up, her gaze snapping to the helmeted devil sitting _next_ to Charloss. “His _father,_ he’s the one bankrolling Charloss’ lifestyle!”

I nodded. “Roswald’s as cruel as his son, but he’s at least _semi-_ mature, and he knows that Charloss is just looking to buy a mermaid on a stupid whim. ฿500 Million alone had him balking once, even if it was out of annoyance rather than actual outrage. But the fact that he was annoyed at all suggests a limit. Hence the plan: we’re not betting against Charloss’ wallet…”

“We’re betting against _Roswald’s_ patience, I see, I see,” Vivi nodded in understanding, though her frown remained. “That’s definitely a good plan, Cross, though, I feel the need to point out that it hinges on a World Noble acting in a semi-sane and logical manner.”

“Which is why everyone else is poised to enact Plan B, or in other words our usual Plan A, should things go sideways,” I reminded her.

Vivi conceded my point with a sigh, waving for Soundbite to let the world in on things again. “Fair, fair. One more question though: us and all of our crewmates have had our faces _plastered_ around the world, and I’m fairly certain we’re all _less_ than welcome in this… _establishment,_ for lack of a better word. Sneaking in is one thing, but how are we going to _bid_ without this place falling on us like a ton of rocks?”

“Simplest matter of all: it won’t technically be ‘us’ bidding,” I replied, pointing to the left of the stage, where a table was set up and a line of men and women were sitting in front of Transponder Snails, regularly calling out bids on different lots. “And on that note, seeing as we’re getting close to the end of the auction… Soundbite, plug us in.”

_“Got one lining up…_ **right… ABOUT…** ** _PURU PURU PURU!”_ **And right on cue, one of the mobile bidding snails rang and was picked up.

_“This is Line 5 of the Human Auction House,”_ I watched the operator state from halfway across the hall. _“Please identify yourself and your purpose for calling today.”_

I _was_ about to do just that, but before I could, the transceiver’s mic was suddenly yanked out of my hand. I snapped my head around and prepped myself to furiously, if quietly, demand what the hell Vivi thought she was doing, but an unnaturally persuasive **“Shh!”** forced me to hold my tongue.

As such, I could only watch as Vivi held up three fingers right below her chin, and then slowly lowered them to her collar. She then opened her mouth— _“Hello.”—_ and Soundbite and I could onl _boggle_ in surprise when her voice came out a full _three octaves lower than normal!_

_“I am Countess Marianna Baudwich of Calligis,”_ Vivi stated in her altered voice, staring at Soundbite with a face of utter contempt. _“I am calling your establishment for the purpose of bidding upon your product. I am assured that it is of the highest quality, and that all shall be conducted with the utmost discretion?”_

_“The Auction House prides itself on selling nothing but the best and providing nothing below top-of-the-line service, milady, I assure you,”_ the operator replied, bowing his head—and as a result, Soundbite’s as well—in deference. _“If the Countess would simply be so kind as to provide a means through which we might verify her funds?”_

My eyes shot wide open and I narrowly bit back a curse. A damn _fund check,_ why the hell didn’t _I_ realize they’d pull that!? Of course they wouldn’t sell to just anyone who got ahold of their number!

Vivi, however, nodded her acceptance without so much as a flinch. _“I have funds exceeding one billion beri in the International Bank of Arianon,”_ she baldly claimed. _“You need merely contact them at 567-843-210, and ask for the status of account 37-84-26.”_

Then, out of the blue, Vivi switched her stare from Soundbite to Gif, staring intently into the Vis-Snail’s eyes. _“I repeat,”_ she reiterated, keeping her voice low and intense. _“That number is 567-843-210, and the account is thirty-seven, eighty-four, and_ twenty-six.” The last three numbers were repeated with as much emphasis as possible.

The operator, meanwhile, didn’t seem to notice the intensity and was instead more concerned with writing on the paper before him. _“Understood, ma’am. Please hold while we verify your funds.”_ And with that the line fell silent to dial Vivi’s number into his snail.

I made to ask Vivi what the hell she was thinking, but she silenced me with a raised finger, her eyes on the operator. I was forced to do the same, the both of us watching as the man spoke with whoever was on the other end of the line for almost a minute. He hung back up and—

_“Countess.”_

—called us back.

_“I trust everything is in order?”_ Vivi sniffed haughtily.

Ohhh this was going to—

_“It is indeed, milady.”_

— _waitwhatthefuck?!_

_“The bank successfully verified your funds, and are prepared to transfer payment as required. You are fully eligible to bid upon our wares once the bidding commences. Should you require any aid, feel free to ask.”_

_“As you say, then. Please stay on the line, and feel free to speak up when you hear a lot you would like to bid on. Good day._ ” 

And with that send off, Vivi all but rammed the mic back into its cradle and sank into her seat with a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank Isis that _worked,”_ she groaned.

**“How the hell** _did you do that!?”_ Soundbite incredulously demanded.

“Answer the snail!” I prompted immediately.

Vivi took a few seconds longer to get her breath back, but once she did, she cracked her eye open and smiled as she stared at Gif. “For that particular feat of excellence, you can thank Princess Priscilla of Arianon for once again proving that for all that she is a smug _bitch…_ she’s not an utter cunt.” The blue-haired princess nodded appreciatively. “Thanks, Pris. Stay safe, and give your father my best.”

_“Puru puru—KA-LICK!_ _Yeah, same to you, goody-goody. Dad’s been looking for an excuse to book anyway, and this seemed as good a time as any. Give them hell and get out safe; the genepool is shallow enough already, can’t go losing the only other royal with two brain-cells to rub together at this point, or else we’d_ really _be screwed. KA-LICK!”_

Vivi chuckled slightly at the exchange before blushing at the looks Soundbite and I were giving her. “Pris and I have a… _complicated_ relationship.”  
  


I nodded in agreement, only to freeze partway through as I double-checked what Soundbite was feeding me.

“Yeah, well life’s just gotten even more complicated _still_. Why the hell are they bringing her out _now?_ She was supposed to be at the end!” I hissed.

**“Don’t quote me, but I can guess:** _I heard Charloss starting to grumble about how he was getting bored. AND IF I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARD HIM—”_

“Then they’re likely moving up the timetable to keep him invested, got it,” I groaned, sinking into the bench with my hand rubbing my eyes. “This day just gets better and better…” 

And as further proof for just how utterly… _improved_ my day was so far, Disco picked that exact moment to clear his throat.

_“Ladies and noblemen, you’ve all been a_ fan-tastic _audience so far, and thanks to you, I can safely say that today has been one of_ the _most profitable days our fine establishment has had on record! Not that we_ keep _records, of course, don’t want any names leaking to any…_ loudmouthed individuals, _of course—”_

“Oh, I am going to _enjoy_ breaking his face,” I quietly swore.

_“—but! I digress! Seeing how absolutely fantastic you’ve all been today, we here at the Human Auction House have decided that a little change in the line-up is in order! Presenting the rarest of rare commodities, the jewel of the seas, lot number 777…”_

Barely had the last number been named than a masked attendant wheeled Keimi’s tank onto the stage, shackled by her wrists and tail to the bottom of the bowl. Her face was a mask of fear that made me want to not just _break_ Disco’s face, but turn it into powder _._ The auctioneer opened his mouth to introduce her— 

“A REAL MERMAID!”

But, well, probably couldn’t give a better introduction to the product than Charloss’ excited, jumping-out-of-his-chair shout. A motion that obviously got Keimi’s attention, if the way her prior fear escalated to outright, throwing-herself-back panic was anything to go by.

Disco grimaced slightly at being interrupted, but nodded and _slammed_ his fist against the glass of the tank, drawing a heavy flinch from Keimi. _“The great and powerful lord from Mariejois has it right, folks! One purebreed mermaid, right here, right now! Tail unsplit and everything! As you can see, her species is—”_

While Disco rambled on, Keimi was looking around the room in utter terror and—due to the thick glass—total silence, looking on the verge of breaking down into hysterics. But for better or worse, her terror morphed into outright desperation when her eyes suddenly locked onto Vivi and I in the stands. Before she could _really_ make a scene though, I snapped a finger up to shush her, spinning another finger to indicate the room. The poor girl looked like she was on the verge of breaking down sobbing, but she bit down on her lip and nodded minutely, straightening her back and staring straight ahead. She was still _miserable,_ obviously, but at least her state of mind wasn’t deteriorating any further.

The same could not be said about the situation in general, however, as Disco wrapped up his grandstanding, much to the crowd’s morbidly mounting excitement. _“—so as you can see, my fine customers, this is truly some top-quality product you’ll be purchasing here today! As such, we’ll be starting the bidding off at no less than—!”_

“฿500 MILLION! I’LL PAY ฿500 MILLION!”

I felt a full-body shudder run through me as those words, those _goddamn words_ I’d fought so hard to stop, but I at least took solace in the fact that _unlike_ the first time around, I actually had a response to them. “Alright, here we go,” I muttered to myself and Soundbite both, nodding my head at the mobile bidders. Soundbite promptly reconnected us _and_ swapped my voice with ‘the Countess’. _“฿600 Million on lot 777.”_

I was momentarily worried when the operator boggled at his snail for a moment, visibly hesitating, but he ultimately did the job he was paid for. “We have ฿6—”

**_BLAM!_** “YOU DARE?!”

The room as a whole reeled as the lone gunshot rang out like a blast from a cannon in the once-quiet room, and the ensuing stillness gave me enough time to locate who the hell had fired that— _oh you have got to be kidding me!_

“That fish,” Charloss snarled, still huffing with the disproportionate rage of the tantrum that had driven him to _shoot at the damn operator_ (he’d only managed to wing the snail’s shell, but _still—!)_ “Belongs to _me._ Unless anyone _else_ wants to defy me!?”

Considering how all the other nobles were all looking at one another nervously and the Transponder Snails were cowering in their shells...

Vivi let out a sharp _tsk_ as she cracked her neck to the side. “Well, that’s what we get for banking on the words ‘sane’ and ‘World Noble’ in the same sentence,” she groused, her hair starting to ruffle in a personal breeze.

I let out a tortured groan, dragging my fingers down my face. “…yeah yeah, hindsight and twenty-twenty, can’t blame me for _trying_. Alright, let’s do this shit. Soundbite?”

**“Thought you didn’t** _WANT any more_ ** _METAL GEAR references today,”_ **he muttered cheekily, right before two raspy words blasted through the air of the room:

**_“IT’S SHOWTIME.”_ **

At my side, Vivi announced our presence with a massive gust of wind straight up into the ceiling. It didn’t blow the roof off, but it was nice and visible and the dust that rained down on the crowd made our point nicely. Conis announced her presence a moment later by standing up and firing a shot into the air, and then a moment after _that_ was Nami at the edge of the crowd, Eisen Tempo black as coal except where arcs of electricity were sparking between clouds. 

Several people got up to leave, or opened their mouths to scream. For every such person, two hands sprouted from their shoulders, and clamped down on necks or mouths, Robin tapping a finger to her lips in a “shh”. Sanji wasn’t visible from our position. He didn’t need to be. The smell of smoke starting to fill the room—and not just tobacco smoke, either—was all the introduction he needed. 

And as for Donny and Leo…

“Hey!” someone in the crowd shouted, pointing at the totem-pole dugongs. “That’s not a person, that’s two dugongs stacked in a trench coat!”

“Oh, no,” Donny’s voice deadpanned from about where the crotch would be on an actual person. “You found us out.”

_SCHWING!_

Tatters of canvas fluttered to the ground around Donny, Leo giving the crowd a vicious smirk and his blades angled just right to glint menacingly. 

“Whatever shall we do,” Leo finished. 

This was when Funkfreed burst through the door, trumpeting at the top of his lungs. Lassoo, standing on his back, coughed up a bomb that hit right above the stage and exploded, sending Disco tap-dancing out of the way of falling, burning plankage. 

Hit by shock after shock, the crowd was on the verge of breaking. Wide eyes and dripping sweat and hyperventilation were the order of the day. Either the crowd would descend into a panicked riot… or someone would take control. 

Stepping up onto the bench I’d been sitting on, I planted my foot on the top of the seatback. “Ladies, gentlemen, World Nobles,” I announced, Soundbite sending my voice booming through every corner of the auditorium. “Yes, hello, it’s us, Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite, rabble-rousers extraordinaire. Please, no need to be alarmed, stay nice and calm.”

**“Hell, point a** ** _gun_ ****at us if it relaxes you!”** Soundbite cheerily piped in.

And they proceeded to do just that. That is to say, several dozen of the hundreds of individuals looking at us drew and aimed their firearms, blades and other such weapons in our direction.

Soundbite dropped his chipper expression into an outright scowl. **“After all, you’re only** ** _human.”_**

There was quite the variety of reactions to the presence of my friends and I being in the building—apart from the small armory, of course—ranging from the terrified to the outraged to the indignant - and much to my everlasting disgust, the _excited._

“Oh my, is this actually a hold-up? This should be a lot of—!”

_“SHUT! HIM! UP!”_ I roared, stabbing my finger at Charloss’ _braindead_ face. “I can only take _so much_ ear cancer in one day!” You can imagine my immense relief when Soundbite did just that and muted the bubble-headed walrus, a move which was doubly well-timed if the way his face screwed up and started turning red was anything to go by. _“Thank you.”_ ’

**“Thank yourself,** ** _I’m the one who still needs to listen to his GODFORSAKEN_** **VOICE,”** Soundbite growled.

“I’ll buy you the good lettuce after this,” I nodded before re-addressing the room. “Now, as I was saying before the fat, blubbering _neanderthal_ interrupted me… _yes,_ you collection of most vile and depraved individuals, we the Straw Hat Pirates are currently in the process of robbing this…” I plastered an exaggerated grimace on my face as I waved my hand in front of my face. “Well, I’d say ‘fine establishment’, but the smell of blood and despair speaks for itself. _The point is-”_ I glared malevolently at my impromptu audience and pointed directly at a _very_ eager-looking Keimi. “You have our friend up there. And we are _not_ leaving here without her, one way or another.”

“So, to keep it nice and simple,” I continued with a patient step forward, outwardly unbothered by a company’s worth of firepower that followed my movement. “We’re not here for you, or for your money.” Turning around, I pinned Disco with the most blistering glare I could muster. If Saturday Night Fever over there turns over all the slaves in this place, everyone goes home safe, happy, and with a few therapy sessions to set up. _Refuse,_ and we burn this place to the ground, most likely with you all _still in it. So!_ ” I spread my arms wide. “What’s it gonna be?”

I saw the guns pointing at me begin to waver, the arms holding them quivering in uncertainty. The spears weren’t wavering, though, so credit to the guards on that, but they also weren’t doing anything. Frozen. Unmoving. Unable to make a decision. Huh. Y’know, if we _actually_ manage to bluff our way out of here, I _might_ consider taking back a few of the nasty things I’d said to BROB over our journey. 

Alas…

“HA!” a derisive bark blasted out through the room.

It was not to be.

“You think you can play MC in _my_ Auction House, Cross?!” Disco bellowed, his shit-eating grin _somehow_ never wavering. “You still don’t get who’s pulling the strings here! Audience, you’ve got them outgunned and I know you came here for a show. GET RID OF THEM!”

The only thing more baffling than Disco being that bold was the fact that they _actually listened to him._ I’m not kidding, the bulk of the auction house patrons’ bodyguards—and hell, even a few of the _patrons themselves_ —were either shooting at us or pulling melee weapons and charging. I mean, seriously, what the _fuck?_

“Well… this isn’t what I was expecting,” I muttered casually as Vivi conjured up a wall of whirling wind to deflect the hail of bullets that came our way. Then I felt a grin grow on my face. “But far be it for me to complain about bleeding some of the excess _blinding rage_ I’m feeling about now. LASSOO, FUNKFREED!”

As it turned out, the crowd’s sense of self-preservation was merely severely atrophied rather than dead entirely, because most of them dove out of the way of Funkfreed’s charge. Aside from a few bullets spanging off his hide, there was nothing to stop them from reaching me and switching to weapons forms for me to grab. 

“Guards, cover the World Nobles. Don’t attack them, but don’t give them an opportunity to take a potshot at Keimi or any of us. And Vivi, cover me,” I said, eyeing Disco, who looked… remarkably calm. _Cocky_ even. Shouldn’t he have been in the middle of a panic right about now? “Disco’s got the detonator for the collar. He probably hasn’t pressed it because he hasn’t gotten paid for Keimi, but that’s not going to last long.”

“Got it,” Vivi and the TDWS echoed, the former throwing up another wind wall while the latter encircled the Celestial Dragons, keeping them penned up where they stood in righteous indignation. With my back covered and the three living WMD’s handled, I turned around to find a wall of armored bodies in my path pointing spears at me.

“Oy, seriously?” I groaned, almost casually flicking my arm their way. “Pachy-Charge.”

Funkfreed crashed into the center of the ragged line, shattering armor and bodies alike. The remainder rushed in, but an explosive baseball left one half reeling, and I parried a spear on Funkfreed’s tusks and then stepped in between his two fellows. 

“Evening, gentlemen. Tonight’s entertainment is brought to you by Cani-Blank Productions and Impact Entertainment.” That bought me a second of confusion, which I used to press Lassoo into the belly of one guard and my Impact Gauntlet into the face of the other. 

Despite his two fellows sailing away in pretty ballistic arcs, the last guard still tried to wrench his spear free so he could try and skewer me. I twisted Funkfreed, so that the guard would either drop his spear or get flipped onto his back. He chose the former—which just meant I placed Soundbite on his shoulder with a remark of “Go to town.”

One Gastro-Blast later, I once again turned to head onto the stage, only to find that Disco had turned tail and was… running for the door to the backstage _oh that son of a—!_

I bit out a sharp snarl as I swung my arms forwards and flung Lassoo and Funkfreed up onto the stage. _“SHRED HIM!”_

My gun and sword morphed and gave chase with a howl and trumpet respectively the second they were on the stage. Thanks to his mass and abilities, it was Funkfreed who reached Disco first, thundering his bladed trunk forward and hitting—air?! I blinked in stupefaction at Disco, who’d managed to narrowly duck under the blade. 

Lassoo tried to follow up for his tusked friend, lunging forwards with foam dripping off his hackles to take a chunk out of Disco’s ass, only to _fail_ due to Disco kerking just out of reach of his jaws, seriously!? And once would have been a fluke, but then he just kept running and Lassoo and Funkfreed just kept missing him by a hair and… what, did the bastard just not miss leg day or something!? Honestly, on any other day this would have been funny as hell, but seeing as he was _holding my friends’ life in his hands…_

_“Soundbite,”_ I grit out.

**“OKAY, COSTELLO,** ** _SHOW’S OVER!”_ **Soundbite roared. 

The tell-tale hum filled the air, and Disco stumbled _just_ enough mid-step for Funkfreed and Lassoo to slam into him and send him **_CRASH_ **ing through the floor of the stage - which, as a result, sent the detonator into the crowd. _Because of course._

“Fracking sonnuva—!” I cursed under my breath as I signalled to my recalcitrant weapons to get involved in busting heads. “Soundbite, make sure only the crew and our allies get this: Guys, heads up: the detonator got thrown into the crowd. I’m not sure where it is, but keep an eye out for it.”

I got a chorus of affirmatives, and turned to try and follow the remote through the mosh, only for something to clamp down on my ankle. Glancing down, I found it was one of the guards Funkfreed had knocked over in his initial charge; a nasty gash in his armor was weeping blood, and his right arm more resembled shredded beef brisket than, well, an arm. And yet, here he was, trying to slow me down. 

Rolling my eyes, I waved over at Funkfreed, who wrapped his trunk around the man’s waist, ripped him off my ankle, and carelessly tossed him aside. 

_Now_ I could actually look for the remote. “Alright, where’s the—”

There. Right square in the middle of the messiest and most violent part of the fight. Because _of course._ Nevertheless, I mentally rolled up my proverbial sleeves and dove in. 

There was no time to actually fight, and it would draw unwanted attention anyway, so I settled for moving as quick and efficiently as I could manage. I just shoved my way through the crowd, supplementing my body with a few Impact Dial shots. I dodged bodies, bullets, spears, and on one memorable occasion, an armored guard Franky had hurled like a shot put. Hell, a few times I even dove and crawled under someone’s legs, just to get there a little faster. 

But ultimately, I _did_ get to it, finding the remote wedged against the back of one of the benches; probably the only reason Keimi still had a head at this point. I grabbed it with unseemly haste, because frankly, I could have _kissed_ the damn thing at that point. No time for that, though, as I immediately had to kick a suited guard in the face when he aimed a gun at me, then had to roll away from _another_ and _dammit_ I really should’ve waited and had Funkfreed just clear a path. 

But after those two, I had a moment to catch my breath and shove the remote away in my jacket, thus allowing me to take in the bigger picture. From the looks of things, I’d ended up in the part of the fight where the fishmen were, Hachi and Kuroobi punching a path through the guards and nobles—and looking _very_ happy about the latter—with Chew providing fire support. 

Except out of the corner of my eye, I could see that the suited guard I’d rolled away from had picked a different target. And now the goon was out of lunging range, so as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t just jump him. No time even to tell Soundbite anything, leaving only one option… and one regret.

Why, out of _everyone_ in this hell-forsaken room, did I have to be saddled with saving _his_ life!?

_“Oh are you kidding me—MOVE!”_

“Hey, what are you—!?” 

BLAM!”

“GAH, RIGHT ON THE BORDER OF MY SCARS, AGAIN? _SERIOUSLY?!”_ I shouted as I clutched at my _blazing gunshot wound_ , a luxury I was afforded by Soundbite dropping the gunman with a Gastro-Phony, or more likely a Gastro-Nation going by how the bastard was clawing at his helmet in clear agony. Which just left me with the jagoff I’d saved.

“You… You just jumped in front of a gun… for me!? I thought you hated me, chew?”

I glared over my shoulder at Chew, the long-lipped bastard staring at me in shock and his demi-manta friend mirroring the expression behind him, then sighed wearily and dropped my ire because damn it, I was _too fucking tired_ for this bullshit. “Okay, let’s get this straight, jackass: I still hate you, the _both_ of you, that has not and _will not_ change, but I hate you two because you're ignorant bigots and because you hurt my friend, _not_ because of what species you are,” I answered. “And even then, that doesn't mean I think you deserve a bullet, that just means I think your ass deserves a good kicking. You’ll _know_ when I want someone dea—!”

_BLAM!_ “NYUAAAGH!”

I spun around as Hachi screamed - and my blood ran cold.

It had happened. 

After everything I’d done. After how hard I’d fought. After how much I’d _changed,_ it _still_ happened.

_Charloss had shot Hachi._

But while the old nightmare rehashed itself once more, I realized that there _were_ some differences.

For example, this time around, Hachi wasn’t the target. He’d been shot, yes, there was no denying the sight of him collapsing, but he _wasn’t_ the target. Rather, the reason the octopus had been shot was that he’d blocked Charloss from hitting his true target. The inbred bastard had not only somehow managed to get past the Dugongs—who were laid out flat and rubbing their skull-plates for whatever reason!—but had also clearly lost the ill-conceived respect and admiration that he’d had for me if the way he was glaring at the fishman on the ground was any indication.

“Yooou stupid fish!” he snarled out. “That was supposed to hit that worm Cross in the back!”

That was also a major clue.

But no matter how shifted the circumstances, the results were the same: the room froze over as everyone processed that Hachi was down, bleeding from a bullet wound to the chest. Though considering he managed to get his arms under him this time, he seemed to be in somewhat better shape. 

“What did you do that for, Hachi?” Kuroobi snapped. “That could have killed you, you could have _died!_ Died for a—!” He cut himself before he could finish, but… well, enough was said. 

I spared enough time to glare back at him, noting the hesitation on his face that meant that that outburst was probably reflexive but not getting any less angry for it. Nor did Hachi.

“WHY?” Hachi demanded, coughing up blood before shaking his head and continuing. “Because it’s what _he_ would have wanted! His last wishes… to do what he couldn’t, to _end_ the hatred… no matter how we feel about it.”

Suddenly, one of his arms lashed out and grabbed Kuroobi’s collar, dragging him so that they were face-to—well, face-to-trumpet-mouth, but given how Hachi was gritting his teeth and scowling, it still fit. “What I did… it’s what he would have done for _him,_ or for _her,_ ” he asserted. And then… then his… _everything_ just sort of… sort of softened, as a tone of grief entered his voice and expression. “It’s… what I would have done for you once.”

It was almost palpable, what happened to the other two fishmen at that moment. After all of the damage that had been done to their bigoted worldview over the past nine days, having even Hachi denounce them like that when he had done so much for them… I could almost hear their minds shatter.

“YOOOU! Stop ignoring me for that worthless fish!”

_BLAM! Plink!_ **“URGHhhh** _hhh…”_

As Soundbite sank into a daze from the stamina it took to raise a remote Gastro-Barrier like that… well, to be frank, I tried my best to block him out. 

And… I mean, I _did_ try. I tried my damndest to ignore Charloss, I really did. Tried to focus on Hachi, to block out whatever the hell he had to say, tried to restrain myself because Hachi was alright, because this was bad but not that bad, because we _didn’t need to do this, didn’t need to go down this road_ …

“Ungrateful braaat! You owe me everything and you turn out to just be another annoying human!”

But it didn’t help. It didn’t help, and with that one sentence I felt the world _freeze._

Murder screamed through every inch of my body, but the frigid, razor-sharp clarity that had suddenly overcome me allowed me to _slowly_ turn my head, and stare at the God standing above us.

“What,” I breathed coldly, my limbs tingling with nervous energy. “Do you mean that I ‘owe you’?” Because I didn’t get it, what could he be talking about? I knew he was a legitimately insane psychopathic manchild, but he still had _some_ sense. And whatever there was from him stopping CP-0 all those times, I had paid tenfold in enduring his interview for that whole freaking hour. And yet, for some reason, I could feel a cold weight starting to settle in my gut.

“Dumbass!” Charloss spat at me, wildly swinging his gun about. “Your bounty, your SBS, how famous you are, you owe it all to my family! To _me!”_

I was prepared to dismiss that as just a piece of nonsense, but somewhere in my mind was a persistent niggling feeling about what he just said. I tried to figure out what it was…

…and then it hit me with the force of Popora’s hammer. Because in the end, there was one way that he could be telling the truth. Only one way that made sense. A horrible, sick, _twisted_ sense… that fit all too well.

“…You did it,” I whispered with the calm of an armed nuke. “You, your father, your sister, whoever it was… _you_ were the ones who stuck Vivi with a bounty.”

“Exactly! Shalria always kept saying she was a…”

He kept babbling after that, but I didn’t catch a word of it. One second a red haze was swallowing my mind. The next… I was right back where I had been, save for a foot forward, and held in place by a hand on my shoulder like iron. I looked at the one responsible and froze. Terror at the monster, the _beast_ in front of me briefly overwhelming me - before the moment passed, the wave of amateur Haki with it, and the rational part of my brain reminded me that I was looking at my captain. Whose anger was not directed at me.

“He stole Vivi’s freedom,” Luffy said. Not raged. Not snarled. Just… _said._ “He tortured you. And now he shot Hachi. And I’ve owed them for ten years; he’s _mine,_ Cross.”

I could not move out of his way fast enough. But as I bumped into one of the seats, I did manage to remember something. 

“Luffy.”

Slowly, dangerously, he turned away from the source of his ire to look back at me. But in this instance, on _this_ battleground, I managed to stand firm.

“You know the price of doing this,” I whispered, firmly ignoring the part of my brain reminding me that he didn’t, he really, really _didn’t._ But nevertheless… “So just tell me how you want this done. I can either keep this silent as the grave for a _little_ bit longer… or very. _Very_ loud.”

There was no change. No response. Just an even stare. 

And that was response enough.

And so I nodded. “Alright, then…”

At the snap of my fingers, Soundbite and Gif locked every _iota_ of their attention on Luffy and Charloss… and me. Me, as I raised my mic to my mouth… and prepared to help start what I couldn’t help but define as the beginning of the end.

**-o-**

The Supernovas had stood by the Auction House before the action began, and they had continued standing by as the Straw Hats charged in. Their answers varied for why they were cooperating with the Straw Hats even now, from simple gratitude and interest to self-preservation.

They didn’t fear the Straw Hats (or at least that’s what most of them told themselves, and what a few even believed). But the fallout from one of their rampages of revenge did invite a bit of caution, the better not to be caught in it. Which, ultimately, begged the question being asked…

“Are we really just going to let this happen?”

X Drake’s impatient demand reached the ears of all of his fellow Supernovas, who stood before a projector screen watching the action and waiting for a signal to move in, if any was going to be given. None of them, including Drake, looked away.

“He’s going to do it,” the ‘ex’-Rear Admiral stated firmly, equal parts awe and horror in his voice. “He is _actually_ going to do it. And when he does, he’s going to bring an Admiral down on _all_ of us, not just them. We’re here, we’ve been working with them, we’re accessories. And, in case it’s escaped anyone’s notice, we are close enough that we could stop this.”

At that, heads started turning. Supernova looked at Supernova, doubts were exchanged. Even Bartolomeo shifted, his gaze turning downwards in solemn silence. 

But before anyone could respond, be it Law, or even Apoo, _one_ of them spoke up. The only one who _hadn’t_ moved an inch.

“If anyone wants to go, then go.”

All attention snapped to the one man who hadn’t twitched. The one man standing strong.

Snapped… to _Kid._

“I mean, hey,” he scoffed, shrugging. “World’s about to change in the blink of an eye, but whatever, you do you. Don’t force yourselves. If any of you need to run from this…” He cricked his neck to the side with a particularly sharp _CRACK._

“Then go right on ahead. And _run.”_

Another round of glances, another moment of contemplation, and doubt…

And then, they all looked at the screen.

Looked, and watched, and did not shift even an inch, as the world changed beneath their very feet.

_“People of the world,”_ Cross began quietly. Solemnly, even, as Luffy marched up the stairs. _“Allow me to share with you… a piece of wisdom. Now, mind you…”_

**-o-**

_“This wisdom is pretty well-known already. In fact, it’s common logic worldwide. But somehow… somehow, some people just seem to_ forget it, _now and again. So allow me… allow_ us… _to remind you all of this one, simple fact: Actions. Have. Consequences. It’s… pfheheheh, it’s so_ simple, _is it not?”_

“Why did they want to watch this one in private?” Marguerite wondered for the dozenth time, her attention torn between guarding the door to the throne room and the unfolding scene of sheer fury on the broadcast before them.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Kikyo answered, side-eyeing the door. “Better, actually, since the Snake Princess seems to have opened up more with the crew than the rest of us.”

Marguerite shook her head. “Not really. I mean, the last two broadcasts showed far worse than this. This is a different presentation, but it’s nowhere near as bad as before… maybe she’s just hit her breaking point after all of this? I know I needed to catch my breath more than once over the last few several hours.”

Kikyo nodded. “Perhaps. Even the strongest warriors need a reprieve.” A smirk crawled onto her face as she looked at the menacing, advancing form of Luffy approaching the source of everything bad in the last broadcast. “Perhaps this will be the catharsis that she needs.”

**-o-**

_“It’s soooo simple, such a simple truth, and yet… and yet people seem to forget. Seem to misunderstand the_ inevitability _of it all. Some people… they think they’re exempt from this law. They think they can do whateeeeever they want, and that there won’t eeeeeever be any consequences. When in fact, that-that-that… well, see… that’s just plain not true.”_

_POP!_

Shakky shook her head as the cork bounced off the ceiling. She had intended to save this particular vintage of champagne for her next anniversary, but some things just couldn’t be helped. 

The handful of patrons in the bar didn’t even react to the sound of her opening and then pouring the bottle, _especially_ Sandersonia and Koala. 

Mere seconds earlier, the two had been tensed and prepared to rush to Grove 1 at the drop of a hat if the Straw Hats needed it. And now they were gaping at the screen like they’d just witnessed the face of God. Not surprising, really, seeing as she suspected that they and every other ex-slave in the _world_ with this view were watching it just as intently. Just as _reverently._

In the back of her mind, Shakky’s jubilation was sobered by cold hard knowledge: the knowledge that all of this was going to be a tremendous mess sat sour in her head - and was firmly countered by the equally valid knowledge that it was going to be _spectacular._

“To the Straw Hat Pirates,” she hummed to herself as she toasted her flute high. “If they get out of this alive, there’s no chance they won’t go _all_ the way.”

Her tone was deadpan, but as she tilted back the glass, her smile nearly split her face… even if it was a melancholy smile in the end.

**-o-**

_“Actions have consequences. This is a fact. A_ law _of this world, to which we are all,_ all _beholden. So simple. So veeeeery simple… and yet, so_ often _forgotten.”_

On your average day, the casino island-ship of Gran Tesoro was always raucous with the sounds of laughter, clinking gold, and just about every other breed of joy, jubilation and overall excess that one could imagine. An island home to a pure cacophony of noise, as it were.

But for close to a _minute,_ all of those discordant noises had been utterly silenced, and replaced with a _single_ sound that easily put all the others to shame. Specifically…

**“GURORORORO! GURORORO!”**

A single _laugh._

And while the owner of the laugh would have been concerning enough on a good day, it was the side-effects of this sudden bout of jubilation that had the island-ship in something of a panic.

_“Son of a—!”_ Baccarat snarled, the Lucky-woman narrowly catching herself on a ‘conveniently’ available pillar as the ground heaved beneath her feet, _again._ “What the _hell_ is that crazy bastard’s problem!?”

Hers was a question repeated across the island. With every bout of laughter from the island’s owner, every surface of gold on the island shifted and roiled as though a tropical storm had found its way inside.

“I swear, I don’t know what he’s done or doing,” Baccarat bit out as she got her footing back during a momentary calm. “But if I ever get my hands around Jeremiah Cross’s neck, I’m going to—!” 

“Have to wait and see if he survives the personal attention of an _Admiral_ first,” Tanaka groused as he poked his head up through a nearby section of floor. “Trust me, you don’t even want to _know_ what they’re pulling this time.”

“Alright, then I won’t ask,” the concierge snapped back as she started walking again, the pit boss’ head gliding along behind her. “And what are you doing here anyways? We have _literally_ a dozen different fires raging across the island, so unless this is important, beat it!”

“I didn’t bring up Cross without reason,” Tanaka replied. “We miscalculated the latest odds and as it stands, unless we act fast then we’re set to lose _billions_ in less than ten minutes.”

_“Shit!”_ Baccarat barked out, breaking into a run and bolting for the nearest staircase. “Alright, you go and stick the winners in solitary, I’ll get security to start rounding up any witnesses and delete all the pertinent foot—!” 

**_“GURORORORO!”_ **

_“—GYAH!”_ the concierge shrieked as the latest set of bucking nearly threw her clean down the staircase, her mouth spewing out a stream of instinctive profanity _long_ before her brain caught up with it. _“A gwine mash up dat mengkeh, mi jus drop near dung di stairs because him dead with lau—!?"_

Baccarat clamped her free hand over her mouth as she became aware of her wide-faced coworker staring blankly at her. 

“…you didn’t see anything,” she declared, firmly and clearly in her usual, _un-accented_ voicer. “Because if you _did_ then I will jinx you so bad that the _Sea King_ that eats you will get eaten.”

“See _what?_ What are you lollygagging for, we have a bank-breaking to stop.”

“Thought so.” 

And with that, they made tracks for their respective destinations, leaving the corridor completely abandoned. Save for a certain maid who was most definitely _not_ supposed to be there, who peeked her head out to watch them in wide-eyed awe.

“Well, while that’s not what I’d call _useful,_ that’s still _some_ new intel…” she muttered to herself before glancing up towards the laughter with a wry grin. “On more than one front. Damn it all, Red, you make life as your rival just too damn hard. I’m almost not up to the challenge!” 

She maintained her contemplative gaze for a bit before donning a cheshire grin. “…well, almost.” She clapped her hands together with a nod of certainty. “Looks like there’s no other choice! Scratch taking just the tribute; one way or another, this island is _mine!_ ”

**-o-**

“Gurararara… you hear that? Brings back memories, doesn’t it?”

Two snails connected on numbers he retained out of necessity more than anything else glowered back at him.

_“But hey!”_ The largest snail on the Moby Dick belted out from its perch on the middle of the deck, its face twisted into the unhinged offspring of a grin and a scowl. _“Hey hey hey, it’s fine, it’s fiiiiine, it’s._ Fine. _That’s what this is aaaaall about. To remind you all. To… To ingrain it all in your minds, once. And for all. Now please, kindly engrave this truth in your minds… and never forget it.”_

The World’s Strongest Man bared a grin that showed more teeth than humor. “Is this sinking in, you two? You should take it to heart.”

**_KA-K-LICK!_ **

The snails slumped slightly from the sheer force behind the disconnection before perking back into awareness.

Whitebeard gave the suddenly recalcitrant-looking snails a final glance before sighing in defeat. “Yeah, I knew that was a long shot…” He then allowed an _honest_ smile to cross his face. “Ah well, with any luck I’ll live long enough to see them swallow their pride and teeth both! And if not, I can still laugh at them and save them a seat in hell! GURARARARA!”

The captain’s good cheer led to a round of chuckles and chortles from his kids, enhanced by the _glorious_ justice they were all about to witness. And the next piece of news they heard? Well, that just made them start cheering.

“Hey, I think Ace is finally coming home! His Vivre Card is pointing down!”

**-o-**

“Every action has a consequence,” I repeated, my voice hoarse as I stared unerringly at **_him_ **with complete, deadly focus. “And we must take responsibility for those consequences, because no one, _no one_ can escape them. This holds true for everything, and everyone, on this planet. From the smallest piece of plankton, to the lowliest of bugs… to the mightiest, and most powerful, _of gods. ALLOW US TO DEMONSTRATE.”_

Charloss remained oblivious as Luffy ascended the last few steps to reach him. Even with what I had said, even with what we had _done,_ he still clung to the belief that nobody would dare touch him. That nobody _could_ touch him. 

Still, he fired his gun three times at Luffy as he approached. The rubber man dodged them effortlessly. 

Then, with a grimace and snarl of rage, he brought back his fist… 

And buried it into the self-proclaimed god’s _face_.

I concede that it was probably my imagination and refreshed memories, but I _swear_ that the world faded to black and white for an instant. Whether I imagined _that_ or not, though, what definitely happened was that Charloss’s bubble helmet disintegrated and his nose and jaw _crumpled_ from Luffy’s punch, sending him flying the full length of the room. Crashes sounded out one after another, a dozen every second as his body broke through wood and fabric that may have been stronger than he himself was. Then finally, in a warped sense of mercy, he crashed headfirst into the solid stone of the auction house’s inner wall. Without so much as a gurgle, he slumped to the floor, Luffy’s fistprint implanted on the side of his face.

Would that scar? Oh, I _seriously_ hoped it would scar.

The echoes of the rattling debris were the only sound in the room; the brawl had slowed as I spoke, and now it had frozen in response to the ‘blasphemy’ my captain had performed. Somehow, the bulk of the room’s inhabitants were still flabbergasted.

Oh, who am I kidding? It doesn’t make any difference how many people knew that Luffy was willing and able to do this, consequences be damned. No, this was an action that shook the world when it was just in a newspaper. And now… I didn’t doubt that even two years from now, this would be looked back on as ‘The Punch Heard Around The World.’

The grim mood slowly lifted for us as Luffy looked back up at us, his expression a bit more regretful than sheepish. “Sorry, guys. This means that they’ll be sending an admiral after us, right?” He paused and then tilted his head. “Oh, yeah, sorry to all of the other Supernovas, too. And Foxy. And—”

_“And_ I think that’s enough of implicating our accomplices, _Captain,”_ Sanji said, shaking his head. “Besides, you haven’t finished apologizing to us yet.”

“Why did you have to go and hit him so hard, Luffy? Now I can’t cut him,” Zoro groused, slamming Kitetsu III and Shusui back in their sheaths.

“Maybe I can still castrate him… you know, assuming he _has_ balls,” Vivi mused, glaring at the crumpled form as a sheen of razor-sharp wind danced over her Lion Cutter.

“…Under normal circumstances, I’d protest that to hell and back… but in this case?” Franky clenched his fists. “You’d do the whole _world_ a favor cutting off _his_ bloodline.”

“I second that emotion with gusto,” I deadpanned, pacing down the stairs through the still-frozen brawl and heading for Keimi’s cage. “But that aside, maybe start mopping things up, so to speak? We just put a time limit on getting out of here alive, after all.”

_“Hey, you really think we’re just going to let you leave things at that!?”_

I paused to shoot a scathing glare at the newly resensitized Soundbite as he piped in Kid’s voice, the snail finding the decency to wince sheepishly. **“HEY, THEY INSISTED.”**

_“Damn right we insisted!”_ Kid barked, the bulging veins actually _audible_ in his voice. _“You sons of bitches kick the world in the crotch like that, and you think we’re just going to let it go without another word?!”_

“Think? No. But we _hoped…”_ I muttered to myself.

_“CRAM IT!”_ Bonney barked. _“The point is that we’ve got a bone to pick with you!”_

“What, you wanted us to _not_ give that son of a bitch his divine retribution?” Vivi said.

_“Psh, hell no,”_ Apoo dimissively replied. _“We could have stopped you if we wanted to, easy, we decided against it—”_

_“Wow, I_ physically _felt my bounty bump up right there…”_ Drake deadpanned.

_“—but that doesn’t excuse the fact that you all cut the Sea King without us! You think you’re the only guys who’ve wanted a swing at those raging monsters!?”_

_“It_ does _feel somewhat unfair that you all have pulled ahead of us in such a manner…”_ Hawkins droned.

_“We want our pounds of flesh, Straw Hat-ya. Literally, that putrid mass sells for millions at a time,”_ Law capped off with a gruesome chuckle.

“Nobody’s stopping you guys anymore, do whatever you want,” Luffy nonchalantly retorted.

There was a moment of silence…

_“DIBS ON FIRST KICKS!”_ Barto roared, before everything cut off into a mishmash of confusion and Soundbite cut the feed.

**“Welp, I’d say that the** _BLOCKADE THE MARINES ARE TRYING TO SET UP_ ** _IS GONNA LAST EVEN LESS TIME THAN THE LAST ONE!”_ **he snickered impishly.

“Good,” Luffy grunted, then turned towards me. “Cross, get Keimi, free the slaves, get our coater, and let’s get out of here.”

…welp. Captain’s orders or not, I was stunned into staring at him for a couple of seconds.

**“Luffy?** _Just so you know,_ ** _the smarter you are?_** **THE** ** _SCARIER_** YOU ARE,” Soundbite said.

_“Cross.”_

“Right, on it,” I grunted, wheeling around and marching back toward the stage. And really, I couldn’t blame him. Even knowing what was coming, way too fast for comfort (and I was really going to have to _process_ that later), we still had an objective to complete. And frankly, I was getting more and more sick and tired of this hellhole by the— 

_Ka-click._ “Not one step further, mongrel."

…yeah. Yeah, that _would_ be how this day would turn out, wouldn’t it? 

I slowly raised a hand to pinch the bridge of my nose, refusing to so much as look at the Roswald in my path, _or_ the gun he had leveled at me, lest it aggravate my migraine. “I am _so_ far beyond done with this shit…” I muttered to myself before raising my voice. “Move your ass, grandpa, before you make me do something you’ll regret.”

“You _dare,”_ Roswald hissed through his teeth, his gun rattling with he was so furious. “You _dare_ to address me?! You worm, you _insignificant—!”_

Aaaand that was the last of my limit on bullshit today. Right, time to ruin this fuck’s _life._

“Okay, you know what?” I interrupted, finally willing myself to look at him dead-on and meet him glare to glare. “I _could_ have just punched you out, given you some bruising and just been on my way, no harm no foul, but we’re well past that. So I’m going to summarize this all _very_ nice and neatly in a single word.”

I raised my hand, and jerked my thumb to the side. 

_“Move.”_

For a few seconds, there was _blessed_ silence, but of course all good things must come to an end.

_“What?”_ Roswald spat, obviously not believing his own ears.

“I said move,” I repeated, voice as dry as Alabasta. “Get. Out. Of my way.”

Roswald _twitched_ , pretty damn violently at that, but he kept his gun up, and more importantly, he didn’t move from where he stood. “I am a god of this world,” he hissed out, sounding on the verge of a stroke. “I am your ruler, your clear and undeniable _superior._ And you _dare_ to order me? You _dare?!”_

I stared at him silently for a bit, my thoughts and words storming about my head. I took a slow, calm breath… and slowly, calmly let it out. And once my mind was calm and clear… I spoke.

“Back home, where I'm from?” I uttered, dispassionately staring at the man, the Noble, the _God_ before me. “Well, a great man once said something about my country. He said that it was a nation that was founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe in, no matter the odds or the consequences. What that means, is that when anyone, be it the mob, be it the press, _be it even the World_ , tells you to move, to stand aside and let what you know, you _know_ to be an injustice be committed... your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole World..."  
  
I took a single, decisive step forwards, right up to Roswald. And I kept staring. Kept staring even as his expression shifted from furious to apoplectic. Even as the gun pressed flush against my heart, and I looked him right in the eye - and spoke these words  
  
"No. _You_ move.” And with that, I slowly tilted my head to the side. “So yes, Saint Roswald, I dare. Now move; move, or else.”

To whatever credit Roswald was due? His gun didn't waver. I mean, it trembled in impotent rage… but it didn’t waver.

  
"I could kill you where you stand," he said, combining ‘calm’ and ‘enraged’ in the same sentence.  
  
I, however, just snorted incredulously at the notion. “Do you _really_ think I’d die if you shot me?”

“People tend to _die_ when they are killed, _yes!”_ Roswald barked as his nerve suddenly buckled.

“Oh, yeah?” Luffy spoke up behind me, sounding as unimpressed as I was. “How’d that work out for you the last time?”

There was another weighty pause, during which Roswald’s expression tightened up as he turned that over. The only noise came from the unfrozen guards trying and failing to gain any ground against the pirates in the building; the other nobles still hadn’t snapped out of their stupor.

“Only three ways this is going to end, Roswald,” I stated, giving him the facts. “None of them are going to be good for you, but only _one_ puts the second Darkest Day squarely on _your_ shoulders. So tell me… what’s it going to be?”

Saint Roswald was enraged from what we had just done to his son. Any normal man would be. Roswald was also possessed by an inhuman level of pride and cruelty. But unfortunately for him - and for the first time, it _was_ unfortunate for him - pride wasn’t enough to make him a complete fool. Or perhaps pride was what kept him from becoming a complete fool, being compared to the _other_ man to bring about the World Government’s humiliation.

Either way, in the end…

  
_“…damn you.”_

A God lowered his gun, every inch of him trembling with fury, and stepped aside for a mortal.

Satisfied, and feeling _reeeeally_ pleased with myself, I stepped right past Roswald, and then decided that while I’d given his pride such a gaping wound, I might as well toss in some salt for good measure. As such, I paused, turned to give him an _ear-to-ear_ smile, reached up, and tipped the brim of my hat _just_ so. “Thank you very much, sir. I _appreciate_ your courtesy.”

And… yeah, that pretty much did it. I almost _literally_ heard the almighty **_SNAP!_ **inside Roswald’s head, and watched with dull disinterest as he whipped his gun up at my head, pulled the trigger—

_SHINK!_

—and was left clicking a useless half-gun, the barrel and cylinder clattering to the floor.

Zoro tsked dismissively at the apoplectic and… honestly still a little insensate World Noble as he tried to piece together what had just happened. “Fair warning; Cross might be trying to be clever by not touching you, but I’m one of our crew’s idiots. Try that again and you’ll lose the arm.”

"You didn't need to do that," Nami deadpanned as she walked up next to him, rolling something over and over in her hand.

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Their aim is bad, but not ‘a drunk baby can do better’ bad."

"Wrong reason why." Nami opened her hand and showed off a palmful of balls and powder. "I thought it was best the other two not get the chance."

Zoro gave her an impressed look. “Well, at least someone on this crew has half a brain.”

_“…hy…”_

“Eh?” I inquired dryly, reluctantly looking back at the livid Noble.

A large part of my irritation melted into satisfaction at the look on his face. The look of someone who was trying desperately to find some semblance of sanity as his world crumbled to pieces around him. Over the course of the day’s work, I had become _very_ familiar with that look.

_“Why_ are you doing all of this!?” Roswald demanded, annoyingly _not_ losing the way he carried himself, but rather doubling down on his arrogant indignation. “Why have you ravaged our slave market? Why are you attacking us!?”

“My, my, you _do_ have a brain, that you actually _care_ to ask that. Why am I angry at you?” I looked him in the eyes with the same glare I’d given him hours before. “Because of a man you killed earlier today.” A moment’s confusion, and then I saw _something_ light up behind his glasses. “Yeah, that’s the one. You were right, I was right there. Just a few seconds after you shot him. I looked at you, and didn’t see a shred of remorse, a hint of thought, _nothing._ You just killed that man and walked off… like he didn’t even _matter.”_

_"Because he_ didn’t _matter!”_ Roswald outright roared, a large chunk whatever restraint and sanity he had left shattering away. “He was worthless! Pointless! Even among you mortals, he was a nobody! _You_ don’t even know his name!"

I _slowly_ tilted my head as I stared straight at him. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. He was a nobody man with a nobody life. Whose life you snuffed out like stepping on a bug. And quite frankly?” 

I turned my back on the bastard and walked away. Dismissing him like the nobody he _deserved_ to be.

_“That's what pisses me off worst of all."_ Without a glance back, I shrugged and tacked on one more thing. “Though it may also be that in your son’s last hours of delusion as one of my fans, he spent an hour telling me what kind of monsters you and all the rest of your compatriots really are. And the rest of the world, too, of course. So have fun with _that_ when you get back to Mariejois. Toodles~!”

And as I marched towards the stage, leaving him _finally_ breaking down into impotent ranting and raving and general gruesome death-threats, it was almost everything I could have hoped for. 

“You _idiot!”_

_Almost._

“Oh, now what?!” I heard Hachi snap at Kuroobi, and from what Soundbite was telling me, Chew was right next to the big-armed dumbass. “Even _you_ can’t make this into a problem!”

“Watch me!” the fishman snarled. “You think you’ve been fighting the world? This is going to make everything the World Government’s done to try and catch you look like a children’s game of _tag._ They will stop at nothing to get you, starting with the Admiral that World Noble is calling right now!”

“SHOULDN’T YOU BE BITING THEIR HEADS OFF ABOUT NOW?” Soundbite muttered as Kuroobi continued to rant.

“Meh,” I shrugged indifferently, casually kicking the helmet of a downed knight whose twitching I didn’t like the look of. “This isn’t a conversation, they’re just talking at us. Someone else will handle them.”

“Excuse me.” 

When I heard Nami cut in, I perked up… maybe a _bit_ too gleefully. Her voice was stormy, most likely with twenty thousand volts to sweeten the deal!

“But can I present a counterargument?” our navigator continued.

I could audibly hear Kuroobi’s teeth grinding, followed by a disgruntled groan of surrender. “Yeah, sure.”

It was at that point that I reached the stage and vaulted up onto it—

_CLICK._

—and was struck by a _raging_ sense of déjà-vu, as I noticed Shalria standing right in front of me, and the gun she was pointing at me. A gun she was… pointing at me from five feet away. I tilted my head and gave her a curious look. “Honest question, seeing as ruining daddy dearest’s life helped work out a _lot_ of my aggression, but can you even hit me at this distance? Because from what I’ve seen, apart from one or two flukes, you inbred bastards can’t shoot for _shit._ ” 

The sneer Shalria wore could go either way. “Please. If I had been my fool of a brother, you might have a point,” she said. “I, however, actually put in some _work._ The better to shoot the more nimble slaves. Now, any last words?”

Her sneer was matched with my usual smirk, and I was gratified to see her lips twist in annoyance. “Yeah,” I said. “To quote every action hero ever? ‘They never look up’.”

Shalria had time to blink and snap her head up - _right_ before Vivi’s foot planted itself in the middle of her bitch face, shattering her bubble and sending her smashing headfirst into Keimi’s tank.

“ _Never_ has fulfilling such a short-lived grudge been _so_ satisfying,” the Corsair Princess snorted to herself as she forcefully wiped the bottom of her shoe off on a nearby guard.

Glancing aside, I saw Nami flick her Eisen Tempo dismissively, even as she examined her fingernails with total contempt. _“Fuck_ the World Nobles,” she said, succinctly completing earlier summation.

Kuroobi gaped, blinking owlishly before choking down a heavy gulp. “… Checks out," he finally said after a solid half minute.

_“We used to push_ her _around?”_ Soundbite relayed from Chew, muttering under his breath.

“Now, then, back to the _point_ of this?” I groused, finally stepping up to Keimi’s bowl and getting a good look at her expression. An expression that, between us being there to rescue her and the unparalleled acts of chaos we had just performed, positively screamed that she was… _conflicted._

“Don’t worry, we’ll overshadow your presence in this completely!” I assured her. “Now, hang—well, just float there for a bit, alright?” I examined the top of the tank. “OK, let’s see… so where’s the seam on this thing so that we _don’t_ blow your head clean—eh?”

Then I felt something grab at me, and my side felt just a bit lighter as it came away. My… right side where _I was keeping the detonator—!_ I snapped my head down to see Shalria leaning against the tank, very conscious and very angry, and clutching the detonator in one hand.

“Those who defy the gods must _die,”_ Shalria sneered, and before I could even move, she pressed the button.

…

…and then she pressed it again. And again. And then Vivi unfroze enough to slam the flat of her Lion Cutter against her right temple, knocking her out properly, while I scooped the detonator back up. Only now, where before I’d looked at it with relief, I could only feel fear and rapidly mounting _terror._

Terror that hit a prime peak as I dug my fingers into the side of the little box’s case and ripped it open, to reveal… _nothing._ Absolutely nothing. The detonator was… was _empty?!_

My mind running a mile a minute, I snapped my finger up at the tank. _“ZORO, SLICE IT!”_

“Didn’t you explicitly tell me to _not—?”_

**“HE SAID NOW, BUSHIDO!”** Vivi backed me up forcefully.

“Sheesh,” the swordsman groused, stepping up and swinging Wado almost dismissively. Water and mermaid spilled out as the tank split open, and I immediately knelt down and grabbed the collar around Keimi’s neck while she was still dizzy from her sudden spill.

“Soundbite?!”

My snail narrowed his eyes at the collar suspiciously, before snapping them wide open in alarm. _“…it’s a dud.”_

“Your tone of voice says you don’t think we’re just that lucky,” Vivi said with mounting terror.

**_“Because this thing isn’t a ‘dumb luck dud’, it’s a_** **DUD-** ** _dud!”_** Soundbite yowled in straight-up panic. **“We’re not talking about crossed wires here,** THIS THING’S AS STERILE AS I ASSUME CHARLOSS IS! _THIS BOMB WAS NEVER A BOMB TO BEGIN WITH!”_

My hands moving faster than my mind, I took hold of the collar, _yanked—!_

_SKRANG!_

—and could only stare in horror as the collar ripped apart in my hands like _worthless tinfoil._ I mean, it was still metal, but nothing that would stand up to the abuse a panicked slave could inflict on it. 

“Ah… isn’t this a good thing, though? We knew the whole time that they were using her to lure us in, so what’s the problem?” Billy posed.

**“The problem,”** Soundbite said, gulping audibly. **“Is that this was supposed to be the** ** _POINT. This was the game whoever did this was playing, OUR FRIEND’S LIFE ON THE LINE,_** **US FIGHTING AND STRUGGLING AND SUFFERING TO FREE HER.** BUT IF KEIMI’S LIFE _WASN’T_ ON THE LINE, THE GAME CHANGES. _It means that_ **we** _weren’t the targets here… AND THAT MEANS WE SUDDENLY HAVE JACK-ALL IDEA OF WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!”_

_That_ killed whatever small, infinitesimal bit of good cheer we’d managed to salvage from what we’d _thought_ was our victory. Even _Roswald_ had the presence of mind to shut his hole, evidently brought up short by the fact that even we were at a loss for what was going on. And this stunned silence _would_ have persisted for quite a bit…

_CRASH! “ALRIGHT,_ WHO WANT’S THEIR SKULLS CAVED—!…eh?” 

If it weren’t for the dense atmosphere being shattered by… well, by the Supernovas abruptly shattering the front door, and most of the wall around it.

Barto _had_ been leading the charge, a large Barrier-Fist raised and ready to break heads, only for both it and him to deflate as he saw us all standing around, no enemies left on their feet.

“Hey, what the fuck gives?” Bartolomeo demanded, walking down the stairs as he looked around in confusion. “I thought this was an all-you-could-smash fest, not a wake! Seriously, who died?! Heh, well, I mean,” he snickered as he kicked the nearest body to him. “Apart from these chumps.”

And it was there, _right there,_ that shit hit the fan.

The body Barto had kicked, the body he and everyone else present had been _certain_ was down for the count, suddenly shoved off the ground and surged to its feet, wrapping its arms around a stunned Barto in a bear hug before he could react. Metal struck flesh, shortly before the two crashed to the floor again in a heap, and then more blows rang out, joined by grunts of pain. 

Now, normally, we’d have all gone to help him, except the scene was repeated all across the Auction House. Insensate bodies rising and fluidly attacking whoever was closest, _all at the same goddamn time._

“THE ACTUAL FUCK!?” Kid raged, snapping up a large and rapidly growing hand of metal as fast as his powers could form it. To mine and Kid’s astonishment, though, the people attacking him all smoothly rolled or dashed out of the way, and then pressed the attack from two directions at once. Kid, at worst the second-strongest of the Supernovas, was quickly sent _backpedalling_ from a bunch of _mooks._ Or sub-mooks, in the case of the two nobles joining in. 

And then the ones closest to my little knot got in melee range, and I had no time to pay attention to the rest of the battle. 

Between Zoro and Vivi, that shouldn’t have happened. Those two, before this whole impossible situation, probably could’ve taken on the entire room and come out unscathed. But now Zoro was on the defensive under a hail of fisticuffs, and Vivi was frantically—and futilely—trying to hit somebody, _anybody,_ with her gusts of wind. 

And let’s not forget Soundbite, either. 

“CROSS, **_big trouble!_** _I’M GASTRO-PHONYING_ **these guys** ** _HARD_** **_ENOUGH THEY SHOULDN’T BE_** ABLE TO HEAR THEMSELVES **THINK!**!”

“Little busy at the moment!” I grunted, quickly wrapping Funkfreed around me to get some damn _breathing room._ “Lassoo, they try climbing, blast ‘em!”

“Don’t need to tell me twice!” Lassoo barked, planting his front legs over my left shoulder. “And there’s one! EAT IT!”

Satisfied I had at least a _little_ time, I indicated Soundbite to connect with as many people as possible. “Alright, people, details! What are we dealing with here?”

_“Impossible skill and a bit of a speed boost, but these suckers don’t hit any harder than they used to,”_ Boss grunted over the sound of flesh striking flesh. _“Tank and counter, that would be my suggested strategy.”_

_“Boss, not all of us punch rocks with their flippers every day!”_ Usopp snapped back. _“Agh, stay_ still, _dammit!”_

_“I don’t understand your point.”_

Cutting across my throat, the conversation went silent. I felt a little relieved at that; if the crew was bantering, things weren’t hopeless. 

In that next moment, I was struck by how _silent_ everything was. Well, as silent as a battlefield could be, anyway. I could still hear all the sounds of battle, of the crew and our Supernova allies shouting and grunting and cursing, but one sound was conspicuous in its absence:

Our opponents. 

Frankly, it was creepy as all hell. Whatever it was that made them get up—drugs, or something more exotic and _much_ more dangerous—it didn’t give them any reason to speak. No, not just speak. There weren’t even grunts and pants of exertion. That was just plain _unnatural._

And from the chatter I was hearing from Soundbite, I wasn’t the only one. 

_“Hmm, this is very strange,”_ Law mused. _“Usually people scream when I do this sort of thing. Or at least panic and start yelling.”_

**_“Somebody get me blood samples! Or else prepare me an impromptu vivisec—_ ** _ow! Thank you, Bepo.”_

_“No problem!”_

“Uh, Cross? You might wanna see this.”

Funkfreed uncurled slightly, giving me a small window that Vivi cleared with a burst of air pressure. Through it, I could see Roswald getting held up in the air by the throat and repeatedly punched. Which in literally _any_ other circumstance, I would be gleefully recording. 

Except the people doing the punching were two of his own guards. Guards that had been knocked unconscious several minutes prior. One of whom had a leg that more resembled a corkscrew than a limb and the other sporting a neck lolling at a _ninety-degree angle._

My mind _span_ as I tried to piece things together, tried to figure out how the hell _useless bodies_ could be moving against all reality, against their very wi—!

…no.

No… no, no, _nononono—!_

A dry heave surged up my gullet, then another. “No…. It can’t be—!” I hissed. My already-racing mind sped up, scrambling for anything to disprove my hypothesis. I tapped Soundbite’s shell. “Um… this might be an odd question, but are any of these guys injured? Like, cripplingly so?”

A brief pause, while everyone digested that. Then…

_“Yeah, I see one guy to the back with a broken face.”_

_“Three broken arms, a gushing head wound, and four twisted ankles. Two at 180 degrees.”_

_“Spines aren’t supposed to bend that direction, right?_ RIGHT?!”

Fuck. Slowly, agonizingly, I raised my left palm. I didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to confirm my thoughts. My terrifying, pants-darkening thoughts. This wasn’t the worst-case scenario. This _laughed_ at the worst-case scenario and chopped it to pieces.

But not confirming it would be worse. For all of us. Reluctantly, and not unshakingly, my palm facing the ceiling, I flexed, triggering the Flash Dial in my gauntlet.

The illuminated ceiling bore exactly what I feared that I would see: a web.

A _massive_ web, crisscrossing the ceiling and reaching down to the fighters—the _bodies,_ hundreds of them, _thousands_ all at once. A massive, swaying and twitching bundle of— _of—!_

“Hey, Croooo~ooooss~”

With the same agonizing slowness, I turned around. The face that met my eyes was framed by a mess of long gray hair beneath a flowery top hat. On his face was a pair of star-shaped spectacles and a grin that was almost too wide to fit it. Ever-so-casually, he tapped the tip of his cane on the wall behind him… right on the Jolly Roger emblazoned there. 

The _smiling_ Jolly Roger. 

_Doflamingo’s_. 

“You…” I breathed numbly, before I felt a _fire_ rage in me, and I _snarled_ as I started to march for the pompous bastard. “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU—!?” 

Disco opened his mouth—

“How **_cute.”_**

—And then I was a puppet dancing on a String.

That’s all I was: a wooden marionette, no face, no name, no nothing. Just a puppet. A toy.

I was moving and dancing, twirling about on a stage for all to see, but only because of my String.

The String was everything. The String was how I stood. How I moved. How I lived.

I lived and died according to the string… and the smiling devil who held it, so far, far above me.

And then… scissors. Right there, right against the string, against my _life._

Slowly, so slowly, the scissors closed.

The String frayed. My lifeline, my only reason to live, going, going—! 

A final snip— 

And then the world **_lurched,_** and for a brief second I was kneeling at a black throne, set at the foot of a crumbling yet still-regal monument—

And then, with a violent gasp, I was back. Back in the Grand Line. Sabaody. The Human Auction House. I… _I_ was Jeremiah Cross, that was me, that’s who I was, not… not… 

“Hey, kid, you alright?”

I looked up. _Tried_ to look at the speaker who’d put his hand on my shoulder. It was… hard, I had to blink a bit, get my eyes working properly, but once I did… white hair, glasses— 

“…Rayleigh…” 

The Dark King pulled me up to my feet, steadying my swaying with a hand on my shoulder, right next to my shivering and foaming snail. “Ah, _damn it,_ this is not what I wanted…” he muttered, speaking to himself as much as to me. “I only wanted to play around, I didn’t think I’d need to _check…_ and now look where that’s gotten us. I’ve felt some messed up shit in my life, but that kid… he’s definitely up there. I’m sorry I let things get this far… get this far at _all,_ damn it…”

I barely parsed what he was saying. I was just too focused on what I had seen. The vision forced on my eyes by… by… 

I didn’t want to think it. I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I didn’t want to make it _real,_ but… but I couldn’t deny the reality.

The reality shown… by a Conqueror’s Haki.

I was only half-aware of jerking myself out of Raleigh’s grip. I barely registered him shouting for me to wait, wasn’t even halfway in control of my legs as they pumped and carried me down the hallway where Disco was no longer anywhere to be seen. 

I knew that what I was doing was suicide. I know it now and I knew it then, but I had to… I-I had to… _I don’t know, damn it, I just had to do_ something!

And it was that desire, that drive, that need to move and actually _act_ that carried me through the guts of that hellhole. That pushed me to the final, deepest door at the very back of the Auction House.

It was all that which pushed me to shoulder the door open… and there it all fled me, leaving me tired, empty… and alone with the horror before me.

I stared. And stared. And kept staring. Every second that ticked by, I absorbed more of the ramifications of exactly what I was looking at. And as Soundbite woke up, first with a snort and then a choked gurgle, it didn’t take long for him to join me.

I had experienced not just fear, but honest-to-God pants-darkening _terror_ only a handful of times since I’d arrived in the One Piece world. When I was first dropped into it. When I woke up from my cholera coma and learned I’d spilled the beans. Whenever I faced a Logia, when Merry almost died, when Moria awakened, when I first saw the Florian Obelisks, and when I had to face Jinbe.

But not one of those instances came close to the sheer mortal terror I felt now. This moment made me understand how fear can be so extreme that you lose control of your bowels, the kind of fear that comes from facing a monster completely out of your league or control and knowing that the only possible way you can survive is by their whim.

That is what I felt as I stared at the only other person in the room. The person who ran this auction house. The person I had seen mere minutes ago grandstanding on stage, putting on a show for everyone, indulging in the most despicable act imaginable.

…The person that was hanging from the ceiling by a length of piano wire. His eyes bulging, tongue sticking out, flesh an unhealthy shade of white, aside from the ruddy purple foot exposed by a fallen shoe, limbs stiff in unnatural positions, and bowels emptied onto the floor. The bloody scratch marks on his neck around the wire almost didn’t register. 

Almost. 

**_“He… but he… he was just… wasn’t he…?”_ **Soundbite babbled quietly, staring up at Disco with wide eyes.

I shook my head in numb despair. “No… that wasn’t him. It was _never_ him. Hell, this isn’t even _recent._ From the minute, the second we set foot on this island, _this…”_ I waved at the body weakly. “Was a foregone conclusion. All of this… was just a game. And we’ve been _played.”_

With that _chipper and cheery_ thought, I moved to close the door, and then I did a double take and paced over to the desk as something caught my eye. Pieces of paper… with my signature on them? But when had I—? 

In my confusion, I flipped the papers over and saw… pictures of—! “Ah!” I uttered in shock, flipping them all over to see that _yes_ , they weren’t just pictures of _me,_ they were all the pictures that I had taken earlier with those fans! And this close to _his_ work… he… he couldn’t have…

Had he… he… _he…_ ** _he…_**

And then… something clicked inside my brain. Pieces just… fit together. Context.

My horror multiplied as I looked over the pictures again… and put them in the context of _him._

A flamboyant half-fishman hybrid… with an afro big enough to hide a giant pair of horns to match the pointed teeth…

An ill-tempered punk who kept his face covered at all times… who knew more about me than he should have, and was cracking… _popping_ his bones every other second…

A flamboyant scientist… with a pair of coke-bottle glasses combined with a cheeky, flirting, handsy demeanor _…_

“…all along,” I managed in a staggering whisper.

Then I went as still as a statue as I felt something touch me. Something on the edge of my nose… something very small… cold, wet… that _nipped at my nose THAT RAGING BITCH—!_

_“All ALONG!”_

**-o-**

“Kyahahaha!” Dellinger chortled, gleefully tossing a handful of popcorn into his thresher of a maw as he watched Jeremiah Cross enter a rage worthy of a Fighting Fish. The Visual Snail peering in the direction of the Archipelago through a telescope was earning its keep.

“Well, safe to say that he knows _your_ fruit, Big Sis Monet! ‘Cause he recognized that, and he is _not_ happy!”

“Urgh… glad to know _somebody_ appreciates the finer touch I put into things…” Monet grooaned, an icepack pressed to her forehead. “Honestly, seeing him jump out of his skin like that was completely worth it, but keeping control over a single flake from _miles_ off? I’m going to have a migraine for a week…”

“More information for us, that gives your suffering value,” Gladius grunted, punctuating his statement with a slurp from the straw he’d poked through his facemask. “That it helped make that pompous worm squirm? Worth it all the more.”

His sentiment was met with chuckles from his two crewmates, but the mood immediately turned tense when the only noise from their leader—their lord, their _master_ —was a grunt of acknowledgement.

“Young Master?” Gladius posed hesitantly, sweat cascading down his brow. “Is… Is everything alright?”

“Mm… yeah. Just thinking about how… _funny_ fate is, you know?”

The demon in pink feathers leaned forward, bringing his typical grin out of the shadows for his underlings to see, and both relaxing them and setting them more on edge.

“I’ve been toying with killing those Straw Hats here and now for a while,” Donquixote Doflamingo explained ever so casually, as though he were discussing merely reducing a village to slurry, or kicking a child’s head off their neck. “Tearing a D. to shreds would have been _wonderful,_ and that brat’s transceiver would have let me come out into the open as Joker. I could blow the Nobles’ precious secret sky high on a moment’s notice and there’s nothing that they could do to stop me. Just… set the world on _fire._ ”

A hand cradled his face as he chuckled, scratching beneath the leering lenses of his glasses, even as a couple of veins throbbed on his forehead.

“But they’re just too good. Too good at keeping this world interesting and too good at even keeping _me_ guessing how they’ll top themselves next. The fact that they attacked those Nobles is no big surprise… but I never could have _dreamed_ that one of them would be stupid enough to give Cross that much more firepower. Now I actually know how it feels to be laughing so hard that you can’t breathe,” he snickered, staring not at the spectacle of Cross being driven into a rampage, but at something only he could perceive.

“So you decided against sending us in to fight them?” Monet queried, forcing herself to follow lockstep with her Master’s train of thought even through the migraine of the feat she’d had to put _all_ of her concentration into, but which _he_ had managed with total ease.

“Something like that,” he grunted before correcting her. “I _decided_ not to go there myself. To only be there via that Knight instead. They got lucky that I didn’t give the order to attack; maybe, by some miracle, by the skin of their teeth, they may have been able to beat you three—”

Said three _shivered_ as the implications of what the consequences for such a sin against their dark god would have been.

“—But they wouldn’t walk out of here alive with an Admiral on their tail. Hell, they still probably won’t. They’ve been lucky so far, though… let’s see how far that takes them.”

With that Doflamingo, turned his back on the display, and strolled over to a porthole, through which he could gaze at the fateful Archipelago that sat on the horizon. “But for now… _fuffuffuffu…_ ” The room echoed and shook with the laugh of pure evil. “I’m going to have to thank Cross for what he’s done here today. I was about ready to replace my investments from trading slaves into SMILEs… but no. Now we’re going to take advantage of how things have changed… and set up an export system.”

“Kyahahaha!” Dellinger laughed, clapping his hands gleefully. “Hope that Sugar can handle it!” But as his admiration at his lord’s brilliance passed, a single, untangled thread remained to be addressed. “Oh, but Young Master… what did you mean by how funny fate is, and by luck?”

Doflamingo turned his head back, and raised a hand, a fist into view, before flicking a thumb upward, sending a coin spinning into the air, before catching it and flipping it again, over and over. “Don’t you know, Dellinger? There’s an old, _old_ saying, tossed around the oceans. The most important thing needed to sail the ocean? It's luck. The luck to have a strong body, the luck to be smart, the luck to be rich. The luck to escape from death, the luck to live a good life. The only reason anyone ever comes as far as they have is because their luck _brought_ them there.”

Doflamingo gave the coin a final, resounding flip, and watched as it soared into the air. “Luck is as much a factor of making it on these seas as skill and power. And so… I decided to test the Straw Hats’ right when I was giving you your orders.”

A moment passed for that to sink in, and then three pairs of eyes cemented on the coin in the air, as though it were the most valuable thing in the world.

“If it had landed on heads, I would have ordered the attack. But instead…”

The Heavenly Yaksha caught the coin between his fingers, and flashed his suddenly frozen executives the numbers emblazoned on the metal disc.

“They got tails. So they get a _chance_ to live.”

Doflamingo turned away from the window… and in the shadows, all that his underlings could see were those lenses… and that _Smile._

“And I think that I’d like to see how far that little spark of hope can take them from here.”

And with that, Donquixote Doflamingo walked past his frozen underlings and disappeared into the bowels of the ship, to await whatever news might come. The three crewmates he left behind watched after him for a single moment before going about their duties.

But in that moment, the image of the coin turning over and over in the air, the idea, the _concept_ of such a simple act dictating the passage of fate for the world itself, replayed in their minds. And in that moment, the crewmates watching him had the same thought as they looked after the man who had done it. The same realization occurred to each of them in the darkest corners of their minds, unknown even to their consciousness but indelible nonetheless.

On this day, Donquixote Doflamingo cemented the slightest shred of doubt in three of his most loyal crewmates, in the form of six simple words buried in their subconscious:

_‘He really_ is _a World Noble.’_

**-o-**

I must have blacked out at some point, because the next thing I knew I was staring at the door to the room, which was now shut once more.

**“You back with the land of the living?”** Soundbite asked, all sarcasm and snark gone in favor of shell-deep weariness. 

I slowly leaned forward, resting my forehead on the unyielding wood of the door… in _total_ defeat. “Every step,” I croaked. “Every step we took… every inch we gained… was by the whim of the _devil._ We lived because he willed it. We ‘won’ because he allowed it. Everything that we did today…” I weakly knocked my fist against the wood. “And it all amounts… to _nothing…”_

Soundbite was silent for a long, _long_ minute before he released a chorus of moans and groans. _“You’re… You’re wrong, and I know that academically for several reasons…_ ** _but I don’t have the will or energy to get into this right now._** **Let’s… Let’s just get out of here. CAN WE JUST DO THAT PLEASE?”**

I stayed stuck there for just a few seconds more, just a few… and then I nodded and peeled myself away from the door, dragging myself back down the hall.

As I walked back into the main room, all of the events that had happened played back in my mind: someone who was willing to provoke the Straw Hats, the auction house, “Disco’s” confidence, the way that those guards kept fighting back, the fact that they ever attacked us _at all_ when they had no reason to… hell, tripping on a _wire_ and falling right into Charloss’s line of sight.

Every memory, every _obvious_ thread dangling right in front of my nose… every one, a millstone dragging my neck lower and lower.

And the moment that I re-emerged onto the stage, the moment I raised my eyes to try and speak… I saw something else.

One thing. Just one last… _parting gift_ that made my knees give out from beneath me. 

Everyone’s eyes snapped to me, but unfortunately, not everyone could read the mood.

“The hell was _that,_ smartass?!” I heard Kid demand. “That thing you flashed, controlling everyone… what, some sort of Thread Fruit or something?! Who the hell would have the _balls—!?”_

“Not threads, Kid,” I heard Law say, _intense_ hate coloring his every word. “Strings. That was the String-String Fruit. And this was the least of its applications. We’re only walking away because he wanted us to.”

“Oh yeah?!” Barto scoffed, the smack of his fist striking his palm ringing out. “Well, trust me, that fuck will be regretting it when I get my hands on him!”

“Something tells me that that is, quite literally, the least of Doflamingo’s concerns,” Rayleigh intoned gravely.

Everyone present reacted to that, of course. Wide eyes were abundant on everyone but Law, and Kid, Bege, and Bartolomeo cursing up a blue streak. Drake, Apoo, Urouge, and Bonney locked eyes with me, opening their mouths to ask - and then closing them as they saw that, quite clearly, I was in no state to give answers anymore.

_“Pff… pffhehehehehe…pffhahahahahaha…”_

The pressure was just too much. I was vaguely aware of the rest of the crew coming up to me as I felt hysterical laughter bubble out of my throat, tears streaming down my face.

“Cross. What is it?” Luffy asked.

“It doesn’t matter…”

“W-What—?” Conis asked, gently placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Nothing we did… nothing we’ve done… nothing we _could_ do… none of it matters…” 

“Cross, what do you mean? _What the hell is wrong?!”_ Zoro demanded.

Still chuckling, tears trailing down my face, I raised my shaking left finger and pointed upward. Everyone’s gaze, among my crew and the Supernovas, followed… and they saw what I did. The same words, carved a thousand times over the walls in string-thin letters:

_DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING._

**Patient AN: Never in my entire life, not once, have I laughed as hard and for as long as I did the day that we posted Chapter 65, when discussing the three fans who so very graciously helped us create a perfect expy of Miror B. And you wanna know when they found out it was really Dellinger in disguise?**

**…**

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**…well, aside from the one who joined our translation team, they found out at the same time that you did.**

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**Cross-Brain A.N.: Psh, come on, have you met us? Did you** **_really_ ** **think we’d let them get off** **_that_ ** **easy?**

“Alright!” I barked as I barreled out the front doors like my life depended on it (which you can _damn well bet it_ and _my sanity both did_ ). “We can process all of this shit later, but _right now_ we need to get the hell out of here before—!”

_THUD!_ “GAH!”

I fell back as I ran into what felt like a tree but what I realized very quickly was more likely a powerful human. I looked up, an apology ready on my lips - and then my heart stopped.

“Before what, Jeremiah Cross?” Admiral Kizaru asked casually.

“…before exactly this happens,” I wheezed, my neurons firing and flailing miserably as I tried and failed to process that _this was happening._ “Before I break down in panic, why are you already here, I was expecting you in half an hour.”

“You’re thinking of Aokiji,” the Light-monkey flippantly replied.

“…Riiight, you’re the _unpredictable_ one,” I groaned, before breaking off into a gurgle when he lunged down and _pinned my fucking throat to the ground._

“‘Voice of Anarchy’ Jeremiah Cross,” Admiral ‘Kizaru’ Borsalino gravely intoned, his spotlight-like glasses glinting so heavily they became the only things I could see through the spots in my vision. “For crimes against the World Government and by the authority vested in me by the Justice of the Navy… **_I hereby place you under arrest.”_**


	13. Chapter 13

### Chapter 79: Chapter 70 - Sabaody Revolution Pt. 6

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 70: Cascade**

**Cross-Brain AN: You were cursing us for the last chapter? You’ve seen nothing yet. The time has finally come for Cross to find out the awful truth. Enjoy…**

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**…also, disclaimer for the end of this chapter: We of the Cross-Brain do not by any means or under any circumstances support, advocate, or otherwise condone beating children as they grow up. Or under any other circumstances, for that matter.**

The airship-headquarters of the World Economic Newspaper was raucous and hectic on a _normal_ day, and that was putting it mildly. Only to be expected, really, for the nerve center of a global newspaper. Dozens of potential headlines flew in from every corner of the globe before lunch, and the work environment… well, not for nothing was the leading cause of death on the job assassination, with suicide a close second and the usual hazards of journalism a very, very distant third. 

So one can only imagine the sheer _chaos_ that a busy day invited. Sorry, did we say busy? Try the feeding frenzy of a video game company rushing the latest hot product out on Christmas. Which, frankly, accurately described the current mindset of the birdbrain in charge.

“KUWAHAHAHAHA!” ‘Big News’ Morgans cackled uproariously in his lavish office, practically splitting his desk in half with how hard he was slapping it. “Ohhh, this is too good, too good! Too big even, even for me! Why, I daresay that this is the biggest story I’ve had since Roger’s execution! KUWAHAHA—!”

_“Mister Morgans, sir!”_

“—kweh?” Morgans grunted in irritation, turning his attention to the voice pipe that had interrupted him.

_“Sir, we have an emergency on the printing deck! We need to shut down press number three immediately, the steam engine’s starting to buckle! If we push it any more, it’ll blow, and—!”_

“THEN LET IT BLOW!” Morgans bellowed, lunging at the pipe and wringing it as though it were the speaker’s neck. “I don’t care if that shoddy stamping machine blasts you all to kingdom come, you squeeze as many more papers from it as you can, and then you run the rest of the presses at triple speed to make up for it! And if any of you even think of running, then know that if we don’t meet our quota and have enough papers to blanket the world in less than an hour, _then I’ll stamp the rest in your blood, ON YOUR DRIED SKIN! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!”_

A terrified silence wafted out the pipe, followed shortly by a knock at his office door.

“Um, President Morgans? Sir? Could I have a word?”

The avian editor grit his beak at the door before sparing a quick glance at the tube. “Tell the workers that anyone still here by the end of the day gets double their usual pay. I don’t care _how_ you get this done, _just get it done!”_ Not bothering to wait for a response, Morgans slammed the pipe’s cover shut and addressed the door. “Yes, yes, what is it?”

Yukiko Ohya, a native of Alabasta and one of his most valued employees—at least over the last several months—stepped inside. He saw in her eyes the same fire that had always been there, the passion of a real journalist that would never yield to pressure, and who wouldn’t _hesitate_ to dive into the deadliest of hellholes to yank out a scoop.

Hence, Morgans was understandably miffed to see trepidation coloring her face.

“President Morgans…” the blonde, opened, striding up to his desk in a brisk but unhurried fashion. “While I’m not protesting this special edition, I want to make sure you realize the implications of what we’re doing. I mean, we’ve always skirted the rules before, but…” She grimaced and yanked at her collar. “Sir, I’ll be blunt: there is a very real chance that the Government may actually try to _kill us_ for this. You… You do realize that, right?”

Morgans’ reply was swift, decisive, and above all else, _derisive._ “PAH! Fat chance of that!” he squawked, waving her off. “I’m afraid you’re missing the headline for this particular press-stopper, m’dear: the World Government wouldn’t touch us for doing _exactly what they want.”_

_That_ hit the reporter like a sledgehammer. She staggered, gaping at her superior in naked and thoroughly unprofessional shock. “W-What?!”

“You heard me, Ohya: _they_ gave me this scoop!” Morgans chortled. “Said they wanted it all over the world before the day was out! Heck, I barely even needed the slush they gave to our funds, it’s so juicy I almost would have done it for free! KUWAHAHAHAHA!”

Ohya gaped at him for a second longer, before her brain rebooted and her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “But sir, if they’re paying us to… to propagate _this…_ then doesn’t that mean—?”

“That they’ve got something _else_ up their sleeves?” Morgans finished, abruptly switching from chortling to leering. “ _Obviously,_ Ohya, do try and keep up. And frankly? That’s what makes this all the more appealing! Because where there’s a conspiracy surrounding a piece of Big News, then that means only one thing!”

Morgans threw out his wings with an absolutely mad cackle. “EVEN _BIGGER_ NEWS WAITING JUST AROUND THE CORNER, ALL FOR US! FAME, FORTUNE, AND FORTUITY, ALL AT OUR FINGERTIPS! ISN’T IT _GLORIOUS?! KUWAHAHA!”_

Ohya reeled back at the sudden outburst, her eyes momentarily flashing with fear for one moment. And after, she steeled herself and tipped the brim of her hat to cover her eyes. “Ah… is that so? Alright, just wanted to confirm things with you. Glad to hear we’re handling matters properly, I’ll get back to work. Good day, sir.” And with that, she left.

The moment the door clicked shut, Morgans froze mid-cackle, staring straight at the door. After a minute, he snapped his beak shut into a snarl and started rummaging through his desk.

“Oh, Ohya Ohya Ohya,” he muttered to himself. “I always knew you’d be trouble since you started up those documentary columns of yours, but the Big News you dug up was always worth it. Too bad you’re about to become Old News…” He yanked out a Transponder Snail from one of his shelves, his leer returning with a cruel twist. “All too soon.”

Morgans dialed a number he’d dialed so often in the past. And as had happened every time, barely a ring had passed before the other end connected.

“Hello, Linlin? Yes, it’s me, Morgans, do you have a moment to chat?” the bird-man warmly greeted. As the other caller replied, he carelessly swung his talons up onto his desk, reclining back in his _exquisitely_ comfortable chair. “No no, there’s no trouble at all, don’t worry. I’ll still be there for that public execution soirée you have scheduled in a month, this isn’t about that, wouldn’t miss it for the world! Actually…I’m calling because I need a favor. You see…”

The bird-man’s beak twisted up into a vicious sneer.

“I’m in _desperate_ need of some help to secure the accuracy of next week’s _obituaries.”_

**-o-**

The news came first to certain critical individuals. 

On a Gothic island in the Grand Line, a hawk-eyed man tsked quietly; he wouldn’t even be able to rely on a drinking friend for this. 

On two other islands, the messenger bats scrambled away from hellish receptions, one a hailstorm of arrows from an army of angry women and snakes and the other a pillar of darkness that threatened to drag it back into reach of the cackling _monster_ at its core.

And elsewhere, on an island of mixed locales and mutated beasts, a Gothic lolita gaped in shocked confusion and horrified outrage at the summons in her hands.

“What… What the hell is this?” she breathed, trying in vain to make sense of the madness she had just read. “Th-This doesn’t make any _sense,_ the mere _idea—!_ A-and Cross didn’t say _anything_ about this, and there’s no way he would have… oh, _Phobos,_ something’s gone wrong!” In her panic, Perona ghosted out of her body and let it flop bonelessly to the floor. “What do I do, _what do I do?!”_

Her ranting and pacing only lasted briefly, ended by one last, horrible detail that had come to her. With a renewed sense of dread, Perona turned her attention to the sleeping snail on the table.

“Nngh… I hope Nami’s OK.”

**-o-**

Things could scarcely be further from OK for the Straw Hats. All of the crew and all of the Supernovas had all of their ire directed at a singular enemy. And said enemy _was_ singular, as Sentomaru and his troops were nowhere to be seen. Normally, this would be a sure sign of victory.

Yet one slight detail crushed every iota of hope: Kizaru was halfway serious. One hand was occupied holding his arrested captive aloft, a constant taunt to everyone watching as well as putting rubbing in exactly how doomed they were.

Still, none of the assembled pirates were the type to just _give up._ The tensed, fell into stances prepared weapons—

_ZZTT!_

SHA-BOOM!

“Yaugh!”

And before anybody could react, Kizaru took out two Straw Hats at once. One finger shot a beam that glanced off of Soundbite’s shell, sending the snail careening toward one of the mangroves. A hastily bloomed cluster of arms saved his life but did nothing to soothe the laser burn that left him and practically every non-human silent. 

And at the same time, Nami fell to the ground, one hand clutching the livid burn on her side and the other clutching half of her melted Clima-Tact. Behind the group, a little over half of the Auction House crumbled into rubble, the offhand fingertip laser having blown it to pieces.

“HOW DARE YOU!” Sanji bellowed, rocketing forward on a pillar of flames. Swearing, Zoro charged after him, Brook, Luffy, Boss, and Vivi following in his wake. 

“Dammit, love cook, don’t rush ahead!”

Kizaru’s face conveyed how unimpressed he was as Sanji dashed towards him. As the chef properly began the kick, however, the admiral’s eyes widened fractionally, with the result that he swayed to the side at the last moment, leaving the sea prism stone-enhanced soles to impact only the ground. Snarling, Sanji turned around—

_BLAM!_

—and took a lightspeed kick to the face that sent him ragdolling through the air and into one of the mighty mangroves, embedding him in the bark.

He did not move. 

The other Straw Hats’ only reaction was to become even grimmer. Zoro arrived first, swiping the pommels of Kitetsu and Shusui at Kizaru, who swayed out of the way and rammed his knee into Zoro’s gut, dropping the swordsman like a sack of flour. Boss’ rope dart followed on his heels and hit nothing but air. The laser that lanced out didn’t miss, and Boss came tumbling back in a smoking heap to the canine wails of his students. Vivi, billowing in on a burst of air, attempted to swipe her Lion Cutters at the Admiral, but he swayed back under the blow and then swung his foot into her gut. To the astonishment of some and the grim resignation of others, the foot connected cleanly. Vivi soared up, her eyes bulging and spittle flying out of her mouth. 

Luffy and Brook, sadly, were a full step behind Vivi when they arrived. Luffy still swing his arm, and the pipe it was holding, at Kizaru. 

_SHA-BOOM!_

“Aghk!”

The laser arrived first. Luffy collapsed onto his back, a scorched mess; a second later, Brook, caught on the edge of the blast, bounced hard on the ground several feet away. 

“My, my. You’ve appropriated quite a lot of sea prism stone, haven’t you?” Kizaru mused, eyeing Cross’ gauntlets. He grabbed the gauntlets and stripped them off—blasting off the seals on the hinges first—and tossed them away, before idly flicking his hat off. “There. No more of that. Now…”

Turning, Kizaru raised his foot over Luffy, a cross-shaped light blooming on the digit. Luffy, hacking and coughing, could only stare in fear. 

“Room, Shambles!”

In a flash of hazy blue, Luffy vanished and a pair of bullets appeared in his place, zooming straight towards Kizaru. Smartly pivoting, the Admiral evaded the bullets and looked downrange at Conis, two of her guns smoking, and Law next to her, two fingers raised. The Surgeon’s room still encompassed him…as well as Zoro and Luffy, still at Kizaru’s feet. 

“Black Bart, now!” Law barked.

A massive, gleaming cylinder sprang up around Kizaru, and Bonney and Hawkins appeared in the two Straw Hats’ place, the latter mid-shift into a massive straw doll. 

But Kizaru wasn’t there. Light drew their eyes up, just as a laser the width of the cylindrical barrier crashed down on them. 

**-o-**

Three miles away, there was a man who went through life _demanding_ to get murdered. Y’know, the kind of person who starts bar fights, quarrels in gambling halls, and otherwise bullies or antagonizes people whose capabilities he did not know. That he had only two front teeth left was _probably_ a coincidence. 

That he very abruptly turned into a pillar of flame for no apparent reason was not, though none of the onlookers knew this. Instead, the legend of the Burning Man simply became an addition to the local mythology ledger, and the world became a slightly less shitty place.

**-o-**

Bonney’s world was a mess of straw and tumbling. After what was either a few seconds or a few hours, the spinning stopped and she dry-heaved, before crawling out from under Hawkins’ retreating scarecrow form. 

“Thanks, Hawkins,” Bonney muttered. 

“You’re welcome,” Hawkins said, eyeing a smoking straw doll that crumbled to ash on his arm. “I suggest we retreat while Kizaru is focusing on the other Supernovas. We have an 87% of vanishing entirely if we do so immediately.”

Bonney glanced over at the ruins of the Auction house, and winced as Kizaru bore down on a panicking Barto, only to see a very indignant Urouge appear in the latter’s place at the last moment. 

“Yeah, any other time I’d agree with ya, but two problems I see, both about the fact that that asshat is toting Cross like a ragdoll,” Bonney replied, popping up two fingers. “First, I owe the Straw Hats. We all do.”

Hawkins, impassive, did not respond. 

“And _second_ ,” she pressed. “How long d’ya think we’ll last if the World Government takes Cross and gets its fucking shit together? What do your fancy mathematics say about the odds of the Government, or even more likely, _the rest of the Straw Hats,_ hunting us down and killing us, oh, a month after we blow this taco stand?”

Frowning, Hawkins’s hand went to his cards, and his frown grew tighter as he took it away again. “Even I don’t need to check to foresee the obvious,” he admitted. 

Grinning, Bonney slapped him on the back, nearly sending him flipping ass over teakettle. “Then let’s get back in there! It’s gonna suck, but at least…” She trailed off, grin slowly morphing into a grimace. 

“I _also_ do not need to check to determine that there is only a very small chance that we do not all die horribly,” Hawkins pointed out. 

“We’re fighting alongside the Straw Hats, so I’ll take that ‘small chance’ and amp it to a fifty-fifty and take it!”

“It is not. We may very well perish.”

_“I know we might, now shut up and fight!”_

**-o-**

Law grimaced as Urouge crumpled to the ground, smoking from the laser blast Kizaru had meant for Bartolomeo. One plan in and everything was already off the rails; the Admiral had _immediately_ twigged onto the fact that Bonney was the only one present who could actually _do_ anything to him. Now he would be expecting a swap again, and—

He glanced at Bonney running back towards the fray. Brave, but foolish, on her part. 

“Okay, deal with this!” Bartolomeo snapped, crossing his arms as Kid tried and failed to do something to the Light-Man. “Barrier-Barrier Maze!”

Shimmering barriers sprang up all around the Admiral, including up top, catching a laser from Kizaru and bouncing it right back and through him. For a moment, he stood in place, eyeing the barriers around him. And Law took the moment to identify some choice pieces of rubble behind him. 

“Kid, plan 2!” he shouted. “Barto, an opening!”

“You don’t give me orders, jagoff!” Kid snapped as he charged in to fulfill those orders anyway. A hole opened up in the barrier maze just in time for a flash of light to zip past Kid and materialize into Kizaru. 

“Oh, come on!” Bartolomeo snapped, dismissing the construct. 

Kid turned to face the threat, raising up a tide of polished-to-a-mirror metal, but Kizaru was already charging up a fresh laser. 

Then, he exploded. 

Law shot Apoo a thumbs-up as Kizaru reformed again. A shell of metal formed around the Admiral, obscuring him, and hopefully trapping him. 

“Okay, anyone got any bright ideas for actually _hurting_ this douchecanoe?” Kid demanded. 

“Yeah,” Drake said, Luffy’s pipe tapping in his palm instead of his usual mace. “We beat his face in with sea prism stone weapons.”

“I like that,” Kid grinned. “Let’s—!”

All the Supernovas started at the metal sphere, now glowing cherry red. Abruptly, the metal melted into slag, and pencil-thin lasers lanced through it, catching Drake in the shoulder and Kid on the hip. Both went down, howling in pain, and Kizaru contemptuously kicked the pipe away. 

“Room.”

And right back onto his foot. Kizaru blinked, and was suddenly in two pieces: legs anchored to the same spot, and a torso in slicing range of Law. He drew his sword to strike Kizaru. 

It went right through him, the legs reassembling over the body. Law, eyes widening, looked behind the Admiral, and saw the pipe move. He must have just kicked it off. 

“Well, shit,” Law said, right as Kizaru’s foot met his skull. 

**-o-**

Admirals. Are fucking cheat codes. 

The entire crew with the backup of the Supernovas—who counted among them some of the most versatile, jailbroken abilities in the series—and equipped with Seastone weapons, and he’d still beaten us all in less than five minutes. Five. Minutes. His tie hadn’t even shifted. He hadn’t even _let go of me._

Now, everyone but Sanji and Chopper—who’d run for the cook almost as soon as Kizaru gave him a disproportionate taste of his own medicine—were lying in groaning, burned or bleeding heaps around us. Honestly, I’m surprised I hadn’t broken down gibbering at this point, and I’m pretty sure _that_ was only because I’d already suffered a breakdown barely more than ten minutes ago!

It also helped that, when my eyes fell on Barto, he’d winked at me. Now, since I _don’t_ think he was trying to flirt with me or something, that probably meant he was playing possum and was trying to think of a surprise. _I’ll take it._

“You’ve caused us a great deal of trouble, Jeremiah Cross.” And that would be the Yellow Monkey gloating. Lovely. I focused my attention on him and his stupid smug… okay, check that, his _still_ aggravatingly bland expression. “But now, Justice will finally be served. This will be one of the finest moments for the Navy, publicly executing you along with Fire Fist Ace.”

…

What.

Nonono, seriously, **_what?!_**

In the deathly silence that fell on getting thrown for _that_ particular loop, I was able to hastily rally myself with the knowledge and confidence, and I do mean _complete_ confidence, that the utter bullshit the monkey had just tried to fling at us all was undoubtedly a—! “Bad bluff,” I grit out, trying to smile viciously but only managing a snarl. “Nice try Kizaru, but _no._ The World Government has Ace like we have the One Piece: _in our dreams!”_

Kizaru’s placid mask shifted, ever so slightly, one of his eyebrows _cocked_ just so. “Oh? You sure about that?”

Well, quite frankly yes, I was, but still, just in case… _“Luffy—!”_ I hissed out of the corner of my mouth, forgetting that Soundbite wasn’t in any state to carry my voice. But that turned out to be unnecessary. My captain, oblivious to his injuries, was already desperately rifling through his hat. He managed to get his fingers into the band, and pulled out…

I actually felt like laughing, outright, from-the-belly _laughing_ as Luffy pulled out Ace’s Vivre Card. His _intact_ Vivre Card, full and healthy and proof that everything was alright, _that I hadn’t—_

**-o-**

Shivering.

That was the first thing that he became aware of: shaking from pain and some lingering sense of cold. Something nagged at his mind at that, but the next thing he realized was how stiff he was. How long had he been asleep?

A tinge of exasperation worked through his fatigue, his narcolepsy always came up at the worst times.

“…it now. Wake him up.”

He scrunched his nose as he heard _some_ idiot talking just out of earshot, flexed his hand to roast the idiot—not too much, just enough to make sure they know never to do it again—and… _nothing?_ What the—?

_SPLASH!_

**_PAIN! PURE FUCKING PAIN!_ **

“AAAARGH!” Ace tried to jerk upright, writhing as his skin felt like it was on _fire,_ which should have been _fucking impossible—!_

_CLINK!_

The metallic sound and the pressure around his wrists made him understand. Sea prism stone restraints… he had been captured.

_“…died…”_

A memory stirred as he forced his eyes open. His vision was a blur; he blinked several times to force the image before him into focus, a task not helped by how dark everything was.

And as soon as he realized what he was seeing, he wished that he had gone blind. He was in a cage, that much was no surprise. Outside stood two figures. One looked like a devil that was wearing too many layers of clothing, a purple sheen fading from his body. The other was nondescript… save for a white mask.

Cross had told enough of Warden Magellan for Ace to recognize him, and there was no way he _wouldn’t_ recognize a mask of Cipher Pol Aegis Zero.

_“…died…Luffy…”_

“Welcome to Impel Down, ‘Fire Fist’ Ace,” Magellan intoned. “Don’t expect to grow used to your current accommodations. You will be executed at Marineford in ten days’ time…”

Ace didn’t hear the rest of what either of them said. He didn’t acknowledge the presence of his allies beside him, Squardo already cursing and roaring and Whitey yanking at her bindings with furious desperation, nor wonder how things had happened so fast. As the situation fully sunk in, all he could perceive was a single memory.

One loud-mouthed blond from another world and the anger that he showed. The warning that he gave. The future that he knew.

_“You died. In Luffy’s. Arms. YOU DIED IN LUFFY’S FUCKING ARMS!”_

What strength the sea prism stone hadn’t stripped away failed him; he felt his heart threaten to burst as he slumped down and began to cry.

**-o-**

Many miles away, on a whale of a ship where a father and his many sons dwelled, three pristine cards burst into flames, followed immediately by a cry of panic and rage.

**_“POPS! POOOOOOOPS!”_ **

**-o-**

_FWOOSH!_

In a fraction of a second, all life seemed to leave Cross as, before the crew’s eyes, Ace’s Vivre card spontaneously _combusted_. More than half of its mass vanished in the span of a heartbeat, right out from Luffy’s fingers, and the edge of what remained was actively _smoldering_.

“My, sooo punctual…” Kizaru chuckled to himself. “I’m assuming that was Fire Fist’s Vivre card just now? Yeah, that’s that secret out: he’s in Impel Down, and set to die in ten days. And before the day is out—” He waved Cross’ limp body, in a way that would have been mocking if it actually had any real energy to it. “This one will be joining him. Huh, now that I think about it, maybe I should just go drop him off now, then come back for you all. Shouldn’t take _that_ lo—”

His Haki did not alert him to the attack from behind, as its master’s intent was to stop it precisely one inch behind him. And it stopped there… directly on top of a bubble that had just begun to form, forcing it to pop at ground level.

Kizaru snapped a glance behind him in time to see a translucent capsule as tall as he was vanish, unleashing the energy within as fast as light. It bathed over Kizaru, whose naturally lethargic movements slowed to an outright crawl.

_“BARRIER-BARRIER BUSTER!”_ Bartolomeo screamed as a gargantuan sword materialized out of nowhere and cleaved against Kizaru’s arm. The transparent blade severed his hand in a flurry of motes of light, allowing Cross to drop to the ground. Metamorphosing as quick as blinking, the blade became a crude glove, snatched away Cross and tossed him a distance away where a flurry of hands caught him and rolled him out of sight.

Meanwhile, Bartolomeo himself emerged from behind a mangrove and charged the Admiral. The sword formed anew before shifting shape into a blunter weapon.

Kizaru moved far faster than he should have been able to under the Slow-Slow Fruit’s effects, but it was still only at the speed of a normal person. Light flared as he began the transition to eye-searing silhouette, form accelerating agonizingly slowly—

And then, he stopped. 

Barto didn’t question this, taking the barrier construct into his hands and swinging at the wide-open Admiral. _“BARRIER-BARRIER BUSTER BAT!”_ said Supernova roared, pouring every ounce of his strength into the swing aimed against the yellow blur’s mid-section. 

Instead, it slammed into his upraised shin. And _stopped._ Cold. 

“Well…” Kizaru said. “Half a second faster, and I might have been sent to the Red Line again.” Raising his fist, Kizaru did the unthinkable and clocked Bartolomeo square on the face, the Supernova’s face snapping back in a spray of blood. _“I don’t appreciate that.”_

“Yeah? Well, here’s what I think about your lack of appreciation!” Bartolomeo snarled, responding with a barrier-coated fist that Kizaru lazily swayed back away from. For his troubles, the Supernova ate another Haki-clad punch to the face, square on the nose this time.

Bartolomeo promptly collapsed into an insensate heap, but he had earned Kizaru’s undivided attention for the moment it took for him to succumb to gravity. And when that became clear, a blue haze overtook the area once more. The next second, Cross’s discarded gauntlets and hat became three livid pirates while in Bartolomeo’s place was a cactus. Kizaru stared dryly at the plant as it slipped through his glowing fingers and fell to the ground before turning his attention to the ones before him.

_“GUM-GUM HOME RUN!”_

_“FUCK OFF!”_

_“Gamma Knife.”_

Once again, the Admiral was aware of the blows just before they happened, and as they closed in, he casually began to lean out of the way—

—and halted against an immovable object at his back that grappled his shoulders and thighs. Kizaru’s brows scrunched together in frustration at the sight of Black Bart’s barriers circumvented his Haki _again_. And then the attacks landed.

A sea prism stone-laced pipe slammed into his temple. A collection of swords slammed into the back of his neck. And a glowing blade of lethal energy no bigger than a finger stabbed at his chest, aiming for his heart.

Kizaru’s head whipped around, and he slumped slightly in Bart’s grip. When blood started to trickle down the Admiral’s striped collar, only then did the pirates and Bart’s barriers collapse, half in relief and half in pained exhaustion, panting and clutching their wounds. Law, in particular, was utterly spent, on his knees with his whole body quivering with exertion. Kid was the first to react, opening his mouth to curse a blue streak.

And then Kizaru caught himself and straightened up. 

“You have got to be _kidding…”_ Law spat. 

Despite the attacks, Kizaru looked little worse for the wear. There was a hole in his suit right over his breast, the beginnings of a knot above his temple, and the aforementioned blood flow around his neck. 

But as chilling as the lack of damage was, it was Kizaru’s face that really jammed an icicle down the pirates’ spines. A face that was no longer lazy and ambivalent. A face tight with seething anger, and that seemed two seconds from breaking out into an outright _snarl._

“That. Hurt,” the previously bland voice intoned _._ “And more than that, it had half a chance of actually killing me. So congratulations: you Supernovas have achieved the unenviable feat of acquiring my full, undivided, and _pissed off_ attention.”

Not a single one of the exhausted pirates could even _breathe_ as the Admiral took a slow, deep breath, and loosed it as a thoroughly _aggravated_ growl. Reaching up, he pushed his glasses ever so slightly up his nose, turning the lenses into discs that showed nothing but hellish **_light._**

“You know what?” he grumbled, seemingly to himself. “To hell with it. I can take the Elder Stars yelling at me for a few years—”

Due to the state of sheer paralyzed terror everyone was in, only Robin was cognizant of Cross abruptly twitching in her arms.

“—you’re all dying. Right here…” 

Admiral “Kizaru” Borsalino reared back one of his legs, his sole shining with an _infernal_ radiance…

**“Right now.”**

His leg lashed out in a blur—! 

Only to abruptly come to a short stop in midair, the sudden extinguishing of the golden blaze buffeting the assembled pirates with a small squall. They were shocked and shaken, yes… but otherwise unharmed.

“What the—!?”  
  
The Admiral didn’t have much time to process his surprise at _who_ had that grip on his leg. He was too busy realizing that the grip was only possible because, in his anger, he had allowed his Haki to slip. Ever so slowly, Kizaru’s expression reverted to normal, though his demeanor did not, his body language swinging from apoplectic to _petrified_ with neck-breaking speed _._

“…Please let go. I need that leg to run away from you,” Kizaru politely requested, his casual smile contrasting with the cold sweat on his face, his body language positively screaming that he had no interest in fighting the man before him. Body language at odds with the fact that, to a casual observer, it seemed like Kizaru was only slightly trying to tug his leg free. In truth, though, he was yanking with all the strength he, an Admiral of the Navy, one of the strongest people in the _world,_ could muster.

And in response to this strength, the visibly livid Dark King Silvers Rayleigh wasn’t so much as _twitching._

“When you were just playing with the kids,” Rayleigh informed him, his voice and words _painfully_ calm and measured. “I was going to go easy on you; give you a stern talking to, make you hand over Cross, and then send you on your way. Quick, clean, simple.” He cracked his neck to the side, then back. “When you threatened my _captain's_ kid, I was going to smack you around a little; a few cracked bones here and there, but nothing too bad. Just… a warning, see. But, well… that was then.”  
  
Rayleigh’s words were casual, but an aura of malice suffocated Kizaru’s senses as the ex-Roger Pirate slowly narrowed his eyes, glasses turning opaque with cold _rage._

“This is now. Because now, that you’ve tried to kill them?” He shrugged, as though it were the simplest thing in the world. “Now, I break you. And unlike Cross, I'm not so good with my words, so that only leaves me the one option.”

Rayleigh’s face slowly split with a mad grin. A grin that promised _pain_ and _agony._ The grin of a monster.

The grin of a mad _tyrant._

"So!” he barked out, the grim levity in his voice sending chills down Kizaru’s spine. “In pursuit of that goal… well, in case you've missed it.” Rayleigh flexed his hand slightly. “I have a hold on your leg.”

Kizaru’s eyes widened. "Oh… _oh, no…”_

"Oh, you know this hold?” The Dark King merely grinned wider as he _ever_ so slightly applied more pressure.

The Admiral shook his head, the motion stiff. “Please don't, I _just_ got the cast off—!”

_CRACK!_

In the space of an instant and without even a move from Rayleigh, the Admiral’s lower leg _crunched_ inwards like a crushed breadstick.

_"That_ was your tibia.”

_“Gnyaaaa…”_

Like Kizaru, the watching pirates’ attitudes had shifted in response to the new development, every one of them in gaping awe whether they recognized the older man or not. Though the latter basically consisted of Bartolomeo and the Straw Hats. Half of the rest were even bracing themselves for battle.

Luffy, for his part, was staring at the grip he held on Kizaru’s leg as if bidden to memorize it.

For all the pain that he was obviously in, Kizaru did muster just enough will and strength to level a glare at the Dark King, which in any other circumstances would have been quite frightening. “I… _am_ a Logia, remember?” he bit out. “Your Armament… can’t stop me from shifting… and getting out of this—!” 

“I can’t stop you, you’re right about that,” Rayleigh calmly agreed, despite the sheer sense of **murder** his entire body still exuded. “But with the _way_ I’m holding your leg right now? If you try and leave…” He tilted his head just so and his glasses glinted malevolently. “You’ll be leaving a good chunk of it behind if you try. We both know that, so why are you even trying to bluff?”

What little remained of the Admiral’s composure shattered in favor of naked terror. “Because unlike you nutjob pirates and most of my co-workers, _I’m_ sane and not particularly fond of either death or injury. Which, uh, I have to ask: why haven’t you killed me yet, and how can I help you keep that going?”

Rayleigh shrugged almost nonchalantly. “A few reasons. First is that if I kill you, I give your superiors a reason to end my happy little retirement, and I don’t feel like spanking you rookies twenty-four seven. Second is that if one of you three suddenly bit it, the fatass and the rabid beast would start making a _horrible_ mess on the other side of the Line, and I don’t need that on my conscience—”

The thought _‘WHAT conscience!?’_ echoed through all the onlookers’ heads, practically audible.

“—and last but most importantly of all…” Rayleigh’s expression finally lost its calm amiability and became implacable steel. “I need you alive so that you can deliver a message to your superiors.”

For the first time since he’d gotten himself into his current situation, a glimmer of hope entered Kizaru’s eyes. “What's the message?”

That hope was _slaughtered_ when Rayleigh let out a chuckle. “Oh, no, you misunderstand.”

With the sort of exertion one would usually put into lifting a moderately heavy box, Rayleigh swung his arm—the arm that had been holding onto and _still_ had a hold on Kizaru’s leg—back behind his back, sweeping Kizaru off his remaining leg and holding him aloft in the air. He took a moment to hold his thumb up before his eyes as he stared at the horizon… and a little _up._

“You _are_ the message.”

Kizaru paled, the moment of dawning realization hitting like a ton of bricks. “No, nonono, wait, _don’t—!”_

Rayleigh did not wait. With a flex of every muscle in his body, he threw the Admiral of the Navy with _all_ the strength he could muster. 

Everything from Rayleigh’s shoulder on down _blurred_ for a moment and then… Admiral ‘Kizaru’ Borsalino, one of the strongest soldiers of the Marines, was gone. The only traces of his presence were the slightest wisps of smoke wafting up from Rayleigh’s palm.

Smoke that Rayleigh promptly dusted away. “And _that’s_ how you deal with annoying jackasses!” he announced with all the cheer of someone who’d just squashed an annoying bug.

The sheer blasé attitude of the older pirate served as a suitable brain reboot to the downed pirates, and unsurprisingly it was Kid who got his mouth working first. “H-Hey!” the metal-manipulating Captain barked out, his mouth a full three car lengths ahead of his brain. “What the hell did you do just now?!”

“Hm?” Rayleigh grunted, blandly glancing back at Kid. “What, isn’t it obvious? I just threw an uninvited guest off my home. That’s not going to be a problem, is it?”

Bonney paled as the likely consequences of what Rayleigh had just done hit her. “Wait, you mean you threw him, like, into the _ocean?!_ I thought you _didn’t_ want to kill him?! A Buster Call will level all of us, you know!”

Rayleigh waved her worries off with a chuckle. “I’m aware, it’d be inconvenient for me too, you know. Don’t worry, Borsalino won’t hit the ocean.” He glanced up thoughtfully. “Not as long as he has the sense to use his abilities, at least. From there, provided my aim is still good…” The icicle down the rookies’ spines returned as the veteran smiled. “Well, let’s just say he’ll be _right_ where I need him to be.” 

**-o-**

One of the very few parts of their plan the Elder Stars were certain would work without a hitch was Kizaru’s little part on Saobody. A motivated Admiral, backed by ample justification, would certainly remove the irksome Straw Hat Pirates, save the few they intended to execute. And they would even get the so-called “Supernovas” in the bargain, nipping what could have been an entire new era of piracy in the bud. 

As such, when the battered form of one of the Marines’ trump cards came crashing through the wall and clean through their antique coffee table, sporting a leg that more resembled a sack of flour and several other smaller wounds besides… well, the result was a toxic brew of disbelief, disappointment, and rage that only a lifetime of control managed to mask. Mostly. 

“…here to deliver a status update, Admiral?” the bald and mustachioed member of their cadre seethed, his facial follicles twitching in vivid irritation.

Kizaru remained prone for a little bit before jerking his head (which was currently stuck at a very uncomfortable-looking angle) in a way that could pass as a nod. “…indeed, sir. I just wanted to let you know that I have them on the ropes.”

The kimono-wearer scowled and jabbed the tip of his katana’s sheath against the Admiral’s head. “Try again.”

The admiral winced, both at the physical impact and at the memory of the past several minutes. “The rookies proved to be no trouble at all, as predicted, but I… ran into unforeseen complications as I was finishing up.”

“Clarify what you mean by ‘complications’, Admiral.”

“…I can officially corroborate all reports putting ‘Dark King’ Silvers Rayleigh’s current residence in Sabaody Archipelago. And I’m officially backing the conclusions of every analyst that said that acting on that information would be a _very_ bad idea.”

All five of the Elder Stars momentarily stiffened at the information. Only momentarily, though. They had a debriefing to finish.

“…Very well, we’ll mark your defeat under ‘unforeseeable complications’,” the cane-wielder declared, his calm demeanor somewhat undercut by the white-knuckled grip he had on his cane.

“More importantly,” the youngest declared. “You said he attacked you _as_ you were finishing up. What of the mission? The objectives we gave you when you arrived at the Archipelago, _did you complete them?”_

Kizaru laid on the floor of the chamber in silence for what felt like an eternity, staring blankly at the ceiling. And then… he answered.

“Yes, sirs. I completed the primary objective without issue. They know.”

With that revelation, the Elder Stars visibly relaxed, exuding airs of complete relief. “Then all is well, and everything is proceeding according to plan,” the tallest of them concluded, stroking his beard. “The Straw Hats shall play their role, and we shall set the world back on the correct course with minimal sacrifice. Well done, Admiral—we shall see you properly rewarded for this.”

“You’re too kind, sirs.”

The room fell into silence.

“…you are dismissed, Admiral.”

“Much appreciated, sirs… but I can’t quite seem to move at the moment.”

A round of heavy sighs ran around the room, and one of the Elders raised their voice with a hint of impatience.

“Medic!” 

**-o-**

On a remote island just on the outskirts of the Tub Current, a man in a formidable-looking robotic suit stepped onto a waiting barge, arms waving and flashing in a directional pattern. A dozen nameless workers in identical suits shuffled after him, supporting a metal crate size for caravel.

Painstakingly, the leader directed the dozen workers to a designated place on the carrier ship. A couple of minor tweaks to perfect the placement and then the signal came to lower it. Inch by inch, the crate descended until, with the slightest possible impact, it came to a rest on the deck.

The leading man emerged from his robot and moved briskly over to a control panel on the side of the crate, reading the output on the display screen. After a moment, he sighed in relief and nodded to the workers. On cue, they emerged from their own suits and filed into the ship.

Ratchet watched them go—

_“There_ you are.”

“GYAH!” And leapt nearly a full foot off the ground with a terrified, piercing scream at the sudden sound of a woman who had _not been behind him ten seconds ago_.

“Honestly, I actually thought I’d need to come _looking_ for you,” the woman sniffed, ignoring the man’s shock as she looked over the grease-stained engineer with no small amount of disgust. “And you _do_ know how much I dislike going through those filth-lined holes you call ‘labs’, the atmosphere alone is enough to ruin the sheen on my switchblades.”

The engineer hastily composed himself, readjusting his glasses back into place with a scowl. “Maybe if you were a little less ridiculous and kept your knives _sheathed…”_

“Now who sounds ridiculous?” the woman casually retorted, before shooting him a sharp look out of the corner of her eye. “And by the way, you didn’t answer me, which I suggest you _do_ if you want to not start spontaneously bleeding: what took you so long?”

“Mrgh…” the engineer grumbled, tugging at his collar. “I was ensuring that the final preparations on the project were complete and _airtight_. These things are _insanely_ volatile, you know, so unless you want the ship to sink with us on it, I’d appreciate some basic gratitude for making sure we don’t all take an express voyage to the bottom of the sea!”

“Appreciate it all you want, that doesn’t mean you’ll be getting it anytime soon. Now _move_ and let me see.” So saying and without waiting, the woman clamped her hand on the engineer’s face and _shoved_ him away from the crate. The offended squawk that produced was ignored, and the woman slid open a peephole in the metal wall.

Stussy, Queen of the Pleasure District and ace operative of Cipher Pol Aegis-Zero, took one look inside the crate, and was immediately overcome by two emotions.

Surprise… and _awe._

“My oh my…” she breathed, almost reverentially, as she raised her hand to, for lack of a better word, _caress_ the side of the box. “So they've really developed it then… a weapon to surpass Pacifistas…! A weapon that will change the course of _history!”_

“Hey!”

The sudden exclamation jarred Stussie out of her reverie, and snapped her head around to glower over her shoulder at the _bastard_ who had so rudely interrupted her.

Ratchet, the once-and- _ex_ Lord of the so-called Mecha-Island, was wholly unaware of the peril he was placing himself in by continuing his offended protests. “What the hell do you mean ‘they’!? _I_ designed the—!”

“Allow me to liberate you from the _delusion_ you seem to be laboring under,” Stussy interrupted, her iron-cold tone choking his voice off as effectively as any fist around his throat. “You and your fellow lab rats made the _concept._ But it was _Vegapunk_ who brought about this work of beauty. Who truly made it… _perfect._ And that is _all_ the world will ever know.”

Ratchet blinked owlishly, then flushed in both fear and anger. “Wait… wait wait wait, are you saying—!? You mean that that _hack_ is going to be taking credit for our _genius?!_ But-But that’s not _fair!”_ Ratchet’s voice broke into a whine and he jabbed a finger at the crate. “I! _I_ designed the mechanisms, _I_ put it together, that was me, all me! I worked for it, _slaved_ over a hot forge for it! This is my creation! My brilliance! _My masterpiece!”_

“And your sacrifices for the sake of science and justice are duly noted and appreciated,” Stussy sneered haughtily, looking down at the frenzied engineer like an insect.

“T-This wasn’t the deal, damn it!” Ratchet spat, desperation and professional indignation coloring his voice. “Hogback and Indigo, those two are criminal pirate scum, take their works all you want, but I’m nothing of the sort! I’m nobility, I’m important, I _matter!_ Hell, I’m here voluntarily—!” 

“You were _volunteered,”_ Stussy corrected him, blunt as a hammer. “By your _mother,_ as part of a plea deal so that you would escape the good graces of Impel Down. Or _worse._ Because we _all_ know that once you had that little island-turtle of yours under control, you would have been casting your gaze onto much farther, much more _illegal_ horizons, correct?”

Ratchet’s twitching intensified almost twice over, and he was forced to snap his gaze away, unable to look her in the eye.

Almost immediately, fingers clamped onto his head like a vice and jerked his head around right into what Ratchet could swear were burning coals. “Let’s take this opportunity to clear up any further misconceptions, shall we?” she chirped through her brittle smile. “You have no rights, you have no liberties, and you only _barely_ have more privileges than your fellow inmates because we _felt like it._ You work for us because we desire it, and you are still breathing because we _allow it,_ and the _only_ reason you’re setting foot off this island is because I need someone to operate the world-changer you and your fellow wastes of flesh created. Without that, I have no use for you and your life is _forfeit._ Are. We. Clear.”

The best response that Ratchet could eke out was a panicked whimper, but it would suffice. For now.

“Perfect!” Stussy released him and spun around, clapping her hands with an air of glee. “Now, kindly quit your bitching and get belowdecks before I break your legs, m’kay?”

Teeth grinding viciously, Ratchet racked his brains for a counter, of _any_ kind. Nothing came, and he had to turn his head away and dutifully shuffle along. “Where are we going, anyways?” he managed to mumble out.

“Mmm, well, I should think it rather obvious, no?” Stussy hummed, spinning an umbrella out of her belt and balancing it on her shoulder. “What better way to test a weapon designed to rewrite the world…”

The shadows of the umbrella made her sharp, toothy smile shine all the more viciously.

“Than use it in the plan to rewrite _history?”_

**-o-**

With the Admiral’s departure, the Supernova crews, who had wisely held back, flooded into the grove to aid their captains. Some were… more grateful than others.

“Why the hell didn’t you chucklefucks help!?” Barto snarled furiously, even as he held out his arm for Apis to start bandaging.

Ever, meanwhile, met his raging bile with casual indifference. “Okay, Captain?” she stated, looking him right in the eye with a blank look. “That was an _Admiral_ you were fighting. So if we’d been here with you, _what would that have accomplished?_ You know, apart from us sucking and dying terribly, I mean.”

“…damn you and your logic. AND GET ME SOME DAMN BOOZE, WOULD YOU, THIS SHIT STINGS!”

“Sorry, you blew your booze budget earlier at 77, you’ll need to take it like a man.”

“OH COME THE HELL ON, WHAT PART OF ‘FUCKED UP BY AN ADMIRAL’ DID YOU MISS?!”

Others were still in awe from what had just departed.

“…y’know something? I knew the old crowd was scary. It’s common sense, really. But I wasn’t expecting an _Admiral_ to get tossed aside like that,” Apoo muttered, nervously eyeing Rayleigh as he idly plinked out an eerie tune on his teeth. That plinking intensified when the Dark King noticed the attention on him, and gave him a smile that was _just_ on the wrong side of ‘casual’.

“If it helps, I believe that much of the credit to what just transpired must go to simple good fortune,” Hawkins responded, laying out his cards on his straw. “That conflict should have gone much worse.”

“Oh, yeah?” Apoo asked, against his better judgement. “So what were the odds, then?”

Hawkins completed his spread, gave it a onceover - and his eyebrows jerked up half an inch each before he swept up the cards and reshuffled them. “For the sake of your remaining mental health, it would be better that you did not know.”

“Yeah, because _that’s_ fucking reassuring!”

Several pairs of eyes fell on the Allosaurus Zoan, who at this point had lost whatever composure he had left and stormed over to where the Straw Hats were clustered, still in the aftershock of the Admiral’s departure.

“And YOU! I don’t know _what_ I was thinking, going along with your plan! I’ve put up with the nonsense that follows your crew like a fucking cloud, I’ve put up with you all trying to-to _befriend_ me, I’ve even kept quiet about—!” Abruptly, the former Marine closed his mouth so fast his teeth clicked. It was a long moment before he continued. “And now we just _barely_ survived the Admiral you lot brought down on us, and that Admiral has _backup_ on his way? I’m done. I’m fucking _done._ But I’m not so done that I won’t RIP YOUR FUCKING—!”

Drake’s voice died in his throat.

One thing must be made clear: “Red Flag” X. Drake was firmly among the Supernovas who did _not_ fear the Straw Hats. He was wary of them, he respected their strength, and he even grudgingly respected them as people, but they were still a group of quirky rookies whose every opponent worth mentioning had lived to talk about it afterward. He had no reason to be afraid of such people.

Until that moment. That moment, when he found two dozen pairs of eyes promising _murder_ boring into his skull. The glares they delivered rivaled the ones they’d given Shiki the Golden Lion. Who, now that he thought about it, had only survived his clash with the Straw Hats by sheer dumb _luck._ Even they had a breaking point, and apparently, Kizaru had pushed them to it.

Wordlessly, he straightened and turned his back, distancing himself from the monsters _other pirates_ with all the dignity he could muster, his crew trailing nervously behind him.

With only a quick glance between the departing Drake and the angry Straw Hats, the Firetank, Bonney, and Fallen Monk pirates quietly departed as well. Those who remained were ignored as the crew fell into a huddle, quiet mutters filling the air between them.

_“—just burst into flame, wasn’t a trick, was—?”_

_“—last four months? Or did it happen—?”_

_“How did this even happen? We—”_

_“—supposed to do to stop it?”_

_“Puru puru puru puru!”_

The muttering stopped as Soundbite, newly returned to Cross’s shoulder, began ringing. It continued for several seconds before Cross forced himself to his feet.

“…I need to take this. You guys go on without me,” he mumbled, walking off. Though… ‘walk’ may have been a bit of an exaggeration. With how he was slumped and lurching forwards, it would be more accurate to say that Cross… _shambled_ away, his replaced gauntlets and hat barely staying on. Lassoo and Funkfreed exchanged looks before hurrying after him, moving to his flanks to keep him moving in as straight a line as they could manage. 

Much of the remaining crew looked like they wanted to do the same, but the choice was taken out of their hands as Luffy, shaking with what was probably ‘ _all_ the emotions’ marched off in the direction of the Rip-Off Bar. Grimacing, Zoro fell into step behind him, and the rest of the crew followed, none of them so much as acknowledging the pirates left behind them. Pirates who all warily watched them leave, wariness both for the sake of the Straw Hats and whatever they were going to do next.

For though the Supernovas, much like the Straw Hats themselves, didn’t know exactly what would be coming next, they all knew who would be starting it all off. One way… or another.

**-o-**

_“Beware the Blackbeard Pirates, Cross. Beware Blackbeard.”_

_“Puru puru puru puru.”_

He knew… _he knew…_

_“Puru puru puru puru.”_

All this time… all this time, and all along, he _knew—!_

_“Puru puru puru puru—_ ** _Cross, we’re alone,_** NOW’S AS GOOD A TIME AS— _KA-CLACK!”_ I ripped the transceiver’s mic off its cradle, ignoring the wince that drew from Soundbite.

“Ophiuchus,” I ground out, prompting my partners to join the cringe party.

_“…Aquarius,”_ came an elderly voice after a short pause. _“I apologize if this is a bad time, but I feel you’ll want to know of this as soon as possible.”_

My eyes narrowed as a sneaking suspicion popped into my mind, and I felt the haze lurking in my skull start to thicken. “Would it happen to involve a top-secret prisoner, a top-secret plan, and the bigwigs running the Government confirming their candidacy for the Darwin Award?”

Dead silence for the next several seconds.

_“…You failed to stop it,”_ Tsuru said at last.

“Thank you for stating the obvious. Now, would you mind telling me _how_ I failed to stop it?” I snarled as _somewhere_ in my head, I heard a sharp **SNAP!** “BECAUSE THE VIVRE CARD WE HAVE HAS HAD ME BELIEVING OTHERWISE FOR THE LAST FOUR MONTHS! _THE DAMN THING JUST BURST INTO FLAMES BEFORE OUR VERY EYES!”_

Another pause, much briefer, before “Tsuru” averted her eyes. _“Admiral Aokiji inadvertently saved the life of Marshall D. Teach by freezing the battleground where he was fighting Fire Fist Ace and two of Whitebeard’s subordinate crews. Teach coerced the Elder Stars into making him a Warlord in exchange for relinquishing the pirates to them as prisoners. They were kept in chemical-induced comas until now to ensure that no Vivre Cards would betray their status too soon. To my knowledge, though Marines all over the Grand Line are being summoned to Marineford, nobody else is yet aware of the true purpose except for Sengoku and the three Admirals.”_

I felt the urge to **burn** something intensify. “Let me guess: you just learned all of that from _Kuzan,_ didn’t you?”

_“…Yes.”_

I grit my teeth so hard I expected to hear one of them crack. “The next time you see that lazy son of a bitch, Aquarius, pass on a message from me: _too little, too late.”_ I was sorely tempted to slam the connection shut on that line, but I punched a momentary hole through the fog of fury; I could worry about that icehole once I’d run damage control. For now… “Alright… there’s a lot to do and not a lot of time. Aquarius, contact the rest of the Divine. Tell them to clear their schedules and be ready for a conference call… as soon as I’m somewhere close to sane enough to join on. Priority _zero.”_

_“Very well. KA-LICK._ **_I’ll send the same orders to the Damned, SONIA AND KOALA_ ** **should still be at the bar.”**

I nodded in acknowledgement, still walking. Some part of my mind was trying to reason through the haze that threatened to consume it. There was still a chance to save Ace. There was even still a chance to stop the war before it began. I had made connections from the day I joined the Straw Hats, and now was the time that I’d put them all to use.

But the sight of the burning Vivre Card wouldn’t leave my mind’s eye except to circle through a slideshow of the war playing back through my refreshed memories. Over and over, everything that I had **_failed to stop damn it all to_ **—

It took… I don’t know _how_ long to unstick my mind from the dark hole that it had swan-dived into, but eventually I managed to get myself back to a semblance of functional, which was enough for me. I gestured to Soundbite, to get his attention, and was confused when nothing happened, the gastropod frozen on my shoulder. And even weirder, when I looked at Lassoo and Funkfreed, they were in much the same state, staring dead ahead and neither moving a muscle.

And before I could ask what was wrong with them, I got my answer by way of a shadow falling over me.

A very big, very _familiar_ shadow.

I froze as well, slowly turning my head back. At the sight of Kuma’s curly locks and lantern jaw, the strangest mixture of dread and relief coursed through me, my mind scrambling for the slightest chance to do… to do _something,_ damn it.

The cyborg’s face remained as impassive as ever as he stared down at me, and his stance did not change. But just as I unstuck the mental horsepower I needed to speak, he had to open his mouth first.

“Do not attempt to dissuade me, Jeremiah Cross.”

Less than ten words, and they caused my _everything_ to lock up.

“I need only one look at you to see that you know what I’m here to do and why,” the cyborg said. Unflinchingly. _Mercilessly._ “You also know that your entire crew together would be unable to stop me by force. You are left with your words, and I’m sure you can make a compelling argument. But you won’t, no matter how much you may want to, because you’re smart enough and knowledgeable enough to know that if you do, it will lead to your crew’s deaths.”

Even through my bandages, my fingertips drew blood from my palms.

“I am perfectly aware of the solidarity of the Straw Hat Pirates. That is the precise reason why I have come here. You conquered Enies Lobby because you had reinforcements and because CP9 was the only true challenge you had to face. But the Government’s two remaining bases have not decayed from the expected standard. And now, with the war against Whitebeard on the horizon, there is even more security than usual. One such as your captain has a chance to succeed if he were to infiltrate either or both of the remaining bases. But I guarantee that at least one of your crew would not survive if all of you attempted the mission.”

He leaned down, and his blank gaze looked pierced straight to my soul. “I will not give you the choice to say no, Jeremiah Cross. If I leave you as you are, your crew will use whatever resources they have to try to rescue Fire Fist Ace, and then proceed to the New World, and anyone lost along the way will be on _your head._ Do you believe, fully and completely, that all of you as you are can survive a war between the most powerful forces in the world, and then proceed to the Emperors’ domain and successfully claim Roger’s throne?”

I let my head fall, silent as my mind ran over the madness of the War of the Best. It was no use. As he said, I already knew the answer.

And I tried to say something, I did. Just… _anything_ to defend myself, even the most irrational and fallacious... but ultimately, my mouth just hung open. I could think of… _nothing._

Kuma just stared at me before straightening again, the finality of a true Tyrant crashing down on me. “You already know this. The Straw Hat Pirates are not ready for the strongest that this world has to offer,” he spoke his verdict, with all the finality of a death knell.

I remained silent for a couple of minutes, trying to sort through my thoughts in the face of the inevitability of letting canon unfold. Once again, I _tried_ to get something in order, to get _something_ out… but…

“I will meet your crew at Grove 13, outside of the Rip-Off Bar, at sunset,” Kuma declared. He didn’t tell me, he declared it. Stated a _fact._ “Ensure that they are prepared to depart by then. They will leave this place when I arrive… whether they wish it or not.”

I stared up at him, into his blank eyes, desperate to get one word out, even a single, small, worthless word—!

And then he looked up and away. Dismissed me, like an insect… like worthless trash. 

“This decision is final. That is all.”

And with that… he was gone.

I stared down at the ground for the longest minute of my life. My anger built with every second, and I felt my body moving over to the nearest mangrove. Looking up at the bark, the memory of Ace’s final smile flashed into my mind’s eye, and I saw **red.**

…Again, I don’t know how long I blacked out. But when I came to, I saw the crater that I’d caused. It went almost half my arm in and was taller and wider than I was. My fist ached even through my armor; I had put all of the strength and anger that I had into that punch… and this was the best that I could do.

A year ago, I would have been blown away at the thought that I could do this.

Now all I could think was that it was _nothing_ that would help me against the world.

That this feat of herculean, superhuman strength… was _all_ that I was capable of.

“…Funkfreed.”

The elephant shuddered as the words dragged their way out of my mouth.

“Get us back to the Bar, and make it fast. Our time is almost up.”

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While Cross’s top-of-the-world euphoria had subsided, unlikely to return anytime soon, the saying goes that misery loves company. A certain, select group of individuals was nursing the injuries to their bodies and, far more importantly, their pride as they departed from what used to be the thriving capital of the Grand Line’s slave trade.

They had never known anything except the top of the world, and to be laid low even the slightest amount, as they had been, had them ready to murder anyone who so much as breathed wrong near their berths in their ship’s infirmary. There was no alternative but to lie still to recover from their beatings, the better to not aggravate their injuries before a doctor that they deemed worthy looked over their bodies.

They were prepared, somewhat grudgingly, to enjoy the stillness and silence until they reached their heavenly home. And when they recovered, they would see to it that the Straw Hats suffered. That was their plan.

…and much like with Cross, a certain boogeyman lurking nearby had other plans.

“Ooooh, _man_ it is good to be the King. I mean, I already _know_ that I’m blessed by the world, that’s a… a _fact,_ yeah. But it’s just _so nice_ to have it confirmed beyond all doubt, you know? _So nice.”_

Slowly, the Celestial Dragons sat up, eyes darting about for the source of the very, very close monologue. A monologue that would have any sane man running for the hills.

“Man, you know, I hate to give anyone credit outside of me and mine. I truly hate it, it feels like I’m breaking out in _hives._ But _sweet Angra Mainyu_ did you guys do that just right. I mean, I wanted to bring Cross low, sure, but _you all?_ Oh, you crushed his spirit, completely! I honestly can’t even tell if he’ll ever be coming back, it’s just so _delicious!_ Fortune always lined up for me before, that’s _natural,_ it’s who I am, but this? Oh, it’s _glorious._ Beyond anything I could have ever dreamed, even _I_ didn’t think it was possible to break a person like him so thoroughly! And you know the _best_ part of it all? If he _does_ manage to claw his way out of the pit we’ve dug for him he is going to be an _unholy terror._ I CAN’T WAIT!”

The keeper of the voice strode into plain view, heads turning to regard the demon in pink feathers sauntering up to their sickbeds.

“Ahhh… so, to summarize: I am, currently, on the hot streak to end all hot streaks. I am on _fire._ This is shaping up to be the single best day of my life thus far. And it’s wonderful, just _wonderful._ Why, I’m even planning on swinging by Gran Tesoro later so that I can break the bank a little, see? Because I feel lucky, thanks to it being _that_ kind of day. But before… all… that… I just want to make this day as absolutely, positively _perfect_ as I possibly can.”

Doflamingo’s smile widened as the Celestial Dragons’ eyes, the _one_ part of their bodies he was letting them keep control over, widened in unmistakeable terror.

“Oh, nonono, you mistake me. I’m not going to touch you, that would be _beneath me._ Nooooo…” he chuckled. “I have something much more… _elegant_ in mind.”

And with that, he drew out a metal pipe from the depths of his jacket, and placed it in Roswald’s waiting, twitching hand. A hand that wrapped around the metal, and clutched it in a white-knuckled grip.

“Now, if I remember correctly from you and your daughter’s ranting in my _fine_ establishment,” Doflamingo mused, tapping a finger to his chin. “You’ve never struck your kids before, correct?” 

The Heavenly Yaksha shook his head and tutted disapprovingly, as Roswald’s body forced itself upright and dragged itself out of its bed, before turning to the side. 

Turning to approach the other beds in the room.

“Well, now, that won’t do, that just won’t do at all! I am of the opinion that all children should be beaten as they grow up. Repeatedly, and _violently._ It’s only part of a healthy upbringing! I mean, after all…”

The pipe went up, and the demon started to absolutely, well and truly _laugh._

“ _IT DID_ **WONDERS** _FOR ME! FUFFUFFUFU,_ ** _FUFFUFFUFFUFFUFU!!”_**

**Cross-Brain AN: And so Doflamingo’s torment of the Straw Hats comes to a true conclusion; this is the last we’ll see of him… for the** **_immediate_ ** **future. Our next chapter marks the end of the Sabaody Revolution. And with it, the end of the Straw Hat Pirates’ time together until the time skip concludes.**

**Buckle up… it’s just getting good.**


	14. Chapter 14

### Chapter 80: Chapter 71 - Sabaody Revolution Pt. 7

### Chapter Text

**Chapter 71: Mothball**

**Cross-Brain AN: Much as we would have loved to make this a Christmas present, the winter season was quite busy for all of us. But hey, we’re here now. Hope that this chapter is worth the wait…and while we could ask you to forgive us for what’s at the end, hey, we know better than that.**

The atmosphere in the Rip-Off Bar was uncomfortable, and not just because of two consecutive run-ins with severely overpowered individuals on top of the news of Ace’s capture and the obvious despair Cross had been in. The entire crew had crammed into the bar upon arrival, only for Chopper to kick out everybody that didn’t need treatment—that is, Nami, Zoro, Boss, Sanji, Luffy, and Brook—apart from Robin, whose helping hands helped to speed the process along.

Even Shakky and Rayleigh felt the atmosphere, Rayleigh brooding over a mug of booze and Shakky idly cleaning a glass. 

Idly, Nami’s hand drifted to the bandaged burn in her side, and she glanced over at Luffy. Still slumped over the bar, the plate of meat Shakky had placed in front of him still untouched. A toxic brew of guilt and anxiety churned in her stomach; to find out like _this_ , of all ways, when she’d known, could have said someth—!

Zoro’s hand clamped onto her shoulder, and he shook his head. _Later._ Grimacing, Nami slumped down even further, hoping for a distraction. 

Thankfully, the swordsman was at least keen enough to pick up on _that._ Or maybe he just needed a distraction himself. 

“So, how the hell did we even end up in that position?” Zoro groused, eyeing Boss. “And I mean at the very start. Weren’t you and your students supposed to make sure that the Nobles didn’t get a chance to try anything?”

“One moment, let me finish this bandaging,” Chopper muttered, yanking some gauze tight around Boss’ right shoulder. “Right. Go wild with the signing, Boss.”

“‘The last thing any of us remember is getting our skull plates slammed together. And now that I think about it, I’m almost positive we weren’t just slammed together, we were _yanked_ together. Next thing we knew, we were waking up underwater on the brink of running out of breath, and Cross was already in the middle of it,’ that’s what he said,” Robin translated, her frown deepening as a thought struck her. “Boss, I’m assuming that this phenomenon repeated itself when you cornered the Nobles in the Auction House, yes?”

The dugong nodded, and Robin grimaced. “An invisible force applying the minimum amount of effort for maximum effect. Well, we can safely conclude that Cross literally stumbling into Charloss’ path was no accident,” she sighed in exhaustion, massaging the bridge of her nose. “For all the good it does us to know this _after_ the fact…”

“Hn,” Zoro grunted, leaning back against the wall. 

“You get used to it,” Shakky remarked, placing a glass back on the shelf. 

The uncomfortable silence fell again; no one really _wanted_ to get used to that sort of feeling. Thankfully, a fresh distraction arrived shortly afterward. A decidedly _less_ welcome distraction, mind.

“HACHI!” Nami yelped, bolting from her chair as Chew and Kuroobi carried Hachi in between them. Duval trailed behind, a shivering Keimi in his arms (Sanji, in his current condition, could only glare in annoyed envy) and Pappug on his shoulder. Shakky followed her, a concerned frown on her face.

“Do you have a couple of beds free? Both of our friends need to rest after this much trauma,” Kuroobi said, directing his question to the couple behind the bar.

“Keimi can use my bed, lay Hachi down over there,” Shakky replied, pointing them to a large booth. She led Duval to the back while the fishmen shuffled over to the booth, draping Hachi carefully on the seat where the octo-man sagged in relief.

“Seriously, though, Hachi? I thought that reindeer’s medicine was supposed to be freakishly effective,” Chew muttered, spitting a blob of water into his hands in an effort to wipe off the layer of blood on them.

“It is,” Chopper answered mildly as he walked over. “But it can lose some edge when A. the patient is still walking immediately after he’s treated, and B. _when he’s dumb enough to not let me take the bullet out of him! Lay down, now!”_

Hachi winced and complied, reclining in the booth’s seat as the other two fishmen stepped out of the doctor’s way.

“N-Nyuu… s-sorry for all the trouble…” Hachi moaned. “I j-just wanted you guys to get out before— NYUAAAOOW!” A needle jammed into his neck, all six of Hachi’s hands clenching into agonized fists.

“Part of me appreciates the sentiment, the other part is grousing about how this is the last of the anesthetic I keep on hand because that head start turned out to be _completely_ _useless_ ,” Chopper muttered darkly as he removed the rough temporary bandaging.

With a wince, Hachi looked away. That just meant another wince when his gaze met Nami’s. But the navigator’s expression was gentle.

“Hachi… I’m sorry.”

The octopus’s pained expression fled in favor of naked, wide-eyed shock.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance when you so obviously deserved it,” Nami continued. “I’m sorry for refusing to see that you’re really not the same person who helped Arlong terrorize my home… and I’m sorry that it took seeing you jump in front of a _gun_ for one of ours for me to finally get it. I’ve been beyond unfair to you, and for that, I am _so_ sorry.”

She turned her gaze to the wound, her expression darkening with worry.

“Chopper… how bad is it?”

“Bad, especially since it’s been untreated for this long…” With a grunt of effort, the reindeer pulled the bullet out of Hachi’s chest, his expression lightening considerably as he started re-bandaging him. “But no, you didn’t just give him a deathbed redemption. He’ll live, he’s just going to be in a lot of pain for… a few weeks? Yeah, let’s go with weeks. But even so…”

Chopper closed his eyes, turning his memory back to the brawl in the auction house. He’d looked over the moment that he heard Cross get shot, and so he had seen the angles line up. He opened his eyes and gave both Hachi and Nami a grave look.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t know how good Charloss’s aim would have been, but Hachi didn’t do this for nothing. There was a chance that if he hadn’t stepped in, Charloss could have hit Cross somewhere that I couldn’t have fixed.” He focused more on the octopus, and for the first time in what felt like a short eternity, Chopper allowed himself an honest smile. “Thank you, Hachi.”

“…yeah. Thank you,” Nami agreed, smiling again. Then, slowly, she held out a hand. “I… this won’t be easy, and there are still some things… but. I’m… I’m willing to at least _talk._ Alright?”

Tears sprung in Hachi’s eyes that had nothing to do with the pain. Reaching out, he took Nami’s hand in his own. “Th-Thank you, Nami. Thank you.”

The mood of the crew present lifted some at the sight. Only two people in the building didn’t share in the new happiness, but they wished they did. Kuroobi and Chew exchanged looks of pain, regret, and perfect understanding, then turned for the door.

“And where are you two going?” Zoro asked, quietly but with an unmistakable intensity. All attention zeroed in on the two fishmen, who, to their credit, neither flinched nor turned back.

“…Fisher Tiger really would be ashamed of us if he saw us now,” Kuroobi croaked. “Hatred killed him, and we almost lost the only friend we have left from his time because he took a bullet… for someone who’s working to undermine that hatred… _our_ hatred.”

“We already lost everything once,” Chew picked up, arms trembling. “If the only way to keep it from happening again is to get rid of this resentment… then there’s no other choice. But if even Big Bro couldn’t do it himself, we’ll need more help. We’re going back to Grove 77… see if we can help. If we can _find_ help. And from there… we’ll find out what we want to do with the rest of our lives.”

Their heads shifted, as though to look at Hachi once more- but no, they stayed looking ahead.

“…we don’t expect to ever earn a chance to be friends with you all like Hachi,” Kuroobi got out. “But maybe… just maybe we can come close enough to be worth having the sun on our skin again.”

They opened the door and took one step out.

“Is that so?”

Koala’s cool voice froze them in place, the Revolutionary leaning on the doorframe that led to the back of the Bar. They felt her eyes boring into them, an almost palpable force.

“I didn’t have any hope left for you two,” she said bluntly. “And there’s still not much, either; you’ve got a long road ahead of you if you really want to try making up for Arlong’s crimes _and_ Hody’s.”

Kuroobi and Chew’s fists clenched, though it was hard to say what they were feeling. After a few seconds, the tension left them and they stood as defeated as they were moments before. 

And it was that that switched Koala from stoic anger to head-shaking pity.

“But hey, what are pirates if not dreamers who chase the impossible? Get going, then. If you have any shred of the Sun Pirates left in your bodies, don’t let this epiphany go to waste. There’ll be no chance of forgiveness for you if you let this pass. Be it from me…” She graced them, ever so slightly, with a teary smile. “Or from our Big Bro.”

With their backs to the bar, nobody could see the expressions the two fishmen wore. But their steps as they left the bar behind were steady. Whether it was from the harshness of their ex-friend’s words, or the hope that said words had inspired, no one could say.

Only one thing was clear: it was the last time the Straw Hats would ever meet the two Arlong Pirates.

…But of course, a moment like that couldn’t last forever.

“Yohoho… I hate to break up the moment,” Brook interjected, his tone and expression saying anything _but._ “But may I ask where you and your lovely companion were when everything went wrong? As I recall, you were supposed to be our failsafe for exactly that sort of situation.” 

Koala’s stern demeanor almost instantly melted away, leaving a very sheepish Revolutionary poking her fingers together. “Yeeeah… that _was_ the plan, wasn’t it? But, ah… we ran into some… _unforeseen_ hurdles before we could help.”

“Hurdles such as…?” Robin prompted, cocking an eyebrow.

“Weeeeell…” Koala glanced away with a nervous chuckle. “Tuuuurns out that when you see the supposedly untouchable monsters of your nightmares getting touched _damn_ hard, right before your eyes? Your brain tends to… skip a beat or few, just a bit.” She capped her ‘explanation’ off with a nervous shrug. “Who knew, huh?”

There was a long moment’s pause…

{Are you saying your excuse is that you two _fainted?!}_ Raphey barked indignantly, translating her words with some harsh signs. All eyes darted to her, and the open door she was standing in, and she went red as her headband and carefully closed it. 

Robin, tilting her head, eyed one of the windows and then crossed her arms. Outside, a barely-visible tuft of blue hair vanished, accompanied by a startled yelp.

“In their defense, ‘fainting’ is putting it mildly,” Shakky chuckled as she re-entered the room. “These two gave me quite the fright when it happened, up and dropped as though their stri— _ahem!”_ She hastily coughed into her fist and glanced aside. “Er, you get the point. Anyway, they both went down and they wouldn’t wake up no matter what I did, so all I could do was let them sleep it off. And trust me, _this one—”_ She jabbed her thumb at the ginger rebel. “—got it lighter than Sonia. Poor thing’s still out cold from the shock of it all, and from the looks of things I don’t expect her to wake up for a good long while.”

Everyone sweatdropped, aside from the veterans behind the bar… and the still silent Luffy.

The captain’s lasting and wholly uncharacteristic silence swiftly dragged the mood right back down, and Nami and Zoro exchanged nervous glances as subtly as they could manage. 

Nervous glances that quickly got a lot less subtle as an entire non-verbal argument broke out over who’d be least at risk to prod the elephant in the room. A debate that was over remarkably fast. 

“Uh, Luffy?” Nami said, tentatively stepping towards her captain. “You’ve been really quiet for a while, and you haven’t eaten your meat, and, well… to be blunt, it’s scaring the hell out of everyone. What are you thinking about?”

The silence stretched on, Luffy’s head still bowed. One minute… two…

{…Maybe he just fell asleep again,} Sanji signed, getting to his feet to administer a typical leather-clad wake-up call—

“Brook. Go get Vivi and Merry.”

—and hurriedly sat down again, right as Brook shot to his feet and skittered right out the door. Chopper nervously glanced between Luffy, Nami, and the door, before asking, tentatively, “Uh, Luffy, should I go or—?”

{We’re staying,} Boss and Sanji signed simultaneously, drawing a sign from the good doctor. 

“Okay, guess I’m staying,” he said, before matching the glare Sanji threw his way with one of his own. “Sanji, your _face_ is detached from the rest of your _skull._ I’m staying so you don’t _tear it off entirely by accident.”_

Huffing, Sanji sat back down, idly batting Boss’ outstretched flipper. 

It was to this that Vivi and Merry walked into. “Hey, so Brook wasn’t very clear—” Merry began, only to be interrupted. 

“He could have killed us.”

The two newcomers froze like they were staring down an oncoming Sea Train, and Nami wasn’t feeling much better. Even Zoro and Robin visibly tensed.

“His crew was here the whole time, and he was right there when we were fighting the guards,” Luffy continued. “Probably when we were fighting Kizaru, too. But he didn’t. He left all of us alive, but he made sure we knew that he could have killed all of us if he wanted to. And this isn’t the first time this has happened to us.” The rubber man’s shadowed gaze turned to the side, toward his first mate. “Mihawk did the same thing.”

With a sharp _‘tsk’,_ Zoro looked away, his hand falling to rest on his white blade. “Not even close to the same thing, Luffy.”

“Less respect, yeah, but was it really _that_ different?”

Zoro grit his teeth, but couldn’t produce a good answer.

“And all the other times too,” Luffy continued in his flat voice. “Crocodile messed around in our first fight, and he would have killed me if Robin hadn’t been there. Moria would have done it too if Cross hadn’t flipped the script, and Kuma almost killed everyone without even trying. Every time we’ve met one of the Warlords, the first thing that they’ve done is show off their power, how they’re better than us. Even Jinbe did it. But that String guy… Doflamingo, he was just like Shiki. He wanted to watch us try to beat him so he could kill us when we didn’t have any hope left. But he didn’t. And it wasn’t just so the Marines could take all the credit. So why? Why didn’t he kill us?”

Luffy got to his feet, staring at the wall opposite the bar, still showing his face to any of the crew present. And while surprised that his focus wasn’t on Ace, none of them were about to bring it up.

“…from what I can tell, I think he’s similar to… Cross’s ‘benefactor,’ among other… like-minded individuals,” Vivi said after a moment of silence, her words hesitant and careful. “He has the power to do whatever he wants, but he doesn’t do _everything_ he could because it would be boring that way. With the SBS… we’ve become too entertaining for him to want to kill us.” She rubbed at her neck with a self-conscious wince. “At least, for now…”

{But that doesn’t tell us why he put on that whole show,} Boss signed with a grunt, Robin translating. {What was the point of showing off how easily he could have killed us if he wanted to leave us alive?}

The answer to that question slowly dawned on Cross’s five confidants in a symphony of widened eyes and further muscle tension. A silent exchange passed between them, but none spoke up, each one hoping Luffy would come to the conclusion himself…

{…the only Warlords close to our level.}

But of course, they weren’t the only ones to draw the conclusion.

{Cross said it back on Thriller Bark, and then he said it again earlier today,} Sanji signed, Robin translating. {This is showing off what a Warlord can do just like Mihawk did at the Baratie. He’s showing off and sparing us for the same reason that Mihawk left Zoro alive.}

“Wait, you’re saying he was trying to show us just how outclassed we are… to make us want to get _stronger?”_ Chopper asked, incredulous.

“‘Don’t leave me hanging.’”

And with that, all attention returned to Luffy.

“That’s what it is,” Luffy answered in a chilling voice. “We’re keeping him entertained and he doesn’t want to lose that. So he showed us how weak we are compared to him… so that we wouldn’t go into the New World right away like we planned. Like _I_ planned.”

He paused, then he removed his hat and stared down at it.

“…Shanks is waiting somewhere on the other side of the Red Line. I promised him that I would be strong enough to beat him when we met each other again… and this isn’t enough. Lucky showed me on Skelter Bite, even if he didn’t want to say it. So did Izo and those other guys from the other Emperors. And I still couldn’t beat Ace in a fight, not if I had to.” He looked up at the Revolutionary leaning against the wall. “And I wouldn’t be able to beat Sabo either, would I?”

Koala didn’t answer verbally, but the nervous tug at her collar and inability to look him in the eye was more answer than any words, and the room fell silent once more. 

“You’re correct, Straw Hat,” said Rayleigh, the first he’d spoken since their arrival, his expression grim. “If you were to enter the New World as you all are now… you would die. That’s all that there is to it.”

The beating he’d laid on Kizaru was all that kept back any complaints about any condescension - for now, anyway. Despite his discipline, it was Boss who couldn’t hold the knee-jerk reaction back. 

{And who the hell are you to talk down to us like that!?}

“He sailed with Roger.”

And like that, the Straw Hats present froze again, this time in awe as they properly put a name and a _reputation_ to the old man’s face. Rayleigh, for his part, merely raised a questioning eyebrow at Luffy. 

“I heard what you said to Kizaru,” the rubber man elaborated. “You said Roger was your captain.”

“…yeah. Yeah, he was,” Rayleigh confirmed with a wry half-smile. “And I was his first mate. ‘Dark King’ Silvers Rayleigh, a name and face that I’m sure many of you still recognize. Impressive, Straw Hat. But it’s more impressive that you can see reason like this. I’ve tried to warn off plenty of rookies like you before I coated their ships, but almost none of them listen.”

He let out a wistful sigh, slipping his glasses off so he could polish them. “Make it this far on their first try, they think they can go all the way in one shot. But they only have to see five minutes’ worth of that place to know that they’re not ready yet. ‘Paradise’…the name didn’t come from nowhere, and neither is it an exaggeration.”

Silence fell once more, and the five confidants felt dread stirring in their hearts from what Rayleigh had just said, so plainly that even Luffy would be able to connect the dots. They kept their expressions as neutral as they could, praying that he wouldn’t make one further connection.

"Cross already knows, doesn't he."

Their prayers were not answered. They all froze stiff. And all too soon, Merry, Vivi, Zoro, Nami, and Robin were made acutely aware that everyone else in the crew was now staring at them in askance, along with other, more… _volatile_ emotions. Luffy was no different, finally turning around to stare at them, his gaze somehow _worse_ for how unerringly, placidly neutral it was.

"And he already has a plan for it, doesn't he," Luffy said, asking and answering his own question.

Slowly, the five of them nodded. “He… broke the news to us a few weeks ago,” Merry started, timidly. “We wanted to bring it up, b-but…”

“We didn’t keep it a secret because we wanted to,” Zoro cut in, his voice firm, the only one able to meet Luffy’s eyes.

The rubber man stared at them before replacing his hat on his head, hiding his eyes once more. Another lengthy pause made all the more unsettling by the _lack_ of any apparent strain or the sound of grinding gears. Again, he spoke. 

“…He wasn't going to tell the rest of us until it was too late to say no, was he,” the rubber-man concluded, disappointment clear in his voice.

The confidants’ silence was deafening. 

Surprisingly, it was actually Boss who broke the silence.

“Why, that silver-tongued—GERK!”

But he only spoke a few words before clapping his flippers over his mouth in surprise, realizing that he had, in fact, _actually_ spoken them. 

And with that, an unmistakable sense of dread fell over the crew. No one was quite sure how this confrontation would go, but it couldn’t be good. There was a vague sense that someone should be doing something, especially with Shakky, Koala, and Rayleigh just watching the scene play out with stony expressions.

A feeling that intensified when Luffy wordlessly stood and walked up to the bar’s entrance, his gaze locked on the door. Zoro tried to stand, tried to do _something,_ but Luffy merely held up his hand. The swordsman could do nothing but sit down, his captain crossing his arms when he did so. 

In one last-ditch effort, Vivi sent a pleading look to Rayleigh. But he just shook his head, stood, and walked into the back, Shakky and Koala following, though the latter at least gave them an apologetic look. _Internal crew matter,_ the look said. _Sorry, can’t help._

After all, the Captain’s orders were absolute. 

**-o-**

Soundbite mentioned at some point that stampeding elephants were able to charge at speeds of up to 25 miles per hour. I don’t know whether Funkfreed exceeded that as he carried us the rest of the way to the bar. I was still out of it, trying to get my mind to show me a way out of this situation, to get my neck off of the chopping block I was about to place it on. 

To help me deny the reality that all the effort I had put into making this last day the best that it could possibly be had gone straight to hell and then kept digging.

It wasn’t working. It was all that I could do to keep _breathing._ And it was becoming an increasingly appealing idea to just save myself the trouble and stop doing _that,_ too—

_SMACK!_

I slapped my cheeks, trying to exorcise the thoughts that had wormed into my head. Honestly, not much help. Because beyond all of the bad memories I was still trying to cope with, whether it was the recent past or the near future, my mind was helpfully and repeatedly reminding me of the living nightmare that I’d have to go through in the present, as soon as I met my crew once more.

My confidants had hated being kept in the middle and forced to choose between truth and life, and that was when it was ‘just’ splitting up for two years. Now, being forced to split up and train and unable to be of any help to Luffy beyond the fail-safes I’d managed to scrounge up? I knew that it was unchangeable, but I had changed too much to fully believe that. And even I got mad when I thought to myself that my reasoning boiled down to ‘it’s for your own good.’

_CLANK!_

I blinked, belatedly realizing we’d arrived as Funkfreed’s trunk withdrew from dropping me on the stairs and Lassoo nudged me up them. Around me was a large chunk of the crew, trying way too hard to look innocent. Not that I particularly cared at the moment. Clenching my fists, as much to relieve stress as to keep the jointless gauntlets from falling off, I started climbing.

The absolute worst-case scenario was that I would get kicked off of the crew. I don’t know what kind of mercy it was that I didn’t consider that likely, because instead of worrying about it, I focused on the much more likely and still very, very _bad_ outcomes, with the second place worst Luffy giving me a one-on-one talk about how disappointed he was.

And distrust—legitimate, scornful distrust would result from this, that was all but inevitable. How many of them would hate me? How many of them would hate my confidants by proxy? In trying to save the crew, had I instead torn them apart from the inside?

In spite of my miserable thoughts—and the fact that I legitimately couldn’t feel much of my body—I soon found myself standing in front of the door to the bar. Just a few flimsy inches of wood, separating me from _whatever the hell_ was coming next. Whatever hell I’d brought about…

I’d say I tried to will my arm to move, but that’d require me to, well, know where my arms were to begin with… 

_“Cross…_ ” a voice I vaguely acknowledged as Soundbite’s prodded me gently. _“You know you need to do this. You need to go in there. You need to face this now, or you’ll run from it forever.”_

I blinked blearily, the words rattling in my head for a second before they made sense. “Is… that still an option?” I wheezed, daring to hope—!

“CROSS!”

That… wasn’t Soundbite. I looked to my left, where Usopp was giving me a worried expression. 

“Look,” he said. “I don’t know what’s going on, but unless it’s worse than lying about your origins—”

“It is,” I said, voice dead. 

That threw Usopp for a loop. He staggered back, and then turned to the rest of the crewmembers gathered outside with a pleading look. 

“Sorry, I got nothing, bro,” Franky said, everyone else nodding along with varying degrees of reluctance.

**“Fat lot of help** _Y’ALL ARE,”_ Soundbite sighed. **_“C’mon, partner._** TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC.”

I didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t. But the short conversation had knocked some rationality into me, and I knew I needed to do this. “Ggh, right, right…” And so, with dread I hadn’t felt even when staring down Sea Kings, staring down two different _Admirals,_ I raised my hand, grasped the door’s handle, and pushed.

I pretty much stumbled forward, into the bar, and damn near ran into _Luffy,_ who was standing directly in front of me, his arms crossed, expression blank, and eyes locked with mine. I didn’t move a muscle while my brain caught up with my eyes, and I felt Soundbite shrinking on himself. I couldn’t even glance away and look at the rest of the crew to find out how much trouble I was in. 

“How long, Cross?”

And _just like that,_ the rest of the world went white. Nothing really existed except the pounding in my ears, my captain, my _Captain_ standing in front of me, and that question. No emotion at all in the words, no context given, striking me right at my core.

I was scared out of my mind. Still, I had to ask, had to be _sure_.

“How long…what, Captain Luffy?” I responded as evenly as I could. Trying to keep the terror out of my voice, trying to keep out the misery, _failing_ to keep them out—! 

“How long do we need to train?”

I _felt_ the bone-deep **_THROB!_ **that rammed through my core, colder than anything Aokiji could ever dream. H-He was asking… but how—?

_DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING._

…damn everything. Doflamingo. I had _Doflamingo_ to thank for opening Luffy’s eyes to the cruel truth. I’d focus a lot more on the cruel irony that would be Dressrosa if I wasn’t staring into the same eyes and dreading my answer. It took a second or two to unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth, but…

“…two years,” I managed. “Two years… or we all die.” I heard murmuring around me, but I couldn’t tell if it was real or just more of my mind breaking. Didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Nothing… except…

“And how are all of us going to get as strong as we need to?”

I was trembling. It took me a minute or so to manage to get the words out, and that whole time, Luffy kept staring, unblinking, and the world kept **_THROB!_** ing.

“…Kuma scatters everyone where they need to be,” I heard… someone, say? Could have been me, hard to say. “No choice. Can’t… won’t be stopped.”

Again, again with the murmuring, more fervent than before. Why couldn’t it stop? Why couldn’t everything just stop and end and _leave me alone…_

“Where is he now?”

No… no, of course not, nothing was going my way, nothing had _ever_ gone my way, even up until now, why start now… A failure of a tactician, a failure of a pirate, a failure of a human… didn’t even have the _spine_ to look at my Captain… only reason I was doing so was that his Stare wouldn’t let me do anything else.

“…here at sunset,” I heard my voice croak out. “Scatter us all… and if we resist… same difference…” With that, Luffy’s eyes finally closed, and I felt myself fall to the floor. The murmuring didn’t persist for long, and I just knelt there, _reveling_ in the silence, the **_oblivion..._**

“Cross.”

But no. I didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve that mercy. Didn’t deserve anything. What I deserved was that one word, and the feeling of a hand on top of my head. Was this the end? Was this finally, _finally_ going to end, and let me go—? 

I was… more than a little stunned when rather than feeling my skull cave in, I felt something come _off_. But… before I could understand, I felt something else go on instead. Something soft, slightly itchy, around my entire scalp—

One hand unwound the bandages from the other, allowing my raw flesh to move to my head and confirm what I was feeling: Straw. 

This was… I was—I was wearing Luffy’s _hat._ _The_ Straw Hat. Luffy’s Straw Hat, his treasure… the proof that I was one of his true companions. The… The proof of—

“Cross, I want you to keep this safe for me. Give it back to me when we meet again, alright?”

…That was it. 

That was… pretty much it. As all of the fears that I had been harboring for the last month dissolved, and as something _finally_ interrupted the cavalcade of trauma and horror that had been my _life_ for the past _I don’t even know anymore,_ I did the one thing I’d wanted to do more than anything else.

I let myself completely break down and cry.

Just… _cry._

**-o-**

When Luffy passed his verdict, the crew outside had abandoned any subtlety in favor of watching through the door and windows. So they, along with everyone already in the bar, had their doubts silenced by that one action. Once that was done, Zoro was the first to rise to his feet and walk over to Luffy.

“…just like that? Why?” he asked, relief and disbelief warring in his voice. And indeed, while none of the crew would contest the decision—even the ones who hadn’t been in the know were withdrawing with a minimum of grumbling—the confusion as to _why_ he’d made it was palpable.

There was a moment’s pause, the third mate oblivious in his sobbing and his partners just as delirious with relief, and then…

“He cried for Ace.” was all Luffy gave as an answer.

And that was all that he needed to say.

**-o-**

Somewhere in the New World, a certain group of pirates was preparing to set sail. The party they’d had earlier in the day had subsided as things went increasingly south for the Straw Hats, and a few minutes after the broadcast suddenly cut off, their captain had hissed in pain, one hand coming to his left eye. The pain there had been a dull ache over the past few months, minor enough to ignore. The sudden spike of pain that rivaled the injury that left them forced him into action; something had gone very, very wrong, and he would soon find out what it was.

And yet, as they disembarked, the grim mood that had fallen over them subsided as Shanks found his hand brushing against his hair. Where the hat he’d relinquished so long ago once sat and where he felt the oddest but most distinct sense of contentment.

Red-Haired Shanks allowed a smile to grace his face. “Guess you’re still doing well, Luffy.”

“Captain! You’ll want to see this!” barked Rockstar as he skidded up to him, freshly delivered newspaper in hand. Shanks scanned the front page, and his smile faded into a dark grimace at the proclamation regarding his protégé’s brother.

“…somehow,” he quietly tacked on. “Rockstar, get me a snail. I need to call Lucky Roo.”

**-o-**

Cross’s breakdown lasted for a good several minutes before he could be considered even remotely coherent. And while the crew’s inclination was to give him all of the time that he needed to recover, what little explanation he’d given demanded a bit more haste. A tonic that Shakky provided had Cross calm again in a matter of seconds; she confided afterward while slamming the bottle back in the safe that it was a relic of the slave trade used to pacify victims during relocation. A concept they were all thoroughly disgusted with, of course, but desperate times and all that.

And indeed, in these desperate times, desperate measures seemed to be the theme for the Straw Hats, as Cross detailed exactly what would be happening to them and exactly why it was necessary, despite the crew’s disdain. As he finished, he reached up and tipped the brim of Luffy’s hat down a tad, refusing to look anyone in the eye.

“I… didn’t want to hide this. But I…if I _told you…_ what _proof_ would I have, when we’ve won everything so far? When you’ve done so great, we’ve done so great, _I—!…_ if we could win against the world before, why believe me when I said that _this time_ was the impossible one…” Even through the chemical haze, a shudder racked him. “I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you—” 

“Cross,” Luffy interrupted, his voice firm. _“I_ trust _you._ I might have listened to you if you said that we needed to stop our adventure and train for two years…” He let out a heavy snort, scratching uncomfortably at his head. “But I don’t know if I would have. I wouldn’t have liked it, so I might’ve—I probably _would’ve_ said no. I still _don’t_ like it, but after what happened…” He grit his teeth in a momentary flash of anger before forcing himself back to calm. “I get that we’re not ready yet. I don’t like it, but I get it. So don’t worry about it.”

Luffy paused; he wanted to give Cross the time he needed to pull himself together, but he _had_ to ask that one burning question.

“But what about Ace?” 

His attempt at a gentle tone didn’t stop Cross’s entire form from visibly _sagging._

“They captured him four months ago and kept him asleep. He was still healthy… so the Vivre Cards didn’t give anything away,” he croaked out. “I-I _thought_ I’d cut this off, I thought I _did enough—!”_

“Cross,” Luffy cut in again, forcing his voice to stay something like calm. “Forget about the past. Tell me about the _future._ How do we save him?”

Cross’s fists clenched and unclenched sporadically as he spoke on, seemingly unable to stop. “He’s in Level 6 of Impel Down, the Eternal Hell. It’s the only place they’d even _think_ of keeping him until the execution. If you can save him before they take him, The War will never happen. The Whitebeards won’t clash with the Navy, Newgate won’t die—for a while, at least—and Teach won’t come to power. That’s the best-case scenario at this point.”

Luffy let himself relax slightly, letting himself feel a _glimmer_ of relief.

“But…”

Only for Cross to do what he did best, and dash it with one word.

“That’s… really not likely,” he said matter-of-factly. “The floors of Impel Down aren’t called hells because they’re pleasant vacation spots. And trying to catch him in transit wouldn’t be any good either, because at best that means Vice Admirals, and at worst an Admiral or three _._ You likely won’t make it in time, and if you don’t, you’ll have to charge Marineford instead. And once you’re there…” Cross’s head sank down even further. “Ace’s chances of survival… decrease exponentially.”

“Then why can’t we help!?”

This time it was Su who jumped into the conversation. Her fur stood on end, the cloud fox never one to accept harsh realities without protest. 

“So we have to train for two years before we move on? Fine! I’m going to love and loathe being away from you idiots, but fine!” she snarled. “But can we save the goodbyes for _after_ we help—”

“Wouldn’t work. Even _Impel Down alone_ is way beyond our current weight class. Hell, probably beyond even what we’ll be capable of. It’s just…” A shudder ran through him. “It’s hell. Well and truly hell on earth. The guards, the warden, the _prison itself…_ and that’s _just_ Impel Down. That’s all… not even _close_ to what’s coming at Marineford.”

Cross shook his head.

“Luffy’s survival alone was the fluke to end all flukes. And maybe some of us could claw our way out, _maybe…_ but not unscathed. And not all. Anyone who goes in there with him, _anyone at all…_ would be merely _fodder.”_

The words _‘And a distraction’_ rang loud and clear.

Then, almost as an afterthought, Cross shrugged dismissively. “Plus, that’d all be contingent on _convincing_ Kuma to change his plans. Which is, to reiterate, impossible. He told me so himself. …well.” Even through his tonic-induced haze, Cross’s eye started twitching erratically. “‘Told’. He… _spoke_ at me, wou-wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. Just… talked over me…Flattened my every excuse… every word… before I could even get anything _out…”_

Koala hastily cleared her throat, both because she had something to say and to put an end to his panicked devolution. “Cross… I don’t know if you know this, but—”

“Kuma might have been a Revolutionary _once,_ but I don’t know how they’re holding him over the barrel _now,”_ Cross answered, shaking his head. “Either way, it doesn’t matter, he isn’t the man you once knew and I mean that literally. He’s more machine now than man, twisted and- you can’t stop him. _Nothing_ can stop him.” Cross lapsed into silence for a moment before shrugging slightly. “Well.” He glanced at Rayleigh. “Almost nothing. But you won’t. You shouldn’t. And you can’t.”

_That_ got the gray-haired veteran to sit up straighter and give Cross a look of mild surprise. “The first two you’re right on the money, but I’m surprised to hear the third.”

Cross shrugged again. “Simple logic. You’re retired. Not fake-retired, _actually_ retired. Sabaody’s your home, but only so long as the ‘Dark King’ stays off his throne. If you actually operated in an official capacity, all this would be gone, and you couldn’t come back to it. You wouldn’t give that up for anything. Shouldn’t. Not even for us.” Cross blinked slowly before tilting his head. “This stuff is actually quite effective, any chance—?”

**_“NO.”_ **

“Worth a shot.” 

Silence fell over the room, the silence of people who wanted to protest but had deep down realized they really had no choice. 

It was Usopp who broke. “Then what _can_ we do?” he demanded, handing off a staff to Nami as he got to his feet. “We still have a little time left, don’t we? Are we just going to… to accept that we can’t do anything and move on?!”

Cross twitched again, but then… then he looked up, expression hard and at least a little determined. “Of course not,” he answered. “Merry?”

The ship-girl shot to her feet and reached into her coat, withdrawing the bags she’d made from her raincoat and setting them out on the table. 

{I knew something was going on,} Sanji signed aggressively at one of the bags.

“Thanks mostly to you,” Cross added. “You were the one who told me to have fail-safes ready in case my plans didn’t work out. And as much as I didn’t want to believe that there was any chance of my plans regarding Ace failed, Thriller Bark made me doubt enough that I did it.”

He looked over the rest of the crew. “If any of you haven’t contributed to Merry’s Emergency Care Package yet, now would be the time. And Chopper? Put in as many antidotes as you have; unless we’re stupidly lucky, Luffy will be fighting Magellan and his Venom-Venom Fruit.”

Fast as thought, Chopper had unfolded his chemistry set and begun frantically mixing.

“As for me… I’ve written letters for you all, what my knowledge covers. Or, well, as far as my best guess goes for anyone who wasn’t with the crew before, to give you some help with your training. Luffy’s has a fail-safe letter telling everything I know about what he’ll be going through. Beyond that, I’ve already mustered the Masons; I’ll fill them in on this and put all the resources that they’ve got towards helping Luffy,” Cross said, getting to his feet.

A grunt from Sanji interrupted him, prompting Robin to translate again as he signed: {I can appreciate how much it’ll help having people on both sides of the law working on this. But this is going to be the biggest event for the Navy since Roger’s execution. Forget their abilities, forget their resources, and tell me how you expect to convince a bunch of high-ranking Marines to try sabotaging their entire organization just because _we_ want to stop it.}

“Here’s the twenty-five words or less summary,” Cross snapped, his temper apparently spiking through his depression. “Either we win this, or it’s Enies Lobby times fifty, with the world on the receiving end instead of the World Government.”

A chill swept through the room at the implications.

“Yeah. Either that gets everyone moving, or I have _grossly_ misjudged these people.”

{...So, your argument is basically ‘control the chaos as much as possible?’} Sanji summarized after a pause.

“...yeah, pretty much,” Cross admitted as he deflated, sounding utterly _defeated._ “The avalanche has begun, and it’s too late for the pebbles to vote. So… now we do what my world’s people did whenever they saw an oncoming natural disaster. Batten down the hatches, stockpile as many supplies as possible… And pray that once the worst is past… you’re still around to worry about surviving until tomorrow.”

Nobody responded. Cross sighed and looked around. Around… not at despair, but at worry. For him. For Luffy. It didn’t lift his spirits. But it at least kept them from sliding down further. 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a meeting to start. Anyone wants to eavesdrop, feel free, but think about the best usage of your time; our crew parts at sunset, and whatever we can give Luffy before then is all the help he’ll have from us against the world’s best efforts. And on that note… where’s Sonia?”

Everyone blinked and then facefaulted.

“Ah… she and I both fainted back when your captain punched the Noble’s lights out,” Koala sheepishly admitted. “I woke up, she… _hasn’t,_ yet.”

Cross facepalmed, the most energy he’d shown since getting back. “Oooof course…” He then shook his head, which seemed to clear out some of the lethargy he’d been under. “Alright, take me to her. I’ve got _one_ idea to snap her out of it.”

More than a few of the recovering crew exchanged cheeky grins and beris as Cross followed Shakky into the back of the bar, shadowed by Koala.

With Keimi resting in bed, the much taller and longer Sandersonia was draped across a table instead, with all the grace you’d expect or this kind of situation. At least she wasn’t holding a bouquet or bathed in angelic light - though the angelic _harps_ strumming through the air certainly weren’t helping the situation.

Cross gave his shoulder-borne parasite a glare. “Now? _Really?”_

Soundbite’s response was a shameless, matter-of-fact shrug. “HEY, I CAN CHOOSE TO BE DEPRESSED **_OR I CAN CHOOSE TO BE AN ASS._ **_Which would you prefer?”_

“Ass…” Cross sighed, rolling his eyes. He then gave Shakky a look of total disbelief. “And just to be sure, you didn’t think to try the _obvious_ solution?”

Shakky raised her shoulders in a shrug. “Didn’t think of it during the panic, didn’t think it was my place after.” Her lips twisted up in an amused smile. “But if you’d rather give it a go?”

Cross smiled too, but _his_ expression was far more sardonic. “Sure!” 

And lo, Cross raised his armored leg and slammed it into Sonia’s side, shoving her clean off the table and crashing to the ground with an indignant squawk.

“...you are _not_ that clueless,” Koala uttered, staring at him in disbelief.

Cross dropped his smile for a grim frown. “No, but I _am_ that impatient.”

Apparently Sandersonia didn’t have much patience for explanations, either. She _immediately_ filled over half the room with the bulk of her demi-human form, a feral snarl erupting through her bared fangs. “WHAT THE HELL WAS _THAT_ FOR, YOU SKINNY LITTLE—!” 

“Cram it, handbag. The world’s gone and going to hell in a hamper and _your sister_ is days away from being at Ground Zero, so unless you want her to be at the clusterfuck of the century— _counting_ Roger’s Execution—without our help, stow your fangs and _move.”_

It was a testament to both how much Sandersonia respected Cross _and_ the sheer levels of ‘do not fuck with me right now’ he was exuding that the Kuja’s only response to the diatribe was to snap back to her human form wearing a thoroughly cowed expression.

The blond Straw Hat nodded sharply. “Better. Now, let’s find somewhere private so that we can do this properly. Shakky?”

While the bartender led him out, Sonia hung back long enough to whisper to Koala. “Would this be a bad time to mention that that take-charge attitude of his just now _really_ got my blood flowing?”

Koala grimaced. “Any other time and I’d probably be right there with you But here, now? Yes, extremely.” And with that, she jogged ahead to catch up to Cross, leaving Sonia blinking in total confusion, a single thought running through the snake-woman’s mind.

“…what in Set’s rotten shedded skin did I _miss?!”_

**-o-**

The wine cellar beneath the bar wasn’t the most comfortable place to be, but it was the most isolated area available without access to Sunny’s secret planning room. Soundbite rested on a small table while four others and I sat on chairs around it.

Most of my _usual_ confidants were helping coordinate preparations for… for what was to come. Nami and Merry were earmarking and divvying up supplies as appropriate for everyone’s locations, and Zoro was hashing out rough training regimes for the members of the crew such things would apply to, or who would actually listen to him. And Vivi? Well… she’d shown a stroke of brilliance by hopping on Carue and getting directions to the nearest Transponder Snail store on the archipelago. Said that even if we couldn’t all be together, that was no reason for any of us to be alone.

It really was just an incredible bit of both common sense and pure genius. Only natural that I’d missed it, I suppose…

But still, while that was them… there was another reason there was one less person in the room than there could have been. Though I had detailed what brief and necessary facts of the oncoming ordeal that I could in my letter to him, I had outright asked Luffy if he wanted to sit in on the meeting this time. He’d decided against it, in typical wise Luffy fashion:

_“You’re the tactician. You’re the one who knows everything. Tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it. I’ll listen if you think I need to. But I can’t help you plan, and I don’t need to know how it works as long as it_ **_works.”_ **

He was putting way more faith in me than I was due. But, Captain’s orders. As such, I was going all in this time. If only one more plan in my life was going to work, I just had to hope, to _pray_ it would be this one.

…and unfortunately, in this instance, ‘praying’ was less a calculated risk and more a blind leap of faith. Merry’s death, as tragic as it was, had only ever been a side effect of rescuing Robin. I had nowhere near enough bargaining chips to buy a deus ex machina for a front-and-center victim, least of all this one. So, there really was no choice. I’d just have to make use of the tools it had given me already.

“The others are standing by upstairs,” Robin murmured, her eyes closed and her arms crossed. “If any resources come to mind that we can utilize, I will pass it on to them.”

“Thanks, sis,” I said, then turned my gaze to Koala.

The revolutionary gave me a sad nod. “I’ve already called Karasu; we’ll leave for Baltigo as soon as he arrives, and Dragon and Sabo will be the first to hear about all of this.”

“Orchid and I will go with her, it’ll be the fastest way back to Amazon Lily,” Sonia agreed, her expression more solemn than I’d ever seen on her, in this world or the one before.

Finally, I turned to our newest recruit. “I’ve seen your faithfulness with my own eyes in the years to come,” I said quietly. “I’ve brought you in this fast because of that faith and because matters are _that_ desperate.”

“I owe you and yours everything, young master, whatever help I can give is yours. I’ll swear it in blood if you ask,” Duval said firmly.

I nodded and returned my gaze to the snail before me.

“Are you ready, partner?”

He nodded. **“With you** ** _ALL THE WAY,_** _partner.”_

“Then start the call. Let’s…” I grunted and pinched the bridge of my nose, as I was once again reminded that right now, I was just so, _so tired_. “Let’s… see what we can salvage.”

_“Puru—KA-LICK!”_

“Ophiuchus. Anaconda and Koala are with me, as is a new associate: Bison, recruited earlier than expected out of necessity,” I bluntly started off. “Is everyone else already here?”

_“All six of the Divine and all eight of the Damned,”_ Aquarius confirmed before her expression became a tad more… concerned. _“Are you…_ stable _now, Ophiuchus?”_

“…close enough for this,” I sighed morosely. “Under the circumstances, don’t have time for anything better. I’m still mad about the reason I called everyone together, but something else that I was worrying myself insane about just turned out better than I ever could have hoped for. For now, I’m functional, and I’ll settle for it.”

_“Then can you get to it?”_ Smoker huffed. _“What exactly had you worried to the point that_ Aquarius _was wary about talking to you?”_

_“Especially if it’s as world-shaking as I’m guessing it is!”_ Perona frantically jumped, any previous reticence about the other members of the group smothered in panic. _“Because I just got an express message from the World Government_ demanding _that I present myself! I was supposed to have another month so that I could get myself at least_ halfway _situated! What in Thanatos’s name is going on!?”_

_“…I would like to state, for the record, that while I think that caution and wariness are the more appropriate reaction to the ‘what’ we are all dancing around…_ Dog’s _reaction is not entirely unwarranted either,”_ Tsuru said _“Sometimes_ fear _is the appropriate response. And this, regrettably, is one of those situations.”_

“She’s right,” I agreed. “Let me give you guys a bit of backstory so that you all can appreciate just how truly up shit creek things are.”

I clasped my hands together and let my eyes slide shut as I bowed my head in solemn remembrance. “When I first came to this world, I didn’t have any plans of becoming the Voice of Anarchy. I was a normal teenager with a body frailer than _Spandam’s_ , so my first and only priority was joining the Straw Hats and then surviving until Luffy became the Pirate King. My knowledge was my only advantage, and before I royally screwed up and got Vivi her bounty, I was planning on keeping things as close to what I saw as possible to make sure that I could preserve that advantage…but there was one exception.”

I let my eyes open, brows drawn in a determined scowl. “One major catastrophe that I made up my mind to stop long before I got my transceiver: at the time that the Straw Hats assaulted Enies Lobby, a former member of the Whitebeard Pirates named Marshall D. Teach defeated and turned over Portgas D. Ace, Whitebeard’s Second Division Commander and _Luffy’s older brother_ , to the World Government to become a Warlord. The Government promptly elected to hold a public execution.” I let the choked exclamations of shock from those who hadn’t yet known wash over me before continuing. “To rephrase that, the Government challenged the Whitebeard Pirates, challenged _Whitebeard himself_ and all of his allies to an all-out war. A war that shook the world to its core in the worst possible way.”

I ground my teeth in a display of the gut-churning mix of frustration and despair I was experiencing. “And not only did I fail to stop it, but the Government hid the warning signs so well that I _only just now found out_ that I failed to stop it.”

A pause fell. _“Is_ this _why we’re being mustered for Marineford?”_ Jonathan asked with rising dread.

_“Cross,”_ Smoker cut in. _“With everything you’ve done on the SBS, the World Government doesn’t_ have _the resources_ or _PR to do something like that, and they know it. Even if you know it’s true, that still doesn’t explain why the World Government would even_ consider _challenging one of the Emperors, either before you got involved_ or _now, when the entire thing is at the_ lowest _point it’s ever been.”_

I grimaced, hesitating, but they’d find out one way or another. Might be told at their next briefing, even. So…

“To finish what they started all those years ago, and what they failed to do then. To accomplish what they set out to do… on Baterilla.”

That sunk in, and there was a deep intake of breath from the better number of the listeners, along with a growing visage of horror.

_“…Uh, what’s Baterilla?”_ Dorry asked.

_“It’s a beautiful island in the South Blue. Tropical climate, lovely place for a vacation,”_ Foxy explained airily. _“Little-known paradise, I visited it once or twice—”_

_“And it was the site of a Government-ordered inquisition and massacre twenty-two years ago.”_

While Foxy gaped openly at Hina, Jonathan picked up the explanation.

_“Baterilla was the last known location of Gold Roger before he was captured. After his execution, the World Government scoured the island and slaughtered every infant younger than two years, along with their mothers. The massacre was enacted with the singular intent of ensuring that if the Pirate King bore a child before his death, he or she would be executed in the sweep. Put an end to his bloodline before he could form a legacy.”_

“And they failed,” I snapped. “They underestimated the tenacity of one Portgas D. Rouge. She carried her unborn son for _twenty months_ to save him from being executed. When she finally gave birth, she stayed alive just long enough to hand him off to the only person that Roger trusted with her location: Vice Admiral _Monkey D. Garp._ ”

You could have bounced a beri off the air, it was so still and tense. Koala and Sandersonia were openly gaping at me, and I think Duval had gone catatonic. 

_“Fuck me…”_ Foxy breathed weakly.

_“You said it…”_ Barto agreed. 

_“Should’ve known,”_ Law snarled. 

_“W-Wait…”_ Tashigi said, obviously still struggling to catch up with the implications _._ _“So, doesn’t this mean that Ace and Luffy—?”_

“They’re brothers in the only way that matters,” Koala interrupted.

“And that’s the last thing we’re going to worry about,” I concurred. “The only thing that could make the Government do something as stupid as challenging Whitebeard to a war, especially at a time like this, is their determination to put an end to the bloodline of the worst blight in their history.”

A wave of exhaustion suddenly surged through me, and I instinctively rubbed my face to try and get rid of it. This was no time to collapse, especially when a terrifying thought occurred to me. “And to be clear: the main reason I wanted to stop this was I saw Luffy, his spirit completely broken after Ace died in his arms to save him. But now, that’s the least of our concerns. They’ve changed their plans, because if it hadn’t been for the Dark King himself saving us earlier, they would have had _me_ up there beside Ace.”

_“…OK, I’ll be the one to ask,”_ Bartolomeo sighed out after a pause. _“What’s your logic here, Cross? Of_ course _they want to execute you, too.”_

“Any other time, yes, absolutely,” I agreed, replaying what the Yellow bastard had said so I could be sure. “But not like this, not here. Ace is supposed to be center stage, ending the bloodline of Roger. Having _anyone_ else up there, _even_ me, dilutes the message they’re sending, and that should be the last thing they’d want. And yet, you heard what Kizaru said.”

While Barto and the other Damned who’d been a part of that ass-whooping mulled over those words, Robin cleared her throat. “For the benefit of you who weren’t present… once Admiral Kizaru lost his temper and decided that he was actually going to bring his full might to bear, he said that he would kill Cross too. And he also said…” She paused, and swallowed uneasily. “He said that he would do it… _in spite_ of such an action potentially enraging the Elder Stars.”

And there it was. Dead silence, as everyone processed just what they’d heard and, more importantly, the dire implications

_“…That does paint a different picture as to what the Government is planning,”_ Jonathan said with a ferocious scowl. _“But ultimately, it’s the same purpose that they had before, just on a higher scale. They intend to showcase the ‘evils’ of freedom, and how the ‘security’ of the World Government is the only true peace in life.”_

“But it’s not the motivation that’s important here, but the methodology,” I groaned out. “And that… that seems to have shifted _drastically._ If extinguishing Roger’s Bloodline _isn’t_ the main point here… then I _dread_ to imagine whatever it is they could be planning.”

Bartolomeo was the first to break the grim silence, his face set and his beartrap of a jaw grit with steely determination. _“Then what are we going to do about it, Cross?”_

“I… I don’t know,” I admitted, my face a mask of misery. “If we’d had more time, if we’d had this information even a _week_ sooner… but we don’t have that. There are only _ten_ days until the war, and there’s something that I can’t stop coming up in a couple of hours that’s going to tie up every Straw Hat except Luffy. Myself included. We… We’ve been railroaded. I can’t—I don’t have _time_ to plan this out…And… And even if I could, I still wouldn’t… nothing I could…”

I lapsed into mumbled ramblings, only for a sharp pinch to send a lance of pain down my shoulder. I hissed and spun around to the one responsible: Sandersonia, a sympathetic look on her face, but also one that brooked no argument. 

“Focus,” she said. “Not on what you can’t do, but what you _can_ do.”

A primal urge to tell her exactly _where_ she could shove that idea welled up, but I slammed it and the roiling mass of everything _else_ I was feeling down. I could break down later. And I’d soon have three days and nights with nothing better to do. 

“I… I can’t help Luffy,” I said, the admission like swallowing broken glass. “None of us Straw Hats can, not really… but you can.”

I gripped the edge of the table in an attempt to stop the jitters in my limbs. “Thanks to Popora, the war is now as fresh in my mind as the day I first read it. And now that it can’t be stopped, there’s only one thing I can do to change how it goes down. All of you, get out Tone Dials if you have them or pen and paper if you don’t. I’m about to tell you everything I saw of the war. And no interruptions; I don’t have time to say this more than once.”

A mass of rustling sounded out from Soundbite. Seconds later, it stopped, and—after silently _cursing_ the fact that I had any reason whatsoever to call up these memories again—I began.

“It began when Bartholomew Kuma used his powers to scatter the Straw Hat Pirates across the world…”

**-o-**

“…and after ten days, Akainu stood victorious, but he had enough sympathy to spare Aokiji’s life. When he recovered, Aokiji resigned, unwilling to work under Akainu, and for reasons that I cannot begin to fathom, he joined Blackbeard, who had in the meantime usurped Whitebeard’s title and territories and built a reputation of stealing Devil Fruit powers. As for the remaining Whitebeard Pirates, I can’t say; that’s the extent of my knowledge.”

I huffed, rubbing my throat after a good half hour of talking their ears off. It was several minutes before the sound of scratching pens stopped as well, and Tashigi spoke.

_“So… what do you expect us to do, Cross?”_

I shook my head. “As long as Luffy and Ace survive the war, whatever you decide to do with my knowledge is fine by me. It would be best if Whitebeard didn’t die, but given his age and the situation I know how unlikely that is.”

_“…And what exactly are_ you _planning on doing, Cross? Are the Straw Hats just going to accept leaving their captain alone for this?”_ Dorry asked sternly.

I shook my head. “I’m arming Luffy with all of the information and resources I can muster to max out his chances of raiding Impel Down and Marineford successfully. But beyond that… Kuma confronted me before I came here. The crew parts at sunset; nothing I do can stop that, nor should I, as much as I hate—”

_“You’re just giving up?!”_ Broggy said angrily.

“…And what would have happened if I chose to send him away, even if it _was_ physically possible to stop him?” I responded, letting my exhaustion seep into my voice. “Can I guarantee that we’ll make it to Impel Down or Marineford in time? No. Can I guarantee that we’ll all survive if we do make it? _No._ Can I guarantee that if by some miracle we all make it out of there alive and well, we’ll still be able to train for the New World in the way that we need to? _Hell no.”_ I jabbed an accusatory finger in Soundbite’s face, letting him broadcast my spiteful glower. “And neither can any, _any_ of you. And _you all_ _know it.”_

_“You can have all of the resources that you could wish for, stack up the odds in your favor, but sometimes, the enemy before you is someone that you just can’t defeat as you are,”_ Foxy stated. _“I_ literally _had that lesson beaten into my skull. As did you, Sagittarius.”_

Jonathan grimaced in acknowledgment. _“I don’t deny it. Planning a winning strategy is simple. But planning to win without any sacrifices along the way is tricky against even a half-decent opponent, let alone an equal one.”_

“And this fight… isn’t equal. At all,” I droned in agreement. “Impel Down cheats, the Marines assembled at Marineford will cheat, _Blackbeard_ is bullshit incarnate, _nothing_ about this fight will be fair. No advantages. No openings. Nothing. All I’ve managed to do is plug a few holes, but other than that… I’ve done all I can to keep just _Luffy_ afloat. He clawed his way out of two straight hells by the skin of his teeth, and _that’s_ my _best-case scenario._ Anyone else in that mess, if I let anyone even try… I can’t, I just can’t.”

_“Honor can come from facing a foe beyond your stature…”_ Broggy said after a moment of silence. _“But having the strength to acknowledge that you lack the might to prevail is wisdom seldom found in young warriors… and we both commend and rue the fact that you have shown that wisdom here today. We concede that you have chosen… if not the better path, then the least horrible one available to you.”_

_“You can rely on us, Ophiuchus, Capricorn swears it,”_ Hina said. _“You’ve shown us all the angles. We’ll handle the rest.”_

_“Besides, we succeed and this should put an end to whatever reputation the World Government has left,”_ Lola added, smirking.

My spirits, downtrodden as they were, got a bit of a boost from the rest of the Divine and Damned chiming in with their own words of encouragement. I still felt like shit, but… it helped, it helped. I wiped away a few stray tears as the assurances petered off, and I looked back at Soundbite, almost smiling.

“This means the world to me, all of you,” I acknowledged. “But with that out of the way… there are still some immediate problems to address. Namely, I have no idea where on this blue madhouse of a planet Kuma’s going to send me, so for all I know, this may be the last time I can contact you all before the two years are up. Assuming I even _survive_ that long. So, I have a few more things to say before I go. First things first: Bison, proper introduction.”

“A-Ah, yes, sir,” Duval stammered, addressing the snail. “I am Duval, formerly ‘Iron Mask’ Duval, leader of the Rosy Life Riders, formerly the Flying Fish Riders. I entered the kidnapping business due to a faulty bounty poster and am free again thanks to the Straw Hat Pirates. In light of the slave trade’s demise, my knowledge of it won’t be of much help, but my boys and I are at your service for whatever we can provide.”

_“We have deliberated upon your skills and resources since Ophiuchus mentioned you in our meeting last week,”_ T-Bone replied. _“At this point, I believe we have determined the best place for you and yours. One of my associates will arrive at the Archipelago within the next three days to lead you to your first assignment.”_

Duval nodded. With that handled… “Next, Ox.”

_“Yeah?/What?”_

“Reorganize your priorities for the new ship, focus on its defensive capabilities. Odds are that Akainu is still going to become the new Fleet Admiral, so if you’re not fortified enough, Water 7 is going to _burn.”_

_“Broggy, pass on the news. I’ll stay here until the call is finished,”_ Dorry said.

_“Fine, Dorry,”_ Broggy grunted, and there was the sound of a giant quickly leaving. I glanced aside for my next directive.

“Anaconda, if Vice Admiral Momonga is still the one heading for Amazon Lily as Boa Hancock’s escort to Marineford, sow the seeds of doubt with him. He’s strict but not necessarily cruel, and with any luck, we’ll have a new member of the Divine sooner rather than later.”

Sandersonia nodded, determination blazing in her eyes. “Understood.”

“Monkey, how much can you speed up the preparation of the Free Feather Report?”

Apoo glanced aside, muttering rapidly under his breath before clacking his teeth with a discordant _CLANG!_

_“With the extra manpower we’ve got now—lotsa journalists and other freethinkers locked away on this hellhole, three guesses how they got there—I_ should _be able to pick up the pace. If you want it ready before the war starts…”_ Soundbite jerked his head to the side in an approximation of a shrug. _“It’ll be tight, but I think we can pull that off.”_

“Good. Then plan on making the war your first cover story.” I grimaced and clutched my knuckles, pages of black and white flipping through my head. “No matter what happens at Marineford, it _cannot_ go down in history as the War of the Best; the world _must_ know the truth.”

_“Got it.”_

“Tiger, can I rely on you and Monkey to save Luffy and Ace?”

_“Of course,”_ Law responded with cold certainty.

“Good. Rooster.”

_“All ears.”_

“Join him. Lend him your powers, do whatever it takes to make sure he gets in and out in one piece.” I twitched as a certain… _irksome_ thought rammed into my head. “And _don’t_ flip out about Luffy until they’re in the clear.”

_“…I’ll control myself,”_ he agreed.

I chose to take him at his word and moved on. “Alright. Rabbit, find Izo before he leaves, and tell him to tell Whitebeard about us. Don’t share any more details than you have to, obviously, but make sure that the old man knows that there’s going to be another group working behind the scenes to help him…” I grimaced as _that_ image in particular struck me, but finished the thought. “And make sure that he knows what Teach has planned.”

_“Leaving now. Oswald, take notes for me.”_

_“Aye, Captain.”_

“Puppy, two things. First, you had better spend the next two years training and building your power. You need to be able to stand as a true Warlord when the real show begins. And second… support Luffy. I…I’m not asking you to blow your cover, but… just… do whatever you can.”

The Ghost Princess had shrunk slightly at the attention, but with something she could actually grasp put on a mask of confidence. _“I’m good at reading openings, Ophiuchus. Whatever I can do, it’ll get done.”_

“Thank you,” I said, breathless. “Now… Goat, stockpile your resources, then return to the start of the Grand Line and build a proper base on Cactus Island. If Whitebeard still dies, there’s going to be a new influx of pirates sailing into the Grand Line. You’ll be tasked with recruiting as many as possible. Start with the bounty hunters that live there, old friends of Copperhead’s.”

_“Excellent,”_ Foxy drawled.

Another thought occurred to me, and my _immediate_ instinct was to throw it out, if _only_ out of spite, but pragmatism forced me to speak. Even if I had to drag out each word like it was a length of barbed wire. “Aquarius, I want to edit that request that I made earlier. The message I want you to pass on to Kuzan is this…”

I spoke fourteen words that only Kuzan would understand the full magnitude of.

_“Mmph…”_ Tsuru chewed her lip thoughtfully. _“If he will know that this is from you, I will need to exercise discretion in passing it on.”_

“Cram it down his throat if you have to, I don’t give a damn,” I barely restrained myself from snarling back. “All that matters is that I want those words branded into the back of his skull for the rest of his worthless life.”

Tsuru grimaced, undoubtedly at the sheer vitriol I was showing, but she nodded nonetheless. _“I will do the best that I can.”_

“Thank you.” I let some measure of tension flow out of me in a sigh before continuing. “And to all of the Divine: when the war is over, faith in the Marines for those on the battlefield is going to be at its all-time lowest. _Especially_ if things proceed as I remember, and _someone_ starts a conscription campaign. I don’t think it’ll be enough to completely sway Sengoku, but it will probably be enough to sway Garp and Helmeppo, and it will _definitely_ be enough to sway Coby. Capitalize on the opportunity. If you can’t recruit them, shake them enough that you’ll be able to recruit them later, and cull the ranks of the newly recruited _before_ any sort of true indoctrination can set in.”

A chorus of agreements sounded out.

“The last advice I can offer now is a few suggestions for who you should try to recruit over the next two years. For the Divine, I have only one, but I’m certain that he’ll join. His name is Issho, a blind swordsman with a love of gambling and a gravity-based Devil Fruit. He’ll be an Admiral by the time our hiatus ends. For the Damned, I have two, both hazy. The more certain is Cavendish; no better way to describe the guy than ‘attention whore’, so he probably holds a grudge against…” I heaved out a tired sigh, because _I did not have the patience for this…_ “Well, me in particular for stealing the spotlight, so you may have to wait on him. The other, however, is more immediate: Jewelry Bonney. I don’t know her story, but from what I saw? She hates the hell out of Akainu and is on either the World Government’s shit list or grab list for whatever reason, so she’s at least worth looking into.”

I paused, letting it sink in that this was really the end of what I could do before the war. Then I frowned as I considered what was to come after it.

“And one last—no, actually, _two_ last things. Scorpio.”

_“Yes?”_

“Take this down. Way back on Skypiea, I suggested establishing Punk Hazard as a base. Caesar Clown—sponsored by Doflamingo—already has a base set up on the island, so you’ll need to move fast once the Admirals’ duel is over to avoid detection. And I was remembering something else wrong: there’s one scout you’ll need to watch out for even in the fiery region.” I _scowled_ as the memory of the last few hours burned through my mind. “Monet, the snow Logia of Doflamingo’s crew. She probably won’t be a big deal on the fiery side unless Tiger still modifies her so that she’s a harpy on the outside as well, but either way, that’s for you to handle. I should also add that Vergo is the one who monitors the base; if all goes well, it’ll be his ignoble grave.”

_“Noted, Cross,”_ Hina and T-Bone said, venom staining their tones.

“And second, Pisces and Cancer. Make sure that Popora is on Fishman Island when the Straw Hats reform, and make sure that he trains his projection technique over the next two years.”

_“…So, I guess it’s more than just refreshing your memory?”_ Smoker divined.

“If all goes well?” I allowed myself a faint smile. “It’ll be the beginning of the end of hatred between humans and fishmen.” And just as swiftly, the smile collapsed. “But that’s a worry for the future.”

I grimaced and closed my eyes.

“New World Masons… no matter how Marineford turns out, our efforts for rebuilding the world will begin in earnest when the war ends. Good luck to all of you, and whatever else may come… know that it has been an honor and a pleasure to work alongside each and every one of you. This is Ophiuchus—”

_“And Knucker—”_

“Signing off.”

**-o-**

It was a minute or so after Cross disconnected that the callers spoke again, rather than hang up.

_“…So, this is what it’s like to know the future,”_ Jonathan mused. _“I don’t much care for the feeling.”_

_“I knew it. From the very first day, I knew that I was out of my mind to join him,”_ Smoker groused, though without any real hit.

_“This is the proof,”_ Law intoned in agreement. _“And yet, he passed us the baton. We listened and agreed to give him some peace of mind after all of this, but is that what we’re planning to do?”_

_“Like we’ve got much other_ choice, _jagoff?”_ Bartolomeo growled out, sounding disturbingly _lucid_ under his usual zealotry. _“In case you missed it, the world’s been up shitcreek but good for the past few_ centuries, _and Cross has made the most impact since Roger himself. Luffy’s without equal, ain’t nobody can deny that, but it’s Cross who’s changing the world. If he fucks off for good, which after a day like today I sure as shit wouldn’t blame him for doing, then we’ll_ all _be screwed. So you’d better damn well_ hope _he comes back, you hear!”_

_“Leaping to conclusions_ again _, Rooster…”_ Law muttered. _“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here: he’s just gone and left the job of salvaging something of the world from the flaming wreckage it’s about to become, while he bows out. That doesn’t seem a little mismatched to anyone here?”_

_“Not particularly,”_ Tashigi, _Tashigi of all people,_ said. _“Like Rooster said, today’s been the hell of a day to end all hellish days, and while a lot of us got caught in the periphery, Cross was the primary target of it all. Right now, he’s scrambling and is going to_ be _scrambling for his life and sanity alike while this all goes down. He… literally can’t handle handling all this right now. Which is where we come in.”_

_“Do what you can with your life on the line… and once you’re done, turn to your friend and say ‘If you don’t finish it, I’ll kill you myself’.”_

_“Ox?”_ Jonathan queried in surprise. 

_“Something I remember hearing Roronoa Zoro say on the SBS,”_ the Blue Ogre replied. _“Cross has done all that he could, he’s worked himself to the bone, and taken on more than even a Giant’s shoulders could bear. And now, it’s our duty to pick up the slack. And if we can’t find it in ourselves to grit our teeth and bear that burden, that same burden that Cross has been bearing all this time, without complaint? Then why are any of us even_ here?”

There was a long pause, before Law tsked dismissively. _“Hey, like I said: didn’t mean anything by it, was just saying it to say it. No way I’d ever let that loudmouth show me up like that, so what the hell: let’s see what we can drag out of the ashes.”_

“Well then, with that settled, there is one matter that I must address before we consider what to do with this knowledge,” Tsuru spoke grimly, her mere tone drawing grimaces from her co-conspirators. “I had considered warning Ophiuchus, but in light of everything… the Straw Hat Pirates have been framed for an attack on the World Nobles.”

_“…_ Framed _for attacking them?”_ Law said in disbelief. _“I’m sorry, but assuming you haven’t gone senile, what the hell happened to them that was_ worse _than the puppet show from… the… no. No, you’ve got to be kidding me. He_ didn’t.”

“He did,” Tsuru confirmed with a tired sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose in an effort to avoid looking at the hellish report she was holding. “When Saints Charloss and Shalria arrived at Mariejois, not one bone in their bodies was unbroken, and their father was scarcely better off. Saint Roswald did, of course, testify who was truly responsible, but as all of us now know, he is the one person that not even the World Nobles can order to be punished, leaving no choice but to issue the cover story he left us.”

_“One last parting shot, and it cuts the Government themselves along with the Straw Hats,”_ Tashigi grumbled mutinously. _“This statement is blatantly false, and all the world will know it, so they’ll also_ know _that the World Government either has no clue who actually attacked those monsters or, for whatever reason, is protecting them…”_ She trailed off, face twisting in uncomfortable ways. _“Or… will they… I mean, with where the SBS cut off, couldn’t there be some reasonable doubt—?”_

“There could be,” Tsuru bluntly agreed, before allowing herself the _slightest_ of rueful smirks. “Were it not for the fact that _someone_ just so happened to leak an official report, detailing how the ‘venerable’ Saint Roswald and his family acquired their injuries _after_ being taken into the World Government’s history, to certain… _interested_ outside parties.”

Tsuru kept up her smirk for a bit before glowering pointedly at her snail and its lack of reaction. _That_ got it blinking and growing a set of piano-like teeth. _“Oh, you mean me, right, right! Ah, yeah, sure, I can do that! Can’t actually print it in the Report yet… ah, but if you can really get me that report, then I can run it through our presses and spread it as far and wide as we can manage, use it as a dry run of our network!_ That _should punch a hole clean through their propaganda, no problem!”_

“Good. With that sorted… we do not have much time to act on our new knowledge. I ask that all of you use the rest of the day to compile an accounting of your assets so that we know what we have to work with. We will reconvene and plan properly tomorrow morning.”

_“Agreed.”_

_“Fine by me.”_

_“That works.”_

“Then this meeting is adjourned,” Tsuru said. With that, she hung up, and then she sank back into her chair with a tired, tired, _bone-deep_ tired groan.

“Why, in all the nine circles of hell, couldn’t this all have happened forty years earlier, when I didn’t have arthritis and I could actually _trust_ my best friends…” she groaned, if only for the sake of it.

**-o-**

The Damned that were on Sabaody as the call ended were prepared to give the guise of going their separate ways. Apoo had news to blow wide open, Law had maneuvers to practice, Bartolomeo had a crew to rile up, and Foxy had a juvenile Sea King or two to borrow.

There was just the slight issue that came when they returned to where they’d left the rest of their less… _well-connected_ co-conspirators. Co-conspirators who’d taken notice of their absence and were waiting for their return, and were headed up by one of their less… _amenable_ number.

“And where in the hell did you all fuck off to!?”

Faced with someone all too capable of killing him in ten seconds flat, Foxy wisely held his tongue in the face of Kid’s fuming. The other three had wisecracks or lies ready to divert Kid’s attention via another flare-up of his volcanic temper prepared on their tongues.

But before any of them could present said distractions—

“LOOK OUT—!”

_PING!_ **_KRA-KOOM!_**

_“—AAGH!”_

—a new distraction arose, in the form of Law’s newest recruit, Jean Bart flying past the assembled Supernovas and crashing into the nearby mangrove, flash-fried by what the Supernovas all recognized as one of Kizaru’s lasers. This was enough to get them ready to run for the hills. Seeing their mystery assailant merely reinforced that decision. 

The good news was that Kizaru wasn’t back. But that was cold comfort to the pirates when in his place was an androgynous sumo wrestler armed with a massive battle-ax and flanked by Bartholomew Kuma… on both sides.

“If ever we needed proof that we're only halfway through the Grand Line…” Bege muttered grimly as he warily eyed the twin behemoths.

“Uuurgh, just unbelievable…” the sumo wrestler ground out, his free hand pinching the bridge of his nose in clear annoyance. “Not only was someone actually able to beat Uncle Kizaru, even by surprise, but now I need to mop up these weaklings too? Such a pain…”

Snorting, Sentomaru unslung his ax from his shoulders and brought it _SLAM!_ ing into the ground. “But don’t think just because I’m annoyed means you’re getting another miracle save you this time. Do me a favor and try and last ten seconds so that I can get some decent data, alright?”

“Like we’ll need even one against a Government flunky and a pair of your knock-off robots,” Law drawled, though his lax tone of voice was belied by how tightly he was gripping Kikoku, and how quickly his Room snapped out to its full size.

Kid glanced at the suddenly-tense Surgeon of Death, but then donned a bloodthirsty grin at the Pacifistas. “Robots, huh? This’ll be _fun.”_

Sentomaru’s glare snapped to Law. “How the hell did you—?!” Biting his tongue, he shook his head. “Tch, doesn’t matter, not my department… but as for the _rest_ of you…” His scowl deepened as he turned his full attention to Kid. “Don’t underestimate me, you punk.”

“Or _what?”_ the ferrokinetic captain scoffed, leering viciously at the wrestler as he swung up a half-assembled arm of mismatched metal for an ironclad haymaker. “What’re ya gonna do, fatass, _sit on m—!?”_

_CRUNCH!_

And despite the situation, pretty much everyone else watching felt at least a _little_ catharsis from seeing the metal manipulator getting sent _flying_ by way of the outstretched palm that occupied the very space _he_ once had.

“PX-1, PX-2, take out the others. Kill them all.”

The eyes of the twin giants glimmered. Their jaws dropped open and glares of light flared in their open maws.

_That_ killed the catharsis in favor of a mad scramble to _survive._

**-o-**

I huffed as I settled back in the main room of the bar, part of my mind noting that it was a lot emptier than it had been half an hour ago. I answered the questioning looks of the crew that were present with a shake of my head.

“I gave them all the knowledge I have; whatever plan they make with it is out of my control.” I slowly raised my gaze to Luffy. “I’ve done everything that I can do to help you save Ace, Captain.”

“I know,” Luffy replied. He to the three allies. “Are you guys staying?”

“Not for long. We’ll be heading back to the Revolutionaries’ headquarters as soon as our ride gets here,” Koala answered. 

“I’m on my way out now, need to brief my boys about the upcoming trouble,” Duval said, giving a cringey un-wink as he headed for the door. “We’ll make sure to put 100% toward saving your brother, Captain!”

Luffy managed a small smile and a nod of gratitude as Duval left the bar. The bar went silent again as I furiously wracked my brains for anything else that might help Luffy, that I had forgotten. Only one thing came to mind, and I slowly turned toward the senior pirate in the room.

“Before you say anything, Cross,” Rayleigh pre-empted him. “The World Government just broke whatever unspoken agreement we had. My patience is officially at an end. So…” The old man **_grinned,_** and it was definitely only by way of his immense restraint that I didn’t see him as someone or… _something_ else. “So tell me: how can we make them _really_ hurt?”

I blinked, confusion striking me as I got my heart rate back under control. “…real quick first, a question: despite the reasons I gave you earlier, you were still… rather _composed_ about Ace’s execution, the way I saw it. Any reason you’re…?”

“Fit to pull a Fisher Tiger with a lot more bodies?” Rayleigh chuckled grimly, his glasses glinting in the light. “Easy: in the circumstances you’re describing, I knew I couldn’t truly act without ruining my life, so my only choice was to let go of my anger, or be consumed by it. Here? I have you, and thus an _alternative._ So, I can let loose and… **_express myself_ **a bit. And as I’m sure I implied, I take it you have an idea for that?”

I swallowed heavily, as I tamped down my _‘run you blithering idiot!’_ survival instincts again. “By telling the truth,” I all but spat. “We hurt them by telling the truth they’ve hidden for so long, and that will hurt them the most.”

Rayleigh cocked his brow. “Which would be…?”

“The truth about _that day_ in Loguetown. About _his_ last days.”

_That_ rocked Rayleigh back on his heels. He stared at me in unabashed shock for a few seconds before snapping his jaw shut. “…yeah. Yeah, that’d do it…” Thankfully for me, after some thought he just shrugged. “Eh, screw it, that was always _their_ lie anyways, not ours. At this point, he’d probably just point and laugh at us pulling it off like this. Alright, let’s do this. You want to do it in here, or…?”

I was sorely tempted to agree with him, to jump right into it, like I had with so many other days before… but… “Go… Go on ahead back to the cellar for a bit,” I said with a weak smile. “I’ll… I’ll catch up with you.”

Rayleigh’s doubtful frown informed me that I hadn’t fooled him even an iota… but, thankfully, he had the good graces to concede, and leave me alone for what little time I needed.

And need it I damn well did, because the second Rayleigh was out of sight, I collapsed into the nearest chair I could find, my face buried in my hands as once more, I felt the sheer weight of… of _everything_ crushing down on me so hard my name might as well have been Atlas.

“Soundbite,” I croaked out, not even looking up at my partner. “I’ve never asked you this before because it’s never been in question… but right now, I need it bad: what's my motivation?"

It took Soundbite a second to process my question, but when he responded?

**“…The past six-to-twelve hours of your life have been an utter shitshow and everything you know and hold dear is spiraling down in flames, so you might as well drag a few of the worthier bastards responsible down with you so that you can share the misery with some bastards who really deserve it, and in so doing make any victory they might be trying to get out of your downfall as hollow as you can. THAT HELP?"**

With those words, I felt a new fire raging in my skull. Standing, I marched to the cellar door with a new spring in my step. It wouldn’t last, the pressure would see it extinguished within the hour, but for what I had planned, it would be _enough._

_"Perfect."_

**-o-**

“Well, at least after all of this the _worst_ of this nightmare has _finally—!”_

_“Don don don don!”_

"SOMEONE EITHER KILL HIM OR SHUT HIM UP!"

"HUP!" Coby promptly side-tackled his friend to the floor, one hand clamped over his mouth while his other arm snaked around his neck to lock into a sleeper hold. For his own good, of course.

Though if only in his mind, he had to admit that it was hard to imagine exactly how much worse things could get at this point. 

And then someone picked up the snail. Coby took _one_ look at the infuriated _madness_ raging in that snail’s eyes, and all his skepticism evaporated into nothingness.

**-o-**

_“Alright, you ancient astral_ bastards,” Jeremiah ‘Voice of Anarchy’ Cross sneered around the world, his eye twitching and his voice straining with an undeniable overtone of raw _murder. “You wanna play hardball?_ Let’s play fucking hardball. _Joining us here today on the Straw Hat Broadcast Station, which is starting right here, right now, we have the man renowned as the Dark King, and one of the strongest pirates alive today: Gol D. Roger’s First Mate, Silvers Rayleigh. Mister Silvers, I believe you’ve got an exclusive tale you’d like to share with the world?”_

And then the snail’s expression shifted, ever so slightly. It still held madness and hellfire, but now, the burning hatred it bore was ice-cold. Ice-cold, and to so many, _chillingly_ familiar. 

_“Ohohohoh... Cross, you better believe it,”_ a wizened, experienced voice crooned out, promising nothing but pain. _“Because this? This has been a_ long _time coming. Finally, after all these years… time to bring things to a head.”_

Even safely hidden away from the world at the Twin Capes, Crocus couldn’t help the instinctive shiver that shot down his spine. He had seen that smile and heard that tone enough times to know that this was going to be a lot of trouble and leave a lot _more_ broken bodies in its wake. 

He might have expected mischief with a hint of malice from Rayleigh when he eventually got on the SBS, sure, but nothing quite on _this_ scale. This… This was pure malice, and there were only a couple of things that he could blab to the world that justified that. And for just a moment, Crocus felt doubt that his old superior would go _that_ far. 

_“Caw!”_

The caw of a News Coo drew his attention skyward, right as it fluttered down. Long-trained reflexes had him reach for a couple of coins to pay for the paper. He glanced at the front page, turned his attention back to the snail… and then slowly turned back to the front page with a darkening visage as the bird flew off and he properly registered _what in the hell he was reading_.

No, Crocus decided, his superior was going _just_ far enough. If anything, the only reason to show any restraint in light of this news would be to conserve the real damage, the namesake of the final island, for if the Government actually succeeded. And even then… well, perhaps it was time for the kindly old lighthouse keeper to ‘remember’ some old memories, the next time a strapping crew of intrepid adventurers passed by. Just, you know, _for old times’ sake._

**-o-**

_“Much as I’d like to give a full monologue, I’m afraid that time is short and not all of this story is mine to tell, so I’ll need to keep it brief. So…”_ Rayleigh cleared his throat, then addressed the world with a sharp look and a vicious grin that kept everyone listening pinned to their seats with an overwhelming sensation of _‘or else’_ echoing through their minds. _“People of the world, I’m sure you’re wondering how it is that I escaped from the Marines while my captain ended up captured and executed. Or, quite frankly, how it is that_ any _of we Roger Pirates could_ possibly _still be alive and free. Quite the mystery, isn’t it? How there are so many questions surrounding Roger’s final days, no records of any grand battles momentous enough to mark the end of his freedom. Isn’t it just a bit_ convenient _that shortly after Roger was named the ‘King of Pirates’, mere_ months _after, he was caught without a whisper?”_

The truth that would become public knowledge in a matter of moments had never circulated outside of the highest echelons of the Navy. As such, the likes of Base 153 gave the broadcast their rapt attention despite the pits of dread in their stomachs.

_“The answer is simple: the Navy_ never captured Gol D. Roger.”

With that, the dread crystallized into something tangible. The world seemed to freeze over, two decades of history upended like a top-heavy ship. Eyebrows rose, fists clenched, jaws dropped, and disbelief abounded, both at Base 153 _and_ the world over.

_“Yes, you heard me right,”_ Rayleigh chuckled, sounding honest-to-god _nostalgic_ at what he was saying. _“It wasn’t a ‘capture’. Gol D. Roger, the ‘King of the Pirates’, turned himself in. And not because of a trick or a threat, nothing like that. No, Gol D. Roger, of…_ mostly _sound mind, turned himself in to the World Government of his own volition.”_

“…what kind of ‘sound mind’ would have an unrepentant pirate commit suicide by Marine?” one grunt breathlessly demanded.

_“If you’re wondering why, well… that’s quite simple: he did it so that he could end his life on his own terms.”_

The grunt that had spoken froze, and Ripper himself began sweating. “No… it can’t have been…” he breathed, not even believing his own words.

_“You see, well before he turned himself in, my former captain had a terminal disease,”_ the Dark King blithely revealed without a hint of remorse. “ _Do you all understand? The man who shook the world, who conquered the Grand Line, who claimed_ _everything that the world had to offer… was dying throughout it all. So, once his adventure was over, he turned himself in to the Navy, who held a public execution and ended his life before the eyes of the world. Which was_ exactly _what he wanted. The Government intended to kill the spirits of pirates, and Roger turned the situation on them with his last breath. Stoked the final sparks of his life into a raging_ inferno _that engulfed the world, the consequences of which we’re still feeling today… heh, which we’re even feeling right now!”_

The gaze on the other end of the snail sharpened, a taste of Haki brushing against all who heard the conclusion of Rayleigh’s revelation.

_“Engrave this one truth in your minds, people of the world: The greatest victory of the World Government, the proudest, crowning achievement of the Navy…_ was nothing but a lie.”

“…sooo, anyone wanna bet that we're the only base left in the East Blue who the locals actually like anymore?”

Ripper dropped his face into his hand with a groan of bone-deep weariness. “Start swabbing the halls, Seaman,” he ordered morosely. 

“No betting, Captain?”

“No… just no placing _fools'_ bets.”

“Aye, sir…”

**-o-**

_“And, just to clarify while that’s all still sinking in: in regards to one Monkey D. Garp. The stupid, reckless old man that stuck me with a ten-figure bounty,”_ Cross droned on. _“I want you all to consider this: the Navy said as much… but did, or has,_ he _ever said that he captured Roger?”_

It was a heavy silence in the six seconds before Rayleigh answered.

_“Given what I know, allow me to confirm it for the world: I do not believe that he ever did or has. I’m not sure he’s ever_ denied _such claims, but I can’t recall him ever making them himself.”_

Cross’s eyes closed for a few moments and he nodded to himself. _“It’s becoming an increasingly short list of Marines that I thought were good men that turn out to be… lacking. I’m grateful that Garp remains on it…”_

His eyes opened again and glared at the world once more.

_“For now.”_

The Anarchist’s gaze then immediately sharpened further into a flinty deadpan. _“Oh, but everyone else in that generation lied through their_ teeth _about the entire thing, carte blanche on them.”_

_“Puru puru puru puru!”_

The World Government’s Military Commander jumped in his seat as his snail, which he’d been watching with dread for the past—he glanced at a clock and only narrowly missed having a heart attack; five minutes?! _This hell had only been going on for_ five minutes?!—five minutes, apparently, suddenly started ringing. His mood dropped even _further_ , as it was a very short list of people who had the number to this specific snail and an even shorter list of reasons they could be calling him, precisely _none_ of them any good. The only question right now…

_“Puru puru p_ —KA-LICK!”

…was how bad it was going to be.

“Yes?” Kong asked warily.

_“You’re listening to the final straw.”_

Kong’s eyes shot wide as the _last_ voice he’d wanted to hear said the last _words_ he’d ever wanted them to speak. “W-What?!”

_“You heard me: I. Am. Done,”_ Sengoku snarled. _“The exact_ instant _that Fire-Fist’s execution is over and done with, I resign. Find someone else stupid enough to put up with this PR death sentence, because I don’t intend to. To put it as_ politely _as possible,_ **I quit, deal with it.** _KA-LICK!”_

Kong stared blankly at his newly silent snail for another quick eternity, both trying to get his thoughts in order _and_ to blink the spots out of his eyes. And once he succeeded… he had only one thing to say.

_“Damn it.”_

**-o-**

_“Anyway, that’s all we wanted to say, but, ah… one more thing… before I close this off,”_ Cross concluded, because _of course_ he wasn’t done talking yet, _of course not._

_“People of the world, I’m sure that most of you are wondering why I sound as angry as I did back in the Strong World and am being as actively antagonistic to the Government as I was back in Enies Lobby. The answer to both of those questions is something that I’m keeping to myself for now, because there’s still a chance… however small of one, that my anger is all for nothing. Maybe… this will be enough._ Maybe _someone will grow a heart, or a conscience, or a_ brain… _and this… will_ all _be over soon.”_

For one second, the world was witness to a broken and exhausted man who couldn’t even keep his eyes open. Then he reopened them and the cold fire returned.

“But. _If that doesn’t happen… If_ _this_ isn’t _for nothing, and somebody decides to do the_ very _not-smart thing and_ call my bluff _… then you’ll hear from me again in ten days, and I promise you this: before my next broadcast comes to an end, this world… will never be the same again. See you real soon…_ on the Day of Reckoning.”

**_“Enjoy your FINAL DAYS_** _OF PEACE,”_ Soundbite hissed in agreement. **“This is Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite… GONE BUT** ** _NEVER_** **FORGOTTEN.”**

The broadcast ended, and atop the peak of the world, five old men sat in livid silence as the consequences of provoking someone who knew too much sunk in.

It was clear now that any victory that they sought could only be pyrrhic in nature. Either the enemy they had worked too hard to crush slipped through their fingers, or retaliation would surface that, at worst, could undo 800 years of hard work. It was proven now that driving a rat into a corner was hazardous. Succeeding in the execution would be less driving him into a corner and more putting him in a bucket, placing that bucket against their own stomachs, and putting a torch to the bucket’s underside.

In the face of this threat, one that compromised all that they were, the thought crossed their minds to cut their losses. Another blemish against their reputation, but one that would ensure more time to rebuild their resources, less hostility from the biggest pain in their necks since… _ever_.

For a brief moment… they considered calling off the war.

And then the thought was gone without vocalization. Because in the end, why should they wait? What had they to fear? They had endured for eight centuries already, they would endure for eight more if that was what it took. They would claim _a_ victory from this, and that would be enough. They would not, could not fail. And when this farce had passed, it would be that much easier to bury in the annals of history and never speak of it again should worse come to worst. 

This was their darkest era, but it would pass with time. As all things, eventually, _did._

They knew that their Order would withstand whatever Anarchy could produce.

…And two weeks later, when the war was done, the New Order was taking hold, and the Voices of Anarchy fell silent, possibly forever, they would curse the knowledge that waiting just one more day would have reduced that to nothing.

**-o-**

The sight that awaited me as I returned from the cellar a second time was not one I expected, even forewarned by the telltale scent in the air from Sanji’s cooking. The crew was back together, nobody missing, and all of the tables in the bar were set to serve.

Luffy smiled when he saw me again. “Alright, now that everyone’s here, let’s have some fun.”

“Indeed,” Brook declared, drawing his violin and bow. “In the face of the inevitable, there is no finer way to make use of your remaining time than to enjoy yourselves. All the more when we know that this goodbye is only fleeting. We shall look to the future with hope and promise, and enjoy the gift of the present.”

And with that, he began to play, the cadenza of Binks’ Brew filling the air with hope and sorrow.

It was… all a quiet thing, really. I just sat down and… and we talked.

I mean, there were some games and such, some antics, but overall… we just talked.

About recent events and old, about jokes half-remembered and adventures regarded fondly, ideas of possibilities, a handful of things that could have gone differently, and wonders of what would be to come.

Sometimes tempers flared, sometimes moods dropped, but generally, most everyone kept a smile on their face and an even keel.

And we just… _enjoyed_ each other’s company. Each other’s presence. Whether anything was said or not didn’t matter, whether anything was _done…_ all immaterial. All that mattered was that in that one… _final_ moment… we were all there. Together.

It wasn’t a rambunctious party. But it was the best sendoff that we could ask for.

It was also, sadly, a sendoff on a clock. A clock that ran out way too soon, as the shadows lengthened and the light glared in from the window. A clock that finally ran out when everyone with Observation in the room stiffened all at once.

The good cheer, happy energy that had built up, fragile as it was, just… died. Straight-up died, replaced by an overwhelming aura of… of sheer _dread_ that choked everything out. I became acutely aware of the weight still on my head. I hadn’t wanted to ask this question, wanted to still pretend I could avoid this, but… it was time to stop procrastinating. 

“Luffy… I need to ask, are you sure you want me taking care of this?” I nervously fingered The Hat’s— _The Hat’s!—_ brim. “Because if you keep this, it _will_ be safe for the next two years. After the war, it won’t be in any danger. But I don’t know where I’ll end up, for all I know it could be in the middle of a battleground until—OW!”

I looked up at Luffy, trying to ignore the goose egg growing beneath the straw. He had no right to look that exasperated!

“You can be pretty stupid sometimes, Cross,” he deadpanned, which, let me tell you, _actually_ managed to spike my temper even through my lingering mood. “I trust you and you deserve it. And more importantly, when you give that back to me in two years, _you_ won’t doubt it anymore. My treasure is safe with one of my crew.”

There was… a _hell_ of a lot going unsaid there, and I couldn’t even tell if he _knew_ he was not-saying half of what he was not-saying. I _did_ know there was one thing he wasn’t saying intentionally, and I got that message loud and clear.

Then Luffy brought up his right arm in a motion I recognized, getting everyone’s attention in the process, so apparently he had a lot _more_ he wanted to say. I had brought that scene up, both during the party and a few times before, but I didn’t expect this. Though in retrospect, I don’t know why.

“No matter what happens,” Luffy declared, in a tone that brooked _no_ argument. “No matter how we change, we’ll always be friends. We’ll all get stronger. And then we’ll all meet back here again. It’s a promise.”

Nobody said anything in reply, but then, nobody needed to. All they needed to do, all _we_ needed to do… was stick our arms up. Holding them in the air, firm and proud. After all, Luffy was the one who’d said it. Who’d declared it. We _would_ meet each other again, and that was that. No question, no doubt. Not even actually a promise. Just… a fact.

The fact hung in the air while we packed up, one final lock-and-load before we headed out to wherever we were headed out to. Weapons were prepped and checked, supplies secured, packs strapped on and ready to go, including Merry’s duffel bag on Luffy’s back loaded with all of our hopes for him. None of us were really prepared to part, we never could have been, but at least no regrets remained in the air. At least there was that.

And then, at long last, it was time.

One by one, we marched out of the Rip-Off Bar. One by one we reached the bottom of the staircase, and one and all we stood ready as the orange rays of the evening set the archipelago aflame.

And then, between one breath and another, he was here. Just… _here._ Towering over us. _Shadowing_ us, as one gloved hand slid the covering off the other. No emotion on his face, no antagonism. Just silent, dispassionate judgment.

“…go ahead of me, everyone.”

Luffy’s order was quiet, but with no more than a glance back at him, the crew nodded and moved forward. 

Or specifically, _I_ was moved forwards, the first to go, by no attempt of my own. I turned questioningly, the answer coming to me as all of the crew’s eyes met mine. This… This was the last time we’d see each other for two years. And like this, the last memory of them I’d have would be all of them together, facing the future.

So… I nodded and accepted it. Held my hands out, and accepted Lassoo and Funkfreed as they placed themselves in my hands once more, and secured them in place.

It… was time.

The straw hat fell to shadow my face as I turned back, lacking the strength to raise my head to the Tyrant’s mercy. Not rising as Kuma finished removing his glove and reared back his hand. Not rising as Bartholomew Kuma brought down his hand to banish me to the end of the planet—

“If you have any regrets, now would be the time to share them.”  
  
—and a moment before his paw would have connected, I found my voice.  
  
I only managed that one sentence, the only sentence that I would ever say to him...but it was enough that I managed to give him pause. He remained motionless for a few seconds, his face as unreadable as ever and his paw inches away from sending me flying. Then he withdrew his hand and his lips moved, conveying words quietly enough that I doubt even his cybernetic ears could detect them. And in response to his last request, with wide eyes at the revelation, I nodded. The whisper of gratitude in return was just audible enough for the crew to hear.

Then, in a final moment of doubt, I turned my attention to my shoulder. “No last words, Soundbite?” I asked.

_“…Only five.”_

The cyborg pulled his hand back once more, and this time nothing aborted its motion. Barely enough time elapsed for the snail to voice his parting words:

**“I don’t want to go.”**

And like that… we were gone.

**-o-**

Luffy stood back enough that he could watch them all. Zoro and Nami, who had taken the full brunt of the Warlord’s wrath to save them, were the next to go. Neither one showed any fear, the former standing straight as an arrow with his bandanna around his head and the latter atop her mount, gripping the reins tightly with her Clima-Tact disassembled and strapped to her thigh.

“…I must admit that I am surprised that you both survived,” Kuma stated.

“Thanks to your _mercy,”_ Zoro replied, pumping the last word with enough venom to put down a Sea King.

“Don’t expect it to come to that again,” Nami quietly agreed, firmly winding her partner’s reins around her fist. Billy, without his voice, could only nod.

“Do not expect that you will always have a say in the matter, even after this,” Kuma responded after a moment. He then brought his hand down and swiped twice, and the three of them were gone, though not before everyone saw them reach for their weapons.

The departures that followed were less momentous than the officers, but held their own weight.

“I… I want to say I’ll be alright, that this’ll all be fine… that there’s no problem… but for once in my life, I don’t, I-I _won’t_ lie: I hate this and I wish it didn’t have to happen… but once we’re back, I won’t ever have to lie again! Whatever I say I can do, I’ll be able to get it done! And that’s a promise, from the King of the Snipers! But… until then… goodbye.”

[Tread through hell in order to reach heaven, huh…? Tch, I don’t know what you knew, Cross, but once we’re all back together, you’re eating my boot leather for three weeks straight… and hey, shitty captain! You get in trouble or too hungry, you damn well call us, got it? We’ll come running with bells on, and that’s a promise!]

**“I—! I want…** I want to let myself lose control so bad right now. To lose myself in the madness, escape into my genius… Just let the fear be washed away… But! But I know that-that I can’t _do_ that right now! So I won’t! I’ll face this head-on, with my head held high with pride! And once I come back, I promise… I’ll be good enough that everyone knows my name! The name of the doctor, who treated the next King of the Pirates!”

“This crew was my first family in… you _are_ the first family I’ve ever had. Don’t worry about me, I know how to take care of myself on my own. Whatever I might become in the process… but no matter what, know that I’ll always look forward to the day we see each other again. When we _all_ see each other again, both our immediate family… and extended alike. _Do svidaniya,_ Captain.”

“…c’mon, don’t make me follow up with all of these… heartfelt goodbyes, you know that I… can’t… _just send me already you damn rustbucket, before I lose my SUPER coo—!”_

“It has only been three months since you and yours rescued me from purgatory, but it has been the best three months of my second life. Now I have a reason to continue living beyond the promise that I made. Captain, I vow to you that I shall put my very soul into ensuring that our crew does not suffer the fate that my previous one did. Farewell until we meet again alive and well - even though I’m already dead.”

“I… I know this hurts. I know it hurts to say goodbye, I know that better than… than _anyone_ on the planet! You know that! So… so you know that I know what I’m talking about… when I say that it’ll be alright. This is goodbye, but it’s _not_ farewell. I’ll be back before you know it, we all will, I promise! Because this crew… is our home. And if you know me even a little… then you know that I _never_ abandon my home.”

{Thanks to this _glorious_ stunt of yours, I can’t even say goodbye to my captain beyond an Oceanus-damned _salute._ You’ve taken enough from us. _No more._ Whatever you have planned, you’re not breaking us up. Not me, and not my boys. Either we go together…or we don’t go at all… hmph, smart choi—}

“It’s been amazing so far, everything that I could have dreamed of and more. I’ll do my best to get even more firepower for us when we come back. And I know that whatever sights I’ll see, they’ll pale in comparison to what I see when I’m all back together with you. You do your best in return, Captain… you know, I haven’t said this until now, because it means both hello and goodbye… but I’ll say it now. I’m sorry to say heso, Luffy, but I can’t tell you how much I look forward to when I say it again.”

…until at last, only one remained. And in the face of the inevitable, she couldn’t stop herself from running. Running back to her captain, and hugging him with enough force to snap a skeleton.

“Come back to me,” she whispered viciously, burying her face in his leg. “Because you promised, remember? Back then, when you said we’d go all the way, and that I could stay with you, and right now. That always, every time, you’d come back… so no matter what, you have to keep your promise. _You have to come back.”_

A comforting hand on her head and a nod of reassurance later, Merry grudgingly turned away from him, closing her eyes as Kuma sent her away.

And at last… there was one.

A faint part of Luffy’s mind felt gratitude for the forewarning. It hurt, watching his precious crew vanish one by one to who-knows-where. But he knew what it was for, and that was the difference between a sobbing wreck and a pirate captain standing strong as he was meant to do.

But that gratitude was buried under the knowledge he wouldn’t have known in another future, held in the responsible part of his brain that had woken up a few hours prior. And each time the Warlord brought his hand down, whether the next one was trembling, stiff, steadfast, or visibly fighting the urge to run, his resolve to remain reasonable weakened.

As the last of his crew vanished, he raised his head to look Bartholomew Kuma in the eyes and allowed his buried anger to surface as he spoke."If Cross hadn't talked to you… you'd have attacked us, wouldn't you? You'd have forced us to go, no matter what, without giving us any chance to say goodbye."  
  
"Correct," the Warlord calmly answered.  
  
Luffy grit his teeth. "And even now, if Cross had asked for just one more minute, even if he hadn't had a chance to say goodbye, you'd still have forced him."  
  
"Correct."  
  
Luffy grit his teeth _further_. "Why."  
  
"Because according to all calculations, this was the most logical course of action to ensure the survival of the Straw Hat Pirates. Emotionally, this course of action was best defined as…” The Tyrant paused, before tilting his head as an answer presented itself. “A kindness.”

And it was at that precise moment that something in the air just… _snapped._

Either ignorant of or ignoring the shift, Kuma lifted his foot —

—And blinked in honest confusion as his systems all spontaneously rebooted.

The cyborg took stock of the data his mind was now processing: his body had been displaced by 18.56 meters, his cranial case was registering severe damage to his facial muscles, three of the spinal servos in his neck were reporting significant damage, his aft hull was buried nearly 1.78 meters into a Sabaody Mangrove, and the ocular camera had identified a fist occupying the exact position his face had held before the surprise reboot.

All told, it took 0.3 milliseconds for Bartholomew Kuma to reach a conclusion: Monkey D. ‘Straw Hat’ Luffy had just punched him into a tree.

**-o-**

Standing a few feet behind the last Straw Hat standing, watching as the smoke wafted off his outstretched fist, Rayleigh let out a polite cough into his own fist. “Just for the sake of an old man’s peace of mind…” he stated slowly. “You _do_ know that you can’t win, correct?”

Luffy let out a grim snort as he waved his fist out, clenching and unclenching his knuckles. “I know,” he growled. “And I don’t care.”

**-o-**

‘The Tyrant’ Bartholomew Kuma gripped the edges of the crater he was in and easily shoved his way out, towering over the rubbery pirate that was glaring hellfire at him. He noted absently that said pirate’s fist was bleeding as well as smoking. At Luffy’s level of strength, the force needed to send Kuma flying like that would have shattered half the bones in his body if they hadn’t all been made of rubber.

And in response to this blatant wrath, Kuma was impassive. An impassiveness that stood, even as he grasped his own dislodged jaw and wrenched it back into place. “This is… illogical. You accepted all this less than a minute ago. Explain.”

‘Straw Hat’ Luffy snorted out a cloud of steam as his grip on the pipe slung across his back tightened and flexed violently. “You’re an idiot. Do you really think I was _happy_ to see my crew go away? No… I was _angry._ I’ve _been_ angry for hours, and I barely even fought that Light-Monkey, so I’m still at my strongest. And then, on top of _all that…”_ ‘Straw Hat’s face darkened visibly, and trembling overtook his body. “You not only hurt my crewmates— _broke_ my _Commie—_ but you sent them away, meaning I don’t need to worry about hurting them anymore. I don’t need to _hold back_ anymore.”

The air slowly grew heavier and heavier, and for the first time in decades, for the first time since he’d grown so strong, for the _very first time_ since they’d started putting metal into his brain and soul… Kuma felt something. The slightest, barest, most _animal_ twinge of emotion. Machine logic overrode it, but the moment had come to pass.

For the first time in years and years, Kuma felt a twitch of _fear._

“That was the last mistake…” Luffy rammed his fist down, and steam _blazed_ off of his body as reality rippled around him. **“You’ll ever make!”**

Silence stretched on while that statement was fully processed. And the Tyrant’s eyes _glinted_ as he squared his shoulders and planted his feet, every artificial muscle in his body _tensing_ with anticipation. “You are more correct than you realize, Monkey D. Luffy,” he muttered, if _only_ to himself.

And that was that.

In a blur, a _blast_ of movement, began the beginning of the end.

**-o-**

SHA-BOOM!

“Argh!” Trafalgar Law howled as he went tumbling, his clothes singed and smoking. Overall, the fight was _not_ going well. Everyone was still worn out and banged up from fighting Kizaru, and all three of their opponents were tough sons of bitches with hitting power to match. Levering himself up into a sitting position, ignoring the pull of the laser burns on his skin, Law eyed the spot where Kid was fighting. 

_SKRANG! “ARGH!”_

Correction. Where Kid was getting his ass _handed_ to him on an aluminum platter. 

Law recognized what this Sentomaru was doing: Haki. Mostly Armament, but very strong Armament. Everything Kid could throw at him was being deflected, and only the raw mass of metal covering his body had saved from being knocked out already. And his opponent was smart enough to not let Kid build up enough metal to try and punch through. 

Ideally, the other Supernovas would’ve helped him. Sentomaru hadn’t shown any signs of Observation yet and there were several abilities in their group that could’ve done something even through the Armament. But the two Pacifistas were almost as bad. Law himself had gotten zapped by lasers any time he’d tried to set up a decent Room once his first one had ended after dropping a building on one of them, and they were absurdly tough. 

They _were_ winning, though. Slowly, but they were winning. The one on the right was being triple-teamed by Black Bart, Urouge, and Drake, and it was bleeding and sparking ominously. Still functional, though, Law dryly noted, as it punched Urouge square in the gut and folded him like an accordion. 

Meanwhile, the one the Surgeon was fighting had been ganged up on by the remaining Supernovas, and it was aggravatingly functional despite himself, Apoo, Hawkins, Bonney, and Bege unloading into it. And they were all spent. 

Slowly, Law tensed to throw up a Room as the Kuma look-alike started to slowly advance on them. “I hope someone has an idea, because for once in my life I’m fresh out of them,” he drawled. “And I gotta be honest? Don’t really care much for the experience.”

“I’ve got no ammunition left and way too many casualties,” Bege growled, eyeing the sprawled and twitching forms of Bonney and Apoo as he gripped his own gut. “And those two aren’t doing anything anytime soon.”

“I am _looking,”_ Hawkins snapped, voice tense. His tarot deck was arrayed on several stalks of straw, the cards blurring as he rearranged them over and over to find _something_ to get them out of this mess. “Keep that machine off of me for—”

Abruptly, all tension in Hawkins’ body fled him, leaving only his usual placid deadpan. “Do not despair,” he proclaimed, sweeping the deck away. “Our voyages shall not end this day. Salvation is at hand.”

Bege and Law both nodded. “So, what’s the plan?” the mafioso asked. “What do we need to do?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

The other two Supernovas both whirled on Hawkins, their expressions ones of poleaxed incredulity. But before they could ask Hawkins what in Davy Jones’ Locker he was thinking, the Kuma look-alike opened its mouth—

_“Aye-aye-aye-AYE!”_

—and right on cue, Bepo came crashing down feet-first on its head, slamming the mouth shut right as the laser fired. 

_SHA-BOOM!_

The cyborg staggered back, its mouth a shambles of machinery and the tortured wail of mangled electronics screeching out from its… well, _everything_. For a brief moment, Law actually dared let himself hope it was nonfunctional. 

It disproved that notion a few seconds later when by mostly regaining its balance and firing its palm-lasers indiscriminately. Bepo yelped and scrambled away, while Law hastily called up a Room and swapped everyone out of… well, _immediate_ danger. 

“Great,” he breathed, staggering to his feet as the cyborg drunkenly waddled about, lasers still flying. “Now it’s even _more_ dangerous. Any _other_ bright ideas, witch doctor?”

“That was not the salvation to which I was referring.”

“Excuse me?”

The Straw-Man ignored the question, and instead ticked down on his fingers. “Three… two… one…”

No sooner had Hawkins said “one” when a black and tan blur slammed into the cyborg in front of them, crushing it under its weight. That blur soon resolved itself into yet _another_ Kuma cyborg—no, wait, Law could see the paw pads, this was the _real_ Tyrant Kuma. Kuma stood in the wreckage of his doppleganger, and Luffy came careening in, steaming in Gear Second and punching as fast as he could. 

Right. Luffy could fight Tyrant fucking Kuma if he wanted. Time to go disengage the rest of the Supernovas and get the fuck _out._

In the midst of the chaos of the hasty retreat everyone started beating, Hawkins took a moment to nod with _complete_ certainty.

“Exactly as predicted.”

Well. Bugging out could wait a moment, because no, Law was _not_ going to let that slide. “Oh, bull- _shit!”_

**-o-**

Sentomaru batted away another scrap-metal arm of Kid’s, shattering it to pieces, and sighed as he saw Monkey D. Luffy _offhandedly_ smash the other Pacifista he’d brought out of the corner of his eye. It wasn’t even _intentional_ by the looks of it, the rubber pirate just backhanded it hard enough to cave its chest in when it tried to approach him! Either way, with that on top of the damage the other pirates had already done, the cyborg toppled over. And given the other Supernovas immediately laid into it, it wouldn’t be getting back up anytime soon either.

“Vulnerable to blunt force trauma…” the sumo muttered as a mental note, before cocking his head to the side in a concession. “Well, that or the moron’s just _that_ strong. Either way, still good intel.” And indeed it was, for though the fight had cost two Pacifistas, it had gotten them a wealth of information on the machines’ current parameters. And it wasn’t like anyone particularly cared about two Pacifistas. Not _anymore,_ at least.

Overall they were effective peace-keeping weapons, but were thus far proving to be a little too reliant on their stout frames. They had little ability to dodge, and a strong enough blow seemed to have a tendency to smash delicate internal components by sheer force transfer. And the mouth lasers… yeah, those were a straight-up weakness. Unacceptably so, frankly. 

Honestly, it was infuriating to see a weapon-series as sophisticated as the Pacifistas be deemed outmoded before they were even properly put into _manufacturing,_ especially when their replacements had been conceived by _that_ pack of degenerates. But, at least there was (professional) comfort in the fact that the series hadn’t been totally scrapped and would still see usage, as well as the fact that the series that _would_ be replacing them most certainly deserved the title of ‘bleeding edge’.

SKRANG! 

“PAY ATTENTION TO ME YOU FATASS—!” **_CRUNCH!_** _“ARGH!”_

But, ultimately, these musings would probably be better had elsewhere. For _now…_

Palm-slapping away another pseudo-arm, Sentomaru finally pressed in and slammed his other palm into the center of the pirate’s defenses. Spewing blood from his mouth, Kid went _flying,_ shedding his metallic exoskeleton as he skidded and bounced along the ground. And where he came to a halt, he did not get up again. 

Sentomaru turned towards the remaining pirates. To a man, they were exhausted, injured, and in no fit state to fight him. If he wanted to, he could’ve captured them all right there. 

But instead, he simply bent down to pick up his ax and then turned to rummage through the remains of the unlucky prototypes that had been caught in the _crossfire_ of the fight between Monkey D. Luffy and PX-0, looking for their black boxes. His job was to test the Pacifistas, not capture pirates, after all.

**-o-**

“GUM-GUM JET GATLING!”

Luffy’s fists crashed against Kuma’s body like water and with about as much effect. That had been the pattern for this fight: Luffy hitting Kuma and Kuma just… _standing there,_ taking it like it was no trouble at all. Which, in fairness, it wasn’t. The bruise from the first punch aside, Kuma still lacked any sort of sign that he’d been at all hurt. Were he less pissed off, the rubber man would’ve thought it eerie. Instead, it just kept him pissed off. 

The exchange done, Luffy skidded back, panting as Gear Second passed. And Kuma just… stood there. Not saying anything. Not _doing_ anything. 

Scowling even harder, Luffy racked his brains for something that might work. Gear Third _might_ get through that mystery metal, but Kuma could decide to dodge at any point. Cross had said to remember the feeling when he’d knocked out those animals back on Strong World, but Cross also said that that power was all about the willpower to win and conquer, and he couldn’t see that working when he _knew,_ in his heart, that he was going to lose this fight. So that just left…

…Oh, Chopper was going to be _so_ mad at him if he ever found out about this.

Leaning over again, he pumped his legs. 

And then, he brought his thumb up to his mouth and _bit._

In his mind’s eye, Luffy could hear his crew shouting at him and calling him seven different shades of _stupid_ for pulling a stunt like this. But they were nothing to the sensation of his body trying to tear itself apart. Air in his bones, blood rushing beyond its capacity, heart straining to keep up… Luffy closed his eyes and pushed the air away from his torso and into his arms. 

“GUM-GUM—!” he shouted, wrenching his giant arms back. “GIANT JET BAZOOKA!”

Both arms surged forward, all the speed of Gear Second and all the power of Gear Third—and Kuma split the attack with his hands and casually batted them aside with his palms. Eyes wide, Luffy tried to punch again, to the same result. The air rushed back into his torso then, unable to be contained, and Luffy tensed his legs and sprang off. 

“GUM-GUM JET SHE—!”

“No.” 

**SLAM!**

_“—GRAH!”_

Paw palm met Luffy’s back and slammed him into the ground, all the air rushing out. In the end, Luffy could only lay on the ground, shrunken, quivering, gasping for breath, and tasting the dirt. 

“A valiant effort, Straw Hat Luffy,” Kuma intoned. “But ultimately… futile."

Luffy snarled and wheezed as he started to—as he so often did—bounce back, twisting his head to glare up at Kuma with a snarl and a vicious, downright _piercing_ glare. “I'm going…” he swore vindictively. “I'm going to go to Impel Down. I'll go to Marineford if I have to... I'll save Ace, I'll get stronger... and then, in two years…” He rammed his fist into the ground with a bone-rattling growl. “I'll beat you!"  
  
And in response to this inhuman conviction, this declaration of purest intent, Kuma did as he always did, and stared. “Incorrect. While you will indeed become strong enough to endure the trials ahead, what you will fight will only be my body. This... is the last time we will ever meet."  
  
‘The Tyrant’ Bartholomew Kuma raised his hand, brought it down—

—and for the second time that day… _paused._   
  
"Goodbye… _Luffy."_

And then, before anyone watching could even _blink,_ it was over. The cyborg’s paw met the captain’s form, and he was gone.

And with that, the last of the Straw Hat Pirates disappeared from Sabaody Archipelago. With that… the Straw Hat Pirates were utterly defeated, whether by Kuma, by fate, or by the world.

Kuma straightened, his work complete, and slowly turned to regard his audience. Sentomaru and the Supernovas stared back at him with a kaleidoscope of expressions, but there was only one person that his eyes truly met. And she met his.

For an endless moment, Bartholomew Kuma and Jewelry Bonney stared at each other. For the last time, his eyes met hers, and there was life behind them.

…And then he was gone.

And that, as they say, was that.

**-o-**

Or at least, very nearly that. 

As the sun sank below the horizon, a small craft dropped anchor a short distance away from the archipelago, directly beside a larger ship. A blue-haired swordswoman and mallet-toting hybrid came aboard the larger ship and saw their (or at least her) commander on the deck a short distance away, his back turned to them as usual.

“So, Lieutenant,” he rumbled without turning around, causing the swordswoman to instinctively snap to attention. “Welcome back. And now that you _are_ back, care to give me a sitrep?”

“The short of it? A full garrison’s worth of corrupt Marines brought to task, the slave trade crippled in a way it will never recover from, the local populace have been liberated from a regime of fear and corruption, and what had to be several thousand enslaved men, women and children of all sorts going free.” Her report delivered, the Marine allowed herself to all but collapse against the ship’s mast, what little energy she had left drained out of her. “And yet… _none_ of what should be literally historical accomplishments stands out. Not compared to the fact that the world is about to tear itself apart and we’re about to draw lines in the sand while standing at ground zero. Did I miss anything, Commodore?”

“Oh, no, I got all that,” the Commodore dismissed with a wave of his hand. “No, what I’m _unclear_ on is why, exactly, I needed to rush a gag order on _this?”_

The Commodore turned around with a scowl of annoyance and brandished a poster at the Lieutenant. Said Lieutenant stiffened at the picture, and _especially_ at the name emblazoned below it.

“The bounty of one _Cabin Girl_ T. A. Shigi?” Smoker grunted, sounding like he was stuck between enraged and entertained. “Who it would seem is _very_ lucky Attachan didn’t recognize her?”

Tashigi stared, eyes twitching, for a few moments. Then, ignoring Popora’s polite show of amusement (read: the rodent, rolling on the deck, _howling_ ) beside her, she drew her sword and, heedless of her commander’s fingers, shredded the poster into ribbons.

“When I see Cross again…” she swore vehemently, a _fire_ raging in her eyes. “I am going to teach him an _entirely new meaning_ of the words _pain and—!…_ and…”

And just like that, the energy spike was gone. She sagged, Shigure almost falling out of her limp fingers as she collapsed back against the mast again.

“...ugh…” she ground out, _thunk!_ ing her head back and clamping her hand over her eyes, her voice gradually breaking as she spoke. “And now… I can’t even properly smile at the idea of _that_ …” 

Tashigi’s breathing hitched, and a few stray lines of moisture slipped past her fingers. “We… We worked so _hard_ , did so much and _now…”_ she choked out. “Damn it. Damn it and damn _them_ all to _hell…”_

Smoker allowed Tashigi a moment. 

Two. 

And then he stomped his boot hard enough to shake the deck, and the Lieutenant flinched. Looked up at her superior with a tear-stained expression. 

“Steady on, soldier,” he both reassured and ordered at once, his jaw hard-set. “Steady on. There’ll be time for tears later. But for now…”

“Ergh…” Tashigi hastily swiped her sleeve across her eyes and mustered her composure. “Apologies, Commodore. I… tch. Damn that Cross, he always manages to find new ways to get under my skin, doesn’t he…” Wiping her eyes, she steeled her expression, sheathed her blade, and saluted. “Lieutenant Tashigi, reporting for duty, _sir!”_

It said volumes that Popora mimicked the action without comment.

“At ease, Lieutenant,” Smoker waved her off, turning to stare out over the ocean. “And enjoy it while you can. We both know that this will be the _last_ ease we enjoy…”

The Smoke-Man’s jaw clenched, digging deep into his cigars.

“For a _long_ time to come.”

**-Three Days Later-**

The forces of the Marine Base G-8 had left their island under the guard of the former admiral stationed there as they departed for Marineford. With the acres of sail Marine battleships had, plus more efficient navigation by Eternal Pose, they were expected to arrive the day of the war, even with the detour that they had to take under orders from headquarters.

A detour that, despite the dread of what the war would bring, had them downright eager to set sail again considering the hostility and labor that they were faced with. Because while Hellbeast —

“PRINCESS!”

—Perona had agreed to come with them to Marineford, it was only with a flood of complaints and a lot of heavy lifting. Because in addition to some of the best and strongest of her ‘pets’ that necessitated five large cages—for the _Marines’_ protection, of course—there was also the matter of Perona’s… _personal_ protection.

‘Protection’ in this instance referring to a _very_ large box of what looked to be pure metal whose sheer _weight_ was causing the vessel it was on to list, and that had been flown onto the battleship by a dozen oversized birds, supervised by her specter.

“…Is this _really_ necessary?” Jonathan asked with genuine wariness as he watched his men rush around, trying their damndest to rearrange the cargo on the ship to rebalance the ship.

That question turned out to be a _mistake_. For his troubles, Jonathan was rewarded with an irate ghost up in his face. “My contract with the Navy guaranteed me three months to myself on my island before I would be required to exercise my abilities elsewhere, _explicitly_ due to the fact that I am _nowhere_ near as strong as my colleagues yet,” Perona hissed, the sheer malice in her voice actually causing Jonathan to jerk back in shock. “You’re reneging on your side of the bargain by calling me out one month early, meaning that you and yours are beyond lucky that I didn’t have my pets turn the surrounding waters into a Thanatos-damned _thresher.”_

She slammed her fist against the bunker, a Mini Hollow detonating in tandem with the motion to provide the noise. The metal was unscathed.

“You’re lucky I had this prepared a few weeks ago for just this situation: a mobile bunker, a few days’ worth of food and water and a _wonderful_ bedroom locked behind two solid feet of metal, capable of weathering a stampede from my pets. If I couldn’t stash my body in here and let my spirit or my darling pets coming along—who _will_ be prioritizing my protection above all else—do all the hard work for me, I’d be taking my chances with whatever retaliation the Government could _potentially_ scrounge up _after_ Whitebeard finishes _cleaning his naginata with your entrails._ An option which, mind you, _I have yet to dismiss_. In short?” 

The specter suddenly grew to proportions that utterly _overshadowed_ the battleship’s deck, and her volume spiked to match.

**“DEAL WITH IT OR** **_BITE ME!”_ **

Jonathan blinked in mute shock, digging his finger in his ear before nodding solemnly. “I’ll… do my best to accommodate, then.”

Just as fast as she’d grown, Perona snapped back to normal size with a haughty sniff. _“Good._ Now then! If you don’t mind, I’d like to discuss the guard detail you _will_ be setting up for the protection of both myself and my pets during this voyage.” She cast a withering glare over the sailors that were still on the deck. _“In private._ Please join me in your quarters forthwith.” And that was the last she said before drifting off, heedless of who or what she passed through on her beeline to the aftcastle.

For a moment or two, Jonathan blankly stared after her before massaging his face with a bone-tired groan. “What is it with me and strong-willed women…” he despaired to himself.

He then took a few minutes to relay a few final orders to his men before marching after. A few Marines he passed on his way were visibly spooked from the ghost that had just flown through the walls, but none moved to stop him or question him. He found Drake waiting outside of his door with his usual frown.

“It will most likely not be a regular occurrence, Drake,” he said.

“That’s not what I’m frowning about, sir. _They_ stowed away.”

Jonathan’s face immediately pinched up, but he nodded in confirmation. “I suspected as much. We _are_ sailing into hell, so why, pray tell, were you expecting a reprieve from our eternal torment?”

Drake loosed a miserable groan, adjusting his cap as he walked off. “Let a man dream, sir. Even if we have to abandon all hope, just let me dream.”

Jonathan spared a moment to chuckle at the suffering of his subordinate, before sighing and entering his office to face his own demon.

Upon opening the door, Perona, lounging on her back in thin air, cracked an eye open. “Took you long enough.”

“Was the tinnitus _really_ necessary?” Jonathan groused, thwacking the side of his skull. “Most of the men on this ship are Masons that are aware of our plans and allegiances for Marineford—the broad strokes, at least—and those who aren’t I would still trust with my life.”

Perona shrugged, not a hint of remorse on her face, even though it was lacking her earlier venom as well. “Hey, I’ve got a persona to uphold and there’s no telling who’s listening where. Trust me, I have experience with these things and I could have done a _lot_ worse. Also…” Her mood visibly soured. “I wasn’t _entirely_ blowing smoke out there. I would have told the Government to sit on their orders and spin in any other circumstances, I’d have even told _you all_ as much, because this is war against an _Emperor_ and I know for a fact that when it comes to them or their crews, two feet of metal is _nothing_ and—!”

“But you’re still coming,” Jonathan noted.

Perona choked on her words and spun away, popping and hiding in her umbrella. She was silent for a minute until…

“Luffy is going to be there, and Luffy is important to Nami,” she solemnly intoned. “I couldn’t live with myself if I _didn’t_ try and help. And you know it.”

“And it is admirable that you would risk your life for something that so many would consider to be so little, and I thank you for it,” Jonathan replied.

The two were silent before Perona sighed explosively. “Keep your thanks and just focus on keeping me alive. I’ll let you know if I need to replenish my pantry.”

“Very well, but I seriously recommend you stop by the mess hall at some point,” Jonathan said. “Jessica’s cooking is phenomenal, as anyone aboard this ship will tell you.”

A half-smirk from the specter conveyed a ‘maybe’ before she floated towards the wall.

“Ah, and just so you know!” Jonathan added as the thought occurred to him. “I have a man on Momonga’s ship who I’m waiting to hear from. He’ll need to allow himself to be petrified to avoid blowing his cover, but if all goes well, he should be able to keep us apprised of when things start to get underway. I’ll keep you informed.”

Perona paused long enough to nod in acknowledgment before phasing through the nearest wall, and out of his sight. She moved carelessly through the ship, spiraling aimlessly through floors, walls, and ceilings on her way back to her bunker.

Before abruptly stopping and doubling back for the pair of familiar faces she spotted in a cargo hold: a young girl in a refitted Marine uniform and a massive and massively armored beetle whose horn she was sitting on. Both of them barely looked up as she approached them, their expressions somber.

“Wait, I remember you…” Perona mused, brightening up when she did, in fact, remember. “Marine junior and her runaway beetle, right?” She winced as soon as the words left her mouth. _“Oooh,_ sorry, forgot about… Let me guess, being back isn’t doing him any good, huh?”

“Boss K isn’t happy about it, no,” Yoko mumbled, neither herself nor Boss deigning to look up. If anything, her mood grew more dour with the addition of an audience. “But it… it’s something else. We… Boss K and I, we have a choice coming up soon… and we still don’t know what side of the line we’re going to be on.”

Perona frowned and nodded in understanding. “Well, I’ll keep my pets away from your friend, no matter what happens. And…” She grimaced, trying to find the right words. “And this _really_ isn’t my thing, but… follow your heart? If you pick the wrong side, it’ll drive you crazy until you choose the right one. Thanatos knows it did to me…”

“But which one is _right?”_ Yoko moaned, sinking to her knees.

Perona winced again. She didn’t want to just leave the girl like this, but she had no idea what else to do or say to try making things easier.

A minute or so of indecision later, however, a distraction arrived in the form of Jonathan. Though his frown was not a comfort.

“We have a problem, you three,” the Vice-Admiral declared. “Remember that source I mentioned?”

“The one on Momonga’s ship, yeah,” Yoko confirmed, sitting up and plastering on at least a veneer of professionalism. “Bad news?”

“Yes,” the Chessmaster nodded, his expression grim. “In that there is _any_ news to be had right now.”

**-o-**

Since the de facto declaration of war against Whitebeard, Marineford had been locked down tightly enough that it could and would have impressed Magellan. Nothing and no-one was getting out, and anything or one that came in was inspected thoroughly, and that was if it wasn’t already scheduled to be there. Moving nearly 100,000 troops, dozens of ships, and just about every elite officer this side of the Red Line to Headquarters, on top of preparing a few special surprises Sengoku had planned, was a herculean logistical endeavor. It was a credit to the Marines that, despite the losses post-Enies, they were still on track to pull it off. 

And as such, the absolute last thing they needed on their plates was the alert that came screaming over the Transponder Snails about unscheduled—and unfamiliar—ships. Ships that were somehow flying ad-hoc Marine flags. Marine officers promptly boiled out of the central pagoda, ready to meet these intruders at the waterfront if they proved hostile. 

Tsuru and Kuzan, who had been about in the middle of the pack, arrived on a balcony in time to overlook Sengoku marching down to the waterfront, Garp flanking him as the ships rowed themselves in and an honor guard of Marines behind with rifles at ready. 

There were roughly thirty-five vessels in all, each making use of single square-sail masts, overlapping planking, and bearing ornately carved dragon-head bows and more carvings along their hulls. The wizened Vice-Admiral counted sixty crew in the first ship alone. Bearded men and stout women, all clad in armor and horned helmets, and thoroughly unperturbed by being confronted by the Fleet Admiral while under the guns of three battleships that had cut off their retreat. 

Vague memories of where she’d last seen these cultural markings prickled in the back of Tsuru’s mind. Then they came to her, and a horrible suspicion bloomed in her chest. 

It was a suspicion that was confirmed when a veritable mountain of a man, all red beard, and dark furs and a massive hammer slung over his back, stepped off the lead ship when it bumped up against the pier, immediately going to shake Sengoku’s hand. And Sengoku, who started off coldly polite, slowly switched to all but sucking on a lemon in reaction to whatever the man was saying, while Garp’s already perpetually grim demeanor seemed to somehow _worsen_ with every word. 

Despite that, the man was still allowed to bellow to his ships, and the fleet started to dock.

“So, that’s what he was doing,” Tsuru noted in a bone-dry tone. “That damn rabid mutt… He wasn’t just sent to the New World as punishment.”

With a cheer audible from the battlements she and Kuzan were standing behind, the ships all nosed towards the piers, to disgorge the better part of what Tsuru calculated to be, at the _least,_ two thousand soldiers. 

“He was there to _recruit,”_ Kuzan concurred, watching the stream of very, _very_ powerful muscle that was marching towards them, marching to join and bolster _their side,_ with icy dread in his heart.

Tsuru glanced searchingly at him, considered his tone, then hummed in discontent as she came to a decision. “Watching this,” she mused, speaking more to herself than her nominal superior. “I find myself thinking of something a friend of mine once said. A phrase that seems to have made _quite_ the resurgence of late.”

Kuzan turned to look at her, but her eyes remained locked dead ahead at the column of soldiers, of _warriors_ joining them, as she spoke fourteen words:

“Is this what you call justice? Can you take pride in something like this?”

Tsuru waited, her eyes still not wavering from the sheer ‘might’ that was reinforcing the ranks of those supposedly in the ‘right’.

But if she had deigned to look up, then the sight of Kuzan’s motionless form, frozen more completely than any amount of ice could ever have managed, would not have surprised her in the least.

**-o-**

As the third night of her aerial pilgrimage came to an end, Conis ran a final check on her weapons. Not that there was anything wrong with them, she’d done it dozens of times over the last three days for something to do other than sleep, but this time, the preparation felt like it had weight. _Meaning._ Because this… this was it. Landing day. The day she would meet whatever fate was lined up for her. 

Conis had decidedly mixed feelings about that. She had left her father and her old life behind on Upper Yard and embraced the Straw Hats as her new family, and now they were all gone to different places. At the same time, however, she had wanted to see more of what the Blue Sea had to offer in contrast to the White, and if the place that she was going to land was going to train her hard enough to prepare her for the next ocean, it would be absolutely perfect for that.

And now, she determined as she slotted a final shell into her shotgun, she would be ready for it.

Still, speaking of what she was looking for, her destination _should_ have been coming into view sooner or later, so where—?

_FWOOF!_

“GAH!”/“SU!” Conis and Su both yelped in shock and confusion as they were suddenly engulfed in darkness. They flailed in terror as their senses were y assaulted by an olfactory onslaught. Their Paw-Paw projectile had passed through clouds before, but none had smelled like _rotting eggs!_

And then, just as swiftly, the reeking darkness disappeared and Conis saw a brief flash of off-color light—

**_THOOM!_ **

Before there was a heavy impact, and for the first time in days, the Angel of Destruction touched down on solid earth.

Once her head stopped spinning, Conis groaned and moved, hauling herself out of the crater her landing had created—right to the site of a gleaming bayonet six inches from her face. Yelping, Conis leaped back, then had to twist out of the way of a salvo of musket balls. The air was thick with the stench of gunpowder, blood, and feces, and only the occasional roar of cannons drowned out the droning drums. Much to her horror, the gunner found herself between two thin lines of men—one in red, one in blue—with fixed bayonets and obvious intent to stab each other until one side broke - and perhaps more alarmingly, no care for anyone who so happened to get in their way.

Her head on a swivel, Conis pulled her bazooka off her back and aimed at one army—then another—and with a snarling growl, stowed the bazooka and pulled out a pistol. She hastily toggled one of her Flash Dials and fired it at the advancing line. Men yelped in pain, stumbling about with their hands clutching her eyes, and she took the opportunity to run between them, shoving aside whatever men didn’t get out of the way in time. 

A light thwack to the side of her head both confirmed Su’s presence, as well as pointed out an available refuge, much to her relief. She could see now that they were in a wide square, equally wide streets radiating out from it. And more importantly, both were lined with battered four-story stone and brick buildings. Su had pointed out one of them, one that looked more structurally sound than the others despite the cannonball holes in it, and she jogged towards. She quickly switched to running at the sound of hoofbeats behind her. Lots and lots of hoofbeats. 

Her next few minutes were a blur of running and dodging a dozen different projectiles. Musket balls, rocks, cannonballs, arrows, javelins, was that a potted plant? But she reached the building, burst inside, scrambled up the stairs, and then collapsed into a panting heap. 

Finally, after several minutes, Conis felt energetic enough to haul herself upright and get a look at the situation. The building she was in seemed to be situated on a hill, which gave her a good look at the surrounding urbanization and the countryside just beyond it.. In most situations, it would’ve given her clarity. 

Instead, it was simply more confusing. 

There, a thousand men on horseback and wearing furs were shooting arrows at a pursuing army of three-man chariots. And were promptly set upon by another thousand men in gleaming plate and wings of eagle feathers on their backs. 

There, a squat, low-set building bristling with cannon was being besieged by a battery of trebuchets defended by a pack of spear-and-shield soldiers in bronze. One of the cannons landed a shot against the trebuchets, blowing it to splinters. 

And then there, in one of the streets another group of those blue-coated soldiers frantically backpedaling from a mob of nude madmen painted blue and brandishing swords and axes. 

Also, the island was on fire. No, there wasn’t a fire on the island. The island was _on fire._ Walls of flames rose from the horizon and the air was choked with smoke and— _yes,_ the earth just ripped open and swallowed a column of soldiers with a belch of flames, _what the hell._

Everywhere Conis laid her eyes, she found carnage, madness, and _death._ Armies upon armies ramming full-tilt into one another, without rhyme reason, or even the barest _hint_ of mercy. And if the way the air sang—roared, _raged, HOWLED—_ with the sounds of death and devastation, even from across the horizon? This, _all_ of this, every bit of it, was nothing but the tip of the iceberg.

There was only one word for it: **_Bedlam._**

“Okay, I’m sorry, but _what the hell?!”_ Conis blurted out, sweeping her shocked and confused gaze across the maddened hellstorm raging as far as her eyes could see. “I know we weren’t expecting anything easy for the next two years, but this is ridiculous! I-I’m counting one, two—oh you have to be kidding me, _eight_ different colors out there! What kind of nightmare island is this, Su!?” The angel waited for an answer—provided she could hear it over the din of gunfire, cannonfire and just plain _fire_ all around her—and blinked in confusion when one wasn’t forthcoming. “Su? Su, where are you?”

“S-Su…”

The feeble response drew Conis’ attention to the other side of the room she was in, and she turned to see what was the issue. The answer was, in a word, confusing. Her companion _seemed_ to be unharmed, apart from her silvery fur stained a dirty grey from the smoke and ash choking the air, but that begged the question of _why_ her usually vain fox wasn’t more concerned with her appearance.

Instead, Su was just… _sitting_ there, staring into the air and not twitching a whisker.

Concern filled her mind. Even in the middle of the neverending devastation surrounding her, Conis gently approached her lifelong friend. “Su? Is everything alright? What’s wrong?”

_That_ roused the Cloud Fox, and slowly, _ever_ so slowly, Su’s head turned to Conis, all while her paw twitched up and nervously jabbed out. “S-Su… _Su, suuu!”_

Conis spared a moment to weather the renewed pang of _loss_ she felt without her friends and crewmates, and then followed her instincts and looked at where Su was pointing.

Looked, and _froze._ Froze as the sheer weight of the _implications_ washed over her like a blast from Eneru himself.

“…Su?” the angel whispered, desperation lacing her every word. “Th-There isn’t any chance we’re back on Upper Yard, is there?”

_“Suuuu,”_ the fox meekly replied, shaking her head.

“Then… That means this is…” Conis audibly gulped, trying and failing to dislodge the heavy lump that she felt lodged in her throat as she stared up. And up. And _up._

Up at the sheer _pillar_ that defined the horizon. Up at the ancient _entity_ that stood undaunted and unbowed amongst the flames of war, and pierced the smoke-choked heavens.

Conis stared up at the immortal, invincible _tree_ that defied the carnage waging around it, resisted even the brace of what she _knew_ was mortar fire that detonated against its trunk without leaving so much as a scratch… 

And in that moment, she truly, utterly comprehended the sheer scale of what she’d been thrown into.

_“Oh, no…”_

**_Located in an oft-forgotten corner of Paradise, there is an island. It is said that on this island, a war was once waged… but that is inaccurate, for it implies that the war ever ended. Upon this once-beautiful island, war and wrath have been the sole culture for untold centuries, and for untold centuries the singular goal of these wars has remained unchanged: The Jewel Tree Adam._ **

**_On this land, all except for that blessed tree has been burned away, so thoroughly that even of its name, only a charred husk remains._ **

**DESTINATION REACHED**

**THE ISLE OF PARADISES LOST**

**_EDEN’S CINDERS_ **

**-o-**

**_SPLASH!_ **

“ACKPHBT! WHAT THE HELL—!”

**_THOOM!_ **

_“WAGH!”_

It was a rather disturbing parallel, Merry would later consider, that her new life for the next two years began in much the same way that her newfound lease on life had: with an unexpected dunk in the suddenly unforgiving water, followed by a maddening burst of disorientating movement.

But that would be a musing for later, as for the moment, Merry was left sprawled-out and groaning in her paw-shaped crater as she tried to wrap her brain around _what the hell had happened._

“Dumbass bear-cyborg,” Merry wheezed, if only to voice her frustrations and hear the sound of her own voice. “‘Send you to where you’ll grow stronger’, then the fucking bubble chooses to smack me down in the middle of the _fricking ocean_ and right into… into…”

Her brain finished rebooting, Merry’s face screwed up. If she was in the _ocean,_ how was she breathing? And talking? And _living?_ The ship-girl gripped some of the surface she was laying on and held it up to her face, identifying it as—

“Sand?” Merry blinked, confusion intensifying. “ _After_ I blasted into water? Where the _hell_ am I?” 

In search of answers, she climbed out of her landing crater and was _immediately_ struck by yet another incredible impossibility: the fact that she was nestled at the foot of a titanic tree of… well, if she didn’t know any better, she’d say it was _coral_ of some sort. And not just one tree, but well over a dozen of the aquatic titans, stretching off and around in such a way that Merry could only assume they formed a circle of some sort.

And a good thing too, because when she looked up, she saw that the branches were curved to form a dome overhead. A dome that, unless she was gravely mistaken, looked to be holding back water. A lot of water. A lot of pitch-black, empty water—

Merry gulped audibly as the glow of a passing creature the size of a Sea King briefly lit up the ocean in a flare of bioluminescence. _Mostly_ empty pitch-black then. Located at what she could only assume was…

“Okay…” she nodded weakly, fighting to shove down the rising sense of primal _dread_ she was feeling. “Bottom of the ocean. I am at the bottom. Of the ocean. Bottom of an ocean _trench,_ no less, if the lack of light is anything to go by. Wonderful. _Wonderful._ With nothing but cold and dark and… and…”

Merry trailed off in confusion as a new incongruity hit her. If she was at the bottom of a trench, then where was the light she was seeing with coming from? Granted, it was an off-color greenish light, but it was light nonetheless. And if her shadow was anything to go by, it was coming from… behind her?

The ship-girl turned around— 

And it was at that point that the world stopped making sense and Merry was all but struck down by an overwhelming wave of shock and terror and _oh-God-please-no._

Once she was done dry-heaving in naked panic, Merry looked down again, and confirmed what she was terrified she’d seen. Looked down into the basin upon whose lip she was standing at. Down into the _graveyard_ that was laid out before her, stretching as far as she could see.

A graveyard littered with the bones and corpses… of _ships._

Hundreds of them, from all walks of life, be they Marine, pirate or civilian, in varying states of disrepair—some ancient and barnacle-crusted, some new and only just starting to decay—but all plainly unable to sail again. There, a toppled sail, there, a breached hull, there—Merry dry heaved again—a… a _snapped keel…_

The air reeked with the smell of wood crumbling and rotting in the moist, salt-choked air, and was filled with whisper of hundreds of ragged sails barely fluttering in what little breeze there was. And it wasn’t just smell wafting through the air, but _things_ too. Particulates, the smallest specks of rotten wood and rust drifting along and infecting the taste of every breath Merry took. 

And underneath it all, underlying everything and on the very edge of her notice now that she was paying attention, Merry could hear a… creaking. An almost subliminal groaning and scraping. It scrubbed at her skull, rattled her ribs, and set her fingers a-twitching in a dire, primal urge to rip her own ears off and _make it stop_.

And at the very center, at the very core of the macabre nautical hellscape laid out before her was an eerily silent maelstrom of water. A _massive_ pillar of revolving water, fit in size to rival the Knock-Up Stream she’d once sailed upon, that pierced down through the ceiling of the coral dome and _glowed_ with the light that had first caught Merry’s attention—sunlight from the surface, a part of her deduced. 

The reason why the maelstrom hadn’t long-since filled up the bubble was that it was already being drained away. In fact, the entire graveyard seemed to be centered around the black, yawning void that encompassed half the total area of the ‘floor’ of the coral basin that the maelstrom was emptying into. A floor Merry could only now numbly realized was pitched _ever_ so slightly down. 

It was only then that it hit her. The sound she was hearing, the one rattling in her very bones, was the steady settling of the hundreds of wrecks. Their slow, droning creaking was their march, inch by inch, inexorably downwards and into that pit. Destination: the void.

And that was the final confirmation she needed to know that she was in the absolute _last_ place on the face of the planet that she’d _ever_ wanted to be.

“…no…” Merry whimpered, tears of terror slowly rolling down her face. She shook her head in denial, weakly at first but then faster and faster. “No… No, I didn’t want to come here, I-I never wanted to come here, not here, _anywhere but here!_ This can’t be happening, _THIS CAN’T BE HAPPE—!”_

And it was right in the middle of her terrified wail that Going Merry’s blood pressure _spiked,_ and she keeled over, dead to the world and, for the moment, insulated from the horrific truth laid out before her.

**_“All roads lead to Mariejois.” This saying is one oft-stated, but ultimately false. No roads lead to Mariejois, as none truly ever lead anywhere that isn’t on their own island. Some might amend this saying to account for this fallacy, claiming that ‘all_** **currents** **_lead to Mariejois’, but they would be erroneous as well._**

**_For you see, it is only the deepest of currents, at the very depths of the ocean, deeper than any fish dares to swim, that all lead to one place. And the place they lead to is most definitely_** **not** **_Mariejois. The culmination of the deep is a place of darkness, a place of departure…_**

**_And ultimately, a place of Death._ **

**DESTINATION REACHED:**

**THE LAST GRAVE OF ALL VESSELS**

**_DAVY JONES'S LOCKER_ **

**-o-**

A peaceful day in the capital city—blessedly peaceful, after the events of several months prior—had taken a turn for the violent when an impact that shook the palace attracted the attention of several guards in the palace courtyard. When they arrived, all that they discovered was a conspicuous pattern of craters shaped like a paw print. One large enough that a fully grown human could have fit inside.

“The Paw-Paw Fruit,” muttered a commander, straightening from where he’d kneeled down. “The World Government has sent an intruder. Put the palace into lockdown and send the Kicking Claw Force to guard King Cobra. And send word to Accino’s forces, I want them to redouble their watch on the coast!”

“Yes, Lord Chaka,” the guards bowed, rushing off to obey their orders.

Not too far away from this scene—barely a few meters, even!—yet unseen to any of them, a conspicuously unguarded wall hid a blue-haired woman and her companion, a duck whose wing was slung comfortingly around her shoulders. She stared down at the letter she had unfolded, paralyzed as her mind made a desperate attempt to try to reconcile it with her current situation.

Nefertari Vivi, Princess of the Desert Kingdom of Alabasta and bearer of the Gust-Gust Fruit, a wind-woman who was the essence of freedom incarnate, had returned home.

And yet, she had never felt more trapped or isolated in her entire life.

**_A land so defined by what once was, even though what is and what can be seen is ever-shifting, ever-changing, ever-adapting._ **

**_A land whose fate has veered radically from what should have been, and whose immediate future is radically steeped in the unknown._ **

**DESTINATION REACHED:**

**THE KINGDOM OF SAND AND HISTORY**

**_ALABASTA_ **

**-o-**

The largest group to be sent together had one of the tamest awakenings among them. They awoke lying on green grass, no unfamiliar entities around to attack them, the pleasant sound of waves lapping on the shoreline soothing their nonexistent ears.

One after the other, each one of them opened their eyes but remained motionless for several seconds more. Finally…

[I had the worst nightmare last night,] Mikey said, smiling wryly at the sky. [I dreamed that all of us had to break up for two years so that we could survive the New World.]

[It wouldn’t be the first time that all of us had the same wacky dream,] Raphey murmured as she scratched beneath her snout. [And I mean, it was really realistic… but it had to have just been some kind of wild party, right?]

[I do kind of feel a headache, must’ve been some strong stuff,] Leo chuckled as he rubbed the back of his skullplate.

[I want to say that all of this denial is unhealthy, but this has to be real,] Donny reasoned, crossing his flippers beneath his head. [I mean, we’re not dreaming right _now,_ right?]

Without missing a beat, all four of them sprung up to their tails and slugged each other in a cross-counter.

[…ooowwwww…] they groaned, but slowly broke into matching grins.

[It _WAS_ just a dream! We’re all still together!]

[Cross must just be off somewhere and he took Soundbite with him!]

[And Zoro must be sleeping!]

[And Nami is working on her maps!]

[And Luffy is being completely—!…and utterly… quiet…]

[…and neither Franky, Merry, _nor_ Usopp are ripping our heads off for the crater in the deck…which looks a lot like a _paw…]_

The dugongs slowly trailed off into silence as _that_ observation slowly sank in.

Boss remained where he was, not having yet risen to celebrate and deny with the rest of them, but staring upward at a sight that he would have recognized with his eyes gouged out.

But when his students moved to a nearby railing, Boss rose to waddle behind them and take in the sight that lent credence to their denial.

There were two undeniable facts about the current situation. 

First, the five of them had been sent flying by Kuma, along with the rest of the crew, three days ago.

And second, despite this fact, they were in the middle of a pawprint-shaped crater in the grassy deck of the Thousand Sunny. The Thousand Sunny, which was still moored _exactly_ where it should have been, without moving even an inch.

A fact which was _further_ confirmed by the sight of Silvers Rayleigh blinking up at them in honest surprise. 

“Well,” the wizened veteran stated bluntly. “You Straw Hats certainly never fail to disappoint. I, for one, did not see this coming. And coming from _me_ , that’s saying something.

The guard force took a moment to process all this. And then…

[So… this is where we're going to be spending the next two years, Boss?]

[Yes, Donny. Yes, it is.]

[One question then, Boss.]

[I've got the same one in mind.]

[Well, then, allow me to vocalize it. Ahem…]

A moment’s pause and then every bubble for a good quarter-mile was _blasted_ away through sheer wind force.

_[WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT BUCKET OF BOLTS THINKING?!]_

**_A final destination, a final end, a final escape before a final voyage down, down, down towards the mouth to Hell itself._ **

**_And yet, in the same breath, these groves will come to be home to a new beginning._ **

**_In due time. All in due time…_ **

**DESTINATION REACHED:**

**THE CROSSROADS OF THE WORLD**

**_SABAODY ARCHIPELAGO_ **

**-o-**

**DESTINATION REACHED**

**■■■—■■■■—■■—■■■■■■■■**

**■■■■■■■**

**-o-**

It had taxed every fiber of Luffy’s being to preserve his consciousness as he flew, but his injuries were not grave enough that his will couldn’t compensate for his body’s state. 

It had taken even more strain on his mind to perform the task that Cross had set him: memorizing the letter that he’d written. 

A broken and defeated Luffy with too much confusion and not enough drive would never have awakened before he landed. A Luffy that was well aware that his best effort was the difference between Ace living and dying, however, spent the first day of his flight going over every resource he had in the duffel bag he carried until he could pick each one by touch and the second day reading and rereading Cross’s letter to memorize it.

Only when he was satisfied did he allow himself to sleep, his body resting and recovering for the next 24 hours. And when the paw-shaped air bubble impacted and released him onto terra firma, his eyes snapped open as though the sound, smell, and feel of the jungle around him was an alarm. 

Slowly, he rose to his feet and stepped out of the hole he had landed in. His hands verified the presence of his pipe and his bag on his back, before he turned to glare down at the paw-shaped imprint.

For a moment and an eternity, he stood there, glaring at that hole. At what it represented, both in specific, and in a far, _far_ grander sense.

“If you think I’m weak because I lost, then you’re an idiot,” he spoke.

Not a growl, not a yell. He just spoke.

“If you think I’m going to give up because of the challenge ahead of me, then you don’t know anything about me at all. Because I am _not_ weak. And I am not finished. What I am…”

Luffy slowly closed his eyes and bowed his head, hands curling into shaking fists at his sides.

“What I am… is _scared.”_

And with that, his fists relaxed.

“I. Am. Scared. I’m scared I’m going to lose. Scared I _won’t_ be strong enough. Scared that right when everything’s going right, _something’s_ going to go wrong. I’m scared that I’m going to let my crew down, let my brothers down, let the _world_ down…”

Luffy swallowed.

“Let myself down…”

Another eternity, and then Luffy looked up, eyes **blazing.**

“But I’m going to do it anyway. I’m scared, _but I’m going to fight anyway._ Because they’re all counting on me. More than that, they’re all _with me._ No matter how scared I am, I’ll fight. No matter how much I hurt, I’ll fight! Even if it kills me, I’ll fight! No matter what, until I can’t fight anymore, I _will_ fight! Because _that’s_ what I do! That’s _my_ part! Everyone else, they’ve all done what they can, they’re all looking to me, _and I won’t let them down, no matter what!”_

Luffy snarled as he pounded his fists together, the sheer **_impact_ **blasting back the foliage around him.

“So bring it on! Send everything you have at me, every bit of it! Make it as hard as you want, make it impossible, make it impossible a hundred times, a thousand, it doesn’t matter! Because I’ll take it all on, every bit of it, and I’ll win too! And no matter what happens, I know what’s _going_ to happen!”

Luffy threw his head back and bared his teeth, snarling at the heavens.

“I’M GOING TO GO, AND I’M GOING TO FIGHT! I’LL GO TO IMPEL DOWN, AND I’LL GO TO MARINEFORD IF I HAVE TO! BECAUSE NO MATTER WHERE THIS FIGHT TAKES ME, I SWEAR: I’M GOING TO SAVE MY BROTHER! AND WHEN I DO, I’M GOING TO SAVE CROSS TOO! WE’RE ALL COMING BACK FROM THIS, YOU HEAR ME?!”

Monkey D. ‘Straw Hat’ Luffy shot his fists into the air and **roared.**

**“I’M GOING TO WIIIIIN!”**

**DESTINATION REACHED:**

**THE ISLE OF WOMEN**

**_AMAZON LILY_ **

**SABAODY REVOLUTION**

**-o-END-o-**

.

.

.

.

.

.

No sooner had the last echoes of Luffy’s declaration faded away, a crashing sound came from beside him, heralding the arrival of a sizable party of women in immodest clothing carrying large serpents and quivers full of arrows tearing through the brush to reach his location.

And _leading_ them was a panther so big that it would have looked at home on Mt. Corvo… and upon whose head was perched a _blonde_ woman wearing a cape and holding a green snake.

Luffy’s expression brightened considerably as his memorization paid off, and he recognized the giant cat’s rider. “Hey!” he yelled with honest joy, overjoyed that at least _something_ was going right, and started waving his arms in excited greeting. “Hey, you! Are you Marguerite!? Man, am I happy to see—!”

**_TWANG!_ **

“—GAH!” Luffy cut off his joyful shout into a panicked yelp, _narrowly_ ducking an arrow that almost went clean through his head, but most _definitely_ went through the trunk of the tree behind him in a _less_ than clean fashion. 

Luffy snapped his head back up in an effort to identify where the attack had come from… and saw, with no small amount of alarm, that it had originated from the snake-bow of Marguerite herself, who was glaring at him with a look of _incredible_ hatred.

“Hey, why are you—?!” the rubber-man started to protest, before stiffening as a thought struck him. He hastily clapped his heads down on his head in panic. “Ah! Oh, no, I know why you don’t recognize me!” he started to wave his arms frantically, backing up from the advancing Amazons. “Look, I know I don’t have my hat anymore, but it’s for a really good reason, you gotta believe me! I’m—!” 

“Monkey D. ‘Straw Hat’ Luffy, Captain of the Straw Hat Pirates, worth ฿475,000,000,” A dark-haired woman wearing an open jacket and what looked to be a salvaged Marine cape growled around a cigarette. “We know who you are, _man.”_

“Oh! That’s great!” Luffy sighed in oblivious relief, grinning as he started to allow himself to relax. “Then, can you take me to see—?” 

Luffy was cut off by all the Amazons nocking and drawing arrows, glaring at him with sheer _hate._ And not just the ones in front of him, but ones behind him and in the trees too and… yep, he was surrounded.

The good news was that he had definitely landed in the right place.

The bad news? Oh, nothing that he wasn’t used to.

“Monkey D. Luffy, you are guilty of trying to assassinate our empress, the Snake Princess Boa Hancock!” Marguerite spat viciously, hissing out as much poison as her serpent with every word. _“Prepare to die!”_

**AMAZON TREACHERY**

**-o-BEGIN-o-**

**Patient AN: I’m sure many of you want to know where Cross ended up. To those people, I quote Marluxia from** **_Kingdom Hearts:_ **

**.**

**.**

**.**

**“Your hopes are doomed to the Darkness.”**


End file.
